#2. i love jen too much 🫶

[jenosbigtoe]

hii personally i’d be satisfied if the pt 2 for the jeno fic was just a blurb, not necessarily a whole other fic, maybe just for closure?

they’re married with 3 kids now: jeno jr (first born son), JJ (second born son which also stands for jeno jr), and jenovia (youngest daughter). they took your last name tho bc y’all thought it would be funny asl to mess with jaemin one last time (na jeno jr, na JJ, na jenovia)

the end <3

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Because I can't loose you | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, B- Because I can't loose you

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

Thanks for all the love so far on this fic. It's overwhelming to see the response and thank you to those who reached out.

Also, I’d also like to thank @samkerrworshipper for giving me the courage to actually post these fics and not just keep them in my drafts 🫶🏼

Again, none of it's been proof read as I just wrote whatever came into my head right now so I apologise if it doesn't make sense at all.

Here's pt. 2 of inner demons :)

Is this something that you guys would be interested to read more if I turned it into a small fic series to write about the struggles which a teenager has with the added pressure of a professional football career while she is battling her inner demons.

Waiting in the hospital for you to wake up, it's clear to see how much all of the girls love you and there'll always be there through the ups and downs in your life.

TW: heavy angst and talks of SH, MH, suicide and death.

"God, she looks so tiny in that bed" Alessia was the first one to break the silence for the first time since you had been admitted to the hospital.

"She shouldn't be here-- I mean, she shouldn't be here in this... in the hospital right now" Laura struggles to express her emotions as her face sadens while she looks at your unconcious body attached to all the different wires and monitors.

"I... I'm not used to her like this, she's always laughing and joking around. This is different" Kyra says, the Aussie girl has never known you to be like as she is used to your cheeky and vibrant attitude, not the reserved and broken shell of a girl that you had become once again. "She'll be okay, won't she?" she asks quietly as she looks at the rest of the girls around the room.

"She has to be" Lotte states as she nods her head.

"She has us, she's family and we don't turn our backs on family no matter what" Kim tells them in a determined tone of voice. "Whatever her struggle is, we'll be there for her through it all. She's one of our own" she adds.

The last 24 hours had been harrowing for every single one of the girls on your team.

News had quickly spread round to the rest of the team and as soon as they heard, they all made their way to the hospital to join the rest of the girls.

They were all now sat waiting in your hospital room with anticipation for you to wake up.

"We should have realised sooner" Lia speaks up with a certain quiver in her voice.

"Why hasn't she woke up yet?" Beth was the first to ask the question that all the girls wanted to know the answer too as well but were too scared to ask.

"It will take time" Viv replies as she moves her hand to gently place it on her girlfriends' shoulder and give her a reassuring smile.

"But she should be awake by now, right?" Katies' eyebrow's nit together in confusion as she looks at the rest of the girls for any response. "I... I mean, you know, it's been a good few hours now, hasn't it?" she continues to ask.

"I... I don't get it. She was doing better" Steph swallowed the lump in her throat as she spoke up.

"No, no, she was... She is doing better. This is just a slip up" Katie tries to convince them as she casts a glance to your frail body lay in the hospital bed.

"This isn't just a slip up, Katie. This is different" Jen sighs in disagreement.

"You don't know that, we don't know what has happened or what's been said to cause her to do this" Caitlin states while she shakes her head.

"If she wakes up" Katie mumbles quietly, avoiding the hardened glare from the rest of the girls in the room. "I... I mean, it's been a while, hasn't it? She still doesn't show any sign of coming round any time soon" she tells them to defend herself.

"Jen's right, this is different" Steph turns to her fellow Australian as she bites her bottom lip in realisation. "This isn't just a slip up this time, this is... I think Y/N has been suffering in silence for a while" she tells them.

"Why didn't she tell us? We could have helped her with whatevers' been going on" Beth asks confused.

Nobody could know the answer to that, nobody could realise the inner demons that you were battling inside of your head once more.

The somber silence was quick to turn into intense commotion as all of the girls threw numerous questions around the room.

Did you stop going to your therapy appointments? Yes, they judged you on whatever you said.

Did you stop taking your meds? Yes, they made your brain foggy.

Have you feeling like this for a while and we didn't realise? Yes, you kept it quiet to not be a burden to anyone.

Was it something you saw that triggered it? Yes, your not as strong as people think you are.

There was only one person that hadn't uttered a single word in the whole 24 hours since you were admitted.

Leah, the one person who hadn't left your side the entire time.

The blonde just sat there with, a numb expression plastered on her face and her hand clutched onto your own tightly, afraid to let go.

Her sunken eyes were a enough to certify the blonde hadn't slept at all, instead she fought to keep her eyes open while she kept her eyes focused on your small vulnerable body lay in the hospital bed, where the wires were connected to the monitor that showed the slow, steady rhythm of your heart.

You shouldn't be here, you were doing so much better. You should be on the football field, partaking in the training session ahead of the game.

Why was that not the case?

"Girls, stop. None of these questions are helping right now" It was your Arsenal captain, Kim to speak aloud in her usual stern voice that quickly got the attention of the room.

"Yeah, you're right" Katie exhales a sigh and bites her bottom lip.

"How about we go and get some coffee? The doctors will round soon to check her vitals" Kim suggests to them all, a subtle way to get them all out of the room to take a breather from the tension in there.

"That would be a good idea" Steph agrees with the Scots' women and slowly moves to stand up from her seat in the room.

Most of the girls get the hint and exit the room until it's just Leah, Lia, Beth, Viv and Katie.

"Kims' right, it would be a good idea to stretch our legs" Beth states as she glances at the remaining girls in the hospital room.

"Yeah" Katie is a bit more hesistant to leave you but goes to stand up.

"Leah--" Leah begins to speak to the blonde.

"I'm not leaving her" Leah broke her silence for the first time since you had been admitted, a quiver in her voice that spoke for itself of how run down she was. "I'm... I'm not leaving her, Wally. I have to be here when she wakes up" she adds in.

"That might be a while yet" Viv admits quietly.

"It might be good to get some fresh air, Le" Beth's hesistant to suggest to the blonde incase she snaps at her.

"No" Leah was quick to decline.

"You haven't moved from the chair since you got here, Le" Lia says as shows her concern for the blonde defender.

"No. I'm not... I'm not leaving her" Leah's voice shakes with fear as she continues to stare at you. "I can't leave her" she tells them.

Knowing it wouldn't be any to try and fight her decision, the girls all begin to exit the room slowly as they turn back to look at the blonde with apprehensive looks as if they were hesitant to leave her.

"We'll be back soon, we have our phones on us if you need anything" Viv rests her hand on the blondes' shoulder as she starts to walk out.

As soon as it was just the two of you in the room, Leah let out a shaky breath as she let her vulnerability show.

"You need to wake up, Y/N/N" The blonde cries as she moves to bow her head down on your bed as she still keeps a tight hold of your hand. "Please, Y/N. Wake up, I can't... I need you to be okay" she continues to sob freely.

The noise of the monitors was soon drowned out by the loud wails' of the blonde, her whole body trembles as tears continue to spill down her cheeks.

She couldn't lose you, you were more than just her team mate to her.

You were her family, whether it was flesh of blood or not.

You were a part of her life, she couldn't watch you die.

[hangingthoughts]

December 16, 2022

Hellooooo. So, let's see what happened today. I was able to make a lot of memories. Haha! I am so happy. You know what i thought of? I cannot pinpoint the time, but i thought of the popular saying 'whenever i get too happy, something bad always happens'. For a second there i was scared, but then there's also this peace (Of course, I can only credit that to God given that He's the Only who provides it, anyway) then if that's the case, I'd like to enjoy the happiness as much as i can and only worry about the sad part when it finally happens. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ i mean, i find it senseless to worry about something nonexistent yet. (But F. Kasi ang tagal niya. Nakakagigil) Unless of course there is some basis to it. But as for my situation, there isn't. There is just... happiness. Hahaha but I know, somewhere along the line, it'll get tired of being a linear, and i accept that. Who doesn't? Even when we all strive for a good posture, my back aches to bend sometimes. Okay, now that that is out of the way. Let's see. Let's break down this day.

1. I was able to start my morning with a coffee talk with my mom. We shared yung napanalunan ko sa raffle na cookies.

2. Hinatid ako hanggang Camella gate kay Flash.

3. Hindi ako late. Hehe. And when i got there, the first two people are Jen and Paulo. And God knows, I'm happy that they are. Because then we were able to make a little chika. I'm glad we're all comfortable with each other.

4. I saw my other classmates na hindi nakapunta nung CASED party. 🫶

5. We finally got our ID lace. I have the official Psych ID Lace. What does that make me? Come on, answer. Oh, as for it, i chose the different one. Wala lang. Just so kunti lang katulad nung akin

5. I was entrusted with the room's key. Hello sir Kenneth 🫡

6. Nakuha ko yung upuan sa harap. Hehe. This is a big deal to me given na i kind of have a short attention span.

7. Hindi naglecture si ma'am. I told the people today na kasama ko na i am not confident today kasi i still feel tired from last night.

8. And today's activity afforded us 50% ng finals sa ITP. Hoorahhh!

9. The activity is just being honest with oneself. Hehehehehehehehehehe and writing letters to another. I apologize to all na sinulatan ko. Wala na po akong mapiga na brain cells kanina. Pagod pa 😭

10. I received so much hugs. GOSH, MY FAVORITE PART. AND I MEAN SO MUCH HUGS. When ma'am ask us to give na the letters, i first went to Shan and gave her a hug. After that, i wasn't able to give the rest because God in His goodness and grace, I was trafficked by hugs. HAHAHAHAHAHA & I am seriously shocked. I didn't expect to receive that much letters and hugs. Aww Lord, You are so kind to me. I feel sincerely comforted and loved. Thank You! And thank you ❤️

11. All those letters. I look like a baliw reading them at public places but hey, i am proud and humbled at the same time. Thank ü

12. We were dismissed early. And what did u know, before i even get out of the room, i received another 2 hugs and an immediate another one paglabas ko. HAHAHAHA Aww this melts my heart. Thank You Lord.

13. I received a chocolate! Yay!

14. I received an invitation to go out for lunch. Unfortunately, i had to decline because i promised today's after class is mine. And i really needed to buy mommy a gift.

15. I went to my happy place today! Yay! Cue happy dance~ bought and brought 6 books home today. And almost all of them are classics. Yay! Praise God! I really missed going there. Really missed it. ♥️

16. It's my mom's bday so we ordered food for dinner. KFC and Pizza. I ate 1/4 of it. I forgot we have rotc tomorrow so good luck to me.

17. And last, we have cake. 🫶🫰♥️😳😍🤭❤️ Mango sunrise. U bet I'm gonna eat.

So far, these are all of them. And i thank God because He let me lived today. I wasn't able to do what I'm trying to be (ehem, Atomic Habits) but I sure am grateful that God planned this and that it pleased Him to let me enjoy this day. All glory to Him really ☺️♥️

So, that's all. Tinatamad na ko. Good night 💤