#3 I give Charlie even more mummy and daddy issues than she already has | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ecotone99 · 4 years

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[MF] 60 seconds

60 seconds

Chapter 1

I hate my life. How did I even get here? I don’t think I’ve done too bad for myself. I finished school, attempted college, found the love of my life and I have a beautiful daughter Holly. Yet here I am, sitting alone in my empty flat, laid in bed, alone, beer in hand. I don’t think I’m a bad guy, I didn’t deserve to be cheated on and that fucking snidey bitch twisted everything and now Holly wants NOTHING to do with me. I miss her so much.

I don’t want to wake up tomorrow, I don’t want to go to work. It’s not that I don’t enjoy work, I mean, sure, it takes my mind off the bullshit that's gone off, and my boss isn’t a bad boss, he’s actually pretty understanding and accommodating of my situation. He does sometimes just flip the fuck out for no reason, and I get the brunt of his attitude, but he takes the brunt of mine when I’m having a bad day, and I’ve not been fired, yet. He’s a bit of a snob though I guess, typical wine tasting, 6 holidays a year taking, Mercedes owning, golf player who lives in a mansion while the people he pays live in council flats. Yeah he’s a dick too. Fuck that guy.

I’m currently on just above minimum wage at a stupid call centre, I work inbound accepting or rejecting loans. It pays well I guess, but not well enough for my bitch of an ex wife to stay interested in me. To be fair, I can barely stay interested in me anymore, I’m such a fucking loser since she stole my Holly away from me.

I’ve resorted to reading conspiracy theories on the internet. Sometimes I just get lost in other worlds, in alternate realities, cause Lord knows any life would be better than the one I’m living. I think the only issue with that hobby is that I’m getting super paranoid, that on top of the surplus amounts of alcohol I’ve been consuming on a daily basis. I’m SURE I’m being watched, listened to, followed. I’ve turned all location services off on my phone, my blinds stay closed, my webcam and phone camera are all taped up.

I was reading this one thing about some guy, Stephen Mulberry or something that’s trying to take over and monitor the world via CCTV. It’s a pretty convincing read, you should look it up. If it’s true, the guys are a total creep and I’m glad I have my cameras covered. The theory is probably not even worth listening to, it’s the most unrealistic rumour going around, no matter how interesting of a read it is.

Right, nearly 1pm, I’m up in 5 hours, I need to go to bloody work again. I hate the night shift, sleeping in the day is HARD. Who wants a loan at night anyway? Same old work, home, drink, sleep, work, home, drink, sleep. My life is a goddamn mess. I need this to end. It’s not like I’ll be missed.

SIXTY

What the ACTUAL FUCK?

FIFTY NINE

Is that coming from my speaker?

FIFTY EIGHT

I’m sure the TV isn’t on?

FIFTY SEVEN

It’s not new years is it?

FIFTY SIX

My head can’t be that fucked up

FIFTY FIVE

I’m sure it’s March..

FIFTY FOUR

What’s going ON???

FIFTY THREE

Am I hallucinating again?

FIFTY TWO

I need to call an ambulance, I’m clearly not well.

FIFTY ONE

I miss you Holly.

Chapter 2

Ah, Full English, again. 2nd of the day. Delightful. I’d say that Brenda is the best maid I’ve had this year, she’s a little old but at least she’s English and she can cook Full English breakfasts a hell of a lot better than that young tart Jessica could. I’m not going to beat around the bush, Jess was a treat to the eye, but that’s not my main focus right now. She was a shit maid, couldn’t clean for shit, no idea how she even got into this line of work! I need a clean house, a spotless house!

My little girl cannot possibly suffer any more than she already is and a dusty house is no condition for a child with lung cancer. She’s too young, my poor baby Emily. I’m putting every penny I have into the best treatment for her, I’m working my arse off for her, she NEEDS to be okay, she can’t NOT be okay,

I’m so damn stressed, I constantly snap at work and my dumb employee’s have no idea what’s going on and just call me all the names under the sun. I don’t care, they can call me whatever they like as long as they’re earning me money to help my poor precious Emily.

Sometimes I wish it was me with the cancer, I’d handle that a million times better than seeing my baby girl suffer. I do look after her when I can though, I take her away with me. Me, my wife Anabelle and our daughter, we go everywhere. I want to show them the world, I want to give them the world, I need her to be happy. I’m going to level with you, I know my money is useless and I can’t possibly get better treatment than what is already being provided, but I don’t care. I’ll keep working, and pushing my lazy workers until Emily has seen every last inch of this gorgeous planet we live on. Fuck, I’d send her to the moon if I had the funds and that’s what she wanted.

She doesn’t want that though, she wants a normal life at school with her friends. Her dumb friends who don’t understand how serious her condition is. The girls are constantly leaving her out and no boy her age wants a girlfriend who can’t run in a field with them at playtime. She shouldn’t even be at school, but she wants it, so she gets it. I’d say out of the whole school there’s one girl I trust, one girl who GETS my Emily, but her mother is a scrounging little bitch who I can’t fucking stand to be quite honest with you. She scoffs at ME for taking Emily on “too many holidays”. I know what’s best for my daughter, not some good for nothing, benefit system abusing little filthy woman.

I need to calm the fuck down. I seriously am way too stressed. I can’t let Emily see me getting upset. I’ve tried this new app that has calming and meditation techniques. I personally think it’s bullshit, but I’ll give anything a try to keep Emily happy. The best thing I’ve tried so far is to close my eyes, inhale as much as my lungs will possibly intake, and count down from 10 slowly while I exhale and for every second, I have to think of one thing I’m grateful for. I just spend the whole 10 seconds imagining I’m holding Emily. That ALWAYS works for me.

FIFTY

No, I start from 10

FORTY NINE

What?

FORTY EIGHT

That can’t be brenda?

FORTY SEVEN

Her phone isn’t that loud is it?

FORTY SIX

Is her phone ringing?

FORTY FIVE

Hang on, is Emily playing hide and seek?

FORTY FOUR

Who the fuck is she playing with? She doesn’t have the lung capacity to be running around playing childish games and I’ve specifically kept her off school today.

FORTY THREE

EMILY?!

FORTY TWO

CAN YOU HEAR ME BABY? STOP PLAYING SO LOUD YOU’LL WEAR YOURSELF OUT

FORTY ONE

EMILY!!!!! She’ll listen to me one day.

Chapter 3

I’m bored. Nobody here likes me and my best friend isn’t here today. I don’t understand any of this work and I don’t get why we have to learn about boring Vikings anyway. It’s not like they’re coming back. I can’t wait for playtime, and I’m hungry. I always get left out, and nobody wants to play the games I want to play so I just have to sit around and play on my own. It’s so unfair, my best friend gets loads of days off and I’m stuck here EVERYDAY.

My mum never lets me have a day off, and she never lets me have any presents. She’s rubbish too. I want to go round to my best friend's house. She gets EVERYTHING she wants. She says it's because her daddy loves her so much. I wish I knew what that was like. I don’t even know who my daddy is, I’m just stuck at home with my boring rubbish mum who always shouts at me. She never has time for me and I don’t know why. Kids at school say my mum is on benefits like it's an insult, but if she is, when why is she never at home? I think she works too hard. She’s never here for me.

She always makes time for Charlie though, which is so unfair. He gets “coo’d” all day, and played with, I just get told to go to my room and practice my reading. I’m more cleverer than everyone in my class anyway, I don’t need to practice reading.

When my big sister comes home from Uni, it’s better, she’s fun. I miss her so much. She’s going to be a teacher one day, but I wish she was a teacher now because then maybe I’d have someone on my side, not just teachers sticking up for the other kids because they “didn’t see anyone hit me”.

URGHHHH I’m sooooo bored. Vikings had cool helmets but that’s about it, the rest of it is boooring! I can’t wait for play time, I wonder how many minutes are left. I love timing things, and counting things. It takes me 3007 steps to walk to school, all of my favourite books have 60 pages in, I can fit 3 cheerios on my spoon at a time, and I get upset if there’s 1 or 2 left at the end of my bowl instead of an even 3. Playtime MUST be soon, I bet there’s at least 3 minutes, that's 60 seconds 3 times.

FORTY

No, we start at 180 seconds, not 60

THIRTY NINE

Wrong again

THIRTY EIGHT

Am I really thinking this loud?

THIRTY SEVEN

Hang on.. That’s not in my head

THIRTY SIX

Is it?

THIRTY FIVE

I can’t concentrate, I’ll start again, 60, 59..

THIRTY FOUR

URGH STOP COUNTING SO LOUD YOU’RE PUTTING ME OFF

THIRTY THREE

I just want to eat my snack and play on the monkey bars.

THIRTY ONE

WE START AT 180, NOT SIXTY.

Chapter 4

Oh my sweet baby boy what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Mummies here. I’ve got you. I can’t pick you up sweetheart, mummy is shopping! Aww you’re so cute, coochy coochy coo! Being a mum to 3 kids is Hard. Fucking. Work.

My eldest is away at uni right now so she’s out of the way thank god. No wait. I don’t mean that in a bad way, she’s doing great and I’m so proud of her! It’s just, I’m just always so busy and my younger two are such a damn handful. My second child, Olivia is such an attention seeker. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to bits but I always have my hands full with this gorgeous little boy. It’s not like I can leave him on his own, but she can play by herself in her room while I’m doing other things at least.

I want to give her the time and attention she needs but it’s hard on my own. Her so-called “father” fucked off soon as she turned 3 months, apparently he thought having a child was like having a free trial that he could end any time because I’ve not seen, heard from, or had a penny off him since.

Despite what everyone thinks, I’m working three jobs at the minute to keep the family afloat, and I’ve just applied for a fourth, which hopefully will be full time and then I could drop 2 jobs. I’d love that, it’d give me more time with Olivia. The ONLY downside is the place I’ve applied for, is run by a posh twat I can’t stand. I only heard about it through the school mum's grapevine, I don’t think he’d like me working there, but apparently the hours and pay are great.

I’ve had to use a false name on my CV because Olivia is his kids best friend, and I don’t want him recognising my name and turning down the chance of an interview based off of my name, and reputation, not my customer service phone call skills. I mean, it’s not like they’re perfect anyway, and I feel like if I did get the job, when he realised who I was he might treat me a little worse than other staff members, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve had a shit tonne of bullshit hurled my way and I’m still here, still alive, still living off noodles and beans so my kids can have a good life.

I’m fucking trying okay. So what I have to shop at Primark. I wish kids didn’t grow so fucking fast, I’m not going to buy branded clothes for them to grow out of in a week. I can’t afford to give them everything but I’m trying. Don’t judge me. I hate Primark, the quality is okay but the tills always take forever because their queues are so damn long, how are they even this busy mid afternoon? And that stupid robotic voice! “Till number…..”

THIRTY

Thirty? I didn't know there were 30 tills??

TWENTY NINE

Christ, it’s moving fast than I thought, maybe primark isn’t so bad

TWENTY EIGHT

One second to serve someone? Why can’t it always be like this.

TWENTY SEVEN

Hang on, the lines not moving.

TWENTY SIX

Is this a customer service announcement?

TWENTY FIVE

It’s not closing time already, surely?

TWENTY FOUR

Or is this a test?

TWENTY THREE

Did they see the pants I put in my bag?

TWENTY TWO

Surely not. I’m just trying to save a quid or two, Jesus Christ these speakers are so invasive!

TWENTY ONE

FINE FINE I’LL PAY FOR THE DAMN PANTS!

Chapter 5

Today is the day. I’ve got to start being honest with people or everyones just going to get hurt. But holy shit I’m so screwed. I mean, it’s not like it’s something I didn’t want, but it’s so not the right time. I’m graduating next year, or suppose to be, but how can I do that with a little one? My mum will kill me if I drop out, but I can’t not keep this little love bundle.

Who shall I tell first? My mum or my boyfriend. Fuck it. I’ve brought him out tonight, I’ve paid for his meal cinema ticket, I’ll tell him after the movie. That’ll soften the blow, right? I mean, I took him to his favourite place, which in my opinion is SEVERELY overrated and over priced, and now we’re watching this new stupid superhero film I’ve no interest in. Maybe he’ll suspect something is up, I’m not usually this nice. Not that I’m usually a bitch but I’m a hard person to be around if I don’t get my own way.

I just hope he takes the news well and doesn’t fuck off like my dad did, because I’m not getting rid of this little one, even if I have to do this alone, my mum copes okay, and I’ll have her to help, and a degree behind me so I should be fine, right?

Anyway, I need to not think about this right now, I need to concentrate on this stupid film, maybe if a pay attention to it, James will see I’m willing to put more effort into how he feels, and he’ll be more empathtic about my situation? Maybe? Do guys even think like that? I literally have no clue. I hope so!

Urgh, why do adverts have to go on for so long? I booked this film to start at half 12, it’s now almost 1pm and we’re not even past the stupid ads yet. Why not put the film start time as the ACTUAL time it starts, not just some random amount of time before and waste everyones time with dumb adverts. All that means is that James will probably see more dumb superhero films he’ll want to come see, and then he’s blackmail me into seeing them so he doesn’t leave me alone to bring up our child. Fuck, I started thinking about the kid again. Stop it Laura.

TWENTY

Does it usually get this dark at the Cinema?

NINTEEN

Ooh they have countdowns now, that’s fancy.

EIGHTEEN

Did they really have to start at 60?

SEVENTEEN

How did I not notice before? Must be baby brain, ignoring my surroundings

SIXTEEN

Maybe I can make use of that and ignore this stupid film.

FIFTEEN

Okay okay, I get it, let's just start the film.

FOURTEEN

I wonder if its a boy or a girl

THIRTEEN

Damnit Laura, stop the baby thoughts, maybe just focus on the film, okay?

TWELVE

Hurry up and get it started already!

ELEVEN

I fucking love you James, I hope you never leave us.

Chapter 6

I’m sick of everyone. My mums a good for nothing drug abusing filthy whore, my dads an alcoholic sleazebag who just uses me as his punchbag, then wonders why I never leave my room. And friends? What fucking friends? I’m sick of this shit. Nobody fucking listens to me.

There’s been ONE person, one fucking person in my entire life that’s been civil with me, and she goes out with a fucking idiot who’s a lazy good for nothing preppy twat. She fucking idolisies him. I’d give her the world if she’d pay me any proper attention. I asked her out once, but she said no because she’s not from around here and when she goes home for the holidays it would be too hard. But apparently that’s not a problem for James, he’s so good looking it doesn’t matter how far away they are, she’ll always love him.

Why can’t I find that same devotion? Why can’t I have that same respect. I’ll tell you why. Because I have no power, I have no authority, I’m “too good of a friend to lose by being in a relationship with”. Okay, treat me like a fucking friend then. Stop mocking me behind my back.

I’ll shut you up. I’ll fucking do it. I don’t care. You wanna hit me again Tom? Fine, hit me, I don’t care, when this world is over I’ll be the one laughing. I’ve been watching you all anyway. Every. Last. One of you. I see you cheating, and sleeping, and eating, and working, and soon I’ll take care of every last idiot that crossed my path and did me wrong. You’ll see. You’ll all see. You can't disrespect me when you’re dead. I’m too fucking clever for you.

I’ve been working on a worldwide monitoring system I can hear all, and see all.. All I have to do is press one fucking button and that’s it, everything in the world shuts off after a 60 second countdown played through every speaker in the world. No power, and the eventual blow out of electricity build up will cause worldwide electrical fires, and kill everyone.. I’m still trying to figure out how to get cars to stop but I’ll get there.

That will be wonderful to watch, watch everyone and everything crash and burn! I just need to find a way to get all the twats in my life who’ve wronged me on life support, then when I’m ready, I’ll pull the plug on all of them at once, not only will all their organs fail at once, but they’ll burn too. That will show them to disrespect me!

You know what. I can’t stand this, I hate my life. I’m going to do it tonight. I’ve had enough of being the runt of the litter. The brunt of the jokes. The punching bag. I’m doing it now. No stop it. You’ve had too much to drink. You can’t do this. Stop. Think. Rationalise. . It probably won’t work anyway, the software isn’t tested. Of course it isn’t tested you idiot if you test it, the world burns. You’re so damn stupid. No wonder everyone hates you.

Just go to bed. Sleep it off. Things might be better tomorrow. Tell you what. Get this bottle in the bin and tomorrow will be a good day. Miss, and, well.. You can try again the next day I suppose. Ready? Aim and….

NO NOT THERE

shit.

SHIT.

What have I done?

Not there.

Fuck.

Abort.

ABORT!

I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

I’M NOT FUCKING READY.

I’M SUCH AN IDIOT.

I HOPE THIS DOESN’T WORK.

Okay, stay calm, maybe you can reverse this.

What if I?

No that won't work?

I can’t concentrate.

TEN

Shit no wait

NINE

Stop!

EIGHT

Turn the fuck off!

SEVEN

I don’t want to go!

SIX

I love you mum.

FIVE

Just give me one more fucking minute!

FOUR

Come on think think think this must be reversible

THREE

You’re a fucking idiot Stephen Mulberry.

TWO

I’m fucking sorry okay?

ONE.

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