#3. i just fuckimg love him let me have this reason

[g-l-o-w-y-l-i-g-h-t-s]

Tag yourself, Dracula (novel) characters edition:

Arthur:

Would die for his gf

Abraham Van Helsing:

PhD. Md. Esqu. Fuck. you.

Nobody is sure wtf he's talking about

Schlemiel

Let's talk about corn 🌽

Constantly spewing ominous vague shit

I'll get over it I just have to cry about it first

Will trust one (1) person with his problems and only even that if he's reached a complete breakdown

Will quote absolute bullshit at you as if it is proven fact

"Parrots can't die. I'm an expert."

Currently in a foreign country

Would commit a crime

Genre savvy

Mr Swales:

Death is inevitable 😊

Incomprehensible speech

Renfield:

Weird diet

An outlier

Clingy

Eldritch princess

Ambitious

🥺🥺🥺🥺

Should not be allowed to have a cat

Cleans by just eating the mess

Eats a lot of meat

You can control him by giving him food

Probably a sub

Mentally ill

Lucy:

Polyam

Hot Girl Summer

Voluptuous

Miiiiight have eaten somebody

Quincy Morris:

Cowboy! 🤠

Infinite Swag

Can handle the wackest situations perfectly

Hottie

Has a gun

The Wyrd Sisters:

Read (3:21 pm)

Seward:

Desperate

Owns/runs a lunatic asylum

$$$

At least he's pretty

Straight A student

Least cool guy you've ever met

Mad scientist

Podcaster

Wtf is even happening rn

Something is Very Wrong with this man

schlimazel

Desperately needs a Nap. Exhausted

Down bad for Quincy Morris

Very proud of himself for having a thought that will almost be a whole idea any day now

"there must be a reasonable explanation"

Undiagnosed mental illness

Needs his comfort items

Needs validation so bad

Ableist af

Keeps a diary

Mina:

Loves her significant other so fuckimg much

Journals

Homoerotic best-friendship times!! ❣️

Knows her partner better than anyone

My best friend is soooooo pretty and funny and cool

Goth

Protective

Repressed bisexuality

Repressed in general

Romantic ASF

Same taste as Dracula

Has read Dracula

Owner of all the Team Braincells(tm)

Says shit like "Everyone loves me" and she's right

Gets shit done

Secretary and the whole operation would probably collapse without her

Dealing with sexism

Gets left out

Feral devotion to her partner

Traumatized

Special interest in trains

Train fiend!

Girlboss

Dislikes garlic ever since the incident

Dracula:

"please assume I am normal"

Lizard fashion

"I PROMISE I'm normal"

Teaboo

Cooks for his friends

"I am so normal"

Graveful and elegant in public but as soon as you look away he has to do 19828291 things to maintain his image before anyone notices

So many red flags

Likes bearded men

Will just grab something from you and yeet it away

Fucked up little guy

Rock/Wall climbing expert

Wants to be liked so bad

Fraudster

Identity theft

Unhinged

Very effective beauty routine

Did not think this through

Cannot pace himself

Does fucked up horrendous shit just for the fuck of it/to fuck with people

Terrible/non-existent decision making skills

"Anything is free if they don't catch you stealing"

Grumpy idiot

Same taste as Mina

Hairy

Self obsessed

Will do anything for meat

Hates garlic

Edgelord

Cringefail

Gives up immediately

"If I avoid the problem long enough it will go away "

Ugly/can't make that hat work for him

$$$$

Jonathan Harker:

White boy - has spices for the first time and it affects him like drugs

Never shuts up about food

"Ridiculous but also uncomfortable"

British (derogatory)

Red flags are so sexy to him

Wife guy!!

Going through it!!

Logical

Doing his best not to get murdered but it is a Task

Everyone wants him

Racist 😕

Someone please help him

"Not again"-his response to the wildest shit you've ever seen happen

Will hit a bitch with a shovel

Badass survival horror protagonist

Loves his wife!

The Horrors are neverending

Cinnamon roll

Mentally ill but refuses to fully acknowledge it

*gets money* Bribery time!

Feral rage unlocked!!!

White hair early from stress

[askthetotallynotlosersclub]

write streddie being soft uwu

Stan: *is doing a puzzle like a quirky kid*

Richie: *is trying to help at said puzzle but failing*

Eddie: Richie you just took my piece!!

Richie: Well it was in the wrong spot!!

Stan: *doesnt pay attention bc P U Z Z L E Y U M Y U M*

Eddie: what do you mean?! It fit into the other ones!!!

Richie: No it didn’t!!

Stan: *almost finishes puzzle yum yum*

Eddie: DEAR LORD- IM SORRY STANLEY BUT THIS IDIOT DOESNT KNOW HOW PUZZLES WORK....but it looks very nice to *smiley boye and kisses his forehead*

Richie: *>:(* Edward bullies me

Stan: *finished puzzle :D* Look it’s done!!!

Eddie: awe that looks very nice Stanley!! And Richie you know I love you to death *kiss*

Richie: I feel unloved- let’s watch a movie, boyfriends

Stan: Can we watch a scary one?

Eddie: I swear you two hate me sometimes- *sits on the couch*

Stan: Nooooo *also sits on the couch* *cuddle part 1*

Richie: Eddie is literally a bully *sits next to edward* *leeches to boyfriends part 1 and 2*

Eddie: you guys know I hate scary movies! Last time I peed myself!!

Stan: It wasn’t even a scary movie-

Richie: It was scooby doo

Eddie: *crosses his arms* and?

Stan: You could just not watch the movie with us?

Richie: *puts on the hip movie uhh poltergeist yeah lmao that’s scary*

Eddie: okay peace out! *runs to his room*

Time: kachow

Richie: EDWARD

Stan: Eddieeeeeee

Eddie: *is sleeping in the other room*

Stan: *finds the b0y* *:0* *sits next to eduardo* *Q U I E T*

Richie: *:0 part 2* *plays with edward’s hair oop* *Q U I E T*

Eddie: *wakes up but is v v v tired* oh hi guys *yawn*

Richie: aloha *continues to play with edwards hair*

Stan: *stan* hi

Eddie: *is like half asleep* you know I love you guys

Stan: *uwu* *leeches to the eduardo* yeah we know

Richie: we love you too, dork

Eddie: *hugs the Stan and falls back asleep*

Stan: *sleep oclock*

Richie: *sleep oclock part 2*

Time: kachow

Rain: kapow

Eddie: *wakes up and it's dark out* Stanny?

Stan: *sl33p*

Eddie: hhhhhhh *sits up but cannot bc thy Roach*

Thunder: KACHOW

Rain: YEEHAW

Eddie: *screams bc of thy thunder*

Richie: *literally falls* FUCK

Stan: *awakens* What-??

Eddie: sorry guys- I'm not the best with thunder storms-

Thunder & Lightning: A

Richie: *roach* *hugs edward*

Stan: *hugs edward part 2*

Eddie: you guys are gonna suffocate me *giggly boye*

Richie: good *teehee giggly boye part 2*

Stan: noooo!! *giggly boye part 3*

Eddie: wow thanks Richie *kiss uwu*

Richie: yeahhh i’m tired- *sleep lmao* *also leech tho*

Stan: *pat* it’s really late

Thunder: ahaha H

Eddie: I know...I'll try to sleep

Stan: good! *kiss úwù* i’m going to sleep *sleep oclock*

Thunder: PENIS SAUCE

Eddie: *falls asleep cuddling the Stan*

Morning: peenids

Stan: *sleep sleep sleep*

Richie: *sleep sleep sleep*

Eddie: *is in the kitchen making breakfast* richie! Stanley!! Breakfast!!

Richie: *aWAKENS* F00D *falls into the kitchen ouchies* ouch

Stan: *awakens* *walks like a NORMAL PERSON* i’m tired *stan*

Eddie: *runs over to Richie* are you okay?

Richie: probably *ouchie there’s a bruise on his arm lmao* *s t an d*

Stan: you’re such an idiot

Eddie: yeah but he's our idiot *hugs the Richie from the side*

Richie: *kisses the edward uwu* thank you both for calling me an idiot

Stan: *hugs the b0yfriends* no problem idiot

Eddie: I love you guys so much but GOD DAMMIT THE EGGS ARE BURNT

Richie: you look like a burnt egg

Stan: don’t bURN THE HOUSE DOWN

Eddie: sit down on the couch or something- I'll have to remake breakfast

Stan: Alright *sits on the couch*

Richie: okay my guy *sits on the stan*

Eddie: Richie- you're going to crush Stan

Richie: too BAD

Stan: iM FINE-!

Eddie: I'm still confused about how you two like each other

Richie: *DRAMATIC GASP* Excuse you Stan loves me!

Stan: I do that’s a fact right there

Eddie: I'm so offended

Stan: Dont burn the house down, Eddie

Richie: *l33ch*

Eddie: I won't burn the house down, breakfast is done! Come eat before it gets cold

Richie: *l e a p s off stan and goes to the kitchen 😔👊*

Stan: *stans into the kitchen*

Eddie: *gets his own breakfast and sits on the couch*

Richie: *gets f00d and sits on the coffee table*

Stan: *gets f00d and sits next to edward* Rich, what the hell are you doing

Eddie: richie what the actual hell- *picks him up and puts him on the couch*

Richie: nooooo *goes back on the coffee table*

Stan: right, okay- can we go to the zoo today?? i want to see the bIRDS

Eddie: sure Stan- we can go see the birds

Stan: cool!!

Richie: can we get food there teehee

Eddie: sure Richie! And Stan I cant wait to Christmas so like *gives him a pet bird*

Stan: IT’S SO CHONKY *B I R D*

Richie: thats a sexy bird- where the fuck did you get money, Eds?

Eddie: I've been saving it up!

Richie: nice job, my guy

Stan: *birdbirdbirdbird* *:D*

Eddie: *kisses the Stan*

Stan: *kisses the edward*

Richie: ewww get a room

Eddie: you guys have literally made out on front of me before

Stan: you WATCHED??

Richie: ewwww eddie watches porn

Eddie: what!? No! I was watching tv

Stan: how did you know then?? we were like- in the other room??

Richie: no we weren’t dumbass

Eddie: it seems like every time I kiss one of you and other one makes fun of me!

Richie: calm yourself my guy *kisses the edward owo*

Stan: what he said minus the my guy part *kisses the edward after roach*

Eddie: hhhhhhhhhh *hugs the roach from the side*

Richie: *leeches to the edward* your hair is soft

Stan: include me you dorks *also leeches*

Eddie: watch me fall asleep again-

Stan: you better not because then I’ll fall asleep

Richie: and I’d get time alone and who wants that ew

Eddie: *yawns*

Richie: *kisses the edward’s forehead* wow what a cutie

Stan: I know right?

Eddie: stop it *hides under a blanket*

Stan: noooo come back *s natches edward*

Richie: *:(*

Eddie: *is in the Stans lap now*

Richie: *kisses the stanley and the edward*

Stan: *hugs the b0ys*

Eddie: *kisses the Stan for like 2 minutes*

Stan: *O W O* *y e e h a w*

Richie: gET A ROOOOM

Eddie: STANLEY WHY

Stan: *red intensifies* i don’t know-

Richie: HAHA GAY

Eddie: *v v v v v red boye* i-

Richie: you two are cowards, if i was in stan’s position right now you’d have to go to the doctor from all the bruises

Stan: *GAY PANIC*

Eddie: R-ICHIE)!!-

Richie: I’m just telling the truth

Stan: *red x28338383*

Eddie: *yeehaw to the Stan* I'm sorry-

Stan: *AHHH* *R E D*

Richie: god get a room this is classified as porn

Eddie: oh shush Rich *kiss uwu*

Richie: *Y E E H A W BR O* rekt amirite

Stan: *dYing*

Eddie: Richieeeeeee *hides and hugs him*

Richie: *hugs the stanley and the edward* you two are nerds

Stan: *red flavor*

Eddie: *cuddles up to the Richie* cold

Richie: *plays with eduardo’s hair heehaw*

Stan: *sleeps bc this is too much red is bad*

Eddie: *falls asleep with the Stan*

Richie: *also sleep heehee*

Phone: kachow my guy

Stan: ughhh *awakens to answer the phone*

Eddie: Stanny what's wrong?

Stan: shhhh phone call *answer phone* oh hi *phone talk*

Eddie: okay...*goes back to sleep*

Stan: *phone talk for an hour wtf* ok bye *phone hang up* *lays back down with the b0yfriends*

Eddie: Stanleyyyyyyy *lays on top of him*

Stan: oh- hi- *holds the edward and the roach’s hands bc owo*

Richie: *probably fuckimg— hibernating*

Eddie: *gives him a kiss but he's like v tired*

Stan: I’m tired bbbye *sleep oclock*

Eddie: *falls asleep on the Stan*

Later o’clock: hola

Richie: *awakens to make a grilled chhhheese*

Stan: *sleep?*

Eddie: *still sleep on stan*

Richie: *sits next to the b0ys and eat a good and cool sandwich* *uwu energy*

Stan: *aWAKENS*

Eddipe: *nuzzles the stan in his sleepp*

Stan: *pat pat* what time is it?

Richie: how should i know? we slept all day though, it’s dark again

Eddie: *wakes up but is very sleepy* huh

Richie: *s andwich* look who finally woke up

Stan: *quiet clapping*

Eddie: oh shush *nuzzle uwu*

Richie: *cough cough* gAy *cough cough*

Stan: you’re literally our boyfriend shut up

Eddie: I'll attack you with affection young man *jump on the rouch*

Richie: OH SHIT *falls over ouch* *giggly boye teehee*

Stan: *witnesses*

Eddie: *is on top of the roach behind the couch*

Richie: wow this is pretty gay

Eddie: oh so you don't like me being on top of you?

Richie: no, i’d rather be on top of you *teehee kiss owo*

Eddie: *big blush man*

Richie: *yeehaw x22*

Eddie: Stan helppppppppppp

Bev: *walks in* OH JEEZ

Stan: Hi bev- theyre fucking don’t mind them

Richie: nO WE ARENT

Eddie: *runs and jumps on Bev* HI BEV

Bev: HI EDDIE! IM STEALING YALLS BOYFRIEND

Richie: shit dude don’t do that *stAnds*

Stan: nooooo

Bev: oh- I came over here to ask you guys if you wanted to come to the mall with me! I got my driver's license very early for some reason but yeah!

Stan: Oh sure!!

Richie: bro the fuckimg mALL?

Bev: yes the mall idiot!! Okay who wants to carry this thing *points to eddie*

Richie: I don’t know I think he should walk beside the car, honestly

Stan: hmmm maybe

Eddie: wow yall are so nice

Stan: oh shut up we love you

Richie: accurate

Eddie: *puts on his purse (bev got him it) and runs out the door* GET IN LOSERS WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!!

Bev: I TAUGHT HIM THAT

Richie: what the hell why

Stan: uHHHH

Bev: JUST HURRY UP LETS GO!! YALL BETTER NOT GET NOSEBLEEDS BECAUSE IM WARNING YOU, EDDIE LIKES FOREVER 21

Stan: oh god- *car*

Richie: fucking christ *car*

-at the mall-

Eddie: WHERE ARE WE GOING FIRST

Bev: i dont know- Hooters?

Richie: I’m gay

Stan: I’m also gay

Bev: Yeah okay but they have good wings-

Eddie: oh I have a friend that works here! We can get free wings

Richie: is it your mom? i want to see her working at hooters

Stan: no what the fuck rich

Eddie: Richie-!!

Richie: what i’m just telling the truth

Stan: oh my god

Eddie: *holds Stans hand*

Stan: *:D*

Richie: *insect*

Eddie: *kisses the Stans cheek*

Homophobic couple: we. That's just not right! You boys are way too young

Stan: *>:”0*

Richie: eXCUSE YOU don’t INSULT my BOYFRIENDS *>:(*

Homophobic couple: there's 3 of you?? A couple is only 2 people, a boy and a girl! And that short one already looks like a girl so I guess it's fine

Richie: I will fuckign fight you *>:(*

Stan: no richie calm down *holds back the roach lmao*

Eddie: SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS FANNYPACK IS STYLISH

Richie: iT MAKES YOU LOOK HOT

Stan: Richard calm yourself good lord

Homophobic couple: ugh whatever *pushes the Eddie and walks away*

Eddie: oh well *flips his imaginary long hair*