#30 secondstomars fanfic

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 86

It was like she had the wind knocked out of her, court? Neglect and abuse? So now the tables were turned on her? They were treating her like a criminal..her own parents, or no, she wasn’t even family anymore, they had officially disowned her..Jared, she needed to call him, she needed to hear his voice telling her that everything would be ok..in his arms she would feel ok again…in his arms she could find comfort and not feel like she was the loneliest person alive. Her whole body felt numb and she barely had the strength anymore to hold the document, the words on the letter danced before her eyes “will that be all? Can I go now?” she breathed and the lawyer nodded. Her high heeled boots could barely carry her as she swayed out of the elevator, her phone, she needed to call someone, anyone, her vision blurred by tears she ignored all the notifications and pressed the first name that came up in her contacts, her brother, it couldn’t possibly be true what her parents had said about him, that he was in on this whole scheming and framing, “Arno?” her heart jumped as the line connected, why didn’t he say anything? “Arno, devo parlarti”. But all she heard was ‘mi dispiace, mi dispiace Coco” and a dry click followed, WHAT???? NOOOOOO, please god NOOOO, you can’t leave me, you can’t!!! sobbing uncontrollably her phone clattered to the hard concrete outside, no, please work..please please, she picked up her dead phone but no matter how hard she pushed the button, the phone just wouldn’t jump back to life, where could she go, what could she do? She didn’t know Jared’s number by heart, ok focus, focus goddammit Coco!

On the other side of the world a plane was setting in the landing for Sydney, by now he was out of his mind with worry, no call, no text, no mail from her or her brother, something was wrong, he could feel it in the pit of his stomach. As soon as the plane touched down, he got absorbed by the hussle and bussle of getting out of the airport as soon as possible.

I can’t stay here in NY, I just can’t, I need to see Jared, I need to be with him, this was the right decision, Coco, her mind was racing while she swiped her credit card through the machine. “OK, Miss, here’s your boarding card, hurry the plane will start boarding shortly, gate 18” the man behind the counter pointed her in the right direction. How she got through customs so quick she didn’t know, her feet were killing her from all the running she had done but miraculously she ended up at the gate just in time, here went absolutely nothing, as the airplanedoor was closed right behind her

”No news?” Shannon came walking into his brother’s room, “nothing” it was the despair in his voice that got to him, “I wouldn’t worry too much, her battery’s flat or something, you know how she is, she never owned a phone before you came along, what time is it in the States? Maybe she’s gone straight to bed, I’m sure you’ll hear from her in the morning”, it was endearing how his brother tried to put his mind at ease, but he knew better, something was wrong, this was gonna be a long night..hopefully his jetlag would give him some solace. “I hope so” he sighed “I really hope so”.

”Miss, are you ok, you haven’t touched any of your food”, the flight attendant took away her tray “I’m just not hungry” she forced a weak smile, thank god for business class, the little bit of attention she got made her feel a little bit less alone. “I’m sorry, but I dropped my phone and I can’t seem to get it back to life anymore, and I really need to contact my…my boyfriend” maybe the flight attendant was a little bit more tech savvy than she was. “Can I have a try?” the girl gently asked and she quickly handed her the phone, but no matter how much she pushed the button, the screen remained black “if you know your boyfriend’s number then we can send him a message, or maybe an email”. Coco bit her lip and shook her head, how the hell was she gonna find him? This was like looking for a needle in a haystack, what had she done? She was lost and alone and completely helpless, she could feel her heart breaking into a million little pieces knowing that she no longer was part of a family, she was not enough, never was and never would be again, her past had been taken from her and actually so was her future. They had made the world a lot more hollow for her by the stroke of a pen, all gone, all done, never looking back.

Hours and hours later, she was standing in the midst of Sydney airport, everyone in a rush to get to their destinations, her fingers fondled the dead phone in her pocket, ok, think, there’s what seems to be a phoneshop, go buy yourself a new phone, these guys would definitely be able to help her find Jared’s number, ok come on, don’t be shy, oh who am I kidding? Come on, so what if they call you a tech retard?. “Hello, can I help you?” a young man approached her with the typical smooth sales smile, “I hope so, my phone doesn’t work anymore, I was hoping that you could maybe fix it?” she hesitantly showed him her tattered phone. “Fix it?” he huffed “we have an entire wall here of brand new phones, Android or iPhone, which one would you prefer, do you have everything stored in your Cloud? Do you use e-sim,.” What? A cloud, android? Sim? Her cheeks going bright red she stammered, “it’s ok, I’ll wait, thanks for your time though” all embarrassed and ashamed of herself, she quickly beelined it out of the shop. She was tired, jetlagged, hungry and thirsty and she missed Jared, ok think, think for god’s sakes..what hotel was he staying in? nope, she didn’t remember, how many hotels could this city have? I’ll do this the old fashioned way then. ”Where to, Miss?” the cabdriver asked her, “every 4 or 5 star hotel in Sydney that you can think of”

Everywhere she went, she was frowned upon or ignored or even kindly requested to leave the hotel premises, they all thought she was a stupid fan trying to sneak into the hotelroom of her idol. He seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth, “no luck?” the cabdriver asked as she got back in and shook her head, “you know, these stars they never use their own name to book a room, it’s always some kind of Disney or cartooncharacter, you know” he casually steered the car back into the heavy traffic. Oh great, a Disney character, no way, he would never do that, oh god, her mind just felt so incredibly numb, it felt like she had been travelling forever, would this goddamn nightmare just end? Despite the cab driver’s good advice of using Disney characters names, she was still frowned upon and requested to leave, she got out of the cab, this was the last hotel on the list, if this didn’t work, then she would get herself a room here, get some sleep and then fly back..home..there was no home for her anymore, ok yes her apartment in New York  but just thinking about NY and her parents who would still be there made it another no-go zone for her.

”Welcome to the Park Hyatt hotel, how can I help you?” the receptionist gave her a beaming smile, “Hi, I’m looking for someone who is possibly staying here with you, his name is Jared Leto, I’m his girlfriend and I would join him here in Australia, but my phone is broken and now there’s no way I can reach him..” The receptionist interrupted her “I’m sorry, but we’re not allowed to give any information on our residents”, so once again the same blabla.. “I know, and I understand, but this is an emergency..I know he’s probably not listed under Leto but I really need to see him, he’s expecting me” she was getting desperate knowing that this was her last chance, for fuck’s sakes Leto, are you even in Australia or was that just some excuse to get rid of me too, Cubbins?. “I’m sorry, Miss, like I said, I really can’t give you any info..” he rattled but she quickly breathed “Cubbins, Bart, Bartholomew Cubbins” all of a sudden it dawned on her that this might be the name he was registered under. “Just a moment, and your name is?” oh my god, bingo, he was actually here? “Harper Coco De Robiano d’Arcy” saying her name out loud, realizing the horror and the emptiness behind it, gave her a foul taste in her mouth. The receptionist gestured for her to take a seat in the lobby and went to another more private desk to make his call.

Jared’s heart was doing summersaults in his chest as he hammered the elevator button, she was here, she was finally here, he had been out of his mind with worry, it didn’t matter anymore, his lover, the love of his life had kept her promise. It took so long, Harper hung her head, the receptionist still hadn’t returned to his desk, what if he wasn’t here either? and now she had paid the cabdriver and let him go. Jared jumped out of the elevator, his eyes scanning the huge lobby, front desk nothing to be seen, his heart stopped beating for a second, when his eyes finally found her in a huge chair, completely lost in her own thoughts. “Coco..!!” she heard her name echo around the lobby, oh god, he was here and she shot up from her seat and ran straight into his open arms

”You’re here, you’re finally here, I love you so so so so much, babe!!!” he held her tight, he could even feel her hammering heart through his shirt, his hungry lips locked with hers in a much overdue and fiery kiss. In between kisses, he kept on whispering his love for her, “come on, let’s go to my room, I don’t need this audience” he grinned as he slowly let go of her and she noticed the staring eyes in the lobby. She mouthed a ‘thank you’ to the receptionist who had been willing to enable their reunion and followed Jared to the elevator where she pushed herself against him, she had so needed him, crawling into his arms again in complete silence, just knowing that they were together again was enough.

"I still can’t believe you’re here, I tried calling you, texting, sending you e-mails, what happened?” he closed the door of his penthouse suite behind her, he wanted to throw her on the bed straight away, but something was going on, he could see and feel it, she was so lost in her own thoughts all the way up her. “I dropped my phone, it won’t switch on again, I tried but I couldn’t remember your number, and that guy at the airport tried to sell my a new phone, but I just…I’m just too stupid for all that new technology and then I didn’t know what hotel you were staying at, and I’ve been in every hotel looking for you, but they didn’t believe me and I..” she rattled, fishing her phone out of her purse as if to prove it, “I’m sorry, Jared, I’m so sorry” all the stress and all the madness suddenly caught up with her and she just couldn’t hold back the tears that came streaming down her face. “Hey, shhhhh it’s ok, don’t cry” he held her again, what the hell had happened? This was not some normal release of a little bit of stress, there was more to it than that, “come on, let’s sit you down” he guided her over to the couch “what happened, tell me, this is not about your phone..how did things go with your parents?” he let go of her and poured her a drink, the minute he mentioned the word ‘parents’ he noticed her freeze up completely. This was going to be a long night, but he had time, why did he convince her to go see her parents when it obviously did more bad than good?

[caroline18mars]

I see someone reading the Harper story at a healthy pace! Thank you! Should I continue (or start again) this story? Is anyone still here is another question 😉

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 85

Morning came all too soon, neither had slept a wink, their frantic lovemaking lasted until an hour ago, both of them not wanting their time together to end, “I don’t want to let you go” he pushed a tired kiss on the top of her head “it feels like we’re at crossroads again, I’ve only just found you again” his warm breath whispering against her head sent chills down her spine, I don’t want you to leave and I don’t want to leave this bed, I don’t want to leave you. Just jump on that plane to Australia with him and forget about your family, but he actually sealed her fate “but I understand you need to sort this out with your family and you know what they say ‘longing makes the heart grow fonder’ even though I don’t know if that is even possible” his lips curled into a sad smile, he so didn’t want to get up but her plane was leaving in a few hours. “Join me in the shower?” he growled letting go of her and sat up to push himself off the bed, why did he suddenly feel like he was 100 years old? Easy, because she kept him young. “Why don’t you go get a hot shower started, I’ll be right there” she pushed a kiss on his shoulders and grabbed her phone, 10 missed calls, all from Arno..hopefully they changed their mind, I don’t want to go..but I have to..get this sorted, the sooner I can leave this behind me, the sooner I can be with Jared again. Their bodies connected once again under the hot water with every last bit of passion they had in them, both of them not knowing when the next time would be, the only thing they knew was that it was gonna take a while and neither of them was one bit happy about that.//One last kiss and one final bear hug leaving her perfume to still dance in his nose and the firm promise to call him when she had landed, before the big steel bird had taken her away from him, he had never seen her so nervous and desperate, how would he even get through the days without her when he couldn’t even get through hours? His own phone bleeped him out of his train of thought, duty called, but he couldn’t care less. The only name on his mind was hers.

New York was cold and dreary, getting into the waiting cab, a whiff of his perfume drifted up to her, god I miss you Jared, why did I ever think this would be a good idea?

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: back in the concrete jungle

Hello lover,

I miss you, more than I could ever say, this all seems so pointless without you. What am I even doing here?

Yours forever (if you let me)

Harper

Jared was finishing up packing his last bag when he felt the faint buzz of an e-mail, please let this be her..yes it was, his fingers stumbled over the screen

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re:back in the concrete jungle

Hello sweetie,

So glad you made it safe back to the Big Apple, you’re there so you can get things resolved and leave this all behind as quickly as possible, so we can finally leave all this behind us.

I haven’t even left and the thought of being on that long flight to the other side of the world without you is unbearable, but let’s hold on to the idea that in a few days, you and I will be together again, doing what we do best, (we’ve been doing it all night, so I’m sure you’ve not forgotten about that)

Let me know how it went asap?

You’re on my mind always! I love and miss you too!

Your lover par excellence

J.

She got out of the cab and stopped in her tracks to read his e-mail, clutching the phone to her heart, she took a deep breath looking up at the hospital in front of her, here went absolutely nothing.

”Everything is loaded up, we can go now if you’re ready” the guy who came to pick him up said, “yeah, I’m ready” he closed the door behind him, all day he had been waiting for a call, a mail, anything, but nothing, every one of his calls had rolled to voicemail and it sure didn’t put his mind at ease, this was not like her, she always kept her promises and she had looked so desperate this morning. “We really need to go now” the driver’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, “yeah yeah, I know” he walked to the car, not able to keep his eyes off his phone when he shuffled into the backseat. For fuck’s sakes, why don’t you pickup?? It’s not switched off or has a flat battery, I’m sick of all this calling, hasn’t it come to your mind that I’m starting to get worries and I’m just about to board a plane? All annoyed he ended another attempt to call her. “Jay, come on” Shannon gestured at him to hurry up, he was trying to delay getting on that plane, “yeah, yeah one more call” he waved at him to get onto the plane already, Arno, great idea, he was gonna call Arno, 2 minutes later he was ready to throw his phone on the tarmac, why did everyone have phones when they just ignored every call or mail or text??? “Jared?” now it was Shayla’s voice who urged him to hurry up. “Alright, alright” he rolled his eyes and accepted his fate of being locked up in a massive plane high up there for almost an entire day without any news from her, maybe she would send him a mail, at least something to look forward to.

”Ciao Papa” she stuttered as she walked inside the room and saw her father sitting up in his bed, he looked like a new man, nothing like when she last saw him here attached to all sorts of tubes, was he alone here? Suddenly she was roughed pushed inside the room from behind, causing her to stumble forward while her mother pushed past her without a word or even a glance. “Come stai, Papa? You look so much better” just ignore all the aggressive stares, break the ice, Harper, just suck it up. “Harper Coco” hearing her father say her full name sent a shiver down her spine and not in a good way, he had always used her full name before he went in predator modus when she was a child. Coming here had obviously been a mistake, and where was Arno?, she really didn’t want to beat about the bush, she had Jared to go back to, would he be getting ready now for Australia? “do I look better? Well I certainly don’t feel much better, knowing it was you who put me here in the first place, but I guess you always had your heart on hurting your mother and me, didn’t you?” his voice was ice and so were his eyes that drilled into hers.

“Will anything I say even matter? In my experience it has always been the other way round when you two knocked me around the house almost every day..” she spat back and he didn’t even flinch “Anyway, Arno said you wanted to talk to me? I’m here now, so talk”.  It was her father’s almost devilish grin that shook her to the core “Arno just did what we asked him to do..” he paused for effect “Let’s be honest here, you tried to kill us, Harper, plain and simple, and that ‘s not just an opinion, no, myself and the entire family are convinced that these..vile pieces of…” he hesitated, intense disgust scribbled over his face “mockery that you waisted paint on were an attempt to humiliate, even desecrating the importance and standing of one of the most ancient and most powerful aristocratic names of Italy that is the House of De Robiano d’Arcy”. Before she could even form a word, his voice thundered over her “ever since you were a child, you were demonic, always bullying, hurting your siblings, your parents..and now you thought you would serve the final blow and almost had me killed”. What??? What the fuck was he saying? “WHAT?? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m the bully??? I tried to kill you??? YOU!...YOU were the one who singled me out of all your children and beat me, kicked me until I was black and blue and had to be rushed to the hospital..what????” big tears of frustration and helplessness against this vicious and slanderous attack started to roll down her face while he single-handedly erased and re-wrote the pages of her haunted childhood and youth that had been packed with physical abuse.

”Your outburst is another fine example of your psychopathic nature, you need professional help, girl..it just goes to show that your mother and I were right to cut you off of your financial support and to take away your title..you were never one of us and neither did you ever want to be, and if an attempted murder is your way of paying us back for everything we have done for you emotionally and financially, then I see no other way of disowning you completely”. A door opened behind her and a few sharp dressed men walked in “Miss Harper Coco De Robiano d’Arcy? As attorney of Mr. and Mrs. De Robiano d’Arcy, I hereby request to sign this document that will officially take away the aristocratic title that your name provides, neither shall you receive any financial support by requesters present here, subsequently you will also be written out of the requesters testament and will, neither will you be able to contest this decision. Should you seek contact with any member of the family mentioned hereabove, for any reason, a summon to court will follow” He put the document on the table and pointed out where she needed to sign, completely overwhelmed  and distraught by this ordeal, she put the pen to paper and scribbled her name, soon as she put down the pen again, he handed her a copy of the document. “This is your copy, and this..” another document was handed over to her “is a summons to court for abuse and neglect. I must emphasise that this summons will be under scrutiny of the court and should any info show up in the media or elsewhere, you will be charged with intentional disclosure”.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 84

All colour drained from her face and she sat there looking all lost, “Harp? Do you want to talk to him..” Jared’s voice barely registered in her head, my own father, the root of all evil in my life wants to see me? She nervously bit her paint stained nail. “She’ll call you back, Arno..ok talk to you later” Jared disconnected the call and looked at the trembling, nailbiting other half of his heart. “Babe..” his hand reached over the table “calm down, he’s awake and doing a lot better..” his long fingers caressed her cheek to get her attention, her eyes predicted a hurricane connecting with his. “I can’t do it, Jay..I can’t..it’s not..why? should I?..I don’t know..” she puffed out the words, Jared pushed a strand of her long hair behind her ear “I’m not the one who can or should decided that for you..I’m just as torn about this as you are” he sighed. “Oh great, pffff” she nervously rolled her eyes, “I just can’t make that decision for you, you’re the only one who can truly feel and know all the abuse and grief that man has given you, nobody else..does he even deserve a visit from you? My first reaction would be, hell no, he sure doesn’t deserve you and his talk seemed very cheap over the years, but on the other hand what if he has seen the light and the conversation will be beneficial for you and might chase away some of those ghosts that you dragged along with you all this time?..I really can’t make that decision for you, Coco”. She shuffled back and forth on her chair, he had never seen her so agitated, so restless, all this time the decision had been made for her, her father had made the decision to keep her far away, cutting her off financially and emotionally, depriving her of money, depriving her of her title linked to her last name. And now he pulled the strings a little tighter in the other direction, there was so much doubt, that man either lived up to his title as a diplomat or he was pure evil, one way or the other it was working what he was trying to do.

‘No, you’re right, you can’t possibly make that decision for me..I’m gonna ignore him, enough is enough, can we just go..I need a bit of fresh air” she sighed yet again, already pushing back her chair.

The drive back home was a silent one, her own silence even continued well into the late evening, all day she had been sulking around the house, only to hide in the garden watching the sunset, but her phone wasn’t, this had been the tenth call on her phone that he had let go to voicemail. He grabbed her phone and walked out into the garden where her untouched plate of food of this afternoon was still standing next to her. “Please call your brother, he’s been blowing up your phone all day” he handed her the phone but she looked at it like it was an alien “your phone, you know, that device where you can communicate with people from a distance”. She rolled her eyes “you don’t have to be all sarcastic about it, ” and pouting she took the phone from him, twirling it round and round between two fingers, “I’m not, babe, really I do understand how tough this decision is for you” he ruffled his fingers through her hair and sat down on the sunbed with her “but you’re gonna have to whether you want to or not”.

Harper let her head fall back against the cushion “what about you? What have you been up to all day?” she needed to talk about something else for a change, “the tour, we’re kicking off the last leg in Sydney, Australie soon” he softly said, somehow it hit her hard, in all this turmoil of indecisiveness she felt like she was gonna need him to be with her. Don’t be so goddamn selfish Coco, you brought this all to yourself, you’re not 10 anymore, you’re a grown up who dares to talk to a couple of parents right? Right! “I’ve been so self-absorbed lately that I completely forgot about that, when are you leaving?”, her question struck him, ‘when are YOU leaving?’ not ‘when are WE leaving’? she must have had decided then. “In a couple of days” he bit his lip, what? A few days? He would be gone again in a few days? Stop being so selfish! “oh ok..” she really tried to sound not disappointed “I’ll go call Arno, and you mister, need to go pack your bags, is it winter or summer now over there? Summer, right? Well, make sure to pack your shorts and flipflops then, ok, I’ll go call him”.

By the time she got back inside, the whole house was dark, she quickly looked at the time, it was almost 1AM, with a heavy heart and equally heavy legs she walked up the stairs, here goes nothing..

Warm breath, and her luscious warm body sliding up to his back woke him from his restless slumber, “hey” he rolled over to push a kiss on her lips “so I guess you decided then” he found himself bracing a little. “Yep..I’m going to probably regret this, but I’m going back there and see what he has to say, I don’t want to live with this huge cloud over my head any longer” she sighed, even in the dark he could see her overtaken by emotion, he brushed his lips against the salty tear that trickled down her cheek “I believe it’s the smartest decision, when do you fly over there?” his stomach was in knots, but he had to respect her decision. “Tomorrow..please come with me?” she whispered in his ear while tightening her grip on him, please say yes, please, please, please, I don’t want to go over there on my own, but with the nervous biting of his lip she already had her answer “we’re leaving the day after tomorrow, babe..I’ve got a lot to do still” he hated his touringschedule, he hated himself, he could clearly see the disappointment on her beautiful features.

“I know..no it’s alright, I understand..” she forced a smile and put her head in that wonderful nook of his shoulder, how long would it be until they would see each other again, none of them knew and it didn’t make things easier, “just promise you’ll fly to Australia as soon as you can?! I really want to sign up for the long run with you..” Jared didn’t want to think about being apart again, they had been for too many times and for far too long. “Promise me, Harper..” he quickly said as he didn’t get an immediate reply, “I promise, of course, as soon as we’re done there, I’ll come and see you” she didn’t know when or what but she wanted to make him that promise because she needed a goal to keep her going during the much dreaded upcoming talks. “That’s all I needed to know” he pushed himself up on an elbow and leaned in for a scorching kiss that started hours of passionate lovemaking all through the night.

[caroline18mars]

A new chapter in the making..

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 82

But Jared stayed right where he was, curling and twirling around Chloe on that improvised dancefloor full of tired, drunk friends, she looked at the scene in front of her on her way back to the table, it was actually adorable, somehow it was rare to see Jay this frivolous, rare but heartwarming. “Everything ok?” Cooper sat down again next to her, “sure” she tried not to mumble or look distressed, but she was, “I can see why you and LA don’t mix, this city is full of actors, so you’re definitely out of place here” grinning, he took a swig from his bottle of beer. “Trouble in paradise, I can tell, I’m a good listener you know” he leaned back in his chair, not taking his eyes off her, “I’m sure you are, but I’m not as good a talker..the only thing I can truly confide in is chocolate, I’ve got some dessert left, want one?” she got up again, feeling a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny. “Sure” he shrugged as she instantly headed for the kitchen, just getting my thoughts together, just a minute to myself, she opened the fridge reaching for the chocolate cake, “uhm, while you’re at it, give us another bottle of vodka will ya?” the voice behind her startled her so much she nearly let the plate with the cake slip out of her hands. “Oh..” she spun around to see the spitting image of that other girl who was dancing with Jared outside, “here you go” she took the bottle out of the fridge “you must be..Marie-Lou?” she forced a smile, “yup, and you’ve been hanging around my man all night” the girl snapped at her and then turned with a dramatic flip of her hair rushing out of the kitchen without giving Harper any more attention. Slowly and in a bit of a shock she closed the fridge door, had she been suggesting that she spent too much time tonight with her boyfriend? Please no more misunderstandings, ever since Sean, she was so done with them, wait how did Sean slip back into her mind? Where was he now? And how was he? Why do I even care? She shook her head and carried on filling up two plates with chocolate cake before she walked out into the crisp evening air again. “I..uhm..met Marie-Lou” she put the plate in front of Cooper but found him too wrapped up in an animated conversation with the guy next to him, so she sat down and pushed a spoonful of chocolate cake in her mouth while she looked sighing at the party in full swing in front of her, connection lost again, story of her frikkin life.

”You really love chocolate cake, don't you?” Cooper turned his attention back to Harper who put her fork back on her empty plate, “treading on thin ice here , buddy, I really don't need to hear you say out loud what is bubbling through your mind, yes I actually eat, I'm definitely no LA woman, there I said it out loud, can we move on now?”. Cooper leaned back in his seat with a grin, this is one feisty, little firecracker, I actually like her, she's such a breath of fresh air, “ok, moving on then, don't you get jealous seeing all these women throw themselves at Jared's feet?”. Harper looked at the dancefloor where her man was the centre of attention “Jared will always attract attention, I guess I've learned to live with it, the only ones jealous are those girls out there, they’re jealous because they’re not in a relationship with him and I am and that’s an entirely different ballgame” she sighed as she pushed another piece of cake in her mouth. “I’ve always wondered if Jared is into twins, I mean look at Marie-Lou and Chloe” Cooper didn’t seem the least bit affected by his lover’s and her sister’s grinding against Jared, “you must have one kinky sex life”, his wide grin and his assumption annoyed her. “First, my sex life is nobody’s business, second: why don’t you ask Marie-Lou that question? Sounds like you’re the one fantasizing about Marie-Lou and her sister” she calmly said watching his jaw drop, ha, the shoe was on the other foot now. “Marie-Lou? You obviously don’t know her, Marie-Lou is..well, let’s say she’s not the most passionate woman alive” he sniggered, finding himself extremely funny. “You’re right, I can’t say that I know her, but I’ve met her in the kitchen just now and she’s definitely passionate about you, she said I’ve been hanging around you all night and she didn’t seem to pleased with that” Harper took a few sips looking at Cooper’s reaction, was that a smirk?. “Oh really?” his lip curled into a smile while his eyes drifted over to his lover “never confuse passion with jealousy, I told you, passionate relationships are so early 20th century..I can honestly say I’ve never had one of those, do you?” the way he squinted his eyes and bit his lip made her shiver. Before she could even think of an answer, he did “Maybe we should ask Jared that question, he’s more of an early 20th century guy isn’t he? I mean he’s pushing on 50 so he’s had quite the experience with women”. Harper shifted in her seat, don’t show him you’re getting agitated, too late, “ah there he is, the man of the hour” Cooper looked up at Jared approaching their side of the table.

”I missed you” he pushed a kiss on her lips that tasted of alcohol and his skin smelled of expensive women's perfume, no wonder with how the girls had been rubbing themselves against him under the pretence of dancing. When they came up for air, her eyes connected with those burning ones of Cooper, “I thought you were going to come dance with me” he whispered when he straightened his back, “hey Cooper” he casually said turning his head slightly to greet Cooper, but deep down he felt a twang of jealousy burn, a good looking young guy who was clearly as fascinated by Harper as he was, a man with a brain too, and she was a sucker for those, “hey Jay, you lucky bastard” Cooper greeted him with a little grin. Jared pulled a chair up and strategically sat down in between them, you're not gonna dig your claws into her, back off! “must have been quite the conversation if you can keep my woman away from a dancefloor” in his voice this hint of venom that didn't go unnoticed by any of them. “Funny you ask because we were actually talking about passionate relationships and how they're so 20th century, an era we all know you're very familiar with” Cooper licked his lips before he took a sip from his glass. Don’t do it, just let him stew in all his obvious sarcasm, let it slide..too late “ah, the 20th century, yes I remember it well, see the good thing about being my age is knowing what you want and don’t want, especially in love, it took me until my late forties to find the woman of my dreams but I’m finally 100% sure I found her, unlike you millennials who have to fuck every friend you have, hoping someone will stick because you don’t know how to treat or satisfy someone because you’re all too wrapped up in yourself and the image you want to create, see, there’s no ‘I’ in the word ‘love’, is there? so yeah, I’m happy I’m a hopeless 20th century romantic..” he mockingly raised his eyebrow. Everyone in a one metre radius could feel the tension rise, so Harper quickly intervened “Well, this millennial sure has no complaints about her hopeless 20th century romantic” she quickly crawled on his lap and then whispered in his ear “and can I just say that this millennial can’t wait for this party to be over so I can get a good fucking tonight” before she kissed him. She could feel him relax instantly, a crisis avoided, nice work Harper, but the actual action she wasn’t too sure of yet with all these alcohol drenched kisses but it was a fact that she needed to be shot back to life, some lovin’ would surely get her head out of this mental fog and her creative juices flowing again. “Why wait? Why don’t you go upstairs now and I’ll come fuck your brains out in a few minutes” he whispered back at her with a little lick of her earlobe, “so far for my 20th century god of romance” she giggled, normally she would have just brushed it off because they had a whole lot of company, but not this time, she needed action and she needed it right now. “I’m just going to get some more wine” Harper got up, Jared’s eyes shooting daggers at Cooper who thoroughly checked out her glorious body, “sure yeah” Jared nervously shuffled in his seat and tried to hide his imminent arousal while she walked back to the house, rocking those hips just a little too obvious.

The cold water on her burning cheeks made her hiss, where was he? He said he was going to be up soon..she dried her face sitting down on the edge of the bath and quickly pushed away the blinders, nope, nowhere to be seen, she’d been waiting up here for him for 20 minutes..oh there he was, oh for fuck’s sakes..she watched him being dragged back on the danceflour by those horrible twins. Right, done anticipating,  pfffff, get up, just get up Harper, she pushed herself back up on her feet and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her, she so didn’t want to go back to that party again..so instead of walking down the stairs, she took a right and wandered through the dark corridor. The moonlight falling on her blank canvases in her studio drew her in, the smell of her oils and solvent wafting up to her, why didn’t anyone make a perfume out of those? She would be the first to buy it. She sat down in the bay window watching her canvases..blank, blankblankblank, blank..would she ever feel inspired again? Not as long as the sweltering heat of LA kept melting her brain, she had told herself over and over again to stop obsessing over how her new home blocked her creative vibe but every time she picked up a brush and lathered it up, nothing but nonsense would appear on the canvas. Try again? Sure, why not? She grabbed a brush and some paint, here goes nothing..nothing at all.. a softly whispered “oh my..” startled her, Jared?? Nope..Cooper..slowly walking into the room, not able to keep his eyes off the mess on the canvas. “I actually get to see the master paint..I can certainly tick that off my bucket list” he softly said with eyes like saucers “that is amazing, Harper..”, Harper leaned back a bit, stared at her painting and then at him “huh? Maybe you should get your eyes checked because this is just..bs” she huffed putting her brush down. Cooper just ignored her and walked to the back of the room where some of her older work rested on the floor “I don’t know what to say..this is mindblowing..seeing it in a catalogue is one thing but seeing it here, touching it is next level..you know, all those art critics were wrong..” he let his finger run over one of the canvases making her cringe, don’t do that, never touch a painting with your probably dirty fingers. “Critics can call you the new rising star in the art world, but you’re a new fuckin’ universe, this is spectacular” he stood up again and stared at her, “oh come on, I meant it when I said you need to get your eyes checked, if you call that art, then why do I feel like a one-trick pony?” she snapped before she stomped over to the bay window again and sat down in the moonlight. “Ok..” he sat down next to her “wanna talk about it?” she was just in time to move away from his hand that hovered over her knee, “not really?” she mumbled staring out the window, she so needed Jared right now instead of this man, but he was still too busy partying down there, at least that’s what she thought because he was nowhere to be seen. “LA, right? I don’t get it, why don’t you try and think of it as NY but with a lot more heat and humidity?” he grinned “if you ask me, I think the problem is not really LA as a city that is blocking your creativity, I think it’s you that is blocking her own creativity because you agreed to leave NY for a guy and that is against every single one of your principles”. What? Why were her cheeks burning all of a sudden? fuck! “oh really? Listen mister, I wouldn’t give up your dayjob just yet in this ridiculous quest of becoming a shrink” she huffed again, “oh come on, why so defensive all of a sudden, could it be because I’m right?” this time he shuffled closer, one hand wrapping around her shoulder and the other hand landing on her knee. Jared rushed up the stairs, where the hell was she? Not in his bedroom, not in the bathroom,  he followed the light that came streaming out of her studio “Babe, I’m so sorry, I..” he barged in but stopped in his tracks when he was greeted by her being glued against Cooper “what the hell..”

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 81

“Everything’s ready outside” walking back inside the kitchen, he was met by a spoon full of homemade guacamole “taste! Needs a lot more garlic, doesn’t it?” she puffed a strand of hair out of her eyes looking a little bewildered. “It’s absolutely perfect..” he licked his lips and then looked at the kitchen counter with a million pots, pans, bowls with the most delish food “wooow, wait a minute, you’re cooking up a feast and it’s just a little evening with friends” grinning he took another scoop of the guacamole. “I know but..no, I don’t know, I just thought it’s easier to talk with some good food..oh I still need to make the mozza bowls, arrghh” she spun on her heels but he grabbed her arm “will you just chill? You’ve done more than enough so you go take a nice shower, make yourself even prettier than you already are, I’ll take all this outside in the meantime..oh and stop being nervous, they’ll adore you, trust me”. He pulled her in his arms to plant a soft kiss on her lips that got too deep too quickly “stop it, I’m sticky” she pulled back, waving her fingers covered in guacamole and tomato sauce in front of his face, which was his queue to slowly put two of her fingers in his mouth, ohhh god, erotic much? She already felt her stomach tingle “Oh no you don’t, I know what you’re up to mister, no way, you’ll just have to wait until your bedtime”. That sexy, silly pout of his, walk away now or find yourself shoved against a kitchen counter while he takes you from behind, just the thought of her body being completely owned and possessed by him had her all moist, “Ok ok ok, I don’t like it, but ok” he let her fingers slip out of his mouth and reluctantly let go of her. “Good boy!” she quickly wiped her hands on a towel and hopped on out the kitchen, Jared had a grin from ear to ear until she was out of sight and was met again by a kitchen that looked like a bomb had exploded, sighing he opened the dishwasher door, it’s only fair, she cooked, you clean.

Hair, outfit..hmm, I don’t know, should I wear th.. her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell, ok leave it, it is what it is, you did your best, nervously she walked down the stairs, Jared was on his way to open the door when she walked down, wowww, she looked absolutely breathtaking. “You look..gorgeous” he smiled up at her, the fact that his friend were on the other side of the door completely forgotten about, “thank you! Uhm floppy hair, your friends are waiting” she giggled. “Heellooo sexy” a skinny, dark haired girl jumped in his arms, purring in his ear, a few friends he said..god, I hope there’s enough food for everyone, she took the last steps and slowly walked up to the bunch of people trickling inside. Should I introduce myself? Stop being so awkward De Robiano, just smile and act confident with the emphasis on ‘act’, “you must be Jared’s new flame” one of the girls noticed her standing behind Jared, “I’m Harper Coco, nice to meet you” she extended her hand, too formal maybe? I’m just not a hugger. The girl lifted her eyebrow at Jared like this was probably the most awkward way that she had been greeted in her entire life, yep Harper, you fucked up, what was it your mother said ‘you can never make a first impression twice’?. But after a few seconds she took Harper’s hand and lightly shook it, ugghh fishhands, Harper uncomfortably pulled back her hand, luckily Jared saved the day “alright alright, you know the way, we’re in the garden” he pointed at the back of the house. “You ok?” he whispered as the gang headed towards the back of the house, “yep, I’ll just go get the bottles” she smiled but he could see the nervous clench in her jaw, “it’s gonna be fine, trust me” he kissed the tip of her nose.

By the time every guest had a drink and something to eat, it was an hour later and the excited conversations were flowing around the table, with all her walking in and out there was only one spot free tucked away at the end of the table. Plopping down on her chair, she took a sip of her wine and tried to follow the conversation, but they were all so wrapped up in each other that she couldn’t get two words in, Jay looked completely in his element though, talking and laughing. Stop stressing, just enjoy the moment, enjoy your man who is in his element like you’ve never seen him before, she leaned back, lit up her cigarette and took a sip of her wine, the weather here reminded her of those Italian summer evenings in a way but did she warm up to LA yet? Nope! Not really, this just wasn’t her home..yet..would it ever be? Come on, make an effort, your man calls it home, then surely you can too. While the rest of the table was reminiscing about previous tours and things only they could know, the guy on her right gave her a friendly smile “so, how’s LA treating ya?”. She gave him an equally friendly smile back “I’m still trying to find my way round I guess..it’s not New York, that’s for sure!” he had really friendly eyes and seemed pretty genuine which was so refreshing in LA-la land. “I’m sorry, where are my manners? I don’t think we’ve been introduced, I’m Harper Coco” she extended her hand which he grabbed and gently shook “Oh you’re right, sorry, I’m Cooper..I’m with Marie-Lou” he pointed at one half of the twin sisters who are curling around Jared. “Aha..” she looked to get a better look of the girl but nah..still ordinary, oh for crying out loud Coco, stop it, for all you know she might be the sweetest woman alive “..and what does Cooper do, besides being Marie-Lou's boyfriend?” she turned her attention at the man again, “I work for a local art dealer”. Her head shot up, he really had her attention now “oh! You buying or selling? Contemporary or classic?” she took another drag of her cigarette, “I’m a buyer and I also scout new talent, shame that you signed with Charles already” he gave her a coy smile “your work is so, so..amazing!”. What?? A fan? “you know my work?” she said genuinely surprised, “know your work? Oh Harper, you really are too precious, how can anyone not be a fan of your work? everyone in the business is asking where Charles has kept you hidden for so long? Your work is such a breath of fresh air..it’s shocking and relevant and completely..” he rambled but paused to find the right words “new..it’s unlike anything anyone has ever seen before”. A warm blush crept around her cheeks, she never knew what to do with compliments of this magnitude “Uhm..thank you”, she wanted to shout at him that she was in a complete panic now that all her inspiration seemed to have dried up but she kept her cool and gave him a grateful nod instead.

”Excuse me a second, I think everyone is ready for a second round of drinks and nibbly things” she got up from her chair, oh come on Jay, get up for a second and help me, talk to me, I just want a few minutes with you, but he didn’t even notice, too wrapped up in his conversations. “Need some help?” Cooper spontaneously got up as well and followed her back to the house, in the kitchen she started rummaging through the fridge, taking out a huge pitcher of L’americano cocktail and then started taking out what seemed like a hundred different bowls of delish food “oh my, a crazy talented painter and a cook as well, Jared is a lucky man”. She never was good with compliments and this man was full of them “thank you, you’re too kind, but why don’t we take all this outside and then you have to tell me all about your job” she blushed and stammered as she handed him the pitcher. Walking back to the table with her hands full, she stopped behind Jared’s chair “Jay, can you make a bit of room and take these?” but he didn’t seem to hear her and the tray was getting really heavy. “Jay?” she kicked his chair a little to make him notice her but like this afternoon he was too wrapped in his bubble of friends, and it was exactly the same girl, Chloe?? Who had to make him aware that she was standing right behind him. “Oh sorry, didn’t see you there” he turned in his chair to take the tray from her, maybe she’d expected him to say something sweet or pull her against him for a second but there was none of that, trying not to look too frustrated she hurried back to her seat. “Try not to stress, I get the same thing with Marie-Lou, she forgets who I am when this bunch gets together, I only decided to come along when I heard who Jared’s new girlfriend was” Cooper shrugged when she sat down again. “I’m not stressing, anyway, let’s talk about you and your job” she quickly pushed a piece of bruschetta in her mouth.

”She’s awfully quiet, isn’t she? She didn’t even try and engage in the conversation” Chloe put her arm on Jared’s back as she stared at Harper sitting by the pool while the party was just getting started. Jared felt so lightheaded, he had way too much to drink “Harper? Oh Chloe, you don’t know what you’re talking about, she’s just got a lot on her mind..she’s been through so much with her family..and she’s still getting used to LA”. Chloe shifted in her seat not too convinced “whatever, just sounds like she's a lot of work, to me..anyway, come on old man and dance with me” she shot up, grabbed his hand and started yanking it. “No, leave it Chloe, I’m gonna check on Coco” he got up but then he watched her get up too, putting her phone to her ear she hurried back to the house, “oh come on, let her take that call, in the meantime you and I are gonna hit your cute improvised dancefloor right now” she pushed him in the direction of the pool. “We haven't talked since..well you know since that horrible night, you didn't return any of my calls, and I can understand why but believe me I've been so worried about you, I just wanted to see how you're holding up?” her brother's voice wurmed itself into her ear, why did she have to pick up? Sighing she sat down at the bottom of the stairs “I moved to LA..to get away from..them” she nearly puked the word “she's..gone way too far, Arno..listen, I know that you're trying to keep me part of the family but you're wasting your time..you heard what she said, she doesn't consider me a part of the family anymore so there's no real point in calling me”. This was a night to forget as soon as possible, who am I kidding, these last couple of days..this whole idea of following her lover to LA was something to forget all about as soon as possible, “you're still my little sister, Coco, that will always make you part of my family..how's LA treating you? And Jared, how is he?” he was determined to keep their conversation going. “Jared has been nothing but kind to me..LA on the other hand..” she pinched the bridge of her nose, no don't dive into all these negative emotions, just try and keep a cool head about it, it's only been days..oh god, I miss New York, I miss getting inspired. “Jared is great, you deserve each other so much, and as far as LA is concerned, it's just a city, and it's only been what? A couple of days? Give it a chance, you've lived all over the world in the past, surely LA will grow on you just like the other countries and cities did” bless him, he was trying to lift her spirits, whether it was working was a whole different matter. “I know..” she sighed, “and how's the painting going?”oh no, straight to the sore spot, “fine..just fine..” she lied, but he was having none of it “ok, out with it, Coco, what's going on?”. Harper bit her lip, should she? “nothing, just a little painter's block, nothing major” oh all those little lies, that is so not you Coco “listen Arno, I've gotta go, there's a party going on here tonight and Jared's gonna start looking for me soon, so..I'll call you next week if that's ok for you?”. Arno was very understanding about it so after saying their goodbyes, she threw the phone next to her, so glad she could stop lying, sighing she put her head on her crossed arms, oh Jared it would be so nice if you would actually come looking for me right now..but you're not are you? Just goes to show how different we really are, you have a life and I don't and boy did the truth hurt right now.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 80

Guacamole, nacho-sss, what else? Corn..duhhh who can live without popcorn? Got everything I think, check with Harper first, where is she? Finishing up his shoppinglist on his phone he strolled up the stairs, bedroom? Nope..ahhh there she is, he walked inside the room he had set up for her as her working space. “Babe, I’m going to the shops, is there anything you need?” he typed the last item on his phone, but when there was no reply, he quickly tucked it in his pocket, she sat crosslegged on the floor, above her a whole series of blank canvases. “Earth to Harper, come in Harper” he plopped down next to her, a little startled she looked up at him, she really had been on another planet it seemed, “I think I have a problem” she looked at him and then turned her head again staring at nothing in particular. “Oh? Tell me” he watched her scrunch up her nose, “I don’t think I can do this anymore” she sighed, “do what?” he shuffled a little closer, “paint” another deep sigh followed, this one even more serious than the previous one. “Huh? What do you mean?” he frowned, he totally didn’t get it, “I’ve been sitting here for hours and I just can’t do it anymore..nothing comes, I just don’t know what to paint about anymore..see, I was right, LA numbs any creativity or inspiration” she threw her hands up in despair.  “Heyheyhey” he folded his arm around her shoulders “you’ve only been in LA for what? 48 hours? I really don’t think LA is the problem” he kissed her cheek, “I just think you need to get out of the house, wanna come grocery shopping with me? It might distract you”. Some fresh air was better than being cooped up “sure, yeah..but I think I might be in desperate need of ice cream afterwards” she shrugged and nodded, “ice cream? I can definitely do that” he kissed her again and shot up, pulling her up with him.

Harper was an added bonus to the tedious grocery shopping, every other section they walked through she would grab something he had never heard of or tried and put it in his basket, he had always wanted to learn more about real Italian food, so that was something to cross off his bucketlist now that he was in a relationship with a fiery Italian badass who clearly knew everything about Italian cuisine. And then there was the added bonus of watching her float through every aisle, it was like her feet barely touched the ground, she twirled, stood on her tippytoes, almost danced her way through, she was just the most breathtakingly beautiful creature he had ever seen, he wanted to scratch out the eyes of all the men walking by who were shamelessly checking her out, fuck off, she’s MINE, all MINE. Her mind was still racing, no matter how much she tried to distract herself with shopping, had she really hoped that this kind of stupid distraction would get her to paint again? That it would bring her inspiration? Really? You’re a goddamn loser, Coco, ok so you had one hit with that collection, but it turns out now that you’re nothing but a one-trick pony. “Babe? Do you want vanilla? Babe?” Jared waved a pint of ice cream in front of her, “huh? Vanilla? Oh Jared, I thought you had more imagination in you than just plain vanilla, Dulce de Leche on the other hand” she pushed in front of him to take her favorite flavor out of the freezer “is a whole different, more exciting ballgame” and put the carton in his basket before she floated away again. Something’s up, he could tell “wanna talk about it?” he followed her into the cleaning products aisle, “still fretting about your painting?” he stepped between her and the series of multi-purpose cleaning products, “no!..why?” she so didn’t want to talk about this, this was her problem, not anybody else’s, not even Jared’s. “Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that you seem so absentminded..” he put his hands on her shoulders, “I’m not..I’m absolutely fine and now we’re here anyway, I think you need kitchen cleaner” she pulled out a random brand of the stuff and dumped it in his basket before she hopped off again, her way of putting down her boundaries and wanting to sort whatever was bothering her out with herself first.

”Wanna go for a coffee?” he tried piercing her bubble again as they were putting all the groceries in the back of the car, “there’s a cool place right across the road” he tried to make eyecontact with her, “sure” she shrugged. Hearts appeared in a woman’s eyes, a jaw dropped here and there and whispers started as they made their entrance, yeah I know I’ve got a gorgeous man, have a good look and don’t get too depressed when you realize he’s only got eyes for me, yay me!. An arm firmly wrapped around her waist, he almost paraded her around the coffeeshop, he’d never been so open about any of his relationships before, but so much had changed, she was the real deal, what on earth had he been thinking only focusing on models in the past, arm candy that’s all they were. Coco was beyond arm candy, plus she was so talented, plus she was highly intelligent..everything was PLUS with her, this woman..well he simply wasn’t worthy of all that beauty and soul, for the first time in his mature life, he believed in..LOVE. “Ah, I love a real gentleman” she giggled as he pulled her chair back, something he always did when they were out in public, but it was still surprising and if she was honest she adored it, it was that old fashioned bit of manners that this world craved so much. “So..?” he started as he sat down opposite of her, but immediately got interrupted by his phone bleeping incessantly, “what?” he frowned and grinned at the screen and started tapping ferociously. “Just a sec..” the tip of his tongue locked between his teeth in amusement as the wooshy ‘sent’ sound made him put down his phone and he grabbed her hand “ok..talk to me, your painting..” but then another ‘beep’, bye bye pouring your heart out, he was completely distracted. “I’m sorry..” he grabbed the phone again and started texting back but when he was still tapping 5 minutes later she got up “I’ll be waiting in the car, ok?”, stay calm Coco, it’s not that big a deal, you didn’t really want to talk about your troubles anyway. Two minutes later, he came running after her on her way to the car “Coco, honey, I’m so sorry..wanna go back and have that coffee after all? I’m all yours now I promise” he grabbed her arm, “nahh, it’s alright, don’t worry, let’s just go back home because that ice cream is probably melting as we speak and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s melted ice cream” no, it’s not ok what you did, and yes my feelings are a little bit hurt, but am I gonna let it show? Hell no! It’s not that big a deal I guess, so come on Coco, just snap out of this funk you’re in.

”I really didn’t mean to ignore you, I just got news that some of my best friends are coming over tonight, just a little get-together, they’re all dying to meet you” he put one hand on her thigh while the other steered the car through the hectic LA traffic. “Oh..ok!” uh-oh, big step this, meeting the friends, well I guess it was only a matter of time before that would be on the agenda, “you’ll love them and they’ll love you, I’m so looking forward to this”, will I? ah well, you know them better than I do. “What is it? you’re awfully quiet” he squeezed her thigh while she tried to look as happy as was physically possible, “Nah, I’m ok..it’s just that..well, you know what an awkward and anti-social animal I am around people” she looked out of the window to hide the nervous blush on her cheeks. The more I think about it, the less I want to do this, I’ll act all awkward and weird again, and these are Jay’s people he’s known for a gazillion years, bleeeghhh!.  “You’re not anti-social or awkward, babe, you’re just your beautiful reserved self, it’s a European thing that us Americans really love, so stop stressing, just go with the flow” he grinningly leaned over the midconsole to push a kiss on her shoulder. Go with the flow, go with the flow, what flow? No, stop it! don’t overanalyze, these people all love Jared and he loves them, so do your best for once to try and get to know them at least, maybe getting to know other people will work a miracle on this lack of inspiration. Jared looked at her nervously biting her lip, “so..it’s just you and me in this car now, so come on, out with it babelicious, let’s talk about what is actually bothering you”, ah he’s offering, come on just spit it out, it’ll make you feel better. His phone ringing again spoiled that party though, don’t pick up, don’t pick up, don’t..a pair of puppy eyes stared back at her while his thumb hovered over the screen, nooooo.. “hey Chloe” he connected the call while his mouth silently formed an ‘I’m sorry, I have to take this’, “hey beautiful” a female voice danced through the car.

If the phone conversation he and this Chloe had in the car was anything to go by, then tonight didn’t promise anything good, goodness could that woman waffle on about nothing at all..airhead much? Stop judging a book by its’ cover, Coco, maybe she’s not all that bad. She let herself slide out of the car “you ok?” he leaned in for a kiss as he opened the boot, “better than this poor ice cream which I’m going to save right now, if there’s anything left to save” she picked a couple of bags out of the car and started walking back to the house. Oh, she’s annoyed alright, pray that tonight will go well, he grabbed the rest of the bags and followed her up to the house, where he found her in the kitchen hugging the fridge “operation rescue ice cream finished, all we can do now is hope for the best” her words made him giggle. “I take everything I said about you not being awkward, back” he pulled her away from the fridge and folded her in his arms “god woman, have you any idea of how much I love you?” he kissed the top of her head. “And do you know you’re actually the only living and breathing person who’s actually said that to me? And have you any idea how sad that actually is?” her warm breath danced against his chest but her confession still gave him chills, it was barely fathomable that not even her parents had ever told her how precious and special and lovely she actually is. “Shhh, wanna know what sad is? Me, in my forties, confessing that I’ve said my ‘I love you’s’ in the past and this being the first relationship where I actually mean those words from the bottom of my heart” he breathed. Suddenly she started to move, swaying in his arms like she was dancing while the silence of the house surrounded them “What are you doing?” he grinned and frowned at the same time as he looked into her eyes, “I’m dancing, is that not obvious? And you’re dancing with me..I just thought that since we’re on a confessing streak here, I might as well confess that I love spontaneous dancing in any part of any house with my boyfriend, I’m a real livingroom or kitchen dancer” she looked at him like it was the most normal thing in the world, oh the mischievous tomboy part of her personality he loved so much, was back, yay!. “But there’s no music..” he giggled, taking the lead in the dance, “oy Leto, aren’t you supposed to be the rockstar here? Because if you are you should always have a tune or two twirling around that pretty head of yours..so why don’t you take the lead here?” she let herself twirl on his hand. “Ok smartass..let’s see what I’ve got..” he pretended to think as he pulled her back against his chest while they kept swaying in a slow dance and then he started a soft, murmured Frank Sinatra version of his own song “Rescue me from the demons in my mind, rescue me from the lovers in my life, rescue me rescue me, whatever you do, don’t ever lose your faith…”. Her head rested against his chest and listening to the sound of his voice and his breaths reverberating in there was simply intoxicating, you’re forgiven for being a bit of a douche today, floppy hair, you’re so forgiven, I love you so much.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 77

Harper arched her back in bliss, it was like life was being breathed into her again after a lifetime of coma, his skin rubbing against hers, it was intoxicating to feel all those muscles on his back flexing and rippling under her fingers, to say she had missed him and that cathedral of a body was an understatement. Hard and throbbing he pushed himself agaist her and there was nothing else she could or wanted to do then open her legs and welcome him back inside her warm body that had been deprived of his love and attention for way too long, “I need you inside of me” she breathed in his ear, he was being considerate with foreplay as always, but the fire was burning out of control already, it was time for the real deal, her head fell back and her mouth formed a silent ‘O’ as he slowly entered her, making her feel like she was going to burst. No matter how many times they had made love in the past, she would never get used to his gigantic size. “You ok?” he held himself up on stretched arms above her, with a mix of lust and concern in his glazed over eyes. Without a word but with a simple grin, she clasped her legs around his waist to urge him to move and push himself further and even deeper inside of her. Jared threw his head in his neck with a blissful groan. It was her whispered “come on big boy, just fuck me real hard and good” that drove him insane and his hips started a hard, slow thrusting that had her completely breathless by the time he sped things up. Slowly she was losing her mind in the best way possible, she lost all control over her speech, all she could utter were moans of painful, yet delightful pleasure, seeing her wriggle underneath him was so intoxicating even if they were doing plain missionary, her hands kneading her breasts, fingers tweaking her nipples, moaning and groaning her way up to a much needed orgasm but that orgasm would have to wait a little, first he was going to destroy that sweet pussy of hers even harder. “I fucking love you so much” he groaned at her, a rush of blood clouding his head, it had been too long, he wasn’t going to last long but it didn’t matter, they could do it again and again and again all through the night and if not tonight then there was always the rest of their lives, because he wasn’t going to let her slip away anymore. His hips pushed harder and faster, the white hot heat building up in his groin with every thrust, Harper was suddenly swept up in a whirlwind of sensations and right after him, she too screamed out her orgasm.

Fifteen minutes later they were still glued to each other, like both their bodies had morphed into one, “don't ever leave me again, I don't wanna be without you, not even for one more second” he breathed against her forehead, being the first to break the silence between them. He could see Harper's faint smile and then she exhaled so deep like she had been waiting a lifetime to exhale and that's when he saw the tears roll down, “hey, hey, what's wrong? Babe?” he cupped her face in his hands “did I say or do something wrong?”. Harper shook her head, “No..it's not you..I don't know what's wrong..” she sniffed through her tears, “you just had so much on your plate..all that pent up stress and tension..” he kissed her wet eyes.  “Just let it go, we're together now and that's all that matters, I'll help you through this, I promise” he pulled her even closer to him, dotting butterfly kisses all over her tear-stained face and his heart jumped when she held on to him and released all the tears she had in her. “I've missed you so much” she breathed, “not as much as I missed you, I was so lost without you” Jared reassured her but she suddenly pulled away from him, with a look that betrayed she didn't believe him “what? What is it?” fear squeezed his throat together. “Steph..you had a call with Steph before..you say you've missed me so much, but you still hooked up with her so soon after..us..oh djeez, now I sound like a jealous bitch” she knew she was being completely irrational but she just could help it. “You have every right to say what you say, you're right, it was the old me that resurfaced after you and I..well after we split up” he kept caressing and kissing her hair to have her relax a bit, he didn't want things to escalate between them, “I'm not that man anymore, that's all I can say”. Harper squinted her eyes “how do I know that? You were that man until..what? 48 hours or so ago?” it was a valid question, “true..but hooking up with Steph was out of..spite..I wasn't myself when you left me..I lost it and fell back into old habits..” he tried to explain but she was having none of it. “Old habits? I don't know if they're really old habits, or just who Jared is? We split up because you cheated remember?” this was not going well, not well at all, “I know..and I also know there's nothing I can say to change your mind, but I'm not gonna fuck things up between us ever again, I swear, just have a little faith..”. He was right, there was nothing he could say to miraculously make his past disappear, she had decided to take the plunge and given in to her feelings for him again, so she would just have to stick with it and start believing in his good intentions. “I think I can do that..” those six little words were all it took to defuse the situation, “good girl..Steph is out of my life, I chose you and I'll always choose you, I let things cloud my vision for the last time, she's a dumb mistake that's in the past, you are everything I need for a bright future” he kissed her bottom lip to erase the tiny pout that formed on there. “Just love me Jared, that's all I can ask, just love me the way only you can” she returned his kiss and soon all the tears were washed away by another round of glorious lovemaking.

”Any news?” Jared came walking out of the bathroom with a towel riding dangerously low on his hips, “no..no news” sighing she put her phone back on the nightstand and got a bit lost in her thoughts again, “no news is good news, right?” he sat down on the bed next to her and rubbed her thigh. “I guess so..I'll call Arno later on” she started to resurface again but she wasn't completely out yet, “so what do you want to do today?” his voice was so soft and tender, “Oh..well, I was thinking of checking in with Charles, even though I still think he's the root to all this evil..you know, bringing my parents here..” she sighed, “I know, but I honestly think that he had everyone's best intentions in mind..he's pretty shook up about everything's that happened..anyway, I'll come with you, we'll face him together, alright?” he tried to kiss her doubts away, but he knew they would only disappear when she faced Charles again and talked things through with him.

He loved walking around New York with her, here he felt he could do it because he could keep a certain kind of anonymity here, NY always kept it real, in sharp contrast to the gossip and glamour of LA, of which he was reminded by the constant buzzing in his pocket from Steph blowing up his phone even after he told her he wanted nothing more to do with her. The wonderful smell of fresh baked bread greeted them as he held the door open for Harper walking into the renowned bakery/coffee bar, “I love this place” he took off his coat and sat down, grabbing her hands, “and I didn't just choose it for its' wonderful breakfast but also for another reason” he grinned and looked out the window pointing “remember?”. Harper followed his gaze and then it dawned on her “Oohhh, the place where we first met..” she swallowed hard in excitement “that was such a weird moment”. Jared sat back grinning “weird and yet so amazing and so..normal, deep in my heart I wasn't surprised to see you turn up, I guess deep down I was really hoping it'd be you”, they were interrupted to place their order, which they did but as soon as the waiter left Harper squeezed his hand. “You were hoping for Coco to show up because you had met Harper first? Or were you feeling guilty somehow that you were going to meet Coco and in the back of your mind you were hoping for Harper?” her difficult question had him frowning and thinking for a second, pondering on his answer “Honestly, I was so fond of you both, I dreaded having to give up one for the other and then I got my prayers answered when Harper Coco showed up, I was so torn, there was Coco who was so intruiging and funny and artistic and mysterious who I was so completely besotted with even though I had never seen her, I knew in the depth of my heart that no matter how she looked, I'd fallen for her hook, line and sinker..and then there was Harper who was equally artistic and genius and completely nuts, fighting off guys twice her size, very high in energy, you were like a fucking loaded gun” his grin became bigger and bigger just talking about her “and then there was the way Harper looked that had my hormones racing, girl, I was so fuckin' jealous of Sean at the time, just the fact that you both were so physically and emotionally close”.

Harper nearly choked on her coffee “Sean and I..close? What a frikkin' nightmare he turned out to be, but it's kinda cute that you were actually jealous!! I didn't know what to make of you really..you constantly blew hot and cold on me” she lathered up a croissant with butter. “Oh really? surely there must have been something you liked about me?” he was fishing for compliments now, even after all this time she hadn't put all of her cards on the table, “I thought you had the cutest bubble butt I had ever seen” she giggled, it was a treat seeing her laugh again. “I agree, that is one of my finest assets” he hiccupped “what else?”, she stopped chewing for a second “apart from the fact that you're incredibly easy on the eye, you were also prepared to be my best friend and you supported my work from day one, that meant and means the world to me, but what I love the most about you is that you're so unconventional, you're quirky and extremely ambitious and driven but you also got the biggest heart, you were always there for me when I needed and need you most”. Every single compliment she was paying him made his heart burst, “you know you may have lost your title, but your true nobility and aristocracy always comes shining through, and then I haven't mentioned your breathtaking beauty yet”. Harper shifted uncomfortably in her seat “ok, ok, enough with the compliments..we've given each other a new chance so let's not try and fuck it up again..shall we start with that?” she pushed a strawberry in her mouth, she always had a hard time dealing with compliments. “Don't say 'fuck' too much, I'm having trouble enough keeping my cool just thinking about everything that we did last night..even you eating that strawberry is almost enough to send me over the edge, I'm getting old” he wiggled in his chair to make his point clear. “Old? You? Oh honey, after two toecurling orgasms, old is not the word that instantly comes to mind” teasing him, she let another strawberry  slip between her plump lips, giggling again like a school girl when she saw him squirm in his seat even more. “Anyway, we're in a public place so let's try and keep our hormones under control” there was a faint smile and a deep sigh as she came back to reality that wasn't exactly shiny and bright for her at the moment. “I wish I could cancel every point on my agenda and just disappear for a while..I just wish I could go back to that carefee time before all this” she took a sip of her hot coffee and stared at the spot where they first met, her eyes glazing over with the memory. Jared grabbed her hand and rubbed his thumb over it “I totally get that..why don't you come back with me to LA in a few days? We can pack up your stuff at your apartment and have it shipped to LA”. Harper's mouth fell open when he dropped that bomb “What? Wait..LA?” she pulled her hand back, “it's where I live, so yeah that's what I mean, LA is a lot more chill than New York, you'll move in with me and we can hide from the world for a while”. Harper's eyes became saucers “move in..with you?” she whispered in shock, “well yeah, unless you have some secret lover there that I don't know about and were planning to move in with him..of course I want you to move in with me, silly!”.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 79

“Harper, babe, come on..let’s talk about this” Jared had to run to catch up with her outside, when he grabbed her arm she stopped and the look in her eyes was pure bewilderment “talk about what?” she looked at him like she had absolutely no clue what he was talking about. “Harper, are you serious? We need to talk about you, and everything that is troubling you right now, you’ve got so much to deal with and you’re walking around like a zombie” he bit his lip, the worry scribbled all over his face was undeniable, “I’m fine..I just need some time alone..would you mind if I just went back to my apartment..alone?” the look of detachment she gave him squeezed his throat together, of course I don’t want you to go anywhere by yourself, and especially not now, but what can I do? I need to respect your boundaries “no..you go and do you..I understand..if you need me, you know where I am, ok?”. There was no kiss to calm his racing mind, no touch, all she did was nod in appreciation, turned on her heels and half ran-half walked away from him without even looking back, who was it that once said ‘if you love someone, set them free, if they don’t come back to you, they were never yours to keep’? don’t care, all I care and wish for is that you find your way back to me real soon. With a heavy heart and lead in his shoes he started walking in the other direction, get some air, distract yourself, thinking about her walking away from you is unbearable, central park, a little bit of nature and away from this racing city will do you good. Evening was throwing its’ last rays of light around as he walked back to the hotel, so weird that every corner of every street in this crazy city seemed to hold so many memories even if they had been together for a relative short time, he saw her dance and twirl and giggle in front of his eyes everytime he turned a corner, just come home to me babe, please. “Good evening, Sir, will you be dining out? Do you need reservations?” the clerk at the hotel reception asked him as he handed him his keycard, “Uhh, no..not tonight, I’ll order in I guess..” with a friendly nod he took the key and headed on up to his room. Flicking through the channels on TV, checking his phone for the umpteenth time, checking his iPad, checking his hair for split ends, nothing could calm him down, he brushed every device from his lap and got up to stare through the window, should I call her? Send an app? Start an e-mail? Tempting but no..leave her be for a bit, if she hasn’t come back by tomorrow morning, you can go over to her apartment, give her some space.

After hours of tossing and turning his mind finally welcomed the sweet darkness of sleep, somewhere in the distance he heard a door open and close again, he was dreaming,..five minutes later he could’ve sworn he felt the mattress dip, still not waking up, I’m still sleeping. It was the arm digging under him and an arm folding over him and a warm body glueing itself against him that had him resurfacing, his eyes slowly fluttered open only to find himself wishing he wasn’t dreaming, and he wasn’t because there she was “I’m ready, Jay..I’m coming back to LA with you” her breath was warm and sweet against his cheek. Wide awake now, he rolled on his side and kissed her full lips “are you really sure? I mean..I don’t want to pressure you”, even in the darkness she could see the worried cloud veiling his eyes. “I’m not sure of most things anymore, but the one thing I’m sure of is that I love you and I want to be with you”. Jay gently pushed a strand of hair away from her face “I love you too..we’ll take it step by step, ok? We can evaluate after a month or so..”, his words made her tap his nose “now you make it sound like school, with all those evaluations..let’s just agree that whenever there’s an issue we’re open about it” she clarified, he nodded. “Thanks for giving me some alone-time” she added, “yeah..are you ok? So, did you go back to your apartment?” he tried to get to the bottom of her Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde act, but it obviously was a bridge too far because she instantly shut down again “I’d imagined you being a lot happier about me moving in with you”. He stole another kiss from her lips “Honey, I've just been woken up after hours of tossing and turning, so I'm really sorry that at my age it gets more and more difficult to do all excited cartwheels in the middle of the night” he gave her a fat, exhausted grin “but trust me, I'm deliriously happy” his finger tracing the perfection of her nose. “I knew I had to give you some space but tonight was hell..being here all by myself, I barely managed to not drive myself insane” another kiss and she put her head back down against his chest “I'm trouble, Jay, plain and simple trouble” her warm breath tickled against his naked skin. “Oh no, you're not, you're exquisite trouble, but more importantly you're all the trouble I love so much..I'm not exactly your typical choir boy either, now am I?” his arm caressed her back which made her cuddle up even closer. “Shame..I could do with a choir boy in my life..” she giggled as he slapped her butt in response, “oh really? Well I may look like Jesus but what do you think I let Satan out to play?” he rolled her over and pinned her down on the mattress.

The doorbell rang, oh god, she was nowhere near ready and Jay was already there, she had left the hotel early this morning to start on getting most of her stuff ready, and even though there wasn't much to pack apart from some clothes, she didn't know where to start on all her brushes, paints, pencils. “You ready?” Jared pushed open the door, “no..I'm so sorry, I don't know where to start..it's gonna take forever to get all my stuff packed up” she nervously puffed a strand of hair out of her eyes, while he looked at the warzone in front of him. “Oh honey, you only need some clothes..I was gonna keep it as a surprise but everything you need to paint and more is being delivered to my house right now, so you can keep everything here..so next time we're in New York you can come and paint here without having to move everything”. Huh? She looked at him in shock, “but..it took me years to collect all this stuff, do you know how much even one of these brushes cost?” but his reaction was just a shrug “I haven't got a clue, does it matter? You'll have two sets now”. Was she being ungrateful? Uhg, yeah she was “thank you, Jay..just promise you'll let me pay for it?” it was the least she could do now she finally had some money in the bank, “I will do no such thing, consider it a 'welcome to your new home' present” he gave her a fast wink before he folded his arms around her waist and kissed her. “You are amazing..I couldn't have done all this, gotten through all this without your help..I don't think you know how grateful I am” she wrapped her arms around his neck, “Oh trust me, I do know..I felt your gratitude last night” he grinned, stealing kisses “there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, except keep our plane waiting, so come on, let's get your stuff and let's get out of here, the sun is waiting for us”.

Was it having to say goodbye to New York? Was it all the drama with her family? Whatever it was, she was zoning out again, during the flight down here, she had seemed so absent, she had been staring out of the plane window completely lost in her own thoughts. The car drove up his driveway and he squeezed her hand “home at last”, Harper sat up and grabbed her bag, it was like she saw his house for the first time..she didn't remember much from a couple of days ago, the size of his house still shocked her. “How can anyone ever afford such a house?..I don't remember it being this big” she jumped out of the car “and I thought my parents' house was ridiculous but this one is just next level”. Jared, clearly embarrassed, shrugged, was it really that over the top? Looking at it..actually yeah..it was much bigger than the previous house “it's just a house, darling..a roof over my..our head, and aren't you glad to be out of that frikkin' cold of New York?..that's why I love LA so much, the climate is real constant all year round, good for my old bones”. A smile on the verge of a giggle curled around those delicious lips, “come on, golden oldie, take me inside” she hooked her arm in his, all the doom and gloom of the plane and car ride suddenly completely forgotten about, or was that just a fine example of excellent acting?. “Did I already tell you that your bedroom is actually the size of my entire apartment?” she dropped her bag, taking in the beautiful room full of light with an enormous, plush looking, bed against the only wall, all the rest was windows all around, guitars neatly lined up in one corner of the room..guitars? “do you keep those around to serenade all your conquests for the night?” she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “This room has got the best acoustics..that and the inspiration usually comes in the middle of the night, so I like to have a guitar at hand” he couldn't help but be a little annoyed, why was there always a sense of mistrust? “and it's no longer my bedroom..it's OUR bedroom”. Did she even listen to anything he had just said? She just sat down on the side of the bed, clearly absorbed with whatever was dancing round in her head, “what is it?” he sat down next to her, twirling a strand of hair around his finger, “huh?” to his surprise she got up and walked to the floor-to-ceiling window, staring at the city of Angels underneath her “now that is an iconic view” she tried to change the subject, the last thing she wanted to talk about was the mess in her head. “Yeah it is” he came standing behind her, folding his arms around her waist as he kissed the side of her neck, you don't want to talk about it, fine, just know that you're gonna have to talk about it sooner or later.

This house was a maze, you needed a sat nav to find your way round here, down another set of stairs, what would be behind this door? Was that another living room? Oh, a recording studio..this house was packed with two things: music and there was some damn fine art hanging on the walls, but did it feel homely?..nope, it actually felt like a well designed roof over your head, nothing more, this house didn't feel lived in, it just had no soul..and a soul was what the owner of this house had in abundance. When she finally found her way to the kitchen, he just put his phone down “there you are”, why did she have the constant feeling that he was 'scanning' her? Like she would walk into a room and the first thing he seemed to be doing was checking her mood or her behavior. “You know I used to have a turtle as a kid and when the grass in the backyard would get long, I used to stick a little flag on his shield with gum, so I could spot him instantly at all times, I think I need someone to stick the same flag on my head because this place is a frikkin maze, I get lost every single time”. Jared started giggling behind her, “great idea! I bet you look amazing with a little flag on your head, we can make it a feature every time I throw a party”, she opened the fridge looking for something to drink, ok, water, juices in every single flavour, beers, bottles of wine..this fridge was nearly as big as his house. “Looking at your fridge, I think you probably do throw a party twice a week” she picked something fizzy and sat down next to him “do they know?”, he gave her a puzzled look “who needs to know what?”, a sip of her drink “all your friends, do they know I live here now?” oh, was that what was bothering her, nervous about meeting his friends and family, , understandable, those wackos were pretty possessive at the best of times. “No, they don't, not yet at least, it all happened so sudden, but I'll keep them up to date this week and maybe I can even plan a lovely dinner soon with them and us, they'll love you” she couldn't see that he was crossing his fingers behind his back.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 78

“But..LA..I mean..it's..LA” she muttered, “Well, you've obviously only flash-visited LA..what is wrong with Los Angeles? it's warm, it's laidback, it's got me..it's my home” he tried to laugh it off but deep down he already knew what was wrong, he was just so scared that she was gonna say no. “Exactly! It's laidback, too laidback..the reason I once ended up here in New York is because it's so electric and it's got such a wild energy for..”, he immediately interrupted her “for your painting, you're scared your inspiration will leave you once you go to LA, but I think you forget that your inspiration is not a city, it's right here” he touched her head and let his finger drop to her chest, touching her heart “and here, it's not about where you are”. Harper knew she couldn't explain to him that it wasn't just her painting that was holding her back, it was about giving up everything she had fought so hard for her, her independence included, long time ago she had sworn she would no longer let a man, any man, dictate her life..what if it all went belly up? She refused to have to pull all her stuff out of a guy's house, she was much more comfortable with having her own spot, besides, they had been living together on the road for a while and where did they end up? Not exactly together!. She also knew that if she refused this, then she would lose him, they were just two hard-headed people, too hard-headed for each other probably. “Maybe you're right..but I just can't leave, I've got the situation with my father, Arno..my apartment..” she put her two cents in, even though she already knew it was a lost cause, “aren't you just looking for excuses? I just want to build up our relationship again, away from all the buzz and the crowd” he sputtered. “Oh and LA is a small town somewhere in the Midwest where there's no camera's, no buzz? come on Jay, it's the epicentre of everything and everyone who wants to be in the spotlight” she was getting worked up he could tell and decided to pull the plug for a bit “You know what? Let's talk about something else for now, just give it some thought, sleep on it maybe? that's all I'm asking” he leaned back a bit and studied her face that predicted stormy weather.

”Arno, how is he?” her heart pounded in her chest when she saw her brother's name appear on her phone just when they were about to leave and Jared was paying the bill at the counter. “He's awake..” the words rolled in her ear and had her a little dizzy, “what? He is?..oh god” was she happy, was she angry or was it still a whole lot of pent-up anger? Jared came walking up to their table, seeing her wobble on her feet when she got up, his arm wrapped just in time around her waist. “What's wrong? You ok?”, Harper looked up at him with the weirdest look in her eyes “My Dad..” fear put an iron fist around his heart as he looked at the phone in her hands, oh fuck this was THE call, “he's awake..Arno just called” she stammered in bewilderment. “Let's just go outside” he guided her to the exit, this was not the place to discuss something like this, too many eyes and ears about, the cold wind greeting them had her closing her eyes, “so he's gonna be alright? That's amazing news” he pulled her against his chest, this whole living together in LA was back on the table sooner than he had expected. “I don't know..I need to get to the hospital” her eyes were already scanning for a cab, “sure, come on let's go” he whistled and a cab instantly pulled to the curb. At the hospital, Arno was waiting at the entrance of the ward, “I have to warn you, Mama and the rest are here as well” his words made her stop in her tracks, what did she expect? Why was she actually here? She'd made a decision in the craziness of the moment. “If you want, we can go in and see him together” Arno took the hand of his nervous sister, “I don't know, I..” her breath got stuck in her throat when she saw her mother come out of a room and then walked straight up to her the minute she caught sight of her. “What is she doing here? She's the one who started all this” she yelled in Italian at her son, Jared didn't understand a word she was saying but from feeling Harper cringe he knew exactly what was going on. “Mrs. De Robiano” Jared tried but earned himself a deadly stare from Harper's mother “Get her out of here, Mr. Leto, I don't know her and I don't want to know her, she's not a part of this family, she never was or wanted to be so she has no reason to be here” her mother's voice returned to normal the minute she addressed him. “Mrs. De Robiano, she's your daughter and she always will be, I don't know how you can call yourself a mother if you keep on denying her just because she chose her own path, I..” he literally felt his blood boil. The accusations only made matters worse because her mother completely lost it and lashed out at her daughter, stomping her fists on her head and digging her long, perfectly manicured nails in Harper's neck “Mama, stop it, what are you doing?” Arno tried pushing her back while Jared had to prevent a shocked Harper from falling down. “Jared, get her out of here” Arno yelled still struggling to keep his mother back, Jared quickly gathered his thoughts and pulled Harper out of the warzone, she could barely keep up that's how fast he was running.

“Stop, please stop” she tried to catch her breath once they were outside again, her head was hurting so much, Jared stopped and sat her down on a bench “what the fuck..” his worried eyes as he checked on her injuries brought her back to reality. “You're bleeding, we should get back inside and have you checked out” he swallowed hard seeing the damage her mother's nails had done to his lover's throat, “I'm not going back in there..just..take me home, Jared, just take me home” she whispered. “But..” his protest fell on deaf ears, “help me up, will you?” she grabbed his hands so he could pull her back on her feet, instinctively she folded her arm around him, pushing herself against his side, he didn't say anything, knowing that all protest was futile and guided her to another waiting cab. “I'm so sorry, babe” what else could he say? If she was ok? Of course she wasn't, she didn't say anything, she just shrugged and kept staring through the side window, it was clear she was still processing what had just happened. The doorman at the hotel stared at them like he had seen a ghost “you are hurt, let me call you a doctor” he tried to stop them, but Harper just waved it away “no, it's ok, it's nothing” and kept walking trying to cover up the blood so the crowded lobby wouldn't see. When she finally walked in the room and walked past a mirror, she realized what had actually happened “Oh..” her fingers traced the tracks of the dried up blood before she plopped down on the couch. She just felt so cold all of a sudden and couldn't stop shivering, the aftershock coursing through her body he sat down next to her with a wet washcloth “let's get you cleaned up” the feel of the warm water against her skin made her jump. “It's ok, it's just water” he hissed seeing the damage that sorry excuse of a mother had done to her daughter's skin and body, “what the fuck, Jay..” she just didn't know what to say, her mind was still a haze. “I know..it was..she just went crazy..I just wasn't expecting her to go absolutely nuts” he stammered “one thing's for sure, I'm calling her tonight and I'm gonna tell her that I'm gonna sue her sorry ass”. Was he actually saying this about her mother? In all this mayhem with her parents, Jared had always been like Switzerland, trying to be neutral and trying to negotiate, but this time it seemed like his boiling point had been reached. “Don't..nothing you or I can say that's gonna change her or their mind..it's done, she's hurt me enough, this is where I cut the umbilical cord with them if there even was one..Daddy dearest is awake and on the mend, fine, so case closed..fuck them with their money and titles..I've got my own money and my own career and fuck that title”, all surprised about her relatively chill answer Jared stopped wiping her throat. “Really? Case closed, that's it? after they've driven you to hell and back?” he just couldn't believe what he was hearing, “I'm done, Jay..all my life I've been waiting for their approval and why? I've wasted so much time..I've wasted the biggest part of my life on them, but I refuse to waste my future on them, so this is where I draw the line..no more, it ends right here! From now on they are no longer part of my life and I refuse to waste another thought on them”. Her voice was icecold and completely void of any emotion which worried him because it was a side of her that he hadn't seen before, the contrast with the fireball he loved so much couldn't be any bigger, he didn't say anything, he just nodded while taking care of her injuries.

”Harper..sweetie..I'm so happy to see you..OMG, what happened? Your throat?” Charles stopped in his tracks when he saw the bandages around her throat, no matter how hard she tried to hide them with a scarf, they still came peeping through. “Charles..it's..nothing, just a little accident” her hand instinctively pulled the scarf a little higher, it was infuriating how she just tried to hide the damage that lunatic mother of hers had done to her, he had expected her to go absolutely ballistic and break stuff, just like the woman he knew and loved so much but in return he had a subdued, almost embarrassed little girl by his side. “OK..hey Jay..good to see you two together again” Charles greeted him too, “I owe you an apology Harper..I had no idea that things were that strained between your parents and you..I just got the news that your father is awake and will make an almost full recovery..” before he could continue, Harper cut him off “whatever Charles, let's not talk about it anymore, I'm done with talking about them”. Harper walked past him, heading for the few works that were still hanging there, even seeing the anger reflected in her own work, sent a shiver down her spine “they will be shipped out by the end of the week..it was an immense success, your career is only going to skyrocket from here on” he came standing next to her, there was an iciness to her demeanour that was quite unsettling. “You know what it's like in the art world, one minute you're the next big thing, the next you're a nobody again..anyway, let's talk money, shall we?” Bam! The tone was set, void of any emotion, “uhm..yes of course” Charles stammered, giving Jared a quizzical look, don't look at me, this all new to me as well. Harper was talking shop upstairs with Charles, while he strolled around the gallery, somehow her work hit him much more than it did the first time he seen it on display and that was already a blow to the stomach. It finally all clicked together, when a work of art hits you so hard then it's an extremely talented artist, weird to realize that you can fall even harder in love with the person you're already in a relationship with. Next to her, he was nobody at all, his own career didn't even matter seeing all this beauty and perfection, he was a nobody compared to such a talent, all that music and movies didn't mean a thing. He stopped in front of the centre piece the painting of her parents on their throne with their lips sown together and looked up at the mother figure, you deserve nothing better than being portrayed this way, Harper captured you both just the way you are, low life in high places.. Behind him, he heard Charles and Harper come down the stairs again “just think about it, alright, I can guarantee that if you keep me as your agent you'll be at the top in no time” he had trouble keeping up with her ferm tred. “I'll think about it” Harper closed her handbag, ignoring his pleads, he was getting on her nerves, where's Jay? Oh there..oh god, out of here, away from those atrocities hanging on the wall, “you ready?” she casually said to him heading for the door. “Uhmm, yeah..ok” Jared frowned looking at Charles who looked as puzzled as he was, “I'll call you tomorrow” he whispered at his friend before he hurried after her.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 76

“So..where to? Hotel? I’ve booked us a couple of rooms, but if you want to go back to your place, that’s fine too” Jared put his arm around her as they waved goodbye to Arno going back to his hotel after dinner, “no, that hotel is fine, somehow I don’t feel like going back home right now..” she took his hand “is it far, because I kinda feel like walking? You know, clear my head, and cuddle up close walking next to you”. He could have sworn that his heart had just exploded in his chest , why did he order two rooms? he needed to feel her, preferably underneath him..no, he was gonna be a gentleman about this, she would set the pace not the other way round, she had gone through some heavy stuff the last couple of days, flown from NY to LA and back again, see her father finally, her brother trying to reconnect, oh no, she was definitely gonna set the pace, she’ll thank you later for it. An hour and a subway ride later, it had really been too far to walk the whole distance, they walked inside the hotel where Jared picked up their keycards, handing her the one of her own room once they were in the elevator, she wasn’t ready to sleep with him yet but then again she wasn’t ready to be alone tonight either, she just wanted peace and quiet, oh why did he have to pick two rooms in the first place?, shhh, shut up Harper, at least he’s being a real gentleman about this, he’s been nothing but supportive towards you and given you all the space you want. “So, you tired or do you wanna come in for a late night drink or something?” he smiled, feeling a little awkward, “I won’t be able to sleep so yeah I’ll come in with you for a while” she stood on her tiptoes and let her lips graze against his, his body deprived for too long of her touch reacted instantly “alright” he pulled away from her and quickly opened the door and walked in, his back turned to her at all time. Why was he so quick to walk away? she’d expected him to kiss the living daylights out of her instead of checking his phone, “you ok?” she closed the distance between them, “what? Yeah sure, don’t worry about me, I’m the one who is worrying about you” he looked over his shoulder while he poured them a drink. “I mean, listening to Arno and you..it was like you two were talking in code at times” Jared handed her a glass, “code? What do you mean? We didn’t even..I even made absolutely sure not to talk Italian” she was completely lost, looking surprised and shocked about his statement.

“No, I know, but you might have well talked Italian..the ‘abuse’ subject and the way you surf so smoothly around it just breaks my heart” oucchhh, the minute the words left his mouth, he knew he had overstept his boundaries and it was clear in her reaction that he had, “excuse me? Surf smoothly? Really? This is exactly the reason I never go into details about it, nevermind, I’m tired, I’m going to bed” stay calm, Harper, you both had a rough 24 hours, you don’t want to start a fight right now, she tried to calm herself down but was almost unable to. “No, Harper, please, stay! That came out all wrong, I’m sorry” before she could grab her bag, he had already stopped her from going anywhere, “I don’t want to talk about it, Jared” she looked up at him with those big, adorable brown eyes, “I know this is hard for you, but you know you can talk to me about it, just..talk to me”. Harper hesitated, in no way was she ready to talk about this, but had she been ready to talk about it with Arno? No! but she did, and yes in a certain kind of code..or at least that's what it probably sounded and seemed like to him. “Ok, fine” she straightened her back like she was getting ready for battle, the fire in her eyes blazing now, “let’s just sit down, alright?” Jared guided her towards the super comfy couch. Ok, now that he had her attention, how the hell did you start a conversation about such a touchy subject? “what do you want to know?” she pulled her legs underneath her, nervously sipping her drink, “Come here” he leaned over to her, cupped her chin and plucked a kiss from her lips, “that’s better” he smiled, which immediately calmed her down as well. Jared cuddled up to her, putting his arm around her to make absolutely sure she felt safe and loved, he didn’t ask questions, he just let her fill in the gaps herself.

“I’ve never really discussed this with anyone” she sighed, “I know, most of us know about the abuse, but nobody knows the details of it” Jared pulled her closer against him, “not that you owe anyone an explanation or anything, I just thought you might want to get some of it off your chest, make you feel a bit better, you know”. Harper slowly sipped her drink for courage “I know and I appreciate it..I don’t know where to start” it was so difficult to start explaining because she honestly didn’t know where to begin, instead Jared fired the first shot, “he didn’t..I mean he didn’t hurt you..well you know..he didn’t sexually abuse you, did he?” Jared somehow felt his stomach drop now that the word was spoken. “What? NO! oh no no no, god no” she was shocked to hear him say it but at the same time she understood that that subject was on his mind as she probably had thrown up a lot of fog around the subject in the past by not speaking about it, “no, he never touched me in that way, my Dad may be a lot of things but not a sexual predator, that’s for sure” she immediately saw a weight lifting off his shoulders. “He just loved to punish me, and not just for things I did or did not do, I was just a punching bag for his frustrations” she shrugged, “and it was just you? He totally singled you out?” his heart was breaking but he was glad she was talking at least, “yup! After he first raised his hand at me, everything changed, my personality changed and after a while it became my new ‘normal’, my brothers and sisters always made fun of me for being the one who never said anything at the dinner table for example or for not wanting to play outside with them..my happiest moments were when he was gone on business trip and my mother usually joined him after a week or so, but then he had to come back again..”

Jared felt her shiver just talking about it. “I just don’t get it why anyone would raise his hand to his own child, I just don’t get it..but so Arno knows now..” Jared felt an anger rise up he had rarely felt, but it was key to ignore it, none of that would help her along anyway, “it’s weird, I mean, I always thought he had known for years, he never approached or talked to me about it, never had any questions, he was old enough at the time to know better..I guess that’s difficult to forget, I’ll see him tomorrow though, we agreed to meet at the gallery, he wanted to see my work and we’ll go grab a coffee, and talk some more, so..”. Jared sat up a bit, “oh..ok, so you have tomorrow all planned already..?” why was he suddenly feeling so left out?, maybe because she was only telling him now, which was so not her thing, “yes I do, but you can come too, in fact I’ll need you there, for support, you know” . Jared gave her a faint smile and a nod, “oh come on now, don’t sulk..you know what? I’m completely done with this entire topic” she turned in his arms and kissed him, her mouth drifting from his mouth to his ear down to his throat, oh yes, he definitely like the way this was going, uh-uh, but then..his phone rang through their make-out session.

“Take it”, she let go of him and got up to get another drink and just like that the moment was gone and a veil of sorrow covered her again, “oh no..it’s Steph” he hung his head in defeat, not exactly the name she wanted to hear, but hey at least he was honest about it. By the time he got back inside the room he found her curled up into a little ball on the end of the bed, even the way she slept was mesmerizing, and he was so relieved that she hadn’t given up on him and gone back to her own room, ever so gently he picked her up so she wouldn’t wake up and put her on the right side of the bed, pulling the duvet over her. He quickly dropped his clothes and slid in next to her, it felt so good to be beside her again, the warmth of her body, her long beautiful hair spread out like a halo all over the pillow, it instantly made him forget about the nasty conversation he just had with Steph, no, she wasn’t important, never was, the most precious and most important person was lying here next to him.

Harper flew up in bed waking up from a haunting nightmare, where was she? What? Who? Jared..oh god, yes the hotel, it was just a dream..”What is it? You ok? Bad dream?” Jared who had been roused from his slumber because of her bloodcurdling scream shuffled over to her pulling her against his chest, “hey shhhhh, it's ok, I'm here, it's ok” he comforted her. “What..was that?” she looked around her again, still rattled, “I need to call Arno..”, Jared shuffled even closer “call your brother? But it's the middle of night” he had no idea what was going on. When she grabbed her phone, she saw he was right, it was the middle of the night, and Arno didn't call her..maybe things were alright after all, “oh Jay, it was horrible, my Dad had died and my mother was there and she was..” she took a deep breath and shook her head, there was absolutely no need to relive it “doesn't matter..Arno would have called right?”. Jared kissed her hair “I'm sure he would have” which reassured her until she realized “just for your information, this was not where I was planning on staying..why am I in my underwear?” she looked at her state of undress. “You kidding? As if I would carry this sleeping beauty in my bed all the way back to her own room? Believe me, my back is really grateful even if you're as light as a feather!” he grinned, plucking a kiss from her lips “and yes I undressed you, nothing I haven't done before right?”. She leaned into the kiss and deepened it before she slowly pulled back and breathed “and I loved every second of every time you did” she could tell he was trying to be a good boy about this, respecting the boundaries that had been put in place by her, but those days were gone, she needed him and from as far as she could tell, he needed her too. Harper took his hand and lifted it up to her shoulder, making sure he couldn't do anything else than hook a finger under her bra strap “babe..I don't know..” his voice was raspy and unstable, he knew what she wanted but was it for all the right reasons? If they did this then there was no way back and what if she wanted to stop when it got too much after all? He didn't know, no, he was absolutely sure he wouldn't be able to stop. “Oh but I know..I'm absolutely sure..I want you, I need you” she breathed against his mouth again and sat up a bit so he had better access, and  gave him the opportunity to push the strap down her shoulder. The touch of his hand on her naked skin was absolutely electrifying and finally he was pushed over the edge and he wasted no time to unclasp her bra, dropping it between them, and from then on everything happened so quick. He pushed her back on the mattress, his hungry mouth grazing over her already hard nipple. “I love you so much” he whispered, making sure her other nipple didn't feel left out, his hands were taking their time rediscovering her glorious body.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 75

“Harper! Va bene tesoro, sei arrivato, finalmente” Arno came walking up to her which made her stop in her tracks, oh god, what was he now? Late thirties? The last time she had seen him..was what? a decade ago?. Jared squeezed her hand as he too stopped but took a step forward as to protect her from the man approaching them, “Arno..ciao, come stai?” what else was there to say to someone who still felt like a stranger to her? Her eldest brother stopped in front of them seeing Jared's protective demeanour, “If you don't mind we'll switch to English, Arno, this is Jared, he's my ..boyfriend” she swallowed hard. “Nice to meet you, Jared, I'm Harper's brother, I believe we talked on the phone” he greeted Jared in impeccable English and impeccable manners, “nice to finally meet you too, Arno” Jared shook his hand. “You've grown into a beautiful, young woman” Arno smiled at his sister who stood there awkwardly biting her lip, “yeah, thanks..” she took a deep breath when she was pulled against her brother's hard chest in a hug, something they had never done in their entire life. It broke Jared's heart to see them act all awkward, so she had never experienced what it really was to have the support and the love of a sibling, he just couldn't imagine that he and Shannon would ever greet each other with such an emotional distance between them.  “How's papa?” she quickly let go of her brother and asked the pivotal question, “same as yesterday I'm afraid..mama is with him now, the rest of the family has gone back to the hotel to get some rest” he nervously said, knowing full well how tense the situation could become between her and their mother. “Wait here, I'll go tell her to give you some time with him” he smiled and turned to go, Jared felt her hand tremble in his “oh babe, shhh, you nervous?” he pulled her against his chest and kissed the top of her head, “I don't know if this was such a good idea, I'm not sure I can do this” her breath flowed warm and soft through his shirt. “Of course you can do it, if you want I can come with you” ” he breathed in her hair “you decide”, it felt good that he left her the choice, right now it seemed like there had never existed a reason for their break up, maybe there wasn’t, maybe it was all that stupid pride of her all along, just like her pride was preventing her from just walking inside the hospital room of her father, pride and fear, the two most powerful and also most powerless words in the world. “I would prefer for you to be there with me, yes, are you sure you can handle that?” she slowly let go of him, “I can handle anything when you’re involved, remember that” he took her hand and kissed it, “come on, we’ll do this together”.

Harper saw her mother come out of the room without even giving her the light of day, “You’re only allowed 15 minutes” Arno gave her a faint smile, he too was dumbstruck by all the vile things their mother had just said to him about his sister, but he tried to hide it and opened the door to their father’s room for them. Jared walked in after her and saw her gasp just looking at her father who was attached to all kinds of tubes and machinery, “I can’t..” she turned to Jared, despair and fear flashing in her eyes, her breath weezing in her throat, “it’s ok, you can do this, go sit with him, I’ll be right here..there’s nothing to fear, ok?” what the fuck, he himself didn’t even believe his own words anymore, but he couldn’t allow himself to storm out of that room, he’d promised he was gonna be there for her and he was gonna keep that promise. He gave her a confident nod, she took a deep breath, turned around and headed towards the bed of her father again to pull a chair close to the side, “Ciao papa, sono io, Harper Coco” reluctantly she put her hand over his. This hand that had been raised towards her so many times, was now here resting underneath hers, so many fights, so much abuse, that entire hurricane of anger and hurt was stilled right here and right now where there was nothing left to say. That’s how she sat there for a few minutes, all still but Jared could see the war in her head that was raging, he would fly to the moon and back just to be able to help her, comfort her, but this was something she could only do herself, unfortunately.

It was so weird sitting here, all these tubes and machines didn’t scare her, she was getting used to them with all the huffs and puffs and bleeps but this silence between them was new and heavily uncomfortable, all her life her Dad had screamed and yelled at her and now he could no longer, which one was better? Did it matter right now?. “Why did you always hate me so much, papa? Because I didn’t follow your footsteps and be the good little girl you’ve always wanted me to be? Why couldn’t you accept the path I followed and what it brought me? Huh? Why? It brought me so much and made my life so much richer..and wealthier..maybe even your entire scene at the gallery has finally brought me fame, that’s the irony of it though, you of all people were the one who made me sell all those paintings, maybe I should be grateful, huh?!” she sarcastically huffed through the tears that were streaming down her face. “And you know what? My choice of life brought me Jared..and you like Jared, so you can be happy with that..and if not..well I guess that’s just tough because I’m not trading him for anyone”. Jared’s head shot up and despite the situation and the room they were in, his heart had never done more somersaults, meanwhile Harper kept talking, desperately trying not to unleash her pent-up anger of all those years, on her father. “You know, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, was it worth it, Dad? Was it really worth all that anger, that hate you threw my way all those years? Disowning me? Taking my title away from me? I mean, was it all because I went my own way? Or was it to cover up something else?” now the words came pouring out, and she got all agitated “I guess I'll never know, will I? You come storming into that gallery on my big night and you just drop half dead on the scene? Was that another one of your little schemes to ruin my night? Was it? Why the fuck were you even there?”. The tears came fast and furious now, so Jared decided to step out of his little comfortzone on the other side of the room but she shot him such an angry glare when she heard him walk up behind her that he automatically decided to leave her be and he backed off again. “You made it feel for me like I never had a family, you turned everyone against me, nobody ever bothered to contact me in all those years, except you, wait no, your lawyer contacted me, you never even bothered to have a conversation with me! I've been dead to you for so many, many years, well guess what papa, you're dead to me too” she was sobbing so hard her voice was but a screech by now. “I did what I had to do, what was expected of me, so this is it, Dad, if this is too hard for you to keep holding on, or if you were waiting for me somehow then you can go, not that you need my blessing, but you can go” she angrily and roughly wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her jacket and nodded “whatever it's gonna be, you decide”.

Like it was meant to be, there was a soft knock on the door and a nurse walked in “I'm so sorry, Miss, but he needs his rest” and headed to the bed to check on his vitals. Harper quickly brushed the rest of her tears away and nodded, the last of her monologue with her father was without words, he could see it in the slowness with which she let go of his hand, Jared approached her for the second time, this time her reaction was a lot less hostile, “come” he reached for her hand and she grabbed it immediately, clinging to it as she got up and he escorted her slowly out of the room. “You ok?” her brother had worry scribbled all over his face when he walked up to them in the corridor, “No..yes..I don't know, ask me later ok?”, Jared felt her tremble, “listen..uhm..it's been a long day and I could do with a drink..something to eat, there's this place at the end of the block, maybe we could go together”. Before Harper could decline her brother's invitation, Jared nodded “good idea, give us all some time to catch our breath” she needed her family right now even though she would deny it, and so far Arno was her only ally. The hussle and bussle of New York did her good as they walked to the restaurant, it was the only trigger that entered right now as the conversation with and the sight of her Dad was playing on a loop inside her head. Jared held open the door for her and it was heartbreaking to see a grown up brother and sister act so awkward with and around each other, it was almost like a scene from a movie where the nervous older brother was 12 again and out with his kid sister, both of them so far out of their comfort zone, the older brother wants to comfort her, protect his little sister, but she looks so scared of him like they're not even siblings.

The waitress walked up to them with a huge smile, pointing at a booth in the middle of the crowded restaurant, “hey..” Arno put his hand over hers but she reacted like she was stung by a bee, trying not to pull her hand away too fast “it's ok..he's not here, he can't hurt you”, what did he just say? He knew? They had talked on the phone a few times, but they had never talked about anything this deep, so far he had always been the mediator, always choosing the middle of the road, staying away from the real issues and misery. “Wait, what? You know?” she suddenly hissed at her brother who turned bright red, like he was caught  in the act, “Coco, I..” he tried to think of the right way to answer her question, “don't 'Coco' me, who am I kidding? You all knew, mother, our sisters, brothers, everybody knew that Coco was Daddy's punching bag and you never did anything to stop it?” she banged her fist on the table, making every head in the entire room turn. “Ok babe, shhhh, calm down” Jared put his hand on her fist to calm her down “it's ok, your brother doesn't mean any harm, just let him answer, just stay calm ok?” and to his surprise it worked and she remained calm. “Coco, I didn't know, ok, you've gotta believe me, I only found out about a few days ago from Mama, she mentioned something about you and Papa and..it triggered a few things I must have pushed away, so I kept asking her about it, we even had a fight..you have to believe me, Harper, that's why I called you”. It was the 'triggered a few things' part and especially the 'pushing away' that calmed her down, she knew he was telling the truth, this entire family was all about hiding and pushing things away, to the outside world they were the perfect, wealthy diplomates family with all those beautiful kids and their nannies travelling the globe. All the hurt, the physical pain, the blows, the fights, the authoritarian upbringing was always kept neatly inside,  “I was hoping that you and I could finally start to reconnect again, I've been a lousy brother to you, so all I can hope for is that you'll give me chance to be that brother you desperately needed..I love you, Coco, you're my sister..” Arno whispered at her and it certainly had its' effect on her because she clasped her hand over her mouth and tears started rolling again, “I'll take that as a 'yes' as in 'yes, I will give you that chance to be my brother again', because nothing would make me happier, Coco”.  Harper could hardly believe what she was hearing, could there finally be a glimmer of hope and light coming out of all this misery? “I've missed you so much, Arno..and I love you too” she nodded while swallowing her tears away.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 73

“It's my pleasure, I'm glad I could be there for you..” he put his hand over hers, he so wanted to shuffle real close to her and kiss those plump, gorgeous lips again “there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know that” he whispered. She wanted to say so much but somehow the words didn't seem to come that easily, “you have a beautiful house” she awkwardly pulled back because if she didn't know any better, she could have sworn he was going to kiss her. Goddamn, spoil the moment why don't you? “Uh yeah, it's alright I guess, anyway, do you want coffee?” he sighed, “yes please” he shot up from his seat like an arrow from a bow, finally something to do to distract him from that wonderful creature sitting next to him in his kitchen, “what am I gonna do, Jared?” there was that infinite sadness in her voice again. “Well, you're staying here to catch your breath for as long as you want” stay for good that would be even better, let me win you back “Charles called me right before you walked in..there's no change in your Dad's condition I'm afraid, they're keeping him sedated”. Harper bit her lip and felt her own heart ache “oh..” she swallowed hard and suddenly a tear trickled down her face, she just couldn't hold back any longer, the shock was wearing off “he's gonna die, isn't he?..he's gonna die and it's all my fault” she choked on her words. “I shouldn't have made that stupid painting”. His own heart pounded in his throat “Heyheyhey, don't say that, none of this is your fault, nobody's gets a heart attack just by looking at a painting, your father's probably had a heart condition for a long time, didn't your mother say that they flew in last night? It could have been anything that caused him to have an attack, could have been the stress at the airport, the flight..or being stressed out from having to give a speech at the UN” oh fuck this, she's crying, he put her cup of coffee down on the counter in front of her and pulled her head against his chest, caressing her hair. “You did nothing wrong, Harper, nothing!” he breathed in her hair before he kissed the top of her head, “why did..they even come? I didn't invite them..why can't they just leave me alone?..and why is this hurting so bad?” she sniffed uncontrollably, feeling her warm breath caressing his chest through his shirt had the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “Charles told me he invited them, he genuinely thought he was doing the right thing..maybe he wanted to bring you all closer again..and the reason you're hurting so much is because you still love your parents, even after all the horrible things they did to you, they did you wrong, babe, not the other way around” his words only made her cry harder “you did nothing wrong, ok? You just followed your heart and chased your dreams and that's one of the reasons I fell for you hook, line and sinker”.

Steph's cough put both of their feet back on the ground “well that sure looks like a cosy breakfast” clearly annoyed with the sight of her part-time lover and his..what was she actually to him? She'd never seen him this close with any of his friends before. “Could you give us a minute, Steph?” he calmly said without even turning his head to look at her but it was Harper who broke their bodily contact, “no, it's ok, I don't know what came over me, all this stupid crying has got to stop, anyway, I'll go take my coffee up in my room, give you guys some room”. She gave them both a sad smile and left the room with her cup, ok, back up to her room? I need some air, front door no, ok I'll just go in here, she disappeared inside the huge living room and was drawn to the huge windows looking out over a beautiful garden with a huge pool. Slowly she pulled open the window and stepped outside into the fresh morning air, sipping her coffee she strolled around the garden, this was such a magical place..it actually reminded her of the garden her parents had when she was growing up..was her youth officially over? Did your childhood die when one of your parents died? were the memories buried along with them? Waves of a heated argument drifted out to her and those were really thick walls, uh-oh..wherever she went trouble would always follow her, and the last thing she wanted was to cause Jared any trouble, he had been so kind to her. How cruel and sobering was it to have your ex be the only friend you seemed to have left in this world? With an ache in her heart she sat down on a bench, staring at the faint rippling of the pool water she sipped her coffee, last night's film rolling in her head. Thank god, she was still here, when he couldn't find her in her room he had gotten a bit panicky but instantly felt relieved when he found her in his garden, lost in her thoughts, “hey” he softly said as he walked up to her but she didn't even seem to notice him. “Coco?” hearing her name startled her and half of her coffee sloshed over the rim of her mug “Oh..I'm sorry, I'm so sorry” rattled she looked at him and then at the wet mug in her hands “I made a mess, I'll clean it up” she stammered. “Chill, it's just coffee” putting his hand on her arm he could feel her shiver “you were miles away” and sat down next to her taking the cup out of her hands and put it down on the ground. “Sorry..I..are you ok?” she squinted her eyes checking out the expression on his face, she could always read him like a book, “you guys had an argument? Listen, Jay, I don't want to cause trouble between you two”. Jared stretched his legs and looked at his hands resting on his thighs “we did..” he sighed, “where is she? Maybe I should go talk to her and explain..I really don't want to break up a happy home..I should have known I was gonna cause trouble again” but before she could get up he stopped her. “Harper, stop..just stop! And will you look at me?” he cupped her chin and turned her head so she had to look into his eyes “You are not causing trouble, alright? You're not breaking up anything, because Steph and I are not a couple”.

”Oh..” she felt her heart do a little jump in her chest “but I thought..so if you're not a couple, you're something else then..d'you know what? It's really none of my business” no it really wasn't, I don't want to know, I split up with you one time too many “I guess I still have to get used to the fact that we're actually friends now”. Hell yes it's your business, if you would only give me a chance to make right what I did wrong between us, say it, go on, just tell her, clear the air between the two of you “Steph and I..we're..we were..nothing at all..she was a distraction..I guess you can talk from experience with that..Nathan” he almost puked his name. “Experience?..with Nathan?..Oh come on Jay, we've never even kissed, let alone sleep together” she sighed exasperated, how many more times did she need to explain? Every time he heard her say it, it was music to his ears. His phone ringing made her flinch, reluctantly he broke eye contact and connected the call “I'm sorry, who am I talking to?” he couldn't understand the man with the heavy Italian accent, “Arno..ah..hold on” the minute he said the name out loud, her head shot up and she reached for his phone so he instantly handed it over. “Pronto, Arno?! Sei davvero tu? Come mi hai trovato?” she shot up from the bench and started pacing criss cross through the garden like she had lost all direction, he watched her clutch her heart and look at the sky, then start pacing again, her hand covering her mouth. Jared got up, I'll go get her some more coffee, she'll probably need it after that call and give her some privacy.

Walking back into the garden, she sat on the bench again, his phone next to her, head hung low, her arms folded across her head like she was bracing for a heavy weight to fall down on her head. “Who was that?” he tried to get her attention holding the steaming cup in front of her, slowly she lifted her head, her eyes still wet with tears shocked him, “Arno..my eldest brother” sniffing she took the cup from him. “Any news about your Dad?” he caressed her hair as she nodded “yeah, they were told to prepare for the worst”, he saw the pain tear right through her just saying the words out loud, “oh babe..I'm so sorry” all he could do was be there for her now. He sat down and pulled her in his arms, how long had it been since someone actually held her? Too long, so the kindness of his touch made the tears roll freely, she could finally let go “My father's gonna die..” she kept repeating through her tears, he didn't confirm or deny, he just let her come to terms with the fact in her own way, her mantra had him choking up as well and his own silent tears threatened to roll as well, but he held them in, she needed him to be a rock and protect her from all the trouble that was about to go down, if her father actually died, it was only a matter of time before the newspapers would use her pain to fill up their pages and would leave no stone unturned to try and break her career and reputation. “I'll keep you safe, I'm not gonna let them hurt you anymore” the vibration of his voice in his chest she was plastered against had her close her eyes and hold on to him even tighter.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Steph staring at them in their warm embrace, oh god no “all nice and cosy I see? And you have the guts to tell me you're not fucking?” she stomped over to them, causing Harper to pull out of their embrace. Annoyed Jared got up “I told you to leave Steph, what are you doing back here?” he spat the words at her, “Oh I don't know” she sarcastically spat back with a heavy eyeroll “I thought maybe we could still talk this through” they were almost nose to nose now “you and I go back a while Jared, you and I both know that this was never about just some fun nights with crazy, mindblowing sex”. Harper couldn't bear to listen to this any longer and wanted to walk away “where do you think you're going? Running again when things get a bit rough? Yeah, Jared told me all about you, weren't you the one who fucked him over so many times? Always stirring up shit and then running away the minute you get held responsible? I don't think I need to remind you of last night? Your Dad gets a heartattack in NY beause of you and where are you? In frikkin' LA trying to wreck another home” Steph blew up leaving Harper completely speechless. Jared flew forward, pushing Steph back in no friendly manner “Shut up Steph! you get the fuck off of my property right now and you stay away” he shouted in her face. Harper touched his arm “stop both of you, just stop! I can't take it anymore, and I don't think your neighbours can either, I'm going in..I'm sorry, I just can't deal with this right now” and started walking away. Harper's heart was hammering in her chest, it was just too much, she just couldn't find any peace, wherever she was trouble would always rear its' ugly head, she quickly headed into the kitchen when she heard Jared and Steph enter the living room again still shouting at each other. She needed to call Arno..her phone..where was it?..upstairs in her room..she just needed to hear a familiar voice..he was her only connection..maybe she was not thinking straight or maybe her mind was playing tricks on her right now but he had sounded so calm and warm. Slipping out of the kitchen and up the stairs she stopped in her tracks when she heard Jared swear and curse “you want the truth? You can't handle the truth..”, she didn't want to eavesdrop but what followed had her sit down on the stairs. “Ok, if honesty's what you want, then that's what you'll get..I'm not in love with you..I never was..you were just a distraction, nothing more..there's only one woman for me, hell, I even imagined it was her when we were having sex, I don't give a flying fuck about you or anyone else..that's the only truth I can give you! I only love Harper and I'll always love her for as long as I live, she's all I want, just her, nobody else..” there, he said it, his heart ached knowing that his love would never be reciprocated, not after everything he had put her through. “It's always been you, Jared..I love you too” what? Slowly he turned to see Harper stand there in the doorway “I love you, Jared”.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 70

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re: re: Silence is not golden

Harper,

This was never a game for me, never! I'm a little too old to be playing games, when will you finally believe me? I don't know how or if I'm ever gonna win your trust back, but I'm not giving up, no way!

Charles isn't exactly the right man to be talking to, you should be right here talking to me! I don't want to torment you, I somehow needed to put some distance between us, because in spite of what you're thinking, I too am grieving and suffering. I've lost the woman I love so much by my own doing and that is killing me. One part of me is thinking: Harper deserves better, but the other part is saying: no, I'm the right man for her and she is the right woman for me. Making sense? Probably not, I don't know anything anymore, all I know is that I'm as miserable as can be.

Scratch 'maybe' out of your sentence 'maybe I should keep in touch with you', you need to stay in touch with me, life is even harder without your e-mails, no matter how unfiltered and angry they are.

Your exhibition will be amazing, the torment has got nothing to do with that, you're the future of art and that's a fact! When is it?

About the trust issues, it's ripping my heart out that you put me on the same line as your father and Sean, I can understand about them as they always used you and never loved you, but I did..I've loved and still love you Harper. I'll always remember the day I actually met you..it was instant love..

This mail is not like me, it's not eloquent, it's got no rhythm..I'm just hurting so bad, sorry!

Jared

Woww, what? So you're the victim now? Classic! Just fucking classic!

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Re: re: re: Silence is not golden

Jared,

Really? You're gonna be the victim now? The great George Michael once sang: 'guilty feet have got no rhythm', it's the same with feet as with your e-mails then, I guess!

The day you met me? Another fine example to prove my point that you can't commit to one woman! Let me refresh your memory..at the moment we first met, I was flown in as your lightdesigner and I got so much attention from you at the time, while you were constantly flirting with the other me by e-mail. That's when I should have known that you can never be true to one woman, even though I was one and the same but you didn't know that at the time.

Tell me, Jared, who did you really fall in love with, Coco or Harper?

Just..whatever, Jay!

HC

No ‘Harper’, no ‘Coco’, just ‘HC’, just some initials like this was a goddamn business transaction, it's too late, it's too bloody late! I'm done with this arguing, close the chapter for good, lick your wounds and then move on. He swiped her mail away, he couldn't go on, a wave of infinite sadness overwhelmed him and he let himself fall back on the bed and unabashedly cried his eyes out. On the other side of the country, Harper nervously wiped a tear away, don't cry, not here anyway, besides you've done too much of that already, forget what you lost, just gather what you still have even if it's just your pride and walk away, enough fighting, enough damage done on both sides. She switched off her phone, there, the world will still keep turning without me for a few days and if Charles needs me, he knows where I live.

Days later and Jared was just about to go on stage when he got a call from Charles “Jay, have you heard from her?” his friend's worried voice had the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “Heard from who?” he knew who he meant but couldn't bring himself to say her name, “Harper! I've been calling, texting, e-mailing her, I even drove to her apartment a couple of times and she seems to have vanished from the face of the earth, I needed the rest of her work yesterday” Charles sounded desperate. “No, I've got her last e-mail over a week ago and to be honest she's no longer my concern” Jared breathed into his phone while microphone wires were attached to him “I've gotta go Charles, I'm about to go on stage” he didn't wait for Charles' reply and handed the phone to Shayla who disconnected the call. Just like he said, not his concern anymore, so what if she was missing? He had banned her out of his thoughts and had gotten through the week more or less ok,  surrounding himself with friends and family, and being the center of every party of every day this week and no he had not slept in his own bed for one night but he was a free man right? He didn't need to explain anything to anyone, not anymore. He walked up the small steps of the stage, a wave of heat surrounded him, blinding stroboscopic lights, the box lifted with the pulsating, hypnotic beat of 'Monolith' and the familiar roar of the crowd tugged at every fibre of his body, his eyes connecting with a couple of blue eyes in the frontstage, the eyes of last night's nameless conquest he had fucked. Guilty feet have got no rhythm? Just fuck off De Robiano, you don't know anything about me, you were just a warm and soft cushion for the pushing, nothing more, go ahead and fuck that stupid, sissyboy Nathan, lock yourself up with him and pretend he's the chosen one, the one who understands how that lunatic mind of yours works because I don't give a fuck about you anymore.

There was an urgent knock on the door that pulled her out of her concentration, huh? She jumped off her scaffolding and walked to the door, ohhh her back ached from being in the same position for far too long. “Djeezes fuckin' Christ!” in front of her stood a swearing and cursing Charles “what do you have a fuckin' phone for? I was this close to report you missing! Do you still want that exhibition or do I give your spot to the next big thing I've been putting on hold for a long time now!” he pushed past her, she looked completely clueless, her big brown eyes had big dark circles underneath, she clearly hadn't slept in god knew how long. “Charles..I..” she nervously wiped her hands on her blouse and looked for her phone to tell her the date and the time, “don't you fucking dare to 'Charles' me, I should have had your last pieces two days ago! I've been blowing up your phone and I'm so sick of that voicemail of yours, I've even been round here and you never answer the door” he yelled at her. He stomped around the apartment, the steam was really coming out of his ears when he saw the cord of the door videophone unplugged “how much do you want this, Harper? How fucking much? Because if you're not interested in your future then you tell me right now and I walk! I've got much better things to do with my time and my money than to invest it in some careless, egotistical little wannabe artist”. Harper let herself sink down on a barstool completely gobsmacked, the last couple of days had been about painting day and night to get it all finished, without any distraction and now she had missed her window?

All the yelling he was doing hit her like a brick wall and only intensified her low self esteem of the last couple of days where she had constantly thought that she was a loser and every single one of her paintings was a joke. “I'm sorry..I am..really sorry..” she stuttered and nervously wrang her hands, biting on her lip she tried to keep the frustrated and exhausted tears at bay “I didn't mean to..”. Charles' eyes were still shooting daggers at her “are you actually going to form a coherent sentence? Oh forget it, I'm outta here” he spat and then spun on his heels and stomped over to the door. That's when she completely broke down, silent tears started rolling down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands, he stopped when he opened the door and in the corner of his eye he saw how silent sobs ripped through her body and it broke his heart. Taking a deep breath, he turned around again and put his hand on her back “don't cry, I didn't mean all that, it was just the adrenalin talking after a crazy couple of days, but I guess the days have been as crazy for you as they were for me..I was so worried..I even called Jared thinking you were with him”. The mention of his name made her lift her head but she didn't say anything, “which was a ridiculous idea..you're obviously painting him out of your system” he whistled between his teeth as he looked around the studio and saw the paintings, one of them was a heartwrenching, hyperrealistic painting of a semi-naked Jared looking right at the spectator with an expression in his eyes that made your heart skip a beat. “And he's singing you out of his system..”.

Hours later in the middle of a sleepless night, Jared took his phone from the bedside table and started scrolling, the reflection of the light made the anonymous lover for the night stir, so he got up and tried to find his way around this girl's house, where was the frikkin' kitchen in this place?. “Charles, it's me..did you find her?” he breathed into his phone as he pulled open the fridge in search of a drink, “I did..” Charles' reply was short and stern, “is she ok?” he had to know, he had felt bad all through the show having cut him off like he had done. “I'm not trying to be rude or anything, Jared, but why do you want to know? you said yourself she is no longer your concern” he breathed into the phone, “I know what I said..I was trying to protect myself..of course I still..” he hesitated before the world 'love' fell from his lips “care..about her”. Charles heard him struggling and pinched the bridge of his nose “I'm gonna be honest here..I worry about her..it's not uncommon for an artist to lock himself away from the world and she needed the time alone to finish everything, but my god Jared, you should see what she has made..it's the strongest, yet most heartbreaking, gutwrenching series of paintings..you have to see it to believe it, it's impossible to describe. It's phenomenal and it's gonna shoot her to the top of the art world but..aside from all that she's just not ok, she's desperately trying to be but that's one damaged cookie”. Shivers ran up and down Jared's spine, Harper..god, Harper..you stupid, harsh, tough, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing creature, I am trying so desperately to forget you and push you away, but you're always there in the pit of my heart and right behind my eyes no matter how much I try to fuck you out of my system. “Can you put me on the guestlist?” he blurted it out before he could change his mind, “Jared, I don't think..” Charles bit his lip, was confrontation what she needed or even wanted? Hell no! “..ok, I'll tell them to add your name to the list even though I'm probably gonna regret this for the rest of my life, just for the love of everything that's dear to me, don't you dare start a frikking World War III down here, she'll hate me more than enough already knowing you're there”. Jared exhaled like he had been holding his breath for too long “I won't, I promise, I'm not coming down to confront her, besides she won't even have to know I'm there, I'll hide somewhere so she won't have to see me, I just want to see her work”.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 72

There was no protest, no accusations, not yet anyway, she just nodded and meekly followed him like a little puppy to his waiting car, he held open the door and she just got in without a word, “can we go dancing now?” a woman's voice eagerly asked while he got in. Harper leaned back a bit in shock, she hadn't even realized there was someone else waiting in the car, “sorry, no can do, we're flying back to LA tonight” Jared buckled up and started the engine. “Oh, I don't want to ruin any plans..” he could hear Harper whisper from the backseat, “you're not!” he said decisively as he let the car merge with the late night traffic. The atmosphere in the car was tense, the girl in the passenger's seat certainly didn't seem too happy with his decision so she leaned back a bit when there was a whispered argument going on in the front, she didn't need to hear, none of my business anyway. The worry inside of Jared was real, Harper was still in shock, she didn't say a word, she practically only answered with 'yes' or 'no' when she was spoken to, but 95% of the time she seemed to disappear in her own world, when he said he would stop at her house to get some clothes, she did exactly that, she walked inside only to get back out with a small bag of clothes 10 minutes later and the same empty look in her eyes.

Heading towards the airport, Jared got a call and he looked in the rearview mirror when Charles' voice bounced around the car “Hey Jay, did you find Harper?” he watched how all colour drained from her face and she shivered. “Yes..yes I found her..she's right here with me..us”. Charles seemed to hesitate for a second “Oh good..I'm glad..I talked to her mother, there's no change..are you coming back here?” Jared kept staring in the rearview mirror but she just looked down at her hands, “No, we're not..I'm taking her to LA to catch her breath” he sighed, expecting a lecture from him but none came “Ok..call me when you land? We need to talk” Charles sighed. ”You can sit here if you want, get settled in, not long before we take off” he pointed at a seat on the other side of the aisle, his heart melted when she followed his finger and sat down, holding her bag in her lap, she was under such a heavy shock still. If only she would say something..and could his friend with benefits shut up in the meantime, all that one did was chatter, nag, chatter and nag again “and all this on one of my weekends where I finally have some time off” she huffed as she sat down next to him and angrily clicked her seatbelt shut “doesn't she have any other friends?”. Jared just shook his head “will you just shut up? You can still get off the plane and stay in New York if you want” he clicked his seatbelt as the plane slowly started moving, “Miss? Do you want me to put your bag above your head?” the flight attendant smiled at her, “sorry?” Harper looked up at her with a million question marks in her eyes. “Your bag? I need to put it in the locker or you can put it under your seat, whatever is easier for you” the flight attendant patiently asked again, “oh” was all she managed to say as she finally handed over the bag, “let's click you in and I'll come over with some refreshments as soon as we're airborne”.

No matter how hard she fought it, that dark mist in her head just wouldn't lift, she was cold through and through but somehow she couldn't seem to get warm, every single one of her limbs refused to function properly, she was so locked up in herself that she couldn't concentrate longer than a second. Do I still have a father? Am I a cold blooded murderer? Like mama said? A suppressed sob nearly strangled her, but the tears just wouldn't come, she just kept staring blankly ahead, deaf and blind to her surroundings. “Harper?” a hand touching her shoulder startled her, “are you coming?” what? Where? She blinked a couple of times and looked around, “yes” she whispered as she got out of her seat and followed him off the plane. “God, I'm so gonna be glad to be rid of her, what hotel are you taking her to?” his date nuzzled against his ear as they got in the waiting van, “I'm not taking her to a hotel, she's staying at my house” he pulled out of her reach. “What?..but..” her mood suddenly dived below zero, “I'm not gonna discuss it, Steph, she's my..” he hesitated, did he tell her that they were ex-lovers and that he'd do whatever it took to stay in her life? “..she's like family to me and she needs help, I'm not gonna look away and leave her alone in all this”. She rolled her eyes “Djeez..you guys fucking or something?”, Jared shivered, she wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed was she? “No..we're definitely not fucking” he wanted to add 'unfortunately' but didn't. Harper looked out of the carwindow at the citylights that were whizzing by, she had never been to LA but everything seemed so much more laidback than NY, people standing in line in front of a club, people walking in and out of restaurants, a heavy sigh escaped her lips, a couple of hours ago the night had been young and full of promise fcr her too..until she, almost or already she wasn't sure, killed her father, she banged her head against the window and closed her eyes, IhatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyself the mantra on endless repeat in her head.

Jared waited for her to get out of the van while he took her bag from her and she followed him up the driveway towards the huge mansion, stepping inside the enormous hallway she realized how little she actually knew of him, he had never talked about his house or about LA for that matter. Nothing in this house reminded her of the nomade she had been with, “you won't need this in LA, you're probably boiling” she heard him say as he reached to help her out of her big wintercoat, she hadn't even noticed the huge difference in temperature. His fingers lingered on her skin as he helped her out of her coat, he had missed her and this closeness so very much “why don't you go sit down, do you want something to drink?” the sound of his own voice bugged him, this entire distant situation between them bugged him. He wanted to talk to her, hold her, comfort her, but she was still so stuck in her own bubble of shock and fear, she functioned but that was about it basically. “Jared, babe, sexy tiger of mine, I'm so tired, all I want is to be horizontal with you” and then there was Steph too who came waltzing into the living room, fuck this! Harper's head shot up like she realized for the first time that there was someone else involved but their eyes only met briefly before she took a deep breath “I'm tired” and got up out of her seat, it was clear these two wanted to be alone. “Oh..of course, I'll take you to your room” Jared said a little bit more relieved than he wanted to admit, he could be alone with her for a while, up an endless flight of stairs, left and then right from one corridor to the other, how big was this house? “this is your room” how weird was this taking her to a guest bedroom when all he wanted was to show her his bedroom?. She followed him inside the huge room with ceiling to floor windows all around, the city underneath them lit up like a christmas tree, “thank you” she whispered looking at the kingsize  bed. “My pleasure”, god, she looked so forlorn and so fragile “are you ok?” it was a dumb question, of course she wasn't ok, but he would have asked anything just to hear the sound of her voice again.

Without even looking at him, she slowly walked up to the window overlooking the city and shook her head “No..I'm scared..my father..I didn't mean to..my family..I don't have a family anymore..I killed him..I'm alone..I don't know what I'm gonna do..am I a murderer?” she clasped her hand over her mouth, the pain in her chest was so heavy like she was struggling to breathe. “Oh babe, don't say that..” he closed the distance between them but when he wanted to put his arms around her, she backed away like a scared cat “your father had a heart attack, you didn't kill him..this is not your fault, Harper!” his arms dropped to his side “you don't just get a heart attack like that”. Her eyes locked with his “why did I make that painting?” she whispered, in the darkness her whispering had something erotic, but before he could say something, Steph decided to end their little gathering “it's late, take me to bed” she walked over to him and pushed herself seductively against him. “Thank you for your hospitality” Harper softly said, breaking their eyecontact “this room is lovely”, goddammit Harper why are you always so politically correct? Even in your darkest hour you still manage to throw up that wall around you and shut everyone out? “try and get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning, if you need anything, my room is” he hesitated hearing himself say 'my room' when all he wanted to say was 'our room' and Steph certainly wasn't included in that 'our', “my room is the first on your right”. All she could do was nod and he slowly turned to leave the room with Steph in his wake, then the door closed and she was alone again, clutching her heart she let herself drop to the floor and pulled up her legs crossing her arms over them, curling herself up like it was all she could do to protect her against the long, black night.

Jared lay wide awake for most of the night, the film of this dramatic evening rolling on endless repeat in his head, Steph stirring in her sleep pulled him out of his waking dream and the gutwrenching dissapointment instantly followed, this bed had the wrong woman in it. What kind of a man, let alone friend, am I when all I can think of is her..us being a couple again in this time of her need?. Every single one of her limbs ached from being in the same position too long as she got up, her phone had been silent all night, the only notification she got was that her battery was running low, she had hoped that one of her brothers would at least have the decency to give her a little update but no..the clan had closed the ranks once again. She put down her phone and looked around the room bathing in the light of an amazing LA  early sunrise, Jared's house..he took her to LA..she tried to sort through the rubble of last night in her head,why was he even there? Maybe a shower would help to clear the cobwebs. “Yes Charles we did land..I'm sorry alright? We were all exhausted..No, of course she's not ok..poor thing's gone into some kind of shock, she's completely disconnected from the world around her after the hospital, what else can you expect when your own mother accuses you of being a murderer? God, what a mess..what? Oh god no..yeah, ok I'll tell her”. This house was so huge and a complete maze and she constantly felt like she was trespassing, she was just looking for a charger for her phone, so she ventured downstairs where the smell of fresh coffee beckoned her to the kitchen, gently she pushed the door and found him sitting at a counter in the middle of an enormous kitchen, scrolling through his phone. “Goodmorning Jay..I don't want to interrupt..I forgot the charger of my phone and I was wondering..” her voice that danced up behind him made his head shoot up, he had so missed the sound of that beautiful, but now so formal, voice. He held up the end of a charger and his cup of coffee to her “I got both, come here” with a big warm smile on his face inviting her over “how are you feeling? Did you sleep at all?” on instinct he pushed a kiss on her forehead. “No..” she shook her head as she sat down next to him “but I'm so very grateful for everything you've done for me last night..I want you to know that! Last night I lost my entire family..you know what I mean..but you stood up for me and took care of me even if you clearly have other priorities in your life right now, I'll never forget that!so thank you, Jay..” her voice trembled and she quickly wiped a tear from her eye.