#3O POINTS IN TOTAL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

[caracolcondiarrea]

I believe that Eurovision this year has been a social experiment

[look-at-me-by-your-window]

Shits I hold

Yeah, It will sounds like another diary stuff, but hell yo, I was not able to sleep well last night- after midnight to be exact. 

I just had a sequence of nightmares. 

I went home 3:3O am from work, ( I found an old time friend on the road. We had a small talk- not related to the story though). So yeah, I prepare for bed time, brush my teeth, change clothes, etc. My little brother is already sleeping on my sleeping mat. I don’t know why he still sleeps there, I don’t really allow him. And even if he does, I forcefully wake him up and ask him to go out, I don’t care if he really is sleeping, or was in a deep sleep. In case you care, I do that, though I love him, because I cannot sleep with someone beside me. I don’t know, whoever it was whose sleeping with me, I just can’t really sleep, sometimes I can but it won’t really be a good sleep. Ask my exs, you’ll know its true. Lols.

Anyways, on that night (after midnight), I was so tired and I don’t care to anything. He’s my brother, maybe I would just let him. I even hugged him for an hour, trying to sleep myself in that way. But of course, I can’t.

So, I let him go from my arms, push him a little bit far from me and act like I don’t have him right at my side. 

6 am already, the roosters already doing their job of shouting endlessly and  ruining some sleeps of some sleepless people like me.

So I did my rituals again, (Yes I have, I do that for me to sleep in just a short of time, its like I’m hypnotizing myself, I’ll tell you about it next time). And for the second attempt, it worked, at least. I had to sleep but ending up with a nightmare. Lol. Actually, a sequence of nightmares as I said above. I totally forgot about those, I know I would, that’s why I told myself to write about what I have dreamt, but I didn’t.

Anyways, again, the sequence was (not in order), I already have a baby wwith a woman I don’t know, I was with my friends (straight guys) turning to be gay and kissing each other and I’m acting the epic reaction of Yael on one party he was into. (just search epic “Yael Reaction” online); and I was on a lone trip to Masasa Beach and suddenly a zombie apocalypse happened. I have another one, but I really lost it in my mind.

What’s unbelievable here is that, I totally believed all the scenes I had to dream. Like you know, you can’t really have a baby because didn’t really fuck that girl, but my brain kind of reasoned out telling myself that’s it’s all true, you fucked here somewhere and you’re careless, she has planned everything and blah blah blah. (Maybe it must be another topic to discussed- the reality of dreams. Lols)

Since we already out of the topic, my point here was I wasn’t able to have a good sleep I deserved. 

Around 7 am to 8 am, I woke up from one of those mentioned bad dreams, and noticed my brother was slightly awoke, so I tapped him hard, asking him to move outside, and just does it, without complaining, because maybe he was used to it.

Afterwards, I already had myself slept a little well, but not that good,  I was still disturbed by children’s laughter, the loud television, a baby crying and so on.

(Opps, I had a pausing moment) At this point, I realized, this is just a small thing, it could happen to anyone that it doesn’t need to be written like this, and post it to the world. But the fact that I have to one to talk about it, was really the point. I had a bad sleeping habit and no one knows it and that I hate myself and no one knows it, that I might already need some one, but no one knows it, until someone can read it (until someone reach this point of this useless narrative, lols.)

This might be one of those shits I keep holding on. I think I will not ever read this again, lols, I won’t even edit those wrong grammars you have seen. lols. 

Right now, I am still asking why I had those dreams, why I can’t sleep with someone beside me, or even what am I doing with my life? I hope someone will tell me.