#4 more days and i go home
Text
by candlelight
#autumn I love u ….. had such a nice night last night !!!#worked rlly hard at the gym + came home + smoked and walked Winston right around sunset it was sooo beautifulll walking around the#neighborhood looking at the little sliver of the moon hearing ppl’s band practice in their garage seeing the birds 😌#did laundry and packed for my bday trip this weekend!#then watched buffy and did a longggg stretch routine with all my pretty bedroom lights#it was the last ep of season 4 actually I really loved it..!!!!!!#today is going to be long as hell dude going to run and get a haircut before work then I’m in the lab alll dayyyy until 8 pm 😴#lecturing and demo-ing monotype in class today tho so I can be more hands on :-) yay#ok . this turned into a little diary entry hahaha#hope u have a wonderful day <3#personal
604 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
saw a tiktok that was like. Daily Affirmations: my work crush doesn’t like me. and now i’m like wow i wish i could send this directly to all of my new high schooler coworkers. who are all really annoyingly obsessed with our one male manager because he’s The Chill Manager. you may have seen me refer to this man before (it’s different when EYE love him because we are the same age. the high schoolers being obsessed with him is weird as hell and he DOES need to stop encouraging this) back in winterspring i was doing a lot of opening shifts with him and i was joking that we had the king and lionheart dynamic. which was real at the time but not so much the vibe now just because like. the vibe has shifted idk i work different shifts there’s different other managers i’m technically promoted there’s all these new people i don’t care about. the vibe is different. anyway. don’t care for these high schoolers and their obsession with him. especially because they’re like actual assholes sometimes to my friend managers… (they used to just work here and then two managers left and they got promoted) (i also technically got promoted at the same time but they rank above me and do more shit that i don’t want to do so like. obviously i’m not bitter or jealous about it. like if i had to manage a bunch of teenagers that didn’t respect me i might cry every single day) (which is happening to one of them fr. they’re literally such assholes to her sometimes it’s crazy like she’s not even as mean to you people as she should be…) not to side with like. The Man or whatever but unfortunately i’m not a teenager with a part time job i go to when i don’t have soccer practice so i cannot relate to the proletariat in this situation… like i knowww they’re seeing my girl as Bitch Manager and it’s making me hate them soooo bad. like you idiots can’t even fold jeans correctly!! i hate you!!!!
#literally the past three nights i’ve been working overnight with just the 2 friend managers and we’ve been having major bitch sessions#about these high schoolers…. sorry if this makes us bitches!!#maybe if more than 4 of them were literally any good at all at any part of their job we’d hate them less idk…..#like. if they sucked less it would mean i’d have to do less work. like girls work with me here im sick of covering your asses…..#can’t even put things back where they’re supposed to go correctly…#like why am i finding clearly marked clearance jeans mixed in the stack of full price ones…. stop pissing me offfffff omg#sorry again. but the next idiot teenager who asks me where something goes and i look at it and it’s clearly marked as clearance is going to#make me lose my mind for real. yes i do need a different job i know that im aware of this#the problem THERE is that all jobs look awful to me <3#and there’s genuinely nothing on earth i care enough about to make it a career!#i genuinely need to become a trophy wife and stay at home mom. like there’s no careers for me i fear#i don’t mean that in a ‘submitting to the patriarchy’ way i mean it in a ‘the only thing i’ve consistently known i want in my future for my#entire life has been kids’ way#anyway. having a job where you’re the fifth most in charge person there and third on an average day. makes you evil fr
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
EEEK good morning & happy sunday friends !! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝ i’m wishing all of you the bestest of days today and giving each of you a strawberry !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓
#will be on the road for about 4 hours to go back home sigh T^T#promise i’ll get to askies n stuffs later !! <3#gonna be watching my brothers house for him for about 10-11 days as soon as i get home !!#i only get to say hi to my kitties for just a minute before leaving them again SOB T^T#i miss them soso much WAHHHH !!#also will be takin’ a pic of my haul so i can post it YIPEEE !!#i got some new figs yesterday and a brand new volume of manga !! <3#the bookstore had JUST gotten them in that day and hadnt even put them out yet !! it was so shiny and new !! >//<#they only had the first volume in stock so i cant wait for more to release !! :3#it was windbreaker !! m’ gonna collect figs of them too & so far i have 4 suo acrylic stands teehee i wuv my bf <333#I FINALLY GOT A GENYA FIGURE YESTERDAY !!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEK !!!!!!! i was so excited to find one !!#it was the same brand as the rengoku one so that was perfect !! >_<#i love collecting things that make me happy :>#anywhosies i’ll wrap this yap up teehee !! ^_^#I WUV YOU ALLLL !! <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
When people think they can “only” talk to me for an hour:
#once you enter my extrovert conversational vortex you will never want to escape#I just know this is what happens to Saikī when he goes out for dessert with Aiura#he's like [I'm going to be in there for 20 minutes max] and 4 hours later Aiura's like “aww this was so fun but I RLY gotta go babe ttyl!!”#and he looks at his watch like [WHAT] and he's been talking with her the whole time and spilled his guts for at least 90 minutes#he's tired after but getting out his feelings felt good. cathartic. afterwards he sleeps better than he has in ages.#the next time she invites him out he tells himself he'll give her an hour at most.#but after the coffee jelly she mentions how it's such a beautiful day outside so they go walk in the park for a bit.#at dusk she asks for him to walk her home and he realizes it's been 7 hours.#she kisses his cheek and says her goodbyes and he realizes he would have happily stayed a few more hours with her
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
i spent all morning looking for the cheapest ways to get to venice next monday and i feel like i've cracked the code or something i think i got it
#i have to talk it with my mum cause she's the one with the money#but i've seen some good ideas#i have 5 options for now#for some reason flights to and from venice from madrid are expensive as fuck#so i'll have to get to another airport first#here are my options. keep in mind the exam i have to take is on monday 10 at 9:30 am. also ideally i wouldn't want to pay a hotel room#in venice. cause they're expensive as fuck#so let's see. you can also help me out all help is welcomed:#option 1. on sunday i get on a train to barcelona. i sleep in bcn (most likely in a hostel at the airport)#and at 6:35 am there's a flight to venice from bcn for 64€#i arrive at 8:25. i go take the exam#and there's another flight off from venice to bcn at 16:45 for 75€#this is the cheapest flight out of venice i could find so this will always be the flight back#and then i arrive at bcn at 18:45 and have cheap trains to madrid at around 20:00#option 2. i think this is the most likely one. it's similar to the previous one BUT instead of bcn i'd be flying from alacant#why is this important? because i have family there#more precisely my grandpa's sister. who just had a surgery#and my grandma wanted to go visit her. she was literally talking about this two days ago#so. if my mum agrees to it. she could drive us three to alacant on sunday#we would sleep at my great aunt (?)'s place#and then i'd have a flight at 5:45 to venice for 70€#i'll get to venice at 8:00 and then the going home plan is the same#if she doesn't agree i have trains to alacant for 49€. and even if i wouldn't sleep with family (i have tons in alacant not just#the great aunt) hotels are definitely cheaper than in bcn#option 3. there's a flight from santander on sunday 9 for 14€ !!!!!#i could get on a night bus to santander for 71€ and be there at 6:30. the flight is at 10:10 and i would be in venice at 12:15#i would have to sleep in venice but i think it would compensate for the flight being so cheap#and then you know the drill with the flight to bcn#option 4. this is also quite likely i think this is the cheapest and my favourite i think.#i could fly on sunday to florence from madrid for 54€. i would arrive at florence at 12:15
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm soooo excited to delete every single procedure documentation resource I created when I leave my bullshit office job. I will leave such a wreck in my wake that it crushes my current manager (who is responsible for nigh-yearly turnover in my role).
#Leaving my office job at 4:30 to go to my second academic research job where I am respected so much more drives this home every day!!#today current manager said 'sorry i wasn't listening. repeat that?' after he asked me to share whether I was overwhelmed in my current role#and i took that opportunity to say that I am proud of what I have accomplished this month but that the workload is not sustainable#he is always so disrespectful#well. wait a couple of months because I am gearing up to be hilarious :)...!
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
just found out that instead of my mom my fucking shitass dad is coming home FOR A WEEK
#ugh i really want to kill someone rn im so mad#why can't he just fucking leave us alone#i know he used to be home 24/7/365 days just a year ago but istg it took us no time to adjust to life without him#now he comes home for like 2 days and my blood starts to boil i can't bear him he's so fucking irritating and interfering#mom coming home would have been relaxing finally burden free after 15 days#now the burden will be double tripled he's such a fucking lazy slob he can't even get his own glass of water#and he'll sleep in our room because it has ac UGHHHHHHHJHH it's so yuck i won't have a minute to myself and my mental health will decline#even MORE than it already has like if that's even possible#and he doesn't take his fucking meds so he's all weak and sick and lazy and he expects us to coddle him#well you know what fuck him im not even going to pretend to be happy that he's here or be nice to him and try to make him feel welcome#he broke this family up and it's going to stay broken up forever so fuck himmmm#and i have a freaking 750 ml bottle of vodka lying in my dresser what the fuck do i do with it now huh?????#it's only like 1/4th empty 3/4th is still full#and it's my sisters birthday on 26th and they'll both be here ugh i was sooo looking forward to actually celebrating with her#now she'll feel miserable and horrible and it'll be JUST like every other birthday she's spent at home#fucking grand#ugh god i sooo do not want to cook dinner for 4 people im so sick of this#and he isn't even satisfied with dinner he fucking eats like 4 times a day he wants a hot breakfast and lunch and evening snack and dinner#man i hope something happens to him and he isn't able to come🙏🙏 god if you're real 🙏🙏🙏🙏
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
wow ok lots of things got done today!! virtually all of them by my mom who is a champion and is doing all the baby prep things i can't do because my hands are horribly broken. she put together the crib and the dresser, bought under-the-bed organizers, helped me sort and put away the huge bags of baby clothes people have given me, and is now PAINTING the nursery (and yes it's yet another shade of green i will not be accepting questions or criticisms at this time thank u). anyway this place is so ready for a baby! cannot believe i have five or more weeks left to wait!!!!!! i was also decently productive and got a bunch of work tasks done, then switched gears and wrote a million thank you notes... 26 down, 5 to go!!!
#tomorrow i am working from home again i think#and only have one meeting... with [r] at the end of the day#i am getting a deep tissue massage in the morning where they are going to really work on my arms/wrists/hands... pray 4 me#last night was not the worst night i've had painwise just medium terrible but today was really rough during the day for some reason#but i honestly think that giving up hope of improvement has allowed me to cope better#now it's not about fixing it it's just about finding ways to endure it for five to uhh eighteen more weeks#my mom leaves tomorrow and i don't want her to go :((((
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry. valentino rossi races in wec???
#since WHEN#me every few days like 'damn i wish i could get into moto gp fandom if only moto gp and everything it entails was not deeply triggering 4 m#but at least that means i am safe from the derangements rosquez would bestow upon me'#but now....the danger is nearer and closer than ever#i do love wec and think it deserves more respect than just#'the place u go when u fail out of every other motorsport category'#but also very funny to me how deeply it suffers from MLS retirement home syndrome.#like what do you mean nyck de vries and robert kubica just took each other out at the first corner. what are you talking about
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
day 61
one a those days
#day 61#year 4#it me#i dont know how much detail ive gone into on this blog#because i do like to keep a particular vibe here#but without going into detail im on like my sixth major family medical crisis in like#3 months?#and i just think. if everybody could stay out of the hospital for like.#more than 2 weeks at a time?#that would be fantastic#that would be really great for all of us actually#anyway everybody is fine we just had a scary ER visit today after my grandma had a nasty fall#she is okay she didnt break any bones and she is now having the chillest and comfiest time she can manage at home#busted her right arm pretty good but shes getting along just fine and has followups already scheduled with her doctor#HOWEVER. the energy of the day has still been hot garbage and id like to speak to the manager
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#hm. thinking about death and all that#bc the other day my mom texted me and my sisters to say shes added another cancer to her repertoire#shes had smooth muscle cancer for the past maybe 10 years but in the last year shes gotten a lot sicker#idk how long shes been stage 4 but shes got tumors in her liver. bladder. and maybe a kidney. and now shes also got like pre leukemia#she like deff got it from chemo treatment so now shes gotta try to go get a different treatment#but the type of mds she has is more likely to be treatment resistant and advance to acute myloid leukemia#so idk maybe itll go well. right now she still feels okay. but it just feels like the beginning of the end#so death has been on my mind the past few days#i feel mostly fine bc i think my medication is actually working. i just feel like im waiting for the other shoe to drop ya kno#and selfishly if she dies in the next 4 years itll b a real clusterfuck for my life#but i dunno her life has been super unfair and it sucks that she has to go thru all this#also when i was home last her hair looked insane bc she lost most of it but didnt shave what was left so she had new hair growing short#underneath and all i could think when i looked at her was: we r at the end of vanity. bc im a goblin#unrelated
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today
#[static]#man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' -#- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao#im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual#they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd#and im nearly at 5 years#also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity#and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow#they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :)#in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death'#but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao#mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it#like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :)#and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
been playing fallout 76 and am already at level 60 in a week of not doing the main story :P here's some memes pertaining to 76 and Lucky dragon with the tiniest Lucky figure known to man
#tiny figure was made in heroforge#every day I wake up and go#I need more art of lucky and hancock#then I think about playing 76 all day#until I can get home#fallout 76#fallout 4 oc#peachiefo4oc
9 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
ipinkgirlblr
Tara
inthegrimdarkness
There Is Only War
hyldgaardmcmillan19
The Journaling of McDonough 958
vasiliel
Vasiliel
ohleoji
이승길