#6 months later and my loved ones have absorbed naruto!me into their lives.. my new years resolution is to become worse

[ramennoodlesandnarusasu]

A kiss never forgotten

*Chap 1: A drunken night*

*Chap 2: A blurred night*

*Chap 3: The bath house*

*Chap 4: A Thousand pieces*

*Chap 5: Heart beat*

*Chap 6: Surprise*

*Chap 7: Sunsets, trees and you*

*Chap 8: What now?*

*Chap 9: Healing the unfixable*

*Chap 10: So, this is it?*

*Chap 11: What now?*

*Chap 12: Kids and kisses*

*Chap 13: Its time*

*Chap 14: Tears*

*Chap 15: Somethings different?*

*Chap 16: Its time*

*Chap 17: At peace*

*Chap 18: Pancakes, kids and headaches*

Chap 19: Will you stay or will you go?

Naruto flipped over the next page, skimming the words slowly making sure he absorbed every drop of ink that was on the paper. He lifted his eyes to look towards the corner of his room where Sasuke usually sat. The room was so empty and lifeless, the only company Naruto had were his lifeless pieces of paper.

The corner of the room was merely infected by the ghost of Sasuke’s body, and as much as Naruto was trying to distract himself from the thought that Sasuke had yet returned he could vividly imagine him right there. Sitting with his black coffee in his left hand, one leg crossed, thinking, forehead creased in deep thought over some documents.

He missed him, he needed him, but the last time he saw him was a month ago before he had to leave on an urgent mission with nearly every elite shinobi to de-escalate a potential war that was brewing at the Hidden Mist Village.

Naruto’s heart sank again, thinking of the last day he saw him before he went away.

They had gotten into a fight, a really shitty fight.

-

*Flash back*

“Sasuke, I just don’t understand why I can’t go with you?”

“Naruto, you are being unreasonable, you are the Hokage, you know this. Coming for me the first time got you in so much shit, you cannot let your feelings for me get in the way of being the fucking Hokage, will you for once think with your head?”

Naruto started tearing up, heart beating in flustered motions, skin accumulating heat as fast as a kettle, “why the fuck shouldn’t I think with my heart, you cold fucking bastard, just because you decided to turn off your frickin emotions, doesn’t mean I don’t have any.”

Sasuke turned around to face Naruto, furiously walking towards him.

“Naruto, you are really crossing the fucking line, you know I care for you, what else do you fucking want from me? A bed of full of roses every day? A confession of my undying love written in poetry form?”

Naruto turned around from Sasuke storming off into their bedroom, “Urgh, no I don’t want that, I just want you to understand that I could come with you, your life is here, what if something happens like last time?”

“I'll be fine Naruto, plus this mission is very important. They need as many skilled ninja going, there will be war if we don’t tame the situation over there, you know this.”

Naruto bit his lower lip knowing Sasuke was speaking nothing but the truth, he just couldn’t come to terms with accepting the fact that Sasuke wouldn’t let him protect him.

“I know Sasuke, that’s why I should go.”

“No Naruto, you’re not fucking going. What if the potential war comes here? Who will protect the village? Huh? Are you just going to abandon the village because you couldn’t stop and think with your head instead of your fucking heart for once?”

Naruto started to feel hot rage build within him, like a deep dark power was slowly manifesting from his toes upwards, clawing its way slowly out of Naruto’s skin.

“What are you going to fucking stop me?”

Sasuke walked over and punched Naruto in the shoulder, enough for him to lose his stance.

“You realize I could stop you, I am the Hokage after all.”

“Do that and I will fucking leave Konoha, I am not a damn child Naruto.”

Naruto pushed Sasuke out of his space and walked back into the living room.

“I just wished you would give a shit Sasuke, about me about your family that’s here, your fucking daughter for God sake.”

“Oh, my lord Naruto not this again with Sarada, she is a ninja, she needs to learn that accepting to be a ninja, means you accept the fact that you work alone, that death is likely to occur and that being a ninja is not all fun and games.”

“Do you just not care about her? Don’t you want her to have the family that you and I never had growing up?”

“Look at us Naruto, we are considered some of the strongest Ninja’s in the world, I think not growing up with a father that babies her will be good for her. I am not here to place a bandage on her every time she falls.”

Naruto started to cry, anger seeping out of him this time, no longer containing itself, just falling out in hot tears. “Don’t you care at all Sasuke? Can’t you find it in that cold heart of yours to see that this is wrong, staying here and taking care of your family should be your priority over fighting. Sasuke if you walk out, you are walking out on her and me.”

Naruto started to wipe away his tears, “last time you broke Sarada’s and Sakura’s hearts when you left, now you are going to include me in the equation?”

Sasuke looked at Naruto with dark eyes, full of mixed emotions. “I am not walking out on you,, I am fucking serving Konoha, and if you are the Hokage then you should start fucking acting like it. I am going Naruto, end of discussion.”

*End flashback*

-

Naruto sadly looked at his paper work, he highlighted a few lines and wrote some notes on a spare piece of paper.

He had no idea what will happen when Sasuke come back. If he ever does. Word is the threat of war is no more since the Hidden Leaf and Sand Village aided the Hidden Mist. Even though the threat is gone, many of Konoha’s elite shinobi decided to stay to aid in the relocation and safe keeping of villagers. Naruto heard from one of the reports that Sasuke was in that small group which volunteered themselves to stay.

But it scared Naruto, he hadn’t heard anything from Sasuke since he left, besides the mandatory scrolls each shinobi assigned to help must send back, but a letter full of battle description is not much of a heart felt piece.

He started to worry long ago whether Sasuke would return, and if he did would they still be together? Naruto missed him immensely, but every growing day he started to think Sasuke would never return home.  Many shinobi started arriving back to Konoha one by one. Each handing in their last assignment reports, the only ones left were about 7 elite shinobi. Each willingly staying to aid in any way possible on their own accord.

Naruto could only start to think that Sasuke was delaying coming back because he didn’t want to see Naruto or that he just was delaying the inevitable break up talk with Naruto.

It had been driving Naruto mad, he has no idea if he would get his boyfriend back, but he knew as much as he loved Sasuke all he needed was for him to walk through that door, safe and unharmed. He wouldn’t stop him if he wanted to break up, because Naruto wanted him to be happy, and if he was too much for him, getting too attached and emotionally invested in Sasuke was not his cup of tea then he wouldn’t stop him.

Naruto tried not to think about it, because the sheer idea of Sasuke wanting out from their relationship made his whole body feel like small daggers were cutting into every vein and vessel in his body. His heart started to clench into a tight hold and his lungs collapsed slowly until he felt like no oxygen was being circulated in his body anymore. So, before Naruto literally passed out he had to keep his mind distracted, “keep working, keep writing, think about your job, the people you're protecting”.

Naruto had to repeat this in his head every day to distract himself from sheer pain and extreme anxiety attacks, it actually helped significantly and he had surprisingly been doing very well at his job considering Sasuke and Kakashi were gone on this mission.  

-

*1 week later*

Naruto opened his saggy eyes, his head throbbed loudly and the left side of his face was deformed due to sleeping on his wooden table again. He looked around to see the sunlight trickling in from the outside, the papers he had on his table had smudged red stains from his pen being left open. He stretched out his strained back muscles and scratched the top of his hair.

He looked at each corner of the room, empty spaces, no life, just stacks upon stacks of paperwork. Filled documents, signed contacts, each finished and completed.

Naruto had done nothing but works since Sasuke left, he could do nothing else to distract himself. He needed to fill his mind with something. It was about a week ago when he started working from sunrise to sunset, no breaks, just full work.

Only 2 days ago had he completely given up on going home and would either fall asleep on the wooden table or crash on the couch where Sasuke used to sit.

Everyone was worried about him, he was clearly overworking himself and everyone could see it besides himself. But he was too stubborn to actually listen to anyone, he just kept working and working until he literally dropped.

It had been nearly 1 month and 3 weeks since Sasuke left for the mission and every single shinobi sent off to the relief mission had returned back, the only ones left were Kakashi and Sasuke. No word had been heard from both of them and Naruto was starting to lose his mind. The last thing he heard was from Ino who was the most recent shinobi to return, she mentioned that Sasuke and Kakashi had decided to stay until the whole village had been relocated even though there were only a handful of people left and the mist where fully capable of relocating them.

Naruto got out of his seat walking sleepily towards the door, looking at the floor solemnly, one foot after each other.

He walked out of the Hokage room towards the coffee machine in the kitchen, at this point he was a vessel of caffeine, needing 5 to 10 cups of coffee per day to keep him up with his crazy new schedule.

As he waited for the water to boil he chucked 3 teaspoons of coffee blend into his Hokage number 1 cup.

“You know that caffeine is bad for you right?”

Naruto’s eyes widened, he knew that sarcastic almost farther tone of voice.

“Kakashi!” Naruto nearly jogged over to him and enveloped him in a bear hug. “I can’t believe you’re here, I’ve missed you. Where have you been? What happened? How come you stay for so long?”

Kakashi looked at Naruto with unfounded happiness, “Oh Naruto I never thought I ever say this, but damn I have missed you too and your annoying voice.”

Naruto and Kakashi patted each other on the back and stepped aside letting out manly coughs to subdue the fact that they were acting all mushy. Naruto looked across to his coffee and poured a second cup for Kakashi, he started to place the coffee blend into Kakashi’s mug whilst he begged his mouth to open, to say something, ask about the one thing he cared about.

“Kakashi…” Naruto gulped down on his fear, “where’s Sasuke?”

Naruto turned around to pass Kakashi his drink, he saw the one thing he had been dreading. That look, of misery, despair, sorrow.

“Um, he came back with me, but he said he wanted to go to the house first.”

Kakashi tried to look away from Naruto, but Naruto wasn’t standing down he was looking directly at him. He wasn’t going to let this kill him, he was Hokage and he was not going to break again.

“Oh, that’s a shame, well I should be getting back to work. But take the whole week off, rest Kakashi you deserve it.”

Kakashi quickly bolted his hands out to stop Naruto from leaving, “wait Naruto, are you sure? Isn’t there a lot of work to do since Sasuke and I  have been away?”

Naruto started to dryly laugh, a fake laugh which he had perfected after many years, “nope, I actually worked triple hard since you two left, I am actually a week ahead of schedule, so take a week off come back in on Monday for work okay?”

Naruto looked at Kakashi and smiled, a smile which said I need to be alone right now, a smile which was trying so very hard to cover the rushing pain that lingered underneath.

Kakashi started to slowly walk away, “only is your sure?”

Naruto was about to open the door which lead him to his office, but he lingered at the handle looking down the corridor watching Kakashi slowly walk away. “Kakashi can you please do me a favour?”

Kakashi nearly whipped his head around, “of course anything.”

“Can you please go tell Sasuke that he doesn’t need to return to work if he wishes not to.”

Kakashi excitement faded, his shoulder slumping downwards towards the floor, “oh, I understand.”

Naruto walked into his room and slammed the door behind him, he walked forwards towards his table with incredible force pushing him forward. Today he was going to work himself to the bone, whether it killed him or not, he was the Hokage, and like Sasuke said, he was going to act like it.

-

*30 minutes later*

After finishing yet another stack of paperwork Naruto’s mind started to waver from the blurring amount of lines in his paperwork and all the calculations which had muddled all in Naruto’s mind.

He couldn’t stop the thought arising in his brain, almost developing like a pastry in his head, until he could longer compress it.

‘Was Sasuke moving out? Was that the reason why he didn’t come here, because he wanted to move his stuff out before Naruto got home? Was he really leaving? Why didn’t he come see me first? Why was this happening? Why does his heart keep being broken apart into a million pieces? Why him? What the fuck did he do wrong to deserve this? Why Sasuke? Why?’

Naruto shook his head aggressively to get the thought out of his head. He looked down at the paper with such aggression, as if burning the paper with his vision alone. He had to work harder, faster and longer.

If Sasuke was leaving because he didn’t act like the Hokage, then he was going to work to the bone until Sasuke has to take back that shitty statement.

Naruto stood up with such aggression that the wooden chair scratched against the floor, he took the pile of paperwork he had just finished and placed it on the floor. He placed a sticky note on it to remind him what the paperwork was for and what day cabinet it was meant to go into.

He started to look around the room and realized that his entire floor was now nearly enveloped in stacks of paper. He curiously looked at the floor, trying to concoct a plan for organizing this mess.

*

5pm

Naruto could finally see the floor, he brushed off some dust that accumulated on his hands, he smirked at the floor, looking down at it in triumph.

He let out a sigh thinking to himself that sooner or later he will run out of things to do to distract him. He can’t live the rest of his life trying to pretend like this is all okay, that working himself till he literally collapses is fine, but what else was he meant to do? What could subdue that loud voice in his head telling him he's not fine, that his heart is hurting more than he could express, that his whole heart was slowly dying because of one man?

How can he tell the people of his village that he can no longer work because he was heartbroken? He was being stupid and immature, he wasn’t a kid anymore, he had to stop being so involved in romance and just let go and move on. Maybe he needed to be more like Sasuke, just don’t have emotions at all.

“Naruto, Sir”?

Naruto turned around in shook

“Sorry Shizune, I did not see you there, are you okay?”

Shizune looked worried, she shyly raised her shoulders and wriggled on the spot in discomfort.

“Uh I just got a call.”

Naruto looked at her with great worry, what did she just hear?

“Shizune, what is it? You can tell me.”

“Well… Sasuke just called.”

Naruto started to hyperventilate, did Sasuke just break up with him over the office phone? Was he calling to tell Naruto he was leaving the house, or worse was he hurt?

“He wishes to talk to you, hes on line 1.”

Naruto gulped down a whole ball of anxiety, smiled the fakest smile he could possible manage to do and thanked Shizune and walked over to the phone on his desk to answer.

He felt every step towards that phone was literally stepping him further and further away from the desk. He heard the door shut as Shizune left, the sound of the door shutting echoed in his ears.

Why did the room suddenly feel so small and dark? Why couldn’t he move his feet anymore? Why was that red phone on his table so scary, so threatening? It was just a phone, nothing less, nothing more. It wasn’t a robber or a villain here to tear Naruto and the village apart, then why was it so ominously sitting on the table?

His hands started to shake a little as he went in to grab the phone.

He pressed line 1 and picked it up, he could hear irrational breathing and shaking.

Naruto knew this was it, this phone call would lead to his death.

“Sasuke?”

Naruto could hear Sasuke’s breath exhalate anxiously on the line when he heard his name.

“Naruto, uh Hi.”

“Long time no see, are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine…”

Naruto was gripping the phone so tightly, he almost felt like any more strength and he was going to break the phone in half.

“Why are you calling, I’m at work, and Kakashi already told me you’re not coming in, so you didn’t need to call to say you’re not coming in, I don’t need you in anyways.”

“No, Naruto I’m not calling for work, umm…”

Naruto’s heart was racing a million miles per hour, his eyes had already started burning, he couldn’t take this any longer.

“Sasuke for fuck sake just say what’s on your mind, this is killing me.”

“I need you to come home.”

Naruto’s eyes widened, why did he have to come now? Did he want to leave Naruto face to face? Did he want the glory to watch Naruto crumble at his feet in defeat?

“What? Why?”

“I have something really important to talk to you about.”

“What?”

“I have to do this face to face Naruto, can you come?”

“Yer, I'll be there in 5.”

Naruto hanged up the line before Sasuke could say another word.

He started to cry heavily, gripping onto his heart with his hands. He slowly collapsed to the ground in pain, he no longer held it in, he just started to sob.

“Why Sasuke!? Why!?”

He couldn’t believe this was it, he was going to go home and get dumped. Everything he had worked for, all the lying at the start, all the insecurities what was it all for? He thought it would be forever with Sasuke, he thought he found his happiness.

Why him? Hasn’t he already gone through enough? Hasn’t he already been tortured enough?

“Why is the fucking world against me?!”

Naruto stood up, wiped his tears away aggressively, he angrily walked over to the window and opened it, he applied a large force of chakra to his feet and  sky rocketed out towards his house, bouncing from roof to roof so quickly that you could barely see him.

-

*7pm

Naruto looked at his house through the forest, all lit up, so welcoming and warm. But it wasn’t, the house was holding the one person who had all the kryptonite to defeat Naruto, the power to finally kill the light he carried.

If Naruto is the sun and Sasuke the moon, then today, this house, this moment would be a solar eclipse, the moon finally blocking out the sun.

Naruto took slow steps forward, afraid of the house and the man inside. Afraid of the pain that would follow after opening the front door.

But alas even though his mind was saying run away, his legs walked forward towards his doom.

Sooner or later he was in front of his door, looking down at the welcome mat thinking to himself, Kakashi and Shizune looked so miserably down and solemn when they talked to Naruto, did Sasuke already tell them he was leaving Naruto? How many people knew about this, was the whole village laughing behind Naruto’s back, waiting for his heart break?

Was no one kind enough to tell him Sasuke was going to rip out his heart on this day, on the solar eclipse?

Naruto started to turn the handle, fearful of what lay on the other side. But he walked forward into the house anyways, he had to get this over and done.

-

As he slowly closed the door behind him he found Sasuke already waiting for him at the kitchen table.

He looked at Naruto with tired and drained eyes.

“Sasuke, care to tell me what this is all about? Because I have been wracking my brain for so long and I just… need this to stop.”

Sasuke got up from his seat and walked over to Naruto, he looked down to the ground, like he was struggling to say the next few words. He raised his head up and bit down on his lips.

“Sasuke?”

“Naruto, I have thought long and hard about this, but I believe this is what I want to do…”

Naruto started to clench his fist, he knew the next couple of words will be the bullets which would finally silence his heart. He felt his chest contracting against him, pulling and pushing harshly against his rib cage.

He wasn’t ready to die.

“Naruto…”  Sasuke said whilst slowly getting down on one knee.

-silence-

“Will you marry me?”