#9 more days and I can hopefully experience that bliss again

[moonsinkfoxgirl]

get yourself a girlfriend who says “itadakimasu!“ before going down on your neck as if she was trying to manifest vampire fangs

[yuzukult]

city lights || chanyeol & reader

title: city lights  pairing: chanyeol x reader (ft. x junmyeon)  genre: soulmate!au  words: 8.2k prompt: i’ve waited for years to find my soulmate, but when i finally meet him, he’s completely different from what i expected him to be, and he doesn’t want to be with me. warnings: there’s no smut, but there may be some mature topics & cursing. note: i know that city lights is baekhyun’s album title, but i thought this title it fit this story well :).... also this is my first fic in a while so... hopefully this isn’t too bad...  5/9/20: i’ve reviewed for typos....... lets hope 5th time is the charm....

I’m twenty-two when I meet my soulmate.

Once you turn the ripe age of twenty-one, a unique tattoo appears on your body that replicates the one your soulmate has.

Everyone dreams about meeting their soulmate, falling in love, getting married, having kids and growing old together—but those aspirations are only attainable for the population that get to even meet “the one”. There are people who defy the odds and develop relationships with those who aren’t bounded as their mate, some successful and some not, but if you knew you had someone who was made for you out there, wouldn’t you want to find them as well?

This guy was attractive and he knew it. He would stride his tall frame into every room with confidence radiating from his body with a beaming smile plastered on his face. His laugh was the remedy to a bad day, and if his happiness were an infectious disease, it would be considered contagious. Just being in his proximity gifted you a fragment of his elation but it was enough to feel the major aftereffects. It didn’t feel fair that he was a whole package. Bubblegum pink wavy curls brushing his forehead, doe-like eyes and ears that his friends would make fun of for being big— but was a cute addition to his looks. There had to have been a switch on and off button on him somewhere, because he knew when to suddenly flip from a sweet, charming guy into this sexy man. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, but his mentality was to ‘fuck around’ as much as he could. He had the traits to swoon any girl, easily fishing them into his lap before stringing them along and dropping them in mere moments. It was easy anyway, these girls knew that he wasn’t their soulmate, but he was the closest they could get to one. Maybe he’d be the one they could change and make him fall in love with them, they’d all say.

But he was mine.

Well, at least, he’s supposed to be.

I met him through a mutual friend – well, more of a co-worker really. I lived in Busan for majority of my life, so moving to Seoul for work meant that I lost contact with a lot of my friends back home. Plus, the hours at the office were draining…

So when Minseok approached me at my desk on a Friday morning with a suspicious smile spread across his face, I leaned back on my swivel chair as he invites himself to sit on the pile of paperwork that lay across my workspace. He is always welcomed here, after all, he’s one out of the few friends I have here in the city. 

“Yes? You want something from me?”

“Why do you say it like that?” His mischievous grin was now formed into a pout. “I don’t only come here when I need something from you. We’re friends, aren’t we?” Minseok was the opposite of what a stereotypical 29-year-old would look like – he’s cute, but baby cute. He’s got great features, with his bushy brows and well-sculpted face, but it was more of an “I want to squish his cheeks” kind of reaction he emitted from me. Either way, it didn’t stop the girls in my office from gushing over his looks, constantly trying to get his number.

I hum while twiddling with the pen between my fingers, pursing my lips in suit with his. “Maybe. But you’re definitely here because you need something from me. Cut to the chase—what’s up?”

“Okay, okay,” Minseok is admitting defeat now, slouching in his position as guilt washes over his face. “I noticed the music note on your arm. Is that your soulmate marking?”

“Oh,” I pull my sweater sleeve up just barely on my left arm, pushing my watch down just enough to see the tattoo. “Yeah, it’s a 16th note. I learned how to play the saxophone when I was younger, so I knew what it was when I saw it.”

“About that…” What’s wrong with him? Why does he keep pausing? “I think I know who your soulmate is.”

Minseok is the reason I find myself out-of-place at a club, seated at a bright red booth tucked in a corner that he claims is his friends’, and that I should hang around until I get a glimpse of this guy who he thinks is my soulmate. I’m pulling my blue jeans up that doesn’t quite fit right and opting for a black bodysuit with lace 3/4 sleeves. My hair is let loose with soft curls, one side tucked behind my ear. Honestly, I’m not here to look sexy at a club, but I wanted to look decent enough to meet someone who potentially was ‘the one’. 

But this isn’t exactly where I found myself wanting to meet him.

I’m sitting next to a guy named Kyungsoo, or so he introduces himself as, and I hope that I get his name right because the volume of the speakers are so loud, I can barely hear myself think. It has me wondering if all of Minseok’s friends are just as attractive as he is, because Kyungsoo reeked of beauty. Dressed in all black – including the rims of his glasses were black – he was effortlessly gorgeous. He seemed equally as awkward as I am here, but it’s confirmed that he’s not my soulmate, and that he’s only here because it’s a friend of both his and Minseok’s birthday – another guy named Jongin… who also is not my soulmate.

“How old are you?” Kyungsoo is leaning over behind my ear, hoping that I can hear him. The veins on his neck are bulging from his attempt.

“Twenty-two,” I holler back.

“Oh wow, you’re very young.” He’s pushing his frames up from slipping on his nose before continuing. “Chanyeol is twenty-eight. I’m twenty-seven.”

“Chanyeol?”

“Minseok didn’t tell you his name?” Kyungsoo seems like a well-reserved guy, but his smile at the moment illuminates with impish. “If he’s right, your soulmate is Chanyeol. Tall guy, you won’t miss him.”

“Could you tell me more about him?” He shakes his head in response before using his chin to point over behind me toward a figure walking in the direction of the table.

That’s the first time I meet Chanyeol.

I remember my heart skipping a beat once my eyes laid on him, because almost immediately, I felt the sparks that the stories said there would be. There were always these posts on forums about how people met their soulmate – how everything around them seemed to change. The way they perceived color and taste were different because now it was enhanced and that they were on a high that couldn’t be described in any other way. Words didn’t do the emotions justice. It was just pure elation.

Even well renounced authors couldn’t even put to words what it felt like. Bliss, maybe? No, it was better than that.

Plus—it was troublesome to compare my experience with theirs when I’m inside a club where it’s dark and the lights are flashing and flickering.

His hair looked fluffy. I wanted to run my fingers through those luscious locks, and the shade of pink in his hair made him look more adorable than sexy, despite his outfit. Black leather jacket, with matching black jeans, and a white t-shirt were his get-up, and as he was approaching the table, his hands were stuffed into the front pockets of his pants before he changes his route and strides toward Jongin who stands by the booth. Jongin’s cheeks were already flushed on his bronzed skin when I first meet him entering in the club, but he’s more than happy to have a stranger join in on his party shenanigans. However, the change of emotions on his face expressed the evident adoration he had for the taller male, because moments later, he has his arms wrapped around him with laughter that could be heard throughout the club.

“Chanyeol!” Jongin exclaims, and my claimed-to-be soulmate ruffles the birthday boy’s hair with a smile on his face. My heart clenched at that moment and I swore for a second I had a heart attack. “Happy Birthday, Jongin. Party the night away, bro.”

He slides into the booth across from Kyungsoo and I, exchanging handshakes with the other male before offering one to me. He’s using his right hand to greet me, so I don’t get a glimpse of his supposedly tattooed wrist.

“I’m Chanyeol,” He says, and I take his hand with a firm grip, and I feel that spark between the two of us again. He must have felt the something too, because he abruptly escapes from the grasp with a soft chuckle. “Sorry, I might have shocked you. I rub my socks on carpets in my free time.” He jokes.

Kyungsoo introduces me as Minseok’s friend, and it’s like a light bulb goes off on top of Chanyeol’s head. “Ah, the soulmate. He’s really trying to get me to settle down, isn’t he?” His face looks like he’s going to play along, quickly locking eyes with Minseok in the crowd before gesturing the older male over.

“Hey, I see you’ve met my friend, your soulmate.” Minseok is grinning from ear to ear, and I can’t tell if it’s him playing around with his friend that’s bringing him the overwhelming excitement or the alcohol in his system.

“She has a name, hyung, and it’s not ‘your soulmate.’ I’m about to ask her if I can see her marking to compare, and since you’re so damn adamant about us meeting, I figured you should witness it yourself.”

“Okay, well shoot. Do it.” Minseok is looking at me as I slip off the watch on my wrist, dropping it on the table while Chanyeol tugs down the sleeve of his jacket before resting his arm beside my watch. I place my own next to his, and Minseok is already clapping in awe.

It’s a match.

“Fuck, what—fuck. What?” He’s grabbing my wrist now, moving out of his side of the booth before slipping in next to me, pushing me into Kyungsoo. Chanyeol’s in disbelief, and I can hear the snickering coming from the other side of me. “But I’m only twenty-eight!”

“Dude, you shouldn’t be at a bar on a Tuesday night trying to pick up girls at your age. This is a good thing.” Minseok is in Chanyeol’s previous seat now, and his face is glimmering with excitement. “You can finally chill out and stop acting like a college student.”

“This is a joke right?” He’s scoffing, dropping my hand in the process and I wince at the abrupt action because I hit my hand on the edge of the table. “This is a temporary tattoo or something, because there’s no way.”

“You’re twenty-eight, Chanyeol, did you think you were never going to meet your soulmate?” Kyungsoo chimes in, swirling the beer in the cup in his hand. “Jongin is already married, and he’s one of the babies in the group.” Jongin has a wife? He didn’t seem like it… but I guess don’t judge a book by its cover, right?

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol’s standing now, looking down at me and I feel small. “I thought I would be lucky enough to not meet my soulmate. There are so many people who haven’t. Yeah, I’m not doing this. Sorry, you’re going to have to find someone else.” Before I could even let a word out of my mouth, he’s already lost in the crowd.

“Sorry about that,” Minseok looks like a sad kitten when he’s talking to me, pity spewing with each word that he says. “I honestly thought he was going to drop the act and actually try getting to know you.”

I want to say that it’s fine, but I’m not. Chanyeol only knew my name and that I was his soulmate, and in the matter of seconds, he concluded that he didn’t want this. My face is frozen, and I’m completely dumbfounded.

My soulmate doesn’t fucking want me. My soulmate, the person who was supposed to love me. The person I was supposed to love. I have waited twenty-two years to meet a man who ends up crafted as everything that I wasn’t, but was the person who was supposed to fit into me like a missing puzzle piece.

“Hey, are you okay?” Another guy – great, another one—comes to the table and he looks perturbed. “I’m sorry about Chanyeol, I was watching from the side because I thought I could witness him meeting his soulmate but it didn’t seem to turn out the way I assumed…” He’s distorted with worry, the same expression that’s drawn on both Minseok and Kyungsoo’s faces. “I can get you an Uber or something if you want to go home. I don’t think you’d want to stay here after that, right? Ah, I’m Junmyeon, by the way. Part of the group.”

“He’s the mom of the group if that makes you feel any better. He’s always the sober one, you’ll be safe with him.” Contrition clouds Minseok’s expression.

Junmyeon doesn’t look like a mom; in fact, he looks far from a mom. I don’t know where Minseok finds his friends because Junmyeon looks like a piece of artwork that belongs at a museum. He’s wearing two loose dress shirts layered that aren’t buttoned-up all the way, exposing a bit of his bare chest. It’s a questionable choice of fashion, I admit, but he makes it work.

I can’t even bring myself to speak, so I just nod. I type in my address into Junmyeon’s phone before he takes it away, tracking the driver. My soulmate doesn’t want me. That’s all I could think about.

“Don’t feel bad,” Kyungsoo interrupts my thoughts as he slides an unopened beer bottle toward my direction, implying that I should drink just a bit to forget my issues as Junmyeon is tracking the whereabouts of the driver. “Chanyeol… he likes to live his life differently. We only come to these places during special occasions—like Jongin’s birthday, or Minseok’s bachelor party. But Chanyeol… this is like a ritual for him to come every weekend.”

I take up on Kyungsoo’s offer and open myself the beer, taking a couple gulps before letting out a sigh. “It’s… It’s not fine, but I guess I will be fine. I want to try to convince him, so maybe I can meet him in a different place another time?” I suggest, and it seems that both Kyungsoo and Minseok like that idea because their faces brighten a bit.

I finish the beer coincidentally at the same time that Junmyeon tells me the Uber is here and that he’ll walk me out. We exchange numbers because he wants to make sure that I get home safe, and I comply – he’s attractive, the mom of the group, so I figured I could trust him.

But then we’re outside of the club, and I’m cold without a jacket, and I’m doubtful that I’m just exaggerating, but I feel like my heart was being pulled out of my chest, thrown onto the floor, and stomped on.

I didn’t mean to stare, and I probably have been standing here watching this whole thing unfold for about 5 minutes now. Chanyeol’s in the alleyway with some girl he probably just met, her back against the red brick wall where the streetlight barely brushes them but it’s like my senses were heighted to see the actions clearly. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and although his head was tilted in my direction, attempting to hide the explicit actions between the two, any idiot would know what they were doing.

It hurt. My chest was in so much pain, twisting and turning like someone’s grasp was on it, but before it could get any worse, Junmyeon steps in front of me, pulling me into his arms. “Why are you watching? Don’t you know it physically hurts when you see your soulmate do… things like that with someone else?” I’m muttering ‘no’ in his shirt, and I feel the fabric hanging on him was damp – oh. It was because of me. I was crying. I didn’t know who Chanyeol was until today yet he has me bursting with tears in the arms of a stranger.

Chanyeol doesn’t even know me, and he’s already dismissed me from his life. He doesn’t know what my favorite color is, what I enjoy in my pastime, what my most watched show is, and what foods I enjoy. He doesn’t know my personality, what makes me as a person, my biggest fears, my dreams and aspirations but just one look, he knew he didn’t want me anymore.

He pulls away from the woman when he hears footsteps descending in the background, and sees that it’s me with Junmyeon walking away from the scene. What I later learned was that in that brief moment, he felt a stinging pain in his chest too.

After texting Junmyeon that night that I got home safely and reassuring that I was going to be okay (eventually, at least), we exchanged texts daily. I learned a lot about him, like how he enjoyed composing music in his spare time, which I found out later that Chanyeol does the same thing, except as a profession. I don’t tell him that I had known this about Chanyeol because of a previous dream. He works in a stereotypical office setting, something about trade management, but he claims that it’s just a job that pays the bills, and his passions are elsewhere.

We don’t meet, but we text frequently. I also see Minseok everyday at work, and he treats me as he did before, which I appreciate because it’s distasteful to talk about the circumstances of Jongin’s birthday party.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Minseok again is inviting himself to the little office space I have that is bombarded with rolls of architectural drawings and stacks of paperwork that needed reviewing. He skims through the documents that splatter, but he has absolutely no clue what he’s looking at for someone being in the financial department.

“Uh, probably catching up on work,” That question always strung along with a proposal to hang out, and I had prepared an excuse why I didn’t want – I mean, couldn’t go.

“My friends and I are going to the beach. We have a whole beach house that we rented out for the entire weekend, and seeing that you’re clicking well with Junmyeon, I think you should come along. Plus, you get to meet my soulmate!”

“Hayoung, right?”

“Yes, Hayoung. I think you’d like her; she has the same tolerance for spicy food like you do. And... It’s been months since you’ve actually hung out with me on a weekend.” He’s talking about the incident and I feel something churning in the pit of my stomach. But, he’s right. I don’t have any friends here, and I would have Junmyeon to hang out with when Minseok is occupied.

“Mm, alright fine, but just this once. No more funny business like last time right?”

His face falls into a frown, and he’s still remorseful about the fated night, but I’ve told him multiple times that he’s all forgiven, and it wasn’t his fault for what occurred.

It’s been almost 6 months since I last saw Chanyeol. I note this because the seasons have changed, and the harsh, brisk wind that slaps my face in the days aren’t present, but replaced with the blistering heat of the sun that June brings.

I chose to drive myself to the location that Minseok sends me instead of carpooling… just in case I needed to quickly escape any distressing social situations.

The house is seemly huge—there looks like there could be 10 rooms (eventually I find out that there isn’t even enough for all of us), and it’s by the water with multiple cars parked out in the front of it, which I can only assume, belong to Minseok’s friends. The roof shingles are blue with accents throughout the home that match the sea, seashells and decor splattered across the surfaces. I park my old, beat up Lexus sedan that belonged to my grandfather previously behind one of vehicles, and I’m surprised that I even make it here in one piece.

The salty ocean aroma fills the air and it mixes in with the charcoal burning from the backyard as I enter into the threshold of the home. I drag my duffle bag beside me, dropping it by the other suitcases and backpacks that sit in the living room of the home before making my way back to where everyone was grouped outside.

There are a couple new people that I haven’t seen before (who supposedly were at the club) since the last encounter with Minseok’s friends when I get to the back porch – Jongdae, Baekhyun, Sehun, and Yixing are their names. Hayoung is helping Minseok carry in additional groceries from the car, but she still says her greetings as she’s carrying one side of a cooler. A woman is standing beside Jongdae, who I believe is his wife, gifts him a peck on his cheek before briskly walking by me with a baby resting on her shoulder, whispering a quick ‘hello!’ to me before going into the house to set the little one down. Kyungsoo is manning the grill before I even arrive, and he’s gesturing me to come over with his cooking tongs to help him out. Junmyeon is standing beside him with a knife in his hand, and he looks lost after Kyungsoo gives him direction.

“Come help, hyung is useless,” He hisses, glaring at the older male through his glasses.

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon is pouting playfully before he places down the knife. “I’m trying!”

“Sure, sure,” I find myself mimicking the tender smile Junmyeon has on his face when he locks his eyes with mine. “I’ll replace Junmyeon here.”

There are bell peppers, onions, and pre-cut cubed of beef lying by the grill beside the naked skewers sticks. I chop the vegetables before guiding Junmyeon to replicate my actions, sliding the pieces onto the stick before Kyungsoo cooks it.

“Do you know how to cook?” Junmyeon asks, but his eyes don’t leave his hands because he’s too preoccupied with his work.

“A bit, I live alone, so I kind of have to.”

“Ah, I live with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol so… Kyungsoo pretty much cooks every night.” I see from my peripheral vision that Kyungsoo has a proud grin on his face as he’s flipping the skewers on the grill. “So much for being their hyung and taking care of them, right? Chanyeol and I can’t even cook rice, we just get the instant ones when Soo isn’t around.”

“That’s nice though,” I stuff a piece of cubed beef to complete his skewer stick before trading it with my empty one. “You never have to cook. I always have to find new recipes because I get bored of the food I make.”

“Maybe you can teach me sometime. Learn new recipes and teach a beginner.” He’s gleaming with happiness, which can only be from the fact that the people surround him are the ones he loves the most. We’ve become friends over time, in spite of the fact that we haven’t met in person since Jongin’s birthday.

“Sure, I’d be more than happy to.”

“In exchange, I’ll bring the groceries. That’s my payment to you for being my teacher,” He winks, and my cheeks grow pink. There’s a slight possibility that Junmyeon is growing on me, and I might have a crush on him.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” I heard a voice from behind me, and I know it belongs to Chanyeol because I get chills down my spine. I’m filling up my cup from the tap with water while leaning against the kitchen sink.

“Minseok suggested that I come.”

“These places aren’t really your thing though, you’d rather be at home working.” Chanyeol is opening the fridge, grabbing himself a beer can. He opens it and brings the cold beverage to his lips, my eyes wandering to his neck as his adam’s apple bobs as he drinks, but I pause and refrain myself from letting my imagination run wild. Either way, I’m left questioning how he would know what my preferences are.

“How would you know? We don’t even talk.”

“I’m your soulmate, I know everything about you.” He wipes his upper lip with his sleeve, and there’s something erotic about it. I quickly shake my head again from these inappropriate thoughts and furrow my brows in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t gotten the dreams yet?” He pushes the can toward my direction, gesturing that I take a sip and I decline.

“No… what dreams are you talking about?” I’m not playing dumb, I really didn’t know what he was talking about, but his expression conveyed otherwise.

“All my dreams are of you, and you’re never doing anything interesting in it. I saw you visit your family a couple times, maybe had some dinners or lunches with friends back in Busan, but nothing else. Do you have any hobbies?” 

No, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Well, if you’re fucking around all the time, it’s not going to show up in her dreams, you idiot.” Another voice enters in the conversation and room. It’s Hayoung coming in with Jongdae’s wife, who I still haven’t learned the name of, but I’m a bit embarrassed to ask her.

“Dreams?” I’m still perplexed by the situation, because if I’m being honest, I don’t quite understand this whole ‘soulmate’ thing other than you’re meant to be with them. I’ve never met anyone in the same situation as me, so I never learned the side effects of the rejection.

“You get dreams about your soulmate if you meet and choose to not be together. It’s a punishment, but it’s not brutal, so it’s not going to show you a scene of him hooking up with someone else. It’ll just make you regret.” Jongdae’s wife is talking now, shoving Chanyeol away from the fridge to grab the carton of milk to fill up the small bottles she has lined up on the counter.

Chanyeol chuckles at the comment, taking another sip of his beer. “So, I should regret not sitting by her while she’s working on some project? What are you even building by the way? Pipes?”

“It’s a mechanical system of a building,” I utter, and I’m dissatisfied immediately at my own response. Why would I even tell him that? Why would he even care? It makes me sound even more boring than I already am.

“Ah, there it goes. Another reason why I’m not feeling that regret you’re talking about.”

Hayoung is shaking her head in disapproval, arms crossed against her chest as she watches Jongdae’s wife finishing up the bottles of milk for the baby. “Maybe not right now, but it’ll build up. Before you know it, you’re going to be the one wishing that’s it’s you holding up the light instead of a lamp above her work just so you could do something to be next to her.”

When Chanyeol is with his friends, the best qualities of him come out when they’re around. He might be avoiding the real version of himself when he’s with me, but I get a glimpse into his world when I’m at these outings that Minseok and Junmyeon insist that I attend.

Chanyeol is playing the “attendance” game with the guys, and his competitiveness brings out a different side of him, but he’s determined to win, even if the prize is just being able to slap the loser on the back.

Baekhyun loses—again, and they’re all crowded around, not even taking turns, but in unison smacking his back as he grimaces in pain.

And when we’re out at the beach, sinking our toes into the sand and absorbing in the warmth of the sun, he makes a game out of out nowhere to play with his friends, laughter filling the air. He’s not laughing with me, but I still find myself feeling whole at the sound. 

I’ve come to realize how easy it is for someone to fall in love with Chanyeol. He cared for no one more than his friends and family, and I start to see this when he’s talking fondly about his older sister and her kids when he sees Jongdae’s baby. His expression resembled child-like wonder when he’s playing with the girl, and it makes me ponder what he’d be like as a father—ah fuck, scratch that. He said doesn’t want to be with me.

There are moments where I’m convinced that I’ve gone insane, because when I’m eating a burger at the dinner table, he reaches out with a napkin in his hand to wipe the smear of ketchup off my cheek. Or the time when they ran out of water bottles at the beach and it was scorching hot, and he drinks a bit from his bottle before giving me the rest because I didn’t have one. Not quite sure what brings him to be so affectionate, so it feels odd. 

The weekend sooner or later reaches to an end, and I had to resume back to work.

I’m attacked from behind at the office with more tasks than ever. It feels like there are at least 5 more folders that are added to the stack daily, and the mountains of paperwork overwhelm me. Minseok visits from time to time, dropping off snacks majority of the time because I don’t take up on his offers to have lunch together simply due to the fact that I didn’t have any time.

Despite all of that, Junmyeon still makes the effort to see me. He comes by several times a week, and just as promised, he’s providing the groceries and I’m teaching him how to cook. He entertains and keeps me company in my quiet apartment, but continues to be a wonderful distraction to the stress that I receive from work.

We’re cooking kimchi jjigae, and albeit that we both have aprons on, I still manage to get some on my t-shirt. I grumble in repulsion of how I could be so unladylike in front of a guy I’m trying to impress.

“It’s okay,” He comforts, and that signature smile makes an appearance yet again tonight. “It’s cute, it’s the style now.”

“What? Kimchi splatter?” I’m stirring the beef at the bottom of the pot, motioning him to monitor my actions. “You should let the meat cook, occasionally moving it around so it doesn’t burn. Cut the onions and mushrooms in the meantime.” 

He abides by instruction, making his way to the cutting board and begins to chop the vegetables ardently. “You look good in anything, even kimchi splatter.” I let out a laugh of disbelief in return, but his expression proved that his compliment was authentic. 

Everything about Junmyeon is art. His laugh is like the melody to your favorite song, and his smile shone brighter than the sunlight that peeks through the curtains of a Sunday morning. Listening to him speak about his aspirations, his interests in artwork, and his times with his friends remind me of a character in the novel that only spewed out perfections without a single flaw in their body. Junmyeon was selfless, elegant, and intelligent. A whole package, as someone would say, but a completely different package from Chanyeol. 

So when Junmyeon confesses that he might have some feelings for me, I don’t hesitate in telling him that I might feel something for him in return.

“Listen,” He begins, tapping his fingers against the lid of his iced Americano anxiously. We’re sitting in a coffee shop on a Thursday, after having lunch together at a ramen place he suggests. “This is a bit different from how I would normally date. You actually met your soulmate, you know who he is.”

“But he doesn’t want me,” I interject, and I don’t want him to continue with more reasons as to why we shouldn’t be together. “He doesn’t want me so it makes the decision not to be with him easier. I’m ready to move on, Junmyeon. At least let me try to do that with you.”

The expression on his face suggests how uneasy he’s feeling, and he’s hesitating before speaking again. “I… we can try, but I really don’t want to put a label on this yet. Let’s date, hangout, and see how it goes, okay? I don’t want to get hurt.”

I agree to his terms. I understand why he’s feeling that way; it’s even harder when my soulmate is one of his best friends.

He takes me out on dates, mostly to museums to show me his favorite artworks and his personal interpretation of the pieces. Junmyeon is passionate about things like this, and hearing his thoughts and views had become my favorite pastime. He asks me what my interests are, and I’m a bit flustered because my work is my passion. I wasn’t sure how else to show him, so I take him to the Gangnam District one night, and he’s confused.

“Why did you pick here specifically?” It’s a cold night, and he’s wearing a black turtleneck with khakis, and a light brown trench coat with matching dark backpack that’s slung over his shoulder.

“You know what Minseok does for a living, right?” He hums in thought at my question for a moment before responding. 

“He said he works in the financial department of an architecture firm. Am I right?”

“Correct, but do you have any idea of what I do?” Junmyeon pauses for a moment, and he raises a brow.

“Honestly, now that I think of it, I kind of always assumed you did the same thing. But I don’t quite think numbers were your passion,” He chuckles.

“Nope,” I click my tongue, jokingly disappointed as we’re walking down the streets, the lights illuminating from the buildings surrounding us but we don’t see stars in the sky in a city like this. “I’m an architect. I design buildings. I haven’t gotten the chance to design a building myself, just systems within it, but one day, I’d like to change the Seoul skyline. Create something of my own, build something bigger than me. I know you specifically like the works of artists that focuses more on the nature of things, but… something about the city is beautiful to me.”

Junmyeon is watching me as I spill my thoughts, and I physically feel the love radiating from him. Maybe I can learn to love him too.

At this same moment, I later find out that Chanyeol is dreaming of my date with Junmyeon, and his heart aches. He suddenly wishes that he were the one listening to my passions, and holding my hand while he shares his own.

I’ve been meeting Junmyeon weekly now, so frequently that he even has the passcode to my apartment. In addition, he’s been great at occupying my thoughts from these dreams I’ve been having. Almost every night, these scenarios of a typical relationship with Chanyeol would appear—doing laundry, cooking, movie dates… there was even a sex dream. It made me a little uncomfortable waking up from that nap, because my head was rested on Junmyeon’s shoulder on the couch. I must have fallen asleep in the midst of the movie.

“Finally awake? If I knew documentaries weren’t your thing, I wouldn’t have forced you to watch it.” He has a Cheshire’s grin that spreads from ear to ear and a chuckle the escapes from his lips. “Sorry, work has just been exhausting lately. I haven’t been getting much sleep.” I concede, and a bit guilty for sleeping through the movie but also dreaming about another man right next to him. Regardless, he’s interlocking our fingers together at this point, giving me a forgiving gaze.

“Don’t worry, I like having you next to me.” His words melt my heart, and I hate that I’m comparing him to Chanyeol because it’s not the same way that Chanyeol makes me feel.

Work had been exhausting, but not exhausting enough to find myself standing outside of a flower shop, beside Chanyeol who is equally as bewildered as I am. I couldn’t remember how I got there, uncertain how Chanyeol did either, and how long we’ve been standing here.

“I—did we agree to meet here or something?” He questions. Chanyeol looks different. His hair isn’t pink anymore, but it’s a dirty blonde. It didn’t matter what shade his hair was, what outfit he wore, he just pulled off any look he wanted effortlessly. He’s dressed casually, probably coming from the recording studio.

“I… I’m not sure.” I’m scratching my head, looking at the reflection of myself in the shop’s window before I realize how I look. My hair is greasy, tied up in a messy bun, and I’m wearing a t-shirt that’s stained with kimchi that splattered on me from my cooking lessons with Junmyeon whilst in the baggiest sweatpants. I was working from home that week because my new project didn’t have an office space set up for me yet, so I took advantage of the opportunity to dress like a bum in the comfort of my home. But… I’m not home; I’m very much out in public with Chanyeol.

He shrugs off the bizareness of the situation before facing me completely. “Anyway, since I have you here, can you stop having those moments with hyung?”

“What?”

“I keep seeing your dates with him every time I sleep. I see when you hold hands, when you sleep together—I see everything. I thought that these dreams weren’t supposed to be brutal.”

“How am I supposed to control that?” I feel my neck getting hot, and I’m furious with his words, but I don’t want him to have that leverage over me.

“I don’t know, just stop or something.” He dismisses me before walking away toward the opposite direction.

This happens a couple more times, and there’s no real explanation for it. I can’t manipulate my dreams and it becomes difficult to distinguish what’s a dream and reality anymore.

There’s a knock on my door but I’m too tired to get up.

It’s been 3 days since Junmyeon left on his business trip, and with my luck, I got sick the day after he departed. It’s probably due to the rainstorm that hit the other day, and I forget my umbrella at the office so I’m drenched by the time I’m home. I’m now alone in my small apartment, trying to convince myself I’m okay by occasionally heating up the leftover delivery of Soondubu I ordered a couple days prior. However, I’m currently prioritizing slumber.

The knock gets louder. The person is adamant about getting my attention; if it was a telemarketer, they would’ve left already. I grab my phone that lies right beside my face to see if there’s any new missed phone call notifications—none. If it were one of my friends, they’d call after the first attempt right?

Then I hear the beeping from the keypad on the door. Someone’s pressing in the passcode into my apartment. The lock dings in confirmation and clicks—whomever it is… they’ve successfully gotten into my apartment. Is this when I die?

“Dude, where are you?” The door shuts behind the footsteps, and it’s a familiar deep baritone voice that calls out for me, but I’m glued to the mattress, wrapped in my blankets like a burrito. He’s just going to have to kill me like this. I’m probably the easiest victim this killer is ever going to encounter.

There’s a tall figure that reaches to my bed, and despite my horrible eyesight, I squint enough to make out the features of his face. He has a facemask on, but it’s tucked below his chin, and he has a beanie on that matches his hoodie’s shade of grey. It’s Chanyeol. Am I dreaming? Is this another one of those hallucinations?

He kneels down beside me, utilizing the back of his hand to test the temperature of my forehead, then wipes the sweat off it with his fingers which feel like ice against my skin. I could almost hear myself sizzle from the impact. “Where’s Junmyeon? He called me saying that you haven’t responded to any of his texts. He can’t call for some reason. He’s worried.”

“Oh, away. I saw he texted earlier. I must have drift off midway through typing.”

Chanyeol sighs, clicking his tongue before getting up from the bed and snatching my phone from my side. “Password? It’s not going to recognize your face when you’re looking like that.” Ouch. “1616,” I respond before shuffling back into hiding position within my blankets. Maybe my cheeks are flushed from the fact that my passcode is 1616, like the 16th note on our wrists—but I’m going to blame it on the fever. I’m hot yet cold at the same time, and I can’t even gather the energy to argue with him about my appearance right now.

“Hey,” He’s talking to someone on the other line as he paces around the room with a hand on his hip and brows furrowed in slight frustration. “She’s home, she’s been sick. Not sure how long, but she’s looking like a wreck.” Chanyeol lets out a sigh, tapping his feet against the hardwood floors of my room, and it occurs to me that he’s never been in my house before. It’s also been a while since I’ve cleaned. 

He’s tightening his lips into a straight line as he listens to who I assume is Junmyeon on the other line. “It’s fine hyung, you don’t need to come back. Just finish your work there; I’ll get Minseok to come check in every once in a while. I’ll give you another call before I leave.”

After hanging up, he diverts his attention back to me before letting out another exasperated sigh. “Did you eat anything yet? Take any medicine?”

“No,” I mutter under my breath. Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to talk, and his attitude wasn’t convincing me to try to uphold the conversation either. “It’s not time for me to get up yet.”

“It’s already 1pm, what do you mean you’re not ready to get up yet?” He’s in the process of taking off his facemask and beanie now, throwing it on the chair by my desk before rolling up his sleeves and making his way out the room. He’s gone for what feels like eternity because my eyelids are slowly drooping shut when I hear his loud steps coming from the hall with a bucket in one hand, and a towel in another.

“I’m going to clean you up,” He announces, placing the bucket on the nightstand by my bed. “I bet you haven’t showered in days, and I can already tell you reek.”

“You can tell or smell?” That’s all the comebacks I can get out of me, because Chanyeol is already inviting himself to pull the covers off my weak frame tugging on the hem of my hoodie, gesturing me to take it off. “Let me wipe you down.”

“I’m not stripping in front of you, Chanyeol.” I may be on the last portion of my human battery level, but I’m not stupid. “I’m naked under this. I don’t have a bra on.”

“Okay, but I’m your soulmate. I’ve seen you naked countless of times in my dreams. So please, take it off so I can clean you up.” So… he has seen me naked too? Does he have those sex dreams too? Should I be working to get abs if he’s dreaming about how I look under this too? Because in comparison to him—

My thoughts are interrupted when he helps himself by pulling the hoodie off my body instead of waiting for my response. I don’t even have the chance to feel insecure when he begins wiping my arms and underneath with the wet rag. I know the water is warm, but my body temperature is too hot to be able to tell the difference. It’s silent when he does this, and when he’s done with the upper half of my body, he dresses me before tugging on my pants gently. “I’m going to do your lower half now.”

I must have fallen asleep briefly from his delicate touches because once my eyes flutter open, he’s already done and my sweats are on. I couldn’t even remember being embarrassed of him seeing my bare body, because he’s already tucking me back under the covers, checking my body heat once again with the back of his hand before throwing the rag back into the bucket.

He’s leaving the room and I still can’t translate the expression on his face. I thought that meeting your soulmate was supposed to make things easier, not harder.

I think I doze off yet again, because this time when I’m stirring awake and Chanyeol is sitting in a chair beside my bed with a tray full of things. There’s a mug, medicine, and a bowl in front of him, and this is where I get to finally see his features a lot more clearly.

His hair is brown now—I’m unsure when he dyed it, but makes him look tamed compared to how he actually is. The black circles under his eyes were like a trophy to his exhaustion, probably from the endless cycles of staying up all night, working on his composition pieces at the recording studio. I haven’t talked to him much, but my dreams update me with what he was up to, more than he would ever tell me.

“Here,” He’s holding a couple of pills in his palm with a cup of water in the other hand. “Take this, and eat some of the soup I made you. You need to actually have something in your system to feel better.” I feel like a 7-year-old child being lectured by her father, but to be fair… I’m acting like one. For once, I decide not to start a fight and comply, taking the pills into my mouth and drinking from the glass he’s holding before handing it back. The size of it makes it tough to swallow, and I can feel it sitting in my throat.

“Open.” His face is making it hard to read any of his emotions, but he has the spoonful of what I assume is chicken soup near my face, I stare at him for a moment before opening my mouth questioningly as he feeds me. If he’s poisoning me right now, I think I’d be okay with it because the soup surprisingly tastes delicious.

Honestly… after meeting Chanyeol, I never thought I could possibly even imagine this scenario. He’s actually… feeding me. He’s taking care of me while I’m sick. His face is distorted from the worry he has for me, but there’s hints of anger because I obviously couldn’t manage myself. I let him look after me while my thoughts run in circles, thinking what if Junmyeon had been here. I would’ve never been able to see Chanyeol in this light.

How many times have I fallen asleep with him here?

I feel something heavy on my midriff, and a warm body pressed from behind that has me turning around curiously to face the suspect, only to bump noses with the one and only—Chanyeol. Nose scrunched up from the impact, he has his one arm wrapped around me, my head resting on the other, and his body spooning my own. He looks peaceful like this, quiet – not a word coming from his mouth that strings along insults toward me, and his brows aren’t wrinkled in frustration like it always is when he’s looking at me. His mouth is slightly agape, and I can’t help but stare at his plump lips. My heart is fluttering just at the sight of him, stomach boiling from anxiety that it reminds me of my encounters with my first crush in middle school. He spent the whole day taking care of me, and he’s probably exhausted, knocking out right next to me, potentially infected with this fever I have.

I despise myself being in this position. I should tell him to move – I’m trying to convince Junmyeon that I didn’t have feelings for Chanyeol, and Chanyeol didn’t feel anything for me either, despite being soulmates, but right now… I like the feeling of being in his arms, I like that I can feel his chest moving against my back with his soft patterned breathing, and I like that he’s snuggling in just to feel closer to me.

Chanyeol is stirred awake, shuffling in his position as he rubs his face with the arm that once draped over me. I quickly turn myself back to face away from him and pretended to sleep before I feel his nose nuzzling into the crook of my neck as he hums quietly, and I’m not sure if he recognizes I’m awake or not with this action.

He’s muttering against my skin, and I’m unable to tell the difference between the warmth of his breath as he speaks, or if it’s my fever acting up again. “Is it too late to tell you that I want you to be mine? Am I the first person to lose their soulmate by making the mistake of telling her I didn’t want to be with her?” Chanyeol pauses for a moment, before he takes in a deep breath. “I care about hyung, and I know he’s developing feelings for you… but I really want to steal you away. I think I’m in love with you.”

Okay—I’m steaming hot. I can feel my face and ears flushing crimson, and I can’t say anything because I’m supposed to be sleeping, and I wouldn’t even know how to respond anyway.

I felt his lips pressed against my neck, and chills go down my spine before he releases me from his hold, getting up from the bed before making his way out of the room and possibly into the kitchen. I’m kicking off the sheets from my body, sitting against the bed frame, and my heart is beating so fast and hard that I can’t keep up.  

This is everything I asked for. Just to be with my soulmate – but then Junmyeon is running laps through my mind every time I get closer to Chanyeol, and vice versa. Before today, I was okay with knowing that Junmyeon might be it, he might be my end game and although we weren’t bounded together, his feelings for me were genuine… plus not everyone ends up with their soulmate, right?

“I’m the stars, and you’re the city. You can’t see the stars in the city because of all the lights surrounding it, and I’ve already come to terms that Chanyeol is that light for you. I know that you’re going to try to convince me otherwise, but it’s a natural instinct for you to go to him, and it’s okay.” Poetic, even when he’s breaking my heart.

Junmyeon is leaning on the railing that perimeters the Han River, hair tucked in his black beanie that contrasts with his primary multi-color Northface jacket that compliments him so well. His cheeks are tinted pink from the crisp winter air and it reminds me that another year has passed since I’ve met him.

“I’m happy that I got to be with you, even if it was just for a moment. But I knew that I didn’t have you completely; there was still a part of you that resided with Chanyeol.”

“Please don’t do this,” I blurted. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this if you’re happy with me.”

He turns to face me, and his lips tug into an apologetic smile. His hands are rested on my shoulders in reassurance, knowing that this isn’t something he wants to do, but Junmyeon is altruistic. This is something Chanyeol needs, and he’d do anything to make his friend happy. It’s who Junmyeon is, and I can’t help but admire him for it.

“He’ll be here for you this time. He learned from his mistakes, and he’s willing to try. Why don’t you give him a chance?”

“He didn’t give me a chance when we met.” Tears are brimming in my eyes because the one person I thought wasn’t going to go is leaving me. “I thought you said you were going to stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” His thumb is pressed against my cheek, swiping away the stream coming from my eyes. “But Chanyeol is made for you. You’re never going to be able to love me like him. Your dreams are eventually going to take over, and whenever you see him with someone else, and when he sees me with you, it’s going to hurt the both of you physically.”

“We don’t have to see him—“

“You know I can’t do that. He’s like a brother to me.” He bites his bottom lip for a brief moment in thought before what it feels like forever, he speaks again. “When I left that week, I felt uneasy asking him to come check in on you. I knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hold back. He told me that after spending some time with you, despite the fact he’s met up with all these girls that only made him feel empty inside, he finally felt whole seeing you. He didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to option to choose you, he didn’t want someone, or something like fate to decide for him.”

I’m left without words, and I turn my head because it’s proven difficult to gather the courage to look at his face.

“I need you to be strong, and let me go. You won’t be as happy with me as you are with him. It’s how the universe works, love.”

I’ve been crying for days, and Junmyeon still hasn’t responded to any of my texts or calls. Eyes swollen that my face has become indistinguishable, my phone’s facial recognition just tells me to punch in the code now. I couldn’t even bring myself to leave my apartment anymore, so I’ve taken personal days off from work – I usually never did this since my emotions never truly got to the best of me, but it might have been the heartbreak and the constant overworking that finally broke me down.

I’m wrapped in my blanket once again, this time I’m not sick with a fever, but diagnosed with a broken heart. Bob’s Burgers is playing on the television screen in front of me; the show that once easily brought me light laughter from the stupidity of the jokes, suddenly doesn’t. I feel numb. 

There’s a knock at the door, and there’s nothing in me that wants to get up to see the unwelcomed visitor, but my legs beat my thoughts to it because I’m already opening the door.

“Sorry, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see.” Bags of groceries occupy his hands, and he lifts an arm up to show. Chanyeol is wearing a baseball cap, a black t-shirt that hangs loose from his body and blue jeans. How’s he still so handsome like this? Wait. No, I’m pissed at him. “Let me at least take care of you while you’re grieving.”

“I’m grieving because of you,” I spat. “If you just agreed to be with me in the first place, I wouldn’t have been with Junmyeon, and we could have been fine. If you just continued to fuck around, Junmyeon would’ve just stayed. You had to tell him that you wanted this?”

“You know he wouldn’t have stayed if he knew you felt something for me.” And for the first time, I agreed with him. I have been shoving my emotions down my throat, refraining myself from being completely honest with Junmyeon because the dreams had been eating me up inside. I was running out of energy, day by day, because I was denying the possibility of there being a Chanyeol and I, and I was being punished for it.

I remained quiet before stepping aside, letting him into my apartment. 

He makes his way into the kitchen from being familiar with the layout the last time he’s been here. Sitting back in the living room to resume my show, I peek over occasionally to watch. He had ingredients to make pasta, and his face is scrunched in diligence. We didn’t exchange words, we didn’t argue but continued to enjoyed the company of each other after that. 

The silence ultimately shatters when Nam Joohyuk is standing naked in a scene of ‘the Bride of Habaek’ because Chanyeol bursts into laughter. From that moment on, my apartment felt livelier with him in it. 

These nights eventually became recurrent. His clothes residing in a designated drawer in my dresser and space is made in my closet that has his name invisibly written over it.

Slowly, I’ve noticed that I’m not as tired as I was before. I felt refreshed, and skeptical that it’s because of Chanyeol’s evident presence that’s more frequent. After a while, I’m starting to believe that the debilitation between the two of us was due to the lack of each other’s company.

We schedule a dinner date at my place at 7, but he calls then tells me that he’s going to be leaving the studio late, and the instant a dubious sensation agitates my stomach, he’s at my house at 11 with soft pink tulips in his hand that reminds me back to when his hair was bubblegum.

“I’m late,” He states the obvious, but he’s bouncing on the tips of his toes anxiously as he observes the look on my face. “But I made Baekhyun run out to grab these for you while I was stuck. Forgive me?”

I think that moment was when I began to forgive Chanyeol for letting me go in the beginning.

Months later, I’m coming back from another rough day at work, tapping my fingertips on the keypad into my apartment before the door flings open just a moment before I’ve finished typing. “Oh?”

There he is, standing before me with a smile that’s brighter than the sun and warms me like not just any Sunday morning, but every morning. The chuckle that escapes from his lips at my startled expression isn’t like the melody to my favorite song, but becomes my favorite song. His voice when he says my name is as smooth and sweet as honey, deep enough to bring goosebumps to my skin.

“Happy birthday,” Chanyeol sings, pulling me into his embrace, my face is deep into his chest from the height difference. I’ve never felt more home than in his arms.

Between now and when I finally agreed to be with him, Chanyeol had completely turned around. We live together now, but other of that, we were taking the relationship slow. He was proving himself worthy, taking place of what used to be Junmyeon’s shoes and attempting his best to fill them, bringing us out on weekly dates, attentively listening to my opinion on shows, cooking with me at night, and even sharing his prized works with me. He says that his music used to reflect on the “me-shaped” hole in his heart, but he felt whole now, and I was the muse to the happiness in his pieces. A bit cringey, I admit—but it was his way of showing his love, and I liked that. He wasn’t usually like this. 

“Everyone is already inside, hurry in.” His hands wrap around my wrist, where my marking appeared to glow these days, tugging me into the living room where his friends are seated and gathered around the coffee table with a lit birthday cake in the middle. His friends had become my own, and grew to be a family of choice that shared and celebrated milestones together.

I see Junmyeon squished between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, bickering at each other before he shoves them out the way, getting up and lifting the cake up to me with the saccharine grin on his face. “Happy birthday, love. Make a wish.”

I didn’t have any wishes for myself this time around. What I learned from Junmyeon was to be a little more selfless—and I wished for him to meet someone who loved him as much as I did when I was with him. I wanted him to be as happy as I am now, sacrificing his own happiness so that both of his best friends could be happy too.

fin.

continued ending, though from junmyeon’s standpoint. 

[scribble-bunnie]

soulmark | m.yg (5)

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Chapters: 9

Summary: in which, a girl and a boy without soulmarks learn what it means to have a soulmark and a soulmate.

05 || A Little Emotion

(Y/n)'s POV

Two dates and three coffee shop visits later, I could firmly say that I more than 'liked' Yoongi. He had made a (bad) habit of turning up at the coffee around the closing time and Jin and Jimin snickered and left me alone to deal with it (even when they knew I had a extremely poor heart that responded frantically to Yoongi's gummy smiles and little smirks).

My eyes flew to the clock as I placed the used coffee cup in the basin for Jimin-ah to start washing. Half an hour to closing. 

It had been a rough day for me, and I wanted nothing more than diving into my bed for atleast 8 hours. The tinkling sound at the door announced the arrival of another customer and my eyes snapped hopefully (but nervously) to find Yoongi sauntering inside, his head pulled down to look at his phone.

He looked up finally as he reached the counter, where I stood ready with an award-worthy smile on my face.

"Hey," he greeted me, his mouth stretching into his ridiculously beautiful smile that sent my heart pounding. He looked so good like that, my heart melted.

"Hi," I passed out a reply after dazedly staring at him for ten seconds. It did not go unnoticed by him and he leaned forward on the counter with an amused look; on the other hand, I was a wreck, as blood rushed to my cheeks. "What will you have today?"

"You know the usual, beautiful," he replied with a wink. I sighed, and closed my eyes as I tried to hide my hammering heart and keep my face straight. 

"Alright, coming right up!" I looked him in the eye, giving him my best forced smile before turning to make his strong Americano. My face dropped into a frown as my hands worked around the drink I had made so many times, I could make it in sleep.

I presented him the cup while he poured out the money. He picked up the cup and frowned at me.

"Something wrong?" He asked, looking concerned.

"Ah, no, um, it's nothing," I said, giving him a tired smile. "Just tired. Wanna go home, but I'm good."

"Take care of yourself," he murmured to me, disapproval etched on his face. It made me laugh and I gave him a genuine smile, his worry making me pleased (even if it seems wrong).

"I will, I will," I replied. The shop was empty again, and I took the moment to remove my apron and glanced at Jin for a break. He nodded, probably thinking about how to cut my paycheck for all the breaks I take. Just kidding.

I walked with Yoongi to a small table for two and I rested my chin between the palms of my two hands.

"So, what's going on with you?" I asked him. He gave a moan of relief at the taste of his coffee and nodded at me.

"Nothing, I got work tonight," he said. "Also, you make amazing coffee. I love your coffee. Can you teach me how to make it? Because I can't have you around 24/7, and I need this. It's like, my energy for twenty-four hours."

I giggled before replying with fake innocence, "Are you sure that's the only thing that gives you the energy?"

"Hm," he pretended to think before leaning closer to my face. My heart started it's marathon once again and my eyes hurt from the resistance I was putting to not look down at his lips. "No. I need you too."

"Well, uhm, then you better come everyday," I said, my face on fire as he leaned even closer. Oh my gosh, is he going to kiss me?! He slightly smirked.

"Anything for you, gorgeous," he said right back, licking his lips tantalizingly. My tongue itched to dart out and lick my own lips which had gone dry, but I didn't, so as not to lose my sanity and dignity. "Anything."

A string of curses went off in my brain as he had now reached an inch away from my lips. Unknowingly, I was leaning in as well, and for the first time, I let my eyes go down to his lips.

They were thin, soft-looking and in a way only cheesy authors would call it - kissable. I gulped lightly, hoping he didn't see it as I saw his eyes dart down to my own.

And then, before I could panic or overthink anything, his lips met mine. I had read many soulmate stories speaking of the fireworks, violins, the bliss, the heaven.

But what I felt with Yoongi was different. A good different. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I felt overwhelmed by the emotions he was pouring into that kiss. 

I tried kissing him back, since I had scarcely any experience with kissing. Somehow, his lips lead my lips into what they were supposed to do.

He pulled back after a few seconds, and he was slightly out of breath. Suddenly, there was a pin-drop silence. I was out of breath too, but I was happy. I was elated. 

His eyes widened and he stood up. He swiftly ran out of the coffee shop, leaving me bewildered on the table with his half-finished cup of coffee.

Suddenly, my eyes felt heavy. I could feel the warm water pricking the sides as I watched his figure run away from the glass windows. My throat felt constricted as I stood up and grabbed the cup of coffee.

I walked back to the counter, where Jin and Jimin-ah were standing, giving me sympathetic looks. I dumped the rest of the coffee into the basin and put it for wash before turning around, my hand flying to my chest. It hurt.

"(Y/n), I'm, I'm so sorry," Jin whispered to me as he draped an arm around my shoulder, to soothe me. Jimin-ah held my hand and rubbed circles on it, giving me a sorry look too.

"W- Why are you sorry?" I asked, my voice choking on the heaviness in my throat. "It's not y- your fau- fault."

"We filled your head with ideas, got your hopes up," Jimin-ah said, shaking his head as if he was angry at himself. "We're so sorry. Really. We didn't think he would do that."

"It's okay, I'm fine," I murmured, pushing myself off the basin counter. Jin stepped back but Jimin-ah didn't let go of my hand. "Thank you for worrying about me, it's very sweet of you. I was wondering Jin, if I could be let off early tonight? I am tired."

Jin nodded immediately and I quickly walked to the back to grab my purse before leaving for my house.

Why does it always have to be me? And just when I was starting to fall for him, too.

❒❒❒

Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

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[hotforharrison]

Meet & Greet ch 14

Chapter 13 <-- Series Masterlist --> Chapter 15

Pairing: Tom Holland/Reader

Summary: You missed out on a Tom Holland meet and greet, but a stranger, who you are pretty sure is a Tom Holland lookalike, rescues you from your pity party for one.

Word Count: 1,842

Warnings: Unusual smut and language

A/N: This chapter is a bit sad, but it gets happier soon!

After you had learned that Tom intended to see you again after your European vacation ended, time felt less important, less finite. You hadn’t realized you’d stopped counting the days.

You started each morning in his arms. You felt warmer and safer and more comfortable than you’d known was possible.

Each day pretty much amounted to domestic, orgasmic bliss. Some days, you left his apartment and toured London a bit, actually even getting your own photos to share with family and friends and some souvenirs for gifts. If anyone asked why you hadn’t left London, you’d decided to tell them that you'd fallen in love with the city, and there was just too much to see and do there.

You’d eventually stopped checking online to see if you were a part of any tabloids. No one had bothered or photographed you while you were with Tom. It drifted to the back of your mind and stayed there.

You ended each day cuddled up against him as close as you could get, his heartbeat steady against your ear, lulling you to sleep.

You barely noticed as the days bled together. Time didn’t seem to matter anymore in your little bubble.

“Aren’t you going to pack?” Tom asked one evening while you were watching a movie with your head in his lap, both still nude from the mid-afternoon shower you’d taken together.

“Huh?” you responded, confused.

“Your flight is tomorrow,” he replied.

“It is?” You checked the date on your phone. It actually was. “I lost track of the days.”

You were silent when you stood and started getting your things together. You placed them robotically into your suitcase, barely having enough room for everything, since you were leaving with more than you’d arrived with. It didn’t take long before everything was in your suitcase, shut tight. You placed your plane ticket in your purse, nestled safely inside your wallet where it wouldn’t get lost. The end your trip started to creep into reality.

“I’ll need to get you to the airport by about 9,” Tom said from the doorway, “so you have time to get through customs.”

You just nodded numbly.

He finished walking into the room, embracing you before meeting your lips in a kiss.

You were passive when he tugged you over to the bed, lowering you onto the mattress.

He climbed on top of you and kissed his way from your lips, down to your neck. He nipped, kissed, and sucked at your skin. His mouth moved down to kiss your breasts, teasing your nipples with his teeth and tongue. After pressing sweet kisses down your belly, he buried his face between your thighs, using everything he’d learned from the past two weeks to play your body expertly.

Your mind wasn’t really there, and your orgasm surprised you when it happened. It felt strange, almost like an out of body experience. You choked out a moan and his name while he eagerly lapped up your wetness.

You watched him wipe his face off on the back of his hand before he crawled up to you again. He looked into your eyes, expression concerned, and swiped his thumb across your cheek. His thumb came back wet.

“Oh, love.” He wiped away more tears. “Shh, it’ll be alright.”

You fell asleep at some point while tears silently dripped down your face, not waking up again until an alarm blared.

You were still naked, cuddled warmly against Tom. Your brain helpfully added, ‘for the last time,’ even though it wasn’t really the last time. Probably. Part of you was still uncertain. He could meet his soulmate today after he dropped you off at the airport. You’d be happy for him, of course, but you’d miss him fiercely. These days had easily been some of the best of your life.

He groaned from beside you and grabbed his phone off the nightstand to turn off the alarm.

“Good morning,” he mumbled against you, pressing a sleepy kiss against your lips.

“Morning,” you responded, since very little was good about it. You pulled yourself tighter to him, trying to perfectly memorize the way he felt and his comforting scent, in case you didn’t get the chance again.

“We have to get up,” he eventually said. “Don’t want to miss your flight.”

Part of you did, but you didn’t voice that fact.

While you were getting ready, he picked up the black bag from the nightstand. “We never did get around to trying everything,” he commented.

“I don’t have room in my suitcase for anything else.”

“At least take a souvenir from me.” He opened the nightstand drawer and handed you the purple bullet with a mischievous glint in his eye. “I’m sure you can find a bit of space for that.”

You could, and did. Hopefully, immigration wouldn’t confiscate it. You definitely liked it more than everything else you were bringing back from London.

The morning flew by, and you temporarily cheered up after an early breakfast, sipping the heavily sweetened tea you’d actually come to enjoy, while chatting with Tom, flight forgotten for a short while.

“Oh, give me your phone, before I forget again!” You handed it over, curious. His phone soon pinged with a text.

You saw he’d added his number and sent a message to himself from you.

Your melancholy returned as you walked out of his apartment, your brain supplying another ‘probably for the last time,’ and drove to the airport. You couldn’t keep your eyes off him, still trying to memorize every detail, not caring if it was rude to stare. You reached departures faster than you would’ve liked.

“Thank you,” you said, swallowing heavily. “For everything.”

You were surprised when he got out of the car with you, opening the trunk and grabbing your suitcase for you. He sat it down next to you.

You stared at each other awkwardly, before he eventually pulled you tight against his chest. Long moments passed, until he loosened his grasp, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, sniffling.

“Me too, darling,” he agreed, obviously not intending to arouse. He pressed another quick kiss to your mouth. “Text me when you land.”

“I will. Bye,” you whispered, walking away, pulling your suitcase behind you, into the airport. You turned around to see him still standing there watching you. Before you could run back into his arms like you longed to do, you waved and entered the airport.

You cried on and off until you were on the plane. The flight was insanely long, and you were too distracted to do anything other than be alone with your thoughts. You only picked at the food that was served, stomach in too many knots to be hungry, even though you’d only had a light breakfast. Your chest ached too much to let you sleep.

When the flight attendant announced that you could turn off airplane mode, and you did, your phone blew up with texts and instant messages.

You nervously opened the one from your best friend first. It told you emphatically not to look online. Your heart sunk into the pit of your stomach as you did exactly that. You quickly discovered that the goodbye you shared with Tom at the airport was now news, complete with lots of photo evidence.

“Fuck,” you groaned. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“There are children here!” a lady angrily snapped at you.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

You put away your phone and decided to completely ignore it for now, on autopilot through the airport and drive home. You plopped down on your couch and sighed heavily.

When your phone started ringing, you pulled it out of your pocket. It was Tom. You weren’t sure you wanted to pick up, but did anyway.

“I’m so sorry,” you answered when you picked up the phone.

“I should be apologizing to you, love,” he said.

“Why?” you asked, confused.

“Well, you were the one who was worried about getting photographed, and there I went and kissed you in public like an idiot, and got you photographed,” he explained.

“I don’t think you’re an idiot,” you immediately responded. “Just got caught up in the moment, that’s all. I’m the one who ruined your life.”

He was silent for a moment. “How did you ruin my life?”

“The press is going to harass you now. You’ll have to make statements and-”

“The press is going to harass you now,” he interrupted, “and you didn’t sign up for that like I did. Someone found your Instagram, and believe me when I say that you don’t want to read the comments.”

“I’ll be okay.” You weren’t honestly sure that you would be. “What are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“What happens now?” you tried to clarify.

“Well, I honestly planned on ignoring it. I’m not on a press junket now or any time in the near future, and people will forget about it soon enough.”

You decided to ask the question that was really on your mind. “Do you still plan on seeing me again?”

“What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I do.” He paused. “It’s been less than a day, and I already miss having you around.”

“I miss you, too,” you admitted.

“I have a question,” he started. “One that might be hard to answer. You can think about it, if you need to. I don’t need an answer now, or even today.”

“Okay,” you said, wondering what kind of question would require that kind of consideration.

“Now that there’s speculation, I’m curious about, well, do you want to date me? And before you answer, remember that you’ll lose what privacy you do have left. It won’t just be the paparazzi going after me. They’ll be going after you, too. People will treat you differently because you’re dating me. You’ll have to keep your social media locked down if you want to avoid the comments people make. It’s really a lot to ask of anyone.”

You were rendered silent.

“Still there?” he eventually asked.

“Do you want to date me?” you asked, dumbfounded.

“I’ve tried more casual arrangements, but I’m a relationship person. I very much enjoyed the time we spent together, and I’d like to see where it goes. If you want to, of course. It’s entirely up to you.”

“I don’t know if I can give you an answer right now. When I was with you, it was like we were in a bubble,” you said. “I’d probably never been happier than I was then, but now it’s complicated, and messy. The only thing I really know right now is how much I miss you.”

“That’s fair,” he responded, audibly yawning.

“Oh, it must be late there,” you realized.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I think I’m going to bed. I’m glad you made it home safe, love.”

“Me too. Sweet dreams.”

“Good night.”

You waited until he hung up to curl up on the couch and ignore your phone.

Tag list: @drown-me-before-dema-does @tom-hollands-blog @tylers-ankles-beebos-forehead @moorehollandplz @delicatepeterparker @thollandss @musicalburrage @captainbuckyy @adayasgeorgia

[rulesofthebeneath]

rooftop (hbad au)

<AN> Well... y’all asked for it. Also side note: please please please let me know if any of the hindi is wrong. I’ll be providing translations at the end of the fic. I used Romanized text instead of Devanagari script here.

Tagging: @pixelburied @witchiegirl @lorosette @itsbrindleybinch @awkwardalbatros @ravenclawpokegirl25 @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @ajaysbhandari @ylevolenahs @hufflepvnk

</AN>

It had been a few weeks since he and Grace had talked about getting married, and Ajay felt like he was finally ready to ask.

He had taken every single thing into account when he was planning, as a good director had to. Location, check: he was in the elevator on his way to the landlord’s office to talk about getting access to the rooftop. He’d met the man a few times before: he was a verified grump, but Ajay was confident in his ability to persuade the man to his side. Lighting, check: he’d sneakily purchased string lights the other day while Grace had been at rehearsal. Sound, check: portable speakers, courtesy of Lysander back from their Bonnie & Clyde days, and a playlist of all the songs she’d ever texted him about. Costumes, check: he’d ironed out his best button-down and khaki pants for the occasion, something nice but still comfortable and hopefully just casual enough to catch her off guard. And finally, for props: he’d basically cleared the nearest flower kiosk out of lilacs, her favorite, and roses just thrown in for a change of pace.

But the most important prop was in his pants pocket, and he took it out now, running his thumb over the small wooden box. He’d ordered the engagement ring from a small artisan jeweler based in New York, so it hadn’t cost him much to get it delivered. His dad had called when Ajay texted to ask his advice on how much to spend on the ring, and the two had had a long discussion about prices and expectations and finances that left Ajay feeling very secure in his choice. He had found a beautiful ring with a gold band and a few small diamonds surrounding a slightly larger focal diamond. He really loved the style (and the price), and he knew Grace would too. She didn’t wear much fancy jewelry, so he knew she’d want something low-key.

By far the hardest part had been figuring out her ring size, since he still wanted to keep the timing of his plans secret. He’d been lucky enough though, one morning two weeks ago, to find her class ring from college sitting out on their dresser. After a very awkward conversation that definitely left her suspicious, he determined that it did still fit comfortably on her ring finger and was able to discern her ring size.

Finally, the elevator arrived at the first floor, and Ajay quickly walked down the hall and knocked on his landlord’s office. The man, Simon, kept him waiting but eventually opened the door, welcoming him inside with little more than a grunt. Ajay took a seat across from Simon at his desk. Simon stared at him until Ajay realized he was supposed to be speaking.

“What are the rules on rooftop access?”

“No.”

Ajay blinked, but argued back.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s my roof. No.”

Ajay crossed his arms.

“We won’t be loud and I promise we’ll clean up any mess we make.”

“No.”

Ajay narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing Simon’s stony expression. The man could’ve easily thrown Ajay out of his office if he didn’t want to talk to him; Ajay knew from experience that the rudeness wasn’t beneath him. Simon must just be waiting for the right argument.

“I want to do something special for my girlfriend,” Ajay tried, attempting to solve the puzzle.

“And what’s that?” Simon asked, his expression betraying nothing.

Finally, Ajay thought, a weak point.

“Well, Grace and I have been together for almost two years now, and we’re both taking the weekend off to spend time with each other, so-”

Simon cut him off. “You’re going to propose.”

Ajay involuntarily turned red, but cleared his throat. “Yes, I am.”

Simon studied Ajay, and Ajay resisted the urge to fidget as the landlord’s eyes considered him. Finally, Simon spoke again.

“Fine,” he grunted, and Ajay broke into a wide grin. Before Ajay could open his mouth to thank him, though, Simon cut him off.

“But here’s some rules. You can play music for a maximum of thirty minutes between the hours of seven pm and nine pm. You get one warning if it’s too loud, and if it’s still too loud after that I’m kicking you off. And listen, young man, I shouldn’t have to say this, but no funny business on my roof. That’s what you’ve got an apartment for.”

Ajay’s eyes widened at that last statement, but he managed to maintain control of his words.

“Yes, sir. Thank you so much, this means a lot to me.” He thought he saw a hint of a smile from under Simon’s long beard, but he lost it as Simon turned to procure the key to the rooftop access.

“Get it to my dropbox by 9 am tomorrow, or the replacement cost’s coming out of your rent.”

Ajay couldn’t help himself from grinning at the landlord as he pocketed the small key. “Again, thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it. Now, get out of my office,” Simon said bluntly, and Ajay stood up rapidly to make his exit.

***

Almost five hours later, Grace turned her key in the lock and entered the apartment. She was sweaty from her all-day rehearsal, but very ready to spend a relaxing weekend with her boyfriend.

It had become a bit of a tradition for them, these regularly scheduled “stay-cations” every few months. Between the busy schedules and large time demands of show business, the couple had had to put something in place to make sure that they set enough time aside for each other.  It was easier ever since they moved in together, but Grace still loved having a few days just for them every once in a while.

This one was particularly special, because it came almost exactly on their second anniversary. The exact day had been yesterday, but Ajay had been forced to stay late working with a star-studded cast that was giving him hell, and Grace had needed to clock some hours at a dance studio anyways. The show she was rehearsing was notorious for its difficult dance sequences, and as a swing she was expected to know them all. But she had found a deep love for dancing, and even though it was a lot of work she didn’t mind doing it. A job was a job, and a gig as a swing on a long-running Broadway show meant amazing things to come.

It did mean, however, that Ajay was asleep by the time she gave up dancing and crawled into their bed at three am, and that he was long gone for the day when she woke up around lunchtime. Their schedules were grueling, and Grace desperately missed spending time with him.

So naturally, she threw herself into Ajay’s arms as soon as she walked through the door, her dance bag falling to the ground as his arms wrapped around her, holding her to him tightly until he noticed the sweat stench and quickly released her to avoid ruining his clothes. That was when she noticed the wonderful smell emanating from the kitchen.

“You’re my savior,” she proclaimed, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “I thought we’d be going out and I’d have to be in front of people.”

“No people,” Ajay reassured her, “just me and you, a delicious dinner, a little Sinatra, and a sky full of stars.”

“How poetic. Wait… a sky full of… oh my god, did you get roof access?”

Grinning, he pulled the key out of his blazer pocket. She gasped.

“How did you get Simon to give you that?”

“That’s a secret,” he teased, smirking. He pressed a light kiss to her nose, then shoved her towards the bathroom. “Now go take a shower, you smell terrible.”

“Thanks,” Grace answered over her shoulder, rolling her eyes lovingly as she entered the bathroom. She washed her sweat away and let her sore muscles relax under the hot spray of the shower, humming some of the lyrics to the musical she’d been rehearsing. The music seemed to be permanently implanted in her head.

When she got out of the shower after fifteen blissful minutes, the towel she wrapped herself in was perfectly warm and dry, like it had just been taken out of the dryer. She made a mental note to thank Ajay for that later. What a thoughtful nerd, she thought fondly, leaving the bathroom and proceeding to her closet to pick out something nice but not too nice to wear. After all, they would be on the roof and she wanted to impress him, but she was too tired to go full formal.

Grace eventually decided on a soft pink shirt and a black skirt, accompanied by her signature knee-high boots. Under them, she wore her fuzziest Cookie Monster socks. She’d take the secret to her grave, but the only reason she liked wearing boots was because she could wear whatever socks she wanted under them. Sometimes a stressful work week needed crazy socks, and she knew Ajay agreed because she’d caught him rifling through her sock drawer on more than one occasion. She quickly dried her hair and did some simple makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes. She figured she’d be getting more than enough sleep this weekend to make up for them: one of her and Ajay’s favorite things to do together was nap, because neither of them got enough sleep.

She finally emerged from the bedroom to see Ajay packing two plates and two sets of utensils into a large picnic basket that she hadn’t even known they owned. When he saw her, he smiled.

“You look beautiful,” he said, crossing the small kitchen to take her hands in his.

“You always say that,” Grace countered, biting her bottom lip playfully.

“It’s always true.” He turned back to the picnic basket and closed it, then hoisted the handles over his shoulder. “You ready to go?”

“Hell yes,” Grace cheered, “I’ve been wanting to see this roof forever.”

The pair left their apartment, fingers intertwined, to explore what laid beyond the mysterious roof access door.

Once she crossed the threshold, Grace could instantly tell that Ajay had really put some thought into the plans for tonight.

A large, thick, soft-looking blanket was spread out across the center of the flat roof, looking inviting. A small space-heater was set up beside it, because even though it was May the night could still get chilly. Beyond the blanket was a portable speaker—Grace recognized the one Ajay had used in Bonnie & Clyde—and string lights indicating a clear space, possibly for them to dance.

Grace could only squeeze Ajay’s hand in gratitude, recognizing the effort he must have gone through to put everything together. He kissed her temple and led her towards the blanket where they both sat.

“I still want to know how you got Simon to let us up here,” Grace said as she unpacked the food from the basket.

“It’s still a secret, janu.”

Grace rolled her eyes at him lovingly, then lifted the lid of one of the containers.

“Wow, Korean barbecue beef? You know this is my favorite…”

“That’s why I made it,” Ajay said, grinning. “Check the rest of the basket.”

Grace dug out a generous container of rice, a thermos of roasted vegetables (extra peppers but no carrots- he had remembered!), and finally a small box that Grace suspected was full of desserts. She raised an eyebrow at Ajay, who just shrugged and motioned to the box. Grace cautiously opened the box, then lost all semblance of caution when she saw what was inside.

“That’s cinnamon apple turnovers!”

“Yup, homemade this time.”

“Really? You didn’t just run down to the bakery during intermission–”

Ajay cut her off with a long kiss, then pulled back a few inches, their faces still close together.

“No, I made those myself. And I burned half my fingers doing it,” he said in a low voice, making Grace snort with laughter.

“You’re not usually that clumsy,” she noted between laughs. “And you’re a pretty good pastry chef, so what gives?”

Ajay simply hummed, turning away from her to start serving their meal. “My hands might have been shaking,” he admitted.

Grace raised her eyebrows. “How come?”

“That’s a secret, too,” he teased, pausing to give her a wink. Grace’s heartbeat sped up, a warm feeling of comfort and love filling her chest. She leaned forward to wrap her arms around his waist, kissing the nape of his neck as he finished loading a plate with food.

They dug in to the feast, talking and joking around as much as they could while savoring the perfectly marinated barbecue and the fluffiest rice Grace thought she’d ever tasted. Even the vegetables tasted amazing, roasted with olive oil according to Ajay. Grace ate her fill and then some, stealing chunks of the beef off Ajay’s plate to his indignation. He kept her glass filled with a seemingly endless supply of strawberry-flavored sparkling water (Grace had developed an addiction to the stuff, and now it was practically all she would drink) and let her have more than her share of the cinnamon apple turnovers (he had made three just to prepare for her wanting extras).

After the food was all eaten, Grace cleared the dishes into the empty basket while Ajay fiddled with his phone and the speakers, eventually getting them to play Sinatra songs at a volume that they could still hear but that hopefully wouldn’t provoke Simon’s rage. He helped her up and led her over to the little dance floor that he’d set up with the lights, then pulled her in close as they swayed together to the music.

After a few moments of wonderful, beautiful, comfortable silence, Grace spoke back up with the one thing that was on her mind.

“So, are you ever gonna tell me how you really got Simon to give us access?”

Ajay sighed. “I guess you’ll never leave it alone until I do, yeah?”

Grace pulled away slightly, a teasing smile playing on her lips. “Did you sleep with him?” she joked.

“What?!”

“Because if you did, just saying, you could’ve invited me too.”

“Grace, what the actual-”

“Might’ve been fun. But now we’ll never know.”

Ajay rolled his eyes, trying not to give his girlfriend the satisfaction of knowing that her jokes were funny.

“He was actually really easy to convince,” Ajay said, “When I told him what I wanted it for.”

“Oh yeah? What did you tell him?” Grace asked, thinking she knew where he might be going with this. She prayed he couldn’t feel her heart pounding.

“Yeah. Well, first I walked down to his office and I just asked, and he shut me down but didn’t throw me out like he did the last few times we went to ask.”

“Surprise number one,” Grace quipped.

“Tell me about it. So I thought maybe I’d try a practical appeal.”

“Sensible.”

“I told him we’d clean up and we wouldn’t be loud.”

“And?”

“He still said no. But still didn’t make me leave. So I pulled out the greatest weapon in my arsenal.”

“Which was…?”

“An emotional appeal. The man has to have a heart somewhere.”

Grace smiled against Ajay’s shoulder, his arms wrapped even tighter around her. She could feel his heartbeat from where her forehead was nestled in the crook of his neck, and it was fast. She knew exactly where he was going with this, but she couldn’t imagine ruining it for him. She just pressed into his chest more, let him hold her closer as he continued.

“I told him how, eleven years ago, I met the love of my life but I didn’t know it was her. How I loved her, and then lost her, and then found her again so many years later.”

“Awww, Ajay..”

“I told him about how you mean the world to me, and how I want to make every single moment with you as special as it can be. I told him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Did you really say all that to Simon?” Grace tried to blink back tears, overwhelmed by all of Ajay’s beautiful words.

“No. But I implied it with what I did say. I said it was our second anniversary, and that I wanted to do something really special for you. And he said, ‘You’re going to propose,’.”

Grace snuggled in closer to Ajay, the tears in her eyes starting to fall.

“And I said, ‘Yes, I am,’.”

Ajay separated himself from Grace, unwrapping her arms from around his shoulders. Far enough back, he kneeled down where he’d been standing and took out a small wooden box. Grace, unsure what to do, busied herself wiping away her tears. Ajay noticed the action and looked alarmed, but his panic faded when Grace showed him the big smile behind her tears. He grinned back up at her, his own eyes starting to glint with tears.

“Y’know, Grace, I wrote you a speech but I can’t remember a word of it. That’s how much you take my breath away, how you scatter my best-laid plans to the wind.”

Grace choked out a laugh, covering her mouth with one of her hands.

“The gist of it is this: I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be your husband, the father of your children, your partner forever. Will you marry me?”

Ajay opened the box, revealing the delicate ring he’d bought her. Grace didn’t think she’d ever seen anything more beautiful in her life than that ring, besides the man who was holding it, and she got distracted watching the dazzle of the string lights as they hit the small diamonds at just the right angle.

Tears falling freely now, Grace nodded rapidly.

“Yes!” she choked out through the tears. She stuck her left hand out and he slid the ring on, then stood up to wrap her in a tight hug once he’d put the box back in his pocket.

“Why are you crying?” he whispered as he ran his hands up and down her back soothingly.

“Why are you crying?” Grace mumbled into his blazer, sniffing. Ajay kissed the top of her head.

“Because I love you, and I get to love you for the rest of my life.”

Grace cried even harder. “Me too.”

***

The next morning, Grace woke up warm and comfortable with Ajay beside her, gently playing with her hair. She shifted, and he turned to face her, cupping her face in his hands.

“I’m sorry, janu, did I wake you up?”

Grace shook her head, her voice a little hoarse from sleep. “No, but even if you did, I think this is the best way to wake up.”

Ajay grinned and leaned down to kiss her. Once he pulled back, he ran a hand through her hair again.

“Well, good morning then, fiancée.”

Grace took in a surprised breath. “Wow, okay, I’m not gonna get used to that one for a while, fiancé,” she teased back, grinning when he blinked in surprise.

“It’s definitely a new one,” he agreed. “Should we get up, then? I’m hungry, and I think there are a few people who might want to hear about our news.”

Grace groaned into Ajay’s chest. “Can we go ahead and argue about who to call first now, and then get food?”

Ajay laughed. “Let’s call your brother first, if that’s alright? We can do that same thing to him as he did to us when he told you about his first kid.”

As Grace laughed, Ajay rolled out of the bed and grabbed a t-shirt. Grace stretched her back and followed suit, picking a pair of white socks with large yellow lemons on them from the drawer.

“You’re so weird,” Ajay laughed.

“Don’t act like you don’t steal my socks,” Grace responded, raising an eyebrow at him. “And anyways, you know I’m weird. That’s why you love me.”

“You’re right. I knew you were weird and I still asked you to marry me. Ignored all the warning signs…” he teased, only stopping when Grace reached back over to the bed and threw a throw pillow at him playfully.

The pair went into their small kitchen. Ajay microwaved the remnants of a takeout meal from the week before, while Grace poured cereal into a bowl.

Her twin brother, James, still lived in Los Angeles, but he and Grace Skyped every week. About a year ago, around the time Grace and Ajay had moved in together, James had called her with a big grin on his face.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” he had yelled almost as soon as she answered the call, laughing at the bewildered look on her face.

“What?”

“I said congratulations!”

“What did I do?”

James had beckoned his wife into the view of the camera. His wife, Alyssa, was hardly holding back her own laughter.

“Congratulations!” she said, making Grace groan in exasperation. At that point, Ajay had come over to investigate.

“Oh, hi Ajay! This kind of applies to you, too,” James had said. Grace and Ajay traded bewildered looks.

“Congratulations on your new niece or nephew,” James had said calmly, his expression barely holding back his happiness. He had waited for the news to sink in, and had laughed when Grace’s eyes went wide and she covered her mouth.

Stirring her cereal, Grace laughed to herself as she remembered that chaotic Skype call. She was so happy her brother had found someone with the same sense of humor as him. Their kid, a little boy they named Gabriel, had been born about six months ago, and Grace had been able to take some time off to go visit the newborn. He was the spitting image of Alyssa, but very loud just like James. Grace had fallen in love with him as soon as she’d seen him.

After breakfast, right at the scheduled time, Grace started a Skype call with James. He picked up quickly, sitting at the breakfast bar with Gabriel in his arms. On Grace’s end, Ajay remained off-camera.

“Hey Grace,” James said. He picked up Gabriel’s little arm to wave at the camera. “Hi Aunt Grace!” he said in a squeaky tone, imitating the baby. Grace giggled.

“Hey, James and Gabe! Is Alyssa there?”

“Yeah, hold on.” James yelled off-camera, and not five seconds later Alyssa walked into the frame.

“Hey, Grace!” she said. “When are you coming down for another visit? We miss you over here.”

“Hopefully pretty soon,” Grace smiled. “In the meantime, I just wanted to offer you guys my congratulations.” She was careful not to let anything on her face give away the news, but she knew it was a futile attempt because her brother knew her way too well to be fooled by a poker face. James raised his eyebrows at her.

“Congratulations? It’s a little late for that, Gabe was born half a year ago.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t referring to that…” Grace deflected, drumming her fingers on the table and trying not to make eye contact with Ajay, who was trying not to laugh.

“Well, what is it, then?” Maybe it was just the early hour, but James hadn’t quite caught on to the fact that she was messing with him yet. From the way Alyssa’s eyes were narrowed, Grace knew she had guessed what was going on.

“It’s just not every day you get a future brother-in-law,” Grace said, avoiding eye contact with the camera. She couldn’t help the smile that slipped onto her face, especially when James shouted in realization.

“Oh my God, Grace! You guys got engaged?” He started fidgeting excitedly so much that Alyssa took the baby away from him, kissing his temple as she did so.

“Yup.” Ajay popped into the frame, standing behind Grace’s chair with his hands resting on her shoulders. Grace held up the ring for Alyssa to inspect.

“It’s beautiful, nice job!” Alyssa said to Ajay, nodding approvingly. Ajay grinned and kissed the top of Grace’s head. James was still sitting in the corner of the frame, shell-shocked.

“James? You alive?”

James still didn’t move until a plaintive meow sounded off-screen, prompting him to pick up the fluffy orange and white cat. After a second, he turned back to the camera.

“Guys…” he said, sounding a little choked up. “This is amazing.”

“I think so, too,” Grace said, putting a hand over Ajay’s.

“Have you guys thought about dates yet? Locations?” Alyssa asked, her wedding-planner side coming out. She had worked as a wedding planner ever since she’d graduated from UCLA, where she and James had met and started dating.

“We haven’t thought about an exact date yet, but I think we want a long engagement,” Ajay said, referencing the brief conversation he and Grace had had the night before after the emotions of the night got less extreme. “And we want the ceremony to be in California, so it’s easy for all our family to come.”

“I could totally help you guys plan it!” Alyssa said, trying to contain her excitement. “Discount rate, because you’re family.”

“That would be amazing,” Grace said. “We’ll get back to you when we know more. This only happened last night. You guys are actually the first people we called.”

After a brief conversation, a brotherly threat from James, and a silly face from Gabe, the twins ended their Skype call.

“That was exhausting,” Grace said, “Who’s next?”

“The one and only Shruti Bhandari. If we’re lucky, we might be able to catch Mohit too.”’

“I miss that kid,” Grace muttered.

“He misses you, too. I keep telling him he needs to text you more if he misses you so much, but he’s worried he’ll bother you.”

“Nonsense!” Grace shouted. “I always have time for Mo.”

“He’s going to be your brother-in-law,” Ajay pointed out. Grace grinned.

Ajay started the call to his mother, and it didn’t take her more than a few seconds to pick up. After some technical difficulties involving the camera on her computer, Shruti started speaking in rapid-fire Hindi. Grace was able to pick out a few words, enough to know that Shruti was admonishing her son for not asking Grace to marry him yet. Ajay buried his face in his hands.

“Namaste, Shruti. Aap kaisi hain?” Grace asked, hoping she’d got the pronunciation of the phrase correct. Shruti’s eyes widened, and she looked to her son.

“Amma, you know I’ve been teaching her Hindi!” Ajay said, exasperated. Shruti recovered and nodded.

“I’m well, Grace, thank you. How are you?”

“I’m doing great!”

“Well, since you clearly understood my question… Ajay, why haven’t you?”

“Don’t make assumptions, Amma.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Ajay grimaced, then picked up Grace’s left hand to show his mom the ring. Shruti gasped.

“He asked last night,” Grace said, a little embarrassed. She put her hand back down, and Ajay wrapped an arm around her.

“I wanted to make it special,” Ajay explained, “And I had a hard time getting our landlord to let me decorate the roof of our building.”

“Oh, betā, I’m so excited for you,” Shruti said, a large smile appearing on her face. “Do you know the date yet? Where are you going to have the ceremony?”

“We don’t know yet, it’s only been a day. Calm down,” Ajay said fondly, and his mom took a deep breath.

“Okay. I’m calm. Tell me about how you proposed!”

Sighing, Ajay told Shruti the story. Not long after, a seventeen-year-old’s voice rang through the kitchen on Shruti’s end of the call.

“Amma? Who are you talking to?”

Ajay grinned. “Mo! Come here.”

“Bhai?” Mohit came rushing into the frame. “Bhai! And Grace! Hi!”

“Hey, Mo!” Grace said. No matter how far apart they were, she loved that kid. “How’s school?”

“Sophomore year, almost over.” Mohit rolled his eyes. “So, how come you called? You never call.”

“I call lots!” Ajay protested, but Shruti took Mohit’s side.

“You would do well to call more. But go on, Ajay, tell him your news.”

Mohit pulled a chair up and sat next to his mom, resting his chin in his hand.

“Grace and I are getting married,” Ajay announced. Mohit cheered.

“Yes! I knew it! I knew it back when you were in high school that you guys were good for each other.”

“We didn’t even know that back then,” Grace joked, “but yes, your brother asked me to marry him last night and I said yes.”

Mohit grinned. “Congratulations. Now, I gotta go meet some friends at the pool, but you’re going to tell me all about it later, Ajay.”

“Will do. See you, Mo.”

Shruti laughed fondly as Mohit ran off. “Well,” she said, “I should probably go too. You guys should come visit soon, okay? I know Grace’s parents would like you to come visit as well.”

“Of course. Main aapse pyaar kartha hoon.”

“Mai bhee aapse pyaar karthee hoon. You too, bahū,” Shruti said, smiling at Grace. Then the call ended.

“What was that last part?” Grace asked, having been caught off-guard by the sudden return to Hindi.

“She said she loves you,” Ajay told Grace, drawing her closer and kissing her forehead gently, “And she called you daughter-in-law.”

“Oh. Wow,” Grace started, incredibly touched. “I think I might start crying again.”

“Oh, don’t. We still have to call your parents, my dad, probably Rosa and Mayleen…”

“Jesus,” Grace groaned.

“Then we should probably make some kind of social media announcement.”

“Nooooo,” Grace groaned. “Can’t we get any time for just us?”

“We have the rest of our lives, janu.”

Translations:

Aap kaisi hain? = How are you?

betā = son

Main aapse pyaar kartha hoon = I love you

[wrestlemethis]

Thoughts on RAW

Didn’t do a hopes since I was working all day and night yesterday so I have nothing to compare thoughts to but anyway, here it goes.

1. I like that they opened the show with action, a short promo, that led into a good match. Not too excited that Bobby Lashley is involved in this feud with Seth but we got lots of great moments. Seth and Drew shared the ring again, the face team sold the face-in-peril to a hot tag so well every time, Seth was on fire once he was tagged in with some changes to his move set. Little surprised Lashley wasn’t there to take the pin out of the three heels but I guess if they have big Rumble plans for him(lasting long, lots of eliminations), they want him to look strong. But it means they sacrificed their IC champ to take the pin and that could mean bad things for Dean.

2. Triple H plays the caring dick so well. No way was he not watching a match involving six of his biggest names but he probably knew acting like he wasn’t watching would fire up Seth. And it worked.

3. The tag match was a lot of fun to watch. Roode and Gable work well together and Chad is so creative in the ring. Chad stopped being so enthusiastic during their entrance and I miss it. He was more serious and Roode-like this week. Maybe they’re going for a Single White Female story line eventually. Everyone thinks Roode will be the one to turn and it will be Gable.

4. Not sure what the point of Baron/Elias was. The match was fine but it killed all of Elias’ momentum and it feels like it’s way too soon to be building Baron up. He needs to hit rock bottom first then build him back up.

5. The Brock/Braun segment was painful. It gave Braun zero credibility as a threat to Brock. I get that they probably are taking it easy on him so soon after his surgery and there’s still the rumours that he’s working with bad knees but, even if he manages to win the UC at the Rumble I doubt he’s keeping it for long. It feels like the Braun Strowman experiment might be done until they find someone he can play off of as well as he could with Roman.

6. The Alexa Bliss talk show was awkward. She’s so good on the mic but Ronda is not. I’m not a Ronda fan in any way(I’d be totally fine if she left) but I’ve seen her give good interviews on talk shows where she showed personality so a fake talk show should have been better than any of her in ring promos. But it wasn’t. And it led into a Sasha Banks/Nia Jax match that gave me a heart attack with how many times I thought Sasha was injured. Corey seemed to enjoy himself.

7. So many thoughts on the Dean/Seth match. I love this new aggressive side of Seth. Not so much this new side of Dean. Since when does Dean Ambrose retreat from a fight? He spent most of the match retreating or getting his ass beat except for a few moments of offense. And his new heel character? It’s so dependent on Seth, destroying Seth and Dean’s delusions that he’s protecting the universe from Seth. Seth is clearly moving on to other feuds so Dean’s character now needs yet another rewrite. I guess he can move on to another fan favourite like Finn and keep his whole protecting the universe from “Fake” heroes. 

8. Everything about this episode said Seth is being groomed for big things. It should be a fun few months to watch. He was holding his ribs after stupid Lashley put him through the table so hopefully Lashley didn’t injure him and Seth was just doing his usual give-fans-a-heart-attack selling.

9. Lashley(and Lio) are idiots from interfering in the IC match. Seth had it won and Lashley could have made a claim toward an IC match if he’d waited until after Seth won to attack. Instead he gets no title match, helped a guy who won’t be loyal to him because Dean is a lone wolf right now, started a feud with Seth he won’t win, AND made Dean look weak in his win. Way to go Bobby.

[vaetherborn-blog]

Entry #3

The Day that Bastard Stole my Fucking Rings

Our next step toward our goal was a man with a mine infested with creatures that were terrorizing the miners. He didn’t have money to offer us (his name was Grrg, what do you expect?), but he had a friend who could do us a favor if we helped him. So we went down into the mines, stumbling upon a family of goblins and their bugbear caretaker. We took them out with little issue, picking up a few useful new skills along the way, and went back to let Grrg know we’d completed his task. The following day we met with Grrg’s friend (lover) Leo, who was a pirate with no ship and no crew. Despite his shortcomings (and being chronically late to every meeting we schedule), Leo seemed to know his way around, and was willing to get us going in the right direction. So we left that town and headed north, hopefully in the direction of the man who could help us get off this godforsaken plane. Leo told us we were going to meet his first mate in the next town, and when we all decided to set out, he offered me a high-five. Seeing this as the first sign of comradery since I wound up in this plane, I gladly accepted. He laughed a bit and promptly left.

The following day we met with Leo and left town. Along the path, we stumbled upon a house that had been dropped in from another plane, and only made it halfway through. The more I observed the landscape the more I realized everything was this way: seemingly plucked from a different world and placed here, in a place that had no original landmarks to call its own. The grass was different colors in patches, with different plant life found every few yards. The ground was like a patchwork quilt of different wildlife, constantly changing and ripping apart to accommodate the intrusions from other dimensions. It was oddly appealing to me, someone with no set place in this world and no certainty that tomorrow would come, that this world was so different and constantly changing; the uncertainty was as familiar to me as the dust that formed my “skin.”

We approached the house with caution, but once we were certain that there was no one inside we entered. The house was on a hill, and it seemed to be cut neatly in half. After some investigation, we discovered the food to be rotten or stale, and nothing of use was left behind. The house was certainly from a world unlike any that our group had been to. The flooring was soft and clean like a rug but more evenly sewn, the walls were filled with tiny pictures that were far too detailed to be painted, and the rooms were scattered with books and small gadgets that none of us could decipher. On the second floor was the decaying body of a teenage human, cut in half when the house was teleported. We rooted around for a while and found nothing of use, aside from some interesting looking clothes (some of which I took) and a book entitled “Monster Manual.” I took this, as its pages were full of information on the monsters that exist in different universes. If I was going to save my own life, I was going to need to make sure my comrades survived. And if I was going to keep fumbling in combat, the least I could do was understand the monsters we were fighting.

As we investigated the house, a centipede-like monster plummeted through the ceiling into the hallway. This time I managed to deal a healthy amount of damage to it, and together we defeated it without too much trouble. It fell to the floor and crumbled to pieces, leaving a mess on the wood and forcing several of us to step through it to get to the stairs. When we made it downstairs we found Leo in the kitchen eating stale food, casually asking us what had happened.

It was then that I got a strange feeling of emptiness. I looked down at my right hand and noticed that three of my rings were missing. I never take them off for any reason, so the only solution was that they’d been stolen. I had no way of knowing when they’d been stolen or who could’ve done it, but a knot formed in my stomach – or the area that would have been my stomach – at the thought of having lost them. There were three missing. One was gold with three sapphires in a triangle on the top. One was silver, and had a snake’s head on it. And the last was a simple steel ring. I’d gotten all of them from people I had known on Kaladesh. Hell, I’d even liked one of the people the rings had come from. The rings were marks of unity, signs that people I’d met would have my back in times of need. This was how I’d shown the first four people I’d ever known that I would be there for them, and this was how I’d come to communicate my comradery to people since then. Losing a ring was like losing a friend, especially in a place so far from where the few people I might be able to call my friends were. Those three rings symbolized three connections that may have been severed forever.

I looked at Leo. “Did you take my rings?”

“What?” Leo took a bite of his stale food. “No.”

As far as I could tell, he wasn’t lying. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was the one who’d taken them from me. None of my companions seemed like the type to take anything from me, except for maybe Xunjra, but she hadn’t touched me a single time. She also didn’t seem like she needed money enough to steal something from me to sell it. After all, she was the only one of us with any kind of stable source of income in this world.

Then again, she almost certainly hated me, so I wouldn’t put it past her.

We decided to settle down in the house for the night. I took a seat by the edge of the house where it was severed in half, looking down over the sheer drop to the ground thirty feet below. The others worked out where they were going to sleep while I pulled the “Monster Manual” out of my bag and cracked it open, leaning back against the wall to look it over. The opening chapters of the book covered basic creatures like goblins, orcs, skeletons, and zombies; creatures any mediocre adventurer could point out their first day on the road. Most of the information wasn’t foreign to me, but there was enough to learn to keep me occupied the full eight hours the others would be asleep.

Aetherborn don’t sleep, eat, drink, breathe, or experience any other bodily functions that other more humanoid creatures do. We can hardly even experience real emotion. The only thing powerful enough to permeate the ashy limitations of our existence is anger, and guilt, and sadness, and occasionally the giddy bliss of a high. I’ve known happy aetherborn, but they are few and far between, considering most of us are vengeful and hedonistic and spend our days causing chaos or making trouble for those around us. What else can we do? They tell us to be happy we get a chance to live, but most of the time I wish I’d never been forced to exist. I didn’t ask to be created, and I never got the choice to live a different life. I’d felt true, unadulterated happiness only once, and it was ripped away from me almost as quickly as I found it; so I gave up on the sensation and have lived my life since then in bitter chaos, refusing to allow myself to experience anything even remotely similar since then. Maybe I didn’t want to get my hopes up, or perhaps I didn’t want to betray the experience I’d had when I was happy, at this point I honestly don’t remember.

I sprang into existence within minutes of four other aetherborn, whom I clung to like they were my family. That is to say, I clung to them as long as I could before they all faded into nothingness. The first to go died only a month after we were all created. The next was six months, and the other two died a few weeks ago. Now it’s just me. I was never the kindest member of our group; in fact you might say I was always the angriest and most selfish member. I hated everyone who wasn’t aetherborn because they got a chance to live that we would never know. In Kaladesh, those who aren’t aetherborn are predisposed to hating the aetherborn. They hate us because we’re destructive street rats, but with our short lives and no real opportunities to better ourselves, what choice do we have? If I could become something better than the dusty husk of hopelessness that I am, I would. If I knew that I could find a way to sustain myself that didn’t involve the draining of others’ life force, I would. But I don’t have any other choice, unless I resign myself to death – and I refuse to do that. I don’t deserve to die because I have no reasonable way to live. I’ve done my best to turn my ability on the kinds of people who deserve to feel pain, but sometimes I don’t have a choice and I wind up picking someone who has a family or wasn’t all that bad or was only stealing because they had no more choice than I did.

It’s amazing what lengths the system will go to exploit the disadvantaged. The higher-ups don’t even care if we wander the streets murdering each other, as long as we do it quietly and stay out of their way. I’ve been caught red-handed draining the life out of a civilian by an official before, and though she watched as the light faded from my victim’s eyes, she decided to do nothing about it. She just rolled her eyes and moved along. That was the only time I’ve ever felt guilty about stealing the life from someone; knowing that even taking the life of an unsuspecting petty thief wasn’t important enough for the people of Kaladesh to give me a second look was emptying. I let the thief’s body drop to the ground and walked away, spending the rest of my day – and most of the following day – standing on the side of the busiest road in the city, watching the cars fly past me, feet away from the oblivion I so badly craved but so deeply feared.

Well, I think we know where I went from there.

Ring count: 9.

[jarienn972]

Only a Little Superstitious - Chapter 14

As real life has been a bit hectic lately, I haven’t had a lot of time to spend in my fictional worlds to get some writing done.  Finally found some time to get this chapter finished up and while it’s a bit shorter than prior chapters, it has some important interactions for Emma: one with Grandmother Bending Willow and one with Killian. She knows that some big decisions will need to be made soon so this chapter gives a peek into her state of mind.  Just a little dash of fluff and a little dash of angst here...

AO3  FF.net  

From the beginning on Tumblr: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13

After a lengthy but ultimately successful argument with Regina, Emma had the Queen's promise that the dagger would soon be on its to Arizona. Emma's explanation as to why she needed it hadn't been particularly easy; their theory was certainly far-fetched at best but it was the most plausible reasoning they had and thankfully, Regina was persuaded to humor Emma's crazy idea. Now, half an hour after the conversation with Regina ended, Emma and Grandmother Bending Willow sat in Killian's sharing their own quiet repartee until the vibration from Emma's cell phone interrupted them. Glancing at the screen, Emma could see that it was a lengthy text from Regina informing her that the courier had just departed Storybrooke and was now heading to Portland to put the package on a plane bound for their distribution center in Philadelphia. From there, the package would be transferred onto another aircraft to Phoenix and was expected to arrive there approximately 6:30pm Mountain Time.

Still wishing there had been a magical (and faster) way to get this incredibly important package here, Emma typed out a brief response, knowing in her own mind that these next few hours would be an anxiety-ridden waiting game. She could only imagine what story Regina had given the courier upon handing over a package containing not only the potion which was cleverly concealed inside tiny plastic prescription bottles Dr. Whale had provided but a very old and very sharp ornate ceremonial dagger. Hopefully, Mayor Mills had stressed the importance of the contents enough to impart a little fear into the courier – enough to ensure a safe, timely arrival. Regina had advised earlier that she had prepared enough potion for two doses and each was disguised as cough medicine should there be any scrutiny. The dagger had been identified as a historical object being sent for authentication through the National Parks Service representative who had located it through the assistance of the Storybrooke Historical Society. The latter organization didn't actually exist, but it provided a legitimate cover story to convince the courier to accept the weapon.

So now it was all about waiting. Emma was no stranger to waiting around, having spent many a sleepless night staking out a skip, but this experience was testing her patience. Killian's life was being threatened, both by the very real physical wounds as well as magically through the effects of the dagger's dark magic and there was no easy way to help him. Even with Grandmother's offer to stay and keep her company, Emma was anxious and this was going to be an aggravatingly long day, especially if Killian didn't wake soon. The longer he remained unconscious, the more Emma worried he might not wake at all. She'd honestly been surprised that he was already back in the room when they returned from the garage – even more so to discover that the doctors hadn't put the breathing tube back down his throat. Not being intubated made it slightly less of a battle to get the potion into him but he still had to actually be conscious to drink it.

Grandmother had done her best to help quell the evil spirits she sensed surrounding Killian. She'd added an additional turquoise stone and a few additional items to the medicine pouch including a tiny bundle of dried leaves bound with a thin piece of straw and another carved amulet, although Emma didn't get a close enough look at the stone to see what it resembled. The old woman drew the leather cord tightly closed again and repositioned atop Killian's chest.

"He is weak right now, but he still has much fight in him," Grandmother insisted as she hovered above his slumbering form. "These spirits have not been kind, but their time will soon pass. Time is short however as the Blood Moon will soon rise."

"It's tonight, isn't it?" Emma asked aloud, even though she already knew the answer.

"Yes, only a few hours from now," the elder woman replied.

"So, if we calculate that it's been three days since Yzma started all of this, then we've got three days left in our window of opportunity to re-open the portal," Emma thought out loud. "Assuming we can locate the right spot out in the vast expanse of desert and mountains where the magic might be strong enough…" Her sleep-deprived brain was running on overload as she contemplated all of the possibilities and probabilities that needed to align just perfectly to activate the portal. Not exactly as simple as tossing a damned bean. "And this is assuming that I can somehow summon the magic out of the mountains too and magically repair that broken dagger… Who am I kidding? I could rent a car and we'll be home in three or four days… but…"

Grandmother had a faint smile stretching across her lips as she placed a reassuring hand atop Emma's shoulder. She sensed the younger woman's apprehension and didn't envy any of the decisions Emma would need to make, but she knew her place was to guide Emma toward the right choices. "You've not made that decision because you fear he wouldn't survive the journey." She wanted Emma to know that she understood her hesitation to use such non-traditional methods – such untested methods. "I do see how these decisions are vexing you. No journey will be without risk, but I have felt a strength in you that is unlike any other being I've encountered. Listen to your heart. Listen to Killian's heart. There, you will find the answers you seek and you will be able to chose the correct path."

Emma tipped her head upward so that her gaze met the Navajo woman's warm and understanding brown eyes. Almost at once, Emma no longer felt the same insecurity and sadness. Something about those wise, knowing eyes filled her aching soul with a few moments of peace.

"Thank you," Emma said as she wiped at her tear-stained cheeks with the back of her hand. "I honestly can't thank you and Carlos enough for all you've done for us. You opened your home to a couple of strangers and believed my crazy stories about who we are and how we got here. I feel like we've known both of you forever and somehow, you seem to know me so well."

"I have always believed that people are brought into our lives for a specific reason. It may not always be clear what that reason may be at first, but there may always be some greater purpose." Grandmother's words certainly spoke to the wisdom of her years, yet while she couldn't quite figure out why, Emma's head told her there might be some other unknown connection. No matter what they might share though, nothing could disguise Emma's obvious fatigue and Grandmother's maternal instinct took over. "Now, I know you must be exhausted, child. It may be a while before your husband wakes and you should use that time to rest. You sleep for a while and I will wake you when he does."

"Okay," Emma replied with a weak nod of her bedraggled blonde head. "I'm not even going to argue." She sank back into the chocolate colored vinyl armchair trying to find a comfortable position. "I don't know if I'll actually sleep, but I'll still try." Grandmother grinned at the younger woman as located the spare blanket in the cabinet and handed it to Emma. There was no fooling this old woman. She knew Emma would be sound asleep in a matter of minutes – and she wasn't wrong.

The gentle nudge barely registered to Emma. The sensation of a hand upon her shoulder dissolved into her dreamscape until the sound of her name being called at last roused her from her deep sleep.

"I'm awake…" Emma stammered. "I'm awake…" She repeated the mantra as she stretched her cramped legs and twisted her torso as she attempted to work out the uncomfortable kink in her spine that came from sleeping in a chair with her knees nearly drawn up to her chest. She tried to remember if Storybrooke had a chiropractor because she was definitely going to need one once they returned home.

"Good afternoon," Grandmother's soft, calming voice replied. "I hope you had a good rest, but I knew you would like to know that your husband has awakened as well."

"Killian's awake?" Emma bolted upright, aches, pains and lingering drowsiness forgotten as her eyes darted immediately to the bed to her left.

"He is indeed, but he is still very weak," Grandmother warned. "He's been drifting in and out of consciousness for about an hour, but he seems to be coherent now. His mind is much sharper than you described earlier and he even remembered my name, although perhaps the spirits reminded him of that. We will not worry about those spirits right now though and I will give the two of you some privacy. Would you like me to bring something back for you later? You must be starving, child…"

"Coffee would be wonderful," Emma responded with a gracious smile. "Not sure about anything else… I haven't really thought about food, although I'd never turn down a good grilled cheese sandwich."

The old woman grinned, happy to see Emma's spirits lightening somewhat now that Killian had awakened. His battle was still far from over and Grandmother had made a vow that she would remain here to aid this couple until the evil was dispatched.

Killian had only heard portions of their conversation, his eyes still closed as he forced himself to remember where he was and what he'd been through. He was struggling with the tempting pull of the darkness and its pain-free bliss, but he knew he needed to be awake. Needed to let his wife know that there was still plenty of fight in him. "Swan?" His voice may have been raspy and barely audible, but it was a sound that didn't cease to make Emma smile.

"I'm right here," she replied, grasping his trembling outstretched hand. His skin was still far too warm and as he turned his head toward her and allowed his eyelids to open slowly against the assault of the bright overhead lights, Emma was heartbroken to discover that his eyes didn't seem as blue anymore. They were dull and greyish, lacking his usual spark. She squeezed his fingers tightly as she hopped out of the vinyl chair and moved to join him on the narrow bed. "Are you still hurting as much as earlier?" Oh, what a dumb question to ask, she chastised herself as the words rolled off her tongue.

"No, Love…" he assured her with a feeble attempt at a classic Killian Jones smirk. He didn't want her constantly worrying about him, but she wouldn't be easily convinced. "Still a few aches and pains, but it's not so bad…"

"You're a lousy liar, Killian Jones," was her response to his statement. "You're still way too warm and you're recovering from a very real stab wound while simultaneously having to fight the supernatural effects that the damned broken dagger left behind, so please, will you just be honest with me?"

"Not sure what you want me to say…" he said, not really knowing where to even begin. His skin may feel warm to her, but he in fact felt chilled clear to the bone. Half of the tremors in his limbs were caused by shivering, but the pain was still a very real factor as well. Whatever drugs were coursing through his veins merely dulled the constant discomfort. His entire torso ached with indescribable variations of agony – part searing, part throbbing and part crushing. How did he dare attempt to put this into words without horrifying the love of his life? "Yes, I'm in pain, Love, but it's no worse than anything I've experienced before and I've no intent to give in to it."

"Regina's potion will be here in just a few more hours," she reminded him. "If we can get the dark magic blocked, it should help you regain some of your strength and hopefully, get rid of the damned fever. Have you remained any movement in your legs yet?" She'd been assured by the doctors that he'd suffered no permanent damage from the broken dagger tip and that as the swelling decreased, he should recover normal movement but as she watched him squeeze his eyelids closed to concentrate, all she saw was complete and utter frustration etched into his features.

"It would appear not," he replied in a dejected voice and she immediately lowered her body against his, hugging him as tightly as she could without injuring him further.

"It will be alright," she assured him, resting her head on his shoulder even as she raised up a bit, feeling the pressure of the bag of rocks squished between their bodies. She intentionally turned her face away from his, not wanting to upset him with her now steadily flowing tears.

"I know, Swan," was all he said. She may have been shielding him from seeing her tears, but it didn't mean he couldn't feel the dampness soaking through the thin fabric of this awful dressing gown the hospital had put on him. "You're so tense, Love… Have you slept any?"

Seriously? Emma thought to herself as she tried to stop the waterworks, a tiny smile stretching across her dampened face. He was the one lying here feverish and in pain, and yet he was worried about her? "I got to sleep a little," she insisted. "It wasn't easy, but Grandmother can be very persuasive…"

"Good. 'Knew I liked that old woman…"

"Okay," she grinned, lifting her head so she could once again meet him eye to eye. "Don't you worry about me, Pirate. You just concentrate on getting yourself better…"

"That sounded like an order…" he teased.

"Did it need to be?" she laughed, thankful that he was in good enough spirits to taunt her with a joke. "Look, you just worry about getting some rest because I want to see you back on your feet and out of that bed…"

"Too tempting to not take advantage of me?" Killian asked with a devilish smirk, nearly convincing her that he was back to his normal, saucy swagger but it was too blatantly obvious that the amorous grin was merely a façade.

"Hardly," she chided with a small, unamused shake of her head. "Although you do cut quite the figure in that blue and white hospital gown… What exactly is that print? Paisley? No – are those little crescent moons?"

"Can't say I've been bothered to notice," was his reply, not even caring what design the ugly garment possessed. "What is the purpose of this bloody garment anyway? Scarcely covers anything and it's godawful scratchy…"

"I'm not even going to attempt to give a response to that because honestly, I don't really know. I'd say modesty, but since they tend to leave your backside hanging out, who the hell knows? I'm just glad to see your sense of humor returning. Makes me feel a little better…"

"Nothing to fear… I may be temporarily incapacitated, but that does not mean I've lost any of my charm or wit…"

"You're incorrigible," Emma chuckled. "That's what you are." He could joke all he wanted, but it was becoming evident that he was extremely tired. "Anyway, I know you're exhausted. I'm going to go find Grandmother. You just sleep…"

"So, was that an order?" he asked, eyelids already drooping.

"Yes, that was an order, Deputy. Love you." She wasn't certain he even heard her reply as his body had already gone slack with sleep. "Love you," she repeated, pressing a kiss into the back of his hand before replacing it at his side while she stood, eyes drawn to the clock on the wall next to the sink. It was now nearly 3pm. Just a few more hours to go and things should get better.

[therainshow]

I made a Taylor Swift Music Education Lesson that covers each album, in order, and my favorite songs from said album. I included bits of each album’s prologue and background information on each album, plus my personal opinions on each. I made this for some coworkers that want to learn more about Taylor, feel free to look it over and pass it on to anyone you’re trying to convert someone into a Swiftie :) There is a Spotify link for a playlist I made that has all these songs. You can find that at the bottom :)

Welcome to your Taylor Swift Music Education Lesson. Please read carefully.

 For your education and enjoyment (hopefully), I have included a detailed track-list of all the songs on your Spotify playlist. These songs appear in order of album, beginning with Fearless and ending with reputation. I did not include Taylor’s debut album in this lesson. It’s a great album, but has a heavy country influence and was written when she was 14, so it is difficult to relate to and/or isolating to those who do not appreciate country music. Within each album, there is no specific order. As I introduce a new album, I provide you with a bit of background information to give you a more thorough understanding. This background information begins with a blurb taken directly from the prologue that Taylor wrote for said album. With each track title I have included my favorite lyric from that song. You may also see some asterisks with notes scattered throughout. I couldn’t resist. The songs I chose are either a) my favorite, b) a fan favorite, c) generally iconic in nature, or c) songs I think, or hope, you will like. My favorite song off each album is indicated with multiple exclamation points. Let’s begin.

 FEARLESS: “To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.”  Fearless is Taylor’s second album and was released in the fall of 2008 when Taylor was 18. It is actually the most highly-awarded country album of all time. Fearless won Album of the Year at the 2010 Grammy’s when Taylor was 20 years old. Taylor is the youngest person to ever win that award. There are 13 tracks on this album, and 8 were written solely by Taylor. This album cemented me as a stan, and the songs saved my life in high school. I have Fearless tattooed on my back, and I truly believe that I wouldn’t be who I am today without this album. I’d probably be dead in a gutter somewhere. Joking, but seriously, high school was rough. Thank God for Tswift.

1.      Forever & Always!!!!!!!!!!!: “It rains in your bedroom when everything’s wrong. It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone.”

2.      Fifteen: “Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine. And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind, and we both cried. ‘Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them.” *Abigail was Taylor’s best friend in high school, and they’re still friends today.*

3.      Love Story: “This love is difficult, but it’s real. Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.” *This is Taylor’s first #1 song. It went #1 on both country and pop radio. She attributes her career to this song. She wrote the song in 20 minutes solo on her bedroom floor after an argument with her parents over a boy.*

4.      The Best Day: “I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys. And we drive and drive until we find a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop ‘til I’ve forgotten all their names. I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school, but I know I’m laughing on the car ride home with you. Don’t know how long it’s gonna take to feel okay, but I know I had the best day with you today. *Taylor wrote this song for her mom.*

5.      Breathe: “People are people, and sometimes it doesn’t work out. Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall-out.”

6.      Fearless: “We’re drivin’ down the road, I wonder if you know I’m tryin’ so hard not to get caught up now. But you’re just so cool running your hands through your hair, absent mindedly making me want you.”

7.      Tell Me Why: “Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you’re the only thing on my mind?”

 SPEAK NOW: “What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest. So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.' There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now.” Speak Now is Taylor’s third album and was released in the fall of 2010 when Taylor was 20. There are 14 tracks, all written solely by Taylor. There are no co-writers on this record. After Taylor won AOTY for Fearless, many of her critics said that it was impossible that she carried her weight in those writing sessions. Basically, the songs on Fearless were so good that a lot of people didn’t believe that she actually wrote them. To prove them wrong, she decided to write the album entirely by herself. This album is the fan favorite, and is my second favorite. I feel like this album was way ahead of its time. Speak Now is the kind of album I’d expect a musician to write towards the end of his/her career once they stop caring about crafting the perfect song, and start making great music for the hell of it. Most of the songs on Speak Now are over 5 minutes in length with many clocking in over 6 minutes. Definitely not suited for radio. Taylor is known for painting stories in her lyrics, and I’d say Speak Now does that the best. I met Taylor during the Speak Now Era, the most lauded of eras amongst fans. To have seen the Speak Now concert is a huge deal in the Swiftie fandom. The concert was absolutely magical. If you don’t believe me, you’re welcome to come over and watch the live DVD. Most of the general public knows next to nothing about Speak Now because none of the songs really charted on radio. However, Speak Now is the first of her albums to sell a million or more copies in the first week (a pattern not broken thus far. #blessed). Speak Now Era was sort of the golden age because she had proved herself to be incredibly talented and cemented her place in the music industry, and yet her PR stunts were at a minimum. Nobody hated her yet, and she kind of went back under the radar despite being at her prime. It was downhill from there, but we were all oblivious to that fact. We were just so blissed out, we couldn’t see the impending doom on the horizon. I could honestly write an entire thesis on Speak Now. Anyway, it was a strange time, indeed.

8.      Mean: “You have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don’t already see them.” *Like I said above, the songs on Speak Now were not widely popular and didn’t chart on radio, with the exception of this one. ‘Mean’ won Country Song of the Year at the Grammy’s in 2012. Taylor wrote this song as a way to cope with relentless and over the top, mean-spirited criticism from a specific music critic named Bob Lefetsz. Suck it, Bob.

9.      Mine: “But we’ve got bills to pay, we’ve got nothin’ figured out. When it was hard to take, this is what I thought about.”

10.  Last Kiss: “How you’d kiss me when I was in the middle of sayin’ something, there’s not a day I don’t miss those rude interruptions.”

11.  Haunted: “Come on, don’t leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out.”

12.  Never Grow Up: “You’re in the car on the way to the movies, and you’re mortified your mom’s droppin’ you off. At fourteen there’s just so much you can’t do, and you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots. But don’t make her drop you off around the block, remember that she’s getting older too.” *Taylor wrote this the night she moved out of her parent’s house and into her first apartment in Nashville.*

13.  Sparks Fly: “You’re the kind of reckless that should send me runnin’, but I kinda know that I won’t get far.” *Taylor first performed this song back in 2006 at a random live show when she first started out. Fans recorded it and it went viral. For years fans begged her to record it for an album. She did! Thank you, Taylor! We are #blessed.*

14.  Enchanted!!!!!!!!!!!!: “The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy.”

15.  Back to December: “It turns out freedom ain’t nothin’ but missin’ you.”

 RED: “My experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. The red relationships. The ones that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. And it was awful. And ridiculous. And desperate. And thrilling. And when the dust settled, it was something I’d never take back. Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there’s something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that’s never coming. And there’s something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust. Maybe I’ll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it. But this album is about the other kinds of love that I’ve recently fallen in and out of. Love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic. But most of all, this record is about love that was red.” Oh, Red. I have so many thoughts about you. For starters, Red is Taylor’s fourth album and was released in the fall of 2012. Red is comprised of 16 tracks. Like I said previously, the Speak Now Era was such an incredible time, and Swifties didn’t want to let it go. We didn’t want things to change. I think the Red Era is the only era that Swifties didn’t welcome with open arms. We just didn’t know how to feel, and were afraid of things changing. But Taylor was headed in a more pop direction, and we could all sense it. Of course, Taylor had always been pop, or country pop, but that’s neither here nor there… And so, Red was Taylor’s “pop” debut, because she wrote three songs with pop hitmakers Max Martin and Yohan Shellback. But, it was also her rock debut if you ask me. Red was like a patchwork quilt of music: differently styles, production types, collaborators, producers. Taylor was trying new things and flapping her wings. And it worked. At first, I was hesitant to leave Speak Now behind, but Red quickly became my favorite album and still is. Taylor’s best songs are on Red. That is unanimously agreed upon in the fandom and throughout. Red is Taylor’s crown jewel, her zenith. Unfortunately, Taylor suffered a lot of hate and backlash for her dating life during 2012 and 2013, and that really clouded the success of Red. Like Taylor has said before, she was promoting a massively successful album and touring the world, and all people wanted to talk about was her personal life and it broke her heart. Well, Taylor, it broke mine too. Next to Fearless, Red is the album that helped me most in life. Red chronicles a disastrous heartbreak from beginning to end. The anger, the frustration, the sadness, the regret, the hopelessness, the pining away. You name it, she wrote about it. If you’re ever heartbroken, put on this album. (Except I hope that never happens to you!!) It’s interesting to me that she wrote the songs for Red while she was touring Speak Now, because we thought she was really happy at that time. But, what do we know? We never really know. Well, Red was nominated for Album of the Year at the 2014 Grammy’s and lost to Daft Punk. Whoever announced the winner that night really dragged out the R when he said “Random Access Memories Daft Punk”. So naturally, Taylor thought she had the award and her face lit up. Only to see that she did not, in fact, win. So, she stood up and clapped, although still looking a little miffed/embarrassed. Well, what do you know, the next day the internet is tearing her apart and making fun of the face she made when she thought she had it and then realized she didn’t. She became a gif, a meme, everything. I have seen the waves of irrational, baseless and crude hatred and bullying of her on the internet over the years and that, to me, was the worst. UNFORGIVABLE! So, anyway, it didn’t win the award, but fans and music critics unanimously agree that it should have. Speak Now might be the fan favorite album, due to the attachment to the Speak Now Era, but we all agree that Red is her best work. Alrighty, let’s dive in! Finally, right?!

 16.  I Knew You Were Trouble: “Flew me to places I’d never been,  ‘til you put me down.”

17.  Everything Has Changed ft. Ed Sheeran: “All I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind, makin’ up for lost time, taking flight making me feel like I just wanna know you better.” *Taylor and Ed are best friends in real life. They claim they wrote this song whilst having In n Out burgers on her trampoline in the backyard. I believe them.*

18.   Treacherous: “Nothing safe is worth the drive and I will follow you home.” *This song is cowritten and produced by Dan Wilson from Semisonic.*

19.  Sad Beautiful Tragic: “Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting, silence… the train runs off its tracks.”

20.  Red!!!!!!!!!: “Moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head, in burning red.”

21.  Holy Ground: “We took off faster than a green light go, yeah you skip the conversation when you already know.”

22.  All Too Well: “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.” *The original version of this song is over ten minutes long. This is, unanimously, Taylor’s best song of all time. Check any list by any critic and this song will be at the #1 spot. I think, for me, Red and All Too Well are tied for favorites.*

23.  Begin Again: “You throw your head back laughin’ like a little kid. I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny, ‘cause he never did.”

24.  The Last Time ft. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol: “You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave.”

 1989: “I wrote about moving to the loudest and brightest city in the world, the city I had always been overwhelmed by… until now. I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to take on New York and all its blaring truth. I wrote about the thrill I got when I finally learned that love, to some extent, is just a game of cat and mouse. I wrote about looking back on a lost love and understanding that nothing good comes without loss and hardship and constant struggle. There is no ‘riding off into the sunset’, like I used to imagine. We are never out of the woods, because we are always going to be fighting for something. I wrote about love that comes back to you just when you thought it was lost forever, and some feelings never go out of style. I wrote about an important lesson I learned recently… that people can say whatever they want about me, but they can’t make me lose my mind. I’ve learned how to shake things off. I’ve told you my stories for years now. Some have been about coming of age, some have been about coming undone. This is a story about coming into your own, and as a result… coming alive.” Oh man. I have a lot of feelings about this one, too. And not the good kind. Let’s start with facts. 1989 is Taylor’s fifth album and was released in the fall of 2014. There are 13 songs. And that’s it for the facts, because now I’m going to dive into my feelings and opinions about this one. Which are basically facts, but anyway... So, like I said previously, Taylor did not win AOTY for Red and that bothered her. She went home to her hotel room, gorged herself on In n Out burgers, and cried (Dramatic much?!? It’s okay though ‘cause it was a rough night. And I’m not making this up, she really told us that’s how the night went down. POOR TAY!). Next thing you know, she wakes up in the middle of the night with an epiphany that she is going to make a sonically cohesive pop album. She said the problem with Red was that it wasn’t “sonically cohesive”. Swifties hate the word sonically cohesive. It hurts me that I am even typing it. If you are in my presence do not say the word sonically cohesive, okay? Moving on. In a way, she was right. Red WASN’T sonically cohesive, but that’s kind of what we loved about it. Every song on Red sounds exactly like the feeling the lyrics portray. We didn’t think it was an issue. But Taylor wanted to hone in on a specific sound and perfect that and keep things neat and clean. And, of course, that sound was going to be pop. EXCEPT SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN POP BUT SURE. So, Taylor decides to try 80s synth pop (I guess?) and go with that. And so 1989 is born. Look, I love the narrative and inspiration behind 1989. I am really inspired by the prologue I shared up there. It was all about independence and friendships and not needing a man because she had stopped dating. But she also said she had to stop dating because the hate got so bad. So, the whole single life thing was kind of forced on her, but whatever, she embraced it. Except we all know she wasn’t *really* single (Hello Karlie Kloss!!). When the first single from 1989, Shake It Off, came out, I cried incessantly. I was inconsolable, and my friend’s dad had to make us grilled cheeses to cope. Shake It Off never grew on me, and to this day it’s my least favorite Taylor song EVER (it’s borderline unbearable), but the rest of the album did grow on me. To a degree. The problem with 1989 is that a handful of the songs are incredible, and the rest feel incomplete/watered down/like filler. I feel like she really worked to perfect a few of the songs and geared them in a way to be popular on radio, and the rest were afterthoughts. 1989 is the only Taylor album where the best songs were chosen as singles (except for Shake It Off). With Taylor’s albums, usually the best songs feel like hidden gems because they’re never chosen for radio, and so the public doesn’t know about them. I’m happy that everyone got to enjoy her songs from 1989, but it also felt like there was nothing left over for the fans that felt special. The best songs on 1989 ended up overplayed and overdone. 1989 is the first tour I did not attend. I can be honest with you and say I regret that. 1989 isn’t a bad album, it’s a good album, but as far as Taylor’s work goes, it’s just not the best. But it did win Album of the Year in 2016, making her the first woman to win that award TWICE.  To go a little deeper, it wasn’t even so much the 1989 album that I disliked, I think it was more the Era/Taylor in general during 1989 that didn’t jive with me. She got obsessed with appearance, and status, and there were some strange business dealings that left fans feeling used and abused. Before 1989, Taylor felt like the “girl next door” (I do realize she’s a celebrity and not the girl next door at all, but her perfected relatability factor became part of her marketing image), but during 1989 Taylor threw that all away to be #squadgoals with the Victoria’s secret models. Whatever, it was a strange time. Glad that is over. ALSO, listen to Ryan Adams cover of this album. It’s better than the OG at times. Aight aight, let’s dig into these sick beats (ugh).

25.  Welcome to New York: “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors, took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer. Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls.” *Taylor moved to NYC the summer gay marriage was legalized in New York. Thanks for the shoutout Tay.*

26.  I Know Places: “Just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it, my love. They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run.”

27.  Clean!!!!!!: “It was months and months of back and forth, you’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore.” *Despite 1989 being my least favorite album, this song is one of my all-time favorites. It’s brilliant how she compares a relationship to an addiction. And Imogen Heap comes through for some dope ass background vocals.*

28.   Out of the Woods: “The monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up you were looking at me.” *Ryan Adams cover is amazing, and so is an acoustic piano version Taylor did for the Grammy museum. Check youtube.*

29.  You Are In Love: “You keep his shirt, he keeps his word.”

30.  Style: “I say ‘I’ve heard that you’ve been out and about with some other girl. He said ‘What you heard is true, but I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you.” I said ‘I’ve been there too, a few times.’”

31.  Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burning it down. Someday when you leave me I hope these memories follow you around.”

32.  This Love: “Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone knew… Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you, but you were still gone and gone, gone and gone.”

 Reputation: “We think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them they have chosen to show us. We know our friend in a certain light, but we don't know them the way their lover does. Just the way their lover will never know them the same way that you do as their friend. Their mother knows them differently than their roommate, who knows them differently than their colleague. Their secret admirer looks at them and sees an elaborate sunset of brilliant color and dimension and spirit and pricelessness. And yet, a stranger will pass that person and see a faceless member of the crowd, nothing more. We may hear rumors about a person and believe those things to be true. We may one day meet that person and feel foolish for believing baseless gossip. This is the first generation that will be able to look back on their entire life story documented in pictures on the internet, and together we will all discover the after-effects of that. Ultimately, we post photos online to curate what strangers think of us. But then we wake up, look in the mirror at our faces and see the cracks and scars and blemishes, and cringe. We hope someday we'll meet someone who will see that same morning face and instead see their future, their partner, their forever. Someone who will still choose us even when they see all of the sides of the story, all the angles of the kaleidoscope that is you.” Last album?!? I can’t believe we’re here already! Reputation, Taylor’s 6th album, was released in the fall of 2017 and consists of 15 tracks. At the start, reputation was a wild ride. During the 1989 Era, Taylor managed to crawl out of the pit of hate and despair that the Red Era brought, and she soared to popularity. I’ve noticed this happens with Taylor, the love/hate comes in waves. One day everyone loves her again, and then the next they hate her. During 1989 Taylor was flying high. Highest grossing tour, AOTY, “dating” (I have to put that in quotes, but that’s a whole other can of worms) Calvin Harris… but, nothing good can last forever, and so literally everything fell apart. Messy break up with Calvin, even messier drama with Kimye (can’t even get into that). Things weren’t going so well. Taylor had reached overexposure and she went into hiding for almost a year. No performances, no candid shots, no interviews, no mags, nothing. She usually releases a new album like clockwork every two years, but she skipped her typical release season and tacked on another year to the wait. Well, while she was hiding, Taylor was doing what she does best.. making music. At some point during the summer Taylor put all of her music back on streaming accounts, and so I knew then that something was brewing. She finally announced the name of the album and released the first single, “Look What You Made Me Do”. The day she dropped “Look What You Made Me Do” was one of the craziest days for just about everyone, let alone Swifties. It felt like the world was literally collapsing over this song. The internet was breaking. A few people loved it right away, some people thought she had cracked and was finally losing her damn mind, and I was just confused and depressed. The day it was released I spent a large portion of the day crying. I cried and clutched onto my 1989 CD (but I never even liked 1989 that much… which shows how much I was worried….) But, before I knew it, I was bopping along to the song and loved it like the rest. And once the music video came out, I realized that everything was going to be okay. If you haven’t seen the music video, you need to. It’s iconic. It broke Youtube’s record for most views in 24 hrs. A few more songs came out before album release and I wasn’t *that* crazy about most of them. Turns out that reputation is like all of Taylor’s albums before 1989, the best songs were not released as singles. Back 2 Basics, guys. The fans get everything, and everyone else gets the scraps. When the album finally did come out I was overjoyed. Now let’s see why!

33.  Delicate: “Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? ‘Cause I know that it’s delicate.”

34.  Getaway Car: “I wanted to leave him, I need a reason.” *Jack Antonoff produced this song and many others on reputation. We are #blessed. I recently read somebody say that Jack has a stranglehold on pop music. I WISH!!*

35.  Dancing With Our Hands Tied: “I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us.” *Beginning at some point in 2014, Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift entered a torrid love affair. It’s possible they are still together today. That’s a discussion for a later date. Anyway, this song is definitely about her. Funny how some people think Taylor hates gay people (why?) when really she writes songs for them. Thanks Tay.

36.  Dress: “I woke up just in time, now I wake up by your side.” *Also for Karlie.*

37.  Call It What You Want!!!!: “I brought a knife to a gun fight, they took the crown but it’s alright.”

38.  I Did Something Bad: “They’re burning all the witches, even if you aren’t one, so light me up.”

39.  Don’t Blame Me: “For you I would fall from grace just to touch your face. If you walk away, I’d beg you on my knees to stay.”

40.  King of My Heart: “I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I’m betting off being alone. We met a few weeks ago, now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes.”

41.  New Year’s Day: “You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi. I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road. I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”

Spotify link:  https://open.spotify.com/user/22xaifvaciqklwgcnidnxuuhq/playlist/7ssFqGusg3Sf1sPe5cS7hR

[kun-summacumlaude]

SUMMA CUM LAUDE? #2

Welcome back (if you took any kind of break). So this will be about my experience with Balloting to get Accommodation. One week to resumption and it was time for freshers to ballot for hostels. How do you ballot? Log in, go to accommodation portal (I think), select your desired hall of residence, reserve space, boom you’re done. 

I made that sound extremely straightforward and convenient. HAHAHAHA. 

The actual process is ten billion percent frustrating (Dr Stone lol). Every step takes hours. Balloting is done online on a Portal and that Portal is disappointing, terrible, I don’t want to call it rubbish because some people put in work to build it but it’s rubbish. It took me 2 hours to “Log in”, as in to even get into the Portal it took me 2 hours. Then I spent the next 6 hours trying to get to “Accommodation Application”. That’s already 8 hours. I finally got in and it took an hour to select my desired hall of residence and when I finally did, I got hit with the “No rooms available”. 9 HOURS AND NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT!!! MO GBE OOOOOO. Staylites told me to continue trying to ballot because it could say no rooms one minute and the next minute you have a room. I was afraid to refresh the page because I didn’t want to spend hours trying to get in again. I continued this process till the next day. I was balloting for about 17 hours in total.

Every student knows the comfort of having accommodation right on campus. It’s pure bliss. That is the reason balloting is a full on war over a website with disgraceful servers or whatever. I had about 10-20 people from 4 different countries and 3 continents attempt to ballot for me at some point during those 17 hours and only 3 of us could get in. I feel the website is terrible because lets say 50K people are on it at once, it can’t function and believe me when I say 50K is a HUGE OVERESTIMATION for the actual number of people that would simultaneously use it. You can get lucky as well because I know someone who got what she wanted in under an hour and just after two tries but that’s not good enough. I also know people who were trying for 24 hours and didn’t get any luck with it.

I went to school the next day and saw many faces looking hopeless around the Student Affairs Division office. There’s some really sketchy stuff about accommodation which I won’t get into because I don’t really deem that necessary for the purpose of this. Later, we’ll see how I finally settled but the school is doing subpar x10^20 in the area of providing accommodation for students (as at the time of posting this, hopefully when this goes public things will be better).

As a bye for now note. It feels like it would fit better into a future post but before I found a way to manage, I was going home everyday and on the days I decided to leave at 4pm, the queues were evil. You could spend an hour or more queuing for a bus on some days. There was a time I walked from CITS (Bus stop in school) to the school gate back and forth and back and forth because the queue took away my thinking haha. See you in the next. Some fun memories in that one. Were they really fun?

[highschoolharrier]

Scott Bliss is the head coach of Champlain Valley, a program from Vermont that has completed the trip to Portland 3 times in the past 9 years.

High School Harrier: What was it like for your team to qualify for NXN this past year?

Scott Bliss: Well if you aren't one of the normal qualifiers then it is an amazing feeling.  We had made NXN in 2010 & 2011 but we missed by 4 points in 2016.  That close miss makes it even better because to be honest it is a really hard thing to do.  We had a great chance to make it that year and didn't so you always wonder if you will have another shot or not.  We also did not go into last season knowing that team would be as good as it was.  It ended up being the best girls team I have ever coached and we had no idea that was going to happen.

HSH: Four of your top 5 set their personal records in Portland. Is that a testament to tough courses in New England or smart racing/peaking for your team?

SB: I think it really was a testament to the focus of the kids.  Obviously your training has to play a role in things but they were focused all year and it is a tough stretch at the end of your season when you have your state meet, New England Championship, Nike Cross Regionals and then Nike Cross Nationals all in a row.  It is also a testament to them that they could compose themselves and not let the atmosphere at NXN affect them.  If someone hasn't been there it is a challenge to have all of the stimuli that is coming at you from the pro athletes, to the swag, to elite level HS runners, the show that it is, etc.  We do race tough courses throughout New England but we also race in New York in Section 2 multiple times throughout the season and that helps us immensely.

HSH: Compared to last year, where do you see your program this fall?

SB: I'm not sure.  Every year is different.  We return 5 girls who are sub 20 and all sub 19:50.  I hate using track times for XC but they had good track seasons so hopefully they will springboard off of that and improve even more this fall.  We have a couple of good 9th graders coming in and you never know who might surprise you from your returners.  We had one girl as a senior who was normally probably in the 40's on our team and she trained all summer and was in our top 7 her senior year.  It is amazing what some training and motivation will do at times!  We have had a number of situation like that with the boys and girls teams.

HSH: Do you have any athletes you believe are ready to have a breakout season?

SB: I think that we have some girls who have put the work in and could have some big improvement.  It is amazing what experience and the continuity of training can do for them.  Plus the added experience of going to NXN and dealing with that pressure should help them this year in pressurized moments.  We just try to stay the course and ask them to do the best they can every day.

HSH: How many assistant coaches do you have throughout the year?

SB: I have 3 assistant coaches.  We usually will split the team in half and 2 of my assistants work with one group and myself and the other assistant works with the other half.  I am not sure if we are going to do that this year or not.  It may depend on the size of the team.  When we are 100 or more I don't feel I can give the amount of time that every athlete deserves because of the size of the team.

HSH: How big is your school and how big is your team?

SB: CVU is now in the range of 1,300 or more depending on the year.  The team is normally 90+ to 100 or more.  That is boys and girls combined.  Girls alone is normally 45+.

HSH: Do you have any big regular season meets your team will be participating in this fall?

SB: We race more than a lot of teams probably.  The big meets will be Thetford Invitational because it is the site of our State Meet.  Our priority is the State Meet.  Anything else takes some luck so that is the focus and then see what happens.  Manchester Invitational in NH.  Manhattan Invitational Eastern States is always big just because of the great competition and the race being a bit different because it is 4k.  And then obviously our State Meet is #1.

HSH: What is your philosophical approach to coaching that shapes how you run your program?

SB: Easy.  The team is the most important thing.  Individual state champions....awesome but if we don't have the individual state champion and we win the team championship that is the most important thing.  But probably even over that is our motto of do your best today.  If you do your best on that day and you get beat then you have nothing to be upset about and you should be proud of yourself.  Then we can reflect on are there things we can do better and improve on and go from there.  If you did your best you should not be upset and then respect the effort and talent of the teams/people that beat you.

HSH: What is a sample week of training for your program during the cross country season?

SB: Our long run day is normally Monday.  We will actually do a workout usually on Tuesday.  Wednesday medium distance run.  Thursday 2nd workout which will probably not be as hard as Tuesday was.  Friday easy day.  Saturday meet.  We always do strides when we don't run fast or we end our run with what we call "pickups' were every 20 seconds for 2 minutes they increase their tempo so that they are running their fastest at the end of the run.  Teaching them to switch into faster gear when they are fatigued.

HSH: What type of mileage does your average top 7 runner do during their base phase?

SB: It obviously varies based on each individual and their experience.  The range is probably going to be 30-35 mpw up to 50ish mpw.  But again it depends on the age and running experience of the athlete.  Everybody is different so we will do what we feel is right for each kid.

HSH: Do you have a staple workout you like to do with your program?

SB: Our state course is VERY hilly so our staples are probably hill workouts.  We are called Champlain Valley for a reason though.  Our school is in a valley and no matter where we run we are going to be going uphill at some point and it will probably not be an easy uphill.  I think that is a piece that really helps us because we can't avoid hills.  We also do what I call "combo" workouts where we will work multiple different systems - tempo 10 min. - 4-5 hill repeats - 4-5 simulated finishes.  The workout kind of ends up mimicking a race at times and that is what we are trying to get our kids do...learn to race better.

HSH: What type of ancillary training does your team do?

SB: Before we run we do some shin splint drills to start, toe taps, lunge matrix, leg swing matrix, skip/form drills and agility ladders.  After we will do SAM(strength/mobility), static stretching(rollers and lacrosse balls for their feet or pressure massage).  A few days a week we do Core X and 2 days a week we will do a group strength workout.

HSH: What do you think is the most important aspect of your training program?

SB: Regulated effort.  I'm not into big tough guy workouts or hero workouts.  We work with a purpose and they usually have ranges of reps or times.  They need to be honest with themselves.  If they are spent then stop.  It's not worth the effort.  We want quality effort.  We don't do something just to do it.  There is always a purpose.  I'm not going to go online and see a Great Oaks workout and then have my team do it because they can't.  Can it give me an idea of something to do....yes but we can't do the same workout.  I would destroy my kids.  

I also think one of the other important pieces is we look at the season as a stair case.  We are continually trying to improve and learn as we go up the stair case to get to our state meet.  If we don't perform well during that process then maybe that was good.  What can we learn from it.  We don't overreact and we try to stay even keel and enjoy the process.

HSH: What was the most influential book or coach that helped you get to where you've brought your program?

SB: I will start with the easiest one - Jack Daniels.  My first years coaching using "Daniels Running Formula" as a guide was immense.  Now I use it more as a guide for track and cross I kind of do my own thing.  The book I think that transformed me into I a better coach was "Take the Lead" by Scott Simmons and Will Freeman.  Their attitude toward coaching  and what our job as a coach is really stuck with me.  I absolutely love to talk running and coaching so I try to steal (in a good way!) from anyone I can.  I feel like I have good relationships with the coaches I am competing against and enjoy picking their brain.  Especially Tim Cox from Coe Brown in NH!

HSH: Do you have any team traditions that you do each year?

SB: This an area I wish we were a bit better at.  We name our training groups after famous runners, usually current US runners, we volunteer at a local marathon(organized my assistant coach Cari Causey) and we always meet in a circle with our arms around each other to do our pre-race talk.  We don't have a ton of traditions and I sometimes feel like maybe I have dropped the ball on that area.  I think we try to build a group of people who like to work with each and that is our tradition.

Photo is from Champlain Valley Twitter

[elysiumrp]

Congratulations SAL! You have been accepted as Jarred Truell. Please go through the checklist and send in your account within 24 hours. If you need more time, make sure you send a message to the main.

Um, so can I just say amazing application? There was so much detail that I truly, truly feel I know where you’re planning to go with Jarred, and that makes me so happy. Jarred is a very important member of the city of New York right now because of his involvement with Nature’s Botanicals (and the secret meetings in its back room), so I’m thrilled that we will be having a Jarred here from the beginning! He has a lot of darkness (obviously) that’ll definitely be interesting and nice to explore, and i can’t wait to see how Jarred handles everything that he’s going to learn throughout his journey. It’s certainly going to be a tough next couple of months for him, and we’ll all have to wait and see his mental and emotional state when he makes it to the end. It’s sure to be traumatizing to say the least. Welcome to Elysium!!

OOC INFO

Name: Sal Age: 20 Timezone: PST Preferred Pronouns: He/Him/They/Them/She/Her Previous RP Experience: [RFP] Activity Level:  9 or a 10 up until school starts back up again then probably a 8 or 9. Anything Else: N/A

IC INFO

Character Name: Jarred Truell Why did you choose this character:

The reason I chose Jarred was because I have a sweet spot for broken characters that have daddy issues and I feel that he fits the bill. I think it would be interesting to see how he interacts with the other characters that already know of him because of his dad. The reactions that the others give will definitely play a huge role of how much of a part he will want to play in the Resistance. If people are less willing to have him there because of what they think they know about him it will spark something in him to want to change the views of everyone in the magical community.

He feels extremely sorry for his mother. She had nothing to do with what his father decided to do and to be casted aside because of her relations to the man that decided to fuck everything up and not take into account the backlash that it would have on his wife and son is a terrible thing to burden. He thinks that she must feel as alone as he does, she came from a respectable magical bloodline and for all of that to be torn away in an instant was wrong in his eyes. Now, her family shunned them for one being involved with someone who would dabble in the dark arts and obviously brought shame to their name too.

Jarred doesn’t feel it’s right that everyone still associates him with his dad. He doesn’t so why should everyone else? Of course, he also thinks thats its not their fault for perceiving him the way they do. It was their parents generation that really influenced the whispering and the nervous looks. But, as much as it tears away at him, he’s used to it. Yeah, he wants people’s perception of him to change so that’s why he wants to get back into doing something that will get him redeemed by the magical community. Even if it means leading the Resistance to a new era where the supernaturals come out on top.

Describe your plan for them:

Like I said in the paragraph above, he wants to change what the name Truell means. Right now, it’s a family of witches who use dark magic and are “known” to be unpredictable. He doesn’t want that for the future of his name and for his mother. Jarred wants them to find peace in the community, no more whispering, dirty looks, nervous ticks. He just wants to be a part of the magical community in a positive light.

He wants to make friends. But given the situation that he’s in he has very little of them because of his father. Jarred doesn’t want to feel alone anymore. He has had it with all these emotions that he’s had because of his father. These emotions need to be dealt with one way or another.

I want Jarred to be involved with the Resistance and actually make a positive impact so that it could help with his image and clear up his name hopefully. It’s something that he kind of swore to do after the humans kicked them from their homes and were forced to live like animals.

I also want to build more on him thinking he’s better than humans. In a sense, he is, he can bend the very ether to his will. Of course with some limits but it’s something that no one else can do. I want to see if it’ll go to his head.

Jarred is not in contact with Tereza, who had this history with his father. As much as he says that he doesn’t care about his father and doesn’t care to know him. There’s always this thought in the back of his mind of wanting to get to know her so that maybe someday he can go to her and ask her about the man that left them all those years ago.

I want Jarred to find out about his father. I want him to be comfortable enough to go to Tereza and ask her about him. He says that he doesn’t want to know the man that left but he so desperately needs to know. If not to reach out but to get closure.

Describe your character’s feelings and reactions to the initial reveal of the supernatural world:

Jarred was actually glad that it happened. The reaction however was one that he didn’t think would be too much of a problem. It needed to happen for a number of reasons, one being that they shouldn’t have to hide whether they be the most gruesome of creatures or not they’re still people. The humans obviously don’t see it as the same thing. Of course, there’s reason for them to be afraid but to just kick them out like they did, wasn’t right. Now they gave them more than enough to start the Resistance, so they shouldn’t be shocked when they come at the humans with full force.

He was okay with the fact that they were now exposed because now people weren’t really concerned about what he was doing or who he was as a person. Which was nice for the moment that he did have a little breather. But, now that the dust has settled and people are starting to assimilate back into the way of things he’s starting to get those looks and the whispering is starting up again.

Although, with the shop that he and Oliver have opened up, its making everything a little bit better than how it was before. Not only witches, but most of the other supernatural creatures are coming into the shop to buy necessary magical ingredients for whatever they need. It’s quite a change of pace for him, because now they “need” him. Something that has never even been a concept to him so this should be interesting.

Describe your character’s feelings and reactions to the current state of the world, and how it impacts them as an individual:

Everyone is finally getting back to their lives after the reveal and Jarred can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. There’s the thing with the world and the Resistance happening, along with him still having to deal with people knowing him because of what his father did and now he even has to hide from the humans that don’t know anything about him but now he has to be extra careful because he doesn’t know whether someone is going to be pro-supernatural or not. As if this wasn’t hard enough, he also has a business to run alongside Oliver thank the stars that he’s not in this alone because he’s feeling the heat somewhat.

Joining the Resistance gives him something in common with all the others that are in the group. Which in turn, gives him something he can hold on to to make new friendships and to get his name cleared. He has this notion that he has to be perfect with everything he does because if god forbid messes something up, it’s going to knock him back so far he might not even want to fight to get back the respect he currently has.

The shop has definitely had a positive impact on Jarred making him feel more comfortable with the idea of helping others. Before he hadn’t really taken an interest in helping others of his kind because of what his reputation that followed him. It’s made him more of a person who would put their needs before his own in a way.

Para Sample:

Some people classify silence as perfect bliss or that it makes them feel at peace in a world of constant vibrations between people and things. Other people say that it makes them go insane, that they can’t go a day without listening to music or being outside and being social. But, for Jarred it was something different. It terrified him.

After finishing up with the customer that was in the shop, he sat down behind the counter where the register sat still. The door chimed letting him know that the customer left. He leaned on the counter with his head resting on his hand. It was silent. All he could hear was the air conditioner that would turn off and on every time the room got to the right temperature. His mind began to wonder into his deep web of thoughts that only surfaced when he was alone. Thoughts about his father were something he never wanted to fully come to terms with, he always pushed them down so that they would never see the light of day.

“Why would he do that? Did he not care for us? What was the reason he had to resort to black magic?” the thoughts continued. His heart began to race, his breathing getting faster. He was having a panic attack. Which is a bad thing even if you’re not supernatural but, since he was a witch it kind of messed with his magic. The lights began to flicker. Jarred jumped off his seat and backed up slowly and tried to get control of his breath and heart rate. “Why did he leave us?” he thought to himself. “Why did he leave me?” the thoughts wouldn’t stop. He shook his head.

The door chimes again. Jarred looks up at the door and the lights stop flickering. The customer smiled at the man, “Do you have any ginger root?” she asked him. The thoughts stopped, he shut them tight like you would a bottle cap. “Sure, right over here.” he said as he stepped around the corner and began to conversate with the woman.

Any questions/concerns/things you’d like to change: (siblings to add, pronouns, sexuality you’d like to specify, personality, face claim, history, etc., etc.)

He’s gay, another reason he feels so distant to his mother is because since his father left his relationship with his mother has been rock too. Not because of what happened but, because he didn’t want to get close to another parent and then have them leave as well. But, it also hasn’t helped that he doesn’t talk to her about the things a child should be able to talk about with their parent. He came out to her but, never talks to her about anything because of the fact that he can’t let anyone in.

Jarred gets these panic attacks when he starts to think about his dad and why he left. Mostly when he’s alone and in silence. Because of this he has insomnia and finds it difficult to sleep most of the time. So he resorts to coffee and smoking. (marijuana and cigarettes) With him being a witch, and his emotions being tied to his powers, sometimes his powers get the best of him and cause things to happen around him.

[placetobenation]

BACK TO THE THEATER..OR NOT

So movies are trying to claw their way back into theaters, and I for one am all for it. I don’t want to be a prisoner of this virus until vaccines are created and distributed. Wonder Woman 1984 has set a new date to be released this Christmas, 2020, and I get the feeling that some other big blockbusters will be jointing her.

So many summer blockbusters were shelved, we are definitely going to be having our pick of the liter when things open up again. I think the theater business will be booming for quite a while. 

For the movies that have been released, like Mulan and Tenet – the news is good and bad. Mulan was released in America through Disney+, but it was released in China to the theaters. China is the second biggest draw for movies after the USA, so Disney was hopeful to make money on both ends, and see which one came out on top. So far, for Mulan, it looks like a tie. 

Streamer usually pay off about 25 – 30 million for a movie for a restricted viewing experience. Mulan made less then that in it’s opening weekend in China. China box office came out to be around 20 million in it’s first three days in theaters. Now will it make more, sure – but the number will surely drop and it’s not going to get dramatically higher in any sense. The final prediction for Mulan in China is about 40 million over all. Not great, but then again, this is not America. Should Disney have waited? Well their slate is kind of full of movies already waiting, so maybe this is the one they decided to test the waters with, who knows. It was a gamble and it was not a complete disaster, but it wasn’t exactly a success either. 

Tenet is another movie that is being tested. Christopher Nolan is all high and mighty with his films and he always dresses and suits and he never lets people sit down and blah blah. Well Warner Bros and Sony are keeping the film’s numbers a secret. 

Apparently they are not releasing numbers by the day, but rather by the week, so no one knows if Tenet is slumping, staying the course or increasing. I’m sure they wish to keep the shroud of excellence wrapped around Nolan for as long as possible – but industry insiders say Tenet maybe falling and falling hard. 

NFL DIPS AND DABS

The NFL saw a dip in their ratings this week – down about 13 percent from last year’s opening kickoff game. Researchers say there is nothing to worry about – since NBA, NHL, and US Open are all happening at the same time, and MLB is about to go into their playoffs – fans have a lot more sports than they can handle right now. 

BRUISED TERRIFFIED HALLE BERRY

The gorgeous and talented Halle Berry has made her directorial debut with a movie called Bruised that is making it’s world premiere in the Toronto Film Festival. “I was scared shitless. And if you’re not having any sense of worry, I don’t think you care, I don’t think you want to do your very best” Halle said to reporters. 

In Bruised, Berry plays a disgraced MMA fighter, Jackie “Justice,” who has to conquer her own demons and face one of the fiercest rising stars of the MMA world to become the mother that she thinks her son Manny deserves. That role isn’t the first dark horse character that Berry has played during her Hollywood career, which includes her Oscar-winning role of Leticia Musgrove, a dirt-poor widow, in Monster’s Ball.

“You know I’m always most drawn to characters who are fractured, broken, who are fighting to survive. Every time I get to play those roles, I get to have a cathartic experience and I get to have some healing for myself,” Berry explained.Despite the cachet an Academy Award trophy brought to her Hollywood career, Berry says there’s sadness in not seeing other Black women follow her and win the industry’s biggest best actress prize. “Every time when Oscar time comes round, I get reflective and I think maybe this year, maybe this year, and it’s heartbreaking that other women haven’t stood there,” she revealed.

BILL MAHR BACK IN STUDIO

Bill Mahr is moving from his backyard and headed back into his studio for the first time in months. “There’s real people. Thank you jesus. Thank You People!!” he exclaimed. The show is filmed in CBS Television City’s Studio 33. HBO is bring back only 25 people for now, to be in the audience, but Bill says that will be loud enough. “This is interesting, you can hear people laugh individually.” The host said.

QUENTIN TARANTINO VS BRUCE LEE

Jason Scott Lee has become the foremost expert on the immortal Bruce Lee and has spoken out, as so many have, on how Quentin Tarantino decided to portray the martial arts legend. 

Jason is known for being the boy in Jungle Book, for playing Bruce Lee in Dragon and currently the villain in the new rendition of Mulan. When confronted about what he thought about Tarantino’s Bruce Lee fighting Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood – he certainly had a strong opinion about it. 

One of Lee’s most memorable roles is that of the aforementioned Bruce Lee in 1993’s Dragon, which is based on the book by Bruce’s widow, Linda Lee Cadwell. Since he did rigorous martial arts training with Bruce’s former student Jerry Poteet, Lee developed even more respect for the revered martial artist he was playing. So, needless to say, Lee, like Bruce’s daughter, Shannon, wasn’t too pleased with Quentin Tarantino’s portrayal of Bruce in 2019’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

“While I was training [to play Bruce Lee], I started learning his system of fighting and actually feeling the motions that he taught his students. I realized so much about the precision and the discipline of a person like that, and that’s why it was very hard for me to watch that scene with Mike Moh portraying Bruce,” Lee admits. “Granted, Mike’s a great actor, but I think being put in that position to portray Bruce Lee that way was really hard to take. I kind of winced. Yeah, he was boastful, but he was one of those guys that could back it up. He wasn’t challenging that way, you know? So [Tarantino] took a lot of creative leeway in presenting Bruce Lee in that manner, and he got a lot of flack for it. And it’s not justified the way he did it.”

Lee also mentions that Poteet, who became his longtime sifu after Dragon, would have objected to Tarantino’s depiction since he had a close master-apprentice relationship with Bruce.

“My sifu, Jerry Poteet, who was a student of Bruce, has since passed away, but I know he would be rolling over in his grave,” Lee explains. “He had direct association through a long term teacher-student relationship with Bruce… So, through the years of knowing Jerry and hearing all the stories and details, I’m sure it would’ve pissed him off.”

This scene will not just go away. Like I have said before, Once Upon A Time in Hollywood is a love story between Tarantino and Brad Pitt. Tarantino wrote the most amazing, awe inspiring, coolest character for Brad and even made him beat up Bruce Lee. Cmon. We all know a washed up stunt man could never ever even touch Bruce Lee in his prime while he was filming Green Hornet. I think everyone is realizing this now and really taking offense to it. If Tarantino made the martial arts character anyone else in the world, but Bruce Lee – it would have been fine. Bruce Lee took his fighting extremely serious and like Jason said, he boasted, but he always backed it up – the guy was a certified martial arts champion and revolutionary. Anyway – don’t get me started. I’m glad the professionals agree with me as well on this. Tarantino went a bit overboard in his cinematic love letter to Brad Pitt.

THE END OF THE KARDASHIANS

Yes after 20 blissful years on the E Network, “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” is airing it’s final season in early 2021. The choice was made by the family and announced recently. “It is with heavy hearts that we say goodbye to ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians,’” the famous family said in a joint statement, signed by Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloé Kardashian, Kim, Rob Kardashian, Kendall Jenner, Kylie Jenner and Scott Disick.

“After what will be 14 years, 20 seasons, hundreds of episodes and several spin-off shows, we’ve decided as a family to end this very special journey. We are beyond grateful to all of you who’ve watched us for all of these years — through the good times, the bad times, the happiness, the tears, and the many relationships and children. We’ll forever cherish the wonderful memories and countless people we’ve met along the way.”

20 years is a lot. I mean, a lot. Hopefully this will end Kanye West’s craziness and Kim’s craziness and all the other crap that happens with this family. I mean let’s face it, they weren’t a bunch of intellectuals. They have so many sources of income the show’s salary probably became their lunch money by now. This kind of reality show was a guilty pleasure and really wasn’t doing society any bit of good. Kanye got a God complex, and Kim thought she could be a lawyer of all things.

I am glad this is ending, America has been in a weird kind of fantasy state and had rejected reality for too long. Problem is, someone like Paris Hilton will probably step in and take their place. 

Catch me here every Thursday. Have a great week!  @paulieb2003

[rueur]

Morning Pages No. 58

Friday 21st August - 9:01am Man, I was so hoping that I could say the time was exactly 9am when I started typing, but alas I had to erase yesterday’s text and set up the start of the page. I actually still haven’t even changed the No. of the page to today’s number, so I have to do that before I continue any further. Okay done! 

I just opened the front door to let Lonzo and Nicky out for a little bit this lovely, sunny morning, and am sitting where I usually sit at the dining table, in front of my whiteboard, typing with my back straight and enjoying the calm and quiet of this morning, before my jam-packed afternoon starts. I have a chat scheduled with Sam McDonald at 3pm, and then a class with Dinel at 4:30-5:30, then a chat with Dan scheduled from 6 till whatever time that ends, hopefully that doesn’t go on for too long, but we’ll see what happens. I was planning on using some of the morning to maybe play around with SquareSpace, or however you capitalise it, and see what I can do on Julie’s new site design. It’s going to be pretty fun, I know, but just getting started is a little bit daunting. I haven’t even sent her my invoice for last month! I know I have to do that too. It’s just $60 for the whole month of July, because honestly all I did was handle the domain transfer and set up the new hosting account, and her emails. I’ll charge her another $60 for that time I went to her house, and put a clock on the work that I do on the new site design today, that is if I start today. It’s good to have some mental space set aside to work this stuff out. Freelancing is hard! It demands that you know your own worth, and most of the time creative freelancers have faced many many rejections when applying for ACTUAL jobs, so we typically tend to undervalue ourselves anyway. But I suppose I shouldn’t look at this as a cruel piece of irony, more than it is an opportunity to learn how to value myself at what is honestly still the start of my career. I’ve thought about the possibility of working enough freelance jobs and using Sam (boss man) as a resource until I get familiarised enough with the digital marketing and web development industries and can open up my own agency, maybe with Mundell as my head of web development, and me as the head of content and communications. It’s a pipedream for now, because I don’t know if that’s a dream Mundell might want too. But one thing I am certain of is that it’d allow us to work for our own damn selves, and I feel like life would be busy, but very very good. We’ll see what the future holds in store, I suppose.

Lonzo’s looking out the window right now, and now he’s just decided to go back out the open front door. It is genuinely a beautiful day. I’m fighting the urge to go for a walk, but also fuck it I should be able to go for a walk if I want to go for a walk! The grass is still quite long in the front yard, but I’m still loving it. The sunlight is shining right through the longer strands and it looks like the floor is glowing. I feel like I’m in a video game on a very sunny day. It’s sad that I used video games to describe the majesty of the natural world, when video games are merely an ambitious reflection of reality. I just googled ‘Slytherin traits’ to try and remember the world ‘ambitious’ just then, lord almighty. I’ve been spending far too much time inside, and I know it and I hate it. But okay, yeah, so I will in fact go for a walk today. Maybe with Evan, if he’s keen. If I allow him to go stoned, he’ll probably be keen.

I have to do some yoga at some point today because Day 4 of Sarah’s 21 Days is ten minutes of mindful stretching. I was going to do it last night, I almost did about ten minutes worth at work, but I wasn’t happy with a half-hearted attempt, so after these pages I’m going to actually set aside some time with some nice soothing music and just really get into some downward facing dog, some warrior poses, and maybe find some other things along the way in a really nice flow. I remember a lot of the yoga poses from Shining Light’s classes, but I don’t know their names. I’m hoping that sometime soon, I can get together with Wren and do some small exercises. As I type this, I honestly don’t know if that is indeed something I want to do. Maybe not sometime soon. Am I a bad friend? Or am I just my own crazy level of fatigued? It’s hard to keep myself a priority when I am always just concerned about my place in the lives of others. To be fair, I am doing this less and less, but it’s not really a positive change if you’re using work as a distraction from this issue, which is also what I feel I’m doing. I work too much, and sometimes it makes me feel like it means I’m not a failure, but in actuality, I’m skimming multiple fields, and not settling on any specific one. It feels like a patch, sometimes. I mean, it feels like my current working habits allow me to stay stagnant and not even realise it, because there’s a sense of busy-ness, and a sense of things moving. But where am I going? Really? I know I shouldn’t be this analytical, this critical, especially right now because I’m still studying! And there’s a freaking pandemic on. It’s not like I can help this. So why do I keep expecting myself to be doing better than I am? I’m jumping the gun. But that’s just how I am. I’m impatient with myself, and patient with everyone else. 

I just took a photo of that last paragraph and wanted to send it to Sarah, but instead I sent it to Wren. Is that meaningful at all? I’m not sure, I feel like maybe I can be totally honest about myself with Wren and Wren won’t judge me for it. I’m genuinely considering putting that last paragraph in the Sarah’s People group chat too, if I’m going to be completely honest. I feel like it may help start up a dialogue that some people may need. If that’s the case, it would kind of be my responsibility to start up this dialogue. 

It’s 9:33am, I took a big pause in this writing to feed the boys breakfast, because Nicky had just come running back in through the front door. And now guess what he’s doing? He’s done eating (for now) and has decided to jump up on the dining table and walk all over the place. He almost sat down, and now he’s jumped off again. What a wild turn of events. I legitimately thought he was going to walk toward me, bop my head and attempt to walk all over the keyboard, which is apparently only what he does when he wants to be fed. Goodness, the way he wakes me up in the morning does my absolute fucking head in. I reckon I might actually post that little paragraph in the Sarah’s People chat. Or at the very least, the other chat with Sarah, Amy, Nichole, and I. I don’t know. I think it’s important to reach out to people right now, and I feel like I need to make more of an effort with the girls. I’m hopeful that once lockdown is over, I’ll be more involved, more present. It helps that Sarah and Amy won’t be going to ACSA anymore. Maybe we’ll be able to find a BJJ place that’s closer to our side of town, or at the very least in a central area.

Evan’s just gotten back from the supermarket, I saw the car pulling into the driveway from the service road. I’m a little bit annoyed that I still haven’t finished these pages, but I’m also grateful for the insight this activity has provided me with today. I can hear Evan talking to the dog, and now he’s opened and has walked through the front door. We’re just talking about the shopping trip he’s just done! What domestic bliss.

Ugh, god. I thought these pages would be a breeze to get through because I woke up feeling pretty energetic this morning, but now it’s slightly depressing to me that it’s 9:43am and I’m still going. This shouldn’t take an hour, this is absurd. I mean, I haven’t been writing the whole time, so I shouldn’t feel too annoyed about this. I mean imagine when we’re older and I have to maintain this practice alongside having kids. It’s going to take me a hell of a lot longer some days, and that should be okay. I shouldn’t be too down on myself about that, because it just means that I’m responsible. I feel like I’m just going to have to start getting into the habit of being more emotionally lenient with myself, before I pile more responsibilities onto my life. I want to be a good mother. I feel that increasingly with every year. But in order to be a good mother (or teacher), you need to have life experience and you need to know what the world is like. My mother didn’t really engage too much with how this world really is, until we were all older. And that’s not her fault, that’s something she had to do for herself, and frankly for us too. She didn’t work so she could raise us, and she moved across the world for our benefit. She moved to a place she knew nothing about and was terrified of engaging with because thathi had to work nights and she was alone A LOT. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must’ve been like. All I know is what life is like for me, and I too have had my fair share of challenges, but I feel as though I’ve adopted a strong enough mindset that when things have happened to me, I’m able to roll with them to an extent, and I’m able to take them on board and use them in my own ongoing personal development. I want to impart that value, the value of endurance and persistence, onto my own children. And I can’t do that if I’m too hard on myself. I want to stretch soon, I’m looking forward to it. But I also want snacks! Snacks after stretches, yeeee!

I’m not sure what to do for the last third or so of this last page. There was a weird moment at work when Manny, Joe, and I were talking about how Evan and I almost did LSD this week (we didn’t, I know I forgot to mention that), and I made a statement on how that desire came out of nowhere from him, and Manny said ‘maybe he just wanted really freaky sex’, and I waved him off...and then revealed that ‘yeah, he actually did mention that’, and the boys howled with laughter and I ran the fuck away to the counter where I chatted with Soph for a bit. And Rob was managing today, and we were able to have a pretty nice conversation for the last half hour or so of the day. I miss him, if I’m being completely honest. I like talking to him more than I like talking to a lot of my coworkers, because I feel like we have a lot in common. But I don’t know what’s going on in his head, and it’s a touch terrifying. I mostly just feel bad. Not guilty or anything, just bad that something as DUMB as sexual tension is keeping us from being friends. I mean...I don’t even know if there even is sexual tension at this point. Fuck.

[0n3-h4lv3]

10:17pm 9/7/18

FUCK yall. Heres some things that *i* have 2 say. @ morgan : i love u so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U literally deserve every good thing in this entire world. You are so loving and bubbly and positive that it is Infuriating to me that you have to face any hardship whatsoever. You dont deserve that, but you are strong enough to push through it and to make the most of any bad situation, and im SO excited for your future and the amazing things you will accomolish. Youve been my best bud for like ??????? 12 years almost ??????? How badass is that !!!!!!! U are the one bitch on this planet that i truly can tell everything. Nothing on this blog would suprise ir shock u, like a bitch knows whats up bc. God i rlly truly can 100 percent relax in ur company. SOMETIMES i still worry abt dumb shit but then i tell u anyway and it works out ok. Im mad greatful for that. Even with my other besties, i think id go mad without u and our friendship. I dont always send u the most responsive texts, but i DO think abt u every day and i LOVE u 2 bits and bits and bits. I wanna have sleepovers again. And tell bad stories abt marvel and folklore characters in the dark until we pass out laughing at eachother. I miss being kids. I dont think there was a point in my life so far where i have Truly been blissful or care free, i wasnt built that way, but memmories of u and me playing and creating and laughing together are truly the happiest i have. If not for you I would have killed myself three years ago in my bedroom after school, that day that i couldnt stop crying ? I went home and i tore at my shirt and i screamed and sobbed and slammed my head into the floor, lamenting how unlovable i was, but i really did have something that kept me from giving up, and it was you! I know thats heavy, which is why im putting it here and not actually telling you, but even though liv was my big fp at the time, you were rlly my reason to live. I just pray that i can do something meaningful for you, to repay you for being there for me before i die.

Finny! : BUD!!!! Ur actually. An angel but irl. Like sometimes i see you and stop breathing for a second. And im not even talking abt that ur like hot or whatever, its like. Gosh, finn you just have this presence ? And you are simultaniously so forgiving and understanding while taking Absolutely no shit and i respect that hard. Its like rlly hard to be uncomfortable in your presence. I still manage to sometimes, because god made me and was like "yeah this bitch will never see rest of any form", but like compared to the discomfort i feel around Most people, the discomfort i sometimes feel around you is WAY less and very warm asfjgja. I wish i got more hugs from you, i know thats like Mad stupid, but theyre. Validating and wonderful and they mean a lot and feel rlly good so more of those would be cool. I miss laying w u on the couch and watchin horror movies !! I know that was just like a month ago and its not like we cant do it again, but with how busy we are and how busy Everything is im very scared that we actually wont get to, or that u dont want to. Anyway im rambling, but u DO mean the world to me, and im so so sorry if im too much or overbearing. I dont know if you know how much you mean to me ? If youre on this blog you have an idea but i dont think these posts actually paint it accurately. For the past 10 or so years ive had a pattern of latching on to people, one at a time, and putting "all my eggs in one basket" so to say. It can be a best friend, or romantic interest, or both. But regardless ! This person directly and immediately impacts my emotional state. And rn its you !!! Which sucks a LOT. Bc even outside of my shitty "favorite person" thing, you are very important to me, and your friendship is so important to me. But i havent figured out how to negate or counter the whole fp experience, and so whenever u do anything... that i could interpret as disinterest or disgust or like anything negative, it has a 50/50 chance if sending me into a panic, sometimes a full fledged anxiety attack ! And whenever you show interest or affection or anything positive, it beyond makes my day. And thats. Like weird ? And it sucks even more for you, because if you realized how strongly just the tiniest thing can fuck me up, you wouldnt even want to talk 2 me. You would distance yourself to save urself from the stress and me from the whatever this is. But i know that my brain would just pick someone else as soon as you abandon me, so i have to just keep in my head and to myself until the fp thing moves on, or u abandon me anyway, or whatever. Bc i dont want to lose our friendship. And its ok !! But it makes our friendship more complicated on my end. I unintentionally put so much stock into how u percieve me, and so you not wanting to date me for suoer valid reasons still tears at my heart a lot. Like somethings wrong with me or you dont rlly love me or whatever even tho thats not necissarily the case. Anyway. Ill be ok. I rlly will, this is something i just need to man up about and push through ! Thank u for being such a cool friend :).

MADI !!!: UGH bitch. I do love u. Im sorry im late every time u pick me up in the morning and that i complain so goddamn much. I know its unbecoming but in my defense im feeling pretty rock bottom these days and u r like a cute little ray of sunshine that drinjs too much coffee. You are so. Beautiful okay ? That sounds like bullshit cuz im ur best friend and all. But this is honesty hour. See what i wrote to finn and mj ?? Im not fucking around. Im laying it all bare. This is the post yall will find AFTER i kill myself, so im not gonna LIE to u in it. Could u imagine ??? Anyway point is: you are so beautiful, and you are complex and interesting and Capable okay ? Like ur not a background character or basic or none of that. U feel like u are, and u say ur not pretty or whatever, and its like. The dumbest shit bc if u could only see what Every One Else was getting to look at ? U wouldnt recognize urself. Also. U have an INSANELY kind heart. I cant believe u were ok with me fucking your boyfriend. I cant believe you put up with my drama. You buy me coffee ? You go out 2 lunch with me ?? You seem to take genuine interest in me, and like my company !! Its bananas girl. I dont know how i can be so vile and low and selfish and you still stay by me. I dont believe i deserve it, but ur kinda adimant abt remaining my best friend, so hopefully ill have time to become a better person for you, and 2 return the favor. I love u mads. Like, big time. Ur a rock and roll girl and id do anythin 4 ya <3

Myla !! : buddy. Oh my god. A lot of people r likr "ohh im chaotic good" or "wow shes got such chaotic energy" and its MAD bullshit. But real talk ??? U like... do have such powerful chaotic good energy. Ilysm. Ur smile is Contagious. Actually just seeing u at school makes me smile. Ur company and friendship is such a blessing. ALSO lmao ur so ??? Like coy ?? And cheeky ???? Its mad fun, ur just like a very silly very lovely bud. I know you are Also very depressed and hurting. And i hate that so much. You dont deserve it. Nothing about you has earned it, but like depression doesnt care who earns what ya know ? Anyway ur strong. Likr 4 real, and i want u to know that you can SO overcome it, and u have such a bright future okay ?? I love you ! I KNOW finny loves you! I dont know ur parents that well but they'd be BATSHIT to not totally love you. Having you in my life is like a blessing, and i rlly rlly rlly hope i can repay the good energy some day okay ? I know u dont like talking abt how ur feeling, but if u ever want to, or u think of ANYTHING i can do to help, tell me asap okay ? Bc i will not hesitate to be there 4 u, no matter how big or small.

OKAY @ all of you !!! :

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY !!! IM *SO* GREATFUL YOU ARE ALL IN MY LIFE !!! Literally i cant. Express how important you all are. Im crying and i would Literally die for any one of you. That sounds like a silly thing but it would be. An honor to actually lay down my life for the sake of any of u guys, tho im not sure how the situation would arise lol. I feel like i owe y'all so much. I also know that if i am going to get better, i cant do it alone, and i might end up asking more from u guys :(. I hate that, but im hoping you can understand and allow me to return the favor somehow someday.

[zncuaccretion]

The Week(s) of Unconventional Quadrilateral Boundaries Part 4

The festival was finally coming to a close and I cannot recall how many times over the week I heard “Augusta Read Thomas will be here in X amount of days!” Today was the day that I had the opportunity to come face to face with one of the greatest living composers in music. I must say it was a surreal experience that started like any Friday of the semester I went to class, got coffee, and practiced aural skills. At approximately 9:45 a.m. I closed my tech slate to be punctual for the seminar which was located in the choir rehearsal room. A sat next to a few of my colleagues who would not squander the opportunity to hear from such an incredible talent. In addition to my colleagues some of my teachers had also filed into the room to listen to this compositional titan. The remaining time dissipated as ART entered the room to give her seminar and was introduced by Dr. Walczak. The introduction concluded and ART took the floor to showcase her unique signature as a musical auteur.

           She opened her seminar with a picture of a four-bar phrase in one of her compositions and carefully broke down how she selected her notes and her vision as to exactly what she envisioned. Next, she showed a recording being played by a remarkable group of instrumentalists and one of the had slightly misinterpreted what she had written. She immediately pointed out the tiniest error of the recording and said “it should be like X.” I sat back in my seat for a moment and thought “ignorance is bliss and I should have opted out of coming to this seminar because I am going to mess things up in Magnetic Fireflies with the added pressure of her knowing every little last detail.” The thought slowly faded from my mind and I continued listening to her composition lecture.

Thomas described her unique compositional signature with a few noteworthy words consisting of circuit, integrated, nuanced, and vibrant. With that in mind I started to get a glimpse into the exclusive signature of ART. She showed a picture of a frozen lake and used the example of water and the states of matter She looks for a molecular bond in her compositions which makes them cohesive and adds to the uniqueness of her compositions too.

           A round of applause echoed through the choir rehearsal room halls as she finished her seminar. At this point I think my brain started hurting and I thought that I had just gotten a composition lecture from a computer run simulation. During this semester I have noticed an interesting vein that has been pricked on multiple occasions. It seems that great artists seem to find themselves at a unique crossroads of art and science.  In ART’s case when she was explaining the picture of water aesthetically it looked pleasing and could offer a source of inspiration perspiration, but she was also able to abstract a particular state of matter to keep a composition consistent. After the seminar I walked through the halls relishing that I had just gotten a lecture from a musical genius.

            I was sitting in my chair on edge later that day in wind ensemble looking down the double barrel of Dr. Morehouse and ART for the Magnetic Fireflies run through before the performance tomorrow evening for the conclusion of the festival. The baton was raised and the downbeat was given it was time to share what our ensemble had been working on. Honestly, this was not the best that I had played through this piece. I know that I botched the rhythm of the small solo that I had to play. In the last few bars, I have a few whole notes followed by an 8th note B-flat and then a high G for the next few counts and then the pattern repeats itself. This particular first trombone part will come into play again in a few sentences. The composition concluded with a swift shimmer and the sound dissipated to the peripherals of the rehearsal room. The swift shimmer dust of the fireflies settled as our run through concluded for ART.

           Honestly, I think she was genuinely impressed with our run through. She complimented many of the ensemble players. Aside from two spots I thought I had a solid play through. ART complimented my sound, but during the last few bars she need more of a contrast in the part I was explaining earlier. It was discussed that I need to be subtler with the first entrance and then explode during the second-high G to really bring the character that she wanted in her composition. When the time came to touch on this spot I did exactly what was asked. I concluded playing the remaining notes and from the back of the rehearsal hall I received a thumbs up and I could see her mouth the word perfect. I sat in my chair with an expressionless face and continued as if nothing even happened. ART wrote and exceedingly nice compliment on the Magnetic Fireflies score which seems to be a magnet for attracting ART comments … go figure… the comments we had received were some of the same noteworthy words that she used to describe her compositions from her seminar.

           Additionally, the ensemble was also showcasing Dr. Kathleen Ginther’s The River Merchant’s Wife an Asiatic composition that tells the story of a wedded couple who long for one another’s company. The composition paints an exotic landscape of flowing waters and mischievous monkeys, but ultimately tells the story of this woman’s love for her husband. We were joined by an alum of SIU, Emily Fons, mezzo-soprano who had the privilege of singing the solo from the perspective of the wife longing for her significant other.

           There is a certain amount of awareness that is needed in order to play this piece because most of the parts are exposed, so it is imperative to count and play your part. I believe that our section tends to play too timidly, including, myself. However, after a few sharply critical captain comment cuts things seemed to ironed out. The rehearsal concluded and all that was left of the festival was the dress rehearsal and concert tomorrow evening.

           The dress rehearsal was an afternoon affair that concluded in catering from Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches Our dress rehearsal went fairly well it was the second-best performance of Magnetic Fireflies and some of the troubled spots of River Merchant’s Wife had been addressed. There were a few transitional problems that had occurred between the winds and choir. For instance, during one of the movements there is an exposed 5/4 bar that usually caused our section a bit of a hiccup… because counting…  Additionally, there was a syncopated rhythm that usually ended poorly too… because more counting. Hopefully these mistakes would not happen during the performance….

           After the freaky fast feeding frenzy the conclusion to the 2018 Outside the Box was about to begin. Once again Dr. Walczak led the opening remarks of the concert and was given a gargantuan round of applause for organizing Outside the Box 2018. I remember that this particular concert felt surreal especially playing Magnetic Fireflies. Overall, the performance went well, but it was the third best we had played the composition. Personally, I navigated the small solo rhythm correctly and thought that it was the best I had played the composition.

           Unfortunately, River Merchant’s Wife did not go as well as the dress rehearsal as there was some derailment during one of the movements. I believe that I was too focused on playing the piece to realize any type of derailment. Although there were some sub-par moments in River Merchant’s Wife, Dr. Ginther was still floored that we had played her composition for Outside the Box. The festival concluded and the surreal feeling of the concert faded into the abyss as I came to grasp with a grounded sense of reality.

           I am extremely fortunate to have had this experience and to see so many great contemporary composers and teachers perform their compositions during the week(s) of unconventional quadrilateral boundaries. Now that the insanity of the week(s) has subsided things can finally get back to normal, or so I thought… because the meeting with the sorceress was fast approaching…  

FIN