#ADIVCE MUCH APPRECIATED LMAO

[yourlocalmysticalvoid]

'flirting' vs flirting

me, not flirting and accidentally ending up holding my friend's hand: yknow if you want to hold hands that badly, you could just ask ;)

me, in the same situation with the same guy who im now very very gay for: uHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH LOOK IS THAT THE TIME

(help me)

[betasuppe]

Why are you working yourself up so much over this blog? Is it your main source of income? Is it relevant to your survival in any shape or form? Do you really NEED it in your life to be happy? Is the validation you get through it so important? These are questions i keep asking myself a lot too. I don't want to give you any adivce on what to do with your blog, cause that is only up to you what you decide in the end. but maybe think about why this makes you feel so horrible cause it seems to happen a lot lately and its worrying.

Just... take care of yourself is what I'm trying to say 💖

Idk what's really wrong with me, man. But I appreciate you breaking it down like this to me. & uh. More stuff under the break. Please feel free to ignore, I just want to get this shit off my mind...

To be fair, I really don't have any sort of social life irl... at all. Here? This is basically the only place I'm actually able to be myself & my blog kinda turned into a huge vent station for me because I can't get out my thoughts or issues anywhere else haha

Then beyond my blog, my art dies in my sketchbooks. I don't have anyone to show my crap to. I don't have anyone to babble with about any of my fandoms or AUs. That's why this blog has become so much of an emotional struggle for me. I love it & I hate it both.

I know the hunt for neverending validation is toxic & impossible as hell, but it genuinely feels good to know I have anything of an audience for my silly content beyond me myself & I. No matter, I can barely even process compliments or positive responses while my insecurities are on an all time high lmao

But also, dont get me wrong! I'm very very grateful for the friends I've made here!... but true deep set lonesomeness can't be fixed so easily.

I just always feel like a nuisance. I don't think my work is any good at all & so any nice comments tend to ring hallow because... well, how could it mean anything really when all I see is my own ineptitude?

Anyways. I know I'm a pain in the ass & my mental health is a fucking roller coaster. I know leaving here long term would be healthy for my mental state but also. At what cost?

Sorry for the ramble. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't know. I'm just numb & hurting all at once. I'm sorry I'm like this.