#ALL STEDE WANTED WAS A HAPPY LIFE

[100layersofdaddyissues]

I’m angry about ofmd so spoilers in the tags ignore me

[arsenicflame]

something something everything izzy has always done has been for ed, its just that now we get to see him act in ways that are actually in eds best interests, rather than izzy trying to keep him safe whatever the costs

[stizzysupremacy]

they didn’t work anything out. he went from one extreme to another, just running away in a different direction this time. And the other gave up his dream that he just finally achieved competence and success at. They left what family they had to pursue a lifestyle neither of them actually had the desire, skills, or resources for. It didn’t feel like a romantic happily-ever-after at all.

[laststandx3]

if Izzy had to die, like it was inevitable for the plot then I wish he died when he shot himself. then the only person who sees him is ed, and izzy literally turns into the symbol of blackebeard. Ed struggles to leave everything he was behind because backtracking after he caused izzy to kill himself makes him feel like he could have saved him. during the season izzy follows ed in every scene except the ones ed's with stede (so it's the perfect metaphor for ed to be at peace) and after a while finally when ed is alone. and ed mourns and then at the end we find out izzy was a ghost all along, and when ed lets go of izzy's ghost then he's ready to leave blackbeard behind.

it would still hurt and izzy's purpose in the story would still be about ed's arc, but at least izzy's death has consequences.

and in the meanwhile if you want to headcanon him as alive in the background bc ed's not very in touch with reality and in some scenes izzy interacts with people then there's the plot twist at the end that ed's guilt materialized as izzy (and you can put so many implications about their relationship here) but when ed finally lets go of his past then izzy can be his own person, have his own arc.

because we didn't even need so much izzy screen time this season (i loved it) but we didn't need izzy to have so many interactions with the crew and stede and everyone and have him grow. he could have stayed in the background slowly fitting in. and if they got renewd for a third season they could've explored his character more. and this season could've been really about ed/stede relationship instead of having them getting together -> breaking up -> getting together -> breaking up -> getting together... s2 focused on the main characters' realtionship and if they got renewd for s3 then background characters is fine. but like this, they tried to have everything and instead we got half-completed story-lines that feel hollow

[izzylucius]

can't stop thinking about the fact that there is no exclusive relationship in ofmd, many chars love several people and it's not depicted as negative. so. what if. since it looks like Stede and Izzy are going to get closer in this season. and since we've had both Izzy and Ed admit they love(d) each other in some (fucked up) way.

WHAT IF.

[candied-cae]

Thinking about Stede and how duty bound he has always felt his whole life...

We see that it's very clear from the moment he's met Mary that he is not comfortable around her. He doesn't want to touch her for the portraiture, he can barely bring himself to hold her hand for the wedding, and they are constantly separated by furniture, the children, and their own ideals in every other scene we see them in.

It is the barest of headcanons to assume that he did not enjoy having sex with Mary. It's nothing against her, Mary is lovely, but Stede was never going to be able to feel the way he was supposed to as her husband.

But he is duty bound. They consummate their wedding. Alma is born.

And Stede is so happy. As much as the life that he has doesn't feel right, this child was right. She was beautiful and happy and he loved her. There was tension between Stede and Mary still, it seemed there always would be. But this baby? He loved this baby beyond words. He would read her stories and carry her through flower gardens and kiss her forehead and tuck her into bed and play her games. He would let her be anything she wants to be. He would let her be a pirate if she wanted for something silly like that.

And every time he looked around town at the families completely busting with children? When he saw a pair with sometimes 6 or 7 kids between them? It made him cringe to imagine it. Perhaps it was strange, but he never wanted to lie with Mary like that again. They created a beautiful thing out of an incredibly uncomfortable experience. And now there was somewhere for their wealth to fall after they died. He did what he was supposed to do. His duty was complete.

Right?

But people started asking if he was disappointed. If he was mad. If there was something wrong with Mary. If she felt like a failure. If he thought she was one anyway.

Why?

Because she provided a daughter, not a son. Stede did not love Mary as he was supposed to, but for everyone, stranger to family member, to look at her like she'd done something wrong in creating the only thing Stede is grateful for out of their marriage?

He could not stand that either.

They had another uncomfortable moment. It was easier that time. They knew what to do and how to get it over with. This time, Stede was stressed every second leading to the birth. What if it was another girl? If it was, Stede would be happy to love her, but it would mean further ridicule for Mary... it would mean they would need to try again.

To both of their incredible reliefs, Louis came through bearing a penis. They would be fine. They had a son and the world would cease just a little bit. It would stop pulling at the walls of their home to peer inside and demand answers. It would stop pushing, and pushing, and pushing them to perform things they didn't want. It would stop.

Because Stede was a dutiful husband. He did his job. He has provided Mary with a family just as she did for him. It would be viewed as a success.

It was the end.

He upheld his duty.

Until he couldn't anymore. And he ran away to board a ship and become a pirate.

More OFMD

[ridleymocki]

(seeing so many bad faith interpretations of the argument, y'all are really going to make me do this, okay HERE WE GO)

.................................

What Ed says: "I think last night was a mistake. I'm not ready for... Whatever this is."

What Ed means: "I didn't want last night to happen so soon or under those circumstances. Things are changing rapidly, which makes me feel out of control and scared."

What Stede hears: "I regret sleeping with you. I don't want the sort of relationship that you're after."

.................................

What Stede says: "It was a fine fish. It was... whatever. I was just trying to make you feel good!"

What Stede means: "I only cared about the fish because you cared about it, and I care about you. I liked the fish because it made you happy. Ordinarily, I'm ambivalent about fish."

What Ed hears: "I lied to you. I didn't care about your achievement I was just placating you to get what I wanted."

.................................

What Ed says: "Here's the news: I'm leaving. I got a job on a little fishing boat and I'm leaving. I'm a fisherman now."

What Ed means: "I think I need to be away from you to figure out who I am, because I haven't been able to do that while we're together, and your lifestyle now is the life I'm trying to leave behind."

What Stede hears: "I've made a decision to leave you and have a life without you. I don't value what we have enough to work with you to find a solution, I'd prefer to end it."

.................................

What Stede says: "Oh, Ed. Seriously? You're not a fisherman."

What Stede means: "I think you're using this plan to escape and avoid your problems. It sounds like you're pretending to be someone else. It seems to me like an impulsive decision and I am concerned."

What Ed hears: "I don't support this ambition. I think you're incapable. I don't think you can be different from what you have always been."

.................................

This is the kind of analysis done in therapeutic environments. When I put what they mean, it's not just a rephrasing but a boiling down to the core issue. I could go on to the rest of the dialogue but do you see the continuing ship-in-the-night miscommunication?? It's tripartite:

failing to express one's current emotional reality with the most accurate and clear language, often because that reality is not fully understood to oneself,

misinterpreting the other's language, due to preexisting sensitivities and defensiveness about one's own understanding of the situation,

increasing frustration and sense of personal attack that results from those misinterpretations, which perpetuates and worsens the poor communication.

Importantly, this kind of pattern means you miss the best and most important kernels of communication in an exchange because you're reacting to the more inflammatory parts.

Stede: "This can be whatever we want it to be." (I am willing to make changes to our arrangement so that you're happy). Ed: "I don't even know who I am! Alright? I know I don't want to be a pirate. And you, you're blowing up, you're the toast of the town." (I think we want different things. You're just starting a journey that I've already finished).

With those two bits alone they could've sorted this out. The first is the answer to the second. But they didn't -- couldn't -- latch onto it because all their other baggage was getting in the way.

And I'm being proven correct that this is what is happening, because I have seen next to nothing on here about the above two lines, only reactionary takes of fans also focusing on the inflammatory parts because of their predispositions. You're doing an encore performance of what they're doing.

Point being, there are no bad guys in this scene, just repeated system failure!

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Another thing I love about Stede Bonnet is he has every reason to be so cruel. He has been bullied his whole life, forced into a loveless marriage, so miserable for years that he cried by himself often enough for Mary to be concerned about it. It's gotten to the point where he just assumes everyone hates him and thinks he's a worthless failure and is surprised if that doesn't happen.

But he is, so fundamentally, a kind person. Don't get me wrong, he's a major bitch and he can be selfish, but he prioritizes kindness. He doesn't like cruelty, he wants the people he cares about to feel safe and happy and valued. He's very generous with compliments and praise. He'd give the people he loves a million chances - look at every argument he has with Ed, he is always so patient and tries to be understanding, even at times like their argument in s2e7 when Ed wasn't in a state of mind to actually have a discussion. He's one hell of a bitch but he never judges anyone for things they can't control. Despite all the cruelty the world has shown to him, he has so much love in him - for the people he cares about, yes, but for the little things. He loves beautiful things and he loves sharing beautiful things with other people. He's never surprised when people are mean to him but he never stops offering people kindness.

Stede really looks around and he says "I've actually decided to be better to the world than the world has been to me," and I love it.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ed is absolutely panicking in 2x7 bc he’s seeing stede having the time of his life being a famous pirate and he’s genuinely happy for stede but also he wants out of this life and he’s afraid stede will choose piracy over him and so he’s leaving first before stede can leave him again, all of which is bc deep down ed still thinks he’s unlovable and he’s scared to get hurt by stede again and he’s handling everything very badly

all that being said

the fact that ed has already decided that he can’t choose piracy for stede’s sake is so important to me

piracy was slowly killing ed long before stede entered the picture. and now that ed’s decided that he wants warmth and food and orgasms and he wants to live he’s not going to force himself to do a job that makes him fucking miserable. he still might not think he’s worth love and not worth choosing, but he’s at least moved past thinking he deserves to die. he’s past making himself so miserable that he wants to die. ed still has a lot of work to do but he’s making good progress and i’m proud of him.

[sylvies-chen]

once again because I cannot stress this enough: I think it’s so important that ed and stede are together even while ed is still working through his own shit. I think there’s this common trope in mainstream media where damaged characters can’t be with the people they love until they fix themselves completely and become the best version of themselves on their own. and obviously people shouldn’t be in a relationship if they’re not in the right headspace for it but the message that it sends, this weird notion that you have to do all the heavy lifting by yourself to grow while completely isolated before you can even begin a relationship, is so stupid!! and so damaging!!

you don’t have to be whole or perfect or have your shit together in order to have love in your life or to be worthy of love. you can be in a relationship even if you’re not mentally at your best, because being with people you love is actually what helps you grow. having someone you love holding your hand and supporting you through the journey is what makes it easier. and that’s what stede does! because ed doesn’t want to wait until he’s worked on himself. he wants to be with stede now, but also being in a full speed relationship is a bit much so he asks to slow down the pace a little which is so perfect because it lets him be happy AND simultaneously have the space and time he needs to do a little introspection. it just shows how relationships aren’t just stagnant once they become committed, relationships can ebb and flow and shape themselves according to each person’s needs. and I’m just so happy and moved that we actually GET that with stede and ed???

[totallyboatless]

Man, I’m so happy for my fictional guy Stede Bonnet. He just experienced the absolute power of realizing he’s good at making someone orgasm. Can you imagine his happiness when he saw Ed truly enjoying himself?? Of course you can I know you all revel in sin.

Anyway my man Stede Bonnet has never been the cause of another person’s orgasm in his life and now he’s giving Edward Teach, the dreaded Blackbeard, the kind of orgasms that make him want to live.

What a guy. What a show.

[micronopher]

GENTLEBEARD LOVE-MAKING

Completely self indulgent thoughts here and going to ignore the fact that you cannot and should not attach your entire well-being to one person but oh my god how Ed got to have sex with his beloved Stede Fucking Bonnet...

I mean yeah shit timing and this is still kinda the proverbial honeymoon stage, but jeezus this isn't just some tumble with a fling that Ed's probably had dozens of times (or a familial obligation like Stede's had to fulfill in the past), this is some goddamn love-making with someone Ed truly desires and loves, and who adores him just as much.

Stede doesn't even have to touch Ed to make him feel good...

Like, just the sound of Stede's voice is enough to bring Ed back from the grave(y basket)...

This is a person Ed wants to protect...

...and who wants to protect him.

Ed was constantly giving Stede those sweet shoulder pats in the first season (plus that frickin foot touch), like he was blatantly advertising his wish for physical contact with him.

Now Stede has the emotional freedom to reciprocate, and he treats Ed with such tenderness and respect even when the desire for him is overwhelming.

I mean, look at the switch here - how Stede roughly grabs Ed, slams him against the wall and then immediately becomes so gentle cradling his head like that, like Edward Teach is the most precious thing in the world.

Ed holds onto Stede tight here, but by god does he also want to treat his sweetheart just as tenderly...

Even without the sex part, just thinking of they way these two touch each other -- or how they want to touch each other -- is so sweet and sexy.

Fuck, lookit Ed...

He is literally trying to get as close to Stede as he can here within the boundaries he's just set. He's caressing that hand like "These beautiful fingers clasped in mine belong to the person who gives me butterflies in my stomach and brings light into my life." As innocent as it is, he wants that touch. And it's there, he is right there.

From Ed's point of view, Stede is the one who plays games with him.

He calms him down.

He gives him comfort.

He defends him.

He avenges him.

He loves him. Everything about him, beyond just the physical.

This outrageous, ridiculous, bizarre man makes the dread pirate Blackbeard, scourge of the seven seas...

...go all him...

And this guy can cut Ed's heart to shreds, but Ed still misses him like hell.

Stede can be Ed's despair...

...but he's also his hope...

...his happiness...

...his joy...

All of that and more wrapped up in a tangible warmth that Ed can cherish, kiss, hold close, and in return be cherish, kissed and held close.

So yeah that sex/love-making must have been absolutely mind-blowing even if they probably were fumbling around awkwardly in the dark for a while. Anyone looking for some awesome, hot fics of that scene, highly recommend this and this by darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)

[cataclysmic-cathexis]

Can we take it... slow?

Because I am once again completely normal about a piece of media, here is a visual essay on You Wear Fine Things Well Take 2: Faces and What Those Faces Are Doing (It's Kissing, But Also Emotions)

(I lightened all these screenshots up so the faces are more visible)

Ed is telling Stede his very sweet fishing story. Stede is reacting totally appropriately - gasping, eyes wide, interested and adorable. He's genuinely loving spending this time with Ed, hearing about his day.

He even leans forward to examine the lil fishy. CUTE. He's just so happy to be here, with Ed, talking about their days, spending time together. ("I love being near you.")

Stede tells Ed his abbreviated "cursed suit" story, where Ed delivers the "that wasn't a long story at all" line deadpan with this hilarious face:

(Why is this face so funny? Scientists in the future may know, but alas, this mystery will not be answered within our lifetime.)

Ed then ups the ante - going from that hilarious face to this SCORCHING HOT ONE after uttering the line that ruined the life of everyone on this hellsite

You wear fine things well

Those big brown 'come hither' eyes are HITHERING (it's a word, don't Google it tho)

What I also like about the refrain of "you wear fine things well" - Ed is signaling to Stede that he is ready to take another step. In the last episode, Ed put down a firm boundary - "you don't get to say that to me." Stede, in his adorable, desperate, determined, stubborn yet respectful way, backed off (by delivering an arguably MORE romantic speech but whatever - he respected Ed's boundary and didn't say "I love you"). Ed is pulling from their shared history, from a beautiful moment where they both felt something (although it's arguable as to whether or not in the moment Stede actually knew what he was feeling - he certainly with hindsight was like OOOOOOOOHHH).

So Ed is giving Stede the ok to take a step forward - which he does, while making this face with is the human equivalent of the heart eyes emoji:

Stede then looks away - and he stays in place, letting Ed come to him, making sure it's Ed to initiate. I think Stede wants Ed to be sure, doesn't want to push, since he knows how badly he fucked up and knows how deep Ed's hurt is.

Stede looks back up, but stays in place. Ed is looking at him with such vulnerability...

..as he slowly does his adorable little teenager-about-to-have-their-first-kiss shuffle...

And he leans in for that sweet kiss under the waxing moon.

Initially it's just Ed who is leaning in, but then Stede leans into the kiss as well - and deepens it.

Ed is then like "ok weird for ME to be the one saying this but it's probably healthier if we don't skip straight to banging each other's brains out on the deck of the ship and like, make sure of our feelings first"

After Ed says "We're whim-prone, as you said," Stede goes through a little mini crisis. First, fuck why did I say that:

Then - before Ed can finish what he's saying, Stede's face falls. He's so worried he's messed this up. Ed gave him a kiss and he tried to go too fast, and he's getting rejected again.

He tries to put a brave face on it, but our lil guy is SO SAD

Then once Ed finishes his fish metaphor ("You can't catch a fish unless the fish wants to be caught") Stede realises that Ed isn't rejecting him. I think Ed's vulnerability here and how unsure he is ("we're the fish, I guess. Maybe. I think.") helps Stede to remember hey, this isn't about me and my stuff right now, this is about Ed and Ed's stuff.

Stede gains a little confidence back. He's reassured. Ed is still trying to figure out who he is without Blackbeard, and Stede gets it. And Ed still wants him to be a part of who the new Ed is ("we're the fish"). He's like ok, I got u babe.

So he pulls himself back, but he still wants Ed to feel his affection, and to know that Ed is loved. So he holds Ed's hand and asks for permission.

"What about this? Is this alright?"

"This? Perfect."

Then they have their adorable little hand moment - just happy that they understand one another, happy to be touching, happy to be together.

"You won." Stede whispers.

Ed looks away, beaming:

And, in contrast to the last time they stood on the deck, under the moon, and said "you wear fine things well", this time they walk off together.

FIN.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

What I need people to fundamentally understand about Stede is that Stede is not phased by Ed's list of crimes because Stede would in fact do all the things Ed is doing while he's suicidal and on rhino horn while perfectly happy with how everything is going in his life and stone cold sober. I'll die on this hill. he wants to be polite but he has the capacity for true cruelty and derangement just you wait.

[ineffably-human]

It's completely okay they had sex. There is nothing wrong with it and it isn't what temporarily broke them up.

They are both grown-ass men who've had sex with other people before (for various reasons and with various results). The seriousness of their relationship doesn't rise or fall on whether they've had sex because despite social mores, those two things aren't intrinsically linked. Sex is part of how people process complicated feelings all the time (see: funerals, near-death situations), and if both parties are clearly consenting then that isn't necessarily a bad thing or something that ruins a relationship.

Ed wakes up and gets rid of a tangible part of a persona he's wanted to shed for a long time. He makes his lover breakfast in bed. He's not rattled by Izzy coming in to tease them, if anything he's calmer than Stede is (which makes sense as the partner who has actually been with a man/had sex he enjoyed before).

They have a very happy date where Stede's new celebrity status doesn't bother him at all. Ed getting rid of the Blackbeard leathers 'felt good.' More gentle ribbing about sex with Stede gets a smile from Ed.

(They could have chosen to talk about Ned Lowe that morning, by the way, or at some other time that day, or literally whenever they both felt ready to do it. I don't think they did and I think they really should, but they by no means had to process every bit of it five whole seconds after it happened.)

There is no awkwardness, distance, or upset between Ed and Stede until it becomes clear just how much Stede is blowing up as a newly successful pirate, and just how much Ed is thinking about retiring. His conversation with Jackie highlights just how much those are incongruous things. That's when he freaks out and leaves. That's when he starts picking a fight - about how they're moving too fast, about how Stede isn't instantly supportive of his plan to drop everything and run off to a new career, about how fishermen and pirates are fundamentally different or whatever shit he says in the moment.

Because Stede is 100% correct about what Ed is doing - he's blowing it up. Ed is looking for the barest hint of conflict anywhere he can to turn into a bigger fight, and then using that as an excuse to leave before Stede can do it first. And Stede may think that's a fear of commitment or intimacy or something, since he doesn't have the full context, but it absolutely is a cowardly move.

I've seen posts saying Ed is clearly communicating his needs and I feel like I'm living on another planet. Did he ever say 'I'm scared we want fundamentally different lives and that means we can't be together'? Or 'I'm worried the life you want to embrace is the life I need to drop, because it's toxic for me'? Because until he says that, he hasn't told Stede anything.

And nothing about those very real fears has anything to do with sex.

[celluloidbroomcloset]

OK, I'm gonna keep going back to the moonlight scene, I guess, because consent is sexy.

I just wanted to note that, yes, Stede asks for permission to hold Ed's hand and it's deeply sweet and so important. But look at Ed's reaction. He's surprised. For a moment, he doesn't know what's happening.

We can extrapolate a lot about Ed's past life based on how he reacts to Stede (and to others, but especially to Stede, because Stede so consistently shows him alternatives). If we assume that this is a man who has been a pirate since he killed his father, he's literally grown up in the midst of a lot of violent men. We know what life was like on Hornigold's ship, and we know what sort of a man Calico Jack is.

It's not a stretch to say that Ed has had a lot of sex with different men in his life, but it seems unlikely that he's ever been really in love or been treated gently by anyone.

So I think we can infer that, most of the time, kisses like the one on deck that night tended to lead to sex, whether Ed really wanted that or not. Certainly he doesn't expect Stede to keep the pushing the issue, because he knows Stede, but he also obviously doesn't expect Stede to ask to hold his hand and for that to be enough. He doesn't expect Stede to want to touch him and respect his desire not to go farther. Even for Stede to be happy just to hold his hand.

I'm not saying this is all consciously passing through Ed's mind, but that little beat when he reacts to Stede's question, and the way he clasps Stede's hand between his own, like he can't entirely believe that hand is real, really speaks volumes.