#ALSO THIS IS ME -STOPPING- MYSELF A LITTLE BC IT'S ALREADY SO DARN LONGGGG

[lunaetis]

since i promised @unboundtravels i'd make a hc post for goth & yelan so HERE I KEPT MY PROMISE. many things had changed from the time i had started writing it so i'm rewriting the whole thing according to the latest timeline. we retconned them like two times already, there were lots of changes from their initial plots / development but ultimately their overall dynamic remains the same. some changes are minor but some are quite major to their development and relationship. ofc they'd end up together one way or the other, but i'm going to keep the hc very much in-tune with their most recent plot and what we both consider as their CANON timeline. ( i'm putting this under read more bc it's LONG AF )

do you know that feeling of like — when you meet someone and you're hit with that tugging inside of you that if you don't do something you're going to regret it ? that's the very start of goth and yelan. i don't want to say what they have is love at first sight bc it wasn't. not something that easy, but what they share with one another was the feeling that i don't think i'd meet someone like him / her again so if i don't do something i'm going to regret it. it started like that, for both of them. their first meet, them being roped into solving a mystery together, yelan working with someone after a while and learning to trust someone. it's the first time yelan was shown things she had never seen before, too. by the end of it, he asked her to travel with him. she accepted, under the condition that every trip, he's going to send her back to liyue so she could handle her business before embarking on another journey.

for yelan, trusting someone is a huge, huge deal. her profession requires her to be wary of everyone and to never trust anyone, to never let someone close enough to form attachment. goth actually breaks lots of rules in that regards. he wasn't wrong when he said he's not like someone she has ever met, and he's going to show her things she had never seen before. well, he's a time traveler so traveling with him really makes yelan an OUTLANDER. for the first time, yelan felt like she's the one who knows very little compares to how knowledgeable and informative she is as a spy in liyue. it changes her perspective by a lot, and it affects how she sees the world as a whole. that, in turn, also affects how she feels about the man she travels with, as well. i mean he literally went one-on-one against a god who's a literal sun. that's literally their first date. it gives yelan a lot of insights of what kind of person he is tho. he's a HANDFUL from the very start.

if learning to trust someone wasn't already a challenge, yelan is coming to terms about how little she knows about the universe in general. so being with him makes her feel like she's relying on him as opposed to her being independent. it's something she had to get used to, a lot. to follow someone instead of leading, bc you really aren't experienced about the places or the logic of the worlds outside your own. it's a lot of adjustments for her as a whole. that, and traveling with someone. yelan is used to doing things alone. even in teyvat, other than having her men gather some information for her, most of the time she's traveling and doing things by herself. being with goth, traveling with him, forces her to try to understand him, to a degree. and that was something that tugged at her even during their first meet. she had a feeling that he's much more than the eye could see. he has his secrets, and she has hers. other than the fact that he's showing her things she had never seen before, that's all they are to each other. traveling partners, or so she thought.

they say it's impossible to not fall in love with someone who makes you feel like you don't have to lie. that's the very definition of how yelan falls for goth. he's someone whose presence makes her feel time and time again that she doesn't have to lie or pretend to be okay. that it's okay for her to be human. and yelan needs that. the thing is, she doesn't even knows she needs that. a person who she doesn't have to pretend in front of. she's so used to having so many disguises and identity that the idea of being herself is so far-fetched, even more so showing someone her real self. her vulnerability, her past and regrets. she hates feeling feel and exposed. goth had, however, proved to her time and time again that he wouldn't care. if anything, he has his own wounds that he doesn't want to talk about, either. and that resonates with her. before she knows it, goth becomes someone yelan does not lie to. the fact that he sees through her lies is one thing, but bc she doesn't want to lie to him. he's the one person she doesn't want to pretend with.

yelan never needs anyone, but she had come to need his presence without knowing, and she refused to accept it for the longest time. she never allows herself to get attached bc getting attached means you're making them your weakness. your enemy can target them to get to you, and believe it or not, yelan has an issue with allowing herself to grow close to someone bc she secretly harbors a fear of losing a loved one. she had faced the loss of her whole team before and that scarred her so deeply. she vowed to never get attached again so she would be invincible, she would have no weakness, and if she doesn't get attached, she cannot get hurt if she loses them. it's all win-win-win on every angle. it's not worth it, be the pain, the risk of betrayal, the risk of them becoming a liability, becoming her weakness, becoming a target, and the risk of losing them. she had already failed to save her team, getting herself exposed like that would only end badly. there's no good thing about it. it's not worth it. at all. that is, until goth comes along. i don't think yelan knows how or when he becomes such an irreplaceable presence to her. but when he looks at her, she feels like he sees her for her, and not the spy or informant she had always been. he sees her for her, and he reaches out for her. for the first time, yelan wants to reach back. for the first time, she's faltering on her own rules because — he's the first to make her feel that it might be worth it all. all those risks. he's worth every risks she's going to take for falling for him.

she told him that she can't save him. not because he's beyond saving, but bc she doesn't think she's that capable to save someone as special and as broken as him. he's probably much more than a human could take. and she told him that. " i wouldn't mind letting you try. " was his answer. really — she just opened her heart how she didn't think she's capable of saving anyone after telling him the whole story about her first team, or the guilt she carries with her. and he still said it like he wouldn't care whether she could or not, that he wanted her to do it anyway. that he wanted her there with him. over the years, yelan had been told that her skills were needed, her power and strength were needed, her information and talent were needed. that was the first time someone said they needed her. not her skills or power, her.

and she needs him for the exact same reason. she needs him to remind her that it's okay to be vulnerable. she needs him to remind her that she is still human, that she isn't invincible, that loving someone isn't a weakness bc he had never be anything close to a weakness for her. falling for him had made her human, but it had made her stronger than ever. it made her who she is, it made her learn and fall, and it made her feel okay to not lie. when you are with someone like that, after you've lied your whole life, it's impossible to not fall in love with them. it's impossible for her to not fall in love with him. she did. she does. she still is. falling for him, that is.

he makes her smile, he makes her laugh, he makes her live her life the way she had never done before. he brings out a side of her that even yelan doesn't know she has, or make her do things she doesn't know she's capable of. some things that are normal for people aren't normal for yelan, but he makes it easy for her to embrace that, too. everything comes and falls naturally when she's with him. their conversation, their banters, their exchange, their battles and fights, their arguments and talk. they contrast each other but compliment one another all at the same time. it's a perfect fit. yelan isn't the type to be impulsive, she's calculative and cautious, while goth is extremely impulsive. she had lost count of how many times he pulled her into things without any plans ( which is opposite of her ) and makes decisions on the spot and hope for the best. he taught her about hope, and how there's always a way out.

the choices they make aren't always right, but they decide to stick together. i think that's one of the many things that keep them together. goth and yelan aren't the type to believe in fate or destiny. they're the type to write their own story and make their own path. they wouldn't let fate decide things for them. so the decision made by each other plays a vital part in their relationship. it's not fate that keep them together. they choose to stay together. they decide that this person is who i want to be with against all odds, and for people like them, that kind of decision has to be mutual, and it was mutual. they choose to make it work, that's why it works. they want it to work, they want it to last, so they're doing everything they could to make it last. they reach out, they talk it out, they compromise, they adjust and learn. and it does last. it does. to the very end of it all.

they do not say i love you like normal people, either. for goth, he always says duty of care. this is something he had said even during their early adventure and it had evolved into how this means him saying i love you without actually saying the words themselves. for yelan, it's the way she would gently brush his hair away from his eyes so she could look at him proper. she does this often, too. her eyes soften whenever she does it, and she looks at him like he's everything good in this world. when she does this, this is her way of saying i love you. the thing is, neither of them know this is their ways of saying i love you. they know what they're feeling for the other, they know what the other is feeling for them, but the three words themselves were never uttered out. they do kiss, tho, and act like a married couple. they're obviously in love without saying they are.

let's not mention how many times those around them either think they're married, or ask if they're married. they always keep the answers vague. but they are married, no doubt about it.