#ANYWAY I'll stick a read more on this on desktop later

[safyresky]

It would be nice if like, for once!!! When extended family got mad at my Dad!! My Mom!!! Didn't pull ud all in!! I Do Not Care about this tea or drams or whatEVER hill is presently being used as a battleground!! Let me just enjoy my day in peace!! Ahhhh!!!

[whmp]

in case you're just here for the good stuff, i'll be tagging my personal ramblings as #whmpersonal so you can avoid em BUT this is tangentially related to the game project i'm working on, so stick around i guess? tl;dr: i'll probably make a more coherent post where I ask ppl for help (especially artists). also, i'll be more attentive and answer your asks faster, hopefully. : )

anyway, after a bit of a "review" of my creative process (and i guess my uhh way of living in general?) i've noticed that it's a huge clusterfuck. and that it has been since i was a kid. without some external pressure or an imposed structure (like deadlines, parents or strongly worded emails) i just sort of relied on random surges of productivity to carry me through life. on one hand, it's kinda fun: most of the time i'm not doing anything valuable and then all of a sudden i condense weeks worth of work into several sleepless days during which i feel like An Immortal Unstoppable God. lighting bolts shoot from my fingertips, my eyes glow in the dark, and my caffeine-to-blood volume ratio is hovering around 1.

unfortunately, it's not really sustainable. the "not doing anything valuable" stage that takes up most of my time is not me just chilling. it's me freaking the fuck out about not doing anything despite wanting to and finding myself just. not able to. not to mention that some things just need minor, but constant maintenance - at best i'd just forget about them and face the consequences later on. at worst i'd be acutely aware of them while procrastinating, clueless as to what's wrong with me.

couple that with a couple other unhealthy habits, a microscopic attention span and wow, i fit like all the criteria for adhd. i gotta admit i was super sceptical at first when doing any research, since, well. how the fuck am i even supposed to gain any unbiased insight into this. anyway, i spent a stupid amount of money on an official diagnosis (seriously why is this not covered by insurance gsygx), it took a million meetings and tests and i get a piece of paper that says i have add and deserve some medication.

this has also made me realize that i'm spread out super thin when it comes to projects. i love every single one of them, but im going to have to be a bit more realistic in terms of what can remain in "when it's done" limbo and what needs a bit of a push. the whump game is unique in that it's not just me who wants this to eventually get released. so! what this means is that it needs a proper, project structure. not a .txt on my desktop where i keep a backlog of missing features. but must important of all, it needs ~*people*~. this is the first time i took a step back and estimated how much time everything would take me and yeahhhh i was being very optimistic when i said "playable build in 2023" lol. i've been hesitant to ask for help bc 1. i'm stubborn : ) 2. im bad at coordinating stuff 3. i can't pay ppl - like seriously, there is one person making a model for me (if you're reading this sorry i didn't ask if you want a tag but this is just a personal post where i keep yapping) and it's looking so clean and professional,,, you gotta sell this as an asset.

HOWEVER im getting past the mentality of "i gotta do as much as i can by myself". and also taking meds so that im able to focus on tasks (both gamedev-related and others) and actually pay attention to what im doing. which is great news for development! and answering asks! ill be making a dev post where i tag all the ppl and will also ask for help.

that's it. im on a train rn and bored out of my mind so this is why this post exists, sorry. anyway check out this screenshot of a moment in clone high that i relate to deeply.

[murumokirby360]

My NVMe Needs - Part 5: Timing comparison - HDD vs SSD NVMe M.2 Drive [Apr 25th, 2023]

Hello, April! Here's Part 5 of my of “My NVMe Needs“ (this time, without my paper dolls 😅). 😊

And in this part, I have another video to show ya. This is a timing comparison between my old physical drive (the Seagate Barracuda 7200 - 400GB) & my current used NVMe M.2 PCIE SSD (the Samsung 970 EVO Plus - 1TB). 🖥️⌚ Man, that latter was pretty mouthful, don't you think? 👅

Nonetheless, if you haven't seen my two previous post(s) & other ones (that we're related), then I'll provide some links down below. ↓

• Part 1: Samsung SSD 970 EVO Plus NVMe M.2 SSD (1TB) Review [Apr 7th, 2023]

• Part 2: Thermalright M.2 2280 Pro Review [Apr 11th, 2023]

*• Part 3: Installation and trial & error [Recorded on Apr 21st, 2023] (published: Apr 22nd, 2023)*

*• Part 4: Another Trial & Error [Apr 21st, 2023] (published: Apr 22nd, 2023*

So, without further ado, let’s get started:

My Recorded & Edited Video (using Filmora 9): (pls watch) ↑ 🎦✏️🖥️

• Okay, let's make my summary quick because I don't need to explain everything. Before installing my newly fast solid drive & a heat sink, I decided to record the physical hard drive, ranging from noisy clicking sounds to the timing of powering up & after hibernating the PC (for several hours while I'm sleeping). It takes some time while dealing with background noises from neighbors' dogs barking or a chicken/rooster doing the morning cock-a-doodle before I editing a video, along with my recordings of using the NVMe M.2 drive, days later.

• Now, I don't want a do file transfer test back 'n forth because we've already seen it in my previous part (alternatively, am I add), as well as a bunch of tests that might affect my procrastination (well, not really) because we all know, that quick pace NVMe M.2 drives are beat out the old-style bulky hard drives for read & write rate speeds. It's already well documented by countless YouTube videos from Youtubers. (So, go educate yourself if you so desire) Nonetheless, all I want it to see is to do a comparison between two of my memory devices, and what you see is what you watch, right now.

BTW: Remember, what I said that there's no counterfeit for Samsung's legitimate NVMe M.2 drives? Well, I was wrong, and it turns out that the PC website, "Tom's HARDWARE" had already reported & encountered a counterfeit Samsung 980 EVO Plus NVMe M.2 drive. It may look like a real deal but looks can be deceiving. So, I suggest that you should check it out → [CLICK ME!]. It was already published, a month ago.

• Also, some brands are now expand to 8TBs capacity size (or much MUCH higher size) for the SSD NVMe sticks! DAMN! 😲 And if you want proof? Then → [CLICK ME!].

Overall:

• Like I said, switching between the physical slow hard drive to the quick pace solid state drive NVMe M.2 was a night & day! And so far, I'm really enjoying it after 4 days of usage. Here's hoping, my NVMe drive won't fail or damage after significate hours of play & work. But hey, not to worry, I could always hibernate or shut down my PC to prevent endurance heat. Man, if only I have more spare funds to replace my PC desktop case with a modern look & armed with 6 or 8 PC cooling fans. That's my next target, you know.

Anyways, I have another post, right here! And this is my last part. I promise → [CLICK ME!].

Well, that’s all for now!

Tagged: @lordromulus90, @bryan360, @carmenramcat, @leapant, @alexander1301, @rafacaz4lisam2k4, @paektu

[halftheway]

this one goes out to SAF anon 1.... may i present my rambles about Curt And His Feelings that turned into an analysis of just. why i love curt. not what you asked for but it's what you're getting

(i'm writing this at 3am so it's not gonna be articulate but please stick with me i do my best inane analysis at this hour)

okay So. one of my favorite things about curt was that while he heavily plays into the stereotypical Man's Man (please read that in brian holden as superman's voice bc that's how it's sounding in my head) in some ways, for the most part he wonderfully surprised me by subverting that expectation.

he's a spy in the 60s, so going in- based off other ~spy-themed~ media- i assumed he'd be arrogant, impulsive, the whole nine yards. and he is, but not in the off-putting way i've come to expect from the genre. yes he's cocky, but you can see how quickly that facade crumbles to reveal that he's pretty much constantly two seconds away from falling apart. yes he does things without thinking, but over and over again he's shown that living like that has dangerous consequences despite his intentions coming from a good place, and tries to do better.

and about his Feelings. the first time i watched SAF i was shocked to see him crying, not just alone and drunk and mourning owen, but fully sober in front of tatiana after horrendously fucking up. it's really rare (in my experience anyway) to see a male character be able to show genuine sadness or regret multiple times, let alone cry over it. this makes it sound like i'm happy he's sad i'm Not im just zazzed that he's not afraid to show his feelings.

with owen he flirts jokes easily, they hug several times and express their positive feelings for each other, and by their final confrontation, he has tears in his eyes as he tries to sway owen from the path he's chosen; tatiana has to prod at him a bit to get him to open up to her about what's holding him back, but once she finally gets through to him he's honest with her about his fears and hesitations.

what i'm getting at here is that curt lets himself feel sadness and be vulnerable, even if he doesn't always have a productive way of coping cough cough alcoholism and repression cough COUGH, even if there's no immediate solution to whatever's upsetting him. but he also revels in being happy, and wants to share those moments with the people he's close to Again With The Alcoholism @ 'one more shot'

[a-private-place]

So, it's been a really really long time since I last posted here. I just kind of... started saying a lot of the gloomy stuff on my main blog

I'm sure there's a good chance the few of you still around kind of forgot you were following this (not as in you forgot about me, as in just we tend to forget stuff when it goes of the radar for years). So no obligation to stick around or read all this, though you're welcome to if you want. Really in many ways this was always just a journal that had the advantage of maybe someone hearing it

As for what's been going on and why I'm back, I'll put most of it under a break, but here's the summary. Things are going much better for me, but I'm still suicidal and depressed because that's just probably how I always will be. It is better though

The stuff I'm about to post isn't exactly horrible stuff or anything, it's just things that are a little more honest about how I'm feeling than I want to share on my main blog. I just... as much as I'm myself there, I can't take letting the mask slip enough to say it, and I've decided here... fine, I need to say it so here will work

If I happen to discreetly mention this on my main blog, and you know me directly that's fine. I just can't bring myself to be totally open in that space, I'd be happy enough to have the people I know know this stuff

Anyway... man I suck at keeping it short, here comes the break though

Well, a few years ago with a lot of help from my dad financially (which if I'm honest I feel guilty about), I found this wonderful place 50 miles from anything in any direction, and because of that it was only $90k, which I could barely afford

It's this amazing former hotel in this town of like... 150 people, and it needs a lot of work but the worst of it tends to be like... the basement door is a mess, huge gap under it that's an insulation nightmare, and I've found a few mice that I have to take far a way to release that that's the number one suspect for where they get in

I don't really have any money, so fixing stuff is gonna fall on me, but... I don't know what I'm doing and it's hard to get started. I'm slowly working on it, but I'm nowhere near as productive as I'd like

I took up woodworking a bit before I got the house, I like it a lot. I actually have a huge commission (physically, like it's like 4 feet tall when most of the stuff I do is 8 inches) which has been done since the start of the year, but I've kind of felt too depressed and guilty about how much money I probably should ask for it given the time to took. The commissioner's been really cool though, ideal person to deal with and honestly really helped make the piece great

This isn't it, this is actually a pretty old piece from before I moved, but I don't have a picture of the commission on my desktop so here's an example

I ended up having to let my mom move in with me. I'm not exactly happy about it, but most of the time I manage to put the past out of my mind and then it mostly works. Managed to help her get disability so that's how the bills are covered now that my money all ran out (she spent the last of my money before that happened an my account got closed like $500 in the hole, so... yeah)

Got her horrible trailer totally emptied, still going through stuff here which is hard because... I'm bad at it. I'm good at emergency clean up, just stuff the total trash into a dumpster, and everything else you bag or box fast as can be to give another pass. Haven't been able to make myself do that second pass

It was a nightmare if I'm honest. I got photos, you probably don't want to see them. The place was so badly damaged we didn't get a dime, we got an agent kind enough to ask a contact who repairs stuff to take it as is for free, and that's it

Pandemic didn't effect me cause I never leave my house anyway and I'm in the middle of nowhere. I found out that I've been living like I'm in quarantine my whole like, so that part didn't bother me, but might tell you why I'm so messed up. I don't know

Had enough room that a friend of an acquaintance on here was kicked out during the pandemic and I offered them a place to stay. I won't say it was a bad move, because morally it was probably the right thing, but a year later they're still here. Turns out despite driving cross state their driver's license has been expired 8 years, they're almost more of a fuck up than I am, and... they still don't have a new ID to apply for housing assistance with cause... I don't know, it sucks

As for me, I'm still really depressed a lot of the time, suicidal most days like I used to be. Still can't make myself get a job, mostly cause of the insomnia, and I haven't made the commission end of the woodworking come together yet

I feel pretty horrible about not having an income, really worthless and like a leech, and honestly what I'm really wanting most days is to get this place cleaned up enough (and the person I let live here moved on), and invite this friend I really like who has kind of similar problems stay here. Then I want to get my hands on a gun and blow my brains out, leave the place to her and get my worthless self out of here like I feel would be best

It's fucked up probably, but that's how I feel most days. Oh, and before you say the obvious, I'd love a therapist, but I can't be driving 50 miles for one and all the online ones say I'm too depressed to work with. So uh... just know while that's not great it's stable and I'm still here after many days of feeling that

Worry that I'm feeling that way if you want, probably the wise call, but don't worry about me being in immediate danger

Anyway, bad as that all probably sounds, this is the best I've ever done in my life. Things are more stable than ever before, I have more friends online than I ever used to, I kind of almost have one singular skill for once. It's messed up and I often feel like I don't deserve it, but in some ways I'm one of the best off people in the US right now, which sucks that everyone else is on such shaky ground. Thing is though, I've got no mortgage, and because of that the disability just covers the utilities and groceries (though it's been tight covering my cat's chemo these past few months, it was pretty ok before that)

Well, if you read all this I hope you're doing ok yourself. Good chance we don't know each other really, only like one or two people from my main knew about this one, the rest of you were strangers more or less but I appreciated you

I'm... I'm tired a lot, like an unreasonable amount, but if you ever need to talk, just shoot me a message. Once I'm awake enough I'll be happy to respond. I'm not good at much, but I can listen

Really hope you're doing alright whoever you are. Probably more to come, though... I haven't slept all night and this took longer than I expected and I don't want to slap down some of the feelings that made me want to come back here. I need... I don't know, the right frame of mine

Oh yeah, also been doing Irish the past few years on duolingo. I'm not really able to speak like a child yet, but uh... know a few things in it

Take care

[murumokirby360]

My NVMe Needs - Part 1: Samsung SSD 970 EVO Plus NVme M.2 SSD (1TB) Review (w/ my paper dolls) [Apr 7th, 2023]

Hello, April! This is my first owned M.2 Solid State Drive! And man, I have a lot to talk about! So, get ready! 😁

Because this is Part 1 of "My NVMe Needs", and we're starting off with reviewing Samsung SSD 970 EVO Plus NVMe M.2 SSD (featuring my paper dolls). 😁

So, without further ado, let's get started:

1st to 3rd Image(s): ↑

• Will kick this off with the packaging itself! 🙂📦 It's a legit Samsung brand from a trusted & authorized online seller, which, by the way, I'll get to that in my "asking price" later. So far, I don't see any fake Samsung brands with this type of memory board, and the only thing you could find is their fake Samsung Micro SD / SD cards, so please avoid buying counterfeit Samsung stuff, they're not just worth your buck! Am I right, you two? Yeah I was right. Anyways, let's move on by revealing the real-life NVMe SSD! 😃

4th to 6th Image(s): ↑

• Once its opened, we're now looking at the real thing! 😮 Its actually pretty small stick than we've expected. And my paper dolls thinks that my M.2 SSD is shape liked a thin dark chocolate waffle biscuit. Yeah, ☝️ don't imagine for a sec because this is not a food that you consumed, it's a memory stick drive for my or our computer system! So, the paper dolls thought to themselves, "what is NVMe thingy?" 🤔 Well, I'm glad you ask!

• NVMe or Non-Volatile Memory Express is a modern storage protocol for next-gen Solid State Drives in a form of small rectangular shape circuitry boards. And NVMe stick is always attached through the motherboard instead of plugging SATA connectors (for Hard Drives & 2.5mm Solid State Drives), much like their cousins, the M.2 SATA & mSATA sticks (without the NVMe attached). NVMe stick is essentially a Hard Drive on steroids albeit more compact & ultra slim onto a motherboard. Plus, it had a much faster rate for read & write speeds than bulky 3.5mm mechanized hard drives, slim 2.5mm mechanized hard drives & even SATA Solid State Drives (also 2.5 mm). Heck, even M.2 SATA & mSATA sticks can't outpace the NVMe's fast transfer rate. BUT... The only downsides for NVMe stick are; No. 1 - it tends to overheat without equipping the heat sink, and No. 2 - they're pretty expensive depending on what memory size, trusted memory brands & type of gens (whether Gen3 or Gen4) should you buy. So far, 1TB, 2TB & even 4TBs are the most expensive line of NVMe sticks. Uh yeah, and much like existing onboard memory chipboards the NVMe's won't make any noise compared to 3.5mm & 2.5mm mechanized hard drives that have buzzy sounds while vibrating our PC desktop case at the same time.

• If you want more information about NVMe SSD, then you could always click these links → [CLICK ME! #1], [CLICK ME! #2]. Now, onto our next images & video.

My recorded video, 7th & 8th Image(s): ↑

• [Recorded video & 7th Image] In my clip, you could see I'm holding my owned NVMe stick with my fingers for the first time. 🤲😮 And man, for such a small memory stick, it had a little heft to it from its slim metal components & onboard memory chips. And inside that package, there's an instruction manual about the NVMe stick. 📄 What a convenient way to store that manual though. 👍

• [8th Image] So, you two. Are you still imagine about my NVMe stick that looks like a waffle stick? Nah, I don't think so! lol 😅

9th to 11th Image(s): ↑

• Now, upon opening the manual, there's a tiny pamphlet saying that I need to download the "Samsung Magician" software for my NVMe stick to check the memory health, see stats, and more. It's a must-install software once I attach my NVMe stick to PC's motherboard. 🙂👌

12th to 15th Image(s): ↑

• Alright, here's a closer look at my future memory storage, and yes, it is a pretty thin and pretty solid build that was made (by Samsung). You noticed, why are stickers attached to that NVMe stick? Well, it may look like stickers, but rather stickers with thin thermal pads on each side, one of which has a half for the thin copper pad. And what's the purpose? To keep the chips chill from overheating while running the computer. 🧊⬇️🖥️ However, that wasn't enough to cool down and thus require a heat sink to keep the NVMe stick running for long period endurance. Yeah, it still debating on why should I need a heat sink for my NVMe stick or not? But, much like graphics card's processor & the CPU chip, the NVMe stick NEEDS a heat sink. So, there's that.

• So, what do you think, you two? Should I need a heat sink? They said "I hope so". Make sense (, I guess). 🤔

16th to 19th Image(s): ↑

• Finally, a comparison between my NVMe stick & two 2.5mm (mechanized) hard drives, one with the durable case (my Adata HD330), while the other was from an old laptop (Western Digital Scorpio Blue 160GB) & it's still functional. Even though, no one using it, including me. Now, I was gonna add another hard drive (the fat 3.5mm one), but unfortunately, I'm still hurt my emotions from losing my precious files. 😟😓 But, fear not because it's already well documented by countless photos, like this one → [CLICK ME!]. 👈🙂 As for their weight ⚖️, they're pretty different numbers in their own right. So, here are the ff. numbers (using my digital scaler): ↓

○ NVMe: Samsung SSD 970 EVO Plus (1TB) - 10g (lightest of the three)⚖️ ○ 2.5mm HD: Western Digital Scorpio Blue (160GB) - 93g ⚖️ ○ External 2.5mm HD: Adata HD330 (2TB) - 173g (heaviest of the three)⚖️

• [19th Image] Hey, you two! Do you want a take home with this old slim HDD? 😁 You can have it & eat it! Yeah, I don't think they won't eat it. lol 😂

Overall & Asking Price:

• I'm so happy to own my first ever NVMe SSD stick, and I can't wait to test it out with my functional PC. 😊🖥️ Although, I'm unable to test my first owned NVMe SSD stick without a heat sink to prevent overheat 😕. And good news 👍, I've already ordered it from Lazada Philippines! 🛒🌐🇵🇭 But, the bad news 👎, it's Holy Week. So, the delivery process will be resumed next week 🗓️. Looks like, I'll make another topic before I combined it into one review package. 🤷

• As for the "Asking Price", it's around ₱ 5,000 💵 for this Samsung SSD 970 EVO Plus, 1TB variant [CLICK ME!]. Actually, ₱ 4,986 💵 to be specific, with a huge discount & free shipping vouchers during Lazada's birthday discount sale 🛒🌐🇵🇭 (in March every year) 🏷️🧾🎂📅. Making it the most expensive item that I purchased online. 🤑 And what online store that I've ordered the Samsung NVMe stick? 🤔🛒 Well, this → [CLICK ME!] (which, I mentioning the name. Sorry... 😅) As of this writing, Lazada is having a 4.4 fest discount sale, from April 4th to 8th, 2023 (Southeast Asia exclusive). However, you could get it on your favorite online shopping sites (e.g. Amazon, Aliexpress, etc.), as long as you have enough cash to spare and/or wait for the discount sale. (Black Friday might be a long road for you, but you'll save your wallet's dough.)

• Anyways, in my next plan, well... Umm... I think I should test with my first owned NVMe stick without a heat sink (while I'm waiting for my order)? So, who knows what would happen? 🤷 But, I gonna need to record something as my benchmark before I migrated from mechanized HDD to high-speed SSD NVMe using a trusted migration software. 🖥️➡️🖥️ Hmmph... I don't know, but we'll see in the coming weeks before this month ends. 🤔

Well, that's all for now!

If you haven't seen my previous topic, then please [CLICK ME!].

Tagged: @lordromulus90, @bryan360, @carmenramcat, @leapant, @alexander1301, @rafacaz4lisam2k4, @paektu