#Almost ready for the betas hehehehe

[delivish]

this next chapter of ypiac........

[here4kpopfics]

hi bubba!!! congrats on your huge milestone aaaah well fucking deserved omg 😩😩😩

i have a lil request for you hehehehe: how about brothers best friend au + member of your choice and this lovely prompt: "If you tell anyone about this, I will kill you."

i’m sure you can come up with something!! hehe good luck my love 💘💘💘

my beautiful Lati, I can only apologize for this. 💀 Thank you for always being so amazing and supportive, especially when I started writing again, I love you bby. 😘

also shoutout to @daimyosjeon for betaing this nonsense bc I just keyboard smashed my way through it. sorry for not warning you about the filth 🙈

Masterlist | AskBox | Coffee?

hobi x reader | smut, fluff if you squint? | a nice little 1,235 words | 18+ | Jimin's a menace, wrap before tap

You’ve made a lot of bad decisions growing up. Like, a lot. From bad friend groups to shit relationships, picking a useless degree over one you actually wanted to moving halfway across the country for a job you never wanted in the first place. 

The worst decision you’ve ever made is the one you’re currently making. 

“Fuck, hurry up, Hobi. He’ll be back soon.” Your voice rasps, feeling sore after just having your brother’s best friend’s cock recklessly rammed down your throat. 

“Relax, y/n. He’ll be out for another few hours. Let me take my time with you.” His lips resume their work against your skin, nipping and licking at random spots that can be covered by clothes, lightly kissing on spots that can’t. Like your neck, which is driving you insane. 

You don’t remember when you started fucking your brother’s friend. If it was after a party, or just when he came over one day to hang out with both of you at your apartment and things just spun out of control from there. 

All you know is this is a horrible decision, and his hips and dick are like fucking magic. But goddamn do you love the way he has you pinned against the wall in your hallway, hands gripping your thighs as your legs wrap around his waist and both of you are half naked. 

“I don’t want you to take your time, ” your fingers tug at his hair that he’s been growing out for reasons he won’t say, and force him to look at you. “I want you to fuck me until I forget who you are.” 

“I can do both.” He gives you that stupid grin that you’re afraid to say you adore. You push the thought out of your mind, and bring his lips to yours in a searing kiss. You barely feel one of his hands leave your thigh to shove his underwear down and reach between you two to line himself up with your entrance and push inside without hesitation. 

You pull away from his lips, dropping your head against the wall at the perfect stretch, “fuck, your cock feels so fucking good.”

His chuckle vibrates against your skin as he pulls his hips away slightly, just to grab the back of your knees and open your legs further. A part of you feels like you should be terrified of him dropping you, but you know he’d never.

“God, baby. Look at how well you take it.” He grunts, his gaze stuck on the way his cock pumps in and out of you. “So fucking wet, just slides right in.” He looks up to see you watching as well, your brows furrowed and your pussy clenching every time he thrusts into you. 

“How long were you ready for me today, hmm? Was it when I came over or since last night’s phone call?” You whine, trying to forget the night before where he had you on facetime and made you finger yourself until you were squirting. You almost blacked out after, hanging up immediately when you heard your brother come home. 

“Shut up.” You bring his lips back to yours, but you can feel the grin forming, teeth hitting yours as he brings you to your bed. 

“Good lord, every time it just gets better.” Hoseok laughs as he collapses next to you on your bed. You smirk, still trying to regain the ability to do anything. You’re going to be grossly sore tomorrow. 

“What are you doing?” You question when he cuddles one of your pillows under his head. “Absolutely not. Get up and get your clothes off the floor.” 

“Aish, where’s the romance these days?” He grumbles. Sitting back up, you throw the pillow at his back and laugh. 

“We fuck, Hobi. And we tell no one. That’s it.” 

He says nothing, walking out of your room and gathering not only his clothes off the floor, but yours as well.

“I, for once, think your brother would be cool with us.” The teasing tone he gives makes you scowl. You lean against your headboard, watching him put your clothes in your hamper and his on the bed. 

“We both know Yoongi would not only kill you, but me as well, if he finds out his best friend was fucking his little sister.” 

He mumbles in agreement, walking into your bathroom to shower. You lay back down, your bed sheet covering your naked body.

You get all of three minutes to yourself before your bedroom door is flung open. 

“You will not believe who I ran into toda-ahh! Sorry! Sorry! Holy fuck, I’m sorry!” Your best friend throws his hands up to cover his eyes, turning his back to you. 

“Jimin! What the fuck? Do you not understand knocking?!?!” You clutch the bed sheet to your chest, sitting up in anger. 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were gonna be post-bang!” He turns back around when he thinks it’s safe, glancing over to the pile of clothes and the bathroom where the sound of the shower turns off. “Who, uh, who is it by the way? Is it that one hunk from statistics? Because hell yes, I’d be lying in bed post-bang like that too.”

“Shut up, Jimin. Please leave.” 

“Boo, you suck.”

“Just go awa—

“Who are you talking to?” Hoseok opens the bathroom door, clad only in a towel loosely hanging around his hips. If Jimin wasn’t here, there'd be a round two within seconds. 

You look back at your best friend, whose mouth is wide open in shock, a giant grin quickly taking over it.

“You are not banging Yoongi’s best friend! Does he know? Oh my god, when he finds out he’s going to kill you both.” 

You quickly jump out of bed, keeping the blanket wrapped around you as you charge towards Jimin, pressing him against the wall. 

“You’ll be dead too, Jimin. Because I swear to fucking god, if you tell anyone about this, I will kill you myself.” You glare daggers at him, and he nods quickly.

“Understood. There’s nothing going on between you two.” You nod, turning back to grab some new clothes. 

“She’s so threatening, isn’t she? It’s really kind of a turn on.” Hoseok laughs, bending down quickly to avoid the object you chuck across the room.

“Hoseok. Get dressed and leave before Yoongi gets back. Jimin, wait in the living room, I'm gonna shower really quick.” Jimin nods, backing out of your room with a smug grin. 

“I’ll leave while you’re in the shower.” He speaks a little softer, approaching you from behind. “But I’ll see you again soon, right?” His whispers meet your ear, soft lips kissing the space just behind them as his hands find your hips and bring them flush against his. 

“Yeah…but we have to be more careful. Yeah, that was just Jimin. But what if next time we’re not lucky and it’s Yoongi?” Your head leans back against his chest as he buries his face in your neck. 

“We’ll be smarter, baby. I promise. I’ll text you, okay?” 

“Okay.” He lets go of you, letting you walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. He quickly gets dressed, leaves you a little note on your pillow and leaves after saying bye to Jimin on the couch.

You take extra long in the shower to purposefully avoid Jimin’s questions. 

heh....heh....sorry? you're welcome? idk i love you 💜

[allthingsobeyme]

Little Mermaid AU pt.4

(( @eddieveneziano is co writer

MC chuckled as they finished tending to Lucifer. They tilted their head and smiled kindly as Lucifer and the other brothers making their hearts collectively jump.

"I shall have the maids prepare some proper clothes for you all for now you all need to bathe in the meantime, Simeon will take to the baths"

The brothers all nodded and MC soon stpped out of the room.

Mammon was still blushing, all them were actually and Lucifer smiled softly.

'I suppose we'll need to work around being unable to speak but, its time'

All seven jumoed whent he door opened to reveal a young man.

"Ah! You must be Prince/Princess MC's guests, come this way I shall show you to the baths!'

What was a bath?

---

Oh so that's a bath

MC came into the royal bath house, huffing and puffing. "What is it Simeon? Did something happen to the boys?", MC asked with their hand on their chest.

Simeon shrugged. "More or less. These gentlemen won't go near the water no matter how much I tell them it's safe.  I won't blmae them thou. You do found them er, naked by the beach yes?"

At the far corner of the room, MC could see the boys hundle together with the one with the black hair(Lucifer) standing infront as if protecting them.

MC bit their lips before walking over to the black haired. They smiled gently and then carefully held Lucifer's hand, unknown to the fact that the former mermaid's heart was ready to birst out.

"Come now..."

He carefully guided them to the bath as Lucifer's eyes widened.

"This bath is safe, nothing is going to hurt you here"

Lucifer purswd his lips and pokes at the water. True to MC's words it was intact safe. Even if there was lots of foam like bubbles.

Being a former mermaid made the prospect of swimming irresistible.

All the brothers dove right in.

"Oh my..."MC giggled.

---

After that one eventful bath time, it's time to eat.

The boys were astonished with the variety of human food. How colourful! Oh it smells so good! Oh it's so...so...

So human!

Beelzebub was the first to dive in. Literally, I mean. He smacks his face in a bowl of mashed potato. Belphegor took one of the hot soup and drank it straight from the bowl. Then his face turned red.

Mammon gasped and took one of the fork. He remember seeing it on MC's ship and he used it to brush his hair, thinking that it's a hairbrush that the humans used. But he hides it away when he notice that Simeon and MC is looking at him so weirdly.

Lucifer looks on, seeing his brothers happily eating the food offered by MC. Back in their sea kingdom, receiving food from the other species meant one thing.

'This human is courting us...' he mused before he too, dive in to eat.

"I take it you all have nowhere to go?"

Satan lookef uo, face messy from food as he nodded, Lucifer looked up as well as MC hummed and set down their fork.

Simeon then suggested an idea, he had observed they could make good servants.

"Hmm...My lord/lady, we could have them live here and work for you?" Simeon turned his head to MC, MC put a finger on their lips...

"I suppose, if you want to work here I mean?"

MC stared at the brothers whom all stopped eating the meal and looked at each other as if speaking telepathically.

Lucifer stared at MC and nodded vigrously. 'Of course we'd gladly stay by you' he mentally exclaimed.

They'd be closer to there human!

---

"I take it that all of you can't speak?", Simeon asked with an amused face. Lucifer can feel his eyes twitching with irritation. Simeon chuckled and handed them their servant clothes

"My Greatness will send in the royal tailor to measured up your size. For now, this will do. I'm Simeon, if you got anything to ask you can come look for me"

Leviathan is ready to throw hands at the moment but he was held down by Beelzebub.

'Let me at em I had enough of this stinky human!', Levi internally yelled. Satan shakes his head. 'Can you for once stop trying to pick fights? You're no longer a beta fish remember?', Satan raised his brow while his eyes looking downloads at Leviathan's skinny legs. 'Let me at em' !!!!', he yelled internally again.

The brothers sighed. Wait...

'Where's Mammon?!'

'Heheheh! All of these shinies'

This fucker managed to sneak into the royal treasurey, Mammon's eyes shined as he dug into the gold piles of gems and metals.

'So much human shiny things! I love it'

Mammon laughed internally but stopped when a voice spoke, MC's.

"What are you doing here?"

MC was stanfing by the doorway as Mammon scrambled and stood up. He blushed in embarassment but MC just smiled kindly.

"I'm not mad, but I am curious...Did something catch your eye"

He walked over to the small pile Mammon made.

"Servants are not allowed here you know"

Mammon blushed in embarrassment and also looked ashamed, he blew it for him and his brothers...

"But I can give you something..."

He stared at them in shack and he stared at what was in their hands. A silver choker with a yellow gem at the center.

"You can't enter here again...But you can have this...Consider it my welcoming gift to the castle"

Mammon blushed as MC's hands glided on his neck and put the choker on.

"Now go on...Go to your brothers, they are at their room"

Mammon nodded and ran out. He smiled a big stupid smile.

'Brothers! Look what MC gave me!'

In the sea kingdom giving somethibg like a necklace was considered another form of courting.

---

The boys internally gasped. Except for Belphie who is sleeping and Beel who is....

'BEEL! You're not supposed to eat that!', Asmo shrieked internally. He quickly pulled Beel away from....Whatever he is eating.

Beel still munching on the blanket, 'Sorry I'm so hungry. I guess even as a human I'm still hungry....', he mumbled.

Lucifer sighed and facepalms. Guess being a human is not as easy as he thought. Not only the human has courted them first, it seems that his idiotic of a brother has gotten a gift.

A gift! He needs to act quickly, it is not fair for the human to court them and yet they haven't return the favour.

Back in their kingdom, their merfolks danced and sing songs to attract the potential mate or courting.

They all can't sing obviously. With that in mind, Lucifer absentmindly rub his neck. Hmm...

And they can't dance either. Lucifer can still feel the pain of sharp knifes in every step he take.

'Brothers, it's about time we court the human'

'Huh but how? Also it's not fair Mammon has gotten a gift! I want one too...', Asmo pouted. Mammon soundlessly chuckled.

'That means MC likes me! Oh I can't wait to have eggs with them!'

Satan stroke his underchin.

'Do humans lay eggs too?'

The boys shrugged.

Brainstorming was hard pressed until Satan finally suggested something.

'Simeon said somehing about us learning about MC's interests as he introduces us to their routine, maybe we can find out what they like doing that

Lucifer hummed but Belphie cut the silence.

'Can we brainstorm more tomorrow? Its getting late and I feel tired...We should all sleep too'

Lucifer sighed as Asmo nodded.

'Belphie is right we should get some beauty sleep so we can look pretty for MC!'

Lucifer and the rest nodded as Satan switched of the lamp and dmiled to himself at the cute little light source.

For now they rested.

---

The next day....

.

.

.

.

"Be honest with me....Have you lot never done any housework?", Luke one of the servants tsk'ed while looking at the mess infront of him.

In front of him is a royal disaster. Lucifer seems to be struggling with balancing the dishes that they ended up broken on the floor around him. Lucifer covers his face with his hands in embarrassment.

Mammon somehow don't know how clothes and gravity works so now he's all tangled up in the blankets he was supposed to fold.

Beelzebub was assigned to cooking with the head chef but he ended up eating almost ALL of the ingredients. The head chef had to hold him back when he started chewing on the table.

Leviathan was assigned to do gardening. But...um....(pushed the mic away) "Dude who even eats worms????" "Just read the script? Okay fine.."

Satan and Asmo was assigned to window cleaning, but because they are still adjusting to their legs, they ended up in a wet mess with the soapy water all over the velvet carpet and the buckets on their heads.

Belphegor? Well....

.

.

.

"Thank you umm....What should I called you?", MC asked shyly as Belphie serves them tea. It seems that Belphie is fairing pretty well. He smirked which makes MC blushed even harder.

"C-Come to think of it I don't know your names or your friends? Brothers?", MC asked.

Belphie shakes and nods. "Oh brothers ? My you all are so unique and different!", MC laughed heartly.

Belphie can feel his heart swoon.

Simeon just gave his ever patient smile but inside he felt that perhaps them dorwing did more damage then he and the healers initially thought. That or these 7 came from a place where they did not need to perform such tasks.

"Perhaps we should teach them basically skills first hmm Luke"

"Huh...Basic?! We need to teach them everything by the book!"

The 6 brothers all just stood there in embarrassment and hoped the land would consume them.

"Fear not, me and Luke can teach you all, but the young royal...He wants to take you out to see the town and familiaize yourself of this place"

All the brthers looked at eachothwr.

"But when you get back I will teach you all the ropes of being MC's butlers"

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 2: The Racism of the Conductor’s Baton (Part 2)

FAILURE ARTIST: We don’t get much time to mourn with Dave because the comic flashes to a weird wizard statue. This statue is ZAZZERPAN THE LEARNED. Wizards are another recurring theme in Homestuck. Andrew Hussie once artfully defaced this cheesy book called Wizardology (warning: lots of really offensive humor). Anyway, Rose hates the giant statue and the other wizard paraphernalia her mother collects and believes her mother does this only to spite her. On a platform is a bronzed vacuum (with a place to put alcoholic beverages) that Rose gave her as an ironic present. On the couch there’s a life-sized princess doll that Rose has attached a Cthulhu-type head to. All these things set up Rose’s troubled relationship with her mother. Rose believes her mother is taunting her and Rose taunts her back.

BRIGHT: This scene also establishes that some things (the Cthulhu doll for one) are too big to be captchalogued.

CHEL: Actually, that was noted with the harlequin doll earlier but we forgot to mention that.

FAILURE ARTIST: Rose goes to the kitchen. On the fridge is a crude picture of her late cat Jaspers, who turns out to be more than a family pet. There’s more signs of this cold war between mother and daughter on the fridge.

CHEL: Also, numerous liquor bottles in the kitchen and comically exaggerated displays of wealth, such as a fifteen-thousand-dollar picture frame.

FAILURE ARTIST: After fussing with the fridge, Rose tries to leave the kitchen only to run into her mother. She tries escaping but lands comically in some wizard statuettes.

CHEL: Mom Lalonde is mopping the floor, with no water in the bucket, holding a martini in her other hand. The woman clearly has a problem. Again, this is an issue with the portrayal of the parents; this is pretty funny, but were a real mother behaving this way, it would seriously mess up the kid, and whether we’re supposed to take it as Rule of Funny or not later becomes inconsistent.

BRIGHT: I think a lot of the humour here is supposed to come from the implication that Mom Lalonde actually is a loving if clueless (and drunk) parent, and Rose is reading her badly. On the other hand, something is clearly very wrong, and while Mom Lalonde may indeed be loving the situation is definitely having an impact on Rose.

TIER: Say whatever you want, but when putting on the late game Cerebus Retcon goggles there are probably non-humorous questions to be asked about how screwy Mom Lalonde is as a parental unit if her daughter has ended up interpreting most of her actions as mocking or backhanded towards herself. Like, kids don't just decide that.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 3

CHEL: Back to Dave, he’s chatting with GG and they’re being adorable. GG comments about her birthday present to John, the green box we saw in the car earlier, and…

GG: no!!!!!!! GG: he will not open it GG: he will lose it!!! TG: oh TG: uh TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess? GG: no its good actually! GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place! TG: see like TG: i never get how you know these things GG: i dont know GG: i just know that i know!

I think here is when we start to get inklings of the kids’ unusual abilities - I mean, unusual in the context of the weird world they live in. A bit more is established about GG’s home life and Dave’s attitudes, too:

GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking TG: man TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off GG: heheheh! GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!! TG: yeah TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok GG: ._. GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain GG: it is usually........ GG: intense!!! TG: well yeah isnt it always with family TG: but he sounds like a total badass

“Intense” in a world where attacking your father with a hammer isn’t worthy of comment sounds worrying. We’ll see how that goes.

FAILURE ARTIST: Dave has the tiniest of smiles here and in Hussie’s annotation he says that one pixel created Dave/GG. Whether or not their connection is romantic, Dave obviously feels great affection for her.

CHEL: Interactions between all four of the kids are really sweet, honestly. Dialogue and character interactions are one of the strongest points of the comic overall. Personally I have a soft spot for the OT4.

TIER: In my unprofessional opinion, the beta humans are by far the most functioning and tight knit group of the various groups within the comic, for what that's worth considering the overall dysfunction junction. They're sweet to one another is what I'm saying.

CHEL: Dave talks to John, who mentions the creepy trails around his house and how he thinks he’s seen monsters, which we the audience have definitely seen; creepy little black imps with fangs and, oddly, jester outfits. They bear a striking resemblance to the Wayward Vagabond, in fact. Dave makes fun, but at least pretends not to disbelieve him, and urges him to keep his hammer at the ready. Dave can’t find his Bro, but can find “Lil Cal”, implying Bro is nearby.

TG: lil cal is the shit EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying. WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 5

Would a non-white rapping ventriloquist be any cooler? I’m struggling to see how. Ventriloquism, by definition, sucks the cool out of any other aspect of the thing. And now I’m picturing Carlton from Fresh Prince trying to rap with a ventriloquist’s doll.

BRIGHT: Back at the Lalonde residence, Rose attempts to ‘Youth Roll’ out of the front door, but her escape route is blocked by her mother, who appears with martini glass in hand. Time for our second Strife of the comic! (And can I say that I really like the music for this one?)

As with John’s strife with his dad, this strife tells us a lot about Rose’s relationship with her mother. John had the AGGRIEVE and ABJURE options; Rose also gets AGGRESS (PASSIVE) and ABSTAIN. It’s pretty telling that one of these options is an EMPTY SUICIDE THREAT, and ‘Abstain’ has Rose fending off her mother’s insistent offer of the martini glass.

FAILURE ARTIST: I liked the EMPTY SUICIDE THREAT at the time but now I think it deserves an ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?

BRIGHT: Mom Lalonde may be intended as loving-but-clueless, but she’s offering her thirteen year old daughter alcohol, over Rose’s protests, and something is clearly very wrong if suicide threats are a normal part of life. (Something similar will come up in the future, but in that context it isn’t played for laughs.)

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 4

On a lighter note, ‘Abjure’ has her mother offering her A BEAUTIFUL PONY. Rose reacts in the moment like this is terrible, but does later pat the pony’s nose.

At any rate, the strife ends when Mom Lalonde apparently gets bored and decides to do some dusting. This takes all the fun out of using the front door, so Rose goes around the back to make her break for the generator.

Meanwhile, John is trying to read up on weaponizing sylladexes (sylladices?), but is being nagged by a voice to turn around — which he finally does, just in time for a monster to ram into him so hard it turns the panel pixelated. Strife time!

John’s bout with the Shale Imp kicks off with the monster threatening the Con Air bunny. John’s efforts to defend it are intercut with Rose’s progress out of the house and through the rain to the mausoleum. I think this interplay works quite nicely — it keeps both things moving without letting the reader get impatient -- but your mileage may vary.

The imp aggravates John by punching the bunny in the belly and waving it at him. John attacks the imp and breaks his hammer, then attacks it with the handle and gets knocked flat. Finally he weaponises his sylladex and chucks his inventory at it until it explodes into a shower of grist.

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX!!!!!! Now why couldn’t he put the bunny back in the box?

Because he’d set it as his strifekind, it turns out.

In true video game style, defeating the imp causes John to level up! In Homestuck, this is done by ascending one’s echeladder, a series of player levels with whimsical, old-fashioned names. John climbs two rungs, from Greentike to Plucky Tot, and earns 125 Boondollars.

Note how efficient this is: In one panel we can see that the echeladder is a levelling system, that Boondollars are in-Game currency, and that levelling up has increased John’s amount of grist and how much of it he can carry. He’s also got a new kind of grist called ‘Shale’. Hussie does take an extra panel to clarify the grist capacity expansion, but that makes sense as it’s a small part of the original panel. Compare this to the dozens of panels we’ve had laying out how sylladexes work. These panels are much more information-dense, and the comic flows better for it.

CHEL: Exactly what “grist” is and what it does beyond allowing changes to the house, why those changes are needed, and what “boondollars” are for hasn’t been explained yet, but will be soon, and it’s clear they’re something to do with the game so it’s not outright confusing.

BRIGHT: John spends the next few panels sorting his strife specibus out, and stashes the bunny in there for safekeeping. There’s something amiss, but he can’t quite put his finger on it...

Meanwhile, Rose has reached the mausoleum and prepares to activate the generator. The taxidermied corpse of her beloved pet lies in state, dressed in a tiny suit. A sad fate for an animal who should have peacefully decomposed in a flowerbed. Rose kicks it off the pedestal to make room for the laptop.

John discovers what’s wrong when a bucket of water perched atop his door lands on his head. The culprit behind this sudden dousing?

"[S] WHAT THIS IS SO OUTRAGEOUS (HD)" (Watch on YouTube)

Apparently the sprite has a sense of humour.

Next up is a pesterlog between Rose and Dave. There are hints that all is not well in the Strider residence.

TG: hey TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little TT: You're referring to your brother's collection? TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever TG: or semi-semi ironic TG: man i dont even know TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up TT: I've seen his websites. TT: I like them. TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that TG: with those dead eyes jesus TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out

Well, not so much hints as flashing neon signs. Dave’s gone very quickly from insisting that everything his brother does is cool and Lil Cal is awesome, to admitting that he has nightmares about Lil Cal and is freaked out by his brother’s ‘semi-ironic puppet thing’. We don’t know much about Bro’s websites yet, but we do know that Rose has a morbid streak, and Dave is clearly disturbed by the content.

Dave leaves to find his brother’s copy of the game, and we return to John, who, to quote Rose, has ‘just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.’

And yes, that is indeed John’s dead Nanna, returned to help him on his journey through The Medium and beyond -- or at least, she claims she is. John has to take her word for it, as he doesn’t remember her at all. According to his Dad, John was pretty young when she died. Speaking of his Dad, he’s been kidnapped by the forces invading John’s home.

Nannasprite gives John the background of the game and what’s going on. His house is now in the Medium. This place was created by the game software, but is physically independent of it -- and no, he’s not inside a computer. The Medium floats in the Incipisphere, a place outside the normal flow of time in the kids’ universe. Above the Medium is the realm of Skaia.

According to Nannasprite:

Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I'm afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!

Nannasprite is somewhat like a tutorial assistant for the game -- she helps guide John and provides information, although she’s somewhat cryptic.

We are getting a lot of new words here, but Hussie is defining them pretty well as we go, so I don’t think it merits a point.

At any rate, Skaia is defended by the forces of light, while forces of darkness plot its destruction. These two forces exist in an endless stalemate on a stage at the centre of Skaia until a player with a prototyped Kernelsprite enters the Medium. Then the prototyped Kernelsprite splits, with one Kernel carrying the prototyping information up to a kingdom basked in light, and another Kernel carrying it down to the kingdom of darkness. Each kingdom has four Spires, and when the Kernel reaches one, it propagates the prototyping information to the kingdom’s forces.

This is why the imps were dressed as jesters: John prototyped his Kernel with the harlequin doll, and whatever the other players prototype with will influence what forms the soldiers take. When the first Kernels reach the spires, the battlefield gets bigger and the war begins for real.

Oh, right -- and the forces of light are always destined to lose.

So what’s the point? Apparently, that’s for John to find out. For now, though, he needs to head towards Skaia, going through the first of seven Gates. The first Gate is situated directly above John’s house, but the others are going to be harder to reach. We now find out what all that Build Grist is for: To get to the Gate, they need to build the house higher to reach it. And then they can rescue John’s Dad, solve the ultimate riddle, and save the Earth from destruction!

...or not.

Nope, according to Nannasprite, Earth is doomed. Done for. Kaput. There is nothing they can do to save it.

John is pretty bummed about this. He isn’t cheered by Nanna’s assurance that he has a much more important purpose than saving the planet, although she fails to elaborate on that point and instead floats off to make cookies.

CHEL: I think here we earn another couple of points.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 2 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 11 Failing the Turing Test - wherein the character has no reactions whatsoever While the emotional lives of characters should not be described in their every tiny wrinkle, characters must have emotional lives. When someone boos them off a stage, they should experience chagrin. When they fall from a tenth-storey window, they should feel alarm. The writer should not count on dialogue like “Yikes!” to get the point across.

Brief confusion and feeling “bummed out” by the news that one’s entire planet is doomed does not count as an adequate reaction. I’d expect more fear, more concern. As pointed out before, doesn’t John have any friends other than Dave, Rose, and GG? His Dad has friends, wouldn’t he be concerned for them on Dad’s behalf? If nothing else, more curiosity about this “more important” business?

BRIGHT: Now, I could actually buy this in some circumstances — John is a teenager, doesn’t seem to have close connections outside those we see on screen, and he’s been having one hell of a weird day. I wouldn’t be surprised if grasping the scope of destruction was simply beyond him at this point. It’s a lot to take in, and it’s only been a few hours since life went to hell in a handbasket — not to mention, he’s in an active combat zone. There’s a lot going on, and if he was to shove it out of his mind while he dealt with the immediate crisis, I could see that as pretty realistic.

Of course, that would depend on him actually reacting at some later point, when he had a chance to slow down and it could sink in. As it stands...well, if that does happen, we never see it.

CHEL: Does this also count as “Oh, Don’t Mind Him” for the How Not To score?

BRIGHT: I think so, yes.

CHEL: Then here it goes!

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 12 Oh, Don’t Mind Him - where a character’s problems remain unexplored In real life, people are riddled with chronic problems that are not addressed for long periods of time, if ever. But in fiction, all problems are just the opening chords of a song. If there is a brother who has a problem with alcohol, a child who has lost her dog, or even someone whose car has simply broken down, the reader will worry about those people and expect the author to do something about it.

Technically, this could count for seven billion or so points, minus any people who successfully entered their own game sessions, but we don’t want to get out of hand here and it really only counts as one big problem.

However! I am very fond of this idea in theory. The obvious option would be that the purpose of the game is to save the player’s homeworld. We’ve all seen the “save the homeworld” idea in scifi and fantasy before. Here, the homeworld is beyond saving, but there is another option, and exploring that is the storyline. The forces of light cannot have a traditional victory; the protagonists must find a victory on the terms they have. It’s not a theme one sees often, and I like it.

FAILURE ARTIST: John and the other Beta Kids’ lack of angst of the destruction of their planet doesn’t stick out as much here as it will later when almost everything else is milked for angst.

CHEL: I’m not really sure the planet being destroyed is a great basis for a Rule-of-Funny-based story if that was what he was going for, to be honest. “Billions died, lol!”