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polarized-here · 4 years

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I hope your happy @jaded-ghoster

So @jaded-ghoster I might have written something based on what were talking about, on romance,,,,,, so It should be under the cut and yeah, I hope you like my poor excuse for love,,,,, its been kinda changed but don’t @ me >:^(

also I have like a theme song for it or smth? Like I listened to the meme song “Meteorite meme” but slowed and it- I- just vibe with me on loop with this bs like stopp being something I would 100% use for writing shit-

Meme song: here

Link to the post where we were talking abt it: here

what I wrote is under the cut

Fallen Stars (wither like ashes)

Toyotama News articles: The blossoming romance, that dusted away.

The no. 4 ProHero Shoto Todoroki was acting like how he used to in his first year in middle school. He was the No.4 ProHero, what could make him act so cold and devoid of feelings? That was on the forefront of many of his fans, ever since The No.1 ProHero (Deku, he also went by Dekiru online) went on vacation and their social media halted in activity.Though the last thing the No.1 ProHero had done was take down the league of villains main leader, Tomura Shigaraki, the rest of the league had disappeared, nowhere to be seen.

Shoto Todoroki was also seen at an area rumored to have the dead bodies of many ProHeroes. This caused fans to speculate why? Why was one of our favorite Pro-Heroes acting strange, tired, and most of all grief-stricken?

By the end of that year, when The ProHero Lemillion had taken up the mantle of No.1 and things were calming down, it was publicly revealed that fan’s iconic and favorite ProHero, Deku, was deceased. It was only released to the public from a conversation between the current No.2 ProHero, who is known for being loud, had screamed at the no.4 ‘That just because the shitty Deku was gone, doesn't mean he could act all mournful.’

But what hadn’t been expected was the no.4 just quipped, so fed up with months of unbridled anger and sorrow, had yelled right back at the No.2 saying ‘Do you know what it's like to like to love someone and not be able to say goodbye! OR EVEN SAY I LOVE YOU TO THEM WHILE THEY’RE DEAD’ but the damage had been done as several civilians had been in the area and had recorded the previous conversion, one of the many videos recorded can be seen here, we most humbly from the bottom of our hearts here at Toyotama News articles hope our favorite ProHero in our eyes, is enjoying himself wherever he is—

What the news article had left over in front of Shoto had been turned off seeing the familiar number of the aforementioned No.2 ProHero most likely an apology of sorts crafted from the no. 15 Red Riot or No.18 Chargebolt to try to apologize for Bakugou’s mistakes

(He had stopped reading them a few weeks ago knowing they were all from others and not Bakugou).

But in the background, in a familiar ProHero’s voice whispered “You shouldn’t dismiss it off, Kacchan may be rude at times, but he’s nice when you break through his hard exterior.”

It seemed the voice was desperate and was on they’re wits end. But Shoto knew this was a figment of his imagination, trying to make himself feel how he felt when the love of his life was holding his hand and he could feel the rising blush and heat from his left side while Izuku was rambling on heroes before noticing Shoto was on fire and was panicking and screaming on how Todoroki was on fire—

But that time was long gone now, he was only feeling loss and grief at this moment in time, but his thoughts wander back to his phone and turned it on, before noticing the time was late and seeing how he still didn’t change his phone background from it showing him and Midoriya next to each other with the rest of Midoriya’s close friends, which he also has blocked but it seems for being No.2 ProHero Bakugou was making kirishima or Kaminari write as many apologies as humanly possible for him.

But that chill in the air made him want to read what bakugou last said, even quicker before he gave up mid way on even checking the message.

(This has happened several times, all of which end with him not responding to Bakugou’s messages at all, or not even reading them—)

As Shoto was reading the message, and wanting to just drop the phone, whether or not because of this is from Bakugou Katsuki Him-Fucking-self or how Mr.I’m-just-a-petty-little-bitch was apologizing, to him, Shoto Todoroki, also known as ‘Icy Hot’ by Bakugou. “What the fuck?” was spoken in a quieted tone from how shell shocked he was.

He responded in a sort of agreement, while a bunch of messages from Bakugou being confused on why he just responded with a small agreement, and anger showing from being in all caps, only spamming his phone, Shoto smiled, for what seemed to be forever to him, he was happy, and feeling like crying tears of joy from some stupid messages from some loud rude mom friend. Maybe he could move on from what happened with Midoriya? Yeah, Midoriya would like that. Right?

Unbeknownst to Shoto a ghostly figure was watching and smiling sadly, still wearing a ripped and bloody hero costume showing off some scars from past battles with others, and his own quirk. The ghostly figure felt a bittersweet feeling looking at their, transparent body and noticing their body dusting even more and their smile turning into a grimace, if they were alive the tears cascading down their face would feel warm finally seeing their own crush being able to forget them, and understand its okay to let go, felt nice.

Izuku Midoriya was dead, but his soul was there in the background of everything, hoping to make their own highschool-post graduation crush forget about him, and maybe see him, when the right time comes.

Izuku Midoriya was finally at rest.

I hope you enjoyed! ÚwÙ :,D

#shoto torodoki #Katsuki Bakugou #mha #Bnha #Why did I do this?#deku mentioned #bnha deku #kaminari denki #Kaminari denki mentioned #i hope you like it #ŪmŪ #bnha eijiro kirishima #kirishima mentioned #Red Riot

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chrisstevenson · 4 years

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The Lows of High Book Prices

A thousand pardons if I come off like a rant. I'm a mashup between J.A. Konrath and Harlan Ellison. I'm a writer advocate and defender of the written word. I also watch the industry like a stealthy Sasquatch. These articles are always meant for Guerrilla Warfare for Writers, my down and dirty blog. There is no BS here. Maybe some inaccuracies. I don't even like posting these articles to my YA website--no one reads me there anyway. I hope you suffer me well.

First and foremost, if you are a celebrity author you don't need to be reading this. If you are an A-list author, pass on by. If you are a very popular author with a huge reader fan base and have a enormous mailing list that draws purchasing customers in like flies, audios. If you have a break-out or bestseller, you can kindly leave by through back door. There will also be some outlier exceptions. This article is not a call to arms for you. You are profitable, consistent and probably comfortably set in the mighty realm of book sales.

If you are new to writing with a minimum number of releases, an old-time mid-lister like me with a ton of books out there, or a new writer launching your first book, I think you better read this and make some grave determinations. It's unlikely a publisher is going to read this, but I've been with and seen too many that need to know what is working and what is not as far as ad pricing. This warning goes double for authors who just don't care that their e-book prices are going to be placed high regardless. It goes triple (as of this writing) because of the corona virus and the financially stressed atmosphere it has created. People are buying essentials. As far as entertainment, they are streaming movies and playing games. Who started the the rumor that they were buying books hand over fist? Do you remember when this news was sent out on the wings of doves at the very beginning of the pandemic spread?

I would like you to read three paragraphs (below) which come straight from the keys of most of the advertisers I know and have dealt with. The wording might not be the same but the implications all point to the same conclusion. They don't want your high-priced book. They want rock-bottom cover prices and freebies. The reason is twofold; Shoppers want bargains, plain and simple. That's why W-Mart and Amazon rule the nest. Yet the second reason is that the company itself doesn't want to lose a potential customer. That means you won't be coming back for seconds if there are flat sales. They are also competing with other promotion and marketing sites that have the same mindset policies.

Here's my statistics for two YA fantasy/thrillers that had excellent covers and blurbs. Both of these ads were run before and during a Halloween special (the horror factor was quite evident).. Both books were priced at $2.99.

Book one ran for 15 days on a $45 budget. It received 5,391 impressions; total clicks--5--and a CTR of 0.09%

Book two ran for seven days on a $100 budget. It received 10,195 impressions; total clicks --13 and a CTR of 0.13%.

I don't think I have to do the math for you. Except for the takeaway, which was $145.00 from me and some wide-eyed experience. I later changed companies, dropped the e-book price to .99 cents, and still fell flat--no sales. We could argue all day long about what I did wrong with these two companies. I did not stop there. I enlisted in seven of the companies listed below, with very low, rock-bottom prices. Please excuse my spelling on the names.

Just Kindle Books

Fiverr--bkknights

Fussy Librarian

FreeBooksie

E-book Hounds

Robin Reads

Kindlebook Review

Book Barbarian

Booksends

BookDealio

Ebookdiscovery

Ereader IQ

Ent

Book Reader Magazine

Pretty Hot books.

Out of my promotions, I received three apologies and full refunds. I think I sold two books from Ent. That was it. I won't go into which seven, but I did do my research beforehand. They were my best picks.

Have you ever heard that it wasn't the gold miners who made money off their digs, but the merchants who sold them the supplies, tools, products and other services? We basically have the same thing going on here, with grandiose claims of the promotion and marketing companies talking about going to the top of the sales charts, breakouts, unlimited exposure and guaranteed results. Results. Not sales. Impressions and clicks are a normal state of business and you'll see them. What you won't see are voluminous click-throughs--buys, sales, mullah.

There are many Indie writers who are exceptions to this rule because they have targeted outfits that payoff for them. Might be some trade published out there too. This comes from a lot of trial and error--R & D--and it NEVER ends because the books can go through an insufferable amount of tweaking to fine-tune the results. This happens when an author watches his/her ups, downs and in betweens--the stats that govern peak sales. Self-published authors also get a larger percentage cut of the royalties than the small trade-house authors. Many of the elite Indie authors pay thousands for ads a months, but they reaps thousands plus in return. So it is a revolving door for them--huge investments that garner huge profits. You want to make money, you have to spend it. That's not my quote, lol.

Look, all I'm saying is be wise and careful with your expenditures. You are going to see, if you already haven't, self-proclaimed experts that can do all forms of editing, covers, formatting, book tours, pod-casts, trailers, page ads, listings, book-to-movie deals, screenwriting, agent introductions, publisher submissions, blurbs, illustrations, writing courses, query letters, one-on-one instruction, translations, ghostwriting, expedited (paid) reviews, synopsis's, proof reading, evaluations and all other manner of Internet blasting services. Can you pay for some of these services without losing your shirt or blouse? Sure you can! It's up to you. But be aware, unless you really need and believe in any of them, you'll lose out every time.

I often wonder if we are just giving our books away because the sea is awash with them. So many tens of thousands of books are published each year that the numbers keeps compounding and burying the authors under tons of pixels. Nobody can find you, lest you post on FB that you will commit suicide if somebody, anybody doesn't buy one of your books before you take that leap. Well, if it goes viral and you were bluffing, it would work. I think you get the idea. Dear gawd, I've often entertained the idea.

1. Your deal price should be as competitive as possible (This is a company motto BTW).

"We promise our subscribers the best deals available. The better the deal, the more appealing it is to our subscribers, and therefore the more likely it is to be selected by our editors/readers. We rarely feature books priced above $2.99, and even $2.99 is an unusually high price for many of our categories.(I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THEY SAY $2.99 IS UNUSUALLY HIGH).

"While your deal price should be based on your book marketing goals, pricing as low as possible will entice more readers to download your book. The lower the price, the higher the conversion rate of a Deal. Knowing this, our editors prefer books that are competitively priced, since those will drive a higher volume of reader engagement. They’re also able to select a higher percentage of discounted books. If you’re not selected for a deal between $0.99 and $3.99, consider resubmitting your book for a free promotion, as this can be a really effective way to increase your chances of getting selected.

"Keep in mind that the competitiveness of your price depends on your category. While it’s normal to see a higher priced book in Cooking, for example, prices are usually lower in the Mysteries or Romance categories (THOSE TWO ARE THE BEST-SELLING GENRES, BTW).. Browse through books in your category to see what’s competitive in your own genre. Again, if your book is not selected at one price, try resubmitting at a lower price or for free. Your chances of being selected will be higher."

Note the last sentence. They are going to select you in accordance with how profitable they think you can be.Sounds to me if you don't go low enough to suit them, they'll politely blow you off.

I've heard some positive news about AMS, BookBub featured ads, and in a blue moon, FB and Twitter boosters. I've used all but the grand daddy feature ad. While these might still show some profit, they certainly aren't working like they used to. Profit has measurably declined, and I mean this in a general sense.

What does my crystal ball tell me for the future? I can only take a wild stab at it and say that the heavy visual sites like Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr and others are driving a wedge between the other competitors. They could be the wave for future book exposure. I know their swords are drawn against Amazon

Anybody have any solutions or ideas about gaining some profitability in this industry? I'd love to hear it. Or any promo/marketing site that has fulfilled your dreams. BTW, just like FB put the whammy on My Space, do you see another FB type site in the future? I dooooo,

Blessed wishes, please stay safe and healthy.

Chris and Christy.

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certainmiraclefun · 3 years

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THE FACTS ABOUT PAINT PROTECTION FILM

Paint protection film is a modern marvel. It’s a thin but exceptionally durable polymer or polyurethane film that is the ultimate layer of protection. Not only does it keep your ride’s clear coat protected against chemicals, UV exposure, acid rain and road debris, but if the vehicle’s paint is impacted by road debris, it can save you thousands of dollars in autobody repair.

There is a lot of information on the interwebs about car paint protection film. Some of it is accurate, and others are pure, 100 percent, grade A BS. Search up ceramic coating and you’ll get similar misleading information. So, let’s explore the truth about paint protection film.

In this article – we’ll weed through the myths, rumors, and flat our false information out there, to provide a definitive guide about paint protection film. Does it really protect from light scratches? Can PPF actually self-heal?

We’ll also introduce you to Kavaca instant healing paint protection film – the most advanced PPF on the market today. Additionally, we’ll explain why it makes sense to apply a professional grade ceramic coat on top of that PPF – to create the Ultimate Shield of protection. If you’d like to compare PPF vs ceramic coating, we’ve got a great article you can review after reading this one.

In order to fully appreciate the power of paint protection film, it’s important to explore it’s history. Like many of today’s modern achievements, PPF was developed to solve a problem. During the Vietnam War, the United States Department of Defense was having trouble with rotor blades on several of their helicopters being damaged by shrapnel, trees, and other debris.

The folks at 3M were tasked to create a protective layer that was lightweight, yet incredibly strong. The solution was called helicopter tape or a custom urethane film that was designed for function – not style.

Today’s PPF is far cry from 3M’s helicopter tape. It’s thermoplastic urethane that is transparent, can be colored, even custom textured to enhance gloss or matte paint jobs. It is a clear paint protection film that can be purchased in different grades, thickness, and is applied by highly trained professionals with precision accuracy.

There are a lot of coating for cars on the market today. But tpu car paint protection film is arguably the best and most-effective solution. The 3M Corporation is the Godfather of PPF. As explained above, its primary application was to apply a tint to protect lightning-fast spinning helicopter rotor blades from being damaged. Today, more than a dozen different types, brand names, and designs are offered to car enthusiasts.

You’ve probably heard of some of the leading brands including our own Kavaca, 3M Paint Protection Film Pro Series, Llumar, Suntek, and Xpel film. However, it’s commonly misunderstood that the brand of PPF is associated with the type of product.

While sometimes this is the case, the brand is not always related to the material or its proprietary properties. This is one of the myths or misleading PPF truths that can confuse car owners. Some are applied as full wraps while others are partial hood. There are several that offer limited warranties and some that can back up their product with a 10-year warranty.

Arguably the most popular ‘name’ in the paint protection films market is clear bra. This is a dual-purpose term – kind of like calling a soda pop a “Coke” – or sealable plastic bags “Zip-Lock”. Clear Bra is a brand name for a specific type of protective film. But, it’s also a specific brand as well.

It’s applied to the front end of the vehicle, covering the front bumper, car’s paint, grille, headlights, splitter, and even the front portion of the hood and front fenders. The term “bra” is used to describe the location of the application.

For a PPF to protect, it’s got to be bonded to a surface. This becomes possible when that surface is clean, free of debris, and any damage. However, since a paint protection film is transparent, the condition of the paint or surface underneath makes a huge difference in the brilliance of the finished product.

What is a Decontamination Car Wash? A decontaminating car wash is typically the first step of PPF prep. It involves the use of a wax-stripping car shampoo that acts as a detergent, which breaks down the oils in wax, factory paint sealant, and allows them to be washed away.

If you have a ceramic coating applied to your entire vehicle, the professional detailer that installs clear bra film will simply complete a maintenance car wash. If there are minor scratches due to rock chips – or if you have an older paint job, the auto detailing company might want to repair those issues in the next step.

What is Paint Correction? Once the surface has been cleaned and stripped of initial debris, the installer will inspect the condition of the paint. If it is faded, aged, has spider-webbing or swirl marks, or shows signs of damage, the installer will recommend paint correction to the client.

This involves polishing or using a cutting compound to remove minor scratches or imperfections in the paint. The final result is a perfectly smooth surface that allows the PPF to bond but also allows the brilliance of the finish to shine.

Final Wipe Panel Wipe Down: Using a proprietary blend of chemical agents, the authorized and certified PPF installer will remove any contaminants or excess polishes or oils on the surface.

A professionally prepped and applied automotive paint protection film has an expected longevity of five to 10 years. However, like any other paint protection solution, the durability of the PPF is impacted by several variables.

Having a certified paint protection film installer complete the entire process is another surefire way to extend the lifespan of your PPF. The material and supplies they use is just as crucial.

Most PPF brands, like Ceramic Pro PPF Kavaca partner with the best professional detailers and installers, have advanced training and certification process, to ensure their clients receive the best possible service. Working with the right PPF dealer will reduce air bubbles in the finished product, which makes the PPF look seamless.

Inferior top coat materials are common in cheap products, which leads to yellowing or potential for a stain to occur. It also provides reduced protection against bug acids.

During the recent Circuit Breaker, many car owners were left wondering if they were permitted to wash their cars within HDB compounds. It is evident that we Singaporean drivers really pride ourselves in ensuring our vehicles look good despite not being able to leave our homes.

A common method to give your car a lasting shine with minimal maintenance would be to send it to a car detailer for a good polish. When it comes to car polishing, most drivers would be familiar with the common terms like Ceramic Coating and auto paint protector film (PPF). However, what drivers are unlikely to know is that giving your car a good polish does more for your car than simply enhancing its aesthetic features.

Let’s take a closer look at what each of these applicants does for your car to see if there are more to them than meets the eye.

Something all vehicle owners want is for their ride to look brand new and shiny - like it never left the showroom floor. This can be achieved with Ceramic Coating, a coating that only needs to be applied once, which bonds to the surface of your vehicle’s paint, greatly enhancing its ability to withstand the harsh weather and environmental conditions of Singapore’s roads.

Additionally, Ceramic Coating reduces the effort needed in maintaining your car to look brand new, as it allows for easier cleaning while increasing your vehicle’s shine. Vehicle owners will know the dilemma of finding a minor scratch on their beloved vehicle, yet choose to put up with the ugliness as repairing it will cost a substantial amount. However, you will be pleased to find out that with a good quality Ceramic Coat, minor scratches may be removed with a thorough polish.

Ceramic Coating, however, is not a full-proof solution for your car’s grooming needs as it does not improve your vehicles toughness to withstand more severe injuries like rock chips - very commonly faced by Singaporean drivers as we share the roads with big trucks.

If your goal is to protect your vehicle from scratches and rock chips - something Ceramic Coating is not capable of, then PPF is what you’re looking for. PPF, though costing slightly more than Ceramic Coating, is a military grade film that greatly enhances your vehicle's resistance to foreign objects, something Ceramic Coating is not capable of. Additionally, PPF has self-healing properties that protects your paint from rock chips, contaminants and scratches, as scars will dissipate over time with heat.

PPF sadly reduces your vehicle’s shine however, and should only be applied by a professional as untrained application may potentially damage the body of your vehicle, which will be very costly to remedy. PPF application does not mean lower maintenance effort on the vehicle owner's part, as it is advised that PPF be replaced after a few years of usage.

QMI ToughGuard Paint Protection Singapore

It seems then that vehicle owners will constantly face a dilemma between making their car aesthetically pleasing and actually trying to protect their vehicles… well, you’re wrong!

Quick to identify a solution to this problem back in 1998, QMI ToughGuard Paint Protection Singapore became the only detailer to introduce QMI's marine grade products which utilises Polytetrafluoroethylene (PTFE) technology to our shores.

Now, you may be wondering what PTFE, a chemical compound, is capable of doing for your vehicle. Since PTFE is highly durable, transparent and non-stick, it will result in the body of your vehicle being extremely smooth to the touch. Vehicle owners will additionally be able to say goodbye to rainwater stains as the hydrophobic quality of PTFE makes it a very effective water repellant, causing water droplets to simply flow off the body of your car!

Once QMI's PTFE products are applied, ToughGuard Nano Surface Protection is applied as a final protective layer. This results in the formation of a protective layer over the body of your vehicle that is hard and transparent, creating a hardness that goes beyond the strength of 9H thickness coatings!

QMI ToughGuard clear film auto paint protection Singapore ensures your vehicle has a smooth surface that retains shine and resists environmental contaminants. This allows you to have a fuss-free maintenance regime for your vehicle as all you need to do is to wash your vehicle with water at least once a month and dirt can simply be wiped with a cloth!

With forecasts of heavy downpour over the coming weeks, why not give them a try as your car will still look good despite the unpredictable weather of Singapore!

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blogger360ncislarules · 5 years

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Anyone who reads this might want to get this on Twitter and Facebook (especially Facebook!) after reading this cuz this is important stuff!

Last spring, before ‘Searching’ aired, the fans knew that the ratings were good enough to get renewed, and no one was leaving. Yet, AFTER ‘Searching’ aired, fans became OH SO sure that Season 10 was ACTUALLY the final season and that everyone was leaving!!

Now, months later, at the start of the 2nd half of the 11th season, it’s the same ‘this is the final season cuz everyone is talking about the future’ BS from last spring!!

Here’s some things that are 100% true:

1, There is NO final season announcement.

2, The ratings are good enough for Season 12, the syndication deals this show has are still very profitable

3, NO ONE from the cast has said ONE WORD about leaving anytime soon.

And here’s some 100% true facts concerning the ‘other issue’ involving the still unanswered q’s concerning Hetty:

1, We DO NOT know the real reason behind her absence still going, I repeat, We DO NOT know the real reason here!!

2, NO ONE has actually really talked about it.

3, UNLIKE what SOME rumor sites have tried to say, LH hasn’t said ANYTHING about leaving. (don’t listein to that ‘Cheat sheet’ article!! that’s a rumor site that has tried to spread false info about various shows for years! plus, if that article REALLY was true, other entertainment websites that are actually trust worthy would’ve talked about it, and NOT ONE has!!)

Therefore, We have no idea what’s going on here. this whole ‘mess’ is nothing more then ‘red herring’ BS that’ll most likely never go anywhere! (come on, you really think Callen would last long if he was in Hetty’s position??!)

Oh, and asking LH to just leave is NOT being supportive!!!

So, until someone from the cast finally decides to talk, we have nothing official.

Just ignore the ‘red herrings’ until there’s ACTUAL proof!

Thank you

#ncis la season 11 #ncis la #ncisla #ncis los angeles #personal #I've had it

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adambstingus · 6 years

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5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

Entertainment sites are facing a serious problem: There’s a limited number of things that happen every day, but their readers will click on an infinite amount of articles, as long as someone or something vaguely famous is involved. The solution? Follow the grand Internet tradition of making shit up. Print a headline saying “Bill Murray killed and ate Miley Cyrus!” and watch as it gets 100,000 shares before either of their publicists can deny it.

Now, all of us have fallen for stories like these in the past, but there are some particularly egregious types of bullshit articles that should really be setting off our hogwash alarms by now. Starting with …

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

The Internet is 80 percent porn, 70 percent fanfic on Tumblr, and 90 percent inaccurate statistics. Whatever’s left is made out of bullshit listicles about how some old Simpsons episode predicted today’s events. Apparently, they foresaw Donald Trump: Angry Half-Chewed Orange Starburst For President 15 years before it happened:

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

But before you go proclaiming Matt Groening “King of the Psychics,” consider this: That episode aired in 2000. Guess what lying, hypocritical moron announced he’d be running for President in 2000? No no, the other one. Yes, Trump said he’d run for President under the Reform Party in 2000 (and had been talking about it since 1987), meaning The Simpsons predicted precisely squat. And as far as them “predicting” that President Trump would destroy the country … duhhhh. That’s like predicting grass will be green, or that a diaper will be loaded with shit.

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

And we do this all. The. Fucking. Time. Unless some fat yellow dude destroys an entire city by pressing the wrong button at the power plant, it’s no big deal if real life imitates The Simpsons. It’s a topical show with damn near 600 episodes under its quarter-century-old belt. Of course there’s going to be overlap with reality — which hasn’t stopped sites like BuzzFeed from marveling over the matter. Let’s review their mind-blowing discoveries:

So the Simpsons made an irradiated food joke, and now Japan’s got irradiated fruit? That’s not a new idea. If anything, the vegetation around Chernobyl predicted The Simpsons. Oh, and the deformed Japanese veggies were bullshit anyway. Off to a good start, BuzzFeed!

OK. So. In 2004, a bunch of Ohio voting machines glitched and accidentally gave George W. Bush 4,000 extra votes. In 2008, the Simpsons satirized that incident. In 2012, it happened again for real. And that’s supposed to be a score for Homer and friends how? Just because your memory was crippled by all those ’90s nostalgia GIF parades doesn’t mean that the past suddenly didn’t happen, BuzzFeed.

This is probably the closest one: They successfully predicted that somebody who works with wild animals would eventually get attacked by one. Impressive. What’s next, claiming that The Simpsons predicted baseball players playing softball?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

Eventually, Daniel Craig will stop being James Bond. And despite the fact that he’s a totally outdated character, tradition dictates that we’ll need a new one. One of the top names being bandied about is Idris Elba, who deviates from the Bond norm in one glaringly obvious way …

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

OK, there’s also the race thing, an issue which Bond novelist Anthony Horowitz dealt with in the worst possible way. In an interview with The Daily Mail, he claimed that Elba would suck as Bond because he’s “too street.” The Internet responded by figuratively painting Horowitz’s naked body gold and leaving him to asphyxiate.

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

First off, this quote came from The Daily Mail, so rage-sharing it is like raging over something the bad guy said at WrestleMania. Even worse, all these headlines conveniently ignore where he named other black actors he’d prefer play Bond. Everybody’s focused on “too rough” and “too street,” while see-no-eviling the part where he recommended Hustle‘s Adrian Lester instead.

There’s still a race issue at play here, of course — but not in the overt, simplistic way that everybody seeing red took it as. It’s deciding that black actors, who have proven their ability to play both suave and rough with equal tenacity, should only be one thing. Horowitz is typecasting Elba as a rough, street black man, and Lester as a suave, classy black man, and won’t let them sit at each other’s table. And nobody’s talking about this except … The Huffington Post? Really? Dear Internet: When BuzzFeed-Minus-Cat-GIFs is the voice of reason, it might be time to pay attention and rethink things.

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

Ex-Bond Roger Moore got in similar hot water recently, accused of opposing Elba Bond over blackness. Moore himself had to clarify that he only said Bond should be 100 percent “English-English” — his interviewer later edited it so it seemed like he was talking about Elba. But you know what? When Elba finally becomes Bond and blows everyone out of their seats, all this ridiculous talk of race, class, and who’s street and who’s not will disappear. Because it’s the performance that matters, not the-

Wait … it was all a rumor? He’s NOT going to be Bond? There were never even talks of him being Bond, nothing but Daniel Craig dream-casting off the top of his head? We got all worked up over that? FUCK.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

The world lost the best/worst father in movie history last August when James Earl Jones sadly passed away, according to the Internet. The only person who didn’t hear the news was James Earl Jones, who is still tweeting like normal. Yeah, it was another celebrity death hoax. So what happened? What crapbag news site yellow-journalism’d a beloved celebrity to an early grave this time?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

None, as it turns out. The source is us. We fake-killed James Earl Jones, the same way we’ve fake-killed every other celebrity since the days of Netscape. We’re not merely part of the problem; we’re all of it.

The only source for Darth Vader’s voice reuniting with the Force was the Woodward-and-Bernstein-approved paragon of journalism called FeedNewz. But FeedNewz isn’t a fucking news site — its real name is prank.link, a content creator where any random asshole can plug anybody’s name into the generator and create a fake news story about them. When people clicked on the “James Earl Jones dies” link to learn how an 84-year-old man could possibly pass so suddenly, they got this instead:

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

GET IT? You thought a thing happened, but it didn’t! Doesn’t that tickle-torture your ribs? Here’s another knee-slapper: Justin Bieber was raped and killed in Las Vegas … except he wasn’t! How gullible you must be, to think people die.

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

But if FakeNewz sounds too shady for your phony death needs, perhaps you’d prefer a website that sounds an awful lot like a legitimate one? FakeAWish.com will kill any celebrity you like and report it under the name “Global Associated News,” which is the biggest waste of an official-sounding name since Dr. Phil first called himself “Dr.” Then there’s MSMBC.co, where you create a fake death story (like this one for Arnold Schwarzenegger) complete with a link that looks exactly like MSNBC.com if you’re both blindly clicking on everything and actually blind. And when somebody clicks on it, they’re greeted not by a HAHA PWNED page, but a real-ish-looking news story that you can’t read until you share it with your distant uncle and that guy you haven’t talked to since college:

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

Alternatively, if using those sites is too much work, you can go with the absolute laziest option and create a “RIP [celebrity name]” Facebook page for someone who isn’t in fact RIPing … and then watch it grow inexplicably popular. Rowan “Johnny English” Atkinson, for example, has no fewer than two pre-posthumous Facebook pages, each with over 3,000 fans. For the sake of our species, we hope it’s simply the same 3,000 who fell for the same thing twice.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

Hey, remember when those Native American actors walked off the set of Adam Sandler’s new movie? It seems they were outraged over all the gross inaccuracies, blatant stereotyping, lazy jokes, and other things that have never, ever been in an Adam Sandler movie.

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Notice how none of those headlines mention how many actors walked off the set, implying through omission that the number was “all of them”? Well, they did that for a reason: The real situation was way less volatile (and thus, more boring) than the hate-click media reported. According to one of the actors, only four out of 154 actors walked out, plus one consultant, leaving the rest to feel “betrayed” that they were being painted as “sell-outs” to the White Man. Oh, and another actor says they all saw the script beforehand, so those who quit probably should have seen the terribleness coming, even if they haven’t been to a cinema since Big Daddy came out.

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Makes sense, right? Babies throw tantrums. MRAs are babies, so they’re throwing tantrums. Except they weren’t. This entire story came from one blog post on We Hunted The Mammoth, which centered around the anti-Furiosa furor on Return Of Kings, a site so viciously anti-woman even Al Bundy would yell at them to grow the fuck up. But RoK isn’t a MRA site — just some random cootiephobes — and nowhere on Mammoth does it confuse the two. Every other site, desperate for traffic, did that.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

Did legitimate Men’s Rights Assbags hate Fury Road? Sure, because vagina. But they’re not nearly smart enough to organize some massive boycott of a film $375 million worth of people saw anyway. Also, despite what leading MRA loudmouths fantasize about while jerking off with mini-tweezers, nobody was “paid to put [an MRA boycott story] in the press.” It was lazy and biased, adjectives with which MRAs should be plenty familiar. And finally, we have the time the Noah movie threw every Christian into a hateful tizzy:

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

A survey of over 5,000 people found a whopping 98 percent were tut-tutting the movie for bastardizing the Bible. One problem: That survey focused on “faith-driven consumers,” and was organized by an ultra-religious group called … FAITH DRIVEN CONSUMER. They urge boycotts of anything that disagrees with their interpretation of the Bible, and are the same company behind IStandWithPhil, a petition to reinstate that homophobic guy from Duck Dynasty. Even Family Feud surveys like “Name a body part that rhymes with ‘eenis'” aren’t that obviously slanted.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

You know how we’ve dumbed down “literally” and “irony” so morons can feel literate too? “I literally ate an entire pig yesterday, and ironically, I literally ate an entire pig today, too!” We’re doing that crap with “confirm” now. Where once it meant “official news from an official source,” it now means “anybody saying anything about anything.”

Like these constant breaking news stories about a celebrity “confirming” a sequel to some film, when it turns out all they really said was “yeah it’d be cool to do that maybe.” Recently, the Internet went bonkers over Keanu Reeves supposedly saying that Speed 3 was going to happen:

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

But no, Speed 3 isn’t happening, for two reasons. Number one: Speed 2. Number two: Keanu was making a goddamn joke. Some reporter asked him about Speed 3, and he said, “Oh my god, Speed 3: Redemption. Sure. Jack Traven kind of like, dusting it off.” That’s sarcasm, folks — another term we’ve dumbed down because nobody can get it right.

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Even SlashFilm admits (at the end, when everybody’s stopped reading) that this is probably a non-story, writing “I’m not sure I take the affirmative answer that seriously, but he said it and it’s our job to tell you what he said.” It’s also your job to cleverly edit your headlines so overexcited Speed demons click and share your gossip without a second thought, it would seem.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Good God, three paragraphs in, the man admits “I’ve not seen a script yet and I don’t know if there is one.” And yet People reported this anyway. You might as well report on him debating whether to order pizza or Chinese food.

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

This “confirmation” was her going on Seth Meyers and yammering, “Um, I think I can confirm it, because Tim Burton did this interview — like, it was very hush-hush, top secret … and then he was doing some press for Big Eyes and he did an on-camera interview and he said, ‘Oh yeah, we’re doing it and Winona’s going to be in it,’ and I was like [shocked face].”

And we were like [unimpressed face]. Until some studio gives us an official release date (like Universal recently did with Jurassic World 2), Beetlejuice 2: At Least Lydia’s Legal This Time is nothing but actors talking.

But boy do we love when actors talk — we’ll believe anything they say, even when it’s so obviously a stupid joke. Like Michael Shannon saying he would return as General Zod for Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice, but with flipper hands:

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

Notice how none of those headlines say “flipper hands”? That’s because even the writers know it’s bollocks, but they still want to suck you in and get your clicks, so they tease you “new details” and “strange change.” Except according to Shannon himself, Zod is stone dead, he only appears via voiceover, and the flipper thing was him being a silly goose:

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182767620712

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allofbeercom · 6 years

Text

5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/

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