#And no one really owes us their sadness so we can’t demand for people to share it either tbh

[stuckinapril]

how are you so in love with yourself...this is not me accusing you of narcissism or smth i genuinely am in awe of how much you seem to like yourself and be in love with yourself and I try so hard to be like you and do that too but i fail every single time...i really really want to know how I could be like this too because i know it is one of the biggest things stopping me from achieving happiness

Not sure if this is a ubiquitous experience, but for me personally affirmations can only go so far. There’s always been a direct correlation between me doing action-based things and my self-esteem increasing, so I try to keep my promises to myself (study at x time, work out at y time, just doing whatever I need to do even if I don’t have the motivation for it). Someone told me that self-esteem comes w doing esteemable things, and I’ve never forgotten that since. What someone thinks about me (including the gargoyle voice in my head lol) won’t faze me if I have tangible accomplishments under my belt I can refer back to on bad days

[axelsagewrites]

Jon Snow*Blind Date

Pairing: Modern!Jon Snow x f!Reader

Platonic: Sam, Gilly, Cregan, Robb, Sansa, Theon, and Tormund

Summary: Jon's friends bully him into going on a blind date he's sure he will regret but by the end he is head over heels for her

TW: Swearing and inuendo but nothing major

Word count: 3459 (I got carried away lol)

Masterlist Here

“Dude, I said no,” Jon said rejecting Sam’s offer yet again.

Sam and Gilly sat across from the stubborn Snow as they ate lunch and Sam questioned why he even tried. “Why not though?” Sam asked.

“Because I don’t need you to set me up with someone. I can find my own dates,”

“Really?” Sam said staring at Jon in disbelief. Gilly let out a giggle as her boyfriend began to berate the boy, “Last week all you did was write poetry about how alone and sad and moody you were. You’ve went full emo,”

“First of all, that was for class,” Jon glared at Sam only receiving a smirk in return, “Secondly I thought that was private,”

“And if you had a girlfriend then you would know-nothings private,”

“He’s right you know,” Gilly pipped up. Jon liked Gilly. He liked Sam. He liked them together. But right now, he wanted to slap the pair's heads together and storm off. But Jon chose to rise above and be mature.

“Yeah, well fuck you both,” he grumbled as he began to almost stab the food on his tray with his fork. “I’m happy being single,”

“Since when were you happy?” Cregan asked as he sat to join them for lunch.

“Im trying to set Jon up with my mate but he’s being stubborn. As always,”

“Ooo which girl?” Cregan asked before quickly adding “Or guy or whatever it is you’re into. You are into people, aren’t you?”

The three laughed as Jon’s attack on his food increased, “People that aren’t assholes yeah. I don’t get why you’re so insistent on this,”

“Because one day Jon,” Sam folded his arms, leaning on the table, and began his tale, “I’m going to realise I haven’t heard from you in a while and decide hey I should check on him. So, me and Gilly are gonna come over to your sad little apartment and break in. And what will I find? You dead on the couch and Ghost circling your body like a vulture. And I don’t wanna Gilly to see that,”

“Ghost isn’t gonna fucking eat me when I die,” Jon snapped, “Do you really think im gonna die alone? Do you think I can’t get a date that badly?” Gilly, Sam, and Cregan all shared a look “Okay fuck all of you,”

“I just think it’d be good for you to get out the house,” Gilly pipped up and the other two nodded in agreement before she added, “Besides you’ll be less tense if you get laid,” making everyone’s jaws drop, “Im serious. I used to be even more stressed than you Jon and then I met Sam and ever since I’ve just been- “

“I don’t think we need to talk about that darling,” Sam cut her off.

“Seconded,” Cregan said, “but she’s right. You need to get laid,”

Jon sighed and Sam looked between his friends and questioned his life decisions, “While I’d prefer you didn’t just ‘use’ them for sex, I genuinely think you would like them,”

“We didn’t say to use them for sex,” Gilly said but Jon ignored her.

Jon sighed and pushed his tray away since his food was now closer to mush than anything else from his stabbings, “Fine. One date,” Jon said, and the group let out a cheer, “but I swear to god Sam they better not be crazy or something,”

“By something he means ugly,” Cregan said, and Jon slapped the back of his head. “Ow dude wtf?”

Sam grinned, “Don’t worry. I know your type. You’ll like them,”

Jon Snow’s mystery date was all the talk of their friend group. Robb had found out, Tormund found out, and Theon had found out. He even got a text from Sansa about it. all of them bombarded him with tips and tricks and lines to use. Sansa demanded he Facetime her to pick his outfit out.

As Jon was getting ready to leave his room was filled with all said annoying friends bar Sansa but she was texting him so much it felt like she was practically there. “And when you get to the restaurant- “Cregan started, and Jon let out an agonising groan.

“Shut up,” he whined, “I know what to do on a date,”

“We know mate but,” Tormund began, “you haven’t been the same since Ygritte. We just don’t want you giving up if it doesn’t go to plan,”

“I’m not gonna give up,” Jon said as he looked at himself in the mirror. The outfit Sansa bullied him into was a white button-up and weird checked trousers that were ‘trendy’ right now. Jon sighed as he began to unbutton it, “Besides Ygritte was a long time ago,”

She had been his first-ever girlfriend he got the week of university. It was good at first, but they were always fighting and bickering. They were constantly breaking up and getting back together. The whole ordeal lasted a year and messed Jon up. Especially since he didn’t realise, they weren’t getting back together until he found out she was seeing Orell.

“You’re not cancelling,” Sam warned Jon who in return through his shirt at him.

“Im just changing shirts calm down,” he said as he pulled out a black shirt and black jeans. “Do I at least get to know anything about this person before im trapped at a table for an hour with them?”

“They’re in my history of medicine and herbology class, from Kingslanding, same age as us, funny, and extremely sarcastic,” Sam listed.

“Is that it?”

“You’ll have to find the rest out yourself,”

“Do I at least get a name?” Jon asked as he began to tie his doc boot laces.

“(Y/N),”

“Oh, I like them!” Robb pipped up, “Yeah, they tutored me in Dornish lit last year. Only reason I didn’t flunk out,”

“Oh, yay maybe I can study tonight,” Jon deadpanned before turning to look in the mirror, “How do I look?”

“Perfect,” Sam said.

 “Very emo,” Cregan chimed in with a smirk causing Jon to roll his eyes.

“Hot bro,” Theon blew Jon a kiss and received a slap on the head from Cregan. “Can’t a bro appreciate another hot bro?”

Theon was ignored and Robb spoke up, “Sansa’s gonna kill you but you look good dude. Don’t worry. It’s just a date,”

“Im not worried,” Jon lied as he continued to try straightening out his already straight shirt.

Robb grabbed Jon's leather jacket and helped him shrug it on, “Of course not,” he said as he held Jon's shoulders, “You’ve got this,”

Jon was standing outside the restaurant with his gaggle of hens following him, “You’re not coming on this date with me you know?”

Sam rolled his eyes, “I was just gonna point them out then we were gonna head to the The Wall bar encase you need us,”

“I won’t need you,” Jon said causing Sam and Robb to share a look “Shut up,” Jon grumbled as he looked into the restaurant, “So who is it?”

Sam pointed them out and the nerves instantly flooded Jon's system. They had got there early and were already sitting down looking absolutely gorgeous. They weren’t even trying. They were just sitting there playing with a fork and staring out a window and yet Jon was already feeling his mouth go dry, “Dude they’re well out of my league,”

“I said the same thing about Gilly and look at us now. Now go get em tiger,”

“I hate you,” Jon said before walking up to the restaurant door, “Here I go,” Jon took a deep breath and forced himself into the building, throwing a quick glance back to where Robb and Sam were giving him a thumbs up like some kind of child.

“Table for one?” The hostess asked.

Jon cleared his throat, not even sure what name the reservation was under, “I’m meeting someone here. For a date,” he began to stutter and cursed himself mentally, “I think they’re- “

“Jon?” she asked, and he nodded as a blush began to flush his cheeks, “They were sat a few minutes ago. Come with me,” she said and led Jon to his table who was desperately trying to walk normally and not fall into a deep hole and die. “Your dates here,” the hostess grinned as Jon sat down across from his mystery date who even the hostess knew before him. “Here are your menus. Have fun you two,” she said before leaving.

“Hi- “

“I’m- “

“Sorry you go- “

“You go first- “

The pair let out an awkward laugh before she quickly jumped in, “Hey,” she said with a smile stuck to her lips that were perfect just like her smile.

Jon found his face flushing yet again, “Hey. A friend of yours im guessing?” he asked nodding to the hostess who kept glancing at them.

“Yeah,” she laughed despite him not making a joke, “That’s Baela. Sorry if she keeps spying on us. She traded a shift just to watch me crash and burn,” Jon laughed and smiled as a blush filled her face instead of his for once, “Not that I think im gonna crash and burn im sorry let me start again. I’m (Y/N),” she said as she stuck her hand out to shake his and Jon saw her cringe at her own actions.

But he just grinned and shook her hand in return, “I’m Jon,” she took her hand back and his hand had never felt colder.

“Sorry about the handshake,”

“No, it’s good. Handshakes are good,” Jon reassured her, glad that it was not only him sweating buckets over this date. “I’ve never had a date shake my hand before,”

“I’ve never had a blind date before,”

“Me neither. Sam practically bullied me into this. He wouldn’t even tell me your name,”

“Me too,” she grinned. “Well, he let me know your name, but he forbade me to look up your social media,”

“You wouldn’t find much im afraid,”

“Not an Instagram guy?” she asked, and Jon shook his head, “Hmm I suppose I can forgive you,”

“Oh, so kind of you,” Jon said, and she laughed, “I guess we should probably look at the menu. That waiter looks like he’s ready to pounce,”

(Y/N) smiled, opening her menu, but it dropped once she looked up to the waiter, “Oh fuck,”

“What?” Jon asked, dropping his menu and looking to see what she had been staring at. It had been their waiter who had skulked off as soon as she had looked up. “Do you know him?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she said as she tried to shake it off, but Jon kept looking at her causing her to sigh, “That’s my ex. Baela swore he was off tonight or I would’ve said somewhere else,”

“Is it okay? Do we need to leave?” Jon asked, fully ready to walk half the earth for this girl he had only had half a conversation with.

She sighed and took a second to think “Nah it’ll be fine. Yeah, no it’ll be fine. He broke up with me anyway plus it was like a year ago so like yeah, its fine. Plus, they do a really good cheesecake I wanna get for dessert so its fine,” Jon couldn’t help but find her rambling adorable, but his silence caused her to look at him, “As long as you’re okay with it?”

“As long as the cheesecake as is good as you say,” he joked.

She laughed and picked up her menu, “Oh I promise its more than just good,”

After the pair had looked at the menu their chat was interrupted “(Y/N),” their waiter greeted not even glancing at Jon.

“Ramsay,” she said giving a tight-lipped smile, “How are you?”

“I'm fine. What can I get yous?” he asked and Jon's face contorted at how he didn’t even pretend to be courteous. (Y/N) also appeared shocked as she began to stutter her order and he wrote it down. “What about you?” he asked not even looking at Jon. Jon was so baffled that he didn’t even respond causing Ramsey to ask again “Well?”

“I’ll have the gourmet burger and a coke,”

“You’ll have the Pepsi,” Ramsey said as he turned and walked away from the table.

Jon and (Y/N) looked at each other with a look of half horror half confusion, “Was he always such an asshole?”

“I mean yeah but I assumed he’d at least pretend at work. Im so sorry,”

“Don’t apologise for him,” Jon assured her “Why did you even date him?”

She laughed but her face was anything but happy, “Can we save toxic ex stories for date two?”

“I understand. I mean like. I get it,” Jon said, and relief flooded her face, “We’ve all got some shitty stories I guess?”

“Yeah, but let’s focus on the good ones for now. Baela will kill me if I scare you off before dessert,”

“Good thing I don’t scare easily,”

From there the conversation flowed so easily that even Ramsey's bluntness couldn’t ruin the night. They had so much in common and Sam was right. She was funny and kept up with his quick tongue.

“You’re an idiot if your serious think Aegon the conquering was- “

“Dessert?” Ramsey interrupted their debate as he began to take their plates away.

The pair shared a look before (Y/N) spoke up, “Could we get the cheesecake and- “but she was cut off by his scoff, “What?”

“Do you really need the cheesecake?”

Jon felt a hot rage go up his spine as he glared daggers into Ramsey. (Y/N) went instantly red and was stumbling to even get a word out so Jon spoke up. “Give us one of each dessert,”

“You want four desserts?” Ramsey finally actually looked at Jon whose gaze could cut metal right now.

“Yup. Problem?”

“Whatevs. Coming right up,” Ramsey said as he sauntered off to the kitchen.

“Don’t listen to a word that guy says. He’s an asshole. I don’t understand why you ever dated him. And you said the dessert was good so we’re trying each one no arguments,”

(Y/N) smiled and Jon almost forgot the anger at the sight of it, “He was nice once. I think. Im honestly not so sure now,” she laughed but her voice was fragile.

Jon grabbed her hand without even thinking, “You deserve someone way better than him. You’re so,” Jon shook his head trying to think of the right word, “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so perfect,”

“You barely even know me,”

Jon sighed as he debated if he should go against everything his friends had told him and lay himself out on the table, “I had my own Ramsey. And well, there’s a lot to that story but long story short she just. She was just not good for me. Now I don’t even know why we ever dated but she messed with my head, and I haven’t gone on a date since until now. And I can honestly say I’ve had more fun tonight than I did in the whole year I knew her,”

He expected her to run, to excuse herself to the bathroom and climb out a window, but she squeezed his hand instead, “I get that. I really do. I was thinking the same thing about Ramsey this whole time. How could I date someone as pig headed as him- “she said causing Jon to chuckle, “when I could’ve been with someone like you,”

“Maybe blind dates aren’t so bad after all,” Jon said, and she smiled. They stayed looking into each other’s eyes till Ramsey ruined it yet again by ungraciously dumping four plates and 2 spoons on the table.

 They didn’t let it ruin the mood and spent another hour sitting and chatting as Jon experienced the best cheesecake of his life. They must’ve been too happy for Ramsey's liking who decided to dump the bill on their table without even asking but made sure to add, “Remember it's rude not to leave a tip,”

“Its official. I have better taste than you,” Jon joked as he pulled out his wallet.

“Hey, I need to stalk this Ygritte girl before you get to judge,”

“Fine fine,” Jon said as he began to take cash out, “It was 38.50 but I only have $20s and I don’t wanna leave him $1.50,”

“Here I have change,” (Y/N) said as she pulled out $18.50 in cash, “You can pay me back by getting me a drink at The Wall on our next date,”

“Oh, can I? your so kind,” Jon said though internally he was bouncing off the walls at the idea of another date with this perfect specimen.

“I know,” she said as she scrunched her nose up and Jon thought he may die from her cuteness, “Do you have a pen though? I wanna leave him a ‘tip’,”

Jon passed her a pen and tried to watch what she was writing but she hid it and closed the bill holder with a grin, “We should go. Now,”

The pair rushed to the host stand for (Y/N) to say a quick goodbye to Baela. As she was telling Baela she’d text her they heard a “Hey!” from across the restaurant and the pair turned to see Ramsey pushing through tables to get to them.

“Go, go, go,” (Y/N) laughed as she grabbed Jon's arm and hauled him out of the restaurant, and ran across the road, narrowly dodging a car.

Ramsey flipped them off, unable to leave the restaurant but as soon as he walked back in the pair broke out into a laughing fit, “What did you write?”

(Y/N) laughed harder, “I told him how to find the clit,” she said, and Jon laughed even harder.

“Oh, my gods I love that,” He was almost crying at this point, “This is the best thing Sam has ever forced me to do,”

“Im glad,” she laughed as she looked up at Jon, “It’s getting late. My roommate said if I didn’t get back by 11, she was calling the cops,”

“Well, I don’t need to get arrested again,”

“Again?” she asked, and Jon laughed, “Am I dating a gang leader or something?”

“I’ll tell you as I walk you to your dorm?” Jon offered.

(Y/N) grinned and nodded as the pair began to walk back to campus, “At least you’re a gentleman gang man,”

Jon was disappointed as they reached the door to her dorm knowing he would have to wait to see her again, “So if you don’t do insta do you at least have a phone number?” (Y/N) asked as she leaned back against her front door.

“Gimme your phone I’ll put it in,” he said, and she complied.

“This better not be a fake number Jon Snow,” she teased as he handed the cell back to her.

Despite his anxiety at the beginning Jon felt his confidence grow with every joke and come back. He didn’t even think as he stepped closer, leaving only an inch between them, “Don’t worry its very real. I promise,”

“Good,” she grinned as she brought her hands to rest on his shoulders, “I had fun tonight,”

“Me too,” Jon said as he leaned in closer, placing his hand on her waist. “I really wanna kiss you right now,” he confessed as his lips ghosted hers.

She leaned in ever so slightly so that her lips brushed against his as she said, “Then do it,”

His lips fell onto hers and her arms pulled him in closer, so they were pressed against each other as their lips moulded together perfectly. Jon wanted it to last forever but as he grazed his teeth against her bottom lip she pulled back slightly, “If we don’t stop, I won’t be going into my room alone,”

“You’re lucky im a gentleman,” Jon said as he forced himself to pull back, letting her turn to unlock her door, “Another time?”

“I’m free tomorrow?” she offered.

Jon laughed but nodded, “Tomorrows great. Text me,”

“As soon as im through this door.” She said, “Goodnight Jon,”

“Goodnight,” he said as he stepped away and let her return to her dorm.

Jon was barely out the dorm's front door when he checked to see if she had indeed texted him. She had. A text from an unknown number saying, ‘Guess who?’. Jon laughed to himself as he texts her back before looking at the bombardment of texts his friends had sent him. But they could wait. He wasn’t gonna let Sam find out he was right ruining his night. Turns out blind dates aren’t always a bad idea.

[ina-nis]

(A letter to you, that I will never send)

I really want to move on, I need to. I’ve been anchored long enough, hurting for long enough over something that was hopeless from the start. I knew there was no place for me, not in any way that would make me feel safe, instead... I felt like I had to change my life for you while, to you, it seemed like a nuisance to do the same. I understand, I really do. It’s hard to change when your life already works. Why would you turn it upside down and bring chaos into your peaceful existence? Even if it was not perfect or stress-free, it was familiar, and oh, how I understand the comfort of the familiar... but I tried because I felt like it was worth it. I guess I just tried my hardest to overlook how incompatible we were but it got more and more apparent. Understandably, I put most (if not all) of the blame on my shoulders: I hurt you too much, I pushed you too far, I kept demanding and asking for things you couldn’t possibly give while I offered all of myself and you took it. I felt used and discarded, but so did you. The difference is that I’ve been alone from the start, and you had the comfort of another person sleeping besides you every night. Obviously, I could never compete against that, and had no intention of meddling either, so I pulled away and waited, but nothing changed. I was the one that would have to change and fit, and I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t. I held onto the joy the best I could, I held onto the happy moments and all the fun I felt, but I couldn’t get rid of my growing resentment. I’m really sorry I wasn’t capable of staying and being a good friend, only friends. I’m sorry I shoved your own relationship in your face when I wanted to hurt you, as if that would make me any less alone or make you want me any more. In the end, you walked away, like all others did - even though you promised me you’d not leave, I knew that was not a promise anyone could keep, but it made me feel warm either way - I don’t blame you, I don’t blame any of them. It’s all my fault, but I’m not a victim here, nor are you. I’m not crying over “what ifs” or begging anyone to stay, that takes nowhere and I’m worth much more than crumbs of affection people may want to give me. You have so much love to give? I hope you’ll find other partners, hopefully not anywhere as traumatized and ill as me, and I hope I, too, can find someone to have me all for themselves and vice-versa. If not, I hope I can at least, finally, find some closure and turn the page like I have done so many times before. It’s always different, isn’t it? This time I let someone so close to my heart, I was so vulnerable and I confided so much. I can’t help but wonder if you still think about me, or obsess over me, like I do over you even though we don’t talk anymore. But I guess I already know the answer, and it makes me quite sad, I could never win against your job, against your partner, and all other aspects of your life you kept from me. Even though we spoke so much all the time, everyday, I don’t think I’ve felt like a priority, and that feeling only got worse over time... I really wish you all the best. I hope you’ll manage to maybe work less hours or find a less demanding/stressful job, I hope you manage to heal your current relationship if that’s what you want, I hope you can find familiarity and stability and that everything you want in life comes true eventually. I never really stopped loving you and, I guess, that’s what destroyed this relationship we built... but it was like I told you: it wouldn’t matter how many times I fell out of love, it would happen again over and over because it was you. You never denied my love directly, you never confronted it, you never told me “no”, so that was the recipe for disaster, wasn’t it? But that’s on me, not your fault. You owe me nothing and I’m glad you were the one to walk away. I’ll respect you and I’ll stay away from you. I will not check on you, I’ll make an effort to keep busy and without thoughts of you. I’ll grief what I need to, and I’ll find closure all on my own. It’s going to be okay, I’m sure. I hope we never meet again. Thank you. Farewell.