#Anyway jester had literally as much chemistry with Beau as with Nott and Caleb and even fjord for like 50-plus episodes

[stardustedknuckles]

Idk the more I think about it the funnier and more appropriate it is that the people insisting Beau and Jester had something going on canonically that was somehow sabotaged and the people who despised canon so much they quit watching are the same people.

Like that's the line between "people who ship Beau and Jester" and "be*ujes shippers" in my head. I've been the first one. Beau spent her life starved and screaming for attention and then Jester gave it so freely like breathing. There was a good story there, but it wasn't the one being told. The ones I can vibe with are in the first category. I see the potential, especially in the first half. But the ones who convinced themselves they were watching a completely different show are the ones that left when the actual show didn't follow their imaginations and like. Bye. (also they were nearly all terves...)

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E52

Once everyone starts turning into tieflings, you know it’s going to be a horny episode. I mean, seriously. There was way too much going on. Does this episode need sections? It needs sections.

Section 1: What did Caduceus Drink This Morning?

I have never seen Caduceus racking up so many points, in so many areas, so quickly. Isn’t this the same person who is supposed to not really understand the point of the hanky panky? Does he just accidentally have Big Flirt Energy? Inquiring minds need to know.

+5 to Fjord/Gluzo/Caduceus for the protracted grunting session. Apparently that’s the lingua franca of the City of Beasts. Explains a bit about the rest of the episode, come to think of it.

+1 to Caleb/Caduceus. Caduceus continues fulfilling his Mission of being the resident Caleb advocate, making sure any and all plans include a Protect Caleb Widogast clause. Unfortunately it’s hard for Caduceus to make good recommendations, considering it’s literally impossible for him to remember how Caleb’s magic works for more than five minutes at a time. Still, it’s the thought that counts, and his efforts did save Caleb from some rats #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress. Would have gotten points for trying to get alone time with Caleb to look for portals, but the universe decided it’s finally Caduceus’ turn to be cockblocked, and Nott and Jester got to hang out with Caleb instead.

+4 to Fjord/Caduceus. “I think you look just fine” and the absolute look of joy on Caduceus’ face as he described Fjord as “fun sized.” Just what kind of fun do you mean, Caduceus? Is that a dopey smile or do you know exactly how flirtatious you’re sounding? Also, I noticed this with the entrance to the tunnels and during the kobold encounter, but they have great chemistry as a Bullshitting Duo, which they turn v effectively on Sunbreaker here.

+10 to Sunbreaker/Caduceus Speaking of Sunbreaker…..what. The. Fuck. “That is beautiful by the way. I’ve never seen anything like it before,” he says. “Gorgeous,” he says. At first I thought, this could conceivably be Crafty Caduceus’ fixation on Well Done Blacksmithing, unintentionally applied to flirtatious ends. But then “I thought he winked at me” happened, and I knew it was intentional. I knew it. Caduceus flirting via extravagant compliments is back, folks.

Section 2: Sunbreaker, Heartbreaker

Speaking of Sunbreaker………another source of horniness for the episode. While everyone save Caleb (???) had a bit of a reaction to the man, here are some more standouts:

+12 to Nott/Sunbreaker. Nott has officially transferred all her thirst for whiskey into thirst for hot minotaur bod. His pecs aren’t fake like yours, Fjord! And Sunbreaker chuckled at her, and said he didn’t have a partner when she asked. It’s go time. Points taken away for how strongly Caleb disapproves of this relationship. But maybe that’s because he hasn’t gotten used to him yet. It’s always a process with kids

+5 to Fjord/Sunbreaker. You know the Drowning Victims really do have a lot in common, because Nott and Nott alone among all of the M9 made a stronger turned on face than Fjord at Sunbreaker upon seeing him. And then Fjord very strongly, very strangely advocated for following the guy around town “because he must be going to important places.” Fjord, that’s a one way ticket to a restraining order. You know better than this. Jester and Caleb do not approve.

Section 3: Genitals

Need I say more?

+1 to Molly/Caleb I did not actually know you could earn points from beyond the grave, but if anyone can do it, it’s Molly. His dick immortalized in Caleb’s photographic memory and recreated with an artist’s touch via spellwork. There’s some more commentary to be had here, but honestly I don’t want to touch it.

+30 to Beau/Jester. There are points to be earned for romance, and points to be earned from sexy. For the former, you can earn big with mutual “I love yous” while on the deck of a ship during a storm which also serves as a metaphor for gay emotional turbulence. The latter, you earn by displaying truly amazing, excessive interest in looking at the transforming genitalia of your partner.

+10 to Nott/Jester/The Plane of Pandemonium. Which is….fitting, for them.The way they describe the rift, the hand motions……..A+

+2 to Nott/Tiny Dicks It’s not the size of the dick, it’s how you use it that counts. And using it to get a good discount? Mmm.

Section 4: The Usual Suspects

-10 to Caleb/Gluzo. “How about when we get to the city, I just never see you again?” Damn, the OTP rose and fell spectacularly over just two episodes. Amazing. Obviously they had a falling out during the night. Either Caleb is bad in bed, or Gluzo is just adamant about one night stands remaining one night stands.

-2,000,000 Nott/Yeza. The higher you rise, the harder you fall. “50/50 my husband’s dead,” Nott says, nearly derailing her entire quest with no remorse so she can have an affair with a hot minotaur. Also nearly getting distracted from her goal by some tantalizing detective work dangled in front of her. Geez, good thing that favor with the Bright One was brought up.

+3 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester as they reassure Fjord of his handsomeness and the perfectness of his size. Well, Jester does anyway, saying “you’re very large,” and “it’s a very good size that you have,” while Caleb looks Fjord in the eye and shows off just how accurate a picture he has of how big Fjord is. Fjord decides he’d rather change the subject.

+1 to Jester/Yasha as Jester finally decides, 50+ episodes in, that it’s been long enough that Yasha won’t call her out for imitating her amazing goth look. And it is glorious.

+3 to Caleb/Jester because Caleb immediately decides he’s going to imitate Jester’s look. His absolute and pretty much unfounded faith in Jester’s negotiation skills. Caleb also gains a point by making extra certain Jester isn’t accidentally poisoning her dog with chocolate, even though Caleb is Not a Dog Person. Jester, meanwhile, gets on board with Caleb’s Cat Person energy by asking if the moorbounders can blep, because “that is the important thing.”

+5 to Beau/Yasha for the sheer disaster lesbian energy of Beau making a “You chasing tail?” pun and then immediately failing to look cool in the fight. Oh man. Oh man. If she’s lucky maybe Yasha getting poisoned muddled her brain up enough to make her forget that. Oh geez.

Section 5: Cat People, Dog People, Rat People

+4 to Caleb/Fjord because all Fjord ships are fundamentally based on banter, and there’s some good material here, ft Caleb saying “I did not cast comprehend languages, I do not know what that is,” to Fjord hinting they should duck somewhere for Caleb to re-cast his disguises, and again pretending not to be listening when Fjord starts hinting they should send his cat into danger. “My cat,” he says plaintively, but he does it anyway, for Fjord. Besides this, Fjord making up dumb little rhymes for Caleb like “How much time, keen mind?” and his absolute glee at seeing Caleb “Always Prepared” Widogast forced to admit he was taken off-guard by their shenanigans

+0 to Jester/Fjord because while all Fjord ships are based on banter, the dog is off-limits. Fjord sighs that he could not make Nugget into a killer, and dispatches the final demon-dog himself.

-100 Beau/Pets. This poor babe just does not have any luck. Did not get to keep the massive turtles, or the demon dogs, or the diseased rats. Didn’t even get the dismembering swamp cats. Someone, please. Give her an animal to love.