#Barnabus Bird

[theluckywizard]

WIP Whenever

Thank you for the tag @greypetrel

Well I just finished up my spicy art of Hawke and Rose for an upcoming chapter so I suppose that doesn't count! But here's a bit of Rose Trevelyan being nosy around the Hawke Estate while the man she's just been introduced to, Garrett Hawke is out having a street fight (LOL! Weird!) with some dwarf associate!? I love working on this scene because it's a great opportunity for easter eggs and just generally a great character reveal for both Rose and Hawke in my Kiss Me Moonstruck AU (matchmakingmoms!au).

Snippet below the cut 👇

In a closet beyond is an extra set of mail and an assortment of gambesons and maintenance tools and equipment. Awls and oil. Garrett’s finery from earlier hangs on a hook. Feeling venturesome and more than a little nosy, Rose leans in to get a whiff of this man she’s meant to like enough to marry.

Peppermint, obviously. Camphor. And buried underneath are hints of herbs she can’t quite distinguish. Elfroot probably. Rashvine and spindleweed perhaps. She startles at a sudden contact between her thighs, stumbling back from her insolent task to discover Garrett Hawke’s mabari has an equally insolent interest in her.

She shoves him back gingerly and with placating tones, unsure if a war dog would be friendly toward an interloper like herself. He’s three times the size and heft of any of her hunting hounds, and his undocked tail lashes and whips with enthusiasm when she scratches tentatively behind his ears.

“Well aren’t you persistent,” she mutters, attending to the short fur of his broad white chest. She carefully avoids the precarious string of slobber that dangles from his maw and returns to the foyer hoping the creature will settle down by the fire again. He doesn’t. Enthralled by the attention, he stays at her heels, following her over to an apparent writing desk.

It’s been recently tidied she notes, a pile of mail sits to one side with all the edges lined up, and there's a cup of distinctive looking quills, pencils and a rustic looking pen knife and a fresh supply of fine paper. In spite of the paper there’s a stack of half crumpled notes in another corner that someone did their best to organize.

Rose picks up a rumpled note written in a lively hand over the top of a torn out piece of broadsheet.

Emeric. Thursday, 8 o’clock. Follow up with Aveline. 

The wall above it is unceremoniously papered over with various letters, missives and documents and a sloppily carved slab of wood reads Wall of Fame.

Rose first reads a desperate sounding letter written in a primitive but decidedly feminine hand to Carver— his younger brother, she presumes— by an individual named Peaches. There’s a printed document with a flaming fist stamped in the corner about mage rights and the Maker. A badly drawn caricature of a man armored in absurdly pointy plate asking what she presumes to be a darkspawn for directions. And a well designed advert clipped from the news:

BARNABUS BIRD Purveyor of Fine Blades ══════════════════ Kitchen Knives ✧ Utility Knives ✧ Murder Knives ══════════════════  Slice Fereldan cheese paper thin! ✦ Cut unexpected bindings on your hands and feet! ✦ Clean the blood from your fingernails!

The address listed belongs to this very home.

LOL this last thing is one of Varric's many pranks on Hawke (they are trapped in a forever prank war). It's also an easter egg for my long fic.

Tagging @crackinglamb, @bluewren, @samseabxrn, @nirikeehan, @leggywillow, @exalted-dawn-drabbles, @ammoniteflesh, @skyeventide and YOU. Whatcha working on?

[midnigtartist]

ooohh can you give a one sentence summary of all the party members and dotty's favorite thing about them?

Oh this is cute. Ill go alphabetically i guess

Barnabus: Absolutely feral bard whos not really good at lying but its so annoying and confusing that people give up on trying to figure out what hes saying.

Hes Dottys soon to be brother in law and despite his chaotic energy Dotty appreciates how clever and supportive he can be when he tries. 

Haru: Sweet baby cleric whos 22 but will forever be seen as a child

Haru is vey trustworthy and kind

Lexa: stoic as fuck, not quite monk doing his very best to befriend the potentially evil elemental bird spirt hanging out in his chest.

He and Dotty kiss sometimes. She really appreciates how brave and level headed he is.

Lillian: feywild druid trying to stop the planar apocalypse and doing a great job of it

Dottys first real friend on the adventure. Dotty loves that Lillian is sweet and fun and kind

Rheiss: barbarian werewolf queen and useless lesbian disaster just trying to get back to her family and find her runaway girlfriend

Rheiss is sorta the heart of the party and one of the first people dotty really opened up to about her past. She thinks rheiss is very comforting, understanding and gives great advice

[meowtalhead]

I have to tell everyone about my ocs from the story I'm working on WIZARD APARTMENT (copy pasted directly from the word document so if the format looks weird that's why lol) PLEASE LOVE THEM AND ASK ME THINGS ABOUT THEM

Wizelda Spellcaster

She/her

She's a professional witch and works in the library of spells at the local wizard tower. She walks with a cane because of a wizard duel injury to her knee and the cane doubles as a wizard staff for casting epic spells of awesomeness. She's kind of a pessimist and not great at minding her own business, but she's also very genuine and (usually) good natured. She always finds herself in the middle of whatever supernatural chaos is taking place and she is having none of it

Vlad Draculason

They/them

Are they 28 or 2800 years old? The answer is yes. They're a gardener for a wizard florist in town and always in a good mood! Naively optimistic and laid back, they're pretty much wizelda's opposite. Whenever they get hungry they ask politely for some blood and gently poke a friend with a painless enchanted swirly straw. You can attract them to your back yard in bat form by putting count chocula in your bird feeder. Important detail: they wear heelys

Luna Wolf

She/they

She's a werewolf and a scientist. Her unspecified science job consists of wearing a lab coat, holding a clipboard, looking through microscopes and space telescopes, doing complicated math, drawing pictures of molecules on a whiteboard, and observing beakers of colorful liquid. But mostly she studies SPACE! specifically THE MOON. Also is very into yodeling

Norm L. Guy

He/him

Norm is just your average guy. He somehow wandered past the illusion spells hiding the apartment from non-wizards and stayed there because the rent was cheap. He's also the only one aware of Mortimer being the Dark Lord of Evil but keeps it to himself because you know, getting a dark wizard mad at you maybe isn't the best idea. He's constantly anxious and trying very hard to keep it together, living a ridiculous double life where he has to pretend to know things about magic

Skye Crystalball

She/her

She owns a touristy psychic occultist shop that caters to non-magical people, and loves tarot and crystals. She has extremely powerful psychic abilities yet chooses to believe Instagram astrology accounts instead. Always selling things on wizard etsy. She starts out very immature and constantly gets on Wizelda's nerves, but she slowly grows as a person throughout the story. She is always crunching on a quartz crystal like bugs bunny with a carrot

Barnabus Blazeweed

He/him

He lives in room 420 and smokes magical wizard weed. He's one of those guys who goes to the gym a lot and wears flannels and he's always saying some positive motivational shit like "bench pressed the exercise bike, radiating love and good vibes of happiness and light to y'all on this WEDNESDAY you got this my dudes." Pretty much everyone likes him except Mortimer.

Note: maybe make him a geologist in reference to the high geologist meme? Wizard geologist who studies magic wizard rocks?

Claude Cauldronbottom

They/he.

Claude works two jobs, one as a chef and one making wizard potions. The problem is that sometimes the potions end up in the food and soup ends up in the potions. Be very careful eating at their restaurant!

Bonnie Legg

She/her

Little old lady who lives on the first floor. She likes knitting, baking, napping in her rocking chair on the back porch, and playing mahjong. She ALSO likes committing arson and starting fights at the wizard biker bar for fun. She has pointy teeth and rides around on her houseling, a young baba yaga house still too small to fit inside, which at this early stage in its life resembles a wooden motorcycle with a shingle roof over the headlights and chicken legs instead of wheels

Hilda Hayfever

She/her

Angsty teenage anarchist punk rock scarecrow with embroidered tattoos and battle vest patches and stuff embroidered directly onto her because she's a scarecrow made of fabric character design hell yeah. Princess of the Halloween realm who fled to the human realm because of her firm anti-monarchy anti-authoritarian views, where she was basically adopted by Bonnie, who she calls baba. On Halloween night when the border between the two realms fades she fights The Pumpkinlord with a really cool really big sword that's shaped like a corn cob

Gil Waters

He/him

Merman. His room in the apartment is actually the koi pond out front, and koi are to merpeople what cats are to humans. So he has like 20 cats basically. Sometimes he babysits his baby niece, who is still in that adorable phase where she could develop into either a mermaid or a siren depending on her diet as she grows and constantly hungers for human flesh

Mortimer Darklorrd

He/him

The landlord of the wizard apartment and The Dark Lord of Evil foretold by ancient prophecies. Made of pure wickedness, absolutely vile, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, his ultimate goal is to be the ruler of the universe. He dresses like a boring regular guy except with a long black cloak, and he's always scheming new ways to exploit his tenants and conquer the world

Clint and Billy Draculason

Both use he/him

They're vampire wizard cowboys from Wizard Texas (a second Texas invisible to non-wizards located to the left of regular texas). Clint is Vlad's cousin and his job is stealing haunted cars. Ghost car wrangler with a car catching magic lasso. And he steals the cars with Billy. He and Billy are married. Clint has a bat shaped mustache. Billy has cowboy boot shaped sideburns

Bailey the Basilisk

She/her

A giant talking snake who works at Claude's restaurant. She's a BASILisk, not a regular basilisk, so instead of killing people with a death stare she has a little herb garden and makes really good pesto. Like REALLY good pesto, the best pesto you've ever had

Chad and the Bros

He/him

Chad and The Bros are a frat boy hive mind of which Chad is the blond one and central brain. They're all college kids who throw parties in the apartment but they’re kind of evil and messed up. The bros consist of Brody, Brostopher, Brotthew, Broithan, Bronard (pronounced like Bernard), and Bronard (pronounced like Leonard). They seem to see Barnabus as their responsible adult authority figure and can only be controlled by him

[magnusarchivememes]

tma characters are obscure-ish animals bc im running out of posts to make

jon: binturong

martin: pine marten (only partially bc of the name)

tim: kea

sasha: sand cat

basira: brown hyena

daisy: tundra wolf

melanie: banded mongoose

georgie: japanese serow

elias: medicinal leech

gerry keay: black sea hare 

jane prentiss: bobbit worm 

helen: wilson’s bird of paradise 

peter lukas: lamprey

jack barnabus: common prawn 

michael: king of saxony bird of paradise

simon fairchild: spider crab

[venusmages]

🖊🖊🖊+ Drac, Venka, and Lydia!!

Drac knew his griffon before he was “picked” for him! A trainee has to work in the stables as they start their studies and he met Gentleman back when he was a fluffy little baby, unnamed and just called “Blue 8” at the time. He was super attached and when he DID pass his requirements and it came time to get his bird, Lydia had quietly ferreted Gent away so no other rider would nab him before Drac did :). Everyone in the cavalry was jealous because he was one of the best behaved griffons in that generation.

Venka likes jewelry-making more than tailoring! She loves both, but accessories are her first passion. It’s one of the few things she’s truly confident in her ability with, something she doesn’t mind being immodest about! She’s more subdued and shy with pretty much everything else in her life, even her objectively decent sewing skills. Bracelets and rings are her favorite 🤩.

Dagult Neverember was initially against Lydia being an adventurer and refused to let her learn how to use weapons. Barnabus (her - and now the party’s- dog) being able to fight was the loophole around that to keep her safe! So she could keep her friends safe and healed up, too :).

[sisi-halloway]

Barnabus and Heidi Ruselius Bio!

Barnabus Hyde Ruselius:

Other Names: Barnie (By Heidi) Hyde (by most of everyone else)

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Bisexual

Age: 29

Birthplace: Somrald in Murik Valley (Zadith)

Ethnicity: Black Zadithian(?)

Birthday: June 8th

Familiar: Sinai the Shire Draft Horse

Appearance:

Barnabus is 6′6, weighing over 260 lbs with a hulking body type. He has smooth and dark skin, with warm undertones like red ochre. He has black hair pulled back into dreadlocks, longer than shoulder length, adorned with prairie witch charms and gold jewelry. He eventually takes his dreads down and wears his curls down his back for a length of time before cutting his hair shorter. He has coal black eyes, a strong nose and jaw, and full lips and a gorgeous smile when he has a mind to do so. Broad shouldered and solid, Barnabus has a strong gait. He has a few tattoos, a banded crown of thorns around his right forearm, and an old Somraldic saying: “Love Until We Leave” written in cursive on his right pectoral muscle. This tattoo he has matching with his sister. He also has a burn from a cattle brand in the form of a spade on his left pectoral muscle. His sister also has the same mark on her ribs. Barnabus has a host of scars on his back from a childhood accident. 

Favorite Things:

Favorite Colors: Evergreen

Favorite Flower: Parryi Nolina (Parry’s Beargrass)

Favorite Drinks: Apple Cider, Whiskey, Peach Soda Pop, Lemon Water

Favorite Foods: Pistachios, Almonds, Lemon Merengue Pie, Rib Eye Steak, Peaches

Favorite Hobbies: Stargazing, Fishing, Cooking, Taking Care of the Farm Animals

Skills: Woodworking, Glassblowing, Ironworking, Ax throwing, Lassoing, Shooting Rifles

Familial/ Other relationships:

Father: Nautilus Ruselius (Nate Russell)

Mother: Monica Oikos

Siblings: Heidi Ruselius

Close Friends: Daniel and Charlie Reyes, Salice Halloway

Partner: @asranemesis‘ Charlie (previously)

____________________________

Heidi Deme Ruselius:

Other Names: Deme (by the ‘Gone’)

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Age: 29

Birthplace: Somrald in Murik Valley (Zadith)

Ethnicity: Black Zadithian(?)

Birthday: June 8th

Familiar: Enoch the Murik Valley Wolf (Mackenzie Valley Wolf)

Appearance:

Heidi is 6 feet tall, with a toned and fit body type. She has warm, dark skin, darker than her brother's with freckles covering her from head to toe, a slightly lighter brown. She has the same black, curly hair normally pulled back into passion twists down to her mid back. She has the same prairie witch charms and gold jewelry as her brother, often wearing wildflowers in her hair as well. Sometimes she takes her twists out and lets her hair loose. Her eyes are black, and she has long lashes. A round nose, high cheekbones, a round brow and a set of curvy lips. Heidi has an unmistakable smile. She has a sweet and confident walk, often leading with her curvy hips and her long slender legs. She has only one tattoo: the old Somraldic saying: “Love Until We Leave” written in cursive on her left forearm, the same to match her brother. She also has the spade cattle brand on her side. She has a darkened burn scar on her right hand from a childhood accident.

Favorite Things:

Favorite Colors: Dark Umber

Favorite Flower: Desert Evening Primrose

Favorite Drinks: Sweet Tea, Bourbon, Dark Cola, Sugar Water

Favorite Foods: Chocolate Chip Pancakes, Cinnamon Banana Muffins, Pork Sausage, Funnel Cake, Mashed Potatoes

Favorite Hobbies: Bull Riding, Rodeo Riding, Taking Long Naps, Making Flower Crowns

Skills: Animal Breeding, Shooting Pistols, Somraldic Prairie Witchcraft, Bird Calling, 

Familial/ Other relationships:

Father: Nautilus Ruselius (Nate Russell)

Mother: Monica Oikos

Siblings: Barnabus Ruselius

Close Friends: Daniel and Charlie Reyes, Salice Halloway

Partner: @asranemesis​‘ Daniel (previously)

[jlwebkinz]

Webkinz List! 141 webkinz :D

Webkinz

American Buffalo, Buff

Apprentice Owl, Bag of Tricks

Basset Hound, Brenna

Basset Hound (New Version), Bach

Beaver, Beavis

Black Cat, Basalt

Black Friesian Stallion, Baltimore

Black Friesian Stallion, Bentley

Black Poodle, Bonjour

Black and White Cat, Briana

Black Bear, Brody

Blue Whale, Baywatch

Bobcat Kitten, Bradley

Bottlenose Dolphin, Barton

Bullfrog, Bartholomew

Bumblebee, Buzzy

Cactus Cat, Battlefield

Charcoal Cat, Betty

Cheeky Cat, Bernice

Cheeky Dog, Bernie

Cheeky Monkey, Bethany

Chicken, Benedict

Chipmunk, Bugle

Clown Fish, Beemo

Cockapoo, Bishop

Cocker Spaniel, Brownie

Cow, Bell

Cow, Burger

Daisy Lion, Baldwin

Dalmatian, Bob

Dalmatian, Bennett

Dama Gazelle (Signature), Barnabus

Domino Cat, Button

Endangered Brown Bear (Signature), Benjamin

Fancy Flamingo, Barcelona

Fire Fawn, Belinda

Flutter Cow, Brielle

Fresh Spring Fawn, Bella

Frog, Bermuda

Gargowl, Baron

Glamour Gecko, Bling-Bling

Gold and White Cat, Buttercup

Golden Retriever, Buddy

Gorilla, Bale

Harmony Dragon, Boris

Harmony Puppy, Brian

Hedgehog, Burrow

Himalayan Cat, Bobbi

Hippo, Biggs

Holiday Silver Reindeer, Belle Noel

Holiday Red Reindeer, Bethlehem

Hopping Bunny, Bunny Buddy

Huskey, Barlow

Ice Fawn, Brigita

Icy Mist Leopard, Bea

Key Limo Dino, Bronte

King Schnauzer, Brutus

Kiwi Bird, Birdo

Lemon-Lime Gecko, Bahamas

Leopard, Brynne

Lionfish, Boba

Love Lion, BigHug

Monkey, Bananas

Nimbi Hamster, Breeze

Panda, Bamboo

Pelican, Boaty

Pink Googles, Bonnie

Pink Pony, Bree

Pink Poodle, Beth

Pink Sparkle Hamster, Bridgette

Pink and White Cat, Blueberry Muffin

Polar Bear, Barney

Poodle, Brooklyn

Pretty Elephant, Boop

Pretty Kitty, Bows

Pug, Brittany

Rabbit, Burrow

Rascally Raccoon, Beatrix

Red Velvet Fawn, Burgundy 

Red Velvet Rabbit, Barn

Reindeer, Bert

Reindeer, Blitzen

Sapphire Pegasus, Beltza

Sapphire Pegasus, Blau

Sapphire Pegasus, Bleu

Sapphire Pegasus, Blue

Schnauzer, Brunswick

Scruffy Puppy, Benson

Seal, Bubbles

Snow Leopard, Blake

Snowman, Blush

Soft Rainbow Tiger, Brilliance

Springer Spaniel, Bailey

Spotted Frog, Bart

St. Bernard, Barrel

Stormy Dragon, Baki

Sun Fox, Blast

Ten Year Magic W Pup, Birthday

Tiger, Brooke

Tiger Snake, Brad

Tinkercat, Batteries

Unicorn, Briar

Vampire Bat, Beelzebub

Velvety Elephant, Brandy

Wacky Zingoz, Be Wacky

Winter Solstice Stag, Bodhi

White Terrier, Bootsie

Wombat, Bucky

Total: 108

Lil Kinz

Lil’ Kinz Alley Cat, Beca

Lil’ Kinz Black Bear, Bearyl

Lil’ Kinz Black and White Cat, Banksy

Lil’ Kinz Chickadee, Beaker

Lil’ Kinz Clydesdale, Betsy

Lil’ Kinz Cocker Spaniel, Buster

Lil’ Kinz Cow, Butter

Lil’ Kinz Elephant, Bumbo Jumbo

Lil’ Kinz Golden Retriever, Barkley

Lil’ Kinz Google (White), Ben

Lil’ Kinz Gorilla, Bruce

Lil’ Kinz Hippo, Blueberry

Lil’ Kinz Lion, Bane

Lil’ Kinz Lioness, Bacardi

Lil’ Kinz Monkey, Begonia

Lil’ Kinz Panda, Beifong

Lil’ Kinz Pink Poodle, Blythe

Lil’ Kinz Pig, Bagel

Lil’ Kinz Pug, Bungie

Lil’ Kinz Rabbit, Blossom

Lil’ Kinz Seal, Boo

Lil’ Kinz Seal, Bounce

Lil’ Kinz St. Bernard, Bemidji

Total: 23

Zumbuddies

Peeking Zum, Zip

Lazy Zum, Zeb

Total: 2 

Kinzclips

Black and White Cat

Brown Dog

Bulldog

Charcoal Cat

Cocker Spaniel

Pink and White Cat

Pug

Siamese Cat

Total: 8

[stellarcheetah-archived]

Monster

So stay away from me, The beast is ugly; I feel the rage And I just can't hold it.

It burned.

The rage boiled inside of him, tightening his muscles so that they threatened to tremble. He wanted to scream. He wanted to lash out. He wanted to strike something, feel the impact of solid form against his fist. He wanted to hit someone.

He wanted to hurt someone.

And that only made him angrier.

So did Abernathy, stepping up to block his way. Did the stupid half-orc not understand? He could not simply let the warlock walk away. Penimra had insulted his title, his lineage, his honour. He could not let that go unanswered. And he was so sick of the damn elf’s attitude. He wanted to crush that ugly beaked mask back into whatever remained of the face underneath it. Maybe that would silence him.

A touch on his arm halted him before he could try to advance again, forcing him to look to the woman who also dared stop him.

He only half-heard what she said. The blood was pounding too loudly in his ears. The fury was too great. It was hard to focus, hard to listen to anything else but the need to release the anger that frothed and roiled in his chest, in his gut. It was a guard dog, snapping at the end of its chain. It was a cobra, hood broad and fangs poised to strike. It was a mother bear, bellowing threats at the wanderer too close. It was a rope pulled too taut, strands unraveling as it threatened to snap at a feather’s more weight.

“You are a better man.”

It was the first thing to cut through the haze of red, jabbing into him like an icy spear. His throat tightened, constricting around the scream trapped there and making it hard to swallow.

You are better than this.

How often had he heard that? From his earliest memories, he knew those words. He knew them from his childhood nanny, from his mother, from his father, from his sister, from his brother-in-law, from his ex-lovers, from his peers. He should have been better than this.

“Please do not endanger yourself, or Penimra, or settle for more primitive matters. You are better than that, I know you are.”

Did she, really? How long had she known him? Barely even a month, if he recalled correctly, but she spoke as if she’d known him for years. She spoke as if she understood the depths of his heart, as if she understood all the hurt and the hate he carried inside of him.

And that frightened him.

It made him feel exposed. He felt... naked, beneath her gaze. It seemed at times she saw through the wall of ice he had built so carefully around himself as though it were glass. Though he tried to keep her at bay, just as he did every other, she wasn’t so easily dismissed. She was gentle and persistent, like wildflowers creeping through a brick walkway: and no matter how many times you tried to pull it up, it kept returning, slowly and quietly while you weren’t looking until its soft blooms caught your eye. But he couldn’t understand why. Why did she bother? Why did she care? What did she see in his shattered pieces that made him worth reaching for?

It was stupid of her. Didn’t she see that? Even if there was something worthwhile inside of him, surely it was not worth the struggle: more like sticking one’s arm through a rose bush’s thorns to retrieve a pretty bird’s feather. Even if you thought you wanted it, it wasn’t worth the pain of getting there. He was dangerous. She should have learned that. His temper was strong enough to kill his own brother, even unintentionally.

He felt more like an animal than a man. She’d said it herself; this feeling he had, the things he wanted to do, it was primitive. He was feral, raw, brutish. The stupid woman was going to get herself hurt, pursuing him.

He took a deep breath, letting it out harshly through his nose. He was silent for a long moment, staring into her warm butterscotch eyes as he tried to force his anger down.

“...Fine.”

He turned away from her sharply, tearing his gaze from hers as he yanked his glove back on. His eyes stung. There was too much emotion in him that begged for an outlet, pushing its way through in the form of tears that burned in the corners of his eyes as he tried to blink them back. He drew his cloak tighter around himself, making swift strides across the dusty ground to escape the clamor of the group. Caesar- all the gods bless him- followed at his heels, whining softly for his attention.

Finding a spot far enough to have some privacy while still being within a reasonable distance to react should a problem arise, he sat down heavily in the dirt. The dog did the same, crawling up to his side to rest his head on his knee. Caesar always knew when he was upset, and he always wanted to make his master feel better. Amon sank his fingers into the dog’s thick fur, feeling the rage fizzling away as he took a moment to breathe.

Why was he like this?

He didn’t... he didn’t mean to get so angry. He didn’t mean to let his temper get the best of him, but it did. Over and over again, it did. He tried so hard to keep it in check. He’d promised himself he would not be his father. Arthur had been such a wrathful man. He’d been frightening, when he was angry. Though he had never seen it reflected onto his sister, his mother, or his step-mother, he’d born the brunt of it plenty well enough. The staff feared him. The other nobles feared him. Even a good amount of the people feared him. He’d had to fight to shake the shadow of Arthur’s wrath off of himself when he took up the mantle of lordship, but still it pursued him.

This wasn’t what he wanted.

His breath hitched in his throat as he caught movement at his other side, holding it in as a hand brushed over his shoulder.

“Hey...”

Essätha’s voice was soft as she knelt down beside him, and he released the breath in a sigh, long and slow. It hissed through his barely-parted lips, the only sound he made as he stared into the dirt. There was a pause that lingered between them before she leaned over him, her arms finding a place around his shoulders.

“..You’re doing your best,” she whispered, a hand circling against his back. “I’m proud of you.”

A lump formed in his throat that he tried to swallow, without success.

“I know it’s not okay, right now. I know you don’t feel okay, right now. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through, but I’m here for you. You don’t have to be alone.”

Fighting the wave of emotion that began to rise in him, he bit out the question that sat in his mind.

“...Why do you care so much about me?”

It was answered with a gentle scoff.

“I care about you all in general,” she pointed out, tension in her voice. Her posture had become rigid, and there was another pause before she released a loud exhale, patting his back lightly.

“Lord Amon, you see yourself in the worst light. But that is only one side, and one perspective of who you are, and you skew it and twist it to what you want to see. I look at you, and I think about the fact you took in a little girl who had nothing, and gave her a home. I look at you, and I see someone who has tried their damnedest to make things right. Even the things you had no control over, you have tried to right the wrongs of the world. I see someone who is generous, who is kind, who has put a lifetime of effort and thought into their actions and their ideals.

“I care because you are so easy to like. You’re compassionate, astute, and gracious. You had power, you could have done anything with it, and you took a path of honour and valour. You are open to people; considerate, thoughtful, weighing them before jumping to conclusions. You’re not a villain, Amon. You’re a man, and one who has worked tirelessly in his life to make the world a better place. I believe in you, and what you’ve done. You stand up for others; like you did with Aylin, like you’ve done for the town of Welton, and Barnabus’ daughter. You’re intelligent, although I think you like to try reserving that nugget to yourself. I think you could use a little belief in yourself. But I understand that is something that can take time. And I’m willing to be there for you, going through it, if you’d like the company through that journey.”

She cleared her throat, tentative as she added on, “You also make for a good friend. If, you know, you enjoy that sort of title.”

He absorbed this silently, the lump still in his throat and constricting his airway to make it hard to breathe. He drew in a sharp breath, letting out in a long, low sigh as he pulled his cloak tighter about his shoulders and crumpled into himself. He wanted to cry, to weep. He was so tired. It was all so much. He wanted to lay his head upon her shoulder, to give in to her, to have her take the burden from him.

But he couldn’t. There was no rest for the wicked, no peace for the sinner. He had to face adversity with grace, find dignity in silence. No matter what she said, his outburst had proven that he was still a brute.

He always had been.

He always would be.

[hollowsart]

All you need to know about the Koala Karnival!

Story:

The owners of the infamous animatronic children’s restaurant, The Koala Karnival, claim high and low that it is a creation of their own ingenious doing and not some rip-off copy of the famous Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria.

In truth, the owners were contacted to be the first international location of the Fazbear crew. However, during shipping of the animatronics there were some issues, parts and pieces were lost and broken. This gave way to the greedy thoughts of the owners to recreate Freddy Fazbear as their own thing. And thus, they got to work on creating the Koala Karnival! Their cheapskate and greedy ways made do with what they could at first and over time as money slowly came their way they made necessary changes to the animatronics and the facility itself to make it more and more different from Freddy Fazbear.

Anything to get under the radar for any and all copyright lawsuits.

As it currently sits, the Koala Karnival is in the middle of recreating itself and introducing the new and improved circus carnival theme that has been prevalent from the beginning of the facility’s creation. New animatronics have been created to replace the old

Main Crew:

Barnabus Koala

- Barnabus is the star of the show! The ringleader to the carnival crew of fun singing and dancing creatures and characters! He is programmed to wander around a precise path in the facility during intermission of the shows on the main stage. Children are advised to be kept at least 2 feet away and not touch the animatronic as it is in motion. Currently, however, it is in need of minor repairs to its body and internal wiring. Parts are taken from a Freddy Fazbear animatronic.

Flamenco the Flamingo

- Flamenco is a high quality animatronic used for teaching hygiene and cleanliness to the children. It is highly advised that kids be kept away from and clean when interacting with the animatronic. Special sensors are put in place for this animatronic to detect when kids have not been cleaned thoroughly. Some minor tweaking may need to be in order by complaint of some parents. Parts were taken from a Chica animatronic.

Honey the Potoo

- Honey is a star singer with a great voice box for songs of any kind! However, her constantly breaking voice box has kept her in the back for maintenance quite often. The cause of the voice box breaking has yet to be determined. A replacement for her has yet to be decided. Parts were taken from both a Bonnie and Chica animatronic.

Vernon the Vendor

- An eccentric human animatronic made with utmost care to make a serve ice cream to kids. There have been many a complaint by parents of the faulty programming. Attempts have been made to fix the issues. Parts were taken using a broken Balloon Boy animatronic as the base.

Hidden characters:

Verny

- An attempt was made to recreate the ice cream vendor animatronic to something more kid and family friendly. However, things did not go as planned and this animatronic has yet to see the light of day with the kids. Currently this animatronic sits in he back of the storage room. Waiting.

Shadow Vern

- There is nothing known of this so called animatronic. No such animatronic exists. Any and all supposed reported sightings of this “animatronic” are nothing more than false accounts. Do not pay any mind to this. It is of no concern to the public or staff.

Barnaby Bear

- A long since scrapped and withered prototype of Barnabus Koala. Parts are taken from a Freddy Fazbear animatronic. Although the power has been stripped from this animatronic and it has been placed in the back of storage, there have been a few noted reports of staff members claiming it has moved around a number of times, however there has yet to be any visually documented proof of this claim.

Version 2.0:

B2 (Barnabus Koala)

- Much more like a ringleader Barnabus 2.0 has been recreated to better fit the circus carnival theme. Placed and programmed to remain upon the main stage he no longer wanders around for safety of the kids. He has been reprogrammed for announcements and songs. A new and experimental system has been added to him that allows him to create balloons for the children during show intermissions.

V2 (Vernon The Ticket Vendor)

- Vernon 2.0 is no longer in charge of ice cream making as that honor is given to a human lookalike for a far better (and albeit cheaper) alternative. Vernon 2.0 is in charge of greeting people at the front to the Koala Karnival. Gives stamps to kids hands and is given a pair of legs to stand on, however, the legs cannot move and are a much more fancy base to sit upon. The floor under his feet can spin around, though.

H2 (Honey Hummingbird)

- Honey 2.0 has been given a major change in appearance, most notably is her change of clothes. She has been given a lesser complex voice box to sing better with less problems and errors. She has changed from a Potoo bird to a Humming Bird, from an obscure and little known avian to something children are more likely to recognize.

F2 (Flamenco Flamingo)

- Flamenco 2.0 is a recreation of the original Flamingo animatronic. Improved wiring and programming make it much more high tech and capable of a heightened performance. She is a far more practical and useful animatronic in detecting whether children are clean or not.. as well as some other things. She is quite fast in her movements which helps with her newly programmed dancing.

[theluckywizard]

Garrett Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall

AKA Barnabus Bird, C. Huckles, Havartus the Cheeselord

Inquisitor Rose Trevelyan’s not so secret lover

Featured in my DA:I long fic In the Shattering of Things and my yet to be published DA:2 matchmaking romantic comedy Kiss Me Moonstruck (Hawke x Trevelyan)

[midnigtartist]

I love your dnd party so much??? Your art is fantastic!!! Would you mind telling a little about each PC? They look very interesting!!

Oh yes absolutely i love my party i love talking about them

Blue haired lady is Rhiess, shes our human barbarian. Shes a werewolf and she’s literally the sweetest and loves birds. She also married our bard and its peak wlw mlm solidarity i love it sm aaaaaa (played by the lovely @millimauk ^3^)

Red haired dude is Lexa. Hes a human monk/sorcerer with a mood ring that lets him know what hes feeling (it’s usually annoyed). Hes the default dad friend of the group and is constantly trying to keep us from wandering into danger. Cursed or some shit

The blond elf is Lillian, shes our druid. Playing the wii shop music on repeat in her head. We found out that the deer skull she usually wears is named DEER-mitri and i LOVE it. Her goddess is trying to abduct her

Brown hair man is our bard/ recently warlock Barnabus. Hes human and HIGHLY CURSED OH MY GOOD. I cant even list all the things hes done oml. Hes tried to have my character kidnapped TWICE bc he was jealous, he robbed a monastery an hour into is being in town, and is currently romancing my characters cousin. He’s horrible and I absolutely love him.

The little one is our halfling cleric Haru. They’re literally baby. So sweet, so shy, so wonderful. Technically they’re part assimar so theyre like a little cherub !!!!! They glow i love them. They call the bard “mister wizard” i would die for them.

And then the tiefling is my girl Dotty. Gunslinger/ artificer. She’s basically El Woods from Legally Blond but if she hand a gun lmao. Her fiancé left her like a month before the wedding to marry a richer girl and shes been spiraling ever since.

Our dm ( @dungeonnovice ) is amazing for putting up w all our nonsense and continues to put together incredible sessions for us every week ❤️❤️❤️

[true-halloween-tales]

2018: #7-MONSTERS ON THE LOOSE 8: MONSTERS NEVER ON THE LOOSE

Monsters on the Loose has previously examined unexplained sightings of cryptids, possible animals that have escaped classification. Sometimes there are real sightings of unknown beasties. The rational explanation for those sightings, such as often with chupacabra sightings, is that known animals were spotted who may appear different due to mutation or disease, often having mange. However, many sightings are clearly – if not blatantly – faked. Recovered remains of cryptids have historically been often a creative combination of dead animal parts. That was the fossil game in the early 1900’s. Piece together bones incorrectly and create a monster, then charge admission to see it! As a Boy Scout, it was common for there to be Snipe Hunts (see 2016: #13-SUMMER CAMP). New Boy Scouts, especially first time campers, would be led out to search for those dangerous snipes, completely non-existent creatures. This time the cryptids that shall be focused upon are those that we know never existed, monsters that have never been on the loose. What is simply amazing is that people really believed they existed.

There sure are a lot of fakes, including for dragons (see 2018: #3-DRAGONS). In 1696, Cornelius Meyer claimed to have found the skeleton of a dragon responsible for flooding Rome. An analysis of a sketch of this skeleton indicates that the skull belonged to a dog, the mandible from a second dog, the ribs from a fat fish, the vertebrae from a beaver, and the limbs from a bear. The wings, tail, beak, and horn were handmade. No kitchen sink was apparently included. But there were remnants of “dragon skin,” a tarp-like material used to hide the false connections of the various animal parts. In 1845, Dr. Albert Koch went on tour across the U.S with his huge, one-hundred and fourteen foot long dragon skeleton... and it was really a curious conglomeration of five whale skeletons. Not surprisingly, to this day there are still claims of people finding dragon skeletons – mostly in China. These dragon remains turn out to be fossils or fakes. But there are many non-dragon fossil fakes too…

The Fiji mermaid was first put on display in 1842 by P.T. Barnum in his museum in New York. Shortly later, a merman was found in Banff, Alberta, and was displayed at the Indian Trading Post. There are still locations, such as museums, across the world today with supposed dead merman and mermaids on display. Their bodies are invariably carved out of wood and may be combined with fishy and monkey bodily bits. The Booth Museum in Brighton, England has one such display. Another famous fossil fake was 1912’s Piltdown Man. Charles Dawson claimed the Piltdown Man he found was the Missing Link. The fossil turned out to be an ape’s jawbone that Dawson bleached and weathered before “discovering” it. In 1868 New York, George Hull charged people to see the Cardiff Giant he claimed he found (see image below and see 2016: #5-GIANTS). It was ten feet tall, and Hull had it carved out of gypsum before “discovering” it. The checklist of counterfeit cryptids just keeps on going! But there were some honest mistakes made...

Lack of knowledge is a valid reason why some monsters were incorrectly identified. The 1100’s Latin Book of Beasts is bursting with booboos! Creatures that really existed were rather misunderstood. Ibis – birds – were believed to consume corpses when they were not busily occupied cleaning out their bowels with their beaks. Jaculus were flying snakes who somehow turned into javelins and tossed themselves as weapons at those below them. Syrens were white winged snakes from Arabia that flew faster than horses; their venom killed so fast that their victims never felt their bite. The Seps was a snake that had acid poison which completely dissolved your body and bones. The Salamandar was immune to fire and was highly poisonous. The Cocoddryllus from the River Nile are basically crocodiles except they are thirty feet long and have skin as strong as stone.

Several nonexistent beasts were thought to exist. Griffins were widely believed to exist, quadruped eagle beasts. The Bonnacon from Asia reportedly had the head of a bull and the body of a horse. The Monoceros had a four foot horn, a horrible howl, a horse-like body, but the feet of an elephant and the tail of a stag… and later became known as the unicorn. The Leucrotta is from India and is the fastest animal, the size of a donkey, with stag legs, lion body, and a horse head. The Cerastes were snakes with horns of rams. And the list goes on and on. Therefore, the top three need to be identified, of monsters that were never on the loose.

Sirens were thought to be dangerous creatures that lured sailors to their deaths. They were believed to be a combination of birds and women, with feathers, scaly bird legs and feet. They may or may not have wings. They often play instruments such as harps or lyres. They used their enchanting voices and music to shipwreck passing vessels on the rocks. Then they tear apart the sailors and devour their bloody flesh. Greek mythology traced their lineage to either the primordial sea god, Phorcys, or the river god Achelous (see 2013: #2-MEDUSAS). Roman poets located the sirens on the small Sirenum Scopuli island chain. Sirens sang their songs on Odysseus who tied himself to the mast of his ship to resist their power in The Odyssey. Sirens are related to mermaids of the sea and harpies of the air. In fact, sirenia is a classification of aquatic, mammals that live in rivers and various waters. Over the centuries the image of the siren became less beastly and more beauty. Even Leonardo da Vinci believed in sirens and wrote, "The siren sings so sweetly that she lulls the mariners to sleep; then she climbs upon the ships and kills the sleeping mariners."

The phoenix dates back to Ancient Greece or Egypt. They were reported to have a five-hundred year lifespan. They symbolize renewal and the possibility of an afterlife. When the phoenix’s five-hundred year alarm clock goes off, it self-immolates and is regenerated, born again. Phoenix’s therefore have an association with fire and the sun. They are often depicted with clouds or seven rays of light beaming from them. Those rays of light are consistent with imagery for Helios, Greek mythology’s titan of the sun. However, the phoenix may have originated in Egypt from the long-legged bennu bird. Bennu was also believed to be a deity who had connections to the sun and rebirth. But there are versions of the phoenix all over the world in many countries, under so many names like the phoenix is an international spy (see 2017: #4-SPIES). In India the phoenix is known as garuda or gandaberunda, in Russia as the firebird, in Iran as simorgh, in Georgia as paskunji, in Saudi Arabia as anka, in Turkey as zümrüdü anka, in Japan as hō-ō, in China as fenghuang and zhu que, and in Tibet as me byi karmo. It is not surprising that in some ways the symbolism of the phoenix was absorbed into Christianity (see 2011: #6-HALLOWEEN AND RELIGION). The myth of the phoenix really has influenced many cultures and civilizations.

The manticore was reported to have the body of a lion, the tail and stinger of a scorpion, and a nasty head of a man with blazing red eyes and multiple rows of teeth. Manticores are similar to sphinxes but they are monstrous man-eaters known to eat people – bones and all. They were thought to originate from mantygers. Mantygers had the body of a tiger, the head of an old man – also rather nasty, with tusks like a boar and long spiral horns. Some exceedingly wise experts, who were most definitely nasty themselves, thought that the mantyger’s horns were similar to ox horns – and they had monkey feet. Other experts, the nastiest, realized that the mantyger was totally unrelated to the manticore. Manticores were thought to live in Iran and were called mardykhor or merthykhuwar. There are variations of manticores’ tail. It either appears as a large scorpion sting or as having shootable poisonous spines similar to porcupine quills. In Dante’s Inferno, Geryon is depicted as a manticore. Nowadays manticores are a popular monster in fantasy games.

Fantasy films are pretty much your best option for seeing anything close to sirines, the phoenix, or manticores: The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger, both Clash of the Titans films, Wrath of the Titans, etc. 1963’s Jason and the Argonauts featured harpies taunting a blind Patrick Troughton, Doctor Who #2 (see 2018: #2-GUIDE TO DOCTOR WHO). The Dark Shadows tv series included a human phoenix villainess in its first season, before Barnabus the vampire made his appearance (see 2016: #7-GUIDE TO DARK SHADOWS). There is even a 2005 film named, Manticore, about an eternal manticore waking up for big fun.

These creatures have never been on this Earth. They are fakes and mistakes. But who knows, maybe they will appear in the far future. Millions of years in the future, what strange creatures could walk across the surface of this planet? Maybe they are not monsters on the loose now, but they may be monsters on the loose one day (on Friday see 2018: #8-THE DYING EARTH)…

[royal-writer]

the ending we needed

What should have existed instead of the shit that shattered my damn heart because the virtual fucking dice are evil and give us NAT20'S looking for bugs and not comforting sweet broken men that some of us are trying to convince to like us so they'll come with us on grand fucking adventures.

No, I'm not still bitter. I'm not a pink Himalayan salt brick of raging fury and sorrow and anguish. Not at all.

This bitch gotta go cry now bye.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

The harsh tone made Essätha instantly flinch. She folded in on herself; shrinking miserably at the irritation lacing Amon’s voice. From head to toe it felt like her muscles seized up. Locking into position with one arm wrapped around his waist and the other slightly around his midsection.

“I told you to leave me be,” he snarled, a shoulder working it’s way against hers to shove her off.

For a numbing moment, she wondered if he was going to strike her for the reckless impulse. She hadn’t asked if he wanted to be hugged. He hardly seemed like the hugging type, anyway. Always a chin up defiantly at the world. Challenging it to bring the worst upon him. A hardened gaze and locked jaw; posture straight.

He’d seen enough to take a swing and keep standing, even when it hurt. Even when he didn’t want to.

She had wandered into spontaneous action without thinking twice of it. Despite the growling displeasure he voiced,  Essätha held to him even tighter. Selfish. Maybe he didn’t want the hug; didn’t care to be embraced or cared about but she did. On her behalf and his own.

It had been a trying past few days. Chasing stories, finding answers and more questions; she’d had enough dealing with these people. To just stand there, pretending it didn’t bother her to see a wounded creature licking their infected wounds that would not heal… she just couldn’t do it.

“It’s only a hug,” she stubbornly declared. “What’s so bad about it?”

“I don’t want to be hugged,” Amon grumbled with growing aggravation.

A hand pressed against her shoulder.

“Why do you have to pretend like things don’t hurt you?” Essie demanded, clutching her fingers into the back of his cloak.

Amon gave a sudden shudder. His breath came out short and sudden as he gripped tightly to her shoulder. The strength of his fingers was alarming and only just short of being painful.

“Get off of me, Essätha.”

“I’m not going to hurt you!”

He recoiled as though she had slapped him. The hand digging into her shoulder; gradually applying pressure to encourage her off, dropped to his side.

“You’re allowed to feel things,” she persisted, burying her face against the crook of his shoulder. “You’re allowed to be hurt, mournful, angry, guilty- you’re allowed to express how you feel and let yourself feel. It’s okay to let yourself cry. No one’s demanding you to put up a brave front and play the tough guy role.”

Beneath her chest pressed against his, Essätha could feel rise and fall of his breathes. Strangled and coming out in short bursts. The echo of his heart drummed against her ear.

Amon gave another light tremor. He swallowed; his throat flexing just as he tried to clear it. The tightness of his jaw loosened only a moment; just as quickly grinding his teeth together to keep himself in control.

“I won’t let them hurt you,” she promised quietly; voice muffled against him.

A dry, choking laughter escaped Amon. It was harsh and grating against her ear.

“You can keep that hardass masquerade going as much as you want, but I’m serious. If they say anything-”

“As if what they’re saying is wrong,” he muttered in broken intervals.

“They are wrong,” Essätha hissed, digging her fingers into his back as she pressed closer.

A light touch brushed against her backside. It caused her to jump with alarm. For a second, the gentle contact retracted. Unsure. Finally, placed against her once more as Amon’s hand lightly found a spot between her shoulder blades.

“You’ve known me a handful of days,” Amon dragged with exhaustion in his tone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m pretty insightful,” she proclaimed in a grumpy, prideful voice. “I can tell you’ve been trying. Every day brings the same struggle; the same thoughts, the same blame. You try to tell yourself that for every little thing that has gone bad in your life was something you deserved. You expect nothing out of anyone or anything, because the let down would be too great. You don’t allow anyone close, because you feel like you’re a burden. You don’t deserve to have anyone close. You don’t deserve to be cared about.”

The more she spoke, the more she could feel Amon shiver. His other arm wound around her until he was holding her to him. Carefully, as though he was ready to take flight at a moment’s notice.

But a bird with broken wings wasn’t going to get very far.

“You are a good person,” Essätha whispered. “You are enough. You deserve to be happy. The only one holding you back is you.”

“You took in someone’s child and gave them a home. That child was going to have nothing; her family gone, but you gave her a place to stay and a warm heart and shoulder to lean on. You gave her family. You offered your life for Barnabus’ daughter without thinking twice of it. His family adores you. You’ve lost and lost and never felt like you won. It’s left you bruised and bleeding. It’s left you empty and cold. You’ve detached yourself from everything around you.”

A more violet shudder jolted down Amon’s spine. He gripped her suddenly; dragging what space was still between them to a close. His ragged breathes hitched painfully, making her own chest ache with sorrow as his face buried itself beside hers. His beard rubbing against her neck as he hid his face shamefully.

“I’m on your side,” she continued, her voice wavering with overwhelming pity and sadness. “I know you have so much kindness in you. A strong moral compass. Fair, just and considerate. You have a lot to offer the world. You are filled with good intentions. Life has been cruel to you; kicking you down at every turn. But there has been wonderful moments, too. And those are the moments you should focus on. That’s what’s worth living for. Not your shame; not your guilt.”

There was a quiet snort close to her ear. Close behind it, a choked sob that Amon tried to refrain; reeling it back as much as possible. The tightness of his embrace was almost crushing her lungs now; holding to her as though letting go would make him crumble to pieces.

“Forgive yourself,” Essie mumbled against his shoulder. “Give yourself the opportunities you need to heal. Give yourself a second chance like you’re willing to offer to others. Enjoy your life. Don’t dam yourself behind barricades. Let yourself find true happiness. Let yourself breath without taking in the soot.”

Amon’s face concealed itself in the space between her shoulder and neck. A floodgate opened with his raspy gasps for air wafting against her. Harsh, agonized weeping. The dampness from his tears pressed into Essie’s skin as he held her tightly. Mortified; tormented, drowning in his own stinging abrasions that cut through his heart and soul. Pitying and hating himself all at once.

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, Essätha ran her hands in slow, gentle circles against his back. The motion only seemed to drive Amon further over the edge as he let out a sob. It cracked in a several places as he did so, with fingers clawing at Essie’s cape as though he could sink himself into the safety of her embrace.

“I’m here,” she whispered, her voice gentle and humming as she cradled him. “I’m here. I’ve got you. Let it out. That’s right. You’re safe. I’ll protect you. I’m right here. You’ve got me.”

The hug was as much a safeguard for him as it was for her. She meant every word of what she’d said, every bit of it. Nevertheless, a greedy portion inside of her clung to him with utter desperation. The warmth of human contact. Not fearing her, not shunning her, not pushing her away. He was holding to her like a lifeline and it was better than all the booze and lonely nights spent with some stranger ever could do for her. Pooling into the cracks and discrete, cold places empty and vacant inside of her. Spaces she didn’t venture into; areas of herself untraveled and left to rot now springing with life.

Smothered into her, Amon attempted to restrain his quiet whimpers as he cried against her nape. It held little success. His body was shaking like a leaf in the autumn breeze.

“I’m here,” Essätha resumed, rocking him from side to side slowly. “I’m here. You’re not alone.”

“You don’t have to be alone.”

[d20-eggroll]

Sunday Game Highlights

So much fucking shit happened I apologize for this. I’ll put a break at a certain point.

Barnabus is a big warforged who wants to open a magic item shop and he made fast friends with the bard Valentino. So he gives Valentino a “free sample” which turns out to be an indestructible fantasy deathnote. The whole party is like UM. THAT’S SOME EVIL SHIT.

Bark climbed out on to the mast of the airship. And failed her dex roll spectacularly when she tried to do a fake wobble to scare Mango, ACTUALLY FALLING OFF THE FUCKING AIRSHIP. Mango dove after her but she’s a 90lb bird person so she was having a bit of a shit time actually getting a hold of Bark.

Hawk tied a rope to himself to go to the rescue and try to assist, diving off the side, and FAILED HIS ROLL HORRIBLY TOO so it turns out he forgot to actually tie the other end of the rope to the ship. So now we have 3 party members overboard and only one of them can fly. Since he was falling from above Hawk barely managed to grab on to Mango, and Mango finally catches Bark. Getting them to the ground safely is hard enough on her that she has an exhaustion point. They have landed in a totally featureless sea of grass.

A fucking faerie dragon shows up? We name it Bulb. It tries to charm all of us but somehow only Hawk (WHO IS A HALF-ELF) gets affected, but Mango snaps him out of it. Then some orcs show up and we actually wiggle out of that without violence but Bulb is just Gone. Like ok, 30 second faerie dragon why not.

MEANWHILE, THE CAPTAIN CRASHES THE FUCKING AIRSHIP. The other half of the party sets out looking for the three.

Mango is firing flares off in to the air with firebolt and control flame. They are finally spotted so Valentino casts major image to make a GIANT VERSION OF HIS HEAD IN THE SKY? and tries talking to them with it while also making it wink. Mango casts mirror image back but it is just a giant middle finger. She is still mad at Valentino.

After much major image shenanigans they do finally meet up. At this point they realize this storm they have been seeing isn’t a storm at all, it is the Dread Fleet, a group of slaver drow traveling in magical darkness. It is headed in the direction of the downed airship. They rush as hard as they can but they are hours away, and when they get there the entire crew is gone.

They spend the night in the empty ship. Hawk is starting to hear things and see shadows no one else does. A voice and the image of an elven woman try beckoning him in to the woods and he wisely refuses.

Mango takes watch with Valentino and finally has a chance to give him a piece of her mind. Resistant to admitting he did anything wrong, he tries to give Mango the book from Barnabus telling her to write his name in it. She immediately tries to set it on fire and it refuses to catch. She gives it back to him and in the end the conversation is good, he apologizes and admits he might have feelings for Bark, Mango admits she wants to like him and isn’t going to hold a grudge.

TURNS OUT BARK HAD STEALTHED UP BEHIND THEM WITH SOME SECRET ROLLS AND LISTENED TO THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION. THEY ARE BOTH MORTIFIED.

The next morning Hawk wakes up with a fucking DISPLACER BEAST on his chest and when he flips his shit it disappears.

While digging around for any of Barnabus’s stock that may have been missed in the raid they discover an urn. Everyone can tell it is enchanted and has something inside that could be amazing or super evil, and after that book everyone’s pretty fucking scared of the shit Barnabus was toting around. While everyone else argues Mango gets impatient and just pops it open with mage hand and everyone flips their shit.

It is a fucking djinn and now Mango has to be relied upon to make three responsible and well-worded wishes. So now hopefully we have a cure in plentiful amounts for this dragon cordyceps crystal disease, and the airship crew were rescued. The last wish was just for the djinn to take his home and go where he might be happy, to be free if that’s what he wanted. So he’s gone now. Waiting for that to bite us in the ass.

The crew, who were tortured during their captivity, are completely fucked up. Hardly any of them want to talk and they refuse to discuss anything that happened. Most of them are missing something. An eye, an ear, fingers, an entire limb, chunks of carefully carved flesh, that kind of thing.

Bark goes off in to the woods and Hawk tries to follow her. He ends up fighting Bark in her bear form and loses flat out, going unconscious after she tears him up... only he was fighting nothing. The real Bark watched him battle with the air then just fall to the ground, uninjured.

When Mango tries to help Hawk she realizes he’s hot to her touch, which is a difficult thing to do. He’s burning up and he can’t feel it, but everyone else can. They check his body for crystals and find none. Mango scouts from the air to find a river to take him to and cool him down in.

On the way to the river we are attacked by three fucking displacer beasts who were following us in the shadows of the trees until Mango spotted them and lit that tree the fuck up. For whatever reason they seem to be after Hawk specifically. Mango twins invisibility and casts it on Hawk and herself before initiative begins, confusing them.

Hawk is trying to fight back but this voice is talking to him from all around and making him hallucinate missing shots he actually hit with saying shit like “Aw c’mooon they have familiiiiies” it was weird

Mango missed a turn setting up for it, but on her next she vaporizes two and a half displacer beasts with two fireballs dropped from 150ft up, also setting a large portion of the forest on fire, while the DM played bonetrousle. It was beautiful.

Thirk decapitates the remaining one with a golf swing and that was some satisfying shit. Hawk is just stomping around in circles screaming GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

The party gets him to the river, Seladi cools it down and when he gets dunked in he is steaming water. Droplets hiss when they hit his skin. We can’t get him cooled down and he’s getting worse and worse, we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, and we have a whole crew of traumatized people to worry about too. Shit looks bad.

We all go back to camp EXCEPT BARK WHO FUCKING SNEAKS OFF TO GO SEE SOME ELVEN RUINS??? We wouldn’t go bc as far as we know Hawk is dying but she really wanted to see them so off she went!

Trying to get Hawk rested up this High Elf shows up??? and is a racist knob to everyone he can possibly manage to be. He claims to be the protector of the ruins because of heritage or whatever, and gives us 12 hours to get out of “his forest.” Everyone is tired and in no mood to deal with him, but now we HAVE to go find Bark.

Also this elf dude admits the displacer beasts were his pets and listen. I’m not 100% sure but this guy is PROBABLY a green dragon. I don’t know. Just. Geeze I hate him.

That was the end of the session basically and then our DM was like “I didn’t have anything planned for someone falling off the airship. I thought none of you would be dumb enough to jump off the bloody airship.” o o p s

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/misfortunate-son/

Misfortunate Son

What Could Have Been

I return to the game still besieged by bandits to shoot some arrows and—-Now, I’m not sure, but I think the guards from a house nearby have joined the fray and killed the bandits for me. I shoot a few arrows around (definitely not enough to kill four or so bandits several levels above me!)  and then go hide for a second and all of a sudden the guards are back guarding their house and ignoring me because I’m not breaking in, and Demokritos has the ‘you have completed this leg of the quest, come talk to me now’ diamond above his head. Huh.

Nobody’s laughing now

*shrug* I’m not above letting an npc or the local wildlife complete a quest for me.

The sad news is that Demokritos’s poet lady friend has been murdered before he can tell her his feelings in the form of atomic theory. I choose the sentimental option whilst comforting him: He should read it to her anyway. He just wants to be left alone and wonders what could have happened in another life. I could have been his student, and he could have had his love. Ah, well. I tell him not to think about the past could have beens, and he gives me some drachmae and a scientist hat for my services. I am super bummed out now. Is there a simple fetch quest I can do now to chill out a little bit before I head off to see the pirate woman for more mom clues?

I’ll just wander around in that direction and do some locations. Also, I’m going to check on Pythagoras’s cultist clue. He is a dude called the Mytilenian the Shark; A fixer who put evidence of the cult’s evil doings into the ocean. Great, a boat guy! Maybe I’ll come across him while meeting with pirates! So, I make my way to another pirate island, stopping once again at the silver isles to get my boat because there are no fast travel points nearby my destination yet. There is a cultist on this new island—not the one I just unmasked, but a different one. I manage to get him with only one bar of health. Seriously, why isn’t my health regenerating???? I consult the interwebs to see if it’s a bug, but it is not. I have equipped a cursed object!

It gives me 100% damage in exchange for only having 1/4 of my health. No thanks. I’m not that good at hitting stuff!

Quid Pro Quo?

Cultist dispatched, I head off to meet Xenia, the Pirate queen. I vaguely register that I have entered a restricted area but nothing seems to be happening, so I just hop across some roofs to Pirate HQ and only notice that literally everyone in the village is chasing me right at the very end. 

Xenia

Xenia is not happy to see me and wants to know what I’m doing breaking into her village. They are not down with strangers here! Like—I really had no idea I was supposed to be sneaking, but okay. I let her in on the deets. Anthousa, sent me, I’m looking for my family etc… She will help me for drachmae that I do not have because I keep paying off my own bounties like a richy rich person. Maybe it’s just the game though, because I can now earn money by doing tasks for her pirate friends. I feel like I’d probably have to do them whether I had the money or not. 

If there is any luck maybe this piratical quest will be less educational than the last one. I am on the Isle of Misfortune today. Doing favours for pirates because I am being extorted by the pirate queen, Xenia. She’s just going to tell me my mom got on a boat and went to some other undisclosed location, isn’t she? I will have run out of clues at this point.

I am getting ahead of myself though.

The first pirate I meet looks like Timotheus of the seductive brothers quest, except less blonde. He wants me to fly Xenia’s colours and show the other seafaring vessels who’s the boss. You got it, my dude. I easily defeat 2 Spartan Vessels and 2 Athenian Vessels, but I can’t find any other pirate vessels. What the heck?

I go to bed and return another day to find some pirates and move on to the next quest.

This time I have to retrieve a treasure map for one of Xenia’s associates. Easy enough, but then she shows up right outside the target’s house acting all cagey and suspicious. She doesn’t want to go diving in shark waters herself for this treasure, so It’s up to me. I agree to this, naturally, because I agree to any old tasks. 

I head back to sea and get turned around, so instead of heading to the treasure location, I just head toward the nearest exclamation point instead. Here I find a stranded pirate crew on some tiny island and they are about ready to kill the Captain. He is super apologetic about stranding them there and begs me to take him back to pirate island. His excuse for this crash is that he was so excited about sinking their target ship that he crashed his own ship on the rocks. Perhaps he’s not a great captain, but does he really need to perish for it? I don’t think so, so I agree to his terms.

The crew is not having it, so we have to fight them to escape. 

Next up is the treasure. Apparently these super shark infested waters are very dangerous, but I just swim pass the sharks like Elle Woods getting into Harvard law. When I surface there is a nearby ship, but I don’t think it’s my ship. I am besieged with doubt now, though, so I swim to it anyway, and it’s not. It’s that shady pirate lady’s ship. She is here to double cross me. I try to lie and say there was no treasure, but she’s not buying it. She’s going to try and kill me no matter what. I fight a little, but decide that it’s a dumb idea to take on her crew by myself when I have a perfectly good crew to help nearby. 

See, if I defeat her ship with my ship then all my lieutenants that I recruited will join me! I jump off her ship, swim to my ship and get to sinking (her ship, not mine) We all board and take them out pretty easily. I also get to keep the treasure, which was some armor I think. 

Now it’s time to deliver the wayward captain back to Xenia. Turns out it is her brother! Whew, I am super glad I did not side with the crew on this one. Xenia is also a person whose bad side I don’t want to be on. She’s like twice my size and way meaner. In any case, she still chastises her bro and gives me his armor, even though it’s their dad’s armor.

Southward Bound!

I have two more tasks, one is to retrieve some of those special expensive bricks I found earlier, (I still have to find more though. At least I know where they are and what they are for this time.) The other is to steal the national treasure from the big fort on the other side of the island. There is nothing remarkable about either of these journeys except for the huge amounts of wild pigs and lions on this island. How did they get here? 

The Phoenix Remembered

Money in hand, Xenia will now tell me about my mom! YES. I should have done her quest first! The highlights: 

Myrrine was a pirate. Her pirate code name was Phoenix. Alexios is surprised that mom is so cool. 

She was Xenia’s friend and Xenia wished she would have stayed, but alas, she had to move on again.

She went somewhere to the south. It is at least a direction which is more than I got from Hippokrates and Anthousa. 

Let us see what the South has for us!

Waving on the Wind like Feathers

I kid. I actually have to return to Athens and consult Phoibe’s new mentor Aspasia But, first, before I can do that I am compelled to finish all the locations on this current island. At some point I get fed up with all the boars and lions wreaking havoc everywhere and just decide to go hunting. I need the pelts to upgrade my snake armor! Also, at another point while doing all these things, I notice Xenia has another task for me.

This time it’s another treasure hunt. She wants me to go find Zeus’s golden feather which was given to Ajax and woven into an ox hide shield that once belonged to a giant and though the shield is gone the feather remains. I get three treasure maps to figure it out.

Damn, I guess it’s not the feather from Athena4Real then. Maybe if I earn enough feathers I can create a whole bird. Sorry, Ikaros! In any case, I hope this whole operation doesn’t lead me back to that damn cyclops. I still do not have the fortitude to attempt that battle. 

In any case, I’m putting off the main quest to quest for this treasure instead! As you do. 

This is all much harder than I think it’s going to be when I finally look at the treasure maps. They are just vaguely rendered drawings of islands with an X on them, so now I have to scour the map and find the topography that matches. Easier said than done, my friends. 

I find an okay looking spot that might match the first map, but it’s in an undiscovered area. Barnabus sails me over there and drops me off at a quarry where everyone is ten levels above me, but ignores me. I get a bunch of XPs after I steal their loot, so all those stormy seas were worth more than nothing at the very least.

A Tragic Scene

I find another spot near Athens and figure I’ll check it out even though there’s no river there and there is on the map. Who knows. I fast travel and get a cut scene.

Geez, looks like there was some kind of massacre happening here. There are some dead people and an injured dude implores for help and the sky is all murky and rainy and tinted sepia. Either something bad happened here, or we somehow fast traveled to Mexico. 

I guess I’ll check in with Aspasia before I continue with my feather treasure quest.

As I head on, I pass by Kleon talking shit about Pickles some more. He wants to make Athen’s great again, which still isn’t winning me over to his side of things. I’m supposed to talk to him, but Aspasia is first on my priority list at least.

Okay, here’s the deets: Perikles is sick. He wants to go to his Parthenon and he doesn’t want to see Hippokrates or anybody really.

Little known Plague Symptom: Brown Skies

I guess the Plague has taken over Athens and not Sparta ransacking the place like I first thought. Is this the same plague I unleashed on my home island? Maybe I should have investigated that sooner. In any case, Aspasia will only talk to me about mom if I go help out Perikles and get him to take his meds. Of course I will! I will talk to Kleon first just to get it over with though. 

I don’t find him, but I do find Hippokrates. He doesn’t know where this came from, but he doesn’t know it spreads through err…bodily fluids. His recommendation is to burn the bodies so it can’t spread more. I agree to help him out and I have to avoid some religious fanatics whilst doing it of course. I wish I could impart my future knowledge of vaccines onto this situation, but alas.

After that’s done, I don’t think I have to actually talk to Kleon, so I won’t. Time to see Perikles. He takes his medicine and is all sad and despondent about Athens dying of plague and Kleon taking over when he dies, and the gods abandoning him. He feels like he should live out his last moments in the Parthenon. Both me and Aspasia agree that he probably shouldn’t risk the travel what with his illness and fanatics running around. 

I have to run back to Aspasia now and give her the news that Perikles took his medicines, and now I get to be sad with her. This quest is just running back and forth being sad.

Isn’t the Literal Plague Enough?

 I’d really like to get out of here and not die of the Plague, but alas again, dear Phoibe has gone missing on an errand. I chastise Aspasia for sending the kid out in the dangerous streets and now I have to go and retriever her. 

When I get to the dude’s house she’s supposed to be running her errand at, I don’t find her, but I do find everybody dead. After I look at the clues, which don’t clue me into much of anything except maybe my sis is sending a message for the cult, my only instruction is to exit. I sense an upcoming cut scene. Possibly with Kassandra.

Nope. I hear a scream and have to go rescue Phoibe from the cult. I make sure to get as far away from her as possible to do battle. Like…I don’t think I can kill an MC accidentally or out of historical context, but I did once accidentally stab Sokrates which didn’t do anything but it did make me feel really bad (and sometimes my horse collapses if we fall off a really high cliff or a lion jumps us, and that makes me feel even worse.)

And after I do away with the guards I return to find Phoibe already dead anyway. Like, I had a feeling this was coming eventually, but it still hurts.

 I leave an eagle carving in her hand and say a prayer. Seriously, these cult fuckers are going down. Hippokrates and Sokrates arrive to inform me that Pickles is missing (where did Sokrates come from? He is everywhere!), but I just want to give Aspasia the what for for putting Phoibe in danger in the first place. I manhandle Hippokrates a bit and they tell me to look in the Parthenon and agree that I should probably use their level headed escort before I do something regrettable.

Kassandra, No!

Well, I don’t (do anything regrettable) . In fact I choose not to blame Aspasia. I mean, she’s not a cultist as far as I know. I vow to avenge Phoibe. Sokrates and Hippokrates arrive to tell us how everything has gotten even more sucky in the past few minutes and in the meanwhile Perikles is indeed inside and it sounds like he’s being attacked or something.

Oh, cool, Demios aka Kassandra is there with Perikles in a classic…Oh crap, she’s going to break his neck pose. No, she has a knife. She does that instead without much preface except the usual ‘you can’t stop me, Greece belongs to me etc…nonsense’, and this is a cut scene so I can’t do anything to stop her anyway.

 Is this how Perikles actually died? (No, he died of the plague in real history apparently) 

After I defeat Kassandra’s guards, I promise to give my remaining friends refuge on my boat. It’s getting a bit crowded on this thing. 

First some Athenian soldiers try to stop us from getting on board because Kleon said so. I knew that guy was a dick. It doesnt take long to defeat those guys and upon doing so Hippokrates and Sokrates inform me that they must stay in Athens to help her get back on her feet. I try to convince them to come with me, but they’re going to fight the good fight. I make them promise to give Phoibe a proper burial and on that, the sourest of notes, Me and Aspasia are on our way!

[hurtsettefromgallifrey]

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