#Best Asbestos Removal

[asbestosremovalma]

Asbestos Removal Services

When it comes to asbestos removal, Boston residents can rely on our team of experts to provide safe and effective solutions. With years of experience and in-depth knowledge of asbestos removal techniques, we are committed to protecting the health and well-being of our clients and the community. In this informative guide, we will shed light on the importance of expert asbestos removal in Boston and explain how our services can help you maintain a safe environment.

Phone: (617) 812-2114

Address: 316 Huntington Ave, #505, Boston, MA 02115

Website: https://reliableasbestosremoval.com/reliable-asbestos-removal-of-boston/

[asbestosremovetx]

Asbestos Removal Services

When it comes to asbestos removal, San Antonio residents can trust our team of experts to deliver safe and efficient solutions. With our extensive experience and deep understanding of asbestos removal techniques, we prioritize the health and well-being of our clients and the local community. In this comprehensive guide, we will highlight the significance of expert asbestos removal in San Antonio and demonstrate how our services can help you create a safe environment.

Phone: (210) 529-8476

Address: 700 N St Mary's St #1400, San Antonio, TX 78205

Website: https://reliableasbestosremoval.com/reliable-asbestos-removal-of-san-antonio/

[asbestosremovalny]

Asbestos Removal Services

In New York City, where many properties have a history of asbestos-containing materials, it’s crucial to rely on professional asbestos removal services to ensure a safe and healthy environment. Our company specializes in comprehensive asbestos removal in New York City, offering expert solutions tailored to the unique needs of each property.

With years of experience and a team of highly trained specialists, we understand the complexities of asbestos removal regulations in New York City. Our process begins with a thorough inspection to identify the presence of asbestos and assess the extent of contamination. We then develop a customized plan to safely remove and dispose of asbestos-containing materials. Our technicians adhere to strict safety protocols and use advanced equipment and techniques to minimize the risk of asbestos exposure. From start to finish, our goal is to provide a reliable and efficient asbestos removal service that prioritizes the health and well-being of our clients.

Phone: (718) 925-3398

Address: 8 E 3rd St, New York, NY 10003

Website: https://reliableasbestosremoval.com/reliable-asbestos-removal-of-new-york-city/

[asbestosremovalbuffalo]

Asbestos Removal Services

In Buffalo, where numerous properties may still contain asbestos, it’s vital to entrust the task of removing asbestos hazards to experienced professionals. At our company, we specialize in providing top-notch asbestos removal services in Buffalo, tailored to meet the unique requirements of each property.

With our extensive expertise and a highly skilled team, we have an in-depth understanding of the asbestos removal regulations specific to Buffalo. Our process begins with a meticulous inspection to identify any presence of asbestos and evaluate the extent of contamination. Based on our findings, we develop a customized plan to safely eliminate and dispose of asbestos-containing materials. Our technicians strictly adhere to safety protocols, employing advanced equipment and techniques to minimize the risk of asbestos exposure. From start to finish, our paramount objective is to deliver a dependable and efficient asbestos removal service that prioritizes the health and safety of our clients.

Phone: (716) 419-3509

Address: 47 Wade Ave, Buffalo, NY 14214

Website: https://reliableasbestosremoval.com/reliable-asbestos-removal-of-buffalo/

[j-nashscrap]

By asking a few important questions, you can ensure that you hire a qualified and experienced asbestos removal specialist who will take the necessary safety measures to protect you and your property.

[wonderful-emoji]

Asbestos removal emoji board

[trublusolutionsinc]

TruBlu Solutions Inc stands out as the best asbestos removal company in Peyton CO. Our team of highly trained professionals follows strict protocols and utilizes state-of-the-art equipment to effectively remove asbestos from residential and commercial properties. Our commitment to safety, quality service, and customer satisfaction makes them the best in the industry.

TruBlu Solutions Inc 7425 Antelope Meadows Cir, Peyton, CO 80831 (719) 413–8795

My Official Website: https://trublusolutions-inc.com/ Google Plus Listing: https://maps.google.com/maps?cid=11861000136779708684

Service We Offer:

Asbestos Removal Water Damage Restoration Fire Damage Restoration Mold Remediation Residential Interior Demolition Disaster Cleanup

Follow Us On:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TruBluSolutionsInc Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/trublusolutionsinc/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/IncTrublu Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trublusolutionsinc/

[bcgreendemolition]

Safety advice to keep you and your loved ones safe from asbestos exposure. Call BC Green Demolition if you discover asbestos in your house for safe removal. Visit at https://www.bcgreendemolition.ca/

[globaldataservice]

What is the best time to remove Asbestos Fence? Get the best Asbestos Fence Removal Perth

Sometimes it takes time to decide your next step. Which is the best time to remove the asbestos fence? You may not know, but you must figure it out before any damages happen. The easiest way would be to call a professional and have them do the job for you.

Removing and replacing asbestos fences can be dangerous, so it is important to concentrate on your safety when planning for the job. Understanding where asbestos has been installed will help you decide on a safer time to perform your work.

Asbestos Fence Removal Perth should always be carefully planned, with all necessary precautions taken. So you need a professional to do the job for you. In most cases, Asbestos fences will be removed on a weekend morning. That is because it is safer to perform the work when fewer people are around, and you will also make much noise for other neighbours to hear.

Professionals at Harris Asbestos Removal Perth WA are fully trained and experienced in working on Asbestos Fencing. This can save you time and money. Save time by hiring a professional who will come to your home and work on your fence instead of going to a shop, leaving you to do the work yourself.

Asbestos fencing has become quite popular in the last 20-30 years. Today there is a great choice of styles available, from traditional techniques from the 1940s to modern styles to suit today's tastes.

Asbestos Fencing Removal has become very popular because it is durable and will last a long time. You can expect your fence to last for 20 years or more without maintenance. This makes it an attractive investment for homeowners looking to add value to their homes by giving them a unique look. While maintenance can be a hassle at times, it is necessary to keep your fence looking great and protect your home from potential fires.

Read more:

https://dreamblogposting.wordpress.com/2022/11/28/what-is-the-best-time-to-remove-asbestos-fence-get-the-best-asbestos-fence-removal-perth/

[ecotite]

Suppose you are facing a situation of asbestos exposure and want a practical solution. In that case, you should contact us, and we will provide you with the best solution to manage your problem with asbestos.

[swampgallows]

There is more COVID-19 transmission today (January 2024) than during 94.7% of the pandemic.

💉 Please get the updated (new, not a booster) Covid vaccine. If you're in the US, ask your local pharmacy about the Bridge Access Program for free vaccines. You can also search vaccines.gov then select Bridge Access Program participant.

If you do not want an mRNA vaccine for whatever reason, consider Novavax: it is protein-based like other typical vaccines from the last few decades, and many (including myself) report minimal side effects. Talk to your doctor if you have questions or concerns.

😷 Wear a mask in public and/or any enclosed areas. "Mask" means a respirator of KN95/N95 filtration or higher, not a cloth or surgical (blue) mask. Covid is airborne, so an airtight seal and particulate filter is necessary for protection. Different kinds of respirators are used for everything from toxic fumes to asbestos removal; when worn properly, they greatly reduce risk.

Here is a guide for proper use and fitting of a respiratory mask.

Here is a short video by 3M (respirator manufacturer) on the importance of fit-testing.

🧪 Have tests ready. With the new variants it can sometimes take 5-8 days to test positive, so be sure to test twice, 48 hours apart. If you're in the US, you can get 4 free rapid tests sent to your home through USPS. Local schools and libraries also may have free rapid tests. If you qualify for the Test to Treat program, you can receive free at-home NAAT tests and treatment for both flu AND Covid, and access to telehealth. The earlier you test positive, the more likely you will be eligible for treatment with Paxlovid.

🔁 If you can afford it, air purifiers and HEPA filters can help reduce transmission. Making a Corsi-Rosenthal box is simple and inexpensive. If weather permits, keeping windows open helps. Ventilation allows fresh air to circulate.

👃 Nasal sprays and CPC mouthwash are other useful prophylactic measures when used in conjunction with PPE and other modes of mitigation like masking and distancing.

🚬There is still a risk of Covid when outside, similar to exposure from secondhand smoke or a fire. Since Covid is spread through aerosols, it can hang in the air like smoke.

🐶 As with other coronaviruses, many household pets can get Covid. If you have been exposed, avoid contact with animals.

"But I'm not old or weak. Why should I care?"

☣ Covid can still kill you or disable you for life, even if your initial sickness is "mild". Even if you are young and have no preexisting conditions. 90% of the original "long haulers" had "mild" cases.

🩺 Covid increases your risk of stroke, blood clots, and heart disease by 2 to 5 times within a year of infection. It can also cause brain damage, which is part of the loss of taste and smell and cognitive symptoms like brain fog.

🩸 Covid is able to infect multiple organ systems because it travels through the bloodstream and attacks the mitochondria, leading to dysfunction and chronic fatigue.

⚠ Reinfection doesn't make your body better at fighting Covid; it just does more damage to your immune system, akin to HIV. A damaged immune system is worse at fighting off illness, more susceptible to infection, and can lead to serious complications like pneumonia. And with every reinfection, your chances of developing Long Covid increase. Therefore, the best protection for your immune system is to avoid getting Covid as much as possible.

I know everyone is tired of this. But if there was any time to be vigilant, it is now. Please, let's protect each other.

[garbage-empress]

Sometimes I re-watch a movie I saw as a kid in the 90s and am shocked by how many characters not only smoked, but smoked indoors.

Even though that was also my life back then.

Even though up until the time I was about 20 the hostess of every diner would ask if you "want smoking or non" while grabbing the menus. This was shorthand for asking which restaurant section you wanted: The smoking section, where you had the option to smoke inside, or the non-smoking section where you were mandated to smoke secondhand, because at best these two areas were divided by large open entryways, and at worst were one large room divided by social contract.

From the 90s-2000s I thought it was weird that "dingy yellow" was such a popular choice for indoor paint. Maybe lemon yellow darkened over time. I didn't realize until I was over my friend's house and they removed a large picture that all the walls were painted white and the dingy yellow was just cigarette tar. Horrific to clean by the way, it's incredibly thick and sticky. Tar-like, even.

I hope every post-millenial generation gets to laugh at the idea of indoor smoking the same way we laugh at the Greatest Generation for filling everything with lead and asbestos, and the Victorians for their love affair with arsenic.

[j-nashscrap]

We have highly trained and efficient experts who can handle the projects of Asbestos Removal in Stourbridge with complete efficiency.

[ohyoufool]

20k for 200!

In the spirit of everyone who has done such fun follower celebrations in the past, and the milestone I just reached (thank you for loving my ideas about these wacky little characters we all love??), I'm trying to write 20k total across different submissions YOU guys submit.

And, because I'm a sucker for chaos, this is specifically an alternate universe fic festival. Have an idea of an AU you think would be fun with OMGCP characters? This is THE MOMENT. These will be short pieces, written in order of submission over the next few weeks.

And just in case you're having a hard time brainstorming ideas... pulling back the shades on my AU ideas list I haven't written yet. Feel free to submit any of these or put your own spin on it!

The fun goes as follows:

Submit an AU. Can be from the list included below, can be one of your own ideas.

Jazz it up. Give me a song. A scene that comes to mind that made you pick the AU. A snippet of dialogue. Anything!! I want this to be a little bit a both of yours and mine, because I’m excited we’re all here to celebrate this fandom together.

Be following me, and submit it as an ask! :) <3

Submissions open until MAY 17!!

Window washer AU

Eel fishing AU

Asbestos removal AU

Ghost AU

Ice cream AU: Bitty works at an ice cream store and Jack keeps coming in and bringing different dates. Bitty catches feelings anyways, and it turns out that Jack has been bringing the dates there as excuses to see Bitty.

“Race 2” AU where Jack and Bitty get teamed up as a recently-retired NHL player and a food network star.

Sports AU: Any. give me a sport. I will write it.

Catering AU: Bitty is on the catering staff at a 5 star hotel. Jack is the best man at Shitty and Lardo’s wedding that he’s catering. 

Bitty is the PR person for the Falcs and Jack is on the coaching staff AU

I’m a night guard at a museum and you haunt the paintings AU

NASCAR AU

Space Bar AU

Bob and Alicia Assassin AU

Jack works at an upscale dude ranch, where Bitty is the celeb who comes for a getaway with his friends AU

Bitty is the newly elected President of the United States. Jack is the secret service agent assigned to him AU

Bitty!Angel AU

Jack notices slowly in little ways like Bitty always being in focus on photos and always smelling like pie and the ‘sunshine’ way that people keep describing him always makes Jack feel like the light on him is just a little wrong.

Mob Boss x Bodyguard AU

TV Show AU: The team is all playing themselves as characters in a Check Please TV show. Jack and Bitty are playing love interests. Horror ensures. 

Players in canon TV show but role reversal. Bitty’s parents were the famous actors. Gives a sexy chance for Bitty to have anxiety. Bitty looks at Jack the character and sees what is easy to love about himself. BECAUSE they are playing opposite roles. Jack loves him like it’s breathing. 

Airstream AU: Bitty buys a pair of hiking boots from Jack on Facebook marketplace. Bitty is doing the social media and cooking and driving for his best friends’ band while they’re travelling the states and hiking around America while he runs a cook vlog from their airstream trailer. Jack is a mechanic and failed motorcycle racer who sells him the boots. Bitty proceeds to text Jack photos of the boots accompanying him around the tour across the US throughout the summer. The vlog about the journey of the boots makes Bitty’s vlog blow up and go viral. The band starts taking off. Bitty (also their opening act), invites Jack to a show when they’re back in the area. Jack sneaks off to a show that he didn’t think he was going to be able to make it to and Bitty comes on stage and fucking SINGS A SONG ABOUT HIM. They make out against the airstream after.

High school musical AU: instead of troy and gabriella, they’re CHAD AND RYAN

Bitty the vlogger who has an ongoing series about how he has the criteria for the Perfect Date and he’s convinced that once he goes on it, he’ll have found the perfect guy. He slowly gains followers and goes on a date on a friend (Shitty’s) recommendation, and to his surprise, the guy gets ZERO of the things on his list. They fall in love anyways. AU

Rock band in the middle of the apocalypse. Yeah that’s it. AU

Politician and reporter AU

Wedding DJ x Wedding Party AU

Wild West AU

Band AU where Bitty is the lead singer and Jack is the drummer and they’re famous. Bitty has been in love with jack for forever and jack finally catches feelings. There is totally a gay angst moment where jack writes a song and it gets leaked  on twitter. So there’s Jack, in a backwards baseball cap with an acoustic guitar and IT’S THE DRUMMER POSTING AN ACOUSTIC LOVE SONG. sound the alarms. The worst part is it mentions blonde hair and brown eyes and it’s so about Bitty it isn’t even worth denying and ends up getting them together.

Witch AU where someone has a cursed item and is taking it to the other character, who is a cursebreaker, to fix it. (You pick who is who)

College track AU: Jack is an unbeatable distance runner and Bitty is the short and fiery sprinter who he can’t keep his eyes off of.

Speech and debate team AU

SECRET BONUS OPTION:

ALL THE AUs: Jack/BItty keeps waking up in different realities. He isn’t quite sure what it means. Based on the quote: “you don’t get what you want, but you get what you need.”

[hollowboobtheory]

it's so unfair that you can get multiple cancers it should be like chicken pox I wanna start an asbestos removal company with the best rates around because I don't need all that protalectove gear

[mvshortcut]

If this is a weird question, feel free to delete, but in the midst of trying to follow all the Maren/Milk Divorce/Marriage drama lore, I have to ask: why is your nemesis a turkey and how is he (or she or it, does the turkey even have a name? idk...) involved in this? Do you and this particular turkey have a deep complicated backstory of betrayal and hate that has been building to this fight or did you and the turkey just see each other one day and declare yourselves enemies?

I attempted to tell the abridged version of this tale. I really did.

The long and short of it is, despite going to college in a relatively urban environment, I have been haunted and stalked and vexed day and night by a gang of turkeys. Yes, a gang of wild turkeys that live in the city. No, I don't understand it either. They're like oversized pigeons at this point.

The turkeys have been a background presence in my college experience for some time. But, towards the end of last semester, I became aware that the turkeys appeared to be honing in on me specifically.

It started with one turkey, whom I have dubbed Victorian Maiden Turkey because the turkey looks very ill for some reason? very grey and scrawny and rumpled feathers and constantly seems confused about where she is and what is going on. She looks like a fainting waif of a Victorian maiden that needs to be sent to the seaside for her health, where she will magically be cured by the sun and fresh air. (No relation to the fact that she's been moved out of her city home, which is at least composed of 35% asbestos.)

ANYWAYS. so. Victorian Maiden Turkey seemed to like. follow me when I went to class? or at least wait for me? I had a long walk to class, and it was kind of through a residential area, and she'd just be like. hiding out in someone's driveway, staring at me as I walked past? On the way home from class I walked an entirely different route through a different part of town, and she was there too? (I know it's the same turkey because, again, none of the others resemble sickly waifs.) She was literally hiding in the bushes waiting for me to go past. I only noticed her, in fact, because I nearly tripped over her.

This continued for the next couple weeks. I kept running into this turkey, along with a few others, in different parts of town, going to class or the store or on my walks. I spoke to friends and my roommate and none of them reported being tailed by turkeys all over town. Only me. My roommate and my mom both agreed with me that there was only one possible explanation: someone had put out a hit from the turkey mafia on me, and this turkey was sent to scope out the scene and learn my routines, waiting for the best opportunity to strike.

Now, I’m getting nervous because the end of the semester is fast approaching. If these turkeys are gonna make a move, they’re gonna have to do it soon, right? Mentally I’m counting down the days until I can get the hell outta dodge. My days are numbered. And, on top of fearing for my life, I still have to study for finals, since I don’t believe any of my professors will accept “I’m being stalked by the turkey mafia” as an excuse.

Sunday. Last day before finals week begins. Trying to entice myself to push through the home stretch, I grab my picnic blanket, pick up some Chipotle, and bring my work to the park. First big mistake on my part - big open area. No shelter. No witnesses.

Second big mistake: I wear sneakers with laces. I remove my shoes and socks and spread out on my blanket under a tree to better enjoy the warm day. Chekhov is cocking his gun as we speak.

So. As an unsuspecting naive college student, I get straight to work enjoying my Chipotle and ignoring my studying. Then, just as the “ah shit, finals start tomorrow” reality begins to settle in and I finally buckle down on my work, I hear a rustling from over yonder.

Emerging from someone’s driveway and entering the park is—a turkey. Not Victorian Maiden Turkey—he looks entirely too well-fed. In fact he’s a rather hefty-looking fellow. The turkey slowly wends his way over to me; and, as I’ve seen turkeys several times around the city before, I assume we’re cool and proceed to ignore him.

Except—the turkey keeps approaching. We’re gonna call him Turkey Number One. (In the moment, I did not call him “Turkey Number One” for the same reasons that people in the early 1900’s didn’t call The Great War “World War I,” but we’ll get to that later.)

Turkey Number One continues to approach. As he approaches, he gradually becomes larger by puffing himself up. At some moments he simply seems interested in investigating me and my Chipotle and my water bottle. But at other times he begins to make a variety of unhappy turkey noises, but refrains from outright gobbling at me thus far. At this point he’s within 6-10 feet of me. Mildly annoyed—why is this turkey going to act all huffy at me if he’s the one choosing to invade my space? When he has a whole park’s worth of space in which to ignore me?—I stand up, grab my laptop, and make to step away from my blanket for a moment to let the turkey cool off for a moment.

Now, here's where Chekhov begins to chuckle ominously at me from the audience. Remember how I took my shoes off earlier? Well, as I now discover, the tree above me produces some rather sharp variety of seeds, which will easily stab the bottom of my feet if I attempt to step on them without shoes. The whole ground is covered in these seeds.

Not a problem, right? 

Think again, Milk. The turkey is impatient and unhappy with me bending down to tie my shoes. As soon as I stoop down, he begins to approach my blanket, gobbling furiously at full volume and fluffing up his feathers. He backs off when I stand up, but every time I attempt to bend to put my shoes on, he resumes his approach.

Okay. This is fine. It’s gonna be just fine. I mean, I’m actively texting good-byes to my friends and mother and roommate, but it’s gonna work out just fine.

And to be honest? It does. Turkey #1 and I go back and forth for a few minutes. He begins to calm down, seems unsure of whether to perform a mating dance at my water bottle or not. Eventually he decides against it and takes his leave and I, with a sigh of relief, resume studying, thinking that the ordeal is over.

The ordeal is not over.

About an hour later, Turkey Number 1 returns from a different angle of the park. And—he’s brought his girlfriend this time, Turkey Number 2! (She is also well-fed and bears no relation to Victorian Maiden Turkey.) I’m still unclear as to whether Turkey Number 1 wanted me to meet his girlfriend, or if he thought I was encroaching on his territory/relationship and was like, “See? I have a girlfriend, man! Back off!” yada yada.

All in all, the second wave goes rather smoothly. Turkey Number 1 is all puff and no bite. Turkey Number 2 is visibly embarrassed by the antics of her boyfriend’s posturing (I’m not a bird behavioral expert but I recognize The Expression. It is universal). She occupies herself with eating seeds for a few minutes, I have some more Chipotle, Turkey Number 1 gradually cools off—it’s nice. After a moment Turkeys Number 1 and 2 exit the park and I, once again, return to my studying.

Lulled into a false sense of security by the last turkey visit, I don’t bat an eye when Turkeys Number 1 and 2 return to the park an hour later. They were fine last time, right? No big deal.

Then, over the horizon, a challenger approaches.

At long last, my friends, allow me to introduce you to my nemesis. Turkey Number 3 is the largest turkey I’ve seen in my life, though I believe he’s at least 80% ruffled feathers and air. And he is mad.

To be perfectly honest I’m still not sure what he was mad at. I believe it was a combination of 1.) mad at Turkey 1 for having a girlfriend he wanted, 2.) mad at me for invading what I now realize is clearly His Park, or 3.) mad at me for being a potential challenger for Turkey 2, which. Isn’t actually his girlfriend. She’s Turkey 1’s girlfriend. But it’s whatever, yknow? 

(My mom has offered a potential fourth explanation, which is that Turkey 3 viewed ME as a potential turkey girlfriend, despite the fact that I am neither a girl nor a girlfriend nor a turkey nor a turkey girlfriend, or any combination of these. My mother believes he was attempting to woo me through impressive displays of force. I have henceforth refused to entertain my mother’s suggestion for my own sanity.)

So. Despite attempting to rationally and calmly explain to Turkey 3, my soon-to-be nemesis, that I am not interested in stealing anyone’s turkey girlfriend, he refuses to be placated. He puffs up larger than I thought possible for a turkey and charges directly at my blanket. Not only does he make deafening enraged gobbling noises that can certainly be heard halfway across the city, he also emits a variety of enraged puffing and huffing and squawking noises. Did you guys know that turkeys can extend all of their feathers at once, creating a “blast-off” sound effect that simultaneously propels them forwards? Neat, right? I didn’t know that either! 

Now I do.

Having failed on Potential Reason Turkey Is Mad Number 3, I move to Potential Reason Turkey is Mad Number Two. I attempt to explain, again calmly and rationally, that if the turkey will just allow me a moment to put on my shoes so I don’t stab my feet on the seeds and roll up my blanket, I will gladly vacate his park. 

Despite clearly wanting me to leave, Turkey 3 resists my each and every attempt to do so. He maintains a respectful 6-foot social distancing if I remain standing. The second I bend down and reach for my shoes, however, he puffs and gobbles and charges at me. And so I straighten up, my nemesis backs off, and the cycle repeats. 

Friends. My absolute bastard of a newfound nemesis holds me hostage there for thirty minutes like this. And he’s good at it, too. Sometimes he’ll give me false hope too, wander off to fight Turkey Number 1 for his girlfriend’s hand/wing (said girlfriend is still munching seeds off the ground, clearly disgusted with them both.) I’ll take advantage of his distraction, bend down and reach for my shoes—and my nemesis will come charging out from behind a tree or materialize out of thin air, squawking and gobbling and puffing with the force of a thousand suns. (I still have no idea how he knew when I was reaching for my shoes. He must’ve had some ingrained sort of nemesis-sense.)

Now, you might be asking, Milk, how on earth did you escape? Did you pull off some clever and daring maneuver? No. It was because someone else happened to be stupider than I was. 

We’ll call him Baseball Cap Guy. Baseball Cap Guy enters the park, sees the turkeys, and decides it’s a really smart idea to attempt to PET Turkey Number Two on the head.

That went about as well as you would expect. 

Turkey Numbers 1 and 3 immediately put aside their differences to tag team Baseball Cap Guy. Inspirational, really. Turkey Number 2 resumes eating berries and seeds, supremely unbothered and supremely disgusted.

And I, Milk, take advantage of the commotion to jam my shoes onto my feet, snatch up my blanket, and hightail it out of the park. I use the remaining 5% of my battery to inform my mother and friends and roommate that I have not, in fact, been murdered by the turkey mafia. Then I made straight for home, hoping against hope that Victorian Maiden Turkey wasn’t tailing me or hiding behind a bush waiting to trip me and suchlike.

Now, it would be easy to think that the Baseball Cap Guy was an absolute idiot for trying to pet a wild turkey. I’m not saying that’s an incorrect conclusion. However, there was a point during the first wave where Turkey Number One was approached by an older lady on her afternoon power walk. I was hoping against hope I wasn’t about to watch a sweet old lady get mauled by a turkey. She, delighted, whips open her phone and begins to coo—actually coo— at the bird like she’s his auntie, like ohh, what a handsome little man you are! Your feathers are so soft—and how puffy you are, mister! and all that.

And—Turkey Number 1 absolutely eats that up. He struts back and forth, posing for her and clucking at her and letting her take her fill of photos for a solid 5 minutes.

So. My current hypothesis is that there is a Continuum of Turkey Vibes, ranging from Old Lady (preen for photoshoot) to Milk (???) to Baseball Cap Guy (attack on sight).

And uh. That’s the story, folks. I survived finals, returned home unscathed, and have spent the summer anticipating a rematch. I’ve also spent some time reflecting—it’s strange, having a nemesis. I’ve always wanted a nemesis. I didn’t quite picture them as a turkey, per say, but for some reason it just feels right, yknow? I think we’re compatible. I both dread and oddly look forward to our next meeting.

You’ll be pleased to know that the first thing I did upon returning to school this fall was go back to the park, ya know, like a fool. The first trip was pretty quiet. I introduced Turkey Number Two and some of her besties to my mom. I went back once to study at the park. That time, I met no less than 12 turkeys, many of which were little turklings. I think I introduced them to my mom, so I get to meet the family now? Unsure. Anyways. 

I also witnessed a man, with a golden retriever and a turkey sitting side-by-side in front of him. The man tossed dog treats one after another to the golden retriever and to the turkey. (Spoiler alert: this one ended with a pack of five turkeys chasing the man and his dog down the street once he ran out of treats.)

Fun fact! Did you know turkeys can fly? No, really—not just “hold themselves aloft for short distances” but like “fly up into extremely tall trees, making a colossal ruckus as they beat their wings rapidly and gobble and yell?”

Anyways, once it was growing quite dark and impossible to make out anything other than the silhouettes of no less than five gigantic birds looming high in the branches above me, ready to launch themselves directly on top of my head at a moment’s notice, I decided it was time to exit the park for the evening.

I still haven’t run into my nemesis yet. That’s okay—I think I’m beginning to infiltrate the turkey ranks a bit. And I know he hasn’t forgotten about me. He’s just out there, biding his time.

Please admire these photographs of my nemesis as well as his magnificent ass. Thank you for your time.