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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 3 years

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Cracking the Cult Code for Therapists: What Every Cult Victim Wants Their Therapist to Know

by Bonnie Zieman

June 16, 2017 paperback 142 pages ISBN-13: 978-1546894681

After being born into and raised in a cult that masquerades as a religion, Bonnie Zieman left the cult and obtained the education she'd been denied while in it. Training in two schools of psychotherapy (Gestalt and Psychosynthesis) and obtaining a master's degree in education, Bonnie then became a licensed psychotherapist. She worked in private practice for over twenty years. Once learning about this new phenomenon of the constant stream of people now exiting high-control groups and cults, and understanding the toll the cult abuses take on lives (isolation, rampant depression, PTSD, and suicide) she wanted to apply her education and experience to help. Writing cult-recovery-related books seemed like the obvious course. Bonnie has written: “Exiting the JW Cult: A Healing Handbook”; “The Challenge to Heal After Leaving A High-Control Group” and its accompanying volume “The Challenge to Heal Workbook & Journal”; as well as “Fading Out of the JW Cult: A Memoir” about her thirty years in the cult, the struggle to leave it, and the challenges faced trying to create a new life once out. You can learn more about Bonnie Zieman and her work at her website, https://bonniezieman.com/

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1 Cult — Definition & Description

Chapter 2 Why People Join a Cult

Chapter 3 How Cults Recruit, Control & Retain Members

Chapter 4 Working with Cult Victims

Chapter 5 Love-Bombing & Belonging

Chapter 6 Indoctrination

Chapter 7 Isolation

Chapter 8 Personal Reality & Personal Identity

Chapter 9 Doubts & Questions

Chapter 10 Learned Helplessness

Chapter 11 Individual Freedoms

Chapter 12 Control & Automatic Compliance

Chapter 13 Elitism & Exclusivity

Chapter 14 Higher Education & Careers

Chapter 15 Threats & Punishments

Chapter 16 Fears & Phobias

Chapter 17 Overview of Most-Used Cult Controls

Chapter 18 Repression of Basic Human Needs

Chapter 19 Challenges of Being Born & Raised in a Cult

Chapter 20 Dissociation

Conclusion

Cult Strategies Used to Control Members – 1

After-Effects of Cult Strategies on Members – 2

Recommended Reading

Educational websites

Cult Victims’ First-Hand Accounts of Control & Abuse are from the Following Groups & Extremist Religions

About the Author

Note to former cult members: While some of you may dislike seeing yourself referred to as a ‘victim’, the reality is that while in the cult we were ‘victimized’. The goal for any of us who were members of a cult is to move from ‘victim’ to survivor to ‘thriver’. If you feel you have already moved beyond being classified as a victim, I applaud and support you. That is evidence of your hard work on the path to recovery. I use the word ‘victim’ throughout the book in part to accentuate to therapists not yet familiar with cults, how damaging and destructive membership in a cult can be. You know where you are on the road to recovery. Please do not let a word define or disturb you.

Conclusion to the ‘Cracking the Cult Code’ book

Part of the purpose of the mixed cocktail of control and indoctrination in any cult is to convince members that while being psychologically and spiritually captive, they are actually free – free because they are among the few on the planet who are in possession of the truth, free because only they have been liberated from the delusions, depravity and immorality of the rest of the world, free because only they would be exempt from the fate of the world of non-believers, etc. These are, surely, the ultimate cult deceptions.

Once an individual does leave the cult they may wonder how they could ever have allowed to themselves to buy into such blatant lies, and perhaps then doubt their ability to make rational assessments and decisions. There may also be self recriminations – anger at the self, disgust at allowing oneself to be duped, outrage at having wasted so much time – which can result in despair, demoralization and depression.

The ex-cult member may wonder if they can trust themselves going forward and, therefore, proceed gingerly to make choices or decisions while trying to rebuild their values, worldview, life, and relationships outside of the cult. It may be challenging for friends, family and social workers to help motivate someone fresh out of a cult. The after-effects of so many deceptions make it hard for the ex-cult member to trust anyone – including social services or mental health professionals – for a time.

While believing they were free and exclusively chosen to engage in work that would better the world, cult members forfeited their real self, their values, their autonomy, their agency, their family and any support system outside of the cult. Cult victims forfeited their financial future, a sense of competence, their self esteem, their well-being – their life. Listen to the following recollections and reflections of two ex-cult members:

“When your own thoughts are forbidden, when your questions are not allowed and our doubts punished, when contacts with friendships outside of the organization are censored, we are being abused, for the ends never justify the means. When our heart aches knowing we are we have made friendships and secret attachments that will be forever forbidden if we leave, we are in danger. When we consider staying in a group because we cannot bear the loss, disappointment and sorrow our leaving will cause for ourselves and those we have come to love, we are in a cult… If there is any lesson to be learned it is that an ideal can never be brought about by fear, abuse, and the threat of retribution. When family and friends are used as a weapon in order to force us to stay in an organization, something has gone terribly wrong” – Deborah Layton

“I could not undo overnight the damage that had been done to my psyche over many years. The only way over was through – I knew that – but it was still debilitating and stressful. All I could do was face the fear and keep going.” – Carolyn Jessop

Cult expert, Madeleine Landau Tobias, in the book, “Captive Hearts, Captive Minds” says: “More often than not, leaving a cult environment requires an adjustment period, not only to reintegrate into ‘normal’ society, but also to put the pieces of yourself back together in a way that makes sense to you. When you first leave a cult situation, you may not recognize yourself. You may not know how to identify the problems you are about to face. You may not have the slightest idea who you want to be. The question we often ask children, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ suddenly takes on a new meaning for adult ex-cult members.”

After reading this book it should be clear that people leave cults or any high-control group have been traumatized by multiple losses, betrayal, thought control, deception, coercion, exploitation and abuse. Once out of the cult, victims have a long road ahead to reclaim their suppressed identity and to build a new, self-directed life. They need help and support and many hope to find it with a prepared, competent, understanding, non-judgmental therapist.

After taking the daunting step of finding a therapist, ex-cult victims need to sit across from a clinician who has “cracked the cult code” and understands what the ex-member endured in the group and what they will face trying to reclaim the self and the life they had to abandon to be in the cult.

I hope that after reading this book, clinicians will now have a better handle on what cult victims want their therapist to know, so that their work together can be more open, collaborative and productive.

The therapist who has cracked the cult code will surely be enriched by the privilege of viewing the determination, courage and resilience that manifests before them as they work with cult victims to release the beautiful human being unduly encased in the cold, unyielding stone of cult constraints.

“The long day wanes: The slow moon climbs; The deep Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends, Tis not too late to seek a newer world.”

– Tennyson, Ulysses

#Bonnie Zieman #cult recovery

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