#But I am miserably lonely

[paintedcrows]

Some Fords! (and Martin K Blackwood is also there)

[bri-does-art]

.

[cheekblush]

took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

[innocet]

I know that life is sooo long and I’m so new at it but it’s so hard not to get trapped in thinking that I’ve already Peaked. I had it so good like six months ago and now I’m somewhere new and scary and I miss my friends and my campus

[mengyanchen]

wei daxun as meng yanchen, fireworks of my heart e02

[transannabeth]

one of my guilty pleasures for fic tropes is high school reunions because if i have to face the reality that ive done nothing with my life and failed all my dreams and dont match up to the people i went to school with, only one of which i still talk to—

then yeah im gonna enjoy reading about characters impressing past classmates and reconnecting with people they love

[badnew2005]

actually i’m still feeling insane thinking about dee and dennis and the presence of frank in the gang. if you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. you escape, you run. to university where i’m meant to be a Real Person, This is how we start again, and we run away to the real world. but you can’t make it. whatever. we couldn’t stick out college. dee set her roommate on fire. you will find him even when he is not there. run back to those losers from high school. you start again as Them. it’s just us and this bar, invincible, invisible to the world, just living where We matter. bringing in a new life at paddys. but then he comes back. mom died. no she didn’t. i hate you. dad, dennis, dee. mac and charlie love him, he moves in with charlie even. don’t you remember? the angry man. no, you hid it too well, you don’t need to tell the world your business, but surely mac and charlie knew. why we stopped having sleepovers at home. why we ran away. ran to them for safety. a life where your dad didn’t exist. or he was locked away. but he’s back and i hate you. dad/dennis/dee. back to acting out his wars, but moms not here for my station my home base my target. it’s just me and you. and mac and charlie. and he’s not even our dad. but if you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. he’s just a man. and you’re right he wasn’t always Angry. i’m just being stupid and looking for pity you’re right. i wish he was angry more. i wish he didn’t only tell dee he loved her. i wish he cared about us enough to be Angry enough that we can remember. he might be charlie’s father. oh. why does charlie get his love. i Hate you. you’re too much like mom / like him. this was meant to be some faraway land without fathers. a solstice. if one day you find that there is no angry man in your house. i can’t be successful i can’t love you. it’s impossible to pass his test. frank sets sweet dee on fire. i can’t be a Person with him Watching. so i hate you. you will go find one and invite him in. roller rink it’s their foggy memories and fantasies, frank ruined me, He’s the evil twist in fate that ruined me, it was all Him.

[erdariel]

gotta love those days when even listening to random regular-ass songs about love and whatever makes you feel all lonely and doomed and lacking because you'll never have that and that means you'll probably always be alone

[beebfreeb]

i want to put judgement roy in a little box and see what happens

Don't worry about that, he does it all by himself.

[thekidsarentalright]

why does going through transition periods in ur life feel like ur getting skinned alive or smthin why cant they just be fun and cool and not a big deal 😵‍💫

[bunnihearted]

sometimes i truly do feel so isolated and alienated because even if people on here are lonely and sad they still have friends and partners and they're capable of having jobs and getting educations ... and im like ok wow im like actually the only one who doesn't just "feel" those things but also is completely worthless and insignificant. cool 👍

[whoiwontbeanymore-blog]

10 years later

well I just got back into this tumblr account... thing is, I DID get into drugs. ALL OF THE DRUGS. Name a drug I haven't done.. that would be the hard part. I wanted to do drugs so bad according to my lame ass pist 10 years ago but it still feels like it was o ly yesterday. That's how fast time goes when you are actually on drugs. Not no bullshit norco ecstasy binge.. Haha I'm fully addicted to fentanyl and meth and I have an 8 year old daughter whom I barely see and she has no idea who her psycho father is. I haven't been in her life like at all. My husband on is her mom. I'm her sister. When she gets older and realizes what a piece of shit I've been, that's going to burn my insides with regret. I've lost everything that's good in my life. I'm literally at a point where I am so fucking miserable it's hard to explain. I hate my life. I look around so disoriented because everything is on a thin sheet of glass and it can all break through and I have nothing. I have no friends because my most recent relationship has become everything to me. He is everything to me. Even though he cheats on me with everyone who is willing.. including hookers. I still love him though. Hes locked up right now and I have to go back to jail soon I just want to wait until he gets out at least so that I can get a taste of him sober. But I'm going to get sober before he gets out, or hes just going to want to do drugs if I'm doing drugs. I should have a place for us to stay as well. And a car. Or hell just go back to being with my best friend. Oh yeah I didnt mention that yet? When I did a 14 month term in jail I got out and he was living with my best fucking friend. Some friend huh. Some soul mate as well. .y life sucks. I want to end it but then I dont because I know theres nothing after life. I've overdosed multiple times. Theres nothing. So I wont kill myself because even though I am miserable. It's betterthan nothing.

t

[kitsnicket]

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[metamatar]

i keep having these recurring fantasies of being normal and that fixes my depression and loneliness and not going to lie this shit is so corrosive to the soul

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

[travalerray]

My headcanon of Jiang Cheng being aspec is so deeply ingrained in my brain that I will start writing a piece and be like "yeah so canon implies that he is aroace so I am gonna—" and then freeze and go "bitch what canon"