#But I'm still teetering on whether or not I want to go that route

[astro-b-o-y-d]

So don't take this as any sort of canon confirmation, because I could absolutely change my mind down the line, but I keep veering towards the idea of how if Bill and Mina hadn't been born as twins, they would've been born as one complete rhombus.

Again, don't take this as any sort of confirmed concept, it's just one I keep finding myself drawn to and one I kinda like.

[avissapiens]

Avis' Subject Symposium

A Crash Course in Trance Pt 1: Files.

(Art by Acro @sodalite96/https://twitter.com/sodalite96 Used with their permission. Go check them out!)

So often new subjects come to me and they don’t know the first thing about trance. None of its mechanics or methods, and so it can be very daunting for them; to step into such a wide abyss without knowing what to expect and what is expected of you. Many of them, even experienced subjects, expect that 100% of the work is and should be done by the Hypnotist. In truth both parties, the hypnotist and the subject, must be willing and able. But while it’s more readily apparent what must be done in order for a tist to be successful in their endeavors, many subjects/potential subjects can have a hard time understanding what it takes to get the most out of their trance, both from pre-recorded files, and from live sessions with a hypnotist. So, I’m here to give you what is in my opinion, the essential Crash Course to Trance, starting first with trancing to files.

Location

Find yourself somewhere nice, darkened and quiet, where you know you won’t be disturbed. This is already a hard task for a lot of subjects, living with other people always increases the chance that one might barge in on you, eyes glazed over, drooling all over yourself. Or that someone’s reckless pounding from above might shake the abyss so thoroughly that it takes you out of trance. But here is the thing I will stress. While physical quiet is a good idea as it allows you to focus on the words and suggestions streaming into your head. What matters so much more is internal peace and quiet. A location where you can feel at ease and safe and secure in yourself. A locked bedroom surrounded by mountains of pillows. Your favorite plush armchair that threatens to swallow you almost as well as the Abyss of Trance. The peaceful morning route on the train whose path you know so well that you can be lulled into trance just by the rumbling vibrations of the tracks beneath your seat. Wherever you can be comfortable.

The ideal location for trance I'm sure does exist in some government facility or therapists office somewhere, where you can be dropped into an isolation tank and be brainwashed clean. But most of us will never encounter that. So what matters then is the ideal mindset for trance, which is one of peace, safety, trust and assurance.

Equipment

This is one of the reasons so many love using files. Because its barrier to entry is so low. All you really need is something to play the file on and a place to listen. This is in contrast to working directly with a tist where you need, at the very least, A good internet connection, maybe a camera, Another person who you trust and who might be wildly inconsistent. Or working in person which probably will require a whole location and time-table to get set up. No, Files are relatively simple and they are no better or worse than live sessions for certain purposes. However, like all simple things, they can be elevated by improving its ingredients. A box cake from the store and a home-made chiffon are functionally the same, but their difference comes in the ingredients and technique.

So for trance I recommend spoiling yourself a little, at the very least buy yourself some decent quality over-ear headphones. Many file-makers (myself included) add frequencies and binaural beats underneath the main track. These serve the purpose of training your own brain’s waveforms to a certain frequency, thus more easily taking you into trance. But they can only be detected and properly registered with some good headphones. Additionally, The encapsulation of headphones provides a more immersive experience, isolating you and transporting you through the trance experience like you are in your own little world. Trust me. $600 studio headphones aren’t needed, But a good quality wired $40 headset goes a long way and is multi-purpose. A decent quality chair or mattress also will serve you well, not just in trance but in life.

Focus

Trance is a very tricky state that, like all things, requires practice and patience to master. Staying in trance is like a tightrope walk, teetering gently between the realm of consciousness and awareness, and the oblivion of total subconscious and sleep. It is the liminal space between the two, that subconscious space that makes trance and hypnosis possible. It is the state where your mind is most open to total suggestion and where magical things can happen. So how does one walk the line between these two modes of being? The answer is focus. Or rather Half-focus. Focusing without focusing. With descriptions like that it can sound like some kind of Zen riddle, but that is often what it feels like sometimes. Now this is not a laser focus like you would expect in a classroom setting, no one is being tested here. It's a more gentle and subtle focus. Like focusing on the world around you. Focusing on the wind on your face, the rise and fall of your lungs; On the way your body just goes loose and slumps over. The trick is to go in and to follow along, to listen and pay attention and try to comply with the suggestions given at first. Suspend your disbelief and engage with it unironically and without pretense. If you notice yourself drifting, don’t try to force it back to focus. Simply let it explore where it wants and to carry on organically. Nothing in trance needs to be forced. Simply focused on and allowed to happen.

Many subs oscillate in trance, their minds ebbing and flowing like a Sine wave; wavering in and out of trance, one minute aware, the next minute completely blank and asleep, and then for a brief moment in bliss. But it averages out to trance at the end of it. One must also not fear dropping out of trance. Focusing too much on that eventuality makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Just Focus-not-focus-half-focus and enjoy yourself.

Apprehension

So many subjects look at files and their mind begins to spin with endless questions and anxieties. Worries about “losing themselves” or “changing too much” or “doing things they don’t want to do.” It’s a valid set of concerns for a new subject, uninitiated in the true mechanics of trance and only knowing of hypnosis what is shown in the media. Evil villains and monsters brainwashing our heroes to do horribly enticing and arousing things. So ingrained is this idea that it even crossed over into the allure of hypnosis files. And while I won’t say it's impossible for that to happen, I have 3 comments on it to ease your mind. First, with Files, one of the best things about it is that the subject gets to control practically every single aspect of the experience. When you do it, how many times you listen, and whether you listen at all to begin with. While all files should be clearly labelled with Content and trigger warnings and given an explicit summary of what they are and what they do, we know that is not the case. The amount of “Mystery files” I've seen on various forums irks me to no end. But it appeals to some people. However, for those who are not particularly fond of surprises you have the absolute power to review the file before you trance to it. You can give it a fully aware walk through, or just jump through segments to look for anything that doesn’t suit your taste.

Once you’ve done that however you might still be conflicted about some content. Not openly averse to it, but unsure. Dumbing down and IQ reduction are probably number one on this list. People are so terrified of somehow losing everything when they learn to stop overthinking things. For these concerns my second point suggests Introspection. Ask yourself “Why do I/Don’t I want this?” “Is it really as bad as my anxiety is making it out to be?” Because if you like something a lot, and really want it, then why should you deny yourself it out of fear? Even aside from dumbing, many desires are tinged with this air of guilt or fear. Terrified to acknowledge or grab hold of what we truly want and own up to it. In my estimation Hypnosis can be one of the best ways of dabbling with those desires because in trance there is no shame or judgement. Finally, my 3rd point says you don’t have to worry. If you really don’t like a suggestion you can always leave it behind. Your mind has built in fail-safes to reject suggestions you haven’t agreed to. A file cannot make you do something unless you want it, at least subconsciously. The old cliche goes “All Hypnosis is Self-Hypnosis” and what that fundamentally means is that as a subject you are the one who decides what happens. You consent and go along with things and allow them to happen to you. It is your desire, your focus, your arousal and your own subconscious that allows hypnosis to work. Subjects have more power than they know. I really hope it assists some people in vibing better with trance and files. I’ll be putting out another version for Live hypnotists later this month.

Thanks again to Acro for letting me use their Art, definitely go and support them on twitter. And If you want to support the creation of more hypnotic experiences that might help you practice that balance of focus then you can do so by subscribing to my Patreon, or to my Youtube channel. And if you want to interact more closely with me and my supportive community you can join my Discord server.

[arissayoo]

Neverland -> [Ateez AU]

Chapter 2

Genre: Thriller, Horror, Fantasy, Lostboys!Ateez

Warnings: Mentions of blood, violence and dark/horror themes, fem!reader, cursing

Summary: As you work to gain the trust of the lost boys, you hear of the various magic powers that are found within the island, fueling your desire to return home. The horrors lurking within Neverland continue when you receive a cryptic note containing information on the lost boys’ dark secret, leaving you questioning if you sided up with your worst nightmare. 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Seonghwa led me through the dark narrow cave, the smell of sulfur invading my nose.

“God, how do you guys live with this smell?” I covered my nose. This was also kind of a small place to be housing eight boys.

“Oh, yeah I forgot to mention that, sorry. It covers up our scent. Our base is not that far up.” He continued walking, stepping to the side to avoid the large body of water. We turned a corner, the darkness disappearing as sunlight poured in from the ceiling. 

“Woah.” I gasped, my mouth hanging open in awe.

“This is it, welcome to The Den,” Seonghwa announced, chuckling at my reaction.

The narrow walls of the cave opened into a large dome shape, the expanse of space occupied by a large house that had been built into the cave. My mouth was still gaping like a fish when I realized Seonghwa was already at the front door. I ran to catch up with him, admiring the detailing of the structure.

“I would offer to give you a tour but I’m worried about your injuries.” Seonghwa looked at me worriedly. The blood from my cuts had mixed with dirt and dried on my legs.

“Oh right.” My voice showed my disappointment. This place was so beautifully crafted, the cave walls serving as the basic structure of the house. “How did you guys find a place like this?”

“We didn’t. Yunho built it with some help from us of course.”

“WHAT? You mean to say you built this whole house out of a cave by yourselves?” I exclaimed, my voice echoing throughout the living room. Seonghwa stayed silent leading me into a room on the first floor.

“This is my room, it doubles as an infirmary.” He opened the door, gesturing for me to sit in the corner. “I need you to place your legs on this, and I'm just going to feel for any, uh .......swelling.”

I just watched as he placed his hand on my shin, not touching any of my cuts but barely grazing the messy blood-dirt that dripped down my leg. I couldn’t feel the pain earlier due to the adrenaline rush, but now I could feel a stinging sensation from the cuts on my legs. Seonghwa closed his eyes, breathing in slowly before opening them again, his irises glowing a bright green.

“What the?!” I shrieked, trying to squirm away. Seonghwa’s hand clamped around my leg holding it in place.

“Stay still.” It was more of a growl than the normal voice I was used to. I whimpered in fear, his hold too strong for me to even consider moving. With one blink, his eyes went back to normal and he let go, turning to gather supplies. “Thankfully you managed to not cut yourself on any Manchineel trees. There's just a little venom from the Khanin’s claws, that’s why you feel stinging.”

“Excuse me, care to explain what the fuck just happened?” I backed into the corner, suddenly much more defensive from earlier.

“I’ll explain but not until I finish cleaning up your leg. You need to hear this anyway.” He brought over disinfecting supplies and started cleaning my leg, with me flinching with every one of his movements.

Even though I was on edge and scared about what happened, I felt waves of calm wash over me. Seonghwa was wiping my leg with soft strokes to get all the dirt and blood off without hurting me. A large gash running from my knee to the middle of my shin was outlined in a dark red, small scrapes scattered around it. 

“This will help with any lingering venom in the cuts,” he spread a green mixture over my legs before wrapping them in white gauze. He gave me some in a jar for the cuts on my chest and packed the rest of the supplies up, locking them away.

“So, now can you explain the whole demon eye thing?” 

“It has nothing to do with demons. The island we are on now, Neverland, is....magical to put it lightly. Everyone here as far I can tell acquires unique powers shortly after arriving. That’s how we were able to build this house. My power is herbalist, I can essentially see and understand illnesses or injuries and know what herbs and plants will help. That's why my eyes were glowing.” 

“So all of you can do that?” I questioned, not really understanding what he said. 

“Like I said, everyone has their own powers that are different from each other. My eyes are the only ones that can glow.”

“You really expect me to believe that? And that I somehow woke up in a children’s fairy tale?”

“It’s not a fairy tale Y/N. How else would you explain any of this? You think we all abandoned our lives for some fairy tale.” He raised his voice. I was too stunned to speak. “You will eventually discover your powers, just as the rest of us did. Neverland has a weird way of incorporating your normal life outside of here into the powers you get.”

“How-” I cut myself short, not able to wrap my head around this information. 

“In the future, try to avoid the Khanins. They are shapeshifters that hunt the humans on this island. They will tear you to shreds if they get the chance. Also, you need to learn our rules if you are going to stay with us-”

Seonghwa paused when I abruptly stood up. “I-I’m sorry. This is just too much to comprehend right now. I need some air.” I ran out the door, trying to follow the route that Seonghwa had took when he brought me here.

Until I was on the beach. The beach that looked completely normal, so similar to the one close by my house. I realized it would be a while before I got to see that beach or go home for the matter. I closed my eyes, trying to calm the rush of emotions. Ever since I got here all I’ve been is confused and lost. I thought getting information would be helpful but it only ended up disorienting me more than I already was. Just the idea of being on Neverland, surrounded by magical creatures and man-eating monsters was enough to make a normal person go mad. It was enough to make the line between reality and fantasy in my mind a blurry mess, teetering on the unknown fear of why I was the one in this nightmare.

A rustle in the bushes snapped me out of the thoughts in my head, the hairs on the back of my neck doing handstands. Don’t walk towards it Y/N. Don’t go investigate. I took a step back, fearing the worst.

Another rustle. 

A high-pitched wail sounded, the birds in the surrounding trees flying out to escape whatever danger that was behind them. I covered my face, turning around to run the opposite direction and bumping into something.

“Watch it, Wendy, wouldn't want to get in our way,” A distorted voice rang into my ears. I looked up, the sun blocking their features. I lifted my hand to block the sunlight, seeing San’s face take an animalistic look, eyes wild as he pushed me aside. He twirled his blade in his fingers, devilishly licking his lips. 

Another rustle sounded before a large Khanin ran towards us at full speed. My heart stopped as I struggled to run away, tripping and landing on my back. The Khanin’s gaze focused on me, running up to attack. Before I could scream, San appeared in front of me, slashing its throat and covering me in blood. 

“Did you see that Yeosang?” San laughed, licking the blood off of his blade. The other boy pushed out from the trees, high-fiving the crazy blonde. I watched, still on the sand with my eyes wide. It wasn’t until I got up and reached up to my face, smearing the blood there that Yeosang noticed my presence. 

“You got a little blood on your face Y/N.” His hands gestured to his face.

“I almost got killed!” I screamed, facing a shocked Yeosang and a smug San. The sky became dark and I could hear thunder rolling close. My luck was officially gone.

“I told you to move. No one said to get in our way.” San walked over to the beast, pulling out an arrow from its back. I huffed, beyond pissed at him. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be out here,” Yeosang came up, offering me a rag. I took it, turning and walking away from them. I couldn't stay here with them much longer. Between San and the information Seonghwa told me I was so emotionally tired. I missed my life back home and unless I figured out a plan to get back I would be stuck here. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall. I wiped my face, the wind picking up and causing me to cry harder. 

“It's always fucking raining on this island,” I sobbed, falling to my knees. The rag, loosely held in my hands flew away, falling against a gathering of rocks. Great. I wiped my eyes, standing up and walking over to them. I bent down to reach for the rag, my eyes catching on a piece of paper jammed between two of the rocks, fluttering in the wind. My eyebrows scrunched together, grabbing the paper carefully so it would not rip.

Playing with the enemy is not why you are here Wendy.

I turned the note over, looking for some sort of clue of its sender. There was nothing other than the small writing on the front, making me question whether this was a prank. Maybe it was and this was just a meaningless piece of paper. I went to toss it, before catching the black ink scrawled on the back. “Huh? I swear this was blank.”

They are hiding something from you.

I wiped the font, smearing the fresh ink against my fingertip. I gasped, dropping the paper as I stared at my fingers. My head whipped around checking for signs of anyone, scanning the bushes in the distance. I scrambled to my feet, running back to the only place I knew. 

*

The stench of sulfur stung my nose as I pounded on the front door. The sun was beginning to set, eliminating most of the light within the cave. My heart was pounding in my ears and I prayed that the door would open. 

“Y/N!” Hongjoong opened the door, hurrying me inside. “What’s wrong, did something happen?”

I looked around, trying to even my erratic breathing. “I-“

They are hiding something from you.

“I thought someone was following me.” I let out a nervous breath, “but it turns out it was just a bird.”

“Are you sure?” He didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t either honestly, but I needed a moment alone to process everything.

“Yeah, I think I’m just paranoid after today.”

“It’s been a long day. Here I'll show you to the guest room.” He led the way up the stairs to the room at the end of the second floor. “Just let me know if you need anything, my room is right next door.”

I nodded, quickly entering the room and locking the door behind me. I needed to figure out what was happening and fast. Everything that has happened today and how the guys have treated me was all that I could think about. I didn’t know that much about them, making it harder to not be suspicious.

Playing with the enemy. Were they the enemy? I didn't find it hard to believe after how I saw them act today, especially San. 

But they were the enemy of who? And how was I supposed to trust this person when I couldn’t even trust the people I was currently living with?

I needed time alone from everyone and everything that would hinder me from forming a plan to escape this island. I was not certain I was safe here, for now choosing to leave this house. It would inconvenience me greatly but I couldn’t risk staying here with a group that was harboring a dark secret and unwilling to share the truth.

I waited for in my room for hours, until the house became silent. I opened my door, checking the hall before trying to walk down the stairs quietly. The lights were off, save for a dimly-lit lamp by the door, cloaking me as I tiptoed through the house. Hopefully, the boys wouldn’t care and I could leave quickly without having to outrun them. As I made my way to the front door, I noticed there was just a simple lock, making my escape that much easier.

I slowly turned the bolt, reaching for the handle when two knives landed an inch from both my hand and head. I screamed, turning around to face all eight boys staring at me coldly.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

[ablogwithaview]

Good Morning Olivia! I'm writing you feeling exasperated. I'm one semester away from finishing my bachelor's degree, and have always had my heart set on a Master's in Library & Info Sciences. I still do. That hasn't changed. My heart is conflicted, however, as I've been teetering on whether or not to pursue it right now. I'm in my early 30s, have three small kiddos and a supportive husband, but as I near the end of this one degree (and am not burnt out), I worry about time and finances. 1/2

Living in the States, we keep hearing such precarious things about the state of graduate school, taxes, and financial aid and quite honestly, it scares the hell out of me. Considering that my ultimate objective is to take care of my family and be there for them, my academic resolve is just... undulating, I guess. But I'm fortunate in that I could always stay with the company I'm at, and grow there. Or eventually segue into another career. I have confidence in that. 2/3

I think I've just spent so long on this academic path that I still want, that the idea of breaking up with it (even temporarily) just kind of breaks my heart, even if it's the right thing to do for my family. And I haven't made my mind up yet. My path after my bachelor's is momentarily undetermined. I think I'm struggling with having mentally pinned myself into this one track, and I'm trying to revalidate myself outside of that context, you know? 3/4

I'm not asking for advice, as it were. It's more that I've been reading your blog for years, and appreciate that you share some of yourself in regards to these sorts of things. It almost feels like you've opened an ongoing conversation. Even if our situations aren't the same, I find commiseration here largely because I have very few people in my world who have gone an academic route at all, much less ended up questioning where their future within school stands along the way. Thank you for that.

I feel your struggle though. I have a bit of the opposite problem where I’m surrounded by academics and baby academics, and I feel like a worthless failure that no one respects anymore because I just don’t care about anything academic anymore. I’ve had to mute half my friends on twitter, and I literally feel my soul draining away when they talk about academia or when I think about staying on this path. So I’m also grateful that I’ve (accidentally?) opened this conversation on here because I’ve heard from so many of you in similar situations, when we usually don’t express these feelings of doubt because it seems so self-destructive in this academic world where once you’ve decided to go down the academic path, there’s no turning back.