#But her hero worship comes from her own low self esteem

[spiegelgestalt]

After poking around some more in the YouTube Re:zero analysis sphere i once again realize that my takes on re:zero are just vastly different than what is out there.

I just heard that Emilia is mentally a child at the end of season 2 and that's why she's not capable to form a relationship with Subaru...

Is... Is that fan consensus? Did I miss something? Is that how that relationship develops in the LN/WN?

Or is that just a horrible horrible take from a salty Rem/Subaru shipper?

[dragalialore]

Caged Desire & Emile

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m enjoying the HELL out of this event. Not because I’m a Persona fan (never played a single game), but because it addresses Emile and his biggest character flaw: cripplingly low self-esteem.

Let’s chat.

First off, anyone who follows my more shitposty blog (@incorrectdragalialost​) likely knows at this point that I have a soft spot for the sixth scion. I also have a habit of giving him quotes that play up his shitty nature. Emile, the black sheep of the royal family, seems to be a character that is universally despised both in and out of universe. And you know what? I agree! He’s a pretty shitty and terrible person, and I don’t think that Euden should be giving him so many chances. I don’t think he deserves them.

I DO, however, think he deserves a redemption arc, and I think it needs to start with him. Let me explain:

Emile is a very insecure character with cripplingly-low self esteem, and he’s desperate to be seen as equal to his larger-than-life older siblings, who all seem leagues ahead of him. That’s what it comes down to, really: he wants respect, and everywhere he turns he just finds people using him for his royal status or manipulating him towards failure. Hell, Chapter 11 had Chelle tricking him into turning on Laxi and Mascula, and it wasn’t even hard. All she had to do was tell him that they possessed an absurd amount of power. Emile, who feels powerless and useless on his own, jumps at any chance to get more powerful, and it bit him in the ass in the end.

Later, in 14′s interludes, we see Emile trying to garner a reputation the only way he knows how: through showy acts of bluster. Not only does it not work, we see another reason for Emile’s desperate attempts for respect: the common people don’t even know his name.

We can actually see the start of his hero worship in Memories of Youth, where he tries sparring with Leonidas but simply isn’t good enough, and then watches Leonidas and Valyx duke it out as rough equals.

We can ALSO see the start of his superiority complex in His Clever Brother, where Euden clearly idolizes his older brother. Emile basks in finally being relied on for something... and then, of course, Chapters 2 and 4 happen and Emile gets fucked both times. He earns it, sure. But at the end of Chapter 4, Euden says this:

That one line shows that Euden has a lot more insight than he’s let onto at this point. He knows Emile wants to be special. He knows Emile wants his own specialty. ALL of the other Alberian siblings are known for something: Leonidas has his valor, Phares his wisdom, Chelle her espionage, and Valyx his might. (Beren doesn’t count. Nobody knew he existed.) And now Euden gets recognized by these siblings that Emile has been trying so hard to catch up to and he doesn’t. And Zethia? Zethia’s the fucking Auspex! She has holy powers, she prays to the Goddess! Every SINGLE one of Emile’s siblings is better than him in some respect. As a younger sibling myself, I get it. It’s HARD to watch someone else get all this praise while you get nothing.

Now, here’s where Emile has all his siblings wrong: he thinks they all got their specialties effortlessly. That couldn’t be farther from the truth, and as an example, we can look at Euden’s journey thus far. He’s worked VERY hard to get to where he is now--and he has GUTS. It takes brass balls to declare yourself a new kingdom within another kingdom’s territory, not to mention defending and expanding his borders. He didn’t suddenly get that magic touch overnight; he grew his ranks and gathered his warriors, and he trains every day to get better. He has companions by his side to support him, and he supports them in turn.

Emile, though? Emile just... stops when it gets hard. He thinks that he should pick up something perfectly the first time, so if he’s bad at something? He gives up. Sort of in a gifted-child burnout kind of way, but without the gifted part. He doesn’t recognize the amount of hard work that goes into developing skills like that--he thinks they should be as inherent as his own dragonblood. He’s got it all wrong; nobody starts out as a prodigy. You decide you want to master something, and you work at it. And if you’ve grown up with a silver spoon all your life...

So yes. Emile? Terrible person. Treats his allies and enemies like trash. MASSIVE superiority-inferiority complex that feeds into itself and decreases his self-worth while increasing his ego at the same time. He needs a fucking wake-up call--what’s more, he needs someone he respects to tell him that he matters. I hope it happens sooner rather than later, because I’d love to see how his reformation arc goes. He shouldn’t be instantly forgiven, and he should fucking WORK for his respect. Even if Euden’s memories of the past are clouded by nostalgia, the guy has a knack for seeing the light in anybody’s heart, and I hope that he’s right on this count.

[linkspooky]

if dabi and shigaraki are foils I think wouldnt that mean enji would be the son of gran torino . ( also it annoys me that you act like nana committed an act of abuse on her son for leaving him when she left him because her husband was killed and she wanted to protect him you talk about sympathy but you didnt give any for nana which ticks me off)

Foils does not mean a 1:1 connection, it just means they resemble each other, for instance Deku and Todoroki are foils because they are both the intended proteges of the number one and number two heroes. 

Their relationship with each respective mentor is not exactly the same. Endeavor was an abusive mentor who forecd Shoto to train when he was five years old, and acts as if Shoto’s quirk is something that belongs to him. He’s possessive and does not see Shoto as a person. He’s also Shoto’s blood father who had him with the intention of raising him up as his successor. Shoto himself also has no wish to succeed his father. Shoto does not believe in the kind of hero Endeavor is. 

Midoriya’s ideal hero has always been All Might. All Might is severely misguided as a menotr at times, such as when he fails to properly inform Midoriya or warn him about the way OFA can destroy his body, but he’s never outright violent the wa Endeavor was to Shoto. In fact All Might encourages Deku several times to be his own kind of hero, instead of trying to perform exactly like him in the way his hero worship would lead him to want to. Deku also has no relation to All Might, he’s no one special, he really is just some random kid that Toshinori found and decided to make his heir. 

There are a lot of differences in the sitautions they are not exact one to one reflections even structure wise, but the point is that they are meant to be compared. Shigaraki’s backstory is meant to be compared to Dabi’s, especially since they are both results of the mistakes of the previous number one and number two heroes. All Might respecting Nana’s wishes about her son allowed Shigaraki to fall through the cracks when he needed help. Whereas, it’s likely Touya’s quirk not matching his body at all was directly caused by Endeavor’s want to create an heir with a hybrid quirk. The children who fell through the cracks together, the children not saved by the number one and number two heroes respectively, that’s what makes them similiar. 

I’m sorry you feel that way anon, I would like you to enjoy what I read. However, my askbox is a place for discussion not the complaints department. You are free to disagree with me, even encouraged to do so and I’ll do my best to respond if I have the time. Remember that this is a discussion and both side’s opinions need to be respected. 

That being said it’s impossible for me to address every single character’s point of view when I am talking in a post. The reason I did not mention Nana’s situation is not because I did not sympathize with her, but because I did not consider it tangential to the subject at hand considering I was talking about Shigaraki. If I stopped to elaborate on the complexities of every single character in the situation then the post would have been too long. 

But let’s address the complexity now. Remember, this is a complex situation not black and white. There are two sides to this story, Nana’s side and Kotaro’s side. On my part I hardly find it necessary to frame Nana as someone sympathetic in her decision to abandon Kotaro because the story does that already. I didn’t feel the need to mention it because I thought it was obvious, the story directly states the reasons why she is sympathetic. 

It’s a matter of framing. That is the way the other characters react to her decision and we see it in two different lights. The first time we see it, Toshinori and Gran Torino are both framing it as an act of self-sacrifice on her part. An extension of her complete selflessness of her actions. That she was protecting her son and only had good intentions behind it. 

My assertion is not that Shimura’s action was good or bad, but rather it was complex. That there are two sides to this story. Yes, Nana is sympathetic. Reeling from the loss of her husband, she made a harsh decision with the best of intentions in mind. It must have also been devastating and terrifying all at once to know that even she as a hero having sacrificed everything could not defeat All for One. Not only that it’s tragic, Nana makes this decision and gives up everything to fight All for One only to be killed by him, and have her family taken advantage of anyway. The only person that is a pure villain here is All for One. Nana lost her husband, and also had to distance herself from her own son there’s no doubt she was a victim of circumstance dealing with heavy emotional wounds. 

However, that is also the point. You know who else probably felt devatstated when Nana’s husband died? Kotaro. Especially when he lost his father and his mother’s immediate decision was to abandon him. The theme of this manga is that heroes are flawed. Her actions which seem like noble self sacrifice, also left a poor defenseless child completely isolated and devastated. 

Her intentions were good but it’s clear from the results of her actions that she made a bad decision. She made a bad decision in a bad situation, it’s tragic, I am not saying that makes her a bad person it makes her a human being as flawed as the rest of us rather than the perfect mentor that All Might characterizes her as. 

Abandoning a child you are personally responsible for, and not doing everything you absolutely can to make sure he is in the right hands is abuse. Yes arguably if she had kept him close while a super villain was trying to kill her would also have been a dangerous decision, but throwing him into the wild where she has no control over the situation sounds far worse to me. Especially since it’s obvious that her plan failed and All For One knew exactly where Kotaro was all along. Neglect is abuse, even when it is not hitting a child. 

Neglect is a form of abuse where the perpetrator, who is responsible for caring for someone who is unable to care for themselves, fails to do so. Neglect may include the failure to provide sufficient supervision, nourishment, or medical care, or the failure to fulfill other needs for which the victim cannot provide themselves. Neglect can carry on in a child’s life falling into many long-term side effects such as: physical injuries, developmental trauma disorder, low self-esteem, attention disorders, violent behavior, and can even cause death.

Yes, Nana’s feelings towards the loss of her husband are important, but more important in that situation are what Kotaro’s feelings are. Especially since Kotaro did not ask to exist, it was Nana  who made the decision to marry and have a child, and she ultimately who is repsonsible for caring for him. If Nana does not carry out that responsibility to care for him that is neglect. 

From Nana’s point of view she was committing an incredibly selfless act for her child, and doing it for his sake. For Kotaro’s point of view, his mother was choosing to fight for other people, rather than fight for him the son she brought into this world and therefore the person she should be most responsible for. 

The way Kotaro acts towards Tenko also shows the long-lasting effects of his abuse. He’s not just hitting acting this way towards Tenko to be cruel for no reason, all of that resentment has to come from somewhere. If what Nana did is not abuse then why does Kotaro have permanent scars on him that even affect him when he is an adult? Why has he still not gotten over the feelings of his childhood abandonment? 

The way Nana even talks about her decision to leave him seems like she was thinking of her own feelings at the time, her fear of losing him, more than Kotaro’s feelings which were the most important. She even says so, that he will probably hate her but she’ll keep on loving him. Nana considers only her own feeling, that this is an act of love and therefore Kotaro just has to understand one day and find his own happiness one day without her. 

It’s not like she hid him for a few years, she was so dead set on never allowing any contact. Even when he was an adult theoretically had he survived there would have been no way for him to get into contact with her. Not only that, but she also forbid All Might and Gran Torino from trying to find him after she died, which meant he would not even know when his own mother was dead, or what had happened to her. It’s a situation where as a child Kotaro is denied all agency and she does not even take into consideration what he wants. It’s also her forbidding any contact that directly results in All Might not being able to save Shigaraki years later. 

Not only that but Nana also raised somebody else as a surrogate son, instead of her natural born son she was responsible for. She was fine with putting Toshinori in danger but not the one who depended on her. All of these contradictions do not add up unless you realize that Nana made an extremely personal, and flawed decision. 

Nana is already characterized in the story as an idealized hero from the past. We are all shown all of her positive qualities in All Might’s admiration of her. By pointing out the negative results of her actions, I’m not trying to judge her, but rather to make her more human. Nana is a human, and her flaws, and the flawed decision she made are exactly what make her sympathetic. 

[unclefungusthegoat]

Far Cry 5 Theory #3- Faith And The Greek Goddesses

Hi all, and welcome to the third in a series of Far Cry 5 meta posts! Today, I’m talking about the often sadly overlooked, beloved little sister, Faith! It’s not an original theory this time, instead I’m building on already existing and acknowledged symbolism within the game!

This one is 1972 words, so another long one, but I hope it’s interesting!

Far Cry 5 is laden with Christian symbolism- talk of God, baptism, souls and sins- but there is one very interesting example of where this trend is broken. This moment comes within the scene where Faith entices Burke to kill Virgil, and then himself.

As she approaches her victims, she says to the Deputy:

“Do you know what hubris is? Arrogance before the gods. The Greeks saw it as a dangerous form of pride that invoked the goddess Nemesis, who would seek retribution.”

This is the only example in the entire game (and indeed, the supporting materials) where the situation’s religious undertones are blatantly derivative of Greek mythology. And while Faith is heavily under the influence of Joseph’s doctrine and ideology, I feel that this very deliberate reference can shed some light on how she decided to play the new role she had been given.

Not just as a Herald... but as a goddess.

Aphrodite. Cybele. Psyche.

Nemesis.

Nemesis is the Greek goddess of retribution, justice and revenge, a figure who punishes arrogance and pride.

Immediately after making this reference, Faith goes on to say:

“If violence is the only language you choose to speak, I’ll speak your language.”

She directly places herself in the role of Nemesis, deciding that she must combat the Deputy’s violence, their hubris, by retaliating with Burke and Virgil’s deaths.

Faith is the only one of the Seeds who actually punishes the Deputy’s actions.

INSPIRATION

Due to this reference, it appears that Rachel took heavy inspiration from the Greek mythology when performing her role as Faith. It has been discussed before (in this post by teamhawkeye and weekend-writer) that she may have learned how to be a Herald from Jacob, since she directly quotes him within the game, and I also think that all of Jacob’s talk of humanity, history and falling empires may have influenced her to look at the ancient societies, to understand the faiths that made their empires so strong.

She would learn of their all-powerful gods and of cruel punishments  administered to those proud enough to challenge them- think of the fates of Medusa, Arachne, Marsyas and Tiresias.

And seeing how successful the ancient gods were at eliciting respect and obedience, she decided to put their methodologies into practice.

BUT WHY?

Delusions of grandeur.

It’s easy to imagine, that having been once cast out from society, Rachel might become enamoured with her new position as a Herald, as the one Joseph hand-picked to be at his side. She rose from nothing to become a leader, loved and feared. She now held the ability to control people entirely. She was now divine.

It’s pretty likely that power went to her head.

I have been considering the possibility that Faith believes she is supposed to act as a deterrent for Joseph’s own hubris. Joseph would worry that to wield the power he has, and to carry the notion that he is chosen by God, may make him arrogant and tyrannical, and he would need someone to keep his pride in check. Greg Bryk has discussed how Faith is a motherly figure to Joseph- who better to aid him in a battle with his own sins than a parental figure, just as he, as a ‘Father’, aids the atonement of his flock?

But why would Joseph ask her to take inspiration from an ancient religion that isn’t part of the Eden’s Gate doctrine? Why would he raise her to be a godly figure, when he and his brothers were simply prophets?

He wouldn’t.

So maybe Faith, with talk of her divinity as her new form of cocaine, combined Joseph’s request to assist him, her developing delusions of grandeur, and the ancient stories she learned from Jacob, to come to the conclusion that she was special, chosen like the heroes of old?

And so she decided to become a goddess, as evidence of her worth.

Faith wasn’t named by the Voice in Joseph’s original visions like John and Jacob were, and I imagine she’d be aware of that. Perhaps she felt bitter, outcast, not quite part of the group. A Herald, but not a prophet. A Jessop, not a true Seed.

She knew she must have a purpose, after all, she was chosen.

Perhaps she was chosen as a guide for the prophet, so that he might remain humble and loyal to his holy cause?

SO WHAT PROOF OF THIS IS THERE?

HER ORIGINS

Nemesis is the child of Nyx, the goddess of night, and Erebus, god of darkness. And so it can be argued that she was quite literally ‘born of darkness’. Both Nyx and Erebor were born of Chaos which the Greeks described as a formless, eternal dark abyss between the Earth and sky, or upon which the Earth rests.

In one of Faith’s broadcasts, she can be heard saying ‘Life comes from chaos’.

The Greeks' dark void, Chaos, was worshipped as the very first thing to exist.

It seems too much of a coincidence for her to make this statement, a sentiment not shared by any of the other Seeds, if she had not been influenced by Greek mythology. And it could be that Faith’s belief in this doctrine comes from the parallels it has with her own story:

“Faith flies divine—and Rachel…Rachel gropes around in the darkness. I left her there a long time ago.”

Rachel was born into a world of darkness, by abusive parents. She tried to remake herself using drugs, but still was lost in the ‘chaos’. It was only when Joseph found her that she finally became ‘Faith’... that she became ‘Nemesis’ and came into the light, ‘born’ as the person she was meant to be.

There are also interpretations where Nemesis has no father, which is all the more interesting, considering Joseph’s epithet.

SYMBOLISM

The above depiction of her is especially interesting, as Nemesis holds two of her symbols- that of scales, and a sword. These are the very symbols of her adoptive brothers. We have little insight of how Faith interacts with John and Jacob, but we know that Joseph apparently dotes on her. Perhaps, if she is indeed consumed by the notion that Joseph chose her, made her a favourite, that she feels she has some degree of control over them too? 

THE ANGELS

Faith appears to have taken inspiration from Nemesis in her manufacturing of the Bliss, and the effects it takes upon those consumed by it.

The Angels are overdosed so heavily on Bliss, that they no longer have free will. This is an irreversible process, and one wonders why such a process is needed, if the Bliss is influential enough upon most people to make them suggestible to the Project?

Well, perhaps Faith suggested it, in reference to Adrasteia.

Adrasteia was an alternative name for Nemesis, and in Ancient Greek, roughly translates to ‘one from whom there is no escape’.

Interestingly, Adrasteia is also the epithet of Cybele, the goddess of childbirth. Could it be that Faith, in a twisted way, thinks of the Angels as her children- a note from a Priestess describes them as ‘extensions’ of Faith- and one very telling phone message, has her saying:

“A baby is a sack of screaming, shitting, crying impulses with no thoughts, no personality, no understanding of the world beyond feelings. It has no soul. You have to give it one. The only soul we ever have, we receive from others. And it is only others who can take it away.”

Writings on Nemesis has also described how she uses "adamantine bridles" to restrain "the frivolous insolences of mortals”- and it wouldn’t surprise me to think that this is why her Angels wear masks over their mouths. There is a suggestion that their tongues have been removed, but why would Eden’s Gate hide that? They are hardly adverse to graphic reminders of their sins?

THE SIREN AND NARCISSUS

Faith bears the title ‘The Siren’, a creature from Greek mythology famous for leading people to watery graves by seducing them with their voices, and it therefore can be no coincidence that water is a recurring feature within Faith’s scenes. And, as The Siren, Faith uses desires and dreams to entice the disillusioned, before drowning them within the Bliss.

Nemesis is a siren in her own way, famous for leading someone to a watery grave- Narcissus, the man who fell in love with his own reflection. 

Parallels can easily be drawn to Burke’s tragic tale. Once proud and confident, but discontented, he sits with the Deputy upon the water, quite literally reflecting upon his new life, filled with love for his new happier self. And though others try to save him, he cannot escape the obsession with these reflections and ultimately dies because of it.

PHYSICAL- APHRODITE?

In the Bliss, Faith seemingly possesses a pair of beautiful white wings. And while initially this may seem to suggest her angelic nature, it seems odd to brand her with the same title as the mindless Angels, when she evidently not only has free will, but also is of great value and deeply cherished by Joseph.

And so now we come to note that Nemesis is actually very often portrayed as a winged figure- the poet Mesomedes described her as “Nemesis, winged balancer of life, dark-faced goddess, daughter of Justice”.

Additionally, it can be argued that Faith also took inspiration from Aphrodite.

Nemesis was said to resemble Aphrodite, the goddess of love who is famously beautiful, and there are multiple lines of dialogue from characters within the game that reflect on Faith’s attractiveness. Hurk even asks if there would be any way of reviving her, because she is so beautiful.

It makes sense that Rachel, riddled with low self-esteem, would choose to empower herself by modelling her image on a goddess so desired. Parallels can be drawn to the Greek tale of the ‘Judgement of Paris’, where Paris, prince of Troy, named Aphrodite as the most beautiful, over Hera and Athena- just as Rachel was chosen by Joseph as the most faithful over Lana and Serena.

Finally, Faith is often seen with butterflies around her. In Greek mythology, the goddess Psyche was a beautiful woman who people began to covet and worship in place of Aphrodite, and she was eventually brought into the service of the goddess, having evoked her wrath.

Psyche is represented with butterfly wings.

SUMMARY

Each of the Seeds act according to their own gospels, inflicted upon them by their own individual ‘Gods’. Joseph’s is the Voice. John’s are the Duncans. Jacob’s is his younger self.

And so who drives Faith?

She adores (and fears) Joseph. She learned from Jacob. But to assume that they are her Gods detracts from the severity of her actions and her evil. It removes her free will... and she is no Angel.

No, she must have set out to find a God of her own.

Tracey says of Faith: ‘This is what she does. Takes. Destroys.’ Faith knew misery in her life before the Project, and so is of the same mindset as the other Seeds- that happiness can only be found by enduring suffering and pain. And she may experience jealousy of others who have never had to suffer.

A quote I found on Nemesis read:

Nemesis believed that no one should ever have too much goodness in their lives, and she had always cursed those who were blessed with countless gifts. 

In other words, Nemesis believed in punishing ‘undeserved good fortune’, not necessarily making people suffer completely, but suffer enough.

Just as she did.

Faith saw herself in this vengeful, loyal, beautiful goddess. She recognised her past and new mission within the holy figure’s doctrine. And with Joseph's open attitude as to how the Heralds chose to operate, she could easily merge her fantasies with his.

She became Nemesis, challenging the rightful goddess, and committing the very sin, the hubris, both of them sought to seek out and punish.

[cavalier-estes]

A ‘Friend’ to Be ☪ (Alucard x Estes) Intro ship

At a certain heroes chamber, a group of members being the team allies was gathered namely with the members Zilong, Miya, Roger, Alucard and Estes.

Zilong as the recent top best fighter along with Miya, was currently giving out instructions to everyone pointing out at each and every members to take charge of the lane according to their skills and abilities.

"Alright there, team. We can do this if we just cooperate together with a great amount of team work. So, Alucard, you'll be in the top lane, Miya you can go to the middle, Roger and I will be at the bottom lane... Everyone got it?"

"Yes."

Miya, Roger and Alucard nodded respondingly towards the 'leader's' delight, however stood particularly away from the circle of heroes, there was one unnoticed being, unmentioned, most likely not included to the list at all towards the 'team work' plan so called.

If the hero has visible eyeballs, he would roll his eyes, facing almost the same neglect from a group, it's something he grown so accustomed to, otherwise to be blamed for unable to contribute any help to the team desPITE its some reckless people whom so eagerly charge 1 v 3 situation.  Is he to be blamed at all? And not like it's his fault to be born as a slow runner. At times, he just tolerated all this unfair treatments bearing in quietude, despite being spited and ignored all the time. Casted aside, being that one least helper of a team, a mere extra that functions only as the tiny amount of support.

He is Estes. The Elf King of Moon. Being at first famous for his looks and abilities, slowly eventually his fame went down the hill, with more worshipping Zilong the striker hero. And him, a supporter rather used and avoided to build a team and fight. Well...as fate leads it. He can only quietly accepts the fact he's just used as a weak supporter, and friendless fighter.

Charge ahead and die. Or else be there to side for a certain ally, doing such as ensuring the hero's safety (weak chance), mustering the littlest speck of aid, otherwise on behalf earning credits which he doesn't deserve and all, in return to be faced disgruntlement by the heroes claimed to have their credits stolen by a helpless hero.

.. Sucks to be him sometimes.

But not like anything can be done to change the poor verity of the low life hero, Estes the moon elf King.

More like, 'The useless hero who can do basically nothing but run slow and be killed'.

"Alright, all set? We go!"

All this while throughout the recent tournaments that he had undergo, Alucard was quite the lone fighter with neither partners joining the lane which he was forced to cope. Being the said pronounced durable hero and marksman in the saddle.

Nodding in silence even though he knew the leaders wouldn't even bother to notice it. He followed behind the rest until they had to eventually split up into their assigned lanes.

He was always left to his own when assigned to a lane. Ever since the misunderstanding and break up between his previous partner, Ruby. All thanks to the Valentine's Skin event he agreed to go with just to gain extra credit. He never expected Ruby would take it so seriously and grown upset to the fact of the mismatching, which had them gone to emotional hardships, eventually as it led to an end of their affair, leaving the fighter lost and alone in state for long together being looked down upon and rumored by the other heroes of what a disloyal, playboy he is.

From there on no one wants to side with him as a team. It was something that never worked out since he had always ended up dying most of the match because of the depression and brought down self esteem he was facing, causing him to feed the enemy team and making the rest lose the round.

He used to call out for help but as always no one would come which over time he just gave up asking for it and instead continued to try on his own.

Much as how his life deserved right now. He never bothered complaining, and let the flow go as brutally upon his future route.

Doing so as usual, heading to the one and only unoccupied top land as the rest of the four members moved separately accordingly to the middle and bottom lane, all set with a helpful backup. As for him?

Smirking with a sense of bitter, call him pathetic. Or just outwardly pretentious and /strong/. All he can do is try by his luck and buff as many without being ambushed in the process. They say enemies fear him, in fact  more of the opposite it happens, they all aim and counter him first. Woe is he then?

Sighing in forlorn, lifting his head to eye dully at the now deserted spot ahead, soon to be filled with the enemy team coming for him for the kills.

As fate leads,  or rather, his group abandoned the choice to him, one way that he can only go on the flow without any complaints, since 'their hero' he is. Ought to prove a better image for the sake of winning.

Speaking of enemy, there comes Argus the imperishable creature and Gord the Beam killer of the enemy team lunging towards his main target--Him.

Alright then. Let's do this.

Grimacing

--

Meanwhile in the middle lane, Estes who had randomly gone to side with the arrow shooter Miya had already taken down quite a few kills and close to taking down to turrets.

However at the top lane...

An Ally has been Slain

An Ally has been Slain

An Ally has been Slain

An Ally has been Slain

"Hey Estes."

 Hidden in the bush ready to cast his stun ring every time an enemy approached,  just so Miya can have a better strike. He didn't quite do much, running back and forth into and out of the bush, healing the archery's health and throwing his small shots by the very least of assistance. Having most of the takedowns owned by Miya alone, he was only the main not quite benevolent assistant thus so far.

"Yes, Miya?"

The archer flashed him a tedious look, before her gaze shifted and directed towards the top lane, where the announcement of deaths are mostly sounded.

"Go help that guy in the top lane, he's alone and can't seem to handle by his own. I'll be fine."

He bears no doubt upon that insistence, Miya is as a matter fact in full controlled that she might as well take two enemies down at the very same time. She won't be needing the help of a healer, possessing since a pair quick legs to escape and her swift shooting skills.

She's going to be just fine on her own. He does have faith in that.

Nodding quietly since the archer had gone back being busy shooting the half corrupted turret, lurking from one bush to another in a sloth mode, eventually ending up to the top lane, revealing slowly, as he starts to make his way to the half destroyed habitual turret, flashing a fleeting look at the now empty front land before cranking his head to see the young fighter catching forward from the rear with that mega sword that has yet seem to take down a single enemy, who seemingly flashed him a look that was both a mixture of confusion and a scowl, winding up to stand beside him in quite an awkward stature as that look as though given to a monster never really change, causing him to raise an inquisitive brow wondering why or what interesting combat moves did he do to deserve the look.

"Estes? What are you doing here?” the hunter asks, annoyance coaxed his voice.

"You don't seem to be handling the lane alone well, so I am here to assist you."

Replied Estes in his usual unfeeling tone of voice, not sparing a glance towards the constantly skeptical looking demon hunter looking forward as he proceeded to cast a stun spell on the few enemy minions approaching ahead before striking them with his slow attacks.

Assistance? Alucard frowned slightly at the notion. It had been quite a long while since he had been offered some help. What's more particular about it, by a healer.

He didn't need anyone's help, especially not from someone weaker than himself.

"I don't need your assistance. Go help someone else."

He huffed out at the elves offer before turning to attack one of the enemies that had gotten close to them. As he was about to take a step forward with his sword, the enemy was knocked up by a flash of magic.

Sparing not even a glance towards the one who had spoken to a stubborn reply, the healer persisted on his actions with an unaffected look as he eyed the minions seriously while his wrist shoot spells at them. Clearly ignoring the egotism protest of the demon hunter.

Needn't assistance even when slain in an amount more than the opponents.

He doubted strongly.

"Go deal with some nearby jungle creatures, you'll need it to enliven the hidden strength you possess. I'll watch over the lane for now, just don't go too far into the enemy's lane to avoid being ambush attacked."

With a provoked huff, the demon hunter made his way over to the healer who had just told him what to do. Moving to stand in front of the half head taller build, thus blocking his way as he glared deep into those glowing pair of sockets.

"You have no right to order me around. I am the fighter here and you are the healer. You follow me."

He explained as he poked at the elf’s chest, his features showed a hint of annoyance towards the elf.

Heeding to those words, the healer only reacted with a raise of brow as the rest of his expression maintained just as unaffected.

As a supporter, he possess his own will of actions, free of commands of the others, being a benevolent majesty and Lord of healer much as he is.

But, he won't need the time to debate with the others on that, glancing over the others shoulders and caught the approaching sight of a duo from the enemy team charging forward with faces so ready for this battle of death and alive.

His hands shot out and grabbed the fighter’s shoulders hauling him to stand behind turning his back to face the fighter as he threw a stun spell towards the opportunity to slow down the enemies ahead.

“Stay back, they are coming. I'll hold them down for a moment while you go charge yourself some regaining energy by killing some jungle monsters.”

“Now go!”

Stunned on the spot as he was shoved back, before finally snapping from his trance as the fighter bucked up in posture, sparing one glance towards the elf before heading towards the nearest jungle monsters dutifully doing so as he was given the command.

Anyway, it is what he was going to do in the first place.

“Be careful then. Know that you have a squishy form and will be countered easily in no time.”

“Just shut up and farm.”

If visible the elf would be seen rolling his eyeballs, sick of being underestimated as a powerful and durable support what is more careful at all times, unlike some aggressive fighters who charge without bothering that their health are low and that with more than one full health opponents at one reckless go.

He’s not that weak actually, just slow. And sacrificially submitting.

--

As the match endured on, in the long run, more and more turrets had been taken down and the chase of death and survival had just begin to start.

In the middle lane, where two turrets were taken down, Miya and Roger were struggling to counter enemy Argus and Zhask whose health never seem to decrease despite the numerous shootings of Miya’s arrow, her health is partially wasted while Roger who seemingly had buffed enough gained more health and was trying the best to protect Miya from the front.

While at the bottom lane, Zilong is doing a stable performance, managed to protect as many of the turrets and took down two of the enemy’s while avoiding the brisk attacks of Moskov. Among all the heroes, his health is just as secure as Rogers, opposing the enemy with a broad confidence smile towards the route of victory.

As for the topmost left lane….

A complete disaster, a turret is what left in the farthest close to the main base, while the others were brutally destroyed much as the little health left for the two currently escaping heroes, Alucard’s health was by far 5% left to survive as Estes was anywhere but good, yet 10% who lacks behind the faster pace of fighter, closing in from the rear was Karina and Lancelot with the fiery looks of that a predator running after two sore preys at the brink of death.

Soon about making in to the unharmed turret, a safer spot to shield from being attack, the fighter suddenly tripped by his own wobbly feet and fell upon the ground two feet away from reaching the turret, wincing and panting, by then unable to get up from the spot, covered in scars and bruises that the healer didn't have the chance to heal, looking just as damaged as a victim of a violent boxing ring. His face weary and agonized, finally shown forlorn, foreseen his own approaching decease as the healer is already so closing followed by the none mercy sparing enemies behind. Dropping his head in defeated, silently as he admitted his conquered.

“STOP!”

A voice roar ahead which doesn't belong to any of the enemies made his head snapped up in shock, much to his surprise to see the healer of before that was running towards himself, suddenly halted at a spot a stone throw away from where he sprawled, arms and legs spread wide stood in a bold stature with his back faced towards the clueless fighter. Even as the enemies are howbeit running forward with those bloodthirsty expressions.

The healer, however shown no sign of trepidation.

“SPARE HIM!”

“You shall not hurt him anymore.”

The fighter's brows furrowed, seemingly baffled upon the others words by that he means.

Him. Is the healer referring to Alucard himself?

“Take my life instead!”

That voice, so stern and unwavering, for a spell a very heated sensation pierced the blonde’s chest like an arrow as he stated with winded eyes and a very foggy state of look, eventually as the person that stood before finally cranked his head as their gaze dawned to a intent connect thereby.

“Run, Alucard. Just go! HURRY!”

Run.

His mind yelled at him. Breaking away from the trance immediately as he struggled and picked himself off the ground and battle towards the safe land of turret without looking back.

Watching as the male at last fade from his sight, feeling the pain possessed him all at once in the next minute he was transmitted to the resurrection chamber, where his health slowly progress to charge. A small smile formed upon his lips as he watched from the pale screen of map before him, the hero that he had used his life for the sake to rescue managed to make it to the turret, as the enemies then back away, leaving the poor fighter to be, settled down to sit as he begins the mode of recalling to regain full health transmitted to the main base.

Just then a hook suddenly sprouted out and hinged against the ground next to the corrupted male following out comes  the half left health but of the enemy argus from the hedge situated closest, given no chance for the other to react, and slay him before his recalling can brought him back to the main base.

“Noo--"

“*Sigh*”

Cranking his head he comes to face with the fighter who he was expecting rescued ended up right next to him.

Guess the plan of escapade failed? That damn Argus…

“Hey, you. Why did you stop mid way running just to be ambushed. Are you out of mind there ?”

Turning to the fighter, whose face shown a baffling frown, a look likely described as confused, yet disgruntled at the same time. Or perhaps just a odd out demeanor directed towards the elf.

Well, isn't it obvious?

“I'm trying to save you, of course. I stopped so they can stay distracted to aim on me sparing you the chance to escape. Is it that hard for you to see? Although...I never foreseen Argus jumping out from the bush and ended the last bit of your health right before you reach to the base…”

His voice grew quietly apologetically in the end, despite knowing it's not his fault to blame. Yet he still feel the sense of lost achievement, failing to save the other. Looking down as his face displayed guilt. As a support he failed the mission, pretty a dejected evidence…

Everything had went quiet beside him, assuming the other clearly ignore his genuine conscience stricken, just as everyone did. No one actually appreciate his on time healing, as though it's something he ought to contribute, and when he failed to, he's the one to be blamed. Never once he spite a complaint towards the factual unjustness either. All along as he had just bear with it. And grown to accustomed to the situation of being matched up with occasional criticising teammates.  

“.. But still, it's not necessary to just stop in front of enemies and get yourself killed, you idiot. Everyone die and resurrect anyway. Why lose that one life of yours and drop the opportunity of getting a gold medal. You contributed pretty much assistance to the others and might even gain yourself as an mvp reward in the end even if we didn't win.”

He just couldn't understand why of all others, this healer had insisted to betray his life and try to save him…

Like, is it worth it? If the one he saved is Miya then that's not a surprise rather since most do see them related romantically a way. Yet the truth is unsure. And he's not one to invade to both of the elves’ lives.

Also why of all others again, this healer chose to go and assist him…--Was it because he was pitied from being killed so many times. To be seen as such a loser with no one willing to help him so this all times kind hearted elf reluctantly submitted to help him. He bitterly smiled, probably that's the main reason. Which is so damn pathetic.

“If sacrificing myself can help save your life from taken away for once and for all. Even if that takes two or more of mine."

“I would gladly give away what I have just to save you, My friend.”

His eyes widened, head snapping up immediately to meet the warm yet sad smile of the elven king. That compared to all the others, it's an expression so purely genuine. As though the healer was actually feeling sorry for his poor encounters. And so willingly to help him. And by that, mean all that he had said.

“Why?”

Yes. Why. The question floods his mind. How does he deserve such a empathetic treatment from someone so sacrificially selfless. When he used to also backfire the other for not be able to heal him in time, joined with the other teammates to criticize the sole healer.

“There's no why to it. It is my desire. To keep everyone safe and secured and  you being not an exception towards my guard of protection.”

“But I am a terrible person. I used to scold you, remember? Insult you for your slow escaping pace. And even left you to fight an enemy alone when my health was low. Why do you still want to help me??”

“I am meant to do so to distract the enemies from going after you so you can make it to the base. I did so with a willing purpose and no regrets-”

“I had also been a frail fighter. Because of how my emotions had attacked me all the time. I wasn't able to concentrate on the battle and cause numerous teams to lose just because of being team up with me. Don't you just feel as unlucky like everyone else ? I'm clearly a waste and loser, a sore teammate that had led bad luck to the team. I deserved no help. I don't even deserve to be qualified as a hero. I really am just a loser. The dog of misfortune that is better off de-!”

“SNAP out of it, Alucard!”

The sudden roar broke his train of relentless rant as his eyes opened to realize that he was spilling out self-loathing thoughts that revealed a part of his weaker side. He inwardly cursed himself at the thoughtless and unaccounted action and made a mental note to not do that again.

It just happened to triggered him to spill out his true feelings about himself. With no one to share his dilemma with, he subconsciously took the words of the elf king as a cue to spill out his concealed emotions and thoughts.

A horrible person to live of both relationship matters and as an existence of a op hero.

Suddenly a pair of arms shot out from behind and encoiled themselves around his waist quite unexpectedly, feeling the chest of a certain presence pressed against himself, those arms entangled soft yet inescapable an embrace around him, that brought a sudden flash of solace seeped inside his heart and had him close his eyes.

“...I’ll stay by your side and assist you from now on. You won't be fighting alone after today’s match.”

“I will always be there to assist you at all times and heal you. Be your shield, so if anyone is to be blamed. It'll be me. Not you.”

“You're not a terrible person either. I can tell you're going through something bad which I won't pry but know that I'll always be ready to heed your rants and correct you.”

“With me by your side, I assure your chance of being perished will be less and opportunity of countering an enemy successfully will be definite.”

“So don't blame yourself. Nothing is ever your fault. Everyone makes mistakes and learn from them..And I will be there within the process you learn to be better. “

“You can rely upon my words. I won't ever let you down..”

And it subsided to silence, the elf went quiet though as his arms remained never once loosened around the fighter, his face pressed close into the other's shoulder, acknowledging that the fighter wasn't at all alone then, heart pierced by an unspeakable feeling so warm and incredibly solace of that he never felt before, it moved his cold heart, such powerful words managed to break away a portion of the strong wall the hunter had put up as protection from the harsh truth of untrustworthy people. For once possessed by the warmth only a sun can provide. Feeling his torn up heart had began a process of healing bit by bit, eventually as he starts to calm down in that not leaving embrace. Opening his eyes, realizing they had been out of the resurrection chamber since don't know when, his cheeks heated red eyes meeting Roger sparing him a weird look before rushing off.

“So, are you ready to fight again?”

Cranking his head he was faced by that previous smile he now finds so heartwarming. A confident smirk appears on the hunter’s features, heeding the question with restored self esteem. His azures evidently showing determination for victory.

“Yes.”

“...Thank you, Estes.” “No Problem, My friend.” “...I’ll never be your friend.” “....Very well, I shall be your healer instead.”

[cassandra-acton]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Cassandra Alice Acton.

Nickname: Cassie, Cass.

Birthday: November 8th.

Age: 33.

Gender: Female.

Place of Birth: Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom.

Places Lived Since: London, United Kingdom.

Current Residence: Tower Hamlets, London, United Kingdom.

Nationality: British.

Parents: Michael and Anita Acton (née Redgrave)

Grandparents: Edward Acton (grandfather, paternal, deceased) Renske van Ardenne (grandmother, paternal) Harold Redgrave (grandfather, maternal, deceased)  Hélène de Broglie (grandmother, maternal, deceased)

Aunts & Uncles: Kathleen Acton-Fortescue (aunt, paternal) Charlotte, Georgina Redgrave (aunts, maternal) Lambert Redgrave (uncle, maternal)

Number of Siblings: One older sister, Elizabeth Acton.

Relationship With Family: Poor is an understatement. It's gotten to the point where she no longer communicates with her parents at all. Cassie’s mother is—and always has been—an emotionally abusive bully, and even though her father never treated her badly, he also never intervened. It’s hard to see past. Cassie spent much of her childhood thinking she was the problem; that she’d done something to warrant her mother being so obvious about not wanting her. That’s changed now, but the hurt hasn’t gone. Cassie still carries a lot of emotional baggage from her uprettpbringing. Has a lot of self-hate, self-doubt, and averseness to trusting people/letting them close to her. It’s easier to keep people at a distance than to feel the hurt of not being good enough for them too. Elizabeth was never treated in the way she was. She’s the golden child. When Cassie was very young, that wasn’t a problem; she looked up to Elizabeth like she was a hero, and worshipped the ground she walked on, much in the same way she did her mother. But then, as she got older, Anita made sure Cassie knew it. Got enjoyment from pitting them against each other. It absolutely decimated the relationship. Not only did it leave her bitter, but absolutely stripped her of the protective big sister she loved and needed. They still talk, but they aren’t close at all. Elizabeth understands why Cassie feels about their mother. Elizabeth can see everything she’s done. Cassie, on the other hand, still feels like she has to prove she’s better than Elizabeth because her mother always told her she would never come close. That’s enough to make her look like more of an enemy than family.

Happiest Memory: When Harrison proposed to her, without a doubt. That was easily the best day of her life. I’ll write about it someday. Getting her internship at Goldman is definitely second, though.

Childhood Trauma: I mean the parents definitely fucked her up for life, so there’s that.

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'4”

Weight: 120lbs.

Build: Slim but very fit.

Hair Color: Blonde.

Usual Hair Style: Whilst working she almost always wears her hair up in a ponytail, but she’s not really a fan, and would much rather it down and free-flowing. Keeps it just a little longer than shoulder length because of her dislike of short hair. Is too lazy to style it beyond neatness unless she’s going somewhere.

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): For work: neat, formal, and inexpensive. Lots of form-fitting skirts, blazers and blouses in blacks, whites and nudes. Out of work: a fuck load of jeans. Baggy jumpers, chunky-knit cardigans and quirky shirts. Picks up a lot of her stuff from charity shops because who has time for fucking shopping. I don’t think she’s really the designer type despite having more than enough money to live that kind of lifestyle.

Typical Style of Shoes: Cassie is never without heels in her day-to-day, even at the weekend. Prefers bright colours and eye-catching designs to contrast with her typically monochrome outfits during work. Will happily wear killer heels even when dressed down because they look just as good with jeans. Shoes are about the only part of her outfits she ever spends a decent amount of money on.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: The only piece of jewellery she constantly wears is her engagement ring, which she has on a chain around her neck. That being said, she is a big lover of rings in general, and is always sporting a solid combination of regular and midi. She has four tattoos. ‘Hip to be Square’ in tiny font on the inside of her right wrist, Gaff’s unicorn on her left hip, Harrison’s birthday on her left shoulder blade, and a matching tattoo she got with her friend, Jessica, back in school, on her right forearm. Each got a hand from The Creation of Adam. As for piercings, she has her left ear pierced twice, her right five times (one daith), as well as her navel.

Scars: A thin scar that cuts through her right eyebrow; a result of a drunken night out in university during which one of her friends fell down the stairs, and dragged Cassie with her. She actually rather likes it. Also has several scars on her torso from being shot in her apartment by Russian nationalists. You can read the self para here. 

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: When she’s stressed, she has to play with her hair; pulling it, twisting it, whatever. It’s about the only good indicator she’s about to rip your face off because she will do that shit with a smile. She’s also a bugger for biting at her nails, so she purposely gets gel extensions to stop herself doing it.

Athleticism: Very high. Cassandra naturally has a lot of energy, and so expends a lot of it keeping fit. Rowed competitively for LSE, and still competes regularly with many of the girls from her old crews, as well as having joined a new rowing club. She also plays a lot of rugby, though never competitively. Loves running and endurance, and almost always competes in the Tough Mudder when it’s nearby, as well as taking part in the London marathon annually (something she and Harrison made a tradition of doing together.) Also gets involved with a lot of charity races.

Health Problems/Illnesses: I think she’s battled serious depression for a long time, though she’s far too proud to ever get it officially diagnosed. Cassie also has both polycystic ovaries and endometriosis, which is a miserable combination. They come with their own sets of issues that she has to battle with, the worst of which is the mental hurdle of her possible infertility.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: MSc in Economics and Management from LSE. Cassie finds studying relaxing, however, and often self-teaches about subjects of interest in her free time. Currently, she is working on a course in Arab Finance.

Languages Spoken: English natively, Dutch fluently, thanks to her grandmother. French and Mandarin intermediate. It determined to take up learning Arabic at a later date.

Level of Self-Esteem: Very low. Her mother drummed the idea that she’s worthless into her so convcingly, moving past it is very difficult. It’s why she aggressively overcompensates with an arrogant attitude. Partly to convince herself that she’s making progress, but mostly to convince others that nothing’s wrong at all.

Gifts/Talents: Surprisingly, she’s actually a good violinist. It’s about the only thing she has to thank her mother for. Cassie also has a solid talent for being able to manipulate others. Wrapping people around her finger has got her far in life.

Mathematical?: Absolutely. Cassie loves numbers. Math was always her favourite subject at school, and easily the one she was best at.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Usually, emotions, though she tends to berate herself afterward, because she knows—especially given the career she has now chosen to pursue—that she needs to learn to be more logical.

Life Philosophy: Someone else is happy with less than what you have.

Religious Stance: Was raised Anglican, but isn’t particularly religious. I think she likes the idea of God more than she actually believes it.

Cautious or Daring?: Daring. Naturally, she’s a spontaneous person, and I don’t think being cautious really lends to that.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Being told she’s not good enough. Being criticised when it comes to her work. Being compared to her sister. People bringing up what happened to Harrison. Terrorism in general.

Optimist or Pessimist?: In between, leaning slightly toward the pessimistic side.

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: In a very secret relationship with Silas Agreste.

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Past Relationships: Before Adam, the only person she’d ever been in a real relationship with was Harrison. They on-off dated their whole young lives. They briefly broke up when he joined the army and she went to university because they were worried about ‘distance’ but wound up missing each other too much for it to be a permanent thing. Dated one guy briefly, Matt, a few years after his death, but it scared her so much it took her a long time to try again. The break up with Adam was complicated because neither of them wanted it. His party made him pick between leadership and her, and whilst he was content to choose Cassie, she was terrified he’d end up resenting her for it down the line. It was her that finally convinced him to go for it, and it might be one of the most difficult decisions she’s ever made.

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: None.

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: Not having moved on.

Ever Cheated?: Physically? No. Emotionally? During her relationship with Adam, it’s safe to say that’s dubious ground. 

Been Cheated On: Not to her knowledge. Adam was still sleeping with Spencer’s ex-wife, Evelyn, when they first started dating, but it doesn’t really count given that they weren’t officially together at that point. 

Level of Sexual Experience: Cassie’s slept with four people in her life, so limited-ish. Harrison, Matt, Silas, and Adam.

Story of First Kiss: They were ten. His name was Richard and she honestly only kissed him because all of the other girls wanted to. Bragging rights.

Story of Loss of Virginity: The first time she and Harrison tried, they’d attempted to make it a ‘romantic evening’ that wound up being so awkward, they couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, it happened spontaneously at a school social after party he’d come home from Oxford to meet her at.

A Social Person?: Absolutely. Even though she needs some time to herself every now and again to process all the shit that’s going on in her life, she couldn’t go any extended time without her friends. Being lonely terrifies her, so Cassie has to be in a pretty bad place to cut herself of from people.

Most Comfortable Around: Cassie feels truly comfortable around few people, but Jessica, Nora and Spencer top the list. Jasper, too. They are the people she couldn’t be without. Her old friends at Goldman are still like family to her, too, so they get an honourable mention. Cassie is comfortable around others like Alexis, but would probably still be hesitant to share some things with them. 

Oldest Friend: Jessica Mirzoyan: a friend she grew up with in Oxford, who followed the exact same path in life as Cassie. They both moved to London and studied at LSE. The only difference is Jessica works for J.P. Morgan. She can’t remember a time in her life when Jessica wasn’t in it, they’ve known each other for so long. Jess is the sister Elizabeth could’ve been.

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: Cassie has an incredibly skewed view of what people think of her. She automatically assumes people think the worst. Look at her like she’s not good enough, just like her mother always did. I think that’s why she keeps most people at arm’s length, because she’s so scared of letting someone in only for them to wind up criticizing her.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Depends who you ask. Amongst the public, she’s very popular for her honesty. Amongst her colleagues back at Goldman, she’s respected as a professional cutthroat. As for her critics, they probably just see her as a stuck up bitch riding on the back of her sister’s success.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: To help as many people through her political and charitable work as possible. That’s really all she cares about. Personal goals seem fairly irrelevant to her right now, given everything that’s happened.

Dreams: To be happy again would be rather nice. Having children is also incredibly important to her, but not something she thinks about often because of her circumstances. Losing the man she wanted to have a family with was bad enough, but so was the fact they tried for so long with no results. I think she wonders whether it just isn’t meant to be for her, which is sad. That’s definitely one she buries.

Greatest Fears: Polystyrene and spiders. Why do either of those things exist?

Most Ashamed Of: How bitter losing Harrison has made her. How she still hasn’t been able to get over the anger and the hurt it left her with. How she knows she should be ashamed about how her relationship with Silas started (an affair with a married man) but isn’t. 

Secret Hobbies: Cassie kind of loves to knit. It’s a good stress reliever when she’s too tired to go running. Not that she’d admit to it, mind you. She’s also not very good. All she can make are the really simple scarves.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): None.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Night owl. Begrudges being alive in the mornings and has to go for a run to wake herself up, or will possibly murder people.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Heavy sleeper.

Favorite Animal: Hedgehog.

Favorite Foods: Steak. Cheese and crackers. Orange jelly.

Least Favorite Food: Avocado.

Favorite Book: American Psycho – Bret Easton Ellis.

Least Favorite Book: The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Favorite Movie: Gladiator. Blade Runner. 

Least Favorite Movie: Shitty horrors in general.

Favorite Song: Mr. Roboto – Styx. If you play that to her, she doesn’t just sing along, she fucking performs it, okay. (Honourable mentions for The Boys Are Back In Town – Thin Lizzy, and What Is Love – Haddaway.)

Favorite Sport: Rugby Union. Cassie can get shouty about rugby and is a very dedicated Saracens fan. Also a loyal supporter of the English team, and Danny Care’s ultimate fangirl. 

Coffee or Tea?: Tea.

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Neither, thank you. That stuff is nasty.

Type of Car She Drives: A dark green Mini Cooper.

Lefty or Righty?: Lefty.

Favorite Color: Pink. 

Cusser?: Pretty badly, although she does well to hold her tongue in public most of the time. Cassie has had a few slip-ups that made the headlines, though. Luckily the general opinion was that it made her seem more normal/relatable, and it went down well with voters, if not her critics.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never used drugs. Occasionally smokes if she’s incredibly stressed and has been drinking, but otherwise, she finds it kind of gross. Drinks fairly regularly. More so lately.

Biggest Regret: Letting her parents fuck her up so badly. Cassie wishes that she hadn’t taken it so much to heart, now that she knows better.

Pets: The love of her life, Brody the Corgi. More recently, she got him a little sister, Sarah. Also her hedgehog Éclair.

[handguns-4-hearts]

Coming to Terms with Marilyn Manson as an Abuser

TW- Rape, Domestic Violence, Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence 

“If you can’t hear the whole truth, you will never know true empathy, and I believe that if we have to live through it, you have to hear it.”  - ERW

Today, I saw this video of Evan Rachel Wood offering testimony to support a bill called the “Survivor’s Bill of Rights.”

Listening to her testimony caused tears to stream down my face, and my entire body to shake like an autumn leaf. Her story struck me so deeply because it reminded me of my own abusive relationship. For a moment, I was transported back into that state of indescribable fear, desperation, and helplessness that created the fabric of my reality from the years 2012-2014.

“I had no idea what to do to change my situation so I went numb. And soon I couldn’t feel anything, I wasn’t alive. My self esteem and spirit were broken. I was deeply terrified and that fear lives with me to this day. What makes me more hurt and more angry than the actual rape and abuse itself, was that piece of me that was stolen that altered the course of my life.” - ERW

It is impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t been abused what it’s like, but ERW does quite a good job. These words echoed through me, it felt like they were reverberating off my bones. When I think back on my abusive relationship, it’s hard not to believe that it ruined my life. It’s hard not to believe that it ruined me. The person I was before that, and the person I am now, are incredibly different. I have still not fully rebuilt my self esteem and spirit. I still constantly question what I think and feel because my abuser manipulated and gaslighted me to a breaking point in which I lost the ability to believe myself, and believe IN myself. Although I have made significant recovery, I know that I will never be the same.

Hearing this testimony was difficult because of my experience, but what makes it even more difficult is my certainty that she was abused by Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson. My everything. My greatest teacher. The person who made me who I am today more than anyone else in my life.

You see, my experience in an abusive relationship was narrated by MM. I fell in love with my abuser at a MM show. Our connection was based around our mutual love and understanding of MM. The albums Eat Me, Drink Me and THe High End of Low played on repeat throughout our time together. It wasn’t until after I began to understand my relationship as the abuse that it was, that I began to notice the abusive aspects of Marilyn Manson within these albums and some of the interviews and videos surrounding them. I began to notice a bubbling of discomfort with my love of Marilyn Manson. I saw so much of him in my abuser, and so much of my abuser in him, that sometimes I would look at the posters of him on my walls and feel a confusing mix of adoration, love, and fear. The same things I felt for my abuser. I wasn’t able to listen to the those two albums for about 2 years after I ended my abusive relationship. I recultivated my love of Marilyn Manson, appreciating him for everything that he has done for me, telling myself that MM is the one thing that no one can take from me, and promising that nothing he could ever do would change the positive things he has already done for me.

As time passed, I began to speak out about my views regarding Marilyn Manson’s abusive characteristics. But much like the ways in which victims and survivors of violence are often treated, I was met with disbelief, anger, and attempts to discredit me. “You’re not a real fan,” “there’s no evidence,” “he was never found guilty of anything.” None of these people knew that Marilyn Manson is my everything, regardless of these thoughts I had of him. I learned FROM HIM that I should always be critical. That no one is perfect. That I am my own God, so I refuse to put anyone up on a pedestal be worshipped as hero while knowing that they are also human. I was only doing what he had taught me to do. I repeatedly stated that if these fans knew anything about abusive dynamics, if they had a deep understanding of his music, if they PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT HE HAS SAID, they too would see these abusive characteristics. I’ve never quite broken down all of the pieces that led me to believe that MM was an abuser. But ERW’s story was the last link in what I felt I needed to know that what I believe about MM is true. Here it is.

“My experience with domestic violence was this: toxic mental, physical and sexual abuse that started out slow, but escalated over time including threats against my life, severe gas lighting and brainwashing, waking up to the man who who claimed to love me raping what he believed to be my unconscious body. And the worst part, sick rituals of binding me up by my hands and feet to be mentally and physically tortured until my abuser felt I had proven my love for them. In this moment when I was tied up, being beaten, and being told unspeakable things, I truly felt like I could die, not just because my abuser said to me “I could kill you right now,” but because in that moment, I felt like I left my body and I was too afraid to run, he would find me.” -ERW

What most sticks out to me here is the threats against her life, the necessity of him needing her to prove her love for him, saying the words, “I could kill you right now.”

Devour, the opening track on EMDM defines MM’s view of love and death and sacrifice that she shared with ERW.

“Manson touched on the song’s inspiration and subject matter briefly in a June 2009 interview with Revolver: “It’s kind of a murder-suicide story based on the reality of my life that day. The record maybe saved me, and the person I would have killed also. If somebody says they want to be with you until they die, I take that kind of seriously. It became a song…luckily.”

The song was written 3 days before what was planned to be a dark Romeo and Juliet murder suicide. He had planned to kill himself and his lover. In a 2009 interview with Shockhound,he revealed the “would be” tragedy, explaining the situation with mild detail, quoting that he had said “I’m going to kill you first, because I don’t trust you.’

I believe that this dynamic of “until death do us part” began with this this experience between Marilyn Manson and ERW:

‘Manson says he was finally uplifted by a close friend’s morbid gesture of devotion. "She picked up a butcher’s knife and said, ‘Here, you can stab me,’” he says. “When someone was willing to drown with me, I really didn’t want to drown anymore.’”

To represent this event, in the video for Heart-Shaped Glasses off the EMDM album, after it shows a short sex scene between him and ERW, the video pans to a scene in which ERW and MM are in a car where Marilyn Manson is taking photos of ERW posing with a butcher knife. The EMDM album is widely recognized as an album similar to a diary, with the songs appearing on the album in the order they were written. The beginning of the album marks the ending of MM’s marriage with Dita Von Teese, and right after “Just a car crash away,” “Heart-Shaped Glasses” begins which introduces MM’s passionate, inflammatory relationship with ERW.

What I speculate happened here is that within the cycle of abuse, ERW finally decided to try to leave, and in response MM threatened her with murder and his own suicide because of what he perceived as loyalty and devotion within a promise to die if he died. Marilyn Manson was in such a dark place within his own mental health, that he wanted to die without her. She saved him from his suicidal ideations and deep depression with her gesture to go down with him, and now that she was leaving, he wanted to hold her to her promise.

He comments more on this dynamic in the song “15”:

“this time I won’t hesitate    to kill to protect what I believe in    this time I won’t hesitate    to kill to protect what I believe in        i can get by now    I’m not really dead    but I really needed someone to save me    leaving me alone to die    is worse than having the guts to kill me”

At this point, ERW is gone, and throughout THe High End of Low, Marilyn Manson’s bitterness over ERW is apparent. These lyrics within 15 represent another veiled threat on her life, as well an attempt to cause her to feel guilt over "abandoning" him in his pain. This bitterness, and expression of abusive characteristics, is also seen in the song “WOW” and in the video for “Running to the Edge of the World.”

“i was happy for 'awhile’ and i stopped being scared and ashamed to say what’s on my mind.    but you thought that I’d change after 'awhile’ and said,    "you better treat me different, or else!”    "or else" seems like a stupid,    fucking thing to say to someone like me    someone like me?

i am worse    than what you think you’d catch from me    'complicated’ is understated.    did you stop and take a look at who you fell in love with?    at who you fell in love with?”

-”WOW” by MM

WOW was probably the most difficult song on the album for to hear because it so perfectly illustrates MM’s complete lack of accountability for the ways in which he treated ERW. It smacks of victim blaming - ERW “should have known better” - how could she ever expect MM to change his behavior? She knew who she was falling in love with, and chose to fall in love with him.Because an 18 year old girl has it all figured out, right? And the 47 year old man she is dating is the one being taken advantage of. The video for WOW is a loop of ERW dropping a strap on a dress she is wearing.

The story continues with the video for “Running to the Edge of the World.” The lyric “Together as one, against all others” is a throwback to the Heart-Shaped Glasses video where at the end, MM says “Together as one” and ERW responds with “Against all others.”

There is one specific verse in Running that I looked back on after exiting my abusive relationship that helped me find some clarity:

“And everyone    turned their backs    because they knew    when we held on tight    to each other,    that we were something    fatal    that fell into the wrong hands.”

These words represented to me how my abuser and I’s relationship was so intense, so tightly knit, and so clearly toxic, that everyone tried to turn their backs (or they tried to help me in very wrong ways). My abuser and I were in it too deep. I couldn’t get out, our love was passionate and all-encompassing, but it was so very, very fatal. I could actually listen to this song and mourn the ending of a relationship in which I had loved more passionately than I ever had, even though it had destroyed me.

But then there was the video.

“It opens with Manson, dressed in a white shirt singing the song to a camera while partially concealing himself with a curtain. As the bridge and outro of the song play, he beats a woman to death, speculated to represent Evan Rachel Wood, played by Kelly Polk.”

The Manson fandom was quick to absolve Marilyn Manson of any wrongdoing. People denied that the woman in the video was ERW. People said that the video was fine because he didn’t actually hurt ERW in it. People said that it was probably a good thing that MM made this video instead of actually hurting ERW in real life. As if ERW deserved to be hurt for “breaking his heart” and “abandoning him” when actually she was just a young woman who had been scrambling in and out of the relationship for 4 years. You know, it takes approximately 7 times leaving for someone to stay left when they are trying to leave an abusive relationship.

So here we have the story, the evidence I have seen, that caused me to believe that Marilyn Manson is an abuser. ERW’s description of being afraid for her life is literally representative of what MM openly shared in his music, videos, and interviews about their relationship. It doesn’t get much more clear than that for me. I very well may be wrong about some of this. All of this. But it really doesn’t feel like it. 

The question is, what do I do with this? I am a Mansonite. A Feminist. A survivor. How do I manage to live while being all of these things? How do I live with the fact that my greatest teacher committed acts of violence against a young woman similar to what were committed against me? The fear in ERW’s voice during the proceeding was palpable. It danced with my own fear that I still carry. It brought up a memory I have of my abusive partner joking around about tying me to the bed and lighting the house on fire. They said that it was a joke. But it didn’t feel like one. Marilyn Manson taught me about duality, about light and dark. At the age of 19, I realized that I was a walking antithesis. I still feel this way, and it’s because I accept that there is no overcoming the light or the dark, that they must always exist together. If you try to extinguish one, you’re ultimately being disingenuous to yourself. Which is funny to me, since people believe that I’m being disingenuous because they don’t get how I can be a comfortable combination of things that are seemingly opposite of each other.

 In the song, “I Have to Look up Just to See Hell”, MM says “The light shines in the darkness/but the darkness will never understand it.” In this way, I feel like the pupil has outshone the teacher because I have come to know that the darkness and the light can understand each other, but only if you learn that you’re made of both, simultaneously and continuously. Your darkness and light will only understand each other if you accept that idea.

 As a result of this concept, I have realized that although my heart aches because of what I know my greatest teacher has done, I also know that Marilyn Manson grapples with his light and his dark. I am disgusted knowing that he could hurt someone the way my abuser hurt me. Perhaps his actions are unforgivable, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever look at him the same way again. But unlike the many fans who refuse to see him as something less than a hero or a God, I will see him as the person he is. A damaged, sad, lonely man who is a victim of his own traumas. A man who sometimes does terrible things and makes mistakes. What I won’t do is forgive him, what I will do is hold him accountable through expressing my ideas through the rest of his fan base. I can only hope that he will come to some sort of realization in which he accepts that what he did was abusive and wrong - my abusive partner did.

 But in the meantime, I will try to ignore the spiral heart on my abdomen that I wear as a reminder that “Love is the only thing strong enough to destroy me” (as MM said in an interview during the EMDM/THEOL era). Perhaps I’ll turn it into a flesh removal one day instead to represent the strength I have rebuilt over the years that will not allow me to ever be destroyed by “love” ever again. And I will continue to see my triptych tattoo and my Golden Age of Grotesque era M’s as representative of the times in my life in which I learned the most about myself, through the art of this man who has meant everything to me. I will coexist within my dark and light feelings surrounding Marilyn Manson because that is what I have done for the majority of my life. That is what he taught me. 

[gingermcl]

Identifying and dealing with Energy Vampires

Recently I had an experience where an energy vampire tried to siphon my energy. I figured it out and set some intentions.... then a week this person did an entire 180 and was all of the sudden against me. Reporting she didn’t say things that I have in writing plain as day. I picked up the attachment when I did a reading for her. I told her she only had to pay me $20 and she sent me 50 which was really weird. Especially since this person often talks about how she needs more money. It occurred to me that she sent more money to strengthen etheric attachments.

I no longer believe in coincidence. Let’s talk about some signs of an energy vampire.

What is an energy vampire?

Energy vampires are people who drain your emotional or physical energy. (Energy vampires love empaths.) Energy vampires can intentionally harvest energy or they may be doing it unintentionally and completely unaware of it.

Vampires feed on one’s willingness to listen and care for them, leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed. With an energy vampire it can be hard to get a word in in a conversation. I find vampires are the people I end up frequently interrupting. They can be narcissistic - all about themselves and poor listeners.

Anyone can be an energy vampire. They can be anywhere, at any time, and from all walks of life. Learning how to identify and respond to vampiric behavior can help you preserve your energy and protect yourself from a great deal of emotional and physical distress.

Physical energy vampires will often be an empty vessel. An empty vessel is one that doesn’t have the heart centered/creator spark consciousness, instead these individuals seemingly operate on some kind of AI hive mind. Energy vampires can be souled individuals too. If a vampire is a soiled person he usually has a lot of negative etheric attachments. In this case it isn’t the individual doing the energy harvesting; it’s actually the attachments on him/her harvesting the energy.

Energy vampires are unable to move through life without taking energy from others. They may have a physical, emotional, or mental dysfunction(s) that is(are)draining them. Many times the energy feeding is not intentional nor is it a conscious decision to take another’s energy.

An energetic part of a vampire attaches to you and sets up the negative energy attachment/energy drain. The vampire can be anyone – friend, your children, employee, family members, a chance, one time encounter, or a group meeting. Energetic attachments can attach to an individual at any time and at any place; which is why we must be aware that attachments happen, what symptoms to look for, and learn a process to get rid them.

An individual can also be bothered by unseen energies, vampiric, or parasitic negative energy attachments. These energies set up energy siphoning through childhood or adult traumas - physical, sexual, and emotional, through addictions, injuries, extreme fear, and even ecstatic bliss filled events. A good example that would be a group meditation. In a group meditation people open themselves up. Someone else in the room may be full of energetic attachments that can jump from body to body. A high vibrational individual can pick up nasty attachments in a group meditation. When should meditate alone or only with individuals that he trusts. Attachments can also arise from unspoken and spoken agreements in the physical and nonphysical realms, in other lifetimes, this incarnation, and through joint permission with other people.

If there is a way to suck the life out of you, an energy vampire will figure it out. Tracking your mood, who you’re hanging out with, and negative interactions on your life can be a good way to discover energy vampires.

These vampires are opportunists and will attach energy siphons to an existing harvest another human is doing. There are entities like discarnate spirits who are confused and not intentionally taking your energy. They are simply looking for a safe place to rest and nest. All energy vampires may not have a negative intention. Regardless of intention a vampire will drain you and should be dealt with.

I have dealt with several energy vampires in my life. I have begun to notice repeating characteristics. I looked up signs of an energy vampire before doing this video and was able to find all of the symptoms I had listed on someone’s list. I did see other symptoms listed but didn’t include those. I only like to give advice on things that I have personally experienced or at minimum deeply resonate with.

Signs of an energy vampire

They act like the hero

Energy vampires place their problems on other people. Energy vampires are the first person to place blame on another person and refuse to take accountability for his or her mistakes. They take no responsibility for their contributions to their difficulties.

They need emotional support to boost their self-esteem. This actually stems from the fact that most energy vampires have a very negative self image and low self-esteem.

Cannot admit wrongdoing

Energy vampires are often charismatic. They may seemingly easily get out of trouble because of this charm or gift of persuasion. They’re crafty and will pin problems and blame on someone else in virtually every situation. They will not accept responsibility for their role in any disagreement or conflict. The other person involved with the vampire is the one left bearing the guilt and blame for any incident with the vampire.

Energy vampires may promote a dogmatic or rigid belief based program. They may be involved in groups that worship a deity, god, celebrity, or other physical or nonphysical being(s.) Regardless of whom or what one worships; the act of worship is seeking validation outside of himself; when the truth is genuine wisdom comes from within. Participants in such programs gives his or her energy to these idols/beings. This energy is being intentionally directed elsewhere and who knows for what purpose.

It’s perfectly normal and fine to respect someone and follow ones work. Worship borders obsession. There is a clear difference between general respect or even admiration and worship.

Try to turn elements of your character against you; or describing your character as their own while projecting their own unpleasant characteristics on you - in other words a character switch

Empathetic, sensitive, and compassionate people are prime targets for energy vampires. They offer a listening ear, a kind heart, and endless energy. Energy vampires use a persons very caring nature against him; draining him of his vitality, strength - physical and/or emotional, and motivation.

Energetic vampires may monopolize your time so they can get as much of your energy as they can. They may involve you in dramatic situations in their life that you really have no place being involved in. I am reminded of a woman who was allegedly afraid she was going to be killed in an accident; she decided to text me to tell me she was safe. I didn’t live near her and don’t know what kind of help I could have provided. I don’t even know what city she lives in. Why choose me to tell that she had left and gotten places safely??!? She must have been harvesting my energy. This is the same woman that I did a reading for and got the attachment through her overpayment. If a vampire thinks you feel guilty turning them down, they’ll continuously ask for favors.

Very competitive with everyone, cannot be someone’s partner. Must attempt to do better than you.

Energy vampires don’t like to be outdone and they aren’t keen on sharing the spotlight. This is simply another one of their many narcissistic tendencies. Vampires struggle to feel genuine happiness for another person. Most likely they don’t feel genuine happiness for themselves either. If energy vampires feel happiness they still don’t generate enough positive energy to meet their emotional demands. Hence why an vampire must harvest emotional energy from others. For some reason the vampire doesn’t create enough energy on his or her own.

Hypercritical

Intimidation is a tool some energy vampires turn to when they need to stir up some emotions. Energy vampires are usually insecure. They may use dehumanizing tactics and criticism as an attempt to make/keep their “prey” insecure too. When in an insecure state victims feel like they owe the vampire attention and should working with the vampire to stop his unwarranted attacks.

More energy can be harvested from negative emotions so keeping a victim in a negative state of thinking/emotion is very important for the energy vampire. Fear is also a very strong emotional reaction. If an energy vampire can upset you, they can boost their ego. Energy vampires also love to get their victims living in a state of fear. That is what is going on in the world wide scale with this coronavirus nonsense. The luciferian elites are harvesting a ton of energy from the current state of fear of the people.

Energy vampires often use guilt trips to get what they want. They know shame is a great weapon against people who are compassionate and caring. Shame was the tactic my most recent vampire used too.

Ultimatums are another effective way to capture a person’s attention and coerce them into doing something they otherwise may not want to do. Things like “I don’t know how you expect me to make it without you. I’ll die.” or “If you really love me, you’ll do this for me.” would be considered ultimatums.

Very dramatic; need to keep the drama going for energy

Energy vampires always find themselves in the middle of a catastrophe, flailing from target to target with their emotional and dramatic behavior. When they’ve landed on you, they fling this drama onto you in hopes you’ll absorb it, fix it, and right their wrongs. It is important not to discuss the energy vampire forward focus goes energy flows. Focusing on the energy vampires problems gives the energy. Stick to shallow and non-emotional topics of conversation and keep your interactions as short as possible when dealing with an energy vampire.

No empathy, compassion, very little emotion

Energy vampires feed off your emotional energy. If you’re sad or upset, your energy supplies may be dwindling. The energy vampire will shift the attention of the discussion to themselves in order to drain maximum energy.

Abnormally codependent

Codependency is a type of relationship where one partners actions are designed to generate a certain reaction from the other partner. This a vicious, negative cycle of behavior and many people fail to recognize that they’re in a codependent relationship. Especially energy vampires. Vampires use codependency to continue create and maintain a cycle of drama. Energy vampires are more likely to be involved in an abusive situation. I’m uncertain if these means as the abuser, the abused, or both. I sense both.

Narcissistic personalities are famous for energy siphoning. They will intimidate, physically, emotionally, or even sexually abuse, degrade, confuse, and generally create chaos within their environment. Energy entanglements with a narcissist take help, time, and a considerable amount of self-strength, self love, and self care to get away and recover from.

Why we need to deal with the energy vampires in our lives.

Energy vampires demand a lot from their targets. The continuous drain on your resources an energy vampire causes will eventually have an effect on your well-being. Sometimes quite a noticeable effect. Over time, excess stress can lead to anxiety, depression, heart disease, other illnesses, and more. This is why it’s important to recognize the energy vampire and work to remove them or at least minimize interactions with them.

An individual’s process for dealing with energetic attachments may involve putting up protections, energy and aura cleansing, mantras, and visualizations as methods of thwarting the energy vampire’s efforts. There is no set right or wrong way to develop your process. Do what feels right.

It is best to remove the energy vampire from your life entirely. Sometimes this isn’t possible and in those times minimizing time spent with the vampire plus controlling the topic of conversation is extremely important. Stick with shallow topics of conversation that should not incite an emotional reaction in anyone.

Let’s also discuss a few steps one can take against the energy vampire.

Set boundaries

Creating and maintaining boundaries can be easier said than done at times, but it has proven to be an invaluable tool in my personal experience. Everyone should develop boundaries where one decides how he will and won’t allow an energy vampire (or any energy that is not for his highest and best purpose) to participate in his life.

Don’t agree to go to social events with a suspected vampire. Avoid weekend trips or any extended outing with a known vampire. At work you can limit interaction; don’t agree to any outside of work activity like happy hour or lunch dates, and don’t stop to chit chat with them. If they manage to interact with you, cut off the interaction as fast as possible and keep topics of conversation shallow or on non-emotional subjects. The energy vampire is likely attempting to get an emotional response from you in each interaction. We must learn not to engage this desire.

When making life changes start with one or two small changes, master those, then make additional changes. Trying to change everything at once will cause overwhelm and discouragement.

Adjust your expectations

You can’t fix an energy vampire. What you can do is redo your expectations of them and reevaluate your personal views of them. This may involve actively setting the intention of detaching from this situation emotionally. When a vampire attempts to vent his problems to you or asks for advice don’t give it. If an energy vampire asked you for advice you can say something along the lines of “I’m sorry I don’t know anything about that topic” or “I’ve never heard of that before.” You shouldn’t be rude to the energy vampire for this will give them energy. You want to try to remain neutral when interacting with the energy vampire.

You cannot use an energy vampire for any form of emotional release. You should never vent to a vampire. If you do you will likely notice that you cannot finish your entire story before the conversation gets turned around to them and their needs.

If the energy vampire calls, texts, or drops in unannounced don’t give in. Make up an excuse. You can say that you’ve got plans, are too tired, or don’t feel well. When a vampire is repeatedly given excuses and not getting the emotional energy they desire from you, they tend to look elsewhere. Stand your ground and keep the boundaries you’ve set for yourself. Even the most persistent energy vampire will eventually get the hint.

Guard your emotions and your emotional energy

Energy vampires often notice and interpret nonverbal cues as a way of reading the emotions of their victims. One’s facial expression, how you hold or move your hands, and hundreds of other cues can help an energy vampire keep his investment in your energy strong. This is where learning to detach is beneficial. I will do a separate article on detaching in the future.

If you offer colder (and therefore less readable) response plus answer their questions with the shortest answer possible; you won’t open yourself up to as many of their energetic demands and will keep your energy for yourself.

Cut them out entirely

In many cases, we have the freedom to completely rid our lives of the energy vampire. This may sound dramatic, but some situations require more drastic measures. You must remember you’re protecting yourself in the end.

By recognizing such behaviors and trying to a stop to them, you’re protecting yourself, your health, and your overall well-being. No one deserves to be mistreated or used in a malicious way. It’s not your fault if you’ve been the victim of an energy vampire. We all have been or will be at some point in our lives. There are far too many negative attachments in this realm for an individual to avoid them entirely.

Some people refuse to accept responsibility for their own emotional maturity — and that isn’t your burden to bear. You only have to be responsible to and for yourself. Protection from energy harvesting is a good skill to have in your mental tool box.

[onenationprinc-blog]

‘Chappaquiddick’ is a long-overdue dismantling of the Kennedy myth

Nearly 50 years after Senator Ted Kennedy left a young woman to die in a shallow pond — and America went on to reward him with a lifelong career in the US Senate — we are finally beginning to reckon with the Kennedy myth. But only just. The new film “Chappaquiddick�� is, to date, the most brutal and honest account of what happened that night. But it’s also something else: an indictment of our collective hero worship at the altar of Brand Kennedy, which bred so much corrosive entitlement that surviving brother Ted, the family beta male, went home to sleep it off after leaving a loyal young staffer to die alone. “Chappaquiddick” is a much-needed counterweight to two current hagiographies: CNN’s docuseries “The Kennedys,” airing to high ratings on Sunday nights, and Netflix’s forthcoming documentary “Bobby Kennedy for President.” JFK and RFK remain, of course, the family lodestars. But in 1969 Ted was next in line, and he had a lot of public sympathy. His brother Robert had been assassinated while campaigning for president the year before. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. Ted himself barely survived a plane crash in 1964, dragged to safety by Senator Birch Bayh (the irony) and hospitalized for five months. It was assumed, within the family and without, that Ted would run for president in 1972. He had three small children and, the July weekend he went partying in Chappaquiddick, a pregnant wife at home confined to bed rest. As portrayed by Jason Clarke, the young senator is a venal, self-pitying coward, thoughtless and remorseless, ambition his only care. He treats loyalists and groupies with equal contempt, and as the weekend begins, he toasts them all for “wanting to prove yourselves worthy of . . . the Kennedy name.” It’s clear the filmmakers are in on this joke. We next see Kennedy leaving the party with the young Mary Jo Kopechne, who had worked for Bobby Kennedy and was still mourning his death. The film depicts Ted as drinking and driving before his black Oldsmobile 88 flies off a small wooden bridge and into a pond, crash-landing upside down. According to contemporaneous accounts, the tide was dead low, the water only 5 or 6 feet deep. Both of the passenger-side windows were blown out. Kennedy later testified that Mary Jo might have been hitting or kicking him in her frantic struggle to escape. He claimed to have gone back under for her six or seven times but there is no proof. He was seen at 2:25 a.m. in dry clothes by a hotel desk clerk. When Mary Jo’s body was recovered the next morning, it appeared that she died not of drowning but suffocation. She likely lived for hours. There she had been, her head and neck jammed at a sharp angle up against the foot board, gasping through a small air pocket. Was she wondering where Kennedy was? Was she convinced he was on the verge of coming back for her? That he had gone to get help? After all, who would leave someone in this situation alone? Least of all someone who had suffered so much loss so young? Ted Kennedy passed by nearby lighted homes and the local fire department as he walked back to his inn, away from the pond he’d later claim was deep and at high tide. He slept that night as Mary Jo took her last breaths. The next morning, Ted refused to appear at the scene when summoned, demanding that the chief of police come down to the station. There, the chief finds Kennedy behind the cop’s own desk, reading a carefully worded statement. He doesn’t mention Mary Jo by her full name because he doesn’t know how to spell “Kopechne.” Ten hours had passed since the car went in the water. But Ted’s only concern is that he’ll never be president. Criminal charges don’t concern him, nor does he ever consider he might go to prison. He is, after all, a Kennedy. Ted flees the island, helps block an autopsy, and attends Mary Jo’s funeral wearing a fake neck brace. For a time, he considers blaming the dead girl and telling the police that she was driving. Instead he blames the bridge, he claims exhaustion, he tells The New York Times he has a concussion and is on sedatives until The Times reporter informs him no doctor would ever give sedatives to someone who’s concussed. And Ted feels sorry for himself all over again. Ted the eternal screw-up. The film’s one flaw is, ironically, the glancing depiction of the women here. Mary Jo, played by Kate Mara, is never really fleshed out: She is The Girl, a young blonde who is very serious and very starstruck, but not much more. And Ted’s wife Joan — who was bullied by the family into calling Mary Jo’s parents and invoking Kennedy family tragedy to keep them under their control, and who suffered a miscarriage weeks later — appears onscreen for mere seconds, but speaking for us all when she says, “Go f–k yourself, Teddy.” In the end, Ted Kennedy pled to nothing more than leaving the scene of an accident and received a suspended sentence of two months’ jail time. He would never be president, but he spent the rest of his life held in high esteem by the Democratic party. When he died in 2009, Chappaquiddick and Mary Jo Kopechne were barely mentioned. Instead he was canonized by the Senate as its Liberal Lion, a fighter for the poor, the dispossessed and, yes, women. This film, in this #MeToo era, should begin to change all that. It should begin a new conversation about the Kennedy family in American life. Share this: https://nypost.com/2018/04/05/chappaquiddick-is-a-long-overdue-dismantling-of-the-kennedy-myth/ https://blog.cyberprosocial.com/2018/04/05/chappaquiddick-is-a-long-overdue-dismantling-of-the-kennedy-myth/

[spiegelgestalt]

so about the time Subaru was suuuper cringe (Part 1/2)

im through EP 7 of re:zero. The episodes were we can see Subaru from his worst side are hard to watch because I'm cringing a lot during them but they are really good. This first part is about the conflict between Subaru and Emilia

TL/DR: Emilia and Subarus conflict is mainly about who of them is the damsel in distress who's wishes can be disregarded in the name of protection. For some reason none of them want the role

Rambling under the cut:

The first thing I noticed during the rewatch is that this Trainwreck happened because a lot of people let it happen (mainly because it's amusing) and that says something about those people. Re:zero does something what I see very rarely in fiction that the people who have Subarus best interest at heart (Emilia +Julius) are positioned as villains/obstacles while the ones who don't care (Reinhard, Krusch, Felix,...) or who actively want to see him crash and burn (Roswaal, Priscilla) are positioned as helpful. It's true Subaru in his childishness disregarded the rules of this world (because like Priscilla he assumes that the world is for him/his gratification) but there were people who wanted to see him humiliated for it

Rem isn't a lot in this episode but she really fucked up here. Her hero worship makes her blind for what's actually good for Subaru/for Subarus flaws. Subaru like Ram is now a person for her who can do anything. This is more about her low self esteem than about Subaru. Friends don't let friend humiliate themselves.

So about Emilia's rejection: actually she took it quite well that Subaru humiliated her in front of the entire court... I would have been way way angrier.

The fight between Emilia and Subaru is hard to watch and this conflict will only be resolved mid season 2. It's a fight between two people who love each other dearly but who cannot understand each other.

Conflict from Subarus side: Subaru knows he fucked up, he wants to move past it and establish that Emilia and him are a team now and the others are just mean and bad. He wants to hear that Emilia loves him still, isn't angry and wants him to stay by his side. He wants to prove Julius wrong (more than anything he wants to reload...). If he isn't by Emilia's side at all times, if he isn't the strong charismatic protector than Emilia couldn't possibly love him. What he doesn't even consider is that he explicitly disregarded Emilia's wishes not to come.

The conflict from Emilia's side: Emilia loves Subaru (probably right now like a little sibling considering she assumed he was 12/13) and she doesn't want him to get hurt. She doesn't want him to get humiliated. She wants him to be her save haven, the one who makes her laugh, who does radio exercises with her, who does nice things for the villages, who creates spaces where she can spend time with people without fear. That is what she likes about him. She doesn't need hin to fight her battles. She is extremely strong on her own (even in her nerfed form) She wants him to be her queen not her knight. Meanwhile Subaru throws himself into any danger he can find because he things that's what impresses Emilia but it makes her feel guilty and helpless

(SN: this is a dynamic which is not appreciated by the characters around them. Lagunica is a sexist place. Women need to be protected and pretty, men do the heavy lifting and fight, so Subarus desperation makes sense)