#But now I get the memes- and understand why the meth is blue

[spaghetticat3899]

Me trying not to spam too much of the same subject but then coming across a sea of year old memes I think are funny.

This is the curse of discovering a show after the memes and hype passed on September of last year. I get all the jokes now, but at what cost.

[purplesurveys]

721

Have you ever disliked someone just because a friend disliked them? Yessssss. That’s my job as a best friend hahahaha half kidding. No but seriously though, I have. I mean I’d still be objective and tell my friend if their enemy is making sense in some aspects, but at the end of the day I’ll give them the extra support by disliking that person anyway. Which would you rather own: A camera or a video camera. Why? Video camera, because I’ve always wanted to start vlogging and my phone’s camera is already quite decent, so I’m not really needing a camera right now. Have you ever won a lot of money in a slot machine? How much? Nah, I’ve never even played in a casino. I’ve been in one but I was only 18 then, so I couldn’t really do anything except to walk through the casino and stare at all the machines and booths that I couldn’t play at haha. Do you watch sports on TV even though you aren't a sporty person yourself? I will sometimes watch a tennis or MMA match if I catch them on, but that’s about it. I wouldn’t know who to root for either, or know who’s the better player; I just watch for the action. Do you eat / drink at your computer? Yes but I try to avoid it more these days because I hate greasing up my trackpad or leaving bits of food on my keyboard. If I really have to eat at my laptop I’ll put on a show or a video to watch so that I don’t have to actually be using my laptop.

How much do you overeat at special occasions? (Birthdays, Christmas, etc) I don’t think I have the capacity to overeat haha. My room for food is small so when I get full I simply stop eating, or I no longer get up to get a second serving. Generally I try to get a piece of every meal though, no matter how little; I always want to have a taste of everything so that I don’t miss out. The music you listen to: Is it mostly sung by female or male vocalists? I think it’s an equal amount but when it comes to frequency I think I’ve been listening to female vocalists more often – Beyoncé, Paramore, The Japanese House, Banks, etc. My playlists generally have both female and male artists though cause I also listen to Hozier, alt-J, Coldplay, Rhye, Joji, and other male dudes. Do you think it's important to enjoy your job or do you just work for money? As much as possible people should always aim to end up somewhere where they love what they do for a living, but given that I’m quite materialistic but mostly grew up in a household with a mom who was very frugal and often reiterated the joys of a simple life (aka a life I hated lmao), I think I’d have no problem having a job that pays handsomely but wasn’t necessarily viewed as fun. I wanna be able to spoil and reward myself after all the work I do. Do you require glasses / contacts to see properly? If so, which do you use? Yeah, I have glasses. Tell me an embarrassing thing that happened to you recently: I shared a serious-toned Facebook post earlier tonight and Gabie’s dad gave it a like. I’ve mostly forgotten he was my Facebook friend and so I started feeling embarrassed because normally I would shitpost and share stupid memes and if he liked my post, it must mean he sees everything I share jkfhjkfhjkf. When you hear your voice back on a recording, do you think it sounds awful? No. I don’t usually cringe when I hear it; I think it sounds okay. When was the last time you got the hiccups? Aaaaaaaaages ago. I can’t even tell you when. If you had to, which record would you go into Guinness World Records for? I saw a video on Facebook of this woman getting into Guinness for finishing the most jars of mayonnaise in a certain amount of time (I wanna say 5 minutes?) and I was so thrilled to see such a record cause I can honestly see myself breaking it HAHAHAHAHA mayonnaise is <3 The last sweet thing you ate: What was it? A chocolate chip cookie, except we don’t have chocolate chips so my dad had to improvise and chopped up Flat Tops instead. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I’d toy with my second name and probably go with Belle or Bella. Do you have a middle name? Do you find it embarrassing? Yeah I think all Filipinos come with a legal second name. I don’t find mine embarrassing it all; it’s a source of great pride since I have a lot of relatives etched in Philippine history with that name. I don’t ever want to lose it and I’ll probably continue to keep it even after I’m married. What would you choose to be famous for? It’d be nice to be known for a blog. If I had the time, resources, and tbh the connections it would be amazing to write about anything under the sun for an audience. What is your current occupation? Do you enjoy it? I don’t have any at the moment, but I’m about to start looking for one. Do / Did you enjoy school? Why (not)? There are some parts I enjoy/ed (the friends I made for high school, the overwhelming independence I gained in college) and some parts I hate/d (some classes I was forced to take in high school, my inability to adjust during my first year of college). I don’t regret either periods though, and I can never say I completely hated them. If you have a webcam, are you ever paranoid people can see you? Yes hahaha. I never got around to buying a webcam protector either. Do you find it difficult to sleep at night? Any reason(s) why? Only when there’s something unresolved, like a deadline that’s bugging me or if Gab and I have been arguing. Otherwise I’m knocked out in like 10 minutes. If you had to go on a game show, which would you choose? Family Feud or Jeopardy. What about if you had to go on a reality show? Which would you choose then? QUEER EYE. Talk about wholesome. Tell me about your favourite TV show: Blue meth, New Mexico, lots of chemistry, objectively one of the greatest pieces of television ever. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Why? I probably wished this a few times when I was a pre-teen and liking girly things was still seen as lame. How the hell did we not question mindsets like that before, damn. If you had dental braces, which colour would you make them? I did have braces and I always picked a different color for every trip to the dentist, so it’s very possible I had tried out the entire rainbow. Does any part of your body hurt right now? Where and why? My back hurts rn, understandably, because my posture is shitty. Why were you last irritated? Slow internet. What time did you get up this morning? I think that was already 11 in the morning. The last city you were in: Where was it and do you like it there? Other than my own it was in Pasig. It’s okay but I definitely prefer other cities. It’s a little too crowded and congested for me and also too expensive to stay at, eugh. If I had the choice I’d rather hang in Makati or QC. Do you like the countryside? They’re nice spots for a short vacation, but I wouldn’t want to live there. I’ve grown used to the hustle and bustle of cities. If you see someone yawn, do you often yawn as well? Sure. Recommend me a good movie: Good Will Hunting, Requiem for a Dream (but sad), Roman Holiday, Gone with the Wind, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Do you think you'd make a good model? Would you ever want to be one? I don’t work out or do anything to maintain a certain figure so I don’t have the the ideal body for modeling; if anything the only factor I have going for me is the fact that I’m quite skinny. I did want to be a model when I was a teenager though; that was around the time VS Angels were extremely popular, so I’m not surprised I used to want to be like them. How often do you change your hairstyle? What does it look like now? I only change it up once a year. Right now I have a bit of a bob with bangs. Truth or Dare? Truth. I never have a problem saying the truth lmao. Do you have a favourite day of the week? Which is it? This semester it was Tuesday, because it had my lightest schedule. Nowadays every week is just a blur to me and I stopped having a favorite day.

[archived-2062]

shit gets so much better

fucking random but my sponseejust called me with astonishing news and holy fuck like

idk I just???? this is a fucking HUGE moment in my life and I had to share it somewhere

k u need some context for this shit so buckle the fuck up and get ready to BAWL bc lemme fucken tell u buddy boy (TW: child abuse, drug abuse, infant death- I know I wouldn’t keep reading either. I just really needed to get this off my chest finally and since it’s not like anyone will really see this anyway idk I just need to say it SOMEWHERE, to SOMETHING, finally. it’s been such long fucking road.)

I had to go through my own recovery completely alone. my sister (methhead) was pregnant, barely at the time- had JUST found out, and when I finally got her the fuck away from my house for the last time I promised myself I would never use like that again. I now had a job to do. I was gonna turn 18 and fight for custody.

fast forward about a year and a half. Robin Williams has passed. mind you I am still clean from that same day I just mentioned. I do some stalking, because recently I had been out of touch and this loss was a huge slap in the face over that sort of thing. like, shit, I need to keep up and re-enter society probably, or something, I dunno.

dumb idea… I checked her Facebook page. her header? the funeral banner.

Jackson’s death was attributed to SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. why? because he happened to be at daycare. she was still using heavily during pregnancy. but if he were at home, man, if that kid had passed at home… we would have all figured she did it her damn self. she’s always been quite the drama queen and still to this day she milks her son’s death for any bit of sympathy or pity she can scrounge up from poor new faces, oblivious to her tendency to bring forth destruction unimaginable. had that kid, my nephew, been at home when he died, they would have attributed it to her. that’s the kind of person she is. that’s all I’ve ever seen of her. pushing her 14 year old sister into prostitution and a methamphetamine dependency so she could have the extra money. see, underage is MUCH more expensive than your average fare, so that vile, putrid excuse for a woman made Cash Money™ off of me. throwing a lamp at me every time I wanted to go home. we would have suspected she killed him, and for damn good reason. she IS that kind of person.

naturally, learning this… it sent me spiraling. I still haven’t picked meth up again- genuinely highly unlikely that I ever will- but I did start using pills pretty heavily at this point for several months before I picked myself back up and plundered my stash of self control and discipline and sort of returned to normal. ever since then, there’s been this huge weight on my chest, in my heart, constantly reminding me that I lost what might have been my only chance at raising my own blood. see, she had to have got it from somewhere. turns out our father is “to blame”; he had a thing for night gowns and dark rooms when mom wasn’t home, you know? so of course. it just makes sense. we both failed him. I was too fucking late. not to mention, I have an EXTREMELY low fertility rate, thank you Dad. my shits just fucked up now.

fast forward again. I’m now a sponsor, in my first healthy relationship going a year and a half strong, and I just really love memes I guess. safe to say I’m doing better, right? well, not much to me anymore other than “don’t do that! it will suck!” kinda comments, passionate sessions with sponsee telling him not to fuck it up. other than this I didn’t think I had purpose after that, after losing him. maybe I just didn’t want it. I felt powerless, especially since a car wreck left me unable to drive after it exacerbated my seizure disorder. for many, many months, I struggled with thoughts of suicide, but that phrasing doesn’t really cut it, does it? I felt I had failed my only challenge on this Earth. yeah, I’m doing sort of good right now, but… do I deserve it? can this person rely on me? like, ME? am I really one to talk?

I was sitting here just earlier, in this same old pleather computer chair, looking at my lovely Cortana (my desktop, u nerd) and I thought to myself, “how far have I really come? how much have I honestly accomplished since then? do I even deserve to be human?” and just a few moments ago, my sponsee called me with phenomenal news:

he has been clean for nearly an entire month straight, no relapses, no fights, just chillin’ like a villain in retirement. his ex, mother of his child, granted him 50/50 custody, and even wants to rekindle their relationship because he’s in recovery and actually taking it serious now. at first she didn’t want that shit around her child- I totally understand. I would have made the same decision, but with a lot more snarling and clawing. good lady, really. but he used to fight a lot too, just generally kinda fuck up a lot in life, etc. he’s 19. (me too, soon!) and he hasn’t been in a fight in SO MANY WEEKS. I used to get 3 or 4 calls a week about it, random texts from friends just letting me know he was coming home loaded up in a shopping cart. needless to say, he’s come a really fucking long way.

he’s talked a lot about me to his lady, and she apparently adores me and is extremely thankful and grateful that I’ve been sponsoring him and trying to get him better.

but there’s more.

obviously, there’s some in-person meeting to do and quite a bit of time to think, but as far as she’s concerned at the moment, I’m one of the top names on her list of possible godmothers.

sometimes you’re not here to do the thing that’s keeping you alive. sometimes the real thing is a million days away, and a whole lot of growth is needed in order to even get to it. sometimes life will fucking test you, traumatize you, leave you splotched with black and blue and deep, bewildered crimson and it will rip away your very reason to breathe, right from under your grip, torn from its place by your heart- and then, when you think you’re done, when you think you’ve just had enough and you’re so fucking close to just… losing it…

…

… only then will the universe pull back her cloak with a brilliant grin and give it right back, except this time,

you’re fucking ready.