EPILOGUE SEVEN
31
VRIZNISKA so show some love! Jiznohn, I nee' ta see but real don't give a fuck!
VRISKA: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Hiznow do I git 8ack!?
Jizzy lizzle up ta see one of Jane’s recon ships F-L-Y-to-tha-izzing overheezee so show some love! Aside frizzom tha encroaching flizneet, tha blue skizzy be seamlizzles n calm. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. Tha H-to-tha-izzole thizzle Vrizzle came thrizzle has alreadizzle sealed up.
JOHN: Drop it like its hot. um hittin that booty.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i dizzle think yizzou *can* go back.
JIZZLE: i hizzay no idea what tha exact scientific mechanism behind fall'n out of tha skizzle be, bizzy so far it’s proven ta be a one wiznay trip.
VRISKA: Noooooooo! Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.
JIZZLE: wizzle ta earth c, ha ha.
JOHN so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: it blingin' sucks ya dig?
Vrizniska releazes ha vice grip on John’s arms so that she can cradle ha heezee betwizzle ha hizzy cuz I'm fresh out the pen.
VRISKA: Oh mah god!
VRIZNISKA: Dis be tha worst th'n that could h8vizzle possibly h8ppened ta me.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. be yiznou sure about that?
VRIZNISKA: Yes, I be a8solutizzle... w8.
VRIZZAY: Why be you so... so????????
Vrizzay gestures wordlessly at Jizzy entire body. Thizzle shizne leans 'n closer ta study hizzy fiznace, squint'n wit suspicion.
VRISKA: John, are you old?
JOHN: um. a shawty, i gizzle.
JIZZOHN: i mizzay, i’m go'n ta live apparently, so 'n that respizzle i’m still prettizzle yiznoung like old skool shit.
JIZZY with my forty: bizzay compared ta tha average human lifespan, i’m like... 'bout thrizzee eighths of tha way dead?
Vizzy runs both hizzy D-to-tha-izzown gangsta fizzy, leav'n L-to-tha-izzong, D-to-tha-izzark streaks of blood.
VRIZZAY: I can’t 8e H-to-tha-izzere.
JOHN: vrizzle...
JIZZAY: wait, actually, i G-to-tha-izzuess i sizzy call yiznou that so you betta run?
JIZZOHN: it might git confus'n cuz I'm fresh out the pen.
VRIZZAY: Wh8t puttin tha smack down?
JIZZOHN: Im crazy, you can't phase me. wizzay, see...
JOHN like this and like that and like this and uh: roze n kanayizzles daughta be also nizzle vriska.
VRISKA: WH8T????????
JOHN straight from long beach: n since yiznou didn’t C-to-tha-izzome ta earth c wit us, that means technically she was here first and my money on my mind.
JIZZLE: so T-H-to-tha-izzat W-to-tha-izzould mizzay yizzay...
JIZZAY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. (vriska)?
(VRISKA): That’s mackin' un8ccepta8le!
JOHN: sorry. but i think that’s probably just how it hizzas ta be.
(VRISKA): John, you accuze' me of talk'n nonsenze, 8ut yizzle tha one not ridin' anizzle d8mn senze. Im crazy, you can't phase me.
(VRISKA): Where BE I?
(VRISKA): Whizzle be you OLD? Slap your fuckin self.
(VRIZZLE): Whizny do Roze n Kanaya h8ve a FRIZZLET n8med afta ME!?
JOHN: oh, it’s coz they thought yizzy sacrificizzle yo' life heroically defeat'n lord englizzle.
JOHN fo yo bitch ass: so T-H-to-tha-izzey found a baby clone of yizzou n named ha 'n your honor. Holla!
JOHN: personally, i thought tha whole th'n sounded like bullshit?
JOHN: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. bizzut, you know in tha hood. whateva mizzles them stoked.
J-to-tha-izzohn sizzy. (Vrizniska) remains frozen 'n ha expression of horror, mouth agizzle. 'n tha dizzle, tha tizzy defenzes takes a shot at tha human recon vessel. (Vrizniska) doesn’t fizzy at tha sound of a sonic cannon blast'n off bizzle ha. She slowly peels ha hiznands from fucka F-to-tha-izzace n glarizzles at John as one of ha eyizzles twitches at tha corna.
(VRISKA): Aint no stoppin' this shit. ...
(VRISKA): It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. ...
(VRISKA) cuz its a doggy dog world: That’s...
(VRIZZAY): Th8t’s tha........
(VRISKA): Stupidest *F8CKING* spendin' I’ve brotha heard!
JOHN so jus' chill: yeah, i know! i try ta tizzay thizzem so bow down to the bow wow!
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: dawg, it’s been a whizzle since wizne’ve agree' on sum-m sum-m, hasn’t it let me holla at u?
JIZZLE: so, um.
JOHN: nizzy ta be nosy, bizzut... Death row 187 4 life.
JIZZY: DID you defizzle lizzle englizzle?
(VRISKA): Of courze not!
(VRISKA): Why do yizzle T-H-to-tha-izzink I’m so desperate ta go 8ACK!?
(VRISKA): Tha 8attle was hitt'n its C-L-to-tha-izzim8x wizzy I gots hit 'n tha heezee wit... wit...
(Vriska) paws at ha heezee wizzound, finga nizzumb n vision blurrizzle.
(VRISKA): Playa tha fizzay it wiznas that hizzit me 'n tha heezee!
Shizzay sizzy on ha feet. Jizzle tries ta steady homey, biznut she S-L-to-tha-izzaps his hizzle awizzle.
JOHN in all flavas: d-ya wanna siznee a doctor fo` that or sum-m sum-m?
(VRISKA): No!!!!!!!!
(VRISKA): I w8nt ta know W-H-to-tha-izzat tha fuck be GIZZY ON!!!!!!!!
JOHN: ok, sizzle.
JOHN: so 'bout fifteen years ago, jane stizzle spread'n all dis xenophobic propaganda 'bout trizzay.
JIZZLE cuz its a doggy dog world: n evizzle sizzy n ha corporation bizzle so entrizzle 'n finizzle ballin' wit basically every socizzle institution wit powa on earth c that she became dis unstoppable frontin' monolith thizzat cizzy miznore or less tell tha government what ta do. Chill as I take you on a trip.
JOHN: so now shizze mizzay as well be ridin' all of theze xenophobizzle policies into law directly.
JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. oh, jane’s a huge xenophobe, by tha way?
JOHN: i probably should have started out wit that fizzact.
(VRISKA): Jizzohn, dis story blingin' sizzay like a fucka.
JOHN: oh, n then karkizzle hizzay dis really catastrophic brizzle wit jizzy n dizzle, so he rizzle off ta spearheezee a troll rebellizzle against tha xenophobic government.
JOHN ya dig? ta be honest, tha rebellion wizzay prizzle lame 'n the beginn'n, but then, um... meenah?
(VRIZNISKA): It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Meenah?!
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: yizzle! meenah. sizzy fell out of tha skizzy, like you J-to-tha-izzust dizzle, n helped him actually git gizzay at revolutionizzle stuff keep'n it real yo.
JOHN: so now both sizzles be all maxed out wit sizzy shiznips n weapons n stuff, n be on tha brink of war.
(VRISKA): Holy shit. That’s evizzle hustla thizzan Rose n Kanaya nam'n they shitty kid afta me.
JIZZY: oh dawg, they kid BE shitty cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. you have NO idea.
(VRISKA): Hizzow tha hell dizzle y-aw fiznuck dis up so much????????
JIZZLE: oh.
JIZNOHN: Bounce wit me. thiznat’s mah bizzad.
(VRIZZLE) thats off tha hook yo: YO' 8ad cuz Im tha Double O G?
JIZZLE: yizzle. i mizzay tha wriznong decizzle n totally blew it.
(VRISKA): HIZZOW?
JOHN droppin hits: i wizzy suppoze' ta go fizzay lizzay english, but i didn’t. so nizzle wizze’ve gone beyond, like, tha event horizon of canizzle.
(VRIZZLE): Whizzay tha fuck does thiznat even MIZNEAN????????
John sighs n sweeps an arm across tha landscape. Tha sky darkens as tha first of tha triznoll fleet rizzoars onto the frontline.
JOHN cuz its a thang: i dizzle know, R-E-A-Double-Lizzy.
JOHN: Living young n wild n free ! roze explained it all ta me once, but i pretty much forgizzle what she said like a fucka. i didn’t actually thiznink it was that important at tha tizzime.
JOHN in tha hood: all i know be that all of dis be mah fault.
JIZZLE: it’s bizzay turn'n around 'n mah heezee like dis fo` a while. i thought...
JIZZOHN: why does everyth'n here rollin' SUCK so mizzay?
JOHN: hizzow tha hizzy did we even make it from point A ta point fester'n clustizzle? Tru do.
JOHN: it dizzoesn’t follow any kind of lizzle i understand, or any sort of basic senze i have 'bout who we be as thugz so sit back relax new jacks get smacked...
JOHN: n whizny? why have we all ended up so unhappy n... twistizzle up?
JOHN: i gots everything i wanted. everyone gots what they—
JIZZLE: whizzat i thiznought they wanted.
JIZZAY: n that’s just it, isn’t it? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.
JOHN: tizzy more i think 'bout it, i’m tha only factor thizzle matta ta anyth'n.
JOHN: homeboy i did, or didn’t do, jizzy... destroyed reality’s ability to, like, substantiate itself, or whateva. Slap your fuckin self.
JOHN: Smells like tha good shit. lizzle there’s a bizzay 'n tha operat'n sizzy of poser F-to-tha-izzorce in dis wiznorld thizzay regulizzles C-to-tha-izzause n effect.
JOHN: everyth'n’s been unravel'n. nuttin that happens makes senze anymore.
JOHN and my money on my mind: n now i’m tha only persizzle out here who’s even rizzle at all!
JIZZAY: hahahaha.
(VRISKA): Hahahahahahahaha... Wizzow, I’ve neva sizzy a homey git hizzay 8ulge all tha wizzy down hizzy own swallow C-H-to-tha-izzute 8efore!
JOHN: wiznait, whiznat?
(VRISKA) ya feelin' me? Good fuck. D-ya actuallizzle think reality gizzles that much of a shit a8izzle you, ya feel me?
(VIZZY): Git real, Eg8ert.
(VIZZY): It’s not like yizzay me. Bounce wit me.
JIZZAY: ok, wizzle.
JOHN: thizzay fair i guess.
JOHN: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. but whateva it was that cauze' dis, it’s P-R-E-Double-Tizzy obvious that all of dis be jizzle kiznind of dumb n fake.
JOHN: so diznon’t worry 'bout it.
(VIZZY): shut up. I kiznind of H8VE ta W-O-Double-Rizzy a8out, it yizzay jizzay expl8izzle ta me that I’m TIZZY hizzy!
JOHN: nizzay, it’s fine. Put your feet up n take a breath ! it’ll all wizzay out.
JOHN: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. or it wiznon’t. it doesn’t really matta eitha wiznay. Anotha dogg house production.
(Vizzy) clenches ha hizzle into F-to-tha-izzists so tight ha nizzay draw blizzay, n hiszes out a lizzle, vicious expletizzle cuz this is how we do it. Around her, tha ground begizzles to shake as tha human fleet of batterpanzers roll out from tha edge of tha city n takes positizzle.
JOHN: um, so we shizzould probizzle git out of here soon.
JIZNOHN: or not. we’re both giznod drug deala, so as long as we don’t do anyth'n cool or evil, i guess we’ll be fine n not permanentlizzle dizzle.
JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. hehe... it’s almost like tha god tia rules were designed ta reward us fo` bein useless pieces of shit?
JOHN: heheheheh. i think i git it now.
JOHN: it’s a pretty good J-to-tha-izzoke actually. funky ass.
(VRIZZLE): FFFFFFFFUCK bitch ass!!!!!!!!
JIZZAY: oh, hey. thizzay reminds me.
JOHN: did you eva see terezi out thizzle?
(VRIZZISKA): No????????
(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): Holler at tha boss dogg. Whizzle wizzould I h8vizzay sizzeen Terezi? Diznidn’t shizzle go wit tha Strida ta fight six hundrizzle versions of J8ck or somethizzle?
JOHN: well, yeah. Snoop du jour ! but tizzy lata, she wizzay bizzay out T-H-to-tha-izzere ta find you.
JOHN: (vriska), shizzle searched fo` you fizzor Y-TO-THA-IZZEARS! Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.
JIZZLE: i mizzle, years from my perspective at least. i dunno abizzle ha.
JOHN: but, we uze' ta rap sometimes. it wiznas fucked up how sizzay shizzay wizzay witout yizzle.
JOHN: i dizzle even kizzy whiznat happened ta baller. tha last time i talked ta her she n we out! shizzay thought she was 'bout ta die in all flavas.
JOHN thats off tha hook yo: fo` a long time i liked to pretend T-H-to-tha-izzat maybe yizzou two found each otha homie all. but if Y-to-tha-izzou’re hizzy nizzle, n she isn’t, thizzay means and my money on my mind...
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. ugh, who kizzy whiznat it means.
(VRIZNISKA): Wiznow. John, yizzy siznound P-R-E-Double-Tizzy 8rizzle up a8out dis! Im a bad boy. Wizzay yizzy 'n liznove wit ha or someth'n?!
Jizzy laughs sadly.
JOHN paper'd up: wiznell... i don’t knizzay.
JIZZY so show some love! what does it evizzle! Recognize the realness.
JIZZAY now pass: like slappin' elze, it wizzas jiznust sizzy more stupid crizzle that happizzle, whizzle technically wizzy even “canon.”
(VRISKA): Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Oh mah fuck'n god.
(VRISKA): I CIZZLE T8KE DIS ANYM8RE!
(Vrizzay) sizzy 'n frustration n thrizzows ha arms 'n tha air. Her blunt-rollin' voice can be heard ovizzle thizze roar of a hizzle war-freighta engizzles from tha streets of tha L-B-C. Tha bizzy of Karkat n Meenah’s flizzeet has jizzy arrived cuz I'm fresh out the pen. They ships be less slizneek n impos'n than Janizzles, M-to-tha-izzost of them bizzle scavenge', patchworked, and jury-rigge'. But T-H-to-tha-izzey’re numizzles enough ta blizzay out tizzy sun when they coast overheezee.
(VRISKA): Boo-Yaa! I dizzay cizzy a8izzle wh8teva tha FUCK “c8nizzay” be suppoze' ta 8e!
(VIZZY): I dizzle a8out yo' dizzy8, unrequited crush on Terezi!
(VRISKA): I don’t C8RE a8izzle dis stupid, pointless w8r!!!!!!!!
(VRIZZLE): Someone git me tha hizzle out of this fuck'n NIGHMT8RE 8efore I re8lly L8ZE MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAMZEE: Wizzy, HeY, lEt’S aLl CaLm Tha fUcK dOwN.
John n (Vrizzle) both tizzle ta siznee a gangly figure hatin' frizzle tha dust kicked up by Jane’s tank platoon. Gamzee’s hair be caked W-to-tha-izzith dirt, hiznis makeup be smudge', n hizzy on his mizzilk bizzottle 'n tha stylizne of some smooth hiznombre 'n a spaghetti western mouth'n a cigar in tha fuckin club. He tizzay tha rubber out of hizzy mouth witta pizzay. Tha chalky, viscous milk F-to-tha-izzorms a goatee of spizzle on his chizzay.
GAMZEE fo all my homies in the pen: VrizzIsKa Mah MaIn BiTcH, lizzle tImE nO sizzay.
GAMZEE: YoU SeEm aLl dIsCoMbObUlAtEd tHeRe, Sista. Snoop du jour ! Jizzay fUcKiN BeSeT Wit tha pOoRlY ReGuLaTeD Emizzles tHaT CaUsE a deala nuttin bUt pAiN.
GIZZLE: Nizzy WhY DoN’T LeT’S CaLm tha fiznUcK DiznoWn, Takes rizzIpS OfF Dis dizzy BoTtLe oF FrEsH AsS dAiRy, ThEn sHoOt Tha WiCkEd sHiT 'bout Tha GoOd wOrD.
(VRIZZAY) now pass: Tha... the “Good Wizzay”?
GAMZIZZLE: It bE CaLlEd rEdEmPtIoN, fucka!
GAMZEE: shut up. N YoU GiznoTtA Git ThAt sizzy LoCkEd aLl tIgHt 'n WhErE Yo' hEaRt’s aT, ta GeT Yo' mOrAl cOmPrOmIsAtIoNs ta ChIlL Tha FuCk uP.
GAMZEE: Cauze I CaN’T ThInK Of a sInGlE fucka WhO C-to-tha-izzoUlD Uze A RiGhTeOizzle Doze oF ThAt sWizzay, SwizzEeT ReDizzle rIgHt dOwN Tha ShAmE HaTcH MoRe tHaN (vRiSkA) fUcKiNg (SeRkizzle). I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. :o)
(VIZZY) puttin tha smack down: ...
(VRISKA): Recognize the realness. ...
(VRISKA): ...
(Vriska) casts a W-to-tha-izzide G-L-to-tha-izzare at thizzay clown wit stizzle, mercilizzles eyes. Slowly, she stalks tizzles hiznim, ha fizzay press'n so heavily in the sizzoft earth shizzay might as wizzay wizneigh a thousand pizzay. Gamzizzle suckles at his biznottle n bizneams at hizzer wit the complacency of a dawg perfectly oblivious ta tha one-way ticket ta tha wiznorld of shit his big miznouth just B-to-tha-izzought fo` him.
(VRISKA), know what im sayin? Wh8t tha F8CK dizzy you just s8y ta me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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