#CW: depsression

[realfuurikuuri]

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

MissingArm!AU: When escaping the cave, it wasn't his tail that got crushed. In exchange for his innocence, he gained a sordid past. The Pure Heart Valley seemed like a good place to escape. To start a new life with a new family to forge a new identity. However, when the past rears its ugly head Mao Mao's forced to step up or be put down.

AN:  This chapter took a while to come out. Mostly because it's kind of long and I had to reorganize and outline it twice before actually getting into it. I had to cut two big scenes out, otherwise, the chapter would be like 20 pages, and I'm saving all of us that trouble. This chapter is definitely the most morose. I'm probably going to need to add the depression and alcoholism tags after putting this chapter up, aren't I? Let's celebrate reaching a major milestone in the series! YAY!!!!! As always follow @spookylovesboba​, and enjoy the chapter.

Direct link to chapter 7 on AO3: XXXXXX

MissingArm!AU Chapter 7: In Death Life Flashes Before My Eyes 

Mao Mao sat alone. Drinking and thinking. Thinking and drinking. Something about today had brought out his masochistic side. He placed his hand on one stove hot memory after the next. Some were arguably good ones. Some were practically nightmares. He was sifting through his own memories like a gold crazed idiot panning a riverbed.

However, Mao Mao was looking for anything but gold. He needed to know what went wrong.

Maybe he shouldn't have gotten with Tanya in the first place, or maybe he shouldn't have had a child in the first place. He had just turned 18, Tanya was only a year older than him. They were still kids. They were too young, too immature. An 18-year-old teenager isn’t ready for the kind of responsibility it takes to raise a child. He knew that then and he definitely knew that now… yet he did it anyway.

Why did he get with Tanya in the first place?

Mao Mao took a bottle of brandy to his lips, disappointed to find it empty as he began to remember.

* * *

It was after he had already lost his arm and began dressing in red. They were somewhere in the kingdom of Queen’s Putland.  He and Tanya were active in that area for quite some time. Tanya was hurting for money and found a contract she desperately needed, but on the way, it started to rain. Instead of spending his birthday camping, Tanya led him to a shady pub hidden in the trunk of a tree. It wasn’t the kind of place he'd like to spend his 18th birthday, but the kind gesture did make him blush.

Despite being hidden the place was buzzing with activity. Every seat at the tables was filled and a sea of people surrounded that. Someone sat down as soon as another got up. Strangers talked freely like everyone was a friend. It was strange. He didn’t know people could be this friendly. Tanya dragged him out of his thoughts, pulling him to the empty stools at the bar.

“Whaddya want,” the Bartender Baboon asked.

“Gimme a vodka buck and- ,” Tanya turned to her side,” Mao Mao what are you getting?”

“What do they have to eat?”

“Its’ no fun to drink on a full stomach.”

“I’m not thirsty, I’m hungry. I don’t even like the taste of alcohol.”

Tanya rolled her eyes before her eyes lit up with an idea. “And virgin will have hard cider.”

“Hey!”  

“And wings,” she added.

“I was objecting to the virgin part,” he said.

“If you don’t like being called a virgin, well… I can help you with that.”

“What,” Mao Mao rebuffed,” no, what’re you-, that’s just-, no.”

Tanya just laughed at Mao Mao, pinching his rosy, red cheeks. “You’re adorable, virgin.”

The bar baboon came back with the drinks and wings. Tanya didn’t hesitate to start drinking; Mao Mao pulled the plate of wings of closer.

“For the love of god don’t eat wings with your gloves on,” Tanya said.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he snarked back.  

“You’re so weird about your gloves,” she said.

“They’re just gloves.”

“That you never take off.”

“I do take them off.”

“Oh yeah? When?”

“When I get in the shower. When I take a bath-”

“You only take them off when you need to get nakey, is that right?”

“Well, I guess…”

“Does that include sex? Or do you wear them during that too?”

“Well... I mean I guess I’d take them off for canoodling.”

Tanya looked at him, stunned, almost confused before the corners of her mouth turned up in a smile. “Oh my god you call it canoodling,” she said in between laughs.

“It’s not funny!”

“Oh don’t worry, Virgin. It was… cute. Calm down and get drunk with me.”

Mao Mao grumbled and took a sip of the cider. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it’d be. The cider was thick and tasted of autumn apples, instead of alcohol. Although, he could still feel it burn the back of his throat.

The bar baboon had watched all of that take place with some interest. “Did your parents really name you Virgin,” he asked.

“...They had a habit of screwing me over,” Mao Mao said. He didn’t like lying, but what he said wasn’t exactly a lie.

Mao Mao and the bartender continued to talk, eventually, Tanya joined in too. It was odd. Maybe it was the jovial atmosphere of the pub, maybe it was the alcohol, but the walls people put up just broke down. There was no such thing as oversharing. He, Tanya, and the bartender just became part of the crowd. Before he knew it Mao Mao had counted 4 pints of cider. He learned that the Bartender came from a small family and that he was bartending as a way to get money. He hoped to become a musician later.  Despite learning all that about him Mao Mao never actually got to ask him his name.

He could have kept talking, but Tanya had already hit her limit on booze. The glass of water was proof that it was time to leave. Where did he put his wallet? He stopped searching when Tanya placed what little money she had left to cover the bill.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said.

“Come on it's your birthday. I can’t get you a cake, so at least let me treat you. Happy Birthday, Virgin.”

That simple gesture made something click into place in Mao Mao’s head. H liked Tany; he cared for her too. He just wasn't sure if she cared for him. That gesture proved she did. Mao Mao blinked a few tears out of his eyes, struggling to process the well of emotions.

“You alright, Virgin?”

Mao Mao didn't say anything. He leaned over and gave Tanya a small kiss on the cheek.

The bartender let out a long whistle.

A slow smile formed across her face and she let out a small bark of laughter. “What was that? I could’ve sworn you thought PDA was illegal.”

Mao Mao fiddled with his tail between his fingers. “We… never really celebrated my birthday back home. Thank you for… caring about me.”

“Hey, Mao Mao,” Tanya spoke up,” do you wanna make more of this?”

“Sure.”

Tanya picked Mao Mao up by the arm and pulled him to the bathroom in the back of the pub. She stopped calling him virgin after that. Once she saw him without gloves she gave him a new nickname: Mittens.

* * *

And that’s how Jǐngtì was made. Needless to say, it wasn’t how he imagined his first time would be. It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t started under the ever blossoms, or started with some grand and fancy gestures. Instead, it was done in the bathroom of a bar that almost definitely didn’t have an alcohol license. He didn’t think it’d be the start of anything. It was supposed to be a one-time thing. They were supposed to stay friends, maybe friends with benefits, not parents.

Jǐngtì...

Mao Mao let out a slight huff in amazement. It's not a thing he should say, but Jǐngtì shouldn’t exist. He wasn’t being mean it was just how biology worked. Mao Mao’s a cat. Tanya’s a tanuki. Their species weren’t even apart of the same phylum or genus. They shouldn’t even be able to have a kid by scientific standards, but Tanya wasn’t scientific. The OB-GYN said it was due to Tanya’s magical nature that the pregnancy was even possible. Her magic was more than skin deep. It was the incredible magic stored in every cell that made the pregnancy possible, even then, the odds of pregnancy were less than 10/1. He only exists due to magic.

Mao Mao never liked magic.

Badgerclops didn’t like magic tricks; Mao Mao didn’t magic tricks either, but genuine magic was something he disliked far more. Magic could be unwieldy at best and a monkey’s paw at worst. At first, he thought Jǐngtì leaned towards being the former, but he was very much the latter. The child did permanently tie Tanya and him together, but it was also the reason they’d permanently split apart.

The reason he and Tanya split apart was an “irreconcilable difference” as marriage counselors would like to call it. Ignoring the fact that they never got married, It wasn’t anything so disgustingly formal, just two people realizing that they’d never see eye to eye, and it was best to split apart. There was no yelling; only mutual understanding. It was an adult’s hell.

Mao Mao rolled away empty cans of beer down the empty hall as the memories came back to him.

* * *

Mao Mao waited in the lobby of an abandoned hotel. It reeked of mildew and mold. The boards had more than rotted through. He sat in an old lounge chair filled with holes and leaking cotton, waiting for Tanya to get back. He bided his time by chewing his claws off, wincing in pain when he went too far. Patience was never his virtue.

Get back from where?

Jǐngtì’s preliminary hearing.

The child had taken the worst qualities of both parents. Tanyas tendency to overlook laws, and Mao Mao’s incessant need to go above and beyond. From the way Jǐngtì told it, he was looking to make quick cash, and instead of asking his parents or even doing something kind of shady, he turned his eyes to glittering jewels and gold on the monarchs’ crown. Even Jǐngtì’s half-baked magic would be more than enough to succeed at his heist. He should have known something was up when Jǐngtì started hurrying them out of the city. Perhaps he should have listened to his child… too late for any of that now. Justice had already caught up and was doing its thing.

He shifted his head up when he heard thumping on the floor above him, following the sound who leaped down the broken staircase to the lobby. She dusted cobwebs out of her fur, muttering something so fast Mao Mao couldn’t understand. He watched her pace in large circles around the lobby.

He waited for the small gap when she took a breath to ask his first question. “How did the hearing go?”

“Did you hear anything I said?”

“You muttered.”

Tanya pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jǐngtì clearly lost.”

“Well, yeah. He admitted it to us, and there's a written confession.”

“Are you trying to help or make feel like shit?”

He placed a hand on Tanya’s shoulder,” I know the penal code requires bail be set before the final trial.”

She brushed his hand off,” the bail doesn’t matter.”

“Why? What’s wrong with the bail?”

“It’s 300-million fucking dollars.”

Now the way Tanya was acting made sense. He pursed his lips and began to think. What to do? What to do? $300,000,000 was more than a king’s ransom. He was sure it was worth more than some countries. He’d say they were probably overreacting, but it was probably low-balling the price of the crown. That was more money than he even considered bringing with him when he left home.

Home… His family certainly had that kind of money to throw around.  

No. Mao Mao pushed the thought from his mind. He’ll make the compulsory visits for the holidays, but he’ll be the last to arrive and the first to leave. He wasn’t going to ask for their help. He hated them. He wasn’t going to explain his new family to them. Not Tanya, and certainly not Jǐngtì. This was not the Mao clan’s problem. He’d become a hero and make his legend without them.

He had hoped that bail would give him an out. Unfortunately, his hopes were pointless. He had something to tell Tanya. He hoped he wouldn’t, but...what else is there to do?

“What are we going to do? What are we going to do?” Tanya asked herself, pacing around the room again. “What are we going to do?”

 “Should we even do anything,” he asked.

Tanya stopped, slowly turning to face Mao Mao. “What?”

“I don’t think there is much we can -should- do,” he clarified.

“Explain.”

“Well… Jǐngtì did steal the crown. Putland has every right to be mad and prosecute-”

“So, we’re supposed to let them do whatever they want with him?”

“I know the penal code. He’s too young to be executed and besides they couldn’t do an execution until after the crown was found. We would still be able to visit him in jail-”

“Stop!” Tanya snapped before softening,” Mittens, just stop.”

Mao Mao waited while Tanya put her face in her hands before looking up. “I’m going to need you to make a choice. Are you siding with Putland, or Jǐngtì. Do you care more about your principals or your son?”

“What? How can you ask that?”

“I’m going to need your answer.”

Mao Mao hesitated. “A hero… can’t ignore the law.”

“Then,” she pointed to the two of them,” isn’t going to work. We aren’t going to work.”

Her voice was flat and stern. Something she used on her bounty’s not him.

“Tanya...” he was about to reach out, but couldn't bring himself to.

“I wish you well or whatever. I have things to do,” he said, looking him in the eye,” goodbye Mao Mao.”

She hadn’t called him Mao Mao in years. He was still numb when he packed his things and left. All he could think about was how much he needed a drink.

* * *

Mao Mao writhed on the kitchen floor. He felt sad for himself. He regretted his actions. He was angry at the world. The torrent, swirl, and monsoon of emotion threatened to tear him apart. He could feel it all mixing up inside of him with a scorching intensity.

He needed a drink.

He felt around the bottles and cans surrounding him. All empty. Mao Mao turned his attention upwards, toward where the alcohol was shelved. He climbed onto the counter, reaching into the depths. He gripped the last bottle by the neck. He tried to pull back but tripped over his own feet. Instead of trying to break the fall he hit the floor, holding his saving grace up and out of harm's way.

He crawled his way to the living room. He climbed onto the couch to take a breath. The saving grace in his hands was an emerald green bottle of saké: Japanese rice wine. It was a gift he got from Papa a while back. How disgustingly vapid. He didn’t like alcohol, and he certainly didn’t like his father.

Mao Mao uncorked the bottle and began to drink. It reeked painfully flowers that poorly covered the burning in the back of his throat. It hurt. Everything hurt. How’d he get here? How’d he become such a mess? He was a stupid disgusting mess. Full of mistakes. Full of regrets. He sacrificed everything else to try and become a hero, only to have that last thing run away from him too. He only tried to do what’s right. He was supposed to be building a legend, becoming a hero worth remembering, worth loving.

It was all his fault.

“I wish there was someone else to do it,” he slurred, “I was I didn't have to do any of this.  I wish there was someone else to try and be justice. I wish that there was someone out there to be fighting evil! I don’t want to be the one always trying to do what's right!”

He finished screaming and felt nothing, but embarrassment. “What am I doing? Yelling at nobody, but still... I’d give my heart and soul for that.”

Mao Mao lied down on the couch, barely able to stomach alcohol, and stomach himself even less. Eventually, he blacked out.

* * *

Badgerclops sat in Camille's tower. Adorabat was sleeping in his lap. He wanted to be sleeping too, but worry kept him awake.  

Mao Mao laid on a bed in the center of the room. IV-tubes went in and out of his arms and he was wearing an oxygen mask. Camille and Honey worked quickly, concocting potion after potion, doing something magical. He’d be impressed if he wasn’t so tired. He needed sleep. Worry was the only thing keeping him awake. He watched Mao Mao for any signs of movement, any signs of life.

When Mao Mao opened his eyes, Badgerclops jumped to his feet, startling Adorabat awake.

“Are you alright,” he asked, realizing the answer to that was a pretty obvious no.

“Where- Where am I,” he asked, stumbling through every word.

“Camille's tower, man. We came back. You weren’t breathing. Adorabat was really scared.”

“Oh...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just… why? What were you thinking?”

“I was just… thinking it’d be nice to be loved, for once.”

“I love you, Mao Mao.”

Mao Mao stopped and looked at Adorabat. He stopped to process what she said before sniffling. He tried to blink the tears out of his eyes, but it didn’t work. He threw his arm around Adorabat, tears falling down his face. “Thank you,” he said, over and over again. He had never seen Mao Mao cry before. It was a steady, light, and quiet stream. Badgerclops joined the group hug, scooping them up in his arms. It was a warm and soft hug that all three of them were slow to break.

------

AN:  While angst is fun, its time to delve into lighter tones as we enter the next arc. How long will the happiness last? ...well I can't spoil that now can I? Next Chapters Tile: What I Missed Be sure to leave a Kudos if you enjoyed, feedback is always appreciated and bookmark to stay updated with the series.