#Chasing Rabbits|Nate Jacobs

[brooklynislandgirl]

Confession meme : " I think of you as my mom and I see you as someone who is a good part of my life and I know you would protect me and I want to make you and Chris proud of me I have to try "

Confessions in the Dark || Accepting

For a moment Beth feels something cascading down her spine, a million little squirmy-crawly legs tap-dancing on the nerves so severely that she is in turn forced to suppress a shudder. How long had she been sitting here, staring off into space? Had she missed some important bit of conversation? That isn't unusual, the loss of a minute or two though.. "I'm sorry, Nate. I t'ink I kind of dipped out there for a second." She tries to be every bit as apologetic as she feels. "Uhm. Wha' we were talkin' about?"

[babeydollx]

1000 Followers Celebration

(Requests Closed)

Oh my fucking god, I honestly can't believe I hit 1k followers. Honestly I am so shocked that I hot 1000 followers I never thought I'd make it this far. I have enjoyed this so much and I love writing fics and I love the amazing community I am in. I am so grateful for this and I owe it all to you guys so, thank you so much for everything.

I have picked and made some prompts. There are three categories which are smut, fluff and then comedy/silly ones. I was also going to add sad and scary prompts but decided against it, might do it soon though. I ask for prompts that the maximum picked per story is 5 and I only picked select characters just because there is a lot of prompts so I tried to pick out some of the most popular characters/people for this.

I will keep my requests open until Monday so you guys can send me your requests through 'ask me anything.' Depending on how many requests I get, it may take me awhile to finish them so please keep that in mind.

Characters I Write For:

Outer Banks:

All Characters can be chosen

OBX Cast:

Rudy Pankow

Drew Starkey

Chase Stokes

Austin North

The Vampire Diaries Universe:

Damon Salvatore

Stefan Salvatore

Katherine Pierce

Caroline Forbes

Lexi Branson

Klaus Mikaelson

Elijah Mikaelson

Kol Mikaelson

Marcel Gerard

Kai Parker

Rebekah Mikaelson

Riverdale:

Cheryl Blossom

Toni Topaz

Jughead Jones

Reggie Mantle

Veronica Lodge

Betty Cooper

Fangs Fogarty

Euphoria:

Maddy Perez

Cassie Howard

Nate Jacobs

Fezco

Smut Prompts:

1. "Don't make me take you home and punish you."

2. "You look so hot in my clothes."

3. "You're not going out in that outfit."

4. "You want me to give your (phone, book, etc.) back? Make me."

5. "Don't be so rough. You can't leave any marks."

6. "What the hell did you just say to me?"

7. "I'm going to leave hickies all over your body, let everyone know your mine."

8. "Bite me."

9. "Please just let me finish this level and I swear I'll fuck you just how you like it."

10. "You taste like fucking candy."

11. "You're not wearing anything under that, are you?"

12. "I could just pull your bikini bottom to the side, no one will notice."

13. "You're so fucking hot when you're mad."

14. "I'm not jealous! It's just... you're mine."

15. "Say it. Out loud."

16. "You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, doll."

17. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you'll forget that you ever even met that asshole."

18. "I think that's the first time I've ever herd you moan... it was like a fucking melody."

19. "She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but, I bet behind closed doors she's latex and whips."

20. "Yup, that's me. I love to fuck."

21. "Don't fucking touch what's not yours."

22. "Stop dancing like that or I'm going to cum in my pants."

23. "You look a bit tied up, want me to come back later?"

24. "Please, remind me again why we are having sex behind a tree?"

25. "We've been at it like rabbits! How the fuck are you still horny?!"

26. "Your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt."

27. "God damnit! Now all I can think about is you licking my cock like it's that ice cream cone."

28. "Do you think they can hear us through the tent?"

29. "Your more than just a one night stand."

30. "Would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

31. "Let me show you why you should stay in bed."

32. "Can you help me with this zipper?"

33. "I bet you look even better with your clothes off."

34. "Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it's working."

35. "I'd hold onto something if I were you."

36. "I see you've started without me."

37. "Want a taste?"

38. "Less talking, more fucking."

39. "You're really going to make me beg for it?"

40. "Are you going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?"

41. "Please... don't stop."

42. "This cock isn't gonna suck itself."

43. "Please. I need you... now."

44. "Maybe I'd rather take my time with you."

45. "Is there anything you can't do with that tongue?"

46. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

47. "Oh god, how can you manage to switch from cute to sexy in under a second?"

48. "I know all your weaknesses."

49. "No panties, huh?"

50. "You herd me. Take. It. Off."

51. "Angel in the streets, freak in the sheets."

52. "Can you feel what you're doing to me?"

53. "Holy shit, you're so fucking sexy like that."

54. "How 'bout you come help me out, huh?"

55. "Don't think I'm letting you get away with that, darling."

56. "Dammit, we made a mess."

57. "You're gonna regret that, sweetheart."

58. "Were you dreaming about me again?"

59. "I want to see those pretty little lips wrapped around my cock."

60. "If you wanted sex, all you have to do is ask."

61. "Why are you naked?"

62. "You can't keep pretending like it didn't happen, cause guess what? It did!"

63. "You're mine. I don't share."

64. "If we get caught I'm blaming you."

65. "Stop biting that fucking lip! You know that drives me wild!"

66. "Will you teach me how to kiss?"

67. "Leave the heels on baby, but, just the heels."

68. "Come on, give me a little show."

69. "Y- you want to do it here? Now? What about our guests?"

70. "I bet the neighbors know my name."

72. "I just want you to be happy.... and naked."

73. "You look so beautiful tied up to my bed."

74. "I was wondering how long you two were going to make out like that before you realize you weren't alone."

75. "I want to kiss every inch of your body before I fuck you."

76. "Fuck me like a starved animal or leave."

77. "I want to fulfill that fantasy you've always wanted."

78. "Can I at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home."

79. "I know you said you didn't want to be late, but you look amazing, and I'm trying not to kiss you senselessly right now."

80. "Kiss me again, like you mean it."

81. "Do you think of me when you touch yourself?"

82. "Do you have dirty dreams of me often?"

83. "Stop before someone sees us!"

84. "Against the window? Are you fucking insane?!"

Fluff Prompts:

1. "Rumor has it, I make you nervous."

2. "You look so cute with your baby bump!"

3. "I'm pregnant."

4. "I want to try for a baby."

5. "You look beautiful in anything."

6. "May I have this dance?"

7. "Do you think it's possible that I... might be... pregnant?"

8. "I have so much love for you. I actually never thought I could feel like this, but you proved me wrong."

9. "Dance with me and pretend the world doesn't exist."

10. "Do you want to know the gender of our baby?"

11. "You're the most important person in my life."

12. "This is going to be the start of something magical."

13. "Thank you for making me a mommy." "Thank you for making me a daddy."

14. "Every inch of you is breathtaking."

15. "I've been excited to see you all day."

16. You're my perfect match."

17. "I'll keep you warm."

18. "Can I have a massage?"

19. "Are you my secret admirer? The one whose been sending me all those flowers and notes?"

20. "Can you pretend to be my partner for my friend's wedding? I told them I'd have a plus one."

21. "I'm in love with you." "Are you finally confessing? Because I feel the same way."

22. "Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

23. "Has anyone told you that your eyes sparkle in the moonlight?"

24. "You give my butterflies."

25. "Wait! Baby, my lip gloss is all over your lips."

26. "Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you."

27. "You're always on my mind."

28. "Why are you crying?"

29. "Who hurt you?"

30. "You make me feel alive."

31. "I wouldn't change a thing about you."

32. "Can I play with your hair?"

33. "You look better in my clothes than I do."

34. "My mother adores you."

Funny/Silly Prompts for Smut or Fluff:

1. "You're seriously like a man-child."

2. "Not sure if you could tell but, I'm not exactly a people person."

3. "Just remember if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English."

4. "Stop hogging all the blankets!"

5. "I can't believe you don't like Disney movies."

6. "I'm too sober for this."

7. "Define normal."

8. "Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?"

9. "I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass."

10. "I'm listening to you. I'm just not paying attention."

11. "This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you."

12. "Somebody's cranky." "Somebody needs to shut up."

13. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

14. "All due respect but, that's a bunch of crap."

15. "If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it."

16. "What did I tell you about calling him/her the devil?" "That's offense to the devil?"

17. "You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly."

18. "If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur."

19. "Sarcasm is the body's natural reaction to stupidity."

20. "Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably."

21. "You're insane, but you might also be brilliant."

22. "What you call insanity, I call inspiration."

23. "Why does everyone assume the worst of me?" "It saves time."

24. "Neither one of us is drunk enough to have this conversation."

25. "Are you questioning my methods?" "I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid."

26. "Wow, somebody needs a happy meal."

27. "I didn't do it!" "Then why are you laughing?!" "Because whoever did it is a fucking genius!"

28. "Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots."

29. "Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit."

30. "It's called thinking, you should try it sometime."

31. "I'm just going to pack up now and go straight to hell."

32. "My ex? Yeah I'd still hit that. Except this time with a car or a baseball bat."

33. "Oh honey, I would but.... I don't want to."

34. "I don't need anger management! I need people to stop pissing me off!"

35. "I didn't steal it, I permanently borrowed it."

36. "You know I hear you talking, but I still don't have my coffee."

37. "Are you drunk?" "Not nearly enough."

38. "At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go."

39. "You really don't know how to talk to woman, do you?"

40. "I'm not sure how many coffees it takes to be happy, but so far, it's not twelve."

41. "Stop texting me such weird stuff in the middle of the night."

42. "We are going to need a fantastic lawyer and a miracle."

43. "I found this porn folder on your laptop- I had no idea you had those kinks."

44. "You'll never guess how many fucking Oreos I've eaten today."

45. "We're not dating, it's barely anything, we just go on dates and make out and have sex and we recently got engaged, but it's nothing too serious."

46. "Are you drunk, stoned, or just stupid?"

47. "I should write a how-to manual, and make you the examples of 'what not to do.'

48. "Once again, I've been lured away by the promise of chocolate."

49. "If this was a romantic comedy, we would have kissed by now."

50. "You stole my seat! You're a seat-thief!"

51. "Correct my grammar all you want but, you're still a dork."

52. "We could always crash the party."

53. "Just hurry your ass up so we can get out of Kooklandia already!"

54. "Dear diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe, that lie will haunt me forever."

55. "I always notice a woman's neck, I'm a neck person."

56. "How is my wife more badass than me?"

57. "I'm not saying she's a whore! All I'm saying is she's been on more wieners than ketchup!"

58. "You're cute when your mad" "Yeah, well I'm about to get really fucking adorable."

59. "I'm not arguing, I'm simply explaining why I'm right."

Tagging some followers & people I admire below, please reblog to get the word out!

@wannabestarkeysgirl @maybankforlife @jjmaybankspermbank @gillybear17 @sugarcoatedjj @luversgirl @mrs-country-club @obx-pogue4life @luvhann @milkiane @vintageobx @rafecameronswhore @kooksfor-life @lovelyjj @samxslaughter

[brooklynislandgirl]

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

Things That Make You Squirm || Accepting

"I said you could aks me a question, an' dat's technically two.” Of course she’s ribbing him, and will continue to do so because she’s trying to make him laugh. She never sees him do that. “First answer…depend on wha’ I’m doin’ right? Kitchen counter for makin’ san’wish, or salad, or openin’ a can of cat food for a particularly greedy boy who know beddah dan t’ jump up on it. Couch f’ watchin’ tv, playin’ games, readin’, knittin’, nappin’. I mean dat really is da mos’ versatile. Also, no tell da dryer, but it makes beddah place t’ fold laundry, too. Speakin’ of which, you should go pull yours out of it. So I can put mine in. An’ dryer is bes’ place t’ get naked cause ya don’ wanna wear your scrubs for one more minute an’ heaven f’bid you strip out of dem once you get inside because your braddah will start screamin’ at you like you’re guilty of committin’ war crimes. An I mean…if you’re inside ya own hale, den who cares if ya in ya underwear?” She half grins but then it dies, not only on her lips but in her eyes and she hides it away by picking up the laundry basket with the sheets and towel, padding barefoot down the hall toward the laundry room. Her loft is the size of literal mansions, the whole place takes up the entire fifth floor of the six story building that she and Andy own. Her only roommate is her brother. They’ve mentioned maybe letting him take one of the open units below, but first they want to make sure there aren’t any legal problems. Her already small voice is even softer now. “Las’ sexual encountah legitimately was…almos’ ten years ago. I uhm…I was in med school. I’d managed to match at my teaching hospital, an’ was lucky enough to have my favourite teacher be my mentor. Now in my own defense, he was probably da first man who wasn’t Andy an’ wasn’t a shark, dat I ever fell in love wi’. An’ after spendin’ so many years at his side, learning an’ growin’ an’ becomin’ friends…I had a fantasy. I…I tried to explore dat fantasy on my own…” Her normally preternatural grace is lacking as she drags things from the washer and putting it in a second, empty basket. It’s almost angry. What it really is though is embarrassment. One stupid mistake that changed the entire course of her life and only managed to make the Admiral disdain her further. “I dunno if it’s because I did it wrong, or if I’m jus’ not capable of actually uhm…you know. What happens when ya done…doin’ dat… But I made da mistake of writin’ it down in my journal. An’ next time I had t’ present my notes to a room full of med students and doctahs? Someone had slipped in da wrong slides into my presentation. I stood dere talkin’ about kids wi’ cancer, an’ behind me, every feelin’ and every uhm…physically romantic thought I had about his hands and his mouth…right behind me in big bold lettahs.” She laughs but there’s something very broken about it. “An’ dat is da day I quit medical school t’ become a nurse somewhere away from him, an’ how I decided sex is not somet’ing I really need or want. And discovered dat Africa was a very beautiful an’ culturally diverse place.”

[brooklynislandgirl]

🖤

A Little Me, A Little You || Accepting

Hanai Keiki || Nate Jacobs Black Days || Thin Blue Lines/Euphoria X-over

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend / adopted child

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

[brooklynislandgirl]

@predatorymaniac  {x}

"I may not be able t' read minds, but because of my processin' disorder, I can absolutely read faces, Nate." There's no admonishment in her words, or in the way she reaches out one small and elegant hand, laying it on his wrist. "Ya nevah need t' be embarrassed talkin' to me about any t'ing. An' especially not dis. I'm a nurse aftah all an' so I promise...no kine you could tell me dat...one, I nevah heard before. Two dat can really boddah me. An' t'ree...dat I can help wi' or if not me, Andy." Beth knows that with the things Nate has been through, sometimes finding a normal course of conversation is difficult, and so she reserves any judgement. "So is okay if you have da kine ya wanna talk about. Dat's part of what we can do f' help you, help you adjust." That ease talking about such things might indicate borderline personality disorder but Beth ~despite having her own therapist~ isn't versed enough in psychiatry enough to make a diagnosis. "Is dat what you wanna talk about today? Learnin' t'ings too early, or...do you wanna talk about somet'ing else?"

[brooklynislandgirl]

-Do they watch pornography? If so, what kind?💋-Do they use tongue when they kiss?😈-Favorite sex position? - drops this off and runs away

Sin a little Sin || Accepting

As a nurse and an adopted sister, she clearly has advice for Nate on his more dangerous hobbies and habits. She can't really help but to involve herself in things that are generally none of her business. Of course if he'd had a mother or someone more involved in his life, he might never have turned up in her ER and she'd never have informally adopted him. So as they're sitting down to breakfast ~Andy being kind enough to cook for them before heading to work~ it doesn't surprise her that Nate has a few questions of his own. Doesn't mean she can hear them without that blush rising to her cheeks, the smile that brings to life her dimples, the crinkle of her nose as she scrounges up the dignity required to answer him truthfully. She holds her hands up delicate and slim, fingers splayed. "Okay, okay. One a' a time." She's not mad at all. "So first...dat really is kinda personal but I'll allow. Dere was a time I did tryin' t' figure out wha' was wrong wi' me. I watch all kines. Professional an' more personal ones...various combination of involved people an' gender. For me...if doesn' do wha' it does f' a lot of people, you know? I t'ink some of da visuals are beautiful. Poses, shapes, almost anyt'ing can be beautiful. A lot of it is plain embarassin' wi' seriously cringe attempt at dialogue. My favourite one is essentially some sort of Pirate of Caribbean sorta story an' it is so very funny. But none of it really...does anyt'ing for me, you know?" A sip of coffee and a little laugh later, she addresses the next question. "If I wen 'round makin' a habit of kissin' people in a romantic way, I assume I would. Not you or Andy, clearly, dat would be gross because you know. Family an' I'm almos' old enough t' be ya maddah. But I'd appreciate it if you considah me ya hanai-sistah mo' beddah." The last question takes longer to answer and for a multitude of reasons; Beth has yet to ever put it into practice. She doesn't quite know how to explain it with words, and because she honestly has to spend a moment to think of the ones she knows. "Okay so. Don' take dis da wrong way but a demonstration is mo'beddah dan explain." She takes his hands and drags him away from the breakfast nook, leads him down the hall to the home gym where her yoga mat sits undisturbed. Nate has seen her go through her poses so she can somewhat imagine what might be going through his mind but nothing is really crazy. She has him sit with his legs folded criss-cross-applesauce, as Andy calls it, no matter how many times she corrects her brother. Once Nate is settled, she approaches him, hiking her skirt just a little to it doesn't hamper her movements, and very carefully she sits in his lap, her own legs loosely folded around his hips and her stick-thin arms around his shoulders. Facing him, there's an alignment of mouth, nose, eyes. They could breath each other in, gaze intimately into one another's souls, and almost all of them would be pressed together were this an actual act of love making. It isn't, and she's very careful to be both modest and instructive. "Is called Lotus position. Perfect t' practice tantra, though there's also so many other good ones. Is meant to connect you to your partner in more dan jus' body, yeah? An' some day, I'll know how well it might work in practice, but right now, at least f' me? Is all purely t'eorhetical."

[brooklynislandgirl]

"happy birthday to you Beth .thank you for taking care of me and just being here for me when I needed it. You mean the world to me .love always your new son Nate

It is a lifetime of grace and of awkward social situations she's been thrust into from the time she could walk unassisted that helps her not to choke up on the glass of Amon Ra she was sharing with Nate on the rooftop. Andy was in the apartment, taking in the dishes from dinner, and presumably putting candles on the cake he's made for her, affording Nate and Beth that moment of privacy. She wasn't sure what to expect when Nate came to stand in front of her, looming as only someone so much larger than she is can, and maybe it was a little unfair that she felt herself bracing for whatever he might have to say. She's stunned by the simplicity of the words. They are heartfelt, they are perhaps the most authentic and genuine things he's ever said to her, something wholly unprompted. Something incredibly sweet and she's so touched that she doesn't even know what to say at first. So she decides not to really say anything at all beyond "Choke mahalo, keiki." Offering him the largest share of her thanks, and affectionately calling him child. He said it himself, he's her hanai son now. And she only hopes that she and her brother can do a better job than the Jacobs family ever did. But she also pairs that expression of gratitude with a hug. She leans forward and wraps a hand on his bicep, before rising up on her tip toes that her head might grace some space near his shoulder.

[brooklynislandgirl]

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

Things That Make You Squirm || -

She looks up from her book and ponders the questions. "No, keiki, no. It would require oddah person t' have nude pictures of me, an' I don't even have nude pictures of myself. Even if I did who would I send 'em to? Not my kind of interest really. An' as for dat oddah question...?" She chews on her lower lip for a moment. "Hones'ly I don't know how f' answer. For me, sex is a nice idea. I'm sure if I am in love, I might wan do it, you know? But I know I hate cruelty. Hurtin' someone jus' because you can. When you kick an animal who trust you. When you deprive a child of basic needs, or an' old person dey right to dignity. Dere's already so much pain in da world, why add to it? So if da person I cared about was dat way...I t'ink it would break my heart, and certainly would make me nevah wan be wi' dem again."

[brooklynislandgirl]

"Beth is it okay to not use a condom? Because I want to be safe and I just tend to forget when I'm with a guy and things happen and we get lost in the moment and in whatever is happening at that point. I want to be safe and I will I promise "

As soon as she gets a step-ladder, or her brother is finally sitting down, she is going to strangle the ever-living daylights out of him. They had agreed when they decided to give Nate a place to stay, to try to give him a chance of getting his life together, that he would handle certain questions and things from a man's perspective, and that she would handle others. In her opinion, it's Andy's job to be having the Talk with Nate. Something he actually has experience with. Coming to her is like asking a nun for marriage advice. On the other hand, this might be better. Sure, he was a combat rescue man before the Accident, and is now a police detective, but she's been a lifelong medical professional. Doctor, nurse, everything in between.

She pushes aside her knitting and pats the empty space on the couch to give him the indication that he should sit while also giving her the chance to gather her most sensitive compassion. "Way ya aks dis, Nate, I feel like...you're worried cause it already did happen. An' please undahstan dat I'm not condemning you or tryin' f' point out da kine ya obviously tryin' to recover from. Dat bein' said, I feel it is particularly important you always use one. Boy or girl, non-binary, gendah-fluid, agender partner or not. "Firs' usin' one is mebbe mos' effective way t' prevent pregnancy wi' anyone. Second, is critically important because you're young, you're not unattractive, an' because of da kine circles you sometimes hang out in... STI can be very common. Now, mos' of 'em can be treated, but oddahs can be a life long disease. Den you would have to keep track of ya meds, ya viral loads, an' you could potentially become very sick. Not somet'ing wor'd a couple minutes of fun, right?"

[brooklynislandgirl]

"what does love mean to you ? I never thought about it and I wanted to know how you would define it "

Things That Make You Squirm || Accepting

Beth had made one promise to Nate. And that was that she would never lie to him. Lying is a slow-killing poison. It opposes her desire to live pono. There’s no real direct or literal translation of that in English that she knows of, but the concept is at once simple, beautiful, elegant. Living pono is treating others with respect, to do the right thing in terms of self, others, and the environment. An ideal that transcends humanity and extends to the entire world. It is the path of aloha, which the world needs more of in her opinion.

But when he asks that, she can’t quite mask her expression, and for a moment Nate is exposed to her core self at her most raw, skinned down to pure emotion. It’s gone almost as soon as it shows, but it lingers in her voice and the brittle enunciation when she finally answers him. “It means…pain. The truest and most exquisite kind you will ever feel. Hate and rage and fear even pooled together cannot stand in the face of Love as it rips you apart down to your barest bones, leaves you wasted and gutted. Ever after it will whisper to you when you wonder what you ever did to deserve it.”

She could pray an entire rosary of names. Her mother. The Admiral. Her brother not once but twice. Everyone who came after. Everyone she’s ever offered her heart to on a silver platter only to find them leaving for reasons that were never clear to her, until she came to the conclusion that the only commonality amongst them…was her.

“For a while you’ll think it’s just a coincidence, all the while you’re bleeding from the inside out and praying at some point you’ll go numb. But you won’t because you’re not wired that way. You’ll try and find other things to fill the emptiness left behind, and nothing ever does.”

She shrugs a shoulder and turns away.

“And it’s the only thing worth living for.”