#Ciconia: When They Cry Phase 1

[gorbagegorl]

ciconia really gets u fucking thinking

[aokozaki]

the thing i foresee is, with all this waiting, speculation, and hype, even if Ciconia were to get a second chapter someday, it couldn't possibly live up to the hype people are instilling in it

Hmmm... dunno about that.

Ciconia seems to be going for a way more overtly fantastical, anything can happen sort of tone, as opposed to Higu and Umi both playing with the "is it mundane? or is it fantasy?" question.

Sort of a surreal-horror infused sci-fi dystopia. As long as Ryukishi manages to match the tone of Phase 1's ending, not even exceed it, it'll probably be entertaining enough.

Especially since, as When They Cry stories are wont to do, Phase 2 will start from before the end, and replay to the same, inevitable, prophesied ending.

And Phase 1 has a few scene snippets that occur during the ending. Like this character or that character getting a short, ambiguous section that feels like it'll be elaborated on later - so forget multiple timelines, even if Phase 2 is a straight retelling of the same events, but focusing on different scenes?

It'll be good.

[pawberri]

Ciconia WTC, one of my favorite game ever, is on sale rn 💖 you can play it without the other entries in the series, but it's a lot of fun if you have read those too (and they're on sale too!)

[footloosephoenix]

World-building spoilers for Ciconia When They Cry below.

One thing that really stuck with me is when the VN explains, fairly deep into Phase 1, that the Earth is already dead and is only able to support humans through extensive use of nanomachine technology. It just felt so depressingly like us, you know? Despite all odds, we'll stubbornly find a way to push forward, but at what cost?

I'm not normally that into futuristic or sci-fi settings, but Ciconia was real as fuck. I need to re-read.

[connan-l]

bittersweet

Fandom: Ciconia: When They Cry Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship: Mariana/Noor Summary: While Cairo Squad is on a trip to Lubango, Mariana invites Noor to eat cakes with her. [Femslash February 2024 Day 3: Cake] Words: 3,118 Link: AO3 | Fanfiction.net

Notes: Late annual Ciconia FemFeb fic delivery. It’s meant to be for Day 3: Cake, from those prompts.

I feel like the Cairo Squad girls could be a fun OT3 in and of itself, but admittedly Gannet is like Naima to me in which she feels too… young and childish compared to the others to really ship her with them? I know we don’t have canon ages for the Ciconia kids, but in my head Gannet and Naima are more 12-13 years old, whereas the others are 15-17 years old. (Though I admit I’m a bit of a hypocrite here as I do enjoy Naima/Rukhi as a pairing, if only for the pink/black aesthetic.) So that’s why I actually settled for Noor/Mariana as a ship, even though admittedly Mariana really don’t seem to appreciate Noor whatsoever so that was a bit tricky to do. As a result the fic feel more like an unrequited crush-fic than an actual pairing-fic, but I hope that’s still satisfying.

In Mariana’s profile, it is mentioned that she went to the “Lubango Toddler Brainpower Research Center” as a child, so that’s why I decided that Lubango was her hometown — though obviously I don’t know if it’s actually the case in canon. Noor’s profile also mentions her “ancestors,” so although it could mean anything I interpreted it has her having an actual biological family instead of being born through a factory.

Also I never went to Lubango or even Angola before and I know very little about the culture/country, so I hope I was able to be mostly-accurate from the tidbits about it I put in there. If I wasn’t you’re free to yell at me about it!

On the other hand, I still haven’t replayed Ciconia since. Well, 2019 now. And truthfully we don’t know much about Cairo Squad girls, so, not sure how… accurate to their game-self they feel. But it was still fun to try writing them.

No spoilers here except for the start of Phase 1, or content warnings except for the inevitable vague mentions of war/child soldiers.

* * *

The trip to Angola hadn’t been planned.

They were still in Cairo this morning when suddenly their superior let them know that because of some political complications their squad was needed in Lubango. Nothing serious, he’d assured them — and truthfully they were only needed to make act of presence more than anything — but they couldn’t just ignore it, either. So here they were, a few hours later, in Lubango. They’d taken part to the needed boring reunion, during which they hadn’t even been allowed to say a single thing. They should be used to it by now; as soldiers, the only thing expected of them was to listen to orders, but it was still frustrating to be treated that way sometimes. And once that had been over, their superior gave them permission to have a break and to do whatever they wanted. They’ll go back to Egypt tonight, but for now they had the whole afternoon entirely free.

Noor didn’t know Lubango. Since she’d become a Gauntlet Knight, she’d visited a lot of cities throughout the whole continent and even outside of the continent. She might not be as familiar with ACR’s countries as Princess Rethabile, but she still went multiples times to Lagos, Abidjan, Alger, Lubumbashi, Douala or Gqeberha. However, it was the first time she’d ever set foot in Angola; she’d never even been to Luanda before. The only thing she knew about it besides some surface-level history was the fact it was where the famous Lubango Toddler Brainpower Research Center was, and that it was Mariana’s hometown.

Which, despite how interesting the city might be otherwise, was actually what interested Noor the most. She tried to appears as her usual, composed self, but inside she actually felt herself fidgeting as soon as they landed to Lubango Mukanka Airport. As they strolled through the streets, she couldn’t help but look around left and right, trying to imagine a little Mariana running around here and how cute she must have been all while her ears kept catching bits of Portuguese and occasionally Umbundu conversations. Noor had decided to not use her Kizuna translator here, as she thought it would be good practice for her — she’d decided last year to start learning Portuguese and Umbundu not only because it could be useful even in their era, but also because she hoped Mariana would be more open to her if she were to communicate in her native languages; but so far, as usual with Mariana, her efforts had been in vain.

Even though they’ve been teammates for a while, Noor didn’t know much about Mariana. She’d heard about her being born in Lubango; about how she was the only one of the children who received mental training at the Lubango Toddler Brainpower Research Center to achieve the highest P3 levels of her country, and that the ACR Royal Brainpower Research Center has set up a research team just to raise her Aerial Augmented Infantry aptitude. But all of these were information anyone could know about her. When it came to more personal things, like how she grew up, whether she had a family or was born through a factory, if she had any friends or siblings… There was nothing. And whenever she tried to make conversation to know more, Mariana always shot her down right away. Gannet had no idea how lucky she was, to be able to gain her affection like that with no effort whatsoever — and yet she always rejected it. That was how their squad’s relationship had been since the beginning, but it was not any less so frustrating.

“Wow…! That looks so cute! Hey, hey, big sis Noor, have you seen this? Do you think it’d look cute on me?”

The smallest girl of their trio excitedly tugged at Noor’s skirt with a wide smile spread on her face and her blue eyes sparkling, but Noor only groaned. At the start of their break, Mariana had been kind enough to accept to take them on a tour to show them around — although it had only been at Gannet’s insistence that she’d accepted — and yet that damn puppy had not stopped being overexcited for one second, stopping and pointing at every little thing; and, of course, specifically soliciting Noor’s attention. It was always like that, so Noor should be used to it by now. She wasn’t.

“I told you to not pull on my clothes. And no, I don’t think it would.”

“How shameful to say something like that. You truly have no heart,” Mariana suddenly argued back with her usual blank face, although Noor could tell she was annoyed at her comment. “Don’t worry, Gannet. Of course this looks cute on you. You look adorable in everything. Come here.”

Mariana tried to pet Gannet, but the girl avoided her with a pout. “Stop petting me! You know I hate that. I only want to be petted by big sis Noor!”

And then she yet again tugged on her skirt, and Noor sighed, making it clear that no, she would not pet her, stop asking. She would never ever understand what Mariana found so endearing about that idiotic child. She was so immature and noisy and irresponsible; just the sight of her managed to give Noor headache.

And yet, Mariana spent all of her time fawning over her. Noor knew that it was silly of her, to be jealous of Gannet like that — but she couldn’t help it. No matter what she could try or not try, Mariana always favored Gannet over everything, and she always refused any attempt from Noor’s part to get closer to her.

That was, until today. Allah may have finally answered her prayers then, because right after that Gannet actually got lost.

Or, well, it would be more accurate to say she vanished on them. It wasn’t something unusual exactly, as Gannet was never able to stay in a same place for too long and always ended up wandering about — but that didn’t mean it was any less annoying when it happened. Still, in general Gannet would use her Kizuna to contact them right away, asking for help — but this time, there was nothing but silence from her. Mariana got worried of course, and admittedly, so did Noor; she might not be fond of Gannet even at the best of time, but she was still her teammate and she certainly never wished any real harm upon her. Thankfully, they finally managed to reach out to Gannet half an hour later, after they’d run around Lubango’s streets while screaming her name.

“Sorry,” the girl said, having at least the modesty to sound a little ashamed. “I needed to go to the bathroom and then I got lost. So I asked to find my way and realized we were close to the military base, so I went back there.”

“Why did you not contact us then? Couldn’t you hear us calling you?”

“I just forgot! Sorry!”

Noor tried not to get too mad at her in Mariana’s presence, but it was hard when Gannet had made them run around the city for no reason — and she suddenly felt angry she’d ever let herself get even slightly worried for her sake. Mariana was only relieved to know Gannet was fine, and they promised her they’ll find her back to the base once their tour was over.

And then, just like that, it was just the two of them; just Noor and Mariana. An embarrassing silence spread between them, and suddenly Noor — the top scorer of the ACR Egypt Aerial Knight Corps, one of the most talented teenagers in the world who received perfect training — simply didn’t know what to do with herself anymore. She kept steeling glances at the pretty girl next to her, wondering what she should say or do; and weirdly enough, she now actually thought that she missed Gannet. At least when she was here, there never was such awkwardness between them.

Mariana, as always, appeared completely unperturbed. She let out a small sigh, looked to her right and left — and then said the last thing Noor would ever expect to hear from her:

“Do you want to go eat cake with me?”

* * *

Of course Noor loved cakes.

She loved sweets in general — like most Gauntlet Knights. She didn’t think there was a single one of them who didn’t. Noor’s father was a big sweets lover himself, and when she was little he would bake her the best basbousa and qatayef that she’d ever eaten.

So, Noor loved cakes, absolutely. She’d just never thought she ever would have the opportunity to eat some alone with Mariana in a shop in Angola. It wasn’t even the first time she’d eaten cakes with Mariana, exactly, as their squad ate together most of the time; but it was the first time she’d ever ate with her alone — especially when it was something Mariana herself had initiated — so the situation was so strange and unusual to Noor that she honestly didn’t know how to handle it.

“Have you chosen yet?”

Mariana asked her in her perfectly controlled, monotonous voice, but Noor knew her well enough that she could detect the slight movement of her eyebrow, signaling her annoyance at her indecision. That hint of a scowl was a shame, as she otherwise looked quite cute sitting here in the middle of the shop. The place Mariana brought her to was a cozy, colorful little place decorated with curtains and garlands and traditional trinkets Noor couldn’t identify, with joyful Ovimbundu music resonating around them. It was small, with very few people, but it felt nice and familiar. Mariana told her she found this shop by coincidence once when she was a child, and she’d loved it ever since — it had become a bit like a secret base of hers. And Noor would’ve felt honored that Mariana opened up enough to her to show her such a place from her childhood if it wasn’t for her adding afterwards that she wished she could’ve shown it to Gannet as well.

“I-I’m still… trying to decide. I just don’t know any of these cakes, so…”

Mariana sighed, then looked the menu. “… Bolo de ginguba is very popular around here.”

“I can’t. I’m allergic to peanuts.”

“…Well, their bolo de fubá is quite good.”

“I… don’t like corn…”

“…I guess you can try their cocada amarela then.”

“…That’s not a cake, though, is it?”

Mariana stared straight into Noor’s eyes, and then, bewilderingly, threw at her an actual, expressive exasperated look, before putting down the menu. “See,” she declared. “That’s why I can never stand you. You never make any effort to be likable whatsoever.”

Noor felt herself flushing. “I-It’s not that I’m not making any efforts, it’s just… I haven’t decided on anything yet, that’s all.”

Mariana, of course, didn’t seem convinced by her excuse at all; she just sighed, then looked away at the street by the window.

And Noor… Noor just didn’t know what to do. Mariana was never satisfied with her, no matter what she did. She could try anything, and Mariana’s image of her never seemed to budge in the slightest. Noor never let this kind of things get to her usually, but today, she just couldn’t ignore the weight in her stomach.

“Did you bring me here just to be cruel?”

Her voice was soft, a murmur, a drop of water falling in a sea of strangers’ conversations and background music — and Noor hated how fragile she sounded right now. That wasn’t like her at all. Noor was a confident person, proud of who she was, of her heritage and ancestors and accomplishments, and she never spoke so shamefully. But somehow Mariana did always have that ability to makes her feel that way.

The other girl looked at her, and for once, there actually seemed to be a slight… surprise, in her pretty amber eyes.

“I know you don’t like me,” Noor continued, unable to look at her teammate and instead staring down at the table. “I’m not an idiot. Of course I’m aware — you don’t like me as much as I don’t like Gannet. But you know— I’m still trying, most of the time. And I just thought…”

She trailed, and couldn’t even finish her sentence. Honestly, she didn’t even really know what she was saying. The air between them felt so thick now, and Noor might hate herself a little bit. It was such a rare opportunity, to have just the two of them without Gannet around and for Mariana to propose on her own that they do something together… and here she’d messed everything up, again, somehow.

Why couldn’t she do anything right when it came to Mariana?

“…I don’t dislike you.”

Noor felt her breath get caught up in her throat. She swallowed, and with an insurmountable effort, stared at Mariana. Her teammate was staring straight ahead, her shoulders steady, her chin up; almost as if she was trying to challenge her.

“—What?” Noor blurted out, because surely she must have not heard that correctly; in what world had Mariana ever showed anything other than contempt towards her? Had ever extended any kindness to her?

And that was fine; Noor was used to that. She could wait and continue to make efforts for as long as it was needed, until Mariana finally realized Noor was someone worth investing in. It might be frustrating and hurt a little sometimes, but Noor was strong, and patient, and Mariana honestly just meant that much to her. But that was the thing — for now she still hadn’t showed any signs of progress, so what was she—

“I don’t really like you either,” Mariana continued. “But… I don’t dislike you.”

“But you… I mean, you always shot me down. No matter what I do or say.”

“Yes, because you annoys me. If you tried to be less coldhearted, or to actually be nice to Gannet, then…”

Noor almost snorted at this, because of course everything came back to Gannet in the end — but the way Mariana slightly vacillated at the end of her sentence here caught her attention. Her heart skipped a beat, and she stared at Mariana expectantly.

“…Wait. Are you saying that… that if I was nicer to Gannet, then… then what?”

“…Nothing. Just, it would be better.”

“Do you mean that you’d give me a chance then?”

“I have not said that.”

She pretty much had, but Noor knew now wasn’t the time to push her on the issue. Mariana sighed, then looked down, as if she’d suddenly noticed a very interesting thing on the ground.

“I wouldn’t have invited you here if I disliked you,” she added, her voice a lot softer than usual. “You’re still my teammate. You just could be cuter sometimes, that’s all. …Sorry about being mean about the cakes earlier, though.”

Noor should probably feel a little embarrassed about it, but she couldn’t hide the wide smile spreading on her face even if she tried. And she knew Mariana noticed it, too, as she could almost sees her rolling her eyes.

“…So. Have you chosen yet?” She repeated, and Noor could tell she was trying to not be as curt as before.

“Hmm, well…” She looked up at Mariana, then smiled. “What about you?”

“Me?” Mariana briefly glanced at the menu, as if hesitating. “My favorite is the bolo de cenoura.”

“Cenoura… Carrots?!” Noor exclaimed after a moment of doubt, unsure of the word’s meaning at first; without Kizuna, the translation didn’t instantly came to her mind as she almost never used that word. “Carrots in a cake?”

“Yes. You’ve never eaten one?”

“No…”

Somehow, the idea seemed a little ludicrous to her. Carrots weren’t common in Arab cooking in general, but as a dessert?

But Mariana had said it was her favorite.

“…In that case, I’ll take one too.”

Mariana blinked at her. “What?”

“You said it was your favorite, right? Of course I need to know all of your favorite things too. Maybe I could try cooking one for you, too. I’m a pretty good cook, as my father taught me when I was young.”

Mariana stared at her for a moment in silence. Her face was just as blank as usual, but there seemed to be something, in her eyes. Something more , that Noor couldn’t entirely figure out. It disappeared just as quickly as it appeared — but Noor wondered, then, if it would be possible to get her to have that something in her eyes while looking at her once again. To get her to smile, just because of Noor.

The thought made her feel dizzy, and she couldn’t wipe out her smile even after they left the shop. After tasting it, Noor decided that she didn’t like bolo de cenoura in the end — but that didn’t really matter much. She still would do her best to cook it for Mariana once they’ll be back.

“In Cairo,” Noor said as they walked slowly in the street, a bit shyly. “There’s, um. A cake shop I like quite a bit. They make great basbousa there. Not as good as my father’s, but… still good.” She took a quick glance at Mariana next to her, who seemed fairly determined to stare at the road and not at Noor. “I’ll… take you there, when we have time.” And then because it sounded a bit too commanding, she added: “I-If you want to. Of course.”

Mariana stopped walking for a moment, a slight frown on her face, as if thoughtful. Then she finally glanced up at Noor, very slowly.

“Is that a date?”

“…Wh-What? No! Just, erm…”

“All right.”

And then she started walking straight ahead again.

Damn. Maybe I should’ve said it is a date, after all.

She caught up with her teammate, and then suddenly felt a hand slip into hers, pulling her in the right direction. Mariana claimed it was because the streets were starting to get quite crowded, so she didn’t want to lose Noor and have to run after her like they did for Gannet earlier — but her grip still tightened firmly on her hand, their fingers intertwining, and Noor made no comment on it, simply enjoying the moment for as long as it could last.

When they finally got back to the military base, Gannet got jealous about their hand-holding; but Mariana reassured her it was nothing and only petted her, much to the girl’s dismay. Even so, to Noor’s surprise, she didn’t say a word about what they had done during the afternoon.

A brief, quiet encounter in a cake shop that would stay only between the two of them.

[aeondeug]

almost 7 hours into ciconia phase 1 now. ww4 is starting and miyao is like nooo i'm gonna save the world.

i am wondering who the conspirators are, which is a first for me with when they cry. normally i am simply content to enjoy the social dynamics and the horror elements. now i am actually curious though. probably because it's in a genre i actually care about.

thus far i am thinking they must be among the people who actually appeared frequently in the first portion of the novel. just for fairness reasons. though i will keep an eye on the others. but like if it is just in that group that was frequently appearing that cuts out several kettes immediately. and all but one member of the one kette. part of me thinks that one of miyao's personalities may be among the conspirators, assuming that one thing is a personality. still, the fact that meow can apparently hide shit outright and given that she is able to so closely monitor him does put her higher up on the suspect list. though really the only reason they are there is because everything about miyao is just suspect as shit and his father is continuing to add to that. so him being among the conspirators simply makes sense.

granted that may also simply be too easy an answer and instead be there to like draw attention away from like fucking chloe or some shit.

i need to go over the text and look to see which kettes had people with doubts. since the one who sent the message was apparently in one that didn't have everyone agree. which does mean that the idol girls are out since they were all on the same page immediately. that implicates people in rethabile's kette from what i remember. sadly my memory is very ass...which means that realistically i should be taking notes but why do that???? i am dumb...

anyway. can't wait to see these children end the fucking world.

[nbmahoushoujo]

so anyway i’ve decided to read ciconia myself and take notes as i go through to help me solve whatever mysteries i find, but the notes have quickly turned into a record of names and acronyms because that’s a lot of characters, sci-fi words and acronyms all of a sudden ryukishi

i have 28 characters of note already in my handy chart

remember when 18 people on the island at the start of umineko was a lot? /rq

[saccharinescorpion]

hmm... thinking about how Ciconia has a really nuanced presentation of people's increasing dependency on technology that is much more than "phone bad" and in fact highlights the positives as much as the negatives

(major spoilers for Ciconia Phase 1)

(thinks about how the same technology that allowed the kids to meet each other and become friends also allowed them to hear each other’s death cries as they slaughtered each other) aaaah. love this song (said while weeping)

[andrewknightley]

missing ciconia hours to check when phase 1 was released and cry

it´s been 3 years....ryukishi pls. . .. . 

[lunarlagomorph]

Im sorry im so obsessed with ciconia but they literally dropped the best opening chapter of any when they cry vn and then said. We're not gonna release the rest until the pandemics over because it involves a pandemic. This shit is not going to end please its been like 5 years since ciconia phase 1 just ANNOUNCE SOMETHING

[shokogun]

okay  so...  now  that  higurashi  gou  has  finished  and  we’re  waiting  for  sotsu,  i  want  to  throw  out  my  theory  about  how  all  the  entries  in  the  when  they  cry  series  are  connected  as  well  as  my  opinion  on  the  whole  satoko/vier/lambda/miyo  situation  (and by extension the bern/rika situation).  i  was  talking  about  it  on  reddit  earlier  today,  but  it’d  be  nice  to  collect  my  thoughts  properly.

major  spoilers  for  higurashi,  higurashi  gou,  umineko,  and  ciconia  will  be  under  the  cut:

this  theory  is  based  on  the  virtual  reality  idea,  in  which  the  spinal  cords/brain  jars  in  ciconia  are  where  we  house  all  out  characters.  the  general  theory  here  is  that  featherine  is  in  charge  of  these  jars  (the character observing these jars in ciconia uses the phrase “child of man” which is a staple for her).  we  can  back  this  up  by  the  fact  that  featherine  has  extreme  meta  knowledge,  being  able  to  rewrite  reality  at  will  (killing lambda)  as  well  as  being  above  all  other  witches  in  umineko.  that  would  make  the  witches,  or  the  people  who  have  the  power  to  actually  play  on  gameboards,  the  spinal  cords.  all  of  the  pieces  on  said  gameboards  we  can  probably  chalk  up  to  npcs,  we  don’t  have  enough  information  to  account  for  them  right  no.  this  theory  is  solely  going  to  be  focusing  on  how  lambda  can  tie  the  entire  wtc  series  together.

some  context  before  we  go  in CPP:  a  type  of  multiple  personality  disorder/dissociative  identity  disorder  in  the  ciconia  universe.  the  various  personalities  are  capable  of  piloting  a  body  at  the  same  time  as  well  as  having  conversations  with  each  other.  they  exist  as  their  own  individuals  with  various  different  kinds  of  relationships  with  each  other  and  the  people  around  them,  as  well  as  differing  wants/needs/goals. SEA  OF  FRAGMENTS:  we  can  infer  this  is  the  same  as  the  metaworld  and  is  a  way  to  travel  between  various  virtual  rooms/realities. META  MIYAO:  the  blue  version  of  miyao,  calling  him  this  for  convenience  purposes

i’d  like  to  establish  a  timeline  for  the  events  of  the  wtc  series.  i’ll  explain  it  in  detail  as  we  go. 

ciconia  happens  first  (brains in jars),  ciconia  is  also  where  lambda’s  logic  error  happens,  said  logic  error  gives  her  enough  mental  strain  at  a  young  age  to  become  a  CPP,  lambda’s  various  personalities  go  their  seperate  ways,  lambdadelta  eventually  reencounters  miyo  and  grants  her  wish,  higurashi  happens,  the  mental  strain  at  such  a  young  age  is  enough  to  make  rika/bern  a  CPP,  rika/bern  goes  to  st.  lucia,  satoko  enters  the  sea  of  fragments  and  satoko  and  lambda  begin  to  use  the  same  body  and  influence  each  other,  the  events  of  gou  take  place,  once  gou  finishes  bernkastel  and  lambdadelta  part  ways  with  rika  and  satoko,  the  events  of  umineko  take  place

CICONIA  HAPPENS  FIRST:    by  this  i  mean  that  the  events  in  the  ciconia  world  that  end  with  the  spinal  cord  factory  being  a  thing  that  exists  happens.  we  know  from  meta  miyao  that  those  events  have  already  taken  place  by  the  time  we’re  playing  phase  1  of  ciconia,  which  infers  he’s  from  the  future,  has  future  knowledge,  or  all  of  ciconia  is  in  a  simulation. 

LAMBDA’S  LOGIC  ERROR:    now  we  only  have  phase  1  of  ciconia,  so  i  don’t  have  much  proof  to  back  things  up  here.  however,  there  are  things  backing  up  that  lambda’s  logic  error  takes  place  in  ciconia  and  that’s  how  eua  refers  to  satoko  in  gou.  she  calls  her  “vier”  and  then  refers  to  her  as  a  spinal  cord,  yet  she  does  NOT  specifically  call  her  lambdadelta  or  satoko.  that  means  that  eua/featherine  knew  the  vier  version  of  satoko  first,  and  since  we  know  in  umineko  that  lambdadelta  is  incredibly  popular  it’s  safe  to  assume  she  hasn’t  gained  enough  recognition  as  lambdadelta  in  order  to  capture  eua/featherine’s  attention.  we  know  higurashi  can’t  be  lambda’s  logic  error  and  we  know  the  logic  error  happened  before  umineko.  i  don’t  think  higurashi  gou  could  be  the  logic  error,  since  that  would  more  closely  fit  as  the  endurance  game  they  played  that  bernkastel  mentions  in  umineko.  so,  at  some  point  in  ciconia  i  believe  that  lambda,  as  vier,  will  experience  a  logic  error.

LAMBDA  CPP:    because  this  is  all  taking  place  in  virtual  reality,  and  each  personality  is  able  to  be  active  at  the  same  time,  the  idea  of  each  of  them  taking  up  seperate  avatars  and  living  seperate  lives  isn’t  much  of  a  stretch.  basically,  they  all  have  the  same  origin  point  but  other  than  that  they  are  completely  seperate  people.  meta  miyao  and  miyao  are  at  odds,  so  it’s  not  odd  to  have  satoko  and  miyo  be  enemies  in  higurashi,  either.  so,  in  this  context,  miyo  and  satoko  lived  lives  in  higurashi,  lambda  left  to  wander  the  sea  of  fragments,  and  vier  remained  in  the  ciconia  universe. 

MIYO  AND  LAMBDA:    eventually  miyo  wishes  to  become  god,  and  lambdadelta  grants  this  wish  with  certainty.  again,  it’s  not  out  of  the  ordinary  for  the  personalities  of  CPPs  to  interact,  so  this  isn’t  really  strange.

HIGURASHI:    thanks  to  the  wish  lambda  granted  miyo,  an  un - winable  game  is  created  which  traps  rika  in  a  logic  error.  this  gives  birth  to  bernkastel.  the  way  bernkastel  will  sometimes  act/speak  through  rika  and  how  bernkastel  can  influence  rika’s  way  of  thinking  is  no  different  than  how  CPPs  operate,  thus  it’s  safe  to  assume  that  dealing  with  all  those  loops  and  fragments  put  enough  mental  strain  on  rika,  who  was  still  young,  to  make  her  a  CPP.

HIGURASHI  FINISHES:    all  the  events  play  out  how  we’ve  seen  in  gou,  with  rika  and  satoko  going  to  st.  lucia  and  satoko  beginning  to  grow  bitter.

HIGURASHI  GOU:    satoko  touches  eua’s  horn  and  makes  it  into  the  sea  of  fragments.  because  this  is  lambda’s  domain  she  and  satoko  took  on  a  similar  situation  to  rika  and  bern,  acting  in  the  same  body.  lambda’s  cruelty  and  knack  for  certainty  influences  satoko,  and  satoko’s  love  for  rika  influences  lambda.  if  lambda  was  speaking  during  the  ending  of  gou,  which  is  certainly  sounds  like  she  is,  let  me  also  remind  you  that  it  is  extremely  common  for  people  who  fall  in  love  with  one  personality  of  a  CPP  to  start  treating  the  other  personalities  differently  or  even  treat  them  as  if  they  are  the  same  person.  so  that  would  make  lambda  calling  out  to  rika  like  that  make  sense.  i  don’t  think  satoko  was  speaking,  because  whenever  we  see  the  bern  side  of  rika  slip  out  this  season  she  has  red  eyes,  and  satoko  has  red  eyes  when  she  speaks  like  this.

THE  END  OF  GOU:    obviously  we  don’t  have  sotsu  out  so  we  don’t  know  how  it’s  going  to  end,  but  we  know  that  bernkastel  and  lambdadelta  go  seperate  ways  thanks  to  umineko.  the  two  of  them  likely  leave  rika  and  satoko,  which  would  be  possible  since  this  is  a  virtual  reality,  and  started  journeying  the  sea  of  fragments

UMINEKO:    umineko  just  happens  as  it  does,  lambda  trying  to  rematch  bern  after  losing  their  endurance  game  of  gou  and  doing  what  satoko  did,  trying  to  keep  bern  in  a  birdcage.  eventually  they  go  their  seperate  ways  and  say  they’ll  meet  again  when  something  cries  again.

[randomavatarfan]

Satokowashi-hen Ep4 Phase 1- For You, The Replaceable Ones

Hhhhhhnnnnngggghhhhhhhh

Nothing is as interesting as Featherine right now. Honestly, I'm disappointed that we don't see a truly deep villain. Gou is going to end with Satoko and Rika seeking forgiveness and they both escape the loops, Rika leaving Hinamizawa, Satoko maybe not, and they promise to see each other again when the evening cicadas cry. The end.

I'm kinda disappointed with the development. I had a lot of fun in the first few arcs "what does it all mean?" but I feel like Satoko's motive is just too petty and the obvious ending is... idk. They're going to sing platitudes about trusting and forgiveness, but honestly putting Rika through the hell that she did for a motive so shallow, it's not even exciting.

But Featherine!!!! fiditsitdgodpfuoydufs.

First off, Satoko always seemed disconnected from Lambda. Her blonde color was different from Miyo, her name didn't hold the meaning, she just didn't seem to be the fit. But Featherine connected her to Vier, Takano's doppelganger, whose name is literally 3-4. If Satoko has the power of certainty on her side, then Gou could become endless...

So why does Featherine know Satoko as Vier, Mitsuyo, and a spinal specimen? Vier is definitely a Ciconia reference, spinal specimen... maybe??? Mitsuyo...??????????

(Potentially, she may be Jestress)

I honestly think the most interesting part about this entire chapter is Featherine and the potential connection to Umineko and Ciconia. I really do hope if they ever (re)make animes for them that they do it straight and not make a "Gou"-type thing (Unless we get to see Land of the Golden Witch ;) )

I think my next goal is to reread Ciconia and see where this new perspective comes from. I've tried comparing some of the characters to the Umineko witches, not as an attempt to use them to explain the conflict, but to help identify the conflict- who is the miracle? who is the certainty? who is the observer? Vier and the Jestress may well have the same goal. I also really believe Miyao's name is enough of a homophone to be included in the Ciconia 34 gang, but everything seems to be pointing to them being the good guys. Even Dark!Miyao seemed to be more of a harbinger and Oracle rather than the one pulling the strings- Miyao being a puppet. Who would be pulling his strings? Most likely his parents who birthed them in a manner incongruous with the world culture. But his parents are split: the Jestress and Tojirou are not on the same side. Tojirou wants to see the world burn with WW4.

I think Vier knows of the world outside... those scenes of people on the hooks that didn't fit in. That's the "Meta" of Ciconia, and now, potentially the meta of WTC as a whole. They're living in a simulation. Vier managed to cheat the system, she found a glitch and is living in a manner that wouldn't normally be allowed. The things her team studies are things that should not have occurred within the simulation. The Dreisig conversion, everything are things that should not be possible but are.

The three kings and tojirou/seshat have similar but conflicting goals. I don't think they're quite aware of Vier's base, or the world outside. Their goals however will lead to a more stable simulation while Seshat's/Tojirou's will more likely destroy the simulation. The Jestress has a set of goals at odds with Tojirou's, and potentially at odds with the Kings, but aiding the kings will help her for now.

I feel like i'm looking too much into the fantasy of the realm, but honestly I think the truth of Ciconia lies in there rather than with the Knights. I think the knights may be more in line with the Kings rather than Seshat.

Anyway, my goal is to reread Phase 1, take advantage of the hiatus and delay to really soak in details. What are your thoughts?

[schalaasha]

Favourite Games of 2019

I don’t like making ranked lists anymore. So here’s a bunch of games old and new I played in 2019 because I was busy catching up due to not playing FFXIV as much as in previous years.

 Ciconia When They Cry Phase 1: For You, The Replaceable Ones

I think going in, and even starting to play it, I felt like maybe the game would abandon the WTC mystery game conventions. It ended up not doing that, because the game leaves you with far more questions than answers at the end. The A3W World (“after World War III”) is still trying to deal with political issues and social issues that existed prior to World War III. A global stalemate exists due to the military implementation of the Gauntlet weapon. Eventually things happen where different countries need to deal with a shortage of resources, territorial conflicts, etc which sets off a chain reaction to World War IV.  However, the children who grew up in the A3W era, settled into new ideologies and views of how society currently works are at odds with what the older generation wants and requires of them. Along the way, they need to deal with other groups and conspiracies in order to maintain the Walls of Peace.

 So in essence, R07 still crafts a mystery for readers to figure out, but it isn’t a murder mystery. It’s an international conspiracy mystery and I am more than okay with that. I think this chapter required a lot of worldbuilding to set that kind of story up and coming out of Phase 1, I understood why the first chapter wasn’t exactly like Umineko’s. I thought that it was handled well, despite some of the purple prose (but if you’ve played a R07 game before, you’re likely used to it).  I also thought he really tried to introduce and incorporate themes including gender, generational differences, societal tiers, geopolitics disguised as sports events (possibly mirroring the 2020 Olympics in Japan), etc. as well as he could throughout the story through the game’s cast. Even if the game meanders a bit (and it definitely feels that way towards the start), when it actually starts to roll, I felt compelled to keep reading.

 And truly, the game has an incredibly large cast of characters. The TIPS section handles introductions well, and while some cast members don’t have as much time in the spotlight as others, I can see them getting their time eventually in subsequent chapters. Clearly Phase 1 exists to focus more on the children from the Arctic Ocean Union (the “AOU”) as evidenced by the additional stories unlocked at the end of the game so hopefully other chapters have the same amount of character backstory for the other factions.  I also genuinely enjoyed that the big international cast of characters allowed for many different types of designs with characters with different types of hairstyles and hair texture or characters wearing hijabs and still managed to make them retain adorableness or a sense of style. I do not recall seeing it as often in Japanese media and I’m very happy to see it here.

 I think Ciconia Phase 1 is a very good start to this subseries’ planned four episodes and I hope to see more sociopolitical commentary. It feels as though R07 looked at everything happening in Japan and social media/how news is consumed and decided to write a four-part SFF series about it. I’m eagerly looking forward to the next chapter.

  Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

I backed Bloodstained when it got put on Kickstarter a few years ago.  It was shipped to me at… possibly the worst time since Shadowbringers was coming out very shortly after.  My fiancé and I played ours for a short bit, felt very positive about the game, then dropped it to play Shadowbringers.  We didn’t return to it until maybe September/October?  Both of us ended up getting our Platinum Trophies for it so we both played through everything the game had to offer.

 Bloodstained is a good experience, but not without its issues. I played on PS4 and I’ve had a few outright crashes or some glitching into walls early enough that I couldn’t come out of them again due to not having the required skill to try to get out of it.  I also felt like the game meandered or had a bit of padding in its earlier stages). Later on, you realise you have to put in the farming work to have a better and faster time not unlike its Igavania counterparts, but I did feel like the drop rates prior to actually working towards higher luck stats/drop shards were low enough almost to the point of unfair or deliberately wasting my time.  I also felt as though there were too many weapon types; with adequate shard use and shard grinding eventually you can settle into one weapon type that suits your playstyle or eventually use the gun for everything when you get the special hat quest reward).

 However, I’m speaking about this game as someone who platinumed it which requires a lot of farming and synthesis.  As a player going through the main campaign, I think the maps are adequate. The backgrounds are very lovingly crafted, and the music is absolutely one of the best of the year. Boss design is also fun and rewarding, requiring the player to learn how all the different weapon types work, adequate backstepping and closing in, and boss patterns. If you suck, the game will show you that you suck very quickly and deliberately.  Essentially towards the end, I felt as though Bloodstained tried very hard to cater to fans of the metroidvania style of game, and the classicvania style of game. I personally don’t think it completely succeeded but for a first time experience of trying to combine the two into one, it did its job with preparation for another game.  

 I also feel like some criticism was lobbed towards the game’s narrative for being told in library/book entries, and while I understand that (I actually couldn’t open all of the books for fear of my game crashing), I don’t think elaborate cutscenes and continuous dialogue would work well with this game’s flow. Bloodstained prioritizes gameplay elements and player exploration over anything else, and to be honest, I’d rather it happen that way than with long elaborate cutscenes.  I also felt as though I got more out of the game because I’d played the 8-bit prequel as well.

 Overall, Bloodstained is a passable experience. I’m glad I played it, and I’m glad I put the work in to try to make the game a better experience. I got what I wanted out of the game for as much as I backed it and I hope they try again with a similar formula because this is a very good first step.  

  The Touryst

Sometimes when I see a game with voxel graphics, I feel pretty compelled to pick it up because it looks so darn lovingly rendered and it usually ends up being fun.  The Touryst does a good job with its graphical style and visiting new islands is a complete delight because of it. It looks like a game with style, and performs super-well on the Switch. It’s also one of the freshest games I’ve played in a while.

 Basically you’re playing a blocky dude with a moustache who just wants to have a good time but when he gets to TOWA Monument, he’s told he has to find monument cores to unlock the world’s secrets. And then you can do whatever you want. The different islands have their own little personalities: there’s an island called Fijy which is volcanic, there’s Ybiza with a bunch of dudes chilling on the beach and passed out on their chairs, there’s Santoryn which is just Greece, and a few other places that are essentially recreations of real-world places.

 As you explore, there’s a lot of stuff to do. A variety of things to do.  There are puzzles and mechanics that don’t necessarily overstay their welcome, you can play footy, you can play spelunker, you can take helicopter rides, you can take pictures, get stuff for a museum, surf, play rhythm games…. It’s your vacation, do what you want. It’s a little like Vegas. Unlike Vegas, you can use your ever-increasing money and diamonds to get new moves for your moustached character to reach new objects.

 As a little game where you can do whatever you want little by little, and makes for a smooth experience, I’m glad I picked up the Touryst after asking another person what they thought of it. It has great puzzles, lots of stuff to do and explore and see, and ton of minigames for whatever mood you feel like you’re in. The game is fairly short, but I’m very glad the holiday doesn’t overstay its welcome.

  A Short Hike

A Short Hike places you in the shoes of a bird who is utterly determined to walk to the top of Hawk Peak to get signal for her phone.  I totally understand; sometimes you’ve gotta do what you gotta do.  

 But the game allows you to undertake that journey however you want to. You can go right away and finish up and get that darn signal. Or you can take your time and we’ll build that bridge when we get there. There are different types of terrains to explore if you opt to take the scenic route… and it’s rewarding to do so. You can find treasure, you can water a flower, you can talk to the Animal Crossing-esque characters to do some sidequests, you can do whatever you want.

 I’m sorry to say that when the game introduced fishing, I spent a lot of my time doing that. Fishing ruins me. The completionist in me wanted to fish. But the whole thing is that you don’t have to do any of this. If you want to finish the game, you can absolutely positively focus on that and the game doesn’t pressure you for it.  

 And that’s one of the things I like about it. It’s just whatever about the whole ordeal. I don’t feel like I’m completely and utterly missing out if I don’t decide to do something. Even the task of getting Golden Feathers to progress is fine since you only need eight for it, and the game easily gives you enough rewards to get four or five before sidequests or exploration is factored in.

 Sometimes you just need to take a walk and kind of think of nothing just to clear your head. And A Short Hike accomplishes that very well.

  Worldend Syndrome

In my effort to try to find other games to play in 2019 because I’d fallen a little out of love with FFXIV, I realised that taking baby steps with visual novels and bite-sized games would be the best idea to try to get back into traditional games (particularly since I was, and am, still questioning whether I like games as a hobby or not). On a whim, I decided to download a boatload of visual novel demos one night and tried a bunch of them out. Worldend Syndrome’s demo didn’t exactly grab me until perhaps halfway through the demo when I a) realised that this demo was long af, and b) nothing appeared what it had seemed as I kept going through it and the characters were enjoyable.

 So I decided to get the game and dragged my fiancé along for the ride. It’s one of those standard decision-making/pick which girl you want and go down her route VNs but it didn’t really feel skeezy or ecchi other than one particular point in each girl’s story where you get confessed to.  You go through the VN as an unnamed protagonist who is visiting his cousin over the summer, and you and your friends get dragged into a school club whose focus revolves around folklore. The town the protagonist finds himself in is haunted by the Yomibito, spirits of the undead who look exactly like regular people but are eventually driven mad enough to kill.

 One of the things that drew me to this visual novel was its assortment of animated backgrounds. They colourful and gorgeous. Every CG looks nice and coloured well, and the backgrounds for each area you visit are so beautiful and makes every single location easy to settle into.  The cast is also surprisingly decent, where I expected to hate a few people but I ended up being okay with them because they were written well and weren’t as tropey as I had expected.  I was also very pleased that the character that you were roleplaying as wasn’t skeezy when put into situations where he could have been, and that he treated the girls very well (though I won’t deny that there are some spots where behaviour was questionable but it doesn’t happen as often).  Because the characters were written adequately enough, the game’s true ending route comes together very well and very naturally to a point where I could seriously believe that every character got along with one another to make sure the emotional impact of the mystery was satisfying.

 In order to finish Worldend Syndrome, you have to do each route. A few characters’ routes don’t get unlocked until halfway through the game or even until the very end. The game also remembers everything you’ve done when it autosaves the system data on the world map, so if you need to reload a save to figure out someone’s schedule or if you mess up, it’s relatively easy to come back to something you’ve missed. I’ve played a lot of multiple route VNs before and Worldend Syndrome is easily one of the better VNs that allows the player to skip through to something they’ve missed or skip through previously-viewed text for another route.

 As it is, Worldend Syndrome doesn’t really try to do anything spectacular, nor does it try to stand out like other visual novels of 2019 have (ie: Ciconia, presumably AI but I only tried the demo and I hated parts of the script, sorry). It does its job and tells its story which has a very good payoff in the end.

  Judgement

I bought my fiancé Judgement earlier this year, as I had retired from playing Ryu ga Gotoku after Dead Souls/Ishin, and he was still playing the series religiously.  I watched him play through part of it and I felt compelled to get my own copy because the combat looked nice, and the characters were compelling enough that I felt comfortable picking it up.

 Judgement follows former lawyer Takayuki Yagami who is now a detective.  His tale is one of redemption and conspiracies, reminiscent of some Phoenix Wright games (which this game gives clever nods to when the protagonist is in the courtroom). Yagami is more serious and down-to-earth than Kiryu is so the tone of the game feels quite different than other RGG games (or at least the ones I’ve played).

 It still feels like a regular RGG game where you’re still wandering through Kamurocho, you’re still getting into fights with randos and Yakuza dudes, you date girls, you go to buy food, you play minigames, etc. But it isn’t as big as a standard RGG game; because you stay only in the one area, the cast is smaller, you get a job board to get your sidequests from, and the story itself is fairly short and sweet.  I actually prefer that as a lapsed RGG player since it’s easier to get back into the games this way.

 Judgement, however, disappointed me just a little in how little you spend in the courtroom.  You’re given opportunities to present evidence, do some suspect tailing, use your smartphone to catch a cheating husband, or use a drone to search for evidence. I felt like when you had to use the drone to search for evidence, it ruined the pacing a little. The tailing missions are also reminiscent of Assassin’s Creed, and no that isn’t a good thing! Due to this, I felt like Judgement was not necessarily a great detective game but it did a decent job of trying to mold the RGG experience to a different main character.

 Yagami can… fight… for some reason so he can beat up whatever randos come up to him on the streets. He’s actually more acrobatic than I remember Kiryu being in previous RGG games. He can kick off objects, he’s hard to back into a corner, he can do wall-flips, etc. It’s also much easier to earn XP where it’s all in one bar so you can do whatever you want to fill it up like play darts and just put stuff into his lockpicking. As a lapsed fan, the streamlining feels okay. The streamlining for combat also feels good because if you fights go on too long, the popo can come for you and you’d get fined, so emphasis is on finishing fights cleanly and quickly.

 Overall, as a lapsed RGG fan, the way Judgement looks and feels and wraps up its twists and turns was really exciting for me. It may not have as many things to do as other RGG games, but honestly I think being a leaner experience was better and thus didn’t make the game overstay its welcome.  I also am eagerly awaiting RGG7 since I enjoyed the demo a lot and I think the new protagonist can carry the series the way Yagami carried Judgement.

  Cadence of Hyrule

Sometimes, after my fiancé and I bought our Switch, I’d wake up, go brush my teeth, and return to bed just to see my fiancé awake and playing Cadence of Hyrule. I was perplexed as it’s been ages since he’d willingly played a Zelda game, and his hands are super-huge for the joycons so he doesn’t like using them much.

 You can easily say that Cadence of Hyrule is just a Crypt of the Necrodancer reskin with Zelda stuff all over it, but feels pretty clever in that it uses stuff from roguelikes and a rhythm game and makes the A Link to the Past world feel incredibly fresh. Bosses, especially, feel very fresh. Enemies move according to the rhythm and have a unique pattern that’s easily memorized so you can fall into the rhythm and take advantage of. If you’ve played Necrodancer, you’ll probably feel at home in this aspect, especially since the maps are also randomised (which leads different playthroughs feeling fresh).

 The Zelda feels comes from recreating tunes from older Zelda games in puzzles, the magnificent sprite art, the great Zelda remixes, a simple-enough story, and a standard set of things to find in each procedurally generated dungeon. You also find a variety of traditional items like the bow, the bombs, boomerang… and a spear? It’s a nice blend of Zelda and Necrodancer.

 The caveat is that it takes a little getting used to, since you’re not exactly used to not being able to freely move in a Zelda game. But when you do get used to it, it feels good. Everything is pretty expendable and if you die, you don’t feel like you necessarily lose a lot since you can accrue it all easily enough again. It’s unpredictable and that random roguelike nature is something that makes the Zelda experience feel fresh.

  Spirit Hunter: Death Mark

My fiancé and I were trying to find spooky games to play for Halloween that wouldn’t make me squeamish because despite my profession dealing with analysis of body parts and human body fluids, I can’t see that kind of stuff on TV or in games in a realistic sense. It grosses me out. At least when it’s in front of me, it’s already out and off someone’s body and in a fume hood/biosafety cabinet and I didn’t have to see how it happened. My fiancé picked up Spirit Hunter: Death Mark on a sale we went through it together.

 Death Mark is a tale about horror-themed urban legends and a curse that needs to be broken.  People get marked with a crimson bite mark in the game’s H City and they eventually develop amnesia and die. A group of people live and gather at a spirit medium’s mansion (who is dead upon arrival).  The only hint to break the curse in this mansion is a little talking doll named Mary. The protagonist eventually goes through several mysteries in an effort to break his curse and stop others from dying.

 Death Mark does some surprisingly well-crafted worldbuilding. Each spirit you deal with has a well-told backstory, sometimes especially ghoulish (particularly the bonus post-game episode, the first episode, and the one episode with the telephone booth). The game excels with psychological horror and the enemies involved in each boss battle assist in making the player feel that way as well. The backgrounds also lend well to this as while they are simplistic, the shading and colours used help to execute a sense of dread. One particular chapter harkens back to Japan’s Aokigahara, and the backgrounds used connect very well to that particular location so that it feels super-eerie.

 Regardless, Death Mark relies a lot on its text to establish its atmosphere and as someone who reads stuff like R07 VNs and other regular VNs with a lot of text, I was okay with that. The localization was well-done, albeit with some issues that would have been caught in editing but overall it carried the story very well.

 There are boss battles prior to the end of each chapter, where you must use each item you find in your exploration segments. You need to use specific items in a specific order (even with the correct party setup) in order to achieve a good ending for that particular chapter (and thus eventually the game). I thought this was an interesting mechanic and while it got a little tired depending on the spirit, it showcased how creepy some of them can be on your screen.

 Unfortunately, Death Mark does not have a variety for its soundtrack and it’s almost disappointing that the same piano tunes and boss themes played repeatedly as I felt it detracted from the experience.

 Otherwise, I felt like Death Mark was a short and sweet horror experience that played into urban legends and folklore experiences. I loved the little vignettes that eventually ramped up to a central story point. I hope the sequel is good when we get around to it.

  Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

So my fiancé and I are doing this thing where we’ve started buying one copy of a game so we’d both own it together and go through it together. Sekiro and Man of Medan were two of those games this year.

 Sekiro isn’t really like Souls. Eventually you’ll come to learn that very quickly when the game throws a boss at you and if you try to play like Souls, you’re not going to get the job done.  It will show you that you never learned how to parry properly and you’re going to have to go back and learn it.  Or if you didn’t grab a prosthetic that will make the job easier, you’re gonna have to do that too.

 The game is interesting in that you aren’t exactly whittling down health bars all the time; you’re striking properly so you can overwhelm their posture bars, find an opening, and go in for the kill. Enemy health bars are essentially secondary to that posture bar. You have your own posture bar so you’ve got to learn how to parry properly. Sometimes you need to parry complete combos in order to deliver posture damage back to an enemy. It’s all about getting into the flow and rhythm of combat. And you must beat bosses in order for you to get a stat boost, so being able to beat a boss lies in your skill, and not necessarily your level/equipment.

 Sekiro is Souls-like in its storytelling and worldbuilding. You can run around rooftops and areas to find secrets off the beaten path. You go back and forth between areas and speak to different NPCs to find out their backstories. The plot is also told via NPC conversations with the main characters. At first it’s a little dry but the story opens up eventually. It also has some great voiced NPCs for quests (one quest in particular had voicework that made me feel so sorry for the character that I was like “we need to get the proper item for this guy please don’t make him suffer”).

 It feels rewarding to put in the work in order to beat the bosses, make it so you don’t resurrect as often to make people sick, and meet whatever standard Sekiro is throwing at you. It lets the player know that they’ve met that standard, and then throws another boss phase at them so you have to get even better.

 Owl I’m looking at you.

  Super Kirby Clash

My fiancé and I bought a Switch together this year (which, outside of dinner and movies and clothes, etc. was one of our major purchases together).  We downloaded a few demos to try the control scheme out, including Super Kirby Clash.  I am aware that this game is probably old, but hey it’s still going and it’s still being supported and I’m catching up.

 I’m probably putting it here due to bias, but I think It’s really cute and the hats are super-adorable. I love getting new hats and new weapons for my little Kirby.  It’s fairly standard as far as a “mobile experience” is concerned and playing it a little when I have the time to and hacking away at it little by little is rewarding when I get a new hat or new gear. My fiancé and I played it in multiplayer as well, which felt a lot like Kirby’s Return to Dream Land.

 It’s pretty inoffensive and I haven’t paid real-life money for anything in it, and I still feel like I’m progressing. So as a Kirby game with light RPG elements (ie: something I’ve wanted for years and years), it’s nice to finally see realised.

 Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom

An artist I commission very often from convinced me to move this game further up in queue than I originally had it when we were talking about games we were playing after finishing Shadowbringers’ main campaign.  

 Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom is the spiritual successor inspired by Wonder Boy III, with the formula being modernized for a new era. It feels fast, and it looks soooooooo pretty. The tracks are bumpin’ too. It’s also a little tough but with every difficult section successfully platformed through, you feel really good about it.

 You play as a plucky boy named Jin whose uncle is an insano who turns everyone in the kingdom into animals. After you experience sweet freedom as a human boy platforming across things easily for like 15 minutes, Jin’s uncle turns him into a pig. Whoops. From there the platforming gets a little harder and you need to learn how to manipulate different forms and different spells in order to get across various sections.

 Different animal forms give you different skills. Pig form allows you to sniff out secrets literally, snake form lets you cling to walls and go through tiny passages, frog has a sticky tongue for swinging, and lion form lets you go through obstacles. You need to use these forms well to platform well enough to get through each area and finish the game. Being successful at platforming in this game feels good and fulfilling and satisfying. As you unlock more, platforming experiences get more and more complex with more obstacles put in your way, so in essence it feels like the opposite of a standard metroidvania.  Playing both Bloodstained and this in one year felt like playing polar opposites. That said, the checkpointing in Monster Boy is really good. Game Atelier knew what they were doing.

 The bosses by contrast were really easy and it’s nice to take the time to look at the art for each boss. All of the effects are also super-nice. Playing Monster Boy on a 4K TV is quite a visual treat for its boss sections, its town section, and its platforming sections. The colours are off-the-charts. Each animal sprite has its own set of unique animations: the piggy farts and looks like >_>, froggy looking at flies, etc. And the music is so good. If this game were a 2019 game I’d definitely put its soundtrack on my list, but it isn’t. It’s a nice blend of new and old stuff and it’s a delight to hear in-context as encouragement to keep going when you fail a platforming section.

 Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom is a faithful representation and homage of the old Wonder Boy games. It’s filled with references and secrets and awesome art, and I’m glad to have been convinced to move it up my queue for this year.

  Most Disappointing Game: Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers

I love Final Fantasy XIV. It’s brought me closer to so many people in recent years and I’ve met so many more through it. Playing this game means so much to me and I want the best for it for years to come.  It’s one of the reasons why I’m so critical about it. If I hated this game, I would stop playing and honestly, I wouldn’t care about its future.  I will say this before getting started:  I like Shadowbringers’ story so far (we aren’t going to be finished with its story until 5.3).  I don’t think It’s necessarily as consistent as Heavensward, but I think Shadowbringers’ story is the most Final Fantasy story we’ve gotten since perhaps FF10. Truly, it’s the best we’ve seen for the series this decade.  

 I had a lot of hopes and hype for Shadowbringers.  I hated Stormblood, for a myriad of reasons: social reasons, gameplay reasons, and narrative reasons.  The direction Shadowbringers was going and all the trailers made it seem like it was going to be fresh and exciting and new.  My fiancé and I (and a few others) swapped servers+data centers in advance of the expansion for a fresh start, to boot. I watched the Job Actions trailer over and over and tried to decide what I was going to eventually main and gear up because I didn’t really have a main in Stormblood due to the combat changes and how easy things became for certain things.

 During a live letter, they mentioned that they’re changing how things work in battle, and that’s when I became a little cautious. I was hoping for the best leading up to release and then I saw the scholar/healer changes and got very worried.  I changed mains in Stormblood because playing Scholar was freaking horrible at the start of Stormblood.  

 I eventually had to change mains at the start of Shadowbringers because I was not having fun playing Scholar. For people who didn’t bother to level a healer at all, the writing was on the wall for healers during Stormblood. Essentially, it introduced an age of healing where you barely ever used your GCDs to heal. You mostly used OGCDs and preplanned shields. 90% of the time if you wanted to be a good healer, you’d mostly DPS. I don’t think I’ve cast a GCD heal at all in SB and ShB content unless things were going super-wrong.

 The healing changes introduced in Shadowbringers made us think that things were going to change, that things were going to be harder to heal.  I had my doubts, however, because all fights are scripted and if they were to introduce a substantial change to incoming damage, they would have to make it so most people (casual, midcore, hardcore, less experienced newbies, experienced folks) would be used to It and could handle it.  There was no way they were going to introduce more difficulty given that subscription numbers were increasing.

 And so, healers during Shadowbringers got some damage skills taken away, but in their place, they were given more tools to heal with:

-          White Mage came away from this as a very well-rounded healer at launch. It had its damage spells, it had a damage spell with a stun, it finally had long-standing and easily useable mitigation, it has substantial MP recovery, and it has a damage spell that rewards you for using three GCD heals to make up for damage lost. White Mage still making out like a bandit in 5.1.

-          Scholar felt dramatically different and didn’t feel as solid as it used to be. It had most of its damage tools taken away, the usefulness of its fairy was decreased because let’s be honest it was super-overpowered, it got one of its fairies and its AoE esuna taken away, and it was given its PvP move to act as an AoE that doesn’t have another effect. I had to completely unlearn everything I did as scholar in the last 5-6 years in order to play current scholar. Current 5.1 scholar is overpowered as heck and I don’t feel as satisfied to play it in SB/ShB content.

-          AST LOL. All the cards are balance. MP regen is what. Heals are what. Everything is just what. Other fun skills were removed. That said, I really like AST just because it feels like I have to work twice as hard to achieve the same effect the other healers bring to the table.

 So eventually with all of these changes, we had assumed that healing was going to be harder.  It wasn’t. It’s the same experience and all we’re doing is pressing one single button all the time.  I barely have to heal in dungeons.  I barely have to heal in raid unless my party members step in stupid. I just can’t bring myself to play healer every single day anymore, and I love healing in this game. Or I loved it back when it was more dynamic. I just press one button over and over and over and over and over and maybe sometimes another but I just press one button a lot. It’s really sad and it makes me miss old Cleric Stance of all things.

 I like Shadowbringers’ story. I felt rewarded playing through it as someone who’s played the game for years and did everything when it was in-content. So for me, it was like a good reunion.  There were a lot of points where the story dragged or felt rocky. I felt like the start of the 5.0 campaign was utterly boring and poorly paced.  It picked up again, then slowed down again, then picked up again, then got REALLY BAD, then picked up again for a good finish. I don’t think it’s as consistent as Heavensward’s 3.0 campaign, but it was very solid and made up for the 4.0 campaign.

 However, story is only 20% of the experience for me.  The rest of the time, I need to actually play the game. I actually liked the levelling and crafting changes and new skills they brought in during 5.0 because leveling a crafter never felt easier. I felt like I still had to work hard but the payoff came quickly and my macros still worked as well as they did from during Stormblood. I also used my Stormblood melds and Stormblood equipment for the entire levelling experience and had to make concessions for some of my macros as time went on.  I still had to know what my skills did, basically. The 5.1 crafting/gathering changes kind of make me want to craft less since I don’t feel like I have to solve a puzzle anymore and to be honest, everyone crafts now so you make far less money than you previously did.  The desynth changes also made it so that most of my markets tanked since what’s the point of gathering half the materials when desynth makes those materials easily accessible.  I’m not saying to gatekeep at all, but I feel like the experience should have been a little harder (ie: like the Ixali experience where you had to learn what your skills did or desynth shouldn’t be this easy to keep the market fairly balanced). My server is a crafting server so I am more impacted in general from this. That said, I don’t have anything to spend gil on so it doesn’t matter, I guess.  I just feel far less inclined to participate in what was one of my favourite pastimes in XIV.

 I mained Ninja which got killed in 5.0. I was already dealing with the servers moving from East Coast to West Coast, so adding a bunch of stuff to squeeze into your TA window in 10 seconds in Shadowbringers utterly killed the job for me. 5.1 Ninja throws me off as someone who played this game since the time Ninja was introduced, and I can’t make myself play it. The current opener is the Doton opener (which is something I didn’t like in SB at all) and I can’t always rely on my tank to bring the thing to my Doton. That, and making it so you do different things per every other or every third TA just makes the job a little unpalatable for me at 80. I’m one of those people who wants TA to go. I don’t like that Ninja’s become the TA bot in recent years.  I can still do well with it. People still throw buffs at me, but I don’t find enjoyment in the job anymore and I hope we get a proper retool in 6.0.

 I switched back to ranged. Thankfully Bard hasn’t changed as much since SB (though I still prefer HW Bard like a weirdo), and Dancer is one of those “I worked too damn long today and I just wanna do the mindless brainless rotation” jobs.  I miss old Machinist oddly enough.  It felt really good when you played it well and pulled off a decent wildfire. Now it’s a little easier and I don’t feel as fulfilled playing it. That said, it’s probably the best incarnation of the job since it’s sad little introduction in 3.0.

 Even tanking is substantially easier and that’s a mostly good thing. It sucked going into a low level dungeon and having trouble keeping aggro due to the level syncing and your DPS’ stats. Now you can just turn your stance on and go to town without losing any damage potency like you used to. I kind of miss swapping stances after I’ve established aggro though, because you could tell the difference between a good tank and a bad/less practiced tank if they didn’t bother to swap stances in a fight. Tanks came out of this expansion very balanced, though. They might need some work here and there (warrior I’m looking at you), but overall, they came out the best out of the three roles.

 Other than that, you have monks not knowing what they should be, samurai continuously getting buffed and nerfed, black mage staying consistent, red mage being lol, summoner getting changed to the point where now it’s overpowered, among other DPS changes. DPS overall don’t have as much synergy so you can take any job you want to into raid and it’ll get the job done. That said if you want to do as much damage as possible, you’re generally going to take the same few classes into the raid if you’re less educated about them.  And I feel like the lack of synergy or utility between classes or even the loss of something like mana shift makes the whole experience a little boring.  It’s very “f you, I got mine” or the onus is on the player for their own personal burdens and no one’s really helping each other unless you’re a dancer, trick attack bot, dragoon or bard.

 I really hope the other pieces of content are substantial but what I’ve seen aren’t exactly what I had in mind. Boss refights with an alternate version is really neat but I didn’t really want that for this raid tier. I wanted something more original given what we had to deal with in Omega.  I don’t really care for the Nier Automata crossover because, again, I wanted something original to the XIV lore and the First. I think doubling down on Blue Mage is a bad idea and while some folks like its party-based content now, I can’t bring myself to keep doing the content given that it’s clear they don’t know what to do with it (or didn’t know what to do with it). With one dungeon coming per patch I have to question what’s happening internally or what they’re working on. I know SE is weird internally and I really hope that the kind of stuff I’ve read in previous postmortem articles isn’t happening.

 Either way, I’m really disappointed that I want to stop playing XIV so much when it’s the most popular among my friends and followers because it’s so dissatisfying to me and it’s the most accessible that it’s ever been. I hope things get better eventually but going by what I think they have in store and their old reliable formula, I don’t have hope. I’m tired of the formula and I feel like it needs a shakeup. Overall, I’ve been less happy playing FFXIV than I’ve ever been and it makes me feel really sad. 

[crescybun]

My Games of the Year 2019

aka A List of ‘Personally Meaningful Experiences’ Which I Don’t Genuinely Even Recommend Getting/Buying At All But Anyway:

The Caligula Effect: Overdose

Ciconia When They Cry - Phase 1: For You, the Replacable Ones

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Crystar

I expect SaGa Scarlet Grace - Ambitions to take the fifth place but who knows.

Honourable mention: the console-port of The House in Fata Morgana - which would be in the list otherwise but I already mentioned its Steam-version last year.

Note: If the list is missing notable games 1) I haven’t played them 2) I don’t own the right console(s) which is a shame [read: I don’t own Nintendo Switch], or 3) the other potential choices got, somehow, ‘outplayed’ by these 4-5. Furthermore, the reasoning behind my choices will remain an unfathomable mystery.

[ciconiatheories]

Virtual Space in Ciconia When They Cry

aka: me setting up the groundwork for the theories imma post here.

Spoilers up to Chapter 7 of Ciconia Phase 1: For You, the Replaceable Ones

In linguistic analyses of literature, the term mental space is used to describe a construction of how a character conceptualizes the world; the base space is the physical world the characters live in, as well as the knowledge they all share of it. A built space depicts a situation that holds true for those involved in the situation, but may or may not be true in the base space.

One of the most characteristic features of Ryuukishi07’s writing is his complicated constructions of mental spaces and base space. In Umineko, for instance, Beatrice presents solutions to the murders through a magical narrative, constructing a built space where those involved in her narrative experience a magical situation. She uses these built spaces to support her position that magic was used to commit the Rokkenjima murders, which is based upon her construction of reality, otherwise called a mental space. If Beatrice convinces Battler of her position, her mental space will manifest on to the base space of Rokkenjima, thereby making her magical solution the “truth” of the events on Rokkenjima.

In Ciconia, Ryuukishi07’s setting dislocates the usual construction of mental spaces by moving them into a virtual space where characters can manifest environments and conceptualizations into a built space where others can acknowledge them, without having to construct these objects into the base space. In the virtual built space, the characters can do things such as construct a virtual public bath where they can chat and interact with the virtual environment.

Built spaces are also constructed within Ciconia’s characters as well. The most prominent example is the protagonist, Miyao, whose mental space seems to be compromised by the addition of a second Miyao, who describes themselves as “a program inside of Miyao.” By acting as a program inside of a person’s mind, this “program inside of Miyao” blends the virtual space with the mental space. The program is even accompanied by lines of code in the background, impressing the idea that the program is ripping apart the virtual space to speak with Miyao. However, only Miyao speaks with this program, and they seem to exist only in Miyao’s mental space (though it is possible they are a program in Miyao’s Selcom: more on that in another post). The conversations between Miyao and the program exist in a built space that only these two characters acknowledge, which is very similar to how the other characters treat virtual space.

The Selcom itself blends the line between the virtual and the physical. The Selcom is surgically placed inside the brains of the characters. By the start of the narrative proper, their mental abilities have changed to effectively use the Selcom, lending in part to their high levels of parallel processing power (P3). But the characters are not perfect: sometimes, they accidentally say something in the physical space when they meant to speak only in the virtual space. Here, the lines between the mental spaces of the characters, the virtual space of the Selcom, and the physical space blend together into something that cannot be parsed apart, leading to this occasional character mistake.

Through his constructions of the virtual space and the characters’ mental spaces, Ryuukishi07 may be pointing out that the physical world is also a built space, where truth is constructed based on who is involved in the situation. Ciconia questions the boundaries between virtual space, mental space, and base space. Where do these spaces blend? How do they affect each other? How do they distort, reflect, and translate into each other? And which spaces can be trusted to be truthful?

However, just as Beatrice presents herself as a witch in the Meta World to hide her true identity, characters in Ciconia also use the built virtual space to hide the truth of the base space. The blending of the virtual space, mental space, and base space (as well of the resulting confusion) may be key to understanding Ciconia When They Cry.

-

This post is really an explanation of where I’m at with my thought processes before I start delving into Ciconia theories proper. Next time, I’ll be discussing how Ryuukishi07’s purposeful lack of clarification on which scenes take place in the virtual world and the physical world are being mobilized to build suspense in the story. I’ll also be presenting some theories on which characters may exist only as avatars, and which characters actually exist in the physical space of the story.

Until next time,

Gen

[connan-l]

unafraid

Fandom: Ciconia: When They Cry

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Sujatha/Rukhshana

Summary: Suparna’s training session is cancelled for the day because of a sudden storm, which Sujatha is absolutely not scared of, and that might or might not creates tensions with her girlfriend.

[Femslash February 2023 Day 3: Storm]

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Link on Archive of Our Own

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Notes: Hi here’s your annual Ciconia FemFeb fic from me! Yes you’ll get one until Ryukishi finally decide to release Phase 2. Anyway this is very late but it’s meant to be for Day 3: Storm, from those prompts.

I don’t know why, but at first I didn’t want to write any Sujatha/Rukhshana piece for FemFeb; not because I don’t like them but for some reason I really wanted to write a proper one-shot for them and not something based on a random prompt. But technically speaking they’re still one of the most obvious F/F ships of the VN so far, so I thought they were just the next obvious choice, especially given I’d already done Lingji/Aysha and Valentina/Maricarmen before. So yeah it’s just a small cute fluffy thing without a lot of substance.

Given it’s going to mark the third year since I’ve last read the VN I admit I forgot a lot of stuff about the characters, so I really don’t feel confident in how I characterized them here. Especially Rukhshana. (And I know it *seems* like Phase 1 implied she was a CPP as well like Miyao, but we don’t know much about that yet so I didn’t want to touch on the topic). So I hope they don’t feel too off.

Also, it’s a small detail in the fic but — if you’re like me and haven’t played the game in a while, I feel the need to mention that COU is the one country that has ‘traditional’ families; so I’m assuming Sujatha, Rukhshana and Andry probably have ‘normal’ parents like Lingji & co.

Now on a small caveat I have that made me hesitate while writing this fic: I realized that, obviously we don’t know anything about whether or not Sujatha is religious, but as she is from India and that we’re told the COU is very traditional, IF she is religious then she would probably follow one of the many Hinduism faiths; however, on the other hand, given Rukhshana is from Saudi Arabia and is clearly wearing a hijab, she has to be Muslim. Queerness aside, I know interfaith relationships can be a bit of touchy topic in Islam; some might tolerate it and others do not (one of my non-Muslim cousin dated a Muslim woman for three years, but he had to convert when they got married), and it would be especially so for a Saudi girl given ‘dating’ in the Western sense in general is frowned upon over there. Not sure how things would be in Ciconia’s futuristic, post-World War III universe, but it did seem to imply Saudi Arabia is still very traditional similarly to how it is in our world because of how they mention there were issues with Rukhshana, as a girl, joining the team while there was a boy in it. The VN is very scarce when it comes to giving details about the religious/cultural practices of the characters (hell even the hijabi girls are never actually called ‘Muslims’ in-universe), so I can’t say how pious Rukhshana must be or how important it would be for her to only get together with someone who’s Muslim. So the way I see it in this fic, is that she must probably be respectful of the faith and wouldn’t marry a non-Muslim person usually, but she can give herself some leeway if this is with someone she really loves (and that the other person can potentially convert)? (And well, Muslim communities exists in India too so I suppose you can headcanon Sujatha as such as well). I dunno, maybe I’m just overthinking about it; and of course like I said this is just a short fluff piece and not some exploration of any of these topics anyway lol, but I am not Muslim myself, so I’d understand if any actual Muslim people don’t like it or take issue with this.

All this aside, there’s no spoilers (except for like, the start of Phase 1 I guess) or content warnings except for the inevitable vague mentions of war/child soldiers.

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Sujatha was absolutely not scared.

She had sworn to herself, from a very young age, to never become a person who got scared.

Fear was only meant for the common people. Fear was for normal girls; ones who didn’t have any responsibility, who weren’t soldiers, who weren’t part of the elite of the COU India Aerial Augmented Infantry, leader of Suparna.

Sujatha was anything but a normal girl — had worked very, very hard to not be one; so it was only natural she wouldn’t be scared.

And, most of the time, she did a good job at suppressing the feeling, even when it threatened to bubble up at the surface in the pit of her stomach.

Right now, however, as she heard the news that their training for the day was going to be exceptionally canceled because of some weather turmoils, the wave of anxiety started to overwhelm her in a way she didn’t think she could easily appease.

“What a pain,” Andry declared, letting himself fall all over a nearby couch. “What are we supposed to do now? They warned us at the last minute, so it’s not like we can quickly make other plans.”

Rukhshana made a weak noise of agreement buried under her black hijab. “Maybe… maybe we could play a game together? Until noon, at least…”

“Guess so,” the boy replied, but he didn’t seem very enthusiastic at the prospect. Then again, Andry never seemed very enthusiastic about most things. Everything seemed to pass through him like water; which could be both a relief and frustrating, depending on the situation.

“What do you think, Sujatha?”

“Huh? U-Um…” Sujatha’s eyes darted towards the dark sky, full of threatening gray clouds, trying not to fidget. “S-Sure. Probably.”

At this, both Rukhshana and Andry stared at her as if she was a ghost. They exchanged a brief, skeptical look with each other, before the boy straightened up and arched an eyebrow in Suparna’s leader’s direction.

“You sure?”

Sujatha frowned, feeling as if she was missing something obvious or was left out of an inside joke between her two teammates. Which, unfortunately, happened often.

“Of course I’m sure,” she responded sharply. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“W-Well…” Rukhi bit her lip, looking up at her hesitantly and wriggling her hands like she did whenever she felt unsure of herself. “It’s… not really like you to say something like this…”

“What?”

“Rukhi’s right,” Andry added. “Usually, you would’ve gone all ‘Who have time for games, you lazy scoundrels! If you only think about playing, we’ll end up the weakest of all Gauntlets Knights!’ and then Rukhi would have freaked out mentally over it, or something.”

Sujatha puffed out her chest in an irritated manner and glared at her teammate. “I do not sound like that.”

“But… you are acting weird, aren’t you?”

Rukhshana took a step towards her, and while Sujatha was about to snap back at her that she was imagining things, her mouth shut up instantly the moment she saw her eyes.

The other girl was looking at her with a concerned gaze, the one she took when she was genuinely worried about her; and instantly Sujatha felt herself softening against her will and guilt clogged up her throat. Had she really done that bad of a job to hide her anxiety?

“You’ve… been odd for a while now,” Rukhi continued. “And… it’s been worse since our training was officially canceled… I know you always think training is important, but… Is there… something else?”

Rukhshana stopped right in front of Sujatha, catching her off-guard, and her eyes staring straight into hers instantly pinned her into place. She gently reached out to her, her fingertips cupping her cheek in a tender, intimate gesture; and Sujatha flushed bright red, froze, then panicked.

“Th-There’s nothing else!” She exclaimed, snapping Rukhshana’s hand away and glaring at the other two teenagers. “But you’re right! You’d better find another way to exercise or study if you have nothing else better to do!”

She turned around before almost running away from the room; which still didn’t prevent her from hearing Andry snorting from behind and Rukhshana squeak and grumbling to herself ‘What’s this, she’s the one who said it was okay for us to play!’

Sujatha paid it no mind. She headed to her bedchambers, her face still feeling hot and her chest about to explode because of embarrassment.

She couldn’t believe how… open Rukhshana was with her in public, sometimes. Well, in private as well.

The two of them had been dating for about three months now, but everything still felt very new and surreal to her. No one knew, of course, with the exception of Andry — who had somehow grilled them only a week afterwards — and it did bring in some new challenges to navigate, but so far Sujatha didn’t regret it. She didn’t, but… she had to admit sometimes it felt a bit too… overwhelming, and she wasn’t always sure how to act towards Rukhi as a result (not that she knew how to handle her before, though).

She sighed, closing the door behind her, and let herself fell on her bed.

Rukhshana was going to be so angry for snapping at her like that, she knew. And maybe she deserved it, too. That… hadn’t been really fair from her, after all. She probably should go apologize before things get worse.

She might not look like it, but Rukhi was a pretty grudgeful person; and if she felt wronged, she was absolutely not going to let it slide. She could stop talking to Sujatha for months because of something like this — and the simple idea made Sujatha’s stomach turns into knots, even more so than it already was.

She knew she was the one who had to apologize, and that she had to do it now, but she couldn’t bring herself to get out of her bed.

The gray sky and future storm that loomed over outside seemed to have drained her entire energy. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that, but the moment she heard the ripple of the rain on her window’s glass she tensed, then hurriedly buried herself under the blanket, as if this could protect her from the foreseeing tempest.

Sujatha wasn’t scared — she just… didn’t like the rain. And gray skies and clouds. And the dark. And thunders.

And it was absolutely not because she was scared that when she was a child she would stay hidden that way under the blanket back in her hometown in Hanumangarh, and that she would spends hours praying to Indra that the sky could finally light up.

She definitely never came to her parents for comfort, because Sujatha wasn’t destined to be a normal girl and not-normal girls were never scared.

So she also definitely didn’t jump when she heard a timid little knock at her door.

“Uh… S-Sujatha…?”

The voice on the other side was barely audible, especially with her ears camouflaged by the blanket and the heavy sound of the rain that seemed to get more and more violent as the minutes passed by — but of course Sujatha still recognized her.

She’d recognized her girlfriend’s voice everywhere.

“R-Rukhi?”

She distinguished some grumbling from the door, which confirmed her visitor’s identity and at the same time furthered her confusion.

She’d never thought Rukhshana would ever come to see her first. After what had happened earlier, she would’ve been way too mad for that.

“Um… I… I wanted to… uh, check on you…” Rukhi’s voice let out hesitantly. “Can I… come in?”

Sujatha bit her lip. Her heart screamed Yes please, her mind yelled back God no. Sujatha wasn’t scared, but she still refused to let anyone see her… like that.

Even Rukhshana. Maybe especially Rukhshana.

“No,” she finally declared, with a voice a little too shaky.

There was a sigh. And then the door opened anyway.

Sujatha almost jumped off the bed.

“I just said no!”

“I know,” Rukhshana said, glaring at her. “But it was one of your ‘no’ that actually meant ‘yes, please, I need you horribly.’”

Her frame was hallowed of light from the corridor’s luminosity, and Sujatha could see she was still wearing her hijab, albeit another, more casual one along with a long, dark dress.

She clenched her jaw, glared at her girlfriend, flushed, and then threw the blanket over her head yet again. Damn her.

She couldn’t see her, but Sujatha was pretty sure Rukhi rolled her eyes at this. There was a few footsteps sounds, then the mattress moved, tilted under an additional new weight.

“So. Can I stay?”

“A bit too late for that now,” Sujatha mumbled, and the more this situation kept on the more she felt ridiculous. She acted just like a child — completely unbefitting of her.

“Yes.”

And then they fell into an awkward, deep-seated silence for what felt like an eternity.

“Why…” Sujatha started, succumbing to the discomforting tension, before hesitating. “Why are you here, anyway? I thought you wouldn’t…”

“Talk to you for a while? Yes. I didn’t want to. But…” She sighed. “Andry convinced me it was better to not be stubborn, for once.”

That made sense. Andry seemed to be the only other person Rukhshana actually genuinely listened to.

“But he agreed you owe me an apology.”

Well, she supposed that was true. All three of them were on the same page, for once.

“…I’m sorry… for snapping at you… It wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s fine. I forgive you. But… you’ll have to tell me why you did it.” Of course, only silence met her and Rukhi grumbled. “Come on. Why are you acting like this since this morning? What’s going on? You know you can talk to me.”

And Sujatha knew she could. She knew. She just wasn’t…

Well. She wasn’t used to it. Talk, and be open, and be… be scared. That wasn’t a thing she’d been taught. Not even to someone she, apparently, loved.

Sujatha buried her face into her knees, debating what to do with this overflow of contradictory feelings, when it seemed the sky decided to answer for her.

A booming, deafening thunder ripped the room apart, bathing the place in a wide splash of white light. Sujatha then lost all self-control and dignity and actually screamed, her heart stopping and her breath getting caught in her throat. A couple of smaller, other thunders outside left her a trembling, weeping mess under the blanket, rolled into a ball as if she was hoping to disappear.

For a while, the room stayed quiet except for the sound of the rain, but then finally Rukhi raised a small, doubtful voice:

“W-Wait… Could it be… that you’re scared of the thunder?”

Sujatha made no attempt to try to answer this. She didn’t think Rukhi needed and answer, anyway, as even a three years old could have come up with one.

And then the next second she was greeted with loud, unadulterated laughters.

“Oh no! That’s what this was all about! You’re scared of the thunder!”

“D-Don’t laugh! I’m not—”

Sujatha flushed red as she tried to disentangle herself from the blanket to glare at the other girl; but then another thunder resonated behind her, and she shrieked. Rukhshana gave her a smug look, raising an eyebrow.

And stared.

“…F-Fine,” Sujatha admitted, before hiding her head into her knees. “Maybe… Maybe I’m…”

She felt like someone was tearing out her teeth one by one, having to make such a statement. It would have probably hurt less if it had actually been the case.

Vulnerability was the worst, most humiliating thing in the world. She would rather die than appear weak to anyone, least of all Rukhshana.

Least of all Rukhshana, but…

But, maybe, at the same time, if she had to choose just one person who could see this side of her… then Rukhshana would be the one.

“Maybe… I am… a little scared…”

She wasn’t sure what to expect from her teammate, friend, lover. Maybe some teasing mockery and more laughters; that sounded like something Rukhshana would do, because she sure loved to tease her.

Instead, she felt something warm and soft on her back; a hand, she quickly realized, and when she raised her head, she was meet by a pair of soft, kind violet eyes that shined in the dim room.

“You are so ridiculous,” Rukhi said, but there was only fondness in her voice for once. “You know you got me and Andry actually worried here, right? If it was just about something so silly then you could’ve just told us. We’re your comrades.”

Of course she couldn’t have just told them, and of course it wasn’t just something silly; no matter how ‘ridiculous’ it seemed, it was still a weakness to Sujatha, and she could never let any weakness be seen to anyone. Well, except for now, it seemed.

“We’re all afraid of something. What’s the point of being friends if we can’t rely on each other to parry our weaknesses?”

Sujatha didn’t feel like fighting on the topic, so she just looked away, escaping Rukhi’s dark, deep eyes. Maybe the other girl knew it was a pointless argument to have at the moment, because she just shook her head before sitting right next to her girlfriend, their shoulders brushing. She pulled the blanket and covered up both of their heads with it.

When Sujatha looked at Rukhshana again, her face was only inches away from her own, her breath on her lips.

“Don’t be scared,” Rukhi said, smiling. “I’ll stay with you for the entirety of the storm. Okay?”

Rukhi extended her hand toward Sujatha, and while the former muttered a small ‘Idiot,’ she grasped it without a second thought. Rukhshana then leaned in and pressed her lips to hers, giving a gentle, comforting kiss as she was oft to do.

Sujatha let herself melt into her lover’s embrace, hiding her head into the corner of her shoulder, retracting into her arms every time a thunder shattered their peace.

And here, hidden under the blanket, away from the storm and from the whole world with only Rukhshana’s heartbeat and warmth for company, she didn’t feel so scared anymore.