#Crying while scrolling though tumblr and blasting Spotify

[depressed-with-music]

it’s funny isn’t it? irony.

You tell me to make friends then tell me to stop talking to them…You tell me I’m a disappointment and when I try to change you don’t say shit…You tell me you’re always be there I laugh when you say that.

Were you there at my lowest? Did you love me at my lowest? No you didn’t and yet…I come back to you, to this toxic family because I have nothing else because after all I am nothing.

I’m sorry mom, sorry I can’t be the daughter you want…and I can’t fake it anymore either.

[eldritchsurveys]

1o5.

Do you cry? >> Sure.

What are/were you doing at twelve this afternoon? >> It isn’t 12 yet. The plan is to be downtown by then, which is why I’m doing all these surveys -- I’m passing time until I can get dressed and leave, lol. tumblr’s profile icons are doing some weird shit and it was aggravating me, so I decided to do these instead of scrolling the dash as I usually would.

Have you ever wished you could’ve had someone but you messed that up? >> Nah. I can’t really think of any relationship I actually messed up -- either we were just incompatible people or I got tired of putting up with something the other person was doing (which also falls under the “incompatible people” thing, so maybe that’s what it always comes down to in the end). --Or someone died. Yanno.

Have you ever kissed someones whose name started with a R? >> Probably.

What does your 9th text in your inbox say? >> Phones don’t work that way anymore.

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? >> A reasonable level, I guess. I also live in an apartment building, so I’m not going to be blasting music anyway. (And I’m definitely not going to deafen myself by blasting through headphones, either.)

Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? >> He has... something like tattoos, sure.

Could things possibly get any better? >> Of course. But for me, the point is being okay where they are, otherwise I won’t appreciate them when they’re better, either.

When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music? >> Yeah.

Where were you last Saturday night? >> Uh... did we go out last Saturday night? I don’t even remember, lmao. I think we went to the museum and then to the Wayland house... 

Who is the last person you ate with? >> I ate in the same room with Sparrow last night.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian? >> I’m pretty okay with the eating habits I currently have.

Do you prefer to call or text? >> Text.

If you could have anything right now what would it be? >> I’m all right.

What color shirt are you wearing? >> A black undershirt.

Have you ever woke up next to someone and wanted to puke? >> No.

Do you have a best friend? >> No.

What color are your eyes? >> Dark brown.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? >> Hm.

How often do you straighten your hair? >> Never.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? >> I guess some weird combination of all of the above, but mostly the present. The future is just fabrication/fantasy/pattern creation, and the past is only important to me in its relation to the present.

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? >> I don’t know what tomorrow is going to be.

How late did you stay up last night? >> 11.30 at the latest. I think I was actually asleep by 11.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? >> Not if I can help it.

How many pillows do you sleep with? >> One.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? >> No.

Are you wearing makeup? >> No.

Are you one of those people who hate crying in front of others? >> Yeah.

What’s the last song you heard? >> Darkness Within, Machine Head. I’m playing my Discover Weekly playlist. It’s pretty good this week, but I wouldn’t add any of these songs to my library or anything.

Are you in a good mood today? >> Yeah, I kind of am. The Sun is out literally and metaphorically.

Have you ever trusted someone too much? >> Probably.

Has anyone lied to you lately? >> Yeah, apparently. I think that’s the most galling part -- the deception. And for what, lmao? For fuckin what.

Are you currently getting over someone? >> I guess you could say that, but I think it’s more like... I’m reclaiming the energy that I spent. Someone will appreciate it, so I might as well save it for them.

Is there someone you can be your complete self around? >> I am my complete self at all times. I can’t be anything else.

What does your hair look like? >> Just a week-old buzzcut.

Is anyone jealous of you? >> I don’t know.

Does someone have feelings for you? >> Sure.

One night stand or relationship? >> I prefer relationships.

Has any one told you they missed you lately? >> No.

What is the last thing you did before bed last night? >> I was playing PoE Deadfire right up until bedtime, lmao. Playing the pirate is so much fun. And then I started Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but I didn’t get very far before I got too sleepy.

Would you say that you are emotionally strong? >> Yeah, I’d say that.

Do you know anyone who’s been arrested? >> Sure.

What are you wearing right now? >> New Slytherin pj pants! a black undershirt, and a light grey Welcome to Night Vale hoodie. It was actually kind of chilly this morning, comparatively. :o If we have an early fall this year I will scream (happily, I mean, lol).

Have you kissed someone this year that means a lot to you? >> Yeah.

Has anyone told you they don’t wanna ever lose you? >> Yeah. It was, as we see, a lie. (It’s all right. I’ve probably said the same shit, and then realised later that I was wrong.)

Is it hard leaving people behind? >> Behind where? On the Rainbow Road? Hell no, eat my banana peel, SUCKA. Are you tired? >> Nope.

When will your next kiss be? >> I don’t know.

Is your best friend black? >> ---

What did you do today so far? >> Watched an episode of Shameless over breakfast (this show never disappoints, lmao, who even writes this shit), and then took all these damn surveys.

What are you listening to? >> Animals as Leaders, according to Spotify. I don’t like this song, though. *skips* Oh, now it’s Mindless Self Indulgence.

Do you take off your shoes in the house? >> I do.

Do you have your own digital camera? >> Nope.

Do you have, or have you had any cats? >> I don’t. Sparrow does.

Do you like champagne? >> Not really. I like it better in a mimosa.

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to? >> Yeah, George Washington Elementary School #1. It was a block away from my house.

Do you listen to Incubus? >> Sure do.

Is your closet organized? >> ---

Do you like the smell of Axe? >> Hell no.

How many times a week are you told that you’re beautiful? >> Usually zero.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? >> Those people at the Resident Appreciation Day thing. Two different people sat at the table next to us while we were there and both of them were smokers.

Do you have any tan lines right now? >> No.

What’s your brother’s middle name? >> ---

What’s something you would love to have happen right now? >> Right now? Uh... I don’t know, I’m pretty ok right now. 

Is there anyone of your preferred sex who tends to mess with your head? >> There was, lol.

Have you ever cried from being so mad? >> Yep. That’s the Big Mad.

Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? >> No.

Who was the last person to call you? >> ---

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? >> I mean, maybe if I was just walking to the mailbox or something. I wouldn’t leave the complex like this.

Got a job? >> Nope.