depressed-with-music - Tumblr blog

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life update

haven’t seen emotionally/kinda physical abusive dad in year

he has a son on the way and finance

Fuck me

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fml

when you REALLY need to talk to someone and ofc you can’t reach a crisis line

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PAWS!

Double tap to high five the beans

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If you can’t reblog this, unfollow me now.

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Announcement

Yo porn blogs STOP FOLLOWING ME, thank you

I’d block you but I’m too lazy

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God I’m such a dramatic and traumatic bitch

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Isn’t it funny how you can be surrounded by people but just feel so alone inside. I’m happy and grateful for my online friends, honestly they’re the only reason I’m kinda sane. And yet I wish I could have a hug. Don’t get me wrong when we’re having deep conversations about (anime and depression) I can almost feel them there but I wish they were really here, to hold me tight and say anything will be okay. Is that selfish?

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it’s funny isn’t it? irony.

You tell me to make friends then tell me to stop talking to them…You tell me I’m a disappointment and when I try to change you don’t say shit…You tell me you’re always be there I laugh when you say that.

Were you there at my lowest? Did you love me at my lowest? No you didn’t and yet…I come back to you, to this toxic family because I have nothing else because after all I am nothing.

I’m sorry mom, sorry I can’t be the daughter you want…and I can’t fake it anymore either.

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damn music hits different at 3am after you’ve had a cry session

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Titans are back bitches!!!

so im not complaining about the new season of titans...but where is curran?

update: on episode three and wtf is going on this season (also no curran still)

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my brain: can you stop falling for every dark haired character thats problematic?

me:

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Heaven Pt. 1

kaz brekker x neutral reader/ song fic/heaven sung by Julia Michaels

Ooh Ooh Ooh

Love's my religion but he was my faith Something so sacred so hard to replace Fallin' for him was like fallin' from grace

Unlike some in Ketterdam I had a good childhood. My family were wealthy merchants. I never caused any trouble unlike my siblings. I was quiet, I attend my studies, and listened to my father when he said to never outside of our manor’s safe walls. Then I met him and everything changed…

My father had been traveling because of business and soundly return home. My mother was with him, and my siblings were in their own homes. I felt curious to see what Ketterdam was like. So I grabbed a coat and went into the town not knowing this trip would change my life. I had spent day wandering around the shops and bookstores. As I walking along the road I heard a couple of men talk about a nearby place called the Crow Club. I figured I could get a drink there before making my way home.

It was loud in the club. People drinking, gambling, and laughing. It was in here in a way but you could also smell feel the greed that filled the room. After all in Ketterdam whoever has the most money has the most power. I went to the bar and ordered myself a f/d(favorite drink). While observing the atmosphere i sensed eyes on me. I looked behind me and a bunch men were staring. Yet I could feel someone’s else eyes on my though I couldn’t tell who. After paying for the drink I walked outside to begin my way home.

Unfortunately I wasn’t alone a couple of the men that had been staring at me followed me outside. They started to close in on me. I could see the lust in their eyes. What they didn’t know however that I trained myself in self defense and had a knife under me coat. After taking a deep breath I attacked. Slashed them with my knife kicked them off me. They were still screaming when I heard someone coming. Your e/c eyes made contact with chocolate brown eyes. They were the color of dark chocolate, the eyes almost held almost no emotions exact you could tell they held pain. It made curious what those eyes would like happy, laughing, hell even anger. You could have stayed trapped in the chocolate abyss forever. However you realized you couldn’t so you looked over the person. Immediately you saw they had cane yet the cane didn’t make them seem weak if anything if added extra intimidation to the person. You soon realized the figure was a man. And more importantly you would later learn he was Kaz Brekker.

All wrapped in one he was so many sins Would have done anything, everything for him And if you ask me I would do it again

Since that night in the alley when you took care of the men that wanted to hurt you, you had been a crow. You see Kaz had saw a fire in you one that would benefit himself, the crows, and you. You would give the crows valuable information that you had learned from over hearing you father(who began to let you into the business because of your sudden “interest” in his work). In the beginning you had became a spy and a crow for you. You thought everything you did was because you decided to do it. You were wrong for you see you had gotten quite close to Kaz. And Kaz used that to his advantage. Kaz had you wrapped around his finger and you didn’t even know it.

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i need a fic with, the invisible life of addie larue but replace luc with tommy

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On The Go

I was listening to Bebe Rexha today while I was flying, and I remembered this song from her 2021 album. I didn’t specify who the character is. You can insert whatever character from peaky blinders you want, because I never specify a gender or character in this one shot. Also I changed “I’m on the go” to “you on the go”. I just thought that wording would be better.

I wanna love you But I'm on the go I wanna touch you But I'm on the road

I knew it wouldn’t be easy loving them. I knew there would be dangers, long nights, and the demons that haunted both myself and my love ones. They had one wanted me to be safe so they sent me away. Yet I just want to be with them more than ever.

Stay up until the daylight Straight trippin' 'cause you ain't mine Don't ask me if I'm doing fine 'Cause you know that I'm gonna lie Act like everything's good, but it's not I feel like I'm alone on the block Wish that I could turn dollar signs into time (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

I know we’re together and yet we never get to have alone time. It always feels like someone needs you more than me so I let you go. I’ll smile and act happy but in reality I’m not. I just want to go back to when it was you and me against the world.

I wanna love you But I'm on the go I wanna touch you But I'm on the road I wanna get to know you better, but I can't get off this phone I wanna love you But I'm on the go

I wish I could take some of your pain or help you by just listening. But you don’t share you don’t open up. Do you still want me around because you love me, or because you don’t want to be all alone.

Sometimes I wake up and I cannot breathe Look to my left and you're not next to me So I numb the pain with a cup and a drink (oh-oh-oh-oh) And I got insecurities They're that one day you might leave So I bury all my thoughts in this song

I never understood why you liked liquor. Now I understand. In those hazy moments filled with liquor everything seems okay. Liquor temporarily takes away the pain but, if you listened, if you were you there, I wouldn’t need the liquor because I would have you, and you would have me.

I wanna love you But I'm on the go I wanna touch you But I'm on the road I wanna get to know you better, but I can't get off this phone I wanna love you

I don’t want to leave. I want to love you. I want a future with you. But your on the go

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I have the strangest urge to write a peaky blinders x umbrella academy au.

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Panic Room

Song: panic room by Au/Ra (not my gif)

(Welcome to the Welcome to the Welcome to the Welcome to the)

A young women of sixteen with y/c colored hair and bright blue eyes, was laying down on her bed. Tears slowly falling down her face.

Hell raising, hair raising I'm ready for the worst So frightening, face whitening Fear that you can't reverse

Slowly Y/N gets out of bed and wipes away her tears yet they continue to fall. She makes her way to the bathroom. Her hair is a bird’s nest, she has deep eye bags, her skin is pale and sickly, and her lips are quivering. Y/N sees herself in the mirror and screams a pain-filled heartbreaking scream.

My phone has no signal It's making my skin crawl The silence is so loud The lights spark and flicker With monsters much bigger Than I can control now

Y/N like a ghost walks around arrow house and sees a broken phone on the floor with whiskey next to it. It was quiet in the large house it was just the young woman in there. Yet Y/N couldn’t stop hearing gun shots, goosebumps covered her skin. Silence made the young girl scared because she was all alone with her thoughts and the sounds of war filling her head.

Welcome to the panic room Where all your darkest fears are gonna Come for you, come for you Welcome to the panic room You'll know I wasn't joking When you see them too, see them too

Y/N was the youngest of the Shelby siblings. She was 10 minutes younger than Finn, and the family treated her like a princess. Y/N like her brothers struggled with her demons perhaps that’s why they were so close they, were all fighting to get out the dark. When John died Y/N was covered in grief. John had been the jokester the one to make her laugh and to make her feel like she wasn’t crazy. That’s why his memory haunts her, and when he died part of Y/N did too.

Welcome to the panic room (Welcome to the Welcome to the Welcome to the Welcome to the)

Still waiting, hands shaking Maybe the coast will clear But these voices, these strange noises They followed me in here

As Y/N got older the voices in her head got louder, and get family didn’t notice. Y/N most important thing was her family they kept her calm but the family had spilt and fallen apart. Someone where along the way she was sent to Arrow house because Tommy had the room.

There's no crying wolves now 'Cause the truth has settled in Hiding under goose down For your nightmare to begin There's no crying wolves now (welcome to the, welcome to) 'Cause the truth has settled in (welcome to the, welcome to the) Hiding under goose down (welcome to the, welcome to the) For your nightmare to begin (welcome to the, welcome to the)

Welcome to the panic room Where all your darkest fears are gonna Come for you, come for you Welcome to the panic room You'll know I wasn't joking When you see them too, see them too 

Hell raising, hair raising I'm ready for the worst

Y/N was tired. She missed the days when Tommy would help her ride a horse. When Arthur listened to her stories, when John made her laugh, Ada telling her gossip, and Polly’s motherly touch. She also missed the feeling of safety she felt when she was Finn and her other brothers. So late at night she walked to cliffs near arrow house. Y/N felt the breeze and smiled. She suddenly saw John and he begged her to stop. However Y/N ignored him, put out her arms, closed her eyes, and let herself fall towards the ocean that was under the cliff. She felt free. However she felt a hand in her shirt it was Tommy stopping her from falling. Y/N didn’t understand what he was saying the world was muffled around her. She felt tears in her eyes and wrapped her arms around Tommy. She felt stupid. She didn’t want to be a burden. Yet she heard Tommy apologize and beg her to say. For the first time in a long time Y/N didn’t feel alone. She then realized she didn’t want to go just yet she wanted to help her family again to be happy. So despite the pain she felt she would fight after all, she was a Shelby.