#DON'T WORRY EVERYONE I replayed the mission to save her

[moonybadger]

In all the times I’ve messed up on the collector base attack in ME2, it’s ALWAYS Tali I end up getting killed, usually cause I always end up forgetting who I need to leave on the final door 😔

[mimisempai]

Nothing can replace the warmth of your arms - Sequel (2/2)

Summary:

Where Bucky actually wears Sam's gray vest...

When I wrote the first part, I had no intention of doing a sequel, but then I realized that the idea of Bucky wearing Sam's vest deserved its own chapter.

And one more opportunity for Alpine to play a role...

Part one

Returning from another mission, Sam stopped at the port, sure to find his sister and Bucky there.

"Hey little sister!" he walked over to her and gave her a hug. "You okay?"

"Yes and you? Back for a little longer than last time?"

"Unfortunately, I'm not so much in control of my time anymore. Let's just say I'm hoping I'll have a little more time while I wait for my new assignment." he looked around searching for Bucky.

"If you're looking for your sweetheart, he's not here today. He came in this morning looking like crap. In fact, it's been a long time since I've seen him like this. I sent him back to your house because of the state he was in. He just said it was not a good day."

"Not a good day?" Sam worried a little, wondering what had happened to make Bucky the way Sarah described him.

"Yeah, I didn't want to push it, I figured if he felt like talking about it, he would." replied Sarah kindly.

"Anyway, thanks for giving him a day off."

He kissed his sister on the cheek. She hugged him back before replying, "No problem. You know Bucky is very helpful and doesn't count the hours when it comes to lending a hand. He's usually the first to arrive and the last to leave. Plus everyone likes him a lot. And not only because he is the partner of the coolest guy in town. Bucky is one of us now, Sam. I know you say he's family, but we all think so. So hurry up and see what's wrong with him and get him back on his feet for us."

Sam nodded, moved by what his sister had just said, hugged her without a word, and headed for their home.

He had noticed that Bucky had fit in so well here, that it felt like he had been living here forever, but hearing his sister say it out loud and knowing that it was a common feeling among everyone close to them, that they had accepted Bucky as one of their own, moved Sam more than he thought.

Bucky's words came back to his mind, it was not a good day.

For the six months he had been living here, Bucky had been a pillar to Sam, ever since he had come to bring him the armor in fact, he had never stopped proving to Sam that their relationship was perfectly balanced, one caring for the other, relying on each other, all of that equally.

In fact, ever since Sam had taken on the role of Captain America, Bucky had been an unfailing presence that got him through the tough times. Even though he too had his moments of weakness, they managed to balance each other out.

Not a good day? Had Bucky meant it literally? Was it something to do with the date? It was the 25th of January. January 25...why did that date sound familiar?

He replayed what he knew of Bucky in his head.

Damn it! That was the day! The day Bucky had fallen off the train in 1945.

Bucky had told him about it early in their relationship. It was the most vivid memory he had of his life before Hydra, a sense of endless falling. He called it the last day of Buck's life.

Bucky had told him why he didn't like being called Buck since his return -even though he hadn't dared to tell Steve- because to him Buck was who he was before Hydra.

Sam quickened his steps.

When he got home, the house was in darkness, lit only by a small paper lamp in the corner.

"Meow..."

"Hey Alpine! Hi baby girl!" Sam scratched the little white cat behind her ears and she purred with delight. "Where's your master?"

Alpine started walking towards their room then stopped and looked behind her as if to see if Sam was following her.

"I'm coming, girl."

He took off his shoes, hung up his jacket and followed the cat who was waiting for him.

Alpine stopped in the doorway of the room.

Sam stepped forward and smiled fondly at the scene before him.

Bucky was sleeping soundly on his side in the middle of the bed, arms wrapped around him, wearing Sam's gray vest.

Sam muttered with a soft laugh, "you weren't lying."

He walked over to the bed, climbed up and lay down. He pressed his chest against Bucky's back and then encased him in his arms.

Bucky gasped slightly before he realized what was going on.

"Sam, you're home." he said before leaning in a little closer to him.

Sam whispered in his ear, "so it seems. I figured my arms would be even more comforting than my vest."

Bucky gave an appreciative grunt, "I couldn't agree more."

Sam brushed a hand through his hair, and asked softly, "More seriously Bucky, are you okay? After Sarah told me you didn't work today, that you said it wasn't a good day, I remembered what day it was."

Bucky reached for the hand Sam was running through his hair and kissed the back of it, then whispered, his lips against Sam's hand.

"Actually, since I've been back, this is the first time I can say I feel good on such a day.  And do you know why? It's because of you, this town, these people, this family. I am happy here. So yes, maybe I would have been happy if I hadn't fallen. But I don't know and I'll never know, and that's okay. Because it's now that's important. And for the first time, I was able to let the memory go."

After those words, he turned in Sam's arms. Sam could tell by Bucky's expression that he had just told the truth.

He traced the lines of Bucky's gently smiling face with his fingertips.

Although the gesture seemed innocent enough, he saw Bucky's breathing quicken and his eyes darken. Bucky ran his tongue over his lips and Sam couldn't take his eyes off them so he leaned in and Bucky joined him halfway, his hand moving up a few inches to cup Sam's face.

The first touch of their lips was gentle, almost chaste, but when Bucky pressed himself against Sam with a small noise escaping from the back of his throat, and began to lick his mouth, Sam responded with equal enthusiasm.

When suddenly, interrupted by a little mewl, they had to break apart, panting.

Their eyes widened and they began to laugh.

Then Bucky, turning his head to Alpine who had just climbed onto the foot of the bed, said, "You little rascal.Come here baby girl."

He gently stroked her under the chin.

"Of course you make me happy too."

Still holding each other, they moved aside a little to make room for her.

While purring, she turned on her until she found the ideal spot.

Sam, who was watching her fondly, looked up at Bucky who was looking at him with a smile.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. I'm saving this image of my two loves in a corner of my brain. I think from now on, on January 25, that's the memory I'll invoke."

[billythecryptid]

Lemuel Fike/F!Reader

Lem comes up with a plan that involves you and a tree, everything is great until it's time to... get down from the tree. But don't worry our loveable little nerd baby is there to help.

I just love Lem so goddamn much

I've replayed the moonshine missions so many times.

I whipped this together in about an hour so judge lightly.

Also... please just accept that Pishawing is a verb and also don't start with me about how you can't use the word card when you are describing someone running their fingers through someones hair.

Just enjoy the Lem content

<p>There was something enduring about Lemuel that despite the many tight situations he’s gotten not only himself, but you in as well made you readily agree to just about anything he suggests. </p>

<p> So now here you are perched up in a goddamn pine tree, Lem himself boosting you up to the first branch which was above your head, you shakily climbing the rest until you could see across the valley. </p>

<p> “Now just tie yourself up there, make sure yer secure.” He calls up. </p>

<p> “Don’t gotta tell me twice,” You laugh nervously and suddenly Lem is doubting his plan. He’s never seen you as anything less than sure, confident, and uncomfortably calm in sticky situations. Compared to all that you sound terrified. </p>

<p> “Maybe we should-”</p>

<p> “Lemuel Fike!” You snap. “My ass is already up here, now go get into position.” </p>

<p> “Yes, yes, of course,” he flushes. “I will come back for you I promise.” </p>

<p> “I know you will,” you reply softer. “See you in a bit.”</p>

<p> “See you in a bit.” He repeats. </p>

<p>You slip your prized rifle off your back, and set it up so it rests on another branch. Peering through the sight, he was right, there was another moonshine camp not too far from your shack and a road block not too much further. Then you see Lem, tearing through the camp on his horse faster than you’ve ever seen, in fact you don’t think you even thought he had it in him. But there he goes, you watch his back like a hawk, taking out anyone who even reaches for their gun. You aim mostly at their hands and they become frantic trying to figure out where the shots come from. Lem makes it through and you feel yourself relax a little, and force yourself to wait, knowing they have to chase him as part of the plan. You gotta say it’s pretty clever, as goofy as Lem is he comes up with some interesting ideas. They follow him right through to the road block where the revenu men let him right through, opening fire on the Moonshiners, who start shooting back. It’s a bloodbath, but Lem is clear. You pick off a few of each, making sure everyone is down. </p>

<p>“Hey,” Lem calls up. “How’s it going?”</p>

<p>“Yer a goddamn genius Lem,” you laugh, relieved to hear his voice again. </p>

<p>“I would not go as far as to say something like that…” he blushes, thankful you can’t see him before he moves to the base of the tree. You look down and immediately regret it. Your body freezing in fear as the ground looms far below you. “You can come… are you… are you okay?” he squints up at you, and even from far down below can tell you’ve gone pale.</p>

<p>“I... “ you swallow your pride, one hand clutching your rifle, the other clutching the closest branch to you. “I c’ain’t move Lem… I’m… I…” </p>

<p> “It’s alright, I am coming up,” and sure enough with agility you didn’t know he had in his gangly limbs he had scaled up the tree until he was on the branch below you. “Here, hand me your rifle, I will be careful with it I promise.” </p>

<p> Had you not been terrified of dying from your body hitting the ground you would have been touched by the careful way he took your most prized possession from you. “Alright, now I want you to turn onto your belly and put your legs down towards me. Can you do that?”</p>

<p>“No,” you whimper, closing your eyes tight, your newly freed hand gripping another branch. </p>

<p>“Hey listen,” he speaks gently. “The rope is tied to you and the tree, I won’t cut it until I got a hold on you, okay, you hear me?” You nod, eyes tightly closed. He places his hand on your knee and gives it a gentle squeeze.  “I’m right here alright?” His hands find your hips and you reach one hand out to touch his hand taking a deep breath. You slowly turn and he guides your leg down. You are now between him and the tree trunk and you feel him shift. “I’m going to cut the rope now okay?”</p>

<p> You feel sick with relief as you get to the last limb, Lem jumping down then turning and holding his arms up to you. You lean forward and let yourself fall, he catches you in his arms and the two of you are chest to chest. His hands on your waist from where he caught you and yours resting on his shoulders. </p>

<p> “There, safe and sound,” he hums, looking pleased with himself for getting you down in one piece. </p>

<p> “Thank you Lem, I don’t know what got into me.” You blush and he gently lets go of your waist. Your hands slip off his shoulders and down his arms where you can feel the muscles flexing beneath his soft flannel shirt. </p>

<p> “Everyone has got something they’re afraid of, “ he shrugs, then without thinking , brushes some pine needles free, tucking your hair back behind your ear. You're still gripping one of his upper arms. Both of you look down to your feet blushing, but instead of pulling away you squeeze his bicep, nervously looking up, breath hitching as you take in the way he’s looking at you. You swallow then lick your lips. </p>

<p>“I would very much like to kiss you right now,” he says. </p>

<p>“I would very much be okay with that,” you reply before he bends down as you lean up, your lips meeting in a shy, careful kiss, which you follow with another then a more firm, sure kiss, hands fisting in each other's shirts as it deepens. He cups the back of your head gently, as you tilt your head and open your mouth, inviting his tongue in. He moans into the kiss and you hook your fingers in his belt loops pulling his hips flush with yours as he backs you into the tree. </p>

<p> Your hands roam over his back, sides and chest as the kiss continues until you’re breathless and the world has grown almost too dark around you and the bugs start biting. </p>

<p> “We should be heading back, Maggie gets worried when I keep you out too late,” you tease lightly and he laughs leaning down and kissing you once more. You card your hand through his hair before resting your palm on his cheek. </p>

<p> “Thank you for saving me,” you sigh one last time. </p>

<p> “Please,” he pushaw’s “after all the times you’ve saved my sorry hide, it’s the least I can do.” </p>

<p>The two of you head back to Maggie’s hand and hand, making it back just as the sun sets. She’s waiting on the porch and you pull your hands apart, faces heating, but she only scoffs at the two of you, getting to her feet. </p>

<p> “Was wonderin’ when you two would quit with the longing looks and just get it together already,” she grumbles, heading inside. “Whatever you get up to, keep it in your tent out back…” She’s muttering to herself as the door shuts behind her, leaving you two severely red faced. </p>

<p> “I-uh…Aunt Mags...” Lemuel coughs through his embarrassment, “She’s always been rather presumptuous.” </p>

<p>“It don’ bother me none, I’ve always been an <em>Impetuous </em>sorta person,” you turn, looking up at him demurely, before hooking your fingers back into his belt loops, tugging him forward in a suggestive motion. He responds with another heated kiss, only stopping when Maggie comes back out to extinguish the lantern hanging by the door. </p>

<p>“I said keep it in your tent!”</p>

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Feeling broken' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Feeling broken"

Chapter Summary : Yirina is trying to deal with the aftermath of the disaster of the group's operations in Mall at the Pines

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3100

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More the days passed, more I'm starting to feel that every memories I will have, every moment when I will see someone I knew in my old past is going to make me realize that I'm just an fucking walking mess that is trying to reach their goal while avoiding the shitstorm falling on them. Seeing Freya again and like before, I was so stupid to still play my act of 'Bell'....someone I want to remove from my head but I can't control it, I feel myself obliged to do this part when I'm facing her and I had to stop it.

When I found myself in Park's arms, crying almost all the tears of my body, I was thinking of a lot of things : seeing her again and the ring of my own mother with her despite I remember well to have take it back in that memory. This was the first real thing, aside of my memories, that was linking me to my old life as a Perseus agent and I couldn't take it as Freya left with it, getting away with Stitch and Adler with them as a prisoner. I could have save him if Freya wasn't the person who tackled me down but it was too late for that.

After at least one minute I broke down, Park make me move gently against the counter of the arcade area, wanting me to have a breath and to calm myself. I squeezed my eyes a few times when I was sit, wondering if all of this was just a bad dream but each time time I was opening them back, I was still in that arcade with Park, knelt in front of me, wanting to know what happened in here.

"Yirina, please say something." She started after I didn't speak for a minute, still focused on having my head inside my arms before I decided to look at her with my face looking all pale.

"Stitch, he....he was there, he managed to have his hands on Adler and....I tried to distract him to help Adler but someone make me fly above the counter." I explained the situation, my voice trying to not break in the middle "That person, it was Freya herself." I added, my eyes were still filled with sadness, looking at Park who was troubled by it, looking away.

"Shit, what happened with her ?" She asked, looking at me again, sounding worried, putting her left hand on my kneecaps

"When she realized that it was me, she wanted me to come back home but again, I played 'Bell'." I sniffed, looking down with my M1911 in my right hand "Then, she showed me something that was mine.....my mother ring." I cleaned up the tears on my face with my other hand but even with that, they were still falling. "I was troubled.....and I let her go."

"You let her go ?" She wasn't angry at me....just confused on why I let Freya go away.

"I wanted to tell her but I couldn't do any harm to her."  I looked at my M1911 before I moved my hands to remove the mag of the gun. "If she stayed here, she will have been shot on sight by the others." I had the mag in my right hand before I threw it away from in anger. "I'm so fucking sorry, I messed this up."

"It's okay, don't....."

"Tell me...." I cut her as she was trying to recomfort me "Why are you never angry at me ?" I asked her because each time I do something that I suppose to be bad, she never raised her voice against me. "Please, why you're not mad at me right now ?" My question caused her to move next to me against the counter.

"I'm not angry because I can't be like this with you." She replied, getting her arm behind me, sounding sad. "You don't deserve to be yelled at, you are.....someone that doesn't deserve the hate of the others."

"Really ? For everyone else, I'm just seen as an Perseus agent that should die." I told her, refering to Hudson before I looked down. "I should have died at Solovetsky." I exclaimed like that, preferring to have avoided all of these shit on me.

"No, don't say that, please." Park said, moved, as she put her both arms around me, getting my head against her shoulder. "Please, I don't want you to say that." She added, resisting the urge to cry in her voice.

"I'm feeling so broken now.....a walking mess." I whispered as I moved my left arm on her chest. "I'm so lost."

"Don't worry, I'm here." She confessed, giving me a kiss on the top of my head. "We're going to get through this together, remember ?" She added, affirming my own words I told her days ago in that bed in the New Orleans, I nodded to her and I reinforced my grap around her, feeling like safer with her.

"Adler is now gone and we have nothing to help us." I admitted, reflecting to the situation we are now.....a fucking mess. "It's because of him we are like this now."

"I know." She agreed to me, thinking the same thing. "We really needed a bigger plan and now, Stitch got him." She then started to move to get up, offering her hand to me. "Come on, we should join the others to debrief." I took her hand and I got up thanks to her, mixed between feeling better & broken.

Before leaving the arcade, I decided to took back the M1911's mag I threw away next to a arcade machine, putting it back in my gun and then taking also the Krig 6 I had that was at the spot I was before Freya make me fly above the counter with her.  When we left the arcade, I could realize the state the mall was in now : in pretty bad shape, filled with bullets holes almost on every wall and a lot of bodies either from Stitch's guys or from the support team.

We joined the center of the mall, next to the Nova-6 barrels we discovered, wondering why they weren't blow up by Stitch as it was looking like this main goal in here : to do a terrorist attack and kill a lot of civilians but instead, they were still intact as two mens from the support team were working on them, trying to disarm them. Maybe that the guy in charge to blow them up was dead.

"So, anything new for Adler ?" It was Zeyna's voice that came from the store we were before I runned to the arcade, she was with Bulldozer at her side.

"Stitch got away....with him." I replied, crossing my arms, looking at the barrels as the two mens were disarming them. "I wasn't so fast to react." I looked back at them.

"Putain !" Zeyna breathed away in desesperation, getting her MP5 down for an moment.

"We lost Adler and a large of the support team is either KIA or WIA." Bulldozer added, looking at all of the bodies around us before he removed his riot helmet. "There's just us and a few men of the support team still breathing in here."

"We should have bring more men here." Park exclaimed, closing her eyes. "Mason, Woods & Sims should have come with us if Adler wasn't stupid in his head."

"I don't know what got into him." Zeyna said, curious about Adler's behavior. "Maybe his hatred for Stitch and the fact he thought that we will make the job done easily."

"It's because of him that we are in this situation." I proclaimed, almost angry inside of me and in my voice. "It's because of him we almost got ourselves killed." I added.

"Does this mall has a security room ?" Bulldozer asked, looking at a corner, precisely to a security camera.

"Why that ?" Zeyna told him.

"Maybe we can try to follow what Adler did after the shootout begin." He suggested as Zeyna started to think before she finished.

"Bien sur !" She said before she started to walk away in a direction "Follow me, I know where the room is."

"Radio me when you're done with the barrels !" Bulldozer ordered to the men that was with the barrels who nodded at him as we started to comply to Zeyna's order to follow her.

We left the center of the mall to follow Zeyna in the other side of it, passing through the few others standing men of the support team, trying to search for any other potentials survivors from Perseus and from their own mens. They were all looking troubled by the events, seeing that on their face, it was supposed to be for them, a simple mission that turned to a bloodbath, according to the multiple bullets holes and pools of bloods everywhere we were walking into we arrived in the security room, the only place that wasn't touched by the massacre.

There were multiples TV on a wall, each one of them, linked to a special camera inside the mall. Zeyna sit on a chair near a control panel to check if it was possible for us to rewind the events that happened during the shootout. After having some troubles with the panel, she finally managed to make the camera going back for us, rewinding them exactly just at the moment we were almost going to run.

"Camera 5, this is us before we start to run." Park pointed at the TV of that special camera, showing ourselves in group, our guns pointed in all the directions. "Okay, you can advance now." She ordered to Zeyna, who let the camera replay the scene.

"So, Adler threw his smokes on the ground and we all start to run." I said, observing the scene as we were all running. "But where's Adler ?" I asked as he was the only one who didn't run away

"There !" Bulldozer gestured to us the third TV. "It's Stitch running to the arcade !" We could see Stitch getting to the area with his gun in hand.....before we could see Adler going out of the smoke to pursue.

"So, instead to get into cover, he decide to go confront Stitch alone." Zeyna exclaimed, still not believing at the scene she was watching before she continued to show us the events. "There's two cameras in the arcade, we could see what happened." She added, getting our attention on the last two TVs : one camera overlooking the room.....and one overlooking behind the counter and we could see Stitch getting in cover behind it.

"There's Adler !" I said, seeing him enter the arcade before he start to fight with two men that was coming inside the room from another side. He managed to got one until the other was able to neutralize him. "And now, Stitch is moving." He got out of cover to join his men who were now holding Adler as others got inside the arcade.....and I could see where's Freya was going behind a cover to attack the person that will arrive soon....me.

"Look, it's you." Bulldozer pointed as I was arrived in the arcade until Freya acted and throw herself on me, making go above the counter. "Ooww." He snorted, seeing me getting jumped by her.

"So, Stitch's taking Adler with his men while you are fighting one of them." Zeyna told, looking at the two cameras, the first one with Adler getting dragged away while the other was me, fighting with Freya. "Wait, why did the person stopped ?" She asked, focused on the second camera, reliving when Freya removed her knife from me before I managed to grab my M1911.

"Why aren't you shooting her ?" Bulldozer looked at me, seeing me holding Freya in gunpoint but not doing anything at all.

"Listen, I can explain...."

"So, explain why you didn't shot her and let her go away !" He said harshly after cutting me and witnessing the moment where I let Freya go before the camera stopped by Zeyna. I took a deep breath before I leaned myself on a table, looking down.

"She....she was my old best friend." I replied, not wanting to tell them more even if Park know the story well, we couldn't tell them the truth entirely. "At my time in the KGB, I didn't know she was with Perseus....until now." I bit my lips down., trying to think.

"Merde, she stopped herself when she saw you and she was looking.....troubled." Zeyna exclaimed, rewatching the scene entirely. "What is she holding in her hand ?" She wasn't seeing the ring because of the picture quality.

"It was my mother ring, she said that I lost it when I defected and that she kept it with her." I proclaimed, looking at Park who was looking a bit sad from that. "I couldn't take it back." I then looked back at Bulldozer & Zeyna. "I'm sorry if I fucked up to save Adler, it's just that seeing her after all these times shocked me." I could see that they were mixed between seeing me as the one who fucked this up and also knowing that it couldn't be my fault, I couldn't tell.

"Listen, Yirina is not the one to fully blame in here." Park intervened in my thoughts, moving next to me. "If Adler had a better plan, nothing of this will have happened !" She added to them.

"I know..." Bulldozer whispered before his radio start to make some noises, he took it in his hands. "Yes ?" He asked, looking at us as he was listening. "Ok, we'll come back quickly." He then hang up his radio, putting it back on his jacket. "The support team has finished to disarm the Nova-6 barrels."

"And what's the other things ?" Zeyna questioned him, seeing it on his face that there were another thing.

"Hudson has arrived in here, he's awaiting for us and to say, he's pretty pissed off." He replied, taking back his M16 that he put against the wall before he start to walk out of the room.

By hearing that Hudson was here, I know that I needed to have my temper in control since Bulldozer told us that he wasn't so happy about it. It was obvious that Hudson was going to be pissed off by the events and what he heard but we had no choice to join him. I took a deep breath before I start to follow everyone outside the security room with our guns. On our way back to the center of the mall, there were more people alive, coming from Hudson team but all their looks were focused on me.

By their eyes, they were so confused to see me.....now, everyone in the CIA know that I'm well & alive thanks to Hudson, he couldn't keep it for himself, I can say. At any time with them, they could try anything with me and I'm going to make sure that it isn't going to happen and Park was thinking the same thing along the way, staying next to me until we arrived exactly at the center of the mall, finding Hudson in his typical CIA agent clothes, holding a satellite phone in his hand.

"You literally transformed an american mall into a battlefield !" He turned his back around to face us, looking angry at us. "And now, I have learned that Adler is MIA in Perseus's hand !" He added, giving behind his glasses, a deadly glare. "Do you realize what you have done today ?"

"Sir, we tried anything to survive but Adler has decided to go alone to face Stitch." Bulldozer said, confused, resisting the urge to maybe punch Hudson in the face.

"We just came from the security room : Adler preferred to face him instead of checking for our own safety." Zeyna added to his statement. "Grigoriev tried her best to save him but it was too late." She looked at me, realizing that it wasn't my fault even with what she saw.

"Adler almost make us killed because of his behavior." I exclaimed to Hudson who was sniffing at hearing me and seeing me too.

"I'm not talking to you, Bell !" He said loudly, making me move to face him, angry that he still saw me as Bell and to be frankly, he's not going to change with me. Park was there next to me and to be honest, she would have wanted to punch that guy really hard

"Who is Bell ?" Bulldozer asked, looking at me curious.

"Old story, better for you to not know about it." I replied, looking at him for an second before I focused back on Hudson. "If you want to finish the job, do it." I suggested to him, spreading my arms, meaning that I was ready to anything from him and instead, he backed down, rolling his eyes.

"Why are you here with us ?" He whispered to me

"Maybe because I want to kill Perseus myself but if you're too stubborn about me, then you're already fucked." I responded, giving my whole thought on him....literally. "I'm not the one to blame here and you know it well by yourself."

"So who's the one I'm blaming ? The only one that was taken away ?" I nodded to him directly. "We just lost our best agent against Perseus and I'm going to pull the fault on Adler ?" He repeated himself and I nodded again.

"You didn't just lose him, a lot of people died because of Adler's mistakes to underestimate the danger." Park said, defending my view on the situation, he looked at her with contempt.

"You, you better....." He was going to continue until his satellite phone rang, causing him to take it. "Agent Hudson's speaking." He proclaimed while looking at us, his phone next to his left ear. "Yes, she's here." He looked at Park precisely. "Yeah, I'm giving it to her." He then handed his own phone to her "For you !" She took the phone in hand as he start to move to get with Zeyna & Bulldozer.

"Yes ?" Park started as I stayed with her, wondering what was the deal with her. "Our operation in the New Jersey was an disaster, sir." She looked at me with an smile "Yes, she's with me actually." I was very curious, getting my brain to work about who would like to heard about me.....the MI6 ?....."I understand, sir, I will be with her soon......Semper Occultus...." She then finished by the MI6's motto I learned a few days from her before hanging up the phone.

"What's the deal ?" I asked as she was giving the phone back to Hudson before she looked at me with an smile, almost happy and relieved.....

"Looks like we are going to make an fly to London !"

[rogue-barnes-16]

BLUE

Summary: Y/n tries to bury her feelings after making a terribly bad decision about Bucky that destroyed what they had. It backfires in the worst possible way.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: 90% angst

Tags:

Submitted for @blushycarol's writing challenge.

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Warnings: language, makeout, implicit sex, feels™️

A/N: this is my prompted songfic for blushycarol's writing challenge! It took a turn like, ngl I did whatever the fuck I wanted with the song but it fits so there it goes, enjoy <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

We've broken up and now I regret it

I said goodbye when I shouldn't have said it

"I fixed your boy. He's awake now." She spoke through the wakandan device. "Figured you'd want to see him."

Yeah, it was the princess of Wakanda herself who decided to call me —not even Steve, me— to inform me that the man I loved had finally awaken.

A couple of hours later, T'challa did with Steve the same thing Shuri had done with me, and soon we both left to reach the hidden city.

We met with Bucky.

Steve cried a couple of times, Bucky laughed in a few occasions, and I stayed rather quiet almost the entire time.

After two days, Steve left with the promise of coming back, but I stayed just because I had missed him so much, I didn't feel like saying goodbye just yet.

Despite this, we didn't talk much in those months I had stayed with him. It wasn't like we spoke a lot before, but now it felt different.

I knew why; it was because of me. Because maybe, just maybe, I was terrified that this new version of him, that healed James Barnes, wouldn't love me like his broken self did.

We had reached a point where I didn't know what we were any longer, and I was 100% sure that the feeling was mutual, we were just too scared to talk it out.

I took the easiest, most despicable way and, one morning, I left Wakanda, hoping to spare my heart and breaking his in the process.

A week later I was back, suited up and ready to fight the deadliest threat I would have faced in my whole life.

I survived.

Bucky didn't, and the only thing I could think was that had lost him, and the last words I said to him were 'this is over, I'm leaving you'.

Five Years Later

I even cried but I never meant it

And I don't know why but I can't forget it, forget it

When Fury paired us to go on a mission, I thought it would be easy due to the action, but it turned out to be a watch, and suddenly everything was ten times more difficult.

We had been in silence for at least a long, tedious hour, in a dark room with two windows, waiting for the target to appear, when Bucky spoke.

"Is it true?" I, pretty much confused, turned my head to him, whose eyes were already on me, his back reclined against the wall before me. "that you cried for me." his voice held kinds of fear that I had never heard in him.

"who told you that?" I inquired, starting to get anxious because no one was supposed to know that; no one had seen me breaking down every night for months because of him.

"Steve." he replied, digging his eyes on mines. "Did you?"

My fight or flight instincts made me shook my head no as an initial response, only because of the sudden panic flooding through my veins. "I mean yes- I- no I mean I- I cried for everyone and I just... it-" I attempted to calm myself down before letting out a propper sentence. "it meant nothing. I did, I just didn't... I felt guilty" I finished, my heart racing and pounding as if it would leave my chest. "for everyone I couldn't save."

He didn't say anything else, nor did I.

After our short chat everything was even worse, because I was no longer focused now that the sorrow I had felt those nights was replaying in my head non-stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self esteem

We remained distant, but at some point, Bucky started to compliment me, to make nice comments, to give me quick smiles and fast 'thank you's, and I would be lying if I said I didn't treasure them.

"You look... great." He'd shyly say whenever I got dolled up.

"Great shot" he would state breathless, passing me by during a mission, to which I would just nod. "Thank for having my back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your hair..." he once trailed off with a frown, resting his elbows over the counter.

"yeah, I needed a change." for a second, the part of me I had hidden crawled up to the surface and I asked. "You... Don't like it?"

"No- I mean yes- I- I really like it." he assured me with bittersweet smile. "It fits you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme good and pure, what you waiting for?

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore

"Barnes and you." Sharon spoke, closing the pantry's door behind her.

"what?" I questioned, turning to her for a moment while she raised her eyebrow at me.

"what are you playing at, Y/n?" she asked, a bit of concern being noticeable in her tone.

We weren't close. No, no we hadn't grown closer, but I sometimes would sit right besides him during Saturday's take-out night, near enough for our thighs to brush.

I'd let him play with my hair from time to time, I'd allow him to come to my room in the middle of the night to lay with me after a nightmare here and there.

I wouldn't complain when his hands held my cheeks in the aftermath of a rough mission, his eyes scanning me with worry and sorrow while pain would most likely be rushing through my body.

I wouldn't scold him if he ever picked me up to carry me into the medical wing after I had gotten injured, even if I could walk. Maybe I would even cling on his neck, feeling his heartbeat fastening.

"We're not playing." I replied noctant, pouring four glasses of wine for all of us.

"Y/n" I sighed. "why are you doin' this to him? You're gonna hurt him and you."

"I don't wanna feel blue." I confessed in a mutter. "no one'll get hurt, I just... Need what he gives me."

Sharon stared at me dumbfounded for a couple of seconds before shaking her head and leaving, mumbling something my ears couldn't catch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme one more night

One last goodbye

Let's do it one last time

Let's do it one last time

One more time

It was during Sam's birthday that I gathered the courage to do what I, deep inside, so badly wanted to do.

I saw my opportunity the moment Bucky approached the barcounter to grab some random drink.

I left mine on a shelf and rushed to reach him and I passed by him, but on my way out of the room, my hand discreetly found his and tugged him with me.

I didn't stop until we reached the nearest room , which happened to be the bathroom.

Without a word, I got him inside and closed the door, backing against it and, with his fingers still intertwined with mine, I pulled Bucky into a kiss.

He stopped after a few seconds. His eyes were sad as he gazed into mines, and I felt a lump in my throat.

"I..." my attempt to speak triggered my tears, and his response was to cares my cheeks and peck my lips.

The terror I had felt 5 years ago of me not being good enough for him to love me anymore came back. My heart pounded against my chest, the voice in the back of my head simultaneously begging me to stop.

"I need this... Just..." I fisted his shirt, bringing him closer to me. "one last time... Please I-"

"are you drunk right now?" he questioned, putting a strand of hair away from my face.

"No." I half lied, pulling him to me into a needy kiss which quickly escalated.

No, I don't love you

No, I don't care

I just want to be held when I'm scared

And all I want is one night with you

Just 'cause I'm selfish

I know it's true

What had happened in the party was never spoken about, nor mentioned.

We had swept it under the rug for both of our sakes —mostly for mine.

We didn't sleep together again, but in very few occasions, I would end up tugging him to some dark place where we were alone and make out until I was out of breath.

Each time that happened, for some reason I didn't understand, Bucky always whispered me the same question.

"Do you love me?"

To which I answered a breathless, painful 'no' that would most likely end up crushing my heart because of the heavy weight that lie carried.

My nightmares at some point had gotten worse, now involving Bucky getting hurt almost every time, so, whenever I woke up in cold sweat with tears in my eyes, gasping his name, I would make my way to his room and lay down besides him.

He would wake up the moment my body touched the mattress, and, as soon as I was under the sheets, he would pull me into his chest with his arms around me, asking me the same question every time.

"what was it about?"

To which I selfishly responded with:

"don't wanna talk. Just hold me, please."

I'm sick of looking after you

I need a man to hold on to

I'm bored of everything we do

But I just keep coming back to you

The first time I snuck under his sheets I promised myself it would be just that one night, that I would allow myself to be so fucking selfish just for one night, but his embrace was so comforting, so welcoming, and his heartbeat and breathing were so soothing, that I ended up being selfish every damn time.

One night, instead of reaching his room scared and trembling, I reached it with anger and frustration taking over my body.

I shut the door loud enough to make him sit upright, staring at me concerned.

"I'm fucking tired of this" I growled. "I'm tired of this nightmares, I'm sick of seeing you dying, I'm fucking done with looking after you in every mission more than I look after myself" I reached a point where I was close to shout as I stepped to the bed. "I want this to fucking stop!"

"Y/n-"

"I can't keep up with this anymore, I'm going crazy because it's ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT."

"You're tired." he stated, climbing off the bed to hesitantly step to me. "You need to sleep."

"I need to fucking get this off my damn chest!" a choked sob escaped my lips. "I keep coming back to you and I hate myself because of this! Because this is my fault!"

"Y/n please..." he wrapped his arms around me and I fought him a little before giving in, breaking down to tears the moment he kissed my temple.

"I was so scared of you not loving me anymore that I fucked everything up" I managed to explain in a vague mumble between sobs. "You're okay and I was fucking scared of not being good enough- I still am... I just keep making it worse!"

He stroke my hair and pulled me even closer. "Doll..."

The door few open and I heard Sam's voice behind me. "What was that? Are you-" Bucky shook my head over me and signaled Sam to leave.

"I love you so much please I'm sorry" he pulled me to the bed without letting go of me and threw the blanket over us.

"I know you do." he assured me intertwining his fingers with mines and placing a kiss on my knuckles. "I love you. I always will." he whispered soothingly.

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore 

[reminiscing-writer]

Off The Deep End

-

2

warnings: kidnapping, violence, blood, crying, angst

-

-

“Wakey, wakey,” an eerie voice makes Spencer slowly regain consciousness, “Boy Genius.” The nickname caused chills to crawl up Spence’s spine.

“I know a way we can wake him more effectively.” A second voice boomed, from what seemed like further away.

“I told you, give me my hour with him, then he's all yours.” The first voice spoke. This voice was scratchier. And, upon opening his eyes, Spencer found that this voice also belonged to the man who had asked for directions earlier. The man who had baited him.

He had his back towards the agent. When he heard Spencer straighten himself up in the chair he was tied to, he quickly turned around. Eyes looking as predators to a prey.

“Hello, Spencer.” The man smiled. One may even say wholeheartedly, if circumstances were different. “Ace.” He stretched out his right hand, almost mockingly. “You seem a bit… tied up. We can save casualties for later.” Spencer simply gave him a deadpan stare.

“What do you want?” Spence didn't take his eyes off Ace. “And, why am I here?”

“It's been brought to my attention, that you, Spencer Reid,” Ace began pacing in front of his captive, “were a part of the Integrity operation.” Spencer replied with silence, “Your dear friend Jennifer Jerau was also a part of this undercover mission back in 2010. But, as you may recall, when we had previously taken her,” JJ’s name draws a response out of the fellow agent as he clenches his jaw, “she held out strong till she could no longer bare. She was a strong one.” Ace nodded to himself.

Stopping his pacing, he kneels before Spencer, “Since then and now, the password to those files have changed. And, it is to my knowledge, that you hold the new password.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Spencer looked his captor in the eyes.

“I'm making this easy on you, Spencer.” Ace said with a tsk, “You tell me, and I let you free. You stall,” he turns over his shoulder to his fellow friend. He stood much taller than Ace. His build was large, and his exposed arms held many scars. “Griffin here asks you.”

Spencer's answer doesn't change, “I have no idea what you're asking from me.”

Ace motions Griffin over. The large man strides over, cracking his knuckles. “What is the password for the new integrity files?” He spoke clearly and with purpose.

Spencer tried his best not to show fear. But, as any sane person in said situation, he gulped hard and licked his chapped lips. “I told you guys,” he looked towards Ace, “I don't know.”

Before Spencer could even look back up towards Griffin, he saw a large first come hurling straight for his left cheek.

As the force of the punch causes Spencer's chair to slightly tilt to the right, Griffin grabs both arms of his chair, and leans in close to Spencer.

There's a metallic taste in Spencer's mouth. “Please, I'm serious! You've got the wrong guy!” He pleaded.

The only answer he got was yet another sucker punch to his right cheek. His head ring, and the inside of his right cheek stung. “What is the password?” Griffin spoke with force in every word.

Spencer simply shook his head with his eyes shut tightly, receiving yet another punch to the gut. The blood which had collected in his mouth automatically spilled out of the corners of his lips.

“Faster you spill the beans, the faster you're out of here.” Ace smirked from behind Griffin as Spencer groaned in pain.

The next hour consisted of the same events. Questions, followed by a lack of answers, which led to Spence eventually getting beaten black and blue.

The doctor was hunched over in the wooden chair which he’d been tied to. Eyes heavy and drooping, breathing scratchy. Every muscle and bone in his body ached.

Spencer looked up through his hooded eyes to see Ace walking towards him. He came close to his captive and grabbed a handful of his curly brown hair.

Spencer barely had enough energy to react. He blinks slowly, urging Ace to speak. Before he does, he pulls up a large black camera that's hanging around his neck.

Quickly snapping a photo of Spencer, a bright flash causing his eyes to see stars, Ace asks,. “Would you like to answer our question yet?”

With no reply from Spence, he smiles wide calling his accomplice back into the picture. “Let's get his wife's package ready, Griffin.”

At the mere mention of Amelia, Spencer's eyes shot open. He tries to sit up straight in his chair only to be held down by his shoulders. “It’ll be easier if you don't move around.” He heard Griffin say as he approached from the darkness.

Spencer's eyes widened as he saw the large man holding a glimmering butcher knife. “What are you guys- look, I'm serious! I don't know anything!” He started rambling, “Leave her out of thi-” his plea cut short as Ace shoved a dirty rag into Spencer's mouth muffling any sound to be made.

-

“He's probably okay, right?” Amelia asked nervously, playing with her brown locks.

“Yeah,” Morgan dismissed distractedly as he watched Penelope type away at her laptop. “He probably just got sidetracked about something.”

24 hours later, when Amelia nor anyone on the team had heard from Spencer, she had called Derek again. When his calls had gone to voicemail with no avail, he called Penelope and the duo went over to give Amelia company.

“You said you spoke to him around 3?” Garcia peeked up to Amelia from the tops of her floral frames.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “at like 2:45. He said he'd be home by 3:30.”

Garcia tipped and tapped away. She opened up surveillance footage from the previous day. Silence laced the young doctors' living room.

“Okay, so here it is. There's Hotch leaving.” She skips ahead a bit, “And, there's me and you,” she clicks her tongue and pulls the video further until the parking lot is empty. “Ah! There he is.” She sees Spencer on screen. Amelia quickly leans in closer to the screen in hope to see her husband.

The video plays and as the events unfold, Garcia loudly gasps, her eyes wide as saucers.

“W-who's that?” Amelia asked as she saw a hunched over white man speak with her husband. Quickly, a big van pulls up next to the two men, hiding the view from the camera. When the van pulls away, Spence and the stranger are gone.

“Wh-what… Derek?” Amelia stutters struggling to find words. She looks up at her equally worried friend.

“Morgan, what was that? Who were they?” Penelope questions quickly, her hands playing with the rings on her fingers. When Derek gives no reply, she calls for his attention, “Derek?”

His eyes dart from the laptop screen, to his colorful coworker, to his friend's worried wife. “I'm gonna go call Hotch.” He excuses himself into the kitchen.

_

It takes no more than half an hour for the entire team to gather at Spencer's apartment. The surveillance footage had been played and replayed over a dozen times. Amelia didn't want to watch it, but it was all that she had so she could see her husband.

“Garcia, any luck with the facial recognition software?” Aaron, the groups’ leader, asks.

“No,” Penelope shakes her head with a frown, “I'm trying to at least get an estimated height and weight. Maybe, that’d make it easier.”

Aaron nods, holding a fist up to his face and biting down on his knuckles. His eyes carefully watch Spencer's worried wife unable to sit still. Amelia gets up from her place on the couch and wipes her sweaty palms on the thighs of her jeans.

“I haven't even offered,” she spoke quickly, “sorry. Can I get you guys anything? Water, juice? Maybe, coffee?” She looks at everyone, not really holding eye contact with any of them.

Before the team could give a response, she quickly excuses herself into the kitchen.

“What are we thinking here, Hotch?” Morgan asks as soon as Amelia is out of earshot.

“Lots, but none of it is true, I hope.” His sharp eyes flash worry.

Emily is sitting on the couch, manspreading, her hands clasped between her knees. “People don't just kidnap Federal agents without reason, Hotch. If this is because-”

“We don't know that yet.” JJ quickly intervenes, staring out the apartment window in a daze, “And, until we do, I don't think it's fair to worry Amelia like that.”

“JJ is right.” Hotch agrees. He looks at his team. “For time being, all we can do is find another possible motive, and anything else we can on that man.”

Em whips her head towards the kitchen when she hears a soft sniffle. She looks up towards Aaron who gives a sympathetic nod. Getting up she heads into the kitchen, in hopes of comforting their friend.

“This is crazy,” Derek takes a sharp inhale, “I need a breather.” He shakes his head, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands. He grabs his jacket off the arm of the couch, and heads for the exit.

Opening the door, he's greeted by a large yellow envelope at the welcome mat. Picking it up, he flips it over to see it read ‘Mrs. Reid’ in messy handwriting.

He quickly turns back into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. “Weren't you just-” Jennifer begins questioning, only to be shushed by Derek. He puts a finger to his lips, and indicates none of the team make any noise for a minute.

He shows the group the new-found mail. Garcia takes it from his hands, only for it to be taken by Hotchner from her.

The team watches carefully as the team leader opens the envelope. They're all so engrossed in the mail, none of them realize that Emily and Amelia have emerged from the kitchen. Both girls stood quietly, not attracting any attention to themselves.

He pulls out a large paper. Upon seeing what's on it, he swallows hard, clenching his jaw. Morgan peels over, and snatches the paper away from him.

Amelia simply watches the men look at the page in horror. She slips out from Emily's hold, and calls for Derek's attention. “What is it?” She asks in fear of the answer.

The team all look over to her. “Take her inside.” Aaron orders Emily. She nods reaching for Amelia again, but she resists.

“No,” she moves away from the female agent, “Derek, what is that?” She asks her husband's best friend, motioning towards the page in his hand and the envelope in Hotchs’. When Morgan doesn't give an answer she moves closer to him.

He takes a small step back, and Aaron intervenes between the two. “Amelia, it's best if you listen to me, and go inside for a moment.” He speaks softly, holding her on either side of her arms. She avoids eye contact with him, knowing if she does look at him, she may be convinced to leave.

She shakes her head, “It's about Spence, isn't it?” She directs her voice to Morgan. He looks away from her. She quickly pushes past Aaron, and snatches the paper from Derek's fingers and runs to the corner of the room.

The team watches closely as she loudly gasps, hand covering her mouth. Her eyes quickly well with tears, and JJ goes close to comfort her.

JJ looks at the paper also, and shuts her lips tightly, looking away. Amelia, however, doesn't look away. She stares at the paper.

The picture. It was a large Polaroid of Spencer. His head was being held up by a hand. His face was cut, and bloodied and bruised. His lip was busted and although his body wasn't the main attraction of the photo, she could see his shirt had been torn, and even on his torso, there were bruises.

Amelia's knees buckle underneath her, and she falls into JJ’s arms, sobbing.

“Spence,” she cries, covering her face into her friends body, “he's- oh god.” She cries harder, her body trembling. JJ strokes her head, cooing her to calm down, her own eyes filled to the brim with tears.

Aaron and Derek both break away from the crying woman, and simultaneously look towards the center table at the yellow envelope. Emily catches their unsaid conversation and looks at the table also.

She reaches over, feeling something light in the paper envelope. The rustling of the mail catches Amelia's attention. She watches cautiously, holding her breath.

Emily simply flips the contents of the bag onto the table. A small ziploc baggie falls out with a small thud. The team and Amelia all slowly lean in closer to get a better look.

As soon as Amelia makes out the object on the table, she screams loudly, once again falling back into JJ, “Oh my god!” She instinctively pushes herself away from the table. Emily rushes to her side. All three woman huddle together, JJ and Emily holding tightly onto a screaming Amelia.

As Amelia is in hysterics, Garcia is sitting on the couch, unable to move. Her hands shaking and her face covered with rivers of tears. Derek sits beside her, holding her close, one arm around her, and one arm turning her face away. He kisses the top of her head.

Aaron remains the last standing, staring speechlessly at the contents on the table.

Staring back at him was a small ziploc bag, with about an inch of what looked to be Spencer's finger, and his wedding ring.

His finger remains bloody, and his wedding ring also covered in the crimson liquid

-

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