#Elizabeth Bellanger

[skayafair]

A belated Happy Birthday to one and only Elizabeth Bellanger! <3

[twinstrangersp]

Valentine's Cards to you all from our crew at VINCULA! Some of these are especially corny <3 (Made by the wonderful and endearing Renee' Helsel, who plays June Dawson on Syntax!)

[skayafair]

I love that Lizzy is capable AND she still has regular nasty breakdowns.

At first I really didn't like her. As I later realized, because of how uncomfortably she reminded me of my own petsonality sides I'd rather choose to forget. Or maybe how people who didn't like me wanted me to see myself and I adopted this view, I don't know. The point is, there are enough similarities, so I disliked Elizabeth for some time while trying to stay objective, and later came to really respect her.

The feeling of constant anxiety while you simultaneously try to make things right and do what's right, for example. And that nothing ever goes your way, even when in the beginning it may seem otherwise.

When Lizzy took charge, it was both a surprise and the most logical thing ever. When she couldn't convince anyone to perceive her as a leader - I mean truly, and the fact that the team doesn't really need a formal leader all that much didn't help, - I wasn't surprised at all. How familiar. This is why I hate to be in charge: go out of your way to do everything properly and consider everyone and everything, but all you get in the end is the responsibility. No perks, you're just kept accountable for all this mess both in front of the higher-ups and yourself. If the teammates are kind enough, that is. Being the leader when you aren't a people person (doesn't matter if you want to be one, people just categorized you as an outlier ever since you can remember yourself) is very difficult.

It's hard not to grow bitter with all this.

And the leader has no right to fail. The failures don't ask if you have this right or not though, they just happen. And you still can't just give in. You have the responsibility.

I honestly expected Cassius to dig their heels in and bear with this because they ARE charismatic, everyone warms up to them instantly, and they seem very responsible and resilient, stubborn. It was a surprise to me they gave up, but a welcomed one: it wasn't out of blue and I'm glad the show lays out all the reasoning so well. It really helped me understand the character more.

Lizzy doesn't give up though. She takes all the hits and jabs in, all the failures and pain, gets poisoned by them, but keeps going. Maybe because it's familiar anyway: yes everyone hates you (oh for goodness sake, they hated you anyway, says a little nasty voice in the back of your mind) but at least you're still doing what you must, keeping at least the ones you could keep alive - well, as safe as possible. Doing what's right in your mind with all you've got, so there's some small mercy in that.

You can't give up.

Except everything has a limit.

And I admire the fact that Elizabeth gets hysterical, picks fights, screams and cries and keeps going. She was entrusted with the responsibility and isn't going to give it up just because she can't bear the weight. Maybe it's an autistic thing - she really feels autistic to me and I guess I'm on the spectrum as well, and the thing is we often don't know how much is too much. It's like with the pain: we can often withstand a pretty severe one without showing as much discomfort as a neurotypical person would because we never know if it's considered bad enough and we're used to masking our whole lives. That episode with her hand made me properly remember for the first time how my right wrist got broken into several shards and the doctors asked if I want a local anesthesia or a general one to rearrange them. I was alone in a big city and there was no one to take care of me, so I couldn't lose consciousness, I had to be in control. No one told me people are usually sedated for such procedures. I don't think I ever screamed like back then because local anesthesia didn't do shit. I felt everything. I avoided remembering those minutes for years. That episode when Lizzy screamed led me through them again and I think I'm not as scared of them anymore. We often think in absolutes. Lizzy even said it herself: how her aunt taught her to help until it hurts bit didn't teach when to stop.

I used to keep going until I dropped. Often literally. My ex girlfriend was the one who got very angry at me for that, and this annoyed me af: why do you think you have a right to tell me what to do, it's my wellbeing, I choose what to do on my own! But even so I listened to her, at first begrudgingly, and unlearned this habit little by little. Looks like there was no one to help Lizzy with that. So she would stretch herself thin and then some more, until she can't function at all. Or at least that's my guess.

So this is what I admire: she still lets herself break down without giving up. I think it should help her take some tension off. She still allows herself to be human, a person, not only a function. It's... such a strength to me honestly. I think it should also make her more... approachable? available for human connections? You show human emotions in a situation when they are honestly expected, so that probably makes you look more "normal".

She's a mess, but what a beautiful one.

[skayafair]

Character Colours

I had only an hour to draw (I made it two and am going to regret it dearly when I wake up) so couldn't finish Silas + I really wanted to draw Lizzy. This isn't the final version and the costume... well, this is just the vibe she gives me, approximately. Clearly not something one goes into an expedition in buuut... all the breachers are associated with colours in my mind, and Lizzy is mainly yellow+orange and a hint of yellowish green, like grass and young leaves, but her eyes had to be colder, so there's a bluish hue to them. It's interesting because I'm starting to notice some similarities between the characters' personalities thanks to that? Like something they could bond or argue over? E.g. Cass is mailny red, orange and brown in my mind, which links to Lizzy's orange - different hues though - but they both can be pretty daring and impulsive when it's about some dangerous situation or a new species. Lizzy's iintense, bubbly display of curiosity is what gave her yellow. Or Silas made me think of emerald green for the most of S1 but that gradually shifted into shades of deep blue by S3. However, in my mind Silas and Lizzy both have green-blue hues for the eyes, I didn't decide for Silas yet, sharper features and glasses. This little hint of green is also uniting. All other colours seemed to align pretty well in the beginning (green + yellow and orange) - and they were on good terms - but clash by S3 (deep blue doesn't look good next to orange in my mind, plus Lizzy's colurs are darkened, muddied, get much more desaturated until she regains control over herself. Then it's yellow and more strict black due to a new responsibility, which... are still clashing with deep blue but not that much, really, and can go well together). In personality, they can both be very calculating, keep their heads cool (Lizzy can be pretty extreme with her qualities sometimes, being both hotheaded and keeping her cool depending on a situation), responsible and self-deprecating, not thinking much of themselves. Plus all the personalities were so distinct and bright they reminded me of anime characters at first, although later the impression gradually disappeared.

Eh... thanks for sticking along with my synesthesia babbling if you've read this far I guess? I just needed to get it out of my system.

So just another messy WIP for now =/ I forgot the freckles!!! UGH!

[skayafair]

Aaaand finally Elizabeth's sheet is done.

Next is most likely either Silas or the line up

[skayafair]

Oh great, the episode ended right when I almost finished Lizzy birthday sketch ✨

(Couldn't help doing smth for my queen, even if a bit late <3)