#Ella yarn stuff

[that-cheer-up-anon]

Finished making a cat ear beanie for my partner!

Figuring out the stitch placements to construct the ears was a pain. I couldn't follow the pattern for how I wanted them to look, bc I didn't want the long stitches to show behind the ears like they do in the pattern. I tried to make the ears curl in like a real cat's and not puff up like it had air inside looking like horns.

Their head is a lot bigger than mine and I had to try to adjust the pattern as best as I knew how. Bc it's so big it doesn't look completely right on me, but still! I think it's pretty good for my first completed knitting project in a long time.

[cadence-talle]

Hang A Shining Star

Pairing: Keefe Sencen/Fitz Vacker

Wordcount: 2,667

Summary: Keefe nods, nudging Fitz’s shoulder. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. We’re going to raise the roof!”

Fitz snorts, taking a sip of his eggnog. From the living room, a stream of chatter weaves between the lyrics of Christmas Island. The whole house is warm and smells of nutmeg. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

Other notes: Here we go! The Keefitz Christmas party fic! I hope you guys enjoy it. 

Taglist: @everyonehasthoughts, @clearlykeefitz, @loverofallthingssmart, @a-lonely-tatertot, @enbies-and-felonies, @molly-sencen, @lemontarto, @appalyneinstitute1, @ruewen-and-rising, @silver-snow, @linhamon-roll, @hyperlollypop, @never-ever-too-many-fandoms, @keeper-of-the-lost-queers, @impostertamsong, @vibing-in-the-void, @yeetersofthelostcities, @mistythegirlfluxmess, @diamond-dreamerr

Read it on ao3 or under the cut!

If you had to give each season a word to describe it, winter would be quiet.

Summer is light, heat waves sinking across the country and sunshine spreading its rays. Spring is growth, flowers opening and leaves unfolding. Autumn is rest, leaves dropping to the ground and blowing away on the wind. 

And winter is quiet. It’s something in the air- something about nature pausing, holding its breath, something about the way the snow muffles any semblance of sound. Winter is a time for introspection, a time to catch your breath. It’s peace. 

Right now, though, the house is anything but quiet and peaceful. 

Even from two floors up, Fitz can still hear the finishing chords of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You, Biana humming along. He’s supposed to be retrieving the decorations from the attic, but he doesn’t want to leave the relative safety of his Justin Bieber-less space. 

“Fitz?” Livvy pokes her head into the room, garishly-patterned Christmas sweater seeming to glow in the dim light. “Everything okay up here?”

“Yeah,” Fitz grimaces as Santa Claus Is Coming To Town starts up. “Just trying to save my ears.” 

Livvy laughs, sitting down on a box labeled China Tea Set- DO NOT TOUCH. “Yeah, I get that. I love Dell to death, but her music taste is terrible.”

Fitz nods. “And it’s Christmas songs. How do you mess up Christmas songs?”

“Not sure, but they’ve managed to do it.” Livvy springs to her feet and picks up a fake wreath the size of her torso. “We should probably get this stuff downstairs.”

 “Yeah.” Fitz picks up a box that just says X-mas shit and rests it on his hip. “All right. Into the beast’s mouth we go.”

“Maybe we can steal the aux cord and change the music to something good.”

Biana and Della do not, unfortunately, relinquish the music. They do change it to Ella Fitzgerald’s Christmas album, though, so Fitz counts that as a win. 

Winter Wonderland is crooned through the speakers as they start to unpack the boxes, sparkling glass ornaments hung on the tree next to a horrifying glue-and-yarn monstrosity Fitz made in first grade. Biana pulls a tiny tissue-wrapped package out of a box and holds it up with a shout. 

“I found her! The mermaid!”

Livvy whoops as they all gather around to watch as Biana hangs the ornament on a pine branch. The mermaid is vaguely misshapen, facial features in the wrong places and tail twisted in on itself. It’s a Vacker family tradition- Fitz and Keefe bought it at a gas station at 3 am once when they were fifteen and they’ve never looked back. 

“Perfect,” Della says, stepping back to look at the tree. “All we have to do is put the lights on the house, then.”

Everyone groans. Having a huge house is nice for some things; parties, for example, or having sock-sliding races, but hanging lights is always a pain. It takes multiple people just to hang a single string- Keefe usually comes over to help. 

“Where is Keefe, anyway?” Livvy asks like she can read Fitz’s mind. (She actually might be able to. She’s talented like that.) Biana, from where she’s seated on the sofa untangling the lights, looks up. 

“Oh, he couldn’t come today. He and Marella have a date to-”

“A date?” Della interrupts, looking at Fitz. “Huh. I always thought… I mean, that is to say, I always assumed Keefe…”

Fitz flushes. “No, mom, not that kind of date. They’re just the only two people crazy enough to go sledding.”

“Tobogganing,” Biana corrects. “Marella found an old toboggan in her garage and decided to take it out. I think they’re going down a hill near here, actually.”

“Well, maybe they’ll drop in after they’re done,” Della says crisply. “Eggnog, anyone? I’ll put nutmeg in it.” 

Fitz stands up to go help just as the doorbell rings. He blinks, turning towards the front hall. “I’ll get it, I guess. Maybe Marella and Keefe are already done.”

He opens the door to see two snow-covered figures standing on the porch. Fitz can’t even see their faces, covered as they are by scarves and hoods. The shorter figure shakes off her coat and resolves into the form of Marella. 

“Hey, Fitz,” she says. “Can we come in?”

Fitz narrows his eyes at the two of them. “Yeah, sure, just leave all the snow on the porch. What happened to you?”

Keefe pulls the scarf off his face, dropping it in a heap at his feet. He grins at Fitz, cheeks rosy from the cold. 

“You know that Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin drives his sled into a tree and it breaks and he falls into the snow?”

“Vaguely. Please tell me you didn’t break your toboggan.”

Marella pats his shoulder as she enters the house, the wrists of her sweater wet from melting ice. “Sorry, can’t do that. It’s a pile of wood now.” She shrugs. “It was kinda a shitty sled anyway.”

Fitz rolls his eyes as they walk into the living room. Biana’s head snaps up and she pushes the Christmas lights onto the floor. 

“Marella! Hey!” 

Marella smiles, pulling her into a hug. “Hey, Bi. What’s up?”

Biana gestures toward the lights on the floor, which are only marginally less tangled. “Oh, you know. Just… fixing up the lights. Want to help?”

The two settle down on the couch, and Fitz and Keefe share a long look before slipping off to the kitchen. Keefe waves at Della. 

“Hi, hon,” she calls, serving out the eggnog. “How was tobogganing?”

Keefe lifts one shoulder and takes the offered cup. “Okay. Better at the beginning, that’s for sure. How’s your composition going?”

Della grins, one of those huge, bright ones that Livvy swears could light up the whole world. “Well! We’re going to see if the orchestra can perform it next weekend. Speaking of which- Fitz invited you to the party, right?”

Keefe nods, nudging Fitz’s shoulder. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. We’re going to raise the roof!”

Fitz snorts, taking a sip of his eggnog. From the living room, a stream of chatter weaves between the lyrics of Christmas Island. The whole house is warm and smells of nutmeg. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

-/-

Fitz stares at his reflection, hands anxiously tapping the table in front of him. Jingle Bell Rock is playing on the radio on his dresser, the upbeat music floating through the windows and into the darkening sky. Della and Livvy are out for the night, so he and Biana have the house to themselves for their party. 

It’s not a huge affair- it never is. Just them and their friends; Sophie and Dex, Tam and Linh, Marella and Maruca and Wylie. Keefe. 

Keefe, of course, presents a problem. 

Fitz isn’t stupid. He’s known what he’s feeling since it started four years ago. He’s known exactly what the clenching in his gut was, why his skin felt hot whenever Keefe brushed his hand. 

He’s not stupid, so he’s not going to do anything about his feelings. 

The music on the radio changes into something slower, sadder. Imogen Heap’s voice seems to echo in the room, as she repeats just for now, just for now. Fitz closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, trying to prepare himself. 

A soft ‘psh’ comes from the doorway. Biana moves into the room, switching off the radio and giving him a sharp look. 

“Really? Tonight’s a celebration, Fitz, not a pity party. You can be sad later.” 

“I’m not sad,” Fitz protests. “I’m just getting ready!” 

“Mmm.” Biana perches herself on the bed, green dress crinkling slightly. “You will be okay, though, right?” She asks, tone softer. Fitz nods.

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“Okay. But I’m here if you ever want to talk.” Biana stands up and ruffles his hair. “Now come on, I need your help with the cheese platter before everyone arrives.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rings. 

“Too late for that,” Fitz says dryly as Bi darts downstairs. He glances in the mirror one more time before moving towards the stairs. “Here we go.” 

Sophie, Dex and Marella burst in as soon as he opens the door, throwing their coats on the floor and attack-hugging him. Tam, Linh, Maruca and Wylie trail after them, calling “Merry Christmas!” as they kick off their shoes. Fitz tries to wave from underneath his hug pile. 

“Merry Christmas,” he manages. 

Finally, Keefe staggers in, covered in snow for the second time this week. Biana snorts. 

“Need some help there?”

Keefe mumbles a word that might be “No” as Biana brushes some of the snow off of his shoulder. 

“Come on, I think you might have an extra suit upstairs. Fitz, can you get everything cleaned up down here?”

“Sure,” he says, turning to the others and picking up discarded coats. “So did you all walk over here together?”

“Yup,” Maruca affirms, hanging her coat on a hanger. “Sorry about Keefe, by the way.”

“He fell into a snowdrift and had to change,” Marella explains. “I think he keeps an extra suit here?”

Sophie snorts. “He ‘fell’ into a snowdrift,” she says with exaggerated air quotes. “And by that, I mean Mare pushed him.”

“In my defense-” Marella holds up a finger- “his face was annoying me.” 

“Right,” Fitz says, holding back a laugh. “Well, as soon as Keefe gets changed, we can-” A creak on the stairs interrupts him, and Fitz spins around to see Keefe standing there in a clean suit. 

His suit. 

“Sorry,” Biana says with a smirk that implies she is anything but sorry. “It turns out Keefe doesn’t have an extra suit here after all. And this one is too big for you, right?.”

“Y-yeah.” Fitz attempts to remember how to speak. “Yeah, no, that’s fine. That’s- fine. Good. Great. Yeah, it’s fine.” 

He hears giggling behind him and turns towards the living room, resolutely not looking at anything else. “Anyway. Who wants food?”

-/-

“And that is why we don’t write personalized messages on bouquets anymore,” Maruca finishes, taking a delicate bite of a meatball. “Although there was also the guy who wanted me to write his ex a note that just said Hey Jane, fuck you and your fucking poodle. So, you know, it might have been more than one thing.”

Keefe snorts, leaning forward to grab another cookie. His shoulder brushes Fitz’s and Fitz stiffens before forcing himself to relax. He’s fine. This is fine. 

“So, how about some music?” Marella says, plugging her phone into the speaker. The opening notes of Let It Go trail through the air and Dex boos. 

“No Frozen!” Linh calls. Fitz blinks. 

“Wait, I thought you loved Frozen.”

“Not anymore,” Linh says, settling back into the sofa cushions. Marella sighs and skips to the next song, cutting Elsa off in the middle of her line. Pentatonix’s Joy To The World starts up and she flops onto the floor.”

“You’re all homophobic.”

Biana laughs, sliding off the couch to sit next to her. She hands the smaller girl a mug of hot chocolate. “Here. Drown your sorrows in this.”

 “Is it alcoholic?” Marella squints at it and takes a sip. She makes a face. “No.”

Patting her on the back, Biana turns to the rest of them. “Want to watch a movie? I think we have It’s A Wonderful Life-”

“No way,” Wylie cuts her off. Keefe nods.

“It’s Charlie Brown or nothing.”

Biana rolls her eyes and grabs the tv remote, clicking her way to A Charlie Brown Christmas. Next to him, Fitz feels Keefe stretch his legs out before curling up on the corner of the couch. He leans his head on Fitz’s shoulder, and Fitz takes a deep breath. 

Yeah. This is fine. 

Onscreen, Lucy tells Charlie Brown to direct the Christmas play. Keefe smiles and snuggles closer to Fitz, wrapping one arm around him. Fitz glances down at him, but the other man is completely engrossed by the movie. Maybe he’s just cold. 

He must be really cold, then, because by the movie’s end, they’re practically pressed together. When the lights come back on, Fitz expects Keefe to move away, but he doesn’t. They stay snuggled on the couch all throughout Tam and Marella arguing the merits of The Polar Express and Linh’s terrible rendition of That’s Christmas To Me. (Fitz loves her, but the woman can’t sing to save her life.) Keefe only moves when someone mentions Silent Night, turning to Fitz with an excited look. Fitz stares back. 

“No,” he says. Keefe pouts. 

“Please?” 

Fitz sighs, standing up. “Fine. Let me get my cello.” 

Playing music, even the worst, most religious Christmas songs, always calms him down. He and Keefe used to do this a lot, play together when they were sad or worried or stressed. Dragging his bow along the strings as piano notes lift into the air is familiar, easy. 

They get through Silent Night, Carol Of The Bells, and Hallelujah before Keefe just slams his hands on the keyboard and shatters any semblance of peace they’d had. Fitz can’t bring himself to care, though, not when Keefe is laughing.

Livvy always says that Della’s laughs are the most beautiful thing in the world. Looking at Keefe, Fitz understands that. 

Biana plugs her phone into the speaker and Bing Crosby starts to sing about how it looks like Christmas. Laughing, everyone stands up and starts to dance. None of them are very good, and they’re all slightly drunk, but it’s nice.

And they must be playing some sort of Bing Crosby album, because White Christmas comes on next. Almost immediately, everyone pairs up, swaying back and forth. Fitz looks at Keefe, blinking slightly. 

Keefe smiles and puts his hands on Fitz’s hips. They move around the room slowly, taking tiny steps in time to the music and finally dancing right out onto the front porch. 

The sun has set by now, and the frost on the lawn seems to glitter in the soft moonlight. Snow is still falling, and it seems almost magical when the next song to come on is the Nutcracker Ballet’s Waltz of the Snowflakes. 

“I used to love this song,” Fitz says quietly, sitting on the top of the porch steps. “We went to see the ballet in the city when I was a little kid, and I thought it was the most amazing thing ever.” 

“Huh.” Keefe sits down next to him, staring out at the silent greenery. “I never saw it,” he offers. Fitz snorts. 

“I know. Your dad wasn’t really big on theater.” 

“Yeah.” Keefe gives him a small smile. Fitz turns to look at him, biting his lip. 

“Are you- happier? Now?”

Keefe takes his hand, running his thumb over Fitz’s knuckles. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been,” he says. “With all our friends, and your mom and Liv, and…” he glances up for a moment. “With you.”

“What-.” Fitz looks up, too, to see a spinning green bundle of plants hanging above them. Mistletoe. “Oh.” 

He looks back down, straight into Keefe’s eyes. The other man is smiling, and Fitz thinks that’s where he gets the courage from. 

Carefully, he leans forward and presses their lips together. 

It’s short and sweet, and when they pull back they’re both blushing. Keefe scratches the back of his neck. “So, uh,” he starts. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” Fitz blurts. Keefe blinks. “Sorry, I just- I needed to-”

“Uh. Me too,” Keefe says, snorting a little. Fitz stares at him, a smile spreading across his face. 

“Well. Good.” 

“Yeah,” Keefe laughs, leaning in again. “Good.”

Winter is quiet. But even now, with music and laughter spilling out of his house and his best friend (boyfriend?) smiling on the stairs next to him, Fitz is at peace. 

Winter is quiet, but sometimes it’s nice to make some noise. 

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Cozy knits, cardamom donuts, and turtledove butterflies

There's something so warm and inviting about hand knitted stuff. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a knitter, but there's really something special about knitting things. With needles and yarn, the possibilities are endless!

This gyroid event is a cozy knitwear theme, a collaboration between Daisy Jane, Tiffani, and Rowan. Collecting gyroids around the camp has been putting me in the mood to knit again, specifically a big project.

It's been years since I've made a sweater but I really feel like making one. Sweaters tend to be a hit or miss with me, which is why I rarely make them. Measurements aren't my strong suit but they're a big deal if you're making clothes. Constant counting as well because you have to make sure you have the exact amount of stitches or else everything's off. Also, it takes commitment to make a sweater, even a simple one, so that's another reason why I stick to simple projects like scarves.

I'm in the process of looking up simple sweater patterns so let's see how long this spark of motivation lasts. Making a sweater can be frustrating and time consuming, but it really is rewarding when it's finally finished.

Tiffani and Rowan are here with us at the camp to join in on the event as well as take a well deserved vacation. I feel like it's been forever since I've seen either one - Tiffani had dropped by the camp a couple years ago while Rowan's been out and about traveling the world. It was a pleasant surprise to find out that they've been working on gyroid designs with Daisy Jane.

I'm glad to see many entourage members thriving, especially after things went downhill with the university. Tiffani started her own fashion line called Stellar where everything's ethically made and a good portion of the proceeds go to charities that help abuse victims. Being a survivor of child abuse, Tiffani puts a lot of time and effort to use her influence to spread awareness and resources to help those who need it.

Rowan, a figure skater, is the co-founder of Stellar. He too grew up in an abusive household and is also an activist for abuse victims as well as the trans community. He's got an interesting story, one of victory as he and a couple friends were responsible for taking down a corrupt fashion design label.

In fact, he's working on a memoir tentatively titled "How I Destroyed Traynor's By Being Super Fake". The title alone sounds like an interesting read. People have approached him for years about writing a book, something he was considering as he had a lot to say about his father and stepmother. By now enough time has passed that his ex-family are beyond caring so he can freely talk about them without dealing with their associates threatening him.

Rowan always had a complicated relationship with his father. His mother died of cancer when he was ten and he never forgave his father for not letting him say goodbye to her. Not too long after that Wilfred married his mistress Caitlin and Rowan gained two step-siblings, Portia and Chad. Wilfred and Caitlin created Traynor's Fashion, an elite luxury label that developed quite a reputation.

Growing up in that household was torture for Rowan, so he left as soon as he could. He found solace in ice skating, an activity he and his mom bonded over. Rowan practiced for hours while his so-called family mocked him and eventually his efforts led to him getting a scholarship with a shot at a career in competitive figure skating.

Unfortunate circumstances and burnout forced Rowan to go back home, where he was known as the loser who couldn't kick it in the real world. Determined to get out, Rowan tried to work his way up in Traynor's, only to remember that hard work at a place like that won't get him anywhere, especially for someone like him. Rowan considered fashion design as a backup if figure skating didn't work out, but Traynor's was the absolute last place he wanted to start over. He only stayed for a few months before getting kicked out because of Portia and Chad.

Rowan would’ve been broke and homeless if it weren’t for aspiring fashion designers Victor, Ella, and Michele. The three were screwed over by Traynor’s and were trying to put together evidence to bring the company down. Victor used to work there before getting thrown under the bus in order for the company to save face. If it wasn't for that alone, Victor would've quit anyway because of the toxic environment and questionable ethics. Michele, another fashion designer, had her career end before it even started when Portia and Chad stole her work and accused her of plagiarism. Ella was the founder of Fairytale Castle, a small fashion company that ended up shutting down because friends of Wilfred and Caitlin were sent to harass her and sabotage her designs.

With Rowan on their side, exposing Traynor’s corruption became a reality. By disguising himself as a snooty fashion designer named Creighton Adcock, Rowan was able to infiltrate the studio. He wore a ridiculous getup and sported an exaggerated English accent - the more fake he came across, the more believable he was. It was pure torture, having to pander to his so-called family but it was so totally worth it.

The big expose took place on an important night for Traynor's and overnight the company fell. Spite and revenge had never been sweeter. Most of the employees as well as Rowan's ex-family were stacked with numerous charges like harassment, assault, embezzling, tax evasion, unethical practices, etc - they got what they deserved. Of course, there was backlash but once that died down, Rowan and the others were ready to move on.

Rowan went back to ice skating, though more for performance than competition - which was the reason why he almost quit in the first place. While posing as Creighton, Rowan had to sit through some shit, so to unwind, he would go out to the ice rink. Being on the ice made him realize how much he missed skating, though not the competition part. Rowan always says he's more of a performer than a competitor - the latter being the reason why he almost gave up because it took away the fun for him.

As for fashion, he does some design on the side like Tiffani. Then the two got together and launched Stellar earlier this year. He considers his relationship with fashion design as a sort of love-hate thing. For obvious reasons Rowan grew to resent it, especially when his father tried to force him into the business. He didn't hate it entirely, but when it's associated with people who failed to give you a good upbringing, it's hard to separate the two. Though since meeting Jamie and going back to skating, Rowan's slowly stepping back into the fashion design world after being on the fence about it for so long.

Joining forces with Tiffani and starting Stellar was unexpected. The partnership just came together and before they knew it, they were coming up with a bunch of ideas together. I honestly was surprised to hear from Jamie that Rowan was working on fashion designs. Then Stellar launched not too long after and it's actually been kinda therapeutic for Rowan and Tiffani.

I'm glad that both of them are out there living their best lives, far, far away from their abusers - most of whom are in jail, thankfully. They got lucky and after what they've been through, they want to do whatever they can to help other abuse victims. They're the kind of people who keep their word and they actively work to make the world a better place. No performative bullshit here.

Tiffani and Rowan have been here for a couple days now, enjoying the camp and all its lovely scenery. We've been collecting knit gyroids around the camp and checking in with OK Motors. Rowan had some car trouble so it was lucky that it managed to survive the long trip from Peace Coast to here. Since his car's pretty old, the repairs will take a while, which he doesn't mind. Beppe's also throwing in a free paint job so the car will be like new once it's finished.

Yesterday we went to the mountain trail, where not only we found gyroids, but also turtledove butterflies. They only show up around this time and after three years, I finally got to see them! I hardly venture around these parts because it's kinda out of the way but now I'm slowly expanding my horizons.

Turtledove butterflies are such majestic creatures. From the way they flutter about, their soft blue and white patterned wings contrasting nicely with the mountain view - like straight out of a lovely painting!

There's so much around the camp that I have yet to explore, I hope one day I'll know these places like the back of my hand.

Along the way and back we collected gyroids. Crafting gyroid furniture is always fun, seeing what kind of stuff we can make from them. I love the cozy knitwear aesthetic so much, it's easily one of my favorite themes! Tiffani, Rowan, and Daisy Jane did an amazing job with the designs. Given how much fun they had with the planning, there's likely going to be a second collaboration in the future, which I'm definitely looking forward to.

In between collecting gyroids and camp activities, we also got into knitting. That's why I've been in a knitting mood again. Rowan just learned how to knit last year and it's his new favorite hobby. He made a pair of leg warmers that look super snazzy, Tiffani's working on a cute beanie, Daisy Jane got started on a pretty lace scarf, and I just finished with a beaded headband.

Now I'm looking for sweater patterns and I already have some saved. Since I'm rusty with clothes, I'm sticking to something simple. The seed stitch ones are catching my eye as it's a simple pattern that looks nice, especially in pastel since that's what I've been into lately. Hopefully by tomorrow I have settled on a pattern so I can get started while I'm in the mood.

Today was a chill day where we stayed at the main camp. In between crafting, collecting, and camping, we baked donuts. I was kinda intimidated by donuts because it involves using the deep fryer but the whole process itself isn't too complicated. Making the dough was easy, using the deep fryer took some getting used to.

We made a bunch of different kinds - cardamom cream, apple cider, vanilla spice, and pumpkin pecan. The cardamom and vanilla ones are from Emilia Eats, the apple cider from Rustic Kitchen, and pumpkin pecan from Calico Bakery. They're all great, though if I had to choose, my favorite would be the cardamom cream. Pumpkin pecan comes a close second.

Since the donuts were a hit, we're thinking of baking cookies next. Tiffani wants to try out a black sesame recipe, Daisy Jane bookmarked a maple hazelnut recipe, Rowan has his eye on chocolate chip cheesecake cookies, and I always wanted to try earl grey shortbread.

Right now, we're enjoying donuts while knitting and crafting gyroids. Rowan's really becoming a pro at knitting as he wants to take on cables next. I kinda have a love-hate relationship with cables - they look good but take a bit of effort. I'll admit I haven't quite mastered them yet as I can't do a simple cable without having to refer to a pattern as a reference.

Warm, cozy knitwear and fresh baked goods - it doesn't get any better than that!

[readingupatree]

Crow and Mothman :)

Crow: do you believe in omens? which ones?

I don’t know that I would call them omens, more so signs. Like I’ve been seeing a shit ton of spiders lately. There was one that like 3 inches long and just hanging out by the back door. I had to walk past it 4 times to let the dog out and back in. I love you Ella and I proved it that night. 

ANYway we have this book called animals speak and its all about the meanings of different animals in a bunch of Native American religions so I looked up spider in there. Turns out there are a bunch of stories about how spider created the alphabet so I’ve been trying to do some more writing lately. There was also stuff about weaving and creativity and balance so I got out some knitting projects that were in timeout and started working on them again. 

So do I believe in big black dog of death omens? No, but I do believe in Spider telling me to go get creative with words and yarn.

Mothman: do you know of any local urban legends, or is there an urban legend that really freaks you out?

I don’t know of any specific legends about Ohio. We have a few abandoned asylums and prisons that are supposedly haunted but I've never really looked in to them. 

The goat man story is great because you never really find out what was going on you just know that someone was there and you never find out why/what they wanted. 

[aion-rsa]

Christmas Movies: A Complete Holiday Streaming Guide

https://ift.tt/3q2Rba0

So, maybe there isn’t enough Christmas and holiday programming on TV for your liking. We get it. You can’t be stuck at the mercy of broadcasters and cable networks all the time, not when there are so many Christmas movies to watch, right?

Read more

TV

Christmas Movies and TV Specials: Full 2020 Schedule

By Den of Geek Staff

Movies

Christmas Movies: A Complete Holiday Streaming Guide

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Well, because we’re a little crazy, we’re working on an index of every Christmas movie and other piece of seasonally appropriate holiday-themed film available on various streaming services. Just bookmark this page, scroll on through the alphabetical list, hit the links, and it can be Christmas whenever you need it to be! And if you spot some stuff that we missed, just let us know in the comments and we’ll see about getting it all added for you.

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Hulu

What is it about the holidays that makes it feel like we’re on the verge of the end of the world? Regardless, if you’re going to capture Christmas season ennui in a movie, you might as well go all out. That’s exactly what British holiday film Anna and the Apocalypse aims to do. Anna is a Christmas zombie musical comedy. Because why have one genre when you can have them all?

Read more

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad

Movies

Run Review: Sarah Paulson Terrifies as Mommie Dearest in Hulu Movie

By Don Kaye

Ella Hunt stars as Anna Shepherd, a secondary school graduate who plans to embark on a grand travel tour before heading to university. Those plans come to a grinding halt, however, when a zombie infection starts to spread throughout her town. Anna gets together with some friends as they try to survive both the holidays and the encroaching zombie apocalypse. 

Black Mirror: White Christmas (2014)

Netflix

Those looking for Christmas cheer won’t find it here. Black Mirror isn’t necessarily known for its happy endings and it’s 2014 Christmas special, “White Christmas” is no different.

Still, there is an audience out there that definitely wants this level of Scroogery. Plus it stars Jon Hamm! “White Christmas” follows three seemingly disparate stories. Jon Hamm is Matt, a mysterious man with a mysterious job who viewers watch in three different environments: once as a gross pick-up artist helper, once as a digital “cookie” salesman, and once as an occupant in a cozy cabin on Christmas Day.

What do all of these have to do with Christmas? Watch and find out. Then weep for the collapse of humanity.

A Charlie Brown Christmas Special (1965)

Apple TV+ – Arriving Dec. 4

“A Charlie Brown Christmas Special” is one of the most enduring holiday classics in the pop culture canon. Originally airing in 1965 on CBS, it was an experiment from The Coca-Cola Company to see if Charles M. Schulz’s beloved Peanuts characters could carry their charm over to a new medium…and boy could they.

The half-hour picks up with Charlie Brown down in the dumps and unable to capture the Christmas spirit. Thankfully, his friends know just what to do. Soon ol’ Chuck is directing the school Christmas play and nabbing a pitiful Christmas tree with Linus. This is “A Charlie Brown Christmas Special’s” first year as primarily a streaming entity, though Apple TV+ is allowing it to air on PBS on Dec. 13.

The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

Netflix

If a Christmas movie is only as good as its Santa (surely someone out there abides by this rule), then Netflix’s The Christmas Chronicles is one heck of a Christmas movie. This family film produced by Chris Columbus features Kurt Russell ascending to his final form as Hot Santa Claus. 

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The plot follows two children who are struggling to believe in the magic of Christmas after the death of their firefighter father. But the spirit of the season seizes them when they encounter the ultimate stand-in father figure: Kurt Russell Santa. The Christmas Chronicles is your classic, by-the-book family holiday yarn with a fun actor at the center and elevated production quality. Its sequel is also available to stream on Netflix. 

Doctor Who Christmas Specials

HBO Max

If the British know one thing, it’s tea. If they know two things, it’s tea and Christmas specials. Many big-time U.K. television shows have their own excellent holiday specials. Decades-old sci-fi institution Doctor Who, however, takes the cake when it comes to Christmas excellence.

HBO Max has 12 seasons worth of Doctor Who Christmas specials dating all the way back to the modern continuation’s first Doctor, Christopher Eccleston. Each episode is an hour-long treat of Doctor Who and Christmas goodies and should the joy of watching them ever peter out, there are plenty of bonus materials to watch as well.

Frozen (2013)

Disney+

Frozen, an animated movie you might have heard of, technically takes place during summer. But it sure doesn’t feel that way after Queen Elsa freezes the fjord and belts songs about the snowmen she and her sister want to build. Indeed, there is hardly a more festive film for the holidays than this celebration of self-love and familial love. Rather than being the story of a princess falling for a prince, Frozen is about the love between two sisters, Elsa (Idina Menzel) and Anna (Kristen Bell), and how that bond can transcend fear, isolation, and lifelong trauma like losing your parents at an early age.

Read more

Movies

Christmas Movies on Disney+ Streaming Guide

By David Crow

Movies

Frozen 2: ‘Show Yourself’ Song Was Almost Cut from Movie

By David Crow

Fairly sophisticated stuff for an animated movie, Frozen became a bona fide classic in large part due to its songbook by Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, with “Let It Go” standing out as an anthem for self-empowerment and the realization of identity. And if you overlook the fact you heard that song probably five thousand times, it still has that same resonance, which is why children are drawn to its message, as well as Elsa’ irresistible ice powers brought to dazzling life. When you factor in Anna’s own awkward charm, the power the two radiate together is warming in any season.

Home Alone (1990)

Disney+

Another holiday classic from Fox, Home Alone remains a millennial touchstone for this time of year, and a gift that keeps on giving. Yes, everyone remembers the end where Macaulay Culkin tortures two bumbling goons (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) as if they’re Elmer Fudd, but the movie has a lot more going for it than just slapstick sociopathy. Indeed, when Kevin McCallister isn’t being a sadist, this film has an earnest appeal about celebrating the fantasy of a kid living by himself at home.

When his parents leave Kevin McAllister home alone for Christmas—it was an accident!—he has a luxury house to himself that he lounges about as if it were a giant playground with free ice cream, pizza, and R-rated movie viewing parties. Things go a little pear-shaped though when crooks try to rob the joint, but he handles that in glib fashion, all while sweetly pining for his mother. In fact, as you get older, Catherine O’Hara’s trials and tribulations to get back home to her baby boy in time for Christmas are as amusing as Kevin’s hijinks. (John Candy! Polka music!! Polka Christmas music!?!) But probably the reason this is a real classic has a lot to do with John Williams’ eternally heartwarming score.

Into the Dark: Pooka! (2018)

Hulu

The concept of Hulu horror anthology series Into the Dark is a simple one. Starting in October, every month would see the release of a new horror movie, usually revolving around a theme or holiday within that month. So naturally December 2018’s entry, Pooka!, brings its chills to Christmas. Directed by Nacho Vigalondo from a script by Gerald Olson, Pooka! introduces one of the cutest creepiest critter since Gremlins.

Struggling actor Wilson Clowes (Nyasha Hatendi) takes on a job operating a giant fur suit of a toy company’s upcoming holiday season to, Pookah. Pookah has two modes, naughty or nice. Soon Wilson comes to find that the suit is starting to effect his overall mood and the naughty mode may last outside the confines of the suit.

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Amazon

Now if you could only watch one Christmas movie every holiday season, it’s gotta be this one, right? It’s a Wonderful Life has been a winter staple ever since…shortly after its 1946 release. The film infamously took a little while for audiences to catch on they they were in the presence of a classic. And now it lives on Amazon for the time being as the go-to spot for holiday cheer.

If you haven’t watched this movie in a while, it can be surprising just how tenuously tied the whole thing is to Christmas. Though the story of George Bailey begins on Christmas Eve 1945, the movie takes audiences throughout the entirety of his life, Christmas Carol-style. But of course, in the end the angels have gotten their wings and Christmas is in full thrall. Certainly, It’s a Wonderful Life will be all over the traditional TV calendar, but it’s nice to know that it’s on streaming as well for those who just can’t wait.

Klaus (2019)

Netflix

Since the hallowed days of Rankin/Bass stop-motion animated Christmas specials, there hasn’t been much movement or innovation in the realm of animated Christmas movies. Klaus, written and directed by Sergio Pablos, seeks to change all that in Klaus.

This crisply animated feature serves as an alternative history version of the story of Santa Claus. Jesper (Jason Schwartzman) proves himself to be the worst student as a postal academy and is sent to the North Pole where his lack of letter-delivering abilities won’t do anyone any harm. There he discovers Klaus (J.K. Simmons), a mysterious carpenter who lives alone and likes to make handmade toys. Sounds pretty familiar. 

Klaus is both a technical marvel and an effective little Christmas story.

Last Christmas (2019)

HBO Max

Shortly after taking in the cheerful trailer for Emma Thompson and Paul Feig’s 2019 holiday hit Last Christmas, the Internet stood up as one and agreed on an important point: there’s a twist in here, isn’t there? And of course, the Internet was right…as it so often is.

Last Christmas features a very prominent and important twist in its plot that you’ll have to watch the movie (or read Wikipedia) to figure out. But twist or no, this is a perfectly enjoyable entry into the modern Christmas canon. Emilia Clarke takes some time off from torching King’s Landing to star as Kate, an aspiring young singer going through hard times around Christmas. That all changes when she meets the alluring and devastatingly handsome Tom (Henry Golding). What follows is a minor Christmas miracle.

The Santa Clause (1994)

Disney+

Tim Allen really was on top of the world in the 1990s, wasn’t he? The star of ABC’s popular Home Improvement sitcom, and just a year away from becoming a Pixar legend in Toy Story, Allen could get any family entertainment greenlit. Thus enters Disney’s The Santa Clause, a movie that posits “what if Tim Allen became Santa?” That’s pretty much what happens when Allen’s schmo-y Scott Calvin inadvertently is responsible for the death of the previous Santa who slips off his roof.

The consequence of Scott’s mistake is he puts on the red and white outfit to finish Santa’s sleigh ride that night, much to the delight of his son Charlie (Eric Lloyd). Little does he know that by donning the suit, he has entered into a “Santa Clause” which means he becomes the big guy—literally so as he gains 100 pounds of weight and a white beard overnight. It’s still amusing now, but our favorite bit will always be David Krumholtz as the no-nonsense North Pole elf from Brooklyn.

Surviving Christmas (2004)

Amazon

One enduring hallmark of the Christmas movie genre is how bad many of its entries are. Of course, there are some well-executed classics that command one’s attention and respect, but for the most part they all blend together into a pleasant cheerful mush that can be on in the background while one decorates their tree.

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But even by the dismal standards of Christmas movies, 2004’s Surviving Christmas is particularly dismal. This Ben Affleck/James Gandolfini starring vehicle very much earns its 7% Rotten Tomatoes score. In a way, however, that makes it a must-watch holiday classic. Affleck stars as a rich advertising executive looking to reconnect with his past. What better way to do so than to pay the current occupants of his childhood home to spend Christmas with them? Much James Gandolfini grumpiness ensues.

A Very Brady Christmas (1988)

Hulu

A Very Brady Christmas was a 1988 made-for-TV movie that brought together the entire original cast of The Brady Bunch save for Susan Olsen (Cindy Brady). Olsen was on her honeymoon at the time and I cant’ figure out if that’s a great reason or a weird reason to miss a once-in-a-generation TV event.

A Very Brady Christmas centers on a very simple and very relatable concept: getting the whole family back together for Christmas. This is a hard enough logistical challenge for a “normal” family, and a damn near impossible one for a family with six kids. Will the Bradys be able to pull it off? Watch and find out!

Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus (1991)

HBO Max

“Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” is one of the most enduring sentences in Christmas history. It comes from an 1897 newspaper editorial in which The Sun (of New York) editor Francis Pharcellus Church responds affirmatively to young Virginia O’Hanlan’s question about the existence of Santa Claus.

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This 1991 TV movie of the same name dramatizes the already-quite dramatic story. Charles Bronson, of all people, stars as Church, who is dealing with the death of his wife and the trauma he endured as a war correspondent during the Civil War. It turns out that one little girls credulous belief in the impossible is all that many adults need to get back into the spirit of the season.

And here’s the complete list, just in case you don’t like our choices!

5 Star Christmas (2018)

Netflix

12 Days of Christmas Eve (2004)

Peacock

12 Dog Days Till Christmas (2014)

Hulu

12 Pups Of Christmas (2019)

Hulu

Alien Xmas (2020)

Netflix

Alone for Christmas (2013)

Peacock

American Rodeo: A Cowboy Christmas (2016)

Amazon

Angela’s Christmas (2017)

Netflix

Angela’s Christmas Wish (2020)

Netflix

Angels in the Snow (2015)

Hulu

Anna and the Apocalypse (2018)

Hulu

Back to Christmas (2004)

Hulu

Barbie: A Christmas Carol (2008)

Hulu

Barbie: A Perfect Christmas (2011)

Hulu, Peacock

Beyond Christmas (1940)

Amazon

Black Christmas (2019)

HBO Max, Peacock

Black Mirror: White Christmas (2014)

Netflix

A Bell for Christmas (2014)

Peacock

Bob’s Broken Sleigh (2015)

Netflix

BoJack Horseman Christmas Special (2014)

Netflix

A Bride for Christmas (2012)

Amazon

Chico Bon Bon and the Very Berry Holiday (2020)

Netflix

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: A Mid-Winter’s Tale (2018)

Netflix

Christmas, Again (2014)

Amazon

Christmas with the Andersons (2016)

Hulu

Christmas Belle (2013)

Hulu

Christmas Break-In (2019)

Netflix

The Christmas Calendar (2017)

Hulu

A Christmas Carol (1938)

HBO Max

A Christmas Carol (2019)

Hulu

The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

Netflix

The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two (2020)

Netflix

Christmas in Compton (2012)

Hulu

Christmas Crush (2019)

Hulu

Christmas Cruise (2017)

Peacock

The Christmas Dragon (2014)

Amazon

Christmas in the Heartland (2013)

Peacock

Christmas on Holly Lane (2019)

Amazon, Hulu

Christmas Inheritance (2017)

Netflix

A Christmas Kiss II (2015)

Hulu

The Christmas Lodge (2014)

Amazon

Christmas Matchmakers (2019)

Peacock

A Christmas Movie Christmas (2019)

Hulu

Christmas Mystery (2014)

Peacock

Christmas Perfection (2018)

Hulu

Christmas with a Prince (2018)

Amazon

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018)

Netflix

A Christmas Princess (2019)

Peacock

The Christmas Ride (2019)

Amazon

A Christmas in Royal Fashion (2018)

Peacock

A Christmas Solo (2019)

Hulu

A Christmas Snow (2011)

Amazon

A Christmas Tree Miracle (2015)

Amazon

Christmas Twister (2012)

Peacock

Christmas in Vermont (2016)

Hulu

Christmas in Wonderland (2007)

Amazon

A Cinderella Christmas (2016)

Hulu

Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas (2009)

Hulu

Dance Dreams: Hot Chocolate Nutcracker (2020)

Netflix

Dash & Lily (2020)

Netflix

Dear Santa (2011)

Amazon

Deck the Halls (2006)

Hulu

Disney Channel’s Epic Holiday (2020)

Disney+ – Arriving Dec. 11

Disney Channel Holiday House Party (2020)

Disney + – Arriving Dec. 18

Disney Holiday Magic Quest (2020)

Disney+ – Arriving Dec. 11

Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square (2020)

Netflix

A Doggone Christmas (2016)

Amazon

A Dogwalker’s Christmas Tale (2015)

Hulu

The Dog Who Saved Christmas (2009)

Hulu

The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation (2010)

Peacock

Dragons: Rescue Riders: Huttsgalor Holiday (2020)

Netflix

Dreamworks Happy Holidays from Madagascar (2005)

Netflix

Dreamworks Holiday Classics (2011)

Netflix

Dreamworks Home For the Holidays (2017)

Netflix

Elf: Buddy’s Musical Christmas (2014)

HBO Max

Elf-Man (2012)

Amazon

 Elf Pets: Santa’s Reindeer Rescue (2020)

Netflix

Every Other Holiday (2018)

Hulu

Eve’s Christmas (2004)

Hulu

Free Rein: The Twelve Neighs of Christmas (2018)

Netflix

A Flintstone Christmas (1977)

HBO Max

A Flintstone Family Christmas (1993)

HBO Max

Get Santa (2014)

HBO Max

Girlfriends of Christmas Past (2016)

Hulu

A Go! Go! Cory Carson Christmas (2020)

Netflix

The Heart of Christmas (2011)

Hulu

High School Musical: The Musical: The Holiday Special (2020)

Disney + – Arriving Dec. 11

His and Her Christmas (2005)

Hulu

Holidate (2020)

Netflix

The Holiday Calendar (2018)

Netflix

Holiday Home Makeover with Mr. Christmas (2020)

Netflix

The Holiday Movies That Made Us (2020)

Netflix

Holiday Road Trip (2013)

Peacock

Holiday Rush (2019)

Netflix

Holiday in the Wild (2019)

Netflix

Holly’s Holiday (2013)

Hulu

Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (2012)

HBO Max

Home For Christmas (2019)

Netflix

How to Ruin Christmas (2020)

Netflix

Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas (2011)

Hulu

Into the Dark: Pooka! (2018)

Hulu

Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (2020)

Netflix

Klaus (2019)

Netflix

The Knight Before Christmas (2019)

Netflix

Last Holiday (2006)

Peacock

Let it Snow (2019)

Netflix

Man Who Invented Christmas (2017)

Hulu

The March Sisters at Christmas (2012)

Hulu

Mariah Carey’s Magical Christmas Special (2020)

Apple TV+ – Arriving Dec. 4

Married by Christmas (2016)

Hulu

Merry Happy Whatever (2019)

Netflix

Miracle on Christmas (2020)

Amazon

Mighty Express: A Mighty Christmas (2020)

Netflix

My Dad is Scrooge (2014)

Hulu

My Little Pony: A Very Minty Christmas (2005)

Hulu

My Santa (2013)

Hulu

Nailed It! Holiday! (2018)

Netflix

A Nanny for Christmas (2010)

Hulu

Naughty and Nice (2014)

Hulu

A Nasty Piece of Work (2019)

Hulu

Neo Yokio: Pink Christmas (2018)

Netflix

New Year, New You (2019)

Hulu

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020)

Netflix

A Norman Rockwell Christmas Story (1996)

Amazon

Nothing Like the Holidays (2008)

HBO Max

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

Disney+ – Arriving Dec. 4

The Oath (2018)

Hulu

Once Upon a Time for Christmas (2017)

Hulu

Once Upon a Sesame Street Christmas (2016)

HBO Max

Operation Christmas Drop (2020)

Netflix

Pee-wee’s Playhouse: Christmas Special (1988)

Netflix

Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Robo Knight Before Christmas (2013)

Netflix

Power Rangers Super Samurai: Stuck on Christmas (2012)

Netflix

Prince of Peoria: A Christmas Moose Miracle (2018)

Netflix

A Prince for Christmas (2015)

Peacock

A Princess for Christmas (2012)

Amazon

The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020)

Netflix

A Puppy for Christmas (2016)

Hulu, Peacock

Rare Exports (2010)

Amazon, Hulu

A Royal Christmas Ball (2017)

Peacock

Santa Buddies (2009)

HBO Max

Santa Pac’s Merry Berry Day (2016)

Netflix

Santa Girl (2019)

Netflix

Scooby-Doo! Haunted Holidays (2012)

HBO Max

The Search for Santa Paws (2010)

HBO Max

Second Chance Christmas (2017)

Hulu

The Secret of the Nutcracker (2007)

Hulu

The Smurfs Christmas (1982)

HBO Max

So This is Christmas (2012)

Hulu

The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

Hulu

A StoryBots Christmas (2017)

Netflix

Sugar Rush Christmas (2019)

Netflix

Super Monsters: Santa’s Super Monster Helpers (2020)

Netflix

Super Monsters Save Christmas (2019)

Netflix

Super Monsters and the Wish Star (2018)

Netflix

Surviving Family (2014)

Amazon

The Swan Christmas Princess (2012)

Hulu

This Christmas (2007)

Hulu

The Town Santa Forgot (1993)

HBO Max

True: Winter Wishes (2019)

Netflix

The Truth About Christmas (2018)

Hulu

A Very Country Christmas (2020)

Amazon

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas (2011)

HBO Max

A Very Murray Christmas (2015)

Netflix

A Wedding for Christmas (2017)

Peacock

Wonderoos: Holiday Holiday! (2020)

Netflix

Yogi Bear’s All-Star Comedy Christmas (1982)

HBO Max

Yogi’s First Christmas (1980)

HBO Max

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[stephaniemoix]

1. I want this primitive Christmas tree, and all the felted animals on it. This needs to be my Christmas tree. 2. I’m obsessed with Yarn Therapy. It makes me want to become a gifted knitter, so I can make beautiful things and make my own felted stuff. 3. Yarn Therapy is in this super cute cottage on Lake Ella. It looks like a damn fairy tale in there. If that were my store, I’d live on the top floor, and the store would be on the bottom floor, and it would be amazing. (at Yarn Therapy)

[green-and-greener]

ratchildren666

2020!!!!! it sure is!!

christmas was honestly delightful. the whole break has been well spent by me; rosie arrived on the last friday and we had such a nice time together. flo, joe, spence, lottie + will were around in the beginning, and we had porridge w spence, which was very pleasant, and then hung out in town, got some yarn (that i made some of the stripes in dad’s hat with), ran around the pump track - this was Lots of fun and we both felt really foolish i think, and also rosie said she couldn’t believe i hadn’t had a skater phase! - and looked at the community garden, had lunch in the veg restaurant which was just lovely too. on the solstice we went up to ty unnas with will and lottie, carrying armfuls of logs and pans and wine and orange slices and cinnamon sticks up the quarry trail in the rain, and lit the woodfire and candles in glass bottles and read poetry to each other. these poems were about seasons and winter, the sun and the wind, they were about life and living and what it feels like to be doing it. i got this book of poetry at a christmas craft market in the plas, the time flo and joe and i walked into town together and joe told us the rat babies story, and i was reluctant to get it, because it was by women, and it felt like i was saying something more about myself than i really was. which is a strange set of feelings for me to have been feeling, to be honest! so i’m glad i got over that and got the book because there is a lot in there that touches me very deeply. to be honest this time in mach has been quite important for me in terms of connecting to women, i think. i’ve been given lots of time and regularity, with powerful and competent and sensitive and kind women around me, and have had the space to come to terms with something by myself. diana said something to me after i called my family on boxing day: that she’d always viewed our family as being very strong in its femininity, with mum and us three girls. this felt like an understanding i hadn’t been able to reach on my own; of course i’ve been yearning for feminine energies! because i’ve been so surrounded by them for most of my life and yet hadn’t really formed close friendships with girls in the same way i did with boys. hmm!! anyways im on tinder atm and have had some really nice convos w people on there :) one about real estate for marzipan snails named ghari which was particularly nice <3

the day rosie left i checked megabus prices to brizzle and it was a tenner from aberystwyth so i thought i might as well hecking go to bristol then init! so i got up at half five and felt barely lucid as i legged it through the pitch dark and rain to the bus stop, and nodded off on the journey to aber, and then walked to the sea. i don’t know aber very well so i ended up on the side of it where there isn’t actually any beach, it’s more like a prom, with rows of three-storey pastel-coloured houses, and looked at the silvery moon and her gentle caresses across the waves. i was very glad to be there, early for my bus, and early for the sunrise too. i looked at the water and thought of my mother, of walking on beaches with her, and lying on that windy pebbled beach in a sleeping bag this summer, everyone tired and a bit cold, with my parents and emma. i walked up to the university and sat there, waiting for my bus, listening to my own songs. the journey was good, and diana and oscar and ella picked me up at the bus stop, and it felt very much like i was just slotting into the well-organised, well-adapted lives of the benton collective; which is to say, it was very comfortable and i was incredibly grateful. the whole time there was like that, actually. comfortable. i got on really well with oscar and louis (omg the tiktok!!! the rat robot!!!) and diana, who i feel i spoke to for real for one of the first times, you know? and rachel and david are lovely too! it was nice not being made a fuss of.

went back to j+v’s with them, and spent a lot of time inside, watching live tv and writing music. viv is hurting, and john sleeps a lot and does a lot of puzzles, but his world is getting much smaller. i don’t think she knows how to stop framing her life as something sad, which is difficult. i woke up one night shaking, thinking i’d heard her calling out for help again. glad i can be there sometimes though, and glad to know them better. <3

my green jumper got shrunk a bit so viv gave me this blue turtleneck which i actually love so much, and ive successfully unshrunk the green one a bit. right now me n archie are back, and yesterday we went into aber and he took some stuff from tesco and lidl and iceland, and left it by a sleeping bag on the street. thinking about laws and criminality makes me feel very dissatisfied.

oof haha was just dancing to hayley kiyoko and someone walked in, i was quite flustered aha

anyways yeah! i am becoming more n more aware of how terrible prisons are and that the whole premise of having some ‘criminals’ who are irredeemable and keeping them in prison for potentially their whole lives is very objectifying and unempathetic. hm!

content w work starting again tomorrow, could use the structure in my life :) this break has been such an ideal length, will be recording music over the next few weeks i think. yum!