#Examination panic
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autism won and I ended up talking about The Thick of It in a fucking Classics exam
#the topic was which ancient comedy would be best to adapt#so my point was you could do aristophanes because political comedies are popular#stupid fucking question#it’s gonna go down like a tonne of bricks#one of the examiners is Italian#and the other went to harrow.#I am fucked.#in my exam panic I thought I was cooking#I most definitely was not
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what a whiplash going to see my 2016 tumblr dash (as linked in that last post) and getting slapped in the face w full blown ace discourse 😭😭😭
#i was an exclusionist too lmao i was so pissed as if hordes of cishet aces were coming to Invade Our Spaces?????? CRINGE#i still have beef w the split attraction model when non-aspec ppl use it ON BI SUBREDDITS CONSTANTLY TO DISCOURAGE ANY SELF-REFLECTION#like telling newly out bi's their internalized homo/biphobia is just an inborn trait that cant be helped so dont bother looking into it :)#thats more of a personal pet peeve than anything though#honestly the whole discourse was so stupid and the fake stories and moral panic coming from it was ridiculous#u kno whats real and can be trusted? peoples own experiences and interpretations of themselves. and that needs to be respected and accepted#i got so fed up w the dehumanizing and circlejerky nature of the exclusionist side. not to mention the victimhood complexes and the#black and white thinking that were being normalized by the entire discourse. and the essentialist thinking and public shaming#identities are not inherently above examination and there needs to be a balance between inclusion and exclusion in any context#bc both have negative and positive sides when applied to any group or identity. it should be approached w common sense#i wanna veer away from any generalizations and approach things on a case by case basis#but when it comes to someones personal identity and their lived experience. thats none of my business whatsoever#no matter what. basic respect is believing ppl when they say who they are. thats the bare minimum of interpersonal acceptance#fighting against that in order to uphold some us vs them dynamic is straight up awful#if you cant respect someone bc you cant personally understand their experience youre stuck on the wrong thing#you shouldnt need to relate to someone in order to treat them w kindness and empathy#if you need to find someone relatable to accept their validity then youre not genuinely someone accepting of differences
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The appendix is not in my fuckinh foot??? Hello?????¿?
#sorry i just jad a VIVID specific ass dream that had mebso on edge like. i was experiencing health complications#and the conclusion was we need to check where your appendix Was. and two nurses surgically split open my foot#took turns examining it and asking me questions . if i'm eating well sleeping well whatever#i'm wtaching both of them the whole time. it's excruciating. it's panic inducing. one is really gentle and nice#the other is like. not mean per se but seemed like she didn't know or care about what she was doing. which may be worse#i had my appendix out when i was 8. like. canonically in real life.#ALSO IT'S NOT IN MY FUCKINH NF FOOT????? HELLO????????#and i had to do it all by myself. i had to take a fucking uber. and as i was signing out/planning my ride back#that's when i broke and woke up.#that's when the stress got to me.
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newww ocs <3
#my art#my ocs#got inspired by a uquiz i took abt ur fate as a villain. and then got brain blasted with these 2 at like 3 am the other day.#their names r bira and heero they are the villain and hero respectively of ur typical 'ahh the dark lord is trying 2 overthrow the kingdom#w/their army of evil monsters and their dark magic!' except the king sucks shit and life in the kingdom sucks unless you're rich#and bira is in the right actually. but anyways. heero and bira have respect 4 each other in a way they dont want to examine further#until one day when they fight and heero's sword slips. and they kill bira.#they panic and without even thinking use dark magic to bring them back... bc they can't imagine living in a world without them...#they lose their eyesight as price for it and bira (shocked confused thrown off the dance they were doing around each other)#gives them one of their eyes as 'repayment'...#later bira is captured and heero is tasked with executing them but they cant do it. they combine powers with bira and barely escape together#i have More of an outline but 👍 this is so much already svdbsgs.#both use they/them btw!
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I found the pics on Twt and HOLY FUUUUUU-
Ok first things first, I was expecting 021 look looking FREAKING HOT, like goddess level, and my god, I was served damn it!!!!
078 is the one who caught me off guard! I was expecting a little guy with glasses, probably shorter than 021, BUT DADDY—!!!!!!!! WHO IS THIS FINE MAN!?!!
#the bisexual panic is real!!#qqgk#quan qiu gao kao#global university entrance examination#global examination#danmei#danmei novel#bl manhua
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I just had to see this comment on that 'how anxious are you while driving' poll:
and tbh... haha shut your mouth :)
#thanks for the advice! guess I'll not leave the house ever again then :)#bitch I have anxiety. everything makes me a bit anxious sometimes. so yeah driving IS a bit scary sometimes.#but guess what? I can judge if I'm safe to drive or not! and I fucking am!#I've never even put the tiniest scratch in the car.#I drive better than plenty of people that I know and it's *because* it makes me a bit anxious sometimes#I pay attention to everything. I don't drive too fast I don't do stupid shit I'm a good driver#not perfect. definitely not.#but I know what I feel comfortable with and if I don't I don't fucking drive (like yeah when there's lots of snow I won't drive!)#sorry but I hate shit like this#if this is your opinion uuh don't talk to me I guess? because it's shitty as fuck#like?? why do you think you can judge that shit better than. I don't know. my driving instructor for example? that man saw me have a panic#attack in my second lesson and he was still the one who convinced me I could do it.#even the examiner thought I did great even though I was very anxious (because it's a fucking TEST. and it's expensive as fuck.)#so please fuck off :)#sorry I don't usually care about stupid shit like this but I had to see that on my dash and. nope it's too fucking stupid to ignore#they probably meant well. and I don't care! :) because I've heard shit like this my whole life and if I didn't do everything that makes me#anxious I couldn't do ANYTHING. yes. driving is serious. making sure everyone on the road isn't in danger is serious. and guess what? I'm#completely sure I take that into consideration more than 99% of drivers before they get into their cars :)#okay rant over I'm done I just. ugh it makes me mad.#personal
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sometimes i dramatically grab my chest and lean back as though i'll faint at any moment and tear up a little when i remember edgeworth's canonical ptsd in the games
#rin rambles#LISTENNNNNNN TO ME RN. GRABBING YOUR FACE ABD HOLDING YOU CLOSE.#AS SOMEONE WHO HAS CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED PTSD/CPTSD. I FEEL SEENNNNNNN#and the fact that it isn't played off for laughs??? the fact that each time he has a panic attack it's always seen as tragic#and something to be mourned?????????#and how edgeworth reacts to it each time#??????????#how PHOENIX reacts to it???????????#i wasn't expecting to feel known by a silly funny haha goofball lawyer game where the main character cross examines a parrot but here we ar
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Davy appreciation post for no other reason than I adore him💕💕 I love the variety of his facial expressions, and how he can pull off both soft and smug looks so well. Just look at him how can you not want to smother that face in kisses!
#it's monster loving hours apparently#funnily enough I actually kind of suck at recognising/interpreting facial expressions in real life#but I guess if you have hundreds of screenshots to stare at and examine for a considerable time you learn a thing or two#also posting these kind of as an outlet bc I'm incredibly stressed right now since I only have a week left to hand in my thesis concept#and I'm not done yet ._. it's not even that I dislike my topic but the whole thing feels so big and ominous that I'm just frozen in fear#life would be good if it wasn't for that😞#in this way I'm just desperately clinging to Davy (and my other f/os) bc they genuinly help me to somehow not panic and keep my sanity#literally I just want to bury my face in Davy's beard while he's holding me <3#potc#davy jones#f/o: 🐙#self ship#fictional other#f/o appreciation#monster lover#<- maybe I'll regret using tags like this but what can I say apparently I am one
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I need more byler with co-dependant elmike. Like, give me platonic stobin levels of attached. They’re broken up and everyone still thinks they’re dating because they’re constantly touching, but it’s just comfort. Give me Mike who’s love language is physical touch but grew up in a house where casual touch wasn’t ever given, give me a Mike who’s touch starved. Who used to get all his physical touch needs met by Will until suddenly it stopped, and then there was El. Give me a bi Mike who still confused friendship for attraction. Give me an El who fights Hopper tooth and nail to be able to have Mike around so they can cuddle. Give me a Will who’s incredibly jealous and doesn’t understand. It’s like the letters all over again, except he won’t just reach out and touch him, because that would be weird right? So he just watches elmike be all over each-other. Until he does and Mike turns into a pile of soup. And then he still doesn’t understand, but he finally starts touching him again, and Mike is loosing his mind a little bit. (Give me a Hopper who eventually realizes what’s happening like a few years done the line and ends up exasperatedly endorsing elmike sleep overs where they stay up to late shit talking and eating popcorn. Give me a Hopper who ends up letting them close the door, because Mike is loosing his mind over Will and he knows they just need a moment.) Give me a van scene parallel except when Will tries to play it off like El again, Mike is confused because he knows damn well El loves him and needs him and also knows damn well that she had nothing to do with this.
Give me a Mike who finally realizes they’ve been fooling each other for years and just kisses the stupid idiot.
#(also give me maywheels (?) who shit talk together and willel wondertwins who share a brain and are always together like its so creepy dude)#byler#elmike#will is the oblivious one#like he’s oblivious because he thinks he’s Not and he’s got his shit together but that makes him stubborn and a little blind.#Mike has never had his shit together once in his life but that means he’s also constantly re-examining everything#also— ASD elmike because I said so#they don’t understand humans together and use their pattern recognition for evil#sometimes I think about the whole ‘my life started the day I found you in the woods’ and like yeah HORRIBLE way to phrase it but also#he’s not WRONG you know#like his life Did start then. he was what eleven? twelve? are you really telling me he was concious before then?#I sure as shit BET it felt like his life had finally started. he snapped into clarity and conciousness so hard#and it probably wasn’t even really El#it was the blind panic of will being missing and then suddenly this beacon of clarity and hope that he could be alive#meeting will was the best thing he ever did and will disappearing was the worst thing that’s ever happened to him and then suddenly Hope
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a lot of romance manhua is just surface level time passers (which is great in its own way and i love them) but this story about a pizza delivery guy and a customer with social anxiety trying to expand his boundaries is DESTROYING me emotionally
#every time seo an (anxiety man) makes progress im like YES. THATS MY MAN. ID KILL FOR HIM#whoever is writing for this story clearly has a super strong understanding of panic disorders & mental illness in general its v accurate#hes like 'laying around all day is my sole purpose in life' and im like FUCK man. me too#the other mc is also FANTASTIC the portrayal of guilt and examination of compassion in both of them is. astounding
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18. Glass
*Examines you like a little bug underneath a glass cup*
Stole a few oc’s from friendo @/windinzie on twt!
#artists on tumblr#miniart#friends ocs#artfartober#borrowers#the secret world of arrietty#lol y'all were examining my post order like a little bug too lmao#surprised you caught that XD#I'm like four posts behind and trying not to panic about it
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haphephobia is incredibly annoying
#unsurprisingly#but UGH#touch is a very important part of many of my unfortunately very necessary medical examinations#and it is INCONVENIENT to have a panic attack every damn time#todays doctor appointment is going to feature a LOT of touch so uhh. wish me luck please
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zombie essay is taking me to some weird places. i'm out here defending the ancient kandarian demon summoning book
#its for a larger argument that (hopefully) makes sense in context#the ev!/ dead came out at the birth of the satanic panic -> the panic demonized minority religious groups -> ev!/ dead also does that#by not examining why these ancient people might have used a demon summoning spell and by making the book scary etc etc#(sorry for censors hope its still legible. i dont want this to show up in tags and start discourse)#and i dont think its a coincidence that they chose a middle eastern origin for their ancient dark magic either!#therefore the movie upholds popular beliefs surrounding minority religions that would go on to spread throughout the 80s#but like. ultimately yeah i Am sitting here saying 'why dont we give the literal demon worshippers a chance'#sometimes as a humanities major im a parody of myself#levi.txt#am i saying the movie is inherently racist/xenophobic/etc and should be hated for that? not necessarily!#i actually like this series a lot! its goofy and fun#but i DO think its notable and interesting that it speaks to its contemporary moral panic in such specific ways#i wish i had space to also get into the second movie tho bc i find it FASCINATING that it chose to parody itself#right around the time its audience started questioning the panic and became absurd around the time it ended#like. the second film was released the SAME year the mcmartin trials started ending#by 1992 the third film was out and it was utter nonsense (affectionate) and the panic was largely dead in the water#i have a theory that the og trilogy KNOWS as a series that its identity is tied to that cultural moment. and that fucking rocks
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i haven't comics posted in a while but i got my license yesterday so i drew one of the talks i had w my dad about the experience - here's to never doing that shit again 🎉🎉🎉🎉
#art tag#comics#context is that the examiner's reaction to me being anxious was being a bully about it#and when i say anxious i do mean sobbing panic attack at the wheel while he went on about how students wanted people to feel bad fr them <3#so. yelling at him to stop talking was an appropriate response. and i'm proud of me for it!!!#bc i know for sure a few years ago i would've just sat there and taken it.#plus i did pass. lol#anyways i already celebrated in private but i wanted to make a public post about it now that its over as a little treat!!!
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i have hit the 5000 word mark but! they're fucking. so we can carry on. I have proved my point to myself. I don't need to give up forever.
#wip: that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of#wip talk#this is becoming a monster but it's a manageable monster. I think.#based on who I am as a person I'm going to say. 8000 words total? and this will be done. it's almost 6000 words already and Ive got like.#4 gaps to fill#and honestly. honestly? I think it needs a little more sex. to be finished.#I knew I was long winded before but. god.#if I hit 10k then I'll. well. perhaps not panic but maybe examine some of my life choices.#this isn't even canonical!#the canon story is the other wip! whatever. the point is I'm having fun. cringe is dead.
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I’m not even gonna lie, my grief over Mabel is making me insane
#every time i remember she’s not here i hear this roaring in my ears and i just break down and cry#i keep trying to pretend she’s just asleep in the other room but it’s not working#looking at pictures of her just makes me cry. the people who will be cremating her are going to take a clipping of fur and a pawprint from#her for me but i don’t know what i’m going to do with those things. like where i’ll put them#i know once i’m a bit more emotionally stable i’ll regret not having them. i wish i had some of kim’s fur. i forgot the feel of his fur so#quickly and i always struggled with that. but i also know that having pieces of mabel won’t comfort me in the slightest right now because i#just want her back and i feel so so so guilty even though i know it was her time#she’d gone so senile that she had a panic attack every time she went on a walk. it could last up to an hour. she was restless; refusing to#nap & barely able to sleep. she was riddled with arthritis to the point you could only touch her head; paws & maybe her chest#she bit if you tried to clean her or have her wear anything or sometimes if you put her lead on her. she never used to do that. that was a#new development that started in about june-july after she had two strokes. her little heart was racing and she was panting all the time f#she also had this growth in her mouth that may or may not have been infected or cancerous and she wasn’t letting us examine it. we wouldn’t#have been able to adminster treatment either because she’d bite and thrash if we tried to look in her mouth#but she was still eating and drinking okay… drinking too much if anything. and she was more or less continent. and she would have some lucid#moments where she was wagging her tail at us and requesting pets. she could get in and out of the house no problem#it was just quality of life because i knew she was in pain & her brain and heart were both shutting down and she wasn’t able to enjoy stuff#like walks that she used to love. and i knew she wouldn’t survive this winter because she haaaated the cold#but i still feel guilty because i know she could probably have lived another month. but it’s also like. how much would that month of life#have stressed her out? she’d already forgotten lots of people like my stepdad; my grandparents; my best friend and her kid. if she’d have#forgotten me and/or the house she would’ve been scared all the time and i never wanted that for her. i wanted her to have a good last couple#of days. and i think she did but there’s part of me that still feels so guilty and wishes she was still here#even if she was just eating and drinking and sleeping. even if she stopped letting me pet her. but then i know i’d have been keeping her#around for me. i feel like i ended her suffering but i also potentially robbed her of some happy moments#i just can’t get over the guilt of leaving her on that floor by herself. i sat there for ages waiting for someone to carry her out but then#i realised they were waiting for me to leave so i just walked out and it felt so wrong. she would have hated that she went to sleep on a#cold hard floor. she didn’t even lie on the floor voluntarily. she slept on the dining room couch or in her bed#i can’t stop crying whenever i think of it. i feel like shit and i don’t know how to move on#i put all her things in the garage to be sorted out when i’m less upset. apart from her collar and her blankets#i put her collar around one of the stair bannisters and i gave her blankets to my friend for her dog#i don’t know what i’ll do when she comes back to me in an urn. scream and cry and throw up probably
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