#looking at pictures of her just makes me cry. the people who will be cremating her are going to take a clipping of fur and a pawprint from

[fingertipsmp3]

I’m not even gonna lie, my grief over Mabel is making me insane

[endeavorsbiggesthater]

Dabi headcanons

ooc post moment?? yeah fuck it- yall asked and i shall deliver some dabi headcanons- ill tell you which ones are canon for this blog as not all of them are. if you dont like any of these headcanons i dont care- (i do but shhh) just dont bring it up- ANYWAYS ONTO THE HCS

Dabi runs hot, i dont give a shit what people say his body runs hot and its absolute torture for him, using his quirk makes this so much worse and he often gets dizzy when he reaches a certain point (not me projecting onto dabi a bit shhh) canon to the blog

He's bad at relationships- he doesnt really know how to act in them and so will often mess up or just not know what to say.. his way of showing affection most of the time is through helping the person is his own fucked up way, and a lot of the time it involves murder or arson because thats all he really knows how to do in terms of helping. canon to the blog

He doesnt ever really flirt with people in a non joking way, he'll do it for laughs sure but when it comes to actually flirting he just cant for some reason- if anyone does take his joking seriously he will just sorta go along with it tho. canon to the blog

He's had several hookups in the past but he always cut things off before it could have any emotion involved as he wasnt looking for anything serious at the time. did he kill at least one person because of this? maybe :D canon to the blog

Dabi is terrified of end up like endeavor when it comes to relationships and taking care of people, its why hes bad at them and acts like a disaster as the only frame of reference he has for that stuff is his dad. the last thing he wants to do is make his partner cry or be afraid of him even if he acts like hes super dangerous. canon to the blog

Its not so much a crush but dabi absolutely thinks shiggy is hot once he stops wearing the hand on his face all the time, and he will drive the man insane with the shit he'd say. semi-canon to the blog

He doesnt consider most of the league his family, more he considers them his friends, the only exception for this is toga who he absolutely views as a sister. canon to the blog

If he did manage to kill endeavor he wouldnt know what to do with his life, while he acts like it would just fix things and be the best he knows deep down that he would just feel empty without something to hate and obsess over so deeply.. canon to the blog

He wants to fix things with the rest of his family, especially shoto, however he doesnt know how to bring things up or even where to start. canon to the blog

One night stands are something he's way more comfortable with, relationships are just weird for him and theres too many emotions which he hates, but he likes feeling like someone actually needs him for something, even if its not really anything personal. non canon to the blog

ALRIGHT- those are some bigger ones about how he acts- now for a list of random small ones- all of which are canon

he could have stitched his skin together, he just thought staples looked cooler and fit him more

he isnt a huge fan of animals, but he likes cats more than dogs

his quirk doesnt have an official name, however he calls it cremation

he gets drunk as fuck with twice all the time, the two are drinking buddies and it always ends in some dumb shit

there are a lot of pictures of his family that he keeps in his room, all the ones that have endeavor in them hes been burnt out

while he has good control over his quirk most of the time that absolutely goes out the window when hes feeling anything strong, even if hes laughing too hard he can slightly start smoking

he will go along with stupid shit toga suggests to make her happy

giran has had to get him so many new costumes since he keeps burning them

hes killed far more than 30 people, the 30 is just for innocent people, he doesnt consider heroes nor other villains as innocent, so the real number is much higher

he still feels guilty for killing those children from the hospital he woke up in, they never asked to be there after all

the nomu he used in the forest training camp was partly designed by him, he was the one who asked for all the blades and stuff on it

hes dyed his hair many colors before until he settled on consistently dying it black

homura and natsuo are his favorite siblings

when fuyumi was first learning to cook hed refuse to eat the food she made

he may act like hes just annoyed that the other league members got hurt because it makes his plan harder but in reality hes worried for them and will want to hurt anyone who will hurt them

and finally! he cant taste things super well because his tongue is stapled together, however he can still taste enough to enjoy food

[moancores]

𝙸 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝙳𝙳𝙸𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝙴

summary : laying with you i feel like moving clouds high in the sky

pairings : aki hayakawa x fem! reader

caution warnings : smoking (cigarettes), mentions of fingering, a fic without a plot

words : 1.6k

inspiration : cigarette (ft. Tablo, Miso) — offonoff

Aki is cautious, even on his days off, he’s still highly aware of his surroundings and refuses to put his guard down. Paranoia laced his bones like a second skin, flooding his sanity and bathed him in alamort—his colleagues taunting him with obscene mouthfuls, referring to his tension as volatile metallics. He reminds them that it’s always better safe than sorry at the end of a job, his eyes always glazed in wet, insomniac entrapment. Of course, nobody took him seriously until after they were dead.

So in these lunar gold moments, where evening arrived too early, he wandered inside a morphean building with shame and guilt. The inclescent sign that read ‘DECADENCE’ in English flashed against the ebony ink night sky; showing the dense population of Tokyo that they were willing to open their doors for the damned and beautiful. Even inside the crimson illuminated lobby, where only one man sat at the front desk, Aki still kept his guard as he unconsciously created half moon circles into his salt stain palm from the tip of his nails. He nodded his head to the man with cimmerian eyes, who in return smiled at his favorite patron as the man pointed to the ceiling.

See, boy of misfortune that’s laved in bittersweet sickness was rooted to this love hotel for two years now, his feet pierced in magnetic obsession that always had him crawling back. He was a regular, someone the staff knew by name, despite the hatred that calloused him of how easily they spoke his name. It rolled off their tongues like venom and they made it sound harsh—their tone the equivalent of choking of funeral soil. He hated the illusion of their voices and it could be the overwhelming shame that made him hate them, but he can’t shake the feeling that they could be dangerous.

He held his breath as he looked at the man, feeling the apprehension kissed his skin as he melted into a cold sweat, but he understood. That she was waiting for him in the same room that overlooked the same LED sign that promoted the same ramen stall on the same main street. Aki left the same lobby to take the same left turn to the same ricody staircase, climbing the same nine floors up as the warm light bathed him in hues of champagne drip. He ignored the same art pieces that made him feel uncomfortable throughout the years of visiting, traveling down the same narrow hallway where the same wooden floors tripped him up before sighing at the same wooden door. Aki has frequented this room so casually that the owner of the hotel molded an exact replica of the key to this room.

The scent of peonies enveloped him into a serene eumoiriety as a sheen moisture of humidity coaxing his face, the strands of his acantho hair clung to his skin. The room was bare with little to offer besides a bed that was displayed in the center, adorned with the same pale blue sheets that Aki had messied and soiled with his own multitarian elixirs. In the far end of the room, the balcony doors were open to allow the evening winds to consume the fragments of fornication as the sheer curtains swayed against the current of cool zephyrs. Between the alterations of fabric, you stood amidst the foundation of taboos as you leaned your body against the iron railing, looking outwards towards a malice devoured city with half dead people being the buildment of a devil’s desire. Aki blinked as he watched your wet hair sway against the gust clear currents or how the tips of your hair dribbled warm water and pooled beneath you.

Aki pulled out the pack of cigarettes he recently purchased, tapping the cardboard box against his open palm with thunderous shockwaves in the hopes to pack the cigarettes tight. He fumbled with the packaging but he managed to quickly peel away the thin plastic that encased around the box and threw it to the ground; grabbing a cigarette between his fingers that stained his skin in the scent of tobacco and fig before brushing the filter against his bottom lip. Between the billowy curtains and harsh winds, Aki witnessed a scintilla of mist that blew east from your lips and dissipate into the astral atmosphere—the smell of your cheap cigarettes that were laced with poison was pungent. Aki watched, observing how the ash from your cigarette gravitated downwards towards the concrete versus the cherry cola ashtray that was shaped in a heart. He witnessed how your toes curled as you leaned your body down more against the railing, watching you lean further and further downwards until you began to slip.

“Idiot!” Aki cried, his calloused hands gripping your waist as he pulled you down into the depths of your shared room, “You need to be more careful!”

“I was completely fine, Hayakawa-san.” You rolled your eyes, “No need to worry about me.”

Aki lit his cigarette as he inhaled the first cigarette from the last two hours. His lungs inflated with venom that bit his esophagus, the taste of tobacco flowers shoving down his throat in between the bursts of nicotine obsession. He blew the mist from his nose, feeling his airwaves clog in an arcane burn, “I worry about you like I do anyone else.”

“Aweh, you think that highly of me?” You teased, flicking the end of your cigarette off the balcony.

“Don’t push your ego, you’re not that important to me.” Aki argued, “but I refuse to see any more people die in front of me.”

The beige chair in the corner collected the dust and ash shared between them from purgatory evenings, and despite it’s broken appearance, Aki still sat gingerly in his favorite chair. He quickly dragged another puff of his cigarette before welcoming you into his lap and cradling you close into his arms that were strained with catastrophic dolent. He hissed as your body connected with a freshly blue bruise that blotched him in orchids blooming beneath his flesh—before you could apologize, Aki shook his head and told you not to worry about it. You notice how his body heat radiated with nuclear fission and how it burned like a thousand suns, clearly he was overworking himself and his body is unable to keep up with the demands of his mentality. You couldn’t say anything though, knowing that he’ll get upset and excuse his hard work for determination and becoming the savior of a saccharine generation, so instead you encouraged him to smoke. Maybe chain smoking fifteen cigarettes will keep him bound to you a moment longer, distracting his pulsating hate for devils with the taste of attraction.

You grabbed another cigarette from your carton, placing it sweetly between your lips as your head hung off from the arm of your chair. Your hair mimicking cascades of waterfalls as it fails with the downward spiral of gravity, ichor pooling in your head as Aki lit the cigarette dangling between your peach gloss lips with your butane lighter (shaped and molded to resemble a lock and heart) that he found ridiculous. You inhale deeply through your nose, collecting the smoke into your lungs before you allow it to bleed into the atmosphere.

Aki set aside your lighter before returning his hand to the inside of your thigh, knowing that after two packs, while your organs are festering and dying, his long fingers will slip between the hem of your panties and thrust between your love. Deep conversations will fall into malicious silence as the only thing Aki can clearly comprehend is your soft moans echoing into the sky. His fingers buried deep within you in rhythmic depths as he looks outwards into the skyline of his newly acquired city—wondering what devils wandered about in the far corners of Tokyo before questioning what Makima was doing in this very moment. Sometimes, he’ll look at you and picture Makima unraveling beneath him, lips agape with apricot blush dusting her skin.

In his mind, he knew you were beautiful but you’ll never compare to Makima. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he’s so enamored with her but he’s drawn to her like the sun is with supernovas. There’s always something alluring about the mysterious darkness that blanketed over her, making her feel archaic and silver. To Aki, you were the light, something that felt safe yet dangerous. You can melt him, burn him and you could just as easily cremate him like any other fire devil—you were a hindrance to him but he was addicted to you like every cigarette shared amongst you. You brought life into halcyon days, where flowers stretch their long necks to kiss your nectar.

Besides, those are sensations and thoughts for later. You placed the cigarette you’ve kissed between his lips, allowing to suck and nurture on the vile as his spine relaxed further into the beige chair. His thumb swaying small circles into your flesh as he exhaled the taste of rot from the cheap cigarettes you loved so much. His stress induced head felt a tad bit high from the smoke and your touch that the world around him began to circle slowly and sweetly. His heart thrumming in euphoria as he gladly took another drag of your cigarette, cherishing the feeling of light fingertips against his chapped lips as you held the cigarette for him.

Decadence was a hotel he was swore was the gate to hell from his mortal reality, and somehow you lingered in the corrupt realm of the ninth floor as a distraction from the vile and decay he bathed in. Blood and killings were a part of his life just like how breathing, starving and lust was. However, on the ninth floor of a man made hell, you became a calm addiction that Aki craved—numbing the deaths of his buddies, colleagues and friends after a cry, a funeral and sex. The cigarettes shared between you were the conversations of apprehension, loss, pleasure and possible happy endings. The smell of your pastel breathing places him in a corrosive mood and suddenly, he could devour the moon raw.

You placed your fingers against his lips, encouraging him to take another long hit as the tan filter was eaten from the saliva shared between hallowed bodies. “Smoke up a glimpse of heaven.”

[p-artsypants]

The Ghost of Smokey Joe (6)

St. James Infirmary

Adrien Agreste was acting bizarre. Before she can get the truth out of him, Marinette finds herself as the sole heir to the Gabriel brand and the mansion, following the murder-suicide of both Adrien and Gabriel Agreste. The mystery continues as Tikki explains that Adrien was Chat Noir...but if Adrien is six feet under, why is Chat Noir still running around?

Relationships:

Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe

Characters:

Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alya Césaire, Nino Lahiffe, Nathalie Sancoeur, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth

Additional Tags:

Temporary Character Death, Murder Mystery, off screen murder, Ghosts, Supernatural - Freeform, Haunting, Horror, Psychological Thriller, Eventual Happy Ending, I promise, Song fic, Halloween Flavored, Identity Reveal, Aged Up, Canon Universe, Mabel Voice: He's Resting, SPOOOKKKYYYYYY

Ao3 | FF.net

--

The night of the visitation, it rained. Like a kick to the gut, a painful reminder of what it was like to fall in love…now was only a soothing presence to losing love. 

The old umbrella in her hand didn’t help either. It was his. Adrien’s. The very same he gave her that day over ten years ago. 

Marinette had agonized over what to wear for too long. It was a wake, so black, right? She had this outfit picked out and everything. A sharp blazer over her little black cocktail dress, with black pumps. Even though it was a wake, it was a wake for her boss, one of the most influential fashion moguls in the world, and she would be taking his place. She had to look her best. 

But then, she changed her mind. It was a social event, yes, and she would be in the public eye and representing the brand, true! 

But it felt gross. 

The cocktail dress was too sexy for a wake, and wearing that much black made her look goth. 

It just wasn’t right. 

Then she saw the dress. A rose pink, knee length dress that flared out as it went down. It had little black polka dots on it. 

And it was Adrien’s favorite. He said so every time she wore it. 

Too peppy for a wake. Too casual, too fun and flirty. But a black cardigan over it, and she felt perfect. 

She could almost hear his voice as she posed in the mirror. 

“I love that dress on you. You look so cute, Marinette.” 

It made tears spring to her eyes. 

So no makeup then. Because she knew she would be crying a lot more tonight. 

“Don’t forget to pack tissues,” Tikki reminded, helpfully.

“Right, thank you, Tikki.” She tucked the little package in her purse. 

With one last pass of the brush through her hair, she was ready. 

So now she stood outside of the manor, the gate open. 

Well folks, I'm goin' down to St. James Infirmary

See my little baby there

She's stretched out on a long, white table

Well she looks so good, so cold, so fair

The paparazzi stood nearby with their cameras, ready to swoop in like vultures. 

She must have paused for too long, because they descended on her quickly, shoving mics in her face and asking questions. 

Didn’t they know why she was here? Didn’t they know what she was going through?

An arm reached around her shoulders and started leading her forward. “Alright everyone, that’s enough! Can’t you see she’s not in the mood?” Her rescuer shouted. 

The reporters didn’t pass through the gate, as that would have been trespassing. So thankfully, the crowd was left behind as they moved forward. 

“Thank you,” she said to the unfamiliar man. 

“Of course, Miss Dupain-Cheng.” He nodded. 

“You know me?”

“I know of you. Head intern to Gabriel Agreste himself, if I’m not mistaken. I’m from Harper’s Bazaar.” 

“Oh...a reporter.”

“Yes, but I really was just here as a guest to pay my respects. I’ve interviewed both Gabriel and Adrien a few times.”

“I see.”

He led her into the house.

Let her go, let her go, God bless her,

Wherever she may be,

She will search this wide world over,

But she'll never find another sweet man like me.

She was early, as Nathalie had instructed. No other guests were here. Just funeral staff, some family, and two steel caskets.

Two steel closed caskets.

Might make retrieving Adrien’s ring a bit of a problem, but not seeing his face…cold, motionless, and waxy would keep her somewhat sane. 

The man walked with her right up to the casket, the one with Adrien’s picture next to it.

“It’s a shame. That much skill, the absolute genius spread between the two of them. The world as a whole will never be the same.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Any idea what’s going to happen next? Not that this is an interview, I’m just curious.” 

She shrugged, “well, I’ve been offered the position, and everyone wants me to take it...but it’s so…”

“Overwhelming?”

“Yes.” She rested her hand on the casket. “I wish I could have a moment alone with him.” 

“Let me see what I can do.” He smiled, then he called louder, to the room. “The lady would like a few minutes alone, if possible.” 

“Is she family?” A staff member asked. 

“This is Madam Dupain-Cheng, she’s the successor to Gabriel’s empire. She’s practically family!” 

There was no arguing with that, and the group of staff members filed out into the adjacent dining room. 

“Thank you,” Marinette called to the man, still not getting his name.

“Don’t worry about it darling.” And he followed them out.

Marinette glanced around the room, just to make sure she was alone. “Tikki?”

“I’m here!” 

“I need you to keep watch.” The casket had two doors, one on top that would have been open if this was a regular visitation, and one over the legs. She slid the flower arrangement on top over to the bottom section and ran her hand over the edge. She pulled up slightly, and as she feared, it was sealed. 

“It’s locked,” she lamented. 

“Let me try!” Tikki zipped around the casket, and a moment later, it clicked and the cap opened ever so slightly. 

Marinette took a deep breath as her fingers curled under the lip.

“What are you waiting for?” 

“Just…I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to see what he looks like. I don’t want to…” but she put her reservations on hold, and pushed the lid up. 

She choked out a startled gasp. “Oh no…” 

Now, when I die, bury me in my straight-leg britches,

Put on a box-back coat and a stetson hat,

Put a twenty-dollar gold piece on my watch chain,

So you can let all the boys know I died standing pat.

Instead of the mangled body of her true love, there was only a pile of sandbags. 

Tikki, also horrified, went over to Gabriel’s casket and phased inside. Then she popped out, “this one is the same!” 

Marinette closed the lid and moved the flowers back into place, her mind moving at a mile a minute. Vaguely, she heard the click of the casket as Tikki put it to rights. 

Marinette was panicking, but quickly calmed herself down. This didn’t mean anything malicious, not yet. Maybe they were cremated and the family wanted to keep it a secret. Or because there’s no graveside service, their bodies had already been buried.

Who was she kidding, something was definitely going on. 

A mystery that was just aching to be solved, but her first priority was to retrieve Adrien’s ring. 

“--A moment alone!” A voice shouted from the dining room.

Marinette whirled around in time to see Felix storming towards her. Did he know? Was she caught?

He brushed past her, “move.” And went directly to the casket, grabbing the lip like she had. 

“Please sir! You’ll damage the casket!” One of the funeral home staff rushed and grasped Felix by the shoulder. “It’s shut and locked, it can’t be opened again.”

“I didn’t get to say goodbye!” Felix snarled. “Look at him!” He pointed at the photo on display next to the casket. “He has my face! I deserve to see him one last time!” 

“Sir...he doesn’t look like that anymore. It would be very disturbing to see his remains.” 

Disturbing indeed, considering Adrien wasn’t in there at all.

Amelie was quick to join the group and she consoled her son. “We talked about this. You knew it was going to be a closed casket.” 

“They said the family had time alone. I just...wanted to say goodbye, face to face.” He shook his head and scowled. “He deserved that, at least.” 

Marinette made herself small, feeling like an intruder in this family crisis. But Amelie still saw her and brought her in for a hug.

“How are you holding up, dear?” She asked, pulling away slightly. 

“I’m…I’ve been better.” 

“Of course, I’m so sorry for your loss.” 

Marinette had met Amelie and Felix more than a few times working at Gabriel. As the years went on, they came to visit more and more often. Amelie was always insistent that she call her ‘Aunt Amelie’ like Adrien. It felt weird to break the habit now. 

“Isn’t pink a little too festive for the occasion?” Felix bit. The red from anger in his cheeks had faded. Now he just sounded bitter. 

It was Adrien’s voice…but not. It was a shame Felix sounded so much like him. 

He looked just like him too, minus the slicked back hair and glasses. 

“Adrien really loved this dress,” Marinette whispered. “I know it’s not—I just—“ 

His face softened slightly, relieved that she had Adrien in mind, and not fashion. “Sounds fine to me.”

Even after the disastrous first encounter they had, Felix and Marinette never became friends. He and Adrien certainly got along, or at least appeared to, but Felix and Marinette were only ever cordial. 

It was a wake, after all. He should be nice. He gave her a small smile, one that looked eerily similar to Adrien’s.

Before she could stop herself, she was hugging him. 

He didn’t smell like Adrien at all. He smelled like clean cat litter and laundry detergent, not spicy cologne and the smallest hint of cheese. Belatedly, she realized the cheese smell was probably Plagg’s doing. 

“Uh…” He said awkwardly, before sighing and patting her on the back. 

“I’m sorry,” she pulled away. “Even though…” she trailed off with a blush, embarrassed with what she had done. “You just look like him.” 

“I know,” he shrugged. “I worried about coming. I’m prepared for people to see me and burst into tears. Or hug me, like you did. I get it. As much as I would like otherwise, I’m willing to tolerate it for today.” 

“That’s kind of you.” 

His face softened further. “You loved him, didn’t you?” 

Amelie gasped. “Felix! You can’t just ask things like that!” 

“It’s okay,” Marinette assured, hugging herself. “You’re right. I was—am. I still love him, even though he’s gone.” 

“And…you know what happened?” 

She nodded. “It sucks. And I really wish I could allow one terrible action to wipe everything away…but I knew him. These last two weeks he wasn’t himself. He was cruel to me in a way I had never seen. It just…it wasn’t Adrien.” 

Felix gave her a critical look. “I always assumed my cousin couldn’t hurt a fly. It’s…bizarre, what happened.” 

“It’s not public knowledge,” Amelie reminded. “And it should stay that way.” 

“Who are we protecting by lying about it? The ‘Brand’? The family? Adrien himself?” 

“What are they saying, anyway?” Asked Marinette. 

“They’re saying both Adrien and Gabriel died from an in-home accident.”

“Vague,” said Felix. “Suspicious.” 

“But better than ‘unknown causes’ at least,” said Marinette.  “Maybe it’s selfish, but I want Adrien to be remembered for all the good he did…” As Chat Noir, her brain added, “and not the demons he faced in the end.” 

“Still, I can’t help but wonder what made him snap,” he mused, looking at Marinette. “Do you have any idea what may have caused it?” 

Her mind went back to two weeks, when he had asked her to dinner. He was nervous, and told her he had something to tell her. 

And then that phone call a few nights ago. What had he said? Something about the basement?

“I’m…not sure. I’d have to think about it.” 

“Perhaps you two could consider this mystery another day? Not during the visitation?” Amelie urged. 

“Sorry mom, you’re right.” He glanced back at Marinette. “If you have anything on this, I’d love to hear it. I care deeply for Adrien, and honestly, I’m highly suspicious of these circumstances.” 

Amelie huffed. “Darling, you heard Nathalie, what she saw, what the police found, it’s pretty cut and dry…” 

“People don’t just murder their father’s for no reason! Especially with supposedly flawless mental health!” 

The room grew quiet, as Felix’s outburst was louder than intended. Thankfully, guests had yet to arrive. 

“Sorry. This whole thing…I’ve had enough of death in this lifetime.” He cleared his throat. “I need some water.” 

When he left, Amelie squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t let Felix get to you. It’s just hard for him. He has so much in common with Adrien, it’s a little scary for him.” 

Oh. That made sense. Fear he’d snap too? 

“It was sudden for everyone. We’re all going through it.” 

“They said you were having a moment alone with Adrien. I'll let you get back to it.” She squeezed her shoulder and left her in peace.

So now Marinette was left to wonder what she could possibly do. Where to even start? She didn’t need anymore time with an empty casket. 

An' give me six crap shooting pall bearers,

Let a chorus girl sing me a song.

Put a red hot jazz band at the top of my head

So we can raise Hallelujah as we go along.

There were a few more guests now, but it was still a little early. She saw a man in a suit arranging flowers. He had a name tag on his lapel. 

As casual as she could, she snuck over to him. “Excuse me, are you the funeral director by chance?”

“Oh? Yes I am. Bill Hunkerson, at your service. How can I help?” 

She had to phrase this very carefully, to not be suspicious. “I’m a very close friend of Adrien’s. He was wearing a silver ring when he died. It doesn’t actually belong to him, and I was wondering if I could have it back.” 

The man turned pale, but plastered on a smile. “Well, he’s probably wearing it now. Unfortunately, after we close the casket, we can’t open it again.” 

She knew that was a big fat lie. And Marinette hated liars. 

She lowered her voice. “Well, since his body isn’t actually in the casket, it shouldn’t be that hard, should it?” 

The man stared at her, wide eyed, no longer smiling. “How did you—“ He frowned. “Look miss, I’m just doing what I’m paid for. I don’t know anything. That ring is probably gone forever, and I’d stop this search now.” He straightened his tie and bowed his head slightly. “If you’ll excuse me.” 

Marinette opened her purse when she was alone. “I don’t know about you, Tikki, but I’ve got a bunch of red flags and alarm bells going off inside my head.” 

“This isn’t good! We need to get that ring!” 

“We need to find out what happened to Adrien’s body!” 

“Yes, of course, that too!”

Marinette gnawed at the inside of her cheek. “Hey, no offense to Plagg, but wouldn’t he know to bring the ring back to me? If he can’t remove it, then wouldn’t he come tell me about it?”

Tikki’s eyes widened. “You’re right! If he died under normal circumstances, yes…but if he was transformed when he died…”

“Then what?”

“Plagg probably would be forced back into the ring. That’s probably why he didn’t come!” 

“Now I’m even more worried and confused.” Marinette crossed her arms. “What if Adrien isn’t actually dead?” 

“What do you mean?”

“What if…he ran away? And Gabriel made it out like he died? What if Gabriel’s still alive too?” 

“It’s a theory, but I don’t know how well it will hold water.” 

She studied the room again, trying not to draw attention to herself. She was supposed to be grieving after all. 

Felix sat in the chairs over by the stairs, his back to the growing crowd. 

Even if they didn’t really get along, two skeptics working together would be better than each on their own. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” She asked. 

“I suppose not.” He sighed. 

Marinette sat in the chair next to him, and sat quietly for a moment, trying to decide how to proceed. She didn’t want to reveal her whole hand, but maybe playing a few cards would be to her advantage. 

Felix beat her to it. He let out a weak chuckle. “I hate this family.” 

What an awful thing to say at wake. “Why’s that?” She asked calmly. 

“They die too quickly. It sounds so awful, I know. But it’s just my mother and I now. Grandparents are long gone, then my Aunt Emilie, then my father, and now them. It sucks and I’m sick of stupid funerals.” 

“It must be hard. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well...I’m a pro at it now.” He was resting his cheek on his hand, and was staring at the corner of a wall, just pointedly avoiding eye contact. Still, she could see he had red in his eyes. Though she chose to ignore it. Felix seemed to be the type to hide his tears. 

“You know...the last time I talked to Adrien, he told me to check the basement.” 

This piqued Felix’s curiosity enough for him to look at her. “Basement? What basement?”

“I suppose here, but I haven’t had the chance to, since you know…all this going on.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense. I used to come to this house all the time. It doesn’t have a basement.” 

“So…maybe at the company?”

“Could be. I wouldn’t know.” 

“Okay, I just wondered...since you were family…” 

He growled. “Yeah, some family.” 

“Do you...want to talk about it?” She offered, really hoping he would take the bait. 

He chuckled again, no humor in his tone. “Might as well, no one around left to hide things from.” He leaned back in the chair. “Gabriel is...was a very private person. I tried to love him, since he was my uncle, but he did a very good job at keeping us at a distance. Adrien was the opposite. We talked often, even when his mom and my dad died and things got rough. Sometimes, it didn’t feel like we were welcomed here. But Adrien so wanted a connection. I could feel it in his hugs when we visited. He was starving, Marinette.” 

Marinette willed herself not to start crying.  

“Mom and I were told by Nathalie that Adrien and Gabriel were caught in a murder-suicide, as enacted by Adrien, early in the morning on the 23rd.”

“Did she tell you where the murder-suicide happened?”   

“Nope, just that it happened in this house. As the only living relatives, she asked if we could come and help with the funeral arrangements.”

“Were you involved in all of it?”

“I thought mom and I did all of it together, but there was one thing that Nathalie insisted on and wouldn’t budge.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Gabriel is going to be interred in the Agreste family mausoleum, but Adrien…” he sighed with disgust. “As punishment, he’s getting an unmarked grave.” 

“What!?”  

“That was the compromise. The truth about the murder-suicide, which I am believing less and less, would be withheld from the public as long as Adrien was…effectively erased from the family line.” 

She couldn’t help the tears that burst forth. “But that’s not fair! He didn’t do anything wrong! He couldn’t’ve!”

“Yeah kid, I know. I agree.” He scowled. “It makes me sick. I hate it. Adrien was suffering in life, and now he’s going to suffer in death.” 

“You don’t think he did it?”

“Do you?”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I know what’s been said, and what people saw...but it just can’t be true.” And she had evidence to prove it, in the form of that empty casket.

“You won’t mention I said any of this to my mom, right? She’s also having a hard time, but she tells me I’m in denial.” 

“I won’t say a word.”  

Folks, now that you have heard my story,

Say, boy, hand me another shot of that booze;

If anyone should ask you,

Tell 'em I've got those St. James Infirmary blues.

--

I’m not sure about next week’s update. I’m going camping and I don't know what the wifi will be like. Fingers crossed!

[lovecanbesostrange]

Welcome to another installment of random RRCAU fic, from the big, big universe that lives on the Ruby Lucas Harem Discord, because konako got that one random ask that time. (ask us about the insane College AU now, I dare you, we have answers you don’t even want)

So, if you follow that, have another scene. But this one is, heavy, because it’s all about the big dramatic death around the end of the second year. konako made me cry with the short snippet, so I will now repay that favor with the aftermath in a bit of a long form.

(this is towards the end of Ruby’s sophomore year at college, Granny has just died)

Ruby felt numb. If she could even call it feeling. But it’s either this or crying. And this is more helpful to get through tasks on auto-pilot. Sometimes there was the anger, now like an old friend. But it’s snapping at her friends, pounding the sandbag at the gym, running like mad on the field (Coach is a human after all, didn’t even make her do laps after clearly running the wrong plays). The last few days were a hazy blur. Food, hugging, a bit of sport, people, asking for an assignment extension.

And the phone call with Anita.

She was numb during that, too. And it was for the best. They both knew Granny wanted to be cremated. Just like her husband. But Ruby knew that she also wanted her ashes to be scattered like his. And Anita had said no. She had made arrangements for the urn to be buried. A small service and a burial. Ruby had said she’d be there.

“Whatever.”

A response Ruby knew well.

Regina and Mary Margaret had brought her to the airport. She was using up Regina’s miles again. But she didn’t argue. When she landed she thought she’d get herself to the trailer park somehow, maybe a car rental. Ruby hadn’t thought about that. There was something though. And yes, there was, Mary Margaret had told her - Eva was already waiting at the exit.

Another hug. Long. Warm. Welcoming. It brought Ruby out of the haze a bit, so new tears fell. Tears for Granny. Dead. The last bit of happy memories tied to that place her mind kept insisting on calling home.

“... you can sleep in Mary’s room and I’ll take you to the airport day after tomorrow of course.” Eva already had it planned out, telling her in the car. “Ruby? Is that all okay with you?” Ruby tore off her gaze from the scenery outside, pulling her head away from the glass of the passenger’s window.

“Can we go to the Terrace?” Suddenly the name sounded hollow. “I’d like to get a couple of things.” Maybe she would be too late. Maybe Anita had thrown everything out already.

“Right away?”

“If you don’t mind, please.”

“Of course not, honey.” Eva held the steering wheel with her left hand and put her right on Ruby’s knee, squeezing. Comfort. Reassurance. “Tell me what I can do and consider it done.”

The hint of a smile pulled on the corners of Ruby’s mouth. This was Eva. This had always been Eva, even when she didn’t understand it. She got things done for her.

Pulling up at the trailer park felt strange. For one it was because Ruby was sitting in a nice car. Not rushing through the side entrance on her bike. It was also because Ruby could count the times she’d been here in the almost past two years and every time she got away from it, the place seemed smaller and further away. But mostly, without Granny this was just a glorified parking lot with a bit of green.

Eva parked and waited. Ruby unfastened her seat-belt, but she couldn’t get out. She looked over. Ruby didn’t know if she wanted to go in alone. If she could. Was it better to have Eva there as back-up? Or was that disrespectful?

“I… would you… can you maybe come with me? I don’t know if…” She didn’t know if she could even step a foot inside or would crumble at the front door the way she had days ago in front of her dorm.

“I’m right behind you.” Eva smiled. The warm mom-smile.

Ruby didn’t know if Anita would be here now. She didn’t bother knocking though and didn’t need a key. Nobody needed a key to get in, when you knew the lock wasn’t working properly and all you needed to do was lift the front door at the right angle and push hard.

Ruby opened her mouth, but closed it immediately to not say hallo into the void. Everything looked mostly as expected. There were a few empty alcohol bottles stacked next to the kitchen sink, Anita had been digging in. But she still got herself together to not let them lie around. Maybe that was good. Maybe that was something to care about.

Suddenly her home - the trailer - looked depressing. More than usual. Granny wasn’t sitting outside or lying in bed. The tiny tv was not running. That specific background noise missing was a big deal. Sure, Granny had been in and out of the hospital, but the finality was felt.

Ruby breathed in, the hitch alerted Eva and she touched her on her back, steadied her. The smell. Oh the smell was home. The mix of the cheap laundry detergent, the sharp air freshener, the lingering scent of Granny mixed with Anita’s aggressive perfume. It smelt a bit different than she remembered, but that was probably herself missing from this equation for a long time now.

Slowly Ruby stepped towards the bedroom. The smell of Granny got stronger. Without thinking about it she sat down on the bed. The linens crisp and clean, waiting for someone to sleep here again. There were pills on the nightstand. The little tub with daily doses already in order. Ruby picked it up. Monday and Tuesday were empty, she looked at Wednesday and the morning was missing. Right, after that Granny had called an ambulance. Thursday’s pills were untouched. Thursday had been the last time she had seen her. Ever.

Anita hadn’t touched anything in here as far as Ruby could tell. It was a surprise. Maybe she didn’t know what to do with all the stuff. And maybe, just maybe, there was more emotional baggage inside of her and she couldn’t let go of her mother. She had never left either. She could have. She could have let Granny rot alone in here and not just disappear a few days at a time, but forever. And yet Anita had always come back. Despite everything.

Ruby put the pill box back down and grabbed the framed photo. It was Granny’s wedding picture. She had never stopped loving that man that barely had time to get to know his own daughter and who never knew that his memory lived in a granddaughter he never met at all. They were a handsome couple. This was one of three pictures she knew she wanted above all else.

Her hand was already under the bed, searching the shoe box stashed there. Yes. She opened it and was greeted with all the letters she had sent home the last two years. It felt like so little, but she knew it had meant much. Granny had taken the photos from some of these out and put them on the wall next to the tv. But the pictures Ruby was searching were underneath it all.

An old black and white photograph. More brownish actually, genuine sepia, grainy, worn on the edges. It was Granny as a child with her three older brothers. It was the only thing Ruby knew of, that even proved they once had been alive. Before that fateful accident. Three brothers and their father, all gone in one go.

This family was cursed. Mothers and daughters left. And Granny’s mother hadn’t made it much longer on her own. Maybe Granny and Ruby got along, because they skipped a generation between. Mothers and daughters gave each other plenty of resentment.

And then there was the third picture. Granny with her dear husband and a fancy new car. The red Camaro had been out of their price range, but on their anniversary they had gone to the dealership, got a long test drive out of it and made that a date. Granny had talked about that day a lot. Grandfather promised them a brighter future where they would be able to afford a car like that. Not just stealing fake moments, but creating happy ones for real.

That had never happened.

Granny had deserved more and yet life had rejected her. But she had held on. Despite her heart condition, the many losses of family members around her, the slipping into poverty. Granny had always held on. For over 80 years. Nobody had thought that would even be possible. So maybe it was okay to say goodbye now. Now that Ruby understood how Granny could look at a picture of her dead husband for hours and feel nothing but love.

Ruby put the frame into the shoe box, then her gaze fell onto the chair. Granny’s knitted cardigan hung over the back. She’d always worn that grey monstrosity, though it was unflattering even on her. Ruby got to her feet and picked it up. She buried her face in the fabric. Granny. Yes, she wanted this. The pictures, her own letters, the cardigan. It meant something.

Tears began to fall again. Ruby wasn’t numb at all. Breathing in all the memories came rushing back. Sitting on Granny’s lap during Christmas story time; teaching her the sacred lasagna recipe; listening to unimportant happenings at school; the encouraging words when Anita’s indifference turned into vile insults; daydreaming of long trips with fingers on the maps of an old atlas; sitting in front of Granny’s bed, eating something from the microwave and letting Granny catch her up on her soaps. There had been love.

Eva had been silent all this time and given Ruby space. Now she stepped closer and wrapped her up in her arms. Ruby hugged the cardigan and felt Eva kissing her on the head. This was goodbye. But she wouldn’t be alone.

The service was lovely, but what really got to Ruby was seeing people attending. She had thought she’d be there alone with Anita, maybe Eva in the back. But there were a few neighbors. Mrs. Johnson even gave her a quick hug, she had come by like once a month to do Granny’s hair for free, but really it was about the conversation. Nurse Wilcox had retired herself three years ago, but before she had worked at the doctor’s office Granny got her subscriptions from. She had seen the tiny ad in the paper and wanted to pay her respects, remembering one of her favourite patients.

A part of Ruby wanted to scream, because she knew burying the urn in the dirt was wrong. Even though Anita had picked a nice little headstone. Ruby knew this was money she couldn’t really afford to spend. But causing a scene in the cemetery was the last thing she would do. She’d rather run away and not attend at all, while more than a dozen people paid their respects.

There wasn’t much said between Ruby and Anita. Who cared about one more argument and hollow questions about their current living situations? Ruby would remember the way Eva kept holding her hand, let her ramble through incoherent memories and tugged her into Mary’s bed. (Something Ruby rejected by getting up at night to sleep in the treehouse, the cardigan close to her chest.)

And when summer came around, Ruby would clean a whole week out of her schedule. No summer class, no work, not anybody around. Maybe it was irresponsible to blow through a portion of her savings, but she found a car rental that could get her that red 1975 Chevrolet Camaro. And maybe it was called grave robbing, but she dug up Granny’s urn and put her on the passenger’s seat. A week on the road right up to the beach where Granny had scattered her husband’s ashes.

That would be Ruby’s last goodbye. When she finally could let go of the woman, who had mostly raised her. The road trip they had talked about in giggling voices.

Turning into the parking lot was hard. And just when Ruby doubted she could scatter these ashes alone, she spotted Regina waiting for her. She had send so many texts to her friends and called to let them know she was okay, that Regina knew when she would arrive at her destination. Regina, who had been there when Ruby had last spoken to Granny. Fitting. Granny’s final blessing.

[utterlyinevitable]

Time Bomb

III.

I.  |   II.

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.2k Warning: angst, trauma, panic attack Summary: OHSY Chapter 13 rewrite with the trauma we should have had.

A/N: I was going to have this be one long fic but it read just as jumpy as the canon chapter so imma split it up into 3-4 parts. I’ve been sitting on this for weeks and not really happy with it but yolo it’s as good as it’s gonna get! Enjoy 💗

________________________________________

III.

Following an all-too-short lunch with Jackie, Becca reposed in the residents lounge for the rest of the day, alone, save for the somewhat reassuring chime of silence which was suspended throughout the room, and a riveting new journal that she held in her hands as she waited on labs to come back for her only patient, Farley. 

Esme stepped inside the newly renovated room, closing the thick wooden door behind her and spinning a pen anxiously between her fingers. The atmosphere changed immediately - whatever calmness Becca found in this modern solitude vanished with her enigma of an intern’s presence. She moved to sit across from Becca without saying a word. 

The two of them sat there in complete silence for a bit. The only sound was the rattling of the central heating from behind the ceiling panels and the taps of the pen Esme was still spinning between her hands. 

Becca folded the article on her lap. She couldn’t focus on it anyway. 

“Esme? Everything okay?”  

It was impossible to miss the sullen look on Esme’s face - as if the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders and crushing her completely. She looked at Becca for a long moment, never meeting her eyes. Esme’s stare scanned the resident before her; the one resident responsible for her mentorship, the one she’s supposed to trust, the one who’s known to have faced great ethical dilemmas. All Esme could see was the same struggle staring back at her - only worse. 

“Not really,” she huffs, crumpling back into the couch cushion. “It's Levi. His situation... it's really getting to me.” She took a pause to lick her dry lips. Then dove into the guilt eating away at her, “He's in so much pain every minute of every day. He's miserable, Becca. His whole life is agony, and he can't even tell anyone. I put my stethoscope to his chest a few days ago, and he teared up.” 

Becca could tell Esme was trying not to cry, hiding her emotions behind the brick wall her angry tone provided. Trying to be strong. For whom had yet to be determined.   

“Could you live like that?” 

“Honestly…” Becca sighed as she bit her cheek, “I don't know.” 

The last two weeks had Becca contemplating her own existence more than ever - a unwarranted side effect of escaping death. And in all those restless hours she hadn’t settled on a solid statement. She hadn’t found the right words to completely encompass and make sense of the endless agony tearing her apart. 

She wished she could have switched places with Danny and Bobby; it was her fault they got caught in the crossfire. But Becca was selfish. So selfish for not wanting to die. 

Rebecca Carolina Lao did not want to die. She could not die.

She’d worked hard her entire life - devoted her youth to her studies and cultivating the best resume she could. Her life had only just begun. She finally had the career of her dreams and… 

What else is there to live for? 

Those around her. Her friends. Her family miles away. 

She couldn’t leave them. What would her mom be like if she had died without saying goodbye? She was strong but no one is strong enough to bury their child. Would she have her buried, or cremated and kept close to her heart? How would her roommates cope with the loss of another friend? How would they cope with taking on her share of the bills on top of inevitably losing their jobs in a few months? Who would pack up all her stuff and where would it all go? 

Becca didn’t know any of these answers because she wasn’t in that position. 

Through all of her pain, she fought like hell to stay. 

As she sat in front of Esme, Becca’s mind briefly wandered to what it would be like to be in Levi’s position. If she couldn’t hold anyone’s hand anymore, or hold a pen or a book without pain… or kiss Ethan… 

Would she be strong enough to live without everything she holds dear? 

No. 

She could not imagine her life ending any time soon. 

“So what do I do for him, Becca? How do I help?”

The pen stopped rotating and the heating system lulled to a dull hum. 

“You try... To respect his wishes,” she said with a resolute nod. “That could mean finding new experimental treatments, or it could mean accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more surgeries, even if you think they might help. He doesn't have any good choices right now. You have to make sure he knows you care about him first and foremost.”

The damaged girls looked at one another. The words settled and the air shifted.   

Esme balled her fists against the loose fabric of her scrubs at her thighs. “Yeah... that makes sense.”

“Levi's been through a lot, and it makes sense that he doesn't want to get his hopes up for no reason. But it's your job to try to get him well.” 

“I just wish I believed we could actually do that. Fix him.” Esme sniffled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, straightening up resolutely. 

Becca’s eyes softened. She remembered how it felt with her first terminal patients. That absolute helplessness didn’t compare - not any more. 

The thing about being terminal - the silver lining - is foresight. People with incurable conditions have time to come to terms with dying. They have time to make amends. They have time to live the rest of their days on their terms. They have time to say goodbye. 

Unlike Danny and Bobby. 

Esme rose to her feet, wild determination in her eyes. “Levi's an amazing guy. I'm gonna help him... somehow.”  

“He is,” a small smile pricked the corners of Becca’s lips. “I'm glad he has you to look after him.” 

“Thanks, Becca. This really helped.” The standoffish intern smiled back and headed off towards her mission. 

And once again Becca was left alone in eerie silence.  

***

Stir crazy and mind bouncing too much for the walls of the small lounge to handle, Becca decided to make laps around the hospital. She spent the rest of her afternoon reacquainting herself with the wards and spending time comforting premature babies in the NICU. 

Babies. 

How can you be sad around babies? So full of life and promise... 

Becca was walking past the E.R. on her way to check on Farley when she ran into Ethan. 

His face lit up when he saw her; she looked better. She had pulled her hair back into a neater bun and there was a ghost of a smile present among her features. Looking up at him there seemed to be a glow about her, glowing in the faint way that only someone with a new lease on life could. Maybe Ethan was wrong. Maybe she did need to come back to work and face her fears head on. Maybe what was best for her was the distraction and promise of doing good. For once he hoped beyond all hope that his assessment would be proven wrong. 

The sweet coloring in his eyes sparkled and the small cracks of crow's feet peeping at the corners sent a joyful warmth throughout Becca’s body. Just the sight of him gave her enough purchase to let out a large gust of air and with it most of her reserved tension. 

Ethan. 

He was here and she was safe. 

For a fraction of a moment they both forgot they were still in the hospital. 

“I've just been with your landlord,” he said slightly softer than his normal cadence, giving them both reason to stand closer in the busy lobby.  

“How is he?” Becca shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her coat, keeping herself from reaching out to him in such a public place.  

Their eyes never strayed from one another. The sparkle in his azure’s matched the glow of her heart as she gazed at him. 

“A pain in the ass.” The sides of Ethan’s mouth perked upwards just a hair. “Medically, however, I'm waiting to see if any bacteria shows up in his cultures. If he has meningitis, we'll need to-” 

Suddenly, the ambulance bay doors burst open cutting him off. Their heads whipped towards the door where an EMT was wheeling a new patient in.  

With skilled precision the EMT rattled off. “I have a patient here. Unconscious female, 50's.” 

Becca and Ethan took a brief look around the E.R., but the few doctors on duty were busy with other urgent cases. 

“We'll take her,” he says just as Becca’s feet carried her to the gurney in an adrenaline-fueled rush.   

Unconscious woman. Shallow breaths. 

Becca’s muscle memory took over well before her brain could catch up, gently slapping the nameless woman’s deathly pale cheek. Everything happened so fast. Becca’s vision was filtered by a vignette secluding her from the world. The only thing pulling attention at the center was the woman before her. This patient barely breathing and clinging to dear life. This patient with frayed graying hair, soft creases and a pale white face with a structure she’s seen before. 

This woman’s not going to die. 

Becca wouldn’t have it. On the third slap to her boney cheek the darkened edges faded and Becca could finally see the bigger picture. 

The moment she made contact, it clicked. 

Becca’s jaw dropped as she registered the features glaring back at her. 

“Oh my god…” she whispered to herself. 

This can’t be. 

Nervously looking over her shoulder Becca called, “Ethan,” 

He raised his brows, ready to jump in and help at her command. 

Before he could take a step forward Becca quickly elaborated, “It's your mom…” 

Time kept spinning and every second this patient came closer to losing life. 

For the first time in his career Ethan was rooted to the spot. 

Of course this would be how they meet after 25 years. The universe had been playing a sick and morbid joke on him lately - Dolores, Naveen, Becca, and now the woman who was dead to him long ago. 

“Ma'am?” Becca tapped her again, trying to jostle her awake. 

Becca’s eyes further assessed the woman’s state. Blue lips and fingertips. Memories jolted through her on the backs of the numbing adrenaline of her first ever case with Ethan - 

She’s losing life. 

Just like Danny and Bobby and... 

Becca pushed the constricting feeling of paralyzation aside. This woman cannot die on her watch. Another life will not be taken from her. Regardless of who they are.   

Ethan watched Becca move frantically around that woman. The reassuring color she finally found had drained from her face completely. Without having to ask he knew how Becca was feeling, because he felt it too. 

He didn’t want to help this patient. He wanted to turn on his heels and let the powers that be take control. To let whatever power that took her away from them all those years ago to come and take her away now. He couldn’t look at her. The nerve of that woman. But Ethan Ramsey took an Oath and there was a patient who needed his expert care. 

With herculean effort Ethan shook himself out of his trance and leapt into action a split second later.  

“How's her breathing? Listen to her chest,” he instructed.  

“Shallow. Pupils are small and unresponsive…” Becca responds, moving to check their patient’s arms for any telling signs. 

And she finds one. 

Track marks. 

She bit back the gasp threatening to call Ethan’s attention. 

Ethan… 

As much as Becca wanted to protect him from this - from the deep seeded, constant pain his mother inflicts - her job came first. Becca was a doctor and her attending needed to know the diagnosis. 

“It looks like an opioid overdose. We need to wake her up.” 

She didn’t take her eyes off of his mother, willing her awake with every fibre of her fragile being. Calling up to that invisible force that spared her life only weeks ago for just one more favor. Just one more delay to the inevitable. She greedily needed her to survive. Needed his mother to open her eyes - there was no other option. 

Death would not come today.  

“Louise?” Ethan finally acknowledged the woman. His voice bellowing, pricking goosebumps on Becca’s skin. “Dammit!” 

Ethan brushed past Becca and ground his knuckles into his mother’s sternum. 

“Hnnng…” Louise whined; her eyes opened for a moment and Becca caught the same baby blues blankly staring at her then rolled back in her head. 

No.

Doe eyes wide and full of diluted terror Becca announced, “I'll get the naloxone.” 

She hurried to find a bottle of the drug in a cabinet by the nurses station, quickly preparing an injection in her unfaltering hands as she moved back towards the gurney in ten steps. Then without an ounce of hesitation, stabbed the needle into Louise’s shoulder. Ethan’s mother drew a deep, shuddering breath, eyes fluttering as she slowly pulled out of her unconscious state. 

Becca’s breath caught up with her. 

She’s alive.

That was all the assurance Ethan needed. 

“Alright, she'll make it.” Ethan pulled his rubber gloves off and stepped away from the gurney and where Becca still rooted beside it. 

“Nurse? Keep an eye on her. We're done here.” 

Becca wasn't done. She was sinking in the feelings surrounding her. She felt like she was drowning in the onslaught of waves overtaking her - waning adrenaline, fear, terror, inadequacy, remembrance. Death looked her in the face again today. She evaded him once more. 

Becca 3, Death 2. 

What quarter were they in? When will this duel finish? 

She doesn’t know. It’s an inevitable prolonging. A battle she won’t win for long. 

When is the end? 

She’s consciously terrified of losing. 

Becca’s rooted in place as the waves began rolling towards her. Everyone moves around her in fluid sweeps. She sees nothing and everything all at once. Her line of sight coated in blanched static. 

When the nurse took over and shook her out of her trance, Becca noticed Ethan promptly striding from the room without another word. This wasn’t the Ethan she knew; he would never leave a patient this soon. And this wasn’t a patient… it’s his mother… who nearly died if it wasn’t for him… 

Becca swallowed her bile of trauma and chased after him through the storm; 

“Ethan!” 

The haunting she felt in her core didn’t matter. The shadow taking tallies over her shoulder didn’t matter. None of that mattered. She had to push past it all and be strong for him now.

He was elusive. She didn’t even hear his footsteps stomping through the hall and rattling through her, not even the vibrations ricocheting off the steel foundations. His long legs couldn’t have taken him too far. Scanning the corridor, Becca noticed the door to the on-call room a second away from shutting. 

Ethan.   

She finds Ethan hunched over a cot in the empty on call room. The room is dark - only one clinical light is glowing in the far corner of the cramped room. His hands balled into tight fists, the whites of his knuckles reflecting the little light away from his crumpled face. 

She gingerly sat down beside him and ran a gentle hand over his back. 

“Ethan?” Becca whispered a few moments later “Are you alright?” 

Warm air flowed indignantly between them. 

“She does not get to do this to me.” He huffed in his deep voice laden with the sentiment of a broken child. ”She does not get to make me feel bad for her.”

“I’m sorry.” Becca couldn’t say anything louder than a whisper. Her own despair still gripped into her like a vice.  

“Don't be.” Ethan shrugged bitterly, though not enough for her to let up on her calming caresses. “This has nothing to do with me. That woman isn't anyone I know.”

She rested her head against his shoulder. They let silence hang and their minds clear. It was Becca who asked the most pressing question from their earlier observations: 

“Do you think your dad knows she’s using?” 

“...I don't know.” 

He grinds his hands further into his eye sockets, willing the newest image of that woman from his minds eye. Becca continued soothing rubs up and down his back and placed her chin on his shoulder so she could look at him more closely. 

“It’s okay to be sad,” she mutters. 

“I'm not sad. I'm... I'm…” Ethan dropped his hands and they hung between the gap of his legs. His eyes squeezed shut and she can make out the small droplets trapped against his lashes. “Angry.” 

“That's okay, too.” Her free hand moved to begin tracing nonsensical patterns over the thin, starchy fabric at his forearm. “Anything you're feeling right now is okay.”

His clouded eyes flew open. 

“I'm…” he begins to speak before pressing his lips together tightly. 

He huffed, shoving off her embrace and stands. 

“I have to get back to work.” 

“That was your mom, Ethan. She nearly died. You can take a minute. It's okay--” she began to plead. 

Becca was trying to beg him to stay. To lock the door and let them hold one another for a while. So that they can fall apart and patch one another up with unconditional affection. She needed this just as much as she knew he did. 

But Ethan didn’t give her the chance to ask, to make the all too enticing proposition as he bound across the room. He didn’t even bother to turn around; his eyes shut tightly and hand reached for the metal knob. He inhaled a deep cleansing breath; 

“No, it isn't. There are patients that need me much more than she does.” There was a finality in his tone that frightened her. 

Becca’s jaw slacked. 

Ethan didn’t leave a second for her rebuttal. For her to beg. Not even a quirk of the neck in her direction to see the matching brokenness in their eyes.  

The door shut loudly behind him, his footsteps echoed down the hall. 

She wanted to chase after Ethan. He needed her now more than ever. Another person in his life could have been gone in a swift, unforgiving instant. If the effects of seeing their patient on the brink of death was this bad for her she could only imagine what he was going through. Though Becca couldn't move, couldn’t force herself to run through the halls and break down the barriers he’s just put up sky high. He’s pushing her away again; she can feel it. 

Resigned, Becca gave up the great fight. 

When the rattling of his exit dissipated and all that reached her ears was an unnerving peace, she laid down, hugging the plastic wrapped pillow tightly to her body. It smelt like clean and disinfectant and morbidly hospital-like. She wasn’t able to lose herself in this horrid smell. She ripped off the case with as much strength as she could muster, freeing the mass-produced cushion. The squish of the mildly firm pillow through the hypoallergenic fabric wasn’t helping. It still carried all she needed to forget. Rolling to face the wall, curling into a tight ball and burrowing her face in the pillow she let out a vital, subdued scream. The damn was shattered and her emotions spiraled freely for the first time in days. 

Everything was all too much.

________________________________________

Masterlist

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[watch-grok-brainrot]

Jin Guangyao's Violation of 忠孝仁义

So I had written about WWX and his strong sense of 忠孝仁义 last week. While I was writing it, I kept on thinking about JGY and how he managed to violate all of these virtues. I wanted to go into this characterization of him because I find it so interesting how opposite he is to WWX in the decisions he made. (Warning: i’m not nice to JGY here so if you don’t want him dragged, don’t read?)

忠- loyalty, devotion, fidelity (usually for country or monarch)

(Can I take a moment to talk about how much I LOVE THIS SHOT?! The blood of WRH on the camera lens, WRH falling over, the sudden shift to brightness that mirrors the scene in ep 50 where JGY obscures the sun in his bow (picture above the read more cut)! I can’t get over how much I LOVE the lighting and the way WRH collapses, making way for JGY to become the new sun. Foreshadowing much CQL Crew?!)

This one might be a stretch depending on how you read JGY. I fully believe he went to work for Wen Ruohan as Wen Zhuliu did -- seeking someone who will value his skills. However, WZL died for WRH and JGY just bided his time. (Note: While we know very little about Wen Zhuliu, we know he was at least 忠 and 义. He died for WRH and Wen Chao and refused to let WC desecrate Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan’s bodies. For that, I have to give him respect. He, despite everything, still had that jianghu sense of 义. Also, the man can count. And knows what a golden core feels like.)

So we know JGY gave Lan Xichen the maps, but he also lured them to Nightless City where the puppets were waiting. Had WWX not brought out the Stygian Tiger Amulet, would JGY have murdered WRH? Or would he have stayed in the shadows forever? As a viewer I have no idea what JGY is thinking, what he’s doing, or what he’s hoping for. He hides so well his intentions that there is debate about if he really was helping with the Sunshot Campaign or not! That isn’t something you can say about someone with loyalty. 

What upsets me further is that Nie Mingjie, having been JGY’s superior officer, sees JGY more clearly than LXC can. NMJ has seen JGY murder and has seen the level of self-serving vindictiveness JGY is capable of. In the case of the Sunshot Campaign, this self-serving attitude made JGY become a double agent uncommitted to either side. Too bad NMJ could not convince LXC of JGY’s duplicity. I’m gonna blame those dimples. 

The fact that we do not know JGY’s intent really shows his lack of 忠. If You Stand For Nothing, JGY, What Will You Fall For? (Answer: Himself and that is not 忠)

孝 - filial piety (deference to your lineage)

So for 孝, you’re supposed to respect your parents, honor your parents, and defer to your parents. What are you not supposed to do? Kill you father. That’s what.

So this should’ve been a really short section because that’s pretty cut and dry. But I want to look at what JGY says to JGS when JGY brings in Sisi and the other women. 

(He’s so creepy in this picture! *shudders*)

“父亲,我给你找来了你最爱的女人. 有很多个. 你高兴吗?”

“Father, I have brought you your favorite -- women. There are many. Are you happy?”

(Translation note: you can translate the line as your favorite women or your favorite -- women. I chose to translate it as the latter due to the context.)

First of all, the tone. JGY’s voice is breathy. I can almost hear a smile. He has zero moral qualms about this. He addresses his father as father, not dad or anything close. But he does acknowledge that relationship. And then he says he’s brought JGS’s favorite. There’s a slight emphasis on the favorite there. And it’s creepy. JGY adds the next line and goose bumps start to form on my skin. He knows his father’s sins and he’s punishing his father with it. Why are you doing this JGY?! And at the end, when it asks “Are you happy?” his voice is so sinister I want to scream. JGY clearly knows what he’s doing. He knows exactly what it means to be 孝 and chooses to make a mockery of 孝, to make a mockery of his father, and to kill his father. 

And then, after he watches JGS die, he tells Sisi and the other women to continue -- to desecrate JGS’s body. This is about as un-孝 as one can get! Remember, WWX and JC were willing to die to get JFM and YZY’s bodies back so they could be cremated and honored. The difference here is night and day! Yes, JGY was very good to his mother, including building a Guanyin Statue in her likeness and sparing Sisi who was a friend of his mother’s, but I cannot get over how much of an abomination he was toward JGS (even if JGS deserved an awful death).

仁 - benevolence, humanity, love of man

JGY has no 仁. Does JGY love anyone other than himself? Maybe his mom. (He might have some 仁 towards Su Sh*t She but that’s only suggested by the last couple of episodes.) That’s really it. He might have loved Jin Ling as his nephew. He might have loved LXC for LXC’s kindness and brotherhood. He might have loved Qin Su as whatever relationship he thinks they had. But when push comes to shove, JGY has zero benevolence towards anyone. He’s willing to kill Qin Su, take Jin Ling hostage, and take LXC hostage. (He also has no 义 but that’s the next section!)

And there’s ep 23. When LXC, JGS, and NMJ were discussing what to do with the Wens,  JGY suggested the Wens be imprisoned at QiongQi Path. Since WRH had ordered the slaughter of multiple clans, including the Jiangs at Lotus Pier, doing the same to him would not be considered unreasonable. Ruthless, yes, but a good show of might and order. This acceptance of murder is due to the concept of 诛九族. 诛九族 (zhū jiǔ zú) is one of the most severe punishments in ancient China. The character breakdown makes it fairly self explanatory:

诛 - to execute, kill, put to death

九 - nine

族 - family, clan,ethnic group, or tribe

诛九族 condemns you and your entire family to death (Depending on the source, some say it’s you + 8 types of relatives. Some say it’s everyone related to you from 4 generations above to 4 generations below).

By suggesting the Wen remnants be imprisoned and not slaughtered, JGY presented himself as 仁. However, by turning around and slaughtering the people per JGS’s wishes, JGY knowingly chose the immoral path where blood flowed like rivers. 

(Also! The way this shot pans down makes me think about how JGY is descending into a hell of his own making...)

义-  righteousness and code of brotherhood

Good god, 义. I have so many feelings about 义. Let’s start with some history because CONTEXT is so important. So when you ask a chinese person on the street to give you an example of 义, I’m willing to bet one of the most common answers you will get is 桃园结义 (tao yuan jie yi, or peach garden/grove establishment of brotherhood). This is THE story of fraternal love between non-blood related men. 

So quick and dirty synopsis of 桃园结义 and the three kingdoms story (I actually haven’t read it and it’s been a while since I actually tried to figure out the plot… so hopefully this is all correct!). Three men (刘备、关羽、张飞/ Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei) met on the streets, fought each other, became besties, and decided to start a rebellion. They took over one third of the country with the oldest (刘备) being the monarch and the other two working at his side (a little Yunmeng bros feel there, right? You’ll be the leader, I’ll be your right hand man). And they died for each other. 关羽 was the first to go. To seek revenge, 张飞 worked his men to the rebellion. Two of 张飞’s subordinates ultimately decapitated him while he was sleeping and brought it to their enemy. 张飞’s head and body are buried in two different cities in China (doesn’t this make you think of NMJ’s fate? Because it did when I was thinking about this and I wanted to cry. Also, 张飞 started out as a butcher. SERIOUSLY CQL/MDZS, can we pretend to be SUBTLE!?). 刘备 continued seeking revenge. Prior to 关羽’s death, the three kingdoms were in semi-equilibrium where the two smaller ones were allied against the larger. However, 关羽 being killed by their kinda-ally destroyed the delicate balance between the three kingdoms. 刘备 could’ve tried to make peace but he wasn’t going to let his sworn brother’s murder go unavenged. They all died in the end but with honor and brotherhood intact. 刘备 and 张飞’s determination to avenge 关羽’s death epitomizes the virtue of 义. They are willing to die for eachother. 

In CQL the parallelism to the 桃园结义 imagery is obvious to anyone who has a cultural background that screams Romance of Three Kingdoms at you. Let’s take a look, ok?  

A quick Google image search yields these images (I couldn’t choose): 

You know what they look like? This (from ep 40): 

You know what 桃园结义 looks like when mainland China made a live action? This: 

And you know what that reminds me of in CQL (ep 23)? 

Are you freaking out now about the visual parallels? Ok. Good. Because we’re moving onto a tiny bit of text comparison because i’m excited and i can. 

Per Romance of Three Kingdoms (note: historically inspired novel, not history), 刘备、关羽、张飞 swore the following oath: 

“念刘备、关羽、张飞，

Hope that Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei

虽然异姓，既结为兄弟，

Even though we have different last names,since we have sworn to be brothers

则同心协力，救困扶危；

Then let us unite our hearts and efforts towards helping the needy

上报国家，下安黎庶。

Repaying our country, bringing peace to the people.

不求同年同月同日生，

We do not ask to be born on the same day of the same month of the same year

只愿同年同月同日死。

But hope to die on the same day of the same month of the same year

皇天后土，实鉴此心，

Heaven and earth, verify our hearts

背义忘恩，天人共戮！”

If we turn our backs to righteousness and forget charity, may we be slaughtered by all. 

Now, let’s look at the oath said by the 3zun:

“神明在上。

Brilliant gods above, 

今日我兄弟三人在此立下重誓，

Today, we three brothers swear a solemn oath here 

上报仙门，下安黎庶 ， 

To repay our cultivation sects, To bring peace to the people.

天地同证，如有异心，

Heaven and earth be our witnesses. If we become disloyal, 

千夫所指，天人共怒”

May a thousand men point their fingers at us and may we be incite the anger of all

Even some of the wording is verbatim. The parts I bolded are what I was excited by since they’re either parallel or verbatim. 

The first set of lines: 上报国家，下安黎庶 and 上报仙门，下安黎庶 . (Remember when I guessed in my WWX post that since there are no countries, the cultivation sects are the target of 忠? This is my proof that I was right!) My hubris aside, this is the part of their oath where they swear to be both 忠 and 仁 together. The wording is verbatim except for the part that doesn’t apply to the CQL universe! 

The second set of lines: 天人共戮 vs 天人共怒. The sentence/phrase format and message is identical-- betray this oath and incur wrath.  (I can’t help but headcanon NMJ wanted to say 天人共戮 because it’s so much more metal but JGY was like, that’s really severe and convinced LXC to side with him to get it changed.)

Even the structure of the oaths are similar. Both oaths start with an introduction (we are three who want to be brothers), both oaths ask the heaven and earth to see them (Heaven and earth, verify our hearts & heaven and earth be our witnesses), and both oaths call upon the wrath of the people for vindication in case of betrayal. The CQL version is an abridged version of the three kingdoms oath and the writers set that up along with all the imagery because they want us to be constantly thinking about the three kingdoms bros and their amazing “even after death we’re still brothers” sense of 义.  They want us to compare JGY’s 义 with that 义 and find JGY lacking. 

The obvious betrayal of 义 is NMJ’s death.  Not only is JGY the cause of NMJ’s death, he butchers (i’m cringing at my own pun... but it’s so accurate) NMJ’s body so that NMJ’s spirit cannot rest. 

But, to me, what JGY does to LXC is betrayal on par with what he does to NMJ (and not dissimilar to what Xue Yang does to Xiao Xingchen). As we went over in the section about 仁, JGY says one thing so that LXC suggest JGY handles the matter. When everyone leaves, JGY does the un-仁 thing, essentially with LXC’s blessing. JGY kills NMJ but he does it by asking LXC to teach him how to play guqin. LXC becomes an unknowing accomplice (like XXC who becomes the killer of tongueless victims of corpse poison). 

So remember in my WWX post how I said WWX took on what he perceived as JC’s debts so JC doesn’t end up 不仁不义? JGY says one thing and does another in front of LXC. He knows LXC cares deeply about being righteous and kind. He knows LXC wants to do good. And he leads LXC down a path of self doubt and regret. LXC ends up teaching JGY the techniques that kill NMJ. LXC lets JGY handle the Wen remnants. Thus, unlike WWX who tries to absolve JC, JGY intentionally puts LXC into the position of 不仁不义. 

Can WWX and JGY be more diametrically opposed (foes)?

[jessicajonesrp]

Family reunion

Jessica, texting Luke: who the hell let a Phillip Jones in the building

Jessica: if it’s Trish she’s way more fucking blonde than I thought

 Luke texting back: Que? What the heck are you talking about woman and since when did I become your doorman?

Jessica: PHILLIP JONES FUCK HELLOOOO

 Luke not having a clue what’s going on just calls her.

 “What are you talking about, am I suppose to know this person?? Seriously how am I supposed to know what the hell you’re talking about Jessica?”

 Jessica is talking very rapidly, her breaths shallow as she answers, pacing back and forth.

 “My fucking brother, that’s who. The one dead 16 years now? Only not because he just left my office. Probably he did anyway, since I opened the window and jumped out of it after my whole fucking world imploded.”

 “Oh your brother….Ooohh your dead brother?? Now your insane rantings make sense now..Shit Jessica I’m at a lost of words right now..What are you going to do?”

 Jessica laughs, but it sounds far from humorous. “I don’t fucking know, I kinda just freaked out and bolted. It isn’t a ghost, and it was him, as soon as he said it I could tell it was. They said he was dead, why the fuck would they tell me that, and where the fuck has he been all this time?”

 “Wait backup, you jumped out your window? And why would someone lie about him being dead? I think I have as many questions as you do.“

  Jessica is still pacing the rooftop. “I mean, it was open already. The window. I dont know, but I’m definitely awake right? This is real? This isn’t….I don’t, another fucking hallucination thing?”

 “Well I don’t know baby, how about you go back and crazy thinking here..Talk to him! Make sure he’s not some crazy fanboy..Do your detective thing..Get his fingerprints and some DNA, if he’s telling the truth, he shouldn’t object to proving it. I’ll wrap up things here and come to your office..And if he’s a nut, let’s just be happy you didn’t work from home today.”

 “Whatever, you don’t have to,” Jessica muttered, exhaling. “I got it. I’ll go back and see if he’s still there. Hell, if he really is Phillip, he’s waited sixteen years to show himself, he can wait ten minutes for me.”

 “You sure? Cause twenty…thirty minutes top and I could be there..I’m mean if you got family out there I’d like to meet them.” Looking down at his desk at the pile of boring papers. “Honestly I could use the break, I’m sooooo damn bored! We should have stayed on our honeymoon longer.”

 Jessica huffed another breath, shaking her hair back from her face. “I’m stopping by the liquor store first, then I’ll go back. I mean…I guess it could be a trick, or some of my crazy head games with myself. But.. What if it isn’t? He looks like him. Like He would have looked.”

 “Come on Jessica if it is your brother do you really want his first impression of you as a person that jumped out her own office window and his second you’re drunk off your ass, Look I’ll bring home a bottle of the good stuff but go back a face him with your wits intact.”

8

It was a good point. Fuck it, why did Luke always have to talk logic when Jessica was ready to run away and shove aside anything that tried to stop her or make her feel?

 “Well, it wouldn’t be all that surprising to him, since his last impression of me before showing up on my doorstop was how I caused the accident that killed our parents because I wouldn’t let him have a fucking video game,” she muttered, and damn if her eyes aren’t getting a little wet.

 It’s something that she’s always harbored, and never voiced aloud before, that it is her belief that she is the reason that her family had died. She had been too selfish, too loud, too much of a bitch, she hadn’t shared with her little brother and had made her father angry, she was the reason he took his eyes off the road. If it wasn’t for her, it never would have happened, her family would still be alive.

 She had always pushed those beliefs far down; Dorothy certainly hadn’t encouraged her to talk about her family, and Trish had always been so tentative around the subject, not wanting to hurt or anger her, that it had become far too easy to blank out memories or feelings about them for someone already inclined to repress anything too painful. Now, the possibility was presenting itself that for all these years, she had actually had a little brother out there, orphaned because of her, needing her, maybe not knowing what had happened to her. Or had he? Had he known all along that his sister had been adopted by a celebrity, while he was left behind, and she was told that he was dead?

 “Fucking Dorothy,” Jessica muttered, more to herself than to Luke, because whatever had happened all these years to her brother, she was almost sure Dorothy Walker’s hand was somewhere in the mix. In response to Luke, she said begrudgingly, “Fine, I’m going back. I’ll show up sober, but no promises I’ll stay that way once I’m there.”

 Hanging up, she ran a shaking hand over her face, fighting to slow the escalation of her breathing. She manages to stave off enough anxiety to avoid a panic attack, even as memories flicker through her mind. Waking up at fifteen in the hospital bed, frightened, in pain, wanting nothing more than to see her parents’ face, only to overhear the angry voice of teenaged Trish, blurting out that all of her family is dead. Asking about funerals, about memorials or any sort of service she could take part in, only to be told that those had already taken place, that she had missed them all, and there was not so much gravestones for her to visit instead. Picturing her family cremated, as Dorothy had so blithely told her, decimated into pieces small enough that they would all together fit in a small box or vase.

 If Phillip was alive, then whose body had they cremated? Or was even that a lie? Were her parents still alive out there somewhere too?

 Hope mingled with dread as Jessica started jumping rooftops, making her way back to her office building’s. She swung herself back down inside the open window, unsure whether she was relieved or not when she saw immediately that the man who had introduced himself as her brother was still present inside, now sitting somewhat uncomfortably on her beaten couch.

 “I figured you had to come back some time,” he muttered, not acknowledging the fact that her rather nontraditional entrance through the window. After her exit out of it, perhaps he expected that she preferred using it to doors. “Even if you do run your own business, you’ve gotta touch base at office eventually.”

 Jessica didn’t move any closer towards him, even when he stood, angling his body to face hers. Leaning back against the window, as though prepared to make another hasty exit if needed, she crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at him.

 “So you’re my brother,” she said flatly, eyes looking towards his forehead, rather than the hazel eyes that so closely matched her own. “Prove it.”

 “What do you want, my birth certificate, my DNA?” Phillip shrugged, sounding unsurprised. “I could get both or either. Mouth swabs can do the trick these days. But I’m guessing you’re wanting words. Well, let’s see, my middle name is Brian, after Dad, but I guess anyone could look that one up. Your middle name is Campbell, after Mom’s maiden name. I know anyone could look that one up too, but what they couldn’t look up is you used to hate it, because I would call you Campbell soup, to the point that you wouldn’t eat any kind of soup at all, even if it wasn’t actually Campbell brand.”

 Jessica’s eyes widened, and she tried to cover her shock by pressing her lips together in a thin line. Phillip wasn’t finished. He seemed to actually enjoy throwing some of the old, mostly forgotten information about her long ago history back towards her.

 “Hm, you used to watch Xena the Warrior Princess a lot, you wanted to dress like her for Halloween but Dad didn’t want you wearing the skimpy costume, so you were a ninja turtle instead. I think that was when you were maybe eleven? You lost a tooth when you were nine on the playground because you were trying to do a full flip on the monkey bars and bashed your mouth against a bar instead. I was crying, scared because of all the blood, but you didn’t even cry. You were just mad because Mom made us leave and wouldn’t let you try again.”

 Jessica couldn’t speak. She tried, but her throat was closed up, and she couldn’t seem to form words or thoughts. Everything Phillip was recounting was true, memories she hadn’t touched in nearly two decades, and as they flooded back vividly, she stood frozen between pain and hope.

 “Uh…oh, you had some troll dolls, and I hated them, because their eyes and those weird little jewels in their belly buttons glowed in the dark. So of course, you used to sneak them into my room and hide them in my bed or in a dresser drawer or something, just to make me scream. And of course, I did my part by waking you up when you were a teenager by burping or farting in your face, then running for my life.”

 Phillip chuckled slightly, then intensified the easy, laidback tone of his voice, taking a slow step forward. “Take the DNA test if you want, Jessica, but you have to know it’s me. Don’t you.”

 And she did. She knew before he said any of it, knew as soon as he identified himself aloud the first time. This was her brother. Her brother….alive.

 “You’re not dead,” she said aloud, her voice small and dry. “They said you were dead.”

 Phillip shrugged, one side of his mouth tipping up in a smirk, very similar to one Jessica’s own face often showed.

 “Guess news of my demise was greatly exaggerated then.” More seriously, he said, “Technically, I guess I did die, they had to shock me back a few times, or so I hear. But in the long run, I survived. And I’m here. I wanted to see you, Jessie. Once I could find you, and get to you….I wanted to see my sister.”

 Jessie. The name sounded different in his mouth than it did in Dorothy’s, or any of the other people who insisted on saying it and whom Jessica refused to accept it from. She had thought the only three people allowed to call her by her childhood name were long gone, and the privilege to do so gone with them. But this man, this person with her brother’s features on a grown man’s face, called her Jessie so easily and naturally, and it sounded right.

  In a few jerky steps Jessica came forward, putting her arms around Phillip in an awkward but intense embrace. They had been fifteen and ten the last time they saw each other, and their relationship ship been far from one that showed physical affection; any physical contact with each other generally involved pinching, slaps, and shoves. It felt strange and strained to touch someone so familiar and yet so unknown, but as Phillip put his arms around her in return, with almost equal levels of awkwardness, his responding lack of ease only intensified her knowledge that he was the real deal.

 “Ease up, Jess,” he said lightly, flinching slightly. “Not all of us have super strength.”

 When Jessica jerked back, eyeing him, he shrugged at her. “What, how else do you think I found you? You were on the news constantly after that mind control guy, and everyone going crazy trying to kill each other. And then Dowling Investigations ads, it might be Trish Walker’s face, but she says your name and your title, and everyone in the world with any sort of TV or radio access knows you’re her adopted sister. Yeah, there are like, a million Jessica Joneses, and I didn’t know if you’d stay in New York or not earlier, but once the mind control guy happened, and Trish talking about you on her show, it wasn’t that hard to find you. I just…kind of took a while to get up the balls to actually go to you.”

 He shrugged again, giving her a somewhat self conscious smile. “I guess now that we’re here, we have to get to know each other all over again. We’ve kind of spent more time living apart than together, you know? A lot can happen in sixteen years.”

 He was right on that. And truthfully, Jessica had no idea where to start, so she focused back on him.

 “So if you weren’t dead all this time…where have you been? What the hell happened?”

[thewildomega]

Doughnut of lies Ch. 5

Feeling blood drip from your mouth and run down your chin to fall into the large puddle on the floor you blinked slowly and listened to the two men talk outside of the room. 

"Are you questioning my decisions?" the man that had been beating you for the past... you didn't even know how long it had been... said in an annoyed voice

"No! No boss all I am saying is well the girl isn't talking. She hasn't said one thing about the Big Mom pirates. She's ain't gonna hold up much longer so maybe we should just cut our losses and sell her..."

"Sell her?! Do you know how much treasure Big Mom has on her island?!"

"Yea but that girl's an omega, they go for a high price, I ain't seen no claiming mark on er' either. An unclaimed omega is rare, more rare than even mermaids..."

Hearing the other male hum you closed your eyes, God you'd rather die than be someone's slave. Just kill me. Please just let me die.

"If the bitch doesn't talk by the end of the day we'll sell her." 

"Yes boss." 

Looking up when the door opened you glared at the male who narrowed his eyes at you. 

"I'm guessing you heard all that?" he huffed. When she still didn't answer he shook his head and grabbed her small neck in his hand. "So what's it gonna be girl? You tell me what I want to know and I'll let you go."

Lies. All of it was lies, even if you told him what he wanted to know he would still sell you. You weren't stupid like he thought you were. Besides even if Big Mom wasn't the nicest person she had still taken you in and her children were your friends, you would never betray them. You would never betray the man you loved. Spitting blood on his face you heard the deep growl leave his throat as his hand tightened around your neck. 

"You've done it now bitch." he growled. Pulling his knife from his belt he held it up for her to see before he dragged it down her breastbone, leaving a bloody trail and cutting up the front of her shirt. 

Gritting your teeth you tried to hold back your cry of pain, your eyes closing tightly. When he stopped the knife at your diaphragm you tried to breath in as much as you could with his hand squeezing your throat. 

"If you beg I just might forgive y...AHH!"

Swinging your foot up you kicked him in the groin as hard as you could, taking in a sharp breath when he released his hold on your neck to fall to his knees. Whimpering at the intense agony in your chest from what you assumed was your many broken ribs you looked down at him and grit your teeth. Wrapping your hands around the chains connecting your cuffs to the ceiling you lifted you used all your strength to lift your body up, giving your leg the momentum to land a hard kick to his back. Out of energy you let go and dropped back down to your feet, your toes barely touching the floor as your body swung a little. 

Groaning and growling the man pushed himself up from the floor, his balls throbbing along with his middle back. Looking to the omega with fire in his eyes he moved over to grab the wooden cane from the corner. 

Seeing him swing the cane through the air you closed your eyes tight and thought of Katakuri. 

....................................

Sitting in the office of his mother's old cremate he kept his eyes closed. Marco, Whitebeard's second in command had come into the room a little over an hour ago and showed them that only a small corner of y/n's vivre card was left and still burning away. She was dying and the knowledge made him feel sick to his stomach, like someone was squeezing his heart. Over the past two days both ships had been sailing in the direction her card said she was in and he and her father had spent most of the time talking about her. He had admitted to denying her when she had finally found him, sending her away and threatening to kill her if he ever saw her again. It had taken everything in his power not to attack the man then and there. He knew how much it meant to y/n to find her father, how long she had been looking. There was no doubt she had been crushed by his rejection and he was sure to let the man know as much, not feeling sorry at all for the guilt clouding the huge male's eyes. 

"How did you meet her? How did she end up with you Charlottes?" Whitebeard asked the young alpha sitting in the chair with his legs and arms both crossed and his eyes closed. 

Sighing slowly he kept his eyes closed as he thought back to that night over twenty years ago. "She found me hiding from slavers in the shed, we got in a fight and she beat me up pretty good. When they came for me she hid me in their house." he wouldn't tell the man that she was the first only person who ever smiled at him, who never belittled him because of his mouth, how she was his only friend. "She somehow convinced her mother to allow us to stay with them until mama came back..."

"You knew Selena?" Whitebeard asked. 

"For only a short time. She was already very sick when we came along. She was mostly bedridden and stayed in her room where y/n cared for her." he told the male and saw the man's brow furrow. He had told him how he hadn't known about y/n, how he had thought his mate had been killed. 

"How old was she, y/n?"

"Five, almost six." 

She was so young, too young to be taking care of her dying mother. It should have been him, he should have been there. 

"She passed about a month or so later. When mama came to get us I... we took her with us. We have been together ever since." 

Humming he looked down, looking again at the pictures that had been bundled together with the stack of old letters he had written to his dear Selena. Most were aged but he could see his mate in them, along with a little girl, his pup. The first one was of Selena sitting in a bed, she looked tired but a smile was on her face as she held what he assumed was their newborn daughter in her arms. A few others were of Y/n was a baby and small child. His favorite was the picture of his mate and pup sitting in the grass, flowers around them. Selena was sitting back, resting on her hands while what had to be a three or four year old y/n laid in the grass by her legs, a large, carefree smile on her face and her blonde hair, hair she had gotten from him forming a halo around her head. Looking the the last one he saw it was a close up picture of the both of them, only their faces in the picture and y/n's little arms making him think she had taken it. Selena was smiling softly but her eyes looked so tired, so weak. The boy in front of him, Katakuri had said she was sick, she was already dying in this picture. Quickly swallowing the knot in his throat he closed his eyes. The guilt that his omega had been sick and he wasn't there to take care of her weighted heavily on him. Always he felt like a failure for not being there to protect her when he thought she had been killed but to now know she had died slowly while their daughter, a little omega herself was forced to care for her, to take on the responsibility which was his made him feel less than dirt. Opening his mouth to speak he was cut off by a loud knocking on his door. 

Snapping his eyes over to the large door he saw Marco throw it open.

"Pops I think we got her. That ship, if I'm not mistaken, I think it's the Reaper Pirates." he told his old man. 

Hearing this the massive man quickly stood from the chair and hurried out onto deck, Katakuri right behind him. Looking out in front of them, just on the horizon he saw the black ship with black sails and growled. 

"Who are the Reaper Pirates?" Katakuri asked Marco when he heard alpha growl. 

"A bunch of horrible people. Slavers, murders, rapist, you name it. They don't care who they hurt so long as they make out in the end. If they've got her then it isn't going to be good." Marco told him honestly. Holding the small bit of paper out for the large male to take. 

Taking the paper from Marco he saw it was only as big as his thumb nail now and grit his teeth. Looking back towards the ship that the woman he loves could be on he felt his heart hammer in his chest. Remembering what Nebula had said about an unclaimed omega going for a high price he grit his teeth. 

.....................................

You were so cold, your arms were numb from being chained above your head and holding your weight for so long. You wished you could say the rest of your body was numb as well, at least then you wouldn't be in so much pain. Every breath you took felt like your chest was being stabbed with a bunch of needles. Blinking slowly you had to fight to open your eyes, they felt so heavy. How much longer would this last? When would it end? Closing your eyes again you heard what sounded like cannons but you couldn't will your eyes to open anymore. Things were starting to get muffled sounding now, yelling, it sounded like yelling... you were so tired. Sleep. You just wanted to sleep. Sleep and dream. Dream of him. 

...................................

He was the first one on the ship, using his devil fruit to fly across to the deck. Using anything he could he started cutting down man after man. Their bullets went through him with no problem, hitting the men behind him. He heard as Whitebeard yelled but he paid him no mind. As soon as he had seen the boxes and crates from Toto land he knew they were the ones that had attacked y/n's ship. Seeing the Captain run out of his cabin he growled at sight of the man adorned with y/n's sword. He gave him no time to attack, throwing his spear through the air and into the man's chest just as he saw his legs change into what looked like those of a frog. Being pinned to the wall he walked over to him and wrapped his hand around the man's throat. "Where is she?" he growled. 

"Where's who?" he chuckled, blood staining his lips. 

Gritting his teeth he shoved the trident into the man completely and watched him die. Ripping y/n's sword from his side he tossed it to one of his men, "Take it to my cabin." he told him and saw the man nod. 

Glancing to the sword Katakuri had handed over he recognized it as Selena's old one and looked to his crew, "Search the ship, find her." he told them. The ship wasn't made for his size, nor that of the Charlotte but the young alpha was quick to duck down and go bellow deck in search of y/n. It angered him to know he couldn't help look for her but the least he could do was make every man on this ship pay. 

Hurrying down the stairs he easily killed any person that dared stop him. Looking over every space he saw no sign of her. Squeezing down to the haul of the ship he kicked open doors, looking over storage rooms and such. Getting to the end of the hall he got to a thick wooden door with a bolt lock. Quickly unlocking it he threw open the door and what he saw made him almost fall to his knees and he would have if he hadn't fell tot he door frame instead. Oh God NO! His whole body trembled as he hurried over to her. There was so much blood. She was covered in it, her skin, her clothes, her hair. It was puddled on the floor, staining the wooden boards a dark red. Her clothes were torn, hanging on her small frame only by pieces here and there. Looking down to the sea prism cuffs holding her body up he swallowed hard at the raw, bloody skin under them. Her tiny fingers, the only part of her not smeared in blood were a light blue from holding her weight for so long. Swallowing hard he looked the room over for the keys but didn't see any. Hearing someone behind him he commanded for them to find the keys. 

"Y..yes sir..." the person said quickly before scrambling away. 

While waiting he gently, his hands shaking reached out to cup her head in his palm, tilting it up so he could look at her. Seeing the deep bruises littering her beautiful face he grit his teeth. Blood ran from her nose and mouth, along with the large cut on her cheek. Her eye was slightly swollen shut as well. At first glance she would almost be unrecognizable. Licking his lips he looked her over, "Y/n? Y/n wake up. Come on sweetheart look at me, open those pretty eyes." he said in a deep low voice. 

There was a voice, a soothing deep voice. It was calling to you. Something warm was touching your face and that smell, vanilla and leather. You knew that voice, that smell but it couldn't be him, he couldn't be here. Trying to open your eyes you just couldn't lift your heavy lids, you didn't have the strength, you couldn't even move your lips to say his name.  

Her eyes didn't open but he did hear a barely audible whimper leave her busted lips and it sent a aching pain straight to his heart, made something in him come alive.  "I got you sweetheart, you are going to be alright." he said, wither it was to her or himself he didn't know. Hearing boots running towards him he looked back to see the man from his crew standing there with the keys in hand. Snatching them from him he quickly started unlocking the chains around her wrists. Trying to hold her to him and unlock the cuffs he saw as Marco hurried towards him, helping to unlock the cuffs while he held Y/n in his arms. Once her arms were free he felt her entire body fall limp but he was there to catch her. Holding her in the crook of his arm he watched as Marco's hand moved towards her and he growled in warning. 

"Calm down Charlotte, I am a doctor." he told the alpha male and heard his growl stop but his noticed his body still tense. Feeling her pulse he knit his brows. "Her pulse if fading, we need to get her back on the ship quickly." he told him. 

Without another word he was rushing out of the haul of the ship with her cradled to his chest. As soon as they reached the deck he saw the emperor's eyes shoot to him and then down to the battered omega in his arms, his face contorting into one of pure fear and anger. 

"Come on we have to hurry." Marco called already going up the gangplank. 

With a nod from Whitebeard he followed the male to the room that was designated for medic. Laying her small body on the large bed he watched as the other male started moving about, grabbing this and that. Seeing a woman come into the room as well and start helping Marco he guessed she was his assistant or a nurse of some sorts. He could only stand there in a frozen state, staring at her near lifeless body. With the lights in the room he could now see more of the damage that littered her body. Her shirt was cut open, almost revealing her breasts. If it would have been under any other circumstance he would be a blushing mess right now but seeing her skin stained red and black he felt nothing but worry. 

"She has lost too much blood, she will need a transfusion. Do you know what blood type she is?" Marco asked the male who seemed to be in a state of shock. "Charlotte." 

Snapping his eyes to the male he blinked to focus. "Ah yes she... she is XF." With a nod he saw them set up the IV, watching as they cleaned away a part of her arm.

"She's too dehydrated...I can't find a vein."

"I'll have to do a central line." Marco said, moving to grab the things he needed. "I need you to go outside." 

Looking to the male he knit his brows, "I am not going an..."

"I can't risk her getting an infection, it will kill her. You are also in the way. You can wait outside and when I know something I will send Nina out to get you." 

Looking from the male back to the omega and he took a deep breath. Nodding he took one last look at her before he left the room. Getting outside he saw a few chairs in the small room and took a seat in them. Looking down he saw blood on his hands, arms and chest. Her blood. Closing his eyes he tried to steady his heart. He had swore the day Brulee had gotten hurt that he would get stronger, that he would always be there to protect the people he loved. He hadn't kept true to his word though because the woman he loved deeply was in the other room, on the brink of death and he hadn't been there to help her. Even now he was unable to help her. Clenching his fists he made a promise to never let her get hurt again. Hearing a door open he looked first to the one she was behind and saw it still closed. Glancing left he saw Whitebeard coming through entrance. The large male closed the door behind him before moving to sit in one of the other chairs. Not a word was said, there was nothing to say. All they could do was wait.

........................................

Hours later, long into the night the door to the medical room opened and he snapped his eyes open to see a tired looking Marco walk out, wiping his hands on a towel. 

Looking to both men he took a deep breath before starting. "She is stable. I'm not going to sugar coat it, she's in rough shape. She was beat, I'm guessing by that cane that was in the room with her. Her body is littered with cuts and bruises as well as some nasty welts. She has many broken or cracked ribs, as well as her cheekbone. I pulled a bullet out of her shoulder and a few large splinters out of her thigh and hip. I am guessing it has been at least a good week possibly more since she has eaten anything and considering how dehydrated she was I'd probably say they didn't give her any water either. Lastly she has a mild concussion and the ligaments in her shoulders and wrists have been torn from holding her weight for so long. I've healed her the best I can for today, she's too weak for me to do anymore and I don't want to push her but I will do more tomorrow. It will take time but she should make a full recovery." 

Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding he closed his eyes. "Thank you." he said and saw the male give him a small smile and nod. "Can I see her?"

"Sure, just give Nina a moment, she is getting her cleaned up a bit." 

Nodding he saw the male go to stand by his captain, the two of them speaking softly. It didn't talk long until the woman came out and he was allowed inside. Walking over to her bedside he looked down at her and closed his eyes, she was covered in bandages. But, she was alive and that was all that mattered. Lifting his hand he brushed her hair back some. 

Watching the young alpha with his daughter he took a deep breath. "My daughter, what is she to you?"

"Everything."

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday Reissue: The Heart Attack

Note: This is a repost of an older Stay Golden Sunday that had to be redone for housekeeping reasons.

Sophia becomes very ill one night and is convinced she’s going to die. The Girls confront the idea of mortality.

Picture It…

The Girls bid farewell to their guests as a storm rages outside. They praise Sophia for the meal she cooked for everyone, and Blanche says it was even better than the food she ate in Italy. The Girls tell Sophia to take a load off in the living room. They start the dishes in the kitchen, while Rose talks about her family’s Scandinavian cooking.

Back in the living room, Sophia says she’s got a “bubble” of pressure in her chest. Rose thinks it might be gas, but Dorothy says her mother isn’t looking so good. Blanche goes to call the doctor. Sophia clutches her chest as the bubble turns to pain. Dorothy lays her down, while Sophia worries she could be having a heart attack. Blanche says the doctor was out, so she called the paramedics.

DOROTHY: Ma, you know, you don’t look good. SOPHIA: I’m short and I’m old. What did you expect, Princess Di?

The two discuss their family’s deaths – which include a fall from a donkey and misfiring a gun while taking out the garbage – to rule out the possibility of heart disease. Blanche and Rose talk about how death should come without pain or illness, getting sidetracked until Dorothy shuts them up. They go to make coffee, while Sophia begins to worry she’ll die. She starts giving Dorothy instructions on what to do after she’s dead, and says Dorothy was always her favorite, even if she never showed it.

In the kitchen, Rose and Blanche discuss death. Rose says her family members live to their 90s and 100s, which Blanche attributes to the Minnesota cold slowing down the aging process. They also discuss cremation vs burial: Rose wants to be buried with all her sentimental items, while Blanche wants to be buried in Arlington Cemetery because it’s full of men. Sophia tells Dorothy she loves her. When Rose and Blanche return with the coffee, she thanks them for keeping her company. She decides to rest while Blanche goes to call the paramedics again.

BLANCHE: Do you want to be buried or cremated? ROSE: Neither! BLANCHE: What do you want to be, flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?

Rose tells Dorothy it’s probably not a heart attack, as she’s seen one and they’re bigger. She recounts Charlie’s heart attack to Dorothy, which happened while they were making love (she told Arnie this back in Episode 3, but this is the first time she’s told one of the other Girls). She dressed him before emergency services arrived, and his last words were that he loved her. Blanche returns and says the paramedics are held up by the storm, and they’ll just have to wait… and pray, as Rose adds.

The Girls crowd Sophia, who wakes up and tells them she had a near-death experience and saw Heaven. She describes seeing her husband and asks Dorothy to get her rosary. Blanche’s main interest is if there are lots of men in Heaven (which… why wouldn’t there be?), and eventually goes to help Dorothy. Left alone with Sophia, Rose bugs the crap out of her by recounting farm stories.

BLANCHE: What about men? Are there lots of men in Heaven? ROSE: Oh Blanche, come on! BLANCHE: Well you asked her about God and Jesus!

In Sophia’s room, Dorothy’s going through Sophia’s things, looking for the rosary. She tells Blanche that she’s not ready for Sophia to die, and that she’ll still feel like an orphan at her age. She breaks down in tears at the thought, and Blanche comforts her by saying Blanche and Rose are her family too, and they’re there for her.

In comes Dr. Harris, presumably Elliott’s replacement as their house-call doctor. He inspects Sophia and finds her side is sensitive, so he asks her what she ate recently. The girls list a truly disgusting amount of food, including scungilli, fried mozzarella, and two boxes of Milk Duds. Dr. Harris says it’s not a heart attack, but more likely a gallbladder attack from overeating. Sophia is instantly relieved, but takes back what she said about Dorothy being her favorite now that she’s not dying.

Later that evening, the Girls minus Sophia (who’s presumably resting) talk about mortality in the kitchen. They question the reason they worry about things like dieting when they’re going to die eventually – a thinly veiled excuse to eat some chocolate cake and ice cream. They do eventually get turned off of the dessert when they realize that, while they are going to die eventually, they’ll feel the negative effects of overeating immediately, like Sophia did. They decide to go out for a walk (one hopes the storm is not still raging), and Blanche brings it back around to her favorite topic:

BLANCHE: Let’s go for a walk. ROSE: Right, burn it off! DOROTHY: Are you kidding? After what we ate, we’d have to walk to Canada. BLANCHE: Oh, Mounties! I love Canadian men!

“You couldn’t say ‘belch?’ What is it, a Viking curse?”

This is the first episode that centers around Sophia, and given the multiple references to her age and health in the preceding nine episodes, it’s fitting that it’s about a health scare. Estelle Getty, who has mostly played comic relief up to this point in the series, gets her shot at carrying the dramatic half of an episode – and she definitely delivers.

To be a little real with you, this episode has been hard for me to watch the last few years, ever since my mother died. She was the one who introduced me to Golden Girls, and episodes like this hurt both because I know now she and I will never have that Dorothy-and-Sophia rapport in old age like I always assumed – my mom was not even 60 when she died – and because I was basically in Dorothy’s position at the time. If I could have chosen a quote to describe the months of my life after my mother died, it’d probably be this one:

DOROTHY: It doesn’t matter. You lose a parent, you might as well be six. It’s scary. And it pushes you right up to the head of the line.

I appreciate that, when confronted with the possibility that she might die, Sophia’s not accepting or serene even though she’s very old. I think there’s a perception that, when you get old, you just have to accept that you might die soon and be okay with it because you’ve “lived a full life” or some such nonsense. Instead, Sophia outright says “I’m not ready” and that she’d take even one more day of life.

I leave it to other shows to try and teach people to accept death with grace. I prefer Golden Girls’s way, which is to say “Screw that,” and portray the octogenarian matriarch as not wanting to die. There’s something very real in Sophia saying she never really thought she would die.

SOPHIA: 80 years old, and it would come as a complete surprise.

There’s quite a bit of real-world backstory to this one, too. Originally, it was intended to be broadcast live, which is why it’s the first episode since the pilot to take place entirely within the confines of the Girls’ home. According to Golden Girls Forever (quite a treasure trove), NBC had done a live episode of Gimme a Break and attempted to replicate its success with a night of live shows, ostensibly to promote Saturday Night Live. Golden Girls would have been one of about five shows to air its episodes live.

At first all the other shows were onboard, but then showrunners protested the final offering of the night, a detective show called Hunter, couldn’t be filmed live. So the live plan was scrapped. Director Jim Drake remembered it as being for the best, since the actresses weren’t really equipped to do the show in a single live, continuous taping. While their shows were filmed in front of a live studio audience, they still had the option of doing multiple takes. Somewhat relevant, but here’s a video of Golden Girls bloopers:

The other real-world issue that influenced the filming of this episode was one that also cast a pall over the previous episode – the death of Bea Arthur’s and Betty White’s mothers. But while it seemed to throw off the chemistry of the previous episode to a certain extent, if anything it helps this one. There are differing accounts as to whether Rose’s monologue about Charlie’s death was drawn from the deaths of White’s mother or her husband, Allen Ludden. I suspect it’s a combination of both, but you can see she’s genuinely crying while talking about it.

My only real criticism of this episode is that the final scene doesn’t really seem like it’s attached the rest of the story. The Girls talk about their own mortality, and how the fact of dying makes things seem trivial. They don’t even mention Sophia, despite the rest of the episode revolving around her. It feels like a discussion they might have after a friend died – or, more accurately, a scene inserted by a writer who wanted to opine about death for five minutes.

That’s not even mentioning the fact that the way the Girls behave in this scene is very at odds with the rest of the episode. It’s just strange to me that they’d come to the conclusion that, since they’re going to die, they might as well gorge themselves on rich food, when doing so is the exact reason Sophia had a gallbladder attack – and they just heard a doctor tell her that.

Regardless, this is another great Susan Harris episode, and the first episode that puts Sophia front and center. While it’s a bit melancholy there are enough jokes interspersed throughout to keep it from being a downer.

Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰 (four cheesecake slices out of five)

Favorite part of the episode:

The Girls crowd around a sleeping Sophia (see the image at the top of the article), and she wakes with a shout, scaring them all. When Dorothy asks her what’s wrong, she says:

SOPHIA: What? You’re sitting on top of me. I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I’m on the moon!

[purplesurveys]

1213

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? Nah. The coldest I’ve experienced was probably something like 10 or 11ºC, when I was in Japan. At the time I still didn’t care too much for traveling and ended up being really underdressed for the weather, so I was extremely uncomfortable the whole time we were roaming around the city. Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? LOL yes, notably on the last night of my college internship. My car was parked in another building so I had to walk outdoors, when all of a sudden it fucking poured. I ran to the nearest building for shelter but I was still absolutely drenched and ended up having to call my mom (who works in the same city) to ask her to come pick me up.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Chocnut or milk chocolate.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Once in a blue moon. I had my ex over all the time but since then I’ve only had one friend - Angela - come over once.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? I mean, we’re very open with each other with regard to our frustrations at work.  That could technically count as unprofessional but I’m honestly just glad we don’t have to be fake around one another and pretend like everything’s dandy.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? Just once, for my dad’s birthday. We stayed in Tagaytay for a weekend though we Airbnb’d a condo unit and not a hotel.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Nah. I could try but I’m too afraid of not being able to support myself and accidentally breaking my neck or something.

What about a flip off of a diving board? Nope.

Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos? No. I barely look at them and I’m sure people barely look at yearbooks too.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? My grandma.

Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? 8,067. There used to be around 10,000 but I had a ‘huge’ deleting spree that brought it down to around 6,000 – but clearly I’ve brought it back up again lol.

Do you think dimples are cute? Yes, super.

Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? It’s whatever. They all lost their taste anyway.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? Just me. That’s usually the case nowadays.

What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Pogs.

Have you watched a movie today? I haven’t watched a movie since like September.

Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? Angela’s, but it was super brief as I only went in to greet her parents.

Do you love soft pretzels? Yep, that’s how I prefer my pretzels as well.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? I really have no clue. I haven’t been around too many people in such a long time, much less people who’ve cried in front of me. I want to say maybe Gabie???? during one of our last meet-ups. The name feels so foreign now.

Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? After.

Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? Giving people cards isn’t much of a tradition here. We’d much rather get you a physical gift altogether.

When was the last time you were being hypocritical? I probably do it without realizing, so I can’t say exactly when.

Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? Fortunately I haven’t had one in a while but I usually get cramps on my neck and shoulders after a whole day at work.

What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? My sister went to school with this girl whose name was her surname in reverse.

Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? If so, why is that? Yeah. I’m not confident in my singing, so I never sing around people and it would embarrass me if I was ever caught/heard.

Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I try to be. It works for some people.

Do you have any exercises you do everyday? Nah.

Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? I don’t know what this is referring to.

Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? No one has accused me; at least not to my face. As for the second question, I’m sure I have one or two; I’ve just never gotten myself professionally checked.

Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? Yabu because I was craving; paid with my own money. It actually feels pretty weird because Yabu had been mine and my ex’s thing, and I haven’t had their food since the breakup. I’m looking forward to having it again tonight and finally changing the narrative for it.

Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? I don’t like to do it but I’ll sometimes do it if I wanna feel relaxed. No, it wouldn’t bother them too much.

Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I don’t listen to them.

Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Not really, but I have nothing against it.

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yep.

Are you more of a dog or cat person? Dog.

Have you ever failed math? Just the advanced courses, like calculus, back in high school. I find math pretty fun and easy if I get the topic and know the formulas; but if I find something hard, it’s very difficult for me to keep up. There’s really no in between haha I either pass with flying colors or absolutely flop.

Skittles! What's your favorite color? Whichever’s not too sour. Idk, I never buy Skittles.

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? Nope but I used to have nightmares of watching my loved ones get shot.

What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? That I had fun.

Can you sleep with the light on? Only if I’m pissed tired. Otherwise bright lights would bother me.

What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? I know my answer won’t count as it doesn’t technically fall under horror, but Eraserhead was just very bizarre and unsettling. I’ve never seen the whole film without pausing several times.

What band can’t you stand listening to? Again, this probably won’t count as they’re a boy band/group more than anything, but I cannot stand The Vamps.

Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? Yeah, sure, I guess, for fun. I think those are mostly bullshit anyway so I’ll only take a test with bullshit questions as well.

What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Those genres never really were my cup of tea.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? We had two lovebirds some years ago. They were lovely, but idk if we’d do it again. No reason, just that we prefer dogs.

How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? It’s great, even with my maternal grandpa who’s already passed. But I’m well aware of the fact that they’re also a bit wary of me since I’m the most vocal and outspoken of all their grandchildren, whereas they’re intensely conservative and traditional. Still, I always feel their love, especially through food and how they always make sure to stuff me whenever I come over haha.

Ever had a forbidden love or lover? In a sense, yeah. I was in a same-sex relationship that I hid from my family for four years.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral?  I’ve never been to a funeral but I doubt I could speak at one without breaking down.

Do you know someone who’s been cremated?  Yes, my grandpa was cremated.

What is your current problem?  Just some deliverables at work that I would rather not think about now.

Do you like canopy beds?  Eh, I don’t mind them.

What is your favorite animated movie?  Toy Story.

Would you rather live in a small town or a big city?  Big city. I need lots of noise, lots of activity and lights where I live. I’ve lived in suburban neighborhoods all my life and I would love a change in pace.

If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why?  Idk.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls?  I’ve watched snippets and it’s HILARIOUS. I’ve always wanted to start the series but never knew where to watch it.

Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Was never into it, no.

Last alcoholic drink you had?  Peach soju and plum soju that got me absolutely hammered.

What are you known for?  These days, probably for doing an extreme 180 and having my life be all about BTS now.

Has anyone ever threatened you?  Yes.

Have you ever gone frog hunting?  No? Doesn’t sound like my type of activity at all.

Do you ever suffer from dry skin?  Yeah my face is a little dry, but I don’t think it’s something I ‘suffer’ from since no issues have come out of it so far. It’s just the way it is.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?  Not a stuffed animal but I need to hug a pillow to fall asleep.

What’s the weather like right this moment?  It’s weather that says “it’s gonna get really hot in an hour or so” and I’m not enjoying that very much.

Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks?  If there’s no trash can around, I tend to.

In what type of area was your first sexual encounter?  It was in a hotel.

Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from?  Just somewhere in the Philippines.

What do you occupy your time with on flights?  I’m honestly really happy with just staring out the window. If not that, I bring something to read or listen to music. I haven’t had a flight that lasted 6+ hours, but I imagine I would also bring my laptop for a series or movies to watch if I find myself in that situation.

Do you dog-ear pages in books?  Yup.

What’s a made up word of yours?  I don’t think I have any.

Do you use Q-Tips?  I do.

Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like?  No. I don’t think I could bring myself to do that.

What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song?  I don’t really like content with a hero/ine plot.

What makes you dizzy?  Amusement park rides, car rides, headaches.

Are your parents liberal or conservative?  Conservative.

Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces?  Not my middle teeth, but in general yeah. I did have braces but I lost my retainers at one point so my teeth just went back to their original position eventually.

Are you happy with your height?  It’s fine. I’m small but it’s the average here so I don’t really complain.

[dakotacrisis]

Pig Nose AU!

Also known as the Penelope AU. Also a thinly disguised Beauty and the Beast AU. Also known as My-Ancestors-Fucked-Up-So-I’m-Paying-For-It AU

Just a blatant rip off of the 2000′s film Penelope with a few creative liberties.

Years ago great-great-great-great grandaddy Graham de Vanily fell in love and got a servant in their household pregnant.

The family was like ‘ew, you can’t marry a poor girl. marry this rich noble lady instead.’

‘but i love my poor servant baby mama!’

‘too fucking bad. you want your inheritance then you gonna do as we say!’

So he marries the noble lady and servant that got spurned is sent away from the house never to be seen again. Our poor pregnant lady is obviously pissed about all of this so decides to curse the Graham de Vanily line. Since appearances meant so much to this family then the next son of Graham de Vanily blood will be born with the face of a pig and that the curse may only be broken when the child can be ‘accepted by one of their own kind’.

The family of course shrugs her off but lives in fear for the next couple generations that they will end up giving birth to a pig faced boy.

Despite all probability no one does. They have all girls.

Finally we get to modern day and the latest daughter of the Graham de Vanily house, Emilie, marries a man named Gabriel Agreste. Shortly there after they get pregnant and end up having the first boy in generations.

‘he’s healthy happy...oh dear.’ Gabriel gazed at the crying baby in the doctor’s arms.

‘what?’ Emilie visibly exhausted and emotional

‘you know how you said that your family had a superstition about having sons?’

‘yeah?’

‘it’s not just a superstition. he’s got pig ears and a snout and a tail--oh wait no, that’s just his wee-wee. we’re fine. just a nose and ears.’

‘our son has a pig face! this is not fine!’

they ask the doctor if anything can be done but it turns out there is an artery flowing through the snout that makes removal impossible.

‘so...this is not ideal.’

‘no fucking shit Gabe!’ Emilie is bawling ‘what are we gonna do? i don’t want people gawking at our son like he’s some kind of freak. it’s not his fault my great-great-whatever grandpa pissed off a pregnant witch.’

‘i have an idea’

‘please tell me it isn’t overly dramatic’

‘we fake his death and raise him in secret until he’s old enough for the curse to be broken.’

‘...’

‘so is that a yes?’

'WE ARE NOT DOING THAT!’

They took little pig boy Adrien Agreste home and kept him hidden as best they could from the press. It wasn’t until a very nosy reporter went so far as to break into the house to try and get a picture of the baby did the parents decide to take drastic action.

‘i think it is time we got a bodyguard for Adrien.’

‘i agree.’ Emilie sighed, ‘but that won’t be enough. no matter what people aren’t going to stop clamoring for Adrien.’

‘are you saying--’

‘we can fake his death. there’s a secluded mansion far from here that we can raise him in with no one being the wiser.’

‘YES!’

‘you are way too excited about faking your sons death.’

‘the drama tho! there is not gonna be a dry eye in the house when i give my eulogy.’

‘we’re doing this for Adrien’s sake! remember that you dramatic nut!’

One fake funeral and cremation of good measure the Agreste’s moved away to a nice mansion to secretly raise Adrien. They hired a bodyguard as an extra precaution to make sure he wasn’t seen by anyone outside the grounds.

Eighteen years go by and Adrien wants out of the house bad! Despite his parents trying their best to raise him normally never having any actual friends kinda sucks.

The good news is that he is old enough that they can work on breaking the curse which the family interpreted as ‘being loved by someone of noble birth’ or some bs like that.

So they set up a system to bring girls to the mansion to get to know Adrien without ever seeing his face. To this end they also hire a renowned matchmaker named, Nathalie, to help pick girls she thinks Adrien would be compatible with. Then when Adrien thinks that they have enough of a connection he reveals his face to them.

The results always end in the girls high-tailing it out of the mansion before being stopped by the body guard and taken back to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

One day Adrien is talking to this girl, Chloe. They’ve had quite a few meetings and Chloe desperately wants to see what Adrien looks like.

‘oh please won’t you come out my Adrikins! i want to see what you look like.’

Adrien hoping for the best but braced for the inevitable steps into the room with Chloe revealing his piggy snout and floppy pig ears.

‘hiya Chloe!’

‘NOPE!’ Chloe nopes out of there so fast that the body guard isn’t able to catch her and she makes it home without signing the non-disclosure agreement.

Adrien’s parents who have been watching the meetings via a security cam in the next room sigh as another girl runs for the hills. When the body guard informs them that Chloe got away Emilie is smacking her head against the table.

‘i told you we should have them sign the document before meeting him.’

Adrien comes in and sits down next to his family.

‘i’m not even surprised anymore.’

‘it’s okay, sweetie.’ his mom assures him, ‘we’ll find the right girl.’

‘what if there is no right girl? every girl i meet runs away. it’s never going to change.’

Adrien locks himself in his room to brood and sulk about his unfortunate circumstance.

Meanwhile Chloe is blowing up her social media by telling everyone that the quiet but prominent family, the Agreste’s have a pig faced secret son. Everyone calls her a loon except for one blogger that fully believes that Adrien Agreste is alive and has a pig face.

The girls get in touch and it is revealed the blogger, Alya, has a mom that got seriously injured and arrested for trying to expose the Agreste’s secret. Alya is now obsessed with it so to prove her mom’s suspicions right and teams up with Chloe to expose the truth.

‘you don’t think i’m crazy?!’ Chloe is taken aback.

‘my mama got clubbed with a surprisingly sharp stiletto trying to prove the Agreste kid was a pig. trust me when i say i believe you.’

Here Alya and Chloe come across a designer named Marinette who is struggling to make rent. They promise her a large sum of cash if she can infiltrate the Agreste mansion and get a picture of Adrien.

‘i don’t know.’ Marinette steps away from them, ‘this all sounds really gross and underhanded.’

‘i can give you rent for the next five years if you do this.’ Chloe says.

‘so do these dates have a dress code or what should i wear?’ Marinette doesn’t like the idea of manipulating this guy but rent needs paid and working part-time in a bakery is not covering the bills. And who knows. Maybe this Adrien guy will turn out to be pretty cool.

[crazycrackersworld]

Nana....

I mentioned her in another blog, figured about time I wrote about her. She was the first "family" pet I had as an adult. Sheena had been talking about getting a dog for us and the kids for a while. She was looking at shelters, want ads, and fucking Craigslist.

I was working nights in Milwaukee at AT&T, and commuting about an hour each way, everyday. One night I called her as I was heading home and while talking, I heard like a jingle in the background. I asked what it was, she coyly said it was our dog. I was surprised for sure, asked what kind. Sheena said a pitbull mix, and she got it off Craigslist. Immediately Bill Burt's routine about his girlfriend getting a pitbull while he was on the road.

When I got home, I was, to be honest, a little nervous. I opened the door and took a step down into the basement, at the time that's where we slept as my mom had not moved out yet. Then I heard this clacking noise on the cement floor, and that reminded me of the killer dogs in Resident Evil. So again, I was kind of nervous. But as I got to the bottom of the stairs, the most beautiful white dog I had ever seen, I knew instantly she wasn't a mix. This was a pure 100% pitbull, and we locked eyes, and it was love at first sight. From that first moment that dog was mine.

She was great with the kids, especially baby Preston, whom she completely protected. We could have left him in a basket in the front yard, with only Nana, and he would have been more than safe.

Sometimes her protectiveness of him was scary, she snapped at Callista, more than once when she tried touching him while he was sleeping. She also hated Seth's friend David, tried to eat him whenever he came over, I didn't really like David either, so I found that funny.

She settled in and aside from those few scares she adapted to our family just fine. And me, well me and her were just...close. She slept by my feet, I took her for walks before and after work everyday. But there were more red flags, she was super aggressive towards other dogs. When outs we would chain her to the picnic table, and when other dogs went by, she would pull the damn table across the yard to chase them.

I took her to the Humane Society for some understanding. The lady took one look at her and said she had probably been used as a "breeding bitch" and that explained why she didn't like other dogs. She invited us to take her to an obedience class, to try to acclimate her to other dogs.

We took her there, as a family, waited for the class to be over. The lady at the Humane Society had me take off her pincer collar, and loop a leash around her neck instead. She had an older couple bring their dog in and say hi. They sniffed noses and even seemed alright, until the dog started to sniff her backside. And then, fast as lightning she turned, and latched her jaws onto the other dogs snout, and held on.

The older couple freaked out, the kids freaked out, my heart broke. The HS lady wrapped another leash around her neck, trying to choke her. I dropped down to my knees, and put my hands on those deadly jaws, trying to pull them apart, talking soothingly in her ear the whole time, tears running down my face. Amazingly I managed to pry her jaws open, freeing the other dog, and pulled her to the other side of the room. I was then told..."I'm sorry Sean, she has to be put down"...I hugged her and I cried, but I knew it had to be done.

We packed her and the kids in the van and drove home. Once at home, I got her in my car,and drove to the Humane Society in Beaver Dam. The people were so nice, they let me hold her while they gave her the shot, and told me I could stay with her as long as I wanted. She let out the smallest whimper when the needle went in. I held her in my arms as she...as she just faded away, it was only a matter of minutes...and she was gone. My dog, my Nana...was gone. The nice lady left me alone then, and to this day I honestly don't know how long I held her in my lap. It had to be at least a half hour, just holding her, and crying... crying so hard. I loved her, I really did, and now she was gone. We donated her body, which I regret to this day, but I don't think they offered cremation. It was either donate her, or take her home, and we couldn't burry her in the yard, or rather, the wife said no.

I have only a few pictures of her, and they are all on a computer back in Wisconsin. So no ashes, no pictures I can currently access, all I have are my memories.bI can still picture her when I close my eyes, and that is sometimes nice.

Up until that point, that was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I can remember it like it was yesterday. And it still hurts the same.

We took comfort in the fact that her four months with us.......was probably the happiest she had ever been. I certainly was happy.....

So that, is Nana, she was a good dog, who had a horrible past before she came into our family. But we did I think, make her happy, and I feel at the end....she finally knew that she was loved.

I miss her to this day....

[mimi10134]

Fall (A Star Wars OC Story) Chapter One

They say that the worse part about being a Jedi is the continuous witnessing of death and destruction. Or at least that is what my master would tell me and before the death and destruction didn’t bother me. But when I witnessed the death of my own master, I began to finally see the real picture of the Clone Wars.

When the pilot was landed at the Jedi Temple in the metropolitan planet of Coruscant there were dark clouds covering the skies and a small amount of rain was beginning to fall. I sat next to my master’s casket wearing my dark brown cloak with the hood up. I continued to stare at the casket, I had cried nearly the entire trip back and now all I felt was emptiness. The platform of the ship opened to reveal all the members of the Jedi Council, they too had their hoods up.

Stand up, Natalia, I told myself.

Slowly making my way down the platform, I didn’t make eye contact with anyone as I walked into Jedi Temple. Once inside, I parted ways with my old master as his body needed to be prepared for the burial ceremony. Watching the two clones push him down the hall, I felt a presence come over me and a voice.

Remember that death isn’t the end. It is merely the beginning.

It was the voice of my master.

“Natalia,” I heard behind me.

Turning around, I saw that it was Anakin Skywalker. He and I were good friends and often times were told that we could be twins. We wore similar Jedi robes and had the same colored hair but mine was longer and always worn in a braided ponytail. I could always talk to him but today was a day I needed to be alone. Ignoring his words, I walked down the hallway where they took my master. I knew that Anakin would try and follow me.

“Let her be, Anakin,” I heard someone say, “She has a lot to process.”

-------------------------------

The funeral was brief. I, the Jedi Council and several other Jedi stood around to watch the cremation of this once powerful Jedi Master. While Master Shun never wanted a padawan at first, he grew to like me, just as I had grown to like him. In my hands I held his lightsaber and I would hold onto it so long as I was a Jedi. After the ceremony ended and everyone filed out, I decided to retreat to a secret spot in the Temple that I found when I was a youngling. It was in a tower that was toward the back of the building, very few people knew about it and I liked it that way. It was my escape from the never-ending war.

It was a small circular room that had a giant glass window that overlooked Coruscant. Small trinkets laid around and random posters covered the walls. I made this space into my own. Sitting on a cushioned bench, I had my knees to my chest as I watched the falling sun.

What is going to happen to me now, I thought, I don’t know if I can do this without you, Master.

My thoughts soon ended by the door opening. In walked a clone, who was dressed in all white and whose helmet was off to reveal his bald head with small purple tattooed lines on it.

“Hey Nat,” he said, “Thought I would find you up here.”

“I am really not in the mood, Knight,” I said looking back out the window, “I just wanna be alone.”

He let out a sigh, “I’m sorry about what happened, Nat. I can’t imagine what is going through your mind right now. But, know that you have a lot of people who are here to help you.”

“Help me,” I said looking at Knight, “All the council wants to do is stick me with another Master so I can continue my training. They don’t care about my wellbeing. They are expecting me to just get over this.”

Knight placed his helmet down on a nearby table and sat next to me placing a gentle arm around me.

“I care about you,” he said, “I don’t want to see you suffer like this alone. Talk to me.”

I laid my head against Knight’s shoulder and began to cry. With his free arm, he wrapped it around me and hugged me.

“I got you, Nat,” he said, “I’ve got you.”

I knew that this relationship that I had with Knight was wrong and he knew it as well. But we didn’t care because we were in love. It is what happens when you spend a generous amount of time with someone, it is only human. The relationship started about six months ago, Knight was the only person who cared to listen to what I had to say and whenever I was around him, I felt safe. This moment was then ruined by my comm link going off.

I groaned and then answered, “Yes.”

“This is Master Windu. Your presence is requested before the Council.”

I didn’t respond back and simply stood up.

“See,” I said, “Told you that they only care about my training.”

Knight stood up and gave me a small peck on the top of my head before I left the room. Out in the hallway, I noticed all eyes falling on me, whispers began to rise amongst the other padawans and younglings. The girl who lost her master. The girl who had no idea what she was going to do. The girl with no future. Arriving outside the council room, Anakin stood there with Captain Rex.

“Natalia,” Anakin said, “How are you doing?”

I paused for a second, “I am being summoned to appear in front of the council the day that I cremated my master. I could be better.”

Before Anakin could respond, I walked into the council room, with Anakin following behind me. I stood in the center of the room, all the council’s eyes on me.

“Natalia,” Windu began, “Let me start by saying, we are sorry for the passing of your Master. Master Shun was truly a one of a kind Jedi and will be missed greatly.”

I remained silent with my arms crossed.

“There is now the conversation about your training,” Windu said, “While we don’t have a new master set up for you yet. We can provide you with a temporary one. Master Kenobi has offered to take on this task.”

I looked over at Master Kenobi who was smiling at me.

“Glad to know that my training is a task for you all,” I said, “It has even been a day and you are moving on as if this happened last year.”

There was a silence that gripped the air. The kind that was unsettling and one that no one wants to the first to speak in.

“Master Shun would want you to continue your training,” Obi-Wan finally said, “We haven’t forgotten what a wonderful master he was to you and I promise that I will do my best to keep to his teaching methods. He may be gone, Natalia but I assure you he isn’t forgotten.”

I remained silent again. There was no more energy left in me to fight anymore. At least not today.

“Fine,” I said, “Is there something else or can I finally get some sleep?”

“That will be all for now,” Windu said, “Thank you Natalia.”

I gave a slight bow and left the room. When the doors shut behind me, I stayed outside in the hallway and listened in.

“Master Skywalker,” Windu said, “How well do you know Natalia?”

Anakin was silent for a few moments and then said, “Well enough to know that probably assigning her a new master the day that her old master got cremated was not the best move.”

“It is important that a Padawan’s training is uninterrupted,” Windu said, “We shall allow for Natalia to mourn the loss of Master Shun but we also need to ensure that she is still on the path to becoming a Jedi Knight.”

“How considerate of you,” Anakin said sarcastically.

I gave a half smile at the fact that Anakin tried to stick up for me. Only a true friend would do that.

-------------------------------------

Darkness is all that consumed me. No matter where I looked that is what I saw.

Hello, I said as my voice echoed.

I also wasn’t wearing my normal grey and black Jedi robes; they were all white.

Hello, my padawan, a voice said behind her.

Turning around, I saw that is was Master Shun. His kind eyes and slight long grey beard made me smile. I always joked with him that one day I would shave this beard. Too bad that day never came.

Still never got around to shaving it off, I smiled, I miss you.

He smiled and then cocked his head to one side, Do you really though?

The smile disappeared from his face and he began walking toward me. My stance tightened.

If you really cared about me, you would have been there for me. But you weren’t.

No, I said, I tried but I couldn’t.

You left me for death, Natalia he said stopping in front of me, And now you have to live with that burden for the rest of your life.

Suddenly a red blade shot through Master Shun’s chest.

----------------------

I shot up from my sleep to find that I was safe in my room within the Jedi Temple. My face was dripping with sweat and my breathing was fast. After a few moments, I began to calm down and arose from my bed and exited the room. It was early in the morning. Early enough where the hallways in the Temple were quiet and empty. I made my way down the hallway and looked up at the window art that depicted the great Jedi Knights before me. I was always inspired to be like them one day, wanting that glory, that honor. I then entered a small meditation on my left and saw that Master Yoda was there.

“Master Yoda,” I said entering, “I didn’t expect anyone to be up this early.”

“Trouble sleep you are having,” he said opening his eyes.

“Something like,” I said sitting down.

“Bad dreams about you master, hm?”

I shifted in my seat thinking about the dream. It felt so real to me, as if I was witnessing his death all over again.

“I know that we aren’t supposed to form attachments to people,” I began, “I tried to not be too attached to Master Shun and I didn’t think losing him would affect me this much. But every time I think about what happened, I think about ways I could have prevented him from dying. What I could have done differently.”

I sighed and continued, “I don’t know if I can continue down this path without him. While I agree that Master Kenobi is a great teacher, nothing will replace the bond that I had with Master Shun.”

“A hole that will never be filled,” Master Yoda said, “With the Force your master is. With you he is.”

He was right.

“Perhaps discussing what happened could help.”

Here it was. The moment that I was dreading. I knew it would have to be discussed at some point after all I was the only person with Master Shun at the time of his death.

“It was a standard recon mission that went bad,” I began, “We had gotten word that battle droids were spotted on the planet Oria. Some local had reported it. Master Shun knew he should have told the council, but we were in the same sector. So, we decided to just go. To not cause any fear amongst the locals, Master Shun ordered that he and I were just to go down.”

I paused in reflection on that day. I remembered every moment leading up to leaving for Oria with Master Shun.

--------------------

“Natalia,” Master Shun said with a slight British accent, “Are you still with me?”

He and I sat in our individual fighters, flying toward Oria’s surface.

“Sorry Master,” I said shaking my head, “I am here. Just preparing myself for what we might face.”

“Well good,” he said over the comms, “If the Separatist are here, we need to be ready.”

Going through Oria’s atmosphere, the sand and desolate planet came into full view. Oria was known for two things, bounty hunters and unbelievable hot weather. I and Master Shun knew we had to be careful. Landing on the sandy ground, Master Shun was the first to jump out and look out at the horizon.

“Isn’t it nighttime here,” I said walking up to him, “Why is it so hot?”

“Welcome to Oria,” Master Shun said walking, “Come. The location of where the battle droids supposedly are isn’t far from here.”

I followed behind my master as we made our way up and down the sand dunes. The air was quiet, minus the few creatures that lived on this hot dusty rock. Soon, we found ourselves in a dried-up river bed. It was deep, with huge walls of rock and sand on either side of them.

“Hm,” Master Shun said stopping, “Looks like the intel was wrong. We should have been able to see them from here.”

I looked side to side and then shrugged, “Well, I guess that’s that.”

Suddenly I heard the sound of a lightsaber activating behind me.

“Look out,” my master said activating his lightsaber.

He used the Force to push me out of the way of the assassin’s deadly strike. Falling off to the side, I was quick to my feet and soon was engaging in the battle with my master. Wearing all black, the assassin held a double-sided red lightsaber in one hand and a knife in the other, a hood covered their face. This assassin was well trained and always seemed to be one step ahead of Master Shun and myself. We dueled our way out of the canyon and up a cliff. I dodged each blow left and right but was caught off guard by the assassin’s foot which made me stumble backwards and fall over the edge.

“NO,” Master Shun shouted.

Luckily I managed to grab onto a root that was sticking out the side of the cliff, and with the strength I had left in me, I climbed up to the top. When I got there, I saw my master had locked his lightsaber with the assassin’s and was pushing them into the ground.

“MASTER LOOK OUT,” I shouted.

Master Shun looked back at me and then the assassin drove the knife into chest.

“NO,” I shouted jumping up.

Master Shun fell to his side as I jumped in the air with my lightsaber ignited. The assassin then Force-held me in the air and pushed me back, making me hit my head.

--------------------

“When I woke up, Master Shun was dead and the assassin escaped,” I said looking at Master Yoda, “I tried to help. But it was too late. He was gone.”

I looked down at the ground. Trying to hold back the tears.

“Find this assassin we must,” Master Yoda said, “Discuss with the council I will.”

“I want to help,” I said looking up.

“No,” Master Yoda said immediately, “Too emotionally involved you are. Reflect on this you must. Trust the council, you should.”

“But---.”

“A final decision I have made,” Master Yoda said walking out of the room, “Stay here, you must.”

I watched as Master Yoda left the room. When the door shut, I took my Master’s lightsaber off my belt and gripped it tight.

“I will find who did this,” I said, “That is my promise to you.”

[xbreezymeadowsx]

200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R 

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

[manticxre]

noble blood

In which I explore Eunsoo’s death and why she’d taken that pact in the first place

For those familiar with Secret Forest this takes place between episodes 15-16. 

She’d regained consciousness in her house, sitting up abruptly before noting her inert form below her, still bleeding as her own fluids pooled around her. “Ah!” she yelled, startled by this and then trying to lie down again when the door jiggled furiously by the knob. 

It had been the result of her own hubris that she’d been tailed and then stabbed so many times. The prosecutor hesitated on admitting she was dead, but as she kept herself quiet hearing the footsteps approach, she noted the bespectacled prosecutor she’d worked with stagger back with a horrified expression and his hand over his mouth. Eunsoo sat up again, watching him shakily dial on his phone and waving her hand across him: before noticing he couldn’t see her and retracting her hand, the recognition of her mortality suddenly sinking in. 

“Oh, what an oopsie,” came a voice behind her, and a dark-haired woman with her hair in a bob squatted down beside her body, “That’s going to stain the floorboards. We’d need a lot of bleach for that.” 

“Who--?” Eunsoo yelled, stumbling back into an awkward kneel-sit at the figure beside her, “Where’d you come from?” 

The woman scoffed, adjusting her spectacles. “Don’t be so surprised. I show up whenever I’m needed,” she replied with a chuckle, examining Eunsoo’s body before pressing 2 fingers against her corpse’s neck, “Ooh. Gone. Very gone, that’s the end of the line for you, looks like. How old are you?” 

“Twenty-six,” Eunsoo’s voice was uncertain, stiff even as she crossed her legs, “Who are you? Are you God?” 

“No, not really,” the woman wrinkled her nose, “My mortal name was Chohee, once. Now I’m just ‘the imp’, whichever you want to call me.” 

Eunsoo gave a slight nod. “Miss Chohee, then,” she managed, somewhat awkwardly, “What...what happens now? Am I going to Hell? Are you...are you...I can’t. I have so much to do...I can’t go now...” 

Her eyes watered up immediately thinking of her parents, who were still waiting at home and had nary a clue on what had just befell her. “Dad...mum...I’m sorry...” she began to cry now, the implications of her death finally sinking in, “Oh no...I messed up so terribly, didn’t I? I should’ve listened to Prosecutor Hwang...” She wiped her tears with the balls of her palms, watching them fade into nothing as they hit the ground. “I’m such a bad prosecutor...” 

Chohee offered Eunsoo her hand. “Let’s leave this place first. It’ll only be a moment until somebody finds your body, so let me tell you what I’m actually here for,” she replied, completely apathetic to the sobbing woman’s plight, “I can give you an opportunity to return. To do what you have to do...if you listen to me carefully and what comes next.” 

---

They’d spent a few hours walking around Eunsoo’s house block, picking up offerings from the roadside along the way. In her mind, Chohee’s offer made sense. It was her one shot at coming back to life and doing something right for once, but to “give up something that made her human”...it seemed so vague that it meant she couldn’t quite agree just yet. 

As they paused at the funeral home, Chohee pointed it out. “Let’s visit,” she proposed, striding over without Eunsoo following, “We could probably eat something else. They’ve got more diverse choices available.” 

Eunsoo followed miserably at this. “We shouldn’t steal from the dead,” she grumbled, before belatedly realising that she too was a dead woman walking, “Well...other dead people anyway.” 

Chohee tilted her head over, pulling Eunsoo towards her now. At this, Eunsoo stared, first in annoyance and then in guilt as she noticed the familiar man hunched over his cane and standing next to the flower-dotted coffin with her face displayed in the middle. 

“Wait. Hasn’t it been only a few hours?” Eunsoo was startled, unable to tear her eyes away from the scene before her, “What...how...” 

“A few hours is a few days for the living. Time moves much faster when you’re dead,” Chohee stretched, watching the grieving old woman in the background, “You’d get used to it after a while, since you’re going to be a lingering spirit at this rate.” 

The old woman shook her head, then lowered it as she continued to sit on the straw mat. “Our poor Eunsoo-sshi,” she managed a hoarse mutter, silent tears rolling down her sallow cheeks, “We should have never agreed to let her leave if we knew this would happen to her.” 

“It’s all my fault,” the old man’s voice rang out now, deep and commandeering (just as Eunsoo remembered it), “Eunsoo-sshi...she should’ve never taken on my burden like this. It’s all my fault...appa is sorry.” Eunsoo stared in shock now as the old man averted his eyes, shaking like a leaf in the breeze: she’d never seen her father show weakness like this. 

Eunsoo could only watch numbly as people streamed in and out, familiar and unfamiliar faces alike that came to pay their respects. There were people whom she’d never met, her father’s friends most likely, and friends she’d fallen out of contact with who no doubt wanted to see her one last time. It then struck her how lonely her existence had been: friendless to the end, isolated and misunderstood even in her final moments. 

She watched now as the familiar prosecutor paid his respects, his face remaining the same pensive look from how she remembered him. Prosecutor Hwang Shimok bowed to his teacher, and his teacher’s wife, and Eunsoo swore she saw a flicker of torment in his gaze compared to his usual flashes of anger. 

A bustle soon arrived, and Chohee physically held Eunsoo’s arm as she strained against it seeing Lee Changjoon of all people arrive, no doubt forgetting herself as he bowed towards the picture and then to her father. 

“How dare you show your face,” snarled Young Iljae, his frail body unable to convey his rage about the matter, “Leave. Leave!” Eunsoo watched him lift his cane, no doubt to hit Changjoon furiously and make him leave, but watched Prosecutor Seo Dongjae bodily shield the older man as his cane struck the other on the back heavily. 

“Appa, your blood pressure...” Eunsoo blubbered at the chaos that surrounded her own death, her voice frantic as she stumbled to a seat once more, “Please...I didn’t want this either...” Chohee remained silent throughout, watching the younger man abruptly whip his head around. 

Hwang Shimok raised his voice. 

Tears had sprung up Eunsoo’s eyes again as the dam of hurt broke once again at his accusation: his claim of everyone “just watching”. It twisted in her gut, rage and guilt all coming up at once with his every word. If she still had a physical body, she knew that she would’ve been paralysed by her own emotions, once again hapless in a world that sought to forget her existence. 

The rest of the proceedings went on without fanfare, and when her body was finally cremated, Eunsoo couldn’t cry anymore. Her tears had ran dry at everything she’d lost, the crushing realisation of how much of an utter letdown she was gnawing at every fiber of her being. 

All she wanted was not to feel anything anymore. She desperately craved for the anxiety and guilt to leave her, and for a chance...a chance to fix things. All she needed to do was to indict Lee Changjoon and set her father free. 

Chohee had been around her the entire time, finally offering her a hand. “So? Have you decided?” she asked, “You have one shot at this. Accept my trial, and put something that makes you fundamentally human at stake. Pass it, and return completely as human...while ascending to godhood. I think this is perfectly reasonable, if you ask me. A give-and-take, really.” 

“A...a trial?” Eunsoo stared, the exhaustion clouding her mind at the whirlwind of recent events, “I...” The need to indict Lee Changjoon and find her murderer seemed to be at the forefront of her mind, and she found herself unconsciously reaching for Chohee’s hand. 

“I accept,” she found herself saying before her rational mind caught up to her, and Chohee smiled- first genuinely, and then with large, sharp shark-like teeth. 

“Of course you accept,” Chohee chuckled, her grip tightening over Eunsoo as she pulled the other spirit close to her violently: Eunsoo let out a whimper as she noticed her hands begin to turn inky black at her touch, “They always accept.” 

The next moment, Eunsoo had woken up in her vacated mansion, her wounds closed up and tangible once more. She felt nothing, not even a sense of euphoria, though. Eunsoo’s blank gaze turned to the window, and she shuffled towards them to open it. 

Nothing mattered. On the forefront of her mind had been the clause of her trial: murder those who’d landed her in this state.