#Finnagain writes

[fffinnagain]

Expected Snap

I got a ficlet request from @privatelyvex and it turned into a lot more words than expected. The prompt was #141. “I don’t care if your 4 or 40, you don’t hit people.” And out came this story of John confronting Eurus after she attacks Sherlock (again). 

Warning: This dabble touches on domestic violence from the perspective of the aggressor. I’m not trying to make excuses for anyone, nor do I claim any great insight into PTDS or other psychological factors that might realistically explain Eurus or John’s behaviour. I’m just trying to work the consequences of S4 into my understanding of these characters. Hence John being rather darker here than a lot of fandom takes.  

Title: Expected Snap

Characters: John, Mycroft, Eurus, Sherlock (marginally)

Tags: Post S4, POV John, Sherrinford, Dealing with The Lying Detective, John’s dark past, Johnlock Agnostic, sort of happy ending? 

Rating: Teen (or higher? I don’t know how people rate on violence.) 

Word count: 1190

It took two years, but it was going to happen eventually. So said Mycroft:

“He was asking for trouble, stepping into her cell. We have protocols for a reason.”

So said Mrs. Hudson:

“I didn’t want to say so earlier because it’s his choice. But I’d understand if you encouraged him not to go back. He needs to take care of himself first.”

John had also expected Eurus to attack Sherlock at some point in their violin lessons, but that didn’t prepare him for the urgent call from Sherrinford. In two hours, he had arranged for Molly take Rosie overnight, found cover for his surgery shift the next day, and was on a helicopter back to that godforsaken island he had hoped to never see again.

Sherlock looked a mess. Broken nose, black eye, cracked ribs, broken fingers, and an ugly abdominal stab wound that had been made with the remains of his own bow. But he was stable, and asleep. The medical staff of Sherrinford had worked through the worst of it, defaulting to morphine to dull the pain. Hm. So Sherlock mustn’t have been responsive when they’d started, and Mycroft hadn’t thought to keep copies of his medical records here. Withdawal was going to make him an even greater pain in the arse as he healed, but even that pain in the arse was better than what might have been…

Mycroft stepped into the small med room and cleared his throat. John snapped to attention and turned to look at him, but said nothing.

“John. I’m sorry for alarming you with my first call. I’ve just come from meeting with the surgon here, and it seems none of the damage should be permanent. Thankfully. Eurus is being treated for a broken arm, under armed surveillance, of course.”

John turned back to stare at Sherlock and clenched his jaw.

“Any idea what provoked this?”

“Not yet. According to the footage, Eurus seemed to be giving him feedback on finger positions when she jumped him. Considering how much his tuning has improved in the last few weeks, I doubt the trigger was a musical one.”

Sherlock’s heart monitor cointinued to beep steadily. God, but John was tired of looking at him in a hospital bed.

“I want to speak to her.”

“That’s not a good idea, John.”

John skoft. “You think *I* don’t realise how dangerous she is? Put us in a glass divided room, leave guards outside, I don’t care, but I WILL to speak to EURUS.”

****

It was hard for John to resist smiling at the sad state of Sherlock’s little sister, sitting on the floor in the middle of her cell. Her neck showed red scratch marks, and a gash on her forehead that had been stapled closed. Her left arm was already in a plaster cast, and a heavy bandage was wrapped around the toes of her right bare right foot. Was it safe to put splints around her bones and joints? Maybe not, as they appeared to have swaddled her injuries instead.

John had known a lot of violent people. There were a few in his family (surprise surprise) and he could always find one or two rough guys on a rugby team. Or rather they found him and then he made sure they regretted their initial attempt at intimidation by stepping in to play the hero for everyone else. The army was plenty more people who enjoyed the violence they had license to commit. (A limited license, sure, but license all the same.) Some even argued that war and warfare justified the existence of heartless sadistic bastards, although John wasn’t quite convinced. When a confirmed arsehole had gotten shot, or had lost an arm, or had a lung flooding with blood, John changed his gloves and got to work because a life is a life and that’s what doctors do. But after following Sherlock around for years, John wondered if he could do that again, to hold judgement and heal when a bad one could just as easily be left to rot. Maybe it was good that his current medical practice kept him far away from those split second life or death decisions.

When John had first been shown in, Eurus had glanced up and scooted around to turn her back on him. She didn’t feel like playing right now. Well, too bad for her.

“Eurus!”

Silence.

“Pretend all you want, but I know you are listening.”

Silence.

“How DARE you hurt the one person willing to help you. He did NOTHING but CARE.”

Silence. John clenched his fists.

“You petulant, thoughtless, brat. I wish you had some kind of life here so we could hold it back and teach you a lesson.”

At this Eurus finally snorted.

“A lesson, dear doctor. As if a fool like you had anything to teach me. Don’t treat me like a child.”

“I don’t care if you’re 4 or 40, YOU DON’T HIT PEOPLE.”

With a grunt, Eurus rose to her feet and turned. Her eyes glinted.

“Like YOU don’t hit people?”

She hobbled towards the glass.

“I know all about your little blow up, your ‘episode’ at that hospital morgue.”

Standing carefully at the three foot line, her face shifted into the patient concern of her therapist guise. With the faint Austrian accent, she continued: “As your therapist, I was more than disappointed at how you glossed the severity of your attack on our dear Sherlock. You didn’t even mention how you kicked him, how satisfying it was to feel his body absorb all of your force, and how delicately he shrank under the blows.”

John couldn’t stop himself flinching. He remembered. Of course, he remembered. That devastating day had worked itself into his scrolling marquee of nightmares. From his family and military history, John had known to be wary and had tried to keep his temper. He had seen the signs that previous night and pushed Rosie onto one more reluctant carer. He had thought that saving the world from yourself was the same as saving the world from everything else: stay calm, stay focus, and always be ready. But he hadn’t been enough to save Sherlock, not from the anger and pain and grief and infuriating powerlessness that grows in silence.

Eurus face sharped back to her usual scowl. “But you aren’t the bad person here, are you, Doctor? He forgave YOU and your tortured soul, accepted your excuses, absolve your sins. And you? Have you forgiven him for leaving you behind?“

John’s eyes snapped up to met hers again. With a deep breath, he relaxed shoulders, and then gave her a small rueful smile. “Mostly. I’ve mostly forgiven him, but it comes and goes.”

He leaned back on his heels. “We are not the same, Eurus. We never will be. But you’re right. We both know what it feels like to hurt people we love. And we both know something about being abandoned by those we need. If talking about it will help you avoid strangling Sherlock, well, he should be asleep for another hour, so I’m happy to start right now.”

[juniper-and-lamplight]

Podfic Favorites

7/8/2018

I promised a rebloggable podfic rec list, and here it is! I've recced most of these before, so this is more of round-up than a brand-new rec list; it's multifandom, as usual; it's organized alphabetically by podficcer's name; and it's restricted to no more than 5 pods per podficcer. All of these and more can be found in the podfic tag of my bookmarks. Recs under the cut!

A Symphony of Chemical Reactions - what_alchemy, read by @cellardoortumbles | Cellar_Door - 2k, 22min, T, John/Sherlock "Cooking’s just chemistry and time management." Vivid, quirky Sherlock POV in the text +  excellent use of music and sound in the pod = an extra-charming podfic. Use headphones to get the full audio experience!

More Things Than Are Dreamt Of series - 1electricpirate, read by @consultingsmartarse |  consulting_smartass - 38k, 1hr, M to E, John/Sherlock (Harry Potter fusion AU) “In which John is (reluctantly) a wizard, Mycroft is (apparently) omniscient, and Sherlock is (surprisingly) oblivious.” Hands-down my favorite Potterlock fic, and consulting_smartass' podfics are nuanced and immersive -- I've listened to them countless times now.

Sussex - SilentAuror, read by consulting_smartass - 26k, 3hrs, E, John/Sherlock “John can’t seem to stop touching Sherlock. He can push the anger away, but sometimes he just needs to take Sherlock’s pulse again. Slight angst, case-fic, post-Reichenbach.” Ah, nothing like realistic emotional constipation on the parts of our heroes. This was one of the first podfics I loved enough to download so that I'd always have access to it.

The Stars Move Still - BeautifulFiction, read by consulting_smartass and aranel_parmadil - 96k, 9hrs 48min, E, John/Sherlock, AU "What could I want so desperately that would make me sell my soul? What could possibly compel me to surrender the part of myself that makes me who I am: the source of my magic, my self-control, everything?" I avoided this fic for YEARS because I hate Faust, so I was extremely pleased to discover that the inspiration is VERY loose and thus, the fic, and the pod version, is lovely and incredibly immersive.

Carry On - Mazarin221b, read by consulting_smartass - 4k, 35min, M, John/Sherlock "Five times John didn't want to be carried, and one time he did." One of my favorite 5+1 fics, and a perfectly paced short pod.

Left - lifeonmars, read by consulting_smartass - 45k, 5hrs, E, John/Sherlock, magical realism AU "John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible." Honestly, consulting_smartass' talent has broadened my fanfic horizons, because while I'm generally not keen on reading AUs (especially long ones), I'm amenable to listening to them -- and so I don't miss out on fantastic fics & performances like this one.

The Girlfriend Experience, rageprufrock, read by dodificus - 9k, 2hrs, E, Dean/Castiel “While it’s not like Dean hasn’t had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.” Sometimes, when a podficcer's accent is different than the accents in the source material, it just works in ways you wouldn't have expected-- this pod is one of those times.

The Company - Rulerofthefakeempire, read by @dr-fumbles-mcstupid | Dr_Fumbles_McStupid and RsCreighton - 2k, 11min, T, Dirk/Todd "He’s imagined this moment so often that it feels like he just doing it again, waking up with a hangover next to Dirk Gently. And Dirk’s naked." A quietly funny fic, and a quietly funny performance.

Interrogation - goingtoalaska, read by Dr_Fumbles_McStupid - 2k, 13 min, G, Dirk/Todd "Of course Dirk has some extremely important questions that can only be asked in the middle of the goddamn night, obviously." Almost entirely dialogue, and really captures the ridiculous-with-an-undercurrent-of-softness vibe of these two characters.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know - leah k (blinkiesays), read by exmanhater - 20k, 2hrs, E, Dean/Castiel "Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest." This podfic is a road-trip standby for me and my Destiel-shipping wife.

A Statue Strong Enough for Two - lady_ragnell, read by exmanhater - 39k, 3hrs 30min, E, Elena/Mithian, superhero AU "Elena is a street-level superhero. A visit from an old enemy forces her to step up and see what she might have to do with the Sidhe who invaded and were sent away twenty years ago. Luckily, she has fellow superheroes to back her up, and a new girlfriend in her regular life to make things feel more normal." In addition to encouraging me to try out AUs, podfic also encourages me to try out rarepairs--I wouldn't have thought to look for fic about these characters, but I'm so glad I stumbled across & listened to this one.

Lab Book - copperbadge, read by FayJay - 5k, 40min, E, John/Sherlock “'The likelihood of finding a cab on Christmas Eve is fast approaching nil.’ 'So was the likelihood of you kissing me in the middle of the pavement, and yet.’” An annual holiday read/listen!

Whatever Remains, However Improbable - ivyblossom and Loudest_Subtext_in_Television, read by @fffinnagain​ | finnagain - 13k, 90min, T, John/Sherlock “The evidence is all there: we know it’s bound to happen. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are going end up together, aren’t they? Obviously!” An experiment in fourth-person omnitemporal tense. Subtle sound effects add dimension to this podfic.

Diversionary Tactics - shinysherlock, read by finnagain - 2k, 16min, E, Molly/Irene, historical AU "Oh. This could be interesting. Irene’s fingers moved to the third button of the dress and paused. 'Shall I just . . . check the rest of you, then? Make sure you’re quite all right?'" A brief, hot, historical PWP, Mollrene style. UNF. Finnagain's performance is very...impassioned--maybe don't listen in public ;)

Seeing Draco Malfoy - khalulu, read by fire_juggler - 12k, 2hrs, E, Harry/Draco A beautifully done podfic, delivered with warmth and humor. Once I listened to it twice in one week and wound up with the phrase “Nubbumping Humdinger” stuck in my head, and it made me bust out smiling at random times :-)

Let Nothing You Dismay - montparnasse, read by Hananobira - 19k, 2hrs, M, Sirius/Remus "There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest." There’s a full-on, sensory vividness to the imagery and descriptions in montparnasse's writing, and LISTENING to those words makes the experience even more immersive.

Splendid Night - Katie Forsythe, read by heuristicdevice - 14k, 1hr 30min, M, Holmes/Watson "A Christmasy spin on MILV with a heart-warming dose of H/W." So much miscommunication! I love this fic so hard, and I ESPECIALLY love the podfic. Heuristic Device’s rendering of “now, please,” in a Certain Scene is both quiet and full of feeling, while other sections of the story are infused with audible humor, excitement, and heartbreak, each as they’re called for.

Stately Homes of Wiltshire - waspabi, read by @lazulus​ - 57k, 6hrs, E, Harry/Draco "Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case." Fair warning that listening to this podfic whilst walking my dog led to funny looks from strangers, because it caused me to laugh at loud for no apparent reason.

A Brand of Gold - aquabelacqua, read by @lockedinjohnlock-podfics​ | Lockedinjohnlock – 12k, 2hrs, M, John/Sherlock “What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once: Flirting.” This fic is just plain beautiful, and the pod is one of my favorite performances by Lockedinjohnlock.

Points - lifeonmars, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 54k, 7 hrs, E, John/Sherlock "What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other." Picture it: yours truly, driving alone and terrified through darkness, rain, and heavy traffic…and yet unwilling to turn off this podfic. THAT’S how deep lifeonmars and Lockedinjohnlock took me into this story.

Midnight Plowboy - weeesi, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 5k, 44min, E, John/Sherlock “'Does it feel like I’m sure?' John whispers into Sherlock's ear. Sherlock swallows again." In which John discovers Sherlock's collection of vintage gay erotica. *imagine several fire emojis here*

Half a Dozen Dances - CeruleanDarkangelis, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 19k, 2.4 hrs, E, John/Sherlock "'Seriously? You? You're going to be a stripper?' John tried to keep the amused incredulity off his face. Judging by the disgruntled look Sherlock gave him, he was not entirely successful in this endeavor.'" Typically, stripper fics are just Not My Thing, but the use of music in this podfic sold me.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea - DiscordantWords, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 40k, 5hrs, M, John/Sherlock "Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown." The way the author & podficcer capture Sherlock's voice in this fic feels SO TRUE: his shattered hubris, his desperate resistance to vulnerability, and the believable way he and John finally get through it all.

Senza Catene - Mad_Lori, read by @oncomingtragedy​ - 6k, 1hr, T, John/Sherlock "Sherlock has a secret hobby. One night John follows him to find out what his flat mate is up to and gets the surprise of his life." The one where Sherlock sings opera--cracky but oh-so-enjoyable. The podfic performance includes several musical interludes.

All Life is Yours to Miss - Saras_Girl, read by originally reads - 114k, 11 hrs 20 min, M, Harry/Draco "Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go." Another one I might have missed (due to personal impatience) if not for the miracle of podfic!  The pod is well-performed, and the slower listening process makes the resolution feel even more satisfying.

The Price We Pay for Wings - Frayach, read by @raitala​ - 13k, 80min, M, Harry/Draco "Scorpius Draconis Eltanin Malfoy read the first book in the Alford Ocamy series over Christmas hols when he was eleven. Well, he didn’t so much “read” it as he devoured it." I've recced this a million times before, and I'll keep reccing it because I CRIED ACTUAL LITERAL TEARS LISTENING TO THIS. 10/10 would be devastated by again.

i don't wanna give you up (i don't wanna let you love somebody else but me) - notcaycepollard, read by @revolutionaryjo​ - 3k, 20min, E, Erin/Jillian "Erin Gilbert is not the second or even the fifth straight girl Jillian’s ever fallen for, and it’s kind of getting to be a problem, except when she sees Dr Erin Gilbert, she thinks, maybe, this woman might be a statistical outlier." Closely observed, funny, hot, and the narrative voice is p e r f e c t (both in the text and in the podfic performance).

The Temporal Tornado - novembersmith, read by RevolutionaryJo and Lunate8 - 3k, 37min, G, Carlos/Cecil "A temporal tornado reduced our most beloved scientist, Carlos, into a darling little toddler version of his already darling self, didn’t it? Yes it did, oh yes it did! Plus, a jellyfish migration is underway, a mysterious series of unexplained crevasses are appearing in the streets of Night Vale, and valuable advice is provided on the care and feeding of children." Audio is the only logical format for a Night Vale fic like this one :)

Common Woodbrown - imochan, read by RevolutionaryJo - 36k, 3hrs 40 min, M, Remus/Sirius "'Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.' In 1985, Remus Lupin realizes that Sirius Black is innocent. Now, he just has to prove it." Both author and podficcer create a sensitive rendering of the angst, fragility, and determination of Remus Lupin.

Sentiment to Paper - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer - 7k, 57min, E, Holmes/Watson "No fewer than three times by the winter of 1883 had I heard Sherlock Holmes disparage the ways of lovers and their irrational tendencies toward writing letters. With this often and loudly-expressed opinion in mind, I was very surprised indeed to find a stack of unsent, unsealed letters in a drawer in his desk." RickyPulsifer’s podfic is a quiet wonder of smooth pacing, emotive delivery, and thoughtful production.

Splendid Creature - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer and the_dragongirl - 2k, 20min, E, Holmes/Watson "Holmes has tired himself out on a case and wants to go straight to sleep. After an orgasm or two. Watson is more than happy to help." A sleepy, steamy PWP featuring a transmasculine Holmes, read by two podficcers whose voices work together beautifully.

Cold Snap - MirithGriffin, read by verityburns - 5k, 34min, E, John/Sherlock “The Mayo Clinic prescription for hypothermia is this: Tea. Blanket fort. Sex. All right, it doesn’t come right out and say that on the website. But Sherlock can read between the lines.” Verity Burns' delivery nails both the snark and the sweetness of this fic.

First Night Out - verityburns, read by the author - 3k, 22min, M, John/Sherlock “As John recovers from the effects of a brutal kidnapping, he and Sherlock attend the Yarders’ Christmas Party. There are… developments on the dance floor…” I loved this fic for YEARS before I listened to the podfic and realized that the audio version–read by the author herself–makes it exponentially more charming and more intimate.

Further fic recs | Fic bookmarks

[fffinnagain]

Another Meme Thing

@ancientreader tagged me yesterday, and since my latest stats post has drawn in a few more followers, it’s maybe time to share some dets.

Rules: Answer the questions, tag 20 people. Hmm, this has been going around a lot lately, so the tagging may be redundant and sparse.

Name: Finn, going by finnagain or fffinnagain on social media in fandom circles

Nicknames: Finn is it really. Someone once called me Finn-jamin, and that was fun.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus, and I resent the zodiac’s suggestion that I am plodding materialist.

Height: 163 cm. (5’4” for you non-metric heathens.)

Orientation: given my messy gender identity, pansexual/romantic is safest, although attraction to cis-men is at an all-time low these days.

Ethnicity: Canadian of Anglo-european descent. Bits of Scottish, Irish and a lot of English, but one has to go way back. It may be time to consider Canadian an ethnicity, with the maple syrup flowing through our blood, the calls of curling etched in our ears, and our bodies honed by years of long snowy winters.

My Favorite Disclaimer: Punctuality is a virtue of the bored. (Evelyn Waugh, the clever bastard.) Although I really should preface everything with: WARNING DYSLEXIC! BROKEN GRAMMAR AND CREATIVE SPELLINGS AHEAD.

Favorite Fruit: Pinapple, but apples with a low carbon footprint are a close second.

Favorite Season: Winter when I am living outside of Canada, and Fall when I am home.

Favorite Book Series: I’ve read the many series of Tortall novels by Tamora Pierce more times than I care to admit. (Yes, I know there are other books, but I’ll read them after ploughing through Alanna, The First Adventures one more time.)

Favorite Flower: Flower trees are lovely, except dogwoods, yuck. Lilacs are nice.

Book Recommendation: Murr. Besides the indulgence admitted above, and some fanfiction, I’ve been mostly ploughing through academic texts (good content, aweful writing) so nothing comes to mind.

Favorite Scent: Hot cumin seeds. At the moment.

Favorite Color: Dark blue, or blueish greenish. Maybe a little purple. Basically my hair colour.

Favorite Animal: I love @ancientreaders comment “it seems anthropocentric to pick a species.” There is a black cat I live with right now who is silly and clumsy and easily confused, so he gets first place.

Coffee, Tea, Hot Cocoa: They all have their advantages, depending on the circumstances. Coffee in the morning, Tea in the afternoon (unless I’m in campus, and then it’s a fortifying latte) and Hot Cocoa in the evening or to share with friends.

Average Sleep Hours: 6.5 hours is the median, but the standard deviation is large.

Favorite Fictional Characters: Sherlock Holmes is pretty well settled in that position, but I refuse to specify which iteration.

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: The temperature range in my apartment is so wide that the number changes throughout the night, with significant interferences from one or two cats.

Dream Trip: I need to see the tundra. It will probably look bleak and flat at first, but time spent up North will make me a better person.

Blog Created: 2013

Number of Followers: Oh dear, over 600 now. Good luck figuring out what that means.

This feels very rude, but I’m not going to hunt through people’s blogs to check who has answer what. Here are some tags of recently active folks I’d be curious to hear more about: @centrumlumina, @ellipsisaspired, @bandersnatchmycummerbund, @aeolian-harp, @cleverpudding, and @ericswifetara.