#Fukuwrites

[tsukimefuku]

no more patience behind the wheels ✦ kiyotaka ijichi

summary: your friend ijichi has become the unwilling listener to all your woes, and it is definitely taking a toll on him, so he decided to take the matters into his own hands and try to solve your communication problems for you.

cw: platonic/friendship ijichi x reader, comedy, fluff, very suggestive regarding reader and someone else.

wc: 850ish

notes etc.: this poor, poor man. somebody please give him some time off, he truly needs it.

✦ collection of stories: "jujutsu partners au" → masterlist

To say Ijichi's life was turned upside down on an almost daily basis due to sorcerer's shenanigans would be an understatement. He saw himself constantly having to deal with tomfoolery, being jumbled around by you all, as he tried to do his job the best he could.

But for the past few weeks, you, especially, had become absolutely insufferable, to say the least. 

The poor man had lost count on how many times you called asking for him to help you back to your house after getting hammered at the bar. You were feeling miserable, and with good reason after some shit went down in your life, but goddammit woman, get a grip.

Not only that, but the way you were always on and on about how you loved Nanami, and how things were going to end up terribly, and how you had tried before and it didn't work out, yadda yadda was really wearing Ijichi down.

At first, it was a little jarring for him to hear you speak so casually and in such detail about your personal life completely unprompted. Then, it was actually fun hearing your love life ramblings, it felt like a soap opera — the entire story of how you managed to 'screw up two shots at happiness', in your own words (he did not agree, but made no comment on the matter). But now, it was tiring, especially due to the fact that you seemingly forgot every occasion you poured your heart out in his ears.

So, of course, every time he picked you up to drag you back home, it was the same whining.

Every. Damn. Time.

You were about to become his 13th reason.

Ijichi honestly felt like he'd rather face a curse in your place than having to hear that wailing yet again, so he decided to take the matters into his own hands.

"Nanami-san, permission to speak freely for one minute" he said, voice uncharacteristically steady, as he looked at Nanami — whom he had just picked up from a mission — through the rearview mirror.

Ijichi's braveness was a byproduct of his own desperation.

Last night, after your endless ramble about your love life failures, you managed to ruin a perfectly good pair of shoes with vomiting.

His poor shoes.

Nanami had his arms crossed over his chest, and lifted an eyebrow after hearing those words, looking at the assistant in return.

"What would it be about?" the sorcerer curiously inquired, given that Ijichi was rarely — if ever — the type of person to ask for these kinds of things.

"Personal matters. Some guidance is... needed." 

Nanami sighed. "I don't think that would be very appropriate during work hours, Ijichi."

"Please," Ijichi said, his voice taken by some kind of underlying misery, which Nanami noticed. 

He relaxed his shoulders and nodded.

"Fine, go ahead."

"Nanami-san, do you love her? Do you want to be with her?" Ijichi blurted out.

Nanami was immediately taken aback in a mixture of shock and surprise, tensing up his muscles.

"Well, that's a highly inappropriate question to-"

"Nanami-san, she has been calling me to pick her up at the bar these past few weeks, and every time she's completely hammered and rambles about many things, more specifically, how much she loves you, and everything that has happened," Ijichi interjected, still driven by anguish with a knuckle-white grip on the steering wheel.

He'd surely resign his duties if he had to listen to your moping one more time.

"Against my will, I have been completely made aware in excruciating detail about everything, over and over again, and she won't stop. Please, I can't hear these same stories another time. I am begging, do something about it. She is truly fond of you, to say the least."

"... Everything?"

"Everything," Ijichi confirmed.

They were both silent for a moment, and Ijichi was slowly coming back to Earth, realizing that, in his desperation, he had basically just scolded Mr. Mature, Nanami Kento.

I'm done for.

"Ijichi-san" Nanami began in his characteristic impassive tone. Ijichi immediately gulped, bullets of sweat starting to prickle on his skin.

"Y-yes?" He whimpered, involuntarily making himself smaller in his driver's seat.

"Your minute is up," Nanami concluded, turning his face to look outside the window, seemingly done speaking.

Ijichi sighed with bated relief, until he heard Nanami's voice again.

"I'll handle her. Thanks for informing me," the ratio sorcerer said impassively, and the assistant thought, for a moment, that he saw through the rearview mirror a content smile flash on Nanami's face.

Finally, Ijichi thought, sighing, as he began moving the car. Tomorrow I'm getting another pair of shoes.

... Wait a second, did Nanami-san just say he'd... 'handle'... her...?

Realizing it, Ijichi blushed violently, and coughed a few times as he stopped by a red light.

"Is everything alright?" Nanami inquired.

"Y-yes. J-just fine, nothing's wrong," the assistant stuttered, more embarrassed than he had ever been in his entire existence, ready to shove his head in a hole on the ground, realizing what his request — please do something about it — actually sounded like.

Maybe this thorough embarrassment was even worse than listening to your gibberish, after all.

Tag-list: @marikuchanxo @actuallysaiyan @rahuratna @kentocalls @rahuratna

@redlikerozez @pseudowho @g-kleran @jadedjane @otomesass

@swirlingcurses

Also sorry marikuchanxo this took me so long to post 😅