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#Globally i do like when there the sea AND mountains or cliffs/big rocks
tlparadigm · 5 years
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White Void Prologue + Ch1-2
White Void, a Canadian fantasy-horror short story written by tlparadigm & kb, inspired by The Long Dark, Stranger Things & The Lord of the Rings.
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Prologue - Paradigm Shift
Falling. The beaten up truck was falling. Maybe the snowy rocks below would make her death come faster. Maybe she’d die of shock before she hit the ground. But the cliff had not been steep enough for that, she’d feel all the pain and fear as her rusty blue pickup truck hurtled into the ground of British Columbia, Canada.
The vehicle smashed against the rocks with an ear piercing screech, and she lost consciousness, her eyes drifting back into a dark painful void of stars.
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Chapter One - The Oath
Alex Summers was alone. She’d spent the past four days alone, in the middle of nowhere with an injured man who was going insane. The crash had put them both into shocked fear. She found herself falling back into the memory burned into her mind;
The helicopter blades sliced through the freezing mountain air, chilled with the dry aridity of the sky. The rhythmic sound reverberated out to the dawn. She was in a daydream of a hopeful future she was so close to having, when the motor halted and burst into flame. The helicopter span like an amusement park ride, but instead of amusement it was bone chilling fear.
She opened her eyes in shock, and she was falling. Her perception of time distorted, everything slowed down until there was nothing, only her and the spinning helicopter frame around her. Her hand reached out, grasping at the endless crevasse of metal, then sky. Everything was a blur, a blur that swirled out of existence. Suspended in the air, she closed her eyes and surrendered herself into the infinite sky now above her. There was no time for parachutes, in seconds it was a fireball in the trees. All that remained was a mess of mangled metal.
She was shoved back into reality by Keith Miller’s tinny yet dreadfully cruel voice, the man was her now ex boss from Vermont, she’d worked as a marine biologist for most of her life. But now her life was over, she’d taken a government job, and had to deal with this idiot. He flicked her to get her attention.
“Hey now, you’re the goddamn biologist Miss Summers, you’re gonna stay here and make sure a wolf doesn't rip my face off!”
“I'll come back for you Keith, I promise, I just need to find water, there's a river about one kilometre south of here, it will only take me a couple hours to get there and back.”
“No, no, please, you can just wait for me, please let me just finish bandaging my leg”
“Keith you’ll just hold me back. You're losing blood, and drinking all of our fucking vodka. Which is for your wounds!” she said.
“Alex, we’re in no rush, you're just scared that the wolves that attacked me last night are gonna to come back to finish you off. Go do your woman job and make me some more soup. You don’t deserve your job anyways, you do realize that as soon as they figure out that you're basically homeless they’ll cut you off.” Keith spat hurtfully. 
“Us, Keith, those things attacked us. I fought them off, and you, like an idiot, tried hitting them with rocks, while I was trying to ward them off in a way that wouldn't get us killed! If I don’t find us good clean water before nightfall, we’re both screwed, we can’t just live off snowmelt forever!” She shot back as Keith leaned back down onto the frozen dirt beneath them and closed his eyes to rest, mid way through an argument; the man was slowly going insane.
This argument had been going on for almost twenty minutes, Keith had been sexist and cruel all the flight from Vermont and as soon as they crashed, he’d looked to her for all the support. He’d been given a big promotion which would get him out of America but out of sheer bad luck he’d gotten trapped in a snowstorm which buried the whole city of New York under a blanket of ice and snow.
Insanity stole into his mind like a deranged thief, taking any fraction of empathy the man might’ve once had, adding new dangerous ideas, seeding a new personality, and disarranging the rest. New sparks of enraged emotion that Keith should have dismissed as chaotic seemed to prick apart his mind. The insanity seemed to make sense to Keith in one revolutionary eureka moment after another, which Alex could not understand, it was luring him further and further from the man she once knew, until it was so deep into his skull that she no longer recognized the already vile man in front of her. His mind seemed to her to be an inescapable maze, a fiery prison without any sort of filter.
Nobody would remember Keith Miller. He would die either way now, whether they got water or not. He’d become delusional by this point. Alex didn't like the idea of doing this, he’d gone back to being angrily quiet after the argument had ended, and now seemed to be picking apart his fingernails, as if sharpening them.
She quietly lifted the revolver out of her bag and turned the safety off. Slowly, she lifted it to Keith’s head. Keith’s craziness seemed to disappear in that moment. All he said, was a quiet “thank you” than she pulled the trigger.
There was nothing but silence in the frozen forest around her. The sky was fading into twilight. Crows with grievous eyes and ink stained wings, circled around her and the body before her. One landed on the branch in front of her and cawed once, daring her to move. Alex stared downward in shock at his corpse, ignoring the crows that were beginning to rip at Keith’s flesh. She could almost feel their intense, beady little eyes staring into her frozen frame as she started to shiver in the cold wind, she grabbed handfuls of snow and threw it at the ugly birds.
Crows above her squawked angrily as the silence of the woods was disturbed, and as the smothering quiet returned, she started to cry. Chapter Two - The Crypt Two days later, Alex Summers buried Keith Miller beside an icy stream. She walked through the white Canadian woods. She hated it here, every night she could hear the howling of what seemed like hundreds of wolves, but in reality, it might have been about seven. The wolves had seen better days. Their fur was thin and it clung to their frames like a windbreaker in a snowstorm. The movements of the animals were faltering as if each step pained them and their heads were sunk low to the ground. These animals had looked sickly, not fine and majestic like she had often seen them elsewhere. Winter trees stood amid twisting roots that twisted into one another until each dead root sunk into the frozen soil. Rough bark glistened in the early evening frost, making the forest’s trees look like pillars of light and dark. Dark cracks lay in the bark like scars, yet each woody crevice only served to make them all the more spindly. She later climbed up the hills which wrapped around a frozen river to a highway, she was pretty sure it was highway 97, but she was completely lost in the blank landscape. She walked for eternities. It was unending. A light in the distance caught her eye, a gas station. She sprinted until she couldn't run anymore, she was starving, she felt like her insides were being eaten away by a million worms.
She reached the gas station right as there was movement near the door, it was an older man in his 60s, he had an assault rifle in his hands. He shot her in the foot, went over to her limp body and dragged her across the asphalt, her dry skin shredding along her exposed hands and arms. She should've kept that winter jacket on, she thought to herself dreamily as she drifted into unconsciousness and the old man lifted her onto a table, and pulled a needle out of his pocket. She awoke to the sound of screaming. Alex Summers was lying flat on her back, on a countertop in what she remembered was a gas station. Her wrists were sore, she tilted her head up to see that they were tied to the handle of a cabinet, she looked to her other side, she saw a large figure looking in through the glass of the storefront. Her vision was blurry and her thoughts were jumbled but she could see blood splattered around the entrance. She stared at the looming entity in the door— it stared right back at her, unmoving. She started to wonder if it even existed. The blurry entity grunted, then it fell down onto four legs and backed up. Then, it charged into the glass window. The glass broke easily against the beast’s impact.
Alex wearily assumed it wanted to rip her face off, but the creature went straight for the far side of the store where there seemed to be some sort of meat stored. The creature broke through the glass that kept the meat cold, then started eating voraciously, it ate quickly, getting more and more nervous as it ate.It suddenly jumped up from its seated position and quickly made its way out of the building. She watched it leave through the broken window, then she seemed to drift back into sleep. 
She dreamed of Alaska, the view of the Bering Sea before her and the cold, but welcoming breeze flowing through her hair. A boat waited for her at a small wooden dock, her boat, used with the last of the money left for her by her parents. She had gotten so close to creating a better life for herself, away from the collapsing global economy, away from the constant fear of disaster and away from the plague, Edge-14.
Her peaceful dream evolved into a nightmare as the blurry unconscious thought of Edge-14 invaded her mind. The sickness had moved from door to door like a salesman and just as unwanted. It washed from the east-side of North America, a slow moving tsunami of fever, insanity and gory death that picked off both strong and weak in equal number. There was no greater destroyer than this parasite, impervious to wealth or pleading. 
The visions of devastation shifted to something far worse that had been hiding in the darkened crevice of her mind. She stood in a dark room on the fourth floor of an abandoned apartment building. Blood and other nastier human substances were stained on the walls, leaning against a support beam in the middle of the empty space was a young girl. 
She was only thirteen, but already she would die, Edge-14 had plagued her body, soon it would plague her mind. She looked up at Alex, a sliver of hope in her bloodshot eyes, her expression changed as she started to cry. She tilted towards the dust filled floor, she lay in the dust, sobbing.
Alex sat with her for days, the little girl’s brown eyes had looked up at her with tiny slivers of hope even though there was none. 
The girl died in her sleep, wrapped in Alex’s arms. The recurring nightmare was like a plague of its own, ruthless and cruel.
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bigyack-com · 5 years
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Arctic May Have Crossed Key Threshold, Emitting Billions Of Tons Of Carbon
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Permafrost at the top of the cliff, melts into the Kolyma River outside of Zyryanka, RussiaThe Arctic is undergoing a profound, rapid and unmitigated shift into a new climate state, one that is greener, features far less ice, and is a net source of greenhouse gas emissions from melting permafrost, according to a major new federal assessment of the region released Tuesday.The consequences of these climate shifts will be felt far outside the Arctic in the form of altered weather patterns, increased greenhouse gas emissions, and rising sea levels from the melting Greenland ice sheet and mountain glaciers.The findings are contained in the 2019 Arctic Report Card, a major federal assessment of climate change trends and impacts throughout the region. The study paints an ominous picture of a region lurching to an entirely new and unfamiliar climate state.Especially noteworthy is the report's conclusion that the Arctic may have already turned into a net emitter of planet-warming carbon emissions due to thawing permafrost, which would only accelerate global warming. Permafrost is the carbon-rich frozen soil that covers 24% of Northern Hemisphere land area, encompassing vast stretches of territory across Alaska, Canada, Siberia and Greenland.There has been concern throughout the scientific community that the approximately 1,460-1,600 billion metric tons of organic carbon stored in frozen Arctic soils, which amounts to nearly twice as much greenhouse gases than what is contained in the atmosphere, could be released as the permafrost melts.Warming temperatures allow microbes within the soil to convert permafrost carbon into the greenhouse gases - carbon dioxide and methane - which can be released into the atmosphere and accelerate warming. Ted Schuur, a researcher at Northern Arizona University and author of the permafrost chapter, said the report "takes on a new stand on the issue" based on other published work, including a study in Nature Climate Change in November.Taking advantage of the new studies - one on regional carbon emissions from permafrost in Alaska during the warm season, and another on winter season emissions in the Arctic compared to how much carbon is absorbed by vegetation during the growing season - the report concludes that permafrost ecosystems could be releasing as much as 1.1 to 2.2 billion tons of carbon dioxide per year. This is almost as much as the annual emissions of Japan and Russia in 2018, respectively."These observations signify that the feedback to accelerating climate change may already be underway," the report concludes."Each of the studies has some parts of the story. Together they really paint the picture of - we've turned this corner for Arctic carbon," said Schuur. "Together they complement each other nicely and really in my mind are a smoking gun for this change already taking place."The report notes there is still considerable uncertainty about carbon emissions estimates given the relatively limited observational measurements. But it also warns that the Arctic region - which is warming at more than twice the rate of the rest of the world, may have already turned into the global warming accelerator long been feared.The findings come just as U.N. climate negotiators meet in Madrid to address the need for more ambitious cuts in greenhouse gas emissions, and would mean that the world faces an even steeper challenge in meeting the targets outlined in the Paris Climate Agreement.Schuur said that the carbon being emitted by the Arctic amounts to less than 10% of fossil fuel emissions each year. "So it's a small addition to what humans are already producing," he said.However, that number is likely to grow with time, as the Arctic continues to warm. "We've crossed the zero line," Schuur said."We don't think the Arctic is going to admit so much more emissions that it will make fossil fuel emissions irrelevant," but any extra emissions complicate the already difficult task of slashing them to net zero by mid-century to limit global warming to no more than 1.5-degrees Celsius, he said.Merritt Turetsky, an ecologist at the University of Guelph who was not involved in the Arctic Report Card, said three new discoveries support its conclusion.New information on fall and winter carbon, as opposed to summer when plants are active in the far north, "shows much greater ecosystem losses of carbon to the atmosphere than we expected," she said in an email. "So our biosphere in the North is leakier than we thought because soils are remaining warm and respiring both carbon dioxide and methane." Methane is another powerful greenhouse gas.She said wildfires are pushing farther north into the boreal forests, and these also release carbon stored in ecosystems.And studies in the past few years have shown that permafrost can respond rapidly to warming and increased rainfall."We know little about abrupt permafrost thaw, and it occurs at local scales so is difficult to scale up. But our best estimate shows that abrupt thaw has the potential to double the climate impacts of traditional measurements of permafrost thaw," Turetsky said.The broader Arctic Report Card shows the region is undergoing extensive changes in the marine environment as well as frozen lands. The Bering Sea, in particular, has seen "disquieting" shifts in the past two years, the report finds. What happens here is crucial for the U.S. economy, given that about 40% of the domestic fish and shellfish catch, worth more than $1 billion, comes from this region every year.For the past two years, the maximum sea ice extent in the Bering Sea has been at record lows, at about 30% of the long-term mean from 1980 through 2010, the new report finds.This is due to a few factors, including unusually mild, southerly winds during winter that pushed sea ice northward and transported warm, moist air into the Pacific portion of the Arctic. In addition, the late freeze-up of the bordering Chukchi Sea in the previous fall seasons helped to delay ice formation in the northern Bering Sea, and warm ocean temperatures from low sea ice conditions slowed the advance of new ice as air temperatures cooled.The wintertime ice retreat is crucial, since it causes ripple effects on fisheries by governing the placement of frigid waters that sink near the bottom of the continental shelf. As ice retreats, taking this cold water with it, a mass migration of fish species is underway in the Bering Sea, with Arctic species such as Pacific cod and walleye pollock moving north, replaced by southern species such as northern rock sole.In the southeastern Bering Sea, warming has accelerated to the point that the "cold pool" - the frigid, salty water that provides a barrier between its southern stretch from its northern, Arctic region - shrank from covering 56% in 2010 to 1.4% in 2018. It only inched up to 6.3% this year, and species such as Pacific cod surged north."I don't think it was on anyone's radar that it could disappear," said Lyle Britt, who oversees the NOAA Fisheries Bering Sea bottom trawl survey.Britt said he and other researchers are still analyzing the area's fish to determine how many have migrated from southern waters."This is a big change to the ecosystem," he said. "We have a lot of work to do with genetics just to make sure we know where the fish is coming from."According to Mellisa Johnson, an Inupiaq who is executive director of Bering Sea Elders Group, coastal Bering Sea communities are grappling with the loss of sea ice, which dramatically alters their ability to access food sources such as seals, walrus and bowhead whales."We have to continue to look for alternative food sources," she said in an interview.To illustrate the swiftness and complexity of the changes indigenous communities are seeing, she said people are "having to create new words to depict what is going on with our changing environment," citing a new type of plant that has shown up in the region as air and ground temperatures have warmed.Alaska has had its hottest year to date in 2019, with no sea ice visible from the shoreline in Nome as of Dec. 9, which is highly unusual for this time of year."We fear for our young people; we worry that they will grow without the same foods and places that we have known throughout our lives," says a chapter written by a group of indigenous representatives in the Arctic Report Card. "We are no longer able to reliably predict the weather," the report states, citing the reduced use of knowledge passed down from one generation to the next.(Except for the headline, this story has not been edited by NDTV staff and is published from a syndicated feed.) Read the full article
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rachelcarsoncenter · 4 years
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(Adventures in Stavanger, Part 1)
In this mini series you can read about the experiences of Johanna Felber and Malin Klinski, candidates of the RCC’s Environmental Studies Certificate program, during an exchange program with the University of Stavanger in Norway. If you want to find out more about life in the land of the midnight sun, trolls, and vikings, you are in the right place... 
By Johanna Felber and Malin Klinski
Stavanger is a place of contradictions. The fourth largest city of Norway is situated on the southwestern coastline. Depending on who you ask, you will hear quite different stories about the place. Some might talk about Stavanger as being Norway’s (or even Europe’s) petroleum capital. The big-oil resources have not only helped the city of Stavanger to accumulate wealth – they are also a symbol of the nation’s global economic importance. As recently as January 2020, the Norwegian government officially opened a new giant oil field, 140 kilometers off the shore of Stavanger. It is estimated to generate a maximum turnover of US $100 billion. Norway itself obtains its energy mostly from renewable sources, especially wind- and hydropower. Stavanger’s oil and gas are mainly export goods.
The other side of Stavanger is more in line with the picturesque face of the city. Countless ships still sail towards the old port; tiny wooden houses (often white, sometimes colorful like in the “color alley”), narrow streets, the fish market, and cobblestones make up the charm of the gamle (old town). Less well known is the impressive variety of street art, which can be discovered when wandering about.
The fjords around Stavanger are passageways to many of the smaller islands situated close to the shore. The best way to experience Stavanger’s natural beauty is going outdoors and exploring the landscapes surrounding the town. Once you stand on a rocky mountain overlooking the region, you realize how tales of trolls found their way into Norwegian folk tales.
Photo by the authors.
Fun Fact: Norwegians have a lot of words to describe weather, that don’t exist in the English language. Oppholdsvær, for example, means cloudy weather without rainfall, meaning great weather to go out into nature!
  On the Road
Our Stavanger adventure started in Munich. We drove up to Stavanger with Hanna’s red camping bus. It is like a little house, with a bed, a cooking stove and, most importantly in Norway, a heater. Hanna even sewed curtains to cover the windows and keep out the cold. Our journey led us to Hamburg, Aarhus, a beach on the very northern rim of Denmark, Hirtshals, and then to a small lake between Kristiansand and Stavanger, before we finally arrived on the university campus.
Malin lives in a student dormitory, just outside the main building of the University, and she was able to move in as soon as we arrived on campus. Hanna resides in a shared flat closer to the city center, from where she can cycle up the hill to the university. On a sunny day you can see quite far, right out to sea. Getting into town from the university by bike takes 30 minutes, up and down steep roads.
Beach in north Denmark
First morning in Norway, at a lake
  The University
Our courses at the University of Stavanger (UiS) are all connected to the local Master’s in Energy, Environment and Society – an interdisciplinary program. The focus is mainly on environmental and energy politics from a global, comparative perspective. The entire interior design of the university is cozy and thought through. From light installations to plant pots, cushions, colourful wallpapers, fluffy carpets and artistic paintings – Norwegians know how to make spending a lot of time indoors bearable. This is quite important when you can’t leave the house for a short stroll because the wind is howling relentlessly and the rain splashing mercilessly against the windowsills. The Norwegian weather forecast’s website is called yr.no, which means something like “drizzling rain.”
The university library is more of an open, creative space. You can find rocking chairs, beanbags and hammock-pergolas. You are allowed to play games, speak loudly and bring your own food. When we first visited the library and a housemate of Malin’s waved and shouted, “What’s up?” through the hall, we winced in unison. Even though it felt a little weird in the beginning, we quickly adapted to the local habits – and brought some cinnamon buns and tea into the library while discussing the first paper we had to submit.
One of the reasons we have decided to come to Stavanger is the Greenhouse at UiS. Dolly and Finn Arne Jørgensen, two researchers in the field of environmental history, initiated this platform for sharing research, developing ideas and projects, and discussing environmental topics. A couple of professors and PhD candidates join them in the weekly Greenhouse Lunch, where current themes and activities are shared, planned, and promoted. We have also been there once and were heartily welcomed to the group. Unfortunately, the lunch is coinciding with one of our seminars, but we will join them again soon for other events, in a second installation in this miniseries, will keep you updated about what the environmentalists here are thinking and working on.
No, these pictures don’t show a fancy hipster café – it is the university library
  Exploring Nature
Until now, we have tried to get outside as much as possible. Stavanger’s surroundings offer countless possibilities for experiencing nature. We both became members of the UiS friluftsliv group (outdoor sport group), which organizes all kinds of outdoor activities. Most of the hikes in the area are easily accessible by public transport, with some entailing underwater tunnel rides and ferry cruises. It is definitely worth visiting the Vigdel beach, close to Sola. We wandered on wooden planks through pliant dunes, climbed over rugged, craggy cliffs, and saw a rainbow appearing from the depths of the stormy sea. Moreover, it is an excellent spot to have a picnic and eat homemade cinnamon rolls with loads of confectioner’s sugar. Another nice tour is taking the public bus to the island of Rennesøy and wandering along the steep cliff towards the mountain range. It really is an adventure path and no matter where you go, it is impossible not to take dozens of breaks to admire the view. With the friluftsliv group we went on two different hiking trips that both ended with a bonfire. We grilled marshmallows and roasted home-made bread dough on sticks over the flames.
  On another weekend trip we joined some members of the friluftsliv group on a ski tour with the Norwegian mountain club DNT in the region of Sirdal, about two hours drive from Stavanger. We didn’t really know what we signed up for, as the tour was a mixture of slalom, cross country skiing, and snowshoe hiking. The scenery was beautiful, it was an experience we wouldn’t have wanted to miss, but we still found ourselves with incredible muscle aches on Monday morning.
One of the most popular leisure activities in Norway is spending time in cabins. We slept in two different cabins on our ski trip, and learned that there are quite some things to be aware of when signing up for such overnight stays. After eight hours of tour-skiing through the snowy mountains on just the first day, we finally arrived at our cabin.
We felt like doing nothing more than falling into one of the bunk beds and closing our eyes. But two Norwegians girls still had enough motivation to take off all their skiing equipment, run down the hill, and jump into the icy water of the river running by. Malin decided to join in the experience. The water was so incredibly cold that you couldn’t even feel it anymore. It is a miracle how the body still manages to function in these temperatures.
Compared to this experience, lugging the water buckets from that same river back up to the fireplace was a rather relaxing task. After so much physical activity and fresh air we were really hungry, and nothing on earth could taste better than pasta with tomato sauce then. With a heavy woolen blanket thrown around our shoulders and the dim light of the candles (which were lighted to save electricity) the evening was made even more cozy. We played cards and told stories about our favorite hiking trips. One thing we learned from that skiing trip in Sirdal was that the further you are away from a proper road, internet connection, and running water, the more hyggelig it gets!
The word hyggelig can mean a lot of different things. It translates to pleasant, good, nice, secure, intimate, snug, and comfortable. It describes a feeling or impression – if you find yourself sitting content, tired but warm, at a fireplace after a long day, you will know what it really is about.
  The way to the heart is through the stomach
Food is very expensive in Norway. This is a fact. A bowl of simple green salad costs 7 euros in the university cafeteria. The only way around this is making your own food, and being creative. The 20 people that share the kitchen in Malin’s student dormitory come from 15 different countries. Since arriving, we have cooked many different dishes from various regions of the world in this kitchen. We made huge amounts of hummus and falafel and spent hours rolling sushi. One day we prepared pizza dough and tiramisu for the entire house, with instructions from Jacopo, an Italian student from Milan. The more people share the food you cook, the more affordable it becomes.
We even joined in the International Food Festival of the university. Teams received 40 euros to buy groceries and cook traditional food from their country. The winning team receives vouchers for the cafeteria. Unfortunately, we didn’t win – competing with countries like India, Vietnam, and Mexico, we were hard challenged from the outset! In the end, the winner was South Korea.  We made Semmelknödel and Scheiterhaufen –  spinach and parsley dumpling with creamy mushroom sauce, and a sweet dessert made from old bread, milk, cinnamon, apples, berries and loads of sugar. We had a lot of fun and more people than we expected complimented our food.
Team Germany – not expecting to win, but still in a good mood. Hanna, David, Malin, and Kevin are posing for the team photo. David and Kevin study sport science.
Despite the often non-existent sunshine, we really enjoyed our first month in Stavanger. A lot of things are still on our bucket list for the next months, so we will surely not get bored. One of the most important things is learning Norwegian, which will hopefully give us the chance to dive deeper into the culture. We will share our experiences in snakke norsk med nordmanner and everything else that left us sometimes clueless, sometimes smiling, during our exchange in Stavanger in our next blog post.
Opplevelser I Stavanger (Adventures in Stavanger, Part 1) In this mini series you can read about the experiences of…
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oliviathomasba2b · 6 years
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Research - Brave
'Brave' Features Hair-Raising Animations
“Merida's explosion of fiery ringlets started as a series of springs on a computer. The Pixar team created many kinds of springs, including short, long, fat, thin, stretched, compressed, bouncy and stiff. In order to give Merida's hair volume, the springs were entered on the computer screen in layers. The layers varied the length, size and flexibility of each curl”.
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"We used 1,500 hand-placed, sculpted individual curls," said Claudia Chung (simulation supervisor for Brave). "There is this weird paradox where a 'spring' of hair needs to remain stiff in order to hold its curl but it also has to remain soft in its movement."
"It took us almost three years to get the final look for her hair and we spent two months working on the scene where Merida removes her hood and you see the full volume of her hair," said Chung. "When I first saw the storyboards for 'Brave,' I drooled; I had no idea how I was going to do it, but I knew this was going to be so much fun."
Field trips and initial research:
Field research trips to Scotland, the first of which took place in 2006. The visits saw the director and the story and art directors filling notebooks with drawings, colloquialisms, song lyrics, snippets of conversations – anything that could help Pixar get further into the essential Scottish element of the story.
"At this time the crew was very small. They wanted to establish a look and a colour palette for the film so that by the time the technical crew came on board they had a fairly solid idea how the film would look: what the various seasons would look like, how realistic you want the characters to be, and how important all the other elements are." – Gordon Cameron (global tech supervisor).
Scouting Scotland:
Scotland is wild and rugged with its rocks and mountains, trees and valleys—but there’s something growing on everything—there’s a softness to it.  The environment actually reminds me of Merida—this perfect but complicated blend of hard and soft.
~ Brenda Chapman, Director
“Research is really an important part of the Pixar creative process,” says Sarafian.
They visited landmark locations in Edinburgh, walking the Royal Mile and feasting on homemade haggis. The filmmakers attended the Lonarch Highland Gathering and Games as well as the Braemar Gathering to inform the Highland Games and archery contest they wanted to create for “Brave.”  
They also visited the National Museum of Scotland where they studied assorted weapons, fabrics and other adornments to ensure a measure of authenticity in the film.
“We spent a lot of time at the Standing Stones of Callanish [on the Isle of Lewis],” says producer Sarafian.  “It felt like the perfect setting for something important to happen in the story. The stones are in a circle on a big exposed cliff with the sky as their backdrop—it’s very striking.  You can’t tear yourself away from them".
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Several castles served as a reference for the DunBroch family castle, most notably Eilean Donan Castle in the Highlands and Dunnottar Castle, located just south of Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire. Dunnottar, a ruined medieval fortress believed to be from the 15th or 16th centuries, sparked a pivotal change of plans for the filmmakers.  They intended to set the film’s family castle on a loch up in the Highlands but inspired by Donnottar’s dramatic location, decided to move it to an outpost of the sea.
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“It felt as if there was a filter of green over us,” adds Tia Kratter, shading art director.  “The sun would go through this filter and everything was just bathed in a green light.  So if I had to describe Scotland with just one word, it might be green.”  -  informed some of the colour choices for the film (consisting on natural, earthy tones and greens)
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sjohnson24 · 6 years
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Ice Moon Temple
The Supernatural – There is nothing more to the sound of space than time, a measurement.Time can be formed from many things like alchemy with a meteor, bells chiming through a church or a dance made with rhythm and sweat. Time can be measured in stripes, like the minutes on a clock, sun dial or even a ceremony. In the final hour, tigers spirit stands with us as others worship our planet through each other. Below, I am going to explain to you the spiritual force behind the power of these exotic land and skies. There is so much history in outer space that has already started here. In the future, perhaps the sound of space will become deafening, destroying us all or to cause us to mutate, with an intention of energy and movement, the song it is singing and what we are returning.
Maybe it is a gift to be blind but, there is a grace that comes with seeing in a way where only angels can relate to you from the celestial presentations of our location. Bring them closer to their gods so that time can excel us past the bad parts. We will not become extinct but, transform…like the universe… which we are at a deep molecular level.
Tiger in Dreams
The tiger is an uncommon spiritual force. As a metaphysical being, it represents our shadow side, which we naturally hide from the world (like the moon). It taunts us with extreme unknown dangerous and powerful chi. It is unpredictable and strong.
When we dream, the tiger represents a source of rare power. It is something that controls our consciousness to such a deep level that it effects our whole sense of being. It could be anything from an addiction, a secret you are keeping or misunderstood perception on your reality.
The tiger beckons us to work on our willpower with determination. It will take a lot to overcome such forces but, you are capable. With some help from your spiritual guide, you can reach a level of meditation and mental protection to shield you in the wild.
Callisto
Callisto was discovered in 1610 by Galileo Galilei. It is made of mainly rock, ice and organic compounds. It is one of the greatest protectors in the universe. Upon it’s surface are some of the oldest craters within the universe.
No evidence suggests that there was any earthquakes or volcanic activity. Apparently, there is an absence of geological occurrences beyond the impacts of the forces of cosmic selection. The surface changes and is made up of small, sparkly frost deposits at the tips of high spots, surrounded by a smooth blanket of dark material.
Callisto is thought to have formed by slow accretion from the disk of the gas and dust that surrounded Jupiter after its formation. Callisto is named after one of Zeus’s lovers in Greek mythology. Callisto is a nymph (or, according to some sources, the daughter of Lycaon) who was associated with the goddess of the hunt, Artemis.
Dione
Dione is a moon that rotates with Saturn. It is the fifteenth largest moon in the solar system. About two thirds of Dione’s mass is watery ice and the rest is a dense core of silicate rock. The moon is known to harbor a thick layer of ice shell with a global ocean underneath. A hemisphere contains a thick icy mountain range with cliffs.
Dione’s surface displays the effects of tectonic activities. Many craters also line up. The marks forever echo the masterpiece of the sky.
Dione the goddess, was an oracular Titaness primarily known from Book V of Homer’s Iliad.One source describes her as the wife of Zeus. She is essentially the feminine of the genitive form, that is, Διός Diós (from earlier Διϝός Diwós) of him. Due to her being a daughter of Dione, Aphrodite is sometimes called Dionaea. She is not mentioned in Hesiod’s treatment of the Titans, although the name does appear in the Theogony among his list of Oceanids, the daughters of Oceanus and Tethys. According to Hesiod, Aphrodite was born from the foam created by the severed genitals of Uranus, when they were thrown into the sea by Cronus, after he castrated him.
Icy Moon
Icy moons are a class of natural satellites with surfaces composed mainly of ice. An icy moon may harbor an ocean underneath the surface and possibly include a rocky core of silicate and metallic rocks. This means that there is a form of life here.
A few of Jupiter’s moons have been found to have water or water ice in their atmosphere or on their surface. Europa is the most important source of water in the system. Europa is thought to have an iron core, a rocky mantle and a surface ocean of salty water.
Europa
Europa is a large moon of the planet Jupiter. It is a little smaller than Earth’s Moon.It is actually the smallest of the four Galilean moons orbiting Jupiter and the sixth-closest to the planet. This makes it the sixth-largest moon in the Solar System. Europa was discovered in 1610 by Galileo Galilei and was named after Europa, the legendary mother of King Minos of Crete and lover of Zeus (the Greek equivalent of the Roman god Jupiter).
Slightly smaller than Earth’s Moon, Europa is primarily made of silicate rock and has a water-ice crust and an iron–nickel core. The atmosphere is composed mostly of oxygen. The surface is striated by cracks and streaks, whereas craters are relatively rare. In addition to Earth-bound telescope observations, Europa has been visited with space probe flybys.
Europa is named after Europa, daughter of the king of Tyre, a Phoenician noblewoman in Greek mythology. Like all the Galilean satellites, Europa is named after a lover of Zeus, the Greek counterpart of Jupiter. Europa was courted by Zeus and became the queen of Crete. The naming theme was suggested by Simon Marius, who discovered the four satellites independently.
Enceladus
The Saturn moon Enceladus harbors a big ocean of liquid water beneath its icy crust. The water ocean on Enceladus is about 6 miles in depth. The ice above is about 30 miles thick. It is considered one of our solar system’s most promising candidates in the search for extraterrestrial life. Huge icy jets several hundreds of miles high erupt from the moon and are likely associated with hydrothermal vents in the moon’s core.
Enceladus is one of the major inner satellites of Saturn along with Dione. It orbits Saturn every 32.9 hours. Plumes from Enceladus, which are similar in composition to comets has been shown to be the source of the material in Saturn’s E ring. This E ring is the widest and outermost ring of Saturn (inside of the Phoebe ring). It is extremely wide. Mathematical models show that the E ring is unstable, with a lifespan between 10,000 and 1,000,000 years; therefore, particles composing it must be constantly replenished. Enceladus releases water vapors.
Given the geological evidence, the regions are probably less than a few hundred million years old. Also, Enceladus has been recently active with “water volcanism” or other processes that refresh this surface. The new ice that dominates its surface gives Enceladus the most reflective surface of any body in the entire Solar System. Named through the heart of John Herschel. He chose the name because Saturn, known in Greek mythology as Cronus, was the leader of the Titans.
Ganymede
Ganymede is the king moon of Jupiter and in the Solar System. It is considered the ninth largest object in the universe. It is the only moon known to have a magnetic power field. Ganymede is composed of equal amounts of silicate rock and watery ice. The magnetic field is created by convection within its liquid iron core.
Ganymede’s discovery is credited to Galileo Galilei, who was the first to observe it on January 7, 1610.The satellite’s name was soon suggested by astronomer Simon Marius, after the mythological Ganymede, cupbearer of the Greek gods and Zeus’s lover. Gaynymede, the legendary Ganymede…
Ganymede was a Trojan prince in ancient Greek myth, also well known for his beauty. He was the son of the king Tros of Dardania, after whom Troy took its name and Callirrhoe. According to the stories, Zeus turned into an eagle and took Ganymede, bringing him to Mount Olympus to be a cupbearer to the gods.
Penitente (snow formation)
Penitentes are snow formations found at high altitudes. They take the form of elongated, thin blades of hardened snow or ice, closely spaced and pointing towards the sun. The name comes from the resemblance of a field of penitentes to a crowd of kneeling people doing penance. The formation evokes the tall, pointed habits and hoods worn by brothers of religious orders in the Processions of Penance during Spanish Holy Week. In essence the hats are tall, slender and white, with a pointed top.
Penitentes were first described in scientific literature by Charles Darwin in 1839. On March 22, 1835, he had to squeeze his way through snowfields covered in penitentes near the Piuquenes Pass, on the way from Santiago de Chile to the Argentine city of Mendoza and he retold the local belief that they were formed by the strong winds of the Andes.
Penitentes may be present on Europa, a satellite of Jupiter. According to recent study, NASA’s New Horizons have discovered penitentes on Pluto in a region informally named Tartarus Dorsa.
Titan
Titan is the largest moon of Saturn. It comes in second with the race of the universe. Frequently described as planet-like, Titan is 50% larger than Earth’s Moon and it is 80% more massive. Discovered in 1655 by the Dutch astronomer Christiaan Huygens who mentioned, so being in a state which is majorly made of water ice and rocky material.
The weather is of wind and rain, which are brushes on the surface of Earth, shaping such atmosphere into dunes, rivers, lakes, seas and is dominated by seasonal weather patterns similar to those on Earth. Distinctly beautiful and royal, this object brings an amazing energy to the night.
The name Titan and the names of all seven satellites of Saturn then known, came from John Herschel (son of William Herschel, discoverer of two other Saturnian moons, Mimas and Enceladus). He suggested the names of the mythological Titans, the brothers and sisters of Cronus, the Greek Saturn. In mythology, the Titans are a race of powerful deities, descendants of Gaia and Uranus, that ruled during the legendary Golden Age.
Ice Moon Temple
The tiger’s eyes pierce my soul, like a dagger in the air. What moves us forward is like a gravitational pull. Like we are also, pieces of the heavens dancing at the imperial rate of celestial force. The holy mountains rise to greet the majesty of the glowing gods and angels.
We march on like soldiers of the galaxy, arming ourselves with the light and mana of above and below. The waters reflect the sky, which we drink in the morning. We live and breathe nature and city. Passion and precision grace us until there is honor. For we do what we must do, to survive into eternity.
The more that we learn from each other than the better we become. Reach out and connect with others and free yourself from the darkness that resides as a beautiful sanctuary for the wounded angels of Earth. We can heal each other with words and visions. Just like the moons of the super universe…
Ice Moon Tiger
Ice Moon Tiger In a smoky fire Red eyes glowing From the blood Upon the pyre A sacrifice Made as we conspire Together in Volcanic weather Stripes of ashes Settle down Here from us Like diamonds As the moon melts away Rain is burning up The holy queen as Life spills from within her cup And there is no one But you Who could love again So soon With a frozen heart
By Deanna Jaxine Stinson, Arachnologist Halo Paranormal Investigations – HPI International. www.facebook.com/#!/groups/HPIinternational/
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danielanduranb · 6 years
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15 India Sites for American Adventure Lovers to Visit
Now, we know how much an American loves adventure sports and activities; who wouldn’t if the surroundings that he has been raised in are so appropriate to participate in at least one outdoor sport. Therefore, it is not a surprise to see a number of American adventure lovers wandering across the world to try a new adrenaline rushing activity. Since India has been boasting a lot about its diverse landscape and opportunity of several heart-racing activities ranging from white water rafting to deep sea diving and from paragliding to spelunking, it sure does make for an incredible adventure destination. Here are some of the best Indian sites that as an American adventure lover you would love to visit.
Gulmarg for Skiing
Beginning from north of the country, India is blessed with a destination that is ideal for skiing enthusiasts. Some 53 km from Srinagar (the summer capital of Jammu & Kashmir state) is Gulmarg, the de facto skiing capital of India. Gulmarg has some of the finest gradients that are perfect for alpine, chutes, cornices and glacier skiing. There is also provision for heli-skiing but one has to check its availability. This scenic destination in Kashmir also flaunts one of Asia’s highest and largest cable car projects, the Gulmarg Gondola. So, along with an incredible skiing experience at a 4390 m, you can also relish riding on one of the largest cable projects in the world. Also, if you are interested, Gulmarg Ski Club organizes annual skiing competitions that you can participate in.
Also Read: Best Things to Do and See in Gulmarg
Dzukou Valley for Camping
Like in the US, there are a number of places for camping, India is also dotted with excellent camping locations in each cardinal direction. However, there are a few places that have an extra edge to them, something that makes them special in their own way, and Dzukou Valley in Nagaland in Northeast India is one such place. Dzukou is particularly charming in terms of its unexploited landscape; it is an emerald paradise adorned with bamboo thicket and a cluster of oak and rhododendron forest. The trek’s difficulty level is moderate but sometimes climbing the steep ascents can be challenging although the beautiful views will make you forget about it quickly. You can camp at the natural caves but make sure to carry along your sleeping bag and other gears for cooking and sustaining on a cold night. The experience of camping here is different and something worth giving a try.
Also Read: Ultimate Summer Camping Options in Uttarakhand
Zanskar for Whitewater Rafting and Chadar Trek
Back in North India, Ladakh, one of the best adventure destinations in India invites you to its least inhabited region, Zanskar. The perk of being here is there is an uninterrupted thrill. Zanskar is known for rendering a plethora of opportunities for adventure activities, amongst which the two most popular ones are the Chadar trek and white-water rafting. The fact that one will be trekking over a frozen river, on a thick sheet of ice makes it a must-do adventure in India. However, the trek is seasonal and can be done only in the winter season when the ice is at its thickest. On the other hand, white water rafting in Zanskar can be enjoyed at its best in the summer season when the ice melts and the water level in Zanskar river increases. Zanskar River has Grade I to Grade IV rapid that makes rafting here quite exciting.
Also Read: The Thrill of Rafting: Top 15 White Water Rafting Destinations in India
Goa for Watersports
Think of any possible water sport and Goa will offer it to you. The western India jewel, Goa is a paradise for beach lovers, and for adventure aficionados, it is indeed a blessing cloaked in blue. This party state in India has both aerial and water sports activities packed for you. From parasailing to jet skiing, from scuba diving to paragliding, and from snorkelling to flyboarding, Goa spoils you for choice and caters to all your adventure need. The best beaches in Goa for adventure sports include Calangute, Sinquerim, Baga, Dona Paula, Anjuna, Majorda, Mobor, and Colva.
Also Read: Best Water Adventure Activities to Experience in Goa
Andamans for Snorkelling and Deep Sea Diving
Had fun exploring the underwater life in the Arabian Sea? Well, you are going to love the white sand beaches and turquoise water of Andaman Islands. Located on the eastern side of mainland India in the Bay of Bengal, Andaman is going to cast a spell of magic on you with its mesmerizing beauty and unperturbed ambiance. This tourist destination in India is an ideal place for that impeccable snorkelling and scuba diving experience. It is known as the habitat for some exotic fishes and underwater creatures, which makes it a truly compelling destination to plan your adventure holiday. There are other water sports in Andaman like jet skiing, parasailing and speed boating that you can enjoy along with snorkelling and scuba diving but the experience of exploring the underwater universe here is unparalleled.
Also Read: Best Tourist Places and Attractions in Andaman and Nicobar Islands
Bir Billing for Paragliding
One helluva a place, Bir Billing is where all the action happens. Situated in Himachal Pradesh, one of the northern states in India, Bir Billing is quite popular amongst paragliders and why shouldn’t it be, after all, it is one of the highest places in the world for paragliding (4000 m). Bir is a small town where the landing site is situated, Billing, which is situated some 16 to 18 km away from Bir is the place where the cliff from where paragliding is done is located. Even though you can enjoy paragliding at several places in Himachal like Solang Valley and Dalhousie, in Billing the feeling is different altogether. For an amateur or a first-timer, there are tandem rides available, but an experienced person can go solo as well. In fact, the place is perfect for solo gliders who can fly over the entire Dhauladhar Range of the Himalayas.
Also Read: Ultimate Guide to Paragliding Tour to Bir Billing
Hampi for Rock Climbing
Some of you must be of the opinion that the Himalayas are the best when it comes to rock climbing but let me just take you on a virtual tour of Hampi in the southern state of Karnataka. Primarily known for its ancient ruin of Vijayanagara Empire, Hampi is also an excellent destination for rock climbing in India, the reason being, the existence of massive boulders. This UNESCO recognized World Heritage Site is stretched in an area of 25 sq km and is replete with boulders and rocks of different shapes and sizes. The scintillating Tungabhadra River runs through this ancient place and also offers a beautiful view that will keep you motivated when you are attempting to climb that big rock on a hot day at Hemakuta Hill, Matanga Hill, Tiruvengalantha Temple or Malyavanta Raghunatha Temple.
Also Read: Top Destinations for Adventure Holidays in India
Sikkim for Mountain Biking
Sikkim boasts one of the best mountain biking experiences in India. This Northeastern state that sits next to Bhutan and shares boundary with Nepal and Tibet is still a lesser ventured destination and this is why it makes the best biking destination in the country. You can expect to bike through some of the most beautiful valleys and rural settlements that are situated at an altitude of 3500 or more. You will also be challenged by extremely narrow dirt roads, steep ascents as well as descents and unpredictable weather conditions during your mountain biking adventure in Sikkim. But you will have the company of the tall Himalayan peaks including the majestic Kanchenjunga (8586 m) to keep you motivated.
Also Read: Ultimate Guide to Mountain Biking in Sikkim
Great Himalayan National Park for Wildlife/Trekking
There’s nothing better than to be able to walk/trek inside a national park. And this opportunity in India is available in a UNESCO recognized World Heritage Site, Great Himalayan National Park (GHNP). This wildlife reserve is one of those few wildlife destinations where trekking is allowed and so is camping. The altitude of the park ranges from 1500 m to 6000 m with a total area of 754 sq km. The park boasts 375 species of fauna and a large number of avifauna which makes it an ideal destination to visit for nature and wildlife lovers. There are four major trekking routes in GHNP – Sainj Valley, Sainj to Tirthan Valley, Gushaini to Parvati Valley, Crossing to Pin Valley. On each trek route, there are wonderful camping sites where you can lie under the starlit sky after a pleasant day of trekking. Carry your own stove or a barbeque and you’ll have the best of the camping experience in this amazing wildlife destination in India.
Also Read: Most Popular High Altitude Treks in India
The Western Ghats for Trekking
The 1600 km long chain of mountains, Western Ghats can give the mountains in North India a good run for their money. This UNESCO recognized World Heritage Site is amongst the eight topmost hotspots of biodiversity in the world. The range runs through six states in India and is an abode of 7402 species of flowering plants, 1814 species of non-flowering plants, 139 mammal species, 508 bird species, 179 amphibian species, 6000 insects species and 290 freshwater fish species and 325 globally threatened species. Some of the most venomous snakes can also be found in the Western Ghats. Since the stretch is quite long to be done in one go, you can choose your trek as per your interest. Kudremukh Trek, Tadiyandamol Trek, Netravali Wildlife Sanctuary-Mainapi-Savari Waterfalls Trek, Ravan Dongar Peak Trek, Dudhsagar Falls Trek, and Kodachadri Trek are some of the treks that you can consider to have a fair idea of what the Western Ghats are all about.
Also Read: Popular High Altitude Trekking Circuits in India
Rishikesh for Bungee Jumping and Swinging
Rishikesh in the northern India state of Uttarakhand is a popular river rafting destination. However, the city has made its mark as a destination for extreme adventure activities like bungee jumping, giant swing as well as flying fox. In fact, Rishikesh has the highest bungee (83 m) and giant swing (83 m) in India and it has Asia’s longest flying fox (length: 1 km; Speed: 140-160 kmph). An incredible view of India’s holiest river, Ganga can be relished while giving these three adventure activities a go. Truly, there can be no other place better than the scenic Rishikesh where you can get your share of adrenaline rush in India.
Also Read: Other Adventure Activities to Relish in Rishikesh
Meghalaya for Spelunking/Caving
Want to explore the deepest and longest caves in South Asia? Yes, then Meghalaya is the destination in Northeast India where you should be heading to. In every district of this state, there are natural caves, giving you ample to explore. Siju, Mawsmai, Mawsynram, and Syndai are some of the most popular caves for spelunking in Meghalaya. But then there are also caves like Krem Liat Prah, which is India’s longest cave (25 km); Krem Mawmluh, India’s fourth largest cave where you need to do some belly climbing and vertical climbing; Krem Chympe, India’s fifth largest cave which has to be partially explored by swimming over a 3.5 km stretch; and Krem Ri Blai, one of the most challenging caves with plenty of vertical climbing but it also offer rewarding views of waterfalls.
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Mysore for Skydiving
How does skydiving at 10000 ft sound? Cool? Well, indeed it is. If you are in India and want to enjoy any adventure activity that is miles away from the Himalayas, then it has to be skydiving in Mysore. The popular city is situated in the southern India state of Karnataka and is one of the earliest hubs for this truly enthralling adventure sport. You have the choice to opt for a tandem jump (with an instructor), static jump or accelerated freefall for which of course you have to be either experienced or have to get 7-8 days training.
Also Read: Famous Tourist Attractions in Mysore
Ramnagar for Mahaseer Fishing
Here is an adventure that is less dangerous but equally fun, Mahaseer fishing is something you do not want to miss out on your adventure trip to India. And when we are talking about the catching a Mahaseer for adventure then we are not considering any small fish which is hard to catch, we are talking about an Indian river fish that has thick scales and powerful jaws, a fish which can attain a maximum size of some 2 m (6.5 feet) and can weigh about 90 kg. It is not for nothing Mahaseer is called a game fish. This queen of a fish inhabits the rivers of Ramnagar, a small town in the northern state of Uttarakhand mainly famous for being home to Corbett National Park. Here in the Upper Ramganga River, the adventure of angling and fishing is possible, however, the rule is the same and only one, catch the fish, take a picture with it and then release it in the river.
Also Read: Other Popular Places for Fishing and Angling Adventure in India
Spiti for Motorbike Riding
Another adventure in the Himalayas but this time in the more unbridled and unadulterated region, where everything is related to spine-chilling moments. Spiti is situated in the north-eastern part of the northern state of Himachal Pradesh and unlike the otherwise green state, it is a land of bare mountains and dirt roads, so obviously, it is a lesser-frequented destination where the weather is moody. Most of the adventure lovers head to Spiti for a motorbike adventure, the reason being the challenging landscape. Expect dirt roads, surreal landscape, and streams of water crossing your path every 10-15 minutes and washing away the road ahead of you. Spiti is a paradise for some rough adventure and it will feed your adventurous soul just right.
Also Read: Explore Best Circuits for Motor Bike Riding in India
Hope you are convinced that India too has some great adventure activities that are worth trying. And the ones in the blog are few amongst many that the country has in store for anyone seeking an enthralling experience. So, if you are visiting India, there is plenty of adventure activities that will ensure you have the best experience in the country. In case, you need help with planning your adventure trip to India, we at Tour My India can be of great help. We have experience of assisting international clientele for varied adventure sports across the country. You can reach us by call at +91-9212553106 or mail us at [email protected] to learn more about our varied adventure packages in India.
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jonathanbelloblog · 7 years
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Mountains Climbed Lions Tamed
The bad thing about starting out on your first great South African off-road driving and safari adventure is that you and your camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hat look unbelievably stupid clomping through the gleaming marble lobby of Cape Town’s prestigious Table Bay Hotel. Hmm. Those childhood “Tarzan” movies might not have been the best source of wardrobe tips.
Once outside, we blend in so much better. Lining the hotel’s circular drive are a row of rugged Land Rover LR3s, one in Zambezi silver and four in Tangiers orange (painted in the livery of the recent G4 global adventure challenge), each accompanied by official instructor/guides dressed in matching uniforms of blue long-sleeved shirts and gray trousers. Behind them is a coterie of Land Rover North America handlers, complete with camera crew ready to record the five-star safari ahead.  
This is why we’d traveled halfway around the world. Automobile Magazine had been invited to join a band of well-heeled American adventurers who’d ponied up $8995 each (not including airfare) for the privilege of being terrified into a state of adventure nirvana for the next six days and nights. They are dressed like me, with the exception of a Bottega Veneto handbag here and a pair of Gucci loafers and Prada sunglasses there.
No, you will not meet beer-swilling, skinny-dipping, Jeep Rubicon- type revelers on the Land Rover trail. Our fellow travelers are retired captains of industry and entrepreneurs in aircraft maintenance and real-estate development. But make no mistake: over the course of the next week, in between the gourmet meals and fine wines of the Western Cape, men and women alike will slip from luxurious 1000-thread-count cocoons to muscle their pricey SUVs over perilous mountain passes, to ford rivers presumably teeming with crocodiles, and to part the dense swamp- grass home of black mambas, puff adders, and spitting cobras. Then drink.
There are a few off-road paradises left in the world, and Land Rover knows where to find them, partly because its stalwart products have already blazed those trails and can still be found merrily rolling along where pack mules fear to tread. If you own a Land Rover, you have the keys to it all, and Land Rover culture encourages you to partake.   Dealerships (called Land Rover Centres) have little on-site mountain test courses to try before you buy. Afterward, you can attend one of three magnificent off-road driving schools—at the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley, California; at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina; or at Fairmont Le Chateau Montebello in Quebec. The next stop is a full-blown Land Rover Adventure.
South Africa, a country three times the size of Great Britain, is perfect for adventure. It splits the frigid Atlantic from the warm waters of the Indian Ocean at the Cape Point, and depending on which side you’re on, offers subtropical vegetation, rugged mountain ranges, semi-desert, rain forest, scrubby bushveld, and perfectly groomed vineyards.   Its cities are modern, the political climate is fairly stable given its tumultuous past, its little towns are quaint, and the well-marked road system of the Western Cape is in better shape than Michigan’s. All that, and wild elephants in the backyard, too.
  What could be more perfect? That would be our guides, the staff of Kwa-Zulu Natal Land Rover Experience, the world’s first franchised Land Rover off-road training group, led by the irrepressible Rob Timcke, a chain-smoking, Red Bull-slugging firecracker. Timcke is a born raconteur who nevertheless inspires utter confidence in his ability to bring everyone back alive.   Not just a talker, Timcke was raised in a hunting camp in the old Eastern Transvaal on the Mozambique border, where his first language was Zulu. He spent time in the Congo during the really bad years as a South African army intelligence officer and became a professional hunter until 1993, when Communist Party leader Chris Hani was murdered and trophy hunters stayed home. Next, he set up tourist dives to view tiger and great white sharks. Without the cage.  
Timcke then jumped into teaching people the fine art of off-road driving. “I was always a bush person,” he says, “never a sea person. After nine years of getting really seasick, I found some idiot of a bank manager to buy my operation.” His cohorts include his stunning Akrikaaner wife, Carina. (“I slept my way into a job,” she cracks. “Unfortunately, my previous job paid much more.”)   Her brother Pierre Versfeld and top fly-fishing guide Antony Diplock complete the group. Diplock is not a big talker, but then he lives alone on an island near Namibia and, at the age of eighteen, participated in the tribal coming-of-age circumcision ritual with his boyhood Zulu friends. He doesn’t need to talk much.
Handshakes and hellos out of the way, we climb behind right-hand-mounted steering wheels and head south in convoy. To acclimate us to driving on the wrong side of the road, Timcke has sent us down the coast road past the rugged Twelve Apostles mountain chain flanking our left and the beach towns of Camps Bay and Llandudno on our right.   We climb the Chapman’s Peak toll road clinging to seaside cliffs and rumble through the shrubby natural fynbos (“fine bush”) habitat of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve splashed with the bright spikey blooms of protea.
South Africans are rightfully proud of this, the densest of the world’s six floral kingdoms, counting between 8500 and 9000 species packed in an L-shaped area centered around Cape Town, no more than sixty miles wide. The camera car just misses a turtle in front of us. “Ooh, a fynbos tortoise,” chuckles Timcke. “They’re quite rare.”
The plan for a brief mountainside sojourn in the dirt is scratched due to a hard, fast storm blowing in from the south. This brings fond memories to Timcke: “Carina and I ran a safari in Botswana. We were camping when massive, massive thunderstorms rolled in. You could see lightning for miles.   She was setting the table with white linen, and I noticed the ground was alive. Scorpions and spiders. ‘You take me home and you take me home now!’ she yelled. This other time we were scouting in Zambia, and I sent her out to check the depth of the river crossing. She was chest-deep and turned and yelled, ‘What if there are crocs?’ I told her, ‘Don’t splash.’ ” What a gal.
We carry on to the mountain-ringed Cape Winelands surrounding Paarl, Franschhoek, and Stellenbosch (founded by Dutch and Huguenot settlers in the late 1600s) for a world-class lunch at Bosman’s Restaurant at Grande Roche, Africa’s only Relais Gourmand.   We taste the superb wines of Grand Roche, Boschendal, and Spier. Instructors become chauffeurs. Back in Cape Town, a native choir welcomes us to dinner at the prime minister’s historic residence. It seems that there’ll be no end to the eating and drinking. And drinking.
Real off-roading comes early the next day, and it is very, very good. Our LR3 has a 300-hp V-8 that shifts through a six-speed manu-matic and a hill-descent control system that won’t let the vehicle roll downhill unchecked with your foot off the brake—which is most helpful when it gets dicey. Terrain response allows the perfect tractive selection with the spin of a knob. I select the rock icon to climb into the pines, spotting a mongoose and a few klipspringers, which look like tiny reindeer perched on clothespins.   It looks like Colorado, I think. Baboons run out. Colorado, but with baboons. A sentry male barks and moves toward us, menacing, while the rest of the troop flees. “I raised four baboons,” says Timcke. “They ran loose at our safari lodge. The males are domineering and see humans as other primates. There will be one alpha male and lots of beta males. My mom, they hung on her leg. My dad was the dominant male. At maturity, they challenge the troop. This one, he’d demonstrate his strength to the weaker part of the troop. That would be my sister. He eventually nipped her, drew blood, and I got out the revolver and shot him.” OK, then.
Once through the forest, we dive into a thicket of grass and find that the rain has made a lake of our trail. Knowing that an LR3 can push through water high enough to break over the hood, I press confidently along, completely forgetting I am on highway tires. No problem. We come out in the fynbos, a riotous blast of purple, pink, yellow, and blue spikes, flowers your florist would die for.
Back to Stellenbosch for an open-air Indonesian and Cape Malay buffet with delicacies such as springbok saut and gnu stew. (I made that last one up.) In the city center, there’s a great crafts market, but I’ve decided to not tell you about buying the Congolese mask from the Zairian merchant, whom I somehow bargained up from 280 to 300 rand, about fifty dollars. Rob is suffused with mirth as I climb in with my precious cargo. The guy was sweating. He pleaded. I felt sorry for him. Forget it.
Luggage stowed, we head for an overnight in the coastal town of Knysna. We of course go the longest, most difficult way. There is a dirt trail all the way from Cape Town to Knysna, but we don’t patch into it until we turn off just west of Mossel Bay on Route 327, pass ostrich farms that line the road on both sides, and head into the Centre Valley of the Western Cape, the arid red earth and rocklands of the Little Karoo.
In the distance, two wild ostriches haul tailfeathers across the bleak plain. “Damn quick little buggers,” says Rob. “Sixty kph [37 mph] at full speed.” The road turns to lane, the lane to trail, and soon we are climbing past a sign that reads, ‘Men remove dentures, ladies fasten your bras.’ It’s the oxwagon autobahn, the path of Dutch settlers between 1689 and 1869. If they could do it, so can we.
We see wild Boerperds—native horses—and the most colorful birds imaginable. When we can look. Because now we are creeping downhill. The rocks are loose and have sharp edges, it is scary steep, and in some places the holes are so deep that both rear wheels lift off the ground in a pirouette straight from hell, which gives me shallow breathing. As I crawl from that horror, I loosen my sweaty stranglehold on the wheel, letting it spin free in my hands.
“You mustn’t do that or the ruts in the road will dictate where your tires will be,” Rob corrects me. I forgot he was even there, focusing as I am on the sharp rocks that line the downward slope of this path. I feel six inches too close to everything—the steering wheel, the pedals, the brakes, God. “Take the brake off,” says Rob. Huh?   I have to unhook all ten toes from their death grip on the pedal. I don’t want to. But the LR3 slowly finishes the gradual descent without my feet. We are at Bonniedale, a 1650-hectare guest farm that was named one of the top 4×4 destinations in South Africa for two years.   It’s open to the public for anything from a day’s driving fun to camping and horse trekking. Nico Hesterman, a former conservation officer, and his wife, Danette, have lived in this wilderness for eighteen years and have a traditional outdoor barbecue, or braai, waiting in camp for us. A cold, Namibia-brewed Windhoek lager would have to wait ’til that evening.  
We were sorely ready for the rain forest town of Knysna and its ultraluxurious, ultrachic Pezula Resort. Again we arrive with the camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hats, tromping through someone’s hushed art gallery of a hotel lobby.   But this time, we throw ourselves on the nearest beer bottle, nearly weeping with relief for having made it thus far unscathed. Okay, maybe that really nice lady with the Bottega Veneto bag and Gucci loafers, who rode serenely down that same awful hill, confident in her young son’s ability at the wheel, sipped white wine.  
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jesusvasser · 7 years
Text
Mountains Climbed Lions Tamed
The bad thing about starting out on your first great South African off-road driving and safari adventure is that you and your camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hat look unbelievably stupid clomping through the gleaming marble lobby of Cape Town’s prestigious Table Bay Hotel. Hmm. Those childhood “Tarzan” movies might not have been the best source of wardrobe tips.
Once outside, we blend in so much better. Lining the hotel’s circular drive are a row of rugged Land Rover LR3s, one in Zambezi silver and four in Tangiers orange (painted in the livery of the recent G4 global adventure challenge), each accompanied by official instructor/guides dressed in matching uniforms of blue long-sleeved shirts and gray trousers. Behind them is a coterie of Land Rover North America handlers, complete with camera crew ready to record the five-star safari ahead.  
This is why we’d traveled halfway around the world. Automobile Magazine had been invited to join a band of well-heeled American adventurers who’d ponied up $8995 each (not including airfare) for the privilege of being terrified into a state of adventure nirvana for the next six days and nights. They are dressed like me, with the exception of a Bottega Veneto handbag here and a pair of Gucci loafers and Prada sunglasses there.
No, you will not meet beer-swilling, skinny-dipping, Jeep Rubicon- type revelers on the Land Rover trail. Our fellow travelers are retired captains of industry and entrepreneurs in aircraft maintenance and real-estate development. But make no mistake: over the course of the next week, in between the gourmet meals and fine wines of the Western Cape, men and women alike will slip from luxurious 1000-thread-count cocoons to muscle their pricey SUVs over perilous mountain passes, to ford rivers presumably teeming with crocodiles, and to part the dense swamp- grass home of black mambas, puff adders, and spitting cobras. Then drink.
There are a few off-road paradises left in the world, and Land Rover knows where to find them, partly because its stalwart products have already blazed those trails and can still be found merrily rolling along where pack mules fear to tread. If you own a Land Rover, you have the keys to it all, and Land Rover culture encourages you to partake.   Dealerships (called Land Rover Centres) have little on-site mountain test courses to try before you buy. Afterward, you can attend one of three magnificent off-road driving schools—at the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley, California; at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina; or at Fairmont Le Chateau Montebello in Quebec. The next stop is a full-blown Land Rover Adventure.
South Africa, a country three times the size of Great Britain, is perfect for adventure. It splits the frigid Atlantic from the warm waters of the Indian Ocean at the Cape Point, and depending on which side you’re on, offers subtropical vegetation, rugged mountain ranges, semi-desert, rain forest, scrubby bushveld, and perfectly groomed vineyards.   Its cities are modern, the political climate is fairly stable given its tumultuous past, its little towns are quaint, and the well-marked road system of the Western Cape is in better shape than Michigan’s. All that, and wild elephants in the backyard, too.
  What could be more perfect? That would be our guides, the staff of Kwa-Zulu Natal Land Rover Experience, the world’s first franchised Land Rover off-road training group, led by the irrepressible Rob Timcke, a chain-smoking, Red Bull-slugging firecracker. Timcke is a born raconteur who nevertheless inspires utter confidence in his ability to bring everyone back alive.   Not just a talker, Timcke was raised in a hunting camp in the old Eastern Transvaal on the Mozambique border, where his first language was Zulu. He spent time in the Congo during the really bad years as a South African army intelligence officer and became a professional hunter until 1993, when Communist Party leader Chris Hani was murdered and trophy hunters stayed home. Next, he set up tourist dives to view tiger and great white sharks. Without the cage.  
Timcke then jumped into teaching people the fine art of off-road driving. “I was always a bush person,” he says, “never a sea person. After nine years of getting really seasick, I found some idiot of a bank manager to buy my operation.” His cohorts include his stunning Akrikaaner wife, Carina. (“I slept my way into a job,” she cracks. “Unfortunately, my previous job paid much more.”)   Her brother Pierre Versfeld and top fly-fishing guide Antony Diplock complete the group. Diplock is not a big talker, but then he lives alone on an island near Namibia and, at the age of eighteen, participated in the tribal coming-of-age circumcision ritual with his boyhood Zulu friends. He doesn’t need to talk much.
Handshakes and hellos out of the way, we climb behind right-hand-mounted steering wheels and head south in convoy. To acclimate us to driving on the wrong side of the road, Timcke has sent us down the coast road past the rugged Twelve Apostles mountain chain flanking our left and the beach towns of Camps Bay and Llandudno on our right.   We climb the Chapman’s Peak toll road clinging to seaside cliffs and rumble through the shrubby natural fynbos (“fine bush”) habitat of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve splashed with the bright spikey blooms of protea.
South Africans are rightfully proud of this, the densest of the world’s six floral kingdoms, counting between 8500 and 9000 species packed in an L-shaped area centered around Cape Town, no more than sixty miles wide. The camera car just misses a turtle in front of us. “Ooh, a fynbos tortoise,” chuckles Timcke. “They’re quite rare.”
The plan for a brief mountainside sojourn in the dirt is scratched due to a hard, fast storm blowing in from the south. This brings fond memories to Timcke: “Carina and I ran a safari in Botswana. We were camping when massive, massive thunderstorms rolled in. You could see lightning for miles.   She was setting the table with white linen, and I noticed the ground was alive. Scorpions and spiders. ‘You take me home and you take me home now!’ she yelled. This other time we were scouting in Zambia, and I sent her out to check the depth of the river crossing. She was chest-deep and turned and yelled, ‘What if there are crocs?’ I told her, ‘Don’t splash.’ ” What a gal.
We carry on to the mountain-ringed Cape Winelands surrounding Paarl, Franschhoek, and Stellenbosch (founded by Dutch and Huguenot settlers in the late 1600s) for a world-class lunch at Bosman’s Restaurant at Grande Roche, Africa’s only Relais Gourmand.   We taste the superb wines of Grand Roche, Boschendal, and Spier. Instructors become chauffeurs. Back in Cape Town, a native choir welcomes us to dinner at the prime minister’s historic residence. It seems that there’ll be no end to the eating and drinking. And drinking.
Real off-roading comes early the next day, and it is very, very good. Our LR3 has a 300-hp V-8 that shifts through a six-speed manu-matic and a hill-descent control system that won’t let the vehicle roll downhill unchecked with your foot off the brake—which is most helpful when it gets dicey. Terrain response allows the perfect tractive selection with the spin of a knob. I select the rock icon to climb into the pines, spotting a mongoose and a few klipspringers, which look like tiny reindeer perched on clothespins.   It looks like Colorado, I think. Baboons run out. Colorado, but with baboons. A sentry male barks and moves toward us, menacing, while the rest of the troop flees. “I raised four baboons,” says Timcke. “They ran loose at our safari lodge. The males are domineering and see humans as other primates. There will be one alpha male and lots of beta males. My mom, they hung on her leg. My dad was the dominant male. At maturity, they challenge the troop. This one, he’d demonstrate his strength to the weaker part of the troop. That would be my sister. He eventually nipped her, drew blood, and I got out the revolver and shot him.” OK, then.
Once through the forest, we dive into a thicket of grass and find that the rain has made a lake of our trail. Knowing that an LR3 can push through water high enough to break over the hood, I press confidently along, completely forgetting I am on highway tires. No problem. We come out in the fynbos, a riotous blast of purple, pink, yellow, and blue spikes, flowers your florist would die for.
Back to Stellenbosch for an open-air Indonesian and Cape Malay buffet with delicacies such as springbok saut and gnu stew. (I made that last one up.) In the city center, there’s a great crafts market, but I’ve decided to not tell you about buying the Congolese mask from the Zairian merchant, whom I somehow bargained up from 280 to 300 rand, about fifty dollars. Rob is suffused with mirth as I climb in with my precious cargo. The guy was sweating. He pleaded. I felt sorry for him. Forget it.
Luggage stowed, we head for an overnight in the coastal town of Knysna. We of course go the longest, most difficult way. There is a dirt trail all the way from Cape Town to Knysna, but we don’t patch into it until we turn off just west of Mossel Bay on Route 327, pass ostrich farms that line the road on both sides, and head into the Centre Valley of the Western Cape, the arid red earth and rocklands of the Little Karoo.
In the distance, two wild ostriches haul tailfeathers across the bleak plain. “Damn quick little buggers,” says Rob. “Sixty kph [37 mph] at full speed.” The road turns to lane, the lane to trail, and soon we are climbing past a sign that reads, ‘Men remove dentures, ladies fasten your bras.’ It’s the oxwagon autobahn, the path of Dutch settlers between 1689 and 1869. If they could do it, so can we.
We see wild Boerperds—native horses—and the most colorful birds imaginable. When we can look. Because now we are creeping downhill. The rocks are loose and have sharp edges, it is scary steep, and in some places the holes are so deep that both rear wheels lift off the ground in a pirouette straight from hell, which gives me shallow breathing. As I crawl from that horror, I loosen my sweaty stranglehold on the wheel, letting it spin free in my hands.
“You mustn’t do that or the ruts in the road will dictate where your tires will be,” Rob corrects me. I forgot he was even there, focusing as I am on the sharp rocks that line the downward slope of this path. I feel six inches too close to everything—the steering wheel, the pedals, the brakes, God. “Take the brake off,” says Rob. Huh?   I have to unhook all ten toes from their death grip on the pedal. I don’t want to. But the LR3 slowly finishes the gradual descent without my feet. We are at Bonniedale, a 1650-hectare guest farm that was named one of the top 4×4 destinations in South Africa for two years.   It’s open to the public for anything from a day’s driving fun to camping and horse trekking. Nico Hesterman, a former conservation officer, and his wife, Danette, have lived in this wilderness for eighteen years and have a traditional outdoor barbecue, or braai, waiting in camp for us. A cold, Namibia-brewed Windhoek lager would have to wait ’til that evening.  
We were sorely ready for the rain forest town of Knysna and its ultraluxurious, ultrachic Pezula Resort. Again we arrive with the camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hats, tromping through someone’s hushed art gallery of a hotel lobby.   But this time, we throw ourselves on the nearest beer bottle, nearly weeping with relief for having made it thus far unscathed. Okay, maybe that really nice lady with the Bottega Veneto bag and Gucci loafers, who rode serenely down that same awful hill, confident in her young son’s ability at the wheel, sipped white wine.  
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eddiejpoplar · 7 years
Text
Mountains Climbed Lions Tamed
The bad thing about starting out on your first great South African off-road driving and safari adventure is that you and your camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hat look unbelievably stupid clomping through the gleaming marble lobby of Cape Town’s prestigious Table Bay Hotel. Hmm. Those childhood “Tarzan” movies might not have been the best source of wardrobe tips.
Once outside, we blend in so much better. Lining the hotel’s circular drive are a row of rugged Land Rover LR3s, one in Zambezi silver and four in Tangiers orange (painted in the livery of the recent G4 global adventure challenge), each accompanied by official instructor/guides dressed in matching uniforms of blue long-sleeved shirts and gray trousers. Behind them is a coterie of Land Rover North America handlers, complete with camera crew ready to record the five-star safari ahead.  
This is why we’d traveled halfway around the world. Automobile Magazine had been invited to join a band of well-heeled American adventurers who’d ponied up $8995 each (not including airfare) for the privilege of being terrified into a state of adventure nirvana for the next six days and nights. They are dressed like me, with the exception of a Bottega Veneto handbag here and a pair of Gucci loafers and Prada sunglasses there.
No, you will not meet beer-swilling, skinny-dipping, Jeep Rubicon- type revelers on the Land Rover trail. Our fellow travelers are retired captains of industry and entrepreneurs in aircraft maintenance and real-estate development. But make no mistake: over the course of the next week, in between the gourmet meals and fine wines of the Western Cape, men and women alike will slip from luxurious 1000-thread-count cocoons to muscle their pricey SUVs over perilous mountain passes, to ford rivers presumably teeming with crocodiles, and to part the dense swamp- grass home of black mambas, puff adders, and spitting cobras. Then drink.
There are a few off-road paradises left in the world, and Land Rover knows where to find them, partly because its stalwart products have already blazed those trails and can still be found merrily rolling along where pack mules fear to tread. If you own a Land Rover, you have the keys to it all, and Land Rover culture encourages you to partake.   Dealerships (called Land Rover Centres) have little on-site mountain test courses to try before you buy. Afterward, you can attend one of three magnificent off-road driving schools—at the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley, California; at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina; or at Fairmont Le Chateau Montebello in Quebec. The next stop is a full-blown Land Rover Adventure.
South Africa, a country three times the size of Great Britain, is perfect for adventure. It splits the frigid Atlantic from the warm waters of the Indian Ocean at the Cape Point, and depending on which side you’re on, offers subtropical vegetation, rugged mountain ranges, semi-desert, rain forest, scrubby bushveld, and perfectly groomed vineyards.   Its cities are modern, the political climate is fairly stable given its tumultuous past, its little towns are quaint, and the well-marked road system of the Western Cape is in better shape than Michigan’s. All that, and wild elephants in the backyard, too.
  What could be more perfect? That would be our guides, the staff of Kwa-Zulu Natal Land Rover Experience, the world’s first franchised Land Rover off-road training group, led by the irrepressible Rob Timcke, a chain-smoking, Red Bull-slugging firecracker. Timcke is a born raconteur who nevertheless inspires utter confidence in his ability to bring everyone back alive.   Not just a talker, Timcke was raised in a hunting camp in the old Eastern Transvaal on the Mozambique border, where his first language was Zulu. He spent time in the Congo during the really bad years as a South African army intelligence officer and became a professional hunter until 1993, when Communist Party leader Chris Hani was murdered and trophy hunters stayed home. Next, he set up tourist dives to view tiger and great white sharks. Without the cage.  
Timcke then jumped into teaching people the fine art of off-road driving. “I was always a bush person,” he says, “never a sea person. After nine years of getting really seasick, I found some idiot of a bank manager to buy my operation.” His cohorts include his stunning Akrikaaner wife, Carina. (“I slept my way into a job,” she cracks. “Unfortunately, my previous job paid much more.”)   Her brother Pierre Versfeld and top fly-fishing guide Antony Diplock complete the group. Diplock is not a big talker, but then he lives alone on an island near Namibia and, at the age of eighteen, participated in the tribal coming-of-age circumcision ritual with his boyhood Zulu friends. He doesn’t need to talk much.
Handshakes and hellos out of the way, we climb behind right-hand-mounted steering wheels and head south in convoy. To acclimate us to driving on the wrong side of the road, Timcke has sent us down the coast road past the rugged Twelve Apostles mountain chain flanking our left and the beach towns of Camps Bay and Llandudno on our right.   We climb the Chapman’s Peak toll road clinging to seaside cliffs and rumble through the shrubby natural fynbos (“fine bush”) habitat of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve splashed with the bright spikey blooms of protea.
South Africans are rightfully proud of this, the densest of the world’s six floral kingdoms, counting between 8500 and 9000 species packed in an L-shaped area centered around Cape Town, no more than sixty miles wide. The camera car just misses a turtle in front of us. “Ooh, a fynbos tortoise,” chuckles Timcke. “They’re quite rare.”
The plan for a brief mountainside sojourn in the dirt is scratched due to a hard, fast storm blowing in from the south. This brings fond memories to Timcke: “Carina and I ran a safari in Botswana. We were camping when massive, massive thunderstorms rolled in. You could see lightning for miles.   She was setting the table with white linen, and I noticed the ground was alive. Scorpions and spiders. ‘You take me home and you take me home now!’ she yelled. This other time we were scouting in Zambia, and I sent her out to check the depth of the river crossing. She was chest-deep and turned and yelled, ‘What if there are crocs?’ I told her, ‘Don’t splash.’ ” What a gal.
We carry on to the mountain-ringed Cape Winelands surrounding Paarl, Franschhoek, and Stellenbosch (founded by Dutch and Huguenot settlers in the late 1600s) for a world-class lunch at Bosman’s Restaurant at Grande Roche, Africa’s only Relais Gourmand.   We taste the superb wines of Grand Roche, Boschendal, and Spier. Instructors become chauffeurs. Back in Cape Town, a native choir welcomes us to dinner at the prime minister’s historic residence. It seems that there’ll be no end to the eating and drinking. And drinking.
Real off-roading comes early the next day, and it is very, very good. Our LR3 has a 300-hp V-8 that shifts through a six-speed manu-matic and a hill-descent control system that won’t let the vehicle roll downhill unchecked with your foot off the brake—which is most helpful when it gets dicey. Terrain response allows the perfect tractive selection with the spin of a knob. I select the rock icon to climb into the pines, spotting a mongoose and a few klipspringers, which look like tiny reindeer perched on clothespins.   It looks like Colorado, I think. Baboons run out. Colorado, but with baboons. A sentry male barks and moves toward us, menacing, while the rest of the troop flees. “I raised four baboons,” says Timcke. “They ran loose at our safari lodge. The males are domineering and see humans as other primates. There will be one alpha male and lots of beta males. My mom, they hung on her leg. My dad was the dominant male. At maturity, they challenge the troop. This one, he’d demonstrate his strength to the weaker part of the troop. That would be my sister. He eventually nipped her, drew blood, and I got out the revolver and shot him.” OK, then.
Once through the forest, we dive into a thicket of grass and find that the rain has made a lake of our trail. Knowing that an LR3 can push through water high enough to break over the hood, I press confidently along, completely forgetting I am on highway tires. No problem. We come out in the fynbos, a riotous blast of purple, pink, yellow, and blue spikes, flowers your florist would die for.
Back to Stellenbosch for an open-air Indonesian and Cape Malay buffet with delicacies such as springbok saut and gnu stew. (I made that last one up.) In the city center, there’s a great crafts market, but I’ve decided to not tell you about buying the Congolese mask from the Zairian merchant, whom I somehow bargained up from 280 to 300 rand, about fifty dollars. Rob is suffused with mirth as I climb in with my precious cargo. The guy was sweating. He pleaded. I felt sorry for him. Forget it.
Luggage stowed, we head for an overnight in the coastal town of Knysna. We of course go the longest, most difficult way. There is a dirt trail all the way from Cape Town to Knysna, but we don’t patch into it until we turn off just west of Mossel Bay on Route 327, pass ostrich farms that line the road on both sides, and head into the Centre Valley of the Western Cape, the arid red earth and rocklands of the Little Karoo.
In the distance, two wild ostriches haul tailfeathers across the bleak plain. “Damn quick little buggers,” says Rob. “Sixty kph [37 mph] at full speed.” The road turns to lane, the lane to trail, and soon we are climbing past a sign that reads, ‘Men remove dentures, ladies fasten your bras.’ It’s the oxwagon autobahn, the path of Dutch settlers between 1689 and 1869. If they could do it, so can we.
We see wild Boerperds—native horses—and the most colorful birds imaginable. When we can look. Because now we are creeping downhill. The rocks are loose and have sharp edges, it is scary steep, and in some places the holes are so deep that both rear wheels lift off the ground in a pirouette straight from hell, which gives me shallow breathing. As I crawl from that horror, I loosen my sweaty stranglehold on the wheel, letting it spin free in my hands.
“You mustn’t do that or the ruts in the road will dictate where your tires will be,” Rob corrects me. I forgot he was even there, focusing as I am on the sharp rocks that line the downward slope of this path. I feel six inches too close to everything—the steering wheel, the pedals, the brakes, God. “Take the brake off,” says Rob. Huh?   I have to unhook all ten toes from their death grip on the pedal. I don’t want to. But the LR3 slowly finishes the gradual descent without my feet. We are at Bonniedale, a 1650-hectare guest farm that was named one of the top 4×4 destinations in South Africa for two years.   It’s open to the public for anything from a day’s driving fun to camping and horse trekking. Nico Hesterman, a former conservation officer, and his wife, Danette, have lived in this wilderness for eighteen years and have a traditional outdoor barbecue, or braai, waiting in camp for us. A cold, Namibia-brewed Windhoek lager would have to wait ’til that evening.  
We were sorely ready for the rain forest town of Knysna and its ultraluxurious, ultrachic Pezula Resort. Again we arrive with the camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hats, tromping through someone’s hushed art gallery of a hotel lobby.   But this time, we throw ourselves on the nearest beer bottle, nearly weeping with relief for having made it thus far unscathed. Okay, maybe that really nice lady with the Bottega Veneto bag and Gucci loafers, who rode serenely down that same awful hill, confident in her young son’s ability at the wheel, sipped white wine.  
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theo-westenberger · 7 years
Text
On Looking (elegy for a missed mountain)
Contributed by Kate Dakota Kremer, July 2017
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Wise, Virginia—where I live when I don’t live in Brooklyn—is a tiny town tucked in the mountains of southwestern Virginia. On a clear day from High Knob, the lookout point at the top of Stone Mountain, you can see clear to five states—Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, and North Carolina—though from that remote vantage the vast and various south appears to be nothing more than an undifferentiated mass of trees pocked only by one or two townships.
From that vantage, and in the view of many of the people who live here, climate change seems distant, abstract, and unreal, although the industry that built this town—coal—represented 24.5 percent of total U.S. greenhouse gas emissions in 2012, according to the Center for Climate and Energy Solutions. And though the fierce storms and rising seas of a warming planet go unheeded here where spring is comprised of five little winters (redbud, dogwood, locust, blackberry, and britches) that give way to a wet and benevolent summer, the consequences of coal are nonetheless written all over this town.
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I can recite this region’s varieties of winter because one day, in late April, after a week of solid rain that turned the acres of lawn by which our little house is surrounded to a sea of sodden green, our landlady ticked them off on her fingers for me (redbud, dogwood, locust, blackberry, britches, and a phantom sixth that some call the whippoorwill) and promised that the sun would return eventually. We agreed that we both like it hot but that other people often don’t; I complimented her on the Sisyphean mowing job, which can take her and her sister up to two days of wheeling around on rider mowers to complete. But in actuality, I know almost nothing about living in this place, having moved here with my husband last summer, and having then almost immediately moved again to Brooklyn, where I spent most of the year.
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So when I speak of the “consequences of coal” being “written all over this town,” I am speaking as a voyeur, as someone who looks without feeling the effects of what I see. When I walk or drive around town, I am, as of today, very little occupied with the question of how to support myself here or how to raise children here, and am very much occupied with the question of what kind of art I could make in this place.
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The massive environmental damage wrought by coal is most evident in the strip-mined mountains that pepper this part of Appalachia: areas of sudden, astonishing flatness surrounded by bare, scar-like cliffs and frequently converted to some other level, innocuous purpose: a baseball diamond, a football field, a fairground/horse show, a parking lot. According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, mountaintop removal and the disposal of excess rock in adjacent valleys results in the permanent loss of surrounding springs and streams, elevated concentrations of toxic chemicals downstream, and the degradation of water quality to the point that it becomes “acutely lethal” to organisms in standard aquatic toxicity tests. And because acid mine drainage diffuses easily, its effects can be very difficult to contain.
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No less apparent is the dubious economic impact of coal on Wise and the surrounding towns. In its heyday—when unions in this region were strong and the county leaned democratic—coal did indeed fuel the local economy, although it did so, like an invasive species, to the exclusion of other industries. When the mining companies began to close, the region faced an economic crisis that was as much the fault of coal as their earlier prosperity: there are few other jobs that pay a living wage. And although Trump’s courtship of this region has resulted in the reopening of several mines, even Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and Terry Headley of the American Coal Council agree that jobs in the coal industry won’t come rushing back. The global market is changing.
The environmental and economic scars of surface mining in this region are dramatic and, in their way, beautiful. The raw cliffs studded with machinery and dilapidated houses, the dusty, ghostly towns, the floodlit fields at the top of the world—all these blemished vistas hold the eye more easily than the virgin hills, which are at once too big and too close to be seen. In this sense, as my husband and I take photographs in the long late afternoon light, we are voyeurs not only in the sense of economic and geographic distance, but also in the sense of the aesthetic pleasure that we take from these images, which, though they contain a critique of coal and its brutalizations, are also frankly sensuous engagements with the romance of the brutal, barren, and broken; with the aesthetics of a devastated sublime, a bigoted pastoral.
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In this sense, we participate in a long and intertwining history of environmentalism, politics, and landscape photography. Walking the hills of our new home, we are dimly aware that, as Liz Wells writes, after the Civil War, landscape photographers were employed by government and commercial companies as surveyors of what was, “from a migrant point of view, previously unmapped territory, contributing to a new momentum in terms of the frontier and Manifest Destiny” ( Liz Wells, Land Matters: Landscape Photography, Culture, and Identity. I.B. Tauris, 2011, 126.).
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The gaze of the photographic lens, with its simultaneous claim to objectivity and capacity for distortion, is notoriously unscrupulous, and landscape photographers have functioned not only as surveyors but also as purveyors of a mythic American wilderness. And even those contemporary photographers, like my husband and me, who are drawn less to utopian vistas than to what photographer John Ganis terms the “ironic beauty” of what Wells calls the “dystopian sublime,” risk losing sight of the sociopolitical and environmental implications of the scenes we photograph in the contemplation of their aesthetic pleasures.
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What, then, are we to do? How not to look, if not to look is to ignore what we might prefer not to see? How to look, if in the act of witness, we risk perpetuating nostalgic myths, losing sight of our capacity to act? How to look without looking? How to look without also looking away?
Any answer, as far as can I see, is ambivalent, partial, and unsatisfying. But when I do not look, when I avert my eyes, I also do not think or remember. What I look at, even if I see with a voyeur’s gaze, I consider—in writing, in photographing—with thought and care. I put myself in relation. My landlady alternates between flying a Confederate flag and a banner chock-full of posies. And I have stood beside her amid the vastness of her absurd, oddly beautiful lawn discussing our eagerness for spring.
Articulating my own partiality, implication, ignorance, and privilege by no means enough. But it is perhaps a beginning: considering the aesthetics, the ethics, of my relation to this place, even as I look for apertures within the rigid impasse of how we ended up here.
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Kate Dakota Kremer’s plays include Eye Heart Remote (The Wild Project), Intimatics I-III (Brooklyn College, with iterations in Minneapolis, Brooklyn, and Queens), Porch Play (The Owl and Cat Theatre, StageFemmes, and the Last Frontier Theatre Conference), and Opera of the Telephone at Delphi (Three Cat Productions, New Ground Theatre, and Firehouse Theatre, which awarded her 2nd place in their 2015 New American Play Competition). Kate is the managing editor of the experimental play publishing company 53rd State Press, and is currently working on her MFA in Mac Wellman and Erin Courtney’s playwriting program at Brooklyn College.
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eddiejpoplar · 7 years
Text
AUTOMOBiLE Flashback: Mountains Climbed Lions Tamed
The bad thing about starting out on your first great South African off-road driving and safari adventure is that you and your camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hat look unbelievably stupid clomping through the gleaming marble lobby of Cape Town’s prestigious Table Bay Hotel. Hmm. Those childhood “Tarzan” movies might not have been the best source of wardrobe tips.
Once outside, we blend in so much better. Lining the hotel’s circular drive are a row of rugged Land Rover LR3s, one in Zambezi silver and four in Tangiers orange (painted in the livery of the recent G4 global adventure challenge), each accompanied by official instructor/guides dressed in matching uniforms of blue long-sleeved shirts and gray trousers. Behind them is a coterie of Land Rover North America handlers, complete with camera crew ready to record the five-star safari ahead.  
This is why we’d traveled halfway around the world. Automobile Magazine had been invited to join a band of well-heeled American adventurers who’d ponied up $8995 each (not including airfare) for the privilege of being terrified into a state of adventure nirvana for the next six days and nights. They are dressed like me, with the exception of a Bottega Veneto handbag here and a pair of Gucci loafers and Prada sunglasses there.
No, you will not meet beer-swilling, skinny-dipping, Jeep Rubicon- type revelers on the Land Rover trail. Our fellow travelers are retired captains of industry and entrepreneurs in aircraft maintenance and real-estate development. But make no mistake: over the course of the next week, in between the gourmet meals and fine wines of the Western Cape, men and women alike will slip from luxurious 1000-thread-count cocoons to muscle their pricey SUVs over perilous mountain passes, to ford rivers presumably teeming with crocodiles, and to part the dense swamp- grass home of black mambas, puff adders, and spitting cobras. Then drink.
There are a few off-road paradises left in the world, and Land Rover knows where to find them, partly because its stalwart products have already blazed those trails and can still be found merrily rolling along where pack mules fear to tread. If you own a Land Rover, you have the keys to it all, and Land Rover culture encourages you to partake.   Dealerships (called Land Rover Centres) have little on-site mountain test courses to try before you buy. Afterward, you can attend one of three magnificent off-road driving schools—at the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley, California; at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina; or at Fairmont Le Chateau Montebello in Quebec. The next stop is a full-blown Land Rover Adventure.
South Africa, a country three times the size of Great Britain, is perfect for adventure. It splits the frigid Atlantic from the warm waters of the Indian Ocean at the Cape Point, and depending on which side you’re on, offers subtropical vegetation, rugged mountain ranges, semi-desert, rain forest, scrubby bushveld, and perfectly groomed vineyards.   Its cities are modern, the political climate is fairly stable given its tumultuous past, its little towns are quaint, and the well-marked road system of the Western Cape is in better shape than Michigan’s. All that, and wild elephants in the backyard, too.
  What could be more perfect? That would be our guides, the staff of Kwa-Zulu Natal Land Rover Experience, the world’s first franchised Land Rover off-road training group, led by the irrepressible Rob Timcke, a chain-smoking, Red Bull-slugging firecracker. Timcke is a born raconteur who nevertheless inspires utter confidence in his ability to bring everyone back alive.   Not just a talker, Timcke was raised in a hunting camp in the old Eastern Transvaal on the Mozambique border, where his first language was Zulu. He spent time in the Congo during the really bad years as a South African army intelligence officer and became a professional hunter until 1993, when Communist Party leader Chris Hani was murdered and trophy hunters stayed home. Next, he set up tourist dives to view tiger and great white sharks. Without the cage.  
Timcke then jumped into teaching people the fine art of off-road driving. “I was always a bush person,” he says, “never a sea person. After nine years of getting really seasick, I found some idiot of a bank manager to buy my operation.” His cohorts include his stunning Akrikaaner wife, Carina. (“I slept my way into a job,” she cracks. “Unfortunately, my previous job paid much more.”)   Her brother Pierre Versfeld and top fly-fishing guide Antony Diplock complete the group. Diplock is not a big talker, but then he lives alone on an island near Namibia and, at the age of eighteen, participated in the tribal coming-of-age circumcision ritual with his boyhood Zulu friends. He doesn’t need to talk much.
Handshakes and hellos out of the way, we climb behind right-hand-mounted steering wheels and head south in convoy. To acclimate us to driving on the wrong side of the road, Timcke has sent us down the coast road past the rugged Twelve Apostles mountain chain flanking our left and the beach towns of Camps Bay and Llandudno on our right.   We climb the Chapman’s Peak toll road clinging to seaside cliffs and rumble through the shrubby natural fynbos (“fine bush”) habitat of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve splashed with the bright spikey blooms of protea.
South Africans are rightfully proud of this, the densest of the world’s six floral kingdoms, counting between 8500 and 9000 species packed in an L-shaped area centered around Cape Town, no more than sixty miles wide. The camera car just misses a turtle in front of us. “Ooh, a fynbos tortoise,” chuckles Timcke. “They’re quite rare.”
The plan for a brief mountainside sojourn in the dirt is scratched due to a hard, fast storm blowing in from the south. This brings fond memories to Timcke: “Carina and I ran a safari in Botswana. We were camping when massive, massive thunderstorms rolled in. You could see lightning for miles.   She was setting the table with white linen, and I noticed the ground was alive. Scorpions and spiders. ‘You take me home and you take me home now!’ she yelled. This other time we were scouting in Zambia, and I sent her out to check the depth of the river crossing. She was chest-deep and turned and yelled, ‘What if there are crocs?’ I told her, ‘Don’t splash.’ ” What a gal.
We carry on to the mountain-ringed Cape Winelands surrounding Paarl, Franschhoek, and Stellenbosch (founded by Dutch and Huguenot settlers in the late 1600s) for a world-class lunch at Bosman’s Restaurant at Grande Roche, Africa’s only Relais Gourmand.   We taste the superb wines of Grand Roche, Boschendal, and Spier. Instructors become chauffeurs. Back in Cape Town, a native choir welcomes us to dinner at the prime minister’s historic residence. It seems that there’ll be no end to the eating and drinking. And drinking.
Real off-roading comes early the next day, and it is very, very good. Our LR3 has a 300-hp V-8 that shifts through a six-speed manu-matic and a hill-descent control system that won’t let the vehicle roll downhill unchecked with your foot off the brake—which is most helpful when it gets dicey. Terrain response allows the perfect tractive selection with the spin of a knob. I select the rock icon to climb into the pines, spotting a mongoose and a few klipspringers, which look like tiny reindeer perched on clothespins.   It looks like Colorado, I think. Baboons run out. Colorado, but with baboons. A sentry male barks and moves toward us, menacing, while the rest of the troop flees. “I raised four baboons,” says Timcke. “They ran loose at our safari lodge. The males are domineering and see humans as other primates. There will be one alpha male and lots of beta males. My mom, they hung on her leg. My dad was the dominant male. At maturity, they challenge the troop. This one, he’d demonstrate his strength to the weaker part of the troop. That would be my sister. He eventually nipped her, drew blood, and I got out the revolver and shot him.” OK, then.
Once through the forest, we dive into a thicket of grass and find that the rain has made a lake of our trail. Knowing that an LR3 can push through water high enough to break over the hood, I press confidently along, completely forgetting I am on highway tires. No problem. We come out in the fynbos, a riotous blast of purple, pink, yellow, and blue spikes, flowers your florist would die for.
Back to Stellenbosch for an open-air Indonesian and Cape Malay buffet with delicacies such as springbok saut and gnu stew. (I made that last one up.) In the city center, there’s a great crafts market, but I’ve decided to not tell you about buying the Congolese mask from the Zairian merchant, whom I somehow bargained up from 280 to 300 rand, about fifty dollars. Rob is suffused with mirth as I climb in with my precious cargo. The guy was sweating. He pleaded. I felt sorry for him. Forget it.
Luggage stowed, we head for an overnight in the coastal town of Knysna. We of course go the longest, most difficult way. There is a dirt trail all the way from Cape Town to Knysna, but we don’t patch into it until we turn off just west of Mossel Bay on Route 327, pass ostrich farms that line the road on both sides, and head into the Centre Valley of the Western Cape, the arid red earth and rocklands of the Little Karoo.
In the distance, two wild ostriches haul tailfeathers across the bleak plain. “Damn quick little buggers,” says Rob. “Sixty kph [37 mph] at full speed.” The road turns to lane, the lane to trail, and soon we are climbing past a sign that reads, ‘Men remove dentures, ladies fasten your bras.’ It’s the oxwagon autobahn, the path of Dutch settlers between 1689 and 1869. If they could do it, so can we.
We see wild Boerperds—native horses—and the most colorful birds imaginable. When we can look. Because now we are creeping downhill. The rocks are loose and have sharp edges, it is scary steep, and in some places the holes are so deep that both rear wheels lift off the ground in a pirouette straight from hell, which gives me shallow breathing. As I crawl from that horror, I loosen my sweaty stranglehold on the wheel, letting it spin free in my hands.
“You mustn’t do that or the ruts in the road will dictate where your tires will be,” Rob corrects me. I forgot he was even there, focusing as I am on the sharp rocks that line the downward slope of this path. I feel six inches too close to everything—the steering wheel, the pedals, the brakes, God. “Take the brake off,” says Rob. Huh?   I have to unhook all ten toes from their death grip on the pedal. I don’t want to. But the LR3 slowly finishes the gradual descent without my feet. We are at Bonniedale, a 1650-hectare guest farm that was named one of the top 4×4 destinations in South Africa for two years.   It’s open to the public for anything from a day’s driving fun to camping and horse trekking. Nico Hesterman, a former conservation officer, and his wife, Danette, have lived in this wilderness for eighteen years and have a traditional outdoor barbecue, or braai, waiting in camp for us. A cold, Namibia-brewed Windhoek lager would have to wait ’til that evening.  
We were sorely ready for the rain forest town of Knysna and its ultraluxurious, ultrachic Pezula Resort. Again we arrive with the camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hats, tromping through someone’s hushed art gallery of a hotel lobby.   But this time, we throw ourselves on the nearest beer bottle, nearly weeping with relief for having made it thus far unscathed. Okay, maybe that really nice lady with the Bottega Veneto bag and Gucci loafers, who rode serenely down that same awful hill, confident in her young son’s ability at the wheel, sipped white wine.  
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jonathanbelloblog · 7 years
Text
AUTOMOBiLE Flashback: Mountains Climbed Lions Tamed
The bad thing about starting out on your first great South African off-road driving and safari adventure is that you and your camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hat look unbelievably stupid clomping through the gleaming marble lobby of Cape Town’s prestigious Table Bay Hotel. Hmm. Those childhood “Tarzan” movies might not have been the best source of wardrobe tips.
Once outside, we blend in so much better. Lining the hotel’s circular drive are a row of rugged Land Rover LR3s, one in Zambezi silver and four in Tangiers orange (painted in the livery of the recent G4 global adventure challenge), each accompanied by official instructor/guides dressed in matching uniforms of blue long-sleeved shirts and gray trousers. Behind them is a coterie of Land Rover North America handlers, complete with camera crew ready to record the five-star safari ahead.  
This is why we’d traveled halfway around the world. Automobile Magazine had been invited to join a band of well-heeled American adventurers who’d ponied up $8995 each (not including airfare) for the privilege of being terrified into a state of adventure nirvana for the next six days and nights. They are dressed like me, with the exception of a Bottega Veneto handbag here and a pair of Gucci loafers and Prada sunglasses there.
No, you will not meet beer-swilling, skinny-dipping, Jeep Rubicon- type revelers on the Land Rover trail. Our fellow travelers are retired captains of industry and entrepreneurs in aircraft maintenance and real-estate development. But make no mistake: over the course of the next week, in between the gourmet meals and fine wines of the Western Cape, men and women alike will slip from luxurious 1000-thread-count cocoons to muscle their pricey SUVs over perilous mountain passes, to ford rivers presumably teeming with crocodiles, and to part the dense swamp- grass home of black mambas, puff adders, and spitting cobras. Then drink.
There are a few off-road paradises left in the world, and Land Rover knows where to find them, partly because its stalwart products have already blazed those trails and can still be found merrily rolling along where pack mules fear to tread. If you own a Land Rover, you have the keys to it all, and Land Rover culture encourages you to partake.   Dealerships (called Land Rover Centres) have little on-site mountain test courses to try before you buy. Afterward, you can attend one of three magnificent off-road driving schools—at the Quail Lodge in Carmel Valley, California; at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina; or at Fairmont Le Chateau Montebello in Quebec. The next stop is a full-blown Land Rover Adventure.
South Africa, a country three times the size of Great Britain, is perfect for adventure. It splits the frigid Atlantic from the warm waters of the Indian Ocean at the Cape Point, and depending on which side you’re on, offers subtropical vegetation, rugged mountain ranges, semi-desert, rain forest, scrubby bushveld, and perfectly groomed vineyards.   Its cities are modern, the political climate is fairly stable given its tumultuous past, its little towns are quaint, and the well-marked road system of the Western Cape is in better shape than Michigan’s. All that, and wild elephants in the backyard, too.
  What could be more perfect? That would be our guides, the staff of Kwa-Zulu Natal Land Rover Experience, the world’s first franchised Land Rover off-road training group, led by the irrepressible Rob Timcke, a chain-smoking, Red Bull-slugging firecracker. Timcke is a born raconteur who nevertheless inspires utter confidence in his ability to bring everyone back alive.   Not just a talker, Timcke was raised in a hunting camp in the old Eastern Transvaal on the Mozambique border, where his first language was Zulu. He spent time in the Congo during the really bad years as a South African army intelligence officer and became a professional hunter until 1993, when Communist Party leader Chris Hani was murdered and trophy hunters stayed home. Next, he set up tourist dives to view tiger and great white sharks. Without the cage.  
Timcke then jumped into teaching people the fine art of off-road driving. “I was always a bush person,” he says, “never a sea person. After nine years of getting really seasick, I found some idiot of a bank manager to buy my operation.” His cohorts include his stunning Akrikaaner wife, Carina. (“I slept my way into a job,” she cracks. “Unfortunately, my previous job paid much more.”)   Her brother Pierre Versfeld and top fly-fishing guide Antony Diplock complete the group. Diplock is not a big talker, but then he lives alone on an island near Namibia and, at the age of eighteen, participated in the tribal coming-of-age circumcision ritual with his boyhood Zulu friends. He doesn’t need to talk much.
Handshakes and hellos out of the way, we climb behind right-hand-mounted steering wheels and head south in convoy. To acclimate us to driving on the wrong side of the road, Timcke has sent us down the coast road past the rugged Twelve Apostles mountain chain flanking our left and the beach towns of Camps Bay and Llandudno on our right.   We climb the Chapman’s Peak toll road clinging to seaside cliffs and rumble through the shrubby natural fynbos (“fine bush”) habitat of the Cape of Good Hope nature reserve splashed with the bright spikey blooms of protea.
South Africans are rightfully proud of this, the densest of the world’s six floral kingdoms, counting between 8500 and 9000 species packed in an L-shaped area centered around Cape Town, no more than sixty miles wide. The camera car just misses a turtle in front of us. “Ooh, a fynbos tortoise,” chuckles Timcke. “They’re quite rare.”
The plan for a brief mountainside sojourn in the dirt is scratched due to a hard, fast storm blowing in from the south. This brings fond memories to Timcke: “Carina and I ran a safari in Botswana. We were camping when massive, massive thunderstorms rolled in. You could see lightning for miles.   She was setting the table with white linen, and I noticed the ground was alive. Scorpions and spiders. ‘You take me home and you take me home now!’ she yelled. This other time we were scouting in Zambia, and I sent her out to check the depth of the river crossing. She was chest-deep and turned and yelled, ‘What if there are crocs?’ I told her, ‘Don’t splash.’ ” What a gal.
We carry on to the mountain-ringed Cape Winelands surrounding Paarl, Franschhoek, and Stellenbosch (founded by Dutch and Huguenot settlers in the late 1600s) for a world-class lunch at Bosman’s Restaurant at Grande Roche, Africa’s only Relais Gourmand.   We taste the superb wines of Grand Roche, Boschendal, and Spier. Instructors become chauffeurs. Back in Cape Town, a native choir welcomes us to dinner at the prime minister’s historic residence. It seems that there’ll be no end to the eating and drinking. And drinking.
Real off-roading comes early the next day, and it is very, very good. Our LR3 has a 300-hp V-8 that shifts through a six-speed manu-matic and a hill-descent control system that won’t let the vehicle roll downhill unchecked with your foot off the brake—which is most helpful when it gets dicey. Terrain response allows the perfect tractive selection with the spin of a knob. I select the rock icon to climb into the pines, spotting a mongoose and a few klipspringers, which look like tiny reindeer perched on clothespins.   It looks like Colorado, I think. Baboons run out. Colorado, but with baboons. A sentry male barks and moves toward us, menacing, while the rest of the troop flees. “I raised four baboons,” says Timcke. “They ran loose at our safari lodge. The males are domineering and see humans as other primates. There will be one alpha male and lots of beta males. My mom, they hung on her leg. My dad was the dominant male. At maturity, they challenge the troop. This one, he’d demonstrate his strength to the weaker part of the troop. That would be my sister. He eventually nipped her, drew blood, and I got out the revolver and shot him.” OK, then.
Once through the forest, we dive into a thicket of grass and find that the rain has made a lake of our trail. Knowing that an LR3 can push through water high enough to break over the hood, I press confidently along, completely forgetting I am on highway tires. No problem. We come out in the fynbos, a riotous blast of purple, pink, yellow, and blue spikes, flowers your florist would die for.
Back to Stellenbosch for an open-air Indonesian and Cape Malay buffet with delicacies such as springbok saut and gnu stew. (I made that last one up.) In the city center, there’s a great crafts market, but I’ve decided to not tell you about buying the Congolese mask from the Zairian merchant, whom I somehow bargained up from 280 to 300 rand, about fifty dollars. Rob is suffused with mirth as I climb in with my precious cargo. The guy was sweating. He pleaded. I felt sorry for him. Forget it.
Luggage stowed, we head for an overnight in the coastal town of Knysna. We of course go the longest, most difficult way. There is a dirt trail all the way from Cape Town to Knysna, but we don’t patch into it until we turn off just west of Mossel Bay on Route 327, pass ostrich farms that line the road on both sides, and head into the Centre Valley of the Western Cape, the arid red earth and rocklands of the Little Karoo.
In the distance, two wild ostriches haul tailfeathers across the bleak plain. “Damn quick little buggers,” says Rob. “Sixty kph [37 mph] at full speed.” The road turns to lane, the lane to trail, and soon we are climbing past a sign that reads, ‘Men remove dentures, ladies fasten your bras.’ It’s the oxwagon autobahn, the path of Dutch settlers between 1689 and 1869. If they could do it, so can we.
We see wild Boerperds—native horses—and the most colorful birds imaginable. When we can look. Because now we are creeping downhill. The rocks are loose and have sharp edges, it is scary steep, and in some places the holes are so deep that both rear wheels lift off the ground in a pirouette straight from hell, which gives me shallow breathing. As I crawl from that horror, I loosen my sweaty stranglehold on the wheel, letting it spin free in my hands.
“You mustn’t do that or the ruts in the road will dictate where your tires will be,” Rob corrects me. I forgot he was even there, focusing as I am on the sharp rocks that line the downward slope of this path. I feel six inches too close to everything—the steering wheel, the pedals, the brakes, God. “Take the brake off,” says Rob. Huh?   I have to unhook all ten toes from their death grip on the pedal. I don’t want to. But the LR3 slowly finishes the gradual descent without my feet. We are at Bonniedale, a 1650-hectare guest farm that was named one of the top 4×4 destinations in South Africa for two years.   It’s open to the public for anything from a day’s driving fun to camping and horse trekking. Nico Hesterman, a former conservation officer, and his wife, Danette, have lived in this wilderness for eighteen years and have a traditional outdoor barbecue, or braai, waiting in camp for us. A cold, Namibia-brewed Windhoek lager would have to wait ’til that evening.  
We were sorely ready for the rain forest town of Knysna and its ultraluxurious, ultrachic Pezula Resort. Again we arrive with the camouflage pants, lug-soled hiking boots, and zebra-trimmed bush hats, tromping through someone’s hushed art gallery of a hotel lobby.   But this time, we throw ourselves on the nearest beer bottle, nearly weeping with relief for having made it thus far unscathed. Okay, maybe that really nice lady with the Bottega Veneto bag and Gucci loafers, who rode serenely down that same awful hill, confident in her young son’s ability at the wheel, sipped white wine.  
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0 notes