#Got some gnarly leftover stretch-marks from that time over my lower tummy. still an insecurity but find it less hindering w age -

[lunasilvis]

You posted somewhere you lost a lot of weight. I was wondering how did you manage to do that? :)

Hey thanks for the ask, this reply is gonna be lengthy, just a head's up.

But yeah, correct. I wasn't morbidly overweight, but carried around just enough excess body fat (3 chins lol) that it started to hamper me in daily life. I think at heaviest I weighed around 100 kg/220 pounds (I am 174cm/5'8ft - for proportion indication). I started gaining weight when I was 15 y.o. and started losing it when I was 22 y.o. Looking back, it never affected my confidence back then, because I realized I could turn the tide any day I'd like (since I was young). However, the shitty thing about that was, it was mainly emotional eating: just sedating myself with processed garbage. My deep-rooted trauma lie at the base of stuffing myself every night with sometimes 2 bags of crisps and pie and candy to finish it. Boy I was my dentist's fave client lol

I mean, I don't wonder why. During that time in my life I wanted to hide, not exist, abandon myself, was depressed and flat out suicidal. So instead of seeking professional help, I internalized everything. I resorted to very negative, self-undermining and unhealthy coping mechanisms (that up until today have affected things in my life). I pulled up iron barbed-wire walls so high, no single soul would enter. No one could see or come close. I had plans to end my life even, because I just wasn't enjoying time on earth any longer. Food was the only company. Luckily, the realization that I was still young and could seize control over myself/learn to take responsibility over my life (which I hadn't back then) got me through it. I felt hopeless, but the tiniest light in me flickered I could still change it all for the better.

So I found I had to start with kicking my butt into a better mental and physical state (+ seek therapy). I found a means of exercise that clicked with me and I genuinely liked: bicycling. I always had loved nature and figured a bike could take me to that, and boost my mental health at the same time. Cycling - combined with excruciating self-loathe as my fuel (I'd see the initial hunger pangs as some form of self-flagellation lol, I was in my early 20s and just very toxic + tough on myself :-) ) + a diet of whole-wheat knackebröd and lean meat or cottage cheese, water, no food after 7PM... made me lose weight in no-time from springtime 2016 on. I experienced an increase in energy and I started to gain control over my body, like for the first time it started to feel "mine", which was super cool. I managed to find myself by focusing on my own inner AND outer light, and kept that up until this day, knowing I never want to slip so badly again (and quite sure I won't will, the teen brain is a horrible thing, worked through the majority of trauma and I matured a great bunch ever since lmao).