#Grimdark OSHA Violations

[the-most-humble-blog]

SUCKS TO BE YOU, DUMBASS: THE SERVITOR FIRE SALE! 🤖💀🎈🥳🎉

💀 "Once a man, now a mindless bio-mechanical mop bitch. What a downgrade."

Congratulations, pathetic wage slave! The Administratum has way too many malfunctioning, borderline-psychotic servitors cluttering the storage bays, and instead of tossing them into a plasma furnace (too expensive), we’re giving YOU the opportunity to own one of these miserable lobotomized freaks for a fraction of the price!

Why mop the floors yourself when you can have a half-rotten ex-convict, priest, or failed psyker scrub them while silently contemplating its own existence? Not that it CAN contemplate anymore—that part got scooped out with a rusty ice cream scoop and replaced with the cognitive ability of a malfunctioning Roomba.

🛠 FEATURES (IF YOU CAN CALL THEM THAT):

💀 Pre-Lobotomized for YOUR Convenience! No emotions, no memories, just pure, unfiltered compliance. Until it snaps.

🧼 Obedience-Optimized Neural Scouring! It follows orders with cold, dead precision. Unless it’s having a "bad day," then it follows its own internal "kill everything" protocol.

🤖 "Durable" Design! This servitor can withstand extreme conditions, including toxic waste exposure, minor plasma burns, and existential dread.

⚠️ Cost-Effective Labor Alternative! Why pay a real worker when you can get a walking horror movie reject for cheap?

📢 WARNING: If your servitor begins weeping oil, do NOT acknowledge it. That means it remembers.

😂 SUCKS TO BE YOU, DUMBASS (SERVITOR EDITION)!

🔹 "Used to be a scholar, now its greatest achievement is scrubbing grime off a Mechanicus toilet." 🔹 "Was once a father of three, now its only thoughts are ‘MOP GOES SWISH’ and static." 🔹 "Once had dreams, now it has mandatory cybernetic restraints and an unpaid lifetime job in janitorial services." 🔹 "Former noble, convicted of treason—bet he didn’t see ‘living mop with no human rights’ in his future!" 🔹 "Probably used to be someone important. Now it's just a legally reclassified bucket of spare parts with a mop handle."

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SAFETY

💀 "This servitor may enter a catatonic state at random intervals. If it stops moving, kick it. If it starts moving TOO much, run." 💀 "Should your servitor begin muttering old prayers, ignore it. The Omnissiah has abandoned it, just like the rest of us." 💀 "In rare cases, servitors may attempt to ‘finish’ whatever task they were doing before lobotomization. If it was a chef, you may find yourself ‘accidentally’ diced into stew. Be aware." 💀 "If your servitor suddenly points at you and starts screaming, that’s just residual brain function. It’ll stop once it remembers it’s not a person anymore." 💀 "Once a servitor, always a servitor. No refunds. No returns. No escape."

💬 CUSTOMER REVIEWS (FROM PEOPLE STILL ALIVE!):

⭐ "I asked mine to clean my office. It threw itself into a meat grinder instead. Honestly, 10/10, saved me paperwork." ⭐ "My servitor kept staring at me, so I poked it. Now my fingers are missing. I deserved that, I guess." ⭐ "It worked great for a week before it tried to baptize my entire family in hydraulic fluid. Still better than hiring human workers." ⭐ "I named my servitor Dave. Dave killed my cat. I don’t know if it was on purpose. 4/5 stars." ⭐ "My servitor started crying, but since it doesn’t have tear ducts, I think that was just its face leaking. Anyway, it sweeps real good."

🔥 FINAL WARNING: YOU THINK WE GIVE A SHIT? BUY OR DON’T, YOUR CHOICE.

🔥 Like what you see? Don’t just hoard it—Reblog it. Spread the gospel. Amplify the chaos.

📌 Follow for more—I drop this kind of gold daily. Don’t be the last one to catch on.

🔁 REBLOGGING IS FREE and legally required* (*not really, but spiritually, yes).

[ask-the-crimson-king]

If OSHA laws were a thing in the grimdark future, whats the most not safe for work thing you've ever done that you wouldn't want reported to OSHA?

[NSFW anons]

“I will assume this only counts for the time I was with the Imperium since I adhere to no one save Tzeentch anymore, thus I do not care if I would be violating any sort of safety codes.”

“To be quite blunt, almost all of the rituals performed during the time we were within the Imperium were all safety hazards. I knew they were mostly safe, but I also knew that if Father found out about them, he would order me to stop most of them.” Magnus rolled his eye with a small sigh. “As for the most unsafe for my line of work, the ritual that actually sent me into the visions Horus was having was the most unsafe. I could have died or invited hordes of daemons into Prospero, or I could have turned all of my sons to dust.” He sighed again.

“Ironically enough, it seems I did not have to worry about the last part.”