#Has anyone ever done a phantom thief inspired spidersona?

[darkspace7]

Somehow, combining a few of my favourite tropes (throwing randos into situations way over their head and found family formation via feral vigilante youths and their reluctant but just as chaotic guardians) have somehow resulted in the following: the vicarious need for a phantom thief spiderman.

And who am I to ignore my gremlin-brain impulses?

Enter: Pitch Warker "The Glass Arachnia"

• So this spidey wasn't "bitten" in the traditional sense but was instead pricked by a cursed bejewled spider-broach thing. (Think something along the lines of that shitty mask from JoJo part 1.) Maybe this happens when they go on an errand to, idk, deliver lunch to their Uncle Mais -who works as a security guard at the "New Londattan Gallery of Art"- at the bequest of their Aunt Benita (who are local Aunt May/Uncle Ben variants but cisswaped/roleswaped for some reason?)

•Okay and so while on this normally easy errand somehow the two of them get caught up in a jewel heist with some mook trying to get at the "Glass Spider" (a polished silver & garnet broach with a diamond decal so clear that it looks like glass) and that's what gets this ball rolling.

•The spider jewel apperantly has some legendary curse associated with it. Something about how "the blood shed in the darkened night shall beholden to whims of the fanged court albeit at the cost of forever being ensnared upon their shadowy throne." And so during the scuffle our little wannabe hero tries wrestling back the jewel from the thief but gets scratched in the process. Getting blood on the diamond activates the curse (which for...plot reasons...can only have one bearer at a time?) In the confusion the crook tries takes aim at our hero only to be pulled back by Mais. The weapon misfires hitting the man in the process.

•As expected, Uncle Mais kicks it while the mook takes the opportunity to abscond with the now useless gem leaving a traumatized kid behind for the cops to (not) deal with. (Also because this is New Londhatten, where the only cure for bereavement to either lock yourself away in mourning clothes and drown yourself in absinthe & gin or find a sketchy religion) Aunt Benita kind of dips off for a while to (not) deal with being newly widowed, and so our newly cursed spiderling takes it upon themself to find out why this happened and (hopefully) avenge his relative's death. And what better way to catch a thief is to become a thief yourself and find a way lure out the other? Not the healthiest of coping methods but whatever, it's not like the police are gonna believe some kid coming up to them and spouting on about 'cursed gems' and magic abilities' right?

•I'm thinking of a fancy victorian gentleman thief/steampunk-themed "spider" suit. Something distictly regal and vaugely unearthly to fit with the more magical aspect of the origin as opposed to the usual techno-organic radioactive superhero sthick. Maybe a nice white suit with an gossimer capelett and attached hood. Coupled with an interwoven reddish-silver spiderlace design as the (bulletproof) vest. A spider-shaped broach (perhaps modeled after the "missing" Glass Spider?) Pinned to the neck, a dashing caravat matches sticky-palmed gloves (that somehow never manage to leave a smudge.) They compliment the ruby-tinted lenses of goggles set in that strange porciline mask. Oh and of course what gentleman is without his multi-purpose utility cane (now with retractable grappling hook!) Really, stark white clothes and clacky heels don't mean a thing when you can become the shadows themselves.~

•After not only attracting the attention of the New Londhatten police but managing to snag the attention of other interesting characters as well. Like: Lady Jamie Joan Jameson, a gossip reporter desperate for the next breaking scoop on that 'dastardly snitch-thief Glass Arachnia' with a fondness for that queer little bookbinder who always seem to have their head stuck in some little tinkering thing this or sewing project that. Or Mikelangleo "Mike" Jones, the lovestruck youth with a massive pining for the bespecticaled little bookbinder, whose dry (and often unintentional) sense of humour and keen intellect continuously sends his heart a-flutter. (Such a shame that said bookbinder is completly uninterested in Mike's advances & any and all attempts at disuading the other have -through a continuing comedy of errors only sought to bolster the himbo's impression of the other. A misunderstanding like this would probably easily be solved if there was just a moment of direct communication but when has a phantom thief been direct about anything?) Luckily Gunther Stetson, current owner of Bugel's Books, resident "guy-behind-the-curtain" (Pitch's words -not his-), and the only (self proclaimed) sane man, runs interference.

•And after a while of doing this thieving gig the cursed spiderling hits paydirt. It turns out the mook who stole the Glass Spider was actually part of a larger scheme by this shifty organization to steal away cursed gems and use their powers to do horrific and unspeakable things. Also, something about getting enough of them and it equal immortality. Somehow? I mean what kind of name is Sinistrum Orichalcium, anyway?

•Gunther: "So yeah, that's bad and someone reasonable and totally equiped for this should probably go stop them? Right? Right?? [Of course it has to be them, damn it all Pitch...This is only going to end poorly.] (He was right. Oh mercy, he was right. The youth watched as the body of his ((only)) friend slipped off the crystiline horn of the rhinocerous-beetle-that-was-once-a-man. A lunge forward, torn glove outstreched as the hand r e a c h e d o u t. Metalline claws dug in ((burning agony it hurt)) and rapidly drug his form up and away. He writhed against the restraint, razor blades that drew him back again and again as solid steel scales absorbed the blows. ((Let me go let me go please I can't reach!)) Cackling as groping fingers wriggled under the dirtied white of his mask and ripped it away ((his shield, his safety nonono!)) Recognition. "So this is what you really are little spider. Even now you try to bear your milkteeth." A derisive snort as a gnarled tendril cupped his face an mockery of care. "Poor little Pitch, who would've expected the simple bookboy to have such a storied life?" Everything he had worked for, all that he had sacrificed was now crumbling around him as the other went on, "Feh, you are as brittle as the pages of tomes you peddle and as fragile as the Glass you come from." A contemplative look and the porcaline shattered. "Now look at your ruins and weep.")

• When it rains it pours. Thanks to the combined efforts of the Sinisturm Orichalcum, the New Londhattan Task Force, and Lady Jameson, our hero is now not only wanted for numerous accounts of thievery, breaking & entry, and other assorted stuff related to his vigilantism but now Pitch Warker aka the Glass Arachnia is (erroneously but not that they'd take his word for it) on the list for no less than three counts of battery, assault, & murder. The Sinistrum and their allies basically have been given free access to all of the remaining gems that they need to complete their plan and the city itself. Oh and Mike hates him now. So he fine. He can totally handle this solo. Not like he's the reason his close loved ones are dead and a bunch of villains are going to become supervillains that he still somehow has to stop despite being public enemy number one. Yep. Totally.

•(Spoiler: He is not fine. The spiderling is very stressed and needs a break. Not his supposed villain origin story. Let our adhd boi rest.)