#He saved clarkes life and she killed him over a notebook which got to the enemy anyway

[nctilucent]

What makes me extremely sad is that we could still have the same ending with Bellamy in it. Clarke could've just left him there with the notebook, he could've given up information about Madi or whatever and the ending could've been the same with him. He would transcend, be with the people who were his family, they would see that he was not entirely wrong and they would forgive him. Like they've forgiven Clarke, Octavia, Echo and so many characters for worse things.

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [41]

xii. demons

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: violence, mentions of blood, fighting, death, description of a gross death, near death experiences, language. 

Summary: a return to Arkadia results in an unexpected reunion. 

a/n: VERY IMPORTANT NOTE!!!! for those of you not in the US or in the Southern US, we are currently facing a hurricane down here. this has the potential (and likelihood) of knocking out our power. this means that I am unsure about the other updates for this week! I don’t know if I’ll have access to power or internet, and I will likely be focused on other things. because of this, considered the other two updates for this week temporarily delayed. if things change and I can post, I will, but I just want you to all be aware! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

Sometime during the night, when everyone else is asleep, Monty nearly drives off the road. You and Bellamy are the only two awake to witness it, both of you too wired to sleep. Though it’s not like you usually slept well anyways. 

You force him to stop and climb into the back with the others, while Bellamy slides into the driver’s seat. You get into the passenger seat beside him, looking back over your passengers and making sure everyone is okay before you nod at him to continue. 

The ride through Azgeda territory, back towards Arkadia, is more peaceful than any of your previous trips, despite your tension with Bellamy. You glance over at him, noting that he’s rigid in the driver’s seat, grip tight on the wheel, jaw tense with stress. You can tell he’s playing Raven’s words over and over in his mind, reminding him of the guilt he was already carrying. He senses you looking at him, and he turns to look at you quickly before looking back at the road. He takes in a breath like he’s about to say something, and you look away, out the window, scared that he might change his mind. “When you first told me you were cursed, I thought you were being dramatic. I didn't understand how someone could blame themselves for every bad thing in their life, whether they were responsible for it or not. And then I started to do the same thing.”

He pauses for a long minute, looking out at the road in front of him with an intense expression. “Seeing Shumway with you that night in the woods, and then me failing to protect you, it hit me that I had failed you. And then you got stabbed looking for Clarke, and you nearly died in Mount Weather because I made you stay, it hit me again that I failed you, and I swore I wouldn't let that happen again. And along came Pike. I was hurt and afraid to lose you, and Octavia, and I let him convince me that the Grounders were the problem. But like Octavia said, that’s no excuse, because people got hurt. The army, Niylah’s dad, Indra, Monroe, Lincoln, Octavia…”

He turns to look at you, and you meet his gaze. He softens a little, some of his stress melting away. “You. The two people I swore to protect no matter what, and all I did was hurt them both.”

“You were doing what you thought was best for us.”

“I was wrong.”

You shake your head. “But that doesn't change your intention, Bellamy. You and Pike are not the same, you know that, don’t you?”

He doesn't say anything, just glances your way, then back to the road, the muscle in his jaw shifting, and you realize he doesn't see a difference. “Pike is brutal and manipulative and power hungry, and he only has one goal in life, which is to kill Grounders. He thinks they’re heartless savages that need to be broken and put down, but you know that none of that is true. We have always had a complicated relationship with the Grounders, and I won't blame you for lashing out from fear. But I know you and I know your heart, and I know that you don't genuinely believe that all Grounders are monsters.”

“We’re all just doing what we need to do to survive, right? Us and the Grounders alike.”

You almost smile, remembering the conversation in the woods, the one he’s quoting back to you now. A conversation that feels so long ago, back before Mount Weather, and Pike, and an AI hell bent on taking over the world. You nod, still believing in your words. “Yeah. Doesn't mean anyone is right or wrong or good or bad for it. It just means we’re trying.”

He’s quiet, absorbing the conversation. Some of the tension has left his body, his posture relaxing slightly, and that brings you relief. Bellamy’s guilt won't disappear overnight, the same way he can't earn his forgiveness from the others overnight, but this feels like a step in the right direction. 

-

When the sun rises high enough in the sky, and the others have woken up, Bellamy parks the rover in a field to let it charge. As him and Monty adjust the solar panels, getting them right, the rest of you spread out in the grass, passing around rations and chatting about nothing. Bellamy plops down beside you when they finish, and you pass him the package of nuts in your hands, which he takes with a quiet thank you.

Raven sits sandwiched between Clarke, who is checking over her wounds, and Sinclair, who refuses to let her out of his sight. Octavia is on your other side, quiet, watching the others, and Jasper and Monty sit across from you, side by side. Before Clarke settles back into the grass, she pulls out a small container, and slides the lid far enough back to check on the small chip inside. Satisfied that it’s in place, she pushes the lid closed again, and tucks it into her pocket, looking up and finding your eyes, which are watching her closely. You nod to her pocket. “How did you get it?”

“It’s the Flame. Each Commander gets it during the Ascension ceremony, and after death, it is removed for the next Commander. Lexa always talked about how her spirit would choose the next Commander and how she would never truly die, but I just thought she was talking about reincarnation. I didn’t know it would be an AI.” She takes in a shaky breath, steadying herself. “I was there when Lexa died, so I saw Titus remove it. When Ontari became the new Commander, he knew she couldn't have it, so he gave it to me, and told me to find Luna.”

Bellamy looks at her in confusion. “Why couldn't Ontari have it?”

“She murdered all the novitiates in their sleep so she could be the last one standing.”

“Holy shit.”

Raven shakes her head. “If the Grounder’s don't know that it’s an AI, how do they know what to do with it?”

Clarke reaches into her jacket, and pulls out a small notebook. “Because Becca left them instructions.”

Raven’s eyes light up, already reaching for it. “May I?”

Clarke passes her the notebook, and Raven opens it eagerly, already absorbed in Becca’s words. Clarke fills the rest of you in on everything that happened in Polis while the rest of you were in Arkadia dealing with Pike, and it’s almost hard to believe everything she’s telling you: a coup against Lexa, Lexa’s fight against King Roan, the murder of the Ice Queen. Finding the army, stopping Lexa from retaliation, Emerson being gifted to Clarke, Octavia arriving, Murphy arriving, Lexa’s death. And despite the dark subject matter, you can almost pretend that you’re all just a normal group of friends, laying out in the sun, catching each other up on your lives. You can almost forget that your people need to be saved. Again. 

But Octavia is the first to remind you, and after checking on the rover and seeing the battery full, you know it’s time to go, so you all pile into the rover again, this time with you behind the wheel and Bellamy beside you, ready to make the last bit of the trip home. 

-

You’re close to Arkadia when Raven finally looks up from Becca’s notebook, her voice full of awe. “Becca's journal is amazing. At 26, she found a pathway to access the human mind. That same year, she had to lock up Alie because her answer for what was wrong with the world was 'too many people'. She was 27 when it launched the bombs.”

You glance over at Bellamy, who is half turned in his seat, listening. Clarke asks, “What did she write about the Flame?”

“Alie 2.0. She saw it as a way to atone for her sins. She designed it to not just access a human mind, but to merge with one. It could never wipe us out because it would be one of us. She would put it in herself first, altered her genes so her body wouldn't reject the implant.”

Clarke hums. “Bekka Pramheda, the first Commander. The gene therapy made her blood black, didn't it?”

“Yeah.”

Octavia glances at Clarke in surprise. “How did you know that?”

“Nightblood, that's where it came from. Somehow, it became hereditary. Luna has it, which is why we have to find her, because if she can access Alie 2...”

“She can tell us how to stop Alie 1,” you finish for her.

Bellamy turns back to the front, and when he sees where you are, he tells the others, “Eyes sharp, weapons hot. We're almost home.”

You grab the radio, ready to warn the others. “Miller, come in.”

You receive no response, so you try again. “Harper, you there? Your ride's two minutes out.”

You are met with silence, and the heavy feeling of panic washes through you. You exchange a worried glance with Bellamy as Jasper muses, “Good start.”

When you reach the edge of the woods, Bellamy puts a hand on your arm. “Stop here.”

You stop the rover as he turns and looks at the others. “Monty, you take the wheel, Raven you’re up front with him. Jasper, you’re in the turret, and the rest of us are outside the rover, walking alongside it. I want eyes on all sides.”

No one argues, grabbing up their weapons and taking up their positions before Bellamy motions for Monty to drive the rover into camp, slowly. As you get closer, you can see that the gate is wide open, which Clarke also notices. “We left two days ago, why haven't they fixed the gate?”

“Maybe because there's no one here to fix it.”

As the rover rolls through the gate and into Arkadia, you are met with nothing but silence. No guards, no kids, no Pike, no Grounders, nothing. You feel a heavy pit in your stomach as you turn to Bellamy. “It's like a ghost town.”

Bellamy lifts his radio and asks, “Miller, where the hell are you?”

When he receives no answer, he turns to you, shaking his head. “I don't like this.”

“I don't either.”

Jasper looks around, then glances down at Bellamy. “Maybe they got chipped.”

“If they got chipped, they'd be waiting at the gate.”

“Maybe they saw the open gate, went in for Lincoln's book.”

Octavia glares up at him. “Maybe you should stop saying ‘maybe’.”

“If they’re chipped, then Alie already knows we're coming.”

Monty stops the rover on a small patch, allowing all of you to look around for any sign of something. Octavia walks over to your side of the rover, and she freezes in place beside you, causing you to look at her in alarm. You follow her gaze to the ground, finding a dark red stain in the mud. Blood. Lincoln's blood.

You swallow a wave of emotion, the sadness that threatens to rise to the surface, and Octavia never looks away from the spot as she snaps, “Let's get his book and get the hell out of here.”

“That's a plan I can support.”

Octavia runs back to the other side, and Clarke and Bellamy step up on either side of you, looking down at the blood stain. You whisper, “Lincoln.”

You can feel Bellamy tense up beside you, and he looks at the stain for a long second before he bangs on the back of the rover, signaling for Monty to keep moving. You all progress through the camp slowly, finding nothing as you maneuver the rover towards the hangar bay. Monty stops the vehicle inside before closing the door to the hangar bay quickly, leaving you all in partial darkness, the only light coming from the rover. 

You all walk through the hangar bay slowly, in a tight group, weapons drawn, looking at the scene before you. Half eaten plates of food, card games abandoned mid play, projects left incomplete. Clarke looks around in confusion. “It's like they just got up and walked away.”

Bellamy looks at the others. “We're in and out. Pack as much gear as you can into the rover.”

“I'll get the map.”

Jasper nods towards Octavia’s already retreating figure. “I'll uh...go with her. Probably shouldn't be alone.”

Raven gets out of the rover, and joins your group. “What's the rush? They won't be coming back.”

You turn to her, unconvinced. “How do you know?”

“Alie’s mission is to chip everyone. It wouldn't make sense to return to a place she's already taken.”

Sinclair shrugs, “Might make sense if there was someone in that place, i.e. you, who could tell us stuff like that.”

“Good point. Let's load gear.”

You turn to Bellamy, “Armory?”

“I’ll go with you.”

You nod and open the hangar bay door just enough for you to both slip through, not wanting to walk through the dark halls of Arkadia. You head across the camp to the armory, grunting in annoyance when you try to open the door but find it locked. Bellamy steps towards you, motioning for you to move away, “Step back.”

You do as he says and watch as he kicks the door in, and motions for you to go in first. You lift your weapon and step inside, looking around for anyone hiding in the shadows, but when you find nothing, you holster it and head straight for the rifles. Bellamy follows behind and you both pull open the doors, finding almost every weapon left behind. As you start digging through the containers beneath the rifles, you almost laugh with relief when you find case after case overflowing with bullets. Bellamy smiles at you, feeling the same excitement as he lifts his radio. “Everyone finish what you're doing and meet us in the armory.”

Clarke is the first to answer. “Why? What's going on?”

“You'll see when you get here. We just got lucky.”

“On our way.”

You turn to Bellamy, and nod towards the guns. “We’re gonna need bags to carry all this. I’m gonna go grab some.”

“I’ll go with you.”

You shake your head, waving him off. “No, don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine. Just stay here and wait for the others, I’ll only be gone for a minute.”

“Radio if you need me.”

“I will.”

You walk out of the armory and head to the room where they keep most of the extra inventory, sure that they have bags laying around in there. When you reach the small room and step inside, you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand, though you don't know why. You look around in worry, searching the room for any sign of danger. You swear you see a shadow shift, and you reach for your gun, but before you can grab it, you’re knocked to the side. 

You turn around in surprise and open your mouth to scream when you come face to face with a Grounder in a skull mask. They swing an arm around to punch you, the hit landing on your cheekbone, the same one left bruised by Gillmer, and your scream dies in your throat. Your survival instincts kick in, and you scramble to your feet, away from the Grounder. You reach for your gun, pulling it from your holster, but as you lift it towards them, they knock the gun out of your hand, sending it flying across the room. 

You hear it slide across the ground and you use the distraction to close the space between you and the Grounder, swinging an elbow towards them, hitting them in the stomach. You hear the air leave their body in a whoosh, and they double over, grunting in pain, and you grab their head and pull it down towards your rising knee. You hear a crack as your knee makes contact with their face, and they pull away in pain, the move effectively removing their mask. You look up at the Grounder, surprised to see that it isn't a Grounder at all, but Emerson from Mount Weather.

“Of course you’d be the last Mountain Man.”

You drop the mask at your feet as he clutches his nose, blood rushing between his fingers. He shifts the bone, setting it back in place with a pop, before smirking at you. “You’re so much like your sister.”

For the first time in your life, the compliment chills you to the bone, because the information is not something that he should know. His smirk grows wider at the sign of your shock. “Imagine my surprise when I find out the great Wanheda has a weakness. A twin. Echo wasn't good for much, but she was good for that.”

You stand staring at him, trying to figure out what to do: run? Fight? Warn the others? You decide the the last option is the best, and you grab the radio from your belt with lightning speed, scrambling backwards as you rush out, “Bellamy, help-”

The rest of your plea is cut off when Emerson comes running at you full speed, crashing his body into yours, knocking you backwards and knocking the wind out of you. As you lay gasping for breath, Emerson gets to his feet and pulls you to yours, before spinning you around and wrapping his arm around your neck, trying to knock you out. You feel your feet lift off the ground and panic sets in as spots dance at the edge of your vision, unconsciousness on its way. The last thing you hear before the world goes dark, is Bellamy frantically calling your name over the radio, sounding worried.

-

The first thing you notice when you wake up is a growing ache in your shoulders. You pull your eyes open, and they land on your hands, tied to the wall above your head. A gag is pulled tight in your mouth, and you feel your anger grow. Someone to your right is trying to call your name, but it comes out muffled, and when you turn their way, you see Octavia, also chained to the wall, and also gagged. To your left you see Jasper and Raven, both chained up and sitting. Behind you, on the opposite wall is Miller, chained up like you and Octavia, and Monty, Harper, and Bryan are all chained like Jasper and Raven. 

You feel relief flow through you when you don't see Clarke or Bellamy amongst you, but that relief is short lived. Emerson steps into the room, and for the first time, you realize you’re all chained up in an air lock. He walks over to you and pulls the knife from the holster on your thigh, before grabbing your hair and pulling your head back. You hear the others try to yell through their gags, but it’s nothing more than a symphony of muffled cries. Emerson uses the hand in your hair to turn your head to the door of the airlock, and seconds later Clarke steps into view, hands raised in surrender. You try to yell at her through your gag, urging her to turn around and run, save herself, but none of that comes out. Her eyes fall on you, face etched in worry before she moves her gaze over to Emerson. “I held up my part of the deal. Your turn, let my friends go.”

He lifts the knife to your throat, pressing the blade into your skin slightly. “Tell Bellamy to show himself first.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

You can see Emerson nod his head once, annoyed, and he abruptly turns and punches Octavia in the stomach. She doubles over with a cry of pain, and a second later, Bellamy appears from around the corner, gun raised, yelling, “No!”

“Okay now, take out the clip and throw it down the hall. Put the gun on the ground and get inside.”

You and Octavia both protest the best you can, yelling at him to turn around and run. When Bellamy takes too long to do as Emerson says, he steps away from you and grabs Octavia, yanking her head back and dragging your knife across the skin of her chest, cutting her. The sight of her blood is enough to send Bellamy into action. “Okay, okay! Just stop!”

He pulls out the clip and tosses it down the hall, before tossing the gun down the other. He slowly reaches down and discards his knife and radio the same way, before walking towards the airlock with his hands raised. Emerson nods to a third pair of cuffs on the wall, beside you. “Those are yours.”

Bellamy locks himself in place, and Emerson pushes Octavia away from him, stepping back. He pulls out a gun and lifts it, pointing it at your twin, “Get on your knees, Clarke.”

You start to struggle, trying to slip yourself from your cuffs. Beside you, Octavia is also trying to escape, using her feet to push off the wall and create tension on the cuffs. Both of you struggle to no avail, as Clarke sinks to her knees. Emerson yells, “Put your hands behind your head.”

She does as she is told, and he keeps the gun trained on her as he steps out of the airlock and presses a button, sealing the door closed. You feel your panic start to rise as he closes the space between himself and Clarke, and she starts to beg, voice sounding muffled through the thick doors. “No, you can do anything you want with me. Just let them go!”

He grabs her by the hair and pulls her to her feet, before he pushes her towards the door, pressing her face into the glass and forcing her to watch you. He lifts the gun to her head and wraps an arm around her throat, cutting off her airway, and you struggle harder, trying to free yourself. 

“You murdered 381 people. You took the lives of my children, my brother, my friends. Did you really think that I would be happy with just one life in return, hmm?”

He loosens his hold slightly and Clarke struggles to breath as he pulls her back towards the control panel for the airlock. He presses a button and a red light starts to flash in the small space, the voice on the P.A. system announcing, “Airlock 5. Oxygen venting.”

Dread lands heavy on your stomach as you realize what he’s doing, killing all of you, and forcing Clarke to watch. He presses her up against the door again, giving her a front row seat, but you struggle to pay attention as the oxygen gets sucked from the room. Every one of you immediately starts to struggle for breath, and you pull hard against your cuffs, your fight or flight instinct kicking in. You can feel the metal biting into your wrists, breaking skin, blood already blooming there. You feel the burn in your lungs start grow, the lack of oxygen getting worse, making you feel heavy and useless. 

The fight starts to leave you, and your body sags, all of your weight supported by the cuffs around your wrists. Bellamy and Octavia are in the same state, struggling to breathe, and you hear Octavia let out a desperate cry for Bellamy. You turn towards him, but he’s already looking your way, gaze flitting between his sister and you. You glance over at Clarke, watching as she struggles against Emerson, sobbing, before your gaze moves back to Bellamy again. Your body grows heavier with each passing second, until your legs can no longer support you, and you hang there, watching Bellamy. 

His eyelids flutter close, the fight leaving his body, and yours do the same, the energy leaving your body at an alarming rate. You try to ignore the burn in your lungs as your body gasps for air, taking what oxygen it can as the rest is sucked out. You feel yourself start to lose consciousness, and you know it’s just a matter of time before you take your last breath. You feel regret that your relationship with Bellamy is still rocky, and that’s how it’ll end, with Bellamy full of guilt and acting distant. Just as the darkness starts to take over, leading you towards death, you suck in a deep breath of air, rich with so much oxygen it makes you dizzy. 

You don't question it, you just sag against your restraints and pull in deep gasps of air, letting your senses return to you slowly. You feel hands brush over yours, and your cuffs are unlocked, releasing you. Someone catches you as your weak knees fail to support you, and lower you to the ground. You open your eyes and see Clarke in front of you, blood spread over her cheekbone, smiling in relief. You smile back and she pulls you in for a hug, bone crushingly tight, but you don't care. She pulls away and Bellamy is there next, pressing kisses onto your face and your hair as he checks you over. 

Everyone stays in the airlock for a while, gathering oxygen and strength, before someone mutters, “Can we please get the hell out of our almost coffin?”

There’s a collective sound of agreement as everyone pulls themselves to their feet and trudges out of the airlock. Bellamy helps Octavia and Clarke helps you, and as you walk by Emerson’s body, you pull out of her grip and kneel down beside him. He looks terrible, blood dripping from nearly every orifice, and you ask, “What happened?”

“The Flame. If you take the Flame without Nightblood, the Flame takes your life.”

“Intense.” You shake your head, and start to dig through his pockets. 

“What are you doing?”

You glance at your twin, before returning to your search. “Getting what belongs to me.”

You feel your hand close around the familiar handle, and you pull your knife from his jacket with a smile, before returning it to its rightful place in your thigh holster. Then you stand and follow the others back to the hanger bay, away from near death.

-

The drama of the night continues upon your return to the hangar bay, where you discover Sinclair’s body. Clarke bandages everyone’s wounds as Bellamy takes charge and directs half of the group to construct a funeral pyre in the center of camp, and the other half to go to the armory and start loading weapons so you’re ready for anything. You follow Bellamy and some of the others to the armory, but halfway through you notice him slip away. You sneak after him, watching as he slips out of camp, beyond the walls. You follow, keeping your distance, doing your best to stay quiet, but it's not long before Bellamy turns around and finds you in the shadows. “You’re not nearly as quiet as you think you are.”

“Damn.” You shrug and step out of the shadows, opting to walk at his side. You don't bother to ask where you're going, his demeanor clearly closed off and not open to conversation. You walk for a few minutes into the woods before Bellamy stops, and points at a strip of white fabric reflecting in the moonlight. As you walk closer to it, you realize it’s a body, and you have a sneaking suspicion of whose as you drop to your knees and pull back the fabric around the head. 

Your eyes fall on Lincoln and your tears instantly start falling, mourning the loss of your friend, properly, for the first time since you witnessed his death. Bellamy lets you cry for a few minutes, kneeling beside you with an arm wrapped around you, until he whispers, “Grounders burn their dead.”

You understand what he means and you stand and step back, allowing him to lift Lincoln in his arms. You walk by his side as he carries him back to camp, and as you walk through the front gates, your eyes seek out Octavia. She’s kneeling with her back to you, loading up ammo, and Monty puts a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. Everyone turns your way as Bellamy carries Lincoln into camp, laying him down softly at Octavia’s feet. 

She shifts over to Lincoln, pulling the fabric away from his face to see him one last time. A brokenhearted sob breaks free from her, and she starts to cry over her dead lover. There’s nothing the rest of you can do, other than watch on in sorrow, allowing her the chance to mourn. When her cries die down, she presses a kiss to Lincoln’s head and then steps back, allowing Bellamy to lift Lincoln and carry him over to the pyre, where Sinclair’s body is already waiting. 

Bellamy puts Lincoln down on the other end, and the rest of you spread out around the pyre. You ready the torch and light it, passing it to Octavia. She waits, allowing Raven to say her goodbyes to Sinclair, and when she steps back, Octavia moves forward, lighting the pyre and stating, “Yu gonplei ste odon.”

Your fight is over. She steps away from the pyre as the fire spreads and the rest of you repeat the words as you watch the bodies catch fire. You reach for her hand and she lets you take it, accepting the comfort you offer. You stand there watching for a while, all of you lost in your own heads, quietly mourning the loss of Lincoln and Sinclair. It’s hard for you to accept the fact that Lincoln is really gone. He’s not just away looking for someone, or playing diplomat in a nearby village, he’s dead, lost to the rest of you forever, killed by a fascist asshole. You’ll never get to see him put Bellamy on his ass during a sparring session again, he’ll never finish teaching Trigedasleng. He’ll never offer you comfort when you’re hurting, or joke about how overprotective Octavia and Bellamy are. His body is in front of you, alongside Sinclair’s, overtaken by flames, as tradition states.

You can feel Octavia tense beside you, tucking away her sadness before she breaks the silence. “It’s time to go. I'll get the map.” 

She abruptly turns and walks away, and when you and Bellamy lock eyes across the fire, you can see the concern in them. You give him a reassuring smile, your way of saying she’ll be okay, though you’re not sure if you believe it yourself. You feel a drop of water land on your forehead, and you look up just as more start to fall, the sky mourning Lincoln and Sinclair with you. 

-

Everyone heads back to the armory, grabbing the discarded weapons and ammo and taking them back to the rover, loading everything as quickly as you can. Once everything is packed up, you all gather around the rover, and Bellamy looks at Raven, who looks like she’s going nowhere. “Hey, we're leaving. Why aren't you ready?”

“We're not going with you.”

Clarke starts to protest, “Raven-”

“I can barely walk and my shoulder's killing me, but my brain is all kinds of awesome.”

Monty looks at her with admiration. “She remembered that Alie downloaded herself into the Ark mainframe. If it's still there, we can find a back door.”

“I'm guessing once you connect Alie 2 to Luna, we'll need to find Alie 1 to take her down.”

Bellamy turns to Miller and gives him a serious look. “Miller.”

Miller motions between himself and Bryan. “We'll keep them safe.”

Harper smirks and points to them. “I'll keep them safe.”

Bellamy turns to Jasper. “How about you? It's gonna be dangerous.”

“You know me well. I'm in.”

He already knows he doesn't have to ask you, Octavia, or Clarke, because you were always in, no matter what. Everyone says their goodbyes, hugging and waving to each other as one group prepares to leave, and the other stays behind. Once the goodbyes are said and a chorus of “may we meet agains” has been exchanged, Bellamy walk to the drivers side and gets in. You take the passenger seat while Clarke, Octavia, and Jasper all get in the back.

 As soon as everyone’s inside, you turn to look at them. “Ready to save our people?”

“Let’s do this thing.”

-

next chapter

[asukachan07]

Spoilers ahead #the100#7x13#bloodgiant

Is this an unpopular opinion: Clarke and the others (except maybe Murphy) are out of character for not understanding Bellamy?

We're talking about people who have done unimaginable wrongs in the name of survival and of saving their people. The only reason why they're not paralyzed by PTSD is that it's not conducive to kicking ass season after season. The idea of transcendence, of leaving all of their sins behind, should therefore be appealing to them.

The idea of heaven, of something beyond our mortal existence appeals to the vast majority of humankind, and most of us aren't burdened with the guilt of being a mass murderer. The fact that every single person that Bellamy cares about (people who have a whole departure spiel that ends with the phrase "may we meet again"...how, if not in some other form?) dismissed his reason to side with Cadogan as lunacy and brainwashing makes absolutely no sense. It is poor writing, pure and simple.

Clarke in particular should've understood Bellamy because it was only a season ago that she herself was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice so that her people might finally know peace and so she herself could finally leave all of her guilt behind. Yet she couldn't see where Bellamy was coming from? If she couldn't get past him siding with Cadogan, why not just kill Cadogan himself? He is responsible for Bellamy being brainwashed, he is the biggest threat to Madi. Instead, she killed her "best friend".

The show writers made Clarke and Bellamy call each other "best friends" in the past few episodes after keeping their relationship unlabeled since s1. A lot of people on the show have tried to define it, but Clarke and Bellamy themselves didn't call it anything. Yes they're friends, but not in the way that they're friends with Raven and Murphy, etc. What they mean to each other has been summed up by "I need you" and "together", their own words.

I therefore I feel insulted as a show fan by the way Clarke pulled out "so much for 'together'" in the last episode, "together" being another Clarke and Bellamy's catch phrase since Mt. Weather. She also said "you made your choice", echoing s5 "they made their choice" that she told Madi. I guess that I was supposed to have an "ah-ha" moment there, because Clarke would kill Bellamy for Madi, she's done that before, right? Um...NO. Clarke left Bellamy to fend for himself because he put Madi in direct danger after promising Clarke that he would keep her safe. Clarke didn't directly harm him even then. And anyways, Bellamy and Clarke forgave each other for that mutual betrayal last season.

But you know what I didn't hear Clarke say in the last episode? "The heart and the head", which was from last season too. That phrase references the very emotional moment Clarke and Bellamy had in Becca lab at the end of s4, which really summarized them as co-leaders and as whatever they were to each other. From Clarke's POV, she and Bellamy said "the heart and the head" to each other right after Bellamy brought her back to life mere days or weeks ago.

So the fandom's outrage, which does not come solely from Bellarke shippers, isn't just about Bellamy dying stupidly and unnecessarily over a notebook while he's supposedly hated by all of his people (Bellamy and Cadigan repeatedly stated that, yet Bellamy's people were just baffled and outraged by his perceived betrayal, and they verbally told Bellamy so. Nobody said "I hate you Bellamy").

The outrage is also about Clarke doing something that is so out of character that in my opinion the only plausible explanation to this nonsense is that Bob Morley was just done with the show and couldn't film anything more elaborate for Bellamy's last moment (if that's his last moment. Who knows with this show). Bellamy followed a terrible leader before and he paid dearly for it because his blind follower's behavior led to the massacre of allies. But in last episode's case he was trying to save all of mankind, his sister, girlfriend and best friend included. He got rewarded for it with a bullet to the heart by the latter. I'm not even going to comment on the fact that Sheidheda thought of the notebook and that the notebook was so conveniently there for Bellamy to grab and look at. Interestingly, Clarke couldn't kill who she thought was Russell when she was the most emotionally unstable we've ever seen her in 7x01. She didn't think of killing Sheidheda for giving away that big secret in last episodes. The fact that shooting Bellamy came to her that easily, when Madi was in no immediate danger whatsoever—the stone system was offline and Cadogan had entered coordinates that only he knew on top of his head—is terrible writing. Period.

[greenjacketwhitehatdocmui]

The Worst Prison...

Or, the cruelest thing I could do to Lex Luthor.  This is based off an idea I had if the 10th Doctor was involved in the Crisis.

--Doc

    Lex had been in total control.  He'd eliminated more than a few versions of Superman while traveling through the multiverse.  Well, fine, there had been this one idiot who had given up his powers for a "normal" life.  That one hadn't been worth killing.  He would have died soon enough when the antimatter wave came.

    Out of a sense of drama, he turned the latest Superman against the one that he knew.  With the Book of Destiny, all the kindness and nobility of this older Superman had curdled to resentment and rage.  In just a few moments, the Superman he knew would have been burned to ashes, followed by Lois Lane and Iris West.  And then the multiverse would acknowledge him as the savior.  After all, he had his little ace in the hole.

    In retrospect, he probably should have seen Lois coming.  He probably read it in the Book somewhere, but it hadn't been important at the time. One blow to the head later had proved him wrong.

    He wasn't terribly worried when he woke up on the Waverider, surrounded by would-be "heroes."  They lacked the conviction to do what had to be done. Why else had he been born? Because the universe needed people like him, shameless manipulators that Got Things Done.

    He hadn't anticipated that the Monitor had recruited that skinny man in a blue suit and red shoes.  He recognized the brown-haired man from some viral videos, something about stone angels coming to life.

    "An entire universe wiped from existence, distilled to a computer graphic," he remarked as Kara had hunched over the console. Beside her, that man in the blue suit gently laid a hand on her shoulder.  "Gotta say, missing that wow factor."

    Kara straightened up and whirled to face Luthor. Her eyes glowed, ready to burn him down. Like that threat had ever really worked.

    "Kara, no," the Doctor said sternly.  The man in blue stepped between her and himself, hands still in his pockets.

    "Why not?!" she demanded.  "For everything he's done--"

    "He'll get what the universe decides," the Doctor said calmly.  "That symbol you wear?  Does that entitle you to be judge, jury and executioner?"

    Kara took a ragged breath.  The glow in her eyes dimmed, but the glare hadn't. "You're on his side?"

    "Everyone has their part to play," the Monitor said. "Even Luthor."

    He tilted his head slightly as he looked at the Doctor.  "I don't think I know you.  You weren't in the Book."

    The Doctor hadn't taken his hands out of his pocket as he turned to face him.  His face shifted to that of a manic grin--and not a nice one.

    "Alexander Joseph Luthor," the Doctor declared. "You could have been so much better.  The world would have been better for it."

    He tried not to scowl.  Nobody had the right to criticize him, the real Man of Tomorrow. "I don't recognize you," he admitted.  "You weren't in the Book."

    "The Book of Destiny?" the Doctor asked. "That has a bit of a blind spot when it comes to me.  I'm the Doctor."

    "Doctor who?" he asked.  "No, wait, I do remember an urban legend about a doctor with a blue box.  But of course, you can't be that...doctor..."  he trailed off as the Doctor pointed at the blue police box in the corner.

    The Doctor turned to face Kara, his expression now an amused smirk.  "You see, Kara?  Anything's possible.  I just got Lex Luthor to be quiet."

    He bristled at the implication.  The rumors were that the Doctor was an alien who helped humanity in times of need.  If the blue box was his transport, then the implications were obvious:  Travel through time and space.

    This was getting interesting.  It wasn't as if he hadn't worked with alien tech before. Part of him was itching to see what that box was running on.

    It was about then that Lois and Superman (it was impossible to think of him as wimpy Clark Kent) made their appearance. Lois had a vaguely smug look on her face.

    "I told you, honey," Lois said, "Lex isn't a pile of ash on the floor.

    "Well, Kara wouldn't--"

    "I almost did," she admitted. "But the Doctor stopped me."

    "And it's a good thing, too," he said. "After all, if I'm to be part of this merry little band, there must be a reason."  He clapped his hands together.  "So, where do we start on `saving the multiverse?'" he asked, adding air quotes.

    The Doctor stepped close to him and frowned. "And if you do help, then what? We let you go on your merry little way? This is your chance to put that brain to truly good use.  Make the world a better place.  I'm giving you one last chance to turn yourself around."

    "It won't work," Lois shook her head. "He's the classic definition of insanity.  He keeps doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."

    "To be fair, Einstein never heard of a random number generator," he quipped.  "To answer your question, `Doctor,' I'll do as I see fit."  He scoffed.  "In many ways, you’re like Superman.  You look like a man, you talk like a man, you even think like a man.  But when it comes down to it, you’re just another arrogant alien lording his superiority over we poor humans.  You think that we’re lucky to bask in your glory.  You even have a blue suit and red footwear.”

    The Doctor frowned.  "Has anyone checked his pockets?”

    There was a round of negatives and shaken heads. The Doctor looked aghast.

    "What?  Really?!" the Doctor exclaimed. "The second most dangerous man in the room, someone who’s killed multiple versions of Superman, someone who’s a bona fide evil genius and nobody thought to search him?!  Three pairs of x-ray eyes and nobody thought to look?  Eh?  Eh?”

    He frowned.  He didn't like the way things were going.

    Lois crossed her arms.  "We took away the Book of Destiny.  He’s unarmed.”

    The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver, though Luthor didn't know what it was at the time.  “Lois, this isn’t a weapon.  But do you think for one moment that I can’t be dangerous with this?”

    With a quick motion, the device glowed blue and buzzed.  The Doctor's expression was intent as he scanned.

    “Cell phone, wallet--ooh!  Page from the Book of Destiny!” the Doctor exclaimed.

    “What?!” Kara shouted.

    He tried to back away, but Monitor had a firm grip on his shoulder.  There was no escape.  If they found his ace in the hole--

    “In his suit pocket, along with a Sharpie," the Doctor said.  "Might want to empty out all his pockets, just in case.  Never know if he might be hiding any kryptonite.”

    He tried to struggle, but his secret weapon had been deftly plucked from its hiding place. With a blur, Kara sped around him, turning out all his pockets.  Items both mundane and disguised clattered onto the deck floor, but the page was the most important.

    “Give me that--”  he said, shortly before Kara sped towards him and flicked her finger against his forehead.  The impact had sent him flying, as the Monitor had released him.

    His vision swam as he slumped to the ground.  His limbs wouldn't work.  The alien freak had probably given him a concussion, at the very least.

    Kara scrutinized the page.  "Looks like someone marked this up.  My question is, why didn’t we think to look?”

    “The Book of Destiny works on your subconscious, all the better to make sure that Destiny happens," the Doctor said.  "Not usually a big fan of predestination, though.  Always preferred a little wiggle room.”

    The Doctor's expression turned grim as he turned the sonic on the page.  In moments, the alterations had been undone, only for new words to form on the back of the page.

    “What did you just do?!” he yelled, flailing impotently on the floor.

    With a voice as cold as space, the Doctor spoke:  "I gave you your chance.  Now, I'm going to let the universe decide."

--------

    He awoke in a hospital bed.  The last thing he remembered was the agony as the antimatter had consumed him.  Had his plan worked, he would have changed places with that "paragon" Superman.  Then he would have rewritten things to be more in his favor.

    The first odd thing that he noticed was that there was no television.  Nor, upon further inspection, were there any mirrors. A notebook and pen had been provided on his nightstand, as well as a fruit basket and a glass of water.  The decor was neutral, comfortable and about as bland as tofu.

    He got up with some difficulty.  The aches had probably been from his hitting the floor back then.  He didn't know how he'd gotten here, though one of the "super people" probably dropped him off.  There weren't any cameras that he could see, which meant that they were very well hidden or his captors were overconfident.

    The door opened.  It was Lena.

    "You look pretty good for a dead man," she remarked as she came in. The door closed heavily behind her, probably reinforced.

    "I have friends in high places," he replied.  "So, what brings you here?  Don't tell me that it's a wellness check."

    Lena frowned.  "L-corp's been working on an advanced cancer cure.  The animal trials were promising, but human cell samples revealed abnormalities."  She took out a sheaf of papers.  "Oh, and I hope you like the fruit basket."

    "It's not laced with anything, is it?" he joked.

    "I've killed you once before," Lena remarked.  "I'm pretty sure that I could do it again."

    "So harsh," he remarked.  "It's so difficult being older and wiser."  He paged through the packet and raised an eyebrow.  "Oh, there's your problem."

    "What?"

    "Before I tell you, what do I get out of this?" he asked.

    Lena's mouth was a thin line.  "Better accommodations, starting tomorrow.  This isn't like Stryker's Island, Lex.  I can work with them."

    "And...?"

    "I can't promise anything else, Lex."

    He sighed heavily.  "Well, it's a start.  So, your problem is..."

--------

    Lena sighed heavily as the door sealed itself behind her.  With a faint whisper, the holographic disguise she wore faded. There were a few white hairs and some crows' feet, but nothing major.  Lex would have certainly noticed if she hadn't covered it up.

    "How is he?" the Doctor asked.  He never seemed to age much.

    "Same as ever," Lena said.  "He's always the same."

    Anterograde amnesia was an insidious beast.  One had near-perfect recall of events and skills before an injury.  Past a certain point, the afflicted person simply could not retain new memories.

    Lex's mind essentially rebooted itself once a day.  From his point of view, it hadn't been 10 years since the Crisis.  It was a fitting punishment from the universe; the man who never learned from his mistakes was now incapable of truly learning at all.  He just retreaded the past, though his intellect was a very useful resource.

    Lex Luthor did, in fact, make the world a better place.  Lena's weekly visits had been surprisingly productive.  The only cost was an emotional one.  The greatest irony was that his mind was the prison he could never escape.

    "I'm sorry," the Doctor said quietly.  "I didn't decide this."

    Lena nodded.  "I'll tell Kara that you said hello."

    He managed a faint smile and a cocky salute.  Then he was back in his blue box, off to who knew where.

    Lena left the facility.  Unlike Lex, she had a future.

The End

[angrylizardjacket]

maybe youth is wasted on the young {Roger Taylor}

ask your destiny to dance Modern High School AU

A/N: 2685 words. Not Asked For But Here Nonetheless. might write a bit more for this AU, but i’ve got a lot of prompts, so no promises. hope you enjoy.

Brian got saddled with the two worst tutoring students in the world, and if the high school wasn’t paying him, he’d have let them both go after the first day. Roger he knows; before Brian had graduated they’d both spent lunch times in the music room, and Brian taught him a bit of guitar, and Roger smashed away at the drums and sometimes took a nap. He never expected Roger to be taking physics, but they didn’t usually talk about school when they were at band practice. The band had formed in Brian’s last year of high school, and fortunately there was only a few months after graduation where Roger was the only highschooler, until they went in search of a bass player, and found John Deacon, who seemed to live his life in the engineering workshop room. Together, along with Freddie, who’s two years above Brian, and a design student of all things, they make a pretty great team, musically speaking at least.

Ash, as a student, is an unknown quantity, bursting into the room he’d booked for studying, covered in paint and clay, and fifteen minutes late. She’s bursting with apologies, but Brian gives her the benefit of the doubt, points to the seat opposite him, and smiles. If he was being honest, Roger’s session finished late, he was thankful to have a full hour between appointments to grab some food and go over his notes.

He doesn’t know if they’re in the same class, but they’re in the same year, and both not there out of their own free will. Ash sleeps in class, Roger gets into arguments with the teacher; both are failing. 

Ash is new to town, and all of her school shirts are pink. Not on purpose, but she put them through with a red sweater and the rest is pretty self evident, and she hates Physics more than almost anything else in the world.

“Then why are you doing it?” Brian asks when she announces this during their second session together.

“Because I don’t wanna dissect frogs and rabbits and shit, and I can’t remember the periodic table to save my life; maths, even complicated physics maths, is still maths.” She explains, slapping down a falling apart notebook and fishing around her bag for a pen.

“Language.” Brian admonishes, and Ash frowns at him, elbow deep in her bag.

“I’m seventeen, go fuck yourself.”

The thing is, she's a good student, she can do the math, it's just a struggle working out what it means, but she's scatterbrained more than anything. And often late. Usually only by a few minutes, but everything changes the day Roger comes in ten minutes late, which comes as a surprise, he's always quite punctual, and he's covered in lime green paint. It's in his hair and everything. He looks like he’s had an afternoon full of regrettable situations.

"I don't wanna talk about it." He doesn't even give Brian time to ask, though Brian himself is rather distracted; it's a Friday, they've got a gig tonight.

"You'll be right for the show thought?" Brian asks, and Roger agrees easily, looking uncomfortable; the paint was still partially wet. As promised, Brian didn’t ask, and when the hour’s up, Roger leaves to go home and have a shower. After Brian’s break finishes, Ash doesn’t show up. Fifteen minutes after she’s meant to arrive, she’s still not there.

“What?” Ash snaps into her mobile when she picks up, and Brian’s taken aback; she’s not necessarily soft-spoken, but he’d never known her to be so hostile.

“Just reminding you about your tutoring session is all.” He said gently, and he hears a sigh on the other end of the line.

“Fuck. Right. Okay.” Ash breathes, a little distracted, a little put-upon, and it’s followed by scuffling, a door being slammed, and a tap blasting water into a metal sink; the art room. “Hey, listen, I’m just a bit-” sighing again, this time with resignation, the water’s still running in the background, “I’m just not up for it right now, some stuff has happened, and I just-” And there’s rustling as Brian hears her cover the receiver and holler a string of curse words at the empty - at least he hopes it is - art room.

“Is everything okay?” Brian asks when Ash uncovers the mic and apologises quickly.

“I’m fine. I will be fine.” She tells him, before apologising that she won’t be able to make it to their session that day. She hangs up.

When he makes his way to the art room, because she’s obviously not fine and he cares when one of his students misses a session, he sees her through the window, sitting down with her head on her arms at a table covered in various shards of a sculpture. At a glance he thinks she’s asleep, but as he knocks gently on the door, he sees her look up, shocked, her eyes red-rimmed.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, roughly wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, standing in the door frame. She sniffles a little.

“I just came to make sure you were okay; the art room’s the only one with a metal basin that sounds like that.” He pointed over her shoulder at the art room’s sink. “What’s wrong?”

Ash is quiet for a very long moment, narrowing her eyes when she looked up at him, before turning on her heel and heading to the table with the sculpture fragments on it. They seemed to be in some sort of order, and Brian can pick out that it’s meant to be the bust of a woman, but it’s completely shattered, with a few pieces super glued together, though it seems she’d given up.

“My major work was destroyed.” She explained, voice flat, the statement followed by another sniffle. “Some dickhead put it in the kiln beside a piece with a huge air bubble in it.” At Brian’s confusion, she picked up a piece that looked like it had part of an eye; “the air bubble expanded and exploded and took out all my hard work on the way.” 

“I’m sorry.” He’s not sure what else to say, she looks absolutely devastated about the whole situation.

“I’m not up for Physics, I’ve gotta try and jigsaw this all back together.” And as she looks over all the work she still had left to do, her lip began to tremble.

“Yeah no, no worries; is there anything I can do to help?” Brian asks gently, Ash just shakes her head, can’t even open her mouth to speak because she knows she’ll start crying again. There’s a blur of movement out the window, and when Brian turns to leave, there’s a figure in the door. He’s tall, with the same striking ginger hair as Ash, and looks like every hipster English major Brian’s ever encountered.

“Who are you?” The ginger man asks, scowling, and Brian raises his hands in surrender, but Ash cuts in.

“Oz, he’s my tutor, he’s just checking in because I couldn’t make it today because- because-” and her voice catches on her explanation as she looks over her weeks of hard work scattered on the table before her. Brian goes to introduce himself to ‘Oz’, who he’s pretty sure is her brother, but the moment Ash sniffles, trying to hold back more tears, Oz brushes past him and it’s like they both forget about Brian.

“It’s going to be okay, Biscuit,” Oz murmurs gently, wrapping a now weeping Ash up in a hug, “I’ll help you stick all these back together and then we can go home, okay?” And he’s so fucking gentle about it that it actually surprises Brian, who hasn’t really thought enough about Ash as a person to devote an opinion on her beyond the fact that she’s a good student with a sharp sense of humour and terrible work ethic in regards to physics; not once, until now, had he ever really considered her fragile. 

He tries not to think about it too much, as he leaves, but it’s hard not to when the two of them show up at his gig later that night. Even in the dim light of the pub he’d recognise her hair from a mile away, and he’s silently wondering how she got in. 

‘Oz’ turns out to be Oscar Clarke, a friend of Freddie’s, Ash’s older brother, and as Brian had called it, an English major. 

“I didn’t realise I’d be seeing you again so soon, are you feeling any better?” Brian asks when the first set finishes; Ash is sitting on a high stool by one of the little round tables, and Oscar is leaning beside her with a bright smile. Ash nods, though she’s still a little subdued, and Oscar gives Brian an official greeting, thanks the guitarist for taking the time to check on his little sister, and offers to buy him a drink.

“Oz! It’s so good to see you!” Freddie wraps Oscar in a hug, interrupting them, before turning to Ash with a bright smile. “You must be Ashley, it’s lovely to finally meet you, my dear.” And Ash is halfway through a greeting and a grin when Roger hops down the the pub’s stage and comes over with their bass player to see what all the fuss was about. The moment they realise who the other is, both Ash and Roger freeze.

“I’m going to fucking murder him.” Ash says with a terrifying degree of confidence, and Roger can’t read her lips without his glasses but he sees her expression, and how she’s sliding out of her stool, and he bolts, leaving poor John confused. Oscar wraps his arms around Ash without hesitation, restraining her. “I’m going to gut him like a fish.” She says, with that same calm fury, struggling in her brother’s arms.

“So you know Roger?” Brian asks, and Ash snorts out a laugh but doesn’t say anything.

“Why do you wanna kill him?” Oscar asks, matching her calm tone, and Ash stop struggling.

“He’s the one who ruined my major work; him and his fucking meme-y, dick sculpture.” She spat, the composed veneer breaking as she dwells on it, and Oscar lets her go and turns back to a confused and concerned Freddie.

“Is she going to kill our drummer?” He asked, as John joined them, looking like an actual child, and he asks if someone can go to the bar and buy him a coke.

“She might.” Oscar says blithely, and heads to the bar. Freddie frowns after him. Brian chimes in, thinking only of Ash, covered in clay and crying alone in the art room hours after school had finished for the day, super gluing her shattered project back together one piece at a time.

“Listen, Freddie, I don’t say this lightly, but he might deserve it.”

“You’re a fucking bastard; if you don’t know how to work with clay properly, you shouldn’t even try, do you know how much work I put in-?” Ash snarled as she found Roger trying to hide his face at the end of the bar.

“I didn’t mean to-” He tried; she’d just thrown paint at him earlier that day, didn’t have the words to articulate herself. This is worse than the paint.

“You sculpted a dick - a dick of all things - around a piece of scrunched up newspaper and didn’t think to leave a hole to let the air escape? To let the air in the clay expand? Have you never-” She seethes, standing right up against the stool he’s sitting on, forcing him to edge away.

“Are you yelling at me about sculptures in the middle of a bar?” Roger asks, and yeah he feels guilty about what happened, but he’s also pretty sure she’s using a fake ID, and the bouncer only didn’t card him because he’s in the band, and if she draws too much attention to them they’re both going to get kicked out.

“Yes.” She snaps, and shoves him rough enough to push him from his seat. He catches himself before he faceplants. “I should kick your ass.” Snarling, she gives him the single most derisive look he’s ever seen, though he stands his ground.

“First of all, I’d like to see you try,” he smirks, moving the chair back and stepping into her space; her hands twitch as if she’s aching to hit him, “and secondly; over a sculpture?”

“Over my major work!” She crows, and he finally realises what the whole situation meant for her. “Do you know how much work I put into that? Over a month and a half, you dipshit!” There’s tears in her eyes, and it seems to take her a moment to realise, and she turns away, gently dabbing to not smudge her mascara.

“I’m sorry, Ash.” Voice gentle, Roger awkwardly pets her shoulder, but she brushes him off. He crosses his arms, unsure of what to do with his hands. “Can I get you a beer or something?”

“We’re the same age.” She squints at him over her shoulder, and he shrugs.

“I’m in the band.” He smirks, puffing out his chest a little, and she rolls her eyes.

“I don’t drink.” And with that she leaves, finds her brother who’s bought both her and John sodas, and Brian gives her a sympathetic smile, and Freddie breathes a genuine sigh of relief when Roger follows behind, somewhat sheepishly.

“How you doing, biscuit?” Oscar asks, wrapping Ash in a side hug, and she shrugs, taking a long sip of her drink and leaning against him. They stay for the rest of the band’s sets; Oscar had brought her out to cheer her up, and eventually, when she starts bopping along to the music, it starts working. Roger, from what he can make out of her in the crowd, feels something in his chest ease to see her relaxing and enjoying herself.

When asked about how the confrontation went, when the band is packing up and Oscar and Ash have left for the night, Roger, to everyone’s surprised, tells them she had every right to be pissed.

“Though if she follows through on her threat to deck me, she’ll have another thing coming.” He snorted, packing up his high hat stand. Brian asks if they’d known each other before, and Roger turns an interesting shade of pink and goes quiet. “We’ve got art and physics together.” 

“But you’re not friends?” Freddie asks, watching Roger for a moment before he and Brian share a small smile.

“Do we seem like friends?” Roger snapped, and Freddie grinned wider. “She’s the best sculptor in our class; even our teacher was pissed when she found out what happened.” He admitted, before his voice dropped to quietly amused. “Ms Roberts got so close to swearing at me like four different times, it was actually pretty funny.”

“He likes her.” Freddie stage whispered to Brian, and Roger turned scarlet at that.

“I do not.” He growled, “she threatened to murder me.” But he was all flustered, and clearly a terrible liar while a little tipsy off of only two beers.

“You think she’s cute and you want to snog her because you know she wouldn’t really kill you.” Brian cooed, dodging Roger’s thrown drumstick easily.

“This is bullying.” He grumbled.

“She is cute,” John piped up, “got really nice eyes too, though the lights made them look all gold at times.” He mused, though Roger couldn’t see the bassist pointedly watching him.

“They’re green.” Roger corrects automatically, and John’s grin widens. He realises too late what he’s said, because both Brian and Freddie are howling with laughter.

“They're green!” Freddie wheezes, and does not get out of the way of the other drumstick quick enough, but also doesn’t seem to care. 

“Fuck all of you!” Roger snaps, thankful when he hears the honk of a horn and sees his dad’s station wagon parked outside and waiting. He starts lugging his stuff out as the others are still doting on him. Assholes.

[sometimesrosy]

Hi I love your blog. I live for your answers! I just came to say that sometimes I feel the writers only give bellarke shippers crumbs cause they know if they took it out completely half the fandom wouldn't watch anymore. I would still watch but in all honesty, their relationship is what keeps me watching. Like even if its platonic soulmates etc. I do want them together but the wait is killing me and I'm constantly worried that they never get around to it cuz the show would stop getting renewed.

I have to say nonny, thanks for the compliment but I don’t agree with you at all. First of all, they aren’t giving bellarkers crumbs, they are giving bellarkers a sustained, slowly intensifying and primary story of an epic and profound bellarke love. 

I think there may be a frustration because a lot of people watch FOR romance. And if you’re looking for a romance genre show you will feel disappointed as if you are not being given what you were promised. But that’s a mistake of your understanding.

This is not a romance genre show. But within the post apocalyptic science fiction action show, Bellarke is a love story that is entirely crucial to their goal of saving humanity. 

Your feeling of being cheated or baited might even be getting worse, because Bellarke is actually getting more prominent and more romantic every season. And yet, while still being intensely and sometimes painfully romantic, it is STILL not following the pacing or focus of a romance genre show. It IS however following the steps of some pretty classic romance archetypes and conventions. So your FEELING of it being a romance is ratcheting up, while the PAYOFF, which is what the point of a romance genre show is about, is held off. 

THERE’S your feeling of cheat. Because romance genre HAS TO GET CANON. Every season you have to see romantic development. And it follows the steps. 

But y’all aren’t paying attention to the steps you’re getting because you’ve decided for yourself that the writers are baiting you and denying you what you deserve, which is canon bellarke.

But this attitude just blows me away because we are LITERALLY ALREADY GETTING CANON BELLARKE ROMANCE. 

No there’s no kiss yet. But there has been romantic tropes like in the Notebook, with the 2199 calls. Octavia called him out for loving Clarke like his girlfriend. Not one but TWO shots of jealous Clarke watching Bellamy kiss Echo. The dead love telling her to save her current love. The parent trap. That final scene. 

It’s like you remove each scene from the story, examine it for ways it’s platonic, and then use that decision to erase the narrative of romance and the canon statements of love.

You aren’t getting bellarke crumbs.

You are getting a bellarke love story. And you are pretending you are not. You are pretending that every bit of evidence in the story is a “crumb” or “bait,” instead of just realizing that it’s not a tease. ITS ACTUALLY THE STORY BEING TOLD. 

And him having a girlfriend is part of it. A love triangle is a CLASSIC romantic trope. One boy is in love with two girls. Two girls are in love with one boy. The boy must choose one girl and leave the other. 

I mean. I’m not making this up. ITS PART OF THE ROMANCE GENRE. 

Just because there’s a love triangle doesn’t mean the hero and the heroine are not getting together.

Bellamy and Clarke are the hero and heroine. They are getting together. JR called them SOULMATES. 

IN what kind of fanfiction do soulmates in a love triangle NOT choose each other.

Now if they weren’t in love with each other, you might say, oh he doesn’t feel like that. It’s platonic. She’s like a sibling. But in season 5 it was made canon that Clarke had romantic feelings for Bellamy and Bellamy had romantic feelings for Clarke. 

Can you imagine a show, where the hero and heroine of the show have been declared soulmates by the showrunner. And IN CANON, which the showrunner decided, proven that their love is romantic. Can you imagine a show where the hero would choose to stay permanently with the girl who he ended up with because he thought his soulmate was dead and there was no other choice???

See here’s the thing.

If you don’t believe Clarke and Bellamy will get together, and all the evidence for their romance is delusional, then none of the story on screen is going to make you believe. 

But if you understand that the story IS about Clarke and Bellamy coming together (and it always has been) and it IS a love story and it IS romantic in nature, then you can watch ALL the MULTIPLE steps this story is taking towards making an AMAZING, slow burn, deep, profound love story.

JR once said, I believe, that if he got to do what he wanted with this show, that Bellarke would be considered the most epic love story ever. I believe he is getting the chance to do what he wants with this show.

He got to the end of the tragedy with the end of book 1. The earth is dead. Clarke and Bellamy are together and aligned in the same direction, wanting to be the good guys (the head) and live a good life (the heart.)

And that means that not only will Clarke complete her hero’s journey and save humanity again, but Bellamy who now believes he is worthy of being loved, is going to find a way to help humanity learn how to live again without trauma. With love. And that means that his path now, I think, is how to get to love his soulmate, Clarke. 

My guess? Season 6 will get them together and season 7 will be established bellarke. 

Fandom however, won’t consider it to be canon romance until they are married and Clarke is knocked up with Bellamy’s chilld and Bellamy has tattooed “I love Clarke” on his forearm.

But if you want to keep thinking all we’re getting is crumbs, you’re going to be shocked. And then when you go back to watch the show over again, you’re going to see that all those things you ignored as crumbs and bait were actually the steady pace of Clarke and Bellamy falling irrevocably in love with each other, and overcoming all the many obstacles to get back to each other. 

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 1x07 Contents Under Pressure

I’m a new fan of The 100, who first binged it last year, August to November. This is my first full rewatch of the show. I was planning to start it anyway and finish it before the season 6 premiere on April 30, and when I saw that Fox Serbia was airing a rerun (Monday to Friday, 40 min. after midnight, with repeats the next day), starting on 1st February, it was a great opportunity to start my rewatch in HDTV on my beautiful new TV. I decided to do write-ups and tag other fans on SpoilerTV website, as I did when I was first watching the show. But my posts turned into full blown essays. So, finally, after over a week, I’ve realized: Why don’t I post them on my Tumblr blog, too? 

I’ll copy my write-ups of the first 7 episodes, and then I’ll post my rewatch posts after I watch each episode. (The next one, 1x08, is on Monday’Tuesday.)  I’m looking forward to 1x08 on Monday, one of my favorite S1 episodes. IIRC, the next 3 episodes are all awesome.

Spoilers below for all 5 seasons of the show. I go of on a tangents and make a lot of references to future events.

Rating: 6.5/10

I liked this one much less than the previous few episodes, mostly because a huge chunk of it was about the politics on the Ark with Jaha and Diana (who first gets introduced here) - which I never cared about, not the first time and not now. They're both assholes and pretty much the same.

The only part of the Ark storyline that's interesting is that it's the turning point for Kane. When Raven and Clarke make contact with the Ark, you can see everyone else thinking: "The Earth is survivable!" or "Our kids are still alive!" (or, in Jaha's case, that his son is dead), but Kane is clearly thinking something very difrerent: for him, it's "I was wrong and I caused the deaths of 320 people for no reason". This is the beginning of his character development, and also the point where I stopped hating him, because he showed genuine guilt, didn't even attempt to defend himself when the angry people confronted him about the culling and keeping secrets about the 100 from them, and will genuinely change after this. But Jaha and the rest of the Council? They're unbelievable. They threw Abby out from the Council before, for trying to contact the kids and opposing the culling, but now they learn she was right and they have her to thank for the fact they got in contact with the 100 - and they still don't take her back to the Council?? Instead, Jaha gives her seat to Diana for helping him bu.ll#sit the crowd and appease them? God, they're both so full of crap. The best part is when Jaha promises to the crowd that they'll stop lying to them and reveal all the secrets... and then, later, at the Council meeting, we find out he's still lying to people and keeping a huge secret - that they don't have enough ships to get everyone on the ground, just 700 out of 2237 people on the Ark. The storyline on Earth was better, but this time I found it a bit tedious, since most of it consisted of our protagonists torturing Lincoln to get info, which is not that interesting now that I know the outcome. Meanwhile Clarke and Raven were worrying about Finn, who had been wounded by Lincoln in the previous episode, and Clarke was trying to save him with her mother's help. Which is their motivation to get involved in Lincoln's torture and try to get info once Clarke realizes that the weapon was poisoned and that Lincoln has an antidote. And it also was the opportunity for more of love triangle and a lot of moments of Clarke pining after Finn. IIRC, this pretty much stops after this episode, as Clarke mostly moves on and gets busy with dealing with more important things, but then Finn starts pining more and more after Clarke, and Raven starts moping over noticing Finn pining over Clarke. My feelings during those scenes were mostly "Oh come on, girls, you can both do better". (Sorry, Finn fans.) At one point, Raven yells: 'He's all I've got". It's really sad she feels that way, but I guess that's a sign of how sad her life has been, with the mother she had and no other family. In another scene, Clarke emotionally tells the unconscious Finn: "I cannot do this without you"... and I can't help but laugh because I remember YouTube reactor's Liam Duke reaction to this scene - he just casually said: "Yes, you can". :D First appearance of Nate Miller, who wears a cap and is one of the Delinquents participating in Lincoln's torture, besides Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, and some other random guy. The first line anyone speaks to him is Clarke telling him: "Get out of my way, Miller". Who would have ever thought that Miller and Murphy would be 2 of the only 4 surviving Delinquents at the end of season 5? The more interesting aspect of all of this was, of course, the whole debate about morality, mostly between Clarke and Bellamy. Clarke starts off opposing torture, then later agrees to it, in desperation. It's mostly Bellamy beating Lincoln up, but Raven later joins, also motivated by the threat to Finn's life, and goes, let me show you new ways to torture, and gives Lincoln electric shocks. I guess this episode made me realize I had my own strong ruthless pragmatic streak ;D because, the first time I watched this, my main thought during the torture scenes was: "Oh come on, guys, everyone knows that torture doesn't work as an interrogation tactic. Just stab him with his own poisoned knife instead. That should make him want to tell you what the antidote is." I was waiting for someone to do that (though I guess, there was always the possibility he would be really stubborn and ready to die, so it would be a risk), but finally, Octavia did something even better, cutting herself, since she realized Lincoln had a thing for her and wouldn't want her to die. Clarke and Bellamy have noticeably become friendlier and closer at this point. He even touches her shoulder briefly in a comforting way when she was sad and worried about Finn. Some pretty (in)famous lines from this episode: Clarke: "This is not who we are" - Bellamy: "It is now" Bellamy to Clarke, at the end, after they've both participated in torture, and Clarke feels bad about it: 'Who we are and who we need to be are two different things". Probably one of the crucial but also most questionable pieces of advice about leadership that she got during the course of the show. I'm not sure that Bellamy would agree with his old self now, but Clarke took that piece of advice maybe a bit too much to heart. Also: "It's not easy being in charge." Admission that they're co-leaders now. Bellamy also at one point tells Clarke that they are already at war and have been since they landed, which is very similar to what he will tell her during their argument in 3x05. And it's true. The Grounders speared Jasper the first day and engaged in intimidation tactics from the start, even before actually killing any of the 100. Speaking about being in charge, I think that the reason Lincoln assumed that Clarke was the leader of the 100 rather than Bellamy (as we later learn) is because, while Bellamy was giving orders to the other Delinquents (like Miller or the random kid), he was listening to what Clarke had to say and obviously valued her opinion and did his best to convince her to agree with him. But it's interesting that I've never seen anyone, in-universe or in the fandom, apply similar reasoning to their dynamic in the first half of season 4, when Clarke was considered the leader in many ways, but was in the habit of always consulting with Bellamy and checking if he agreed with her, when he was around. If I wanted to explain that, I'd probably say some things about how people perceive women in power vs men in power. Something similar to the well known fact that most people get the impression that women dominate the conversation when they actually talk about 30% of it, let alone 50%. It's interesting to see Lincoln's notebook now, because some of the drawings are obviously the Mountain Men in hazmat suits and a Mountain Man in a gillie suit. There's also the statue of Lincoln that he got his name from, and the Delinquent camp, with 102 lines, 10 of them crossed, for 10 Delinquents already dead. . 100 Delinquents + Bellamy + Raven. 

[head-and-heart]

The 100 Highlights - “How We Get To Peace” (5x08)

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait for this highlight post. I was out of town visiting family for a week and didn’t get a chance to rewatch the episode until today. And, unfortunately, I am about to be swapped for the next ten days (at least) so you can probably expect the 5x09 highlight post to be pretty late, too.

... And the 5x10 recap.

But anyway - super excited to get into this episode! Hope you enjoy my thoughts. :)

Feel free to read up on the previous posts in this series here. 

“I’ve seen the horrors we inflict on each other in the name of survival, colonel. God knows I’m as guilty as anyone, but we’re on the brink here - on the edge of an abyss I’ve stared into before - and I can tell you, having sacrificed the few to save the many more times than I care to admit, eventually, the few becomes the many. The ends don’t always justify the means and if you don’t know that by now, after everything you’ve been through, then you’re just as bad as Octavia, and we’re already lost.” 

At first I was a bit thrown by Kane’s speech here because Charmaine’s move was, objectively, very politically savvy (and it seemed a little out of place, considering Kane was the one who implied that if Charmaine got rid of McCreary she wouldn’t have to be concerned about resistance anymore but whatever) but - in retrospect - I do see the value in it. It seems to reflect what Bellamy and Clarke do later in the episode to Kara Cooper (which was honestly SO fucked up guys, like, holy shit). And the line was well delivered too. Very dramatic.

I kind of like this Vincent guy. Hm. Seems too nice to be a cannibal/serial killer. Speaking of which, are we ever going to see him snap? Maybe in 5x11 ... and that’s when we’ll get Abby telling the story of what happened in The Dark Year. :o I’ve cracked the code fam

Echo suggesting that they kill Zeke made her more familiar to me. Her character arc seems pretty on track (based on this episode) with what I have already speculated and I expect that we’re going to see her facing some issues with her old methods soon (maybe next episode?). I did like how they have set up her character arc in this episode.

I’m really enjoying that they have Indra teaming up with our mains this season. It’s an interesting dynamic, to see her interacting with characters besides Octavia and Kane this season and I am really enjoying it.

LEMME TAKE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT ZEKE PUTTING HIS HAND IN FRONT OF RAVEN PROTECTIVELY K

Listen, I know that their relationship has no base to it and they barely know each other and their connection doesn’t even really make sense *realistically* but I really, really LOVE Raven and Zeke’s dynamic. Lindsey and Jordan have fantastic chemistry and they look so good together and Zeke and Raven’s personalities/intellect complement each other so well. Also, this is a television show so lack of development DOESN’T MATTER, especially considering Zeke hasn’t killed Raven’s family or ex boyfriend or anything which - if you ask me - is a definite bonus! I just loved that little detail of him looking out for her, despite being angry (and having every right to be) because he feels protective of her and can’t really explain why just yet.

Also, I am in no way delusional enough to believe that the writers intentionally paralleled Bellarke and Zaven in this episode but this moment was visually extremely reminiscent of Bellamy jumping in front of Clarke in 2x09 ... so that’s a plus.

Everything involving Raven and Abby in this episode was just the most gut-wrenching, fam. Raven’s concern over Abby being threatened by Diyoza and her determination to protect her and Abby lying was just ... a Lot. It shows how far gone Abby is and added some new stakes to her addiction. I think it was important to show how Abby and Raven’s relationship will be affected by this.

“Your mother would be proud, Monty.” I wonder if anyone has told Monty this before, and how much he probably needed to hear it. In all that had happened, I forgot that Kara Cooper and Monty come from the same station on the Ark, and that they have probably even known each other for a long time. I never would have guessed that I would love seeing them interact so much but their scenes in this episode were so cute? Cooper laughing at Monty’s jokes about getting lit was the scene I didn’t know I needed. Leave it to The 100 to humanize the Worst character in the episode they get killed

THE ORIGINAL MURDER TRIO IS BACK AND AT IT AGAIN

I have to admit, in a kind of sick way I liked that we had Monty, Clarke, and Bellamy back at their old shenanigans again? Like, this felt like an indirect callback to Mount Weather, where they all committed mass murder together. This time, they’re trying to prevent that from happening again. It’s weird to see how their old allegiances and perspectives have shifted from that moment - and yet, they all continue to cooperate with each other.

“What’s one more, right? We’re all murderers.” OOF MONTY I FELT THAT

“We’re talking about taking one life to save hundreds.” “Really? Then let’s kill Octavia.” I literally yelled DRAG HIM at my screen when he said this lmao. Monty had ALL the lines in this episode. Like, damn, I love that he is questioning Bellamy and Clarke’s decisions in this, how they just revert so easily back to their same old methods. It’s refreshing to see.

 And also, he’s RIGHT. What Bellamy and Clarke are doing is so fucking twisted. They are literally killing someone in the most grotesque manner and framing them for something they didn’t even do all in order to avoid killing someone else - the person who forced her to commit the atrocities she has in the first place. Let’s face it: Cooper is easy to hate but the only reason she is the way she is is because of the system that Octavia created, the game Octavia forced her to play. And yet, they won’t kill Octavia, because of their own selfish wishes. It is absolutely fucked up and I am so glad that Monty called them out on their bullshit.

I really loved Murphy looking at Clarke’s drawing of him and Emori chained to the rocket from 4x08. It was a nice detail (and parallel to Season 4′s corresponding episode) and callback to include. Here’s hoping that we get to see *cough* other characters looking at pictures of themselves that Clarke has drawn. You know ... no one in particular.

“Tell me what we’re looking at.” 

“I don’t think we’d see it the same way, but all right. That’s where the trading post will be. And next to it will be a farm, and a workshop, and a mill ... And a real medical center, for Abby. To the south, there’ll be homes dug out of the ground to preserve the trees, and at the center, there’ll be a well, a place for people to gather, talk, debate ideas.”

“And a school with a playground where kids can blow off steam and bitch about their teachers and kiss under the bleachers. My kid.”

LET ME TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE !!! I LOVED THIS SCENE. 

I think this is the very first time (with the exception of Briller and the chickens) where any character has explicitly voiced their greatest wishes for the future, how it looks in their mind. And it’s so fucking tragic because you can just visualize it so clearly, but it feels so far away. That future doesn’t seem possible. It’s so melancholy and I love how Ian and Ivana delivered their lines in this scene.

Also, soft!Charmaine is EVERYTHING. Her line about the school and the teenagers “bitching” and making out and doing regular teenage thing was just so ... normal, it was honestly startling to think about. That’s the life that the hundred should have had - that they’ll never get now. I love the baby storyline so much (and I never thought I would like a pregnancy storyline but I do) because it humanizes Diyoza in so many ways. 

The music in this scene was gorgeous and matched the tone so well, I honestly started tearing up a little bit don’t @ me. I have a really big feeling that this discussion will come up again - either because we’re going to see this vision completely destroyed, or because we’re going to see it come to fruition. With the space travel theory, I do kind of wonder if we might get an “epilogue” of sorts for the people who stay behind on Eden, where we see Kane and Diyoza’s vision has come true (and maybe they’ll both even be there). It would be like a farewell to the characters who remain on Earth. I think it would be beautiful. (But that’s all assuming that the space travel theory is correct.)

As mildly annoying as it was that Kane literally named Diyoza’s baby for her (wtf Kane???) I did appreciate the symbolic purpose of naming her child “Hope”, especially considering the episode title “Pandora’s Box”, in which hope (aka. Kane/Baby) was the last out of the bunker and then flew away with Eligius. It’s a nice follow up to that little piece of mythology.

In a way, Kane, Abby, and Charmaine are delivering Hope (literally and figuratively) to the people. Which is also why I believe that they may all remain behind in Eden at the end of this season as we see our mains (ie. Clarke, Bellamy, Raven, etc) take off into cryo sleep, officially saying goodbye to all of them forever. (Goddamn I’m already crying and the season finale hasn’t even aired yet? THe fuck)

Also side note to talk about how vindicating it was when Kane was judging Charmaine the entire episode about her damn notebook (”names of the people you killed?” stfu) and it turned out to just be a goddamn list of baby names and defense strategies. Sit the fuck down, Mark.

I present to you: the creepiest fucking shot this show has done. And yet, I really liked it? Showing Cooper’s reactions by shooting through her helmet was a really well done creative choice. It was so trippy and it made her death feel so visceral and real. It honestly kind of sickens me to watch this scene, tbh.

On another note, I cannot BELIEVE how many stomachs Jason has forced me to watch explode this season .. the audacity ...

Emori establishing healthy boundaries is ... EVERYTHING. It’s so important for the writers to have addressed the toxicity in their relationship in this way. 

“Trouble in paradise?” I kind of love that McCreary says this to Memori because it is exactly what Murphy said to Clarke and Finn in 5x06 after the massacre. That’s some sweet kind of karma right there

Everything about Raven and Abby in this episode was absolutely devastating. Lindsey and Paige both killed this scene - the emotions were so real. Lindsey did such an amazing job portraying Raven’s hurt and rage - I could feel her emotions so viscerally. 

“Don’t you talk to me about pain.” If anyone deserves that line, it is Raven. She has been through hell and back and has had to be so strong for so long. I really liked that line.

CLARKE SITTING ON BELLAMY’S BED IN HIS TENT. Man, I would LOVE to see how that scene went askskqisks

Also, Clarke comforting my poor baby just like old times ... *sigh*

Although I have some reservations with the dialogue in this scene, I do appreciate the sentiment. Despite everything that has happened, Bellamy and Clarke still have such an understanding of each other. They forgive so easily - it’s practically second nature at this point. While I hated how Jason Rothenberg-y Bellamy sounded when he called Clarke a “mama bear” it IS nice that he is acknowledging the role that Madi plays in Clarke’s life. I feel like he finally is starting to understand just how crucial she is to Clarke, and recognizing that he felt the same way about Octavia. It gives them something new to connect over. Also, I’ll never turn down Bellarke being soft with each other.

Plus, have you ever seen a softer smile than Clarke Griffin’s? Cause oh boy am I not over that. She looks so fucking bashful when she looks up at Bellamy I can’t deal gotDAMN

“The worms were already loaded in the rover, so. What was Cooper doing there?” Marie’s delivery in this episode was SO good. God, she’s so creepy and she’s Killing It.

“Careful, big brother, or I’ll think you helped her and we’d have enough prisoners to settle this in the ring.” LISTEN. I WANTED THE EVERLARK AU SO FREAKING BAD CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT NEW MEANING THE WORD “TOGETHER” WOULD HAVE HOLY SHIT

But also, Bellamy’s desperate looks/protests were A Lot in this scene. He really can’t fathom losing Clarke again. His and Clarke’s tragic looks towards each other just really fucking hurt - they’ve been here before. And last time, they didn’t see each other for six years. 

“Keep Madi safe. Promise me.” “I promise.”

GOD. CLARKE LITERALLY JUST GAVE HIM FUCKING CUSTODY OF HER CHILD UMMMMM HOW ONE DOES FUNCTION??? She trusts him so much i’mma cry. Also, his called out promise. He sounds so wrecked, but he needs her to know that he will keep Madi safe, needs her to have that comfort, just in case he never sees her again. Don’t Touch Me.

“Did he hurt you?” Protective!Zeke is always a plus but I’d be lying if I said that this scene didn’t immediately remind me of Bellamy asking Clarke the same damn question in 1x10. God, these unintentional Blarke parallels are really coming for my life huh

“Have you ever loved someone so much that no matter what they do to you, or themselves, you take it?” “Mom or dad?” “Mom. Drank herself to death.” I loved that Raven has finally found someone she can open up to. Feels Good, feels Organic. But also this scene came for my LIFE it was so angsty and so good. Raven breaking down absolutely ENDED me (and Zeke comforting her ... someone call 911). I really loved how they made the parallel between Raven’s mom and Abby - it just made the previous scene all the more devastating. So often it feels like the writers on this show forget about these characters backstory and I’m so happy to get these little callbacks every once in awhile.

“The answer is yes.” The fact that Raven and Zeke have this new unexpected thing to relate about is A Lot. I felt this scene deep in my bones. 

Plot twist: Abby dies because she is eaten by Vincent, and her withdrawal symptoms are just a red herring to keep us on our feet. ;)

“So much for The 100.” Hello, favourite line of this episode. Y’all have no idea (NO IDEA) how much it means to me to hear a reference to the heart of this show again, especially from Bellamy. He hasn’t forgotten, but it appears that Miller has. Wow. I felt that one.

“I can’t let you kill Clarke, O.” NO YOU CANNOT

“Here we go again. Pleading for the life of a traitor ... who you love.” DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS LINE HONESTLY Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW WHY IT ENDED ME

BELLAMY’S FUCKING FACE JOURNEY HOLY SHIT. THEY FOCUS ON HIS FACE FOR SO LONG AND YOU CAN JUST SEE - YOU CAN SEE - HIS INTERNAL STRUGGLE. GOD.

I totally overlooked this the first time I watched it but I love how Bellamy tells Octavia that HE made a deal with Diyoza. Clarke has already been sentenced to death and still, he’s protecting her. He won’t let Clarke get hurt for the deal she made - instead, he takes the blame. I just love him a lot fam.

Bob and Marie’s acting in that final scene was SO FREAKING GOOD. Both of them killed it. It was so devastating. 

“My sister, my responsibility.” While I was predicting before that this line would happen if Bellamy had to kill Octavia, the fact that it came back in the same context (with Bellamy having to protect others from Octavia, rather than the other way around) was so perfect. I love when writers take old lines and give them new meanings and that’s exactly what they did with Bellamy’s old mantra. It was so powerful.

AND HE DID IT ALL FOR CLARKE. HE CHOSE FUCKING CLARKE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY???

So. 

That was a wild ride.

Hope you enjoyed reading my take on 5x08 and my favourite parts! Looking forward to the next episode in a few days. See ya then! 

[letmewritefreely]

By Your Side: Part 3

Demetri Stevens had spent the last few years of her life in the skybox for a crime she didn’t commit. One morning she woke up to a huge commotion in her cell block and before she knew it, she was on a dropship. She was sent from the Ark, a space station that had spent the last 97 years in space, down to Earth to see if it is inhabitable with 99 other prisoners. Once on Earth she reconnects with her old best friend, makes new friends, steps on some toes, and helps the 100 survive as they have returned to what was their home once before. With each test and trial; things change, people change, and feelings change. This is a new start for the 100, will Demetri allow it to be a new start for her as well? Or will ghosts of her past keep her stuck, well, in the past?

A The 100 fanfic written by letmewritefreely Bellamy Blake x OC: Demetri Stevens warnings: based off the tv series; gore, mentions or implications of sexual content, angst, fluff, violence, death, gets darker as the series continues. A/N: Here’s part 2! feedback, any feedback, is good feedback! Let me know your thoughts!

Parts: Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

By the next evening not much has changed, work on the wall around camp continued and those not working on the wall gathered supplies or worked to re-enforce the tents. Monty had refused to leave Jasper’s side, opting to work on re-establishing communications right next to his best friend. Leaving Demetri to meander around camp. When she wasn’t helping Clarke with Jasper or organizing the dropship she was helping outside building the tents and shelters for 100. Jasper had been moaning and panting since they found him at the tree, he would have barely caught his breath every time the girls took turns giving him sips of water trying to keep him hydrated. While it wasn’t a pleasant sound, it at least meant he was alive and while Demetri would rather be somewhere quiet she stayed close to him.

“I’m going to get some fresh water. Demi, you good to stay here?” Clarke asked, knowing Demetri had been in the dropship with Jasper since late that afternoon.

“Yea, go ahead. I’ll stay with him.” Demetri kept sketching in her notebook, working to recreate the wonders she had seen the day before. Clarke quietly took their canteens and the larger container they kept near Jasper to keep his wound clean and she left the dropship.

“Your sketches are really good.” Monty pulled her attention to him.

“Thanks Monty, I like to record what I see.” Demetri’s pencil stopped, “Plus it’s something I do to clear my head.”

“Do you have more?” Demetri nodded, “Do you mind if I see them?” Monty got shy at his request.

“Sure, just a sec.” Demetri dug around in her backpack for an older notebook, which was full of sketches of things from the Ark and people. Monty started flipping through the pages, eyes wide with wonder.

“Demetri, these are amazing. They’re so detailed and realistic.” She blushed at the compliment. “What have you drawn since we’ve been down here?”

“Mostly the scenery. This is a waterfall we passed by getting Jasper.” She turned a few pages back and showed Monty that picture. “And this is the leopard that Blake shot. Oh! And the mutant deer we saw!” She got a little excited to show him. “And the one before that is a sketch I drew our first night out in the woods.”

“I’m at a loss for words.” Monty handed the notebook back with a wide smile and Demetri stashed it amongst her other ones.

“Thanks Monty,” Demetri gave him a shy smile, “but it’s a useless talent. Being about to draw is nothing compared to being able to hunt or understand engineering.” She motioned towards what Monty was working on.

“A talent is still a talent, the world would be a little more shitty if you didn’t have such an amazing one. My night would be shittier if you hadn’t shared those with me.” Monty assured her. “Thank you for enriching my night.” Demetri tried to hide her grin.

A loud moan from Jasper pulled both of their gazes to the boy before them, a worried look exchanged between the two.

“And Clarke has a talent for helping people, she’ll help Jasper.” Demetri nodded as she picked up a rag and dabbed at his forehead. “He’s strong, he’ll make it.” Monty nodded the worry clear in his forehead wrinkles, Demetri really hoped her words would ring true. When Clarke returned she wiped the sweat from Jasper’s upper body and cleaned the wound again.

“Demi, get some sleep. Monty you too. I’ll stay up with Jasper.”

Demetri nodded, knowing in a situation like this letting Clarke have her way would save everyone a lot of trouble. She stood and patted Monty’s head, before she gave Clarke’s shoulder a squeeze and left the dropship to sleep in the tent she had finished putting up earlier that day.

---

A few days passed, everyone was given a job to complete daily and they soon fell into a routine. Most of the focus was on getting a nice collection of food and working on completing the wall, which was almost done by now. There were still some people working on putting up tents, it took a while to get enough up for everyone. Most people paired up, allowing Clarke and Demetri to become roommates again, just like when they were kids. Most of Demetri’s time was split between helping with the wall and helping Clarke take care of Jasper and any other small injuries. She had to admit that helping Clarke care for the rest of the 100 as they got hurt allowed her medical knowledge to grow. She watched longingly as every afternoon the hunting group would go out in search of food for the next day or two. Bellamy and Clarke agreed that they needed to try to start up a steady food supply. On top of the nuts and berries gathered in the surrounding woods.

Demetri started to notice just how often pairs would disappear and reappear looking less put together than when they had left. She never said anything because it was never her business but when she was trying to find Octavia one afternoon and watched a half dressed girl about Clarke’s age dash out of Bellamy’s tent she almost lost her lunch. Bellamy left his tent, shirt in his hands, moments later to see the Demetri frozen outside and he felt sick to his stomach too. Demetri mumbled some lame excuse and bolted when Bellamy tried to explain himself. She couldn’t look him in the face for the rest of the day. The images of the two together plagued Demetri’s mind and it shouldn’t have bothered her but it did, it bothered her immensely. She kept herself busy in hopes of forgetting the implications of what she saw. The next few nights she laid awake on the cot opposite of Clarke wishing she had remained ignorant to girls who passed through Bellamy’s tent.

The third morning after getting back came and the day began, Jasper was still moaning in pain.  Even with her eyes barely open, Demetri could feel how it was affecting the camp. A nervous energy was buzzing through camp. People were getting antsy, they’d glance at the dropship every time Jasper made a noise. She woke herself up before ascending to where Clarke was still taking care of him.

“Clarke, we’ve got to do something. Anything to help him or quiet him down. If we don’t the camp might take the matter into their own hands.” Demetri moved to Jasper’s side, the back of her hand pressing against his clammy forehead.

Clarke pulled the cloth away and poked around the wound as Demetri moved to hold one of Jasper’s hands. She bit her lip nervously as Jasper panted from the contact and tried to weakly twist away from Clarke.

“I can do something but I’ll need all of your help.” She looked in turn to Demetri, Finn, and Wells who had just crawled up the ladder. “Hold him down and keep him still.”

They watched Clarke take a small knife and place it in some still burning coals left over from a small fire. Wells moved first to hold down Jaspers’ legs, Finn held down his upper body, and Demetri and Monty each took an arm.

“I’m not gonna like this am I?” Monty gulped.

“No, you’re not.” Demetri confirmed, and patted his arm before moving back to hold Jasper down.

Clark removed the knife from the coals, the tip just slightly glowing. She looked at everyone in turn before nodding and steeling her own nerves.

“I need to cut away the infected flesh.” Clarke took a deep breath before leaning over Jasper. “This won’t be fun.”

The moment the knife touched Jasper’s chest his moaning increased tenfold. He started thrashing around and he was so loud that Octavia flew into the dropship and up the ladder moments after Clarke started. She looked panicked and scared as she saw them all around Jasper as Clarke cut into his chest.

“You’re gonna kill him! Stop!” Octavia was on the verge of tears.

“She’s trying to save his life!” Finn retorted, glancing up at Octavia as Clarke sucked in a sharp breath.

Clarke froze when tears ran down Jasper’s eyes and he passed out from the pain. She quickly cut away the rest of the infected skin around the wound before she pressed a damp rag over it and tried to clean up the wound again.

“It’s not worth it.” Bellamy’s voice broke the sudden silence, everyone turned to watch him finish ascending the ladder.

“We didn’t bring him back just to let him die.” Finn piped up from his place watching Bellamy walk further into the room

“He’s not gonna make it. If you think he is, you’re deluded.” Bellamy found Demetri bent over Jasper across from him with a stern look of disapproval meeting him.

Clarke turned on Bellamy and glared at him. She handed the rag over to Monty who held it against Jasper’s chest as she moved. She faced him and took a few steps forward, stopping just before him.

“Sorry Jasper is an inconvenience to you, but this isn’t the Ark. Every life matters Bellamy.”

“He’s been like this for three days Clarke, he hasn’t gotten better yet.” Bellamy didn’t like having to be the one to point this out, he didn’t want the kid to die.

“She knows what she’s doing Blake.” Demetri spat.

“Even so, he’s driving the camp crazy.” Bellamy turned to Demetri and watched the way she glared at him. “If he’s not better by tomorrow evening, I’ll kill him myself.”

“You’ll have to go through me then.” Demetri stood and moved in front of Jasper and the others. “We don’t have the numbers nor the resources to be letting our people die when we can help them.”

Bellamy didn’t say anything, the glare he turned back onto Demetri was seen by everyone in the room. He didn’t want to fight with her which was tough because she was stubborn as hell. After one last hard look at the girl before him he moved back to the ladder.

“I’m staying here Bell, I’m helping Clarke.” Octavia spoke before Bellamy even had a chance to speak.

He spared his sister a look, but left without a word. The only sound was his feet hitting each rung of the ladder.

“Power-hungry, self-serving jackass.” Monty spat after a moment, “He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” Monty glanced at Octavia, “No offense.”

“That’s right Monty, but he happens to be right.” Finn sighed, earning himself a few glares.

---

A few hours later Jasper was still knocked out and he’s sleeping a little bit peacefully. Clarke ran into the dropship saying they knew how to help Jasper and to not leave his side till they get back. Then she took off with Finn and Wells. Octavia and Demetri took turns getting clean water and cleaning around the wound on Jasper’s chest. Monty worked diligently while occasionally taking breaks to check on Jasper. With Jasper having quieted down the camp was more at ease. Octavia and Demetri were at ease too, until Bellamy joined them.

“Sweetheart, come with me.” He stopped when his head poked through the hatch.

“That is not my name Blake.” Demetri’s eye twitched at the tone he used.

“Go, whatever it is, it’ll keep him occupied. Please.” Octavia grabbed Demetri’s hand. “I’ll take care of Jasper, we won’t leave him alone.” Monty nodded along.

“I’m waiting Sweetheart.” Bellamy called from the lower level.

“Octavia, I’ll need strength, so I don’t kill your brother.” Octavia sent Demetri a small smile before shoving her towards the ladder.

“What do you want Blake?”

“We’re going hunting for tonight’s dinner and I want you to come along, you can be useful.” Demetri eyed Bellamy warily. “Take this as payback for dragging me along on that rescue mission.”

“You won the support of the majority of the camp, I don’t owe you anything.” Demetri’s breath hitched when Bellamy was suddenly right in front of her, his entire being bearing down on her.

“We could use your brain, let’s go.” Bellamy left no room for argument.

Bellamy tugged Demetri behind him by the sleeve of her jacket. As he gathered the hunting group he asked Murphy to stay back and watch the camp. Bellamy pulled a knife made from the dropship from his jacket and handed it Demetri, she noticed it was different than the one he used the night he removed her bracelet. Again before she could open her mouth she was hauled behind him as they went off as a group into the woods to the east to look for dinner.

It didn’t take long before one of the scouts spotted a wild boar. The group quickly fell into a formation to drive the boar towards two people waiting ahead to kill it, an idea Demetri helped come up with. They were close, the boar was within their grasp just a few meters from the waiting hunters, when a loud horn-like sound echoed through the forest. Then the boar disappeared, as if it were never there. The two guys waiting further up started screaming in agony.

“Atom? James?” Bellamy took a few steps forward, ready to run up to help.

“RUN!” That one word, so scared and animalistic, lit a fire in everyone else and they scrambled to get away from an unknown assailant.

Moments later a light greenish-yellow fog started twisting and swirling towards them, swallowing the forest as it went. Bellamy grabbed Demetri’s hand and pulled her along behind him, bee-lining for the caves they passed on the way.

“The caves! Go for the caves!” He yelled to the rest of the hunting party as they took off.

Demetri was struggling to keep up with Bellamy’s long strides and would have gone down if he hadn’t been so forcefully pulling her along behind him. They made it to one of the caves just as the fog starts to wrap itself around Demetri’s ankle. Her whimpers make Bellamy practically throw her into the cave deeper. She collapsed onto the cold cave ground that was covered in moss and she quickly removed her boot and sock and pulled up her pant leg. There was a slight burn around the bit of exposed skin, it was red and itchy but Demetri knew she shouldn’t touch it.

“My bag.” She panted, the pain from the burn more than she could comprehend in the moment.

“Here!” Bellamy unzipped her bag and sat it in front of her, millions of thoughts ran through his mind.

Demetri pulled out the little canteen she had fashioned out of some tarp and some hardware and slowly poured its contents over her ankle. The liquid immediately soothed the pain making Demetri extremely thankful she could think clearly in such a panicked state of mind.

“How’d you know to do that?” Bellamy watched her empty her entire canteen onto her ankle before she grabbed a handful of moss and pressed the cold plant on top of the burn.

“Did you pay attention to any of your classes?” Demetri laughed at the situation, the burn lessened as time passed.

“I went to enough to not fail.” Bellamy rolled his eyes, his attendance record a real disgrace.

“Me too, but I actually studied.” Demetri resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him.

“I had Octavia to take care of.”

“Fair enough Blake.” She took a few deep breaths as most of pain had subsided and she could move her ankle around. “Thanks Blake, for having my back out there.”

“I asked you to come along.” He looked guiltily down at her ankle.

“Forced, you forced me to come along.” She looked down at Bellamy kneeling before her and flicked him on the forehead. “If you drag me anywhere like that again I’ll kick your ass.”

“Fair enough, how does your ankle feel?” His small smile making her feel better.

“I can move it.” Demetri slowly stood up or rather attempted to.

“It can’t handle much weight.” Bellamy commented as Demetri almost went down onto her knees when her ankle gave out, his hands quickly stabilizing her.

“What’s an acid fog doing out here in the middle of nowhere?” Demetri changed topics as Bellamy lowered her back onto the ground, “Because this,” she pointed to her red and splotchy ankle, “is an acid burn.”

“You don’t think the grounders are capable of this are you?” He paused, “Do you have bandages?”

“Here.” Demetri dug a roll of gauze from her bag and handed it to Bellamy, “I don’t want to write it off as a possibility that they aren’t.”

Demetri’s train of thought derailed as she watched Bellamy slowly start wrapping her ankle, both to cover the burned area and to allow a bit of support for her. His hands were slow and steady, his full attention on the job before him. Bellamy thought nothing of it as he also carefully slid her sock on over the bandages and then followed with her boot. He was busy lacing up her boot so it wasn’t too tight when Demetri sighed. Bellamy looked up to find a sweet look on Demetri’s face as she rested her head on the palm of her hand.

“When you act like this I get really confused.” Demetri muttered.

Bellamy didn’t say anything as he finished lacing her boot. He walked over towards the mouth of the cave to see the fog still shrouding the outside world in a green cloud. He slowly trotted back into the main area of the cave to see Demetri digging around in her bag. She pulled out a flashlight and turned it on before setting it in the floor before her.

“We’ll probably be here for awhile so we might as well rest.” Bellamy settled beside Demetri with his back against the wall.

“I hope the others are okay.” Demetri nodded, but she didn’t lay down like Bellamy thought she would.

Instead she pulled out the sketchbook she’d been drawing in the night before and went back to work on perfecting the waterfall. It was harder than normal for her to get an image from her mind to paper because she only had a few moments to really look at the waterfall and it was driving her crazy, she’d already redrawn it three times. Bellamy had made himself comfortable and was just listening to the sounds around him when Demetri’s annoyed sigh made him open his eyes. He sat forward and peeked over her shoulder to see what she was doing. He couldn’t see what she had in her hands too well so he scooted himself forward enough to see.

Demetri didn’t even notice him because she was so focused on the drawing. Bellamy stopped when he was right beside her, his arms resting on his knees, and his chin resting on his upper arm as he stared between her and the notebook in her hand. If Demetri had looked up she’d see a look on Bellamy’s face she hadn’t seen since her dad was around, a look of pure adoration.

“Did you draw a lot on the Ark?” Bellamy asked quietly, fearing he’d break the tranquil atmosphere if he spoke too loud.

“As often as I could.” Demetri’s reply was just as quiet.

“What do you mainly draw?”

“Everything.” Demetri’s paused to look up at Bellamy, noticing for the first time just how close he was, his freckles visible even in the dim light. “This notebook is full of drawings from the last few years in the skybox.” She handed him a worn, simple brown notebook. She quickly looked away from him and back to the notebook in her hands.

Bellamy flipped through the pages slowly. Images of what he assumed her cell looked like, the view she had, the various cell mates she had had, the design of the cell block were all so realistic. There were incredibly detailed drawings of things she had owned, books and trinkets, people around her, even a sketch of a sketch. It was amazing but Bellamy really wanted to see what she was working on now.

“Can I see what’s in that notebook?”

Without a second thought Demetri handed it over, taking the old one and putting it away. She wiggled around to get into a more comfortable position when a thought passed through her mind. Bellamy was still idly looking at each page, at each drawing. Demetri quickly went to reach for it to take it back but Bellamy pulled it out of her reach.

“I’m not done looking.” He tutted at her.

“Blake, c’mon give it back.”

“Oh, was this what you didn’t want me to see?” Bellamy flipped the notebook around for Demetri to see a pair of sketches of Monty and Jasper. “They’d be honored to know you drew them so well.” He deflated, but kept flipping.

Demetri giggled at Bellamy’s reaction to the portraits. She didn’t say anything even though she started to feel anxious as he got closer and closer to a specific sketch, she let him keep looking. A few pages later Bellamy’s uninterested gaze froze, his entire body jerked forward.

“You drew me too?” His voice was quieter than before. He took in the lines and curves of his face reflected in the drawing, the soft smile lines and the freckles she drew.

“I draw what I see.” Demetri became instantly thankful the flashlight casted a yellow hue onto everything because she hoped it masked her insane blush. “I see you everyday, of course I’d draw you eventually.” She tried to act nonchalant as she tore the notebook from his hands and shoved it back into her backpack. “I’m gonna take a nap.”

Demetri rolled till she was facing away from Bellamy and used her backpack as a pillow. She zipped up her jacket and crossed her arms over her chest and she curled in on herself. It was quiet for a while, she wasn’t sure if Bellamy had moved. Demetri just started to untense her body when Bellamy once again broke the silence.

“What’s with you and Wells?” Bellamy questioned as he turned to look over at her.

“You really do ask a lot of questions.” Demetri rolled over to face him.

“How will I ever learn if I don’t ask?” He inquired, amused by the glare he received. “But I’m serious, he’s in love with Clarke and Clarke is your best friend, surely the two of you would be at least nice to each other.”

“Wells has only ever cared about Clarke, ever since I first noticed he had liked her. I’m older than Clarke and we’ve always been super close. He told me once that I was too close to her and as long as I was in the picture she’d never see him. He’s always tried to drive us apart so I don’t care for him.” Demetri found if she answered Bellamy’s questions he’d leave her alone quicker. “He’s disliked me on this whole new level ever since my last birthday before I got arrested, I’m sure he threw a party the day I got locked up.” Demetri grumbled, rolling on her back and staring up at the ceiling of the cave.

“What happened?” Bellamy turned to lay on his side as he listened to her.

“You know I draw.” Bellamy nodded. “I’d used up most of the pencils I had and had been telling Clarke about it. I only had a few color pencils left before I was completely out. She had told Wells she was trying to get her hands on at least one and because Clarke wanted it, Wells made it happen. He lost his mind when he came over a few days after my birthday to see me using the two color pencils he’d gotten for Clarke. He snatched them away and yelled at me for using the gift he got for Clarke before she told him the whole reason she had wanted them was for me. From that day on, Wells didn’t see me anymore. He acted as if I had forced it all to happen, as if I had made Clarke use him to get two measly color pencils.” Demetri shrugged from her position. “Frankly, I didn’t care much. I only got angry when I came back one day to see them both broken in half on my desk. Wells pretended to be shocked and confused but I saw the smirk he had when he was behind Clarke, who apologized profusely. He’s a total dick.” Demetri rolled her eyes.

“Breaking them was pretty petty.” Bellamy agreed, watching Demetri glance at him.

“But it’s in the past, if he ever apologized for being a massive asshole we could move forward, but he hasn’t so I couldn’t care less for him.” Demetri let out a deep breath before she closed her eyes, hoping Bellamy’s questions had ended. The silence only lasted a few minutes.

“Are you cold?” His voice was quiet and smooth, it was soothing.

“A little.” She replied honestly. “There’s nothing separating us from the cold ground.”

“Can I help?”

Demetri slowly rolled over to face him.

“How would you do that?”

Demetri blinked and Bellamy was right in front of her. He pulled her head forward to rest on his arm and then he scooted their bodies closer. He pulled a piece of tarp from his bag over them and held her flush against his body. Their body heat warming the air under the tarp quickly.

“Is that better?” Bellamy looked down at Demetri to see how she reacted to him, to see how she reacted to being this close to him.

“Y-yea, it is.” Her quiet voice was loud in his ears, she looked everywhere but at him as the blush from earlier returned.

Bellamy was sure Demetri could feel his heart beating out of his chest and if she did, she didn’t say anything. Bellamy slowly tucked the edges of the tarp around them. As Bellamy settled, he finally relaxed when he heard the steady breathing beside him, which caused him to melt a little bit. He looked down at Demetri curled into his chest and he felt like his heart had stopped. He wished he could stay there, relishing in the moment forever. However, no matter how much he wanted to stay up and bask in the moment, the exhaustion from the day’s work and running for their lives earlier won and he drifted to sleep as well.

---

The distant yelling of her name woke Demetri from her cozy and warm slumber. She twisted around to see she was still in Bellamy’s arms and pressed tightly against his chest. Her face felt like the fire pit back at camp as she wiggled free and moved to the mouth of the cave after being careful to not wake Bellamy yet. When she noticed the clear air and the sunlight peeking through the canopy above she rushed to wake Bellamy.

“Blake, come on. The fog’s gone and we need to check on everyone.” Demetri pulled the tarp from him and started folding it up.

“How long were we asleep?” His voice deeper and scratchier than normal.

“It’s bright outside, so either a few hours or through the night.” Demetri handed him the folded tarp and he stashed it in his backpack, then he stretched before nodding towards the cave entrance.

“Let’s go then.” Demetri followed behind him, hoping the blush was gone by the time they left the cave.

Neither of them would admit it, but that was the best either of them had slept since they landed on earth. Demetri had lied awake the last few nights until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore only to wake up a few hours later when the sun rose. Bellamy just didn’t sleep well down here, there was too much unknown for him to relax enough to sleep.

They worked to retrace their steps and met up with a few of  the others from the hunting group. When Bellamy heard that neither James or Atom had found them, the group set off to find their missing members. Demetri and Bellamy went back towards where the group was together last as the others searched the caves close by.

“I hope they’re okay.” Demetri mumbled, stepping lightly as she looked everywhere for a sign the guys had been there.

“They are.” Bellamy sounded too confident.

Demetri looked over at him, the lines in his forehead a dead giveaway. She stopped and faced him, stopping Bellamy in his tracks. Wordlessly she reached out and grabbed his hand, hoping it was comforting. Bellamy looked down at her smaller hand gripping his larger hand and couldn’t stop the grin she elicited with the small gesture.

However the moment is short lived because a quite gasp draws their attention away from each other and towards the burned and immobile Atom laying beside a tree a few feet away. The pair rushed to him, falling to their knees on either side of him. Demetri’s hands hovered above Atom afraid to touch him as her sight blurred.

“Bell,” Atom gasped, his burned eyes looking around slowly, tears leaking from his eyes. “Kill me.” He begged.

“Atom.” Bellamy whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Bellamy didn’t move. He sat back on his legs and just stared at the state Atom was in. His body was covered in blisters and rashes, he wasn’t sure Atom could even see with how destroyed his retinas were, and his lungs were probably burnt to crisps. Atom laid there, staring up at the sky, repeatedly asking Bellamy to kill him with tears in his eyes but Bellamy just stared at him.

“Atom,” Demetri’s voice was thick with unshed tears. “I’ll help.” She wiped his tears and started to hum a quiet lullaby as she comforted Atom for a few moments, letting the melody surround him. “Rest now, may we meet again.” Demetri continued to hum as she shoved the knife Bellamy had given to her the day before into the side of Atom’s neck. He took one last breath before his body stilled.

“How did you do that?” Bellamy asked. “How did you manage to do it?”

“It was better than him suffering, Clarke couldn’t have helped him.” Demetri rose to stand and wiped the few tears that fell from her eyes.

Branches snapped to the right of the pair and Demetri’s attention snapped there to see a young girl staring openly shocked at them. Demetri took a step forward the girl when she stepped on a twig herself, the snap shocked the girl back to the present. She bolted before Demetri could say anything. Whatever that was worried her, but she moved to help Bellamy lift Atom onto the tarp they’d used as a blanket earlier and they dragged him back to camp. The pair met back up with the rest of the party, James included, a few hundred feet from camp. Demetri quickly filled them in on what happened with Atom and suggested to always go out in pairs from now on. Two guys took over dragging Atom’s body back to camp allowing Demetri and Bellamy to follow the group the rest of the way back.

“O’s gonna lose her mind.” Bellamy muttered, a hand running over his face.

“There was nothing we could do.” Demetri tried to ease his worry.

“I know but they--”

“They liked each other and you tried to keep them apart.” Demetri stated, turning slightly towards Bellamy as they walked. “I’ll be honest, Octavia has told me a lot. She’s very upset with you for being so overprotective.” Bellamy gawked at her.

“I--”

“Far as I’m concerned, I have a small piece of advice. The tighter you hold onto her, the more she’s going to fight you.” Demetri placed her hand on his shoulder as she looked up at him. “She’s going to be pissed and hurt, let her deal with this in her own way.”

They made it to the outskirts of camp at the same time Clarke, Finn, and Wells returned. The tension around the trio was thicker than the fog from the night before. Clare saw Demetri before Demetri saw her and ran straight to her, pulling her away from Bellamy and towards the dropship telling her about everything that had transpired. Demetri saw Octavia as she was being drug away and pulled away from Clarke to stop Octavia from running towards Bellamy and ultimately, Atom.

“Octavia, just know it was the only choice.” Demetri hugged Octavia tightly before giving her a sad look.

Octavia flew to Bellamy and looked him over before seeing the body behind him. She fell to her knees when she realized everyone was accounted for except Atom. After checking to confirm her suspicions she fought back the tears as she stood and moved towards the dropship.

“Get Clarke whatever she needs.” Bellamy’s voice was loud and clear. “And get him taken care of, please.”

In less than ten minutes, a cup of tea made from the seaweed the other group had collected was finished and Clarke slowly poured the tea into Jasper’s mouth. He managed to get half the cup down when Monty and Octavia confessed that Murphy had tried to storm the top level and kill Jasper while everyone else was out. Clarke had nothing to say as she continued to care for Murphy but Demetri did. Demetri climbed down the ladder and found Murphy being shoved away from Bellamy. She took a deep breath to prevent herself from killing the guy and stormed up to him.

“Listen to me Murphy, if you ever touch any of my friends or try to hurt them in any way from this point on, the next time I punch you in the face I will break your fucking jaw. Do you understand?”

Murphy just stared down at Demetri, a blank stare was all Demetri received. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and jerked him down to be eye level with her. Which would have been an amusing sight had there not been a darker reason behind the situation.

“Do you understand me John?” Her eyes flitted between his, trying to read him. “Every life matters down here, including Jaspers; including yours. Make it fucking count.” Demetri shoved him away from her, watching Murphy stumble before he righted himself.

He watched silently as Demetri marched back towards the dropship. He turned towards Bellamy and thought about what just transpired. Murphy didn’t hate anyone around him except for Wells and that was because of what Jaha had done. Yet Murphy felt this heat start to simmer in his chest every time he talked to Demetri now, even though she practically saved his life once before, this weirdly intense feeling started to get stronger after each interaction. Murphy turned his attention to Bellamy who watched after Demetri with a strange look on his face. Murphy had seen the same look on Bellamy’s face a few times now, so he knew at the very least that Bellamy felt something for Demetri. Information he was planning to use later on.

As it got dark outside those by Jasper’s side were getting nervous, he hadn’t moved or made much noise since the seaweed tea. Monty was sitting beside Demetri filling her in on what she had missed, Clarke was working on another batch of tea, and Octavia sat beside Jasper reminding him that he had to pull through and that she’d be angry with him if he died. Jasper sputtered a few moments later and made a joke to announce that he was back with the living. A sigh of relief escaped the room as they all rushed to his side, the questions about him flying before Jasper coughed and silenced them all.

“So did I get speared in the chest or was that a dream?”

“It happened and you’re a total badass for surviving it.” Demetri patted his knee in an attempt to hold back her tears.

“Thank you for not dying.” Octavia pressed a light kiss to Jasper’s forehead, “I don’t think I could have taken it if you did.”

“I second that.” Clarke grabbed the cup from the table on the side and held it to Jasper’s lips, “Drink a bit more so the medicine is in your system for the night.”

With Jasper out of harm’s way the camp was in better spirits that night, especially since there was a plant that offered medicinal help now. Demetri walked around camp, relishing in the calm after the long and eventful day when she found herself walking by Bellamy’s tent again. This time coming face-to-face with a different girl as she leaves his tent pulling her shirt back on, she missed the annoyed look on the girl’s face. Demetri didn’t hang around as she scurried off to her tent, so distracted she didn’t notice the figure in the tree watching the camp. The camp is much calmer and quieter as Demetri climbed onto her pallet and hid under her blankets in an attempt to run away from the mixed emotions and thoughts overtaking her at the moment. Eventually she falls victim to a restless sleep, missing the deep sleep she had gotten in the cave.

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The 100 5x11 "The Dark Year" Review

Episode 11 picks up where Episode 10 left off, shortly after Clarke’s found her mother unconscious from an overdose. With Madi’s help, she pumps Abby’s stomach and gets her conscious again, but Abby is ashamed of her state, much as she was after coming out of the City of Light in Season 3. At Abby’s recommendation, Clarke ties Abby down and administers an opioid blocker to put her into detox quickly. As Abby fades in and out of consciousness, we see her flash back to two years after Praimfaya, the beginning of the ominously-named Dark Year.

Everything in the flashbacks is filmed with a shorter focal length than normal, with lots of camera tilts, giving everything an unsteady, upsetting feeling. A fungus has destroyed the soybean crop, meaning they have no source of protein. Cooper was able to salvage some seeds, but it’ll take a year before they can eat from them again. And if they don’t get 10% of their calories from protein, Abby says, they’ll starve.

Abby immediately knows that they need to eat the executed criminals, suggesting it so quickly that it seems she must have thought ahead to this possibility. It’s ironic that Abby used the horror of cannibalism to convince the Sky People to let the grounders back into the main part of the bunker during "Red Queen" (remember, she painted a pretty horrific picture for Cooper about how as the people starved, they’d turn to cannibalism) only to have to encourage cannibalism less than two years later.

A group of people sit in the bunker, palm-sized cubes of a red, gelatinous substance before them on each of their lunch trays. Octavia takes the first bite, encouraging the rest to do the same, but Kane stands up and tells them that it’s their choice. Several people get up and leave along with Kane. But Abby later tells Octavia that she can’t allow them to abstain from eating; if they do, they’ll starve to death, but their muscles will atrophy and there won’t be enough meat on them to eat. She doesn’t even want Octavia to make an exception for Kane, because she knows that he’s the key.

At the next meal, Octavia confronts those who refuse to eat, ultimately shooting and killing several, before Kane breaks and takes a bite, which leads the rest of the people to. Octavia and Abby knew that Kane wouldn’t break if Octavia threatened to kill him, but he would do it to save other people’s lives.

As Abby detoxes, she becomes cruel, struggling against the restraints that she had Clarke put on her. Much like when Raven was possessed by ALIE, Abby tears into Clarke for being the one who decides who lives and who dies and tries to convince Madi to stop Clarke from continuing the detox. Once she gets through the worst of it, and out of her Dark Year flashbacks, however, Abby confides in her daughter what she had been responsible for and why she became addicted to the pain medication.

The detox works, and Abby is able to resume her work curing the miners. Madi is less than thrilled that they’re helping McCreary, and tries to sneak up and stab him while he’s on the examination table. Clarke sees the knife and heads her off, but Madi can’t understand why Clarke is siding with McCreary over Octavia. “She bore it so they didn’t have to,” she says, echoing Dante Wallace’s and Clarke’s words from the past. We never saw Clarke say the phrase to Lexa, so the few hours the Flame was in Clarke’s head must have been enough for it to record her memories as well as those of the past commanders. But Octavia didn’t bear anything for her people; clearly Wonkru is still traumatized. “We’re on the wrong side of this war,” Madi claims, but Clarke says, “But you get to live.” Madi echoes Abby’s words, asking how they can live with themselves.

Most of Spacekru, Kane, and Zeke are all hiding out in a cave with Diyoza and her people. As they try to set up a radio so they can contact Bellamy, they realize that McCreary’s men are mobilizing at the entry points to the valley, which means Wonkru must be marching. Echo manages to get in touch with Bellamy, both of them speaking Trig in case McCreary’s men intercept it. Bellamy points out that if Clarke is with McCreary, she could translate, and Echo says that she’ll “deal with Clarke later.”

(Girl, if Bellamy was willing to poison his own sister to keep her safe, I highly doubt he’s gonna let you “deal” with her. But at Conageddon, Tasya Teles teased that there would be a big action sequence between Clarke and Echo.) Echo takes charge and leads Raven, Murphy, and Emori out to scout for ways for the Wonkru army to get into the valley and defeat McCreary. Kane wants to come, but Echo refuses, saying he has to earn her trust. (Funny, since she hasn’t really earned anyone else’s.)

As the four Spacekru members crouch in the snow at the top of a pass, watching Eligius building gunner positions, Murphy spots a box of guns and ammunition. “They can’t shoot us with what they don’t have,” he points out, so they creep over to steal them. But they get caught and surrounded. Just as they think they’re about to die, Zeke bursts out of the underbrush and offers a trade: himself for their lives. The Eligius men decide to take him and still kill the others, but as they grab Zeke, he surprises them with his hand-to-hand fighting skills and kills them all. He tries to talk to Raven, but she’s furious and storms off.

It’s possible that him offering to surrender himself reminded her of Finn’s surrendering to the grounders and subsequent death, and Raven avoids Zeke because she’s realizing her feelings for him. After they report their findings to Diyoza, she realizes she dropped her notebook when they were fleeing — a notebook that had plans for every possibility she could think of. And we all know how brilliant she is. She does manage to think of one plan, but we don’t get to hear it yet…

When Octavia’s army first starts their march, Bellamy and Indra warn her that she’s leading them into a trap, because McCreary knows they’re coming, but she doesn’t care. When they later get the plan from Echo, Octavia seems grateful to Echo for once, and tries to reconnect with her brother (who has just ignored a proffered hand from Miller). Bellamy tells Octavia that his terms for helping her are that they accept Eligius’ surrender; no executions, no fighting pits, and that they live in peace.

Octavia agrees, upset that he doesn’t think that’s what she wants, and says that they’re back to how they’re meant to be: fighting side by side. But Bellamy has had enough and tells her, “I’m not fighting for you. I’m fighting to get back to my family.” He leaves as tears rise in Octavia’s eyes, and she angrily tells Indra that once they’re in the valley, everything they’ve had to do will be worth it. “I hope you’re right,” Indra responds.

Four days later, the night before the war, Diyoza’s people and Spacekru are all in their position in the woods, ready to put their plan in motion in just a few short hours. Zeke approaches Raven, asking why she’s mad at him for saving her life. She continues to ignore him, so he starts to walk away, only to be stopped by Raven grabbing his jacket and pulling him in for a kiss. “I’m not mad at you for saving my life, I’m mad at you for making me care about yours.”

They kiss again, and we see Echo watching in the background. Emori sits down next to her and slings an arm around her shoulders, assuring her that she and Bellamy will be together soon. But this doesn’t seem to make Echo feel any better; is she realizing that everything did change on the ground, despite Bellamy’s assurances otherwise? She goes over the plan one last time, and the shot of her map transitions into the map Bellamy is using to go over the plan with Octavia and her generals.

The night before the war, Bellamy sits alone by a fire, his hand on Echo’s sword sheath. He’s lost Octavia, he’s lost Clarke; Echo and Spacekru are all he has. Monty joins him, and they discuss the future. Once the war is won, Spacekru will take 80 acres separate from the others. “Grow something other than algae,” he teases Monty.

But of course, things aren’t going to go as planned. The last few episodes have set up a very similar plot to Mount Weather in Season 2, and right on schedule comes the betrayal. Kane and Diyoza come to McCreary to doublecross Octavia; Kane would rather have the monster win the valley than the devil.

Abby’s Addiction

Let me start this section by saying that I’ve been kind of uncomfortable with Abby’s storyline ever since her addiction was introduced. With this being my last episode to review and it being nearly the end of the season, I decided it was time to address it. My heart sank a little when we saw her take pain medication on-screen in 5x02, “Red Queen,” because more often than not, onscreen pain medication use leads to an addiction storyline. And in my opinion, these storylines contribute to the stigma surrounding pain medication, specifically opioids.

In this episode Diyoza says, “Opiates are a bitch. Back in the service, I lost more men to pills than war.” (Let me just say that when you’re in the kind of pain that tylenol and mindfulness won’t do a thing for, opioids are definitely not “a bitch.”) Yes, of course opioid addiction is a very real and serious thing that many people deal with. But as someone with chronic pain who has a prescription for codeine (an opioid) for as-needed pain relief, I know that the panic around the opioid epidemic has made it exponentially more difficult for people with chronic pain to get the pain relief they need.

Statistically, addiction is far more likely to happen with patients with acute (temporary) pain who get over-prescribed opioid pain medications than it is with chronic pain patients, which is one thing The 100 got right with Abby’s storyline. She did have some longer-term pain from being removed from the City of Light, as Raven did, and she started taking the pain meds then. But after she fixed the source of the headaches, she continued taking them. If they had done this with Raven (who still has chronic pain), I’d have been very upset.

But why does this matter, Michaela, you ask, it’s just a TV show. Well, let me talk about something happening in the US right now. Currently before Oregon Medicaid is a plan to force a taper to 0 mg of all opioid-receiving pain patients. If this plan goes through, every person with chronic pain in the state of Oregon will no longer have access to much-needed pain relief, with the replacement treatments being cognitive behavior therapy, acupuncture, mindfulness, pain acceptance, and treatment with non-opioid medications, such as Tylenol.

Now, if these things work for you, great! But opioids are generally only prescribed to chronic pain patients after exhausting many other possibilities. My old primary care physician refused to prescribe me a low dose of codeine (the most mild of the opioid pain medications) for times when my pain was high enough that I couldn’t stand it — and I (and most chronic pain patients) have a pretty high pain tolerance — even when no other options would help.

I’ll stop before I get on too much of a soapbox here, but basically: television has an impact on society, as I’m sure everyone in this fandom knows. And when every character who ever uses pain medication long-term on television is an addict (another notable example is Dr. House from House, MD), the general public, who don’t know any people with chronic pain, are going to associate long-term pain medication use with addiction, which only hurts pain patients further. While Paige Turco is absolutely doing an incredible acting job as Abby, I’m disappointed in The 100 for perpetuating this.

Something that could have made this storyline work is showing Abby’s point of view on it, but instead we only see her addiction through the eyes of other characters and how it affects them; Kane, Diyoza, and Raven, for example. This storyline feels like something pulled from a different show and not successfully woven in with this narrative, unlike the other addiction storylines we’ve seen (Jasper’s alcoholism and wanting to stay in the City of Light, and to an extent, Raven’s City of Light story). Because it’s not successfully done, Abby’s storyline only takes time away from other plots that are more central to the story.

There Are No Good Guys

Octavia continues to cry out “CHOOSE,” but consistently takes away her people’s choice. She asks for her advisors to give her another choice, but when there is one clearly available, she refuses to take it. As Clarke pointed out in Season 4, “only choice” is an oxymoron.

While it’s true that there wasn’t really another choice during the Dark Year when they needed a source of protein, she has certainly had other options since then, most notably that Wonkru could have survived in Polis once Monty got the hydrofarm running, with the long-term plan of using his algae to make the soil fertile again. But rather than giving her people the option to stay there and live in peace, or to surrender to Diyoza and live in the valley in peace, Octavia burned down the hydrofarm to force the war she’s been hankering for. Octavia keeps thinking about the next thing; “Once we get in the bunker, things will be better.” “Once I unite the clans, things will be better.” “Once we get through the Dark Year, things will be better.” “Once we get out of the bunker, things will be better.” “Once we get to the valley, things will be better.” It’s never-ceasing, and things never are better. If Wonkru wins the battle for the valley, there will just be another thing, and Octavia will continue doing more and more horrible things.

As Clarke said in the season premiere, “what happens to the Commander of Death when there is no one left to kill?” Clarke was able to wash away the pain of the past and start fresh (as much as one can after going through what she has), but I don’t see any realistic way that Octavia will be able to — all the huge moments that could have snapped her out of her tyrannical state have had no effect on her, and she has just dug herself further into the darkness.

Abby is doing this to an extent, too — in the promo for 5x12, “Damocles Pt 1,” we see her repeat, “First we survive, then we find our humanity again.” But what happens if you’ve gone too far? What a contrast it is from Season 1 when Marcus told her, “I choose at every turn and at every cost to make sure that the human race stays alive,” and Abby responded, “That’s the difference between us, Kane. I make sure we deserve to stay alive.”

That’s still the difference between them, though their roles have switched. Marcus knows that there are some lines you can’t uncross, and would rather die than lose his humanity and compromise his morals. But Abby wants to survive at any cost, and even encourages Octavia to do something unthinkable — execute those who won’t become cannibals — to keep Wonkru alive.

The show’s insistence that “there are no good guys” also conversely implies that there are no bad guys, which isn’t the case. Moral greyness has always been a The 100 specialty, but this season they’re trying to make it all equally grey, when in fact some things are still black and white. There are good people, and there are bad people, and there are people in between — none of them is innocent, to quote Maya Vie, and none of them is 100% evil. They all do have their reasons for what they’ve done, and while we’ve seen two flashbacks of how Octavia became Blodreina, this in no way excuses what she — or any of the characters — has done. As Jake Peralta would say, “Cool motive, still murder.”

Looks Like Meat’s Back on the Menu, Boys

A big question raised by "The Dark Year" is whether cannibalism is ever morally acceptable. For me, the answer is “possibly.” While I would never be okay with killing people just to eat them, if the people were already dead (from a non-transferrable cause) and I were starving, I would probably be okay with it — I’ve never attached all that much significance to a body once it’s dead.

But what Octavia did (at Abby’s advice) — killing anyone who refused to eat the human flesh before them — was objectively morally wrong, no matter how much the show tries to push the “there are no good/bad guys” theme. And forcing a fight to the death as punishment for crimes, and then EATING THE LOSERS is just awful. I mean, as harsh as the Ark was, they executed people humanely. I feel like there must have been better options for entertainment than actual gladiator fights — too bad they killed the guy with the guitar in the "Red Queen" flashback.

Before Season 5 premiered, the cast teased that there was a scene that made everyone on set sick, and I’m guessing that was the cannibalism flashback. Those weird jello cubes looked pretty gross, and with the association of them as human flesh… well, you can imagine. Also, what was with the perfect tuna-sashimi-looking cubes?! Like, if you have to eat people, at least try to make it not-gross. Cut it up and put it in the soup; make tacos out of it; ANYTHING but just a hunk of raw-looking grossness.

Human flesh would not be safe to eat raw, so they must have treated it in some way; my roommate suggested that it looks like it may have been ground it up and made it into a spam-like food. Mechanically-separated people, if you will. Yummy. “I’ll have a Big Gulp of highly-filtered urine and some Bunker Nuggets!” “Would you like Palm Frites or Ta-toe Tots with that? Any Man-na Cotta for dessert?” (You have my roommate to blame for that one.)

It’s possible that they intentionally dwelt on the meat as being human to keep from normalizing it, in contrast to Mount Weather hiding the grounders from sight and sanitizing the whole process, dissociating from what they were actually doing. After so long of using grounders to filter their blood, the residents of Mount Weather were mostly okay with it, whereas the people in the bunker are still horrified and traumatized five years later from the cannibalism.

And it’s a good thing that they didn’t normalize it — many fans think they might still be supplementing their rations with human flesh, but I don’t think they are, because it was always a necessary-but-horrific thing. And in Mount Weather, they allowed people with moral objections to abstain from the blood transfusions, but that came back to bite them because those same people helped the delinquents overthrow the mountain. I wonder if Abby had this in mind when she encouraged Octavia to enforce the cannibalism, breaking the people’s spirits and forcing unity.

An Echo in Space

Before Season 5 premiered, we were told many times by actors, writers, and other crew on The 100 that Echo would be much changed from where she was before the time jump, and that she would be an integral part of the self-titled Spacekru who we would love. But honestly, nearly every time Echo is on screen I find myself rolling my eyes.

The rest of Spacekru keep talking about how she proved herself during the six years they were in space, but really, those six years were more like stasis. There were no enemies to fight, no options for betrayal. They simply lived. But now that they’re back on the ground, with outside forces exerting pressure on their little family, Echo has been slipping back into her old ways, betraying Raven’s trust in Shaw, threatening to kill him despite Raven’s pleas, saying she’ll “deal with Clarke,” and all-around just...not being very likeable.

It’s no secret that I ship Bellarke, but my dislike of Echo barely even has anything to do with her relationship with Bellamy. Back at the end of Season 2, when she was introduced, I was intrigued and actually thought a relationship between her and Bellamy could be interesting. Her character has had so much potential, but keeps falling flat. Imagine if she had decided to stay behind when Lexa ordered the retreat from Mount Weather, because she believed that it was wrong, like Lincoln did.

I mean, if we even had a single flashback of her so-called “proving” herself in space, I could swallow it. When she decided to “defect” to Eligius and spy, and hid the flash drive in the other woman’s bullet wound, I was excited to see her actually be the spy she’s been described as, but again, she betrayed the one friend they had as well as Raven’s trust (side note: it’s been said multiple times that Echo and Raven are close, but I’ve seen no evidence of that). Echo continues to be just that; an echo, continuing old habits and rarely showing any dimension.

Zaven

The best moment of the episode was undoubtedly when Raven pulled Zeke (still not calling him Miles) over to herself for a kiss, after avoiding him for four days. She’d realized when he put his life in danger to save hers that she cared for him, and finally acted on her feelings. Many fans of Raven’s had been shipping the two ever since Jordan Bolger’s character was announced for Season 5 and described as “a self-professed adrenaline junkie brimming with brains, wit and bravado.”

It’s been nearly three seasons since Raven has had a love interest, and has had to go through some incredibly difficult things by herself. Of course, romantic love isn’t all that matters, but the girl deserves to kiss a cute boy every now and then. I’m going to be pretty upset if Zeke doesn’t survive the season, after everything they’ve put Raven through. He and Diyoza have been such a wonderful addition to the cast, especially as characters from closer to the present, and I sincerely hope to see both of them (and Diyoza’s baby) in Season 6!

Honorable mentions:

I loved the guy who said “Brother, it took me 10 minutes to find rewind.” MAKE HIM A MAIN IN SEASON 6.

More cannibal puns we didn’t have room for: Cadaviar, Spicy Vinda-Who?, Blood Sausage, Gingerbread Men, Steamed Muscles, Split We Soup, Toe-Furky, Manwich, Dead Velvet Cupcakes, Serf and Turf, Man-icotti, Chili Con Carnage

I’ve been excited to get a good look at Bellamy’s new outfit for quite a while, partly because I’m an artist and partly because he looks darn good in that armor.

I’m SO HERE for Bellamy deciding he’s had enough of Octavia’s treatment of him.

When Echo told Shaw “You can stay,” I actually laughed out loud. She’s not really in charge of that, and he and Raven have been pretty allied for a while now.

The 100 airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

Michaela’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝

[bellamyblake]

Bellarke+their story being a legend:

Kara Green is the first one to find something that was actually touched by Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin; she’s fifth generation Green, her great-great-great oh hell...whichever great it is grandpa was one of the original hundred who were sent to the ground; she doesn’t know too much about him, about any of them, and that frustrates her to no end because if there was something she thoroughly enjoyed, it was history;

so when she accidentally finds a book of drawings in a very old unused bunker, she’s fascinated; they are not only beautiful, they tell a story through pictures; she could see kids coming out of something that looked like a dropship; she saw a beautiful girl with a knee brace making bombs and a boy with googles helping her; she found someone who must’ve been her grandpa Monty drinking with the same googly boy, she saw a girl with war paint on her eyes and another one with a sword next to a big guy with tattooes; there were many of a freckly boy with curly hair and a rifle hanging from his shoulder as well as a girl with golden hair standing right next to him; and many many more like that, telling different stories about people that no longer were;

what she knew about Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake was more or less the fairy tale her father told her before bed; they were the leaders of the hundred, they fought together, led together, raged wars, destroyed bad guys,survived a second apocalypse and eventually, many years after that, established a new camp for the remaining delinquents and got married, thus starting a big family (they had seven kids, six of them girls and the youngest one, a boy);

but beyond that, there weren’t any actual records that explained their actions or what kind of leaders and people they were; there was nothing; which for Kara, was a total shame-this was the story of their people and even if they all have been living as a Wonkru for generations now, it still mattered to her; 

so she decided to take the matters into her own hands and find any remaining Griffin-Blake heirs and talk to them about it; they must’ve kept their family history better, they must know the story of their ancestors;

however, despite the fact that they Clarke and Bellamy had many kids, it turned out that finding some of them wouldn’t be as easy as she thought; four out of their seven kids died quite young, one by illness, two in war (it seemed the Griffin-Blakes were excellent leaders and warriors) and one at childbirth and most of them had married into different clans all throughout the Wonkru territory; she managed to find some great-great-oh hell...grandkids, but most of them had assimilated a different culture, some were even hostile to her and told her to go away, because she realized...they were still afraid and wanted to keep their heritage a secret; the legend of the skypeople still terrified some clans and they believed a person from that group brought bad luck;

however, she doesn’t give up; she finds evidence of a gandson of Clarke and Bellamy’s only son Augustus and decides to travel further East, though she couldn’t be sure he’s even alive; life in the East parts was harder, there wasn’t as much game or food and even if he should be in his late twenties maybe even thirties, he still might not be alive;

after two weeks of roaming the woods, she passes out near a river after exhausting all her provisions and barely getting any decent sleep; she thinks how stupid she’s been to come here chasing ghosts, that man is probably not even alive and even if he was, he could be in a completely different place; her last thoughts before she passes out is that she’ll be eaten by the wolves and that she’ll break her poor grandma Hannah’s heart;

however, she wakes up in a cave, a fire burning up next to her and a big man who makes her scream out in fear, skinning a squirrel;

“Easy...” he says, his voice is deep and calming “I’m not going to hurt you!” when the fire lights up his face, she gasps for it looks exactly like the face of Bellamy Blake in the sketchbook she has in her bag “I found you!” she exclaims as she sits up “I can’t believe I found you!”;

he seems taken aback before she explains who she is and what she’s even doing here; he is tense at first, seemingly scared (maybe he led a lonely life?) but after a while, when he realizes she’s just a twenty year old kid in search of ghosts and legends, he relaxes;

his name is Noah Griffin-Blake; his father-Jake Griffin-Blake was the son of Eden Griffin-Blake, who was the only surviving child of Augustus Griffin-Blake, the son of Clarke and Bellamy; so yeah, he is the real deal; moreover, if his looks are any indication, he definitely wasn’t lying to her;

he takes her to his cabin, which is huddled between the mountains; he lived on his own, had a beautiful mare, some goats and chickens as well as some land with stuff he grew himself; he was a loner, always has been; can’t stand the few big cities that were currently thriving throughout Wonkru territory, instead he preferred hunting and trading with the tribes in the nearest village; 

he’s quite beautiful, Kara notices; and he does make inappropriate shitty comments but it seems his heart is big; he loves his dog which looks more like a wolf than an actual puppy to her and he proudly explains that Bellamy started breeding them and there were barely 10 such dogs throughout the country; 

“I need the story” she says after showing him the sketchbook “Do you know it?” he smiles and stands up, bringing a heavy book with black leather covers and putting it down in front of her “But of course I know it”; 

it turns out he has a bigger, more detailed sketchbook as well as a few stories written by none else but Bellamy Blake himself (he had a pretty funny handwriting, all block letters); Noah talks, tells her everything and it’s nothing like the story her dad used to tell her before bed;

for the first time, she sees Bellamy and Clarke not as fictional characters, but rather as people...people who had their flaws and their talents, people who led and made mistakes quite often but also fought to death to save their friends; she finds out they destroyed Mount Weather by killing everyone in it and that Clarke left him after that; she finds out Bellamy often acted out with his heart instead his head and thus made sometimes irrational decisions; their hands were bloody more often than not, but one thing was for sure-their hearts beat for their friends; 

Noah shows her who Monty, her great grandpa is and how he lost his friend Jasper, the boy with the googles, which is a sad story on it’s own; he tells her Monty fell in love with a girl called Harper, she died a year after giving birth to their only child though and then he lived the rest of his life with a man called Miller, who was her other great-grandfather and who she had no idea existed; he was Bellamy’s best friend and the best man on their wedding; 

she finds out about Raven Reyes, the girl with the brace and that she died without leaving kids behind but that she did have a lover, a girl, as far as Noah knows, it was a grounder but he wasn’t sure of the name; she hears all the stories of the hundred and their parents and the way they lived on the Ark and then back down on earth; what breaks her heart most is the stuff Bellamy and Clarke went through, how they were always so damn fucked up by circumstances, some of the stuff they did seemed so impossible now, she can’t imagine the situations they were put in and how they had to make choices; Noah laughs that it took them years to admit they loved each other and it was a running joke in his family that the Griffin-Blake boys just sucked at flirting and getting over themselves when it came to admitting their feelings; “Do you know he used to call her princess? It pissed her off to no end.”/”And is this really him as well?” Kara asks as she points out a sketch of Bellamy with beard and longer hair ”Yes, that’s after he came back to earth. Dad used to say when the Griffin-Blake men were away from their loved ones they grew depression beard”;

they talk and talk and talk and he tells her all about them, but also about his family; he says he doesn’t have any siblings but his father had sisters and they had kids; he hasn’t seen them in years, though, they were living all across the country;  his mother died young and his dad raised him but had a weak heart and left him a few years ago; 

“Do you know how Bellamy and Clarke died?” Kara asks on her third glass of moonshine; he smiles “Like they did everything else of course” she raises her eyebrow “Together. By the end Clarke got sick, they weren’t really sure what exactly was wrong with it but my dad claimed it’s probably something like cancer due to all the radiation she was exposed to. Bellamy remained by her side, refusing to leave her for more than five minutes at a time; staying in bed with her, holding her in his arms and telling her story after story. He was an amazing storyteller.” she nods, she knew that “Anyway, no one really knows what happened with him but they were both found dead in bed early one morning by your grandpa Monty actually. The more romantic people say he died because he refused to live even a minute on earth without her.” Noah shrugs “My dad said his father Eden, told him he probably had a heart attack. His heart grew weaker with the years, because he gave so much of it away, he used to say. I think they just led really stressful lives and with time Bellamy must’ve developed a condition. He was forced to become a father at the age of six, so how his heart took all that and everything after, is a miracle for me.” he adds his own thoughts while she puts down his words in her notebook “It’s a genetic disease, apparently, it goes down on Bellamy’s kids, since my father had a weak heart too, his dad didn’t, but one of his sisters died early in her thirties and her granddad too before that so...” he shrugs and she swallows hard, pushing away the thought of Noah maybe being sick too like that; 

she stays a few more days and they talk almost all the time; she tries to put down everything he says and Noah feels his heart lighter around her; a terrible storm, keeps her there for another week and she has to delay her departure; then when the sky is clear, she finds him working on his farm early one morning and realizes he could definitely use the help and even though she hasn’t worked outside ever in her life and is probably more trouble than help, she stays yet another week; then it is him, coming back from a hunting trip with an arrow through his shoulder and her almost having a heart attack at the sight of bloody him;

a month later she’s still there and she has no intentions of leaving; 

they marry in a year and have their first kid, a daughter nine months later; even though she argues with Noah, who claims they’ll have a bunch of girls before they get a boy like it is in his family, he turns out to be right; of course he is, and ten years later they are granted a son, the seventh kid in their family, a small boy with dark curly hair and a myriad of freckles spread all over his face and back; 

and she’s at peace, for she knows that she was wrong when she thought their history was gone, the legend of Bellamy and Clarke will live for centuries after she’s no longer on earth and the evidence was the crying kid in her hands and Noah’s lips on her forehead; 

[pendragonfics]

We’re All Stories in The End

Paring: Bellamy Blake/Reader

Tags: female reader, set in season one The 100, canon compliant, storytelling, symbolism. 

Summary: Locked in the Sky Box for almost your whole life, being sent down to Earth is a blessing in disguise. But the complexities in your need to tell stories, and the problems you have with your identity after being kept away so long from society meet, leading to unknown territories.

Word Count: 1,860

Posting Date:  2017-06-10

Current Date: 2017-06-15

There were thieves. Vandals. Murderers. There were people who saw darkness in space, who dreamed of the downfall of mankind when their eyes were closed. Then, there was you, framed for a crime worse than your own daydreams, and forced into the Sky Box for years and years. It was only a week until your birthday when the Chancellor decided to send the hundred down. The choice would save your life, but, could potentially kill you a week earlier than expected.

But it didn’t.

Falling out of the sky, and landing on Earth was the scariest thing you could have ever imagined, but what was scarier still was the fact that on Earth…you all were not alone.

While everyone settled into the Dropship and made their home in tents around inside the barriers, you found it hard to sleep at night. It was hard to do anything, really. After seven years of being locked up, no sunlight, no contact with people. Luckily, your old friends Monty and Jasper brought you back into their posse, integrating you back into the world. There were hunters, and gatherers, and fighters and people who made alcohol. There were healers and hurters, peacemakers, and lovers. Then, there was you, who after the longest sentence on the Ark, had turned into the best storyteller known to mankind, who brought all the hundred together around the fire at night with only your words.

Octavia and you barely spoke, mostly because of your shut-in antics, and her boisterous nature to get out in around in the world. While she was chasing butterflies and the heart of a Grounder, your eyes were trailing around after her brother, the one and only Bellamy Blake.

“You’re staring at his ass again,” Jasper throws a rock into the fire pit, not yet lit for the evening oncoming, “You’re always staring at his ass, _______.”

You push at his chest. “Am not, Goggles.” You taunt, flicking the glasses on his forehead.

Monty shakes his head. “Jasper’s right. Though you stare at a lot of asses, you stare at Blake’s the most. Don’t tell me you’ve got heart-eyes for the guy.”

You feel your face heat up. “My eyes are normal shape, and you are wrong. I just like his bum. If you’re locked away since eleven, would you not stare at all the asses you can?” You grin back, and reaching into your satchel, pick out your notebook. It was the only thing you could keep in the Sky Box with you, that, and a pen. Inside are all the stories you have ever thought of, and flicking to a familiar page, you read aloud, “The Swan was trapped within a cage in the sky, her domain, but not allowed to sing, to fly. One day the Swan -,”

Jasper interrupts you. “would soar around the stars and heavens twice, and land in the realm beyond where sleep took her.” He makes a noise. “I’ve heard that one too many times.”

You hum, and add, “…there would be more swans there, their wingspan wide, their hearts bleeding for their crimes, but lives eternal. Here they would be free.” With a pen Clarke had found on the ground, you write the new part in as it flows through you. “But even free of her bonds, she is never truly free of her form, as the Swan is in disguise.”

Monty grins. “Oh, I like how this one is turning out…will it be ready for tonight?” He asks.

You shake your shoulders, and rising to stand, move toward the Drop Ship. “The story will come as it comes. The people named Romans long ago told stories, and they had a Genius sharing their stories with the men. Maybe here on Earth I will find my own Genius.”

Leaving your friends, you move toward the hunkering metal in the clearing, the Drop Ship that houses the work stations for the mechanics, the sick, the important people up above where they can contain their confidential whisperings. It wasn’t like anyone down here had a rank anymore, except for the people who were close to the leaders. It felt different, having no rank. It felt good. Like one more bond was freed from your heavy heart. Once you part the material to the entrance, you’re met with the gaze of Raven Reyes. The mechanic works over a radio or something, and she knows the look in your eye. She points up the stairs. Following her direction, you find yourself at the top of the Drop Ship. The décor isn’t too unlike the cell you spent so much time in, and there is little natural light. But there is Bellamy, standing with his back to you.

“Bellamy Blake?” you question. “May I have a moment, to speak?”

He turns, giving you a look which melts your heart. It’s almost like he can read the thoughts straight from your head. Crossing his arms, he nods, “What’s on your mind?”

“For the last week, I have told stories around the fire. I’ve noticed that people…like them.” You feel a redness spread across your face, a flush of embarrassment. “I have noticed they are like a propaganda, and I do not want to make the leaders feel I am turning crowds from them,” you state, and add quickly, “I have no skills to share with the camp, only my stories. I don’t want to have them taken from me.”

Bellamy waves his hand in a vague way. “I don’t think Clarke and I will make you stop telling harmless stories around a fire, _______. What got you sent down here, again?”

You swallow. “Everyone knows my story.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “Everyone but me. Humour me.” A pause passes between the two of you, and he adds in a smaller voice, “Please.”

“I…I was found when my father died by his body. Someone killed him with pharmaceuticals, and framed me for it.” You tell him, but this time when you talk, you cannot meet his eyes, those pretty eyes. “They called me terrible names for it,” you swallow, and quickly add, “I didn’t kill him.”

“You were only a child,” He nods, eyes sad, voice low, almost a distracted whisper, “…was that all you needed to speak about?”

You hesitate, but nod. Perhaps if you were braver, you’d kiss him, or maybe wink at him as you walk away. But not now. Now you nod, and retreat from the high tower the warrior prince plots the next moves against the Grounders from. If he was in your story, he would be a bear, and so would his sister. The bears in the night’s sky. Leading people home.

---

That night in the tent you share with Octavia, you lay there awake. She is asleep, her fair skin glowing in the moonlight that seeps through the canvas, hair splayed like a blanket of night sky awaiting the stars to lay themselves within it. Your mind is reeling from your conversation with her brother and the leader, Bellamy, filled with the story you told around the fire earlier.

Instead of speaking of the swan story you have been working on, you had recited an old tale, a myth from ages long, long lost. Of Gods cruel and cowardly and great and wise, who hid away on their mountain while the people played their games, watching them on high. You told of the Olympiads, and the story of the God who came from his mountain in a shower of gold, and the child who grew up to slay monsters.

Of course, it was only a story, and the remaining hundred were happy to hear a story where the good people won in the end. People dispersed, and fell to bed like flies upon oncoming rain.

But when sleep claimed you, the dreams were less than favourable. They were of the darkness that came before mankind, a chaos that reined until the world happened. Tormented, you feel words come screaming from your throat, like all those nights in the Sky Box. But unlike your time locked away, there is someone above you when you tear your eyes open, their eyes searching yours deeper than you could ever fathom.

“You’re safe, you’re okay,” a deep voice murmurs, fingers carding through your hair. “You’re safe, _______, you’re okay.”

But your head is hot, and chest heavy, and wriggling out from the embrace, you feel like you might become sick. But the illness does not catch up to you, not like the tears do. At once, it feels as if your skin is shedding, your chest heaving, your head spinning as if some transformation is taking place. From swan to woman. But you are still in your skin, and your hands seek to hold those who cradle you from all the ill will in the world.

“Bellamy?” you whisper, once your voice returns to you.

He hums in response, rocking you softly in his arms in the tent. It would be an otherwise compromising position, but your heart is still racing, and your heart loves Bellamy Blake as much as you love his ass, and unbeknownst to you, he loves you also, and does not mind running from his own bed to yours to comfort you. But like children, your hearts have not pondered upon this love, and left it unspoken in the corner of your chests.

“I was locked up again,” you whisper. “The Chancellor came to Earth –,”

Bellamy’s hand is in your hair once more, cradling your head to his chest. “Shhh, _______, it was a dream. You’re innocent. It’s okay.”

You shake. “Promise to me. Promise me, Bellamy.”

The leader nodded, breath warm on your neck. “I promise. I wouldn’t lie to the person I loved.”

But even free of her bonds, she is never truly free of her form, as the Swan is in disguise. Her mind was stolen from her, her spirit too, and she wears feathers instead of skin. The night would lead her home, Polaris in the sky bearing the news she needs to hear.

“I think I love you too, Bell.” You whisper.

 Slowly, the swan would fall from the spell, and like all the swans around her, be free at last. All with the guidance of the bears in the sky.

 ---

Outside the tent, Octavia stood with her arms crossed, her smile larger than what a frown of annoyance could be on her face. Though never asked for her opinion on topic, she understood what her brother needed, and missed ever since his childhood friend _______ had been locked up for unfair crimes. So now the young woman stood in the night air, watching the stars as she contemplated not returning to her tent to allow her brother time.

“What’s the commotion?” Monty rubbed his eyes, seeing Octavia standing there. “Grounder attack?” It would be the only reason he could think of for the smile that took up half of her face. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew she liked the one with the war paint and tattoos.

She shook her head. “Bellamy and _______.”

Monty grinned. “Finally.”

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Chapter 26: Sometimes I Can’t See Myself

Rating: T Fandom: The 100 Pairing: Bellamy x Clarke Chapter: 26/? Word Count: 1475 Words

Chapter Summary: The one where Finn meets Clarke’s friends.

Also on AO3

Note: I’m not great with the chapters with Finn, which is why there aren’t a lot of them.

There had been a moment where Clarke had thought about taking Finn up on his offer to stay in bed all day, but she had already put off her homework for an entire day. She had a drawing to finish up for her figure drawing class and then she and Octavia were supposed to meet up with Monty and Jasper to go over some of the precalculus problems they had been encountering. It had really been too much for her to hope at Octavia would be at dance practice when O had been so excited about Clarke’s date in the first place. She had woken up to multiple inappropriate congratulatory Snapchats, so of course Octavia was waiting by the door with confetti she made by tearing up a few pages of notebook paper and coloring them with highlighters.

“Do you need total silence while you draw or can I ask you if the sex was awesome?”

“Actually, if you want to practice your dance, I can talk while I use you for the drawing.”

Octavia always loved it when Clarke drew her. There were a couple more pictures posted up around the room that Clarke had drawn of her friends. The idea that Clarke add a sketch of Bellamy had been vetoed immediately. She wasn’t sure she could draw him accurately without using him for a model, anyway, and that wasn’t a conversation she was prepared to have.

Lines formed easily on the paper as she watched Octavia move through a few of her basic technique exercises. She got caught up in the moment until Octavia practically shouted, “You’re supposed to be oversharing about your sex life right now!”

“Jeez, sorry. You Blakes are so touchy.” She mumbled the last part, but the glare on Octavia’s face meant that she’d heard it, so Clarke rushed to give her the info she wanted. “The sex was… well, it was good. I mean, it was fun. It was sweet.”

“And you’re going to see him again? You want to have sex with him again, right?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.” Clarke laughed. “And obviously, I do, or I wouldn’t have stayed over at his place!”

“Does he want to be your boooooyfriend?”

Clarke laughed. “I don’t really want to be a giiiiiiiirlfriend right now. I’ve got too much on my plate with school. If we can keep this simple and slow, it’ll save me a lot of grief.”

Octavia went through a series of moderately graceful turns, at least as graceful as they could be in their dorm, grinning when she spun out of the last one and throwing her hands in the air. “It’ll definitely save me a lot of grief if you keep getting it on the regular. You’re downright joyful compared to last weekend.” She dodged the pencil Clarke threw and sat down on the floor. “I don’t mean to take away the joy, but have you talked to him?”

Clarke sighed. “No. It’s a big campus. He’s easy to avoid.” She met O’s eyes reluctantly. “And don’t give me that look. You don’t have to talk to Bellamy. I don’t have to talk to Wells. Like I said, I’ve got enough on my plate. I have room to think about sex or room to think about Wells, but not both.”

“Well then, sex it is.”

Bellamy tried to ignore the way everyone was laughing at another one of Collins’ jokes. Really, he was just concerned about Clarke. He would feel exactly the same was if that was O over there with that idiot’s arm slung across her chair.

He hadn’t realized how long he had been cleaning the same spot on the counter, not watching Clarke, until the bell rang and Wells walked in. Clarke’s whole body tensed up for a moment before Finn apparently made another hilarious joke and she relaxed. Almost. Wells paused in the door. His tension was different than hers, though. It was sad. Not angry.

The guy had come in the same time almost every day, whether or not Bellamy was there. One of his coworkers, Kennedy, had been freaking out about the Senator’s son going to their college. Bellamy hadn’t realized that Clarke’s family was best friends with the Jahas. It didn’t make a difference anymore, but he was glad he hadn’t known until he had a chance to get to know her.

When Wells came in during one of Bellamy’s shifts, they never talked about Clarke. He never actually engaged the guy beyond semi-polite customer service. It wasn’t that he hated him. He actually seemed kind of… nice, although he’d never admit the thought had crossed his mind. His main problem was that he didn’t understand the world that Clarke and Wells had come from. And he didn’t want to try to understand the motivation to transfer to a school where someone hated you just to help out with your dad’s political campaign.

Wells placed his order, to-go, thankfully, and waited patiently by the counter. He pretended to not watch Clarke. Bellamy scoffed. The guy had it bad. “As long as he’s around, you’re invisible.”

“Excuse me?”

“You love her.”

Wells tilted his head. “Well, yeah. I mean—“ His eyes widened. “No.”

“You don’t love her?”

“Not like that.”

“Right.” Bellamy smirked as he set the coffee on the counter and slid him a sleeve for the drink.

Wells hesitated and then stepped closer to the counter, not quite closing his hand around the cup. “She’s dating him?”

Bellamy shrugged. “Dating might be a strong word…. She likes him, though. He’s the only person she's dated that she’s brought out to meet our friends.”

Wells hesitated again before a look of resolve settled on his face. “I’m just surprised.”

“What?” Bellamy laughed. “Collins isn’t her usual type?”

Wells scoffed. “No, you aren’t her usual type. But the way you kept glaring every time I came in, I thought you were her boyfriend.”

“Collins isn’t her boyfriend.”

“Yeah, she never was the 'significant other' type,” Wells said, almost wistfully. “Too focused on school for a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. Always has been. She really likes him though.”

Bellamy was almost angry, but he knew what Wells meant. Clarke changed around Finn. Not in a bad way. She just allowed herself to be a little lighter. It kind of bothered him and that made him say something without thinking. “So what won’t she forgive you for? I doubt you actually killed someone.”

Wells winced. Laughter erupted from the corner along with a shriek from Octavia. Bellamy glanced over to see Clarke approaching, her smile disappearing rapidly. She brushed right past her old friend and leaned against the counter.

“Jasper spilled half a drink on your sister. Can I get some towels?”

“Go fucking figure. Give me a sec. I’ll come out.”

“No, that’s okay. It didn’t get anywhere but on her. No extra clean-up for you.” She forced a smile and he rolled his eyes. He was only gone for a second, but it was enough time for her to whirl around and confront Wells. “—think you’re doing here?!”

“Clarke, come on. It’s a small campus.”

“I was taking the opportunity to pry into your past,” Bellamy interrupted. “Got a problem with that?”

Clarke spun back to him and glared, but some of her anger dissipated when she met his eyes. Instead, she looked… calculating. It was a little creepy. “I guess you’re a big boy, Blake. Do what you want.”

“Aw, thanks.” Bellamy grinned. “Here are the towels you requested so nicely, Princess. Now, get lost so I can keep snooping.”

Wells laughed weakly. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell him about the time—“

“—the time you got my father killed?”

“Jesus, Clarke,” Bellamy exhaled.

“Wells. Why. Are. You. Here.”

“You’re not usually here about this time. I just wanted to—“

“Well, stop. What you want is never going to happen. If you really wanted to be my friend, you’d go walk into traffic.”

Collins picked that moment to saunter up and sling an arm over her shoulders. “Hey, Princess. Everything all right over here?”

Bellamy bristled at the use of the nickname, but Clarke’s whole demeanor changed, so he bit his tongue.

“It’s fine,” she said with a smile. “Just got a little held up.”

“I’ll get those back to Octavia.” Finn slid the towels out of her hands and dropped a kiss on her temple. “Come back soon. They’re eating me alive without you.”

Clarke blushed. She looked at Wells, then Bellamy, who just raised an eyebrow at her. Blushing harder, she turned and followed Finn back to her friends. Wells sighed and turned to leave.

“Wait, dude, you’re not actually going to sit in traffic, are you?”

Wells glanced back over his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “Not that desperate. Dude.”

[opepin]

january: week one

02: i woke up late and waited for hillary to pick me up. i decided to go to gyu-kaku with everyone today but aimed to not get the all-you-can-eat. my stomach was feeling weird from the 3 arts club cafe burger. hillary picked me up and we drove to gyu-kaku. we found parking right in front of the place and then we went in and found out that the wait time was 1 hour and 30 minutes. we called up everyone and everyone said they were fine with it. so we met up with mindy and garrick and they got some coffee and we walked over to water tower. it was garrick’s first time there too! we ended up in “the limited” and i was so amazed by the fixtures and stuff. i would have bought some of it but i don’t think i needed anything. mindy, hillary, and ashley got things for real cheap because they were closing out. it was about time to head back and we got a call from them saying that our table was ready. we rushed back and sat down and everyone got $45 ayce because everyone wanted to sit together and just eat. we went for 3-4 rounds. i was the first one to tag out LOL. it was so salty and i just wanted dessert :( hahah. we managed to eat everything plus a lady m green tea cake. we were all dead after.

hillary drove home, mindy and garrick took a lyft, and then ashley and i walked to a starbucks near the red line so i could get on that and she could wait for her ride. hehe, thanks for guiding me, ashley! i got off diversey brown line and walked over to firecakes, where hen was working. i should have gotten off fullerton...because it was closer than diversey, but oh well, it was really nice to walk off some of the food. the clark st. firecakes’ location is so cute <333 hen threw out the garbage, i met her co-worker, and then we commuted home together because we were going the same way. we realized that everywhere was closed because new year is observed today so we just caught up on our ride back home. i’ve missed hen <33333 i love hanging out with her because i feel like she brings out something in me in a way she only can. we’re silly together. cluck cluck cluck. 

hen gave me one of her beautifully crafted milk bottles and a beautiful notebook and a very touching card. i love this girl so much and only wish the best for her <3 so happy that she was one of the few friends i made while at SAIC. i ended the night by exercising because i felt like poop and then talking to kevin because he’s coming back tomorrow~~ tomorrow is a jam-packed day. i can’t wait.

03: i managed to get up at 6:20 am and tom actually picked me up at 6:40 am! go us! the only thing is that it was extremely foggy outside. it was so foggy that i could see it in my neighborhood LOL. we drove out to foster beach and then talked and waited to see the sunrise. we talked about how we’ve been doing and etc and it was really nice. i feel like tom expressed feelings that i’ve been feeling but haven’t really said it out loud. it’s nice knowing that a friend is going through the same thing as you. it hit 7:19 am and it was brighter, but there was no sun to be seen LOL. i think we stayed there a bit longer and then tom drove us to yellow rose cafe in jeff park. this diner is great! our waitress/maybe owner greeted us and took our orders. she gave tom the homemade hot sauce and his reaction was lulz. she made fun of him for a bit. tom and i ate and continued talking. it was one of those deep conversations that i haven’t had in a long time so it was something i realized i needed. the conversations continued in the car on the way back to my house and then he dropped me off. thank you for spending quality 1-on-1 time with me, tom! ((:

it was around 10:30 am when i got back and i ended up napping for an hour. then i put my jacket back on and brought my book bag and stuff and commuted to SAIC to meet up with chewy! we got into the office and talked with kate and nancy! they were the only ones we knew there and apparently, it was their first day back in the office from break. it was nice talking to them and updating them on our lives. i love them so! i’m said vicki and theresa were still on break and i missed them. chewy and i went to russian tea time and got afternoon tea. we got the savory items, tea, and chocolate lava cake (as usual). he caught up, talked, and etc. I’VE MISSED THIS GIRL SO MUCH! she’s been out in LA doing her thing for so long ): it was really great seeing her again. i walked her to the train and then waited for my mom to pick me up. it was like i was in school again lol. we stopped by hong kong market (for an hour, wut) and then drove back home. my mom made dinner, i fell asleep again, woke up and ate, and then we drove to union station to pick up kevin!!! <3333

we talked about his vacation and then kevin gave my family some holiday chocolates, unpacked-ish, and ate dinner. i missed this bear! hehe. we spent the night catching up and making sure that he wouldn’t get sicker haha. we went to sleep pretty late either at 1 or 2 am, but i can’t wait to spend time with kevin again in chicago (((((:

04: kevin and i met up with nluu in ford for lunch. we got lunch at tomate and walked over. i got my chicken quinoa salad with a chicken tamale. kevin got a gordita and a burrito? or a taco? i forget. it was yummy though. we caught up and talked. ryan came by after his class and we talked. they made plans to go climbing every day LOL. we walked with ryan back to tomate and then drove him to tech. then we drove back home and chilled until kevin went climbing. i stayed home and worked out. then i showered and ryan picked me up to go to dice dojo! ryan also was the mvp for ordering and getting our dinner from 527 cafe. we found parking, walked over, and went inside. omg, it’s such a cool place! it’s also much more spacious than i thought it would be. everyone was down in the basement. kevin, ryan, and i ate while watching them play a code/picture game. my popcorn chicken salad was bomb af. i would definitely get this again. i was on a salad streak because i wasn’t eating enough greens x_x i was trying to make up for it LOL.

i played fluxx with winson, ryan, and kevin. michelle came through! then me and the guys headed to a viet restaurant so winston could fill his belly. he got pho, ryan got some spring rolls (he gave me half of one), and kevin got a chicken banh mi with taro bubble tea, which i ate 1/3 and drank some. i got a thai iced tea. ryan’s hate for new york is amazing LOL. i love how he puts it into words. i agree with him but it seems like he was scarred from a past event (he wasn’t), but he is so particular about his reasons for disliking new york. it’s great. winston is planning to get a new job and move out there so that’s what sparked the conversation. i missed everyone <3 we all ran to walgreens and got a pack of water bottles and ran back to dice dojo. ryan ran like he stole it from there or something LOL. winston got hiccups from running with us. it was great lololol.

we passed out the water and then i got strung into playing avalon, which i was confused by and really didn’t like. i effed it up for our team because i didn’t see that kevin was on my team. i thought there were only 3 spies?! so i passed it on accident...sorta, but my team guessed winston was merlin and they were right! yeah, never playing that game. then we paired up and played dix it. jia and i were in last place but oh well haha. peter and nluu were killing it for some reason, ahah. then everyone left at 12 am? i think that was closing time and we said our goodbyes. i was nice seeing matthew and winston again! hehe. kevin drove us home and then we showered and went to sleep. zzz. it’s been an eventful week so far.

05: kevin and i woke up late and then ate some congee. then we drove out to cafe orient 33 to pick up food and eat it while watching pokemon sun and moon episodes. we were going to watch ‘la la land’ but i decided against it because it was kind of cold and i don’t know if kevin would like it. so we ate (i have missed this food -- still so good) and then chilled until i needed to meet hen for dinner and kevin had to meet up with everyone to go climbing. i met up with hen at sabri nihari and the service was great. our servers were so funny. i got to spend more time with hen talking about food and life. the chicken biryani was huge and i sacrificed my stomach for mango lassi. the samosas were so good! the vegetarian one is still my favorite. everything was delicious. we ate wayy too much though. we decided to walk back home in the freezing cold. we walked together until devon and california. hen actually moved closer to me T__T we are so close but yet so far away now! then i toughed it out and walked the rest of the way home. hen had a bit less to walk but we both made it!

kevin was still out so i did an intense af workout. i mixed up videos and did 20 minutes of hiit, 10 min of intense abs, 10 min of blogilate abs, and 20 minutes of hip hop cardio. it felt good but my body feels so weak now. i took a quick shower and then opened the door for kevin. he drank all of the mango lassi i got him when he came back. he ate a lot today .__. he also ate spicy rice cake at joong boo market before climbing. lolool. did he even climb? idk. :P jk haaha. o we digested and then went to sleep after a long day of activity out in the cold haha.

06: kevin dropped me off at cupitol so that i could meet up with michelle and nluu. i got there first so i ordered tea and the gravlax and eggs plate with gluten free bread except that the cashier kept putting in the bagel and i didn’t want the bagel because it had cream cheese and he was confused whether or not i wanted gluten free bread or not. x__x another person helped us out and then i grabbed a seat at the only empty large table so i could save michelle and nluu a seat. my food was disappointing because the smoked salmon was cut so freaking thick and i only got one slice of bread LOL. then a large group of people came and they kicked me out of my seat and then they changed their mind about dining here. .___. finally, michelle and nluu came. i pretty much was anxious the entire time at cupitol. i do not recommend this place. i feel like they are also a bit on the pricey side. so yeah. omg, too many things happening in the morning for me.

we ate lunch together and chilled until nluu had to go back to research. michelle dropped him off and then we drove to ikea. i listened to the moana soundtrack and also showed michelle jay park’s album LOL. i love it so much but i hate the lyrics T_T we talked and stuff and i realized that i was being real oversensitive about things and maybe other things were contributing to how i was feeling about being back in chicago and seeing people. michelle was supposed to figure out what bed frame and sofa she wanted. we did that but also focused on buying kitchen stuff and smaller apartment things. we got matching funnels, ayyy! i also finally got tape measure for my apartment lol. i learned that other ikeas are set up with show rooms first then items unlike this one near chicago. it kind of blew my mind because this ikea is all i know.

we ended the trip with a soft serve and a freshly baked cinnamon rolll. mmm. we also got everyone else a six pack of cinnamon rolls. michelle drove us back and we talked about life lol. it sucks to be in your early 20′s. we stopped by ryan’s and then drove out from there. i didn’t know how long the ikea trip was going to be so i had the house keys so when kevin was done visiting his lab at nu, he couldn’t get his climbing stuff to go with ryan T__T i felt so bad. but he chilled at lab for a bit longer and then met up with ryan at his apartment after. also, sorry ryan! lol he ended up climbing alone. poop. anyway, we all drove to dengeo’s (after getting ashley and winston) where we met up with tom, peter, and honglin. we ate and then michelle went to get terence. then we all drove to the escape room in morton grove. the location is shady af LOLOL.

we had orientation and then we basically pushed into the room and locked in. it was terrifying. there was a butler to help give us hints (helpful or not) and he gave us the backstory. i hear chains in the background so kevin and i move behind some people. then the lights flicker and the zombie actress pops out of nowhere and screams OMG OMG OMG LOLOLOL. kevin and i jumped in the opposite direction HAHAHA. she couldn’t get anywhere though because her chain wasn’t long enough yet... we were all shitting our pants trying to find clues and kevin and winston volunteered as tribute to go into the bathroom area (where the zombie was chained). there were a few seconds of feeding time when the zombie was eating, but that time ended and they were locked in the stall LOLOLOLOL. they “died” (zombie taps you, you’re out but the butler revives you after you do something silly for him) and it’s safe to say that they were scared shitless. kevin was the martyr of the group and he kept dying. i would like to think that she aimed for him because he was the funniest to scare (kevin would literally run backwards to the furthest wall). she also liked scaring peter. POOR PETER! haha.

i don’t think i helped much other than doing the final step of getting the keys. i got a key out with my fingers but the butler didn’t accept it because we were supposed to get the tools hung on the bathroom stall to open the vent where it was stuck...i also got the key from a painting’s eyeball too after helping figure out the morse code via the top planks of wood. we only got 3 out of the 4 keys and then we all died hahaha. it was a pretty great experience tbh. the zombie actress was soooo good! she like threw things (kind of at us but not really) and acted her part real well. she wasn’t so scary after the game ended. we all drove to ford to play telestrations and it was great. sarah can draw so well!!! terence is also a pretty great illustrator. we munched on the cinnamon rolls from ikea and candy that ryan bought. we played until 12 am and then we all drove home. kevin and i hugged everyone goodbye. it was a great end to our trip back home. the escape room and telestrations seemed like they happened on two different days though haha. kevin and i drove back and showered and went to sleep. zzz.

07: you guessed it! our flight got cancelled. that was the first thing i saw when i woke up in the morning. kevin had the option of switching his flight online but for some reason, i didn’t. so i called and waited. luckily, there was a 4:40 pm flight tomorrow so we both signed up for that. kevin went climbing with ryan and i just stayed in bed. i eventually got up and ate leftover chicken biryani for breakfast. then i snuggled with my mom on the couch. she fell asleep and kevin came back. then she went to sleep upstairs because she felt like she was getting sick D: kevin and i just chilled in the bedroom the entire day. my body felt blech too. i ended up dosing in and out multiple times during the day. we did manage to make reservations at sumi robata for dinner so that we would get some outside time lol. i got my mom water from downstairs and my brother was hanging out with his friend in the living room. when it was about time to go, we changed and headed out. i dropped off victoria’s gift at her apartment and then got her delicious peppermint mocha cookies. OMG I’M IN LOVE. THEY’RE SO DELICIOUS. my throat hurt but i kept eating them anyway.

we got a super close spot near sumi and then got seated. it was way busier than the last two times we went. there were some seating issues with another group and service seemed sloppier? we also had to wait for our tea for a while and had to ask for plates. they also no longer have the chopsticks and chopstick holders that we liked x__X idk. haha. overall, the food was great though. the chicken thigh and beef tsukune slider were still bomb af and their kakigori flavor was soo good. it was an orange creamsicle flavor. we also got baked scallops and the sweet potato fries, which were new to us but SO GOOD. we would eat that all day any day. after a day of staying in and eating, we settled back into bed and kevin tried watching a dota game but we both ended up falling asleep at like 1 am, ahahha.

08: we woke up later than i told my parents, but they weren’t really bothered by it. i think they were expecting it LOL. we finished packing and headed out. we went to cai to get dim sum and it was packed af! my mom managed to get us a table quickly :P she has real good bargaining skills. then kevin and i checked off things that we wanted and everyone ate pretty quickly. i obviously ordered the mango tapioca pudding with condensed milk <333 then i struggled to eat everything else we ordered. the mango mochi had a ton of cream inside, but it had chunks of mango in it too, which made me sad because i couldn’t eat all of it. the crab xiao long bao were disappointing...but everything else was fine. my parents drove us to midway and then we said goodbye. we got on the standby list for the 2:25 pm flight straight to boston. i realized that the 7 people in front of us were from the same family so i was hopeful that we’d get seats. gg us because they decided to take all 3 empty seats and split as a family -___-” wtf. we should have called earlier and asked to be put on standby :/

we waited until 4:40 pm to get on our original flight to kansas city. before we boarded, we were told our flight to boston would be delayed about 2 hours...we played pokemon on the flight and experienced some pretty bad turbulence before landing. we were then notified that our flight to boston would be delayed another 30 minutes. so kevin and i went to the nearest restaurant, which was a bbq place and got dinner. i got this less than avarage salmon salad for $17...and kevin got their beef brisket, which only tasted good dipped in bbq sauce. sigh. there was a lady in the same boat as us and she was so nice. we connected through this tragic flying situation and she offered us half of her fries LOL. we went down to wait and i tried walking around but there was pretty much nowhere to walk to because the airport was so small.

we played pokemon to pass the time. they also had boomerang and cartoon network playing on the screens, which was nice. we finally boarded at 9:30 pm and in the air at 9:50 pm. it was a long 4 hour flight (including the time difference). i played more pokemon, we tried napping, etc. we got wheat thins on this flight, which was nice. i sent an email to southwest complaining about my terrible experience all around and i hope they answer me. it’s fucking ridiculous tbh. anyway, we landed at like 2 am and got our bags. then we took an uber back and decided to stay up until 5 am unpacking, opening packages, reading mail, and making ourselves back at home. tomorrow is going to suck for kevin because he wants to go to work but we went to sleep at 5 am. this is my worst experience traveling so far. it was literally an entire day plus some of traveling.