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saiilorstars · 2 months ago

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Ch. 63: Behind the Curtains

Previous chapters // Montserrat’s masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing: Rafael Barba x OC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @averyhotchner @abzidabzy @hellofutur @foxesandmagic @xovalliegirlxo @sam-i–am @kmc1989 @midmourn @choosejoyangel @rebeccapineapple @duckybird101 @caplanbuckybarnes

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message

Author's Note:

I just want to thank everyone who's been reaching out about this story. The amount of comments I get on this particular fic is so amazing. So many people are invested in this story and ask me when I'll be updating again. I really love all YOUR love for this story so I've gone back to keep writing more chapters for this (I think you'll r e a ll y love the next chapter btw, it's got some good angst ;)). Again, thank you soooo much!

Olivia would only be surprised with Rafael's sudden visit to the precinct for about five minutes. It was completely him to pull this kind of stunt when he still had plenty of time to rest before returning to work. She was guilty of doing the same thing in the past.

"You know you're supposed to be resting, right? Like in a bed and in a room...?" Olivia closed her office door then went to help Rafael reach the couch, an action he shooed her away for.

"Officially, I am at home," he replied, managing to sit on his own with no problem. Olivia liked to see the good sign.

"Officially?" she raised an eyebrow at him. "How'd you pull this one?" There was no way in hell that Montserrat would allow this if she knew.

"Montserrat's got a therapy session and I told her my mother was coming over anyways. She won't ever know that I was here if you help me out..." To his credit, Rafael did seem genuinely guilty when he explained himself.

"I see…" Olivia nodded as she took a seat on the couch beside him.

"I hate it, I know," Rafael said, as if Olivia was reproaching him for his lie. He hated himself for lying to Montserrat. She had been nothing but helpful and so concerned about him. He hated doing this... "I needed to talk to you without her around."

"I could have just as easily gone to see you. There's no need to push yourself more than you have to right now."

"Now you're sounding like Montserrat."

"Well, you know, she kind of has a point."

"She usually always does," sighed Rafael, "Lucky for me, the peanut gallery wasn't out there," he made a nod at the bullpen.

"There's an ongoing case," Olivia explained the absence of her squad. "So, how are you?"

Rafael raised a hand at her and shook it. "I'm not here for me. I want to know about the case." He had a limited window here and wanted to use every minute he had.

"But you also need to take care of yourself," Olivia said, and Rafael rolled his eyes at her. "You were shot — there were moments where we thought you weren't going to make it. Speaking from my experience, you have your own issues to handle too."

"I understand, but I promise that I'm okay," Rafael said, "I'm not traumatized — I have seen worse."

"What's worse than getting shot?" Olivia said incredulously.

"Not knowing when the person responsible will finally go after his real target: the woman that I love." Rafael had maintained a straight face when he responded, not even fazed with the gaping look on Olivia's face.

"Uh…okay…" Olivia tried her darn best to get past the vital information she just learned, for the sake of her two very good friends and the circumstances that were surrounding them. "Well…officially, the case has gone cold…"

"But unofficially?"

"Unofficially, we're still working it."

"And who's this 'we'?" Rafael demanded.

Olivia let it slide because she knew how troubled he must be with zero answers in his pocket. "Finn. I trust him completely and he won't say anything to anyone."

Rafael could agree with that choice. "So…no one else knows, then?"

Olivia shook her head. "Carisi, Rollins and Amaro think the case is cold and even though we knew beforehand that it looked like a hit, none of them will say anything to Montserrat."

"They better not," Rafael said warningly, "Because that's the last thing she needs right now. I already talked to Clara too so that we have the same story."

"And she's okay with that?" Olivia had only spoken to Clara a few times and sent her right to a counselor because the young girl had been terrified about what happened.

"Yeah," nodded Rafael, "So we can get back to work on this quickly, please."

"We can't rush these things, Rafa," Olivia reminded him, "The case isn't 'cold' but it's not very open either. There's not much to go off by."

"I know that but we can't stop looking either," Rafael said, "Because I know that this was one of the last blows before he goes after what he really wants."

Olivia didn't want to openly admit that Rafael was right. She had worked SVU for too long to not know the usual patterns criminals — including rapists — exhibited. It just so happened that this criminal was waiting a bit longer than usual. She detested that in this situation, what the man wanted was her friend. The ultimate target was Montserrat, and she had no idea about it.

In all the time that Olivia spent thinking silently, Rafael had not stopped looking at her. He was waiting for her to admit it because once it was out in the open they could move on and work towards the solution. It was the only way they could continue to work. His insides twisted each time he thought about that man.

That man wanted Montserrat. He thought about her like he had some claim on her. He thought she belonged to him.

"We need to find this guy," Rafael said, his jaw clenched, "Fast."

Olivia sensed the growing anger and so treaded carefully. "We have to be smart about this—"

"I know—"

"—because according to the little that we have—"

"I know."

"—there's no reports of any Daniel in the black market."

"I know, Olivia!" Rafael exclaimed. "But we have to at least try to keep searching!" Olivia remained calm in the face of his anger. "Because I know he's going to do something else soon. We already got lucky once—"

"Lucky?" Olivia repeated, her brows raising incredulously. "I don't know if I have to keep reminding you but you got shot," she gestured at him, "That's not 'lucky' in any book."

"You know what I meant," Rafael snapped.

"I don't think I did…"

"Olivia, please. Help me. Help me help her — because that's all that matters here. She is the only thing that matters here!"

Olivia nodded slowly. "I know, and you have to know that I will do anything I can to keep Montserrat safe. At the same time, though, I'd like to make sure you are also safe."

"I will be just fine," Rafael promised. "All I want is to be working on this case. This is the most important case I've ever dealt with. Nothing can be left to chance."

Olivia would have liked to point out that if this case actually went to trial, Rafael would not be allowed to prosecute it. He wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it. She suspected that he may have either chosen to forget it or he was filing it under 'deal with later'.

"Well, looking into the details, I can tell you right now that we don't have a lot," Olivia repeated, sighing, "The guy who shot you—"

"It wasn't Daniel," Rafael said immediately, waving a hand dismissively. "He was just a hired hitman."

"Okay, right," nodded Olivia, "but that guy was wearing a mask. Clara wasn't able to give anything unique about the guy. Could you?"

"No," Rafael muttered, "He was all covered up. If I heard his voice again, I'd be able to recognize him."

"How about we start small then," Olivia's suggestion was met with a blatant rejection.

"We can't do that, not when we have a clear path," Rafael said, prompting Olivia to ask what he had in mind. "Let's go after the one clear name we do have."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. "Who's name do we have?" she asked, puzzled.

Rafael didn't think twice with his answer. "Hallie D'Amico."

Olivia's eyes widened, her mouth opening with shock. "I know you were shot but are you insane?" She stood up from the couch, taking a few steps away to contemplate such an absurd idea.

Rafael took the opportunity to lean back on the couch and adjust his position to ease his side. It didn't hurt as much as it used to, although Montserrat loved to exaggerate. "I've thought about it, Liv—"

"Oh, really?" Olivia spun around, shooting him a sharp look. "So I bet you told Montserrat about this already?"

Rafael's silence was answer enough.

"Rafael, c'mon, what are you thinking!?"

"Of course I wasn't going to tell her!" Rafael exclaimed. "Because I know exactly what she's going to say—"

"That you're crazy?" Olivia tilted her head. "Gotta say, I might have to agree with her on that one."

"Olivia—"

"Visiting Hallie D'Amico in prison is a crazy idea!"

"Oli—"

"She's in jail for a reason, she's not going to give up Daniel—"

"Liv!" Rafael yelled over Olivia's words to get her attention. He looked at her sharply. "I know that my idea isn't easy, but it is the most logical. If this were any other case, one of you would have already coined the idea. Lie to me and say I'm wrong."

Olivia wouldn't take his challenge but she didn't want to admit that he was right either. She shook her head and started pacing. "This wouldn't work," she said, sounding like she was starting to consider the idea. "Montserrat testified against her. Hallie knows that Montserrat was a UC — for all we know, she could have put the hit on you as revenge."

"No," Rafael said on the spot, "I know it was Daniel. I know it was him."

Olivia sighed and stopped pacing, looking at Rafael with a certain sympathy. "I know this is hard for you—"

"Don't," Rafael warned her to stop, "Don't…don't do the empathy talk."

"That's not what I'm doing—"

"It's what you always do for the victims. I know you, Liv," Rafael said, "And you don't need to do that with me. Montserrat's told me about this woman and I've looked into her case. D'Amico went down for drug trafficking but there was never any sexual assault accusations about her ring."

"A drug dealer with some scruples? Am I supposed to congratulate her on that?"

"I'm not saying she should get a medal but it does go to say that she has something against those kinds of crimes," Rafael said, shrugging, "That's a line she didn't cross. Montserrat said that she confided in D'Amico about Daniel's advances towards her and that D'Amico tried moving Montserrat away from him."

Olivia hadn't known about that detail and as such became interested. She slowly returned to her seat on the couch, listening attentively.

"We could believe for a moment that D'Amico wouldn't stand for that kind of stuff from her own ring — the fact is that she's in jail and Daniel is in possession of her work." Rafael smirked widely. "If we piss her off the right way, she'll give us his full name and we build a case from there."

Olivia always knew that Rafael was a fantastic prosecutor making cases and arguments, but this one took the cake. He took a crazy idea and morphed it into the only logical, sensible thing to do. She let out a long sigh and leaned back on the couch. "If Montserrat finds out about this…she's going to shoot us both."

"Well, I already got shot and you're her boss so we might get off with a warning," Rafael shrugged. "Me, probably a smack — and you a stink eye."

Olivia couldn't believe that was his argument; she laughed. Hearing her laugh, made Rafael laugh. For a split moment, they were friends just saying nonsense.

~ 0 ~

Montserrat was livid when she returned to the apartment and found it empty. "Oh, if you weren't dead before you will be now!" she said as soon as Rafael walked in through the door.

"I'm sorry," he apologized with a little smile, "I couldn't help it." Things ran a little later at the precinct than he had expected, but it was all for a good reason. He and Olivia were working to find the right moment to visit D'Amico. He wanted to be present, despite Olivia's reluctance, and so that meant he would have to find an opportunity to get away from Montserrat. That was the major problem at the moment.

"You lied to me," Montserrat accused, striding over to him, immediately looking him over, "You're not supposed to be out on the streets yet."

"Calmate," Rafael said, resting his hands on her arms, "Calm down. I just went to the office. I had to, I'm sorry, but I had to."

"No, you didn't," Montserrat sighed, "But that's what I get for daring to believe you'd be intelligent about this stuff."

"Intelligent?" Rafael frowned. "Are you implying that I'm stupid?"

Montserrat smiled as she innocently pressed out his shoulders. "Because I said that I was going to be nicer while you're injured, I won't answer that...right now."

Rafael deadpanned her for a long while. "Strangely, that wasn't a nice answer either."

Montserrat's smile widened. "Where the hell did you go?"

"I already told you — the office. I have cases that are piling up."

"No," Montserrat said sharply, "Those cases are being handled by a substitute prosecutor. You, my dear, have no reason to be at that office right now. I don't want you exerting yourself."

"I promise you that I'm not," Rafael said, bringing his hands to her face, "Just doing a walk here and there. Besides, you promised me that you wouldn't get so worked up about me picking up a few cases here and there."

"From home," Montserrat reminded him. "We agreed that you could work from here."

"Right, but I still needed to pick some things up," Rafael said, and dealt with the less than believing gaze Montserrat had on him. She was too smart for her own good and in this case, he really needed her to not be anything close to that. "C'mon," he insisted, "I stopped by and saw Liv too. Had a nice normal conversation. Distractions, you know?"

Montserrat shook her head disapprovingly. "You know what? Let's just move on before you give me gray hairs — oh, and by the way—" She had just pointed at Rafael when he warned her to stop right there. Montserrat laughed right in his face. "It's alright, you only have a couple—"

"Montserrat!"

"Kidding! But I mean, I think you'd look very nice with a few gray hairs here and there."

Rafael rolled his eyes. "You know what? I'm actually very tired. Whether I like to admit it or not, the walking and moving altogether did exhaust me a bit."

Montserrat dropped the laughs and jokes when he said that. "Are you—?"

"I'm okay," Rafael cut her off, knowing damn well her concerns had returned in a second. "Just tired, that's all."

"Do you want to go rest?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "I think I actually do. Turn in early."

"Okay—"

"With you."

Montserrat blinked and slowly started to smile. Her entire body relaxed within minutes. "Okay," she nodded, "I like that idea."

They left their things in the living room, Rafael being very careful not to leave his "paperwork" out in the open where Monsterrat could accidentally come across it. He would come back for it later when she was asleep.

~ 0 ~

"You know I talked to your mother earlier. I bumped into her at the grocery store," Montserrat confessed once they were settled in bed. She snuggled up to Rafael's side, careful not to hurt him in the process.

Rafael groaned. "Oh God, what did she say now?" He could just see his mother being nitty-gritty about the things Montserrat picked up in the store.

"Nothing," Montserrat chuckled. "She's been real good to me ever since we brought you home from the hospital. I mean, she has her moments but it's been okay overall."

"She better be." Rafael was not afraid to have another go with his mother. Although, he was glad that the first "go" had been successful. He didn't like arguing with her either. "So, if she wasn't being mean, what did she say?"

"She asked about you, how you were doing and all that stuff. She also mentioned that you haven't called her once since you left the hospital." Montserrat tilted her head up to look at him. "Says maybe I'm distracting you."

"And there it is…" Rafael had to draw in a breath to ease himself. Of course his mother would say stupid nonsense like that, especially if he wasn't around. "I'm sorry," he said, sighing.

Montserrat chuckled. "Don't worry about it. She caught me off guard but it's nothing." Course she wouldn't tell him how she reacted at the store, how her been a sputtering mess for five minutes right in public. "I told her you were just resting most of the time."

"I'm still going to talk to her," Rafael decided, because knowing his mother this wouldn't be the last time a comment like that left her mouth.

"Your choice," Montserrat shrugged. She rested her head on his chest again, beginning to feel the wisps of sleep coming for her. "Also called my dad."

"Oh, and how'd that go?" Rafael heard Montserrat's faint intake of breath. He moved his hand on her back, gently rubbing up and down.

"Okay," Montserrat yawned, "Wants to have dinner with us soon."

"We still haven't done that," Rafael actually laughed. It hurt less now. "Seems like we've been planning that for ages now."

"I know," Montserrat mused, "Maybe we can make it a dinner/'you're all better' celebration? That way we can invite everyone, not just my family?"

"Would be a lot better for me…" Rafael said, thinking it over. It would at least give him excuses to talk to Olivia and Fin about the ongoing case. "I like it," he decided. "We can do it this week, if you want."

Montserrat scoffed. "Nice try. You're still out from work for at least another month."

"You really want me to stay on the couch all day, huh? You realize you're going to have to sustain my lifestyle, right?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes at him.

"I mean — I like expensive scotch, you know that. And there always has to be sweets in the cabinet and let's not mention—"

"If you value your life, you'll go to sleep right now."

Rafael laughed to himself. "So much for my lovely nurse."

"Be quiet."

Rafael held Montserrat closer to him. He suspected that she had no idea just how much he actually loved her. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. "Thank you for everything."

Montserrat thought his sudden gratitude was questionable — perhaps it was a tactic to appease her when she sounded so annoyed by him?

"I really don't know what I would do without you," Rafael continued, absent-mindedly running his fingers up and down Montserrat's back.

"Are you okay?" She had to ask. She shifted her head enough to catch his eye.

Rafael smiled at her. "I can't tell you 'thank you' without you questioning my health?"

A bashful smile crossed Montserrat's face. "Sorry, you're just not very talkative sometimes which is quite the contradiction to you when you're at work."

"You always say that I have a big mouth."

"Yeah, to give sass and snark, but you're not exactly the kind to talk about, you know, feelings and stuff like that."

"I know," Rafael sighed, admitting defeat to that one. "And I should be more but—"

"It's alright," Montserrat chuckled lightly, "I like the way you are. And even though sometimes you don't say the words, you do what you want to say. I understand your language and I love it. Just like I love you."

Everything she said just confirmed what Rafael already knew and felt. He felt so lucky with her at his side. "And I love you." He pressed a kiss on her forehead but Montserrat beat him to it and instead kissed him on the lips. Much sweeter indeed.

He wished he could move more easily to kiss her more but it just wasn't possible.

Montserrat pulled away from him wearing another smile. "You should rest now."

Rafael didn't take her suggestion with the most enthusiasm. She laughed in response. She grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him again. She could honestly kiss him for hours but alas, he had to rest and like the good nurse that she was, she drew away again.

"Sleep," she patted a hand on his chest. "Now."

"Something tells me it's not a suggestion," Rafael said, feigning suspicion.

"Mm, smart man," Montserrat wagged a finger at him.

"Stay with me?"

"Always." Montserrat snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest. She would end up falling asleep with him in no time.

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saiilorstars · 8 months ago

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Ch. 62: The Little Big Words

Previous chapters // Montserrat’s masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing: Rafael Barba x OC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message

"Didn't I say no working?" Montserrat thought it was too early to be this kind of mad but Rafael had found a way each day since they left the hospital. Each morning he would find a different way to do something he shouldn't be doing; today's attempt was trying to work on a case in the living room.

"Did you?" Rafael didn't even attempt to sound surprised by Montserrat's presence and reaction to him. He was flipping through pages on the couch.

Montserrat walked up behind the couch and reached over Rafael to take the papers out of his hands.

"Hey!" He went to reach for them when his side said absolutely not. "Ow…" he jerked back in place.

"It's like you want to be stupid on purpose," Montserrat shook her head at him. She skimmed a few of the lines on the first paper in her hands. "Wait, is this the Avery Jordan case we dealt with months ago?"

"Yeah," Rafael said, struggling to get up on his own. He refused to let Montserrat do that for him. She already did so much for him, this one was on him, one way or another.

"I've been so negligent keeping up with her," Montserrat said, scrunching her nose. "She's how far along now?"

"About 7 months," Rafael said, coming around the couch slowly. He was putting his best efforts not to place his hand over his injury. It had become like a custom that he really wanted to break. It would be less of a reminder of what happened. "Her trial's finally got a date."

"Finally," scoffed Montserrat. "Meanwhile, this woman's been living a constant hell."

"Which I'm trying to put an end to," Rafael said, plucking his papers out of Montserrat's hands. "But you won't let me."

"Nice try," Montserrat said, promptly taking back what he stole. "But you're not working until you get an 'all clear'. So put it away before I start hiding them."

"A challenge I'm more than willing to take."

"Stop," warned Montserrat, pointing at the stupid grin on Rafel's face. She hated it. He was smug at all hours and it was getting on her last nerve. Her scotch bottle was almost done and it had only been two weeks since she bought them.

"Buenos dias," Rafael said promptly, leaning over to place a kiss on her lips. "Breakfast?" He moved around her and headed for the kitchen.

"I hate you," Montserrat nodded to herself and followed after him, ignoring his very proud "No you don't".

It was an hour after breakfast — and more bickering about the things Rafael should and shouldn't be doing — that someone knocked on the door. Montserrat practically stalked up to the door and opened it up. The sight of the young waitress Clara took her by surprise.

"Clara?" Montserrat blinked at the woman.

Clara sheepishly waved. "Hi, morning. I'm sorry for being early — I have class later. Were you guys asleep?"

Montserrat scoffed. "Yeah, he's a bat," she said, nodding back to Rafael who rolled his eyes in response. "He doesn't sleep. Come in."

"Thanks." Clara walked in slowly, both hands on the top of her purse — a sign of nervousness. "How are you feeling?" She asked Rafael.

"Good, thanks," he replied, "I'm better than what everyone else thinks."

"Don't start," Montserrat warned him. She looked at Clara suddenly. "Are you going to stay here?"

"Uh, well, I suppose —"

"Great," Montserrat nodded, "Because I need a break."

"What?" Clara watched the redhead rush over to the coffee table to grab her purse.

"Thanks so much for this!" Montserrat exclaimed. "What do you say — 17.50 an hour?"

"Montserrat," Rafael deadpanned the woman he so called his girlfriend. The title was in jeopardy.

Montserrat stared at him thoughtfully then looked at Clara again. "For your trouble…$25.50."

"Huh?" Clara blinked.

"Montserrat!" exclaimed Rafael.

"Oh, pipe down," snapped Montserrat. "I need a break from you. Your mother was right. You're driving me nuts."

"As are you to me," Rafael promptly replied. "Have a nice break."

Montserrat smiled sarcastically sweetly at him. "Likewise." She left the place without looking back.

Clara watched after Montserrat, having no idea what just happened. "Um, are you guys okay?"

Rafael laughed. "Yeah, don't worry. She's right, we do need a break. We're driving each other insane."

Clara still had no idea what to make of that. "I thought you guys were good…?"

"We are," nodded Rafael, "We're not afraid to tell each other our truths. It's against our programming. She has a big mouth, I can't stop countering. Nothing else."

Clara nodded slowly. I guess that's a good kind of relationship…

She would decide later.

"So, what's going on?" Rafael asked her. "Are you okay?" He'd given Clara his address in case she needed something in the future. After what happened, he owed her a lot.

"Sort of," Clara said, moving along as he proposed to, "I stopped by the precinct taking care of your case."

Immediately, Rafael knew why Clara was there. He was eternally grateful Montserrat left.

Clara didn't notice his expression changing. She was too busy being confused. "And I spoke to Sergeant Benson. She said the case has gone cold."

"Yeah…" Rafael said slowly, calculating Clara as much as he could. He was sure the meds he was taking were causing him to be slower. He couldn't be exactly sure what Clara was going to say next.

"After she explained what that meant, I thought I should come see how you're doing with the news," Clara said, offering him a small smile.

It was fairly quick how much guilt settled on Rafael's shoulders. He already carried another load for lying to Montserrat about it. Up until now, all she knew was that the case was simply going slow. He offered Olivia the chance to tell Montserrat himself that the case was "officially" a cold case.

"I'm…I'm okay," he told Clara. "You don't have to worry about me, Clara. I'm sure you have a lot more things to worry about given your career choice. Lots of exams…?" He looked at Clara until she smiled.

"Midterms," she corrected.

"There we go. You have enough on your plate."

Clara's shoulders rose together. "Maybe but I can't just forget about this either. You're sort of like my first real patient. It's my duty to make sure you're feeling okay."

"I appreciate the sentiment, and believe me you have done your obligations with me. I'm still here." Rafael smiled when Clara chuckled. She seemed far younger when she did. It was nice. "Look, you should just focus on your midterms and your work. I'm okay."

Clara wasn't entirely convinced. "But can't they do anything else about this?"

"I will be looking into it," Rafael lied swiftly and easily. "But if you need anything else from me, please feel free to call or stop by. Montserrat told me you're not working at the coffee shop, anymore?"

Clara shook her head, smiling sadly. "Too traumatic. I got a job at a little restaurant two blocks from there. Maybe you'd like to stop by. It's Chinese."

Rafael chuckled. "You don't say? We love that."

Clara chuckled. "Yeah, well, you can stop by anytime you'd like."

"We will," Rafael promised, "Once I'm out of house arrest." As it turned out, Montserrat was a lot stricter than he previously thought.

~0~

Montserrat picked at the plate in front of her, making a mental note to pick up strawberries before leaving. Across from her, Kara laughed at Montserrat's unfortunate tales.

"It's really not funny," Montserrat said, picking up her fork to try the pasta Sonny had graciously made for them for lunch.

"It's funny that you thought this wouldn't happen," Kara said with a shrug. "You've been staying with Rafael for, what, a week?"

"Two weeks,"Montserrat corrected. "Two weeks straight and I discovered we are complete opposites. He is a morning person — a very early person — and I'm normal. He likes his coffee as black as the frikin night and I'm…normal."

Kara laughed again. They even heard Sonny laugh to himself in the kitchen.

"Shut up, Carisi," called Montserrat, leaning back in her seat, "And where's the sides you promised?"

"Oh calm down," Kara waved a hand at her best friend to get her attention. "You're just learning more about Rafael."

"Well if he doesn't stop showing me so many new things about him, I might kill him," Montserrat said, scrunching her nose.

Kara laughed, even more delighted now that Sonny was coming around with a fresh new serving of pasta. "You should follow my lead," Kara said to Montserrat, "Mine just likes to cook."

Montserrat rolled her eyes. Kara grinned up at Sonny and happily accepted his kiss.

"Hey genius," Montserrat called, "your boyfriend's about to spill blazing hot pasta on your lap."

The way Sonny was holding the sizzling pan was indeed threatening to drop the pasta on Kara's lap.

"Whoops! Sorry, doll," Sonny said, quickly dumping the pasta on Kara's plate. "Little distracted…"

"I'll say," Montserrat shook her head. "Can I get more for take out? I need to bring Rafael something back."

"Thought he was pissing you off," Kara reminded.

"He is," Montserrat nodded. "But he still needs to eat."

Kara had to laugh. "You're ridiculous. Both of you. But you do have to learn how to live with each other if you're actually living together."

"We're not living together," Montserrat said quickly, sounding defensive about it too. "I'm just staying with him until he's okay."

"So you're coming back?"

Montserrat deadpanned her best friend for a long minute. "Please, try to be more disappointed about it."

Kara chuckled.

Sonny came back around with a to-go dish for Montserrat. "I think Kara's right," he said, ignoring Montserrat muttering 'of course'. "You need to learn how to live together. It's very different from just staying the night to being together for 2 weeks straight."

Montserrat's shoulders slumped. "I guess." Her hand tugged at a few of her curls. "I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to this kind of stuff anymore. Plus, none of my boyfriends have ever been shot before. I'm still coming down from that whole experience."

Sonny and Kara agreed with that statement.

"You said you talked to Olivia today, no?" Kara asked.

Montserrat nodded, her whole demeanor changing again. "I went before coming here." She let out a long sigh. "The case has gone cold."

Kara's eyes widened and she immediately looked at Sonny. The latter nodded. "That's terrible," Kara gawked. "Why?"

"The guy never showed his face and neither Rafael nor Clara can identify anything special about him," Montserrat explained. Her fork went in circles in her pasta. "Liv said they're trying but there's only so much we can do, right?"

"We are trying," Sonny assured her. "Sooner or later we'll get something."

Montserrat managed a little smile. What would she do without her partner? "Anyways, I should just focus on making sure Rafael's okay in the meantime." And learn how to manage my overall anxiety. Montserrat supposed those were really big things she should work towards.

~0~

Montserrat's trip to SVU was a complete bust since Olivia had not been around and no one else seemed to know what was going on, she didn't blame them. They were short staffed again and with new cases coming in every day. On her way back, she got a call from her father asking her to come over. When she tried to explain she was heading back to Rafael's place, her father insisted that it would just be for a moment. Either Montserrat went over, or he would find a way to her instead.

Montserrat arrived within fifteen minutes at her father's home after that. She certainly wasn't expecting to find her brother there as well, along with her two nieces.

"Don't look at me, he was just babysitting," Gael said when Montserrat threw the idea that this had been a set up. Of course when her five year old niece Ivannah came running up to her, Montserrat forgot all about it in favor of the little girl.

"Auntie Montse! You're here!" Ivannah very easily jumped into her aunt's arms.

Montserrat laughed lightly at the excited girl. "Well, if everyone greeted me like this, I wouldn't mind."

"What, your new boyfriend is tired of you already?" Gael smirked.

Montserrat deadpanned her older brother, keeling her not so nice words to herself solely for the five year old in the room. "Dad, what is this?"

"It's just a coincidence, I promise," Thomas said with his hands raised in front of him. "He stopped by with the girls afterwards."

"Yeah! Are you going to stay with us and grandpa!?" Ivannah bounced in Montserrat's arms to get the woman's attention.

"Uh, no sweetie, sorry," Montserrat gave a light pat on Ivannah's back. "I've got to head back soon. Dad, what did you need?"

"You weren't answering your phone…" Thomas said, giving his daughter a sharp look. "I got worried."

"I'm sorry. I've been a bit busy," Montserrat said, "But we're okay. Rafael's doing better now. He just…can't move a lot…"

"Would he be okay if we visited some time?" Thomas saw the way his daughter stiffened, alarmed with his question.

"What?" Montserrat was speechless.

Gael laughed at her. "You're that afraid we'll embarrass you, huh?"

Montserrat sent her brother another glare. "Shut it!"

"Dad, can you stop being so mean to aunt Montserrat?" Juliana walked out from the hallway. She came straight to Montserrat and hugged her aunt. "Hi auntie."

"Hi there sweetheart," Montserrat greeted the teenager with a warm smile. "How are you?"

"Okay," Juliana shrugged.

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes — it was the universal teenage response. "What about Abby?"

"We joined Key Club," Juliana said, "Getting volunteer hours. It looks great on college applications."

"That's great. Are you two—"

"Is it true you have a boyfriend now?" Juliana cut her aunt right off.

Montserrat blinked at the girl then went back to glaring at Gael. "You really have the biggest mouth in the world — no, galaxy."

Gael smirked. "You told dad I was dating Marlene Forbes!"

"Settle down you two," Thomas said, motioning his children to stop yelling.

"So, aunt Montse, do you have a boyfriend?" Juliana asked again, more curious than ever.

Montserrat sighed and gave in. "Yes. Thanks to your dad, I bet the whole of New York knows it by now."

"Give me half an hour," Gael said with a mischievous grin.

"Dad," Montserrat called, leading Gael to snicker.

"Go sit down," Thomas ordered the two. "And give me my granddaughter before you influence her the wrong way."

"No! I want to stay with my aunt Montse!" Ivannah clung her arms around Montserrat's neck.

Montserrat walked over to the couch and sat down with Ivannah on her lap. Juliana scurried to her aunt's side and plopped down on her knees.

"So who is it!?" She leaned on Montserrat's arm, absolutely eager to find out the answer. "Do we know him!? Is he a stranger!? Where'd you meet!?"

"You seem a bit too knowledgeable here," Montserrat remarked and gently pushed Juliana back. "Maybe you should tell us if you're seeing anyone."

"Not until she's 30," Gael said promptly. Juliana rolled her eyes at her father. "And in all seriousness, Montserrat, I'm happy to hear Rafael's doing better. Also glad he's the one you're dating."

Montserrat scoffed. "Please, you just like him because he put up the 5 grand for your bail."

"Not true," Gael said, shrugging. "It's a contributing factor but not a big one. I like his attitude."

"I honestly don't know if that's a good or bad thing," Montserrat said, shaking her head.

"Wait," Juliana said suddenly, scrunching her nose, "I remember that guy. He works with you and aunt Casey. He used to make you mad a lot."

Montserrat scoffed again. "'Used to'? He still does. Eighty percent of the time."

"Bet that's what he says about you." Gael walked up to Montserrat and gently took his daughter out of her arms to carry her himself. "The guy gets s-h-o-t and you're the nurse? Poor guy."

"Gael!" Montserrat exclaimed.

"Oh my God," Juliana made a horrified face, "Aunt Montse, is he okay?"

Montserrat shot her brother a look for his loose lips. "You want to keep going while your daughters are here?"

Gael motioned Juliana to head for the hallway. He then set Ivannah down and told her to go wash her hands for dinner.

"No, wait," Juliana said despite getting up from the couch, "Aunt Montse, is your boyfriend okay?"

"Yes, thankfully yes," Montserrat assured her.

"But was he like, shot-shot…?" Juliana leaned closer to her aunt's side, "As in like a lot of blood and—"

"Juliana, go help your sister wash her hands, now," Gael ordered her.

Juliana rolled her eyes. "As if I won't find out sooner or later," she told Gael before ushering Ivannah into the hallway.

"Great going," Montserrat turned on her brother, "You and your big mouth."

"It slipped," Gael frowned. "You think I wanted my daughter to know that somebody went and shot your boyfriend?"

"I'd believe you if you didn't keep saying it out loud!"

Gael raised his hands in front of him. Montserrat shook her head at him.

"I need to get back," Montserrat said, "Dad?"

"Yeah! Here!" Thomas made way to the kitchen. Montserrat glanced at her brother helplessly then followed after Thomas. He had come up to the kitchen counter where a paper bag stood. "I know that you're probably stressed and still coming out from all that's happened so I thought you could take some ready-to-go meals."

"What?" Montserrat blinked. Thomas motioned her to take a look inside the bag. When she did, she saw a couple trays with sweet smelling food inside, many of which she recognized from when she was a child. "Dad, you made all these?"

"I had the time," Thomas smiled at her, "And I figured that's what you don't have right now. Take 'em."

"Where's my cooked dinner?" grumbled Gael.

"Oh be quiet," Thomas said, "Your sister needs the help. And listen," he looked at Montserrat, "When Rafael is all better, I think it would be great if we could all sit down over some dinner."

"Oh, Dad…" Montserrat breathed in, "That's…that's a while away…"

"I know," Thomas said, assuring her that he didn't intend on that dinner being tomorrow. "But I want you to have the idea in your head so it's not a complete surprise when I force you to do it later on."

Montserrat's smile waned the more her father went on about their future plans. She couldn't be more grateful when he has to go tend to a phone call from work. Only then was she able to breathe again…until Gael spoke up.

"What's with you?" He eyed Montserrat's demeanor with bemusement. "Don't tell me you're that nervous about dinner?"

"No, I — it's not that," Montserrat sighed. "I can't believe I'm going to tell you this." And even then it took her another minute to be able to explain. "Rafael and I are in a bit of a…struggle."

"Struggle how?"

"Struggle as in we are close to not standing each other," Montserrat said, her face scrunching, "He is getting on my last nerves. He's as stubborn as they come. He doesn't want to stop working, he doesn't want to take his medication when he should and he wants to keep moving around when he should be resting. I'm so close to grabbing duct tape."

Gael smiled for a moment before the laugh won out. Montserrat did not appreciate it.

"I shouldn't have told you anything," she muttered. She moved to leave Gael alone but he grabbed her arm and gently pushed her back to her place.

"It's just funny," he told her, "Because I bet that's exactly what he's saying about you right now."

"Me?" Montserrat pointed at herself, indignant of such an accusation. "Why? I'm helping him."

"Except by the way you describe him, and the little that I know about him, it sounds like he's the kind of person who doesn't like help. He's not used to it."

Montserrat lowered her head. Those were some familiar thoughts she had herself a while back. It just went to hell when Rafael was shot and he was close to death.

"Montserrat, ever think of just being a bit more laid back nurse?"

"I can't be laid back with this," she argued, "He has a bullet wound, Gael. He just can't do some stuff. Period."

"Okay, but working from home isn't exactly lethal—"

"Physically no but mentally?"

"Have you ever considered that without his work, all Rafael has on his to-do list is think about what happened to him?" Gael knew the answer as his sister ducked her head. "What happened to him was pretty traumatic. I bet he doesn't want to think about it so he wants to bury himself in work."

"I don't want him to think about that stuff either," Montserrat mumbled. She more than anyone knew how moments like those could consume the mind.

"Find alternatives," Gael suggested, "And just take it easy. Coddling is no good either. Bet you would have less stress too if you weren't such a stickler right now."

Montserrat deadpanned her brother. "Gael."

"Living together is no joke. You have to compromise somewhere," Gael patted Montserrat's arm.

"We're not living together, I'm just…staying over until he's okay…"

"So you're living together right now," Gael concluded, "Compromise is key. Trust me."

Montserrat felt like she had no choice, not when Gael made sense. Maybe her nurse-mode was too strong right now and that's not what Rafael needed right now. He certainly didn't need the constant bickering.

"Thanks, Gael," she ultimately said to her brother. For once, he was just helping her out.

"Anytime," Gael said, "I already told you I like the guy and not—" he pointed at Montserrat, "—because he helped complete my bail money. Think it's about damn time someone puts you in your place every so often." Montserrat shoved him back, but no one could deny the smile that marked her face. Gael fixed his crinkled shirt with a laugh. "Just saying."

"Well stop saying more stuff," Montserrat playfully berated him and after a moment she added: "But thanks for your help."

Gael nodded and brought a hand over Montserrat's arm. "Of course. And I can't wait for that dinner."

"Mm," Montserrat's brow raised. "That's still up in the air." She patted her brother's cheek and side stepped around him.

~0~

On the way back to Rafael's, Montserrat couldn't stop thinking about her guilt. She felt absolutely horrible by the time she unlocked the door. She stepped inside quietly, immediately scoping the living room out. She didn't immediately see Rafael so she placed the bag of food on the coffee table. Rafael came out of the kitchen with a mug in hand soon after that.

"Hey, you're back," he remarked, his smirk widened and present, "Get your break? What, too short?"

Montserrat felt her stomach churn. You're horrible. She felt horrible. "I-I'm sorry, I'll be right back." She hurried into the hallway, leaving Rafael puzzled.

Had he said something wrong? For some reason, he felt like he needed to go check on her.

~0~

Montserrat had dumped her bag on the dresser and paced back and forth for a bit. "Calm down, calm down, you're making things worse!" She hit her head with her hands and forced herself to stop. "Get changed, and go out and talk."

She needed to follow her own advice before things got worse. Things couldn't get worse. She couldn't ruin things, not when her feelings had grown tenfold.

Her heart already hurt just thinking that she could end up pushing Rafael away from her. Was this self sabotage?

Dr. Weslin had already mentioned that a little after Montserrat admitted to being in a new relationship. Self-sabotage was a form of escapism in which victims often tried hard to push away people for fear that things wouldn't work out for them.

"No, no, no, no," Montserrat told herself over and over. She headed for her drawer and pulled out a t-shirt for sleep, along with a pair of pants. She set them both on top of the dresser then grabbed her own shirt from the bottom. She was pulling the strap of her bra when the bedroom door opened.

Rafael had come inside to check in on Montserrat. She whirled away from him, clutching her shirt against her chest.

"Montserrat! Sorry!" In his attempt to turn away immediately, Rafael felt his side communicate once again that he wasn't ready for which movements. "Argh!" His hand moved over his side while the other sustained his balance on the doorknob.

Montserrat instinctively turned back to now see his back, hunched over with his injuries. "Raf — what's wrong!?"

"Fine! Fine!" He waved a hand at her to stay put. "I'm sorry for coming in without knocking. I thought — you seemed upset — I didn't know —"

Montserrat felt her face warm up and quickly turned herself away from him. "It's my fault," she muttered.

"What? No it's not, you're…" Rafael looked over his shoulder and saw Montserrat had turned away again. He was going to do the same, by God he really was, but something on her back caught his eye.

At first glance it would be like a normal mark on skin — almost an odd birthmark — but with his experience he knew well enough that it wasn't the case. And he just couldn't help it. The instinct to protect overwhelmed him…along with a familiar anger.

"Montserrat, what's that on your back?" Even when her back was to him, Rafael saw the way Montserrat's body stiffened.

"I-I need to get changed now," she said, or rather sounded like she was pleading with him to forget about it.

Rafael couldn't do that — they would literally have to finish the job and kill him for that to happen.

Montserrat let out a light gasp when she felt a finger gently graze her lower back. Rafael had come up behind her to see the mark better.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He asked quietly.

Montserrat wasn't sure if it was better that he didn't sound angry at her for it because the alternative was that he felt sorry for her. She swallowed hard. "It wasn't important to any of our conversations…you already know what happened…"

"But this is different — this is a literal scar from…from what?" Rafael didn't want to think about the movements that led to such a mark on Montserrat's skin. It was medium-sized and oddly shaped like whatever Montserrat was pressed against had been broken in some way and ended up in a sharp piece. The pain of something like that had to have been unbearable…

"There really is no point in discussing it anymore," Montserrat said, raising her arms to bring her shirt over her head.

Rafael was incredibly sorry for it but he pulled her arms down. He couldn't just let it go, not this time. "Montserrat," his voice was stern, "what is this?"

"It's just a mark, what else?" Montserrat whirled around, clutching her shirt to her chest. "None of that experience was pleasurable. Did you think a scar would be?" As soon as the words left her mouth and she heard them, she knew she'd been harsh.

Yet, Rafael didn't look the least bit phased by her attitude. He seemed used to that kind of stuff, and he was. It just made Montserrat feel even worse.

Instead of speaking, his fingers hooked under her chin and tilted her head up at him. Her breath hitched when his other hand came around her bare back, stopping precisely over her scar. His hand dropped from her chin as he pressed his forehead against hers, eyes shut.

Montserrat felt herself calm with his warmth against her. Her eyes fluttered close the more she focused on them and their closeness. It didn't even matter the way she was, her hard attitude — Rafael made her forget about it all. And without even having to speak too.

His talent is undeniable. She felt herself start to smile.

"You're okay," Rafael finally spoke a few minutes later, his voice quiet and soft. "You're here with me. You're safe."

Montserrat opened her eyes to see him already looking at her. The fondness in his eyes almost made her break down there and then.

Rafael offered her a little smile of encouragement. Believe me, he said. "There's no more danger." Not on his watch. He'd take another bullet for her anytime, anywhere.

Montserrat actually felt an ache in her heart when his fingers lifted off her back. She longed for his touch again, even if it was over the scars she would rather forget about. He could make even that seem pointless.

"I'm going to get you something to drink, okay?" Rafael said, giving her a small kiss on her cheek. "Just relax and finish getting changed."

Montserrat nodded silently and watched him step back until he turned to leave. Something was caught in her throat and the fact he was about to leave her made it feel even more urgent. His touch, his wordless help, his fondness and his care — she wanted all that. She wanted him.

"I love you," the words tumbled out of her mouth.

Rafael froze in his spot. The first thing that popped into his head was the blaring idea that he had absolutely heard wrong. Those little words — those little big words — had been a long lost notion to him. The last person who said that to him had promised so many things with that confession and in the end, she left him aside for an allegedly better man.

But the stretching silence helped warm him up to the idea that he wasn't insane. He had heard right which meant Montserrat was waiting for him to react. Silence probably wasn't viewed as a good lead.

He turned around and met her nervous eyes. She felt nervous and almost sick standing in her spot, still clutching her shirt to her chest. She was at her most vulnerable, and yet she'd somehow mustered the courage to say words she didn't think she would ever be able to say again.

Without saying anything, Rafael strode back (as much as he could in his condition) and slid his hands over Montserrat's cheeks to kiss her. He tilted her head up to deepen their kiss, not wanting her to get away for anything.

Montserrat wouldn't consider such a thing. She brought an arm around Rafael's neck, pulling him down. At the same time, Rafael lowered a hand down to her waist, his fingers pressing against her sides. Little by little, they traveled around her back until they splayed against her skin. Everything about her was so soft and warm — it was a whole temptation that Rafael wasn't sure he could resist.

He parted from her lips enough to speak but kept his forehead pressed against hers. "I love you too," he whispered.

Montserrat's breath hitched. Her heart raced about a thousand beats in just a minute. "You mean that?"

Rafael smiled at her. "Yes."

There was a moment where Montserrat wondered if this was real. "I'm — are you sure?"

Rafael had to laugh. "Yes. Why do you keep asking?"

"Because I've been so mean," Montserrat sighed, drawing away from him.

"Mean?" Rafael gave her a look. "What are you talking about?" He was close to laughing.

With a sigh, Montserrat pulled her t-shirt over her head to finish getting dressed. "I've been snarky and just plain ole mean to you while you're, you know…" She made a gesture at his side. "I'm sorry."

As much as Rafael wanted to laugh, and he did, the fact Montserrat looked pretty serious about the matter left him confused. "Again, what are you talking about? I'm okay. I know I'm a pain in the ass. Frankly, I'm surprised you've lasted this long without murdering me."

"Raf, I'm being serious," Montserrat crossed her arms. "You're hurt. I'm supposed to be helping you—"

"And you are," Rafael said, smiling out of sheer confusion. "You're doing more than you should. I told you from the start that you didn't even have to stay with me."

"Don't say crazy stuff," Montserrat rolled her eyes at him.

"Then you shouldn't either," Rafael countered, "Do you know why I like you so much? Why I love you so much?"

Montserrat faltered. "Why…?"

"Because I can't get enough of your personality. Where I'm mean — and I am mean — you're more. You always have something to say, especially when I say something first. You don't let me get away with anything. You keep me on my toes and I love that."

"You do?"

Rafael felt like this was a conversation they already had at some point. "Yeah, why wouldn't I? It would be boring if this was just one sided." He gently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Where is this coming from?"

Montserrat drew in a small breath. "Just…thinking…" She gave a light shrug of her shoulders. "I felt awful for how I left this morning. I was so mean and—"

"Tired? You've been taking care of me non-stop. I assume you're tired, Montse. You're right. You need breaks. No one in their right mind could be my nurse and survive…except for you."

"Oh, shut up…"

"It's true. You're the only one who can handle me and keep me in my place," Rafael insisted, grinning. "You might find this hard to believe but there are women out there who think I'm a little scary."

Montserrat laughed on the spot. "You don't say?"

"Yeah, I don't get it…" Rafael shrugged, "But in truth, I'm scared of you."

"Stop," Montserrat pointed at him, barely holding her next laugh in. "You're trying to be funny with me."

"Not right now, promise. It's just the truth. This would be a very difficult relationship if things weren't so easy."

"You think this is all easy?"

Rafael chuckled. "For the most part, yeah. I didn't have that before — now I know what it's like and I can't get enough of it. You gotta believe me here." He took Montserrat's hands in his and squeezed them. "Do I need to make a case or something?"

Montserrat scoffed. "Nu-uh, you're not going to use me as an excuse to keep working."

"Well then I hope it stuck now," Rafael said, gently tugging her close to him. "Would you like some dinner then?"

Montserrat nodded. "I'd like that." She made to leave but Rafael pulled her right back into a kiss. Her squeak barely made it out before his lips crashed against hers.

It took her a second to catch up with him and even then Rafael was in control. She felt his fingers subtly creep under her shirt, gently crawling around her back. He'd found a new favorite place for sure and she didn't have any protest. She could stay like that forever…

But she also needed air.

She parted slightly, taking in an immediate breath, and blinked up at him. "Dinner?"

Rafael remembered his idea and had no choice but to nod. "Yeah." He pulled his hands off Montserrat and passed a few fingers through her hair. "Are you okay?"

Montserrat gave a nod of her head. "I will be now."

Rafael loved to hear that. "I love you."

Montserrat felt her heart skip. She bit her bottom lip, growing excited in just a few seconds. "I love you too." The words were such a novelty to her that she wanted to say them over and over, get her tongue used to them.

Rafael could see the joy practically radiate from Montserrat's eyes. He always wanted to see that, no matter what the reason was. She deserved to be happy. No one had any right to take that feeling away from her, not her happiness nor her sense of security.

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