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homespork-review · 5 years

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Homespork Act 2: The Racism of the Conductor’s Baton (Part 2)

FAILURE ARTIST: We don’t get much time to mourn with Dave because the comic flashes to a weird wizard statue. This statue is ZAZZERPAN THE LEARNED. Wizards are another recurring theme in Homestuck. Andrew Hussie once artfully defaced this cheesy book called Wizardology (warning: lots of really offensive humor). Anyway, Rose hates the giant statue and the other wizard paraphernalia her mother collects and believes her mother does this only to spite her. On a platform is a bronzed vacuum (with a place to put alcoholic beverages) that Rose gave her as an ironic present. On the couch there’s a life-sized princess doll that Rose has attached a Cthulhu-type head to. All these things set up Rose’s troubled relationship with her mother. Rose believes her mother is taunting her and Rose taunts her back.

BRIGHT: This scene also establishes that some things (the Cthulhu doll for one) are too big to be captchalogued.

CHEL: Actually, that was noted with the harlequin doll earlier but we forgot to mention that.

FAILURE ARTIST: Rose goes to the kitchen. On the fridge is a crude picture of her late cat Jaspers, who turns out to be more than a family pet. There’s more signs of this cold war between mother and daughter on the fridge.

CHEL: Also, numerous liquor bottles in the kitchen and comically exaggerated displays of wealth, such as a fifteen-thousand-dollar picture frame.

FAILURE ARTIST: After fussing with the fridge, Rose tries to leave the kitchen only to run into her mother. She tries escaping but lands comically in some wizard statuettes.

CHEL: Mom Lalonde is mopping the floor, with no water in the bucket, holding a martini in her other hand. The woman clearly has a problem. Again, this is an issue with the portrayal of the parents; this is pretty funny, but were a real mother behaving this way, it would seriously mess up the kid, and whether we’re supposed to take it as Rule of Funny or not later becomes inconsistent.

BRIGHT: I think a lot of the humour here is supposed to come from the implication that Mom Lalonde actually is a loving if clueless (and drunk) parent, and Rose is reading her badly. On the other hand, something is clearly very wrong, and while Mom Lalonde may indeed be loving the situation is definitely having an impact on Rose.

TIER: Say whatever you want, but when putting on the late game Cerebus Retcon goggles there are probably non-humorous questions to be asked about how screwy Mom Lalonde is as a parental unit if her daughter has ended up interpreting most of her actions as mocking or backhanded towards herself. Like, kids don't just decide that.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 3

CHEL: Back to Dave, he’s chatting with GG and they’re being adorable. GG comments about her birthday present to John, the green box we saw in the car earlier, and…

GG: no!!!!!!! GG: he will not open it GG: he will lose it!!! TG: oh TG: uh TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess? GG: no its good actually! GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place! TG: see like TG: i never get how you know these things GG: i dont know GG: i just know that i know!

I think here is when we start to get inklings of the kids’ unusual abilities - I mean, unusual in the context of the weird world they live in. A bit more is established about GG’s home life and Dave’s attitudes, too:

GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking TG: man TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off GG: heheheh! GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!! TG: yeah TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok GG: ._. GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain GG: it is usually........ GG: intense!!! TG: well yeah isnt it always with family TG: but he sounds like a total badass

“Intense�� in a world where attacking your father with a hammer isn’t worthy of comment sounds worrying. We’ll see how that goes.

FAILURE ARTIST: Dave has the tiniest of smiles here and in Hussie’s annotation he says that one pixel created Dave/GG. Whether or not their connection is romantic, Dave obviously feels great affection for her.

CHEL: Interactions between all four of the kids are really sweet, honestly. Dialogue and character interactions are one of the strongest points of the comic overall. Personally I have a soft spot for the OT4.

TIER: In my unprofessional opinion, the beta humans are by far the most functioning and tight knit group of the various groups within the comic, for what that's worth considering the overall dysfunction junction. They're sweet to one another is what I'm saying.

CHEL: Dave talks to John, who mentions the creepy trails around his house and how he thinks he’s seen monsters, which we the audience have definitely seen; creepy little black imps with fangs and, oddly, jester outfits. They bear a striking resemblance to the Wayward Vagabond, in fact. Dave makes fun, but at least pretends not to disbelieve him, and urges him to keep his hammer at the ready. Dave can’t find his Bro, but can find “Lil Cal”, implying Bro is nearby.

TG: lil cal is the shit EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying. WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 5

Would a non-white rapping ventriloquist be any cooler? I’m struggling to see how. Ventriloquism, by definition, sucks the cool out of any other aspect of the thing. And now I’m picturing Carlton from Fresh Prince trying to rap with a ventriloquist’s doll.

BRIGHT: Back at the Lalonde residence, Rose attempts to ‘Youth Roll’ out of the front door, but her escape route is blocked by her mother, who appears with martini glass in hand. Time for our second Strife of the comic! (And can I say that I really like the music for this one?)

As with John’s strife with his dad, this strife tells us a lot about Rose’s relationship with her mother. John had the AGGRIEVE and ABJURE options; Rose also gets AGGRESS (PASSIVE) and ABSTAIN. It’s pretty telling that one of these options is an EMPTY SUICIDE THREAT, and ‘Abstain’ has Rose fending off her mother’s insistent offer of the martini glass.

FAILURE ARTIST: I liked the EMPTY SUICIDE THREAT at the time but now I think it deserves an ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?

BRIGHT: Mom Lalonde may be intended as loving-but-clueless, but she’s offering her thirteen year old daughter alcohol, over Rose’s protests, and something is clearly very wrong if suicide threats are a normal part of life. (Something similar will come up in the future, but in that context it isn’t played for laughs.)

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 4

On a lighter note, ‘Abjure’ has her mother offering her A BEAUTIFUL PONY. Rose reacts in the moment like this is terrible, but does later pat the pony’s nose.

At any rate, the strife ends when Mom Lalonde apparently gets bored and decides to do some dusting. This takes all the fun out of using the front door, so Rose goes around the back to make her break for the generator.

Meanwhile, John is trying to read up on weaponizing sylladexes (sylladices?), but is being nagged by a voice to turn around — which he finally does, just in time for a monster to ram into him so hard it turns the panel pixelated. Strife time!

John’s bout with the Shale Imp kicks off with the monster threatening the Con Air bunny. John’s efforts to defend it are intercut with Rose’s progress out of the house and through the rain to the mausoleum. I think this interplay works quite nicely — it keeps both things moving without letting the reader get impatient -- but your mileage may vary.

The imp aggravates John by punching the bunny in the belly and waving it at him. John attacks the imp and breaks his hammer, then attacks it with the handle and gets knocked flat. Finally he weaponises his sylladex and chucks his inventory at it until it explodes into a shower of grist.

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX!!!!!! Now why couldn’t he put the bunny back in the box?

Because he’d set it as his strifekind, it turns out.

In true video game style, defeating the imp causes John to level up! In Homestuck, this is done by ascending one’s echeladder, a series of player levels with whimsical, old-fashioned names. John climbs two rungs, from Greentike to Plucky Tot, and earns 125 Boondollars.

Note how efficient this is: In one panel we can see that the echeladder is a levelling system, that Boondollars are in-Game currency, and that levelling up has increased John’s amount of grist and how much of it he can carry. He’s also got a new kind of grist called ‘Shale’. Hussie does take an extra panel to clarify the grist capacity expansion, but that makes sense as it’s a small part of the original panel. Compare this to the dozens of panels we’ve had laying out how sylladexes work. These panels are much more information-dense, and the comic flows better for it.

CHEL: Exactly what “grist” is and what it does beyond allowing changes to the house, why those changes are needed, and what “boondollars” are for hasn’t been explained yet, but will be soon, and it’s clear they’re something to do with the game so it’s not outright confusing.

BRIGHT: John spends the next few panels sorting his strife specibus out, and stashes the bunny in there for safekeeping. There’s something amiss, but he can’t quite put his finger on it...

Meanwhile, Rose has reached the mausoleum and prepares to activate the generator. The taxidermied corpse of her beloved pet lies in state, dressed in a tiny suit. A sad fate for an animal who should have peacefully decomposed in a flowerbed. Rose kicks it off the pedestal to make room for the laptop.

John discovers what’s wrong when a bucket of water perched atop his door lands on his head. The culprit behind this sudden dousing?

"[S] WHAT THIS IS SO OUTRAGEOUS (HD)" (Watch on YouTube)

Apparently the sprite has a sense of humour.

Next up is a pesterlog between Rose and Dave. There are hints that all is not well in the Strider residence.

TG: hey TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little TT: You're referring to your brother's collection? TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever TG: or semi-semi ironic TG: man i dont even know TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up TT: I've seen his websites. TT: I like them. TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that TG: with those dead eyes jesus TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out

Well, not so much hints as flashing neon signs. Dave’s gone very quickly from insisting that everything his brother does is cool and Lil Cal is awesome, to admitting that he has nightmares about Lil Cal and is freaked out by his brother’s ‘semi-ironic puppet thing’. We don’t know much about Bro’s websites yet, but we do know that Rose has a morbid streak, and Dave is clearly disturbed by the content.

Dave leaves to find his brother’s copy of the game, and we return to John, who, to quote Rose, has ‘just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.’

And yes, that is indeed John’s dead Nanna, returned to help him on his journey through The Medium and beyond -- or at least, she claims she is. John has to take her word for it, as he doesn’t remember her at all. According to his Dad, John was pretty young when she died. Speaking of his Dad, he’s been kidnapped by the forces invading John’s home.

Nannasprite gives John the background of the game and what’s going on. His house is now in the Medium. This place was created by the game software, but is physically independent of it -- and no, he’s not inside a computer. The Medium floats in the Incipisphere, a place outside the normal flow of time in the kids’ universe. Above the Medium is the realm of Skaia.

According to Nannasprite:

Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I'm afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!

Nannasprite is somewhat like a tutorial assistant for the game -- she helps guide John and provides information, although she’s somewhat cryptic.

We are getting a lot of new words here, but Hussie is defining them pretty well as we go, so I don’t think it merits a point.

At any rate, Skaia is defended by the forces of light, while forces of darkness plot its destruction. These two forces exist in an endless stalemate on a stage at the centre of Skaia until a player with a prototyped Kernelsprite enters the Medium. Then the prototyped Kernelsprite splits, with one Kernel carrying the prototyping information up to a kingdom basked in light, and another Kernel carrying it down to the kingdom of darkness. Each kingdom has four Spires, and when the Kernel reaches one, it propagates the prototyping information to the kingdom’s forces.

This is why the imps were dressed as jesters: John prototyped his Kernel with the harlequin doll, and whatever the other players prototype with will influence what forms the soldiers take. When the first Kernels reach the spires, the battlefield gets bigger and the war begins for real.

Oh, right -- and the forces of light are always destined to lose.

So what’s the point? Apparently, that’s for John to find out. For now, though, he needs to head towards Skaia, going through the first of seven Gates. The first Gate is situated directly above John’s house, but the others are going to be harder to reach. We now find out what all that Build Grist is for: To get to the Gate, they need to build the house higher to reach it. And then they can rescue John’s Dad, solve the ultimate riddle, and save the Earth from destruction!

...or not.

Nope, according to Nannasprite, Earth is doomed. Done for. Kaput. There is nothing they can do to save it.

John is pretty bummed about this. He isn’t cheered by Nanna’s assurance that he has a much more important purpose than saving the planet, although she fails to elaborate on that point and instead floats off to make cookies.

CHEL: I think here we earn another couple of points.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 2 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 11 Failing the Turing Test - wherein the character has no reactions whatsoever While the emotional lives of characters should not be described in their every tiny wrinkle, characters must have emotional lives. When someone boos them off a stage, they should experience chagrin. When they fall from a tenth-storey window, they should feel alarm. The writer should not count on dialogue like “Yikes!” to get the point across.

Brief confusion and feeling “bummed out” by the news that one’s entire planet is doomed does not count as an adequate reaction. I’d expect more fear, more concern. As pointed out before, doesn’t John have any friends other than Dave, Rose, and GG? His Dad has friends, wouldn’t he be concerned for them on Dad’s behalf? If nothing else, more curiosity about this “more important” business?

BRIGHT: Now, I could actually buy this in some circumstances — John is a teenager, doesn’t seem to have close connections outside those we see on screen, and he’s been having one hell of a weird day. I wouldn’t be surprised if grasping the scope of destruction was simply beyond him at this point. It’s a lot to take in, and it’s only been a few hours since life went to hell in a handbasket — not to mention, he’s in an active combat zone. There’s a lot going on, and if he was to shove it out of his mind while he dealt with the immediate crisis, I could see that as pretty realistic.

Of course, that would depend on him actually reacting at some later point, when he had a chance to slow down and it could sink in. As it stands...well, if that does happen, we never see it.

CHEL: Does this also count as “Oh, Don’t Mind Him” for the How Not To score?

BRIGHT: I think so, yes.

CHEL: Then here it goes!

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 12 Oh, Don’t Mind Him - where a character’s problems remain unexplored In real life, people are riddled with chronic problems that are not addressed for long periods of time, if ever. But in fiction, all problems are just the opening chords of a song. If there is a brother who has a problem with alcohol, a child who has lost her dog, or even someone whose car has simply broken down, the reader will worry about those people and expect the author to do something about it.

Technically, this could count for seven billion or so points, minus any people who successfully entered their own game sessions, but we don’t want to get out of hand here and it really only counts as one big problem.

However! I am very fond of this idea in theory. The obvious option would be that the purpose of the game is to save the player’s homeworld. We’ve all seen the “save the homeworld” idea in scifi and fantasy before. Here, the homeworld is beyond saving, but there is another option, and exploring that is the storyline. The forces of light cannot have a traditional victory; the protagonists must find a victory on the terms they have. It’s not a theme one sees often, and I like it.

FAILURE ARTIST: John and the other Beta Kids’ lack of angst of the destruction of their planet doesn’t stick out as much here as it will later when almost everything else is milked for angst.

CHEL: I’m not really sure the planet being destroyed is a great basis for a Rule-of-Funny-based story if that was what he was going for, to be honest. “Billions died, lol!”

#homestuck #let's read homestuck #homestuck meta #homespork #homestuck reread #homestuck review #sporking #literary critique

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ill-skillsgard · 6 years

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Patterns in the Ivy, Part 1 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Patterns in the Ivy

Description: A continuation of Smoke & Money. Ghosts from the not-so-distant past come back to threaten her. She must choose between a lavish life of servitude or have everything she ever loved stripped away.

Warning: 18+ smut/swearing/mentions of drugs/kink & fetish themes

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

I never thought that my life would turn out this way. One day I was on my own, living in a crappy apartment with nobody but myself to worry about and before I knew it, that had all changed. I had her now. My beautiful daughter. She was almost four years old already. I was constantly baffled by the amount of time it took for me to become the person I was meant to be; a mother to a child.

She was the most incredible human being that I had ever met. Every single day she got smarter and with each of those days, it became easier and easier to talk to her. When I had her, I named her Ivany. She was a sweet little baby with brown hair and big soul-searching eyes. I loved her immediately. All the world melted away. All my problems had been solved by the birth of just one perfect human being.

Nothing in my past meant a thing after she came around. I left my former self behind in favor of her. She made all the bad whispers go away. She warded off my loneliness and filled the silence. She occupied my ever-racing mind so that I could just feel calm when I hadn't ever known the definition of calmness. Ivany was my last strand of hope, the only one that couldn't break.

I did everything that I could to make our life together a good one. I found us a townhouse to live in and I found myself steady jobs to support us. Before Ivany, I never knew a life of selflessness. I didn't know what it was like to love another person unconditionally and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Our life together was fun and exciting with zero complications and that was the way I wanted it. But of course, life had its way of ripping apart everything I loved like a rabid dog, tearing at the seams with seemingly no effort at all. Just when I thought I had finally let my roots grow.

It all began on a day that I decided to take Ivany to the park after school.

I was sat on a bench with a book in hand, unable to really take in the words as I was too busy looking up every twenty seconds to check up on her. Sick of reading the same sentence over and over, I put the book in my purse. I preferred to watch her anyway. There were a few other children and parents around and more coming in. Off in the distance, I saw an older man with a young boy approaching and older kids walking in from school.

"Watch me, Mommy!" I heard Ivany call from the swing she had claimed as her own.

"I can see you, Ivy!" I called to her.

After a little while, the park started to get crowded. I stood up from the bench and circled around, following Ivany wherever she went. To say I was overprotective would be a grand understatement.

"Is that one yours?" A male voice from behind me asked.

I turned around to see who it was speaking to me. It was the older man I had spotted earlier with the young boy. I feigned a smile. "Yeah, she is."

"She's a real cutie pie, huh? That one's going to be a heart-breaker someday."

I laughed uneasily. "I'll teach her to break fingers before hearts."

"She looks like you, too."

I always had doubts whenever somebody told me that Ivany looked like me. I had dark hair, almost black in certain light and hazel eyes. My facial features were softer, my nose more rounded. The peaks of my top lip came up to sharp points whereas her's were fuller. Her eyes were pools of dreary green that when I looked into, I could see visions of my forgotten past. Ivany didn't look much like me at all.

"Thanks," I said to him anyway.

Suddenly, I heard a shriek and my attention perked immediately. The sounds of my daughter crying sent me running towards where she was standing next to the swing set.

"Ivany!" I called.

The boy that had come with the man was standing beside her, little fists clenched at his sides and my daughter was crunched into a ball, holding her head and crying.

"What's wrong honey? What happened?" I asked her, kneeling down to look at her face.

"That boy hurt me!"

I moved her hand from where she had been clutching at her hair and saw that her pink barrette was askew and it looked like some of her hair had been ripped out. The more my daughter cried the angrier I got. The boy stood there watching, stone-faced and unmoved by her tears. I stood up as the man approached.

"Hey buddy, your kid just ripped out a chunk of my daughter's hair!"

"Kevin, that is not very nice! You apologize to the little girl this instant!" The man said.

The little boy turned towards us despondently and mumbled a half-ass, "sorry."

I lifted Ivany up, shot the both of them a glare and marched off with her in my arms, purse swinging from my wrist. Once we were far enough away I brushed my hand through her hair and rocked her a little bit.

"Are you okay to walk to the car, Ivy?"

"Yes, mom."

I set her down on the ground and looked at her red, puffy, crying face with sympathy. Unclipping her barrette, I smoothed out her hair and clicked my tongue in contempt.

"It's going to be okay, honey. Let's go get something to eat and then we'll go home and watch a movie."

I took Ivany home and got her settled down, fed and set her up in the living room with a blanket and her favourite movie. My girlfriend from next door was going to make her way over so that I could get ready for work.

Every two weeks I had to work late nights at my job and I had nobody else to watch Ivany. I had become very close to my next door neighbor, a petite ray of sunshine by the name of Kiki who had come to live in the States from Korea when she was just a girl. She and I got along well and Ivany loved her so we naturally became a little unit. I would look after her cats and she would look after my kid. It worked out well for both of us.

"Mommy, do you have to work?" Ivany asked me as I fluttered around looking for my misplaced items.

"Yes sweetie but Kiki is going to be here with you and you guys can watch TV together."

"I don't want you to go."

I stopped what I was doing and gazed at my daughter sitting up on the sofa. The look in her eyes made my heart sink into my stomach. I didn't want to leave for the night either. I had no choice when it came to working late nights. It was the only thing keeping me on top of my bills and rent.

"I'm sorry Ivy. I'll be here in the morning so don't you worry, okay? Work is just something adults have to do so you just worry about kid stuff like what kind of ice cream you want to have later and I'll take care of grown-up business. Deal?"

A smile on her face, she nodded at me. As long as she was happy and smiling, working a night job didn't seem too bad. Even if it was a gig as hostess of a strip club.

It wasn't ideal and I didn't love the idea of being around handsy drunk men but I got paid well for what I did. I was like a top-shelf shooter girl that still got tips but didn't have to take my top off and swing around a pole. Truth be told, it was a little reminiscent of my old job, only I didn't have to suck any dicks and nobody was actually allowed to touch me. I just had to kiss ass and serve drinks to bachelor parties and horny businessmen. I received the odd slap on the ass or 'accidental' tit grab but that was nothing compared to what I used to endure for money.

I didn't plan on being a glorified cocktail waitress for long. Just long enough to save for a down payment on a real house in a nice neighborhood near a good school.

Kiki arrived just in time for me to leave so I didn't have a lot of time for chatting. I gave Ivany a kiss, grabbed my purse and took one last look in the mirror to make sure I looked strip-club presentable. I never wore my uniform around Ivany. I kept it in my purse to change into when I arrived at work. It wasn't the raciest of outfits but it required me to wear a garter belt and stockings underneath a tight pair of high-waisted booty shorts, something I didn't need her to see me in. The last thing I wanted was for my four-year-old daughter to see me all sexed up for the job that I left for at night.

It was 7 PM when I arrived at work, an hour we called 'the graveyard' because we only had a few regular patrons at the bar and the dancers had yet to come out. It wasn't until later that we drew the curtains and turned up the music.

The club I worked at was upscale and recently renovated with a brand new stage, beautiful lighting, and a state-of-the-art sound system. The types of shows we put on were a little more tasteful than the average strip joint. Some of the girls put on spectacular performances, embracing the entertainment side of stripping and burlesque with lavish stage props and expertly choreographed routines. I had made friends with the owner as a cleaner but was quickly offered a job bartending. After I got good at that, I was promoted to head hostess when the last girl got caught running game in the VIP area- offering sexual favors for extra money on the side.

As I was preparing the bar for what was promising to be a very busy Friday night, my boss, the club owner, approached me with outstretched arms and a smile.

"My favourite Miss J. I have a special super-duper opportunity for you tonight madam and you are the ONLY lady on this planet for the job!"

"Oh my God, please don't ask me to clean the bathrooms again, I thought that's what the cleaning girl got hired for."

"Oh no, no, no," he clicked his tongue at me. "Somebody has requested your service in the VIP for tonight."

"What? Somebody specifically asked for me?"

"That's right," he sang. "And I know you're going to work that sweet, sweet magic and make Louie and yourself a lot of money."

"Is it a bachelor party?" I sighed.

Large groups of drunk men were not my favourite patrons to serve because at least one of them always mistook the waitresses for strippers and got warned or thrown out by security. It got old trying to explain the no-touching policy to someone who had chugged their weight in beer in the name of love.

"It's not a big party but they did rent the entire VIP lounge. Big money. Big, big money." Louie wagged his eyebrows at me.

"Oh no... Do I have to suck a cock or something? Is that what you're getting at?"

Louie laughed and guided me by the shoulders away from the bar area and towards the back room for a little more privacy.

"You don't have to do anything weird. I already explained that you are not one of the performers. They simply requested your services and yours alone..."

"I feel like there's something you're not telling me, Louie. What is it?"

Louie held his hands up in mock-prayer. "You know I would never ask but this is a very rich customer and if a blowjob means you and I can afford steak for dinner every night for the next couple of months... Would you be totally opposed?"

"Ew, Louie!" I hit him weakly. "You know I don't eat that shit."

"Eat the steak for me, honey! For us! I mean, I have my own price and I know you do too. Everybody does! Just... Give him the best damn service you can possibly provide, you hear? Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Maybe take a shot or two. Who knows!"

I continued to whack him playfully, the saucy fuck. "I will serve the shit out of our prestigious guest but I am NOT sucking any cocks. I am above that."

"I'm putting Serge on the VIP with you so if you get uncomfortable you'll have him, 'kay? Now be good and smile. Stick your boobs out a bit more. You're starting at nine up there after its cleaned from top to fucking bottom."

"Wait!" I caught Louie before he flitted off to be meticulous somewhere else. "Just how much money does this guy have?"

Louie's eyes widened. "Honey, you don't want to know. He paid in cash. I would have shut down this entire place for the amount he was willing to splash. Let's just say I didn't bat an eye and neither should you."

I was extremely curious to know what kind of person needed an entire floor to themselves. Maybe it was a celebrity or a professional athlete. I had heard of the place shutting down for famous football players or millionaire actors before. I hoped it was somebody that I knew.

The club was alive with music by nine o'clock and I was getting ready to enter the biggest VIP room we had with a bottle of champagne that cost more than my monthly car payments and two glass flutes. Serge, the head of security, stood between the door and the top of the staircase to make sure nobody came up and there was another huge guy posted right outside the door that I had never seen before. I leaned over to Serge and whispered, "is he one of ours?"

"Nah. Client's guard I guess. Some important guy in there."

"Just a guy?" I asked, my intrigue growing.

I wondered what the second glass was for then if there was only one person in the room.

"One guy, one guard. You let me know if you have any trouble."

"Oh, Serge." I swooned at the hulking head of security. "I feel so safe when you're around."

That safety soon faded as I was allowed into the room and saw who our high-profile customer was. I nearly choked on my own tongue. I felt my toes go numb in my heels and my hands started to shake.

"Hello, Miss J."

I suddenly felt like my stomach was about to erupt. Nausea filled me to the brim and I had to close my eyes to try to stay balanced. Once I was convinced I wouldn't fall over, I opened my eyes and saw a man sitting at the table that I never expected to see again in my life.

"Bill? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"That's how you're going to greet your patron? I was told you were the best service in town."

If I wasn't so afraid to move I would have dropped the tray I was holding along with the glasses and the bottle of champagne.

"What is going on? How did you... How did you find me?" I asked, looking behind me at the closed door, wondering if I should make a run for it.

Bill leaned back in his seat, stretching out his long legs so he could cross one over the other. I gulped as I took him in, designer shoes to his tailored suit and his fucking face. He looked so much more mature than I remembered him. He had a few more lines around his eyes and his cherub-like features had sharpened up a bit more. He still had that same painful glower, the one I could feel making my skin burn from across a room. Five years ago I had been so terrified of him and now was even worse. This older version of him looked even more threatening than when we had first met.

"Bring me a drink, please." He ignored my question.

"How...? How did you find me?"

Bill only stared at me with those huge, unforgiving eyes. He beckoned me forth with his hand and I hesitated, rooted to the floor in my heels. I only approached once his impatience became noticeable on his face.

Each step I took towards him made my insides twist more tightly. I set down the tray and placed a glass in front of him, trying to ignore the way his eyes followed like rolling marbles in a stone statue. I was now too aware of the cleavage that my top showed and the shortness of my bottoms. I started to sweat from my forehead and armpits.

"And one for you too." He said after accepting the glass stem between his thumb and index finger.

"No thanks."

"J... Pour a glass for yourself and sit down."

"I would really rather not."

"Hm." He mused, setting the glass down on the table after drinking down over half of its contents. "I don't think the owner of this establishment would be happy to hear you're refusing me service."

"I served you. Are we done here?"

"Far from it. Sit. Please. Don't make me ask you again. I just want to discuss something with you."

I sighed dramatically and plopped down on the chair furthest from him. I still couldn't believe that he was there, staring at me and demanding my audience. I wanted to leave and tell Louie too bad, that I was refusing to serve him as he was a danger to me but at the same time I couldn't believe I was in the same room as him again. It felt like the worst case of deja vu I had ever had. A ghost from my past had materialized out of nowhere to terrorize me and there was hardly a thing I could about it.

"What would you like to discuss so badly that you had to rent an entire fucking floor to lure me into?"

Bill smirked. "I'd like to discuss our daughter."

My breath stopped and I felt my face go white. I couldn't speak for a moment.

"I... I beg your fucking pardon?"

"You heard me, J." He said as he took another sip of champagne.

"No, no... I must have heard you wrong because you said something that makes absolutely no sense at all."

"Drop the act already. I know she's mine. I know you know she's mine."

I wanted to wind back and hit him but I was afraid he might call in his bodyguard and then Serge would come in too and the whole room would just explode. I'd probably lose my job and that was something I couldn't risk. If it were me from before I ever met Bill, I would have hit him. I couldn't now but fuck did I want to. I wanted to slap that smug look off his face and I think he could tell I was contemplating it too.

"How. Fucking. DARE you presume MY daughter belongs to anyone besides ME! She is not yours! You have no fucking idea what you're talking about!"

"I know that Ivany is mine."

I turned away from him to try to compose myself. I knew I was about to lose my temper in a very bad way.

"How fucking long have you been following us for?"

"Long enough. You certainly didn't try very hard to cover your tracks after a while."

"I have no tracks to cover! I'm living my own fucking life! I shouldn't have to be looking over my shoulder for your spies! This is harassment! I'll take you to court for stalking me."

"And I'll take you to court for custody of our child." He said frankly.

"Ivany is NOT yours!"

"From what I've seen, she looks just like me and the timeline certainly seems to coincide with me having fathered that child. Deny it all you want but I know that she's my daughter and I've known for a long time."

"Then why now? Huh? If you think she's yours, which she is not, why did you wait so long to snake out of the fucking shadows you sick, arrogant prick?"

"I needed to be one hundred percent certain. Who knows who could have impregnated you at the time. You certainly knew how to make your rounds back then. I'm so glad to see you have upgraded to this dignified position."

I stood up to leave but not before hissing, "I'd fucking spit at you but I know that'd get you hard so... Fuck you! Goodbye. Don't follow me or I'll call the police. You're not the only one with bodyguards now."

Before I crossed the room to the door Bill cleared his throat. "If you leave this room I will have your job and I'll make sure the court knows about your profession when they ask me why you're unfit to have custody of our child. So I suggest you sit down."

Tears welled up in my eyes instantly. I clutched at my heart, unable to process the situation before me. Fuck. This was what I was always afraid of happening; the day my past reared its hideous head to condemn me for my poor choices.

"I don't do that anymore and I haven't since I left. Fuck you. Honestly... Fuck you. I have tried so fucking hard to recover from the wreckage and here you are after all these years trying to tell me what's what. Who the fuck do you think you are, Bill?"

"There are things we need to discuss so if you please, come back to the table and sit down with me." He ignored my lamentations again.

Defeated, I went back to sit down across from him. I crossed my arms over my chest and sat there scowling at him, hating him, wishing he would drop dead, wanting to bash his pretty face into the table or something.

"Thank you," he started. "Please, have a drink with me."

Rolling my eyes, I poured myself a small glass of champagne and sipped it meekly as I waited for him to say what he wanted to say to me. I watched when he pulled a pack of cigarettes and a chrome-plated lighter from his jacket pocket. He lit one and put his lighter away. I scowled at him even harder.

"I want you to come back with me. You and Ivany. I want you both to come back to the West Coast with me."

"No," I stated simply.

"She will have everything a child could ever need. The best schools, the best care available. She will have rooms to herself. She can take music lessons, dancing lessons... Whatever. Anything she wants she will have."

"We already have everything we need. I got her into a good school."

"A public school is not where a Skarsgård should be attending."

"Well, I'm sorry but you don't have any say when it comes to MY daughter. We are staying here. We have everything we need right here." I explained, drinking down the rest of the champagne before pouring myself another much-needed glass.

"So you think this little job of yours as a cocktail waitress is going to get you further than you are right now?" Bill asked.

I pressed my teeth together hard and balled my fists, doing everything I could not to lash out and flip the table. He had this miraculous way of crushing someone beneath the sole of his designer shoe without even blinking.

"This job pays me well as I'm sure you have probably fucking noticed seeing as you flushed a shit-load of money down the toilet just to be sitting here. You think I don't make good enough money? Is that what you're really worried about? Because you didn't seem to care that much the night you e-mailed a hooker to come to do your laundry."

I tried to bring him down the way he had shot me down but Bill seemed undaunted by my venomous words. He simply sipped away at his champagne and puffed his cigarette, rarely taking his eyes off of me.

"Well look at you now, serving drinks instead of pussy. You certainly have come a long way." He pointed out, tapping the ash from his cigarette onto the serving tray.

"Bill..." I said, exhausted already by the exchange. "Why the fuck do you want us to come back with you? What purpose does it really serve you?"

He crushed out the cigarette and leaned forward as if he were going to tell me a secret. I watched him bite down on his bottom lip, taking his eyes off of me for just a moment before he relaxed back into his seat.

"I just want what's mine," He told me. "Don't you miss being mine?"

I shuddered almost violently. That nauseous feeling returned to my stomach and I felt a new wave of sweat break over my skin. A lump so hard and ruthless formed in my throat that I literally choked on my words when I tried to speak.

"This isn't fair. You can't just come out of nowhere and uproot me because you want to."

"I want you and our daughter to come live with me. Why is that wrong? I've spent so much time looking for you."

I shook my head, incapable of processing all that was happening. I couldn't believe I was sitting across a table from Bill Skarsgård, the man who had caused me to flee my past life. The turning point of myself as a person. The reason why I had dropped everything and ran.

Those big, nebulous eyes raked over me and set my heart to hammering. I could not believe I was staring at his face again. I could not believe the way he licked his lips and kept his gaze on me. I could not believe how stunning he looked in his designer suit with his longer hair and his thinner face. His cheekbones were sharp enough to light a match off of. He looked tired but refined. Five years had most definitely turned the rich boy into a wealthy man.

And I just felt the same. Looking at him, I felt exactly the same as I did when we had first met; nervous and put-off yet unable to tear my eyes from him.

"I suppose I really have no choice in this matter. If I refuse you, you'll just take me down in court anyway." I sighed.

"Worse. I will get joint custody of our daughter and I'll take her with me wherever I go. Hawaii, Mexico, Sweden... She will see the world and she will know a life full of opportunity. She will have all the things a little girl could possibly want. Then she will go home to you and she will see her Mother struggling to pay bills, disappearing at night to do God knows what. She will look at her things and she will pine for her horses, her new toys, her art studio, her beautiful bedroom. She won't want to stay with you after seeing what her Father can give to her."

Fat, hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I shook like a leaf in a storm and felt like one too. Tiny, insignificant and helpless. Bill was a monster no matter how beautiful he was. The inside of him was black as tar.

"The choice is up to you. Come home with me and live in happiness or refuse me and watch what happens. I'll give you a little while to think about it. Just know that I will not be far."

I looked up at him, mascara most certainly running down my cheeks, eyes blazing with hatred.

"Try to run and I will rain Hellfire down upon you," Bill warned.

Everything I wanted to say was flying around my head like birds rattled in a cage. There were so many things I wanted to spit at him but nothing would come out. He had me mercilessly beaten without ever having laid a finger on me.

"You can go now. Take some time to think about it all. I'll make sure to tell your boss of how professional you were with me." Bill said, changing the tone of his voice. "I'll see you very soon, J."

Without a word I stood up and left, closing the door behind me and shielding my face from Serge as I walked by but he caught me anyway.

"J, is everything alright?" Serge asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Serge. It's all good. Trust me. I'm fine. I have to go."

I grabbed my purse from the back and left the club without telling anybody. I got in my car and sped off to home. Kiki had fallen asleep on the couch but I didn't bother to wake her. I ascended the stairs and opened Ivany's bedroom door. More tears fell from my eyes as I climbed into bed next to her and pulled her body as close to me as possible. I pressed kisses into her hair, waking her slightly.

"Mommy?" Her little voice cracked.

"Sh, baby. It's okay. Go back to sleep."

#bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgård smut #bill skarsgard smut #fanfiction

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meekamove · 6 years

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Boracay 2019 (a long overdue post)

My boyfriend and I have always loved travelling. We’ve been to different places already, but this is the first time that we’ve travelled to a place unfamiliar to us. After the news of the scheduled re-opening of Boracay surfaced, I told him that we must go check the place out. Luckily, he said yes because he really wanted to go there ever since. We just have to wait for the perfect time to plan out everything.

We love travelling, but we also hate spending (too much). So, what we did, we waited for the perfect time to book our plane tickets and our room accommodations (via agoda) – in short, we waited for promos 😅

Plane Tickets

October came and airlines still don’t have seat sale promos. Luckily, Air Asia (my go-to airline when broke HAHA) offers cheap plane tickets. For only ₱3,150/head, we were able to book a roundtrip ticket to and from Kalibo. If booked with other airlines, the minimum one-way airfare ticket to Kalibo is around ₱2,500.

You might be wondering why we booked via Kalibo instead of Caticlan which is closer to Boracay Island. Well, my dear friends, the answer is simple – plane tickets to Caticlan are more expensive than Kalibo’s. Although, I don’t recall how much the difference exactly is, but if you travel via Kalibo and ride a one-hour van trip to Caticlan, it will only cost you ₱175/head.

Room Accommodation

Since I had work in the morning, we had to schedule our flights at night. We arrived in Kalibo at around 11pm and stayed overnight at RB Lodge Kalibo. It is an inn located at the heart of Kalibo and the van terminal to Caticlan is just across it.

In Boracay, we booked our room accommodation at White Beach de Boracay. It is a beach-front building beside Astoria Hotel in Station 1. The rooms have wifi access, air-conditioner, refrigerator and a bathroom with hot and cold shower. For only ₱4,803 we were able to book a two-night, three-day room accommodation thru Agoda.

Kuripot tip: There are a lot of activities in Boracay, so if you have plans of visiting the island, book at budget-friendly hotels ;) ALSO, I just learned this from a friend (sayang!), but if you want to have less expensive room rates, download Airbnb so you can have ₱2,200 OFF from your first booking (minimum of ₱3,500 worth of booking). You can register here.

How To Get There?

If you’ll be coming from Kalibo Airport, there are vans there bound to Caticlan Jetty Port. The fare is only ₱175. But if coming from Caticlan Airport, you can rent trikes to the jetty port, though I am not sure how much it costs.

Upon arriving at Caticlan Jetty Port, you’ll have to present a hotel booking confirmation and an ID at the entrance of the port.

After showing your proof, you’ll have to pay some fees: env’t fee - ₱75/head; terminal fee - ₱100/head; and boat fare - ₱25/head. The trip to Boracay Island from the port is around 15 mins.

From Boracay Island port, you can ride a van, trike or habal-habal going to your station. Since we are not familiar with the place, we rented a trike.

Initially, our plan was to walk to our hotel because we saw people walking with their trolleys and stuff. But because we were very lazy to walk and carry our own stuff, we decided to rent a trike and pay ₱120. It was only when we arrived at our hotel when realized how far the port is from Station 1. Good thing we (are lazy-walkers and) decided to ride a trike 😂

DAY 1

The first thing we did after checking in was to look for restos. There are many restos in Boracay but it’s impossible to find a cheap/sulit one. Almost every resto was crowded because it was lunch time, so we had a difficult time finding a place to eat. Good thing we checked this small resto beside Astoria which sells fresh seafood – by fresh, I mean, you get to choose diff types of seafood that are still alive (and swimming 😂) Although I wasn’t able to take a picture of their mini aquarium, I have pictures of their menu 😅 They also offer meat dishes.

After eating, we decided to make our first day as our “rest day” since the next two days will be filled with activities. We roamed around the island and checked the ‘changes’ after its rehab. I must say, comparing it from the previous pictures I’ve seen online, Boracay really has become much cleaner. Local staffs/security are found everywhere, and they watch and fine anyone who litters. Trash bins are also present all over the island, so there’s no excuse not to throw your garbage at the right place.

Since we want to ‘fully experience’ Boracay, I wanted to try having my hair braided. But I guess, I made the wrongest decision of my life. Hahaha

I was charged ₱650 for this braid. HAHAHA. This is prolly my most unforgettable experience in Boracay. As per the ate who did the braids, the regular price for a braid is ₱250. But since she added yarns, there’s an additional ₱100 per yarn; I had FOUR YARNS. HAHAHA. IMAGINE WHAT MY FACE LOOKED LIKE WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO PAY! I told her to remove the yarns, but she said I would have to pay another ₱250 because she would have to re-do my braid. I was pissed, but I just had to let it go and not have my vacation ruined bec of that 🙂

While I was complaining how expensive my braid was, my boyfriend had his henna tattoo. And no, I did not ask him to have my name henna tattoed on his neck. It was his (sweet gesture) own decision. He was charged ₱250 for a four-letter tattoo.

Of course, we ended our day by watching the beautiful sunset near the shore. We were so caught in the moment that we forgot to take pictures of the sunset. Also, we had samgyupsal for dinner! 😆

DAY 2

For our second day, we booked an all-day tour at Ariel’s Point. It is an island 20-30 minutes away from Boracay. The package costs ₱2,800.00/pax and covers the following:

UNLIMITED BEER and ALCOHOLIC DRINKS (yes, you read that right)

Non-stop Snacks

Buffet Lunch

5-meter, 10-meter, and 15-meter high cliff jump activity

Water activities such as: Snorkeling, Stand-up Paddle Board and Kayak

Very nice, friendly and accommodating staff. LIKE REALLY, REALLY NICE.

While on our way back to Boracay Island, one of tour guides initiated a drinking game. He started spinning a bottle and whoever the bottle points, s/he has to drink the alcohol straight from the bottle.

Sadly, Ariel’s Point is closed today until after two months. I don’t know exactly why, but my dad who’s been there a week ago, relayed this info to me.

Day 3

For our third and final day, we decided to book island activities. But since our hotel accommodation is only until 12nn, we only booked 2 activities: Parasailing and Helmet Diving.

Parasailing

The original price of Parasailing is ₱2,500/pax for 15 minutes. Good thing, we met Kuya Loyd, a kuya who works at our hotel and offered us a much cheaper price. He gave us a ₱300 discount, because he has connections (that we don’t have HAHA).

For a while, it was fun. But because of the strong winds, our canopy was leading us to different directions, which made me a bit nauseous.

Helmet Diving

Because I was a bit nauseous, I kinda didn’t enjoy this activity. The pressure on the helmet was too much for me that I found it kind of heavy. BUT, I loved the view and I saw Nemo (yes, I know it’s called clownfish but I prefer to call it Nemo).

Before going down, you’ll have to sign an agreement form in which you’ll have to assess your health state. Because I was desperate to check what the bottom looks like, I just checked ‘yes’ to everything. BUT PLEASE, DON’T DO WHAT I DID. I AM NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE!

The activity costs ₱1,500/pax but because we had Kuya Loyd, we got it for ₱1,200 only! He is such a helpful friend. (in Lily’s [How I Met Your Mother] voice)

Important Reminder

Well the best thing I could remind you is to bring extra money wherever you go. Since Boracay re-opened, everything became pricey. The price of anything that is being sold there is a quarter higher than it was before. Some locals say that they are trying to recover from the income lost during its rehab. Well, I couldn’t blame them. But what’s irritating is some local businesses are taking the ‘recover thing’ on a higher level that the prices are unreasonable. Exhibit A: the yarns of my braid.

Despite the pricey vacation, I must say I had fun and I’m definitely going back to try the other activities! Au revoir, Boracay!

WATCH VLOG HERE.

#boracay 2019 #beaches #beachph #beach #beachesph #travel #travelph #philippines #boracay #white beach de boracay #travel goals #how i met your mother

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