#I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR POPPING YOUR HEAD OUT OF UR CAVE OF LURKING TO SPEAK WITH MEEEE

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I try so hard to lurk but Awesamdream gay prison rituals are giving me SO much brain damage I might nwed to make a lore blog to get the demons out. The DL au is still killing me too Sam not experiencing any of physical injury but feeling dreams pain and then feeling so so conflicted about healing dream after to stop him from bleeding out because now he has to feel guilty for healing dream because it feels selfish no matter what. But maybe so would be letting him die <- I am clawing the tiles off of my bathroom walls and eating them thinking about all of it

ITS SO FAWWKKEDDD EITHER WAY . like to sam healing dream is a mercy and an absolute waste . its pointless but surely sam doesnt deserve to suffer like dream does . . selfish or selfless. . he chooses wrong each time. he sleeps at night in an agonized haze knowing dream is twisting and writing same as he is and he wonders what god in heaven thought he deserved this after all the good he decided to bring to the server of his own accord by keeping dream safely locked away . tipping healing bottles to dreams lips just to watch dream physically relax into a drowsy stupor at the same time all of sams muscles finally relax, his whole body sagging involuntarily at the pain hed wrung tightly within him. he wants go stomp and cry and shout that its not fair. he wants to hit dream in the face just to snap himself out of it . he misses when the stinging on his knees was from dreams reckless abandon and not from kneeling down to sam. he doesnt miss anything from before the prison at all.