#I SHOULDNT HAVE LET THEM GO. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sluckythewizard · 2 months

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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'

#cw blood #SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten #its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then #fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something #also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve #but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere #ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP #THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed #kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me #from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream #and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him #she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she #is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK #I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs #LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH #THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED #TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER #oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much

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dukeofthomas · 9 days

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"Angry robin" "violent robin" "misbehaving robin" shut up and accept my alternative; spunky Robin. Determined and head strong, can out-stubborn the Batman, has a strong moral-backbone and does what he thinks is right regardless of what anybody else says, Robin. Jason who was sassy and quippy and made crude jokes with a smile on his face. Jason who hid in Bruce's cape and whispered gossip to him. Jason who, if Bruce refused him something, could keep bothering endlessly until Bruce caved. And also dramatic Jason. If Bruce tells him no, it becomes a whole theatrical show; a monologue, a narration, embellishments, and falling onto the floor in his grief upon the fact his cruel father has denied him once again.

(Jason who has suffered through abuse and homelessness and poverty and starvation, who is the Fight out of Fight or Flight, who's built up defenses and walls and when pushed and triggered responds with the thing that's always protected him; anger. He's sweet and kind and funny, and when he sees a pimp hitting a prostitute he gets furious and responds with violence.)

#my dc posting #dc #jason todd #jaybin #im having so many thoughts abt jaybin and he is so important to me #in one fic he went on a hunger strike bc alfred didnt eat w them and did it for so long they had to compromise #i love a jaybin 100% willing to menace and bother batman until the man folds. as is his right #the thing abt jason's backstory is that it shows him unwilling to suffer for a home #ma gunn's is bad; he gets beat up and she tries to get him to help rob a place. so he leaves! and rats the whole thing out to batman #and shows up himself cus he didnt think he had been believed #and lets not forget the fact he hit batman with a tire iron and called him a 'big boob'!#the boy's got moxie!! let jaybin be crass and angry and sassy and flawed and traumatized without reducing him to 2d caricature of a 'troubl #d kid'#i dont like a jason who did nothing but use excessive violence and disobey orders and be cocky and all that shit #i like a jason who was. oh yknow. a complex person!! a child/teen who has been fucking abused!!!#you shouldnt erase the fact that jason's reaction/response to stressful situations and triggers IS anger #it's not an indication that he was always gonna become a criminal/red hood or whatever. get outta here w that shit #but like. let us not go so far in the other direction we forget to have him react and be affected by the abuse he's suffered #anyway. if anyone should be a drama-queen it should be jaybin. once he becomes truly comfortable w bruce he should dial it up to 11 #a lot of red hood's appeal (to me&many others) is that he is an 'imperfect' victim. meaning he is angry and flawed and doesnt suffer quietl #but is loud and obvious abt it #so when i see jaybin written as the opposite its like. man whats that about #anyway. jaybin is good and cares and wants to help and protect people. and by god if i ever see anybody writing #him having arguments with bruce about the no kill rule WHILE robin again im gonna throw hands istg-#my tags are like a hidden treasure box. most of what i say is in here lmao

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arsenicflame · 1 month

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i think the moment i fundamentally lost all respect for s2 was when they treated that pathetic "sorry about your leg" as though it was a good enough apology for everything

#been thinking a lot about my position with the show recently #and how. everything they had going on should have let ed apologise properly #for their relationship to move on from this. in some capacity #and the narrative didnt let them #and i suppose. i refuse to believe thats a reasonable choice for the story #it should have been better. it deserved to be better. ed and izzy deserved to have more #nyxtalks #ofmd critical #< for blacklists #idk its a hard place to stand. because thats what the story Did. but it shouldnt have. i believe in my whole heart there was a better story #somewhere in there. no matter what you think about where their story should have gone. they deserved better #and ive been thinking about it. it ripples back #i found e5 pretty ok at the time. but for me. all of this ruins it #what was the point of eds story if he is just forgiven without effort?#he deserves the chance to earn true forgiveness. not just 'yeah this shit happens and we have to move on'#or whatever it was the crew said #the point of that is they deserve more #and ed should have been allowed to give them more

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isp-annafer · 4 months

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I'd like to give Polites from Epic the Musical a formal apology because when I first heard Open Arms, it was so cheerful and optimistic and soothing my first thought after finishing the song was, "Oh, he is so doomed by the narrative. He's gonna die."

(And, fool that I was, despite all the warning signs, he became my favorite.)

#polites epic #epic the musical #polites #AND I WAS RIGHT #I WASNT EVEN SURPRISED SURVIVE ENDED THE WAY IT DID #I think Polites became my favorite because like #he haunts the narrative #he's there in Odysseus's actions #he's there in the morals he has to let go if he wants to go home #he's there in Eurylochus's actions (in the way Eurylochus doesnt have his foil)#he's one of the consequences Odysseus can never let go of #i think a lot of people say Odysseus shouldnt have listened to Polites and trusted the lotus eaters #but like #a lot of those people dont seem to consider the situation they were in at that time #No supplies #No food #This was the first island theyve seen in a while (time wasnt specified but it might have been a long time since they DID run out of supplies #when they get to the island #they dont find the food they were hoping for #but Polites had asked for a place where there were “other food to eat”#and got an answer #they had two choices at that point:#brave the unknown of the sea and HOPE they can encounter another island before they starve to death #Or chance the potentially dangerous islands these creatures told them about #of course theyd chance the potentially dangerous island #it was more likely theyd starve to death if they went back to the open sea #and they werent reckless about it either #they brought men to with weapons in case they need to fight #and wine in case they need to bargain (or maybe thats just to drink lol)#what are the chances that even if the caves WERE dangerous Odysseus was confident they could take it because they had a backup of 600

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skenpiel · 2 months

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i think if you say let people enjoy things you should also be saying Let people not enjoy things. let people enjoy things is of course a slogan used primarily to try and urge people to not harass or bully others for their harmless interests. but sometimes i see someone hate on something trivial and someone responds by saying let people enjoy things And generally speaking i think if someone else disliking someone is enough to make you feel like youre being bullied personally maybe youre not enjoying it all that much. i guess all in all youre allowed to like harmless things but people are also allowed to hate harmless things for no reason. sometimes you just dont like something and i dont think you should let that stop you from doing things you like

#does this post make any sense at all. i doint know #anyway. you can be a hater and thats fine as long as youre not harassing or bullying people #if a person goes ‘god i hate bluey its such a bad show fuck anyone who likes it’ or something and you respond with ‘let people enjoy things’#i think you misunderstood what that phrase was supposed to mean #and you may be thinking ‘hey! that fake post about bluey outright SAID ‘fuck anyone who likes it!’#and well. i guess its one thing if youre like friends or something but also people are allowed to not like you for trivial reasons #like. if someone out there is like i hate everyone who does this ultimately harmless thing then that still shouldnt stop u from enjoying it #it just means that this one person wont like you for something that doesnt actually say anything about you as a person #i think ppl are too scared of that. of having people not like them for stupid reasons #like…… if someone doesnt like you because of your ideals and values or even your personality thats usually fine #but if its something that doesnt even say anything about you as a person it feels unfair. but really it isnt #because its just people liking different things. idont gnow #anyway. i think let people enjoy things goes both ways Its ok to hate on things also #if you go on someones blog and send asks talking about how much u hate this thing they like then youre an asshole #but just hating it is fine. at least i think so

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ambagel · 5 months

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Wait hold on, in his anniversary video Barbatos mentions the mc being the brother's attendant?

But in the other videos, it's implied that they don't remember the mc leaving (which is actually something im very disappointed about and really hope isnt the case in the actual story)

In these two specifically, it seems like they aren't aware of the mc's presence in the past/alternate timeline/whatever it is. The only other person who seems like they know is Lucifer

Which also lines up with the end of lesson 40, where he's the only one who says welcome back? So like?? Do only him and Barbatos know? Did they not tell anyone?? Diavolo would probably know as well but I haven't seen anything to show that yet. Anyways I don't really like where this is going, I would really prefer they not make everyone forget the mc disappeared

#of course they could always just be not quite putting the pieces together in these scenes #buuuut at this point im not so sure..#i was hoping theyd take a more “WE MISSED YOU” approach #because if im being honest those are some of my favorite moments #like yay everythings better now lets hug it out #i feel weird about them potentially not knowing about what happened #how would they play that off? solomon already said they were freaking out?#“oh whoops we time traveled just far back enough that no one noticed you were gone”#no #do not do that #that defeats the purpose of this whole shenanigan #they also cant just say it was the regular past #because story inconsistencies #solomon has even commented on how its different #hes like “simeon and luke shouldnt be here”#istg if they try to move past that without explaining i will explode #its a very plausible scenario at this point #theyve done it before #because oh does diavolo just not have the power to spot lies anymore?? ok #anyway im scared for the future of the story #this could go wrong in so many ways #obey me!#obey me! swd #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me luke #obey me barbatos #posts #maybe barbatos just merges the timelines again and thats why everyone feels weird #idk im too tired to think more about this

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moeblob · 5 months

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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

#my characters #this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL #they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve #deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird #like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire #but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body #like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo #he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever #on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things #and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic #he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity #and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him #this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today #i received gift art of these two and i may never recover #its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him #its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer #its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire #so hes like oh well thats odd hmm #and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things #and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item #or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares #he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness #and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures #like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed #he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified #and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool

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rouge-the-bat · 2 months

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wait like... do some ppl actually check all the blogs of people that interact with them? to vet out all the ones they dont want around? bc if so that sounds. exhausting?? how do people have time for that??

#i feel like ive seen the occasional mention that seems like some people do this and im like. HUH??? O.o #unless im misreading ???#like... if someone does then like. why do you care that much???#it seems like a huge waste of time??#and like. if ur that uncomfortable with just the idea that someone of [whatever it is youre vetting for] happens to just. like your post #i feel like... social media may not be for you #surely this must just be ppl that have like... less than a hundred followers or smthn #bc idk how someone would manage doinf this with amount of daily notifs i get #and im not even a huge huge blog #i just look at comments/tags/follows/asks when i go thru my notes #and if i find a comment/tag/ask that indicates theyre awful or saying something that makes me uncomfortable ill block #and on occasion i may check a follower just to give a quick once over to ensure theyre not a bot or something #but otherwise like.... why do ppl care so much about smaller interactions like a like/reblog #its like a person passing by you on the street #you shouldnt care if theyre something you disapprove of that badly just let them pass on #just let them say ''hey nice shirt'' and walk away

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httpiastri · 10 months

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Hi🤭👋

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGed83E5g/

You see It?! YOU HEAR IT?

He said he likes to be in control

Can you feed us a smut w dom Lando x younger sis of one of the drivers

Dom Lando🫠

i usually save requests in my inbox until i write them but i just had to share this

making me go feral honestly 🫠🫠🫠 what the frick? lando?? phrasing it like that???? oh my godddddd

#i dont usually go for the like hard dom stuff but like #jesus christ if i had a lando..... he could be as dom as he wanted #dom lando x younger sis of someone is also making me go feral #i also would love me some possessive lando idk about yall #'you're mine and only mine' 'you cant even look at him' 'be as loud as you want baby; let them know who you belong to'#aaaa #and okay on the topic of him saying he needs to be control #it would be so hot to like tie him up or use a blindfold on him.....#him not being able to touch you because his hands are tied to the bedframe.. just whining when you've got your hands all over his body #annoyed because 'this isn't how its supposed to be...'#and then when you release him he just needs to show you whos actually in charge #okay sorry i shouldnt be writing this rn 🫠 too tired #just having a lot of lando thoughts #thank you for this ask anon 🫡🫡🫡 the tiktok vid will forever live rent free in my head #asks!#anon!

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bunnihearted · 1 month

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📚📖🧸

#i wish i could go to the library..#and just get cozy in a chair and read for a couple of hours #sadlyyy the past couple of years #parents have decided to make libraries (aka the ONLY quiet zone we have in society)#into their own private playgrounds #and they take their kids there so they can run around and yell and slam things and stomp and just be loud af #and it sucks :(((( it makes me so sad bc libraries are supposed to br quiet and calm #places to go to study and read and such #NOT yet another place where kids get to be noisy and ruin a quiet calm space #and librarians dontsay anything anymore... when i was a kid they always came and SHHHHHHH aggressively lol #and i cant say anything bc then im a 'child hating miserable cow who thinks kids should get beaten up'#idk the thing is yes kids should be at the library... to cultivate their interest in books...#and that should be encouraged... ofc!!!#but some weird shift in society had happend post pandemic and ppl are just stupid and weird and dumb #yes kids running around looking at books and their parents reading for them is chill #but parents allowing their kids to SCREAM and sit in a chair and so #and stomp*** and throw things.....#why is that ok?? why do ppl even think thats ok... and im not a bitter hag for saying that kids shouldnt be noisy #or play in a library.... like why tf dont u go to a playground that is created for children to play and be loud #and let them run their excess energy off. and THEN go to the library #allowingyour kids to ruin an entire library for everyone else is fucking shitty #and libraries are the only place that have ever been quiet and now theyve taken even that from us #(us = neurodivergent & noise sensitive ppl)#and idk its smth that makes me despise society even more.. bc nobody even listens when i calmly and rationally say that hey this isnt ok #bc they only hear that im a child hating bitch who wants kids to have no rights and be murdered in the streets 😐#just bc i think they should be quiet in a library........#but if i go to a playground andstart telling everyone to be fkn quiet then everyone would think im crazy right??#idk i just hate everyone bc i am noise sensitive and libraries SHOULD be quiet but now parents with their kids have ruined the only place #to go. and nobody listens bc they think that if youre noise sensitive u should just sit in your own home 24/7.#and its like crazy to me bc im not going to a store or a cafeand saying YOOOO everyone shut the fuck up im noise sensitive!!!

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plebplush · 8 days

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I recently rewatched gravity falls like im sure everyone else has these past couple months. apparently my partner had never seen it despite us both being the prime demographic at time of airing. they enjoyed it so much we were both hurt there was no more.

we both understand why there can never be a season 3 but the bittersweet "summer is over and we can never come back here" hit more like 500 freight trucks straight to the heart than I remembered...

something about a place you can only remember :/

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scientologyblows · 1 year

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okay but lets be very serious here right now, when they release a statement what exactly is that gonna change? don admitted to him and lex having intercourse (which shows that he coerced her) and matt and ryans texts show that the situation was handled VERY poorly. an apology isnt enough for the trauma they both have caused

#cuz you know its bad when even the subreddit is on their ass they’re usually dickriding m and r anytime someone makes valid criticism #theyve been let off the hook too many times a line needs to be drawn and this needs to be it #im sorry but sa is not something you can simply look past especially when they have a history of brushing serious shit off #what is there to even hold onto for them its not like theyre dropping bangers like they used to #theyre in drama every other month i know thats the appeal to some of yall but when things get this serious it shouldnt be hard to drop them #especially when they have piles of evidence lined up against them showing that they only really care about their channel and their image lol #yes im still talking shit because im very disappointed #also saying quote unquote check up on the big fan accs theyre going through it is very weird lol. we should be checking up on the victims #anyways the bad publicity will probably make them lose sponsorships and yall know the podcast was one of the only things holding them-#together financially LOL #worst part is matt and ryan have people relying on them to get paid.. their company is about to go to shit all bc they have no backbone #jacksons comeback post is gonna be a pic of matt watson flipping burgers at chickfila in a year or 2 #yeah yeah this is my last post about it for now until one of them says something i just needed to get these thoughts out there #rest in piss supermega your actions actually do have consequences and its clear theyre not used to being put on the spot like this #theyre used to people letting everything slide i know theyre all screaming and crying right now 😂

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k8felge · 5 months

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nothing hurts more than seeing ur fave character depicted in an official au story or elseworld where details ab them r different but it explores the character in a new way -- its good in a vacuum, but u know it isn't the Definitive Version of that character. Just a new exploration (cool!). but because the adaptation brought in so many new fans and/or was a huge success it ends up being treated like its the Definitive Version and all discussions of prev versions are overshadowed bc of it... even worse when studios / execs see the success and try to pivot to this New Version only and never try to explore new routes for the character ever again (can you tell this is about comics yet)

#like its not as bad as it was but when the batman (2022) came out...#like this is not hating on ppl who are fans of these depictions at all. if u like the riddler in the batman (2022) ur fine #i like the riddler but eh i dont think that version should be the new riddler. my two cents #but dc isnt marvel so i wasnt worried ab them changing the comics riddler to him moving forward #now MARVEL on the other hand...#i dont rly go there tho so take everything with a huge huge huge pile of salt. but sigh #anyways. this post is NOT about shaming ppl who are fans of these new versions #you can be a fan of any of these new versions. idc.#this post is about STUDIOS and EXECS changing the character completely to capitalize on the new versions success #this is just mostly ab mcu i guess i dont know #i want more explorations of characters gimme moreeee there shouldnt be one defined version #i guess my talking points r confusing. i hope this is coherent and comes across well #ALSO SOME RETCONS / NEW VERSIONS R GOOD SOMETIMES!!! it just depends i guess :p #i hope this post didnt come off as malicious to fans of these versions.#HOWEVER. new fans u gotta try to read some of the other stuff too! maybe u will find another version u like TOO!#u can have two cakes... and eat them... lets hold hands and appreciate diff versions of our faves 2gether #a good example of a retcon being good is arcane i guess... not comics but just the designs r so much better #but i wouldnt say everything ab arcane SHOULD be the new runeterra canon...#it works bc its only focused on zaun and piltover characters. to fit it in with everything else is... hard #BUT THATS OK 👍

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homostacis · 6 days

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that single tweet from johnny yong bosch is about to ruin my life until april cause before they had my curiosity but now they have my attention

#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES A REASON #and he says hes not allowed to say DUDE #oh my god and one of the writers alex larsen also said that theyve tossed around some really crazy ideas #oh my fucking god this is really far out there but like #dude what if nero is in this #and theres some kind of like reality distortion thing thats merging stuff from across the timeline together FUCK #i dont fcking know oh my god what could be the reason IM GOING INSANE APRIL PLEASEEEE #and its a multi season show too??? like they already said it wasnt gonna straight adapt the series #but if they go really far out with it idk like im really excited?#the series could never really be the same story as the games and it shouldnt #the games have their own story that culminates in a game that serves as a metanarrative examination of its own 'story'#analyzing dante as the storys overarching protagonist vergil as its overarching antagonist and neros place in it all #but that doesnt work the same for the show cause its not a game franchise that neccessitates fights between its characters for the player #to enjoy #im actually feeling bonkers rn please let them get weird with it #give me a story that gets wild structurally but still stays true to the characters and their struggles do this and my life is yours #dmc

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kyolypso · 7 months

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NEW GREAT PRETENDER MOVIE IS SO GOOD BTW.

#i have so many thoughts #i really enjoyed all the new characters!!#i usually dont like it when shows bring back characters that are supposed to be dead but they did it pretty well #dorothy doesnt remember anything from before and she is just living her own life #and the story is about Her first and foremost even if Laurent had his grubby hands all over the case #laurent really has grown a lot in the time since becuase hes keeping his distance he knows he shouldnt be anywhere near the case #and i understand him at the end when hes talking to her at the station. its very clearly a goodbye for him #hes letting go and letting them both go their separate ways #i also really like how unclear edamura's status with the crew is #hes clearly still friends with abby but he doesnt seem to have anything to do with the case #which is so good for him after the shit he went through im glad he actually said no and left #but he still keeps in contact with abby which makes me happy :)#also i did catch the cynthia name drop from i think the like cartel members?? made me gasp #SO SAD we didnt get to see her or abby :(#other notes the lady with the african restaurant was a delight i loved her #ALSO I SWEAR THEY MADE EDAMURA MORE TAN. HELL YEAH #grepre #great pretender #great pretender movie #great pretender movie spoilers

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sillybouquetoflillies · 7 months

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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

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