#I SKIPPED DINNER TO FINISHED ALL OF THESE IM FREE FROM THE SHACKLES

[fantubefactory]

:drops these designs:

Finally made a proper Test tube design after 4 failed attempts of doing so ! Have Fan and Cabby also ! ^_^

+ details below:

[paigenotblank]

Accidentally Ours (3/7)

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x Rose Tyler

Rating: Teen

Written for a prompt for Ten x Rose kid fic/family fic where they adopt kids left orphans that they meet on their travels / and also a prompt for Ten x Rose with a mix of adopted and biological kids (@tinyconfusion​). Tagging @doctorroseprompts​ and @timepetalscollective​ which I think both had those prompts.

Trope: Accidental Baby Acquisition

Warnings: Kid Fic/ Baby Fic/ Pregnancy Fic

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7

AO3 / TS

Jackie had just finished setting the table when she heard the sound of the TARDIS materializing in Rose’s old bedroom. The Doctor stepped into the lounge carrying Melody against his chest and Rose was laughing at something that he’d said.

Jackie’s breath caught. She had never seen her daughter so happy and it was all thanks to that daft alien and the little girl he’d brought into their lives. Jackie could only pray that when they had to give the little girl back, the Doctor would help Rose get through it. And maybe one day, they’d have one of their own.

Rose waved and headed for the kitchen. “Hey, Mum. I’ll be right back.” She threw a grin over her shoulder and winked at the Doctor. His eyes softened and Jackie could see his love for Rose plain as day. She suspected she was worrying for nothing. If there is one thing she trusted, it was that the Doctor would always take care of Rose. She wiped at her eyes and plastered on her own smile. She cooed at Melody. “Oh, look how big she’s got. How old is she now?”

The Doctor lifted little Melody out of the carrier and handed her to Jackie. “17 weeks, 4 days, and completely brilliant. I'm sure she’ll be an early talker. She’s quite the babbler, she is.”

Jackie snorted. “Gets that from you.”

“Jackie…” The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Just meant that babies mimic an’ if she’s babbling up a storm, it's because she’s imitatin’ you, ya plum. You could talk for England you could.”

“Oh, right.” The smile that broke out over the Doctor’s face tugged at Jackie’s heart. “Suppose she is.”

“Still callin’ you ‘Not-Mum?’”

He released a weary sigh. “Yeah. I think she’s doing it on purpose at this point.”

Jackie kissed Melody’s cheek. “Speakin’ of, where’d your mummy get to? Rose!”

Rose came out of the kitchen with three mugs of tea. “Sorry, Mum.” She pecked her mother on the cheek. “I made us cuppas.” Rose put the tea down on the coffee table and went to take the baby from Jackie. “Time for her feeding.”

Jackie held Melody tighter. “Oh, let me, Rose.”

Rose pulled a baby bottle out of the Doctor’s coat pocket. He warmed it up with the sonic and handed it to Jackie. “All yours.”

Rose picked up two of the mugs and handed one to the Doctor. He opened his arm to her and she snuggled into his side resting her head on his shoulder.

Jackie glanced at the two of them. “So you two got yourselves sorted then?”

“Mum!” “Yup!”

Rose looked at the Doctor in surprise, but it turned quickly to joy, and she nodded at her mum. “Yeah. We’re takin’ it slow, but...we’re officially together now.” Jackie noticed Rose’s light blush immediately.

“Well, if you two ever want a date night, I’m more than happy to watched her for you.”

Rose sat up. “What?”

“You heard me. I bet you two haven’t spent any time together, just the two of you.”

The Doctor tugged his ear. “Well, not…I mean when Melody’s napping or sleeping, but-”

“It’s the key to a healthy relationship.”

“When did you turn into ‘Ask Irma?’”

“Oh, hush. Bev’s got a subscription to Glamour. But it’s true. I remember what it was like, bein’ in a new relationship.”

The Doctor snorted. “What all of last year?”

Jackie narrowed her eyes and glared at him.

Rose swatted his chest. “Doctor! Rude.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, Jackie. How is Howard?”

“Still asking about his dressing gown.”

“Oh, erm, I’ll buy him a new one.”

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Nah. Was just kidding. I’m not seeing Howard anymore.”

Rose sat up in surprise. “Mum, you never said anything. What happened?”

“Nothing, sweetheart. Just one of those things.”

“Are-”

“Would you look at that? There’s still an hour ‘til dinner’s ready.” Jackie stood with the baby and began rubbing her back. “Why don’t the two of you go off on that date now?”

Rose looked at her mother in concern. “Now?”

“This little one’ll be ready for a nap soon and I don’t need that…” She nodded in the Doctor’s direction. “...one underfoot while I try an’ get everything on the table. You just make sure you get back in time. One hour, not next year.”

The Doctor whined, “It was one time.”

“All I’m saying is there better not be a second time.”

“There won’t be, Jackie.”

“Good.” Jackie nodded and Rose stared at her mother with her mouth hanging open. Jackie’s eyes narrowed at her daughter. “What?”

Rose shrugged. “Nothin’ just didn’t think you’d be that quick to believe ‘im is all.”

“Well, the last couple of months he’s been spot on in getting you here exactly when you said. An’ besides you’re the one that said it was the ship more ‘an anything. Would that crazy box do that to you two or Mel?”

“No. She wouldn’t.” She looked at the Doctor in anticipation and bit her lip. “You really want us to go now? It wasn’t just to stop me from prying about-”

Jackie sighed. “Just get back by dinner before I change my mind.”

“Thanks Mum!“ Rose hugged her mother and then rushed toward the TARDIS dragging the Doctor behind her.

--

The Doctor tapped his sock covered foot on the thin bench and let out a weary sigh. He shifted but his shackled wrist didn’t allow for too much movement. He pulled his knee closer and once again thought about all the ways he’d mucked up his and Rose’s first date. Okay, well, maybe it wasn’t their first date, since he’d been pretty much wooing her since they’d met. First official date as a proper couple. Well. It wasn’t even that as they’d been tons of places with Melody these past few months. First official date as a proper couple without a 17-week old chaperone. There. That’s what he’d ruined. He’d wanted to impress her and instead-

The slide of his cell door had the Doctor looking over his shoulder. “Rose!”

Rose leaned against the opening with her arms crossed and her lips twitching. She took in his slightly rumpled form. He was shoeless, tieless, coat and jacketless. His shirtsleeves were rolled up to his elbows and a thick, black-metal band around one of his wrists was tethered to the wall by an equally thick, black-metal chain. “You jus’ had to lick it.”

The Doctor stood up and faced her. He took a step forward. “How’d-” The chain attached to his arm pulled taut and he looked down as if he’d forgotten it was there.

Rose sighed and moved into the cell. She pulled the Doctor’s sonic out of her back pocket and opened the shackles to free him. He picked her up and lifted her off her feet with a big hug. Her laughter had him grinning. “Put me down, ya plum, we’ve gotta go.”

“But how?” The Doctor glanced nervously toward the corridor where he could just now see a guard standing sentinel.

“I negotiated your release.” Rose pointed down and wiggled her toes - her toes which he could see moving, because she also had shoeless feet.

“What? Where’re your shoes?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Luckily on this planet rubber soles are a hot commodity. Between mine and yours, I-”

He squeaked, “My chucks?”

“Like you don’t have 37 pairs of ‘em in all different colors sittin’ in the wardrobe room, 12 of which are identical to the ones I used to get you released. From prison.”

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck “Right, yes, of course, molto bene.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you. Really.”

Her heart skipped a beat at his crooked little grin. She laced their fingers together and led him from the cell. “At least I was able to get your coat and jacket back.”

The Doctor noticed them folded up in the guard’s arms and he grabbed his coat excitedly. “Top banana!” He shook it out and slipped his arms into it. “I love this coat. Did I ever tell you Janis Joplin gave me this coat?” The Doctor swung his arm over Rose’s shoulder and pulled her close. She shook her head and took his jacket from the guard as the Doctor started leading her down the hallway and out of the building. “It was 1969 in a tiny little town in upstate New York. White Lake, I think. Janis was organizing a game of poker in the lobby of a little ramshackle hotel and they needed another player.”

“An’ what were you doin’ in at a hotel in White Lake, New York?”

“Woodstock! I, er, just landed a few miles off course is all.”

Rose snorted. “That sounds about right.”

“Oi!”

“So poker…” Rose smiled with a hint of tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth. His eyes zeroed in on it.

The Doctor blinked a few times. “Huh?”

Rose cuddled into the Doctor’s side. “You were tellin’ me about how you got your coat.”

“Oh! Right. So, the TARDIS got the coordinates a little wrong for-”

“The TARDIS, huh?”

“The TARDIS got the coordinates wrong for Woodstock and I walked into this hotel where I could hear music playing. On a long couch in reception were three blokes playing guitars.” The Doctor rubbed his chin. “Not sure were Neil Young was.”

“Neil Young?”

“Hmm? Oh, he’d joined the band by then, but I only saw David, Stephen, and Graham.” At Rose’s blank look he added, “Crosby, Stills, and Nash.”

“Crosby, Stills, and Nash were playing a live concert at the hotel where you played poker with Janis Joplin?”

“Well, they weren’t performing so much as...practicing, or, er, jamming. Grooving?”

She laughed. “Only you, Doctor.”

“Anyway, in I walk and immediately Janis asks if I know how to play poker. I mean can you imagine, me not knowing how to-”

“Doctor.”

“So I join the game, but she looks at me and tells me she wasn’t drunk enough to deal with my outfit.”

“Your outfit?”

“It was my sixth incarnation and my style was a little...erm, brighter, shall we say?”

Rose slowed, the Doctor could almost see the wheels of her mind turning as she made connections, and then she bent over laughing. “The...the patchwork jacket...in the wardrobe room! You were wearing that weren’t you?”

The Doctor crossed his arms and pouted. “It’s not that funny.”

Rose wiped tears from her eyes. “She made you cover up didn’t she?”

The Doctor nodded once. And Rose broke out into giggles again.

“Rose!”

“Sorry. Sorry, but-”

“Her guitarist, nice bloke, Sam something or other, gave Janis his coat and she made me put it on. Told me to keep it.”

Rose rubbed the Doctor’s arm and they continued on to the TARDIS. “Well, I’m glad she did. It’s a great coat.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Mmhmm.”

The walked in silence until they finally made it back to the timeship. “Let’s go back to Mum’s. I’m starving.”

“I feel terrible for ruining our date. Chips and try again?”

“Sure. Sounds great.”

The Doctor kissed Rose soundly and then dashed to the console and danced around it, taking them into the vortex.

--

Rose and the Doctor meandered through sandstone arches and towering columns while munching on the hot, salty chips they’d picked up from their favorite chippy in the universe - the one right down the road from Jackie’s flat. He’d had to take them to 1974 so as not to run into her accidentally before enacting the rest of their date do-over.

They were happy to walk in silence, simply enjoying each other’s presence, and looking up at the soaring rock formations all around them.

The Doctor happily popped a greasy, fried potato into his mouth. “How’s this for a redo?”

Rose’s gaze narrowed in on the large, stingray-like creatures flying through the air above them. “You sure we’re not gonna have to make a run for it?”

“Nah, they’re not interested in us. They only eat bugs. Well, I say ‘bugs,’ but I really mean…,” the Doctor trailed off as he looked at Rose, distracted by the play of yellow, orange, and pink light over her face. It took his breath away, how stunning she was, eclipsing even the sunset that had just begun painting the sky. Really that was the reason he’d brought her here - known to have the most beautiful sunsets in the galaxy - and yet it paled in comparison to her.

Rose stopped and, seeing him slack-jawed, waited. “Bugs,” she prompted.

The Doctor snagged the last chip and took the empty paper cone from Rose’s hand, crumpling it and shoving it into his pocket.

“Oi!”

He rested his hands on her shoulders and peered intently into her eyes. “You know I love you, right?”

Her eyes grew round and she opened her mouth to answer, but the words were stuck in her throat.

“Rose?”

“Y-yeah, I know. I mean, you show me in so many ways. Everyday. It’s just sometimes I’d convinced myself- But I did...do know. Have to say...it’s incredibly nice to hear, though.”

“I love you,” and with that pronouncement, he gently cupped the back of her head and slowly lowered his lips to hers. She sighed into his mouth. After a few moments he pulled away and confessed, “Have done for a long time.”

She blinked at him a few times. “I love you, too.” A soft smile spread over her lips. “I have since about, oh, ‘forget me, Rose Tyler,’” she imitated his old accent.

“What?”

Her smile widened. “You know how to make an impression on a girl.”

“But you turned me down, the first time I asked you to come with me.”

“Not because I didn’t want to. I was just afraid by how much I did want to. I regretted saying, ‘no,’ immediately. Why do you think I ran to the TARDIS when you got back? I was so worried you’d disappear again.”

“I...I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. No regrets. You did come with me, and that’s the important thing.” He took her hand and started walking back toward the TARDIS. “I never dreamed...after the war, I just never dreamed…”

She squeezed his hand. Just minutes ago, she’d felt so tiny walking in the shadows of the lofty cliffs that made up the majority of the planet’s surface, but with the Doctor’s love in her heart, she felt like she could soar among the gliding giants in the sky.

They stopped near the TARDIS and watched the last rays of the sun before it dropped below the horizon. He pushed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He exuded an air of nonchalance, but Rose knew him better than that. She watched as as he opened his mouth to ask her a question, but paused to take a deep breath. She affected the same casualness, and waited. She didn’t need to wait long.

“How long are you going to stay with me?”

Rose glanced at him and when he swung his head to look at her, she smiled and replied, “Forever.”

His answering grin had her blushing. She pulled his hand from his pocket and entwined their fingers, running her thumb along his.

“Then I’ll love you forever and a day.” He pulled her to his side and kissed her crown.

The Doctor abruptly released her and pulled her into the TARDIS.

Rose leaned back against the doors and watched as he frenziedly spun around the console to put them into the vortex.

Rose pushed off the door and sauntered up to the Doctor. He quirked his eyebrow at her.

She just smiled and ran her hand down his tie.

“I just vowed to stay with you forever.”

The Doctor swallowed thickly and nodded. “Yeah.”

Rose lifted her hand to the back of his neck and played with the short hairs at his nape. “And you vowed to love me for just as long.”

His lips twitched. “I did. I will.”

“Yeah?”

He pulled her body closer to his. “Are...are those the vows you wanted to hear?” He could see the hope in her eyes and feel her single human heart pounding against his chest. “Because I do, Rose. I. Do.”

Rose took a shaky breath. “Y-you know what we do on Earth after vows like that?”

“What?”

“Seal it with a kiss.” She was pulling him down before she even finished her sentence.

As soon as their lips met, there was a burst of passion and a flurry of hands pulling at clothes. They stumbled out of the control room and the Doctor thanked the TARDIS for moving his room to right off the corridor. He pushed Rose against the door as he fumbled with the handle. Her hands were everywhere, distracting him. Weren’t humans supposed to only have two? She managed to pull off his tie, unbutton his oxford, unzip his trousers and have him in hand in the blink of an eye.

He panted into her shoulder. What good was a respiratory bypass if it doesn’t kick in when he needs it? He moved one hand to her breast - the other was still trying to get the door open - and nibbled her neck. Finally, the door swung open and he grabbed Rose before she could tumble backwards. He swept her into his arms and kicked the door closed behind them.

It was quite some time before they made it back to Jackie’s.

--

Jackie looked Rose and the Doctor up and down when they got back to the flat and shook her head.

The Doctor glanced at Rose and then back to Jackie. “What? We made it back on time. Didn't we?”

Jackie snorted. “Jus’ thought the two of you’d go out on a proper date somewhere like a movie or a museum. I shoulda figured.”

Rose glanced from her mum to the Doctor and back again. “We did go on a date.”

Jackie snorted. The Doctor glared at her. “Who’s to say we didn’t?”

Jackie raised her eyebrow at her daughter.

“We did!”

“That why himself is wearin’ a different shirt and tie?”

“What? I...it's...we could've come across a jxploric spitting Helipontu and that’s why I needed to change.” The Doctor crossed his arms.

Jackie handed Melody off to the Doctor. “Mmhmm. An’ is that how Rose got a hickey too?”

Rose gasped and grabbed her neck while the Doctor sputtered, both of them blushing furiously.

“Hope you built up an appetite, dinner’s ready.”

--

After dinner, Jackie walked with the Doctor, Rose, and Melody back to Rose’s old room where the TARDIS was parked. “Oh! I forgot. Look at what we practiced.” She got Melody’s attention from her place in the Doctor’s arms. She pointed at Rose. “Who’s that?”

The baby gurgled happily, and the Doctor smiled. “Mummy. Very good Melly Belly.” He looked at Jackie. “She’s been calling Rose, ‘Mum,’ since the beginning.”

“Jus’ wait.” She pointed to herself. “And what’s my name?”

Melody babbled. The Doctor translated, “Nan. Well done, sweetheart.”

Jackie tapped the Doctor’s sleeve. “And who’s this?”

Melody giggled and the Doctor’s smile tightened. “Not-Mum.” She giggled again and the Doctor looked at Jackie in shock. “Dada. She said, ‘Dada!’”

The Doctor whooped and lifted Melody in the air. She squealed in delight and when he brought her back down, he gave her big, exaggerated kisses all over her face causing her to belly laugh.

The Doctor asked Jackie, “How?”

“I had a nice little chat with our girl.”

“But how’d you know she would? You don’t speak baby.”

Jackie’s only response was a smug grin.

He impulsively wrapped Jackie in a one armed hug, Melody babbling between them, and whispered, “Thank you.”

When he pulled away, he had glassy eyes, but the brightest smile she’d ever seen on him.

Rose was fighting her own tears. And so was Jackie, truth be told.

“I expect to see you three back here next Sunday.”

Rose kissed her mum on the cheek. “Of course.”

The Doctor walked his little family into the TARDIS and Jackie stood watching until it faded away.

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 51)

“Fuckin' hell, can you dig any slower?!” the Boss of the Valentinian goons complained.

“This'd go a lot faster if someone didn’t pull off that shit with the dirt-blasters!” replied one of the goons digging with shovels.

“In my defense, it did significantly cut our travel time past that mountain!” Abner said as he stood with his hands and ankles shackled together. “Why take the long way 'round when you can just send your carriage straight through it, right?”

All five of the goons glared at Abner, trigger fingers itching, knuckles turning white from how tightly they were gripping their shovels.

“… I'll just be quiet now...” Abner muttered.

“You do that...” spat the other goon on shallow grave duty.

All was quiet for a while save for the sounds of digging and cursing.

“Awright, that's deep enough!” said the Boss. “Get outta there, grab your guns, and let's all shoot this motherfucker dead—and I want ALL those clips on empty, and a grenade on his face when we're done, in case he's wearin’ bulletproof clothes again!”

“Do we have to shoot him, Boss?” asked one of the goons climbing out the hole.

“What, you want to give ‘im a chance to pull off more of that Houdini shit on us?!” the Boss barked.

“Nah, I was wondering if we couldn't just beat the ever loving shit out of him till he stops moving,” the goon replied. “Got a LOT of stress built up from the trip here, and I want to let it all out before we all head home.”

One of the other goons snorted. “He not help you enough when you thought we were all asleep?”

“Fuck off!”

“All of youse, shut up!” the Boss cried. “We shoot him, toss some dirt over ‘im, then we get the fuck outta here, all accordin' plan!”

“What, you afraid the Keeper's gonna get us?” one of them teased.

“Never thought you'd be scared of fairy tales, Boss,” another hummed.

“Keeper, wild animals, whatever the fuck is killing and eating everyone that comes here, I don't want to meet 'em, capisce? Now get your guns before my trigger finger 'slips!'”

“Alright, alright!” “We're going, we're going!”

Soon, all five of them were standing in front of Abner, his feet right on the edge of his grave, the barrels of their guns point-blank on his chest.

“Anyone have any last words before we ice this fucker?”

“I'd just like to--” Abner started.

“Anyone other than this fucker have any last words before we ice ‘im?”

“Yes,” said a new voice. “Get out of the Valley before I have to dig graves for ALL of you.”

The goons spun around, and came face to face with the Keeper.

“I had the good fortune of being knocked into my grave; ironically, it ended up saving my life as it was just deep enough for me to avoid all the bullets that went flying around, or being caught in Ilaya's scythe swings, and also gave me time to finally pull out the lock pick I'd fashioned from the dirt-blasters.

“It was a miniature seismic-wave generator that could easily liquify the anchors for my bindings, you see.”

“You made that on a bare-bones trip to the Valley, with five armed Valentinian Debt Collectors who wanted you dead riding with you and watching over you at all times?” Weiss asked.

Abner nodded. “The key is to feign stupidity; people will be wary of a smart man, but quickly grow tired of an idiot. And sometimes, actual stupidity works in your favour, when it provides you with a new angle you hadn't seen before, or a window of opportunity.

“Anyway, I managed to break my cuffs, and waited for the sounds of fighting to stop. After that, I attempted to climb out, after which a hand reached in to help pull me out. I had assumed that the Keeper had left, and that one of the goons had survived and had made the rational choice of keeping me alive to better our chances of survival…

“… Only it wasn't one of them, it was Ilaya.”

Abner stared up at the face of fear itself, her crimson eyes glowing in the darkness, his hand wrapped tightly around hers, frozen like the rest of his body.

“You okay?” Ilaya asked.

Abner screamed, his free hand pulling out the lock pick, and blasting Ilaya's wrist with it. She yelped, unharmed but surprised, he took the opportunity to use the last of the pick’s battery to dig handholds for himself.

“STOP!” Ilaya cried as he scrambled out and ran into the woods.

Abner replied by screaming even louder.

“SERIOUSLY, STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OFF A--”

Abner wailed and flailed his limbs in the air as the ground beneath his feet suddenly disappeared.

“… Cliff…!” Ilaya finished too late.

His screaming continued for a few more seconds.

Thud.

Ilaya ran up to the edge of the cliff with the help of her mask's night vision. “Are you still alive down there...?” she yelled. “Groan once for 'Yes,' and—uh, I guess I'll just climb down and look for you! Wait right there!”

At that, Abner's head shot up from the ground. The canopy was thinner here, the moonlight illuminating the little grove of plants he had found himself in. He grabbed one of the wild tubers by the stalk, and pulled it up as food for later.

He stopped as he realized that it had a face.

:o

Abner blinked.

D:

The elemental started letting out a high-pitched, ear-drum bursting wail. Abner dropped it and clapped his hands over his ears, running through the grove as the rest of them woke up and joined in the bone-chilling pandemonium.

“I ran until the screams of the elementals stopped ringing in my ears, at least, and found myself in an ironbark forest. The Fae do in fact harvest them from the wild, considering that it's difficult to replicate the conditions that allow the quality they desire for their weapons and other projects. Aside from that, they only ever grow so strong thanks to the constant love and attention of their symbiotic caretakers:

“Steel Spiders.”

Abner stopped for breath, put his hand against a tree for support. He didn't notice that he had cut himself on the bark until he felt something other than sweat dripping down his palms. He quickly pulled it away, wrapped his wounds with some bandages he always had stashed somewhere on his body, before he took in his new surroundings.

The moonlight shined down on the ironbark trees, massive, angular titans with branches that shot out like metal spikes, twisting and turning like a set for a horror movie. All that was really missing were the bodies and viscera hanging from them.

Abner nervously made his way through a spacious gap in the trees.

He hadn't noticed the steel-silk web until his palm had already been caught in it.

Twang.

Abner paused as he heard the strand vibrate, letting out a musical sound like an instrument's string being plucked. He turned his head to the noise, watching it vibrate an attached strand, and another, and another, making an admittedly lovely chime.

Then he saw some of the ironbark “branches” start moving, eight eyes opening and glowing in the dark.

Abner tried to pull his hand from the web, but it was stuck, and the strand held strong.

The music became louder. More and more of the webs began to resonate, alerting the other steel spiders that there was prey.

Abner bit back a yelp and began to walk backwards, trying to see how far the strand could stretch until it broke. He stopped as soon as he felt several sticky somethings attach to his back. His teeth began to draw blood as he tried to jump forward, and accidentally got his foot caught in a low-hanging web.

The chiming had become a full on melody now, echoing all throughout the grove. Even more of the spiders woke up, excited, for it seemed like there was even MORE prey that had gotten caught in their webs.

Abner desperately, violently jerked his limbs and staggered around, trying to free himself from the webs, only succeeding in getting himself even more tangled until he could not move an inch. The music he was making would have actually been quite pleasant to the ear, had it not also been the dinner bell for the steel spiders, and the soundtrack to his doom.

Abner saw one of them begin to crawl down the ironbark tree closest to him.

His two eyes met the spider's eight, saw his reflection in those glimmering orbs, its giant fangs curl and twist upwards.

:3

Abner screamed.

“… Would steel spiders happen to be why Fae invented the word for 'BIG FUCKING SPIDER, RUN!'?” Weiss asked.

“Oh, goodness no! Those are MUCH larger than the steel spiders could ever be and bounds more dangerous.”

“… How large are we talking about?”

“Oh, somewhere between half the size of a building such as the Plushie Palace, to little larger than it.”

“… Do these happen to live in the Valley?”

“Oh no, they live in the—ow, OW, OW—sorry about that, seems my thought process got too fast for my governor and it had to pull the emergency brake. Shall I resume the story?”

“Can we skip to after Ilaya rescues you?”

“Can we not? It's quite a daring, musical escape; the melody she made as she cut the webs and sometimes even plucked them intentionally to fool the spiders is permanently stuck in my head, both for being so catchy, and because this was how I got my crippling fear of steel spiders and ironbark groves!”

“I think I'll pass, thank you...”

“Oh, alright... anyway, after Ilaya performed her daring rescue, she took me far away from the grove and to a stream so she could refill her canteen—chasing after someone like me is thirsty work. Because the grand crescendo of the rescue, where she stunned the entire grove of spiders with a sound not unlike an especially powerful electric guitar riff, I had become temporarily deaf, and couldn't understand a word of what she was saying.

“She tried her best, but unfortunately, Keepers are better at killing the horrors of the Valley than they are at breaking language barriers...”

Abner stared at the Keeper, frozen in fear, dumbly nodding his head as she made cryptic signs with her hands, no doubt what horrible, terrible things she was going to do to him if he misbehaved.

She had taken off her mask, revealing a surprisingly human and friendly face, nothing even remotely close to what they rumoured to lay underneath that skeletal visage, but he knew all too well the disconnect between friendly appearances and what sort of person lay underneath.

Satisfied that Abner understood she wasn't going to kill him, that there were going to be more horrible things that would actually try to kill him if he got out of her sight, and that she was just going to get a drink of water, Ilaya turned around and pulled out her canteen from inside her cloak.

She was taking a long drink of water when she heard a splash.

She spat it all out as she noticed that Abner wasn't where she left him any more.

“I'm quite an excellent swimmer, as it was a regular part of my cardio exercises, and a lot of my more daring and close escapes have been made through watery routes—you'd be surprised at how many people close off the streets first, and sometimes never bother to check the sewers or the canals, Valentino being the only exception.

“I could have easily escaped Ilaya, if not for the carnivorous fish that lived in that river who did NOT appreciate my presence.”

Ilaya ran along the bank, her mask back on her face, trying to find Abner's aura—a difficult task as the magic in the water was gumming up the sensors.

Bubbles rose up to the surface—as they popped, Ilaya could hear the staggered bits and pieces of a now familiar scream.

She dove into the water.

Splash!

Moments later, pieces of dead fish floated up to the surface. Ilaya broke through soon after, gasping for breath and hauling Abner over her shoulder. She dug her scythe into the roots of a tree growing over the water, and pulled them back up to dry land.

She laid Abner on his rear, held him up by his shoulders. “You okay?” she asked.

Abner threw up all over her.

“… Probably should have seen that coming!”

“You were extremely lucky that Penny's creators had the foresight to build a water filtration unit for her; the microbes and elements in the Valley's water are vicious little buggers if you aren't adapted, and the ones in magic-enriched water like that river more so.

“I was stuck in the hospital for weeks! I should have died from a mixture of dehydration and water-borne illnesses, but Ilaya, kindhearted soul that she was, managed to convince the Council it'd be better to try and keep me alive than euthanize me.

“And this was no mean feat: up to that point, no one knew anything about me other than the fact that a Valentinian organization thought it was necessary to bring me all the way here to execute, and it wouldn't have been too far of a stretch to assume that I was a gigantic problem they wanted gone for good reason.

“It didn't help that caring for me was difficult, with at least two menders on me at all times and hourly visits from a water weaver trying to detoxify my body and acclimate it to the Valley.

“And oh sweet Shepherd, the buckets. There were so many buckets…!

“About the only thing that kept me going was that Ilaya always came by to try and cheer me up, and as I'd later find out, act as a subtle means to guard against someone euthanizing me under the Council’s noses.

“This was before they installed my governor, and I was quite loopy from the water, the sickness, and the trauma, you see.

“Eventually I recovered, and together with Ilaya, made my case for the Council. I was a controversial issue ever since she returned from patrol early with me unconscious over her shoulder, and the division only grew with how expensive my treatment was, and the opportunities lost to both the Valley and the Fae that took care of me.

“I managed to convey to them that I was a highly skilled inventor, and with Ilaya's help to keep me on track, I helped create the Tubes. Funny how it was inspired by my noticing how fast the current was taking me and the distance it was helping me put between me and the aquatic predators trying to kill and/or eat me, and my complaining about how long it used to take to get to and from Keeper's Hollow to the rest of the Bastion—even if all that rowing did wonders for my arms!

“That was where I helped build the very first Tube station, by the way, with the maiden voyage being to the Tree of Life, the second station.

“As I had proven myself more than worth everything they had already invested in me, I voluntarily had a governor-chronicle installed to help tame my worst impulses, took a vow to maintain the Fae's secrecy, and I've been living the good life here in the Valley since.

“And that, Weiss, is the True Tale of the Keeper of the Grove!

“… Well, my section, at least.”