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#I already have secondary ptsd and thanatophobia
wigglebox
·
2 years
Text
I’ve not been having a great time lately. Since March 2020 really but this year in particular
#therapist asked me Tom draw how I feel for our sessions
#she’s my Ed therapist and she’s an art therapist
#and since March my anxiety has just ramped up tenfolkd
#which is on top of the anxiety that’s already been ten fold since the beginning of the pandemic
#but my father dying I think really fucked me up a little bit more
#I have. a job where I have to read and write about instant death constantly
#I already have secondary ptsd and thanatophobia
#and both of which were increased when my father died
#and was faced with the realization that eventually I would be without my mother as well
#that combined with other stuff at work my anxiety has been at a 20
#I’m extremely afraid of the dark and of bugs
#Friday morning I screamed bloody murder for a minute straight bc I thought someone was in my backyard
#and even tho I’m pretty sure it was my phone
#I’m still terrified of going outside
#and now I want to ask my manager if I can come in later for my shifts
#I’m sacrificing key afternoon time otherwise spent at therapy appointments
#but I think I need the daylight
#my stomach is churning just thinking about going to work Tuesday morning in the ark
#dark
#and my therapist and I have concluded another big factor into my anxiety right now is just I’m very lonely
#idk how to date people idk how to find a partner
#I don’t see my irl friends much bc we are all busy
#I feel very alone
#and I used to not care but now I are and I’m very sad about it
#suffice to say I feel like I’m in the middle of the dark with a flashlight that’s not working
#even tho I have a flash light aka all my therapy I’ve done in the last ten years
#and my friends and my mom I still just don’t know how to utilize it in a way that will ease my ever increasing fear over things
#anyway I want a hug but I don’t have anyone to ask for one
#Jen in real life4444
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