#she’s my Ed therapist and she’s an art therapist

[roseband]

also in the trickle of info from the 8 hour fight that was michael going to CNY (which is why he got so stressed that he was shitting blood)

the reason the whore is doing this to us is cause she needs to "protect her son and the family's assets from me cause i have a single mom so she has to be poor so im probably out for their money and have to show my worth"

IM FROM FOREST HILLS WHAT THE FUCK?

like what in the misogynistic "but women can't have good jobs" brainrot is this, you've been in my moms building and seen the DOORMAN? if that wasn't a teeeeeeeny weeeeeny hint to the class divide between me and michael and it ain't in the direction this dumb slut thinks?? (Also like my moms /only/ upper middle class, I do not think this psycho knows what "rich" looks like in nyc and I have a few friends from temple as a kid who are rich rich (like non scholarship UNIS and horace mann students lol) cause I went to temple in fucking......forest hills) like for fucks sake my moms worth more than double these freaks stfu????? what fucking money? there's no money for me to be after?

WHAT THE FUCK

sorry that you're unskilled and can't make money, none of the women in my family can relate lul they're doctors, teachers at the top of the payscale, and accountants you freak????

also like any friend we've told about this have all literally had the same reaction of "wait...isn't erica basically a JAP lul" or "no one would think ericas with you for money unless they were insane or really fucking sexist cause like......shes a JAP"

like i literally will not touch my mom's money, HATE when she pays for stuff, will literally not allow her to pay for stuff and venmo her to be equal cause i earn my own and can do on my own but tf??? because i'm not buying luxury designer bullshit cause i don't need to wealth signal you think my family is poor and i'm out for your non-existent riches??????

[emo-batboy]

i'd like the chart thanks!

Also, there's another person who wants to rp Leo, can they?

Okay a few people are asking for the chart so here’s the current chart!! (I took out some characters that are still not as fleshed out. That includes Nathan, Ria, Nina, Ashley, Zoe, Ray, Maggie, and the hater and Metropolis characters, but they’re all filler characters rn)

A Wild Battinson Character Lore Continuity

- Felicity

- Oldest of the bunch, right between Millennial and Gen Z

- Works at an office, besties with everyone there. Corporate girlie (does use the term girlboss)

- Like if a Gothamite/Bruce Wayne fan was swiftie-coded?

- She has a pet pitbull, you know that kind of white girl

- Tatum

- Goth U, Comp Sci major

- Keeps everyone he knows online at arms length so we don’t know much, has a small close knit friend group irl but he’s also mutuals with everybody on twitter because he’s that kinda guy yk?

- But they’re slowly convincing him. He’s getting there

- Marzia

- Oh god poor Marzia

- Italian, born in Northern Italy, English is her second language but you wouldn’t be able to tell if it weren’t for her slight accent

- Biggest Bruce Wayne stan, will go feral, but only gets replies from him at the worst moments possible

- *snorts like cocaine* “Please don’t do cocaine” is my personal favorite

- Goth U, she gives art major vibes but tacked on a double major in psychology last minute so now she’s staying a fifth year

- Reads smut, writes smut, part of the poetry club, def on booktok, you know the type

- Alejandro

- Runs an ice cream stand in the park on the weekends when it’s warm enough

- Bi, Dating Leo (pfp is them holding hands because he’s a whipped son of a bitch)

- He’s like if that normal-looking kind of athletic guy who always wore sweatshirts and basketball shorts to class just suddenly mentioned he had a boyfriend one day.

- He’s straight-coded but more specifically “the straight guy that gay guys have crushes on against their better judgement”-coded

- Knew the whole time he was bi but never REALLY liked a guy until Leo 🥺. whenever he looks at Leo, he’s got those madly in love eyes

- Thinks Batman is hot and suffers constant torment from Leo (who has a crush on Bruce) because of it

- Ale just wants to be bench pressed is that too much to ask? But It’s his fault he’s a twunk dating a twink so—

- Goth U, Really interested in tech stuff but he’s actually a sports medicine major. He wants to be a physical therapist for athletes

- Cannot hold his liquor

- Smile Watch

- Who knows

- It’s a mystery

- Lela

- Goth Girl

- BFF’s with Nico (goth girl, e-boy solidarity)

- Also good friends with Natalie, they lined up all their gen Ed’s together

- Chill in a Morticia Addams kinda way. She is Morticia Addams actually

- Mom owns a convenience store, she helps out after classes a lot

- Studied for the MCAT, did pretty well, she wants to be a doctor (probably neurosurgeon but it depends on what internship she gets)

- Currently completing the undergrad to grad program at Goth University with a masters in public health

- Natalie

- Former intern, now ASSISTANT at Wayne Press

- Got the job because she impressed Bruce with her good reporting skills, now works mostly on organizing press releases and maintaining Bruce’s public image

- Great at her job because she knows social media and Bruce Wayne Stans the best (she is one obv)

- (Babysits Bruce when Alfred is busy, how did this happen, why is this her job now? She’s tired of his shit lol)

- Still technically working part-time because she hasn’t gotten her degree yet, but she’s set to work full time after she graduates Goth U in May

- Sometimes while sitting at her desk she just gets that perspective shift where she’s like “how did I get here” Bruce Wayne Stans’ dreams do come true

- Caleb 🤡

- Literally 18/19 but aging faster than humanly possible with the stress he’s under

- Used to work at Bat Burger, left because the babysitting gig required more time

- Lives with his aunt who’s already retired (used to live alone, she never had kids or a husband so she’s loaded) He’s staying cuz his parents are super busy and travel for work :) and guess what crime-filled alley their window overlooks? I’ll give you one guess

- Babysits Tim, used to be a less serious gig but his parents have been out of town a lot lately (just vacationing without their child 🙄) and thankfully Caleb lives right across from their swanky apartment so he’s practically a nanny now (read: older sibling/third parent)

- Took a ton of childcare courses for this job and now he’s kind of interested in working at a daycare maybe? If Tim doesn’t kill him in his sleep first

- Recently graduated Goth High, now takes online classes at Goth Community College while deciding what to do with his life

- Jarod

- Recently graduated Goth High, now taking a gap year before starting GothU in the fall. Him and Caleb were always in the same classes so they’re super close (they’re the youngest)

- Future Comp Sci/English major (he wants to be a video game writer)

- Has a younger sister, and technically the oldest child but spiritually he’s the middle child.

- His parents and Priyanka’s parents are close friends so he kind of grew up seeing Priyanka as an older sister. That’s why they’re Like That.

- Literally so fed up with Priyanka, it’s not even funny (yes it is) but the second you’re rude to Priyanka, he will deck you, watch yourself

- Katie (Sweater Thief)

- ER Nurse at Gotham General Hospital, mostly does night shifts

- Gives chronically online energy when she’s online, but everyone in real life wouldn’t suspect a thing because she’s so good at having her life together (the code switch will give you whiplash)

- Surprisingly older than most of the others despite being Like That.

- Literally graduated with a 4.2 GPA how tf?

- BFF’s with Leo then became BFF’s with Ale too after they started dating (she is slowly corrupting Ale and I think that’s beautiful)

- Creator of the Babygirl Bruce Wayne Agenda and PROUD

- Priyanka

- Works at coffee shop owned by her mom called Caffe Mood. She plans to run it one day. Currently a barista

- Goth U, business major (accounting)

- Bilingual, knows Hindi

- LESBIAN QUEEN

- Despite being gay, She is allowed to think Bruce Wayne is hot, that is her Right

- Mad fucking crush on Georgia, calls her Georgie. Intends to never tell a soul. Will fail miserably

- Dead fucking set on the idea that Batman’s a vampire

- But she thinks everyone’s a vampire so—

- Her parents and Jarod’s parents are close friends so she kind of grew up seeing Jarod as a younger brother. That’s why they’re Like That

- Jarod is constantly on her nerves, wtf Jarod (but be mean to him and she’ll kill you)

- Leo

- Works at bookstore called Gotham City Bookstore

- Gay, Dating Alejandro

- Twink (derogatory)

- Swears his gaydar is the most accurate there is (always wrong)

- Made being gay his entire personality because he had an identity crisis in middle school and proceeded to have a massive crush on some straight guy all of high school (that guy was Ale, Leo’s gaydar is so off)

- BFF’s with Katie despite being a few years younger. They were in a high school production of Sweeney Todd together and the rest was history

- Calls every single celebrity gay as a joke, Ale reigns him in if he’s getting too out of hand

- Used to have a mad celebrity crush on Bruce, still kinda (definitely) does

- Attends GothU, undecided for a while but ultimately settled on mathematics because it’s ironically his best subject

- One of those mf’s that needs to be held back at all costs, god help Ale

- Rose 🌹

- Works a tailoring job full time

- Good friends with Felicity, she’s like the black cat to Felicity’s golden retriever

- 70% super nice and chill, 30% wild card party girl

- Gets drinks with friends a lot, tweets when drunk but no one can tell the difference. It’s amazing

- Does not seem horny, is horny. But like normal about it? If that’s a thing

- Nico

- Kinda plays the straight man of the group if the straight man was emo

- BFF’s with Lela (e-boy, goth girl solidarity)

- KING of twitter roasts. He makes memes to end lives.

- Pansexual, single, and probably writing bad poetry in his diary about it but don’t tell anyone

- Goth U, actually dunno the major. Probs public health with Lela but doesn’t want to be a doctor. More like research parallel to social sciences

- Has a 8/9yo sister named Madelaine whom he would die for despite not expecting to be an older brother so late in the game (what were his parents thinking)

- Has tea parties with her and all that jazz. She steals his eyeliner and chain accessories all the time, also she’s friends with Dick and Barbie (yes, Barbara Gordon) so sometimes he watches over their play dates

- He’s a “tough emo boy” so he totally doesn’t laugh at Madelaine’s puns. He’s a bitch ass liar

- Kellyanne

- GothU, marine biology. Transferred from GCCC with an associates degree to save money but now she’s got a full ride cuz of the WE higher education fund

- More recent Bruce Stan

- Pretty poor upbringing, that’s how she met Bruce Wayne. He bought her whole family groceries one night after her card declined at the convenience store trying to buy dinner

- Now she’s in it for the long haul :)

- Lia

- GothU, fashion merchandising

- A GIRL’S GIRL

- Older sister also attends Goth U, but she’s in med school

- More recent Bruce Wayne stan, still not particularly in with the culture and jokes but getting there

- Friends with Georgia and Elizabeth irl. Elizabeth was in the same sorority before graduating first. Got to know Georgia after Lia found her dog with Bruce at the park outside GothU. They party together now

- Elizabeth

- Graduated GothU last May and worked an internship at LexCorp, immediately regretted it but snagged a job at WE (thank god)

- Now works as a research assistant at Wayne Tech in the R&D department for commercial products

- Didn’t really get the whole Bruce Wayne Stan thing until Bruce Wayne personally wished her a happy birthday?? The man is so sweet?

- Absolutely loves her job but still screams at rubber ducks over faulty code in her little cubicle, but that’s the industry she chose so it’s a give and take

- Met Natalie through Stan twitter and now they DM each other about working at Wayne Enterprises

- Doesn’t post much on twitter but follows the main Bruce Stan accounts, irl friends with Lia and Georgia

- Georgia

- Has a dog named Bean

- GothU, majoring in like three languages, polyglot (including Hindi 😏)

- Works at a retail home decor kinda store (home goods?)

- So lesbian-coded, but does not know it yet. Priyanka is her gay awakening. She is now a regular at Caffe Mood (She thinks she just likes the coffee (yeah right))

- Works at Goth U’s admissions department over the summer too

- Once got drunk and locked herself onto a roof by accident, ended up hanging out with Batman (he offered to break into her apartment for her but she said “nah”)

- Jane

- Works at Wayne Enterprises

- Runs bring your kid to work day (idk what her actual job is but she’s an Essential Worker, okay?)

- Very sweet, 10/10, looks on the bright side but never in a toxic positivity way

- Super social too, became work friends with Bruce because she’s nice but not draining to his social battery? They have lunch on occasion

- Watched the Graysons die with Bruce, call that trauma bonding

- Watched her toxic ex’s car burn to a crisp after a joker spree and took a selfie with it (she can have a little revenge, as a treat)

[beesmygod]

today is webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 3: sketch 1

ed note from the future: this got long. its going mostly under a readmore for everyone's sake. and i didnt even finish sketching, just trying to explain what is going through my mind while trying to sketch. look, if i write down my process in exhausting detail people will realize im completely insane. this is a net benefit to anyone trying to interact with me in the future who thinks i can be reasoned with. community service. thank you for allowing me to post this shit lol

hmmm. giving up on the first few panels for right now. here's what i'm thinking about as i sketch this:

too many of my panels were talking heads or constantly relied on one point perspective. i have been trying to work against this for a while with mixed results. sometimes the result is so bad i have to scrap what i did and start over but sometimes it's "good enough for TV"* and i hit publish on it. no risks, no reward after all. can't get better if you don't try.

in this first panel, i have two people having a back and forth conversation through a weird magic hole in the floor/wall. maxine is laying on a couch with hole right above her head. homestar runner will demonstrate what i mean:

however, there are logistical problems with maxine that homestar runner doesnt have. maxine's right shoulder is dislocated, so she can't lay on that side, or any side that would put pressure on the joint. im realizing i don't actually know what position would be most comfortable in her situation or how she would instinctually arrange her body to avoid pain. i start looking up videos from physical therapists on how they recommend patients sleep for some ideas.

also i start looking up what women look like sleeping on couches. how does the human body fold up. because this isn't it.

anyway, this was my first effort with the first panels.

for reference, the last page ends like this:

the top left of the sketch would have been the hopi clown back on the shelf with the "camera" tilting above it to reveal maxine. while this keeps the relevant object from the previous page in frame as a piece of connective tissue between updates....i'm struggling to fit the second character in. the one talking from the hole. maybe there's still hope for this? it's not terrible. initially i nuked it but maybe i can make this work.

fuck! she needs a pillow or two to make this work. this video is right, that DOES look naturally comfortable compared to the standard fetal position that would pull the affected shoulder inward. i didn't draw any pillows into the stupid establishing shot of the office bc its not the kind of couch you are expected to sleep on!!! this is a man's business office!!! i thought i was so smart!!

basically every couch comes with decorative pillows though, and the shot of the room didn't include the wall the "camera" was up against. my 2-point perspective failure might have paid off here lol. if i can establish that the second character is talking through the hole, he can use his rayman hands to reach across the room and get the pillow for her. it can be part of his personal campaign to show maxine he means her no immediate harm. the pillows were just out of frame. lurking. ok let's try it again. uhhhh after i eat some lunch

---

*my friend kelly had an anecdote from working in animation that im going to retell badly from memory. her boss would take the work she labored over to meet by deadline and would laugh at it, saying "ah, its terrible! but good enough for TV". and while extremely mean, he had a salient point: it never has to be perfect. it just needs to be good enough to be seen. sometimes i seriously think about this anecdote when im dissatisfied with my own art. it's bad. but it's good enough for tv.

[chaifootsteps]

Oh my god, finally! I've been wanting to post here for a few days.

I'm the author of that infamous fanfic. And I wanted to say, unrelated to Hazbin, that the documentary and Drake's story, coupled with his new music video "I Kinda Relate" is the most heartbreaking and empowering thing I've ever seen. I bawled my eyes out the entire day that I found it.

In the first 28 seconds, Drake heavily implies, but doesn't show, his abuse that he suffered at the hands of his rapist, Brian Peck (who also was penpals with none other than John Wayne Gacy.)

I wanted to do nothing but hug that poor little boy, and to hug the man he is now. I want to tell him that he's beautiful and strong and brave for coming out. Male CSA victims rarely ever do. Could you imagine telling Drake then or now, that he's a *loser*? Could you imagine going about his abuse the way Viv did with Husk and Angel? He literally made his own music video that was much more tactful and empowering than Loser Baby ever will be.

I also have dirt on Dan S and that whole fucking pedo ring (I know a LOT of people in this industry. I also helped take down an ACTUAL ZOO AND PEDOPHILE with a decent amount of power a few years back.) And for anyone still confused about Drake, the girl he messaged lied about her age and he never did anything physical with her. He still acknowledges he's fucked up (please watch his hour long interview and music video) but he's "bound to make it right".

I also just want to say, to a CERTAIN PERSON, that comparing the objectively fetishisized abuse (I'm a CSA victim and into noncon), to fucking SEX ED FOR CHILDREN, is the absolute most fucking garbage and vile take I've ever seen. Poison is NOT educational. It is fetish content for Viv and Raph and others like them. If survivors and fans can turn something objectively negative into something subjectively positive, all the power to them.

Again, into noncon and a CSA victim. I also don't want to see stans taking this and telling me I'm invalid for critiquing Viv and Raph (already dealt with that in my damn fic.) I have been raped/sexually assaulted/groomed/groped/strangled/pinned down/dragged around as a child and NO ONE is ever going to tell me I'm a hypocrite or that I'm wrong for my feelings on this issue. Especially when I also have friends and my own mother as SA and CSA victims as well.

Someone like myself, or like Drake Bell, do NOT need to see how explicitly horrid our abuse was/is to understand how bad it is. I personally had panic attacks watching the episode, and having the knowledge of Raph being an unapologetic rape fetishist, was all I needed to know that that entire episode was fetish content. It's basically an adaptation of Raph's Red Smoke comic. Nearly word for word too. I've written and consumed so many stories over the years to know exactly what's going in their heads.

You know how you actually help a victim? You have friends and family and a therapist help you get out of that situation. Husk "helping" Angel was not the way to go about it.

And I've seen fans argue whether or not Viv is a rape fetishist (she is), but if she wasn't, why is she so adamant on keeping an unapologetic rape fetishist on her staff? He's confirmed to be working on season 2 (God I'm gagging thinking about it) and why does she like so much art (no hate to the artists) of sexy, fetishisized, hot, and sad art of Valentino? If he's supposedly based off HER abusive experience, why does she coddle, woobify, and downplay and sexualize him so much??? I wouldn't base a rapist character or write a rapist character as a fucking "high school Mean girl".

I'm sorry this got so long, but fuck man... it's so fucking disgusting.

Anyways, please watch this. It's got more tact and heart than fucking Poison will ever have. Drake Bell, my heart goes out to you. CSA victim to CSA victim. I hope you get better and can heal. And that goes for all victims as well. 💜🫂 (You too, Chai.)

And Brian Peck, and any and all other rapists, can burn alive in a grease fire. Val included.

https://youtu.be/I5gh8rAVLkI?si=B2eny2U4GZRgDZ7t

https://youtu.be/nSzk-MsVKqA?si=6D4rEihu89Yom7YG

Well said as always, Anon, and thank you for this.

Also, definitely seconding Brian Peck burning up in a grease fire.

[generalallxsanjishipper]

Some incorrect\extremely correct quotes for my EXTREMELY FAR AWAY IN THE FUTURE ADP FIC (and in part in TIALAMYDK LMAO)

***

Alice *after entering Douxie's mind for several minutes, on the floor*: Oh, wow. Your brain is a disaster

Douxie *also on the floor*: Yeah, I know

Alice : Ever thought about doing drugs?

——

Zoe: Casperan. 

Douxie: Ashildr.  

Zoe: Clumsy dumbass. 

Douxie: Angry Chiwawa. 

Claire: *confused* What are they doing? 

Archie: Insulting contest. 

Claire: Ah. 

Zoe: Old Man. 

Douxie: Dwarf. 

Zoe: Flat ass.

Douxie:  Useless Half Lesbian

Zoe: Knucklehead

Douxie: Mosquito

Zoe: Peter Pan

Douxie: *Suddenly grinning* Pinky pie. 

Zoe: EXCUSE ME?

Douxie: HA! *Claps hands with a smug face* I WON! 

Zoe: HOW DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! I'M GONNA FUCKING END YOU! 

Alice: Now, now… 

——

Douxie: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Douxie: *waves his fingers and sings like he is in a Disney Channel intro*

——

Simon: Why are you on fire?

Douxie: This is just how my day is going.

——

Douxie: Everybody shut up, please! I'm thinking.

Zoe, patting him on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Douxie: Oh, for the bloody sake, Ashildr!

——

Jim: I’m here for the cult stuff.

Alice: How did you find us?

Jim: I saw your ad on craigslist.

——

Alice: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

——

Archie, looking at Douxie, Alice, Simon and Zoe: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

——

Simon, on the phone: Oh, hey man… Sorry for accusing you of murder last week.

——

Alice: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Zoe: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Alice: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Douxie, on a mic that he brought by himself: This is Douxie, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

Douxie:*drops the mic on the floor and leaves, muttering about being a third wheel*

——

Zoe: Mom liked to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,’ but I happen to believe you can be both.

——

Jim: Who's in charge here?

Zoe, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest. So, me.

——

Barbara, seeing both Douxie and Alice on wheelchairs: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Alice: We have three, actually! :D

Douxie: Pick your favorite.

——

Alice: *venting endlessly to Simon about her week*

Simon, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

——

Alice: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that Gods or... God are real.

Nari:*appears*

Alice: WHAT THE FLIP

Athena:*appears too*

Alice:*looses her flipping mind*

——

Zoe, to Claire: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it’s not going to be me.

Claire:

Claire: Yes, it's you, actually.

——

Alice, *talking about Zoe*: She's the girl of my dreams!

Douxie: You say to most of the girls that they are the girl of your dreams.

Alice: I have a lot of dreams.

——

Douxie: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

——

Simon: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you, it'd ruin the mystery.

——

Zoe, *talking about one of her first meeting with Douxie*: And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife several times.

Jim: You mean you stabbed him?

Zoe: He ran into my knife.

Douxie: She ran into my knife, too.

——

Zoe: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are.

Jim: Okay?

Zoe: …

Zoe: …

Zoe: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so...

——

*Zoe and Alice are texting*

Zoe: Your ass is like…

Zoe: Spacious

Alice: WHAT

Zoe: Sorry, I didn’t want to say fat because it might trigger your ED

——

Bastard number 1:*sarcastically, while leaving* I hope you all make it to adulthood.

Jim: That’s... a great prayer.

Simon: A needed one.

Douxie: A needed one indeed.

——

Simon: I will send my army to attack!

Simon: *makes roaring noises*

Simon: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

Jim, next to his Vespa: WHOA

Jim: THEY WERE YOURS????

——

Zoe, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Douxie, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?

Alice, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Simon, appalled, but looking apathetic: Call the exorcist.

——

Zoe: Alice and I are no longer dating.

Alice: Zoe, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

——

Zoe: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

——

Alice: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Alice: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Toby: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Jim: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Douxie: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Claire: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Zoe: I hate you guys so much.

——

Alice, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my top?

Simon, grabbing his mint gums without looking at her: Zoe's in the kitchen.

[tohellandback99]

………heeeeeeyyyyy!

I have been doing my stuff, as you can see. I had been gone… uhh, see;

I was getting top surgery. Mm 😌

Wendell and Wild’s one year anniversary had passed, but it wasn’t lost on me. I would like to share some words, my feelings for a moment

At the beginning of November last year, I had simply wished to watch something on Netflix for the first time in forever. I’m not much of a movie or tv show person-I’m more of a gamer. (Unless it’s a stop-motion film)

Anyway, I saw Kat’s picture on the front of the movie and my jaw felll to the floor because of, “how the HELL, did I not hear of this movie?” Which I’m only a little bit happy about because I like being surprised (ONLY when it comes to finding a good movie,) and in this case, was absolutely absolutely bewitching. Beguiling. Refreshing. but people in NETFLIX should not have thrown this to the wind. This can actually help people! I read that it was made by Jordan Peele working with Henry Selick, a duo I would never have imagined but understood from their works that they would be, a wonderful pairing. And I find myself lucky that I hadn’t heard people online say that it is like Coraline because it’s not… It is BEEEEETTEEERRR! 😍 IT IS LOVE! It is my childhood fever dream doused in chocolate and fucking cheeeese *slaps table* iwantmoreofit

It was quite an emotional roller coaster of a movie. It’s one of those films that you’d say, is an “experience” as opposed to a “story.” Kat and Raul are BY FAAARRR characters that I would have liked to see on television in my childhood years. Instead of Johnny Test, Chowder, Total Drama-anything-it’s-all-the-same, and Ed, Edd, and Eddy. 😤 Kat and Raul are people that I’ve been surrounded by in my life that I prefer, and have BEEN, in my life. So much so that I struggle to call them “characters” instead of people. And I can relate and see my child selves in both Kat and Raul, A LOT. (dressed in a punk style and grew up with and enjoy quite a bit of punk music. used to have a Mohawk when I was Kat’s age! There’s more but I don’t want to say,) It was terrifying for a bit because it made me feel like I don’t exist. I can’t

I cried when she found her source, her key. And gave herself a hug and how it became one with her. The “shadow Kat.” I think. My passed therapist calls a “source” or a “core” that holds trauma, the key. 🥹 That was so intrinsically true and relative to someone doing trauma work that I’m immensely grateful. Exists. In a movie like this.

My criticisms of this movie come out of love for this movie. If I didn’t like it I wouldn’t have cared to critique it. All I wanted was more, generally. More time, because there’s a lot of interesting things that were alluded to, but left out. And that’s all!

So my art is this time, this is an art journaling thing that was never supposed to be one but I lost control and before I knew it, realized what it was becoming. It’s chaos. I’m trying not to be embarrassed of that, eeehhhhhhhh 😓 mrrp, *squint* *chirp!* I had to improvise in a way that felt right.

I drew and painted Kat, and drew her almost entirely without reference. She’s not crying because of Raul! Absolutely NOT. I was going to do something with her but didn’t have the space so I made this as a practice and, I am obviously still needing to get better at painting her. I am so much happier with how I draw her now. I drew Sweetie because I needed some sort of guardian before I continue. (She was so easy) And then, this genderbent Oogie Boogie was stuck in my head and I drew and painted her too, all villainous and imposing. It made for a great challenge I’d say

Oh yeah, right yes… RAUL, has a purple winding stair case behind him. Of course… *sips tea* yes, that’s the appropriate way to get things done simply. You know who your favorite character is when your brain suddenly is like, “hey! Let me surround him with a winding staircase 🤩” 🤭 what the hell

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol. 15

Hi friends!!

Welcome to week 15 of The Spreadsheet Digest! I read a lot of angst this week.... but there's plenty of really good smut and fluff to balance it out, I promise! Also 3/10 fics are from one author, but I promise their stuff is to die for.

You can find the Spreadsheet here and all of my previous rec lists here.

Recs under the funny BTS pic from Triple Frontier

Birds of Prey - a Tommy one shot by @toxicanonymity

I normally wouldn't rec a tommy fic, but!! First of all Toxic wrote it so like... duh. Second of all it's kind of a sidebar to her Raider!Joel series and I'm assuming it kind of comes into play later in that series so like you should read it. Also it's fucking delicious. Raider!Tommy is sooooo fucking hot.

Fall Apart, Again - a Joel series by @wildemaven

AHHHHH THE TWIST!!! Healthy dose of angst right up front in the first chapter with these lovely hints of more to come AND THEN!!! there's a twist. I can't tell you about the twist because that would ruin it, but like I thought I knew what it was, right? And the thing I thought was gonna happen did and I was like oh! I called it. But that was a fakeout. There's a bigger twist. Fucking.... wild man. You gotta read it. (Oh and wildemaven writes so beautifully. The descriptive language is to die for). Get it while it's hot kids.

Breakout - a Joel series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

Boxer (now trainer) Joel!! Reader has an asshole boxer bf! I hope Joel gets to beat the shit out of Tyler tbh. I really fucking love Ren's writing style and the way she builds up the characterization. Like we learn so much about Joel's life and personality, Tyler and Reader's relationship dynamic, Reader's sort of (as yet unknown to them) kinship with Joel, Sarah and Joel's relationship, and more all in 7K words. This fic is going to be so fucking lovely. I think it's one of those "Oh my god that poor man deserves to be happy for once in his miserable little life" fics and I LOVE those.

This is the Way - a Din one shot by @psychedelic-ink

I thought this fic was gonna be silly! And I mean I guess it was. Certainly no angst. But if you think accidentally moaning This is the Way would be silly.... you think wrong. The way Mando responded??? Good god this fic is hot, y'all. I just like... does Din have a breeding kink? Is it the fact that she said it when he creampied her and like... the marriage vow thing is "we will raise warriors" ??? Sorry I'm speculating a lot here. I just... anyway yeah feral din. very hot.

The Art of Healing - a Marcus Pike series by @northernbluess

This is such a gorgeous fic. It has a lot of discussion of ED recovery, so please read warnings and take care of yourself and don't read if it will hurt you BUT!!! The way the topic is handled in the fic is so fucking beautiful. Marcus is a precious angel baby and Jo is so so so strong and wonderful. It's really lovely to follow along with her therapy and see what she paints. It's also incredible watching her bond with Marcus grow. It's a slow burn, therapist x OFC, with lots of angst but also so many of these like... really tender and sweet moments. It's so clearly a story that is coming from the heart and I adore it and can't wait to read more.

Exile - a Javi P series by @jksprincess10

Ok big warning up front -- she killed steve lmao. That's how reader ends up being Javi's partner. I really love how Javi's dickish demeanor from early season one is being played up here. Big fuckin fan. I just know this is gonna be a beautiful smutty enemies to lovers extravaganza.

Only Angel - a Javi P series by @tieronecrush

I really like professor peña. Like it makes a lot of sense that he'd do that after retiring. I love the concept of this fic so much. And the tension is being built up so fucking well. Javi pining and chastising himself. The subtle mention of reader doing something to support herself that is definitely not TAing. I would be more than happy to be Javi's extraneous circumstance. Anywayyyy I fucking love this and I'm so excited for the next chapter ahhhh.

-------------- oldies but goodies ------------

I grabbed a giant chunk off the older half of the sheet so there's a pretty good section where it's just one author lol. Oh and a lot of these are on AO3 but several of the stories were also posted on tumblr, I just read them on AO3 for whatever reason.

One Thing I'm Missing - a Joel series by @joelscruff

Sex, Drugs, and... Tacos - a Dieter one shot by @absurdthirst

Deseos Profundos - Javi P one shot by @absurdthirst

Le Trio De Fleur - a Din one shot by @absurdthirst

Chemical Feelings - a Din one shot by @absurdthirst

Menace - a Joel one shot by @atinylittlepain

I'll Never Fall in Love Again - a Dieter series by OonaJaeAdira (on AO3)

Stress Relief - a Javi P one shot by ezrasbirdie (on AO3)

Waterproof - a Dieter one shot by LeslieLyman (on AO3)

Starlight - a Din Series by LovelessDagger (on AO3)

Let the right one in - a Joel Series by LaMorenadelAtl (on AO3)

Dark but just a game - a Joel One shot by devilmademewriteit (on AO3)

Celestial Navigation - Dieter Series by @write-and-buried

Extra Whipped Cream - a Dieter Series by @pettyprocrastination

----------------------

Happy Reading!

[wigglebox]

Lmao so yesterday while on my appointment with my ED therapist, I told her I struggle with taking pride in my work be it my illustrations or even my own mental health journey. This conversation started bc I realized how much I was able to turn around in the last year, including regaining the 20 pounds I lost in the summer of 2022 due to my ED and my father passing away.

And I told her idk how to be proud of myself. And then I said “I was raised Catholic” and she was like “ahhhh yeah okay. Well. IM proud of you and I will home that emption for your until you’re comfortable” lol

I have two therapists a dietician and a psychiatrist for my medication and honestly yeah it’s a lot of self work over the last decade especially in the last year but I do feel just so much better seeing them.

Anyway, I am proud of myself for what I accomplished: I worked from home for the last year and managed to develop a routine that worked for me which is hard with ADHD, I went from 118-120 pounds this time last year to nearly back up to 140, I managed to identify the medication that needed to be changed (going back on Lexapro bc Wellbutrin and ADHD medication wasn’t good for me), finally found a dietician that has ED experience, accepted my ADHD instead of trying to push back against it, trying to push my art so I can make it my breadwinner instead of staying at my current job, saved some money, worked on myself all year while also not slipping at work.

Also, I am finally eating breakfast every morning and for the last 2.5 weeks I’ve been consistently eating lunch every day too.

I hate the fact I have to go back into the office after Labor Day but I also don’t plan on staying at my job for much longer anyway. So.

Here’s hoping I’m not working there by the holidays!

And I’m excited to keep on pushing myself. I’m feeling more comfortable with myself now.

[naranjapetrificada]

I came to this hellsite to talk about gay pirates and my therapist, and my next therapy session is still a few days out.

The problem is that I still need to finish processing In Favor With Their Stars, and it only raises even more questions about things that engaging with the show and its fanworks have prompted discussions with my therapist about recently. Why I didn't think to avoid fiction guaranteed to raise existential questions in the middle of a prolonged moment of IRL existential turmoil is beyond me, but here we are.

(it's not beyond me, I seem to have an unconscious drive to test the limits of my emotional regulation and resilience that makes it incredibly difficult to avoid looking into an abyss, even knowing the second half of that Nietzsche quote.)

It's remarkable (and appropriate) that this fic has received the kind of attention and discussion that it has, but that has left me feeling like so many others in the AO3 comments: what could I possibly say that hasn't been said dozens of times? I guess the only "unique" things I can offer on it is the Therapy Stuff it brings up. Also profuse apologies to my therapist that yes, we do once again have to talk about fanfiction that wrecked me, why it managed to unlock things that nothing else in my 3[redacted digit] years of life ever had, and what questions it's left me wrestling with.

Namely:

Why does the question of Stede's personhood makes me feel compelled to try to resolve an ethical debate that people who have spent their entire careers studying AI and consciousness and self-concept and science fiction will never agree on?

Also related to compulsion: what is that drive to engage with devastating media like wiggling a loose tooth?

Why do I assume I'm being judgemental just for asking myself if Ed's "happy ending" could actually be read as incredibly, distressingly lonely in some ways depending on how one feels about the origins and nature of Stede's consciousness?

How will Stede survive without the very of-biological-origins Ed? Will he want to? Should I actually write that fic I had an idea for that would wrestle with that question?

Why in the world is so much of my experience in this fandom wrapped up in grief? I can't seem to shut up about it.

How do you decide if the strong feelings art provokes in you are something you need to unpack or are just part of the experience? Especially as someone whose response to beauty is to cry with the same intensity as when she's crying over actual emotions?

Anyway thanks @mxmollusca for the emotionally fraught questions I can't stop mulling over right now and for the profound beauty of the story that provoked them. I may not be able to distinguish between potential reasons it all made me cry but I'm still so thankful for the chance to shed those unidentifiable tears regardless.

And thanks to everyone else out there making OFMD stuff too. I've never been part of any other fandom with this level of skill and creativity, nor with so many creators doing so much good work. If there's something in the water it must be the source material.

[whumplovers-collaborate]

Original Work List — Whumpy Works created for the Multimedia Summer Exchange in the Whumplovers Collaborate server

This list features Whumpy original writing and art of OCs

Writing

Life Excerpt #4 - Routine Cumbersome Visit by LizzyDizzyYo

Another illness. Another run to the hospital. Another moment James realizes he isn't ready to lose Als.

This is (or will be) a part of an extended universe revolving around the characters Als and James, and one among many fics in the non-linear series about these two. It can be read as a standalone, but will probably make more sense once this fic is connected to the rest of the series. You can read the other fics in the series later for background information.

Trials of Thanatos by shadowsofourdeepestmind

Thanatos Iuventus is focused on nothing more than getting home to his husband on a miserable rainy evening in February. Percival Capuano, a newly-fledged mafia boss, has other plans for the vampiric therapist. Thanatos just has to hold out until the Archfey can find him, or at least, that's what he tells himself. But every day is more difficult than the last and he is not known for his tenacity. Hopefully, when the Archfey arrives, he'll still be in enough pieces to put back together.

the best mage in the whole empire by Kanraxing

A young mage captain returns from the frontlines victorious, but finds himself thrown in a prison cell.

dinner party by Kanraxing 

in a world where superheroes and villains are constantly at odds, a young villain ends up a renowned superhero's plus one to one of the biggest events of the year...

Out to Shore by fluffae 

As much as Sea loved Archer, Sea knew Archer could never love him back.

my hands they drip tears, my eyes they weep blood by the_diving_fox 

Cerberus is an aasimar rogue on the run after a brutal fight that he wasn't on the right side of. He's found bloody and beaten by kind strangers who do their best to nurse him back to health.

i am so terrible at titles *hands you some fae siblings* by beebeebees

Art

Treat for ritz by Anonymous

Tick. Tock. by kas_intheshadows

Crimson has gone without human interaction and food and water for nearly 2 days and he’s losing it. The clock on the wall hasn’t stopped, it’s all he’s heard and all he can think about. When Eugene finally shows up, he’s different to usual and the change is unnerving Crimson further. Through all of this, the clock keeps ticking and Crimson can’t shut it out of his mind.

I Know You're There, Maxie~ by emcSCARED @emcscared-whumps

(ARTWORK) Kian, a troubled hearteater, has gone off the rails. Drunk on the scent of blood, she chases down her adversary, Maximiliano.

Midnight by emcSCARED @emcscared-whumps

(ARTWORK) Being a Midnight Child is an invisible curse whose only signs are the wounds and fear it leaves on its bearer...

What happened here? (pic) by winterseasons

Cutter is separated from his team when a ghost hunt goes wrong. He comes across a bloody scene and realizes the killer ghosts are still in the area.

WLC 2023 Multimedia Summer Exchange Gift by Alexander_Rietveld @tiny-feral-arachnid-man

Assorted drawings of Chordata7's ocs (Erin R. Watski, Asura Dara and Kurama).

The Bad things by BeneathAScorpionSky @beneathascorpionsky

Aaaaaaa giftart

Sacrifice by Anonymous

POV youre about to get sacrificed to Erducenzi by Axel Gawain Ozul and Ash Necronium Hler-Ozul.

Fever by John_in_Art

Marcus hoped he didn’t go too far. You can't get information from a dead captive. His skin was clammy under his fingers - he might be going into shock, Marcus thought - but he was breathing and his pulse was strong. He could take a little more.

Tears of Anguish by Silver_Treats (SuperSilverSpy)

Maximiliano is having a hard time…

Treat for Aquamaris by the_actual_letter_n

Portrait of her OC Sorren!

Robot's Treat by Anonymous

Chordata's Treat by Anonymous

Bagelistrying's Treat by Anonymous

Art of Alexander_Rietveld’s OC by Quillwritesometimes @onlywhump

Ed is having a bad day

Hiding in the Shadows' Treat by Anonymous 

Plague Doctor Simp's Treat by Anonymous 

Sparrow's Treat by Anonymous

Arizzo's Treat by Anonymous

Writer of World's Treat by Anonymous 

Tic Tac Murder Spaghetti's Treatby Anonymous

Open by the_actual_letter_n

Flaming Psycho's Treat by Anonymous

Bincaptain's Treat by Anonymous

Breaksbones's Treat by Anonymous 

Truthfully a Fangirl's Treat by Anonymous 

Just A Trick of the Light by Flat_San @willowtreewhump

“They’re not real,” he thought to himself, swallowing thickly around the cold lump of fear in his throat. “There’s nothing there. I’ll close my eyes… and everything will be fine.”

Hurt Pete :( by itstanzaniteuniverse 

Bloody Flames by Sishal @sishal01

Diana had a real fun night.

Jack by Sishal @sishal01

Jack had a rough night.

Emc's treat by Anonymous

 

Kanra's treat by Anonymous

Strange Encounters by Steefwaterbutter 

Formoso the mer meets Jiang the water dragon

Siegrrun's Gift by Anonymous 

Fandom List 1 — Fandom List 2 — Fandom List 3

[shadow-riley]

Shadow-riley Files

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ABOUT ME ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

⋆｡ﾟ🪐｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ tiny face reveal .....

↑Tate the bearded dragon Harley my service dog↑

Call Sign: Shepherd

Full name ᎒ Kaitlyn Lilly [last name classified]

Pronouns ᎒ She/her

Sexuality ᎒ Bi

Age ᎒ Classified

Height ᎒ 5'3" <3

Fv color ᎒ B!0od red

Marital status ᎒ Married to Simon Riley

Race ᎒ Filipino, Pacific Islander

Languages ᎒ Spanish, English, ASL

Disabilities ᎒ Deaf in right ear <3

Diagnosed: Epilepsy, EDS, BPD <33

Hobbies ᎒ sleeping, reading smut/ fanfics, art

Allies ᎒ @emmasshitblog

Currently listening to ᎒ Figure You Out- Voila

Dislikes ᎒ my therapist <3

Location ᎒ Mi, baby!

Dms ᎒ OPEN!

𝗰𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗹 ෴ˋ ╸ 🂡 ⊰ 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝘁𝘄𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝖺𝗌 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 ♡

[sapphiphilic]

My Completed Big Bang Challenge 2023 —

Title: i looked for happiness, i found you

Author: burberrylou

Artist: Nita

Beta Reader: gentlepanpirate

Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Israel Hands, "Calico" Jack Rackham

Relationship(s): Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Rating: Explicit

Additional Tags: Lesbians :), Our Flag Means Death Big Bang 2023, burberrylou's lesbian agenda, 5+1 Things, The Inevitability of Stede Bonnet Falling for Edward Teach, OFMD Big Bang 23, Meet-Cute, First Time, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Art Museums, art gallery dates, Falling In Love, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, POV Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Poetry, Love Poems, here and there, Prose and Poetry, and porn, but who's counting, Semi-Public Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Idiots in Love, Love at First Sight, Basically, Useless Lesbians, Lesbian Sex, Lesbians, POV Lesbian Character, Background Israel Hands/"Calico" Jack Rackham, Recovering Alcoholic Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Therapy, Feel-good, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone are Lesbians, Happy Ending, happy beginning and middle, it's a happy fic man idk, Author is Open to Hearing about Dead Batteries, even though the porn is arguably my tamest yet

Warnings: None

Summary: Recovering alcoholic Ed Teach has always had a knack for poetry—but everything she writes is sad. Her therapist challenges her to write only happy things for six months, and to bring a poem to her session at the end of each month. When she leaves the office that day and heads to her favorite art gallery for some much needed inspiration and some TLC, she meets Stede Bonnet, recently retired workaholic looking for a new purpose. She’s immediately drawn in. This story is broken into six sections, with each section titled for the “happy thing” that Ed writes about each month.

Over the course of these six months, there are six specific days spent with Stede that explore their blossoming relationship—beginning with the day they meet.

Word Count: 20,604

Art Masterpost

Ao3 Story Link

[the-dirt-eater]

maybe I make a pinned post. as a treat. this blog is a mess. it’s got everything i love in it, so it’s not specific to anything. welcome to the train wreck etc

call me dirt! she/her, genderqueer-ish lesbian. deemed autistic via peer review. (not diagnosed bc that shits mad expensive. but my therapist says that I am ‘very likely’ autistic so.) I’m a menace and I sometimes bully people as a love language. please please tell me if something I say is too far for you and I’ll try to be more careful <3

use my ask box for anything! but especially music recs and fun facts :D

I’m 22 so minors… be cautious? I’m not always gonna be pg. curate your internet experience to your needs.

TERFs, SWERFs, ace/aro exclusionists, pro-lifers, anti-palestine, anti- sex ed, anti- critical race theory, or any other flavor of bigot not allowed. i’ll stomp you into a paste :)

also I will block accounts that look like bots. if u follow me and don’t have any activity on ur acc imma block u. i’ll usually give people a day to like put a profile pic up but if you don’t you’re gone. <3

i’m not always good at tagging. my bad

more specific stuff about me past the cut :3

super into plants and bugs and mushrooms and music. can crochet and learning to knit. I rarely do art but I’m slowly learning to be better at that too.

specifically currently interested in:

• punk/rock/indie music

• tarantulas

• jumping spiders

• isopods

• cockroaches

• california native plants

• terrariums

• minecraft

• cats :3

• pet web games (horse isle 2, star stable)

also interested in (but less knowledgeable about):

• internet culture and history

• queer culture and history

• freshwater aquariums, including

- fishkeeping (bettas, comet goldfish, koi, various small tropical fish)

- shrimpkeeping!!!!

- aquascaping/aquatic plants

- low maintenance systems (no filter etc)

• video games and streaming

I watch way more youtube than is probably healthy so there’s that too.

omg I nearly forgot fandoms!!

currently obsessed with fall out boy and twenty one pilots. also into:

• hannibal

• good omens

• our flag means death

• heartstopper

• community

• doctor who

• some minecraft/gaming youtubers and streamers (ranboo, tommyinnit, nihachu, grian, technoblade. ik he’s gone but still)

• hermitcraft but i’m not up to date ever

• unus annus (rip)

• dan and phil

• wings of fire

probs more that i’m forgetting

music I like is. a bunch of genres tbh. indie, folk, punk, rock, some pop, video game music, some classic 2000s-2010s emo bands. very specific flavors of country-adjacent stuff. some psychedelic rock. more that i can’t think of. I have some halfway decent spotify playlists :P and here's my last.fm page

some bands/artists i like:

fall out boy

twenty one pilots

paramore

the crane wives

hayley kiyoko

los campesinos

the oh hellos

chloe moriondo

chappell roan

STRFKR

miracle musical

wallows

jack stauber

sir chloe

hozier

girl in red

jackie hayes

yea that’s me :) enjoy your stay here. drink water etc. bye!

last edited 9/2/2024

[the-evil-pizza]

Talking about my past traumas a little under the read more because I'm never bringing this up with a therapist ever but it was brought up on a family dinner like it was nothing and I kinda want to scream.

Tw for child abuse, i guess? All my family treats it like it was no big deal but I'm pretty sure it was... anyway

So, I was 8, just came back from a very hard day of school with multiple math hours. Tired as shit i just wanted to relax! But, my auntie was going to eat with us.

Now, she watched ONLY the news, constantly! And at the time the news mostly reporter about a very gruesome murder of a woman.

You can see why a tired 8 years old would not want to eat their pasta while listening to yhe details of a murder! So i asked if instead of eating i could ho in my room and watch dragon ball.

But I was 8, and didn't do breakfast! Do when the news ended i went in the kitchen and asked if there was anything left.

My aunt very aggressively grabs me by the hair and shoves my face directly inside the trash can, screaming at me to go on and eat. It felt Terrible to be in contract with the leftovers, i want to scrub my face off just by remembering it. I was 8 and was being scream ed at while trash touched my face as a lesson to have been disrespectful and not eat with the family, i was 8 and simply avoiding hearing about murder.

I HAD asked if we could watch something else before going to my room.

I mentioned to my granny that I'm pretty sure my panic over trash and ocd and feeling always dirty probably stems from this and she just laughed like "oh I don't remember but it wasn't that bad, come on"

--

Another thing i kind of want to get off my chest is that one time at 12 when my Grampa who i was very attached to recently died. With all that emotions my skin disease also started to appear so i wasn't in z good mental space.

One day i was really Really down, i didn't want to go in school because the teacher we had that day was... A piece of art that would call children stupid and dumb and the mean est things. That day i just could not take that plus my arms literally starting discoloring AND still grieving.

I told my mom i wish ed to stay home. Which usually would have gone ok But my grampa's brother and my aunt were there.

My uncle said it was unacceptable to behave like that and my aunt agreed.

Still i was stubborn and so ad o on the brink do i just, went in my room to ignore them to possibly fall asleep.

But my aunt kicked the door open and started trying to force me to get up. And when I didn't comply she started beating me, so strong, so much. She broke the cute butterfly watch my Grampa gifted me. My mom did nothing. She told me i kind of deserved that for losing my door.

I still ended up not going in school but mostly because i was a Whole Mess.

OUGH i crying all while writing this i hate how they all treat this still like a funny memory.

[izzy-b-hands]

Still can't sleep (and I actually want to, but it just. Isn't happening yet) so I'm mulling over edizzy thoughts/fic ideas, but one in particular is sticking hard rn, like-

I sort of want to do a kind of. I don't know the right word for it right this minute, but essentially it breaks down just how close they were/are and how intertwined they are like

In a modern au it would be someone making them do what my old therapist said she sometimes had couples do when they came to her for couples therapy. Not necessarily the first thing, but sometimes among the first things, to help crack the shell open. Have them sit and list all the little things they know abt each other, and the things they find silly to remember abt the other or the endearing things/quirks/habits (that maybe have turned to fond or less fond irritation versus endearment even.) Just write it down, and take a minute or two to reflect on the trust and vulnerability required to learn some of those things abt another person, and remember why you let yourself be that trusting and vulnerable, and ask yourself if you still want/feel that sort of connection or not. One answer isn't better than the other, and it's couple dependent on which answer is the better one for them as unique individuals in a relationship unique to them.

In canon time period I'm not totally sure how I'd intro it, so that might wind up more of a 'izzy talking to jim and they wind up discussing these things he knows abt ed, meanwhile stede is doing the same thing with ed, later jim goes to stede like "dude holy shit those two HAVE to talk" and stede's just "yeah they do but i don't know what arts and crafts project to sit them down with so that they might open up enough to go over stuff. Please tell me you have craft ideas" and we end up with some eventual edizzy discussion/also maybe shared art project bc i do like the idea of that mirroring the s1 flag project' thing?

I just. Have so many little ideas for the things ed and izzy know abt each other.

Roach bemoans (in a fondly frustrated for Izzy way, not a because of Izzy way) giving Izzy massages to help him heal post gunshot wound and to just. relax for five fucking minutes. Ed's sat there in the galley snacking, thinking abt how he knows exactly which knots in Izzy's back are worst to work out, but he also knows exactly how to do that. But to tell Roach what to do for that would be an incredibly intimate and vulnerable thing both for him and Izzy and it feels warm and like home but it aches at the same time. When did he last do that for Izzy? He can't remember. He wishes he did.

Stede is fussing over trying to put together better lunches for Ed when he goes fishing with Fang (bc Roach is already making lunch for everyone else by then and has asked Stede to help out by making sure Ed's separate more easily transportable lunch is taken care of) and just. mildly losing his mind bc he can't keep sending jars of marmalade and little else (even if Ed ultimately doesn't mind that too much.) Izzy sits in the overstuffed chair in Ed and Stede's quarters and bites his tongue bc he has an entire fucking multi-course meals menu for Ed that he's memorised without even trying to over the years. But he'd feel like an ass just busting that out; Stede should have the chance to learn these things abt Ed as their relationship progresses. That was part of what made it special for Izzy and Ed, after all. They know each other's safe foods and favourite over expensive treats that they used to only have when they could steal them, and he can't shut off the flow of memories even when Stede asks him why he's tearing up during a discussion abt food.

There's so much. So many little niches. They know which parts of each other's bodies have the worst pains and aches and creaks, some from old poorly healed injuries, others from age and overuse and the way sailing and their work can be so incredibly physical some days. They know just as well how to make the other come undone underneath their hands and fingertips. Be mindful of Ed's knee and back, Izzy should take it slower when his neck and back ache (and now his leg and torso too.) If you kiss directly at the base of the back of Ed's neck while fucking him from behind, leaned over him with him on his hands and knees on the bed, he'll almost always wind up coming untouched. Holding Izzy's hands up over his head while riding him and gently teasing him to let go will at least 8 times out of 10 result in him being instantly undone and an adorably blushy mess abt it.

He could tell you exactly the sort of blankets and quilts Ed prefers between the warmer and colder months, down to designs and the sort of materials used to fill and cover them.

He knows exactly how Izzy likes his clothing to fit, even if he can't ever fucking convince Izzy to buy much of anything new, and he has fucking tried!!

On that note, they can recite each other's current measurements, blood type, allergies, phobias, and more without having to think abt it. it's as easy as breathing or being asked something abt themselves.

Only towards the end of the fic, both modern au and canon time period, do either of them pause and go

"...oh. what happened to us?" with fearful and confused tears in their eyes because it wasn't always like this. Maybe it could be more like it used to be, again. Maybe they can't entirely undo what was done to them or to each other, but they can love and care and look out for each other.

And this time, sitting sobbing and vulnerable they can let themselves admit they never stopped, the love was so interwoven in it all too that they stopped noticing it. They let it become background noise versus a pronounced and acknowledged sound special to them both (and to those who have or might share them, like Jack and Stede.) And that on its own isn't necessarily bad, being comfortable with each other and letting the love sit as it will isn't bad. But everything else going on, their own past unaddressed traumas, and the outside stresses of their lives and trying to survive turned it into something unhealthy and hurtful.

it hurts horribly to lay it all out like that. Feels like being flayed open while alive.

But the next few days after sees them able to talk again, really talk, like they used to. They can be close again and occupy that very particular space in each other's lives, while letting each other have more (ed has stede and in my mind for this fic izzy has at least three or more crew members that have been taking it slow but are absolutely down bad for him)

It's not exactly what they had before. It never will be, it can't be. And they both come to terms with that.

But it's better than what things had become, and they have time and space now to keep working on it.

[runfast-runfar]

Loooong time, no update!

Have been having a bit of a rough time with a few different things, and so I took some time away.

9/9/23

✨ food stuff has. been. hard. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, the absolute most uncomfortable in my body that I’ve ever been, and I am 10000% over the freaking treatment program I’m in. I was at residential for 2 months which was very helpful, and in the beginning PHP was helpful, but now it’s just gotten to the point where I need to just get back to my life and apply the stuff I’ve learned. At this program in particular they are strict (even at IOP level) with what they allow you to eat. I genuinely have always been a healthier eater and I genuinely enjoy exercise. But when I am at program (which is still freaking 5 days a week even though I really should be three days a week by now) the dietitian who is there most often never lets me chose healthy options bc she’s convinced it’s my “ed”. I feel so lethargic and just unhealthy eating chips everyday and sodas, and “junk” food that I don’t prefer to eat. I also got diagnosed with something that has now become a liability issue for me to continue seeing my therapist there who I absolutely loved. So all in all, that has been awful and hard, and I am just over it.

✨ on top of that, there has been a big family thing that has resurfaced and just been emotionally hard to navigate. So it’s all been a lot.

✨ so this weekend has been chill so far and I plan on keeping that going! Today I read this cute little inspirational book my friend gave me for my birthday. Thea snuggled up too obviously! Went grocery shopping and tried fresh figs for the first time and I am officially in love! I went to an art and wine festival and got this super pretty bracelet by an artist who makes glass jewelry that uses some sort of element from the ocean in every piece. And now I’m laying in bed (re)watching The Act on Hulu lol

✨ I was going to do a peloton class today but I got on to start and just was not feeling it at all. I knew if I did it it would be unhealthily motivated so I chose to listen to my body and make today a rest day. Yesterday was a busy day with the climbing gym, weights after and then a peloton class too, so my body just wanted the day off I suppose.

✨ no plans today other than staying in bed with the AC blasting on me lol! Tomorrow I am going to the climbing gym in the morning and then going to take another relaxing day before my week starts.

✨ I hope you all have a wonderful weekend 🫶🏼