#I also gave her the gay earring cuz... ya know...

[couterror]

So yuri (they inspire casteist rhetoric within each other)

[depressedkakashihatake-fics]

Be More Careful

Haruno Sakura/Rock Lee

1593 words

For: @spacebabe51​ and @bazmultifandom (cuz you seemed interested)

One patient left and then Sakura would officially be free from her shifty at the hospital. Able to go out and enjoy the rest of her day.

Perhaps if Ino was finished training with her team for the day, Sakura would be able to convince her to go out for some sushi with her. A treat for a hard days work.

They deserved it.

Stopping in front of the room she had been directed to, she reached out and rapped her knuckles against the door.

“Come in,” the voice that called out from the other side of the door sounded familiar. “I just, uh…”

She doesn’t wait for whatever is supposed to follow those words. Grabbing the door handle, she pulled the door open swiftly and stepped into the room to see Rock Lee in the process of trying to pull his green jumpsuit back on.

“S-Sakura-Chan!” His eyes go wide when he meets her gaze, his face turning a deep shade of red while he moved the jumpsuit in front of his body to block her view. As if he wasn’t wearing boxers or she hadn’t seen worse since she started working at the hospital. “I didn’t- I thought…”

“That you would be getting someone else as your Doctor?” a shy nod is the only response she gets. “Well, too bad. You’re stuck with me.”

Not that she thought Lee had any real problems with that aside from a bit of embarrassment.

“I didn’t mean to waste your time, Sakura-Chan.” Ignoring his rambling for a moment, Sakura started to do a visual check. Though, it didn’t take her long to figure out why Lee was there when she saw a huge bloody bandage on his arm. Likely put on by one of the nurses to stem the flow of blood before she was able to get there.

“What did you do to yourself this time, Lee-kun?” Making her way over to his side, she took hold of his wrist and pulled his arm up. “Hold.”

Releasing her grip on his wrist, she started to carefully undo the bandages so that she could see the full extent of the damage.

Judging by the bruises that littered his arms, abdomen and face she assumed it had something to do with training.

              Unsurprising, given the amount of times Sakura had seen Lee’s name in Hospital records for training related injuries.

“Six new bruises and an injury on your ar. You’re pushing yourself too hard again,” Removing the last bit of bandage, she sighed when she saw a deep, bloody gash there on his arm. “Let me guess. One of Tenten’s weapons?”

“She wanted to try out one of her new moves,” Lee defended his teammate. “She asked Neji to train with her, but he had already promised to train with Hinata today so…”

So you thought that you could fill in for him?” another nod of his head, this time with an ashamed look on his face. “Do you know why Tenten would ask Neji to train with her when she wants to test out a new move?”

Well Lee tried to think of an answer, Sakura examined his wound. The gash was deep, but not deep enough that his humerus was hit. That meant she had one less thing to worry about.

“Neji can deflect her attacks, including her weapons, with his eight trigrams palms revolving heaven,” There’s pride in Lee’s voice when he gives her his answer. Something that is no less surprising that all of the bruises on his body. “Had Neji been available he would have been perfect for Tenten to train with in order to perfect her new attack. But since he wasn’t…”

“You volunteered yourself instead, even knowing you could be more seriously injured even with your speed,” She expects this of Lee, but that doesn’t mean she’s any less disappointed that he got himself injured when he could have avoided it. “You know, everyone is always talking about how you’re so much like Gai-Sensei. I don’t think any of them realize that you have the same stupid blind dedication to people as Kakashi-Sensei.”

That’s the only way she can explain it. Kakashi-sensei and Lee-kun were the only people that she knew who were willing to train with others even knowing that they could be seriously injured.

Just last week she had watched Shizune patch up her Sensei after taking a kick to the ribs from Gai-Sensei that had left him with two broken ribs and a week off from missions. All so that Gai-Sensei could try out a new move he had come up with.

“I think in Kakashi-Sensei’s case it’s love making him do dumb things,” Lee’s laugh rang in her ears. Easily the most beautiful laugh she had ever heard. So full of love and joy. “That’s what Neji is always saying.”

“He’s probably right,” it took her Sensei a while to relax around her, but as soon as he had he went from ‘Hard to read mystery’ to ‘open book’. One of the most obvious things about him was that he was completely, undeniably in love with Gai-Sensei. “But that’s not the case with you. You’re just reckless.”

Removing her hands from his wound, she reached into her left pouch and pulled out the suture kit that she always carried around on her.

“Well, I can’t do much about the bruises. Those will heal within a few days,” though by the time these one’s healed she had no doubt there would be brand new one’s to replace them. “But I should stitch up that wound to prevent infection.”

Lee doesn’t argue, but he also doesn’t move to sit down on the hospital bed directly behind him. Instead, he continues to stand there holding his jumper in front of his body like a shield.

“You know, it will be kind of hard stitching you up while you’re standing,” she frowned. “even after I give you the local anesthetic to dull the pain.”

Even the smallest amount of movement could screw up her work.

“O-oh!” Glancing back at the bed, Lee finally moved to take a seat. “Sorry. I’m not used to…”

She waited for him to finish his sentence, but no other words followed.

“You’re not embarrassed to talk to me, are you Lee-kun?” She gave him a playful smile as she took a step forward and set her suture kit down on the bed side table for easy access. “The boisterous, condiment Rock Lee too shy to finish a sentence. Are you sick?”

“No, that’s not it!” Lee insisted, shaking his head pretty violently for a man insisting that he wasn’t embarrassed. “It’s just…I never thought…”

“That I would be the one taking care of your wounds?” Sakura frowned. “Why not?”

“Well, you always seemed like someone who would, you know…” she leveled him with an unimpressed look. “No, that-I said that wrong!”

“I’ll give you one more change,” she offered. “Try that again.”

While Lee took a moment to rethink his words, Sakura dug into her pockets once more for the anesthetic.

“A powerhouse!” She jumped when Lee screamed his response suddenly. “You always seemed like more of a combative Kunoichi. Not that being a medical ninja is bad. Gai-Sensei told me it takes a lot of skill and studying to become one.”

That certainly wasn’t wrong. Some days she wondered if she would ever finish studying.

“You’re amazing Sakura-Chan,” Lee’s compliment caught her off guard, lighting up a fire in her chest that made her feel warm and…loved? Was that the word she was looking for? “You’re always pushing yourself to be better. You never give up no matter how hard things get.”

“You’re one to talk,” she laughed even as her heart pounded in her chest. “you faced down a surgery that could have killed you, all so you could keep being a shinobi.”

“Well, ya,” Lee responded as if it was no big deal. “Of course I did. I wasn’t going to let my dream of becoming one of the greatest shinobi ever die without a fight.”

Always so passionate and upbeat. Nothing seemed to ever get Lee down no matter how bad things got.

“Well, as admirable as it is, I do with you would be more careful while you’re training,” twisting the cup off of the anesthetic cream, she set it down on the table by her suture kit and dipped two fingers into the cool cream. “This will numb the area so I can work without causing you unnecessary pain.”

Nodding his head Lee watched Sakura take a step towards him and hissed when she started to apply the cold cream to the skin around his wound. For a moment a comfortable silence fell between them.

“I’ll try to be more careful,” his voice was tender, a promise lingering in his words. “If you promise me that you won’t over work yourself.”

Sakura’s hand stopped, her eyes locking on his eyes his words sank in.

Taking a step back, she slapped her clean hand over her mouth and laughed. She laughed so hard and long that her ribs were starting to hurt when Lee reached out and gripped her shoulders with a soft, worried look in his eyes.

“S-Sakura-chan are you alright?”

She could kiss him. He looked so adorable standing there panicking over her health because of a little laughed when he was the one who had gotten sliced by one of Tenten’s weapons.

“I’m perfect,” she closed her eyes and smiled at him instead. “Absolutely perfect.”

[pwnyta]

Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

---

‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

---

I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon...  but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

---

Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

---

Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

---

AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

--

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

---

(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

[uberff]

Chapter 24

Eric


"Mornin'," I mumbled to Deja as I walked into the shop with all of my equipment in my Nike duffle bag.

"Good morning. Issa fresh pot of coffee in the lounge if you need it." she said sweetly and I nodded, going about my business after mumbling a quick 'thank you' with a forced smile.

I wasn't in the mood to crack jokes or sip dirt, I just wanted to take care of my clients for today and head the fuck home.

After the week I've had, offing myself seemed to be the only solution out of it. But, I knew that would make for more problems concerning my loved ones.

I laid out all of my equipment neatly across my desk and mumbled along to Jaded while tryna get this day started. I had all my hair growing out, my weight going up and down, I ain't have the desire to eat no more, and shit just stopped making sense.

I checked out all the boxes on Robyn's checklist, I was the perfect nigga for her. She glowed up through me, man. I wasn't tryna force her into anything, our relationship was so organic, I felt like I was walking on glass to fuckin' please her while she kept breaking mirrors in the meantime, playing hard to get for no fuckin' reason. I mean, I know you been hurt the last three times but I wanted to be her testimony, I wanted to be that E Harmony commercial for her, I wanted to be set apart from those niggas but instead, she placed me right in the box, adjacent to all them fuck niggas.

"Hey, Toby just called and asked to reschedule ya'lls session. Tomorrow night cool?" Deja poked her head into my office and I nodded.

Sighing heavily, I tossed my tattoo gun back on my desk and sunk into my chair. The only shot I had at clearing my mind of this fuck shit was put on hold. I loved what I did, especially when I was going through something, making others feel joy that I could never obtain is what it was all about for me. This girl really got my head fucked up.

After Dej hung up with my client, she came back in and hopped on my chair, across from me and started examining my face. I turned away from her before she could notice anything and dug into my bag for my bottle of Henny. "Ricky." she spun me around and sighed, taking the bottle out of my hands.

"Please talk to me, if it's about what I said the other night-" I put my finger to her lips and mushed her face back. "You 'bout close as shit, ain't you?" I chuckled lowly and she gave me a smile filled with hope.

My happiness was always top on her list. I loved the shit out her gay ass, bro. Forever and always, ever since tenth grade. "Nah, yo carpet munchin' ass ain't got shit to do with this."

"Bitch," she slapped my hand away with a small laugh, and got serious shortly after.

"I'm worried about you, E."

"Don't worry about me, Deja. I'll bounce back."

"Not if you keep tryna handle this by yourself." I twisted my curls with one hand and laid back and let her words sink in.

"I ain't got nobody else. I know I always got you, D. But, reporting shit to you over and over get old."

"I'm willing to listen. You're self-destructing by the week. Each time I see you, it's worse. Talk."

"You know the situation with shawty."

"I do. I also know that you've never been going through such a drought over a girl. That's usually my role."

"How you and Shellz?" I asked and she sucked her teeth. "Fuck how me and her are doing. I don't care about that right now. All I know is that if I lose you, bro-"

"You not gon' lose me, Deja. You and my fam always gon' run through my mind before I think about doing some selfish shit." I kicked her softly when she got to getting teary eyed.

"You hear me?" I asked, still looking up at the ceiling. If I look at D when she crying, I was bound to start crying with her ugly ass. "Yeah," she sniffled and wiped her eyes gently so she wouldn't mess up her beat. "back to you and Robyn."

"Yeah, I loved her, still got love for her. I thought we had something real. I ain't classify her like a basic ass Memphis hoe. I'm hurtin' hard." I said truthfully. It finally felt like someone was removing the bricks from off my chest, one by one.

“I did all this shit just for her to gon' and get pregnant by a nigga she told me ain't built for love, ain't sensitive enough towards her." I wiped my eyes and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, E. Come here." she pulled me up and reeled me into her arms just as I finally let my tears fall. "The one time I let my guard down and try this love shit again, man. She gotta fuckin' baby on the way." I sobbed loudly and hugged Deja back.

"She tellin' me all this bullshit about her exes, for what? Making me wait for what? Defending her fuckin' honor for what? Bitch had me lookin' crazy, thinking I was about to start a family with her. I'm happy as all fuck, screaming out my car window on interstates, spreading fake ass news to strangers, thinking of baby names. Nigga, for what!?"

Deja consoled me calmly and wiped my tears which was all cool but, Robyn still fuckin' played me. Played the shit outta me and had me convinced that I was gon' be the nigga to heal her from all the wrong her exes did. I guided her in that direction of her self-worth and she started feelin' herself, treating me like I wasn't the one in corner from the minute her pretty ass walked into my shop. Two days fresh off the plane from NYC.

"Not like it's being brought up or anything, but you know that I'm always gunna be loyal to family, right? Not saying that my friendship with shawty is done because that's sis, but, I'll always be here for you. Whenever." I nodded.

"Now stop all this fuckin' crying before your chocolate ass melt in here, Tyrese." She said and I laughed so fuckin' loud, bro. I was so relieved to have a real one on speed-dial.

"It's still fuckin' with me though, cuz. We grown as fuck, how she still making these baby ass mistakes?"

"You see the way she looks at dude?" Dej asked and I shrugged.

"She loves the fuck outta that rollercoaster of a nigga. Sometimes when you go through hell with someone, you always gon' be curious to know if you ever gon' make it out that bitch with the same person. I'll personally let Shelby's ass burn but this ain't about me. Ya'll just wasn't the ones for one another and you gotta accept that,"

"I'ma try, dawg. This shit is still so fresh."

 Robyn

After hearing a slight noise coming from downstairs, that turned out to be nothing, I've been trying to fall back into my deep slumber but I just couldn't. My baby and I were wide awake, frustrated, and hungry as fuck. I trotted downstairs and turned all of the lights on and went to search for something to eat but, my only options were; ice, mayonnaise, and wheat bread. I groaned aloud and hopped on the counter.

Every place that delivered was closed and I wasn't about to cook at four in the damn morning. I shot a few text messages to Deja, Winter, and Odell and finally gave up on their bum asses when ten minutes went by without replies. I'ma remember this shit when they need me to sew some shit up for them.

I blew air out of my cheeks and went teary-eyed, scrolling through my contacts for some hope. As if I wasn't emotional enough, this pregnancy turned out to make me more of a crybaby than I used to be. Jaylen's new nickname for me was Bubbles, shawty from the Powerpuff Girls.

It fucked me up because I couldn't even fight about it, she was my favorite one. I smiled as I thought about all the hell I put him through, he was still my best friend. The fact that I was about to co-parent with his extra ass always put a smile on my face. We're gunna be bomb ass parents.

I finally shrugged and just decided to call him, I always try to give him his space and not call him first and since he lives about a half hour away, but he always comes to my rescue, even if I do call him last.

"Robyn, the world better be on fuckin' fire, my baby better had climbed out ya walls, or you dead, my nigga. What. the. fuck. could you possibly want at four-thirty in the bitch ass morning?" He groaned in his sleepy voice. I involuntary blushed at the sound of his voice and played with the ends of my hair nervously.

"I'm hungry as fuck, Lenny." he sighed loudly and shuffled around.

"Go cook some shit, Rob, a nigga in here sleep. I just got in the crib like two hours ago."

"I haven't went shopping. I'm barely here."

"Pull up. I got some shit you could cook."

"I'm scared. You know I don't drive at night. Pleaseeee?" He got silent for a second until I heard his light snores in my ear. I sucked my teeth and yelled his name.

"You always have been long-winded as shit. Yo boring ass put me right back to sleep."

"Jay!" I whined and he cursed lowly under his breath.

"You at least have an idea of where you wanna go?"

"No." I mumbled sheepishly. "You choose."

"I AIN'T THE ONE THAT'S FUCKIN' HUNGRY!" He half-yelled and I started to apologize to him through sobs. "Aight, I accept ya apology man. Damn, this pregnancy makin' you act so fuckin' lightskin. I'm coming."

"Thank you." I smiled and wiped my wet face. "Your brat ass already knew I was gon' end up cavin' anyway."

"No." I mumbled while shaking my head yes. Not even on some manipulative shit, Jaylen has been giving me whatever it is that my heart desired. It was all mostly food. "Whatever liar. Gimme twenty minutes. Stay up!"

"Okay." he hung up and I smiled, hopping off the counter and going to lay on the couch while watching Dexter's Laboratory.

*****

I finally decided on Waffle House and took it to-go. It was too cold in there. Jaylen and I just sat in his car and ate with my playlist playing from his Bluetooth.

"Thank you." I grinned while adding sugar to my grits, looking over at him batting my eyelashes. He rolled his eyes and looked at my stomach. "Anything for ya'll, man." I laughed loudly and he smirked at how obnoxious and random it was.

"Why you laughing like that, nigga?"

"Remember the night I only wanted the milk from the Fruity Pebbles and I made you eat-" the more I told the story, the harder I began to laugh.

"Hell yeah, I remember that fuck shit. I can't wait till this shit over and you have my next three babies, I ain't gotta do shit else."

"Bye. No more babies for me." I shook my head and ate my breakfast. I could feel his eyes on me as the car went silent, and I tried my hardest to ignore it. His stares were so intense. Eye contact was a big thing for him; during conversations, sex, even arguments. That's what made me fall for him in the first place, his beautiful ass eyes.

"Is it good?" he finally said and I nodded while snapping my fingers to the throwback Monica song playing. "Want some?" I asked and he nodded. I opened another plastic fork and handed it to him.

We ate together and cracked some more jokes until dawn, I forgot how stressed I've been this week and he was wide awake now as we drove through Memphis, singing along to our favorite songs. His ass never told anyone but he was actually an amazing singer.

I stared at him with so much love in my eyes and he looked over for a split second and started rubbing my stomach. "You good?"

"Yeah. I just-, I'm-"

"Man, I love yo ass more, Rob. Issa big ass elephant in the room everytime we together. Sometimes I be up at night, thinking about you and how much I fuckin' love you. I'm cool right now without the relationship. At least I got you as my Ace. Still my homie, my ride or die."

"Same. You don't miss it though?"

"We toxic. Of course I miss yo kisses and yo fuck game but I ain't with all the extra stress and pressure of tryna be the perfect man right now. I just wanna be the perfect father and yo perfect support system. I don't wanna break your heart again."

I nodded. "I finally know what it feels like to be on the other side of that." I sighed.

"Whatchu mean?"

"Eric."

"Shit, I would've been threw myself off the Hernando Bridge if I was THAT nigga." he smirked. "Nigga lost the best bond ever. Issa W for me, he gotta gon' and transfer that L from Meek Mill's checking." We laughed loudly.

"Stop, I'm going to Hell for laughing." I mumbled, holding my stomach.

"For real. I couldn't imagine being around you everyday, thinking I'm about to start a family with you, only to have it all be a fuckin' pipe dream. Trust me, shit ain't easy tryna live without you. Dreams with you in them don't make reality no easier. Had my hoe ass crying with my pillow, listening to One Wish on full blast every night."

"I'm not the shit like that." I flipped my hair playfully and smiled.

"You is. We all got growing up to do as young adults, but when that glo up hit you and you out here handling shit like a boss. Can't no bitch touch you. Ain't nobody touching you now, I won't let them."

"I love you, Jay Bear." I pecked his cheek repeatedly until he turned his head and snuck a kiss from my lips. I gasped and hit him softly.

"You actin' like you ain't never kiss me before. Like you ain't never taste yaself off these lips. Calm down."

I blushed and sunk into my seat, finishing off my food. "We done, Dora the fuckin' Explorer? Can I go to sleep now? It's almost seven." he yawned and I yawned after him.

“Yeah."

"You sleepin' over, I'm not driving all the way back to East Cutty Bum Fuck right now." I smirked and nodded as he started to drive back to his place.

I fell asleep on his king-sized bed with his big ass dog, Zeus at my feet and he fell asleep on the futon right across from the bed just in case anything happened. Time was healing us and I was content with where I stood with him, a place that I thought I'd never see us standing in. Ya'll know I used to hate his mean ass at the beginning of our journey.

**

I scratched my head as I looked at all of the mess in this house from unpacking. Jaylen wasn’t here right now, so I decided to do him a favor and clean because I didn’t mind.

Making sure that all the boxes were empty before I threw them out, I came across a couple of pictures of the both of us. Pictures that I didn’t even remember taking. The fact that he still has them made me smile wide. Jaylen still cares.

I pulled my phone out, taking a picture of them and sending them to Jaylen.

what you doing with these 🧐 3:37 pm

why you in my shit nigga 3:38 pm

I was cleaning 3:39 pm

you da best 4 that 🏼 just don’t hurt yourself mama & you know how we rockin even when we not rockin. feel me? 3:41 pm

I laughed to myself, tossing my phone on the couch. I wanted to ask him where he was, but I decided to keep cleaning. Jaylen unpacked everything and moved all the new furniture in, but nothing was organized.

To set the mood, I lit up a few candles and turned on some music so time could go by faster.

It was getting mighty toasty in here so I put my hair up in a bun and went to go change in a comfortable maxi dress. Now I was ready to clean.

Between singing along to Whitney’s untouchable vocals, cleaning and organizing every room in this house, I definitely worked up a sweat. When I was done, I smiled at my hard work and grabbed a water bottle before sitting down on the couch and turning on Power. Jaylen was gonna be mad that I started watching it without him, but I’ve been dying to watch it.

“Robby!” I heard Jayla’s voice come from behind me. I turned around to see her running up to the couch. Jayla was just the sweetest little bundle of joy.

“Hey pretty girl! I missed you! What you been up to?” I smiled at her as I sat her down on my lap.

“I made you a bracelet! Look!” She pulled out a beaded bracelet from her pocket with my favorite colors on it. The fact that she remembered was really special to me.

“Jayla girl.. This is cayuuuuuuute! I love it, thank you! I’m never taking it off.”

“Pinky promise?” I laughed, wrapping my pinky around hers as she nodded.

“Man Jayla love the fuck outta you, she ain’t ever made me no bracelet. I’m lowkey jealous.”

“I adore her so much. Your dad ha-“ I stood up and turned around only to be looking at Jaylen and his father. I froze, because I never thought I’d be meeting his dad. Especially now. Jaylen wasn’t his father’s twin but they had similar features. His dad was really handsome though.

“Hi, Mr. Waters-“ I started to say as I held my hand out for him to shake. He paid my hand no mind, pulling me into a warm hug instead. God, his hugs reminded me of my dad’s hugs so much that I had to pull away immediately.

“Call me Jayceon, we family now.” He smiled at me genuinely.

“Nice to meet you Jayceon. I’m Robyn.”

“Oh yea I know, Jayla and this nigga right here don’t ever stop talking about you. This dude always in my ear telling me about how much you mean to h-“

“Aight, that’s enough talking for you old man.” I chuckled to myself, blushing. I was gonna have to pull his dad to the side later on and get him to spill some more tea.

“I gotchu later on Ms. Robyn. Just let me know.” He said referring to the tea he was just spilling. I laughed and nodded as I made my way into the kitchen to prepare some food since more people were here. I heard Boo’d Up playing from my phone and I had to start singing it. This was Jaylen’s song.

“Feeeeeeling! All ova my bodaaaaay!” I sang out loud as I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I would move them, but I was too into this damn song.

“You know how I like itttttt, ain’t gotta tell you what to do.” Jaylen sang in my ear as he rocked us from side to side. I had to snap out of it and stop singing, because it was getting hot in here.

While I stopped, I turned around only to have Jaylen still singing to me. I looked away, because I didn’t wanna smile. My eyes landed on Jayla who was standing there recording us on Jaylen’s phone.

“Cuties!” She ran away with Jaylen’s phone. My mouth formed in the shape of an O.

“How does Jayla know how to record?”

“My nigga 8, she ain’t 8 months.” I put my hand up pretending to back hand him, and he flinched making me laugh. Dude had a smart ass mouth. I bet his mouth got him in hella trouble at school.

“You lucky you pregnant, I’ll tackle yo ass.” I waved him off.

“How many times you got in trouble at school for that mouth of yours?”

“Boy, ion’ even know.”

“Damn shame.”

“My mama told me to speak the fuck up and never hold my tongue for a muhfucka and I’m glad she did. I got a voice, so ima use it.” He had a point, but he didn’t use his voice for the right reasons sometimes.

“Yea and she’s right, but you’re disrespectful with it sometimes.”

“Damn nigga, is you my therapist? I checked outta the center months ago.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“See!”

“I’m deadass. Tryna tell a nigga bout himself and shit. You just like my mama Robyn, I swear to God.” He snaked his arm around my shoulder.

“Is that good or bad?”

“Shit is different. You care for me like my mama did no matter how much shit I put you through.”

“Cause I love your stupid self.” I shrugged as he smiled.

“Y’all might as well kiss already, damn. I’m tryna watch Good Times but y’all over here acting out a scene from The Notebook.” I heard Jaylen’s dad voice causing me to jump. He made it extremely awkward for the both of us.

“Ima go shower.”

“I’m right behind you, cause this nigga mad nosey.” I laughed as his father flared at him while we both made our way to his bedroom.

“Bubba, Jassy’s calling you!” I heard Jayla say as I walked into the master bedroom that was Jaylen’s. I went straight to the bathroom because I didn’t want to hear their conversation. I guess that plan wasn’t so smart, because I could still hear her yelling from the phone all the way in here.

“Why you buggin’ like this?”

“Son, you’re out here on social media boo’d up with your fucking ex!” My eyebrows twisted up in confusion.

“Wait what? What you talking bout?”

“It’s all on ya snap dude!” I cursed to myself, because that’s probably what Jayla was recording.

“Jas, it’s not even like that.” I sighed, cutting on the shower water. This shit was already stressing me out.

I honestly didn’t even know she was his girlfriend now. I felt really bad. I guess this was gonna have to stop. Only time we need to talk is if it has something to do with our baby.

Just as I started to strip, Jaylen walked in and started looking in the pull cabinet. “Hey, could you take me home when I get out?” He turned around with a look of confusion on his face.

“Why? You bored or sumn’? I thought we wa-“

“We’re obviously getting too comfortable, and I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend. You bought this house to raise the baby in, not for us to flirt and play around in.”

“Ion’ got no girlfriend, that’s m-“

“Ok, but you’re serious with her right?” He got quiet.

“Aight, I gotchu.” He said, clenching his jaw before grabbing his bottle of pills and walking out of the bathroom. I swear, every time I felt like our relationship was moving forward and getting healthier, shit would always go wrong.

 Jaylen

“Bout gotdamn time.” I sighed, putting my back up against the wall. Man we done spent the whole damn week putting all of the furniture in my new crib. I was serious about getting this house here in Memphis. Shit was nice as hell.

If I ain’t have a life out back home, I’d definitely move out here. I couldn’t wait to watch our child grow up in this home.

“This shit dope. You might as well move out the condo and stay here bro.” Odell stated, as I took in his words. I felt that, and I actually wanted to, but I would lose hella money. Almost all of my clients are in New York... but I guess if they really fuck with me, I would just have to have my work shipped. I’d have to do some big ass promoting out here though. Ion know shit bout Memphis, but the country ass rappers. They hard though.

“I’m thinking about it.. I love the city though. That’s my home.”

“I feel you, but this a big change for you. You got a new beautiful ass home in a different state, baby on the way, and who knows.. God might have bigger and better opportunities for you out here.” This nigga had a good ass point. I couldn’t argue with that shit.

“Fuck you brah.” I laughed, as he shrugged with a smirk.

“What about you, Mr.Knowitall?”

“What about me?”

“Ankle healed, you been training, season coming up, you got Winter back.. where the ring and the baby at?” He sighed, making me laugh.

“Man, you make it sound so easy. I been tryna propose to her bald headed ass but there’s never time. I can’t remember the last time we actually sat and enjoyed each other’s presence. And you already know the answer to the baby part.”

“Tell her to sit her on the go ass down some where then.” This hoe Winter was always doing some shit and always on the scene whenever she wasn’t at work.

“I do-“

“Nigga, everybody knows you don’t. You probably try, and don’t take this the wrong way but sometimes you let Winter run over you bro. You need to tell her ass wassup.” He stayed quiet, stroking his beard while nodding.

“Hit her up.. right now.”

“She bus-“ I gave him a look and he waved me off, pulling his phone out his pocket.

I watched him click on her name and put her on speaker. It rang for quite some time, and he was about to hang up until we finally heard her voice. “What is it O? I told you not to call me during this time at work. You never li-“ We both started to tune her nagging out while I gave him to look. He nodded and started to speak.

“Nah, YOU never listen. Winter I been trying to spend time with you for the longest but you never wanna hear me out and you always blowing me off for shit. Ion’ give a fuck what you got going on when you get off work. All I know is you better be at my crib at 10 AM when I get back to NY in the morning. No if’s and’s or but’s. You hearing me?” I jumped up from the couch, dapping my nigga cause he finally grew his balls back. I taught my nigga well, man.

“But O-“

“What I say?” He asked, sternly as she sighed and stayed silent for a few seconds. Had that ass shook.

“Ok, I’ll be there..” I pressed the button to hang up as O stood up to his feet popping his collar. This nigga.

“My boy.” I smirked as we did our handshake.

“Aight nigga, now go do the same shit with Rob.” My smirk immediately fell, and I pointed to the door.

“I know you fucking lied.”

“I’m deadass.”

“Ion know what you muhfuckas don’t understand about the word TOXIC. Y’all want us to kill each other? I love that girl to death, I ain’t tryna hurt her again. She look mad happy without me. She making big moves, doing big things with out me and I’m happy for her. I wanna see her happy not constantly crying over me again.”

As much as I love the fuck outta Robyn, hurting her hurt me. Ion wanna jump back into another relationship when I already know I ain’t gone do right by her. We stay at each other necks and I’m just not ready for the stress and headaches again. Plus she pregnant with my child? Man hell nah, we do not need the stress. Robyn been fucking glowing, and I’d like to keep it that way.

“I know you hurt her before, everybody make mistakes. But everybody sees the way y’all look at each other. If you love her so much like you say you do, what the fuck is so hard about keeping her happy?”

I scratched my head.

“I ain’t shit and we both know I ain’t.” I shrugged.

“Talking to you is like talking to a wall, bruh.” He shook his head as he grabbed his things so that he could go to the airport. I ain’t feel like driving at all. I guess I go to Jas’ hotel and chill there for a few. I couldn’t wait to get in her shit.

Send me the addy and room # 7:56 PM

**

“So I got some shit I gotta break down to you.” She stopped eating her ice cream cone, and folded her arms. Sighing, she sat down next to me.

“If it’s bad news, I’m really not trying to hear it. I just got fired from my job over some dumb shit, so I’m really not in the mood for bad news.” She explained, as I started thinking while stroking my goatee. It wasn’t really bad news on my end.

“Just let me tell you. Ion’ want you to have to find some shit out on your own and then you gone be mad at me saying I never told you.” She sat quiet.

“Aight, so.. you know when I told you I could possibly be a father?” She had this uneasy look on her face.

“Yea..” she mumbled, looking down at the floor. I gently grabbed her chin, and made her look at me.

“Well I am.” The eye contact we once had was gone, and she started to look at the floor again, not saying a word.

“Jaylen, I migh-..” She sighed putting her face in her palms. Just as I was about to ask her to keep going, my phone rang. I didn’t answer it, because I wanted to hear what she had to say.

“What you was saying?” I tossed my phone to the side of me. She just shook her head and stood up.

“Never mind, I’ll be in the bathroom.” I sighed, picking my phone up to see who it was that wanted me. It was just Winter, but she was gone have to wait. I wanted to know what Jas was gone say.

I got up, going towards the direction of the bathroom only to see her leaning over the sink. “You good?”

“Could you bring me my sketch pad off of the table?” Jasmine asked as she gave me an uncomfortable look. She kept saying how her body was in pain.

Leaving the bathroom, I jogged in the living room of her suite and looked on the table for her sketch pad. She had a shit load of books on the table, so I was knocking a bunch of shit over. Almost everything ended up on the floor, so I had to look for it even harder now. I ain’t sign up for this shit.

Sighing, I kept looking around for her fuck ass sketch pad until my eyes stopped at a certain group of words.

Terminated Pregnancy Report

I realized that the papers were sticking out of a Manila folder, and the more I looked through them, the more my anger started to build up. Not Jasmine..

“Hey Jaylen, never mind I fo-“ she stopped in her tracks once she seen what was in my hands.

I closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed hoping that God would forgive me for what I was about to do to this girl. I prayed for him to give me some sort of knowledge to help me understand why the fuck this bitch would go behind my back and do some sick shit like this. She didn’t even tell me she was pregnant.

I plopped down on the floor, chuckling bitterly. “What the fuck is this, Jasmine?” She knew she fucked up, because she couldn’t say a damn thing.

“Man talk!” I yelled at her, getting up from my spot on the floor.

“What do you want me to say?!” She inched closer to me as she started to get teary-eyed.

“Man fuck them phony ass tears! Tell me why the fuck you would go behind my back and do some grimy shit like this! My nigga you killed not only one, but both of my fucking babies! You ain’t even let me know you was pregnant Jas, why the fuck would you do that?! Did you think about how I would feel?”

By now, tears were falling down from my face because I was fucking hurt. Twins might’ve been tough to handle right now, but I helped make them so it was only right that I help take care of them. My mama ain’t raise me to be a deadbeat. Ion even come off like that, so I’m still tryna process why Jas would do that shit.

“I-I.. I’m not ready for kids right now, Jaylen. You even said it yourself that you weren’t either.”

“So that give you the right to go and do that shit behind my fucking back?! You ain’t even tell me you was pregnant to begin with! We both was bein’ irresponsible having unprotected sex, so we was just gone have to deal with it!”

“I’m sorry, I didn-“

“Fucking murderer.” I looked at her with so much fucking disgusts. She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to grab me, but I backed away from her, looking around for my keys.

“Where are you going?”

“Delete my number, and don’t ever come by my fucking house no more.” I stormed out, slamming her room door behind me. I could hear her screaming my name as I walked off and got onto the elevator but I wasn’t trying to hear that shit.

I was done with that bitch.

Before I flew out here to sign papers for the house and move in, I was spending damn near every day with her, meaning we was fucking damn near every day. Sometimes I’d be so horny that it wouldn’t even cross my mind to use a condom. I was on and off with them bitches. That’s where I fucked up.

She started throwing up at the most random times, and I didn’t pay no mind to it, because her ass got sick real easy. I started to put two and two together and realized she could possibly be pregnant. I asked her, and she told me no so I left it at that. I thought I could trust her, but I guess not.

How could you have it in your heart to kill an innocent child like that? That shit was foul as hell, and I couldn’t even think straight. My vision was getting blurry as hell, so I hope that I could get home as safe as possible.

I tried to take my mind off of this shit and just face the music. Right on time, Drake’s lyrics hit the fuck outta me.

No one to guide me, I'm all alone

No one to cry on

I need shelter from the rain, to ease the pain

Of changing from boy to a man

As I came to a stop light, I had an incoming call from Robyn. I didn’t wanna answer at all, but something could probably be wrong with her.

“W-what you need?” I sniffled as I rubbed my eyes.

“Hey do you wan- oh my God, are you crying?” She asked, concerned. I swear I just wanted to spill every last drop of this fucking tea to Robyn, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I just wanted to go home, smoke a wood, and go to sleep and not wake up, real shit.

“What you need, Robyn? The baby good?” I sighed taking the phone off of my face, forgetting this was a damn FaceTime call.

“Yea um, I just.. wanted to know if you wanted me to come bring you a plate because I cooked your fav...” She smiled innocently, as I shook my head no.

“To be real witchu’, ion’ even got an appetite right now. Ima fuck witchu’ later though.” I hung up before she could even respond.

After Robyn called, it’s like my phone started blowing the fuck up so I just powered my shit off. It took me bout 10 more minutes to reach my crib, and I couldn’t be more relieved to be home. I did some illegal shit to get here in just 10 minutes, but fuck it. Jail is the least of my worries right now.

Going straight to my bedroom, I decided not to smoke because I was way too tired anyways and my bed and pillows were calling my damn name. Swear my head ain’t even touched the pillow for 5 seconds, and I was already asleep. I ain’t ever been so fucking tired and drained in my life.

A few minutes into my deep slumber, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I opened my eyes, only to be met with Robyn sitting down next to me in my bed.

“Man I love you so fucking much, Robyn.” I mumbled, intertwined my fingers with hers, kissing her stomach.

“I love you too Lenny, I’m always here if you need me or wanna talk.” Was all I heard her say before she kissed my forehead, and I fell right back asleep. 

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[iamarosegarden]

Social Media

yo! it’s day two of the countdown, i did a youtube au, even though i’m sure a lot of other people did. i felt like it, also i couldn’t really think of anything else. so, here it is.

ao3

PLAY

The screen filled with black, than a snowball rolled across the screen, spelling out “SimonSn☃️w”.

Then the screen was filled by a boy, with curly (curly) bronze hair and blue (blue) eyes (Aleister Crowley, he’s hot). Wearing a pale green sweater, the sleeves pushed up to his forearms, and jeans. He was standing behind a kitchen island, with his hands on his hips, looking off-screen.

“Penny, I am not making german chocolate cake again. The video’s not even a year old!” the boy (presumably Simon) says, taking a hand off his hip to drag it through his hair. Only, it gets caught partway through and he has to untangle his fingers.

“But Simoooon,” says a girl’s voice off screen (probably Penny), “I really want some,”

“Nope.” Simon says, glancing at the camera, “we don’t have the ingredients anyway”.

“I’m about to go to the store, I’ll get them!” Penny said, appearing on screen, an indian girl with deep indigo hair (a lot of indigo hair, wow) and a pair of cat-eyed glasses. She ducks behind Simon grabs a pair of keys off a bowel on the counter.

“I- Penny! I’m not making it!” yells Simon after Penny as she disappears off screen again, shaking his head as he hears the door slam shut (Baz can’t help but snicker at the look of fond exasperation on Simon’s face). He sighed before turning to the camera, “In case any of you are wondering, she has the ingredients list memorized.”

-

It cuts to Penny appearing on screen, with Simon facing her, leaning against the counter.  She has at least ten bags looped over her arms quickly rushed to the island to set them down. “Sooooo,” she began, looking up at Simon hopefully, “these are all the ingredients you need.”

“Fine, but you have to help with this and the scones, and I’m posting this on my side channel,” Simon said, and started pulling ingredients out of the bags. Penny beamed at him and then turned to the camera.

“I knew he’d cave,”

“Shut up Penny,”

“Looooove you,”

-

It cuts to Simon standing facing the camera again, with Penny next to him. His shoulder are slumped in defeat and Penny’s grinning like a madwoman. (Baz feels like Penny’s always grinning like a madwoman.)

“Hi guys! It’s Simon Snow, and today I’ve been wrestled into making another german chocolate cake by my friend and flatmate Penny, or as you guys might know her, PennyofyourThoughts. Thanks for watching, and I hope your desserts tastes great!”

-

It cuts to a fast montage of them measuring all the ingredients out, text popping up in the corner of the screen to tell you what the measurements were. (It seemed like Simon had just spliced together all the funniest moments, and while Baz didn’t want to admit it, he may have giggled a few times.)

Two cups all-purpose flour: Penelope emerging from the pantry with the bag of flour held over her head triumphantly, Simon laughing in the background.

One and a half cups granulated sugar: they’ve both somehow gotten flour on their faces, and a cup of it sits neatly on the island counter as Simon pours some sugar back into the bag, glaring at Penelope. “You know it only taste good if you follow the recipe, right? Because this much sugar would  have been disgusting.” Penny’s moan of frustration is cut off as the next clip plays.

Three/fourths cup of cocoa powder: Simon pulls something out of the shopping bag, then turns to Penny with a look of horror. “This- this is Nisquick Mix, Penny! This is… this won’t work.” Penny just stares at him. “You’ve seen me make this before, right? You watched the video? You have the recipe memorized?” Penny nodds. “THEN WHY DID YOU GET CHOCOLATE MILK MIX, PENELOPE?”

“There’s a difference?”

“I- Yes! There’s a difference.”

“Oh, I see,”

“You see,”

“I’ll be right back”

Simon just shakes his head at her as she leaves.

One teaspoon salt, One teaspoon baking powder, Two teaspoons baking soda: all three of these went into a small bowl, Simon hovering over Penny to make sure she used the right spoons.

One cup buttermilk: Simon pours the milk into the cup from high enough up that it splashes on the island counter, and then it cuts to him sadly wiping it up.

One half a cup vegetable oil: this time Penny pours it, and Simon watches intently from where he’s crouched behind the island his eyes level with the cup.

Two eggs: Simon cracked them both, one in each hand, and Penny gasped.

One cup hot coffee: Penny and Simon both downed a mug in silence while staring at the camera.

-

Then it cuts to Simon and Penny standing behind the island, staring gravely at the ingredients that were neatly laid out in bowls and cups. Then they looked at each other and started laughing.

“So, I don’t really want to go into detail with how you make it and stuff because, there’s already a video on that…”

“You could do a Q&A?” Penny suggests, already pulling her phone out of her pocket to tweet about it.

“Yeah okay that works,”

-

“Okay so, we tweeted out for questions, and I’m gonna finish making this cake while Penny reads them,” Simon shoves up his sleeves from where they’ve slipped down, and Penny nods from where she’s sitting on the counter behind him. “I mean, this is pretty easy to make anyway. Um, link to the recipe on my blog in the description,”

“@snowsiman asks ‘are you in a relationship?’” Penny reads off, wiping her head up to look up at Simon’s reaction.

Simon’s ears are going red, and he ducks down to focus on where he’s stirring the dry ingredients together. “Uh, no,”

Penny snickers at his answer “you’re blushing an awful lot there, Simon,” she says, which just makes him blush harder.

“Penny…” he groans, dropping the spoon to cover his cheeks with his hands. (god, he’s so cute.)

Penny shoves her hair out of her face before reading off the next the next one. “@SnowBaz asks, ‘will you ever do another blind baking video?’”

Before Penny has even fully finished talking Simon’s rushing to answer, “Noooooo! Never again,” (Baz had watched that video, it was hysterical) he turned around to glare at Penny, who just cackled and read off the next question.

“@DappleDesserts asks ‘how did you start baking?’”

Simon blew a curl off his face and shoved the bowl under the stand mixer before grabbing another one for the wet ingredients.

“Well, you know I’m an Orphantm.” Simon started (he flahsed the ™ on the screen as he said it, and even though Baz felt kind of sorry about it, he laughed), his eyes now pinned to the new bowl as he slowly stirred (slowly stirred). “One of the foster homes I got placed in never really had enough food for all the kids they had taken on so I stepped up. I was maybe 12? I just started with like microwave mac and cheese and then real pasta and then stuff like homemade pizza and stir fry and eventually the older kids would bring me ingredients with requests for stuff and the like.” he laughed a little at that. “I liked it cuz none of the other kids would bother me when I was measuring stuff out because they wanted it to taste good but then one of the new girls gave me three dollars and asked me if i could make her something sweet because she missed her mother’s angel cake and of fucking course I did because…” he trailed off and sniffed, staring at the bowl in silence for a few seconds before continuing, “uh anyway I made it and I already liked cooking, but the way it made me feel when she thanked me was just- it was something. And I’ve always loved food and that was where the dream started. I still kinda want to open a bakery but,” Simon shrugged “sometimes dreams only come halfway true and that's better than nothing”

Penny she was wiping her eyes. “Uh” She coughed into her arm, “@snowball4life asks ‘what’s your favorite dessert/pastry,’”

Simon laughed, (transforming back into the golden boy that he was) looking back at the camera, “This is waaay more serious than my tragic backstory. Penny already knows, but I just wanna clarify before I answer, just because this is my favorite pastry, that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing I ever eat, so don’t pull that shit where it’s the only thing you bring to conventions, I do not want another repeat of the Roast Beef Incident,” he poured the wet ingrediants into the dry and then turned on the mixer, “it’s Sour Cherry Scones,”

Penny started laughing again. “Oh my god, I’d almost forgotten about that,” she leaned toward the camera from her perch, “basically, someone asked him what his favorite food was during a livestream, and then at that year’s vidcon, all people brought were different variants of roast beef, and their versions of his desserts, of course. But mostly roast beef. And because Simon’s such a fuckin’ sap, he didn’t want to throw any of it away, so for the longest time our fridge and freezer were just, full of roast beef shit. It was great… but Simon couldn’t eat roast beef for like a year after that,” she snickers again (Baz along with her, he remembers that con, it was before he’d known anything about Simon Snow (ah, the blissful ignorance he’d had) and had been very confused about the smell) “Anyway, @🌈Mordelia🌈 asks ‘are you one of us gays?’” (goddamn it Baz was going to have a talk with his sister, because he knew that’s her handle)

Simon frowned for a second as he grabbed the coffee and started pouring it in the mix, “I don’t really like labels, but when pressed for one I usually say I’m bi. But yeah, I don’t like labels. But I mean, it’s fine if you like labels, for some people it helps them feel more secure and stuff. I’m totally chill with other people using them, just don’t force one on me, ya know?” (Baz mentally rejoiced at the confirmation that Simon liked both genders, and then had to remind himself that he’d never met Simon so it wasn’t like he really had a chance)

Simon ducked under the island as Penny read off the next question “@PrincessPriya, hey, shoutout to my sister, follow her on twitter, asks ‘Simon are you you afraid of the dark ? 😈’”

Simon popped up from behind the island and whirled around and pointed at Penny, who was grinning evilly, “Fuck you, Bunce,” he spun around and faced the camera, pointing at it, “and fuck you, Bunce,” he finished, setting three cake pans down on counter. “I am afraid of the dark, you can’t see in it,” he flicked off the mixer and flipped up the spatula to let the batter drip off, “Next question,”

“@pitchsviolin,” Penny pauses, “that’s another Grimm-Pitch watcher. There’s a weirdly big overlap between your subscribers. @pitchsviolin asks ‘will you and Grimm-Pitch ever do a collab?’”

(Baz didn’t know if he should be frustrated or grateful that his and Simon's followers seemed so determined to get a collab.)

Simon detached the spatula and quickly tossed it in the sink, going off screen for a second to do so. He started pouring out the batter as he answered, “Um, I don’t know… I mean, he doesn’t seem to like me that much? (Baz mentally smacked himself, he could see how Simon had gotten that impression. Back when he’d been in intense denial of his crush he may have answered a few questions about Simon a bit too aggressively) And what would we even do? I make baking videos and vlogs, and he does violin, dancing, and Q&As. But I don’t know, maybe at next vidcon or something he and I can meet up and talk about it,” (Baz paused the video for a couple seconds to let that sink in. He couldn’t decide if he loved or hated the idea.)

Simon turned around and stuck the pans in the oven. “I think that’s gonna be the end of this video. Making the icing is kinda loud, and I also don’t feel like doing fancy icing or decorations, which would be kinda boring to watch so, yeah. Also I think this is a good stopping point.”

Penny hopped of the counter and walked offscreen, Simon’s eyes following her as she moved behind the camera.

“Thanks for watching, don’t forget to do all the youtube things, and check out my other videos at the links on screen. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee,”

There was a fast zoom to his face on the ‘bye’ and then the screen changed to Simon’s endcard, a snowy mountain with links to his channels on either side, some generic music playing in the background.

End of Video

[exileoblivion]

all of them for you too buddy

alrighty, here goes!!1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? I try to make it equal, but I always end up with more milk than cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? For the most part, yes. Unless I’m not feeling well or whatever

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Whatever’s close at hand that’s flat and small, lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? My coffee has to have a LOT of creamer and/or sugar. My tea depends; for the most part, it HAS to have at least a little bit of sugar, but there’s some that I don’t mind not having sugar in, just depends

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? YES.

6: do you keep plants? No

7: do you name your plants?No

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Either writing or drawing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yup!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Mainly my sides, but I’ll lay on my back when I’m sick or hurt

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? …oh god…my one friend and I have one that deals with DMMD, and I am SO not talking about that here pppfffttttttt

12: what’s your favorite planet? I don’t really have one

13: what’s something that made you smile today? I WATCHED THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE, AND IT WAS SO DAMN CUTE ALSDKFJELAKJSDF

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Dorky AF. Probably a lot of purple/shades of purple for the colors

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Space smells like burnt meat and metal, or something like that? I remember hearing that a while back

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Chicken alfredo, or Mushroom Ravioli alskdjfalskjdf

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I REEEALLLLYYYYYY want to dye the right side of my hair pastel pink

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. that same inside joke about DMMD omfg alskdjf

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? a writing journal? No. I do have a TON of sketchbooks though, which have random doodles in them.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue. BRIGHT blue. I’ve also lately REALLLYYYY been loving shades of brown that almost look red. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I recently bought a Castiel bag from Hot Topic, and while it’s not old, it has gone on a few adventures through the woods with me, and went with me to my last job quite a lot. I’m going to be using it a TON when I get my fursuit partial in 2018.

22: are you a morning person? Depends on if I get enough sleep, and wake up in a good mood

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Laying in “bed” curled up in a few blankets with snacks and watch youtube vids

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? In the past, yeah. I haven’t had someone I could trust that much in a looonnnggggg time though

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Technically it wasn’t breaking in to, but I went to explore my old abandoned house and it was SO cool, omfg. 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Lately it’s either my red converse or my gray winter boots

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Man, I haven’t chewed gum in YEARS…I dunno?

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i can’t think of an answer to this one

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? OF COURSE

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love them in the winter! I love the ones with patterns, or things on them. The plain colored ones are so boring, tbh. I loooveeee the ones that go up to my knees, or the super fuzzy ones. I also super love slippers asldkfj 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I can’t stop thinking about that damn DMMD joke between my one friend and I alskdjfalkds that happened WELL after 3am when we were both super tired to the point of delirium, and it’s just so funny alskjf

33: what’s your fave pastry? It’s a tie between pie and cinnamon buns/rolls

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had this plush cat that my one grandma gave me for christmas like…a year or so before she died? I named her Jellybean, and I took her EVERYWHERE with me. I should still have her…at least I did when we moved here when I was like 15…but I haven’t checked…she could be ruined for all I know ughhhhhhh

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yeah! I use stuff like that on rare occasions.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? STARSET!!!!!

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I don’t have a room, and have way too much stuff in all different areas to keep anything organized. I HATE it :”D

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I CAN NOT FUCKING STAND THE SOUNDS OF PEOPLE EATING. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS, I CAN ALWAYS HEAR PEOPLE EATING. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT ALSKDJFALSKDJFLAKSJDFUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, but seriously. I can NOT be around people that are eating. I HAVE to have headphones in. Like, no offense…I have sensitive hearing, and chewing ((honestly, any kind of mouth noise other than talking)) noises make me gag and spiral into a HUGE anxiety attack and it’s so bad alsdkjfalskdjf 

39: what color do you wear the most? Black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? Okay, so since I keep mentioning DMMD; I got an Industrial piercing in my left ear just like Noiz. It was the last piercing I got, and my first one from a PROPER piercer. The whole experience was awesome, and I loved it. It was back when our group was still 4 people, and we made a day of it. The piercer was SUPER nice, talked me through everything he was doing, being calm and reassuring, and just super sweet in general? Afterwards, he gave me a box of apple juice to help with my blood sugar, and I loved that idea so much, that to this day after I get tattoos or piercings, I always make sure to have apple juice as a tradition. I got my last piercing because 1.) I thought it looked HELLA cool, 2.) I reallllyyyyyy wanna cosplay Noiz, and 3.) Noiz’s character has a TON of meaning and stuff with me. Up next I’m gonna start stretching my lobes like him. Maybe it’ll be soon! 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder cases

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Sadly, no. If I did, it’d probably be a Starbucks or a Crazy Mocha

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Like, actually laid out with a blanket and watched them for a long period of time? When I was a little kid with my brothers, watching a meteor shower

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? n-e-v-e-r~

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? sometimes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of  for the life of me, I can’t think of any at the moment alskdjfalskdjfleakjsef

.47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? BLACK LICORICE

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I think it may have been the dark…? And I mean…I do suffer from sleep paralysis…so…sometimes, kinda…..bllleeecchhhhhh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? YES! The last two that I bought myself was  Gorillaz’s Demon Days and Plastic Beach 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Do stuffed plushes/animals count…? Cuz…ya boi has a bad addiction with buying stuffed things

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? The only ones that I can think of are all sad/depressing/triggering…

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? What in tarnation dog…I don’t get the whole babadook being a gay icon one, but it is funny af for some reason??? distracted boyfriend….is the “BITCH I WON’T HESITATE’ considered a meme at this point, cuz I LOVE that one even if it isn’t

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I will NEVER watch or listen to that shit, get it out of here. Not yet, but maybe someday. HATE IT. Never seen it.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? IRL…? no clue lmao

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? God…I have no clue….probably like, raise my voice…?

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? …I really need to start paying attention to people more…I can’t think of anything…

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Unpopular opinion…I hate that song. 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I don’t have enough friends to apply this to anyone oops

59: what’s your favorite myth? I don’t have a favorite myth, but can we talk about conspiracy theories and stuff like that???? cuz, holy hell…my eyes are finally open to them and some of them are GLORIOUS

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Poetry’s okay, I don’t have any faves

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? Probably like everything I ever give people. I can’t think of any

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I have apple juice, I WILL DRINK THAT EVERY MORNING ALSKFJLSKEJF

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I kinda just leave them be. As long as they don’t get ruined

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? It looks black?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? convention friends. I also used to have a lot of online friends who have all pretty much disappeared that I miss terribly…

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? It’d be made of golden flowers. because reasons.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? ALIVE alskdfjaslkdfj

68: what’s winter like where you live? It’s all over the freaking place. Sometimes it’s super cold, snowy, windy….other time’s it’s kinda cold, no snow, we’ve had a few where it’s practically spring weather?!???!?!?! 

69: what are your favorite board games? I love CAH, and other kinds of adult humored games like those alskdfj

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Not an Ouija board, but I have used a pendulum thingy with a sheet of paper that almost represented an Ouija board

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I love ALL kinds of tea. I have so many faves, I can’t pick just one alskdjfalskdfj

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Sorta, yeah

73: what are some of your worst habits? Whew boy, just about everything I do anymore is bad lmao

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. um…they’re…human?

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping lmao

77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? HATECLUB

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? no one’s done anything cute for me in years thx

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? The area that I sleep in has white walls. It’s the color that was here when we moved in.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. …it just occurred to me…that I have no idea what color eyes my friends have…WELP

82: are/were you good in school? Nope lmao

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I think the art for Plastic Beach is pretty neat

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? YES!!!! I have my Bill Cipher one all drawn up, just need to get it done. And then, I’m thinking of getting the seal of Metatron from the SH series done on my other rib, and then….I have SOOOOOOoooooOOoOOOoOoO many more ideas for tattoos, it’s ridiculous, lmao.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don’t read comics, but I do read manga lol. I LOVE Deadman Wonderland, I just got the complete series of MARS which was the first manga series I ever read through, Alice 19th is SO GOOD, of course my unhealthy love for Killing Stalking, Blood Bank…um…I can’t think of anymore atm

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I honestly don’t know what that means….? But, it’s possible…?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Nightmare Before Christmas, Inception, Shutter, the original Halloween movies, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Lost Boys, Queen of the Damned, Ironman 3

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really

89: are you close to your parents? nope

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Okay, so…I’ve only ever been to D.C. once so far, but it’s REALLY beautiful alskdfj I can’t wait for next Otakon, and hopefully be able to explore it more. There’s such a surreal charm to it. You can reallllllyyyyy feel the history everywhere you go there. Just. Damn. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I WANT TO VISIT CENTRALIA SO GOD DAMN BADLY WHILE I’M STILL THE SAME AGE AS JAMES SUNDERLAND, AND I’M RUNNING OUT OF TIMEASLDKJFALSKEJFLAKSJFLKJ

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? no cheese plz

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? messy buns or ponytails

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?…one of my brothers…???

95: what are your plans for this weekend? celebrate Thanksgiving, make a dessert for our dartball tournament…hope to hell I don’t get dragged to it…and hopefully write or play games. Maybe also clean too….

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I tend to let them go for awhile before updating

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, Aquarius, Slytherin

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? too long!!! and, I think so?

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Hiro no Tsuki/Melfina’s song, Is there Somewhere and Control by Halsey, just about the whole Undertale soundtrack, the sountracks to both Portal 1, and 2, ESPECIALLY Exile Vilify by The National, All of Me by John Legend,JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING BY STARSET, I know there’s a ton….but those are all of the ones I can think of at the moment

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future. 5 years ago was TERRIBLE, and I never want to relive it again.

[sassyhazelowl]

Another Femslash Exchange gift, this time for @yugiohrox  I’ll never turn down a chance to write lucana. I hope you enjoy it even though I struggled with the ending and took all day to finish haha.

WC: 1339 Time: ~30 minutes + 10 minutes edit time Status: edited for typos and grammar

"Divine," came the moan from the only occupied corner of the coffee shop. The hectic, morning rush had come and gone, leaving the staff frazzled and sagging in relief it was over. Lucy's teammate had taken his thirty, leaving the shop in her capable if tired hands. "How do you do it, my Coffee Goddess?"

A flush threatened to spread across her fair skin starting at the nose and ending at the earlobes. Her whole childhood had been full of teasing for turning bright red, her spangle of freckles even more evident when lit up from below.

"What do you mean, Cana?"

After three weeks, they were on a first name basis.

"This coffee," the woman elaborated, swishing the contents of the plastic cup perilously, sprawled across the posh booth with one lazy leg over the edge and her elbow propping her up. The next motion nearly splashed over her bare, tanned skin, but she didn't seem to notice, amber eyes half lidded like a lazy cat. Lucy and Gray had both agreed she was super hot... but also super obnoxious too. Right now, the barista was tapping into her famous customer service patience, half-suspecting Cana was still a bit drunk despite the time of morning and her barely consumed coffee. "It's perfect, babe. Like, when I made ice coffee, it sucked!"

"What..." she was almost afraid to ask but curiosity got the best of her after hearing about Cana's attempts to make popcorn on the stove, "Did you do?"

"Huh? Tossed that shit, 'f course, nasty!"

"I mean, how'd you make it?" Lucy clarified as Cana sat up, curls spilling over her generous top gracefully. For all her faults as a cook, she certainly seemed to know how to command attention.

'I'm so gay,' Lucy told herself in exasperation, keeping her eyes on Cana's. 'Gray, you bastard, taking your lunch and leaving us alone after last time.'

"Oh... well, I dumped that tube-thingy in first..."

"Instant?" It came out a scandalized gasp.

"Yup. Then I dumped in the ice."

"D-dumped in... the ice...?"

Cana made a face, pert nose crinkling and laugh lines showing, "Stirred it all up 'f course, doll, I'm not a total dolt."

Lucy felt faint, like she was getting the details to a particularly horrendous crime. That poor, poor coffee. Even instant didn't deserve such a cruel fate.

"Tasted like shit," she grumbled, "And fucker was next to my pop too. Took a swig and swore off cold coffee. That's the crap they serve in god damn hell, ya get me? It's the refreshment of the fuckin' devil!"

Lucy struggled to keep her face straight. "You're drinking cold coffee now."

"Only cuz an angel offered it ta me," Cana sang, taking a chug and sighing loudly, and a bit rudely, in appreciation. Lucy lost her fight against the blush, feeling it creeping towards her neck. An angel? As if. "Damn, I came in here cuz my a/c's busted up and first thing I see is a halo, how's that for luck? And I thought to myself, you don't walk away from that, only a dumbass would, and I ain't a dumbass. Not when it comes to girls at least."

Lucy swallowed, eyes getting bigger at the brazen admission. Cana was laying it all on the table without a care, although she paused to take another chug, and Lucy fought down the urge to teach her to sip. You sipped coffee, enjoyed it. She put a ton of love and care into every cup!

"It's too hot not to have a/c," she blurted out inside. Stupid, so stupid. Any idiot with skin could tell it would melt off in this kind of weather. "Not to mention, Lucifer was an angel, so how did you know it wasn't a trap to lead you astray?"

"Girl, you could lead me into temptation any day; I'd fall from heaven with you in a heart beat, if ya don't mind pickin' me up here in purgatory." The wink she gave was so lewd and full of promise, Lucy felt a flutter and shiver in different parts of her.

The flush was plunging down, and she was sure her entire neckline was a sunset now. If it went any further, other things would be lit, and God Gray would never shut up about it. That jerk would crow about it forever, how he was right with his eagle eye.

"Haha," Lucy forced a laugh, shrill and off-key, "This shop isn't that bad, is it?"

Cana snorted but a smile played around her lips and she rattled the left over ice thoughtfully, sitting up and crossing her legs, flipflops discarded on the ground under the table. Nails painted bright red, unapologetic and dazzling, just like their owner.

"Yea, doll, it is that bad."

"Then why do you come over every day?"

Cana fixed her with a pointed look then sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes upwards and grumbling, "Too innocent. Anyone who can make that cold crapola taste like nirvana is too pure for this world. Take a hint, girlie!"

"Hint?"

"She's asking you out, Luce," Gray advised, leaning on the counter with a smirk on handsome face. How long he'd been enjoying the free show, she didn't know, but she hoped he hadn't been filming it. In general he was decent, but any time he got together with his boyfriend, he got bad ideas in his head. "I told you, she was checking you out."

"Kept hopin' for a number on a cup, you get me? Like in the movies and shit. Thought you baristas were romantics."

"Have you seen Gray?" Lucy retorted and Gray scowled in protest, "I'm romantic. You try rubbing Pyro's stinky feet every night."

"Ohh, that there's true love," Cana digged, "You sure I shouldn't go out with this guy here, babe?"

"I'm sure," Lucy replied, feeling a bit of jealousy bubble up. It was always like this; Gray was such a hog! And he knew it too, with that smirk and unbuttoned top for the customers to get hot for. "He left out the part where he trips his boyfriend to get to the shower first in the morning and puts shaving cream on his nose as a joke because Natsu sleeps like the dead."

"In light of the evidence... changed my mind. I'm stickin' with my innocent angel."

Gray shrugged, a leer on his face and a tease on the tip of his tongue. Lucy puffed out her cheeks and cut him off before he could make things work, a world-famous talent he seemed to have, especially when they went out to bars and clubs.

Stomping behind the bar, she picked up a cup and very slowly, blatantly put her number on it in big, angry, bold letters. Then she ducked down again, coming up with a small bottle of something, marching over and presenting both.

Cana straightened in surprise, mouth ajar at the gift, "For me?"

"Uh, yeah, I was going to give it to you after my shift without," she shot a dirty look towards Gray, "An audience. I'm not as dumb as you guys seem to think! I was just waiting for the right time."

Cana laughed, "Little spitfire, I like it. I'll take your offer into consideration and call ya later."

"Aggh!"

Cana rose to her feet with a surprisingly coordinating motion, sweeping Lucy into a huge, squeezing her butt in the process, and whispered in Lucy's ear in a hot, seductive puff, "If you fancy a taste of hell, little angel, my a/c's still broke. But I hear there's a good movie out... not a lot of people, very cool theater, private dark seats..."

Lucy grinned back, embarrassed but determined, but didn't answer except to pat her apron pocket where her phone peeked out in silent promise where Gray couldn't see. Cana gave one more hardy squeeze, snatching the small bottle of booze out of Lucy’s hand smoothly, before ending in a slap and sashaying out the door.

Gray gave a wolf whistle, “You landed yourself one hell of a date, Luce. I’m impressed.”

“And you know I live for your praise,” she rolled her eyes, “Shows over, back to work, you slacker. I’m taking my thirty.”

“Okay, but no sexting in the breakroom!”

“As if I’d steal your gig, boner boy. Zip your fly, Gray.”

Her laugh floated behind her as he predictably checked down guiltily but she was fiddling with her phone as she walked, as thirsty as Cana was, she made no promises.