#I also think the fact that Jane has no potential romantic interest introduced in this story is significant

[e-louise-bates]

Every time I read Jane of Lantern Hill, I am more convinced that LM Montgomery deliberately structured it as a modern fairy tale. You have the wicked queen/stepmother holding the princess captive (Grandmother Kennedy and Robin). You have the castle where the princess is held captive (60 Gay Street). You have the jealous older sister (Aunt Irene). You have the prince succumbing to the older sister's spell that separates him from his true love (Andrew's blind spot toward Aunt Irene). You have the good fairy/benign nature spirit/witch who is morally neutral (Little Aunt Em). You have the protagonist searching desperately for the means to break the spell keeping the prince and princess apart (Jane's feverish quest after the "lost word" at the end).

And it's fascinating, because rather than Jane being the princess who needs rescuing by a prince, instead it's Jane doing the rescuing (we're told early on in the story that the keystone of Jane's nature is found in the words, "Can I help?"), and both the prince and the princess are rescued by her courage, faithfulness, understanding, and love.

Courage: she overcomes her fear of cows, saying, "How can I blame mother for not standing up to grandmother when I can't stand up to a few cows?" thus symbolically redeeming Robin's cowardice. Faithfulness: when given the choice of how to spend her second summer, Jane chooses to return to Prince Edward Island, thus redeeming Robin's faithlessness. Understanding: thanks to Little Aunt Em's wisdom, Jane is able to hear both sides of the story from her parents, and offers to both of them the understanding that they lack toward each other, thus redeeming both their foolishness. And love: Jane's love for both her parents brings her to the point of death, which causes Andrew to overcome his pride and contact Robin, and Robin to overcome her fear and come to be with them, and so they are both redeemed and rescued.

(This breaks down a little bit because toward the end of the book the narrative--and Jane--veers in sympathy much more toward Andrew, and we never see him breaking free of Aunt Irene, but we also know* LMM was planning a sequel to Jane of Lantern Hill that never got written, and so I wonder if she was planning on having that book be the one where Andrew's eyes are opened to Irene's machinations--or if she felt that it would simply be too unrealistic, even for a fairy tale, to have a spoiled, pampered man be made aware of the flaws of the one who'd always spoiled and pampered him, and so let that slide. Who knows?)

Some day I'd love to do a deep dive into Jane of Lantern Hill to go further into exploring this idea, as well as studying LMM's journals and her notes for the book to see if there's evidence outside the story to back up my theory, but alas, I have no time or resources to do so now. Someday!

*I cannot find my source for that tidbit, I apologize, but I know I read somewhere that LMM had been planning a sequel and that she was going to call it Jane and Jody. Oh for what might have been!

[honeyspawn]

So this is something I've really appreciated about Paulkins for a while that I want to see if I can put into words (nightmare time spoilers ahead).

So in Forever and Always, Emma expresses multiple times that she never wanted to get married. Despite this, Android Emma did get married to Paul 23, and not only does original Emma express interest in Paul, but it's heavily implied that Android Emma and her will make the same choices in the same scenarios (aside from murder lol), and that marrying Paul is something original Emma would potentially want to do in other timelines. I'm usually not a fan of the whole "woman who doesn't want to settle down just hasn't met the right guy yet" trope, because I feel like it implies women can't find happiness in lifestyles outside of conventional gender roles, and it's just generally a heteronormative/allonormative trope. Despite this, I don't think that notion really applies to Emma and Paul in the same way. The thing about Emma as a character is that when we are introduced to her in tgwdlm, she has just gone through a major loss that made her reflect on what she really wants out of life and starts to head in a new direction BEFORE she even met Paul. Emma's entire character arc is about realizing that the things she thought she wanted out of life are not the things she wants anymore. And that may include her romantic life, but it is not the only thing she wants. She wants to go back to school and start her own business, she wants to reconnect with her remaining family. Emma now wants to put down roots, so it makes perfect sense that putting down roots might include getting married, especially now that she's met someone she really likes. Before Jane's death, Emma went through life having all these various adventures and life experiences to learn from with no concrete ambitions, and came out on the other side of it realizing that the things she wants out of life have changed. And change is normal. Change is valid. It's totally normal for what someone wants when they are fresh out of high school to be different than what they want when they're 30, whether their new goal is more or less conventional than their previous goal. It's okay to know what you want from a young age, but it's also okay not to know.

But what I really love about this is how Emma's experiences are both contrasted and mirrored by Paul. Paul is a guy who went through life doing exactly what is conventionally expected. He works a 9-5 at a job with no upward mobility, going day by day with the same routine, the exact opposite of how Emma spent those years. Like Emma, he never had any concrete ambitions, but was content to live a pretty mundane life. Except, he's actually not content to live a mundane life. In tgwdlm, Paul is forced to confront the fact that for all his talk about never wanting to leave Hatchetfield and his dismissal of any concrete wants outside of the usual stuff everyone wants, he's never truly been happy. Paul spends the entire musical avoiding the kind of self reflection that pursuing things outside of his humdrum status quo (like pursuing a relationship with Emma) would make him happier. In many ways, that kind of makes Paul and Emma perfect for each other; Paul represents the stability Emma was seeking when she returned to Hatchetfield, and Emma represents Paul's desire to open himself up to new experiences. Both of their stories are about how sometimes the things you want out of life change, and that those changes are normal and healthy, but you have to discover those changes on your own.

[westallenfun]

Two's Company (1/3)

Westallen secret santa gift

For: Lauren (@backtothestart02) (I hope you like this fic!)

From: Lina (@cheryls-blossomed)

A/N: A special thank you to my beta, Caroline (@ginandweas). 

Inspired by Jane Austen’s Emma, and the blissfulness and hardship of tumbling into true love. On the eve of publication of the most important article of her professional career thus far, Iris West realizes that she is head over heels in love with her best friend, Barry Allen, but grapples with revealing her true feelings, for fear of completely ruining their friendship. But a weekend trip to Metropolis sets in motion a series of events, with romantic mishaps and conundrums abound, that may in fact force both Barry and Iris to face some long-awaited, romantic truths. 

Rated: T (Warnings: Mild language)

Perhaps the most notable visual extravagance at wedding receptions is the abundance of balloons, flowers, and the chiffon backdrops, draped like curtains, framing the table whereon sat the wedding cake. 

Iris is already trying to determine how she might steal away a few balloons, because really, nobody would miss them, and she had, after all, been the one sitting with the wedding planner for days on end, painstakingly selecting a theme for the reception and agonizing over every detail. Surely, after all her efforts, a few balloons going missing at the end of the party would be forgiven, if not unnoticeable. And she would be surreptitious about it too, seeing as how she would wait until the final guests, likely pleasantly drunk on champagne, rosé, and Prosecco, stumbled their way out of the Central City Gold Hotel. 

            “Nice work, West.” Iris looks up to see her heavily pregnant sister-in-law take a seat next to her, while cradling a rather magnificent sundae in her hands, spoon hanging precariously atop the hazelnut fudge.

            “Thanks, but don’t you call my brother ‘West?’ Could get confusing,” Iris says, raising one eyebrow. 

            “Yeah, but I’m married to Wally. Have been for three years. And so, it doesn’t have the same effect with him anymore. That’s the troublesome thing about marriage.” 

            “Classic Linda Park logic,” Iris murmurs, before once again focusing on the balloons. They are all the same shade of ivory, which made them particularly functional. For gift-giving purposes, that is. Gift-giving, Iris knows, is all about the presentation.

            “No, but seriously, Iris. I’m impressed. Joe and Cecile deserve the best, and this is, honestly, the best.”

            “Thanks, Linda. Dad deserves a perfect wedding day. As does Cecile. To be honest, I didn’t expect it to come together as beautifully as it did, but I’m still praying we see this thing to the end without any hiccups. We’ve got…” Iris taps the screen of her phone to check the time, “About three hours, at least, left.”

            “And it’s probably especially important to you. You know, because you played matchmaker for Joe and Cecile,” Linda says, while spooning a generous amount of ice cream, topped with fudge and sprinkles and coconut flakes, into her mouth. Iris’s brow furrows,

            “I did not ‘match-make’ my dad and Cecile. We’ve been over this Linda…” Linda begins to interrupt, but Iris shakes her head, “I know you seem to think that because I introduced my dad to Cecile that somehow this is my doing, but that’s untrue. To be honest, I didn’t expect them to hit it off so well, let alone date and get married within a year of my introducing them.” Cecile owns an interior design shop, which Iris had visited when she was helping Barry decorate his new apartment— a memory which immediately brings a smile to Iris’s face, for she fondly recalls Barry frantically searching eBay for a bed and a couch, and the way she had persuaded him that that was a terrible idea and instead found her way to Cecile’s trendy furniture boutique, which was also quite affordable. Cecile was so friendly and sweet, and Iris remembered her father struggling to date again, as it had been nearly a decade and a half since her mother had passed away, and so when she had thrown Barry a housewarming party, Iris figured that there was no harm in inviting Cecile, who had become friends with both Barry and Iris after hours spent together at the boutique, and introducing her to her dad. That had been a year ago. Now, they are at Joe West and Cecile Horton’s wedding reception.

            “Well, we can debate semantics, but you definitely match-maked Wally and me. You can’t deny that,” Linda says, matter-of-factly, before eating another scoop of her sundae.

            “I wouldn’t call it match-making. More like I have a sense for people that I know well and then introduce them, thinking that they may potentially like each other.”

            “You set Wally and I up on a blind date six years ago, and now we’re married and have twins on the way. I would say there’s a diabolical matchmaking side to you. Don’t tell me you don’t feel accomplished every time you successfully match-make a couple.”

            “Linda, I’ve only successfully match-maked— to use your word, which I still find objectionable, by the way— two couples. One was my brother and you. And you’re my best friend. The other was my dad and Cecile. That’s hardly a track record of successful matchmaking.”

            “But it could be. Think about it. This could be a lucrative side hustle.”

            “As if I would have time for a match-making side hustle, even if that was something I was interested in doing. I finally got my news site up and running, and The Citizen needs all hands on deck and then some. Besides, a matchmaking business is an exploitative way to make money.”

            “Mmm, maybe,” Linda seems to ponder this, momentarily, before changing topics, abruptly, “Speaking of which, I’m your best friend now? Thought that was a privilege exclusively afforded to Barry,” Iris has heard this before and rolls her eyes, exasperated,

            “My friendship with Barry is different. You know that.”

            “Actually I don’t know that. But I would love to be enlightened about that.” Linda’s response is far too smug for Iris’s liking, but before she can retort, she hears a familiar voice behind her, a voice that unquestionably wraps Iris in a cocoon of warmth, so that she feels instantly home,

            “I heard my name.” And although she cannot see him yet, she knows he’s smiling. 

            “Was wondering where you were, Allen. It’s a rare sight that you and Iris would be separated at any point, when in the same vicinity.” Barry chuckles at Linda’s quip, settling into the chair on Iris’s right and brushing away a few plastic flowers that had come undone from the upholstery. Iris glances up at him, smiling widely, which he’s reciprocating in equal measure. He sets a plate, containing a chocolate fudge brownie topped with mint chocolate chip ice cream, in front of her. Iris’s eyes widen, as she glances from the plate to Barry; her face alight with unadulterated joy. 

            “My hero,” she gasps, squeezing his hand and then truly taking in the scrumptious display of gooey chocolate and ice cream goodness.

            “Always,” he whispers, gazing at her, affectionately, before continuing, “I was wrangling the last brownie from old Mrs. Rogers, who apparently wanted to share it between herself and her cat. Although I don’t know,” Barry pauses for a moment, glancing around the reception hall, “if her cat is even here. Doubtful. Regardless, it took a great deal of speed, stealth, and possibly defying Newton’s first law of physics, because I could have sworn that I willed the brownie in my direction without even touching it, to retrieve this dessert.”

            “Don’t lie, Bear,” Iris says, her eyes sparkling with laughter, as she eagerly grabs her dessert fork, “Mrs. Rogers would never argue with you, if you wanted that brownie. She loves you.” 

            “Yeah, it was just my regular, old charm. And by charm, I mean, because I tutor her grandson, Matt, in chemistry.” (Linda snorts at that.) “Still, I think defying Newton’s first law makes for a better story. But nobody was getting this brownie except for you, Iris. You know, we wouldn’t be sitting here if it wasn’t for you. I mean, just look at this place. It looks fantastic,” he raves, gesturing towards the décor, “The work you put into this is amazing. You’re amazing.”

            “Thank you, Barry.” She’s touched, not just because Barry managed to negotiate the last brownie from poor, old Mrs. Rogers with his rather endearing, tripping-over-his-feet-type charm, but also because he is being, as usual, so disarmingly complimentary of her. Barry never expects her to be amazing; he just thinks she’s amazing always, even when she’s at her lowest or when she is mistaken, and when Iris reflects deeply on that, it overwhelms her. It forces her to dwell on feelings untold; on how, whenever she sees him, she can’t help but smile, almost as if by instinct. 

But she can’t think about it. She won’t think about it.

            “Before you got here, Barry. I was telling Iris how she should really get into a matchmaking side hustle,” Linda says, forcing Iris to focus on the conversation taking place and not on… well, a place where she refuses to go. A place which she cannot explore. 

            “Matchmaking?” Barry leans back, resting his arm on the back of Iris’s chair. “I don’t think that’s even remotely close to anything Iris-like.” Iris is acutely aware of how close his arm is to the bare skin of her upper back, but she ignores this. Or tries to.

            “Exactly. And so I was telling Linda how that’s an awful idea, and how I am pretty sure a matchmaking business, where I have zero actual knowledge about strangers’ interpersonal relationships, could be fraudulent. I can’t possibly claim to be an expert. I mean, no guarantees, right? Seems like a colossal waste of people’s money,” Iris remarks, still trying not to think about Barry’s arm on her chair, right near her back. And how (she thinks she had just imagined it but, no, it was real) he had seemingly shifted his arm, so his fingers are now grazing her skin; his touch is feather-light, equally comforting as it is emboldening. 

            “That could be the genius of it, though. Enough people want to pay money for a matchmaker, even if it’s probably not going to be any more successful than a dating app. Throw in some good, old Cosmopolitan level astrology knowledge for marketing purposes. And there you have it. A potentially incredibly lucrative endeavor. Maybe I should start it myself,” Linda says, while still enjoying her sundae.

            “Why waste money on a matchmaker? Sometimes something incredible is right in front of you, and you just have to tell yourself it’s time to throw caution to the wind. A matchmaker can’t tell you that, only you can know that,” Barry sounds wistful when he says this, and Iris turns to him, abruptly, studying his expression. He’s looking straight ahead, but his gaze is demonstrable of clear desire, and upon hearing such longing in his voice, her stomach drops. Because that’s the face of someone in love. That’s the sound of someone in love. That’s the sound of someone who’s found their someone. But who could her Barry have found? When did he find someone? 

Iris is contemplating this, her stomach churning with her every thought, when the conversation shifts to pregnancy, as Linda comments how she’s always hungry and moody thanks to,

            “…These two whom Wally impregnated me with.” To which Barry laughs, his fingers still softly grazing Iris’s back, while Iris forces herself to smile along and even joke that Linda had talked her ear off about how much she wanted babies and how maybe she shouldn’t have gotten so ahead of herself. But Iris’s mind is still on Barry potentially having found someone. She knows she should be happy, monumentally happy, because Barry is happy, so she cannot fathom why she feels like she’s about to vomit. Suddenly, she has no appetite for her brownie and ice cream, but she eats to evade suspicion, because Barry would surely know something is wrong if she fails to eat her dessert. But from the way he’s carefully watching her, maybe he does know something is wrong already, and Iris wishes, not for the first time, that they did not know each other’s every fidget and expression, signaling a mood shift, so well.

When the wedding reception is over and after Iris has said goodbye to every guest and promised her father and Cecile that she would be at their house the next day for their family dinner, she manages to take three ivory balloons with her to her car, without a single guest noticing. The decorator who had stayed to help her wrap up tells her that she can take any number of balloons that she would like. Or, perhaps more practically, however many would fit in her car. 

*

More accurately, perhaps, Iris thinks she had not been noticed by anyone, when she’d successfully managed to fit all three balloons in her car two nights ago. She’s standing on line at CC Jitters, the local hub for Central City citizens to get their morning coffee and pastry fix, and holding a basket, which contains baked goods, a carefully wrapped red scarf, and a small, navy blue bag. Tied onto the handle of the basket are the three balloons, still inflated. 

            “For the boyfriend?” 

Iris turns to meet the friendly disposition of a blonde woman she’s never met before. Startled for a moment, Iris realizes, that the stranger is referring to her basket, and she smiles, shaking her head,

            “No, for a friend.” Although, given her thoughts lately, friend seems far too simple a word. She feels like she’s perjuring herself by saying friend, but best friend who I’ve known since childhood and with whom I think I might have feelings for, but who is possibly in love with someone else seems far too complicated, especially when Iris is not ready to admit this to herself, let alone to a stranger whom she meets for the first time on the queue for coffee. 

            “Well, they’re lucky. You clearly put so much work into that. No friend has ever given me a gift like that. Actually nobody’s given me a gift that thoughtful before,” the stranger continues, before visibly cringing, “I’m sorry, I’m oversharing. I’m Patty, by the way.” 

            “I’m…”

            “Iris!” There it is again, that feeling of home settling upon her shoulders, like a velvet cloak, shielding her, protecting her. Barry is walking towards her, holding two mugs of coffee, and when he stops before her, he presses his lips to her forehead briefly, a typical form of greeting between the both of them. But if he could hear the way her heart hammers against her chest whenever she feels the soft brush of his lips on her skin, then surely the ruse would be up. He would know how she feels, and so Iris is grateful, not for the first time, that her heartbeat is inaudible to anyone but her. 

            “Hey Bear, that for me?” she asks, nodding at one of the two mugs.

            “Yep. One Americano with an extra shot. Got here earlier and figured we could beat the line,” Barry grins, and he’s looking at her as if she’s the sun, and it’s almost too intense, perhaps because of all of those pesky feelings that she’s been feeling lately, so Iris breaks their gaze, remembering herself as well and turning back towards Patty.

            “Patty, this is my friend, Barry. Barry… Patty. We just met on the line.” Barry nods politely, as Patty says,

            “Nice to meet you.”

            “Likewise,” Barry responds. “New around here?”

            “Is it that obvious? I’m just about to start at CCU as a grad student. And so I’m trying to get used to the city. I’m originally from Midway.”

            “Yeah, understandable,” Iris smiles. “Takes awhile to get used to a new place, but CC Jitters is the best, so you’ll never be wanting for good coffee, that’s for sure.” Patty laughs, then,

            “Well, I’m glad for that. Anyways, I won’t keep you two. Thank you, Iris, for just chatting with me.”

            “Of course.” The three exchange polite goodbyes, and Barry and Iris make a beeline for their favorite booth in the farthest corner from the entrance to the coffee shop; a rather secluded, cozy spot that Iris had first started occupying, when she was a journalism student at Central City University. Barry had been a chemistry major, and they met up every morning for breakfast and would come to study nearly every weekend, armed with cookies, coffee, and blankets. Iris remembers long afternoons spent in this booth, her feet propped up on Barry’s lap, his hands massaging her calves, as they studied in companionable silence. 

            It was in this booth that Iris had written article after article for The Central Brief, CCU’s university-wide newspaper, including her famed paper on the state of land rights of women, globally, that had won her the Scholastic Student of Journalism Prize and had given her the chance to speak in The Hague at an international conference on human rights. As Iris agonized over her field research, including research accumulated from summers of backpacking, Barry, while studying for his Protein Crystallography final, had been effusive in his support for her. He was constantly breaking from his studies to be her sounding board, should she need one, despite her reminding him time and again that he ought to concentrate on his own finals and not on her. He never listened, though, not that it in any way affected his marks. And so sure was he that her work would be honored that he’d planned a party, months in advance, before she had heard back from the National Committee for Excellence in Student Journalism and before she had been invited to The Hague. 

            Indeed, it was Barry who had remarked then that Iris ought to consider starting her own news media site after university, stating that she already had the credentials to draw in a large audience and investors. 

            “How are you feeling? About the exposé, I mean. Today’s the big day and all,” Barry says, as they settle into the booth, referring to what Iris considers to potentially be the most groundbreaking piece of journalism of her career thus far, namely an article exposing the rot of the biotechnology company, McCulloch Technologies. Its CEO, Joseph Carver, has been using the corporation as a front for a highly dangerous and illegal weapons trafficking scheme. The exposé, which is due to be published later today, will be a highly contentious article, no doubt, but Iris had long since decided that she will not rest until she sees justice through and the thousands of innocent people, caught in the crosshairs of Carver’s inhumane crimes, are safe.

            “Okay. I’m trying not to think about it, honestly,” Iris replies, and Barry takes her hand for a moment,

            “Hey, I get it. It’s hard not to be anxious, especially given the magnitude of the article and the far-reaching consequences it’s going to have. But I am so proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself as well,” he says, running his thumb over her knuckles slowly, before releasing her hand. Iris smiles softly, deeply touched by Barry’s faith in her,

            “Thanks, Bear.”

“Of course,” he says, before gesturing towards the gift basket, “So, are you going to tell me who the basket is for?” Iris adopts a playful expression, then.

            “Hmmm, it’s for this friend of mine who just submitted his dissertation for his DSc.”

            “How did you know I submitted today? I told you my deadline was next week, which it is,” Barry states, apparently incredulous that Iris could have known that he had submitted his paper this morning. 

            “I have my ways. And by that I mean you drooling on my couch last week and mumbling, half-asleep, that you are definitely submitting your dissertation on Tuesday. Well, today’s Tuesday, Bear,” Iris teases, chuckling at the memory of Barry entering her apartment last week in need of caffeine, which culminated with him staying the night, when he fell asleep on her sofa. 

            “I really can’t keep anything from you,” Barry sighs in mock frustration. “Although I really wouldn’t want to, anyways.” 

            “Good. And think about it, now you have this nice surprise.” Barry takes the basket from Iris’s hands, admiring her handiwork, before giving her a sly smile,

            “Well, I guess I know why you took those balloons from the reception on Saturday.”

Okay, so apparently she had not gone completely unnoticed. One guest had noticed her attempt to fit three inflated balloons into her car. Unsurprising, she now reflected, given who that guest happened to be.

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, Iris. I may not be able to keep anything from you, but you definitely cannot keep anything from me either.” Are you sure about, Iris thinks momentarily, before banishing the thought immediately. For she will not dwell on those feelings again, not when she stands to lose too much if they start consuming her. When Iris looks up again, Barry is looking through the basket, marveling at the baked cake lollipops and banana bread and brownies (Iris can only bake sweets, and she would never subject Barry to her cooking, although he claims it’s not as bad as she seems to think it is), before he takes the red scarf from the basket. “Iris…” he whispers, her name like a prayer on his lips, and there goes her heartbeat again, pounding against her chest. “You knitted this.” And she knows that he already knows that she did, but it’s the way he’s looking at her now, like there are not any words currently discovered to express to her how much this means to him. She gives him a comforting smile, hoping to diffuse some of the intensity of the emotions that are radiating off of Barry. 

“Open the rest,” she encourages, and he’s now holding the small, navy blue bag, and removing a velvet box from it. Encased in the box is a watch, which she’d been saving up for, because all of his watches are for some reason broken, and she can hear his gasp, nearly inaudible, and then he’s looking at her, solemnly, gravely.

“Iris… I don’t know what to say. I don’t… thank you,” he says, his tone soft and tender.

“Of course, Bear. I’m so proud of you, and I don’t think this simple gift basket really can quantify how proud I am of you.”

“It’s not… it’s amazing. You’re amazing,” he says, and there it is again. How definitive it is to him that she’s amazing. And perhaps she forgives herself a little for her feelings then, for how can she not feel as she does when he says things like this to her every single day. He’s already wrapping the scarf on his neck and remarking how comfortable and warm it is. “I couldn’t get better knitted scarves at the store. I’m pretty sure you’re a superhero. You can literally do anything.” She listens to him wax on about her many, unbelievable talents, which she’s sure only he seems to think she possesses, before shaking her head, affectionately,

“The scarf looks good on you. Red is your color.”

“Always has been,” he jokes, although the emotion is still evident in his voice. “Come here,” he says then, reaching his arm towards her. She leaves her side of the booth to come over to his, and the moment she’s at his side, he wraps his arms around her, burying his nose in her hair, breathing deeply. She has one arm around his back, the other clutching his sweater, and her head is tucked into the crook of his neck, and Iris is sure that now he must be able to feel how rapidly her heart is beating. She’s cloaked in warmth and in comfort, and all she can think of is home. And all she can feel is love. The kind of tumbling, head over heels into a field of daisies type of love that Iris’s college friend, Cynthia Reynolds (now a hotshot litigator who works in BigLaw and who also is the Citizen’s unofficial legal counsel), claims is simply mushy, fairy-tale nonsense that couldn’t possibly exist outside of movies. Iris had laughed then, telling Cynthia that maybe she shouldn’t be so cynical. Cynthia had been unmoved, steadfast instead in her sentiment that people can fall in love, but that kind of ‘I want to go gallivanting in a forest somewhere and run towards you in a field, as if this is some damn terrible romantic drama’ love does not and cannot actually exist in real life. 

Well, Iris is feeling that mushy, fairy-tale type of love now (a fact which shocks her, despite the fact that she’s very aware of her growing pesky feelings), while wrapped up in Barry’s arms, so clearly, Cynthia had gotten it wrong. Oh fuck.

*

There are approximately fifteen different photos, capturing different angles of the McCulloch Technologies building, sitting on Iris’s desk when she walks into The Citizen that morning, after saying goodbye to Barry at Jitters, and all Iris can think about is the fact that she’s in love with her best friend. And as if her life could not be more complicated in that very moment, Barry is potentially in love with someone else.  

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

She cannot think about her feelings nor Barry being in love with some mystery human being right now, though, for she’s on the verge of publishing the explosive piece on Joseph Carver, who has been using his internationally successful technology company to peddle a highly intricate and complex hub-and-spoke conspiracy involving arms trafficking. He had managed to slither under the radar of inquiring agencies by acquiring different sorts of obscure technology, including ballistic software and parts that are often used to construct robots for laser guidance, under the guise of developing cutting-edge bio-technology. When Iris’s source had informed her that Carver’s labs were combining methane and ammonia, she knew that there was an underbelly of weapons-related criminality within the globally recognizable technology company, and armed with her pen, pepper spray, and sheer gumption, she and her photojournalist, Kamilla Hwang, had obtained press passes to Carver’s unveiling of robotic limbs. While there, Iris had asked janitors, low-level software engineers, and other personnel about why Carver’s labs were having methane and ammonia react with oxygen and how this in any way ameliorates existing biomedical technology. Iris and Kamilla eventually obtained access to a private press tour of Carver’s labs, where they noticed how jittery the staff had been, and after Iris had slipped her card to some of the employees, she had found herself, three days later, with nearly fifteen whistleblowers willing to come forward about nefarious activities in the labs.

As it turned out, Carver’s labs had been trying to create and had indeed succeeded in creating a gun that releases hydrocyanic acid, which they are currently selling on the black market. This is the latest of extraordinarily dangerous weapons that Carver sells both domestically and internationally. Indeed, several politicians are in cahoots with Carver; Carver having made them rich men, in exchange for avoiding Congressional inquiries into McCulloch Tech. 

Now, Iris stands poised to publish the most explosive exposé of her career thus far, and the thought is both exhilarating and terrifying. 

She studies Kamilla’s photos of the McCulloch Tech building, now having to decide which one would accompany the headline that is due to go up right before noon. One photo stood apart among the rest: a shot of McCulloch Tech at night, illuminated by the lights of the city, but with only one floor of the building, the top floor, indicating any activity: the lights of the top floor were on, and the rest of the building was largely camouflaged by the night sky. That top floor contained the only working laboratory at headquarters and is where hydrocyanic acid is processed. This is the photo, Iris thinks, just as she hears a commotion at the door and sees her newest hire, Allegra Garcia, forcefully wrangle open the door, rather dramatically, before slamming it shut.

“Hey, boss,” Allegra says. “We have got to get that door fixed. I’m telling you; it’s trying to kill me every time I arrive.” Iris chuckles fondly at Allegra’s dramatics,

“You’re the only one who seems to be constantly battling the door, Allegra. There are four other people who work here who seem to have no trouble getting in and out of the office.”

“Well, I don’t know, but this door has had it out for me since I began working here. And so… oh! Are those the photos? How much time have we got until noon…?” Allegra pauses momentarily, as she taps her phone, which she was holding in one hand, “Forty minutes. Fantastic.” Iris smiles, watching Allegra race up to her desk, excitedly. Two of the reasons that she had hired Allegra was for her enthusiasm about reporting and for her passion for ethical journalistic integrity, both of which she demonstrated every day on the job.  

“This is the one I want to use to accompany the article,” Iris explains, while pushing the photograph towards Allegra, whose eyes widen when she sees the photo. 

“Yeah, this is incredible. I know Kamilla must have camped out awhile to get this shot,” she exclaims, before looking up at Iris, “We’re really gonna do this, boss. We’re gonna expose Carver and who knows? You might win a Pulitzer from this.” 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We have to publish the exposé first, and our legal team has been sending me messages since this morning about how she is obligated to warn us about frivolous defamation suits that Carver might file in the immediate aftermath. But the truth is more important. Let Carver sue us; if he does, he’s going to lose anyways.” Although, to be completely accurate, the Citizen’s unofficial legal team, comprising of one Cynthia Reynolds, whose texts to Iris consisted of, “Carver is definitely going to sue you for defamation, so I’ve got to warn you of that, but screw that guy. Publish and destroy him once and for all,” were certainly more emboldening than averting. Iris is also quite certain that that is technically not sound legal advice, in the least.

The door opens again, and in walks Kamilla, joined by the two other reporters at The Central City Citizen, Kara Danvers and James Olsen. They’re all chatting animatedly about the exposé and the explosive ripple effects its publication might have. 

“He’s an absolute monster,” Kara tells James, no doubt referring to Carver. “I mean, hydrocyanic acid? The sheer inhumaneness of his crimes just to fill his coffers…” 

“Evil folks will do absolutely anything to satisfy their greed, including murdering people,” James observes, and Iris knows this is perhaps a fundamental truth of which every investigative journalist must be aware. Kamilla walks up to Iris’s desk and grins when she sees Iris scanning the chosen photo onto her computer,

“That’s the one, isn’t it? When I captured it, I knew I had gotten it. It took me, I think, nearly five hours of camping out, and it was 2:45 AM yesterday when I finally had managed to take that photo.” 

“It’s incredible, Kamilla,” Iris praises. “All your photos are great, but this one is fantastic. It captures exactly what we need to accompany the article.” When Iris had taken this on by herself, she had been wary about putting any of her reporters in danger, but Kamilla had insisted that she accompany Iris in order to take photographs. In hindsight, Iris is incredibly grateful to have had Kamilla by her side through it all, for her calm, steady demeanor was vital amidst the insanity of taking on Joseph Carver. Kara and James, who have caught up to the others, both make approving noises, congratulating Kamilla on her photography, as Iris continues to work to format the article. 

When she is satisfied with the formatting, she taps her phone, seeing that there is roughly twenty minutes remaining until the deadline, and while her reporters are chattering excitedly, the door opens once more, and Iris is greeted by the sight of Wally carrying two champagne bottles in one hand and precariously balancing a few glasses in his other hand. On his heels is Barry, who is carrying a large white box with the words ‘Zulma’s Pastries’ emblazoned on the top, and Iris is flooded with that fairy-tale, gallivanting in a field of daisies feeling again, to which she now finds she is already getting accustomed, which is a somewhat terrifying thought. 

While Iris has some idea as to why both of them are in her office, she is also aware that Dr. Wally West is supposed to be at work at Central City Hospital, and Barry is supposed to be meeting the Dean of Graduate Studies at CCU about a potential professorship. 

“What are you two doing here?” Iris asks, smiling nonetheless, for she is touched that they likely took time out of their busy days to celebrate the publication of the exposé. She had not mentioned the details of the publication to them, in an effort to protect her sources, but Linda had let it slip to Wally that Iris is publishing the article on Tuesday at the wedding on Saturday, and Barry… well, Barry knows everything about Iris, just the way she knows everything about him, so his appearance in her office twenty minutes before she is meant to publish the most important exposé of her professional career is even less surprising than Wally’s.

“I can’t believe you thought we weren’t going to come and crash this… pathetic party, quite frankly,” Wally says, frowning as he takes in the Citizen office, which while buzzing with the excitement of determined reporters, is not exactly set up for any sort of impending celebration. “You have nothing here to celebrate, Iris. No food, no drinks, nothing.” 

“We haven’t even published, and we have no idea of the repercussions of a piece like this, Wally. I think our sheer grit as reporters is celebratory enough.” 

“We knew you were going to say that,” Barry chuckles, placing the box on a desk adjacent to Iris’s, and then helping Wally with the champagne glasses. “But Linda and I wanted this to be a surprise. We managed to get Wally to help, which is good…”

“Linda’s not feeling well,” Wally cuts in. “She was having awful morning sickness, and I told her I didn’t want to go and that Barry could do the heavy-lifting, but she threatened me and sent me away with two of our best champagne bottles.” Iris begins to protest, but Wally continues on, “And honestly, Iris, before you say anything, I’d rather get an earful from you about leaving Linda at home for this— and by the way, she’s feeling much better, thanks to the fact that I’ve finally perfected the art of making a ginger and mint smoothie— than defy her orders.” 

“Glad to see your theatrics are still in top form,” Iris deadpans, before turning to Barry, pointedly, “Thank you, Barry. You and Linda really didn’t have to do all of this. I haven’t even published it yet.” 

“Excuse me, I helped!” Wally interjects, and Barry is laughing now as Iris reaches up to give him a quick hug, which he returns immediately. As they break apart, Barry’s hand lingers on her arm.

“You’re welcome,” he says. “I wanted this to be a surprise and that’s why I didn’t mention earlier coming by later on. And I knew you could have used a distraction this morning from thinking about the exposé.”

“I did need a distraction,” Iris smiles, still keenly aware of his fingers slowly brushing against her arm, gently, tenderly. 

“I imagine you did. But to reiterate what I said earlier this morning, I’m so proud of you. So, so proud of you.” He cups her face with one hand, gently caressing his thumb against her cheek, and he’s gazing at her with so much emotion in his eyes, and she knows that the same intensity that had radiated off of him when she’d gifted him the basket earlier this day is emanating from him now, and she cannot help but wonder if he feels what she feels, because in these moments, she’s sure he must be. 

Wally clears his throat loudly, while pouring out the champagne, and both Barry and Iris break away from each other quickly. When Iris looks up at Wally, he’s giving her that same look Linda had given her at the wedding reception on Saturday, when she had clarified that her friendship with Barry was different. Unwilling to entertain the idea that Wally and Linda have discussed her feelings for Barry, she turns to her reporters, who were already opening Barry’s box of sweets.

“Brownies!” Kara yelps, eyeing the chocolate chip, fudge brownies and quickly grabbing paper plates from the Citizen’s supply cupboard. 

“Thank you, Barry! We really needed this,” James agrees, while Kamilla and Allegra join their colleagues in helping themselves to the scrumptious sweets and expressing their gratitude. 

“We’re not going to get any work done today, but it’s fine. Thanks, Bear,” Iris laughs, as Barry hands her a glass of champagne. They clink their glasses together, before sipping their respective drinks.

“The Citizen can use a break. Especially you,” Barry says after a few moments, giving Iris a pointed look. “You’ve had countless sleepless nights over the research for this, and now it’s ready for the public to read. You deserve a whole week long break, at least.”

“The news doesn’t stop for me to catch up on sleep, unfortunately. I have three upcoming potential stories, including the ways in which exam software companies have violated the privacy of examinees.”

“Sounds like you’re about to become the hero of every university student everywhere. I can’t believe the vagueness of some of those disclaimers that exam software companies put out, as if students have any choice but to use them, when they have examinations online.”

“Yeah, exactly. And if nobody holds their feet to the fire, they think that they can get away with anything. That’s why I’ve got to do it.”

“Iris West saves the world yet again. That should be a headline. Maybe I should pitch it to Central City Picture News. Think Scott Evans would run a headline on his biggest rival?”

“Scott would definitely do it, if it brings CCPN good business. Besides, our rivalry is more friendly than anything else. That said, ‘Iris West Saves the World Yet Again’ sounds more like I’m saving the world with superpowers, not the power of a pen and a public audience. I think you might be overselling me just a little bit.”

“Absolutely not,” Barry says, affronted. “Iris West is my hero, and she always has been, so I think you’re underestimating her. She’s a total superhero.” 

“Doubtful.”

“Don’t try to tell me that you’re not a superhero, Iris. You’re definitely not going to win this argument.”

“Fine, I’ll level with you. Because you know what they say, right? Every superhero has her own hero? Well, if I am a superhero, then I have a confession to make: my hero happens to be this guy I know… superheroes need strength to be invincible, right? So yeah, this guy is my constant strength. Maybe you know him? Name’s Barry Allen?” Barry blushes furiously at that, ducking his head bashfully, and Iris thinks, Success! She knows she’s rendered him flustered, and he’s so adorably handsome, as he fidgets with his hands, as if searching for something to hold. But even despite his flustered state, he remembers the ongoing debate, and he manages a,

“Alright, alright. You win, Iris.” Iris smiles at him, radiantly and triumphantly, just as Wally makes his way over to them, holding a champagne glass of his own, and he’s got a rather sheepish look on his face, which immediately makes Iris suspicious.

“I know that face, Wall. What’s going on?” 

“Nothing. Not every expression of mine means something,” Wally says, immediately defensive. “Although, I do have to ask you a small favor. But really, it’s not a favor, because it’s actually going to be great for you. So it’s technically a favor, but a favor that you’ll enjoy.” 

“Of course you think so. What is it?” Iris asks, tiredly, knowing immediately that she probably was not going to enjoy this favor as much as Wally seems to think. 

“Okay, so you know Cecile’s godson, Eddie Thawne? He couldn’t come to the wedding, because he was away on an emergency business trip?”

“Yeah, I know Eddie,” Iris responds, confused as to what he had to do with whatever Wally was asking of her. Eddie Thawne was the son of Cecile’s best friend, a wealthy hotelier, and he’d been friendly enough in the few interactions that Iris had had with him, but she could not claim to know him all that well.

“Right, so he’s hosting this gala in Metropolis for dad and Cecile this Saturday. It’s very last minute, found out last night, actually… and well, I’d told dad I was going to go, because you know, one of us should go, right? Technically, both of us should, but dad didn’t want to trouble you, because you’ve been so busy with work, and it’s not a big deal. In fact, I think dad didn’t want you to know, because he thought you might get the wrong idea and think that this gala was going to upstage all the work you put in for the actual wedding and reception, which I kept insisting to him you wouldn’t think at all. And I don’t want to leave Linda, even for the weekend. She keeps telling me she’ll be fine, and I know she’s not due for another two months, but I’m not comfortable going.”

“So, you want me to go,” Iris says, knowing exactly what her brother was asking of her. On the one hand, traveling to Metropolis for the weekend for a gala made Iris nervous, because she did not want to leave Central City for at least a week after the McCulloch Tech article was published, but on the other hand, Wally could not be expected to attend, and it would be wrong if both of them missed a gala that was being held for their dad and Cecile. 

Wally is apparently under the impression that Iris might need some more coaxing, so he puts his champagne glass down and reaches into his coat pocket, brandishing four plane tickets.

“Here, the flight tickets are on me. Eddie is putting people up in rooms at his family’s hotel, and he apparently booked four rooms between the two of us, so we could each bring some guests. With Linda and I not going, you’ll have at least three rooms to fill.”

“It’s fine, Wally. I’ll go. You’re right; we should go for dad and Cecile, and you honestly cannot and should not go. I just have to find people who can take a trip with me, last minute…” Iris knows whom she would want to invite, and so she turns to Barry, immediately. “Look, Bear, I know it’s short notice, but…”

“Yeah, I’ll come,” Barry agrees quickly, before she can even finish posing the question, and Iris notices that he has a slightly agitated expression, which worries her. His hand clenches the edge of her desk, rather forcefully, and so she places her own hand over his, reassuringly, and this seems to relax him, at least momentarily, as she can feel some of the tension in his muscles evaporate slowly. He smiles, then, perhaps trying to mask his sudden agitation, “My weekend’s free, and we were just talking about how you could use a break, Iris. This’ll be good, as it’s a vacation of sorts.” 

“Thanks, Barry. I’ll also ask Cynthia; she could always use a break, and Bear, why don’t you invite someone?”

“I’ll ask Cisco.” Iris glances up at Barry, and they both share a knowing look: they had been trying to get Cynthia and Barry’s old college roommate and engineering genius extraordinaire, Cisco Ramon, to meet for ages (So much for swearing off match-making, Iris thinks then), but they had not had the chance to introduce the two of them yet. This trip might just provide the long-awaited golden opportunity.

“Perfect,” Wally says, considerably relieved, but before Iris can respond, she finds herself surrounded by her fellow reporters who are telling her that it’s just before noon. She nods, waiting until everyone is gathered around her, and Barry’s arm comes around her shoulders, providing her with both comfort and strength. And while a sudden, rather dignified silence, perhaps to mark the solemnity of this publication, descends upon the Citizen, Iris can feel the soundless excitement of Kamilla and of Allegra and of Kara and of James, as she publishes the exposé on the Citizen’s website. 

*

Thus, late that Friday afternoon, Iris finds herself boarding a plane with Barry, Cynthia, and Cisco, in tow, and she’s only half paying attention to Cisco’s exuberance in describing his latest inventive feat at S.T.A.R. Labs, the product technology company he works for, because Barry is acting… odd. He has been acting odd since he had accepted her invitation to come along to Metropolis, and she cannot fathom what it is about this trip that has him so on edge. He is fidgeting so much, and every time he notices that she notices, he gives her a forced smile, as if to divert her suspicions away from his agitation, but that only serves to increase her worries. Whatever is bothering him so much is something that he apparently is unwilling to share with her. 

“…It’s insane. I mean, if we get this right, we will be revolutionizing tablet computers and robotic interpreters,” Cisco is saying, and Iris is sure that if Cisco is put to the task, he and his team certainly would get it done, for she had witnessed his genius first hand before, when, during a birthday party for his best friend, Caitlin Snow, a few years back, the power had blown and there had been no backup generator, and Cisco had managed to create a temporary power source seemingly out of thin air. Iris is sure that there were numerous devices at Cisco’s disposal, and he’d had the aid of Caitlin’s then boyfriend now husband, Ronnie, also an engineer, but it was the sheer ingenuity of Cisco’s engineering ability and the sheer determination to get this done and to ensure Caitlin had the party that she deserved that was so impressive. 

“If anyone can get it done, though, it’s Cisco Ramon,” Iris voices her thoughts, and Cisco smiles proudly,

“Thanks, Iris. It’s definitely going to be a lot of work, but I definitely think we’re headed in the right direction. Hopefully.”

“Hmmm, it all sounds impressive, but what are the patenting ramifications that come with such a unique project. Surely, you’re worried about somebody trying to build upon your product once it’s out in the market. How stringent is your patent going to be?” Cynthia, ever the cynic, adds, eyeing Cisco.

“I don’t want to hog all the spotlight, honestly. We want other people and companies to be able to build on our findings and develop even better tech. There’ll be a patent, but it’s not going to be exclusive.” 

“You’re way too nice.”

“I’m just here to improve tech. Being nice isn’t a crime, I hope,” Cisco laughs, and Cynthia shakes her head fondly, clearly believing Cisco to be naive, but apparently endeared to his naiveté nonetheless. Cisco and Cynthia, still playfully arguing about the stringency of a future patent, take their seats in the middle row, and Iris and Barry, the latter who is still distracted, sit by the window across the aisle. 

“Bear, what’s going on?” Iris sighs, finally, turning to him, once they’ve taken their seats. Barry looks up at her, startled and guilty, and immediately starts deflecting,

“Nothing. I’m fine, Iris, really. I’m sorry, I’ve been a bit out of it. Just… I don’t know, I’m fine.” Iris can tell that he’s not going to be forthcoming with her, no matter how persistent she is, but she is not ready to drop the issue entirely.

“I’m not going to press you, but you know that if something is bothering you, I’m always here, if you want to talk. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that. Of course I do,” Barry says, his voice tender. “And I’m the luckiest guy in the world for it. I’m sorry that I’ve been out of it the last couple of days, I just… I don’t want you to worry about me. That’s the last thing I want.” Iris can tell he’s struggling between telling her and being evasive, so she takes his hand in her own, their fingers interlocking almost instinctively. She squeezes his hand, as his thumb brushes against her knuckles. 

“I’m going to worry, because it’s you, and so I can’t not worry, but I don’t want you to tell me anything when you’re not ready to.” Barry’s free hand comes to cup her chin, as he brings her closer to him, and she basks in the warmth of his hand against her skin. When his lips meet her forehead, she closes her eyes and relishes in his lingering kiss, and she knows… she knows that she’s unequivocally in love with him, and she’s sure that she has been for quite some time, and all she wants to do is lift her face and coax his lips to hers, but she can’t. She knows that she can’t. She can’t ruin their equilibrium, because if she were to admit her feelings and lose Barry’s friendship completely… that is a possibility that she cannot risk. 

“I know how deeply you care. And I love you for it,” he whispers against her forehead. And I love you for it. 

He’s told her he loves her so many times over the two decades that they’ve known one another, and she knows that he means it platonically, as he always has, but that doesn’t stop her from imagining that he loves her in the same way that she loves him. 

And when Barry falls asleep, after the plane takes off, and drops his head, so it rests comfortably on her shoulder, his face turned into the crook of her neck, so that she can feel his steady breaths fanning against her skin, Iris leans her head against his, and she thinks that this is what true tranquility feels like. 

And I love you for it.

[lydia-yougowith-stiles]

My Top Ships of 2019!

My favorite time of the year is back yet again! This year I had to expand my top ships to 15!!! I know, but 12 just wasn’t enough. Making this list I didn’t realize how many new shows I started watching in 2019 and how many of my favorites came to their conclusions. They were some pretty great picks that brought about some of my favorite ships. Hope to see them develop more in 2020! 

15. Poldark: Ross and Demelza

While I did not overly love the last season of Poldark and had many episodes culminate on the DVR, I have to put Ross and Demelza on this list. Their overall relationship is one of the strongest parts of the show and I do like where they ended up at its conclusion. They rely so much on each other and Ross left Demelza in charge of so much at home as he went to London, which many other husbands at this time would not have done. They experienced much with each other over the last five seasons to get them to this point. The first season will forever be my favorite because of watching their early development and having Ross notice his love for Demelza and how he needed her over Elizabeth. They said this a couple of times in the show, but without Demelza in his life we wouldn’t have the show. It was beautiful to watch the love they had for each other grow. I definitely see myself going back and watching this show from the beginning in the near future. I’ll probably just skip a couple episodes here and there.   

14. The Walking Dead: Jesus and Aaron

This ship is so bittersweet because the show did not give it enough time to develop and it could have been amazing. I know Tom Payne was leaving the show to pursue another project. Bingeing the show allows for a few spoilers to come here and there so i knew Jesus would be dying. BUT I did not expect for it to happen like that! It was so sudden that it took a couple of minutes to sink in. I really wish he could have stuck around longer not only for his personal character development, but for him and Aaron. This was another spoiler that I remember encountering and I honestly thought that meant the two would have had more screen time. It was not enough! They would have been great. The few scenes we had between them, while not enough, were beautiful and that is why they are on this list. Aaron describing the amount of loved ones he’s lost and including Eric and Jesus right after each other show how important Jesus was to him. If only we could have gotten more. 

13. Pandora: Jax and Xander

The CW’s summer show Pandora seriously needs more love. This Sci-Fi show might have felt jolting at times (and by this I mean that there were times where I felt like I missed an episode because a lot of time had passed or they referenced something we hadn’t been introduced to), but despite this I still really looked forward to it every week. I am SOOO HAPPY it got picked up for a second season. Can’t wait to see where the story is headed as it left us on a great cliffhanger at the end of season one. Jax had several love interests this season (as did many of the characters) and while I liked her with several of them (as I seem to be doing with more entries to follow on this list), I was always drawn back to her and Xander. So, I was very excited to see their relationship get explored more in the second half of the season. It contains some of my favorite tropes like a forbidden match, hate/love banter and keeping secrets from one another. The episode they pretended to be a couple really sealed the deal for me as they started to come to terms with their true feelings. What I liked about their relationship was that they weren’t always the center of the plot, but certain lines that were said reminded you of their interests for one another. With the expected drama for season two, it should be interested to see where their romantic story line is headed.

12. Stranger Things: Nancy and Jonathan  

Stranger Things was an early binge for me at the start of the year. Immediately I felt that Nancy and Jonathan needed to be together-even while she ended season 1 with Steve, which I will still never understand. (I love Steve. Don’t get me wrong, but it just didn’t feel right. Plus, I feel like he really grew as a character without her. But that’s for another post.) I always love how Nancy and Jonathan got paired up in their own story line before joining everyone else at the conclusion of the season. Their personalities compliment each other well and they can see each other’s true self. Their off-screen relationship is extremely evident in their chemistry on screen. After seeing the end of season 3 and how they will be separated I can only hope it is not for good as these two are meant for each other. 

11. Jane the Virgin: Jane and Michael 

The age old question: Team Michael or Team Rafael? Up until moments of season 4, I was Team Michael all the way. Another show that I came in as a binge-watcher at the earlier parts of 2019 I knew a lot of spoilers (or let’s say some of the MAJOR spoilers involving Michael). As a telenovela, there was always a lot of back and forth who Jane would pick. Again, as I came into the show later, I knew she’d be with Michael, but I still felt on my toes watching. (This show was so great and I’m so upset the final season aired this year.) Michael was my favorite because of the history he and Jane had. They cared so much for each other and supported one another. I think I was also more Team Michael at first because I enjoyed his personality. However, despite all of this I was not a fan of his return as Jason. I feel like they were pulling straws at what to do for plot-lines and decided to bring him back for the final season. I felt we were in a good place with Jane and Raf and didn’t need it. Michael was a major part of Jane’s life, but she had moved into a different part of her life. I know when I watch this show back I will still be Team Michael in the early seasons. It’s sad his character was lost so early, but I did really like how they adapted the show without him. 

10. Derry Girls: James and Erin 

Would this list be complete if I didn’t include a pairing that is not an official couple (...yet) that have not alluded to any romantic feelings, expect for me reading too much into things? No it wouldn’t be. :) DERRY GIRLS is one of my TOP shows of 2019 and I am so happy that we were not graced with one season, but TWO this past year! I am still mad that there are only six half hour episodes per season when there should be more! And I’m also upset that season 3 (which could be their final season) has not started filming yet. But while I complain about all of that (because I love this show so much), I’m crossing my fingers for James and Erin. The wee English lad is often shown standing (or sitting) very close to Erin and early on I felt the two would be adorable together. In season one she hopes he won’t sleep with an Ukrainian and in season two James decides to not go to a Doctor Who convention in order to take Erin to the prom. Tell me this isn’t building up to something more. While watching season one I couldn’t find any fan postings about them and then once season two aired I found a bunch. I love watching a ship grow! 

9. Legacies: Hope and Josie

Last year when I made my Top Ships of 2018 it was too early to pick which my favorite ships for Legacies were. They were so many options and honestly I still feel like I ship many people together and wouldn’t be overly upset if one became canon over another. As season one progressed I became more and more team Hosie (or Hope and Josie). Then I discovered the large fan-base for the two of them and fell more in love with them. There were many moments in season one that strengthened the fact the two would be great together: the moment above, the dream episode with Lizzie when she experiences different realities if Hope never came to the school, etc-there are some key moments between Hope and Josie that showed they would work and have feelings for one another. This season, Josie was experiencing a lot at the Salvatore School making her not my favorite character as she often is. She seemed to make up with Hope, but now that Landon has chosen Hope I am unsure what will happen to their relationship/friendship. However, this season Hope did let it slip that she once had a crush on Josie too. I really feel like Julie Plec might give us some Hosie in upcoming seasons. Personally, they feel like an endgame relationship that we will have to wait a long time for (each will get involved with other people-you know how these shows are.) But I’m here for anything that comes my way. 

8. Legacies: Hope and Rafael 

Another Legacies ship-What a Shock! :) It was very hard for me to pick which one to go first, but ultimately I picked Hope and Rafael because of this season. When Hope came back and no one remembered her I could have sworn that Rafael’s werewolf state would have been immune to Malivore’s power and he would have remembered Hope as she took the spell off of him. While this did not happen, we did get some cute scenes between them. I like how he immediately still liked her even though he didn’t remember their past. I like how he looked for her at the dance and hung out with her afterwards. Of course, it was super ironic when Landon wanted to be his wingman, but it was nice seeing Rafael happy as he’s not often. Then once the truth was uncovered he went back to avoiding Hope. This is a relationship that I am surprised they are already exploring. As I mentioned with Hosie, Hope and Rafael felt like a potential relationship, but that would be developed more later-not already in the first season. I am very surprised how many love triangles are already emerging and it’s only season two, which begs the question how long Hope and Landon will stay together? You know you have a good show on your hands when you can ship so many people together and be happy with multiple pairings and alternatives. (Although I would prefer Hope with either Josie or Raf over Landon for sure.)

7. The Walking Dead: Rick and Michonne  

Aww, another ship with a devastating ending. Seems to be a common thread with some of these. Rick and Michonne were two people that complimented each other nicely throughout the earlier seasons and just made sense when they officially became a couple. They had similar personalities and were like a little family living in Alexandria before they actually became a family. Rick had a few different flames before Michonne, but none were as right for him as she was. Watching the past one and a half seasons without him on the show feels different, and I really miss seeing the two of them lead Alexandria. Michonne, Judith and RJ are keeping him alive, but it isn’t the same as seeing him there. Despite all of this remorse, I really did enjoy seeing them together on the show and I think it came at the perfect time. They had a bond, but were able to act on something more once they reached more stability. I know  Danai Gurira wants to leave Walking Dead soon. I just hope there’s a way she can see Rick before she does.  

6. Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Jake and Amy

Last year I got to be introduced to Jake and Amy and watch their relationship develop from “hating” each other to something more. Now in the latest season as the show moved to NBC I got to see more of them as they took their honeymoon and Jake stood up to Amy’s parents. While it feels like a very long time ago that I watched this season (and I am very happy to see it is all available on demand so I can catch up before the new episodes), I can remember really enjoying the episodes and this couple even more. I know I’ve said this before, but I really enjoy the kind of ships that don’t always have to be around each other, but you hear them talk about each other or state something that remind you that they are a couple. Those often feel like the realest ones to me. I honestly think Jake and Amy can go down as one of my favorite ships of all time. (That’s BIG I know.) I am so excited that we are going to get more seasons of Brooklyn Nine Nine because it is what they (and we) deserve. 

5. Single Parents: Will and Angie

A slow burn that feels like it might be coming to confession time.... That’s just an inference from reading next week’s episode description. A classic plot device: people assume they are together and they have to “pretend to be a couple.” We ALWAYS know how these story-lines end up. Will and Angie have always had a connection since season one. They were the two that I thought would be together, so it was a bit of a shock when Douglas and Poppy became the first ones in a couple. (Although I really enjoy the two of them as well.) I don’t see the show pairing up two of their major couples at the same time, so while I don’t want Douglas and Poppy to break up I REALLY WANT WILL AND ANGIE TOGETHER. This season they have become best of friends; as they often call each other. Almost like they are rubbing it in our faces! Before the mid-season break there were quite a few moments alluding to something more happening between the two of them. I mean Will’s girlfriend called out Angie during Thanksgiving. I think that might have caused some realization for Angie. I have a strong feeling Graham’s dad is going to come back into the picture and ruin things. Either way you know I’ll be watching this Wednesday and hoping for something monumental to happen!  

4. Jane the Virgin: Jane and Rafael

I know it’s SHOCKING! As someone who was so Team Michael at the start I have placed Jane and Rafael so far up on this list. Well, after Michael’s death and watching the two of them get so close before becoming romantically involved again made me grow to really enjoy them together. I really love the fact that they were endgame. I seriously got worried there when Jason came back into the picture, which made me not a huge fan of the first half of this last season. Luckily, the second half of the season was fantastic as Jane won back Rafael and they officially became husband and wife. The more I write about this show the more I want to add it to my ‘Want to watch again list.’ I feel it will be different because now I know what’s to come, but I can still enjoy all the great moments. 

3. The 100: Bellamy and Clarke

Yes, I’m just about as shocked as you are (again) that Bellarke is not my number one pick this year (yet again). But I have to keep you on your toes and I don’t want to seem too predictable. I had to evaluate these last couple very closely. If you are on this page you know of my LOVE for Bellamy and Clarke. Number One Bellarke fan, right here. So every season that Jason Rothenberg gives us a little more I am a happy girl. As a Bellarke fan you train yourself for this. Well, this season, despite Bellamy still being in a relationship with Echo, we got several monumental Bellarke moments. From Bellamy recognizing that Clarke was still alive and helping take down Josephine, the CPR scene, more head and the heart talk (I’m dead btw) and more and more hugs. With only one season left I am praying to the gods that we will have them become endgame. This will be our last chance and you cannot tell me that everything we witnessed in this last season was PLATONIC! I’m sorry, but no. These two are meant for each other. Their love is so strong, that Eliza and Bob got married in real life. (Which can we just say how I still have moments where I’m like did this happen???) Such a good year for them. Cannot wait for the last season. 

2. iZombie: Liv and Major

I called it! I hoped these two would be endgame, but as the final season progressed I was getting more and more worried. Liv and Major would have scenes together, but they were strictly business. I could always feel like something was still between them, but we were running out of time and didn’t know how they would conclude it all. Well, I am extremely happy that not only did they wind up together, but they are in a place where they can have a family and be together forever. I know I haven’t spoken about this couple much, but I have always liked the characters together on the show. While their time romantically together was pretty short overall, their characters drastically changed from season one episode one. There were times when I liked their new love interests, but I always hoped they would wind up together. Happy to see this ending. 

AND NUMBER ONE GOES TO........

1. Anne with an E: Anne and Gilbert

Shirbert for the win!!! While season three has just been released on Netflix, I have seen MANY spoilers thanks to YouTube for the third (and sadly final) season. Could I have avoided them? Of course I could have, but I didn’t have the will power. I only watched a couple, but they were some big moments between these two. As a fan of the books and other adaptations of the beloved classic I knew Anne and Gilbert were meant to be even with all the back and forth/will they won’t between them. Just like any good movie or show, just knowing the outcome doesn’t make it true and they extended this slow burn nicely. I cannot wait to watch the full third season on Netflix this month and experience all the romance again. These two are meant for each other and I am just upset that we won’t be able to see more of their story. 

Shirbert forever! 

[esta-metamorfose-ambulante]

Pros and cons of Jane The Virgin over the seasons (in no particular order)

Pros:

An amazingly talented cast.

Overall positive latino representation.

Distinct and interesting characters.

Plot twists that kept the story entertaining.

The Villanuevas bond.

Focusing on the reactions and the human side of the characters whenever something crazy would happen to them.

I’m personally not a fan of Latin novelas because they usually just throw one plot twist after anoter, but JTV used to do a great job showing its characters’ struggles dealing with those events.

Cons:

The love triangle. On season one it was important to Jane’s arc so she could find confidence in being a single mother before marrying Michael, but continuously resurrecting the Michael/Jane/Rafael and Jane/Rafael/Petra was uninteresting, repetitive and tiring to its viewers.

Its representation of black people. Roman Zazo was a killer, who not only killed his own twin brother, but also made Petra have sex with him when he kidnapped her.

Nadine was another neglected character that ended up being killed.

The poor treatment they give to Luisa, who has made terrible mistakes, but is also a metally ill woman that battles addiction. However, she is merely used as comic relief and described as a ‘trainwreck’. If my memories serve me well, the show has used this specific word regarding her, more than once.

Its unreleastic representation of romantic love. In the beginning, Jane was happily engaged to Michael. Then, they broke up and she fell for Rafael. Later, the two also broke up. Eventually, she got over him only to fall in love with both of them in a couple of episodes and almost immediately after she realized it’s always been Michael. Seriously? I don’t think science has a consensus about how someone falls in love, if you can love two people at once or whether you can fall in love with a previous lover after you were over them and in a happy relationship with someone else, but that’s not even the point. The thing is, you cannot trust its own narrative. It’s become repetitive, confusing and incoherent with its previous statements. You can’t even trust on the heart glowing thing, because that happens whenever the characters feel strong emotions with their loved ones. It happened when Jane was holding Mateo after he was born and when the Villanuevas were celebrating Mother’s Day. The only way to have some certainty is based on how the actors’ performances and their declarations, because imo they are even more responsible for developing their characters than the writers. The writers keep moving in circles and the actors need to try to make the best of it and deliver their lines convincingly, but I believe even for them it must be difficult to buy it. Therefore, I take their acting and declarations more seriously, because they at least keep a line of thinking instead of the writers that just go back and forth.

Rose - who used to be an intriguing character - got reduced to a I don’t even know what. She was/is a huge crime lord, but all that potention was thrown way. The show didn’t explore her criminal life at all, only her relationship with Luisa and multiple disguises. Currently, she is back for a mysterious reason, but after four seasons, I believe it’s safe to say she will be neglected as well and whatever she does will be anticlimactic.

The objetification. I don’t get the obsession they have/had with Rafael’s abs and why they would make Petra sleep with every basic/trash white man they introduced. On season three they focused more on Jane managing to have casual sex with Fabian than her book and dream of being a published author. I get that was important for her, but releasing her book was everything she ever worked for her entire life. Ignoring that was disrespectful.

Losing its essence and becoming like every other telenovela: throwing a twist after another, not exploring its effects on the characters and repeating storylines everyone’s sick of.

Not having the characters dealing with their traumas and metal illness or having almost all of it happening off camera. Luisa struggles with alcoholism and an on and off abusive relationship, Rogelio was kidnapped, Mateo was kidnapped, Petra was kidnapped, Petra forced herself to have sex with the man who kidnapped her so she could find a way get out of her captivity, Petra lived with an abusive mother, Petra was freaking paralyzed by her own sister, Petra had postpartum depression, Michael was shot, almost got killed and then he was tortured with eletroshocks until he got amnesia and lost five years of his life and I’m sure there is more that I’ve missed. Still, what do they focus on? Ridiculous love triangles.

Although Rafael is not my favorite character, he and Petra were the ones that had the most interesting potential backgrounds. Petra grew up without a father in Czechoslovakia, Alba always used her as a tool to get by and she left the country running away from a man who attacked her mother. Even in the United States, there is so much they could’ve shown of her before and after meeting Rafael, getting married, pregnant and losing the baby. On the other hand, Rafael could’ve had a journey of self-discovery and found his biological family and finally getting the love he didn’t receive from his adoptive parents. All wasted pontetial as well.

Changing the entire dynamics of the show in order to execute one storyline. To get to a point where Jane chooses Rafael, they had to: ‘kill’ Michael, do time jumps and have the characters almost ready to be together. Rafael basically became a different character, they got rid of Lina so he would be her best friend and even in some scenes that there would’ve made more sense to have an Alba/Jane moment because they both lost their husbands, they made a jafael moment.

Its frustrating depiction of family. I don’t hide the fact I’m a villadero shipper and would’ve loved to see Michael/Jane/Mateo being a blended family. I know I won’t get that, but the twins barely spend time with Rafael. Or they do, but it’s mostly off camera. And that’s not enough. I don’t need fourty minutes of them together or therapy, but it’s important to show that on television. It’s important to show parents giving their kids equal love and attention, just like it’s important to show mentally ill characters getting help. This speaks to the audience and can even change the way somebody acts. Television is powerful. Still, even if Rafael does give the same amount of attention and love to their children, the show doesn’t illustrate that. And that’s one of the reasons why I think Ellie and Anna are basically perfect. So Mateo is the one who is distracted, sad, confused or whatever. And no, I’m not criticizing a kid. But we see Mateo being comforted by Rafael, having Rafael telling him stories and things like that. We get way less scenes from Rafael and the girls and sometimes it is just him saying he will pick them up or something off camera. And I really can’t remember any moment where they were the ones who were vulnerable and Rafael comforted them. Or just them playing and having fun. Not even with him when Rafael was with Jane and Mateo.

Not even between Mateo and the twins. They love to say they are family and I more than anyone know siblings fight, but siblings also love and protect each other. I can only remember one soft scene with the three of them and it was because that was convenient at the moment. But a scene of them playing just for the sake of it, or maybe even comforting or supporting one other would be adorable. Like, have they ever hug? I get that if Rafael and Jane live together with Mateo they will consenquently spend more time together and that’s not a problem. However, the show just executes the stereotype of only biological families being valid and sends the message it’s okay to neglect your other children if you’re not dating or married to their mother.

It also took them FIVE FUCKING SEASONS to show Jane and Petra being friends and having fun. And again, it was only out of convinience. Jane couldn’t decide what to do regarding her situation with Rafael and Michael and no one could give her advice. So she goes to Petra and they drink their asses off and sort of have fun. And that other day when they went to a lesbian bar. They say they’re friends and even family, but certaintly doesn’t feel like it. Do they care about each other? Yeah. Still, it’s like that cousin who lives in other part of the country and you see once a year. Firstly you’re happy, but after they spend a week in your house you realize why you barely see each other or keep in touch when they’re gone. I get they are very different, but everytime they are together they sort of argue. An honest and deep conversation like some that Jane’s had with Lena? I’m afraid it’s never happened or going to.

Total disrespect to their own character, Brett who was generous enough to return while he is part of another show and his fans. Not only they brought him back to play a minor role, but he didn’t even get the respect to have his point of view shown. The man was almost killed, tortured, lost five years of his life, came back to see that everything had changed and felt like a burden, but they don’t actually focus on what he feels? Just as how sad Rafael is? It’s one thing to show both sides, but to only explore Rafael’s feelings as if he’s the one who had it worse is ridiculous and insensitive.

Rafael’s deppression. Again, I don’t want to get technical about it, specially because that’s not my professional area and I could be wrong. The thing is, I don’t think he has depression. I do think he had a lot of shit happening to him and he used to have unhealthy habits whenever he got upset, but there is a difference between getting drunk when you are sad (what almost everyone has or will do once in their lifetime) and having depression. Feeling sad, worthless, suicidal all can be symptons, yes. But there is also not getting any sleep, food or eating/sleeping a lot and more. And I don’t think they show up altogether after one event. Rafael’s had a past drinking when he was feeling low, but that was it. No worthless or suicidal thoughts. No insomnia or sleeping too much or anything else. And that wouldn’t last long. Now I am supposed to believe he has depression? Then actually DEVELOP THAT and SHOW IT TO ME (If A Million Little Things can do a decent job, other shows can too). Don’t get me wrong, I think Rafael might have something, but not actually depression. He sure as hell have reasons to. However, It just seems they threw it so we could empathize with him after the way he treated Jane and root for him. And I bet that will be gone in two seconds once him and Jane reunite. Which leads me to...

The way they insinuated his state was Jane’s fault is disgusting. And I’m sure they will forget this depression storyline once jafael makes up. So yeah, they might have not actually said the words, but the route they took is that it’s Jane’s fault and once they back to their relationship he will be magically healed with their love. Yikes.

Also, the whole Michael x family conflict. That is so LOW. My parents are divorced and their separation was really messy. Despite my personal experience, I’ve seen complicated divorces before and ex-spouses using their children against one another. If Jane ended up with Michael, that wouldn’t make her less of a mother or neglect her family by any means. If anything, Mateo would have a step and godfather who would basically do everything to keep him safe and happy. Mateo would have another person who loves him. Sure, Jane’s priority must be her son, but to give the idea a mother needs to lose her independence because of her child is ridiculous. Mothers are allowed to be divorced, single, marry someone else, have their own time with their friends and even have male and ex-lovers as friends. What makes Jane a good mother is the way she treats her son, the love, attention she gives him. NOT being in a relationship with Rafael. Believe me, I’ve seen some people saying this kind of thing.

Now that Jane and Michael got closure, it looks like he will barely be on the show anymore. Which is wrong on so many levels, because first of all, he was her best friend. Real Jane wouldn’t want him out of her life, but apparently that’s what’s going to happen. And again, it sends a terrible message. She should keep being his friend, talking to him and everything, because being in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose your (male) friends. And they won’t actually say it, but I don’t see Rafael as the guy that would be okay with Jane being best friends with her ex-husband and therefore we won’t see them interact. Just like we didn’t get Michael to see Jane’s family, that he loved and loved him back. And that’s a terrible message to give to young girls, even if you won’t have it said out loud. Showing it is already enough. The fact some of them are buying it frustrates me. 

Also, like, it baffles me the fact Rafael is getting way with all the ultimatums he gave Jane, the fact he showed no empathy when Jane had the scare of thinking she would lose her mother who is fighting CANCER and he kicked her out of their house the very same night. Or that he turned their son against her or did nothing to get him to talk to Jane again until she called him out. She shouldn’t have to call him out. He is a grown man on his late 30s (or early 40s? idek anymore after the time jumps), he should’ve known better. The breaking point was when he didn’t discipline Mateo for running accross the street, something that could’ve KILLED HIM, just because he was mad at Jane. I get Rafael has gone through a lot of shit, but this doesn’t give him a pass to treat people the way he wants to. Everyone on this show has gone through enough and they don’t behave that way. He might have depression, but he knows when he is wrong. And you can actually see on his eyes when he is talking to Jane that he is defying and provoking her. Just terrible.

The fact Jane is choosing him after all of that pisses me off. If he were still zen Rafael and all, I would be frustrated, but not angry. This gives a really dangerous message for anyone who watches it. Abusive relationships start just like that and even though Rafael never raised a hand to her, that is abusive. Rafael is not a bad person, but he has a lot to work on before he could be with anyone else and for me they don’t belong together. Still, he is manipulative and disrespectul with Jane. And I have enough experience with abusive relationships to say that’s how it begins. Then, they have one conversation and sort of a perfect fairytale phase until the next fight. And media romanticizing this kind of relationship is part of the problem.

Last but not least, the fact Jane will have to FIGHT for this after everything turned something that was already bad into something worse. Not only it’s not worth it, but she is supposed to humiliated herself just because she dared to have feelings and be confused when something totally crazy happened to her? Way to go, writers! That’s how you treat you Latin female protagonist and kill your show. The cast deserved way more, but the writers deserves exact rating numbers they are getting.

So to that troll who said Michael fans were racist for dropping it after he died, there are other reasons why we gave up. Those were things that already bothered me, but I still found the show worth it to keep looking foward to the episodes. And after Michael died, I kept watching it, out of respect for its diverse cast and to give it the benefit of the doubt, but I could only do it until the finale of season 3. I just decided not to waste my time anymore because after 10 episodes it didn’t get any better. For many, Michael was vital for the show. 

Besides Jane, he was the one who interacted with most people. He was close to Jane’s family, Rogelio’s best friend, Mateo’s stepfather/godfather and a detective. After he lost his job/’died’, the criminal aspect of the show was basically ignored.

One season one, he wasn’t with Jane, but he was there and things were still intriguing. Once he was gone, the show changed completely. Characters were written off, time had passed and it didn’t feel organic. And there were a lot of other stuff that kept people from watching it again. The fact you want to bring race for something that has nothing to do with (breaking news! Rafael is white too! Just because your boy has some tan and speaks spanish he is not a person of color) is pathetic. That’s not being woke. Bye.

[hjbender]

Imagine a story line where Loki was married to Thor's older brother. Thor swallows his feelings for his brother's husband, Loki. That is until his brother is off at war and he discovers Loki sobbing in a corner about how lonely he is since no one will talk to a first giant. So Thor decides to befriend the forehead bride and may or may not have his feelings rekindle for Loki the same time Loki realizes he had feelings for Thor.

Within an hour of reading this stellar ask, this idea turned into a full-blown 150k slow burn novel written by Jane Austen, if Jane Austen also wrote Norse myths. (In other words, EXCELLENT.) It played out in my head like an Asgardian version of Pride and Prejudice. Let me try to summarize it in 3900 words:

Tagged: arranged marriage, drama, sexual content, marriage problems (no adultery), angst, miscarriage, character death (not Thor or Loki), accidental love, marriage proposals, happy-ish ending (maybe?), just read it

Baldur is the eldest son of Odin, heir to the throne of Asgard. He is handsome and well-mannered and will someday inherit tremendous power and status, and that makes him the most desirable man in the Nine Realms.

His brother Thor, on the other hand, is a bit rough in terms of both appearance and manners. He prefers to spend his time alone or with his small group of close friends, traveling the realms, fighting brigands, settling disputes, learning new skills from dwarves and elves and humans, appreciating nature, lending his might to the defenseless when they need it. He is a comfortable loner, he detests politics and formalities, and he hates being cooped up in the palace. He dresses more like a commoner than royalty. He is tall and well-built, unbelievably strong, and more than a little intimidating.

His father is always urging him to be more like his older brother. “Show some interest in reality, boy! You can’t roam the wilderness for the rest of your life! Get married and settle down. Find your place in the court, raise a family. Be a proper prince, for Valhalla’s sakes!”

But Thor adamantly states that he is content in his bachelorhood and intends to stay that way. He is a warrior and a wanderer, like Odin himself once was. Not a soft-hearted fool with romantic dreams in his head and a desire to be domesticated. He is too wild, too in love with his freedom. He will never marry.

Then, in the interest of politics (and adding some new blood to the royal family), Baldur becomes betrothed to the youngest of King Laufey’s children, a lovely little jötunn named Loki. Loki’s people are Frost Giants of the realm of Jötunheim, and normally a marriage between their two kingdoms would never happen due to the size difference between jötnar and Æsir. However, the last baby Laufey bore happened to be quite small, making him a perfect candidate for marriage with one of the non-giant races. Thus Loki was groomed from birth to be a royal spouse. Given the biological flexibility of the jötnar, he could provide his future husband or wife with fine, mixed-blood children.

It is a perfect arrangement. Odin has been wanting to clinch ties with Jötunheim for centuries (it has nothing to do with gaining exclusive trading rights to Jötunheim’s coveted natural resources, oh, goodness, no, certainly not), and now he can finally do it. Baldur is pleased at the prospect of achieving this goal for his father and readily agrees to the match.

In just a few short years, Loki is married to Baldur in one of the most extravagant and ostentatious weddings in Asgard’s history. Women (and men) all over the kingdom mourn that their dream prince is now off the market, and their scorn for Loki is bitter and fierce. (A simmering, low-level dislike of Frost Giants crops up overnight in Asgard, and it’s something Loki must deal with for years to come.)

Loki tries to ignore all the negativity and fear in his heart and enjoy his wedding day. He pretends to be happy at the reception feast, but he struggles to truly smile. Prince Baldur is nice, but he is a far cry from the spouse Loki imagined having one day. Their wedding night is even more disappointing. Baldur is overeager and giggly from too much wine, and he spills himself prematurely, less than a minute after deflowering his virginal bride. He then passes out beside him and starts snoring.

Annoyed (but partly relieved to be spared a long night of awkward first-time sex), Loki wraps himself in a robe, pours himself a drink, and slinks away to take in the moonlight in the east gardens. He walks barefoot in the soft grass between the rose bushes, sipping his wine, sighing at the moon, and trying not to feel sorry for himself.

This is his lot, his destiny. And really, it isn’t so bad. Baldur is a good man. He doesn’t have any disgusting habits, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t swear. He keeps himself clean and measures his words carefully. He doesn’t lose his temper easily. In fact, he seems incapable of being angered. He is polite and educated and diplomatic, a natural king. He’s a little self-absorbed and prideful sometimes, and he has an irritating laugh, but if those are the worst of his vices, then Loki counts himself fortunate.

At least he was not married off to one of Surtur’s vicious sons. Or a haughty Elf. Or a bigoted Vanir who believes the jötnar are descended from ogres. At least he was not given to a lowly drunkard of common birth and poor character. Loki would not be forced to toil for a living, laboring to earn his daily bread, spending the majority of his life pregnant and impoverished. He would not be beaten or berated. He would not starve or suffer. No, he is married to a very nice, handsome, mild-mannered, financially secure Æsir prince, and even though they don’t share a passionate, romantic attraction to one another, it’s not bad for an arranged marriage. Loki will teach Baldur how to love and please a jötunn. He will be a good wife. He will bear Baldur’s children—maybe; hopefully; if that strange organ and thin, meager seed is capable of giving him a baby—and someday he will be a queen. It’s an impressive destiny, especially for a defective runt. A fairy tale ending. Loki is very grateful to his mother for realizing his potential.

As he walks in the gardens, he spots Thor, his new brother-in-law, whom Loki had been introduced to at the wedding and never really got a chance to speak to during the feast. He is sitting under a tree and smoking a pipe, contemplating the moon.

Ugh, Loki thinks disdainfully. A smoker. And he has a beard, too, which means he must stink of pipeweed. His hair is long and unkempt and he’s dressed like a poor farmer, sleeveless tunic showing off his bare arms—great Ymir, just look at those enormous muscles, it’s almost grotesque—and worn leather trousers that look like they haven’t been washed in a year.

So this is the other Odinson. Loki thanks his lucky stars that he got the more civilized brother. He couldn’t imagine being married to this brute. He looks to be mean and simple, one of those rough, rude alpha males who speaks in one-word grunts and chews with his mouth open. No, thank you.

Loki begins to tiptoe back into the shadows, but Thor’s strong, low voice stops him: “Asgard is a poor trade for the majesty of Jötunheim’s mountains. I hope you will not regret your decision.”

Loki is at first surprised to hear such eloquent words from such a coarse-looking man, and he is flattered by the compliment to his homeland. Then he bristles defensively.

It’s true, he hadn’t wanted to leave Jötunheim—with its cool, green valleys and soaring glaciers and crystal-clear lakes—to come to this gold-plated city of few trees and even fewer friendly faces. But there was no life for him in Jötunheim. He had known that since he was a child. He was destined to become a part of his spouse’s realm, and once he left the place of his birth, there would be no returning. Such is the way with his people.

Loki stiffens his lips and answers curtly, “Jötunheim is a crude, underdeveloped region. Nothing but rocks and ice. I am glad to call Asgard my home now.”

Thor chuckles. “You’re a fine liar, Laufeykin. That is good. You’ll need that talent if you hope to survive here.” He stands up and approaches Loki, who takes a fearful step back.

Thor is much taller and broader up-close. Loki realizes how vulnerable and underdressed he is, nude beneath his robe, with his husband’s seed still sticky between his legs. Perhaps brothers shared wives in Asgard, like they did in other kingdoms. Dear gods. Thor could easily take whatever he wanted from Loki, right here in this garden.

But Thor only gazes at him tenderly—such blue eyes he has—and Loki swears he sees pity flash across his rugged features.

“You’re too good for him,” he utters. “Such rarity and beauty…” He raises his hand as if to touch Loki’s cheek, but his fingers curl at the last moment and retreat. “I wish you many years of happiness… if you can find them here.”

Then he turns and disappears into the shadows, leaving Loki standing in the garden with his heart pounding and the sweet perfume of roses all around him.

Two years pass. Loki remains an uncomfortable stranger in Asgard, never really fitting in or feeling accepted by anyone but the immediate royal family—and even then, it is only because they must.

Old age begins to catch up with Odin. He spends more and more time in his regenerative sleep cycles and there is murmuring of his abdicating the throne to Baldur within the next year.

Loki begins to feel the distinct pressure to produce a child. Reigning kings prefer to relinquish their crowns when they have one or two grandchildren already on the ground, for it is the sign of a stable lineage, securing the line of succession. If a future queen cannot provide her husband with children, what good is she to him? This is what Loki has been told his entire life: marry well. Make babies. Achieve power, wealth, and status. Secure them, defend them. Don’t let anyone see your weakness.

But Loki is beginning to wonder if it might be impossible for an Æsir to breed a jötunn, regardless of how potent or fertile either of them may be.

Baldur is flippant toward his spouse’s worries. “Don’t worry, my little dove. It will happen in time.”

But babies aren’t made out of thin air, Loki knows. Baldur is tenacious and extremely dedicated to his duties to the royal court, and he takes on responsibilities one after the other. There is very little time left at the end of the day to devote to his marriage, and even then, he seems more interested in hosting dinner parties and building his wine collection than making love. Loki almost has to beg and plead for it.

In the hopes of getting Baldur interested in the activity, Loki  implements all sorts of strategies to spice things up in the bedroom, but his attempts are usually met with laughter, eye-rolls, and patronizing little pats on his head.

“Oh, my dear Loki, we don’t need these tawdry, silly things! Our marriage is exciting enough. Here, put aside those toys and come to arms, darling. Nature has already given us everything we need.”

Loki hides his annoyance but submits to Baldur’s requests.

The man is absolutely clueless when it comes to romance.

It could be worse, Loki reminds himself, lying beneath Baldur and staring blankly up at the ceiling while Baldur makes clean, quiet, polite love to him. I could be married to a Fire Giant. An elf. A Vanir.

Thor.

Loki shivers and closes his eyes, wrapping himself around his husband.

He wonders what it’s like, being at the mercy of those hard hands, pinned under the weight of that heavy body, so musky and hairy and warm. Being taken roughly, having his hair pulled and his haunches spanked, feeling the delicious stretch of a thick cock thrusting into his cunt, hearing all the sloppy wet sounds as he is thoroughly, ruthlessly fucked—

Loki comes with a cry and bites down on Baldur’s shoulder.

“Ouch! Sweetheart, please! There’s no need for that!”

Loki retreats like a scolded child, his orgasm dying almost as soon as it began. He is embarrassed and ashamed. He shouldn’t be fantasizing about his brother-in-law. It is wrong. Terrible, actually.

It could always be worse, says a voice in the back of his mind.

Loki doesn’t know how, but he has no choice but to believe it.

They are preparing to celebrate their fourth wedding anniversary when war suddenly breaks out on Vanaheim. Loki is at the council meeting when Thor—resplendent in full armor, with his hair plaited and beard groomed, cloaked in a blood-red cape, such a powerful and formidable sight—steps forward and announces his intention to lead the armies of Asgard.

But Baldur, who is neither a warrior nor very military-minded, intervenes and says it would be folly to send his little brother into battle while the future king of Asgard sits comfortably in his palace. “Nay, Thor, remain behind and look after my affairs! This is only a skirmish; I shall be home before the end of the season.”

Thus it is decided. Baldur bids farewell to his wife and his brother, kissing them both on their cheeks, and departs for Vanaheim.

The “skirmish” drags on for weeks, becoming months. With Baldur absent, Loki’s link to (and refuge from) the Asgardian people disappears. He grows increasingly melancholic and isolated. He can be heard crying at night, and he wanders through each day looking miserable and depressed, silent and sullen, if he is even seen at all. He spends most of the day locked in his room with only the servants for visitors, avoiding awkward, unnecessary interactions with people.

Thor’s concern finally reaches the point where he can no longer stand aside and watch Loki deteriorate. This lonely, beautiful, neglected creature is suffering. Baldur had instructed Thor to tend to his affairs while he was gone, and Thor is—politically. But he gladly resolves to set aside his work duties and make Loki his top priority.

Thor knocks on Loki’s bedroom door one evening and Loki answers it with flushed cheeks and a stuffy nose, his jewel-red eyes bloodshot. His breath smells of strong wine. They stare at one another awkwardly for a moment, then Thor clears his throat and asks if Loki would join him for a walk in the nearby wood. He offers him his arm.

Loki sniffs. “Oh, I. I couldn’t. I’m in my dressing gown and I haven’t, I was already in bed when you—”

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Thor thrusts out his elbow. “Come,” he says more gently. “You’ve spent enough time indoors. The fresh air will do you good.”

Loki timidly acquiesces, sliding his hand around the proffered arm, and Thor leads him away. Once outside, Thor wraps his arm around Loki’s waist and uses Mjölnir to fly them to the edge of the wood.

Loki has never flown before. At first he is terrified and clings to Thor tightly, but then he relaxes when he realizes how safe and secure he is in Thor’s arms. He takes a deep breath and smiles, the wind flowing through his hair. He hasn’t felt this good in weeks.

They land at the wood’s edge and walk along its borders, making small talk and listening to the natural world around them, so wholesome and soft compared to the hard, man-made surroundings of the city.

They speak about the war, the future, the weather. Thor asks if Loki has received any letters from Baldur; Loki haltingly confesses he hasn’t. “He is very busy, I imagine,” he says with a brave but sad smile.

Thor scowls at the ground as he walks. He knows his brother. Hardworking but single-minded, focused on politics and very little else. Loki doesn’t deserve to be brushed aside, to be placed so far down on the list of Baldur’s cares. No wife does. But Thor simply says, “Yes, I’m sure that is the case.”

Night falls and Thor returns Loki to the palace.

“Thank you,” says Loki, turning at his bedroom door with a fragile grin. “I really enjoyed tonight.”

Thor smiles, and Loki is struck by the warmth and gentleness of his face. Hardly the barbarian he had mistaken him for in the beginning.

“I am available again tomorrow evening,” says Thor. “I would be happy to spend it with you.”

Loki nods, and Thor politely kisses Loki’s knuckles and bids him goodnight.

Loki shuts his bedroom door and presses back against it, sighing as he gazes up at the ceiling.

Four years he’s spent in Asgard, yet only now does he feel like he’s made a friend.

Soon these nightly strolls become a routine, and a warm camaraderie blossoms between Thor Odinson and Loki Laufeykin. They find they are not so different; they like nature and animals and share an appreciation for the beauty of life’s simple pleasures: the smell of the earth after a spring rain; a hot drink on a cold day; the taste of a sun-warmed apple plucked right off the branch; the rumble of thunder, the song of a bird, the trickle of a clear, quiet brook. Their tongues loosen as they become more familiar with one another, and soon Loki’s shyness fades.

One evening he confides in Thor something he’s been keeping a secret:

“Two weeks after Baldur left, I began to feel ill in the mornings.” His voice is delicate, his face tense as he speaks. “The smell of breakfast would make me vomit, so I stopped coming to the dining hall and took breakfast in my room instead. I wasn’t avoiding everyone, I simply didn’t want to make a disgusting scene at the table.”

Thor stops and stares. So that was why Loki had stopped showing up for breakfast. He isn’t unsociable—he is pregnant. Baldur is going to be a father and Thor an uncle. This is very good news for their family.

Why then does Thor feel so bitter and jealous?

He tries to hide it. He clasps Loki’s hands and forces a smile onto his face. “I’m very happy for you. Have you written to Baldur of your good news?”

Loki looks downward and pinches his lips together. “No. And he will never find out, if I can help it.” He closes his eyes. “Two months later, there was… I, I miscarried. I lost the baby.”

Thor’s heart clenches in his chest. He opens his mouth but no words come.

Loki gulps and continues, “I went to bed that night perfectly fine. Well, I was a little more tired than usual and my back was hurting, but I thought it was normal. Maybe it was; I can’t say. All I know is that I woke up the next morning and there was blood… everywhere. And I hurt”—he places his hand on his flat lower belly—“here. That’s how I knew. I knew I’d lost it.”

Thor stares, too stunned to react.

Loki bows his head. “I was so happy. I thought things were finally changing. I was already picking out names—” He chokes and covers his mouth, unable to finish. He falls apart.

Thor reaches out and pulls him into an embrace. Loki almost disappears in his massive arms.

“These things happen,” says Thor roughly, his eyes filling with tears. “It is not your fault. Take heart, Loki. You and Baldur will make another child.”

“But this one took so long,” Loki sobs, clutching Thor’s cape in his fists. “We’ve been trying for four years! I don’t know if we can make another. I don’t know if I could bear the pain of losing another child. Oh, Thor, it’s just—I fear Baldur is going to die in this war and then I’ll be stranded here in Asgard, cast out from the palace a ruined widow, untouchable, unwanted, forced to—”

“That will not happen to you, Loki, I give you my word,” says Thor firmly. “Baldur is going to come home to you and make you happy again. You will have another child growing in your belly within a fortnight, and you and he will share many happy years together. Believe it, Loki, and it will be so.”

Loki stops moaning but the tears still slide down his cheeks. He buries his face against Thor’s chest.

He should believe it, but he doesn’t.

He’s not sure if he wants to.

A week later, Odin’s ravens deliver to him the terrible news: Baldur is dead.

He did not die gloriously on the battlefield, nor was he murdered by assassins. He was celebrating a recent victory with his men and unwittingly stepped in front of a drunken archer trying to impress a local Vanir woman. The arrow went straight through his neck, severing his nerves, and he fell to the ground dead.

The story will be altered, of course. Baldur will have a warrior’s funeral, go down in history as a hero. It is the least they could do.

When Odin shares the news with his family and close advisors, Loki turns and flees from the throne room, sobbing. Not because his worst fears had come true; not because he is now a lone sheep among a court of hungry wolves; but because his husband is dead. The man with whom he’d shared four years of his life—not the best years, but they had their moments. Smiles. Comfort. Familiarity.

But now Baldur is gone. Loki will never see him again, nor hear his laughter, nor smell his hair, nor feel his warmth beside him as he sleeps. He is completely alone. He has lost his unborn child and now his husband, and all he wants to do is run until he dies.

Thor chases after Loki, finally catching him in the east gardens, where they first spoke to one another on a mild evening four years ago. He takes Loki’s face in his hands and tries to soothe him, but Loki is inconsolable.

“I knew it, I knew it!” he weeps. “I knew he was going to die! Now there will be no children, no throne, no life for me here! No one will want me now! I am widowed and worthless!”

Thor holds Loki’s cheeks so he is forced to look into his eyes. “That will not be your fate, Loki. I gave you my word, and I intend to keep it.”

He sinks down on both his knees, grasping Loki’s hands tightly in his own.

“It is not uncommon in Asgard for an unwed man to take his deceased brother’s wife as his own,” he says. “This way, you shall remain in our family and be looked after. You will not be abandoned or cast out. I will be your friend, your companion, your ally, Loki. I will do my best to nurture your dreams. I will place your happiness over my own, for that is only what you deserve.

“I know that you loved my brother. Maybe you feel that you will never love again. Perhaps you won’t. I cannot say. But I tell you now, Loki, I will not force you to submit to me, nor render unto me anything you do not willingly give. I will not ask that you love me or make love to me, but I hope that someday you might find me worthy of your affections. If so, I will endeavor to remain worthy of them for the rest of my life.”

A squeak escapes Loki’s mouth and his eyes gleam wetly in the light.

Thor looks up at him, his face honest and hopeful. “I am already yours, Loki Laufeykin. Will you also be mine?”

Loki sucks in a breath. “Oh, Thor—” He bends down and folds himself around Thor’s head, hugging him, shedding tears into his blond hair. “I will. I will.”

All around them, the rose bushes bloom full and pink.

And this is only the first half of the novel’s summary. They still have to get married and fall in love and Thor has to defend Loki’s honor and Loki of course gets pregnant again and they name the child in memory of Baldur and Thor must stop the war in Vanaheim and become king of Asgard and

*collapses*

[thelifetimechannel]

In this week’s bonus content, Dave places prank orders on the local carapacian message boards.

JAKE: Ms roxys mom!! JAKE: Is it true your girlfriends a vampire? ROSE: Last time I checked. ROSE: To be technical, the Alternian term is "rainbow drinker". ROSE: There are some differences, but if you're going for "attractive young woman who drinks blood", you're on the money. ROSE: Similar to the way "Ms Roxys mom" is on the money, but the term I'm used to is "Rose". JAKE: Its polite for one to wait until such a time as one had been introduced. JAKE: As such im jake. Dont believe weve yet spoken! ROSE: No, not directly, unless we've exchanged witticisms in a memo somewhere. ROSE: I've lost track of those. ROSE: I think they've become independent sentient creatures. ROSE: As such, they must be allowed to flourish on their own, making their own decisions. ROSE: They're grown up now. They can make their own choices. JAKE: Just walkin off all on their lonesome huh? JAKE: Godspeed to you memos. What happens in you stays in you. ROSE: With a tear in my eye, I waved them off to memo university, where they'll learn hard truths about themselves while obtaining an education. JAKE: I hear theyre going into the communications field. Good for them! ROSE: I expect great things of them. ROSE: And plenty of tawdry hijinks. ROSE: But if you've been reading them, you'll notice we already have those. ROSE: Dave tried to order a pizza from a carapace agent. JAKE: He what. JAKE: Can you do that? ROSE: Dersites have their own message boards. Mostly focused on fashion, apparently, but you can post whatever you like. ROSE: I doubt he received his delivery. JAKE: Do carapaces have pizzerias and if so what the heck have i been doing with reheated alchemized food for the past five months? JAKE: I am alas a deprived man. I never knew what i was missing until jane started bussing us the captchas for her home cooking. ROSE: Honestly? I have no idea. ROSE: I did roam Derse for a few months in another timeline, but I didn't have culinary experiences on the mind. ROSE: I can relate, though. ROSE: Most of my background was in microwave dinners. ROSE: Which I look back on with fondness now, after what we've been subsisting on for the last few years. ROSE: Which brings us back to the original topic, more or less. ROSE: Yes, this outfit has vampires now. That's a thing that we have. JAKE: Man. You guys were off having all the fun on the magical hijinks. JAKE: Not that tomb raiding wasnt a blast but you know there were no vampires. ROSE: As many of the more romantic novels would suggest, it's a bit of a burden. ROSE: But an asset if you want to keep your plans after being shot through the abdomen, or so she tells me. JAKE: So does it come with the unholy cravings and aversion to the daylight or is this weird alien vampiracy? ROSE: Actually, she's one of the few of her kind that enjoys the sun. ROSE: As for unholy cravings... ROSE: That depends on your definition. ROSE: *eyebrow waggle* JAKE: Er. JAKE: The blood drinking i meant the blood drinking!! JAKE: Gosh what you two do together is your own private matter. *tugs collar of god tier cape.* ROSE: She's working on that. ROSE: She won't go for your jugular without permission, if that's what you're worried about. JAKE: Good to know. Im not presently in a state of mind where id be interested. ROSE: Not that many people enjoy the subtle pleasures of being lunch. JAKE: I am an open-minded man. JAKE: But i dont think im into vore. ROSE: Based on what I've heard of the clutter in Jade's home, you may have been into just about everything else. ROSE: But then, fetishes don't always cross universes. JAKE: ! JAKE: Hey now no fair going through a mans dirty laundry! JAKE: What if i dragged out your alt-selves smut rags? ROSE: Relax. I've never seen any of it first hand. ROSE: The three who traveled with access to the house, on the other hand... ROSE: Also, I have smut rags? ROSE: Where are they? ROSE: I must see these immediately. ROSE: I wonder if I had the same usernames. JAKE: Funnily enough i hear you were specialized in vampire penny dreadfuls with real gals of the shadows. JAKE: Roxy did some digging and uncovered one of your many many psuedonyms. ROSE: I'll give you a king's ransom to get me copies and make sure my brother never finds out about this. ROSE: It's bad enough he uncovered my fanfiction.net account. JAKE: I will exchange it for your silence on whatever youve heard on alt-mes personal life. JAKE: Especially to dirk! JAKE: Well dirk... dirks one matter but definitely not hal. JAKE: Ill find some way to bribe jade and the rest. ROSE: I'll keep what I know hush hush. ROSE: Jade was evasive, though. ROSE: Mostly because she didn't want anyone to know you were dead. ROSE: I do know you had a passion for washed out blue pictures of women, though. I'll keep mum on that. ROSE: And the potential of illegitimate children scattered around the tri-state area. ROSE: You should always be careful about giving your full name to people over the Internet. Sometimes they do some digging. JAKE: Wait what. JAKE: What?? JAKE: Never mind i dont want to know! JAKE: Dirk wasnt exactly pleased about his alt self but as both men are apparently very very dead their checkered pasts shall lie with them. ROSE: As befits them. ROSE: Jade did use your past behavior to shame me, I'm afraid to say. ROSE: But it was yours, not his, and it was mostly to dissuade me from my familial path of jumping out the relationship plane without a parachute. ROSE: Apparently my genes don't have the monopoly on that kind of extreme evasive technique. JAKE: Oh... JAKE: Oh great. JAKE: Im an example. JAKE: A "cautionary tale" even!! JAKE: Madam let me just briefly say that by our deep emotional conversations that it does in fact take two to tango! JAKE: I wasnt the one who burned that particular bridge anyway. ROSE: Don't worry, we're all cautionary tales at this point. ROSE: That's what mythology is all about. ROSE: Respect your elders. Stay away from taboos. Don't have sex with cows. ROSE: The lessons from Greek mythology alone are practically endless. JAKE: The ol boys sound like they knew how to party. ROSE: That and not much else. JAKE: Did they do anything but go on adventures and cheese off the gods? JAKE: And hoe down like there was no tomorrow? ROSE: There were a lot of curses. ROSE: Our family tree may be just as convoluted, but hopefully we can avoid some of the drama. JAKE: I hope we got that out of our system now without having to see a man about a horse. ROSE: I think we've done a decent job of it. ROSE: I heard all of you had a blowout. ROSE: Two blowouts actually. ROSE: An emotional one and then a physical one. ROSE: We felt the aftershocks of the latter. JAKE: Yeah... JAKE: But we worked it out. JAKE: The physical blowout was the result of teamwork and friendship! JAKE: The emotional one not so much but its ok now! ROSE: That's been the story of our lives so far. JAKE: Just give dirk a hug if you get the chance ok? JAKE: He needs it. ROSE: Would he appreciate it? ROSE: I know my brother is worse than a bad kudzu infestation, but my ectofather seems standoffish. JAKE: No no trust me on this one hes on you he doesnt want to let go. JAKE: He just has a hard time initiating is all. JAKE: But hes down for some awesome platonic embraces almost all the time. ROSE: I see... ROSE: I'm spotting the problem. ROSE: We may be too alike. Someone else may have to lift our arms and gently wrap us around each other. ROSE: Then, once the hug is properly secured, it can become self-sustaining. ROSE: Maybe. JAKE: I will have to be the middle man then. ROSE: You'll broker our accord. ROSE: Anyway, unlike our illustrious Greek forebears, we're not myths written down. We can break our patterns. ROSE: I think we've already begun. ROSE: If I have to learn to initiate physical contact while not three sheets to the wind, maybe that's another step in the right direction. JAKE: I will be the one delicately managing the lamprey tendrils of strider-lalonde limbs. ROSE: Will you now? JAKE: I mean. Why not? ROSE: Far be it from me to impede on awkward sibling hugs. ROSE: I'll look forward to it.

[wellamarke]

Ooo another one: Athena and to some extent, V

(For context, this is about this character Q&A challenge thing that I reblogged back when series 3 was airing!)

WOW OKAY so I was just thinking to myself that it was weird that I couldn’t remember what I’d written about V for this, because I wanted to compare if I still felt the same about her after the finale episode, and Lo and behold (haha, see what I did there) I find that I actually never finished answering, which is why I couldn’t remember what I’d said!

(I know, I know, reading that was tiring, but imagine having to BE me)

Looking back now it’s super unfortunate that I didn’t write the V section when this ask first came in, because it would have been an interesting comparison… but I think I was felled by not having much V content to go on, before 3.8, whereas now I can talk at much more length!

I had, however, finished the Athena section, so here you go, this is what I had already in the draft:

First, Athena:

• Do I like them? Yes, she’s a brilliant character!

• 5 good qualities: She’s SO SMART, oh my life, major brain crush. She uses her intelligence in a way she considers ‘pure’, despite the more lucrative options that are open to her, so she has a strong moral code in a climate ruled by selfish gain. She’s motivated by her love for her daughter, which defies all odds and succeeds in pioneering an entirely new scientific field - what an icon! She takes crap from exactly NOBODY and is sassy as hell in the process. And she’s willing to help Karen, for which she’ll always have a special place in my heart.

• 3 bad qualities: She wasn’t exactly quick to accept synth consciousness, umm, so she killed a bunch of them pretty callously. Like Ed, she was able to convince herself they weren’t really people long enough to serve her own purposes, so that’s… I’m less keen on that. Umm.. she can be a little brusque, I didn’t particularly like her scene with poor Helen Aveling, who was another lady in science trying her best! No need to put her down! I guess from a narrative perspective, I could say that Athena is a little superfluous, especially since she doesn’t seem to be coming back. We’ll count that! Lots of her harder, colder edges are due to her grief so I can’t really find it in me to pin them as ‘bad’. Have I mentioned, this show does amazingly with its characters, particularly its women?!

• Favourite episode: 2.8 was the goodbye to V, right? Ugh, heartbreaking.

• OTP: … this is kind of out of the blue but I could see her and Laura, mayhaps? Certainly there aren’t any human men left alive in the show who could hold a candle to her. Oh, but how interesting if she and Neil Sommer had dated in the past. Heh heh heh.

• BrOTP: Well, I’m so glad that she’s got Karen’s brain scans, so that she can recreate her perfectly and they can love and support one another!

• OT3: Athena & V & a weekly lunch date where V shows up on her tablet screen and checks in with what she’s been doing/how many synths she’s resurrected in her Mind Meadow.

• NOTP: Athena and her kind of boring husband, what was his name? One of those unisex names? I want it to begin with L? Oh well.

• Best quote: “Nothing really bad has ever happened to you, has it? Because when it does, you don’t need reminders about your insignificance to the universe.” I’m quoting from memory so it might not be the exact wording. Amazing line, anyway.

• Head canon: I like to think that Athena did, in fact, have something to do with Leo’s early treatment. I mean, Max isn’t even with him when it happens, so at some point the Elster sibs must have pooled resources and talked about what was going to happen with him. (They probably moped about their literal surgeon brother not being there too). Anyway, somehow they found Athena and she did some salvaging (having also recently practiced with Pete when she uploaded his consciousness, pending upload to a new body) and later handed over to Anatole. Basically my headcanon is that nobody has really died in this show since Athena and V were introduced. Athena knows how to save human minds and V can grab the synths. Sorted.

Now V! The only one I had previously answered was this:

• Do I like them? Yes, bless her digital cotton socks!

Although now I might slightly rephrase that in favour of:

•Do I like them? I think so! But in the words of George Millican, she worries me! Moving on to the rest of the questions…..

• 5 good qualities: She cares about others, and is benevolent towards the synths even though she is a separate species in and of herself, with a less defined concept of “them” and “us”. Where she can, she acts to relieve suffering (giving Odi the rest he wanted, even if we’d rather she hadn’t). She’s resourceful. She’s developing/has developed a strong sense of herself and her chosen role, which is lovely to see as growth since her confusion in series 2. Aaaand, she recognises Niska’s worth and potential (even if… well, see next part).

• 3 bad qualities: She’s not too bothered about Niska’s personal agency, and would rather focus on convincing her to carry out her will. Speaking of her will, she does seem to think her way and ONLY her way is the right way for both organic and synthetic humanity - and while she might be the best disposed to predict future events, having access to the entire world’s knowledge etc…. that still doesn’t make her Actually Omniscient, I’m sorry. Whatever she thinks. And for a third, hmm, maybe she was a little harsh to leave her mother all of a sudden, but for all we know they’re back in contact now?

• Favourite episode: whichever one it was in series 2 where she starts to piece together who she was but refers to Ginny as ‘she’ rather than ‘I’ - that was so powerful and chilling.

• OTP: I’ve never thought about an OTP for V, ha. Hmm, not in the romantic sense, but I think she and Niska COULD be a winning combination, if nothing goes to awry in s4, but I am on standby for Niska having to stand against her at some point and take her down in some epic, badass way. ALTERNATIVELY, can V make Q properly conscious, and we can see what on earth a ship between 2 non-corporeal AI characters looks like? Or rather, doesn’t look like?

• BrOTP: Supposing that V stays nice, I would like her and Astrid to bond about how much they value Niska, possibly for Astrid to give V a talking to about straight up manipulating her, but in general for them to team up in making sure Niska is taking care of herself during her difficult reign as Queen Indigo.

• OT3: Well, Niska and Astrid and V, I suppose, given my last two replies!

• NOTP: That creepy dude with eyes on his eyelids can stay far away from the Synth Who Sleeps that he’s so obsessed with, thank you!

• Best quote: Listen, I will NEVER not get chills about “Why did you ask me to lie to him?” Every time I hear that line, I am there in the auditorium watching the extended trailer for the first time and it’s just SOOOO GOOD.

• Head canon: ahem, okay, buckle up kiddos because this answer requires some backstory. So, since the age of like 14, my favourite book has been Speaker for the Dead, which is basically about future humanity trying to peacefully coexist with a new alien race, centuries after they wiped out the first alien race they encountered. The main character, Ender, is friends with an artificial superintelligence called Jane, who like V, has access to every piece of information on every computer, can process billions of thoughts at once, keeps her existence a secret from most of the human race, and can appear as whatever image she likes on a screen. (Unlike V, she grew out of a computer game rather than being a transferred human consciousness). Aaaanyway. In the book and its sequels Jane shows an interest in helping humanity & the aliens to understand and accept each other, and partly it is because she’s just a sweetheart, but partly, too, it’s because she hopes that if humans can understand the Pequeninos, who have physical bodies, as they do, but are fundamentally different from them in many ways… if they can learn to live with and value this alien race, then maybe one day, Jane hopes, they will also be able to understand and accept her, too, even though she’s not got a physical form and is fundamentally different from them. Sooooo, I immediately loved V in series 2 because she reminded me of Jane and I love Jane, but now with her new role in series 3 I can see even more possible similarities. My headcanon (the point of this entire essay if you’ll remember) is that V’s quest to end conflict between synths and organics is not quite as altruistic as it might seem, but is rather part of a larger plan to gain acceptance for herself. There’s this amazing quote from Speaker, about Jane who, being aware of all the science fiction the human race has come up with, therefore knows how many of us fear the potential of someone like her coming to exist, and how many stories there are about her final destruction. V doubtless knows all the same stories. It’s in her interests to foster an environment of human acceptance of AI consciousness, to set the stage for her own emergence. This is probably a conclusion that is easily drawn without bringing Jane and Speaker into it, but what can I say, I love it when parallels between my favourite things present and deepen themselves. Okay, that’s probably enough of this, hmm?

Since apparently I’ve woken this again, why not send me a character! If you want! Or reblog the thing!

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

1 & 26 !!

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.I can’t say for sure what the first ship I’ve ever had is, because it’s impossible to remember that far back haha, but I remember one of the first ships I was hardcore obsessed with was Jack and Rose from Titanic. Bearing in mind the film is more of an adult film, I remember watching it over and over again literally from the age of 5. But my mom would never let me watch it because of the sex scene, but when I went over to my auntie’s she would always let my watch it and whenever I went to any of my friends houses, I would raid their video collection and if they had Titanic I would practically force them to put it on haha. It’s strange because logically Jack and Rose are a ridiculous love story. They knew each other for what? 3 days? Maybe 4 at a push. They were practically strangers and generally my standpoint would be that no two people can be that important or love each other that much when they’ve known each other for such a short period of time. But Jack and Rose are the exception to that rule for me. Maybe it’s partly Leo and Kate’s chemistry (which made their love so believable), but everything about Jack and Rose’s story is so unbelievably heartwarming, yet heartbreaking at the same time. They were two people from completely different worlds, that had nothing in common and were both yearning for something more, something different and they found that something in the most unexpected place - each other. Rose was trapped, miserable, forced to live a life she didn’t want to live and to marry a man she didn’t love, but then she met Jack. He introduced her to a completely new way of life, that was fun, exciting, thrilling and passionate. He showed her that life isn’t something that just happens, it needs to be lived. Meeting Jack brought Rose to life, shaped who she became and the life she led. He’s the one that inspired her to be free, make her own choices, enjoy her life, experience things and love without limitation. Because of Jack, she led a fulfilled, happy life and got to die as an old lady warm in her bed, just as Jack wished for her. As for Jack himself, he was already living life the way he wanted to live it before he met Rose. He was living by that philosophy of life is short so live each day as though it’s your last, but there was still something missing for him. I don’t think he necessarily realised that, because his life was so full of variety and he was always on the go, but the second he laid eyes on Rose he realised. She brought a light, a passion and a fire into his life that was at the very core of who Jack was as a person. In a way meeting and falling in love with Rose was just another of his many adventures and travels, but she was also so much more than that. If he’d have had the chance to live she would’ve been his partner in crime, his heart and soul, she would’ve been by his side, accompanied him on his adventures, reveled in life with him and made every experience he had ten times happier and fun. She would’ve been the love of his life and I also believe with time his wife and the mother of his children. That is the kind of potential that Jack and Rose had, even after 3 days of meeting. Their relationship moved fast and they fell in love at an incredible rate, but it was so believable because it was Jack and Rose. In their hearts they were one of the same and that’s why they fell into such a natural rhythm when they met. Despite Rose being trapped and suppressed, she was a romantic just like Jack. She had a lust for life, a desire to do things, see places, experience everything life had to offer and live freely. They were destined to meet and fall in love, and even though they were robbed of the amazing life they could’ve had together, just by having the chance to know each other for that short time they changed everything for each other. Like Jack said, if he could’ve gone back he wouldn’t have changed anything, because if he did he wouldn’t have met Rose and she was the best thing to ever happen to him. Jack said those words when he was literally verging on the edge of death, so if that doesn’t prove just how important they were to each other, how life-changing their love was, I don’t know what does. 

26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?I don’t think I have a pattern to my shipping. In fact, I think if you look at a list of my ships it’s very random. I’m really the kind of person where if it’s there for me it’s there. Like, your ships just choose you and it’s a hard thing to explain why or how it happens. I think that the only thing that all of my ships have in common is that they changed each other’s life in some drastic way. I think I’m generally drawn to those domesticated, loving, supportive, soul mate, vanilla type relationships where the two people are good for each other. So I’m talking about ships such as Monica/Chandler, Snow/Charming, Jane/Michael, Glenn/Maggie, Michael/Sara. But at the same time, I have a fascination with ships that are the complete opposite, ships that have an interesting, messy, complicated and sometimes even a dangerous dynamic, such as, Regina/Emma, Dexter/Debra, Chuch/Blair, Cook/Effy, Henry VIII/Anne Boleyn, Phoebe/Cole and Jax/Tara. So yeah, for me it’s all about chemistry and whether the story of the couple intrigues me or not. Whether or not I like the characters involved as individuals also has a pretty big influence. Generally, most of my ships involve two of my favourite characters. 

send me a number… 

[spynotebook]

We’ve been excited about Doctor Who‘s latest companion, Bill Potts, for a while now. Well, if you saw actress Pearl Mackie bring Bill to stunning life in the show’s S10 premiere “The Pilot” over the weekend, you’ve likely already fallen in love with her. Of course, change isn’t easy for people, and there are always going to be some who are skeptical of a new companion no matter what. Here are some reasons why you may just become smitten if you give her a chance.

Yes, She’s a Woman of Color!

The thing that most people noticed and talked about from the moment the character was introduced was that we were finally getting another black companion. Considering that in over fifty years of Doctor Who, Mickey was the first black person to set foot on the TARDIS in 2005, and Martha was the first black full-time companion in 2007, this is a pretty big deal.

For most, this in and of itself was exciting news. Yay representation! Of course, for others, this was yet another sign of “SJWs” ruining everything. I mean, what’s next, a female Doctor? *sigh*

As trailers were released, people began forming more concrete opinions, and those who loved her seemed to love her because she’s a black character who is a positive female protagonist. Those who didn’t love her started bending over backwards to insist that their dislike of her had nothing to do with her being black. *more sigh*

The truth is, before “The Pilot” aired, none of us had enough information to make a judgment on the character one way or the other, and now that we’ve seen her in action, I’m happy to report that Bill being black, while hugely important and understandably exciting, is also the least interesting thing about her.

I love that we have a woman of color on the TARDIS again (and that black Whovians have her as a new cosplay option). I love that Bill rocks her afro majestically, providing an alternative image to Martha Jones’ straightened locks. I love that, even though she has a white foster mom, we get to see her mourn and look at her black biological mother (do I smell a future episode where Bill gets to see her mom again, a la the “Father’s Day” episode for Rose?), and I hope that she lasts longer than one season, which would be a huge first for a black companion. (Yes, Martha reappeared on both Doctor Who and on Torchwood, but she only got one season as a regular companion).

Still, her being black isn’t even what makes her awesomesauce. It’s an added bonus.

Yes, She’s Unambiguously a Lesbian!

As we got closer to “The Pilot” airing, and once people got tired of talking about Bill being a black companion, we heard that Bill was also an LGBTQIA character. This is an even bigger deal than her race in that there has never been a queer companion on Doctor Who (and no, your Second Doctor/Jamie fan fic doesn’t count. I mean, it should, but it doesn’t). The closest we’ve come is Captain Jack, but while he traveled with the Doctor a bit, he wasn’t a full-time companion (though he did get his own show, which is pretty sweet). Obviously, there’s also Madame Vastra and Jenny, but they too are supporting characters. This is the first time that a long-term resident of the TARDIS is LGBTQIA, and I am here for it.**

Even better than this basic fact, however, is how it was handled in the episode. This was all the more impressive considering that showrunner Steven Moffat wrote the episode. In the past, I’ve complained about his writing of gay and lesbian characters: grateful that he wanted to include them, but disappointed in how they seemed to be shoehorned in and inelegantly written to make a point of their inclusion. (See! I included gay people! Lookit! Lookit!) In the specific case of Vastra and Jenny, I thought some of his writing for them a bit male gazey and weird. Lots of jokes and tongue motions that felt more like what a dude enjoys watching women do, rather than what two actual female characters who are married to each other would say or do. As much as I’m #TeamVastraandJennySpinoff, I’d prefer for someone else, preferably a woman, to write it.

Bill, however, has been handled wonderfully. Not only is her sexuality integral to her personality, but it’s also integral to the plot of the episode in a really beautiful way. Her attraction to women is established right at the top of the episode as she tells the Doctor (who she thinks is a really cool university professor) about a crush that she has on a female student who always comes into the cafeteria, where she serves chips. She alludes to her sexuality again when her foster mother warns her about her new, cool university professor who’s taking an interest in her,

Later, we see her crushing on a girl named Heather (Stephanie Hyam), with whom she had a chance encounter at a bar and with whom she is reunited on the university campus—the girl with a star in her eye. It’s her attraction to Heather that propels their continual meeting, that causes an alien oil puddle that is piloting Heather’s body to continually follow Bill, and ultimately it’s the thing that makes Bill’s eventual release of Heather so sad. Hell, when Bill joins the Doctor, he tells her that it’s a big Universe and that they may well find Heather again. There may be more to the Bill/Heather relationship than one episode, and that would be a beautiful thing.

She’s Also Intelligent, Straightforward, and Enthusiastic

She may not be an enrolled student at the university where she serves chips, but unlike Rose or Donna, she doesn’t need the Doctor to unearth hidden potential, or to show her that there’s more out there than a dead-end job. She prioritizes knowledge. Of her own accord, she attends the Doctor’s classes simply because she’s fascinated by his lectures on physics and time. She might not be “Type A smart” like Martha, but she’s absorbed a huge amount of knowledge simply by being a human being who’s curious about the world around her, and she’s quick and clever in new situations because she loves to learn.

While Bill is unique in so many ways, she also has a lot of past companions’ best traits, evoking them while subtly avenging the wrong done to those companions by the Doctor. Hell, the jacket Bill wears in “The Pilot” seems like it was taken right out of Ace’s closet.

There’s a moment when the Doctor is about to mind-wipe Bill, and she tells him that she “knows what a mind-wipe looks like” because she’s seen sci-fi. She allows him to take away his memories, but only after reprimanding him and seemingly chastising him on behalf of the viewing audience for what he once did to Donna. Then, “Clara’s Theme” faintly plays, evoking Clara and how she mind-wiped the Doctor as Bill consents to being mind-wiped, but that the Doctor should first think about what it would feel like if this were happening to him. As it turns out, since Donna, he has experienced having memories taken from him, and so this time, he’s able to make a different decision with a companion.

Bill’s straightforward personality, coupled with the fact that she’s uninterested in men romantically, make her someone that seems set up to be a “bro” to the Doctor. Like the Doctor’s relationship with Donna, there’s the potential here for Bill and the Doctor to be friends on equal footing.

Much though I love Clara, and as amazing and powerful as she became over time, there was still that sense of her being amazing for the Doctor. Ie: she’s strong in order to allow for the Doctor to go on being great.

Bill is an equal right out of the gate. Not in intelligence or experience, of course, but in feeling like her ideas and thoughts deserve a seat at the table. There’s no gendered hierarchy here. It doesn’t feel like a mentor/mentee relationship, nor does the Doctor’s mission and life feel More Important than Bill. Whereas Clara and the Doctor were co-dependent “best friends,” Bill and the Doctor could genuinely be good friends to each other.

And then there’s her enthusiasm. She loves learning, she loves figuring things out, and she loves taking risks—she wants to absorb everything simply for its own sake. She’s not someone who is escaping a life she hates, or who needs to be coaxed out of her shell. She goes with the Doctor because she wants to, not because she needs to.

In part, she goes with the Doctor because there may be a Heather out there for her, but the way she was putting things together (seeing the TARDIS, seeing the Doctor and Nardole sneaking around, etc), it was only a matter of time before she decided to go with him anyway. And he would’ve been a fool to say no.

Shout-out to Pearl Mackie, who’s doing amazing work in this role and has done in one episode what it took Clara years to accomplish: winning my heart.

**There were hints that Clara was bisexual as, even though we only ever saw her with male love interests, she talked a lot about what a good kisser Jane Austen is. I wish that had been made more clear. 

(image: BBC America)

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